Title:           Bit & Smidget: Odyssey
Author:          Bronitz
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/A3jZiGKV
First Edit:      Monday 9th of April 2012 04:13:24 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 9th of April 2012 04:13:24 AM CDT

Bit & Smidget: Odyssey StrangeCreed 04/09/12(Mon)03:46 No.1141661
 
>you are now Bit, and are supremely pissed off
>on top of losing all of the berries you gathered, you were abducted by some fluffy-abusing asshole
>fortunately, you doused him in lighter fluid, and burned down the house where he and his stolen herd dwelt
>less so now that you are having to death with being taken to a fluffy orphanage because you told them your owner burned to death
>you are running out of patience
>the indignity of being dumped in a filthy pen with the retards is an insult that just isn't going to fly
>one of the overseers, a fat balding man named Constantine
>you constantly stare daggers at him while the others eat their canned spaghetti off the shit-caked floor
>admittedly, even this poor example of pasta kind is still tempting
>after a while, he notices your stare
What the hell are you looking at?
>"I wan' out."
Well, you ain't gettin' out.
>"My owna is stiww awive. His name is [name redacted], he wives at [address redacted]."
>Constantine is... curious
Well, aren't you a smart little guy?
>"Yes, I am smawt, so take me out of dis pen and take me HOME!"
>he scratches his head
I dunno, this is pretty fuckin' strange
>facehoof.jpg
 
***
 
>you are now the hapless owner
>Bit has disappeared
>he is entirely gone, and you are frankly terrified
>just as much for him as for any fluffy pony he comes across
>your worry apparently isn't solitary, because the other three have noticed his absence
>"whewe Bit?" Smidget asks, cocking her head at you
>you frankly have no idea, but you assure her he's probably safe
>after all, he's a smart little guy
>of course, you aren't going just let him rot out there
>you start phoning up every adoption center, orphanage, or pet store in the area
>"a pale blue unicorn that... doesn't play well with others" you ask for
>with luck, the orphanage on [address redacted] had one dropped off by firefighters
>you ignore the implications that Bit has graduated to full blown arson and just ask to hold him
>you grab your coat and drive like the devil to pick up Bit before someone else does
 
>you are surprised the place is still open at 2:00am
>surprised AGAIN, when Bit is apparently in the break room with a trio of adult men
>with crumbs of donut in his fluff, he positively lights up when he sees you
>"Daaa-... uh... [name redacted], you came fo' me! Sowwy I snuck out..."
>you pick Bit up and hug him
>he smells of burned flesh and wood
What have you been doing?
>he shrugs adorably
>"adventuwe?"
>your brow furrows, and he is cowed
>they don't fine you or anything, after all you just picked up your property
>in the car, you begin your interrogation
'Adventure' isn't enough, Bit. What the FUCK where you doing, sneaking out at night?
>he begins sniffling, "gavvering poisonous bewwies..."
WHY?!
>"I wan' kiww Hurples! He weawwy wustles my jimmies!"
>you snort at his usage of the phrase and start the engine
>the drive home is otherwise completely quiet
>Smidget and the others have waddled off to bed
>Bit however does not go to bed
>"you'we weawwy disappointed, awen't you?"
>thank you Captain Obvious
>"I didn't even get da bewwies... and I kiwwed a guy."
>you're stomach falls out
 
Y-you what?
>"he was gonna kiww me! I had to do somefin'! I buwned his house down!"
>you run your fingers through your hair and lean against the counter
>Bit has not only graduated to arson, but flat out murder
>fuckmylife.swf
You better start from the beginning, this is... serious
>Bit explains in detail everything that happened, from sneaking out, to the greasy abductor, the cheese-grater, the flames...
>you've since sunk to the floor, the gravity of a murderous fluffy that may be smarter than most PEOPLE you've met has just committed two felonies in one night
>...with no legal repercussions to be seen
>this... may be useful
Bit, you wouldn't do this again unless I asked, right
>he shakes his head
>this little adventure was clearly unpleasant
Let's say... I did ask, and was there to help if things went wrong, would you do it again?
>he cocks his head in confusion
>"Kiww... fo' you?"
Yes, little buddy
>he doesn't answer, only totters off to his bundle of blankets
>you are one sick sack of shit