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Boredgames

By: Bolding on Apr 9th, 2013  |  syntax: None  |  size: 3.35 KB  |  hits: 206  |  expires: Never
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  1. >“It’s called chess!” Twilight exclaims, holding the box up for you to see.
  2. >Grabbing the box from her magical grip, you examine it.
  3. “What the hell is chess?”
  4. >“Chess is an old game, played back in the times of when we had a feudal system. It dates bac-”
  5. >You raise your hand, interrupting her.
  6. “I didn’t ask for a history lesson.” You look down at the board. “How do you play?”
  7. >Her eyes shine in excitement from finally finding someone willing to play with her.
  8. >Using her magic, she opens the box and arranges the board and pieces.
  9. >You pick up some of the piece and exam them.
  10. “How do you work this shit?”
  11. >Twilight gives him a disgruntled sigh and place a hoof on her forehead.
  12. >“Please, watch your language Anon. The object of the game is simple: You use the pieces provided to capture or corner the opponent's king.”
  13. >She points at the tall piece with a cross on it.
  14. “Okay, what the hell do I do with the rest of these pieces?”
  15. >Twilight begins to explain what all the pieces do, showing you their moving patterns and purposes.
  16. >After the short explanation, she grabs her pawn and begins, only to be interrupted by you again.
  17. “Oi! Hold up! Why do you get to go first?”
  18. >She stops and looks down at the board, then back to you.
  19. >“Because I’m white.”
  20. >Your face instantly goes from annoyed to pissed.
  21. “What kind of racist shit is that? I can’t go first because I’m black? That’s some Goddamn bullshit!”
  22. >Twilight shakes her head, completely vexed.
  23. >“That’s the rules! I didn’t make them!”
  24. >You cross your arms and give her a pout.
  25. “Well, I’m not playing until I can move first.”
  26. >Her cheeks begin to turn red from anger as she rotates the board, making sure that the white pieces are on your side now.
  27. >You glare at her and move one of your pawns forward.
  28. >The game goes on for about fifteen minutes, ending with Twilight being the victor.
  29. >You slam your hands down on the table, making Twilight jump.
  30. “I demand a rematch.”
  31. >Twilight nods and you both begin a new game, only to have the same end.
  32. “This game is so unbalance! This is the worst turn based game I’ve ever played!”
  33. >She looks at you, completely confused.
  34. “It’s way too fucking complicated! There’s all kinds of stupid, gay ass strategies and all kind dumb shit you have to learn to be good at it. It has a worse learning curve than Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for the NES!”
  35. >“Dr. what and mister who for the what-”
  36. “And the modeling on these characters is retarded!”
  37. >You lift up the small horse figure and shove it in her face.
  38. “You know what this is? A horse, right? No, it’s a knight! I thought a knight was supposed to be the guy on the horse. But no, no! The horse itself is a high ranking member of the feudal system.”
  39. >Grabbing the queen, you slam it down on the board.
  40. “Oh, and what a surprise! The only female character, the queen, is a fucking Mary Sue! You can move in any direction, at any distance, and do whatever you want. God, I fucking hate women.”
  41. >Twilight’s eyes begin to fill with tears, unable to comprehend what is going on.
  42. “Chess? More like chess... chiss... shiss... shit. More like shit!”
  43. >You take the table and flip it over, leaving a very confused Twilight behind.
  44. >As you open the door to make your exit, you turn to her with one last remark.
  45. “Play League of Legends, you scrub!”
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