Title:           Bit & Smidget: Kinslayer
Author:          Bronitz
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/BiUhZwRL
First Edit:      Friday 6th of April 2012 05:45:42 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Friday 6th of April 2012 05:45:42 AM CDT

Bit & Smidget: Kinslayer StrangeCreed 04/03/12(Tue)20:57 No.1022748
 
>you are now Hurples the fluffy unicorn
>life is great
>every day you get to run around in the sunshine, play with string and your big orange ball
>you even see other fluffy ponies through the fence!
>when you run out, they always watch you playing
>they're blue and don't have a horn, but they're still fluffy ponies and you wanna be their friend
>you can't tell why, but they even know your name!
>if they know your name they have to be friendly
>the games they try to play are aren't very fun, but you don't mind
>you still remember something bad though
>the blue meanie that put the ouchies on your face
>you don't want to give that fluffy pony hugs
>one day, while trotting around to nowhere really, you see a blue unicorn through a hole in the fence
>something makes your face feel funny looking at him but it could be an extra big smile
>he's smiling too, so that's nice!
>aw shit, nigga you gonna give him a big ol' hug
>you run as fast as you can
>of course, you are still a fluffy pony and trip over your limbs, knocking your horn on the wood
>your fluffy brain is rattled
>you are once again Bit, and pissed that your guillotine trap went off early
 
***
 
>you hurry to reset the blade, but Hurples's new owner is already coming to see if he's okay
>the guillotine is left sprung, but you partially climb through the hole
Hey there, little guy, comin' to play with Audie?
>"Who is Audie?"
Our fluffy unicorn.
>he renamed the little womb-turd, and it still doesn't know it
>you repress your desire to just try to burn the retard with your spray of sparks, but alas, the neighbor picks him up
Did you see what happened?
>"He hit his head on da fence."
>he's completely comatose, drooling slightly
Heh, guess he really wanted to play, didn't he?
>the neighbor strides back to his house, and you lament your failure
>in retrospect, the guillotine would have been a little obvious, so it's probably for the best
>maybe Smidget can point out some of those poisonous berries if she were to see some more?
>your mind a broil with fresh schemes, you walk slowly towards the house as your two children continue to play tag
>when you first heard that you had reproduced, you thought you'd be coating your hooves in foal brains, but Moon and Star are wonderful
>unfortunately, you hear that the master wants may give them away
>regrettable, but he usually does know best
>you step through your doggy door, out of the hot spring air and into the chill near darkness of kitchen
>the fluff keeps you alive, but it is often inconvenient
>Smidget is busy, folding t-shirts with her mouth and hooves
>you reflect fondly on how absolutely superior you are over all other fluffy ponies
>maybe Moon and Star leaving could have... longer ranging effects
 
>you just trot on by, but your legs stop when you hear the childish babbling of another fluffy pony from the living room
>the master sits with a friend, who apparently saw fit to bring his own fluffy pony over
>you do not smile, but smirk when the fools attempt to hug you causes it to choke on its leash
>trot on by, turn on the tv
>you've been trying to broaden your learning, but the so-called "documentary" channels are garbage
>what do lumberjacks have to do with history anyway?
Hey Bit, my friend doesn't believe how smart you are. Care to demonstrate?
>you grin widely at the chance to prove yourself, but can't think of how exactly to DO it...
>the friend pipes up, "Hell, I'd be impressed if he could count to five."
>this... insults you somewhat, but you begin reciting your numbers, continuing until YOUR ego is satisfied
>the man begins asking mathematical question, and you oblige him
>tiring of this game, you go a head and ask, "Can you take Smidget and I fo' walkies? I'm tired of the backyard."
>even if you don't need a leash, you still need him around
>not all humans like fluffy ponies, and dogs sure as hell don't like them
>Smidget trots in, wrapped in a Dead Milkmen shirt, "I have a pwobwem."
>you wonder to yourself if that was intentional as your owner and his friend put on their shoes
>thus begins the walkies of death
 
>you both stay ahead of the humans and the other fluffy
>informing Smidget of you plan, she's hardly cooperative
>"I'm gwad he's not wiving wif us any mo', but I dun wanna hewp you kiww Hurples."
>why she's so attached to that mistake you cannot understand
>still, she told you about green berries, and if they were growing in the park they had to have been from somewhere
>of course, you'd still have to gather them in secret...
>but that's later!
>for now, you're just going to have a nice, relaxing walk with Smidget and your master