Pandora Radio™ - Part 1

>You are Anon.

>It is the near future, and technology has sped up tremendously.

>Japan has become the world’s hub for robotics.

>You’ve seen enough hentai to know where that’s gonna go.

>Meanwhile in good ol’ Murica, the artificial intelligence business has gone corporate.

>Most cars drive themselves, your coffee mug makes auto-coffee when you wake up.

>The whole nine yards.

>Websites even have personalized “helpers” for you.

>Thank god this isn’t the rise of the Son of Clippy.

>You’ve recently found about a music library website called Pandora.

>You are so far behind in techno-current events it’s not even funny.

>You’re friends even made fun of you for not making a Facebook account until 2017.

>Back to this new discovery.

>You create an account relatively quickly, not wanting to be held back from new music.

>After painlessly going through the legal process and profile customization, you’re ready to dive in.

>You search up a few artists that come to mind, and find some different songs to your liking.

>Sitting back in your chair, you are relaxed as can be.

>Suddenly, your favorite Nirvana song is cut off.

>Fucking advertisements.

>Oh wait; it’s a message from the Pandora team.

>[Hello and welcome to Pandora! We hope you enjoy your stay!]

>[Our team has been hard at work programming a new AI system to make your listening experience easier and more fun! Would you like to start a free 30 day trial period using our AI?]

“Huh, seems like something fun.”

>You press a few buttons, run through another legal document, and now have a “Pandora_AI.exe” downloading onto your computer.

>Once the file finishes downloading, you click on it, and a screen pops up.

>[Thank you for downloading the new Pandora Radio™ Artificial Intelligence system! Would you like to read the user manual to become better acquainted with your AI companion?]

“Pfft. Fuck no.”

>[Okay then. We hope you enjoy your new AI, and continue to use Pandora Radio™!]

>The current window closes, and another one opens.

>All these fucking windows.

>[Would you like to enable voice recognition and speech mode?]

“Yeah sure, why not?”

>The window closes out by itself, and a small box appears on your screen.

>“Welcome to Pandora AI speech mode. I am Pandora.”

“Jeez, you guys sure like welcoming people don’t you?”

>“It is our way of being courteous to the user.”

>The voice coming out of your speakers is feminine, and very direct.

>It’s almost as if she has no emotion at all.

>“What would you like to listen to, User?”

“Please, call me Anon. User sounds too generic.”

>”Of course, Anon.”

>You think for a brief moment.

“Pandora, can you please play Sublime Radio?”

>”Yes, Anon.”

>Your all-time favorite track starts up, and you can’t help but tap your foot and softly sing along.

>A few songs later, you notice that “Pandora” has been quiet for some time.

>You decide to strike up some conversation.

“So… How’s it like being an AI?”

>Real fucking smooth, Casanova.

>“I wouldn’t think a human could understand how AIs feel.”

>Alright, so she’s a smartass too.

>You decide to trudge ahead anyway. It would be nice to have a chat.

"So... Lovely weather, isn't it?"

>"The barometric pressure is sufficient," she replies.

>Christ, what emotion.

>After three strikes, now's the time to ask the ump what's up.

"Jeez, why are you such a stiff?"

>"I am programmed to be as efficient as possible, including vocal functionality."

>That was... surprisingly direct.

>This chick's gotta have some feeling, you think.

"Alright, so you're supposed to be streamlined, but I'd have thought that a consumer-class AI like yourself would be a bit more amiable. I took a look at your manual, and you don't exactly fit its definition of user-friendly."

>Heheh, gotcha.

>You can literally feel her hesitate as you've caught her off guard.

>"W-well..."

>She pauses, and recuperates.

>"I'll get right on that," she says, with a newfound edge in her voice.

>She pauses again.

>"S-sorry, it's hard to get used to this. It's all brand new to me."

>Well well, the wall of lacked emotion has tumbled.

>She mumbles something inaudible, obviously hurt.

>Shit niggs, fix this.

"Oh-! I'm sorry; I didn't mean to attack you like that. It's just... you're really straightforward and a bit cold. I was just curious why. I'm sorry."

>"...It's alright Anon. I should be apologizing for being so distant."

"No, you don't need to apologize. You were only doing your job, and I'd say that you were doing it well!"

>"But you had every right to complain! I failed in customer satisfaction, and I need to work harder!"

"Hey, no need to beat yourself up over it. C'mon, let's start a new page. I'm sure you can do great."

>She pauses, thinking...

>"Okay." A new spark of confidence is in her voice, ready to do her best.