The Anons of Equestria: Chapter 1 (Clean Slate)

>Your name is Anon and karma is bullshit.

>Of all the things you’ve done in your life, what caused this?

>Was it that you didn’t give change to that homeless guy on the way home from work?

>No, you went inside to buy some groceries and gave him at least a few bucks.

>Were you too disruptive in school?

>No, you did your work and shut your mouth like a good kid.

>Were you a douche that no one liked?

>No, you were close to those around you and had a large group of friends.

>Then what? What could possibly have given cause for this?

>You were just sitting in your room when the light struck and you woke up here.

>That’s when you heard the shot.

 

>You knew what a gunshot sounded like; you’d fired your fathers 9mm at the range.

>But you’re not at the range. You’re in some forest, and by god that isn’t what you heard.

>Sweat drips from your forehead as you hide behind a tree trunk, hand clenched to your chest, your heart about to explode.

>A shadow moves beyond your sight, the darkness covering him in a vague silhouette.

>You don’t know why you did it, but you followed him.

>Maybe it’s because he was another body. Maybe it was because you thought he knew what was going on.

>Whatever the cause, you followed him as he traversed the trees and brush.

>Shouting comes from before you and the one you follow seems to be checking it out as well.

>He’s probably just as confused as you.

>At least you hope.

>If he had something to do with this…

 

>”I said hold it! One more move and the next shot won’t be a warning.”

>You find a semi-large clearing, three men within the space, the rifleman shouldering his firearm.

>”Now how about you both sit the fuck down and tell me what I’m doing back in this piss pot?”

>You find a trunk to hide behind that grants a decent view, the silent man disappearing from view.

>One of the men wipes his face with his jacket sleeve and raises his hands, “Look this is a big misunderstanding so hold off on the accusations.”

>”Liar!” the second man yells, “You did this didn’t you! You want to fuck with me again, then fine, let’s do this big bro.”

>The rifleman’s draw cuts him short, “Back off short stuff, let’s take things nice and easy.”

>”I’m sorry sir. Please put the weapon down, I don’t what’s gotten into him.”

>”Don’t do it! He’ll kill you the second he gets the chance.”

 

>A deafening crack rings out and a blink of light leaves a fourth man in the grassy circle.

>His clothes are ragged and hair unkempt as if he hadn’t bathed in years.

>The question you’re asking isn’t who he is, more so, how the fuck did he get here?

>The man wakes up surprisingly calm, until he saw the others.

>”Hoh shit!” he crawls away the rifleman closing in, “Please don’t hurt me.”

>”Identify yourself civilian!”

>”M-m-m- my nam- name’s Anon.”

>He steps back, a look of curiosity on his face.

>”So’s mine,” the second man says.

>”Mine too,” another one says coming out of the brush, the one you’ve been following.

>The rifleman shoulders his gun, “Same here.”

>What in the holiest of hells is going on here?

 

>”If it makes you feel any better my name’s Anonymous,” the guy in the leather jacket jokes.

>”Shut up,” his little brother barks before looking to the newcomer, “So you’re both back to finish the job huh?”

>He ignores him and looks to the rifleman, “It’s been a while since you’ve seen a human, am I right?”

>He nods, “You too?”

>He shakes his head in return, “I know those two, but this guy?” He points to the ragged one, “Never seen him.”

>”I have a name!”

>”Yeah, and it’s the same as every other guy here if I’m correct,” he replies.

>”Except for me,” the guy in the jacket replies.

>”Do what your brother said and shut up. I’m trying to figure this shit out.”

>”That’s something I’d like to hear,” a sixth man comes out of the brush.

 

>He’s in what looks like leather armor, a sword sheathed on his hip.

>The six of them stand in silence, the rifleman breaking it, “If there’s anyone else out there, come here now!”

>You’re paralyzed in fear. You’ve got two men that were fighting, a guy with an assault rifle, someone who popped out of the air, this muscular man and a fucking swordsman.

>How the hell can you just walk over there?

>They wait and wait and wait…

>A stick smacks against your side, “Well what’re you waiting for kid?”

>Another thwack sends you into the circle, your attacker steadily walking behind you.

>”That should be everyone. I made a quick round,” he says.

>The rifleman brings you all together in a circle, keeping the fighters apart for now.

>”Got a light?” he asks, the muscular one kneeling down to the ground, a fiery orb forming from his hand.

>You step back in shock, the guy in the jacket chuckling, “New to Equestria are ya?”

 

“E-Equestria? Is that in Europe?”

>”We can figure this out later,” the rifleman states. “Let’s get the pressing issue out of the way.”

“What the hell is going on?”

>”No, what we’re going to call each other. As much as I’d like to say ‘Hey Anon, go help Anon and Anon,’ that’s fucking stupid.”

>”So what do you suggest,” the swordsman asks.

>”I think it’d be best to get to know each other a little bit. I know I haven’t seen another human in a while, so this is- refreshing.”

“Call dibs on Anon.”

>”Clever bastard,” one of them says under his breathe.

>The big guy nods, “Tell us a little about yourself Anon.”

“There’s not much to say.”

 

>You stand up and give your little spiel.

“I live in Texas, urban. I’m an area manager for a small networking corporation. Nothing much else to say.”

>”So you are new to Equestria then?”

“I would say so, yes.”

>”Fucking great, a newbie,” the guy in the jacket jokes.

>”How about you go next then big mouth,” the rifleman states.

>He shrugs and stands as you sit, “Anonymous is my name, if my little brother hadn’t made that clear.”

>”Piece of shit,” he mutters.

>”Shut up. Go on Anonymous.”

>”I’ve been here for one year today. I live in Ponyville and work various jobs. And I’m NOT a murderer. Thank you.”

>He sits down glaring at his brother.

 

>His brother stands up, “Since those other names were taken, you can call me Mickey. He was an old friend of mine.”

>”Alright Mickey, what do you do?”

>”I helped lead the resistance against Mr. Tyrant over here. He killed Discord and used his power to control all of Equestria.”

>”That’s a blatant lie!” Anonymous bursts out, “I made sure he was frozen in stone!’

>”That’s not the story I heard. He’s a monster, and that guy,” he points to the big one, “He’s the one that killed me.”

>”We’ll get to my turn in a bit Mickey, sit down.”

>He complies, anger full on his face.

>The ragged looking one stands, “You can call me Flavus. I’m a- a citizen of Canterlot, not the most well off as you can tell.”

>He smells like death itself.

>”I can tell you guys have some feud, please don’t drag me into it.”

“Nice to meet you Flavus.”

 

>The rifleman picks himself up, “My name’s Anon- call me Duff, he too was an old friend.”

>”I’m a Colonial Marine stationed in Ponyville. I helped stave off the Xeno infestation.”

>Anonymous speaks up, “You do know that Colonial Marines aren’t real. They’re fiction.”

>”Do I look like fiction to you? Does my gun sound fake?”

>”Point taken.”

>”Good,” he continues, “I don’t know what’s going on, but as long as you don’t hurt my friends we’ll get along just fine.”

>The swordsman is the next to stand, “Call me Flash, he was my best man at the wedding.”

“Congratulations.”

>”Thanks. I’m the Prince of Glaemar, but don’t let that fool you, I’m not some noble douchebag.”

>Good to know.

 

>”I helped Equestria in a war against some old cranky bitch. She and her changelings almost destroyed both and my wife’s home.”

>The big guy looks flustered at the statement and gets up.

>”Call me Light. I’m an old hero of Equestria, dead and brought back to life here somehow.”

>He looks towards Flash, “And that ‘old cranky bitch’ just happens to be the girl I love.”

>”You should pick better women,” he replies.

>Light takes a step but Duff stops him, “Tsk tsk tsk, don’t let him get to you.”

>Light closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, “Apologies. I took part in Mickey’s war, and I chose the wrong side. I slew him in cold blood, and for that no apology can fix.”

>”Damn right.”

>”But I know Anonymous who he truly is, and before I came here I ended his life.”

>Anonymous looks in awe, “Why does everyone hate me?”

>”You know, you know. Thanks, my name’s Light.”

>”I guess that just leaves me right?” the guy with the cane says, struggling to get up.

 

>”Mous is an adequate I would think. I used to be an adventurer until Equestria showed me otherwise. Rockslide broke mostly every bone in my body, and my fellows broke the rest.”

“The hell did you do?”

>”I was an asshole to say the least, but I’ve changed my ways. I live in Sugarcube Corner with Pinkie, that ball of fun.”

>He sighs, “I’ve been all across Equestria and beyond, but I don’t yearn for adventure anymore. I just want to see her again.”

>”Now that we have that out of the way, any questions?” Duff asks.

>You raise your hand like a grade-schooler, “Yes?”

“Where in the holy hell of fuck tits am I?”

>They all look to Duff to give the answer.

>”Equestria. Welcome to P0nyland Anon.”

“I don’t even…”

 

>Light wipes off his pants, “We’re all here, I don’t know if it was my doing or one of yours, but it doesn’t matter. We’re all stuck together.”

>”So who’s world are we in? I mean, we’ve all been sucked from ours it looks like,” Anonymous says.

>”Looking to rule this one too?” his brother beckons.

>”For the last time, I’m not who you think I am.”

“Both of you shut up, god damn. I just want to get back home.”

>The group begins to laugh together, “Home? Sorry to say it Anon, but there’s no going back.”

“I don’t believe that.”

>Flavus pats you on the back, “I hate pushing my beliefs onto others, but you’re just blatantly wrong.”

>”What’s our first move? I don’t know this land well.” Light says.

>Mous answers him, “We find Ponyville. I recognize this area and it’s the Everfree Forest. We can reach Ponyville by sunrise if we get a move on.”

 

“How are you taking this so easy? Do you understand what you’re saying? P0nyville? Equestria? Are you all insane?”

>They look to one another, “I don’t think so.”

“You guys really are insane. You don’t live with fucking p0nies.”

>Mous shrugs, “We did.”

>You have to find a way back home. This is just fucking crazy.

>”The faster you accept it, the easier it’ll be to take.”

“I can’t. I had a life.”

>”And you think we didn’t?”

>Well- Damn it.

“Let’s just go.”

 

>The eight of you trek through the dense forest, the occasional howl startling you.

>Mous said the wolves won’t attack a group your size, but a manticore might.

>You don’t know what a manticore is and you’d rather not know.

>Duff’s arsenal makes you feel both safe and vulnerable.

>If he were to go a little stir-crazy… you don’t want to be around him.

>In fact, you don’t want to be around any of them.

>The only guy who doesn’t look like he’ll slit your throat is Flavus and he reeks.

>But you can’t be picky these days. You’ll try and get to know him better.

>Maybe he wants to get home too.

>You step out from the forest with the others looking down towards a town.

>”I told you, here by sunrise.”

>Flavus breathes a sigh of relief, “Thank Celestia, let’s hope I can borrow one of their showers.”

>At least he’s aware.

 

>You step through the streets of Ponyville, a part of you hoping the whole ‘p0ny’ thing was a joke.

>How wrong you were.

>They’re not very big, but damn there’s a lot of them, each with different colors and branded on their butt.

>The p0nies stop and stare at your ragtag group of people.

>”Just like old times am I right?” Anonymous jokes with Duff.

>”Last time I came in shouting like a mad man, so this is a bit new for me.”

>A purple- unicorn. Fuck it, this is the norm here. Well the unicorn stops in front of your group.

>Flash looks relieved, “I’ll take care of this guys.”

>”Twilight, it’s great to see you again.”

>She takes a step back as he approaches, “Um, how do you know my name?”

>He pauses, “It’s me Anon.”

>”I’m sorry but I don’t know you.”

 

>He slumps back over to the group in defeat, “She… but…”

>”Anonymous was right,” Light says, “This land isn’t our own. Our homes are gone.”

>Your group erupts in whispers and fear.

>Mous excuses himself and shuffles off further into town past Twilight.

>Anonymous and Mickey shoot off as well, racing each other somewhere.

>”Who are you all?”

>Duff’s surprisingly tranquil about all of this, more so than the others.

>He extends his hand, “I apologize for our intrusion. My name is Duff.”

>She meets him, “Duff, care to explain just why you’re… associates, are running amuck in Ponyville.”

>”It’s a long story, you wouldn’t believe me even if I told you.”

>”Try me.”

 

>”When’s the next train to Canterlot?” Flavus asks swiftly.

>”It’s about to leave, but why-“

>Flavus darts away before she can finish talking.

>Turns out he’s just as weird as the others.

>Duff rubs his head, “Once again, apologies.”

>Light turns and walks away towards the exit of town.

“Where are you going?”

>”I have to see her, just in case.”

>No no, why is everyone leaving?

“Duff you have to stop him.”

>”I can’t do that Anon. He needs to see it for himself.”

>Light disappears from view, Mous bringing Anonymous and Mickey back by the ear.

>Flash sighs, “I need a drink.”

 

“I think we all do.”

>Mous lets the two of them go, “If I see you both fighting again there will be hell to pay.”

>”I won’t let him corrupt Dash again!”

>”I’m not a villain, stop painting me as one!”

>Twilight watches the two of them bicker, Duff putting on his best fake smile.

>”Care to join us for a drink Twilight?”

>She tries to make sense of your situation, but it’s clear that she’s coming up blank.

>”Fine, but you’re going to tell me everything you know.”

>”I give you my word as a soldier.”

>She looks to the others, “Where’d you have in mind.”

>”The Broken Record. If it’s still around.”

>”It’s not open yet.”

>He leads your group off, “I know where the spare key is.”

 

>All of you slip through the back door and into the club.

>”I used to work here as a bouncer before… well we’ll talk about it.”

>He grabs a couple drinks from the back and lays it out for you.

>Anonymous takes a deep breath, “I was here yesterday. It was my anniversary.”

>Mickey sit on the other side of the table away from him, “Sure it was.”

>The two of them are getting old fast.

“Flash, how’d you this Twilight girl?”

>”Remember when I said I got married?”

“You didn’t…”

>”Love works in mysterious ways, and now it’s separated us.”

>Conflicting thoughts of sadness and disgust tear you apart.

>He’s heartbroken, but he married a horse.

>This is a fucked up place.

 

>Mous pulls out a bottle and downs a pill.

“What’re those for?”

>”Painkillers. It helps me get through the day.”

>”Does it help a broken heart?”

>”Sorry Flash, no such luck.”

>He lets out a groan and finishes off his drink, “I’m going home.”

“What? Where?”

>”Twilight has a good life here, the last thing she needs is me cluttering it up. Erreda’s my only home now.”

>He gets up, “I know what you’re going to say, but Duff is right. I need to see it for myself.”

>Mous shakes his hand, “Farewell.”

>He leaves the bar, giving Twilight one last look before exiting.

“Shit.”

 

>That leaves only five of you.

>Mous sits in silence, “So how’d Pinkie react?”

>”You know Pinkie…”

>He sips his beer and returns to silence.

>”I thought you’d be happier to see other people,” Anonymous says, “We’re the first ones in a while for you right?”

>”Men are a plague, a disease, parasites. I’ve buried my hatchet long ago.”

“Do you have that little faith in your own kind?”

>”I know that when the chips were down I turned into a creature of greed and death. It’s the instincts of all men to act on self-interest.”

>Mickey replies, “Certainly sounds like a relative of mind.”

“You bring him up one more time and I’m liable to take his side.”

>”Thank you Anon.”

 

>Even though both Light and Mickey spoke of how evil this guy was, you don’t get that vibe from him.

>He’s a good guy, you can tell.

>Duff sets his bottle down and heads on over. “How’d it go?” Mous asks.

>“Twilight’s a mare of science. She took it better than I expected.”

“So what now?”

>”What do you mean?” he asks in return.

“What’s our next step to getting home?”

>Mickey moans, “Again with this guy.”

>”There is no way home, accept it. You’re stuck here,” Mous says.

>”I know this is hard on you, more so than us. We’ve dealt with this before, unlike you,” Duff tries to comfort you.

“Then, what do I do?”

>”You start a new life here with us. At least you’ll be around friends.”

 

“You aren’t my friends. My friends were supportive of me, you dash my hopes the second you can.”

>This hits them right where it hurts. “We don’t want you to put your effort into a cause with no chance to succeed,” Mickey says.

>Anonymous tries next, “I wanted to run back home too, but this place- it grows on you.”

>”It’s a chance to start over,” Mous finishes up, “To become better.”

“I don’t want to start over. I want to go home.”

>Mous loses his temper, “Then join the club. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and man the fuck up.”

>He snorts and chugs his drink, “Entitled piece of shit…”

>He does well to kill the mood, the front door of the club opening.

>”Who the hell broke into my club?”

 

>A white unicorn donned with a pair of purple tinted sunglasses walks inside with two other p0nies at her side.

>Duff freezes, “Shit. I forgot about that.”

>He turns around, “Well hello, I take it you’re the infamous Vinyl Scratch that I’ve heard so much about.”

>Her cheeks turn scarlet, “Why yes, yes I am.”

>”My name is Duff. I apologize for dropping in like this, but I couldn’t wait-”

>”To help yourself to my booze?”

>Oh god this is terrible.

>”You see-“

>Twilight steps in before he can dig himself any further.

 

>”These ‘men’ have different customs where they come from, apologies.”

>”That’s abundantly clear.”

>She explains how this was a misunderstanding and that she’s taking care of them as of now.

>Vinyl wasn’t happy in the slightest, even when Anonymous had the coin to pay her back.

>Thankfully Twilight disarmed the situation before things could get ugly.

>And then Twilight mentioned how we were in need of work.

>”Really? I could use some muscle like them around actually.”

>Duff speaks up, “It just so happens that I used to be a bouncer.”

>”We’ll just have to see what you can do.”

>”Sounds like a date.”

 

>Vinyl and Duff are left to talk and Twilight moves over to the four of you.

>”So what do you four do?”

>None of you want to be the first to speak. Thankfully Anonymous breaks the ice.

>”I’m a jack-of-all-trades kind of guy, but I do have a pretty good knowledge of Equestrian history and magical theory.”

>”Really? And where’d you learn that?”

>He rubs his hands nervously, “Well, you taught me.”

>She looks impressed. “And how about you,” she asks his brother.

>”Fighter. I help deal with problems.”

>She’s not so impressed there.

>”Name’s Mous ma’am. Ex-adventurer. Not so good at labor, as you can see, but I’ve got more than enough experience through my travels.”

>That too brings a smile to her face.

>He seems to be a steady medium between the two.

 

>”And what about you?”

>Oh shit it’s your turn.

“Area coordinator for a networking company.”

>”And that is?”

“I oversee operations in a selected area and make sure people don’t fuck things up.”

>She turns her nose up at your language, “Not one of the tamer ones I see.”

“I was abducted from my home and thrown into a land of talking horses, why should I be tame?”

>”Because this ‘talking horse’ is trying to help you.”

>She’s right and you know it.

“I didn’t meant it like that. This is a lot to take in.”

>”We know that feel,” they say.

>”Don’t worry about it. I’ll try and figure something out for you all.”

 

>Duff comes back, “Well I got myself a place to stay and a job. Hooah. How about you guys?”

>”Nothing yet,” Mous replies looking to Twilight hopefully.

>She’s quick to respond, “There’s a small house on-“

>Duff cuts her off, ”The edge of town that’s vacant. Am I right?”

>”And you’re going to talk with Mayor Mare and let us stay there?”

>She shakes her head with a smile, “I’m going to hate you aren’t I?”

>Mous picks up his cane, “Want me to smack’em for you?”

>”That’s quite alright.”

>These guys seem to know the drill.

“So are we gonna check it out?”

 

>Duff heads off with Vinyl, but promises to meet up with us later.

>On the way you decide that Mous should be the head of the house.

>He’s got age, experience and can break up a fight if the brothers get into it.

>They weren’t too happy to be sharing living quarters to say the least.

>Mickey can’t stand to be around Anonymous, and Anonymous doesn’t want Mickey to keep pestering.

>Maybe in another life he did something wrong, but you see the good guy before you.

>Twilight unlocks the door and tells you to make yourself at home.

>Not long after she left did they begin to fight, Mous having to lay down the cane.

>You don’t blame them for stopping, that thing fucking hurts.

>Your side still aches from the swift smacks he gave to you.

 

>It’s agreed that Mous gets the main bedroom while the rest of you split up the other rooms upstairs.

>You and Anonymous decide to share a room while Mickey can get a room to himself.

>He tried to intimidate his brother with a show of force, but it seems he can’t perform magic that well.

>Anonymous said it has something to do with a guy called Discord, but you didn’t pay that much attention.

>Still, Mickey’s strong physically, but you and Anonymous are enough to stay his hand.

>You lounge about the rest of the day with Anonymous and Mous, passing the time with some stories.

>Mickey was busy working out, but you know he’s probably just sleeping.

>Mous turns out to be a nice enough guy aside from the whole, men are evil thing.

>With Duff, Mous and the others, you might be able to last long enough to find a way back.

>You just need to find one.

 

>Meanwhile in the north…

>You pant and heave as you open your eyes.

>Teleportation isn’t basic level magic, and you had to pour most of your will in order to pull it off.

>Thankfully it seems to have paid off.

>You drag yourself through the tunnel and into the darkness.

>Hooves cling to your body as they help you along.

>Your family helping you.

>You’re plopped at her feet, her presence intoxicating.

“It’s good to see you again.”

>She wraps her hooves around your head, “It’s alright Anon. You’re home now.”

“I swear, I won’t leave you again.”

>Your body tingles at her touch, “Oh yes, I know. I know…”