Title:           It's not a Fedora!
Author:          Bolding
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/5XjayeWv
First Edit:      Tuesday 19th of May 2015 03:04:31 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Tuesday 19th of May 2015 06:07:09 PM CDT

>With a flick of magic
>And a bit of thread
>The article was finished
>With little to dread
 
>Rarity smiled.
>Her gift was done.
>The best one yet!
>Definitely the one!
 
>She had worked so hard
>With little time to spare
>Anon's birthday present
>Was a hat to wear.
 
>It matched his suit
>It would give him style
>While making him handsome
>All the while.
 
>Into the box
>Away it went
>She hoped Anon
>Would know how much it meant
 
>Some wrapping paper
>A bow as well
>Add in some cologne
>For a familiar smell
 
>"Anon will love it!"
>She said with glee
>And off to the party
>Where Anon would be.
 
>As she entered the bakery
>Her friends greeted so
>Anon stood at the punch table
>Trying to stay low
 
>Anon wasn't social
>He prefered to be alone
>But once Rarity got to know him
>Her likeness had grown
 
>He was just quiet
>But a gentleman no less
>His love for fashion
>Wasn't something you'd guess.
 
>With the package in
>Her magical grip
>She cautiously approached
>As he took some punch to sip
 
>"Anon, dear, happy birthday!"
>She blurted with delight
>"This is for you."
>"I hope it fits right."
 
>Anon smiled
>It reached from ear to ear
>He opened the gift
>But his expression turned to fear
 
"What is this?"
>His voice sounded foul
"Rarity, how could you?"
>His smile was now a scowl
 
>Emerging from the box
>Was a hat in his hand
>A trilby
>Not the slightest bit bland.
 
>Rarity was confused.
>It didn't make sense!
>He was supposed to love it
>Not make everyone feel tense.
 
>"It's just a gentleman's hat!"
>"I don't understand!"
>"Why are you upset?"
>"I figured it was grand."
 
"GRAND?!" said Anon
>His eye began to twitch
"This isn't just a hat,"
"You senile bitch!"
 
>Rarity gasped
>The room grew silent
>Nopony spoke
>As Anon grew violent.
 
>"That language is unnecessary!"
>The mare replied
>"If you didn't like it,"
>"You could have just lied!"
 
>Anon stared at the hat
>His face extra sour
>His eyes did not leave
>For what felt like an hour
 
"Fine," he muttered
>Forehead sheened with sweat
"I'll put on this thing,"
"But it'll be something you regret."
 
>The ponies held their breathe
>As Anon lifted it with dread
>Up top it went
>Right onto his head
 
>What happened next
>Made everyone cower
>Anon had changed
>He smelled like he hadn't showered.
 
>Before them sat a man
>Four hundred pound large
>Hair grew from his neck
>That looked like rectal discharge
 
>His taylored suit
>Had flames all around
>His shorts so tight
>No one dared look down
 
"They're not just hats!" he bellowed
>He was already out of breath
>His inhale sounded raspy
>Like he was so close to death
 
"These things are stupid."
"I look like a fool!"
"No longer am I a man."
"I'm just a fucking tool."
 
>His eyes rolled up
>As he sucked up some air
>He tipped his hat
>Right at the white mare
 
"With my last words,"
"Know this, baby,"
"It was my pleasure"
"M'lady."