Two "Best Friends" in Equestria Part 1 FSR

Intro

> Day till jockey at Mc Hellhole.

> Just finishing up my 8 hour sentence, about to head home.

> Can’t believe that my life has come to this, from star receiver with promising future aspects to cashier at this shithole…

-Flashback 6 years-

>“He’s at the ten!

> The five!

> Touchdown!!!

> Michael Yomus has done it again folks!

> That’s Yomus’s fifth touchdown this game clenching victory for his team in this regional game.

> I’m willing to bet each and every one of you that is won’t be the last time we hear the name Michael Yomus!”…..

Fucking piece of shit you mumble, now glaring at your right knee…  You just had to go and shatter huh?

> Yea bro, pretty much standard procedure when you get hit by a tard strength defender who ate his Wheaties that morning.

Fuck you asshole.

> “Hey! Are you about ready to go broham?”

Oh fantastic, my autistic as fuck chauffeur is here.

> “Hey, that’s not very nice is it?”

>Oops, shit that came out loud?

Fuck nice and the horse he rode in on.

>You retort quickly with a hint of venom lacing your words.

I wouldn’t need a ride if you hadn’t of totaled my damn car!

> Articulating every syllable so that venom is now practically oozing from your words.

> “Yea... I know, I said I was sorry man...”

Yea…yea… sorry doesn’t bring my Shelby back now does it?

>”……”

Let’s just get going Gerald...

> Gerald is a 5’8”, three-hundred pound mess about the same age as me, constantly wearing one of those damn my little pony shirts.

> His grease levels are only matched in comparison to that of a county fair funnel cake.

> Choke back vomit at that thought.

> But minus all of that… he was an okay guy you thought, he would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.

> Not that I’d ever take that grease rag, it looked like someone tried to one man BP’s oils spill with that shit.

> “…and your so gonna freak at the new seat covers I got man, they are so freaking legit.”

> Oh shit, has he been talking this whole time?

I can only imagine it can’t be any worse than when you showed me your new paint job.

I had to go to a surgeon to have my palm surgically removed from my face.

> Still paying for that shit by the way.

> “Hey don’t talk smack about the greatest DJ to ever grace our existence bro.”

Hmmmm sort of hard to do that considering… oh you know… SHE DOESN’T FUCKING EXIST!

> “Vinyl Scratch is a legitimate choice for best DJ I’m telling you!”

Bullshit man, she’s a pony on a little girls T.V. show.

> Now at the small compact I look it over once again, it wasn’t a horrid paint job, a white base with a multitude of varying blue pin stripes interlaced with music notes and records.

> Also a rather large eighth note on the gas tank for… obvious reasons…

Ugh… Why do I associate myself with you again?

>” Because I’m the coolest gu…”

Ahh ahh ahh let me stop you right there!

> You interrupt while snickering under your breathe.

>” Shit, just get in the car.” He replied while laughing.

> He sure takes my jokes well, guess I’m lucky in that aspect.

> He’s really the only person close enough that I would call friend.

> (Smile Project YouTube Link Here)

> On second thought…. Scratch that…. Fuck this guy!

Oh come on man, can’t we listen to some normal music like Tool or A Day to Remember?

Hell I’d settle for some fucking Coldplay than this pony stuff.

> “My car, my music bro.”

> Oh god damn it...

> “Just relax, it gets catchy like after the first six or seven times…”

> OH SWEET MERCIFUL DEATH TAKE ME NOW PLEASE!!

> TAKE ME NOW YOU CRUEL BASTARD!!!

 

Six replays and thirty minutes later

 

Okay Gerald, come on can we at least get the fucking song changed?!

> “Oh fine, you big baby.”

Thank you god… if there even is one in this world…

>While fumbling for his MP3 player with his sausage fingers, notice that he is drifting into the oncoming lane.

Hey! Fucking watch the road man, it’s bad enough with this fog.

> He jerks the car back, dropping his MP3 player into the floorboard.

I don’t need your assistance in shorting my life span; I can do that at home with a rusty razorblade while rubbing one out.

> “Shit, sorry man was trying to change the song.”

Just…just leave it… I’d rather die at home with my /D/ collection open and cycling than die in a car wreck with... THIS playing…

At least people would think I went out happy and content rather than on my way to find little girls to “talk” ponies too.

> “Oh come on! That’s so not cool man!”

> Notice he is reaching for his player again.

Hey! What the fuck did I te… Holy Shit! Look Out!

> “Dude just calm the hell ou... OH SHIT!!”

> Now flying down a hillside into the thick viscous fog at a good 69mph, inhibitions have been ditched and we are screaming like prison bitches receiving for the first time.

> And upon fixing my eyes on the oncoming object in the distance something is seen, and a rare occurrence happened before my very eyes.

> Did those trees just put on rape faces?!!?!

ohshitohshitOhshitOhShitOHSHITOHSHIT!!!!!!

>You try to brace yourself for the incoming butt devastation.

> The initial force from the hit sends you into the window shoulder first, and slammed you back down into your seat.

> Screaming in agony as your arm had been dislocated from the blow.

> Not much could be made of from the scene now around you due to the blood now flowing down into your eyes, but you do see Gerald.

> Face first on the airbag, and blood everywhere on him.

Ge.. Gerald?

> You wheeze out fighting the pain of a perhaps broken rib.

> No reply.

Gerald… wake up buddy… c…come o...

> Is all that could be mustered before a cold blackness overtakes me.

> “Come on everypony…smile…smile…smile”

> Fuck this day… and Fuck this song…

>All consuming darkness.

>You’re floating in a sea of black.

>Suddenly you’re wracked with pain.

>Now the pain is all consuming.

>You just can’t catch a break with this shit can you?

>All of a sudden the darkness returns, washing away the pain.

>You missed the darkness; it has a strange soothing effect on you.

>You float through the blackness for what feels like eternity, when you catch a glint of light in the distance.

>The light draws closer and closer, and as it approaches you are filled with a powerful sense of hope.

>After floating for another fucking eternity, you finally fall into the light.

>You are Michael, and god DAMN does your head hurt.

>Now that you think about it, your entire body hurts.

>Almost like you were in a car cra- OH WAIT THAT’S RIGHT…

>You remember the fog and the screaming, and finally the intimate embrace of Gerald’s car and that fucking tree.

>You lay there for what feels like hours when you finally get the energy to open your eyes and look around.

>You notice that you are lying on the ground in the middle of a bright forest.

>You decide to try and sit up and look around to get a better concept of where you’re at.

>As you look around you see Gerald lying on the ground a few feet to the left of you.

>Looks like he’s unconscious.

>You finally manage to beat the pain into submission and stand up shakily.

>As you walk over to Gerald, you start to think to yourself.

>You could leave him here. Nobody would know.

>He’d die out here alone just like he would anywhere else.

“You know what? Fuck it. I’m leaving his ass here.”

>As you start to walk away you here footsteps behind you.

>You whirl around and see a weird ass zebra standing there.

>Despite being a little freaked out you don’t really think anything about it.

>You turn back around and begin walking away when you hear a voice from behind you.

>”What is this I see, curled up beneath my tree?”

>You spin back around and see the zebra moving its mouth some more but you don’t make out any words.

>The world around you is darkening quickly and you pass out.

End part 1