Title:           Acteus & Anon: Pirates for a Day
Author:          BluntTongs
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/mEd9Y9ff
First Edit:      Wednesday 16th of April 2014 05:48:23 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Wednesday 16th of April 2014 05:48:23 PM CDT

>"Anonymous, I'm bored. What should we do about that?"
>Acteus glances over to you with a dull and uninterested look on his face from his spot on the couch
"Well, I don't know. Could we build something together, or do something that's "out there?"
>you both try think of something interesting to do
>...
>you've got it!
"Why don't we be pirates for a day?"
>"...What the fuck are you on, Anon?" Acteus says looking rather interested in the idea
"No, seriously! We've got some leftover wood left from your man-cave, right?"
>"You want to build a pirate ship and sail down the river on it?"
"Fuck yes!"
>"Well, sign me up! Pirates for a day!"
"Pirates for a day!"
 
---
 
>you set to work, hauling wood and hammering the buoyant materials together
>you're working on the mainmast outside, near the river
>the entire ship will only be about eight-by-eight feet, more of a raft than anything
>but whatever, you're running on ~Imagination!~ power now
>Acteus is working on the "main body," which will consist of a couple boards put together and some sealant to make it watertight
>"OOooW! Fhcknsht..." Acteus's words are muffled through his hoof he's holding to his mouth, trying to relieve the pain
>he's also trying to hammer in the nails with his bare hoof
>clearly, it's not going well, so you give him a tip
"Use the hammer to hammer in the nails, Acteus. That's what it's for."
>"No, I've got this." he says as he raises his hoof to bash in more nails
>as you turn to keep sanding the mast, you hear more muffled curses
>Acteus sheepishly walks over to your work area to pick up the hammer, and returns to driving nails
>you stifle a chuckle, and get back to work sanding the mast
 
>A Few Hours later, you and Acteus are finished
>the two of you stand back to admire your handiwork
>it's a basic raft with short walls on each side, a large mast in the middle, and a giant white cotton blanket for the sail
>you've also got a makeshift rudder on th back to help steer
>"Fuck, yeah."
"Fuck, yeah!"
>you give Acteus a hand-to-hoofbump, and push the ship into the water, quickly jumping inside
>Acteus gives a mighty flap of his wings and leaps into the sizable vessel, splashing some water up in the process
>"Captain Acteus, reporting for duty!"
"First-mate Anonymous, also doing that!"
>"Haha, oh this will be great fun..."
>you gently float downriver in your little ship, with you steering to keep clear of rocks
>speaking of rocks
 
"Damn, we forgot to add cannons!"
>"Yeah, we -do- need those, don't we?... Why don't we just hurl some rocks instead?"
"Exactly what I thought."
>you maneuver the craft over to the shore and allow Acteus to fly off to gather ammunition in his ruck-sack
>you keep the vessel as close to the shoreline as possible, and soon enough Acteus comes fluttering back, small rocks filling the bag
>he lands inside the raft, dumping his stock in a pile in the center
>"Ammunition acquired!"
"Now we just need a target..."
>down the stream a bit, you see a large amount of yellow that seems to be congealed into one mass
>Hexferry
"Heave, ho! Tsun-Tsun off the port bow!"
>"Readying weapons!"
>Acteus grabs a hoof-full of pebbles
 
>Hexferry notices you in your little raft and scowls a bit, displeased at your "childish behavior," as she'd call it
>she doesn't notice, however, the harmless (yet irritating) pebbles within your grasp
"Ready..."
>Acteus changes positions a bit to get a better shot
"Aim..."
>Hexferry calls out to you
>"And just what do you think YOU'RE doing?"
"FIRE!"
>Acteus is just a goddamn pebble minigun, throwing volley after volley of the things
>"OW, FuCK, AHK, ooh-" is all she can say in return, trying to scurry out of the way
>as you leave range of Hexferry, she calls out again in a skyward scream:
>"ANONYMOUS! ACTEUS!," her voice filled with rage
>you sit down besides Acteus, snickering with him
"Ah, that was hilarious! Ol' Sexferry's not gonna be happy with us when we get back!"
>"Oh man, did you see her face, though? Priceless!"
>and you continue to meander down the river as you have a laugh at poor Hexferry's expense
 
>"...Don't pirates plunder things?"
"Yeah, they do. But that's illegal."
>"What about those balloons there?" Acteus points over to a balloon stand lying unattended
"Fuck, yeah, balloons! Get that shit in here!"
>Acteus leaps onto the shore with aid from his wings, grabs a balloon, and jumps back in
>"The raid was successful, First Mate!"
"Hooray!"
>you celebrate your theft of a free balloon with another fist-to-hoofbump
>and you lie down on the floor of the wooden vessel, gazing up at the clear blue sky
 
>Suddenly, Acteus jumps up
>"First mate! We've got a hostile approaching rapidly off the stern!"
>you glance back your flying assaulter
>it's Hexferry!
>and she's got jars of some yellow stuff, most likely honey
"She's gonna throw honey at us!"
>"Shit, I just showered this morning!"
"So did I!"
>thinking fast, you maneuver the ship in an effort to escape the horrible fate behind you
>Acteus picks up some leftover rocks and throws them at Hexferry, missing most shots
"Oh shit!"
>the river gets more turbulent, and more rocks start cropping up in the river
>the universe just seems to dislike you right now
>"First Mate, keep her on course!"
"I'm givin' her all she's got, Cap'n!"
>Hexferry calls out to both of you
>"You faggots, get back here and take your punishment like men!"
>the words take your focus from you, and the ship veers off course toward the bank
>well, gg guys
"SHIIIIIII-"
>"OH FUUUUU-"
>the raft hits the shore with such force, it hurls the both of you out of the vessel onto solid ground
>you recover quickly, helping Acteus to his hooves
"Get up Captain, we've gotta haul ass NOW!"
>"Agreed!"
>you and Acteus break into a sprint, running from the imminent honey bombardment
>you're halfway to the Acteus's house, but honey starts splattering the ground around you
"She's firing at us, Captain!"
>"I know, just keep running!"
 
>dodging globs of sticky honey for a good quarter-mile, you finally manage to reach the door to the house
>Acteus bangs open the door, you following right behind him
>hastily, he slams the door behind you and locks it, narrowly dodging one final glob of honey that lands on the carpet
>naturally, you're all out of breath
>"You'll get yours, you jerks!" you hear muffled through the door
>Hexferry lets out an exasperated sigh, and you hear her trot off
"I can't believe...That we didn't get hit..."
>your words come slowly as you try to catch your breath
>finally, after what seems to be ages, the two of you can breathe again
>"...That was really fun, actually." Acteus laughs a bit
"Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty good fun, wasn't it?"
>"...Oh, no!"
"What?"
>"I didn't grab our loot from the wreckage!"
"Aww..."
>...
>"Oh, well..." Acteus looks somewhat crestfallen
"At least we had fun doing it, though!"
>he perks up at the sentiment
>"Yeah, it was great! Thanks for suggesting that, Anon."
"Heh, no problem."
 
>Acteus yawns
>"I'm a bit tired from our little excursion, "First Mate.""
"As am I, 'Captain.'"
>you and Acteus walk down the stairs to the bedroom
>the two of you, exhausted, flop onto the bed
>"Haha, ah..."
"Thanks for joining me, Acteus. It wouldn't have been the same without you."
>"It was nothing. Now go to sleep~" he nods off, letting his consciousness drift away
>and you do the same, memories of soft flowing rivers and angry honey-throwing Moths filling your dreams
>but as your own consciousness slips, you're just able to discern Acteus hugging you in his sleep
>...
>Goodnight, Acteus~
 
 
[END]