[CYOA] A naked man and Randy Savage

>You are Anonymous

>You have been invited to Diamond Tiara's Cuteceañera, courtesy of her father, Filthy Rich

>You sit in the corner, drinking non-alcoholic punch while a group of fillies peer over at you, snickering

>Feels bad, man

>There's a dance floor filled with ponies

>The pink one is trying her damnedest to hang out with every little gathering she can squeeze into

>The door to freedom is across all this, mocking you

>You're getting bored fast of your current situation

-----------------------------------

winning post: (spike the punch)

 

>A grin spreads on your face as a devious idea crosses your mind

>You're going to spike the punch

>In a party full of children

>And no, you don't mean dunking a tiny, purple dragon-thing in it

>You reach into your pocket and withdraw a small flask you keep hidden away

>You tip-toe over to the punch bowl and empty the entire thing into it

>You sit back at the table and watch as more and more party-goers refill their cups

>The ponies are starting to sway and act silly

>Even the pink one is starting to feel the affects of the alcohol

>After all, she's had more punch than anyone here

>You could probably get away with anything right now

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Start an orgy.)

 

>Arise, boner

>You feel a tightening in your pants as you watch some of the fillies tumble into each other, exposing their young, supple vags

>The pink one stumbles into a room off to the side, probably to get her bearings

>One of the fillies touches herself, confused as to why she's feeling the way she does

>You decide it's time to get this party really started

>With no chaperones in sight, you make a beeline straight for the little prissy princess herself

>"A-Anon, wh-what's going on? What'rrrrre you doi-MMPH?!"

>You press your lips to hers in one, quick motion

>Your hand trails its way down to her nethers

>She squeaks in surprise, before moaning for you to continue

>The other children watch in awe, as they see this new party game unfolding in front of their eyes

>Pretty soon, they join in, awkwardly mimicking your ministrations on the birthday girl with each other

>It's an orgy in here, and none of the participants are of age

>You glorious sick fuck

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Convince Pinkie to suggest Spin the Bottle to the party.)

 

>You drop the task at hand and head over to the room Pinkie is currently in

>Your sudden dismissal causes Diamond Tiara to throw a fit

>You left her hanging, and now she's trying to get it on with that Silver Spoon filly

>You enter the room and see Pinkie lying on the ground, looking sick

"You okay there, Pinks?"

>"Mmm, anon. I feel all weird and tingly-wingly. I think it was the punch."

"Yeah, whatever. Hey, I thought you might want to arrange a spin-the-bottle game for the kids. They're getting pretty restless out there."

>She manages to prop herself up and follow you into the main room

>Her jaw drops when she sees what's going on

>"HEY! They've started without us!"

"What a bunch of scamps"

>She trots over to try and get things in order

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Strip naked, hoist Diamond Tiara over your head, and run out screaming "FOR THE CELESTIAL ASS!")

 

>Without warning, you begin to strip yourself of your clothes

>Off comes the shirt, the pants, the tie, the swank pair of boxer-briefs that kept your junk safe

>A shoe flies over and hits some spotted colt in the head

>You rush at Diamond Tiara, throwing her friend off in a fit of hysteria

"FOR THE CELESTIAL ASSSSSSSS!!"

>You shout like a mad man, holding the pink filly above your head and run out the door with no destination in mind

>Your jog finds yourself in town square, amongst the merchants and shopping ponies

>In this brief moment of clarity, you notice they're all staring at you

>Rather disgustedly, I might add

>You hold a panting Diamond Tiara above your head

>You're completely naked

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Drop the pone and jump through a window)

 

>Nervously you drop the filly

>You search around desperately for a nearby house

>There!

>You run across the packed square and fling yourself through the window of the house

>Usually you'd jump out a window from inside, but fuck that logic, you're Anonymous

>You look around at the pleasant home you've just defiled with your naked presence

>Pictures of some mint green unicorn fills the walls

>Across from you, a startled yellow mare with a pink and blue mane stares at you

>You stare back

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Run to her, suplex. The watch TV. Ultimate Spidercolt just aired.)

 

>She stares at you

>You stare back

>She stares at you

>You stare back

>She-

>Fuck repeating monologue, you charge at her with all the ferocity of a boar with a hard on

>Which you're currently sporting

>She shrieks in terror as you lift her above your head, turn, and smash her into a kitchen table

>You get up to see she's not moving

>You poke her with a stick for good measure

>No, not that one

>You plop yourself down on the sofa and turn on the television

>Ultimate Spidercolt is on, your favorite

>You hear a commotion coming from outside

>Shut up, the best part is coming

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Pretend you're a window salesman and how this is proof these are shitty windows. Assure her that with your windows there is no chance of a naked lunatic such as yourself would never be able to leap through again.)

 

>The episode ends

"Goddamn, I love you, Spidercolt"

>You wipe a tear from your eye as you get up from the sofa and make your way back to the kitchen

>You put on your best business voice, and address the still lifeless pony

"Listen, ma'am, this is proof that these windows are weak, and just about any naked lunatic sporting a boner could just waltz right up and jump right through them"

>She lies there, unmoving

"But I assure you, that with my windows, that shall never come to pass! Anonymous boner-proof glass is here to help! With our patented design, not even the hardest of erections could pierce our glass! Now all yours for three easy payments of $29.99!"

>She doesn't respond

>Giving up this game of talking to dead horses, you shrug to no one in particular and look around the house for something else to do

>You don't see much

>The ruckus outside is getting louder

>Jesus fuck, can't a crazy naked guy get a little peace and quiet around here?

>The noise is starting to draw on your patience

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Shit, it's the fuzz. Use the backdoor and go to Twilight's.)

 

>Fed up, you finally look out the window to see several golden-armored ponies trying to push back a crowd as they make their way up to the house

>How the fuck it took them an entire episode of Spidercolt to make it this far, you'll never know

>Fookin' pigs

>You jet out the backdoor, ninja your way through several alleys and up to Twilight's house

>The giant tree stands triumphantly, and your own wood salutes it

>You pound on the door hectically

>Twilight opens it and you go tumbling in

>"Anonymous! What are you doing here? And why are you naked?!"

>How do you explain this, or do you?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Scream and start hip thrusting at her while making jazz hands.)

 

>"Well?"

>She's expecting an answer?

>Well shit, you're going to give her one

>You let out an ear-piercing shriek

>Her ears hug her head as she tries to deafen them further with her hooves

>You begin hip thrusting in her direction, slowly moving closer and your boner hits the air with a gusto

>Your hands begin to move all on their own, shaking to some rhythm only they can hear

>Her eyes get wide and she starts to scream, matching your own in a symphony of chaos

>You're getting closer

>You can almost feel the heat of her breath on your cock as she backs against the door in horror and starts to quake in fear

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Run inside and kidnap Spike)

 

>You stop everything you're doing

>Twilight looks on in confusion and fear as you run upstairs and find Spike sleeping in his little doggy bed

>On a whim you grab him and dart back down the stairs

"I'm kidnapping Spike" >you declare while your hips thrust in random directions

>"You're WHAT?"

>Now to plan a course of escape

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Take Spike to Rarity's and teach him your ways of seducing mares.)

 

>You get ready to action yourself out of the tree house

>Only to run out the door like a civilized human being

>Who just so happens to be naked and kidnapping baby dragons

>What the fuck, man?

>You make your way over to Rarity's boutique, crashing through the door at supersonic speeds

>Well, average speeds for a human who's been running about all day doing random crap for the sake of appeasing his boredom

>"Just a second~" Rarity calls from upstairs

>You place Spike down and slap him awake

>"H-Huh? Anon? What's going on? Why are you naked? Where am I?"

"No time to explain. I'm going to teach you in the ways of seducing mares."

>He fully wakes up when he figures out where he is

>"R-Really?!"

>The excitement is his tone and his innocence is enough to make your boner twitch

>Thankfully he doesn't notice it

>You hear rarity trotting down the stairs

>Where to start?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (1) Cut a hole in the box 2) Put your dick in the box 3) Have her open the box)

 

>You quickly explain your plans of total mare domination to him

>He nods his head vigorously, blushing as you go on

>"O-Okay anon, if you say so"

>The both of you quickly go to work finding a box and some scissors

>He's a little hesitant

"Don't worry, buddy. I'll be right there with you"

>You both sheath your rock hard cocks in lidded boxes

>Rarity finally makes her way to the main room

>"Oh, Anonymous, so glad to see- SWEET CELESTIA! What happened to your clothes? A-And why do you have a box covering your privates? Spikey-wikey, you too?"

>You and Spike look each other in the eyes

>"We got you some presents, Rarity!"

>"Really? That's, um... nice? Listen, I'm not sure what's going on, but-"

>The two of you lift the lids off the boxes and present your presents to her

>She gasps, lifts a hoof to her forehead, and faints in the middle of the shop

"Told you. The ladies just die for this kind of thing."

>"Wow, I never knew! What now, Anonymous?"

>There are now two fully erect bros standing in the middle of a boutique with an unconscious mare in front of them

>This can only go so many places

-----------------------------------

winning post: (leave and go get a slurpie)

 

>One of those places is to the local Mare-Mart

"See you around dude, I'll let you take it from here. I've got some mad thirst after running around all day"

>"B-But Anon, what do I do?"

"Just use your imagination, dude. I'm sure you've learned something from all those books Twilight has lining the walls of the library"

>You make your way out of the boutique and down the street

>The store bell rings as you enter, walk up to the dispenser, and grab yourself a nice, cold slurpie

>At this point, none of the ponies are really commenting on your nudity

>You make your way up to the cash register

>"That'll be 2 bits, please" the cashier says in monotone

>You seem to have misplaced your wallet

>And your pants

>You suck gingerly on the straw as she looks up at you with a half-bored, half-irritated expression

>Wat do?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (punch the bitch and run out)

 

>You stare at her

>She stares at you

>You stare at her

>She-

>This shit again?

>You bring your fist back and ram it into the face of the mare behind the counter

>Her teeth go flying as she falls into a pile of magazines behind her

>You get the fuck out of the store, slurpie in hand

>The customers just look on in awe as you book it down the street

>Where to?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Go check of rarity)

 

>You stop halfway to wherever the hell you were going

>You suppose it wouldn't hurt to check up on Spike and see how he's handling the Rarity situation

>You hoof it back to the boutique and peek through the door to see what shenanigans are taking place inside

>You see Rarity with bows in her mane and lipstick smeared on her face

>You also see Spike forcing his dick in her mouth

>Looks like it took a couple of tries, but he finally managed to get it

>Way to go, dude

>You slurp in silence

>Should you interrupt (possibly to join in), or leave to do something else?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Join. Join. Yes. But first finish the slurpie.)

 

>You decide to join in

>Sluuuuuurrrp

>You decide it would be better to finish off your slurpie, first

>Gotta get hydrated

>You step through the door and announce your presence

"Heya Spike. Looks like you managed to figure out what I was getting at"

>He turns to look at you with a smug grin on his face

>"Yeah dude, it's totally awesome"

"Mind if I join?"

>He puts his finger to his lip in thought

>"Alright, just so long as you remember I got first dibs"

>Sweet

>You walk up and place yourself behind the white mare

>Which hole? Hole at all? Oh, the options

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Run to your Ford RS200 and rush to Celestia's castle like a madman, stopping for nothing along the way. Burst through the front doors, straight into the throne room.)

 

>For the second time today, you deprive yourself of sweet horse pussy

>You run out the front door, as if in a trance, and hop in your Ford RS200

>How the fuck you got a car to Equestria, you'll never-

>Fuck your shit, nigger

>You speed off to Canterlot Castle, running over a few ponies on the way

>You pull up to the castle, performing a badass spin park next to the stairs

>You hop out and rush past the guards, bursting through the doors with reckless abandon

>You make a beeline straight for the throne room

>Boy, you have no fucking clue what you're going to do once there, but you're going to fucking do it whether she, or anybody, likes it or not

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Make a quick stop by Luna's room and give her a kiss with your slurpee breath)

 

>You make a quick detour to a hallway leading to Luna's room

>You kick open the door and stride up to her bed

>She blearily removes her night(day?) mask and looks up at you

>"A-Anonymous? What art thou doing in our royal bedchambers at this hour? And with no clothes, for sister's sake"

>You throw caution to the wind, grab her by the jaw, and plant a kiss upon her beautiful lips

>It lasts for a second, but seems like an eternity

>"Tastes... like cherries..." she gasps through reddening cheeks

>You stay for a second longer, staring into her round, shining eyes

>Before turning around and exiting the way you came, back to the throne room

>You still have no idea what you're going to do once you get there

>It can't be good

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Hips thrust your way to Celestia while shouting loudly "Fuck Everything!")

 

>Your hips start to thrust in a familiar motion as you make your way to the throne room

>In your head you hear a symphony that causes you to thrust and dance in tune

>Shake, shake, shake, senora, shake your body line

>Shake, shake, shake, senora, shake it all the time

>You begin to loudly declare your frustrations to the castle

"Fuck everything! FUCK EVERYTHING!"

>You continue to yell out the same phrase several times, louder and louder until you get to the gilded double doors

>You thrust them open with your pelvis and slide your way up to the throne

"FUCK EVERYTHING!" >you shout one, final time before finding yourself in front of her majesty, the qu- princess

>"Anonymous! Just what is the meaning of this?"

>Well shit, you hadn't prepared a statement to make once you got here

>You're now standing buck-naked in front of the princess and her personal guards

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Ignore her. Sit on the throne)

 

>You ignore her perfectly reasonable question as you shove her aside and sit on the throne in all your naked glory

>It's good to be the king

>She just stares at you, unamused

>Her guards turn and eye you warily

>What is your first commandment, oh king?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Tell the guards to arrest the sisters)

 

>You clear your throat

>All present stand at attention to hear what you have to say

"Guards, arrest the princesses"

>They stare at you, unmoving

"I am the new king now!"

>Celestia just raises her eyebrow at you

>The guards turn to look at one another, before setting their eyes back on you

>No one makes a move

>Well shit, this wasn't going as planned

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Run back to Luna's room. Ask her to marry you.)

 

>Fuck it

>Being king is so uncool

>You jump up and run out of the room, confused eyes following you out the door

>You turn and run down the hallway to Luna's room

>You burst through the doors again, fully erect

>Boner at full mast

>Sporting the hardest wood ever

>Did I mention you're still naked after all this time?

>Luna rises from her slumber for the second time today

>"What is it now? We demand to know why thou keepst interrupting our beauty sleep!"

>You get down on one knee next to her bed

>Her eyes widen when she sees the serious expression on your face

>"Anon, what-"

>You stop her with a finger to her lips

"Luna, will you marry me?"

>The look her face changes several times, from emotionless, to dumbstruck, to shocked

>"Anon, I..."

>You stare pleadingly into her eyes, so full of passion

>"I... yes!" she blushes "Yes I will marry you!"

>She throws her hooves around your neck in a makeshift hug from where she lies

>Nigger, you just became the happiest man in the world™

>Now, how do you fuck this up?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Have Anthro children)

 

>You can't resist the temptation

>You jump in her bed, positioning yourself on top of her

>She looks up at you with bedroom eyes

>She should, you're in her fucking bedroom, after all

>You tear aside the covers and roughly insert your astronaut in her moon crater

>You can't even begin to describe where the hell you came up with that analogy

>You thrust your five hour erection into her for all it's worth

>You should have contacted a doctor

>Nine months later a beautiful ugly little anthro thing is born

>Half way between what anyone considers sexy

>Fuck your life, Anon

>You fathered the cancer

 

End

-----------------------------------

 

Winning posts to continue and change protagonist from Anonymous to Macho Man Randy Savage

 

Extra scene: (do the dinosaur)

 

>You hold your precious newborn child in your hands

>This calls for a celebration

>You drop it on the floor, walk out the door

>You and the nurses all do the dinosaur

 

-----------------------------------

>You are Macho Man Randy Savage

>You're sitting at a little table outside of a coffee shop in Canterlot

>Rarity goes on and on about some new line of dresses she's making

>Your muscles want to crush something

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Ask her how she got her cutie mark)

 

>You speak in a rough tone

"Rarity. How'd you get your cutie mark?"

>She blinks, cut off from her train of thought

>She goes on to explain the story of how she got three little diamonds on her flank

>You half-heartedly listen as you crush a few cubes of sugar between your biceps and sprinkle it in your coffee

>Decaf, absolutely disgusting

>This mare is a talking machine

>You see some snobby unicorns trot by with their heads held up to the sky like chickens

>It's making you hungry

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Defeat luna and win the the Equestrian Wrestling Federation (EWF) belt)

 

>You stand up from the table, shaking it with the motion

>"Darling, going somewhere?"

"I've got some business to take care of"

>You leave the coffee shop and the dressmaker behind, headed for the castle

>You burst in through the front doors and head to the throne room

>Surprisingly, Luna is awake at this time of day, having tea with her sister

>"Oh, Randy! What brings you here?"

"I've come to challenge Luna to a smackdown"

>You roll your shoulders and sniff

>"Ch-Challenge us?" she looks at you confused, before a confident grin appears on her face

>"We accept. Be warned, fair Savage, we are not going to go easy"

>A month goes by

>Light shines down from the stadium ceiling

>You're facing Luna from across the ring

>You're pumped

>You're going to win this

>But how?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Odin grants you godlike powers. You have this now.)

 

>You flex your muscles in antici-

>Suddenly you feel your body tingle

>A power like no other fills your body from head to toe

>Odin has granted you power

>And you're going to use it

>The crowd goes wild as the ref gets the fuck out of the way

>You and Luna stride up to the center of the ring, and slowly start to circle it

>You clash

>Sweat drips from both your brows in an epic lock

>But you have the advantage

"OH YEAH!"

>You shout and throw her against the ropes, taking her out with an arm bar with your first blow

>She hops back up and starts bouncing on her hooves

>How long will you let this continue? How are you going to finish it?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Public anal devestation.)

 

>The match continues with you trading blow for blow

>Except there's no trading going on

>It's all you

>Pretty soon the crowd goes silent as you continue to wail on Luna with all your god given strength

>Not that you needed it

>This has become less of a match and more of a training session, courtesy of you and a punching bag

>Luna can barely stand as blood drips from her nose

>Her eyes are looking in two different directions now

>You decide to put her out of her misery with one, final move

>You get up on the corner pillar, jump and slam into her like a savage

>You stand and place one foot on her bosom as you flex your muscles

>The ref goes in for the count, taking way too long to count to three before he relents

>You are Macho Man Randy Savage

>And you are the champion of the Equestria World Cup

"OH, YEEEEEAAAAAHHH!"

>And how shall you celebrate this victory?

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Skin Luna, wear her hide as a pelt, and storm the castle to overthrow Celestia.)

 

>You bask in the glory

>But is it glorious enough? Not nearly!

>You take a hunting knife from the back of your tights and begin to skin Luna of her hide

>The crowd gasps in shock as you sling the bloodied coat over your shoulders

>You march out of the stadium, Lunacape trailing listlessly in the wind

>You break down the doors to the castle

>Fuck, those doors go through a lot of abuse with you around, don't they?

>You march right on up to the throne room

"Celestia. I have beaten your sister in mortal combat. AND NOW I'M COMING FOR YOU, NIGGER!"

>Celestia drops her tea cup she had been sipping on for the past month in horror as she sees her sister draped around your shoulders

>"Oh, Luna..." she looks up at you with pure malice

>It's time for the match of the century

>You get ready for the attack

>There may not be any fans in here, but you can hear their cries of encouragement all the same

>You're going to kick some flank

-----------------------------------

winning post: (Get sicked punked by Celestia. The end.)

 

>You get sicked punked by Celestia

>Whatever the hell that means

>Sick punk'd? Sick punch?

>You're pretty sure it has something to do with your nuts

>And OP just forgot his mixer

>le kak

>You go down, power fading from your body as you implode from the stinging of your genitals

>Guess not even the Savage can fly too close to the sun

 

End 2