- “Take a deep breath here lads, this is the place. I can feel it in my bones.”
- >With a snap of your fingers one of the colts brings up your flask.
- “Do hurry up next time boy, I don’t pay you for nothing.”
- >”Sorry sir, tired sir.”
- “Did I ask for excuses? Get back to work!”
- >You swat the colt away with a laugh.
- >Oh the spoils of a hero.
- “Fetch me a map!”
- >Your entourage scrambles about to fulfill your order.
- >Do you have to do everything yourself around here?
- >These disgusting ponies were the best bits could buy? Ha!
- >You’ve seen wolves smarter than them.
- >Kicking the p0nies out of your way is a plus though.
- >That rush of superiority and power never gets old.
- >You can’t help but chuckle as they trip amongst themselves.
- >Pathetic creatures the lot of them.
- >You toss them aside and rummage through your chest.
- >Pulling out your map you unravel it as you move towards the front.
- >This land is not unlike the one from which you helm.
- >Trees are tall, grass is green. Same old same old.
- >Hmm, there’s a town not far from here.
- >If you move now you can-
- >A p0ny bumps into your front.
- >You draw your sword and press it on her throat.
- >She freezes on the ground, tears forming in her eyes.
- >”I’m sorry Mr. Anon, I didn’t see you coming my way-“
- “You will speak when spoken to.”
- >She shuts up like a good p0ny.
- >You whistle, your guide coming to attention.
- >”What can I do for you sir?”
- “Ponyville. How long until we reach it?”
- >”Two hours sir.”
- “Good, get the wagons moving.”
- >”Yes sir.”
- “Get up.”
- >She does so, your blade following her.
- >All this travel has left you nice and pent-up, in need of release.
- >You sheathe your sword and grab her by the mane.
- >She’s a bit on the pudgy side, but she’ll do.
- >You’ve had worse after all.
- >She doesn’t put up any resistance, knowing her efforts to be futile.
- >Besides, who’d struggle against the almighty Anon?
- >You toss her into your wagon, looking outside one last time.
- “I’m to be left alone until we arrive, understood?!”
- >”Yes sir,” they reply.
- >You tighten the curtains as your wagon pulls away, on to Ponyville.
- >You pant heavily, cleaning yourself off.
- >Bitch had more fight in her than you thought she did.
- >Good, you like ‘em with a little kick.
- >”Sir, we’re here!”
- “Excellent! The usual will do fine!”
- >”Yes sir.”
- >You toss your towel at the soiled mare.
- “Clean yourself off and have my meal ready in the next hour.”
- >You flick her a bit from your pouch and exit the wagon.
- >Ponyville, how quaint.
- >Your squire is already in the middle of the introductions when you get out.
- >”…across the raging seas and over perilous mountains. Dragons fear him, Hydras flee from him, death itself is phased by him.”
- >Even after a dozen times this doesn’t get old.
- >”I give you the one, the only, ANON!”
- >The crowd’s cheers are music to your ears.
- >Every second feeds that colossal ego of yours, and you’re damned proud of it.
- >You step out with your hands raised, bringing in another roar of cheers.
- >It’s good to be the king.
- “HEY P0NIES! How are we doing today!?”
- >Delicious chants. They’re ever so savory.
- “How was that for an intro? Give a hand for my good friend over there!”
- >You give him a wink and a bit, turning back to the p0nies.
- “As you can guess, Anon’s the name, questing’s the game!”
- >You grin and wink at a group of mares, moving over to them.
- “Whatever the task, no matter the risk I can do it. Especially for these gorgeous mares out here.”
- >You kiss the end of one of their hooves, the mare fainting in an instant.
- “Whatever your woe, whoever the foe, I’ll make them go!”
- “So what do ya say? What can Anon do for you?”
- >”Leave and save us all our time.”
- >The crowd goes silent, a small smile forming on your face.
- “Now now, what have we here?”
- >You look about the crowd trying to find the perpetrator.
- “Was that doubt that I heard? Come out, so I can put your thoughts to rest.”
- >The crowd parts as an orange earth p0ny comes trotting from the back of the crowd.
- >She’s wearing a ten gallon hat, with her blonde mane tied back in a pony tail.
- >”Well, here I am.”
- >You walk towards her, the p0ny tensing up.
- “I’m not going to hurt you sweetie. What’s your name?”
- >”Name’s Applejack, and I don’t take kindly to you filling up these nice p0nies heads with your rabble.”
- >Her accent is so cute it hurts. She’s not bad looking either, that toned flank…
- “Well I don’t know what you’re talking about dear AJ, you mind if I call you that?”
- >She looks at the rest of the p0nies, a look of disgust on her face.
- >”I thought y’all learned by now after that deal with Trixie.”
- “T-trixie?” You hold onto your sides, barely containing yourself.
- >”We ain’t falling for another act like that again ya hear?”
- >Containment breach.
- >You erupt in laughter, smacking your knee as you giggle.
- “The great and powerful Trixie? HA! You fell for her little routine?”
- >Oh boy this is all too much for you right now.
- “She couldn’t fight off a parasprite let alone an Ursa, and you… Man this is rich…”
- >”You think you’re better? Prove it.”
- >You wipe away the tears and tell her that’s what you’ve been trying to do.
- >”Excuse me?”
- “Since you don’t seem to get it, let me elaborate.”
- >You stick your finger in your mouth and whistle.
- >A member of your band brings over your satchel.
- >You draw out a vial, its inside shining green and red.
- “You know what this is?”
- >She shakes her head, allowing you to explain.
- “This here,” you say raising the vial into the air, “is what we call Dragon’s Breath.”
- >The crowd ooohs and aaaws at the sight.
- “There’s only one way to obtain this, and that is to-“
- >”Kill a dragon.”
- >You smile as a purple unicorn joins Applejack.
- “Precisely.”
- “You’re an educated young lady aren’t you Miss…”
- >”Twilight Sparkle.”
- >Put a pair of glasses on her and you’d have to get a slice.
- “Charmed to meet you. Now,” you address the crowd, “This here bottle is worth enough to buy this town and then some. It’s quite a rarity around here.”
- >You reach into your sack, pulling out three more just like it.
- >The crowd gasps in response. Works everytime.
- “I have four of these in total. One for each of the dragons I’ve slain.”
- >Applejack steps up and retorts, “How the hay do we know you even killed them dragons? You could’ve just gotten someone else to get you those.”
- “A fair question cutie pie.” She blushes at the name, “But I’m not a fake, and I can prove it.”
- >You drop the vial, its contents shattering on the ground and evaporating in an instant.
- >Twilight’s face joins the rest as shock hits them.
- “I just destroyed five lifetimes worth of bits, and I plan to get it back.”
- >You draw your sword, pointing to the mountains in the east.
- “Tomorrow I shall storm the dragon’s nest and slay the creature, earning back my fourth vial.”
- >”You’re mad!”
- >You laugh at her, the crowd cheering for you once more.
- “No my little ponies, I’m Anon.”
- >”Please listen to me, he’s not-“
- >Their voices are drowned out by the excessive cheering around them.
- >”Anon! Anon! Anon! Anon!”
- >You swish your fingers with the beat.
- “NOW!” you shout silencing the crowd, “Who does a guy have to fuck to get a drink around here?”
- >You’re shuffled through the streets of Ponyville and into the nearest bar in sight, The Broken Record.
- >As you sit at the bar you’re bombarded with questions.
- >”How many creatures have you slain? Where did you come from? Can you sign my cutie mark?”
- >Oh, the woes of a hero.
- “One a time please,” you drink your beer, the watered down garbage putting a bad taste in your mouth.
- “Where’s the real stuff? Anon deserves only the best.”
- >The others hastily agree, bringing up a keg and pouring you a fresh mug.
- >You gulp it down. It’s not the best liquor you’ve had, but it’ll have to do.
- >”Anon! Anon!”
- >You point at the filly in the back, carrying a notepad and quill.
- >”Sweetie Belle with the Foal Free Press. How do you plan on taking out the dragon?”
- >The paparazzi huh? Didn’t take long for them to come around.
- >Well, might as well give them a show.
- “The same way I take down any other prey, devastating precision.”
- >You whistle sharply, your pack mule of a p0ny bringing your effects.
- >You retrieve your bow and arrow, facing your back to the crowd.
- “Give me a target.”
- >You spot a hoof moving towards you in the corner of your eye.
- “Don’t give it to me, throw it.”
- >You wait, listening to the sound of something flying through the air.
- >You spin around in a flash and draw your bow, aiming down the sight.
- >Aim, release, dramatic pause, impact.
- >A citrusy mist sprays over the crowd as your arrow imbeds an apple into the wall.
- “That is what you call precision.”
- >The crowd cheers again and marvels at your magnificence.
- >You see Sweetie taking notes as her companion keeps shooting the camera.
- >You move towards her, whispering in her ear.
- “If you’re editor wants to use that story, then she’ll have to okay it with me.”
- >”But- she doesn’t-“
- “Tell her to come to my wagon when the moon is high in the sky, we can discuss it then.”
- >She nods, pulling the Pegasus away and out of the bar.
- “Now, how about a toast? To me!”
- >”To Anon!” they cheer. This is going to be a good adventure.
- >As time goes on the crowd slowly quiets down.
- >They don’t seem to handle their alcohol very well.
- >You’re chatting with some of the mares, wrapping your arms around two of them at a booth in the corner.
- “Lopping off the heads was the easy part, the stench is what almost got me. Damn thing needed to wash up once in a while.”
- >They give you the typical ‘you’re so brave’ and ‘how exciting’ replies that you’ve grown accustom to.
- >You place your hand under the table, grabbing the back of the p0ny’s head and pulling forward.
- >She chokes and gags, but you know she loves it. They always do.
- >You sigh in relief, releasing her.
- “I needed that.”
- >She comes out from under the table, licking her lips seductively.
- >These mares are just dying to get a little piece of Anon in ‘em, and you’re more than happy to oblige.
- >You look to the Pegasus on your right, nodding as she lowers her head to your lap.
- >Warmth engulfs you as she gets to work without a second thought.
- >You pull the unicorns lips to yours and work your hand between her thighs, giving her a taste of heaven.
- >Living the dream. Living the dream…
- >*acheem* “Mr. Anon?”
- >You roll your eyes and push the mare’s lips away.
- “What is it? I’m in the middle of something right now.”
- >”You asked me to inform you when the editor had arrived, and she has.”
- “Well that changes things then.”
- >You finish off the unicorn and pull the Pegasus off of you.
- >They gasp for breath, barely conscious from your efforts.
- >You chuckle at the sight and leave a pile of bits on the table like you would some street whore.
- >They should get some standards at least.
- >Your squire fixes you up, tidying up your cape and chaps while realigning your equipment.
- >The two of you move back to your caravan.
- “So, give me the details.”
- >”She’s a bit… young sir. I’d advise skipping this one.”
- “Young? Like my pappy always said: If there’s grass on the field, play ball.”
- >”But sir, all p0nies are-“
- >He catches your drift, sighing dejectedly.
- “Don’t look so down now, I’m sure you and that colt I hired would get along splendidly.”
- >”Why you little-“
- >He moves to strike you, only to have your sword poised at the bottom of his throat.
- “Tsk tsk tsk, don’t try me. My patience only extends so far.”
- >He backs down, his spirit defeated.
- “When you get to be as famous as me- You know what? I don’t want to get your hopes up.”
- >You openly laugh at him as he moves away from you, leaving you to enter your wagon.
- >Tearing open the curtains reveals two p0nies, the mare who you got acquainted with on the way her, and a filly.
- >The grass is so very green this time of year.
- “Leave us.”
- >The mare looks on with horror, unmoving from her seat.
- “Unless you’d like to join us, I suggest you part.”
- >She mutters something under her breath as she leaves, giving you two some time alone.
- >”So, you are the heroic Anon I’ve heard about, pleasure.”
- “I’m charmed, and who might you be princess?”
- >”Diamond Tiara, editor of the Foal Free Press.”
- “Of course, the pleasure is all mine.”
- >”I’m interested in your story Anon, it would be sure to make our newspaper a big hit. We’ve hit some… obstacles if you will.”
- “In order to make an omelet, you have to crack a few eggs.”
- >”Excuse me?”
- >Fucking vegetarian ponies…
- “Forget about it, but you see… Nothing comes without a price, as I’m sure you know.”
- >”If it’s compensation you’re worried about, then don’t be. I can supply a plentiful-“
- “I don’t want your money, I make it rain money. I want something else, far more natural.”
- >She shifts uneasily in her seat, “And what would that be?”
- >You sit next to her, rubbing your hand on her back.
- “I want some of Diamond Tiara.”
- >”Tha- That’s impossible. I will not allow it.”
- “My terms are nonnegotiable, if that’s the way you want to roll I’m sure there are plenty of other papers who’d accept.”
- >”Wait!” she calls out as you’re about to open the curtains, “I’ll- I’ll do it.”
- >Bluff succeeded. You sit next to Diamond Tiara pushing her on her back.
- >”Just, be gentle.”
- >Never part of the deal. You loosen the straps on your trousers, pressing up against her.
- >You smile and force a gag into her mouth.
- >You hilt forcefully in her, her eyes widening as her screams are muffled.
- >It’s going to be a wild night.
- >You awake with a sigh and place your hands behind your head.
- >You look down to the weight on your chest, that filly from last night still atop you.
- >Damn, she was good. Fillies always were the best.
- >You pull out of her, a mix of your seed and blood pouring out.
- >She flinches when you touch her flank, still sore from the last night’s probing.
- >It still confounds you how stupid these p0nies are.
- >Giving away one’s body for a fucking news story? That’s ridiculous.
- >But hey! You aren’t complaining.
- >You lie there for a spell. Getting in one last quickie while she’s asleep.
- >You towel yourself off, leaving the groggy filly on the corner, belly full of love juice.
- >Another whistle brings your assistant along.
- >He reels back as the smell of sex lies heavy on the air.
- “Suit me up.”
- >”Sir?” He’s still taken aback by your exploits.
- “I said, ‘suit me up.’ Now get to it.”
- >He shakes his head, “Yes sir, sorry sir.”
- >How they ever managed to form a stable society is beyond you.
- >Still, they have their uses.
- >He clasps your armor to your chest, using his magic to fasten the straps.
- >If only you could do magic as well. Damn shame really.
- >At least you’d make use of it instead of squandering such power.
- “Do hurry up, places to be and so forth.”
- >”Sir, in all due respect, go buck yourself.”
- >Quite the mouth on this one.
- “You want to run that by me again?”
- >You hold the hilt of your sword, issuing a challenge.
- >His horn glows as his glare intensifies, “Sorry sir, go fuck yourself.”
- >You smile as his wish is brought to ruin.
- >”Why- Why aren’t you moving?”
- >You grab his horn, squeezing harder every second.
- “Don’t think your magic tricks can work on me mule. I’m not of this world.”
- >He shudders beneath your assault, falling to his knees.
- >”Sorry sir…”
- “Damn right you are,” you say releasing him, “now finish me up.”
- >He fits the last few pieces of your armor, finishing his work.
- “Oh, I almost forgot…”
- >You pound your fist into his ribs, sending him gasping for air.
- “Next time I won’t be so gentle.”
- >You step outside again, the bright sun shining down upon you.
- “Lead? We ready to move out? LEAD!?”
- >That fucker left, you’ll have to hunt him down after you’re done here.
- >You reach the caravan’s front, finding the two mares from yesterday along with a yellow Pegasus.
- “Well, morning to you both Applejack and Twilight Sparkle. What do I owe this privilege?”
- >Twilight’s the first to speak, “We thought you could use a guide on your trip, so we asked Fluttershy here to show you the way.”
- >Fluttershy… You already feel a stirring in your loins.
- “Seeing as how my LEAD decided to skedaddle, I accept your offer.”
- >Fluttershy bows her head, hiding her face behind her pink mane.
- >You’re going to enjoy breaking her in.
- >”I can um, show you the way. I mean, if that’s alright with you.”
- >You’re really going to enjoy it.
- >Applejack gives you a harsh look, “You keep her safe ya hear?”
- “Crystal AJ. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a dragon to slay.”
- >You wrap your hand around Fluttershy as your entourage sets forth towards the mountain.
- “I think we’re going to get around just fine my dear.”
- >Oh so fine.
- >The trip will accordingly take a day’s length if Fluttershy is to be believed.
- >You make first through the Everfree forest, where many of your comrades feared to enter.
- >You’d heard the stories, but they didn’t frighten you.
- >Why? Because you’re mother fucking Anon that’s why.
- >You inspire some courage in you fellows as they follow your lead.
- >Once inside, you are proven to be correct once again.
- >Its menacing exterior was the most it could conjure up.
- >Perhaps its residents had heard of your coming and made sure to piss off.
- >Tragic, you were looking forward to some monster hunting.
- >Reaching the moutain’s base you begin your ascent.
- >The telltale signs of a dragon are numerous. The scent, the scenery, the obvious roar.
- >You’re positively giddy.
- >As you make up the path, a strange feeling begins to come over you.
- >Something isn’t sitting right. It’s not the beer, you’ve drank worse and came out alright.
- “Fluttershy, how much longer?”
- >”Umm, just another half hour and we should be there.”
- >Half an hour… For some reason you don’t feel like you have that long.
- >And you soon find out why.
- >A massive explosion echoes across the sky along with a shimmering rainbow.
- >The earth begins to quake, rocking the wagons and forcing ponies on their flanks.
- >You grip the ground with your feet, standing fast against the quake.
- >Is this the best it could do? *crack*
- >You look upwards, an avalanche of rock stumbling down towards you.
- “GET OUT OF THE WAY!”
- >The ponies scramble out of the path successfully.
- >You look back, Fluttershy frozen in place.
- “Fluttershy get out of there!”
- >But she’s in shock, unable to move.
- >You sprint back to her, some of the smaller debris beginning to hit.
- >You grasp her waist and pull her over your shoulder, freeing her from her stupor.
- >The group is so far away, and the end is so close.
- >This… isn’t how you thought things were going to end.
- >But if there’s one last thing you can do, it’s keep a promise.
- >You squat down and leap up, throwing Fluttershy will all your strength.
- >She lands safely with the others.
- >You look to the right, a boulder smashing into you.
- >The two of you roll off the cliff, headed the long way down.
- >Two words come to mind before you lose consciousness.
- “Fucking Fluttershy…”
- “FUUUUUUUUUUU-“
- >All the pain… God damn, why the pain!?
- >You try to move your arms, finding them inert.
- >Okay, okay, how about the legs?
- >FUCK! DAMMIT! They’re no good either…
- >It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe.
- >It hurts just to live.
- >You clench your teeth through the pain.
- “HELP!” you scream, unable to move.
- >You scream again, hearing an array of voices getting closer.
- >Thank god for that. They’re not so useless after all.
- >You cough up another bout of blood.
- “HELP!”
- >The load atop you begins to lessen as the p0nies dig you out.
- >It takes them a while, but you can wait. You have all the time in the world.
- >They take your arms, pulling you out from rocky tomb.
- >You grunt painfully as they feel like they’re getting torn apart.
- >You look at them, the group circling you.
- >They kneel next to you, slowly removing your armor.
- “W-what…”
- >It hurts to speak.
- >They take your equipment apart, stowing them in the wagon.
- >But they don’t stop there, proceeding to strip you down.
- >You can’t do anything to stop them, your broken bones see to that.
- >Some of your companions come to your side again, their smiles disheartening.
- >”What’s wrong Anon? Can’t fight back?”
- >Oh no they aren’t, not now…
- >He kicks you in your bare ribs, shattering them further.
- >”You’re right; it does feel good to beat down on someone weaker than you.”
- >He steps on your wrist, the cracks and snaps only making him press harder.
- >The second one approaches, “Also, go fuck yourself.”
- >He whistles, your sack brought to him.
- >He kicks you in the shoulder, the pain overwhelming you.
- >A piercing pain hits your knee, tears forming in your eyes.
- >You look down to the wooden shaft, its feathery tip swaying in the breeze.
- >They both leave, the mare getting her turn.
- >”You’re a monster.”
- >She hits you right in the balls, a deep groan escaping your lips.
- >Why there?
- >”I hope the crows peck out your eyes.”
- >She bucks you right in the jaw, dislocating the bone.
- >You don’t feel pain anymore, just dread.
- >She turns and leaves you, they all leave you.
- >Rain drizzles down upon your broken body. Weak, desperate, and alone.
- >You vision grows hazy, a yellow blob approaching you.
- >”Wake up Anon. Please wake up.”
- >A series of beeps catches you ear as you begin to stir.
- >All the white… Get a fucking paintbrush…
- >Your eyes finally open, a row of p0nies in your room.
- >”Now Anon, remain calm. Everything’s going to be alright.”
- >What do they mean by that?
- >You look down, your casts soaked in red.
- >Your screams are muffled.
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Adventure Anon: Chapter 1 (Premature Adventuration)
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