Anon and Fluttershy's Birthday Adventure

=Anon and Fluttershy's Birthday Adventure (Kinda NSFW)=

 

One sun-funny morning, in skies bright and blue,

A jolly old airplane climbed up high and flew.

He zipped and he zagged, smiled wide as he soared,

So happy cause he had great cargo on board!

A special-icious payload, who all would agree,

Could make even a grumpy old plane happy!

 

Good Captain Miro, usually stern,

Cracked a toothy smile as he zipped and he turned.

The flight so great, the trip so much fun,

That he’d almost forgotten that he threw his military career in the can over a night in Taipei with that Missionary’s daughters… uh…ahem.

 

Even the twin stewardesses, usually glum,

Were perky and bouncy, not hum and not drum.

So why was everyone so chock full of glee?

It’s simple, dear reader, in one stanza you’ll see!

The reason for all of the laughter that day…

Was Anon and Fluttershy, best pals out to play!

 

The man with a mask and the pony who cries

Did set out on adventure, and take to the skies!

Down south to the Mountains a party was raging

A birthday fiesta for a kid who was aging.

His big birthday wish, his ultimate dream

Was to see Anon and Shy, that Kickass friend team!

But no one knew that Captain Miro was quite ill…

And left home from the airport without taking his pills!

Outsourcing and budget cuts had taken their toll,

Worn down his body, his heart and his soul.

A Derpy old Mailmare had forgotten the key part,

And not delivered the pills that would save Miro’s heart!

He wheezed and he coughed, trying not to be sick…

But the old Captain’s old ticker… had ticked its last tick.

 

Inside, the passengers started to yell,

Convinced they were on an express flight to hell.

Some animals were praying, convinced they would die

(Though the Pegs didn’t worry, cause they could still fly.)

Our heroes were frightened, their hearts filled with gloom,

When the plane hit the mountains with a jolt and a boom!

 

 

But Shy thought so fast, she grabbed Anon’s heel

So landing abruptly was not a big deal!

They gathered the presents, stepped over the dead,

And skipped towards the party that lay straight ahead.

>“We’ll walk there,” said Shy, with a wink and a nod,

>“While the rest of our plane-mates shake hands with their God.”

 

“A swell idea Shy,” said Anon with a grin,

“We really should be there when the birthday begins!”

>“Do you know the way, the distance, the timing?”

“Just skip towards the west, where the sun is still climbing!”

“The sun is so happy, and shiny and gay,

A fun birthday party just MUST be this way!”

 

So they ran and they laughed, tripped and they skipped,

While off in the sky, the sun started to slip…

But their compass was off, the directions all wrong,

And in a few short hours, the sun, it was gone!

 

 

“We’re lost, miles from home, and late for the party!”

>“Yes Anon, I know… and it’s rude to be tardy…

>But don’t start to worry, and don’t start to fret.

>In my truest of hearts, I know we’ll get out of this yet!

>As long as you’ve got me Anon, you’ll never be stuck,

>Never in trouble, or down on your luck!

>A friend is a friend is a friend in deed,

>And no friend of mine suffers, when he is in need!”

 

Anon felt better, his yellow friend was right

So they set up their camp, and dug in for the night.

The darkness was frigid, with no relief in sight,

So they had to burn presents, else freeze in the night.

 

Fluttershy was worried, warmth came with a price,

>“If we show up with no presents, we won’t look nice!”

“We’ll think something up, there’s no way we’d be rude,

But Shy, there’s something that troubles me, dude…

There’s a creepy wet sound coming out of my gut—“

>“That? That’s your stomach. It’s hunger, you nut!”

“Hunger? Oh no! I need something to chew!

Do you have anything Shy? Anything will do!”

>“Nothing to share Anon, nothing to eat…

>My pockets are empty, from my flank to my feet.”

“Nothing to eat? I’ll starve, I’ll grow thin!

And anorexia went out, this year muscles are in!”

>“I’m sorry chum, I don’t know what to do!

>If I had even a morsel… I’d share it with you.”

 

Anon, he thought, cogitated and pondered.

Till a single idea, into his head wandered…

“I know, I’ve got it! It’s on your rear end!

Your flank’s nice and filling, my big boned dear friend!”

“We can dine just like kings, we can have a great dinner,

Your rear’s big and juicy, it’s surely the winner!”

 

 

 

>“My flank? My flank!

>Friend Anon, you are cracked!

>If you dine on my rump, what will support my back?!”

“But we’re buddies, pals, amigos, friends…

You said I’d never suffer…not ever again…”

>“True, I did say that…but honestly fellow—“

Fluttershy felt red embarrassment flush up through her yellow.

 

Anon was right, that oath she did say,

And an Indian giver? Shy? Uh-uh, no way!

But her flank…her flank! It was her sexiest feature!

Should she just feed it to Anon, like some old seafood creature?

 

So she thought and she thought, till her wheels spun fast,

Till she realized her promise was one that should last.

>“Yes, yes, I’ll do it…

>You’d do it for me!

>You’d feed me your left arm…your hands or your knees!

>So take it, friend Anon, I refuse to be rude.

>Lop off my rump, and use it for food!”

 

“Thanks buddy Shy, this I’ll always remember!

Now please…hold still… while your ass I dismember.”

 

So Anon reared back, swung hard and swung tough…

Course Fluttershy was thick, so one chop wasn’t enough…

Through skin that burst and muscles that tore…

He chopped till her cheeks were attached there no more!

 

Anon filleted the flank, precisely and quick,

Cooked it over the presents, where the fire was thick.

He gobbled it down, with a smile and a slurp,

Finishing his feast with a deep belly burp!

 

When it was all over, the flankless friend turned.

>“So? Was it tasty? It seemed a tad burned.”

“To tell you the truth, it was hardly good dinner.

Your flank alone won’t make me less thinner.

Perhaps if we went for the end of your arm…

That should be enough to keep me from harm…”

 

>“My arm?” Flutters cried, her eyes wide and white,

>“But what will I throw with?! With what shall I write?!

>You can’t eat my arm Anon, I need it, I do!

>Have a snow cone instead, if you’re famished, have two!”

 

 

 

“You’re right, good friend Shy… I don’t mean to be greedy;

I hate my old stomach for being so needy…

I’ll contend with the torturous hunger and pain…

So you can play with animals, and write songs again.

Don’t worry bout me…I’ll just suck on some snow.

But when I blow away skinny…Please wave as I go.”

 

Fluttershy was torn, her friend was in trouble…

But she’d given her rump…need she give double?

>“Is Anon the one whose filled with greed?

>You have two good arms, how many do you need?

>No! Let him starve, he’s already nibbled your tail!

>If you give him your arm, I swear you’ll have failed!”

 

>“Anon, dear buddy, I’ll make you a deal.

>I’ll give you the left arm, if that end your meal.

>But please, just one favor, I don’t like all that spurt.

>When you cut off this limb…please don’t make it hurt!”

 

“Oh Shy, oh Shy, you’re the master of charm!

I’m very excited to dine on your arm.

There’s only one problem, it’s easy to see.

My hands, well… from eating…they’re sort of greasy.

If I do the cutting, I’m afraid that I’ll slip.

Would you do the honors and make the first snip?”

 

 

>“I’ll do it, friend Anon, I’ll make the cut neat.

>I don’t have a choice, my friends got to eat.”

 

“Great! Use the chainsaw. It’s shiny and new.

That should make the job easy, it’s the least I can do!”

 

>“Thanks, my old friend, you’re really a sport.

>So now, I begin cutting—yikes! Ow, ow ow ow ow!”

 

Fluttershy’s kindness was too much to bear,

She fell down unconscious, the arm twitching there.

But Anon, what an eater, sat down to his meal.

The arm sliced like butter, and melted like veal.

 

When the eating was over, and the chewing was through,

Anon sat down near Shy, as two friends ought to do.

“Now that was good eating! That arm was the best…

…But this beast in my stomach just refuses to rest!

I still gotta munch, I still gotta eat…

Yet my food source Fluttershy is dead on her feet.”

 

“She’s been so forthcoming…I don’t want to be rude…

I probably shouldn’t ask for any more food.

But Shy did say, she said it herself,

Since we’re two tight amigos, she’s concerned for my health!

T’would be far more ruder to disrupt her cat nap,

Just for a morsel, a smidgen, a scrap.

So I’ll let her sleep…

Don’t want her to be sick.

I’ll leave her in dreamland, and me…

I’ll just pick.”

 

 

As an appetizer he began with barbecued knees.

Then on to the haunches, which he smothered in cheese.

Then Fluttershy’s elbow, in a skillet flipped high.

And a Chinese dish, of pony pow gai.

“Shy I must admit, I think this is my fetish.

A nice Fluttersandwich, with mayo and lettuce.”

 

In the morn rose the sun, to find Anon all alone.

The man fit to burst, and Shy picked to the bone.

“Deep thanks to you Shy, you heck of a friend.

You sure went down easy, all the way to the end…”

 

When suddenly a buzzing sound came to his ear.

A shiny new rescue plane was lowering gear!

Anon was saved, no more need to fear,

When all of a sudden, it hit him…”Oh dear…”

“We burned all the presents to fight off the cold,

But I still have that party, where the kid’s growing old!

Can’t go empty handed, bad enough I’m alone…

Showing up with no present would set a bad tone!

If Shy were still here, she’d know what to say…

She always made problems of mine go away—“

 

“Wait! Yes, I’ve got it, I have a good plan!

I can go to that party, because Shy’s da man!

Shy once told me the secret of tact.

And with her good advice, I know how to act!

>”Never go empty handed Anon, you don’t want to be rude.

>If you can’t bring a present…

>Then always bring food!”