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RalliART [Chapter 9] Candy Canes

By: Blender- on Oct 20th, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 34.95 KB | hits: 366 | expires: Never

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>Day 145 in Equestria.
>It’s been a bit over a month since estrus.
>The talk with Spitfire went... well.
>With her in tears the whole time, begging for forgiveness.
>Long story short, you forgave her with the condition that you were to go back to just friends, no more sex.
>Some people would probably call you an idiot for throwing that away, but you couldn’t ‘just forget’ about what happened.
>And she was okay with that. Mostly.
>At least, she said she was…
>But that’s no longer your problem; she said she was fine with it and she’s been relatively chill about the whole ordeal anyway, apart from the initial conversation of course.
>Non-Spitfire related things that happened in the past month… well, sleep has started getting harder and harder to get. It’s to the point where you can only achieve it when you’re exhausted or when you’ve had a few.
>Maya’s been spending a lot of time with Celestia and her pet phoenix Philomena. Celestia’s actually been looking after Maya a lot lately; you should probably do something to thank her for it.
>…
>Oh yeah, Soarin pushed through with the idea of you performing with the Wonderbolts. Most of the other members seemed to be okay with it so there’s going to be a trial run of sorts to see how the p0nies like it.
>You’ve been working on a routine together for the past three weeks and the big day is tomorrow, making this your last practice.
>Spits: “And that’s a rap, good job everyp… everyone. Blaze and Fire Streak, pull a little tighter on those last bends, other than that, I think we’re ready for tomorrow.”
>Soar: “Good… because I need a bucking drink, Anon?”
“Yeah man, I could do with a drink.”
>SL: “You two sure that’s a good idea the night before a big performance?”
“Don’t worry Silver, we’ll be fine.”
>SL: “I trust you to not get completely trashed, Anon. If anyp0ny has to be on their A game tomorrow, it’s you.”
>Soar: “Hey, what about me?”
>SL: “How many of our shows have you done with a hangover?”
>Soar: “Nearly all of them… Okay, fine.”
>Spits: “Hey where are you guys going? I might catch you there.”
“…”
>…
>Soar: “Uhh… No, you can’t.”
>You can see the beads of sweat rolling down Soarin’s face; he knows what’ll happen if Spitfire comes out with you. She’ll just follow you round the whole night being an almighty cockblock.
>Soar: “It’s a… err… stallion’s night out.”
>Nice save there, Soarin.
>Spitfire shoots you a slightly downtrodden look to which you just shrug. You don’t want to be a dick but at the same time you don’t want your night ruined either.
>Spits: “Okay… Well, I’ll see you all tomorrow then.”
>With that, she takes off into the sky. Hopefully she doesn’t take this too harshly; at the end of it all, she’s still your friend and you want her to be okay.
“Hey Misty, come here a sec.”
>She walked over to you.
“Would you mind checking in on Spitfire? Make sure she’s okay and all that.”
>She gives you a quick nod before taking off after Spitfire. At least she’s got a friend with her.
>…
>Soar: “So… club?”
“Club.”
LATER THAT NIGHT.
>You stand in front of a rather bright building. Neon lights pretty much cover the whole thing, giving it a blue glow.
“Has this place always been here?”
>Soar: “Yeah dude, I’ve never taken you here?”
“Nope.”
>Soar: “Well there’s this DJ in here I know, she’s bucking insane. Mare knows how to party, that’s for damn sure.”
>You both breeze past the bouncer, step through the doors, and make your way into the club.
>Taking a moment to scan your surroundings, you slowly walk further into the club and end up on the edge of what appears to be the dance floor where a crowd of ponies stand eagerly eyeing the stage.
>A mare with a set of big purple tinted glasses and an electric blue mane with lighter neon streaks appears behind the turntables.
>No fucking way, it’s female Shining Armor!
>Soarin nudges you with a hoof and motions to the mare you were eyeing up.
>Soar: “Hey dude, that’s her up there, stage name’s DJ Pon3, but her real name’s Vinyl Scratch.”
>She glances around the crowd quickly before laying eyes on you and Soarin. With a smile on her face, a light blue aura surrounds her glasses and she brings them down onto her face, which is a shame; she’s got some sexy red eyes.
>VS: “Alright everyp0ny, looks like we got some… special guests here to watch my set… so this next one goes out to them.”
>Oh god wut.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVLyptADhjc
>Music begins to pump out of the speakers and the crowd let out a wave of cheers followed by the clopping of hooves.
>You start nodding your head to the beat. You've never heard the song before but somehow you just know what’s coming next.
>VS: “Dancing in the dark…”
>See? You just lip sung those words with her… and damn she has a good voice.
>The crowd starts getting more and more into the song as it progresses, lights are strobing and pulsing everywhere you look, yet you can’t help but feel captivated by this DJ’s eyes… and they’re behind fucking glasses.
>She jumps over the turntables and lands in the crowd, still killing it with the vocals and the turntables via magic.
>You can see her slowly making her way to you, which wouldn’t be that hard considering you tower over most of the ponies. It’s kind of hard to miss you.
>Even with the purple tint, you still have a good view of those sexy...
>Oh god, is she giving you bedroom eyes?
>VS: “…think about it when you touch me there.”
>Okay yes, those are definitely bedroom eyes.
>Soar: “Hey dude, she’s totally checking you out.”
“Thank you captain obvious.”
>A pink blur tears you from Vinyl’s almost hypnotic stare. You could have sworn that looked like what’shername.
>…
“Pinkie Pie?”
>?: “Heya Nony!”
>You slowly look behind you and find the pink one from the camp staring at you with a grin that shouldn’t really be possible. Faces aren’t made to stretch like that.
“Uhhh… hi?”
>PP: “Isn’t this just THE GREATEST PARTY?”
“I… I guess?”
>PP: “Oh, hiya Vinyl!”
“Whahuh?”
>You turn around to find Vinyl a lot closer than you remember her being; she has a rather devious smile on her face too, which unsettles you a little.
>Without warning, she tosses you the mic.
>Oh god what the fuck do you do?
>You can’t sing.
>And yet… you feel like you need to.
>What the fuck is going on?
>Oh god…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f0&t=1m9s
“Oppan Gangnam Style.”
>What.
>The.
>Fuck?
>WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? WHAT IS THIS?
>Everyone is staring at you, mouths agape.
>You have no idea what you’re saying even means, sounds Korean or some shit.
>In all the madness, you didn’t realize you were dancing as well.
>Ohgod, make it stop!
>While you’re having your little crisis Vinyl suppresses her laughter and walks up to you.
>Much to your surprise Vinyl gets up on her hind legs and starts dancing with you. How she can stay balanced like that is a mystery to you. And a quick look to your side shows you that Pinkie’s also doing the same dance as you and Vinyl.
>Then another p0ny joins you in your… -revolutionary- dance.
>And another…
>And another.
>Before you know it most of the club is on their hind legs doing the… Anon style.
>And from this angle you have a really nice view of Vinyl’s flank.
>mmm…
>You have decided you like this new dance quite a lot.
>Unfortunately… all good things must end.
>The final beat plays out and you thrust your mic hand up in the air. Everyone in the club cheers and stomps their hooves as you bask in the afterglow of what you just did.
>You’ve heard about the singing magic before but this was your first time experiencing it. Not bad… not bad.
>You toss the mic back to Vinyl only to be hug tackled by a certain pink p0ny.
>PP: “NONY!”
“PINKIE!”
>PP: “That was SO MUCH FUN. Can we do it again?”
“Well I could try… but I don’t think I remember any of the words.”
>Or what they even meant for that matter.
>She seemed to deflate at that, quite literally actually. Kinda like a pink balloon with a mane and tail.
>Soar: “You going to introduce me to your marefriend?”
>You turn to face Soarin. He’d been rather quiet the last few minutes and you’d actually forgotten he was here.
“Oh… right. This is…”`
>PP: “HI! I’m Pinkie Pie, what’s your name?”
>You see Soarins eyes light up a little at the mention of pie.
>Soar: “Pie eh? Name’s Soarin. Nice to meet you Pinkie.”
>Pinkie’s eyes bulge at the mention of Soarin’s name, “*GASP*YOUMEANSOARINFROMTHEWONDERBOLTS?BECAUSEIHAVEAFRIENDWHOWOULDJUSTEXPLODEIFSHEWASHERERIGHTNOW!”
>Soar: “I… what?”
“She has a friend who’s a fan..?”
>You look to Pinkie for confirmation and she nods her head rapidly, still wearing a smile you’d consider slightly creepy
>Soarin pulls you in close with a hoof and brings you into a rather awkward huddle.
>Soar: “Do you think she’s like… a baker?”
“The fuck… how am I supposed to know that?”
>Soar: “Well, you seemed to know her.”
“She surprised me during estrus, we talked for all of half a minute before she raised the alarm for the ambush.”
>PP: “I say we strike at dawn.”
>Soar: “The… wh… huh?”
>You both look at Pinkie to see she still has that goofy smile on her face and somehow managed to get between the two of you in the huddle without either of you noticing.
>You let out a sigh and quickly break the huddle.
“Pinkie, what do you do for a job?”
>PP: “I work for the Cakes at Sugarcube Corner.”
>Soar: “-The- Cakes? Mr. Cake never told me he had hot-pink minx working for him.”
>Pinkie giggled slightly before waving a hoof.
>PP: “Oh, he never mentioned me?”
>You know when to take a hint and you slowly back away to let Soarin work his magic. You slink your way over to the bar and pull up a stool. A quick glance forward shows that you’re face-to-face with a rather cute bartender.
“Scotch on the rocks, thanks.”
>?: “Make that two.”
>The barkeep nods and you look to your left to find a familiar face.
>FF: “Anon.”
“Fleetfoot.”
>You adjust yourself slightly on the stool so you’re facing towards her.
“I’ll admit, I’m a little surprised to see you here.”
>FF: “I think you’ll find I’m full of surprises.”
“Oh I’ll find out, will I?”
>FF: “Depends how hard you look.”
>The bartender comes back with your drinks and you take a swig. That familiar burn runs down your throat and let out a light sigh. Turning to face Fleetfoot, you see she’s already downed hers in one go.
“Slow down Fleet, this isn’t just some shot. We have all night here to get plastered.”
>FF: “I can think of a few other places I’d rather be.”
>She puts a hoof on your knee and dons her bedroom eyes.
>You let out a slight chuckle and take another swig of your scotch, “Careful, what you wish for might be too much to handle.”
>FF: “I think I could handle you.”
“And Spitfire?”
>FF: “Oh? I didn’t know you two were still a thing.”
“Heh, we’re not, but if she found out… I can’t say she’d be impressed with you.”
>FF: “Looks like I’ll just have to fight her.”
“Oh, I’d love to see that. Maybe you’d get to be captain if you beat her.”
>FF: “Fleetfoot, youngest captain ever of the Wonderbolts.”
“I’ll drink to that.”
>You take in another mouthful of scotch and finish off the glass. You tap the bar and the mare from before comes over and gives you a refill.
>FF: “Well it’s been nice talking Anon, but I think I’ll probably head off, no reason to piss Spitfire off just yet.”
“Nice chattin’ with ya Fleet. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
>She dumps a couple bits on the bar before sliding off her bar stool and making her way towards the exit, swishing her tail wider than she normally would have on the way, giving you a rather nice view of what she has on offer. She turns to face you and winks before finally exiting the club.
>Fucking mares man.
>You lean back on the bar and sip at your scotch, glancing around the club as you do so. Soarin and Pinkie seem to be getting along well. Looking over to where the turntables sit, you see a stallion behind them… Vinyl must’ve finished already.
>Too bad, she was a really good DJ. Nice flank on her, too.
>?: “So what do you call that dance from earlier?”
>Hmmm?
>You look off towards the source of the voice and see Vinyl propping herself up on the bar stool next to you.
“Oh you liked that, huh? I call it the Anon style.”
>She lets out a laugh at that.
>VS: “And what the buck were you saying?”
“I honestly don’t know, it sounded like another language from back home but I didn’t speak it. So I guess that song magic just brought it out of me.”
>VS: “What song magic?”
“Huh? Y’know, the shit that makes everyone burst out into songs randomly.”
>VS: “I know what it is, dick. There wasn’t any going on when you sung that song.”
>You just stare at her with the ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ look.
“Vinyl, I did a song and dance number in a language I don’t know. I think there was song magic going on.”
>You finish off your second glass of scotch with one last skull and set it back down on the bar.
>VS: “Okay, you got me. There was some song magic floating round.”
“Yeah… that’s what I thought.”
>A different bartender from before, a stallion this time, plops a pink drink down in front of you.
“Hey uhh… I didn’t order this,” you say, pointing at the drink.
>Bar: “Drink’s from that good lookin' mare over there."
>You look over to where he points and see Fleur lounging on a sofa in the VIP section, giving you her signature bedroom eyes.
>You look back to the drink and shrug. Free booze is free booze, you guess. Although you don’t use straws, but that novelty lily flower is pretty cool you must admit.
>Removing the straw, you place the flower on Vinyl’s ear.
>VS: “Oi, what’s this for?”
“Brings out the colour in your eyes… and your cheeks.”
>VS: “Wha… oh.”
>You bring the glass to your lips and take a sip. Hmmm, you’re unsure of what it is; just that it’s damn strong… tastes a little odd as well.
>Thinking nothing of it, you finish the drink and slide the empty cup back to the bartender.
>VS: “Hey, do you really think taking a free drink from -her- was a good idea?”
“Yes… no… probably… can I feel your mane?”
>VS: “Oh great…”
“No seriously, I just want to run my hands through it; wear you like a scarf and gaze into those blood red eyes all day.”
>VS: “…”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
>VS: “Wha- eep!”
>You pull Vinyl up out of her seat and sit her on your lap. You run a hand through her mane while the other strokes her impossibly soft coat.
>She lets out a soft sigh before shaking slightly and feebly trying to push away from you.
>VS: “No, this is wrong. You’ve been-”
“Hey I’ve never noticed those swirlies in horns before. It looks like a candy cane, fuck I love candy canes.”
>And with that you take her horn inside your mouth and begin suckling on it.
>Vinyl lets out a series of soft moans and you begin to attract a fair bit of attention from the nearby p0nies.
>Bar: “Hey, no. Get a bucking room you two, or get out.”
“Look mannn, can’t a guy enjoy his candy cane unicorn popsicle in peace anymore?”
>Bar: “The buck..? Security! This fucker is messing with the DJ!”
>You hop to your feet and turn to stare down the bartender, still clutching Vinyl in your arms and sucking on her candy cane.
>Hey look, it’s Fleur.
>Lis: "Oh, don't worry, my good barkeep. It seems our friend has had too much to drink. I know where he lives and will make sure he gets home nice and safe."
"Ooh, that candy cane is even bigger!"
>Lis: "Yes it is hun. And if you come with me, I'll let you taste it as much as you want."
>You gaze at her glorious candy cane before glaring back at the bartender
>Without dropping your look, or your furry popsicle, you bring up your free hand and flip the bartender off, still staring a thousand flaming dildos at the bartender.
>Or is that daggers..? Fuck bitch, you don’t even care cause he can’t read your mind.
>Lis: “So Anon, why don’t you come with me and leave that tram--er, small candy cane behind?”
“Hmm. Okay.”
>You let Vinyl slide out of your arms and into a sweaty, panting heap on the floor.
>Lis: “So shall we go?”
“Go..? But I want candy NOW.”
>Lis: “You can have a little taste once we get outside.”
>You grab one of her hooves and she shoots you an odd look.
“GOTTA GO FAST.”
>You tear out of the club with Fleur flailing behind you. Soarin and Pinkie watch on in shock as the cream and pink streak blows out the club doors.
>Once you hit the cobblestone street you come to an abrupt stop and turn to face Fleur with the same kind of look a child would have before they get to open a Christmas present.
“CANDY TIME!”
>Lis: “Err, we can’t start unless we’re in that alley.”
>Candy time in a dark alley? OH BOY, JUST LIKE WHEN YOU WERE A KID!
>A moment later, you find yourself standing just in the entrance of a dark ally. Your mouth is practically watering in anticipation.
>You can’t take it anymore, you slide your mouth around her candy cane popsicle of love and take as much in as you can before you hit the ol’ gag reflexes.
>Lis: “Oh sweet Celestia yes!”
>You keep sucking on that candy cane for all it’s worth.
>A minute or so passes before you hear some footsteps near the entrance of the alley.
>Soar: “Anon, what are you doing?”
“Being fucking awesome.”
>Soar: “Are… are you..? Oh man.”
>Soarin breaks out in hysterics after getting a good look at what you’re doing. He’s just jealous cause he doesn’t get any candy cane.
>Fuck you’re a genius Anon.
>PP: “Anooon, why are you sucking on Fleur’s horn?”
“NO! MY CANDY CANE.”
>PP: “CANDY CANE! WHERE?”
>You point a finger at your mouth victoriously and half turn away so she can’t steal your unicorn popsicle of sweetness.
>Which isn’t actually that sweet.
>PP: “Silly Anon, Fleur isn’t a candy cane.”
“Says you.”
>PP: “Don’t you know horns are very mmmmphggh”
>It appears Soarin has shoved his hoof in Pinkie’s mouth.
>Soar: “Ssshh… don’t tell him, this is too funny.”
“That’s not the only appendage you’d like to put in her mouth is it?”
>Soar: “Wh… dude…”
>Ignoring your, quite frankly brilliant, comment, Pinkie walks up to you and begins whispering in your ear.
>PP: “Horns are… they feel good when you touch them.”
>You give her a blank look.
>PP: “It’s… it’s like a stallion’s fun stick on your head.”
>…
>…
>IT’S ALL GONE HORRIBLY WRONG.
>You spit Fleur’s can—horn out of your mouth and she collapses on the ground.
>Soarin is dying of laughter right now. Not literally of course, that’d be just terrible.
>Fleur fidgets beneath you, puffing and panting, trying to catch her breath. The fuck is she doing that for? It’s not like she went for a run, oh right…
>Another set of hooves start approaching you as Fleur begins to find her feet… hooves whatever.
>VS: “Anon… *pant* was dr… *pant* drugged.”
>Ohai Vinyl.
>Soarin bolts upright, instantly cutting off his laughter fueled stroke.
>Soar: “Say what now?”
>VS: “By her *pant*.”
>Vinyl shakily lifts a hoof and points behind you.
>Oh look, Fleur managed to stand up.
“Once you go Anon, you never g-“
>You don’t get to finish your sentence because Soarin appears to have tackled you. Now why on earth would he do that? Probably because you aren’t on earth any more.
>Soar: “Pinkie, RUN!”
>Soarin somehow scoops you up in his front hooves and takes off towards the street outside the alley with Pinkie and Vinyl in pursuit. Vinyl’s being carried by Pinkie of course, bitches can’t walk once Anon’s finished with them.
>Huehuehuehue.
>Although, Fleur seems to be doing an okay job.
>You all burst out of the alley and into the dark streets of Canterlot.
>PP: “Ooohh are we playing tag? You’re it!”
>Pinkie nudges Soarin with a hoof.
>Fuck you love tag, it’s like the best game EVER.
“OOOOOOH, we should go see Celestia, she’s got a bangin’ mane that like… changes colour and shit with the day and night.”
>Just like night vision goggles or some shit… fucking miracles man.
>The trip back to the castle was rather enjoyable. Mainly because you spent the whole time making bad horse riding puns.
“To infinity and beyond!”
>Just like that one, you’re probably the funniest person in the world. And the most modest.
>Maybe that’s because you’re the only person in the world.
>Hey look it’s Celestia and her mane’s all pink and shit.
“Fucking cute as fuck.”
>Tia: “I see what you’re saying Soarin… I’ll take care of him. Thank you for getting him home safely.”
>With a snap, crackle and pop later, you’re up in Celestia’s room with her and Maya.
“Weeeeeeeeee! Again, again.”
>She lets off a drawn out sigh and looks at you with tired eyes.
>Tia: “What am I going to do with you Anon?”
“Hold me tight and never let me go. Or chain me up and have your wicked way with me, if you’re into those kinds of things.”
>Tia: “… I think I’ll have to act on this. Fleur’s gone a bit too far this time.”
“Fuck she has nice flank, not as good as sunbutt though.”
>You give her cutie mark a nice little smack for emphasis.
>Your sexual prowess knows bounds, but says fuck you and leaps over them anyway.
>Tia: “OKAY, bed time for Anon.”
“You’re joining me right?”
>Without giving her a chance to respond, you do a running dive onto her ginormous bed and bury yourself under the covers.
>Maya hops up on the bed next to you while Celestia just stands there staring at you.
“Well?”
>Tia: “I’m not getting in bed with you Anon.”
“But you already are.”
>Tia: “That’s Maya, not me.”
“Close enough.”
>Tia: "Please, go to your own bed Anon.”
“Can’t I stay here? Just for tonight? And you can make sure I stay safe and don’t accidently burn down the palace.”
>Tia: “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
“And if I told you that my room was full of snakes?”
>Tia: “I wouldn’t believe you.”
“Come on Celly, lighten up. What’s the worst that could happen?”
>Tia: "Tomorrow’s headlines reading: 'Human spoons the princess.'”
“You’d love it.”
>Tia: “It would be funny I’ll admit, but the answer is still no.”
“Please Celly? For me?”
>You pat the empty space next to you and don the best puppy dog face you can.
>Maya picked this time to let out an adorable whine. Celestia cracks under your combined front of cuteness
>Tia: “… Not a word to anyp0ny.”
“Yuss!”
>She slides into the side opposite you and Maya.
>This bed really is fuckhuge.
>You shimmy over to her and wrap her up in a hug.
>Tia: “Not a word.”
“Mmmhmm.”
- - - - - -
THE NEXT MORNING.
>You slowly peel your eyes open and let them adjust to your surroundings, only to find that you aren’t in your own room.
>Before you can better assess the situation, your splitting headache kicks in.
>You clutch at your forehead and roll over in bed, only to be assaulted by the early morning sun blasting through a rather large window.
“Oh fuck me.”
>You groan and roll away from the window, still clutching your head.
>?: “How are you feeling?”
“Celestia? The fuck am I?”
>Tia: “That would be my room.”
“We… we didn’t?”
>Tia: “Didn’t what Anon? OH, no, no we did not. Do you remember anything from last night?”
“Well, Soarin took me to some club, we met a DJ he knew there called Vinyl, I had a chat with Fleetfoot, it kinda gets a little hazy after that.”
>Tia: “Well, you were drugged last night.”
“The fuck, really? By who?”
>Tia: “Fleur.”
“…Fuck.”
>A thought manages to pierce through your confused and foggy brain.
“SHIT. The Wonderbolts show is today. How the fuck am I supposed to do that when I feel like I could fucking die?”
>You let out a loud groan to which Celestia just shakes her head.
>Tia: “You knew that you had this performance today, why did you go to a club last night?”
“Because I’m a fucking idiot. Honestly though, it was just meant to be a couple drinks, a little dancing and then a reasonably early night.”
>Tia: “I agree completely, you are ‘a fucking idiot’.”
“I’m sorry Tia, I really fucked up.”
>Tia: “While I’m still disappointed at your poor decision making skills, it’s not entirely your fault. Fleur’s gone too far this time, and I have a good punishment in mind for her.”
“All of this doesn’t change the fact I won’t be able to perform like this.”
>Celestia lets out another sigh and walks around to your side of the bed.
>Tia: “There… is a spell I know that would fix this… hangover you have. But before I use it, you’ll have to promise never to tell anyp0ny about its existence.”
“… Why?”
>Tia: “Because while I allow the p0nies to have their alcohol, I also want them to live with the repercussions of drinking. If one of the only negative effects of drinking was able to be removed by a unicorn, everyp0ny would go out drinking all the time. Keeping this spell a secret helps regulate it.”
“Okay, okay, I promise, please just make it stop.”
>She nods and a small spark traces the swirlies in her horn all the way to the tip, before it grows into a sphere and slowly floats down to your forehead.
>The orb glows slightly and shatters; the fragments drift across the room before fading away, and with them so does the hangover.
>And with your fresh mind comes a fresh thought.
>You pretty much gave Celestia a horn job when you first took her out in the car…
>Tia: "Why are you blushing so much, Anon?"
>You mumble something about candy canes and spaghetti, trying to think of a good excuse.
>Tia: "That sounds like... an interesting breakfast, I suppose. I think I'll go with waffles, though."
>You push yourself out of bed and wrap your arms around Celestia’s neck. Her mane flows around your arms, brushing softly over your skin.
“Thank you, for everything.”
>Tia: “Only the best for my favourite human.”
“I’m the only human here.”
>Tia: “Shall we get breakfast, then?”
>Breakfast was rather uneventful. Some time ago, Waiter Von Waiterson the Third got fired after he tried to attack you.
>That was a fun day.
>The new waiter has been dubbed Waiter Von Waiterson the Fourth, naturally.
>Celestia went over the basics of what happened last night and helped jog some of your memory.
>You really went off the deep end last night. And by the sounds of it, Fleur’s going to be even more persistent after she got that little taste.
>Or rather, when you got that little taste.
>Soon enough, you were back at the stadium, shooting the breeze with Soarin
“So how did things go with Pinkie last night, dude?”
>Soar: “Well… She stayed over but nothing happened. We just kicked the shit for the rest of the night, basically. She’s a cool mare, not one you’d have a one night stand with.”
“So just friends?”
>Soar: “For now, yeah.”
>One of the stadiums officials peaks his head in through the door.
>?: “You’re on in fifteen.”
“Aight, cheers.”
>He has a slightly confused look on his face, but nods and shuts the door behind him.
>The noise from the stands above flows all around the room. You can feel nerves begin to prick into your mind but manage to shut them out quickly enough.
>Soar: “You ready for this, Anon?”
“I was born ready. You better go meet up with the rest of the Wonderbolts, I’ll go get the car ready.”
>Soar: “Good luck man, not that you’ll need it.”
>You stick out a fist and he knocks it with a hoof before taking off out the door.
>You take in a deep breath. It’s sink or swim time. Exiting the changing room, you walk down a long hallway to where your car is being stored.
>Soarin had one of his mates paint this one up with the Wonderbolts livery. It had actually come out rather well. The whole car is an electric blue with various lightning themed decals around the car.
>You reach into the cockpit and grab your helmet. The added weight is a reassuring feeling and it stomped out any remaining nerves you had.
>Stepping over the roll cage, you situate yourself in the car and go over the routine in your head.
>?: “Mr. Anon, they’re ready.”
“Okay, thanks.”
>The engine roars into life, and you ease out into the run-on entrance to the stadium.
>Lining yourself up correctly, you wait for the first pass. Timing was everything, stuff this up and you could seriously hurt or even kill one of them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfx9vKKAezg
>You can hear the music starting to course through the tunnel.
>Okay, there’s the first pass.
>5…
>4…
>3…
>2…
>1…
>You drop the clutch and thunder down the tunnel towards the opening of the stadium.
>The rev counter dances on the red line and you slam it back another gear. The eyes of the crowd fix themselves upon the car as you finally tear into the stadium.
>The team is split into two groups, one on each side of the stadium and arcing across your driving line like a zipper.
>First Blaze, Silver Lining, High Winds, Misty, Soarin, Fleetfoot, Lightning Streak, Surprise, Fire Streak and lastly Spitfire.
>Once she clears you rip the E brake and throw the steering into full lock. The car lurches to the right and begins spinning.
>You complete three whole rotations before a dab of the brakes bring you to a stop facing back down the way you just came.
>Balancing the brake and throttle, you set the rear tires alight while waiting for the team to reform on the side of the stadium where you entered.
>They fall into formation and bank tightly, now flying straight at you in two lines, with a gap in between.
>You let off the brakes and thunder towards them, lining the revs up and knocking them down with every gear change.
>The car tears between the gap and you tease the E brake and throw on some opposite lock for good measure.
>Keeping your foot planted down, you slide the car in continuous large circles around the middle of the stadium, slowly pulling tighter and tighter until you get the signal from Spitfire.
>You hold the current slide radius and different team members start diving all around you, like birds dive-bombing their prey.
>The crowd is lapping it up. Everywhere you look, p0nies are on their hooves stomping the ground.
>You and the team execute a series of complex and dangerous stunts. Including one where pairs of Wonderbolts would fly together like a gate and you would slide the car through them.
>And it eventually all came down to the final act.
>You pulled into a tight spin with the throttle planted in first gear, shredding the tires and kicking up as much smoke as possible.
>One by one, the Wonderbolts flew into the smoke plume you created only not to emerge on the other side.
>Once the last one enters you jump on the brakes and cut the engine. Quickly undoing your harness and jumping out the drivers you window, you pull yourself onto the roof and wait for the smoke to clear.
>With a little help from some of the team, the smoke dissipates and you look out at the cheering stadium with both arms held high.
>It feels good to perform in front of a crowd again.
- - - - - -
A LONG TIME AND A FUCK LOAD OF ALCOHOL LATER.
>Mis: “And… and when Anon came out *giggle* of that last s-spin?”
“Oh shiiiit y-eah, I thought I hit you F-fleet.”
>FF: “OHMYGAWSH right?”
>Something brushes up against your arm.
>A wild Spitfire appears.
>What will you do?
>…
>Anon tries to use fly but he has no wings.
>Fuck.
>What will you do?
>Anon used NOPE.
>You reach out and push Spitfire’s face away with your hand, in turn upsetting what’s left of your balance, making you fall out of your chair.
>You burst out laughing and a few others join you.
>Fleet waddles over and tries to help you up, which just ends up with her straddling your stomach.
“Well he… hello there.”
>Fleet leans down to lay a kiss on you.
>Apparently the orange blur didn’t like that idea, because Fleet got tackled by it.
>A look to your right reveals
>…
“MAREFIGHT!”
>You and the rest of the male Wonderbolts watch on in drunken awe. Much to your—and their—disappointment, it ends all too quickly.
>Spits: “The buck was that?”
>Oh great, fucking girl drama incoming.
>FF: “I wo… wouldn’t know. I got tackled before anything could happen.”
>Spits: “Anon’s my territory, back off whorse.”
>Woahwoahwoah.
>Woah.
“Dafuq… Spurts *hue* we’re not a thing. I can fuck who I want.”
>FF: “Yeah!”
>…
>They continue to argue so you just go sit on a couch and fucking relax.
>It’s rather comfy too.
- - - - - -
>FF: "—isn't that right, Anon?"
>...
>FF: "...Anon?"
>They both look around and quickly spot you and Fleur sitting on a couch a few meters away.
>They look back to each other.
>Spits: "Truce?"
>FF: "Truce."
MEANWHILE, A FEW METRES AWAY. - - Fleur PoV - -
>You smile to yourself. You finally got Anon alone, drunk, and relatively away from all his friends.
>The marefight those two were having was an excellent distraction.
>Yes, everything is going just pe—"Ahem."
>You look up and your smile falls.
>In front of you stands the entire Wonderbolts team.
>The two mares that had been fighting were in the front of the group. That annoying stallion Soarin looked ready to pounce on you. While normally you might enjoy that, you don't think it would be a friendly or fun time.
>Spits: “Get bucking lost before I leave hoofmarks on that pretty little face of yours.”
>You don’t need to be told twice.
>You create a small plume of smoke and make a dash for the exit.
>Once you get outside, you start the long walk towards your mansion.
>Until next time, Anonymous.
BACK AT THE BAR - - Spitfire’s PoV - -
>You and Fleetfoot both nod at Fleur’s quick retreat. Most of the rest of the Wonderbolts wander off, leaving just you, Fleet, and Soarin next to Anon.
“Glad we got rid of that whorse. You doing okay, Anon?”
>…
>Soar: “Anon? You okay, buddy?”
>Anon slumps over, asleep or passed out.
>You see a perfect opportunity to get back in his good graces and jump to help him, but Soarin beats you to him.
>Soar: “The princess’s gonna be so pissed at you, Anon.”
>He shook his head as he draped Anon over his back. “I’ll get him back to the palace. No reason for you two to ruin what’s left of the night.”
“You sure you don’t need any help?”
>If Anon heard that you were helping take care of him—especially against that backstabbing, two-timing slut of a mare Fleur—he might be willing to give you a second chance!
>Soar: “Bros look after bros. It’s a stallion thing. I got this.”
>You and Fleetfoot both sigh and back away as he carries Anon into the night.
END.

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

>Day 145 in Equestria.
>It’s been a bit over a month since estrus.
>The talk with Spitfire went... well.
>With her in tears the whole time, begging for forgiveness.
>Long story short, you forgave her with the condition that you were to go back to just friends, no more sex.
>Some people would probably call you an idiot for throwing that away, but you couldn’t ‘just forget’ about what happened.
>And she was okay with that. Mostly.
>At least, she said she was…
>But that’s no longer your problem; she said she was fine with it and she’s been relatively chill about the whole ordeal anyway, apart from the initial conversation of course.
>Non-Spitfire related things that happened in the past month… well, sleep has started getting harder and harder to get. It’s to the point where you can only achieve it when you’re exhausted or when you’ve had a few.
>Maya’s been spending a lot of time with Celestia and her pet phoenix Philomena. Celestia’s actually been looking after Maya a lot lately; you should probably do something to thank her for it.
>…
>Oh yeah, Soarin pushed through with the idea of you performing with the Wonderbolts. Most of the other members seemed to be okay with it so there’s going to be a trial run of sorts to see how the p0nies like it.
>You’ve been working on a routine together for the past three weeks and the big day is tomorrow, making this your last practice.
>Spits: “And that’s a rap, good job everyp… everyone. Blaze and Fire Streak, pull a little tighter on those last bends, other than that, I think we’re ready for tomorrow.”
>Soar: “Good… because I need a bucking drink, Anon?”


“Yeah man, I could do with a drink.”
>SL: “You two sure that’s a good idea the night before a big performance?”
“Don’t worry Silver, we’ll be fine.”
>SL: “I trust you to not get completely trashed, Anon. If anyp0ny has to be on their A game tomorrow, it’s you.”
>Soar: “Hey, what about me?”
>SL: “How many of our shows have you done with a hangover?”
>Soar: “Nearly all of them… Okay, fine.”
>Spits: “Hey where are you guys going? I might catch you there.”
“…”
>…
>Soar: “Uhh… No, you can’t.”
>You can see the beads of sweat rolling down Soarin’s face; he knows what’ll happen if Spitfire comes out with you. She’ll just follow you round the whole night being an almighty cockblock.
>Soar: “It’s a… err… stallion’s night out.”
>Nice save there, Soarin. 
>Spitfire shoots you a slightly downtrodden look to which you just shrug. You don’t want to be a dick but at the same time you don’t want your night ruined either.
>Spits: “Okay… Well, I’ll see you all tomorrow then.”
>With that, she takes off into the sky. Hopefully she doesn’t take this too harshly; at the end of it all, she’s still your friend and you want her to be okay.
“Hey Misty, come here a sec.”
>She walked over to you.
“Would you mind checking in on Spitfire? Make sure she’s okay and all that.”
>She gives you a quick nod before taking off after Spitfire. At least she’s got a friend with her.
>…
>Soar: “So… club?”
“Club.”


LATER THAT NIGHT.
>You stand in front of a rather bright building. Neon lights pretty much cover the whole thing, giving it a blue glow.
“Has this place always been here?”
>Soar: “Yeah dude, I’ve never taken you here?”
“Nope.”
>Soar: “Well there’s this DJ in here I know, she’s bucking insane. Mare knows how to party, that’s for damn sure.”
>You both breeze past the bouncer, step through the doors, and make your way into the club.
>Taking a moment to scan your surroundings, you slowly walk further into the club and end up on the edge of what appears to be the dance floor where a crowd of ponies stand eagerly eyeing the stage.
>A mare with a set of big purple tinted glasses and an electric blue mane with lighter neon streaks appears behind the turntables.
>No fucking way, it’s female Shining Armor!
>Soarin nudges you with a hoof and motions to the mare you were eyeing up.
>Soar: “Hey dude, that’s her up there, stage name’s DJ Pon3, but her real name’s Vinyl Scratch.”
>She glances around the crowd quickly before laying eyes on you and Soarin. With a smile on her face, a light blue aura surrounds her glasses and she brings them down onto her face, which is a shame; she’s got some sexy red eyes.
>VS: “Alright everyp0ny, looks like we got some… special guests here to watch my set… so this next one goes out to them.”
>Oh god wut.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVLyptADhjc
>Music begins to pump out of the speakers and the crowd let out a wave of cheers followed by the clopping of hooves.
>You start nodding your head to the beat. You've never heard the song before but somehow you just know what’s coming next.
>VS: “Dancing in the dark…”
>See? You just lip sung those words with her… and damn she has a good voice.
>The crowd starts getting more and more into the song as it progresses, lights are strobing and pulsing everywhere you look, yet you can’t help but feel captivated by this DJ’s eyes… and they’re behind fucking glasses.
>She jumps over the turntables and lands in the crowd, still killing it with the vocals and the turntables via magic.
>You can see her slowly making her way to you, which wouldn’t be that hard considering you tower over most of the ponies. It’s kind of hard to miss you.
>Even with the purple tint, you still have a good view of those sexy...
>Oh god, is she giving you bedroom eyes?
>VS: “…think about it when you touch me there.”
>Okay yes, those are definitely bedroom eyes.
>Soar: “Hey dude, she’s totally checking you out.”
“Thank you captain obvious.”
>A pink blur tears you from Vinyl’s almost hypnotic stare. You could have sworn that looked like what’shername.
>…
“Pinkie Pie?”
>?: “Heya Nony!”
>You slowly look behind you and find the pink one from the camp staring at you with a grin that shouldn’t really be possible. Faces aren’t made to stretch like that.
“Uhhh… hi?”
>PP: “Isn’t this just THE GREATEST PARTY?”
“I… I guess?”
>PP: “Oh, hiya Vinyl!”
“Whahuh?”


>You turn around to find Vinyl a lot closer than you remember her being; she has a rather devious smile on her face too, which unsettles you a little.
>Without warning, she tosses you the mic.
>Oh god what the fuck do you do?
>You can’t sing.
>And yet… you feel like you need to.
>What the fuck is going on?
>Oh god…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f0&t=1m9s
“Oppan Gangnam Style.”
>What.
>The.
>Fuck?
>WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? WHAT IS THIS?
>Everyone is staring at you, mouths agape.
>You have no idea what you’re saying even means, sounds Korean or some shit.
>In all the madness, you didn’t realize you were dancing as well.
>Ohgod, make it stop!
>While you’re having your little crisis Vinyl suppresses her laughter and walks up to you.
>Much to your surprise Vinyl gets up on her hind legs and starts dancing with you. How she can stay balanced like that is a mystery to you. And a quick look to your side shows you that Pinkie’s also doing the same dance as you and Vinyl.
>Then another p0ny joins you in your… -revolutionary- dance.
>And another…
>And another.
>Before you know it most of the club is on their hind legs doing the… Anon style.
>And from this angle you have a really nice view of Vinyl’s flank.
>mmm…
>You have decided you like this new dance quite a lot.

>Unfortunately… all good things must end.
>The final beat plays out and you thrust your mic hand up in the air. Everyone in the club cheers and stomps their hooves as you bask in the afterglow of what you just did.
>You’ve heard about the singing magic before but this was your first time experiencing it. Not bad… not bad.


>You toss the mic back to Vinyl only to be hug tackled by a certain pink p0ny.
>PP: “NONY!”
“PINKIE!”
>PP: “That was SO MUCH FUN. Can we do it again?”
“Well I could try… but I don’t think I remember any of the words.”
>Or what they even meant for that matter.
>She seemed to deflate at that, quite literally actually. Kinda like a pink balloon with a mane and tail.
>Soar: “You going to introduce me to your marefriend?”
>You turn to face Soarin. He’d been rather quiet the last few minutes and you’d actually forgotten he was here.
“Oh… right. This is…”`
>PP: “HI! I’m Pinkie Pie, what’s your name?”
>You see Soarins eyes light up a little at the mention of pie.
>Soar: “Pie eh? Name’s Soarin. Nice to meet you Pinkie.”
>Pinkie’s eyes bulge at the mention of Soarin’s name, “*GASP*YOUMEANSOARINFROMTHEWONDERBOLTS?BECAUSEIHAVEAFRIENDWHOWOULDJUSTEXPLODEIFSHEWASHERERIGHTNOW!”
>Soar: “I… what?”
“She has a friend who’s a fan..?”
>You look to Pinkie for confirmation and she nods her head rapidly, still wearing a smile you’d consider slightly creepy
>Soarin pulls you in close with a hoof and brings you into a rather awkward huddle.
>Soar: “Do you think she’s like… a baker?”
“The fuck… how am I supposed to know that?”
>Soar: “Well, you seemed to know her.”
“She surprised me during estrus, we talked for all of half a minute before she raised the alarm for the ambush.”
>PP: “I say we strike at dawn.”
>Soar: “The… wh… huh?”
>You both look at Pinkie to see she still has that goofy smile on her face and somehow managed to get between the two of you in the huddle without either of you noticing.


>You let out a sigh and quickly break the huddle.
“Pinkie, what do you do for a job?”
>PP: “I work for the Cakes at Sugarcube Corner.”
>Soar: “-The- Cakes? Mr. Cake never told me he had hot-pink minx working for him.”
>Pinkie giggled slightly before waving a hoof.
>PP: “Oh, he never mentioned me?”
>You know when to take a hint and you slowly back away to let Soarin work his magic. You slink your way over to the bar and pull up a stool. A quick glance forward shows that you’re face-to-face with a rather cute bartender.
“Scotch on the rocks, thanks.”
>?: “Make that two.”
>The barkeep nods and you look to your left to find a familiar face.
>FF: “Anon.”
“Fleetfoot.”
>You adjust yourself slightly on the stool so you’re facing towards her.
“I’ll admit, I’m a little surprised to see you here.”
>FF: “I think you’ll find I’m full of surprises.”
“Oh I’ll find out, will I?”
>FF: “Depends how hard you look.”
>The bartender comes back with your drinks and you take a swig. That familiar burn runs down your throat and let out a light sigh. Turning to face Fleetfoot, you see she’s already downed hers in one go.
“Slow down Fleet, this isn’t just some shot. We have all night here to get plastered.”
>FF: “I can think of a few other places I’d rather be.”
>She puts a hoof on your knee and dons her bedroom eyes.
>You let out a slight chuckle and take another swig of your scotch, “Careful, what you wish for might be too much to handle.”
>FF: “I think I could handle you.”
“And Spitfire?”
>FF: “Oh? I didn’t know you two were still a thing.”


“Heh, we’re not, but if she found out… I can’t say she’d be impressed with you.”
>FF: “Looks like I’ll just have to fight her.”
“Oh, I’d love to see that. Maybe you’d get to be captain if you beat her.”
>FF: “Fleetfoot, youngest captain ever of the Wonderbolts.”
“I’ll drink to that.”
>You take in another mouthful of scotch and finish off the glass. You tap the bar and the mare from before comes over and gives you a refill.
>FF: “Well it’s been nice talking Anon, but I think I’ll probably head off, no reason to piss Spitfire off just yet.”
“Nice chattin’ with ya Fleet. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
>She dumps a couple bits on the bar before sliding off her bar stool and making her way towards the exit, swishing her tail wider than she normally would have on the way, giving you a rather nice view of what she has on offer. She turns to face you and winks before finally exiting the club.
>Fucking mares man.
>You lean back on the bar and sip at your scotch, glancing around the club as you do so. Soarin and Pinkie seem to be getting along well. Looking over to where the turntables sit, you see a stallion behind them… Vinyl must’ve finished already.
>Too bad, she was a really good DJ. Nice flank on her, too.
>?: “So what do you call that dance from earlier?”
>Hmmm?
>You look off towards the source of the voice and see Vinyl propping herself up on the bar stool next to you.
“Oh you liked that, huh? I call it the Anon style.”
>She lets out a laugh at that.
>VS: “And what the buck were you saying?”


“I honestly don’t know, it sounded like another language from back home but I didn’t speak it. So I guess that song magic just brought it out of me.”
>VS: “What song magic?”
“Huh? Y’know, the shit that makes everyone burst out into songs randomly.”
>VS: “I know what it is, dick. There wasn’t any going on when you sung that song.”
>You just stare at her with the ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ look.
“Vinyl, I did a song and dance number in a language I don’t know. I think there was song magic going on.”
>You finish off your second glass of scotch with one last skull and set it back down on the bar.
>VS: “Okay, you got me. There was some song magic floating round.”
“Yeah… that’s what I thought.”
>A different bartender from before, a stallion this time, plops a pink drink down in front of you.
“Hey uhh… I didn’t order this,” you say, pointing at the drink.
>Bar: “Drink’s from that good lookin' mare over there."
>You look over to where he points and see Fleur lounging on a sofa in the VIP section, giving you her signature bedroom eyes.
>You look back to the drink and shrug. Free booze is free booze, you guess. Although you don’t use straws, but that novelty lily flower is pretty cool you must admit.
>Removing the straw, you place the flower on Vinyl’s ear.
>VS: “Oi, what’s this for?”
“Brings out the colour in your eyes… and your cheeks.”
>VS: “Wha… oh.”
>You bring the glass to your lips and take a sip. Hmmm, you’re unsure of what it is; just that it’s damn strong… tastes a little odd as well.


>Thinking nothing of it, you finish the drink and slide the empty cup back to the bartender.
>VS: “Hey, do you really think taking a free drink from -her- was a good idea?”
“Yes… no… probably… can I feel your mane?”
>VS: “Oh great…”
“No seriously, I just want to run my hands through it; wear you like a scarf and gaze into those blood red eyes all day.”
>VS: “…”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
>VS: “Wha- eep!”
>You pull Vinyl up out of her seat and sit her on your lap. You run a hand through her mane while the other strokes her impossibly soft coat.
>She lets out a soft sigh before shaking slightly and feebly trying to push away from you.
>VS: “No, this is wrong. You’ve been-”
“Hey I’ve never noticed those swirlies in horns before. It looks like a candy cane, fuck I love candy canes.”
>And with that you take her horn inside your mouth and begin suckling on it.
>Vinyl lets out a series of soft moans and you begin to attract a fair bit of attention from the nearby p0nies.
>Bar: “Hey, no. Get a bucking room you two, or get out.”
“Look mannn, can’t a guy enjoy his candy cane unicorn popsicle in peace anymore?”
>Bar: “The buck..? Security! This fucker is messing with the DJ!”
>You hop to your feet and turn to stare down the bartender, still clutching Vinyl in your arms and sucking on her candy cane.
>Hey look, it’s Fleur.
>Lis: "Oh, don't worry, my good barkeep. It seems our friend has had too much to drink. I know where he lives and will make sure he gets home nice and safe."
"Ooh, that candy cane is even bigger!"


>Lis: "Yes it is hun. And if you come with me, I'll let you taste it as much as you want."
>You gaze at her glorious candy cane before glaring back at the bartender
>Without dropping your look, or your furry popsicle, you bring up your free hand and flip the bartender off, still staring a thousand flaming dildos at the bartender.
>Or is that daggers..? Fuck bitch, you don’t even care cause he can’t read your mind.
>Lis: “So Anon, why don’t you come with me and leave that tram--er, small candy cane behind?”
“Hmm. Okay.”
>You let Vinyl slide out of your arms and into a sweaty, panting heap on the floor.
>Lis: “So shall we go?”
“Go..? But I want candy NOW.”
>Lis: “You can have a little taste once we get outside.”
>You grab one of her hooves and she shoots you an odd look.
“GOTTA GO FAST.”
>You tear out of the club with Fleur flailing behind you. Soarin and Pinkie watch on in shock as the cream and pink streak blows out the club doors.
>Once you hit the cobblestone street you come to an abrupt stop and turn to face Fleur with the same kind of look a child would have before they get to open a Christmas present.
“CANDY TIME!”
>Lis: “Err, we can’t start unless we’re in that alley.”
>Candy time in a dark alley? OH BOY, JUST LIKE WHEN YOU WERE A KID!
>A moment later, you find yourself standing just in the entrance of a dark ally. Your mouth is practically watering in anticipation.
>You can’t take it anymore, you slide your mouth around her candy cane popsicle of love and take as much in as you can before you hit the ol’ gag reflexes.
>Lis: “Oh sweet Celestia yes!”


>You keep sucking on that candy cane for all it’s worth.
>A minute or so passes before you hear some footsteps near the entrance of the alley.
>Soar: “Anon, what are you doing?”
“Being fucking awesome.”
>Soar: “Are… are you..? Oh man.”
>Soarin breaks out in hysterics after getting a good look at what you’re doing. He’s just jealous cause he doesn’t get any candy cane.
>Fuck you’re a genius Anon.
>PP: “Anooon, why are you sucking on Fleur’s horn?”
“NO! MY CANDY CANE.”
>PP: “CANDY CANE! WHERE?”
>You point a finger at your mouth victoriously and half turn away so she can’t steal your unicorn popsicle of sweetness.
>Which isn’t actually that sweet.
>PP: “Silly Anon, Fleur isn’t a candy cane.”
“Says you.”
>PP: “Don’t you know horns are very mmmmphggh”
>It appears Soarin has shoved his hoof in Pinkie’s mouth.
>Soar: “Ssshh… don’t tell him, this is too funny.”
“That’s not the only appendage you’d like to put in her mouth is it?”
>Soar: “Wh… dude…”
 >Ignoring your, quite frankly brilliant, comment, Pinkie walks up to you and begins whispering in your ear.
>PP: “Horns are… they feel good when you touch them.”
>You give her a blank look.
>PP:  “It’s… it’s like a stallion’s fun stick on your head.”
>…
>…
>IT’S ALL GONE HORRIBLY WRONG.
>You spit Fleur’s can—horn out of your mouth and she collapses on the ground.
>Soarin is dying of laughter right now. Not literally of course, that’d be just terrible.
>Fleur fidgets beneath you, puffing and panting, trying to catch her breath. The fuck is she doing that for? It’s not like she went for a run, oh right…


>Another set of hooves start approaching you as Fleur begins to find her feet… hooves whatever.
>VS: “Anon… *pant* was dr… *pant* drugged.”
>Ohai Vinyl.
>Soarin bolts upright, instantly cutting off his laughter fueled stroke.
>Soar: “Say what now?”
>VS: “By her *pant*.”
>Vinyl shakily lifts a hoof and points behind you.
>Oh look, Fleur managed to stand up.
“Once you go Anon, you never g-“
>You don’t get to finish your sentence because Soarin appears to have tackled you. Now why on earth would he do that? Probably because you aren’t on earth any more.
>Soar: “Pinkie, RUN!”
>Soarin somehow scoops you up in his front hooves and takes off towards the street outside the alley with Pinkie and Vinyl in pursuit. Vinyl’s being carried by Pinkie of course, bitches can’t walk once Anon’s finished with them.
>Huehuehuehue.
>Although, Fleur seems to be doing an okay job.
>You all burst out of the alley and into the dark streets of Canterlot.
>PP: “Ooohh are we playing tag? You’re it!”
>Pinkie nudges Soarin with a hoof.
>Fuck you love tag, it’s like the best game EVER.
“OOOOOOH, we should go see Celestia, she’s got a bangin’ mane that like… changes colour and shit with the day and night.”
>Just like night vision goggles or some shit… fucking miracles man.
>The trip back to the castle was rather enjoyable. Mainly because you spent the whole time making bad horse riding puns.
“To infinity and beyond!”
>Just like that one, you’re probably the funniest person in the world. And the most modest.
>Maybe that’s because you’re the only person in the world.


>Hey look it’s Celestia and her mane’s all pink and shit.
“Fucking cute as fuck.”
>Tia: “I see what you’re saying Soarin… I’ll take care of him. Thank you for getting him home safely.”
>With a snap, crackle and pop later, you’re up in Celestia’s room with her and Maya.
“Weeeeeeeeee! Again, again.”
>She lets off a drawn out sigh and looks at you with tired eyes.
>Tia: “What am I going to do with you Anon?”
“Hold me tight and never let me go. Or chain me up and have your wicked way with me, if you’re into those kinds of things.”
>Tia: “… I think I’ll have to act on this. Fleur’s gone a bit too far this time.”
“Fuck she has nice flank, not as good as sunbutt though.”
>You give her cutie mark a nice little smack for emphasis.
>Your sexual prowess knows bounds, but says fuck you and leaps over them anyway.
>Tia: “OKAY, bed time for Anon.”
“You’re joining me right?”
>Without giving her a chance to respond, you do a running dive onto her ginormous bed and bury yourself under the covers.
>Maya hops up on the bed next to you while Celestia just stands there staring at you.
“Well?”
>Tia: “I’m not getting in bed with you Anon.”
“But you already are.”
>Tia: “That’s Maya, not me.”
“Close enough.”


>Tia: "Please, go to your own bed Anon.”
“Can’t I stay here? Just for tonight? And you can make sure I stay safe and don’t accidently burn down the palace.”
>Tia: “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
“And if I told you that my room was full of snakes?”
>Tia: “I wouldn’t believe you.”
“Come on Celly, lighten up. What’s the worst that could happen?”
>Tia: "Tomorrow’s headlines reading: 'Human spoons the princess.'”
“You’d love it.”
>Tia: “It would be funny I’ll admit, but the answer is still no.”
“Please Celly? For me?”
>You pat the empty space next to you and don the best puppy dog face you can.
>Maya picked this time to let out an adorable whine. Celestia cracks under your combined front of cuteness
>Tia: “… Not a word to anyp0ny.”
“Yuss!”
>She slides into the side opposite you and Maya.
>This bed really is fuckhuge.
>You shimmy over to her and wrap her up in a hug.
>Tia: “Not a word.”
“Mmmhmm.”
- - - - - -
THE NEXT MORNING.
>You slowly peel your eyes open and let them adjust to your surroundings, only to find that you aren’t in your own room.
>Before you can better assess the situation, your splitting headache kicks in.
>You clutch at your forehead and roll over in bed, only to be assaulted by the early morning sun blasting through a rather large window.
“Oh fuck me.”
>You groan and roll away from the window, still clutching your head.
>?: “How are you feeling?”
“Celestia? The fuck am I?”
>Tia: “That would be my room.”
“We… we didn’t?”
>Tia: “Didn’t what Anon? OH, no, no we did not. Do you remember anything from last night?”
“Well, Soarin took me to some club, we met a DJ he knew there called Vinyl, I had a chat with Fleetfoot, it kinda gets a little hazy after that.”
>Tia: “Well, you were drugged last night.”


“The fuck, really? By who?”
>Tia: “Fleur.”
“…Fuck.”
>A thought manages to pierce through your confused and foggy brain.
“SHIT. The Wonderbolts show is today. How the fuck am I supposed to do that when I feel like I could fucking die?”
>You let out a loud groan to which Celestia just shakes her head.
>Tia: “You knew that you had this performance today, why did you go to a club last night?”
“Because I’m a fucking idiot. Honestly though, it was just meant to be a couple drinks, a little dancing and then a reasonably early night.”
>Tia: “I agree completely, you are ‘a fucking idiot’.”
“I’m sorry Tia, I really fucked up.”
>Tia: “While I’m still disappointed at your poor decision making skills, it’s not entirely your fault. Fleur’s gone too far this time, and I have a good punishment in mind for her.”
“All of this doesn’t change the fact I won’t be able to perform like this.”
>Celestia lets out another sigh and walks around to your side of the bed.
>Tia: “There… is a spell I know that would fix this… hangover you have. But before I use it, you’ll have to promise never to tell anyp0ny about its existence.”
“… Why?”
>Tia: “Because while I allow the p0nies to have their alcohol, I also want them to live with the repercussions of drinking. If one of the only negative effects of drinking was able to be removed by a unicorn, everyp0ny would go out drinking all the time. Keeping this spell a secret helps regulate it.”
“Okay, okay, I promise, please just make it stop.”


>She nods and a small spark traces the swirlies in her horn all the way to the tip, before it grows into a sphere and slowly floats down to your forehead.
>The orb glows slightly and shatters; the fragments drift across the room before fading away, and with them so does the hangover.
>And with your fresh mind comes a fresh thought.
>You pretty much gave Celestia a horn job when you first took her out in the car…
>Tia: "Why are you blushing so much, Anon?"
>You mumble something about candy canes and spaghetti, trying to think of a good excuse.
>Tia: "That sounds like... an interesting breakfast, I suppose. I think I'll go with waffles, though."
>You push yourself out of bed and wrap your arms around Celestia’s neck. Her mane flows around your arms, brushing softly over your skin.
“Thank you, for everything.”
>Tia: “Only the best for my favourite human.”
“I’m the only human here.”
>Tia: “Shall we get breakfast, then?”

>Breakfast was rather uneventful. Some time ago, Waiter Von Waiterson the Third got fired after he tried to attack you.
>That was a fun day.
>The new waiter has been dubbed Waiter Von Waiterson the Fourth, naturally.
>Celestia went over the basics of what happened last night and helped jog some of your memory.
>You really went off the deep end last night. And by the sounds of it, Fleur’s going to be even more persistent after she got that little taste.
>Or rather, when you got that little taste.


>Soon enough, you were back at the stadium, shooting the breeze with Soarin
“So how did things go with Pinkie last night, dude?”
>Soar: “Well… She stayed over but nothing happened. We just kicked the shit for the rest of the night, basically. She’s a cool mare, not one you’d have a one night stand with.”
“So just friends?”
>Soar: “For now, yeah.”
>One of the stadiums officials peaks his head in through the door.
>?: “You’re on in fifteen.”
“Aight, cheers.”
>He has a slightly confused look on his face, but nods and shuts the door behind him.
>The noise from the stands above flows all around the room. You can feel nerves begin to prick into your mind but manage to shut them out quickly enough.
>Soar: “You ready for this, Anon?”
“I was born ready. You better go meet up with the rest of the Wonderbolts, I’ll go get the car ready.”
>Soar: “Good luck man, not that you’ll need it.”
>You stick out a fist and he knocks it with a hoof before taking off out the door.
>You take in a deep breath. It’s sink or swim time. Exiting the changing room, you walk down a long hallway to where your car is being stored.
>Soarin had one of his mates paint this one up with the Wonderbolts livery. It had actually come out rather well. The whole car is an electric blue with various lightning themed decals around the car.
>You reach into the cockpit and grab your helmet. The added weight is a reassuring feeling and it stomped out any remaining nerves you had.
>Stepping over the roll cage, you situate yourself in the car and go over the routine in your head.


>?: “Mr. Anon, they’re ready.”
“Okay, thanks.”
>The engine roars into life, and you ease out into the run-on entrance to the stadium.
>Lining yourself up correctly, you wait for the first pass. Timing was everything, stuff this up and you could seriously hurt or even kill one of them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfx9vKKAezg
>You can hear the music starting to course through the tunnel.
>Okay, there’s the first pass.
>5…
>4…
>3…
>2…
>1…
>You drop the clutch and thunder down the tunnel towards the opening of the stadium.
>The rev counter dances on the red line and you slam it back another gear. The eyes of the crowd fix themselves upon the car as you finally tear into the stadium.
>The team is split into two groups, one on each side of the stadium and arcing across your driving line like a zipper.
>First Blaze, Silver Lining, High Winds, Misty, Soarin, Fleetfoot, Lightning Streak, Surprise, Fire Streak and lastly Spitfire.
>Once she clears you rip the E brake and throw the steering into full lock. The car lurches to the right and begins spinning.
>You complete three whole rotations before a dab of the brakes bring you to a stop facing back down the way you just came.
>Balancing the brake and throttle, you set the rear tires alight while waiting for the team to reform on the side of the stadium where you entered.
>They fall into formation and bank tightly, now flying straight at you in two lines, with a gap in between.
>You let off the brakes and thunder towards them, lining the revs up and knocking them down with every gear change.


>The car tears between the gap and you tease the E brake and throw on some opposite lock for good measure.
>Keeping your foot planted down, you slide the car in continuous large circles around the middle of the stadium, slowly pulling tighter and tighter until you get the signal from Spitfire.
>You hold the current slide radius and different team members start diving all around you, like birds dive-bombing their prey.
>The crowd is lapping it up. Everywhere you look, p0nies are on their hooves stomping the ground.
>You and the team execute a series of complex and dangerous stunts. Including one where pairs of Wonderbolts would fly together like a gate and you would slide the car through them.
>And it eventually all came down to the final act. 
>You pulled into a tight spin with the throttle planted in first gear, shredding the tires and kicking up as much smoke as possible.
>One by one, the Wonderbolts flew into the smoke plume you created only not to emerge on the other side.
>Once the last one enters you jump on the brakes and cut the engine. Quickly undoing your harness and jumping out the drivers you window, you pull yourself onto the roof and wait for the smoke to clear.
>With a little help from some of the team, the smoke dissipates and you look out at the cheering stadium with both arms held high.
>It feels good to perform in front of a crowd again.
- - - - - -


A LONG TIME AND A FUCK LOAD OF ALCOHOL LATER.
>Mis: “And… and when Anon  came out *giggle* of that last s-spin?”
“Oh shiiiit y-eah, I thought I hit you F-fleet.”
>FF: “OHMYGAWSH right?”
>Something brushes up against your arm.
>A wild Spitfire appears.
>What will you do?
>…
>Anon tries to use fly but he has no wings.
>Fuck.
>What will you do?
>Anon used NOPE.
>You reach out and push Spitfire’s face away with your hand, in turn upsetting what’s left of your balance, making you fall out of your chair.
>You burst out laughing and a few others join you.
>Fleet waddles over and tries to help you up, which just ends up with her straddling your stomach.
“Well he… hello there.”
>Fleet leans down to lay a kiss on you.
>Apparently the orange blur didn’t like that idea, because Fleet got tackled by it.
>A look to your right reveals
>…
“MAREFIGHT!”
>You and the rest of the male Wonderbolts watch on in drunken awe. Much to your—and their—disappointment, it ends all too quickly.
>Spits: “The buck was that?”
>Oh great, fucking girl drama incoming.
>FF: “I wo… wouldn’t know. I got tackled before anything could happen.”
>Spits: “Anon’s my territory, back off whorse.”
>Woahwoahwoah.
>Woah.
“Dafuq… Spurts *hue* we’re not a thing. I can fuck who I want.”
>FF: “Yeah!”
>…
>They continue to argue so you just go sit on a couch and fucking relax.
>It’s rather comfy too.
- - - - - -
>FF: "—isn't that right, Anon?"
>...
>FF: "...Anon?"
>They both look around and quickly spot you and Fleur sitting on a couch a few meters away.
>They look back to each other.
>Spits: "Truce?"
>FF: "Truce."


MEANWHILE, A FEW METRES AWAY. - - Fleur PoV - -
>You smile to yourself. You finally got Anon alone, drunk, and relatively away from all his friends.
>The marefight those two were having was an excellent distraction.
>Yes, everything is going just pe—"Ahem."
>You look up and your smile falls.
>In front of you stands the entire Wonderbolts team.
>The two mares that had been fighting were in the front of the group. That annoying stallion Soarin looked ready to pounce on you. While normally you might enjoy that, you don't think it would be a friendly or fun time.
>Spits: “Get bucking lost before I leave hoofmarks on that pretty little face of yours.”
>You don’t need to be told twice.
>You create a small plume of smoke and make a dash for the exit.
>Once you get outside, you start the long walk towards your mansion.
>Until next time, Anonymous.

BACK AT THE BAR - - Spitfire’s PoV - -
>You and Fleetfoot both nod at Fleur’s quick retreat. Most of the rest of the Wonderbolts wander off, leaving just you, Fleet, and Soarin next to Anon.
“Glad we got rid of that whorse. You doing okay, Anon?”
>…
>Soar: “Anon? You okay, buddy?”


>Anon slumps over, asleep or passed out.
>You see a perfect opportunity to get back in his good graces and jump to help him, but Soarin beats you to him.
>Soar: “The princess’s gonna be so pissed at you, Anon.”
>He shook his head as he draped Anon over his back. “I’ll get him back to the palace. No reason for you two to ruin what’s left of the night.”
“You sure you don’t need any help?”
>If Anon heard that you were helping take care of him—especially against that backstabbing, two-timing slut of a mare Fleur—he might be willing to give you a second chance!
>Soar: “Bros look after bros. It’s a stallion thing. I got this.”
>You and Fleetfoot both sigh and back away as he carries Anon into the night.
END.

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