Awake: Chapter 4 (Not So Nice)

>Every time the mare touches you with her hoof causes you to shiver and frustrate her further.

>?: “Darling, if you don’t stop moving I’m going to tie you down.”

>Not the rope, nothing good with the rope.

>She touches you again, your arms flinging to your sides in fear.

>?: “I swear by Celestia-“

>It’s not her fault, just too scared, nothing good…

>T: “I told you Rarity he doesn’t like being touched.”

>R: “And just how do you expect me to help if he won’t even let me take a few measurements? I’m not a miracle worker.”

>You sulk off as they begin to argue and hold your hands over your ears.

“Bad noises, make them stop.”

>Your breaths become rapid as you pull your body forward and back.

“No yelling.”

>R: “Do you see what you made him do?”

>Twilight looks at you and walks over.

 

>T: “Hey, Anon look at me.”

“Yelling bad, always the same, follow with grin, not happy grin, teeth…”

>You look to her round purple eyes and roll your head to the side as you lose yourself to the bulbs.

“Purple, shiny, like color, sparkle too. Twilight Sparkle.”

>She smiles and gently takes hold of your hand, moving it to her mane.

>T: “Good Anon,” she says as your heart rate slows, fingers gliding through her mane.

>Rarity raises a brow at the oddity of your behavior.

>R: “So… Exactly how do you know this one?”

>T: “He’s- He was assigned to me by the princess. You heard about the mine raid last month right?”

>R: “Who didn’t? Everyp0ny from here to San Flankisco heard. Is it true that those were the same ones Spike and I found?”

>T: “They might’ve been.”

>R: “Tragedy.”

 

>T: “After that cave-in there wasn’t anyp0ny or dog who got out, save for one.”

“Think I calm now,” you say and spread your arms out again.

>R: “I heard it was a total loss. That’s what they said in the paper.”

>She touches you lightly and you manage to stay still.

>R: “But this one survived? How? He doesn’t sound like the most- How to put it lightly? Intelligent? Not that, but even still… Bold. I wouldn’t think he’d have the courage to escape.”

>You twitch as the tape tickles you.

>T: “I think that’s why the princess assigned me to him.”

>R: “Truly? And for what purpose may that be, if you don’t mind indulging me?”

“Mind. Want know what’s inside,” you reply looking at the ceiling of her abode. “Can’t remember. Hope to make me. Not likely.”

>Rarity glances back to Twilight who nods.

>T: “He’s smarter than he looks. He’s in there somewhere, and I aim to bring him back.”

“Did stuff, big, important, not everyone agreed, can’t remember.”

 

>R: “I think I’ve taken all the measurements I need. Are you sure I can’t fix you up anything? The gala’s right around the corner after all.”

>Gala, dancing, smiles, happy, you like being happy.

>T: “The last one I wore will be just fine Rarity.”

>Need a suit, wore a suit before, what it look like? Find some paper.

>R: “Come now, surely you’re aching for something a little more fresh. It’s not trouble.”

>Look like- No not that, yes! Remember a little, there was a- an event, lots of people.

>T: “Well… If it’s no big deal.”

>Grad-something. Faces were familiar. You shake your head. Doesn’t matter, but the suit.

>R: “It’d be my pleasure.”

“I go?”

>They almost forgot you were there.

“Sorry, meant- Can I go?”

>R: “He didn’t peg me for the party type.”

 

>T: “Are you sure? There’ll be a lot of p0nies there. It could get tense if you’re not ready.”

“Know this. Don’t like scared, face others, good for me.”

>T: “If you’re sure,” she shrugs, “I’d be happy to take you.”

>R: “Of course he’ll need something as well.”

>You hold up your picture, Rarity hovering it closer to her.

>R: “It’s a little plain don’t you think?”

>T: “I think it looks great,” she compliments you.

>You kneel down and pet the kitty gently.

>She purrs as you scratch just behind her ear.

>R: “She likes you.”

>Animals generally don’t. How- Why you know that?

>The cat hisses and you press against the sides of your temples.

“No she doesn’t. They never have…”

>You push harder to subdue the migraine and after several seconds of this it’s effectively driven off.

>Twilight and Rarity just stare at you.

“What wrong?”

 

>Twilight’s POV

“Thanks for your time Rarity. Lunch tomorrow?”

>R: “I’ll be there. Bring Anon along too, I think he’d like that.”

>He nods slowly, eyes still diverted to his new clothes.

>Rarity wasn’t happy with them, but they’re the best she could do in the time you gave her, which is to say very well.

>You’ve always been impressed with her work even though she might not herself.

>Anon’s clothes are no exception to be sure and you can tell her handiwork’s honed through years of practice.

“Tell her thank you Anon.”

>A: “Thank you Rarity, real nice lady. Hope to see- you again.”

>R: “And I as well darling,” she curtsies as you leave her room and back through the castle.

“I always enjoyed living in Canterlot. The atmosphere, the p0nies, the culture, it’s just so unique.”

>You stop him at the window overlooking the city and point to the small section near the gate.

“See there? That’s where me and my brother were born. We loved it here as kids.”

 

>He squints and accidently bumps his head against the glass causing you to giggle.

>A: “Not funny,” he pouts rubbing his forehead.

“Of course it’s not- keke,” you chortle accidently only deepening his glare, “Ok, I’m sorry.”

>He looks back out the window, absent mindedly rubbing his head.

>A: “…maybe little funny.”

>You join him in watching the calm landscape of Canterlot, a small piece of him hopefully put at ease.

“Later on I moved into the castle with the princess. My brother got married and now he lives here. I’ve missed this place.”

>”You don’t- live here?”

“I used to, but I have a different home now in P0nyville. It’s a lot different but my friends help me feel right at home.”

>You turn to him, his hand pressed against the sun-warmed glass.

“How about you? Where are you from?”

 

>A: “Tube no, capsule…”

“I don’t mean how you got here. Where were you born?”

>He blinks at the question, looking deep in thought.

>A: “Hard to remember, there was… steel, metal, tall buildings, crowded, so many people, so many lost.”

>So many-?

“What do you mean so many lost?”

>A: “Lived in building, many people too, not family, just people, so many…”

>He squeezes the fabric of his shirt over his chest and breathes deep.

>A: “Old life’s blurry, hard to think, city. Born in city.”

“But what’d you mean by-“

>A: “Like place, like Canterlot, remind me of city.”

>Rats. His mind’s a box of cats, you miss one thought and you’re gone.

>Perhaps later, but- Dang, you can’t help but think you’ve lost that opportunity.

 

>You walk him to his room, his new one at least.

>He didn’t know just what to say when you said it was his.

>Anon doesn’t say much after all, but he was more speechless than usual.

>The first thing he did was leap on his bed like a filly and roll around on the sheets.

“You better fold those when you’re done.”

>A: “Fold…”

>You’re getting better at detecting these episodes of his and quickly get him to a sitting position and look in his glossy eyes.

“Alright Anon stay with me here. Look at me, who am I?”

>A: “Left them, let them go, stayed behind.”

>His heart rate’s skyrocketing. If he keeps this up he’ll have a cardiac arrest before the day’s end.

“Remember my face. Anon look at me!”

>A: “L-Lisa?” He shakes his head, pinching the skin between his eyebrows. “Twilight…”

>And just like that, it’s over.

 

>A: “I’m- sorry, don’t know what happens, just think and then pain.”

“Who’s Lisa? Was she your wife?”

>A tear rolls down his cheek as he shakes his head.

>A: “Both gone, tried to keep- them safe, couldn’t. All dead now. All them.”

“Not all,” you reply piecing together his words, “You’re still here.”

>His fist clenches, the veins in his neck throbbing as he glares at you.

>A: “And just who am I? Some weak fuck who couldn’t take the punches,” he snaps with a growl.

>Who is this? This isn’t the Anon you know.

>You give him some space and leave the room, closing the door behind you.

>A: “Leave and don’t come back!”

>It’s not him, you think to yourself. His mind is not his own anymore.

>He may be resorting to some sort of alternate personality to keep himself locked away.

>It’d be best to let him sleep on it, maybe then-

>A: “Twilight?” he cries out weakly. “Please no go.”

 

>A: “Please, didn’t mean to yell, lost control, sorry.”

>You enter cautiously with Anon looking at you with those soft innocent eyes.

>A: “Tried to keep in, couldn’t manage, weak, just like he said.”

>He throws his head into his hands and you sit by his side.

“You’re not weak,” you reassure him. “I can’t think of many who could take the- the treatment and still be around.”

>He rests his head on your legs, your hooves finding their way to his hair.

>A: “Feel him in here, waiting, so angry, not alone…

“We’ll get you through this Anon don’t you worry.”

>A: “He’s here,” he touches his head, “Buried in rock, so deep, can’t dig, no shovel, tired.”

>You rub his head in circles and it seems to soothe him.

>A: “Just want sleep.”

“Go ahead,” you smile down at him, “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

>You lull him to sleep until he’s as sound as a filly.

 

>The throne room certainly hasn’t changed since you left.

>The royal rug leads straight to her seat at the top where she sits reading a letter, water running down the sides next to her personal guards.

>You’re kneeled in front of her throne, though she’s spoken against it time and time again.

>G1: “Twilight Sparkle present your majesty.”

>She glances behind her letter and goes back to reading.

>C: “Yes I saw her come in thirty minutes ago.”

>G1: “Then… why aren’t you addressing her?”

>C: “Because she’s insistent on kneeling.”

“I can hold this pose all day,” you say as a sweat drop rolls down your face.

>C: “What a relief. Did the letter from Saddle Arabia come through yet?”

>G2: “Yes ma’am.”

>C: “And they accepted our request?”

>G2: “Yes ma’am.”

>C: “Perfect, don’t you think Twilight?” she jeers humoursly at you while you struggle to keep yourself up.

 

“Ugh, alright you win,” you say giving up.

>C: “I thought you could hold that pose all day?”

“I’m saving my strength.”

>C: “Yes of course. Now what can I help you with my student?”

“I have an update on the Anon case.”

>Her smile disappears and she rolls the scroll up and to her guard.

>C: “Leave us if you will,” she says to the guards. They close the door and she looks down on you. “Yes?”

“I’ve spent more time with Anon and tried to judge what way would be best to recover his memories.”

>She nods and asks for you to continue.

“Well… I think I may have misdiagnosed him.”

>This gives her air for concern and she leans forward.

>C: “What do you mean?”

 

“You know how he’s acted thus far. I dislike using the word, but brainless. He’s more of a child than an adult.”

>C: “I am quite aware of your reports.”

>You try and find a delicate way to say it.

“Up until this point he’s only displayed that one side of him which led me to believe we’ve been talking to his defensive mind, a sort of shield for himself.”

>C: “And you think your initial prognosis was incorrect.”

>You shake your head.

“I know it was incorrect.”

>C: “What happened? Is he hurt?”

“No, nothing like that though I’m starting to worry who he might.”

>She almost laughs at the thought.

>C: “Him? Hurt someone? He’s more likely to jump at his own shadow than hurt anyp0ny.”

“And I would think the same thing if he kept acting the way he has, but he hasn’t.”

 

“I think he’s experiencing Dissociative Identity Disorder, have you heard of it?”

>C: “I can’t say I have.”

“It was an old theory registered by one Vladmir Sterlinkov in Stalliongrad. I was able to find a self-translated version into Native Equestrian and through the outrageous use of capital letters he described the condition as… well to put it simply a multiple personality disorder.”

>C: “And just what book was this?”

“Just some old medical journals I found in the archives, but that’s beside the point. It isn’t just the one personality, there’s more.”

>C: “So something did happen after all. What did he say?”

“I can’t recall exactly, but he was angry. It was as if I was talking to a different person entirely.”

>C: “And what does he remember?”

“I don’t know. I got out of there before things got ugly. Anon called me back though after he’d calmed down. He’s aware of the others. He confirmed it himself.”

>Celestia leans back in her throne at this.

>C: “Why can’t things ever be simple?”

 

“If you don’t mind me asking princess, why are you so interested in questioning him? I understand he’s important, but-“

>C: “Have I ever told you how I came to be a princess?”

“I- I don’t believe you have.”

>C: “Our parents, Luna’s and mine, left to travel eastward to the coast. They never came back. So when the citizens of Equestria panicked, Luna and I stepped up to the task and restored the balance.”

>She looks longingly at the stained glass portrait, two alicorns traversing into the sky leaving their two foals in the city walls.

>C: “For years I stood watch waiting for their return, but they never did. If I could ask them one question it would be, ‘Why?’ Why would you leave us? But after all these years I found that sometimes there are questions best left unanswered. Do you understand?”

>You nod, Celestia calling her guards back in.

>C: “I trust you Twilight. Do me proud.”

>Hearing enough you take your leave, back to Anon’s room.

 

>Anon’s POV.

>You pace back and forth clenching your head.

>’It ok, she said she’ll be here, she’s late, that’s it.’

“She lied! That harlot doesn’t care about us. She only cares about what’s, in, here,” you poke at your skull, a wave of pain forcing you back out.

>Once she’s done with you she’ll discard you like the others. Yes, you remember them. Those fuckers who did this to us.

“She not them, nice lady, real nice.”

>’We saw, we all saw you sniveling coward. Once she’s done with you, you’ll be cast aside like a used doll.’

“No, not like that, she good, you see.”

>You pinch the bridge of your nose and tear your head to the doorway as Twilight steps through.

>’She’ll abandon you. She’s no different.’

“Hi.”

 

>T: “Hey,” she closes the door and approaches you slowly. “How are you doing?”

“Still tired, slept a little, not bad, doing fine.”

>She notices the red on the sides of your head and nose.

>T: “Was there another incident?”

>You feel him, he’s trying to get out, won’t let him.

“I’m fine. How you? Not here, said you would.”

>T: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. I had to talk with someone. Did I keep you long?”

>You shake your head and she motions towards the door.

>T: “I was thinking about grabbing a bite to eat. Want to come?”

>’Go on, do it faggot. If you’re such a big boy why don’t you prove it?’

“I will,” you say with surprising determination, even managing to startle Twilight.

>T: “It’s just dinner, no need to be so excited,” she jokes.

>’Don’t splooge yourself queerbag.’

>Quiet.

 

>You follow Twilight like a blind man through the castle.

>T: “I know this place can be a bit menacing if you aren’t used to it, but let me assure you it gets better. I remember one time I accidently found myself in the guard’s dormitory during their ‘special time.’ I still have nightmares.”

>’Ask her piss for brains, I dare you.’

>You keep quiet and ignore the voices in your head.

>’I triple dog dare you.’

“W-what do you mean ‘special time?’”

>T: “It’s when they-“ she goes pale. “It’s nothing.”

>’Nothing my ass. Let me out and I’ll take a crack at her. Do it faggot!’

>She heads through the door and you lean on the frame, the sunlight intensifying.

>T: “It’s just a little further. Come on.”

“I try.”

>Hurts so much, others can help, please help.

>No.

 

>She pulls out a chair for you at the expansive table and sits next to you.

>T: “So what do you like to eat? We have a large array of food here so we can nearly fit any-“

“Meat.”

>T: “Meat? I should’ve guessed from your teeth. Thankfully the princess is hosting a conference with some griffon officials so we should have some in the back. Let me check.”

>She trots off and to one of the workers, the two idly chatting.

>’I’ll get out of here Anon, and when I do you’re going to regret it.’

>Have to keep him in, no choice, hurt her, can’t allow it, no her.

>’I’ll do much more than hurt. They did worse to us. I’m just sharing the love.’

>T: “They can have it ready in no time,” she boasts and looks at your scrunched face. “It’s happening again?”

>You clench your teeth as your drive him back into your mind.

>T: “Anon?”

“What do you think you daft cunt?”

 

>She doesn’t move and instead speaks to you in an almost motherly tone.

>T: “I’d like to speak to Anon.”

“Just who do you think I am you dull-minded imbecile?”

>’Please, let out, no mean.’

>Shut up cry baby, I’m taking the reins now.

>T: “You can’t be Anon, he’s Anon. You’re another personality.”

“Wow, good job Sherlock twinkle dick. Where’d you pick that one up? The dollar store?”

>She averts her eyes at your barrage of insults and you grin smugly.

>T: “All previous cases of your disorder have had distinguishable identities both by personality and name.”

“Unless you split the cases into their subdivisions. Have you never taken a psych class? You fucks are more disappointing than I thought.”

>T: “Right there, why are we disappointing?”

“What? You lose one argument so you move on to the other. Is masochism your fetish, Purple Smart?”

 

>’Stop being mean, I come back, they help me.’

>If you wanted your cum back you should wipe it off your tissue you pathetic bastard.

>T: “You seem to know more than he does, the other one.”

“And what gave that away? The fact that I speak in full sentences, or is it just your desperation to cling onto any thread of possibility.”

>T: “I could go either way right now.”

“Knew you were a carpet muncher, and to answer your question, I don’t. The difference is I don’t give the tiniest fuck.”

>You lean back in your chair and set your feet up on the table, hands behind your head.

>So this is the stunning castle Anon’s been seeing huh? Doesn’t impress you.

>T: “Put your feet down this instant!”

“Or what? You ain’t gonna do shit to me. I’m a bit too important for you to rough up.”

>T: “You’re testing that limit.”

 

>You shrug as the waiters come over with covered platters.

“You hurt me and I’ll just go back inside. Won’t your friend be in for a surprise when he wakes to you beating him like the others.”

>T: “You wouldn’t dare.”

>You smile just as the p0nies set down your hidden meal.

“You clearly don’t know me well enough yet.”

>Let out, don’t like it here, too many memories.

>You grab hold of your fork and tighten as your head throbs.

>Twilight waves off the others but keeps you centered in her vision.

>T: “He’s trying to get back out isn’t he?”

“Persistent little fucker. I’ll give that him that much. If he wasn’t such a pussy he’d be a threat.”

>T: “A threat?”

“Shhh,” you sit back up and place your hand on the platter lid, “Just enjoy the meal.”

 

>You bite into your chicken leg and swallow hard.

“Jesus H Christ. What type of piss pie do you guys make off as food here? I almost forgot, piss.”

>T: “Canterlot is home to the finest culinary minds in Equestria. Show a little respect.”

>Good food, be nic- Shut up nipple tickler. No one asked you.

“That’d be good if they didn’t have brain cancer. I can’t believe this tripe passes off as edible. My dumps are more flavorful. Don’t ask how I know that.”

>T: “You really are testing my patience.”

“This is just the beginning. You keep me cooped up in here and things’ll really go to hell.”

>’Called Tartarus, read pamphlet, pretty pictures.’

>You dig a finer into the side of your head.

“Won’t you ever shut the fuck up?”

>T: “Must be fun having a voice in your head.”

“He’s like a damned tick in there. The only way to get rid of him’s to curb stomp the fuck.

 >’No hurt, let out, won’t annoy, promise.’

>Nice try Fuckleberry Jerry, but I’m no dunce.

 

>?: “Phew, that was some real work you missed out there Twi,” the Pegasus pauses at the door to the side. “Who’s the big guy?”

>T: “He’s nobody. Maybe we could talk-“

“Name’s Anon short blue, what’s yours?”

>RD: “I’m uh- Rainbow Dash. What’s with the name?”

“What’s with yours, midget?”

>T: “Rainbow please don’t encourage-“

>RD: “I asked you first tall fry so lay off.”

>Oh ho, this is your first worthy challenge yet.

“I was born with it. What’s it to you cunt face?”

>RD: “Just making small talk, limp dick. You been here long?”

“About as long as it takes to push a piñata through a prince’s butt cheeks.”

>They both look at you oddly.

“I was running out of ideas, ok?”

 

>Rainbow snickers at your fumble and plops down across from you, setting her own hooves on the table.

>T: “Really Rainbow? I just gave him crap for it.”

>RD: “I didn’t hear, did you gangly green?”

>You join her laugh and plop them back on up there and toss the chicken bone over your shoulder.

“Hear what?”

>T: “Why don’t you just go away?”

>RD: “Oh come on Twilight, he’s an alright guy.”

>T: “You’ve known him for a whole minute!”

>RD: “Seems reasonable to me.”

“Yeah, perfectly reasonable.”

>T: “Shut up Anon.”

“Touchy touchy.”

>’Other lady not as nice, still have good feeling, please let out.’

>Naw, I’m just starting to like it here.

 

“So, Rainbow Crash right?”

>RD: “Real original. Not like I haven’t heard that one a million times.”

>T: “She’s being sarcastic.” You borderline glare at Twilight for her remark.

“Nice job Captain Obvious, you want a medal?”

>RD: “Where’d you find this guy?”

>T: “He came with the assignment.”

“Packaged deal.”

>T: “And he wasn’t so bad at first, until this one showed up?”

>RD: “I don’t-“

“What she means to say is that I’m dealing with a post traumatic subconscious split that’s eroded my mental unity into several different entities that each have unique personalities.”

>RD: “Ok,” she nods, “I got unique personalities the rest was a blur.”

>T: “He has multiple personalities.”

>RD: “Wicked, which one are you?”

“The douche.”

>She bursts into laughter and Twilight can only shake her head.

“Couldn’t you tell?”

 

>Celestia’s POV

>?: “Multiple’s. As in more than one. By god, if you hadn’t bucked- no, not bucked. If you didn’t fuck up in the first place I’d already have my answers.”

>He snorts and looks away from you.

>?: “Have you spoken to this new personality?”

“No, but Twilight described him as angry. I can’t think of a being driven solely by anger.”

>?: “Don’t be so dim. Anger is merely a part of him. His behavior is a coping mechanism. When his first began to be breached, the second one likely took hold to maintain the shell.”

“I don’t mean to pry your holiness, but how do you know of his condition so intimately?”

>?: “I’ve spent countless ages reading and learning since my eyes first opened, but now I grow weary of your presence. Leave me.”

>You stop by the door and look back.

“One last question that’s been bugging me.”

>He grunts but doesn’t refuse your request.

“Twilight asked me a question that’s been bugging me. Why are you so intent on questioning him?”

>His temper flares visibly as the room grows dark by his foul magic.

>?: “Leave.”