[CYOA] Your date goes horribly wrong

>You are Anonymous

>You are currently having tea with Lyra

>But you keep checking your watch

>You have a date with Applejack tonight

>Nothing can fuck this up. Nothing.

>Right?

>She doesn't seem to want to let you go

>How should you distract her?

-----------------------------------

winning post: ("Oh my god, it's the HANDS BEAST! A CREATURE COMPOSED ENTIRELY OF HANDS!")

 

>You think of a plan

>Desperately you come up with the most asinine thing you can think of

"Look!"

>You point in some random direction

"It's the hands beast! A creature composed entirely of hands!"

>Thankfully, it only takes the "look" and point part to get her to turn her head

>The moment she does, you book it

>You're running down the main street for several minutes before you stop to catch your breath

>You have a good ten minutes before your date at the appointed place

>Should you pick up flowers, or be early?

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winning post: (Yeah, might as well get some flowers.)

 

>You make a pit stop by the market place

>You find a stand selling flowers

>It's run by three shaky mares

>They tremble even more as you approach

>You order a bouquet for your date

>They won't stop trembling in fear

>They don't even answer as you wave your hand in front of their faces

"Helloooooo?"

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winning post: (Grab a rock, turn around quickly and throw it with great force at whatever threatening entity is clearly standing behind you.)

 

>Your eyes widen

>Something obviously must be startling these mares

>And it sure as hell isn't you

>You bend down to grab a misplaced rock next to the stand

>Almost as if in slow motion, you turn, swing your arm back and throw the stone with all your might

>The rock strikes the creature standing behind you with great impact

>Enough to make a sound

>"OW!" the creature yells in pain

>It is a pony, simply waiting in line to get some flowers for himself

>He now sits, rubbing his head in pain

>"What was that for, you jerk?!"

>"The horror!" the three mares scream in unison

>Well shit, looks like it was just an innocent bystander

>The mares are now quivering even more violently than before

>You still don't have your flowers, and now you're causing a scene

>You see a guard making his way towards you in the distance

>Fuck fuck fuck

>Wat do?

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winning post: (Yell moran freeman, take another guys flowerss, and book it.)

 

>No time for this shit

>You decide to confuse everyone in sight in the best way you know how

>By yelling at the top of your lungs

"MORGAN FREEMAN!!"

>"Who?" the stallion behind you asks, while still rubbing his aching head

>You run over to a random pony, take the flowers right out of her bag, and book it to your date

>"Hey!" she calls out

>"I actually did put those in my bag!"

>References

>You make your way to your agreed meeting place

>Looks like you're right on time

>You see her waiting for you in the most beautiful dress you can imagine

>How should you approach her?

>A guy's gotta be suave, doesn't he?

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winning post: (Run up to her and carry her princess-style. Then keep running until you tire out.)

 

>You decide to make a grand entrance

>You go running up to her at full speed

>"Oh, Anon! There ya are. Ah' was worried y- Anon, what are ya do-Ahhhhhh!"

>You sweep her up in your arms like a princess

>Without a moment's hesitation, you start running

>Running as fast as you can

>And you ran, you ran so far away~

>Before long, you start to tire out

>You stop, heaving, trying to catch your breath

>Somehow you've made it to a more high class part of town

>"Well shucks, Anon, that's some way to win a gal's heart"

>"Ah'm starvin'. How 'bout you set me down an' we go find a nice restaurant nearby?"

>You silently agree

>Unfortunately, all the diners are named in fancy

>And you sure as hell know you can't afford any of it

>Lest you desire to go hungry for the next few days

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Go to a strip club.)

 

>Where should you take her on your first date?

>Where oh where?

>How about a strip club!

>Jesus fuck, these tears are salty

>Unfortunately, you have no experience with women outside of a place where they remove their clothes for money

>Without hesitation, you lead her to the fanciest schmanciest strip club in town

>The Silver Whorse

>The moment you get inside, the booming music threatens to deafen you

>There are mares dancing on poles whilst business stallions cheer and throw bits at them

>"This sure is... a might strange place to have a date, don't ya think, Anon?"

>She's nearly shouting over the loudness of the music

>She doesn't look too pleased

>How do you warm her up to this place?

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winning post: (with a lapdance by a mare dancer.)

 

"I know what'll liven this date up!"

>You grin and give her the most confident look you could possibly give a girl you brought to a strip club for your very first date

>"An' what might that be?!" she covers her ears and yells back at you

"A lap dance!"

>She looks at you as if to ask if you're serious

>"A WHAT?!"

"A lap dance!" >you say enthusiastically

>You motion one of the strippers not currently performing over to you

>You whisper in her ear and point at your girlfriend while slipping her a decently sized pouch

>She raises an eyebrow, shrugs, and takes Applejack to a room in the back

>There she begins dancing, removing the unneeded clothing in a seductive manner while shaking her plot in AJ's face

>AJ just stares in some mixture of horror and amazement as the mare shakes everything she has in an attempt to turn her on

>You sit in another corner, growing hard yourself

>Damn, this is hot

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winning post: (Start fondling yourself.)

 

>You begin to touch yourself while watching this private dance take place

>You're rubbing your nipples and stroking your dick through your clothes

>AJ just looks between you and the mare with the widest eyes anyone could possibly manage

>"A-Anon, Ah' don't think you understand what Ah'm in to..." she says shakily

"Nonsense, I can see you're loving this!"

>Before she can say any more, the mare dancing for the two of you offers to let you partake in some strange, recreational drug that'll make the night so much more fun for the both of you

>"Ah' dunno..."

>The mare holds a couple of strange tablets in her hoof

>What could possibly go wrong?

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winning post: (Take it, then suplex AJ)

 

"Sure!" >is all you can manage, before roughly swiping one from her hoof and swallowing it with reckless abandon

>Before long, colors start to appear in your vision

>Shit is sooooo cash

>For some weird reason, you feel like suplexing AJ

>So you do

>Before she can protest, you grab her by the waist, swing her over your head, and slam her into a nearby table

>There's a horrifying crunch

>Whether by her or the table, you're not sure

>She just lets out a groan, obviously not expecting you to go full retard on her

>Without warning, you grab the other pill from the shocked stripper's hoof and shove it into AJ's maw

>She swallows it without trouble, and her eyes start to bounce around in her skull like pinballs

>"Woaahhh" she moans

>Looks like the effects are starting to take hold

>Now, you have the whole night ahead of you two

>What first?

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winning post: (Tell her to check em)

 

>You put on the best Patrick Bateman face you can muster

"Check 'em"

>"Wha?"

"Check 'em" >you say again, pointing at nothingness

>It seems she can now see what you see, or, at least, is seeing her own thing

>"Holy apples! Look at that get!"

>You are now breaking the fourth wall

>Ponka Poonk would be proud

>You're both staring at the post only you can see before the stripper speaks up

>"Uhh, yeah... I'm just gonna leave now"

>She's walking away

>This shit shall not pass

>Or shall it?

>You have so much to do tonight

>And you're only just getting fucked up, after all

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winning post: (With AJ's help, hogtie the stripper mare and start molesting her.)

 

>You wink at AJ, then motion to the mare leaving the room

>It seems she gets the message

>From out of fucking nowhere, she pulls out her rope

>Where was she hiding that thing?

>You'll be sure to check her for more hiding places later

>Thoroughly

>Without so much as a grunt, AJ swings the rope and catches the stripper by all four legs

>She can barely let out a peep before she's yanked back and hogtied, rope binding her legs and mouth

>She looks up at the two of you in fear, as you descend upon her with malicious grins

>You begin to molest the mare

>You and your girlfriend, what a pair

>The mare lets out a moan as you dig your fingers deep into her cunt

>AJ unties the gag only to shut her up with a kiss before she can scream

>This is getting fun

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winning post: (Sneak out of the strip club and go to Sweet apple acres.)

 

>Before you can get much further, you hatch a devious plan

>Actually, you have no fucking clue what you're thinking

>You grab AJ by the hoof and lead her out of the strip club

>Behind you, you hear the stripper mare whining in protest as you leave her tied up in the back room of a shady place where many drunk and horny stallions are bumbling about

>You bring AJ back to Sweet Apple Acres

>"Mmm, Anon, Ah'm sure feelin' a might right aroused right now" she giggles

>"So what're we doin' here? Gonna "hit the hay" if ya know what Ah' mean?"

>Good point

>What are you doing here?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Take more drug)

 

>Well, what better way to spend a night

>Than getting so fucked up you can't pee (see?), pee straight

"I know what you lot have growing on your farm"

>You wink at her mischievously

"Why don't we try something a bit more mellowing?"

>She looks at you hazily and smiles

>"Well ain'tchu quite the party animal?"

>She leads you around the farm house towards the back where a small crop of "notapples" grows

>You stumble up to the weed and yank at it with your bare hands

>AJ giggles as you struggle with the plant

>Before long, you two are smoking a bowl in her living room

>The rest of the house is sound asleep

>AJ's stomach growls

>Oh, right, you never took her out to dinner

>Now she's really getting the munchies

>And so are you

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winning post: (Cook her a nice dinner and converse over candlelight.)

 

>Nigger, you're going to cook!

>You shout in your brain to no brain cell in particular

>You're pretty sure no one is home

>No one has been home for a long time, you think

>You jump up from the sofa and head to the kitchen

>You start taking out pots and pans, oil and herbs, and all sorts of shit

>But there's one problem

>What the fuck are you even going to cook?

>You open the fridge and see everything

>Everything forever

>Into eternity

>Into the void

>You're stoned out of your gourd

>You crank the burner up to eleven

>Time to get creative

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winning post: (Cook Apples for dinner! They don't even need to be cooked!)

 

>Awww shit, you're going to cook some apples!

>You throw some fresh apples on the stove

>You stare at them as smoke rises up

>The fuck are you doing? Those are apples!

>JUST. APPLES.

>They don't need to be cooked, silly fuckwad

>You bring out a large bucket of apples and plop them on the table in front of you and AJ

"I made it myself!"

>"Oooh!" she says, taking an apple and biting into it

>You're such a fucking five star chef

>"Anon, these apples are kinda warm. An' are they burnt on the bottom?"

>She inspects the apples carefully

>Shit, your cover is about to be blown

>ABORT ABORT

>Plan of action, WAT

-----------------------------------

winning post: (oh shit. you forgot to praise kek today)

 

>You panic

>Any excuse to get her not to notice your shitty cooking

>Your shitty "not cooking"

>OH

>MY

>GOD

>You forgot to praise the almighty Kek today!

>You slap the apple out of her hoof

"NIGGER! I mean, Applejack!"

>She looks at you as if she were staring at nothingness

"We forgot to praise Kek!"

>She blinks several times before it finally dawns on her

>"Oh shit, sugarcube! We can't be havin' that!"

>The two of you rush out to the barn where you keep the bronze statue of your lord and savior, Kek

>You put on your white hoods and start dancing around it, chanting shit you don't understand

>"Ooga booga! Fried chicken!"

"Kek is god! Kek is love!"

>Suddenly the two of you kick open the barn door

>You get on the floor

>You vigorously do the dinosaur

>Your god is pleased

>Now what?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (finger Applebloom while she's asleep)

 

>"Now what?"

>It seems Applejack mirrors your sentiments exactly

"Now? Now we have some fun"

>You grin deviously

>She does the same, swaggering up to you and loosening her saddle

"To Applebloom's room!" >you shout with glee

>AJ nearly falls flat on her face as you rush out of the barn and back into the house

>You stomp your way up the stairs and open the door to the little filly's bedroom

>You tower over the bed and the sleeping filly in it

>Carefully you remove the blanket keeping her warm

>She shivers a bit

>You run your fingers down her young stomach and to the petite snatch between her legs

>Softly you begin to prod and poke at her entrance

>She moans in her sleep

>You slip a finger in and she squeaks

>"Anon, what're you doin' ta mah sister?" AJ asks, looking at you sternly

>Well shit, you didn't think of a reason why you would molest a small filly

>You just wanted to

>And no one can fault you for that

>Still, you need to give AJ a good reason before she bucks your teeth in

>What could you possibly say to make this seem alright?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (cum and start farting)

 

>Without warning you begin to fart

>Loudly

>The sound of it wakes Applebloom up

>She stares up at you before returning her gaze to your hand, finger deep inside her young honeypot

>Oh god, the spaghetti

>Involuntarily, you begin to cum, hard

>Your pants grow a noticeable, sizable wet spot where your dick is ejaculating with great force

>Cum starts to leak through the fabric of your pants

>It now flows freely, like a brook, traveling down your leg and pooling at your feet

>Somehow, meatballs have also found their way amidst your sauce

>Well shit, this is embarrassing

>"Applejack, w-what is he doing?" the young filly asks in terror

>"Ah' dunno, Applebloom, but ya best get out of here if ya want to survive yer childhood!"

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winning post: (wait. if kek is god doesent that make lel satan?. if so offer applebloom to lel in exchange for ultimante power)

 

>You manage to push aside the fettucini alfredo long enough to come to your senses

>This must go on no longer

>Your autism spikes and you lift the terrified filly in victory

"KEK IS NOT THE ALMIGHTY. KEK MUST DIE!"

>"Anon! What in tarnation are ya sayin'?!"

>Even Applejack is offended by your statement

>You feel sick to your stomach, but you know what must be done

"LEL IS THE ONE AND ONLY. LEL REQUIRES SACRIFICE. LEL SHALL DEVOUR THE WORLD!!"

>Applejack and Applebloom gasp in shock

>"That's crazy talk, Anon!"

>You don't care

>You just want one thing

>One thing to drive away the pain

>You want power

>Ultimate power

>You rush back out to the barn, kicking over the statue of Kek

>You drop Applebloom, grab a chicken, rip its head off, and draw a pentagram in blood

"OH LEL, DEMON OF DEMONS, I SUMMON THEE TO THIS WORLD! ANSWER MY CALL!"

>The barn glows with ethereal light

"I OFFER YOU THIS SACRIFICE! IN LEL'S NAME!"

>You slam Applebloom into the center if your unholy ritual, gutting her with a nearby pitchfork

"GRANT ME ULTIMATE POWER! BESTOW UPON ME YOUR DIVINE ENERGY!!"

>You feel your body becoming hot

>Every nerve in your muscles spikes and pinches in agony

>You fart and cum extra loud as you're finally filled with the power of Satan, lord of darkness, LEL

>You are a disease upon this world

>You are...

>TOP LEL

>"Anon, nooooooo!"

>Applejack trembles in your sight

>The world is yours

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Give sentience to Wynona, she tells everyone what Big Mac did with her and a jar of peanut butter in the barn.)

 

>You are all powerful

>And as your first act of divinity

>You shall bestow upon their family dog

>SENTIENCE

>You burst through the barn doors, walking over AJ

>You find the little pooch barking at you angrily

>You point your palm towards it, sending out a beam of power, encasing the dog in light

>Within seconds, the spell is over

>Winona tries to bark, but instead words come out

>"You fucking kunt, I'll bite you in the wanker, m8"

>She stops in surprise at her new form of speech

>"I... I can talk, I can! Bloody 'ell, this changes everything!"

>She runs off into town, informing the townspeople of what Big Mac does to her late at night with the family sized jar of peanut butter he gets at ClopCo for amazing prices

>Applejack stares at you in disbelief

>"D-Dogs cain't talk! It tain't possible!"

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winning post: (>Neither are these dubs!)

 

"NEITHER ARE THESE DUBS!" >you bellow

>You point your palm towards the apple mare and shoot your spaghetti lightning in her direction

>It hits her with great impact, sending sparks through the sky

>In mere moments, the light fades, and standing in front of you are two Applejacks

>They look at you in shock

>"Y-Ya'll just went full doubles!"

>The 4th wall collapses in on itself

>Pinkie out of fucking nowhere

>"What have you done?! There's a balance! A BALAAAAAAAANCE!"

>The sky tears open in a massive wound

>Not even Scruffy can stop this

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winning post: (TIME-SKIP BACK TO THE START AND ROMANCE THE SHIT OUT OF THEM PONIES.)

 

>It's all over

>The tear in the sky grows wider and wider

>It soon swallows everything up

>With a loud belch, you find yourself sitting at a table in front of Lyra

>Casually sipping her tea

>Wow, that was a fucked up nightmare you just had

>You look at your watch

>It's almost time for your date

>For some strange reason, you're feeling not quite right about the whole thing

>Leaving this beautiful mare in front of you for another

>You want to romance them both

>B-But how? You're so god damn beta, you can't even hold onto your superpowers without destroying the world and time skipping

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Grow Mr. Fantastic arms and pull both mares to your side.)

 

>Your sacrifice to LEL in the previous storyline has not gone unrewarded

>Your arms begin to stretch in a super heroic fashion, resembling that of Mr. Fantastic

>Your left arm need not go very far to bring Lyra sliding up next to you in her chair

>Her eyes go wide as you snuggle her up next to you

>They never leave the cup in front of her

>Your other arm stretches past city hall and towards your meeting place with AJ

>Ponies stare in awe at this weird thing making its way through town

>Your hand latches on to what you assume is Applejack, and pulls her back to your side

>Surprise, you dumb, blind-armed fuck!

>It's Twilight

>She's smiles at you seductively and greets Lyra with a wave of the hoof

>"So Anon, I see you're finally up to letting me study the... "finer" parts of your anatomy?"

>She swirls her hoof on your chest

>Lyra sets her cup down and looks over at you with bedroom eyes

>Well shit, looks like you're going to be late for that date

>And your fingers are going to be tied up all day

 

Finger fetish end