- ---------------- Index ----------------
- 32 for SpartAnon
- 49 for Anon vs Fluttershy: Fight to the Death
- 192 for Gavin in Equestria (Colonial Marine Anon)
- 254 for Writefag Wars
- 373 for Pick-Up Line Anon
- 618 for Anon's Day
- 747 for The Toaster
- 773 for Femanon Necro Pig Disgusting (NSFW)
- 805 for Beware The Beans
- 843 for The Night Watch
- 1111 for Enjoy the Ride
- 1136 for Rainbro Requester
- 1177 for Slow Writefags
- 1204 for Fire and Brimstone (Colonial Marine Anon)
- 1289 for Fucking OCs (Colonial Marine Anon)
- 1356 for Pinkie Party (Psychopath Anon)
- 1417 for Twin Spartans (SpartAnon)
- 1485 for Trust you? (SpartAnon)
- 1534 for Define One-Shot (Psychopath Anon)
- 1670 for Cooped Cake (SpartAnon)
- 1730 for Anon! Secure that Doughnut! (Colonial Marine Anon)
- 1834 for Channeling Rance (Emissary Anon)
- 1868 for Scruff Storm
- 1906 for Vacate the Premises
- 1953 for Can you hear me now?
- 1986 for Write A Oneshot They Said
- 2008 for Don't Like Our Thread?
- 2033 for Oaken Fields (To Be Human)
- ---------------- SpartAnon ----------------
- >Day 117 in Ponyville.
- >Be SpartAnon.
- >Save Equestria with your awesome spartan powers.
- >Gettin all that ponytang.
- >Celebrate your latest victory at Sugarcube Corner.
- >Pinkie throws the best parties.
- >She made a cake just for you.
- >Damn does she make good cakes.
- >Twilight bursts in.
- >"Oh noes! Those nasty Diamond Dogs are raiding the town! Whatever shall we do?"
- >You enjoy your cake.
- >"Anon, we need you, what are you doing?"
- >You pause and look at her.
- >"Ma'am... finishing this bite."
- ---------------- Anon and Fluttershy: Fight to the Death ----------------
- >The roar of the crowd rings in your ears.
- >”You can do this Anon. We’ve trained too hard to back down now.”
- >Beads of sweat roll down your face.
- >You never wanted this.
- >The flash of lights hit your face, signaling your entrance.
- >”Let’s go Anon.”
- >You slowly jog through the crowd.
- >How could these guys want this?
- >What about peace and harmony?
- >This isn’t anything you expected.
- >You climb into the ring, your opponent already firing up the crowd.
- >That can’t be-
- >Oh fuck no.
- “Fluttershy?”
- >”Don’t make eye contact.”
- >Rainbow Dash pulls you back to the corner.
- >”Focus Anon. This is for the good of Equestria, we can’t have your feelings getting in the way.”
- “But it’s Fluttershy. I can’t hurt her.”
- >”If you don’t, then we’ve already lost.”
- >A burly minotaur jumps on stage, the ground shaking.
- >”It’s nice to be back in the ring, ain’t that right p0nies!”
- >The crowd roars again, spurring him on.
- >”Well I’m glad to be here again, and I have a real treat for you tonight. A real fight to get that blood going.”
- >Fluttershy gives you a blood turning smile, pounding her hooves together.
- >”It’s been a long while since we had TWO willing combatants, to duke it out. Two enter! One leaves!”
- >Wait what was that?
- >”I give you, the one, the only… EQUESTRIAN BLOOD BOWL!”
- >You definitely didn’t sign up for this!
- >You try to leave, Rainbow Dash blocking you.
- >”Two enter, one leaves. That’s the rules.”
- “You can’t stand for this! This is madness!”
- >”Madness? This is Equestria.”
- >You try to move around, her following you.
- >”You can’t leave, there are worse things than death Anon.”
- “Do you hear yourself? This isn’t an exhibition match, it’s a fucking death match!”
- >”They won’t let you leave Anon.”
- >You see the guards, weapons poised for such a move.
- “Fine,” you grunt, “Have it your way.’
- >You turn back to the ring, Iron Will continuing his spiel.
- >”In one corner, we have our first combatant. She goes by many names…”
- >Oh god he isn’t-
- >”Ringmaster Flutter, Winged Fury, The Sleeping Giant, or my favorite The Beast Master!”
- >The crowd goes wild.
- >”I give you my personal student, FLUTTERSHYYYYYY!!”
- >She puts her hooves in the air, pounding the air.
- >”It’s great to be here! Can’t wait to put the smackdown on this here chump!”
- >This isn’t your Fluttershy…
- >”And in the other corner! A foe few have faced! Weighing in at 180 lbs…”
- >And here he goes again…
- >”He’s the Enigma, The Hairless Chimp, The Biped Wonder, and in many cases The Pony Piledriver!”
- “I haven’t even-“
- >”Give it up for ANOOOOOOON!”
- >Another burst from the stands.
- >You aren’t invigorated in the least.
- >They should be ashamed of themselves.
- >Iron Will motions the two of you over.
- >”Alright, I want a bloody rage-filled match. We need limbs flying and bowels vacating. Can you do that?”
- >”Right on Iron Will.”
- >”That’s what I like to hear, and you?”
- “Go fuck yourself.”
- >”Don’t tempt me boy.”
- >You return to your corner, Iron Will bringing up his microphone.
- >”We’re all set here, so here we go!”
- >DING DING!
- >You turn in time for a hoof to the face.
- >Another blow hits your stomach, then your knee.
- >You swipe her off, throwing her a small distance away.
- “Please Fluttershy…”
- >”What’s the matter? New Fluttershy too much for you to handle?”
- >She hits you before you can blink, sending you back into the corner.
- >She beats you mercilessly despite your outcries.
- >You never wanted this.
- >You try to make her back off with a swing, accidently connecting with her head.
- >She stumbles backwards, landing on her flank.
- >Oh no…
- >You rush to her side.
- “Are you okay?”
- >She lunges forward, biting off your ear.
- >You scream and move back, blood squirting from your wound.
- >She spits out the piece of meat, receiving more encouragement from the crowd.
- “W-why?”
- >”Don’t be a filly. It’s go time.”
- >She beats you again and again.
- >More of your blood coats the ring.
- >You can’t bring yourself to hurt her.
- >She was your friend… you…
- >Rainbow Dash pulls you over, Fluttershy jogging in place.
- >”What are you doing? Are you trying to embarrass me?”
- “I can’t do it. I just can’t.”
- >”Fine. If you won’t do it, I will.”
- >She stabs you with a syringe, your blood boiling as she injects you with its contents.
- >She pushes you away, watching it work its magic.
- >Your body, you can’t control yourself.
- >Your hips are moving on their own!
- >You turn to Fluttershy, eyes narrowed on her.
- >No. don’t you dare do this.
- >Unwillingly, your rage fueled form barrels towards her, smacking her just under the ribs.
- >She gasps as you continue your onslaught.
- >She finds a way to escape, fighting seriously now.
- >Stop body. STOP!
- >But it can’t stop.
- >It doesn’t respond to your commands anymore.
- >All it wants now is blood.
- >All you can do is watch.
- >The match goes on for hours.
- >Both of you have broken at least half of your bones and lost more than enough blood.
- >You can feel the drug’s effects starting to wane, but it’s too late for that.
- >You drag her underneath your knee, pinning her to the floor.
- >Her chest couldn’t take it.
- >A p0ny can only take so much.
- >Your fists bleed against her chest, tears rolling down your face.
- >Every strike hurting you both.
- >It all ended with one last punch.
- >You broke right through her ribcage.
- >You broke her heart.
- >And your own.
- >You stand up, the crowd silenced.
- >You put your arms in the air mocking them.
- “Are you not entertained!?”
- >Even Iron Will is speechless.
- “I never wanted this! You p0nies… you’re monsters!”
- >You fall to your knees, face soaked in tears.
- “I lo- lo…”
- >You hug her motionless corpse, keeping her close.
- >She was the only thing you wanted.
- >The one thing…
- >Today was a suicide day.
- ---------------- Gavin in Equestria ----------------
- >Be walking through Ponyville with your trusty ammunitions.
- >Nobody messes with a Colonial Marine.
- >See a mass forming outside the town.
- >Oh shit, you thought you got rid of those Xeno fucks.
- “Lock and load ladies!”
- >Ponies burst from their homes with all manners of weapons.
- >Clubs, spears, frying pans, unborn fetuses. The works.
- >Mane 6 take up position beside you.
- >You get to the border of town, the ground shaking from the oncoming swarm.
- “It can’t be!”
- >Their incessant yelling reaches you first, drowning out any other sound from the town.
- >It gets louder, whole buildings begin to quake in their presence.
- >They get closer, you can smell their unshaven beard sweat a mile away.
- >”Who are they?”
- >They stand across the field facing you, their silence disheartening.
- >You sigh, gripping hard on your pulse rifle.
- “They are the gavins.”
- >A fat burly fuck waddles to the front, a bag of cheetos still stuck on his hand.
- >He heaves in and out, his breath able to knock out a manticore like a light.
- >He points to you, his buttery teeth exposed to the world.
- >”GAVIN!”
- >Their charge is slow, but their numbers is the main threat.
- >You aim down the sights towards their lead.
- “Ready! AIM! FIRE!”
- >You unload into the crowd, hundreds dropping like flies.
- >The ponies rain their arms down upon them as well.
- >You put a dent in their force, but their army is unending.
- >Clip after clip you fire away at the Gavin horde.
- >It’s of no use.
- >Your weapon clicks, empty. Damn!
- >Tossing it to the floor, you toss Fluttershy your Incinerator.
- “Roast ‘em!”
- >You pull out your shotgun.
- “CHARGE!”
- >You go in guns blazing, your friends following you.
- >You blow them in two, rip out their throats, hit them in the nuts.
- >When one falls, two takes its place.
- >You’re up against an unstoppable force, there can be no victory.
- >Fluttershy goes strafe after strafe until the smell of burnt cheetos is heavy in the air.
- >A burly fuck grabs at you, his cheese fingers rubbing against your skin.
- >You almost pass out from the event.
- >He shoves your face into his neck beard, the wet hair scratching your face.
- >He tosses you to the floor like a used rag, moving over to the next p0ny.
- >”Anon!”
- >The mane 6 drag you out of the fray.
- >You can feel yourself losing, it won’t be long now.
- >”Anon don’t go.”
- “I must, there can be no victory here.”
- >You look to Pinkie.
- “I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but I need your help.”
- >You swallow hard, your mind slowly succumbing to Gavin.
- “I- need you to delete it. Del- delete the story.”
- >”What’re you talking about?”
- >Pinkie only nods, disappearing from view.
- “I’ll miss you my-“
- ---------------- Writefag Wars ----------------
- >Day 486 in Equestria.
- >Be Anon.
- ”How do I into stories?”
- >Leave Ponyville after your former master died.
- >Betty will pay for her crime.
- >Xillian will stay with you always…
- >Seek out Master Sorc in the Everfree forest.
- >Crash your wagon in the swamp, can’t get it out.
- >Meet old midget man, claims to know where Sorc is.
- >He takes you into his hut, smelling of piss and filth.
- “Mr. Man I need to find Sorc.”
- >”Sorc I am, you see.
- >And so he was Sorc.
- >Start training under Master Sorc.
- >He teaches you the way of the writefag.
- >Avoid Clop for all its worth.
- >Jimmies and feels are all you need.
- >Having trouble with your training.
- >You’re getting desperate.
- “Is the clop side stronger?”
- >”No, no. No. Quicker, easier, more seductive.”
- >Roll with it.
- >Have vision of your p0ny friends.
- >Betty hurting them.
- >Bitch no she didn’t.
- >Set off to take her down.
- >”Strong is Betty. Mind what you have learned. Save you it can.”
- “I will, and I’ll return. I promise.”
- >Sorc pulls out your wagon like a boss.
- >Cast spell that gives it wings.
- >Roll with it.
- >Fly to Cloudsdale.
- >Find Betty.
- >Pull out your writing pen.
- >She pulls out her 4 foot dragon dildo.
- >Engage in a battle to the death.
- >Throws you into rainbow pit.
- >Leap out as a ton of molten rainbow falls in.
- >“Impressive. Most impressive, but you are not a writefag yet.”
- >Keep you on the ropes, down into the bowels of Cloudsdlae.
- >Corners you in the central chamber.
- >Cuts off your hand.
- “NO my writing hand.”
- >“Join me, and I will complete your training.”
- “I’ll never join you.”
- >”If you only knew the power of the Clop Side. Xillian never told you what happened to your father.”
- “He told me enough! He told me you killed him!”
- >”No. *I* am your father.”
- “No. No. That's not true. That's impossible!”
- >“Search your feelings, you know it to be true!”
- “Noooooo!”
- >”Join me and we can rule Equestria as father and son.”
- >Well, maybe…
- >Slip off the walkway and fall towards the ground.
- >Pinkie catches you in her hot air balloon.
- >Takes you back home.
- >Go back to train with Sorc.
- >Bastard dies before he can finish your training.
- >Meet with Mane 6.
- >”We’re gonna blow up the new Flesh Star alright?”
- “Sweet let’s do this.”
- >Get caught by Stormp0nies.
- >Make it look like you did it on purpose.
- >Betty shows up, takes you aboard the Flesh Star.
- >You meet her master, the King of Clop himself.
- >Aether.
- >”Welcome, young Anon, I have been expecting you.”
- >Betty gives him your pen, “His pen sir.”
- >”Ah yes, a writefags weapon, just like your fathers.”
- “Bitch please.”
- >Steal it back and fight Betty.
- >Still can’t do shit, hide.
- >”You can’t hide forever Anon.”
- “I will not fight you.”
- >”It is only I who can save your friends. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for…”
- >Dramatic pause.
- >”Twilight… If you will not turn to the clop side, then perhaps she will.
- >Jimmies at maximum rustling.
- “NEVER!”
- >Backhand that hoe with your dick.
- >Beat her like you never beat before.
- >Cut off her hand, Aether pleased.
- >Perverse thoughts run through your mind.
- >”Good, let the Clop flow through you.”
- >Nope, chuck testa.
- “Never, I am writefag.”
- >”So be it…”
- >Shoots squash soup from his finger tips.
- >It’s all over you.
- “Father please!”
- >Betty stands back up.
- >Some got in your mouth!
- >Aether coats you with it, no rest given.
- >Betty picks him up, throwing him down the shaft.
- >The squash soup hit her too.
- >It smells terrible.
- >You help her back to the chariot.
- >”I wish to see you, with my own eyes.”
- >You take off her helmet.
- >She’s a crustacean from the paleozoic era.
- >Not giving a fuck.
- >Slap her tits and leave her behind.
- >Escape before the Flesh Star blows up.
- >You have an idea. Something to write.
- >Sit with your trusty pen and put it down.
- >You’ll call it Anon the Writefag.
- >Hopefully it doesn’t suck.
- ---------------- Pick-up Line Anon ----------------
- >Goes up to Rarity
- "Hey baby, I like that dress."
- >She blushes, "I'm glad you like it."
- "But I'd like it better on a prettier girl."
- >See Scootaloo feeling down.
- >Not in your town.
- >Find out it's because she doesn't know her parents.
- "Well your father must have been a thief."
- >"How do you know?"
- "Cuz he stole your beauty and gave it to that filly over there."
- >Feast upon her tears.
- >Walking through town with your monocle and cane.
- >Spot another prospect, Cheerilee.
- >Waltz up to her.
- "I'm sorry, but I just feel drawn to you."
- >"Well that's awfully kind of you."
- "It must be your incredible mass that creates such gravitational pull."
- >Go to Sugarcube Corner.
- >Pinkie Pie's at the counter.
- >Activate Swag.
- "You are so sweet."
- >"Thankya Anon."
- "It made your teeth rot."
- >"W-wha?"
- >Even her tears are sugary.
- >Sipping at your Applejack Daniels.
- >DJ sits across the bar.
- >Those eyes...
- >The temptation... Can. Not. Resist.
- "I'm sorry, but I had to come over and tell you that you have the most beautiful eyes..."
- >FINISH HER!
- "that I've ever seen on a Wookie."
- >"What's a wookie?"
- "It means your ugly as fuck."
- >Get kicked out of bar.
- >Worth it.
- >Strolling through the Everfree forest.
- >Find Zecora's hut.
- >Awww yeah...
- >Plop down on her bed.
- "Wanna sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up?"
- >"If this offer you should make-"
- "Like my bile?"
- >Thrown out into a patch of Poison Joke.
- >Worth it.
- >Go on trip to Canterlot.
- >Fancy parties are your thing.
- >Twilight's at the punch table.
- >Not even going to be subtle.
- "What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?"
- >Get thrown out by guards.
- >Still get laid.
- >Pony please...
- >Recieve audience with the Princess.
- >Have to put out all the stops.
- >Give her those groovy eyes.
- >"Something on your mind Anon?"
- "Just thinking about how much I want to passionately kiss you on the lips."
- >"Well, that's certainly-"
- "And then move up to your udders."
- >Release the Kraken!
- >Get banished to the moon.
- >Worth it.
- >Ain't shit to do on the moon.
- >Just rocks and more rocks and more-
- >Blue alicorn sitting by herself.
- >Lock on target.
- >Moonwalk over.
- "Are those pants from outer space?"
- >"I don't even-"
- "Cause you're out of this world."
- >Thrown off the moon.
- >Awww Yeah!
- >Falling to the earth.
- >Land on cloud by chance.
- >Like a sir.
- >"Nice fall dweeb."
- >Aww shit it's a griffon.
- >Put on your cool face.
- "Gir' You're just how I like my coffee."
- >Wait for it...
- "Bitter and diarrhea inducting."
- >Dodge her claws and jump off cloud.
- "That's for Fluttershy bitch!"
- >Falling once again.
- >This is it.
- >Cyan blur catches you.
- >Aww shit it's RD.
- >"Gotta be more careful there Anon."
- >No breaks.
- "Were you in the boyscouts? Because you tied my heart in a knot."
- >Cue wingboner.
- >She stammers a reply.
- "Also, you look like a boy."
- >Rainbow Rage.
- >Drops you.
- >Land safely in Sweet Apple Acres.
- >Damn straight you did.
- >Hear some barking.
- >"Watcha saying girl? Anon's trapped in the tree?"
- >Helps you out, land on your feet.
- "I think I've fallen in puppy love."
- >"Well shucks Anon."
- "Oh, I thought you were the dog, nevermind."
- >Fuck Winona in the barn.
- >Applejack joins in regardless.
- >Like a sir.
- >Find Fluttershy's house.
- >Knock on the door.
- >"Oh, hi Anon."
- "If I could rearrange the alphabet-"
- >"You'd put U and I together?"
- "I'd P on U."
- >"So golden showers are your fetish?"
- >Aww shit. Just roll with it.
- "Yes. Yes it is."
- >Door closes behind you.
- >You're in for a wild night.
- >Find way back into Ponyville.
- >Enter the markets.
- >Granny Smith selling apples.
- >GILF time? Gilf time.
- >Browse her wares.
- "Ma'am, can I ask you a question?"
- >"Well sure sonny."
- "Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only ten I see."
- >Pull the bashful lady into an alley.
- >Making some good use of those gums.
- >Tired from your exploits.
- >Head on home.
- >Pink Alicorn waiting for you.
- "Hi Cadence."
- >"Hello."
- >Awkward silence...
- >"So..."
- "Not now Cadence, I'm tired."
- >"Just one?! For me!"
- >You sigh, "Fine..."
- >Ummm, damn it's hard to do it on the spot.
- "Alright fine. You have nice legs."
- >"Really? That's it?"
- "What time do they open?"
- >Oh god that smile.
- >You won't be leaving the bedroom for a while.
- >Frolicking through the fields of Equestria.
- >Bitches love your frolick.
- >Come across pair of joggers.
- >They're mares.
- >Activate Rape Face.
- >Pop the cork of your canteen.
- "I'm sorry but do this smell like chloroform to you?"
- >They pass out.
- >Someone's getting lucky.
- >Leave them off the road.
- >They'll be sore when they wake up.
- >Skip down the path whistling Mary Poppins songs.
- >Wagon passing by.
- >Jump into the back.
- >"Who dares intrude on the Great and Power Trix-"
- "Shhh, only dreams."
- >Give her the one two dick.
- >She's not even your type.
- >Get back to Ponyville.
- >P0ny fiddling with her cello.
- "You look like you know how to play an instrument."
- >"Yes I do."
- "Want to try my meat whistle?"
- >Dodge her slap and back-flip home.
- >Guards waiting for you.
- >Get arrested for multiple accounts of sexual assault, rape, slander, bestiality and douchebaggery.
- >Sentenced to life in prison.
- >Walk in shower room, find the toughest stallion there.
- "What's the difference between oral and anal sex?"
- >"What?"
- "Oral sex makes your day."
- >Trip him, flank up.
- "Anal sex makes your hole weak."
- >It's good to be king.
- >Laying down in your bed smoking a fag.
- >Prisoner smuggled it in in his ass.
- >Traded your butt boy for it.
- "Tastes like shit."
- >Guard comes over and unlocks door.
- >Morphs into some bug lady.
- >"You're free to go."
- "Girl, you take my breath away."
- >She gives you a knowing look.
- "How about some mouth to mouth resuscitation?"
- >Licks her fangs.
- "Is that a maybe?"
- >Jail break with bug bitch.
- >She take you back to her home.
- >"Your love is strong, give me a taste."
- >She's just asking for it.
- "I can give you a taste of heaven."
- >Bide your time.
- "Might be salty though."
- >Dick slap that hoe and run back home.
- >Catch-a-ride! on the train.
- >Not as fun.
- >VIP section.
- >Spitfire chilling with the Slumbercolts.
- >Motions you over.
- "It sure is hot in here."
- >"Maybe we should get a room hot stuff."
- >Bitch just ruined your joke.
- >Can't think of anything else.
- >Dump a cooler of ice on her.
- "Ice Ice baby!"
- >That was terrible.
- >Finally get back home.
- >There's another Anon and it's a gi- gi-gir-
- >"Sup cutie pie, you sure look tastie."
- >Holy shit. Don't need p0nies anymore.
- >Try to talk.
- >Can only stammer.
- >"Too bad you smell like shit."
- >Grabs her crotch, spins and moonwalks away.
- >Regain speech.
- "Touche Femanon. Touche...."
- >Look at her, all sly and shit.
- >Who does she think she is?
- >There's only one Anon in this town, and that's you.
- >Big Mac can only stare as Femanon laughs hysterically and walks away.
- >You sleek up beside him, catching him wipe a tear from his eye.
- "You want to talk about it?"
- >"Nnnope."
- >It couldn't have been that bad.
- "Come on, what's the worst she could've said?"
- >"She asked if my name was Big Mac."
- >Ha! More like Little-
- >"She said 'more like Little John.'"
- >...
- >"Ya alrigh-"
- >You smack him in the face and stomp off.
- >Bitch stole your line.
- ---------------- Anon's Day ----------------
- >Locking the door you move into your kitchen, a nice beverage is what you need.
- >You make do with a cup of water, savoring the peace it brings as it runs down your neck.
- >You set down your capsule next to the sink.
- >He said to take them as soon as you get home, but there’s one thing you have to do first.
- >One place you have to see again.
- >One last time.
- >You strip yourself of your heavy clothing and lay down on your sheets.
- >Hums from your fan allow you to breathe in your relaxation.
- >You close your eyes, your friends awaiting you.
- >”SURPRISE!” They scream as you enter your home.
- >It brings a smile to your face at the hard work they’d put in for you.
- >The big ball of pink tackles into your side with a hug.
- >”Do you like it? Please say you do. I know how you love surprises.”
- >You pet her mane and smile. Pinkie always did know how to cheer you up.
- >She takes this as a yes, hopping off in glee. She can make anyp0ny smile, even you.
- >You head off to your party guests, not wanting to miss another opportunity.
- >You spot the purple unicorn Twilight by the punch bowl, sipping away at her cup.
- >She offers you one and sits you down on the couch.
- >The two of you just talk, something you’ve never had a chance to really do with anyone else.
- >But she’s just one of the guests and you soon take your leave.
- >You know one guest won’t be here, but that’s alright. She never was one for parties.
- >The backdoor swings ajar, the yellow Pegasus sitting outside.
- >Sitting beside her startles her, but she relaxes when she sees you.
- >”You scared me.”
- “Sorry.”
- >You wrap your arm around her and just sit there, watching the stars.
- >She sits there with you in silence. No words were said, for none needed to be spoken.
- >Once again though, there’s only so much time you have, and you part ways.
- >She merely nods in understanding, not saying a word.
- >You should’ve known she wouldn’t.
- >She’s the world champ of ‘Shh’ after all.
- >Next stop is the kitchen; it’s not particularly hard to find her when she’s boasting so wildly.
- >”Well look who appeared, the big guy himself. Care to test your luck against the Dash?”
- >You crack open a fresh one and sit yourself across from her.
- >”No-holds-barred.” She retorts opening her own bottle.
- “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
- >You go easy one her, but she’s still got some fight in her.
- >Before long she’s slurring off about how she’s always the best and no one can beat her.
- >You chuckle, the contest resorting just to a friendly drinking session.
- >You catch her as she collapses to the table. Poor mare shouldn’t drink that much.
- >The couch is quite comfortable if you remember, so you set her down there, pulling a blanket over her.
- >”Quite the gentlecolt I see.”
- >You kiss Rarity’s hoof, putting up a show before asking her to dance.
- >She’s a bit flabbergasted, but accepts nonetheless.
- >The size difference makes things a little wonky, but she makes do.
- >The two of you have never really seen eye to eye since you started coming here.
- >But, just for tonight, you’re throwing away your feelings against her.
- >You stagger about, not used to dancing, even with humans. You start to regret this, but cast those thoughts aside. One last time.
- >Before long the song comes to an end, and you part ways with her.
- >”Thank you for that.”
- “No Rarity, thank you.”
- >Now all that’s left is that good girl Applejack.
- >”Looking for me?” she calls out.
- >You head on over, finding her nursing her bottle of Applejack Daniels, her signature drink.
- >The two of you do a little rough-housing, wrestling more like it, but all in good fun.
- >She was one of the few ponies with the strength to give you a challenge. Too bad, she still didn’t have a chance.
- >You pin her lying perpendicular across her chest, “Alright, you win Anon. Shucks I though I had you.”
- “Not on your life.”
- >The two of you cool off upstairs on your balcony, the air overcoming the overwhelming heat.
- >”What’s troubling you Anon?”
- >She had a keen sense to tell when something was wrong, like Pinkie’s tail, but on a more personal level.
- >She knew when people were being dishonest.
- >You were hoping to wait until after the party, but that won’t do anymore, so you tell her.
- >”Your last night? What in the hay is that supposed to mean?”
- >This attracts attention from downstairs, mainly from your friends, they too anxious to hear you explain yourself.
- >You’d prepared for this day, but when the chips are down, you’re speechless.
- >Instead, you say good things can’t last forever. Besides, none of this is real apparently, just a figment of your imagination; at least that’s what Doc said.
- >They’re heartbroken to say the least, but they hold it in.
- >For as much as it hurts them, they know it hurts you that much worse.
- >They had filled in a hole in your life, a wound that wouldn’t heal.
- >It would’ve took a miracle to fill it in, but if there’s one thing you’d learned from here.
- >It’s that friendship is magic.
- >You open your eyes, the fan creaking with every swing.
- >You didn’t want to go so soon, but the time has come.
- >That bottle doesn’t look quite so appealing as the time you requested it.
- >It’s taken months of therapy for him to prescribe it, but now that you have it, you don’t want it anymore.
- >He said it’ll make the dreams go away, but maybe… They aren’t dreams.
- >But you are Anon, and when you say you’re going to do something you see it through.
- >You take two from the bottle, rolling it around in the palm of your hand.
- >Your glass is warm, but their home was warmer.
- >You take a swig and pop the pills into your mouth.
- >That was three years ago…
- >The lights flash as you roll down the hallway, people in white yelling at one another.
- >Though you can’t hear what they’re saying, you can take a guess.
- >The pain in your chest is excruciating, but there’s nothing you can do about that anymore now is there?
- >Your therapist had failed to inform you of some of the side-effects of the drug, like heart failure.
- >Just when things had started to turn around too.
- >They plug an IV into your arm, but you both know it’s not going to help.
- >You’re too far gone, and it’s only a few more minutes before the void takes you.
- >Today was supposed to be your day, a happy day, but it turns out it’ll be your last.
- >Funny, you think to yourself, you could’ve stopped this three years ago when you had the chance.
- >But it’s too late for that, sleep is taking you, and soon, death.
- >This place is barren, nothing like what you remember.
- >Has it really been so long?
- >You find your kitchen, fridge emptied and cabinets forsaken.
- >They did what you could never do.
- >They moved on…
- >You pack up what little was left over, mainly just some sheets and clothes.
- >The bridge lies before you, just a small trip to forget this place ever existed.
- >You’re Anon, and when you say you’re going to do something you see it through.
- >That’s the attitude that made you leave in the first place.
- >But there’s nothing for you here anymore, nothing…
- >”Anon?”
- >They’re here, and they… they remember.
- >”You don’t have to leave again.”
- >”You can stay here with us.”
- >”Just like old times.”
- >”Please…”
- >You look back, only ruins remain.
- >”We want you to stay…”
- >Tears build within you as you walk back into town.
- >You open the gate, flattened stone staring you down.
- >You drop to your knees before them, tears flowing down your face.
- “I’m so sorry…”
- >You feel their hooves on your shoulders.
- >”We forgive you…”
- ---------------- The Toaster ----------------
- >Day toaster in Equestria.
- >You're just chilling out in your room, laying there like anyone else.
- >But that's when Dash burst in red in the face and hot in the snatch.
- >She gave you one look and smiled.
- >That's when you knew you were facing something you never had before.
- >She rips you away from your resting place and upstairs.
- >What could you do? You were stiff as steel.
- >She didn't even give you the pleasure of the lying on the bed.
- >She took you hard and fast before you made it half way.
- >She used her wing strength to hold you in the air with herself as had her way with you.
- >How could she do this to you?
- >This is wrong on so many levels.
- >If she doesn't hurry up-
- "What the fuck?"
- >Oh no.
- >Dash stops and looks to the door, "I-I-I-"
- >She tries to explain but how could she?
- >She was caught red handed.
- "Dash I've seen some shit, but this is just sick."
- >She didn't stop, instead rubbing you slowly atop her plot.
- "God dammit Dash. Put my toaster back and get the fuck out of my house."
- >You were never the same.
- >You will always taste the Rainbow.
- ---------------- Femanon Necro Pig Disgusting ----------------
- >Day DD (Dead Dick) in Equestria.
- >Spent all night digging up graves.
- >Got dirt under your nails, grotty.
- >You pull the coffin from the ground and wipe the dirt from the plaque.
- "Here lies Big Macintosh. He was the biggest around."
- >You lick your lips and fling open the casket.
- >Look at that delicious man meat.
- >So juicy and succulent you could just bite into it.
- >The stench only made you moist.
- >You undo your garments and begin stroking his length.
- >The icy touch tickled your hand but his body did not grow.
- >You didn't want to use this, but drastic times calls for drastic measures.
- >Fixating the device in his colon you flip it on and the effects are most desirable as his limb lifts.
- >All that stallion meat just for you.
- >You sink onto the monster and rock your hips all while his tip poking at your stomach.
- >Nopony was ever this good to you.
- "You'll always be my special somepony."
- >Not like that bitch Cheerilee.
- >Your body seizes up as you reach your peak and you squeeze down on his member.
- >A warm gush fills you, a last ditch effort of the deceased to pass on life.
- >Cupping yourself keeps the mixture deep within you, right where it belongs.
- "We may have never gotten along, but I'll be sure to raise our filly just right."
- >Kissing him on the cheek you climb out, burying the corpse again.
- >If only he'd listened to you in the first place.
- >If only he hadn't gone out with that slut.
- >Maybe he would've lived to see his child grow up.
- >At least the last thing he saw was your smile.
- >That beautiful smile.
- >That killer smile.
- ---------------- Beware The Beans ----------------
- >Day something in Equestria.
- >You wake up feeling tired as all hell.
- >You can't remember what the hell happened to you.
- >Pinkie's there and she has that same smile.
- >"Glad to see you awake."
- "What happened?"
- >"We were at the part remember?"
- >Oh yeah, it was your birthday party.
- "I don't remember anything else though."
- >"Well I didn't know what to serve you at the party so I made a little bit of everything."
- >Now you remember, the beans.
- "But why'd I pass out?"
- >"That's a very good question," Twilight out of fucking nowhere.
- "Don't you have a home."
- >"Not after that natural gas incident. No. I'm living off the perspiration while you sleep, but to the point."
- "Dude gross!"
- >She whips out an anatomy chart, "This is the average Equestrian pony. Note the ridge of the spine and-"
- "Get to the point."
- >"Indeed. Spike, my pointy stick."
- >"One pointy stick coming up dude."
- "Get out of my house you fucking stoner."
- >"Dude, what? Love and tolerance man, love... and tolerance..."
- >Fucking stoner dragons.
- >"This is the gluteus maximus, otherwise called the rump, flank, butt, ass or on special occasions my special pone hole."
- "TMI."
- >"Now, gas is formed in the colon by way of bacterial fermentation where-"
- "I know what a fart is."
- >"Adapting to our environment, when a p0ny is startled they release a burst of gas from their flank, one that would knock out predators. However, most creatures have grown immune to this mechanism, but you however, have not."
- "You have fart knockout gas."
- >"Quite simply, yes."
- "And I thought you talking was weird."
- >Pinkie clenches her belly, "I don't feel very good."
- >"Wait Pinkie NO!" *pppppbbbbt*
- >Your head hits the pillow like a rock.
- >Fucking knockout gas.
- ---------------- The Night Watch ----------------
- >You walk down the barren street, hands in your pockets granting them safety within their folds.
- >Just you, the sky, the street, and the ground beneath your feet.
- >Wagons left unattended by your side as you pass.
- >Safety hazard- no, not that. It’s foolishness, one could easily steal it.
- >Though in today’s times one could easily replace it with another.
- >A brush of wind hits your face, your skin trembling.
- >It’s nights like this that you truly enjoy being alone.
- >You spot a p0ny up ahead, your mind blanking out at the sudden appearance.
- >It does not appear to notice you, perhaps fatigue has taken it and all it longs for is sleep.
- >You cough, throat congealed from today’s dinner.
- >The door clunks shut, key grinding against the metal as it locks, sealing the way between you and the street.
- >Just you, the sky, the street, and the ground beneath your feet.
- >More wind, such a simple thing, such a beautiful thing about the night.
- >Every, every piece of what it is, whatever Luna can concoct is simply a wonder.
- >The light glow of a lamp, the shimmering of a star, the frost on your cheek.
- >It makes you wonder about how such harmonious creatures could allow such beauty to be banished.
- >The moon is itself, has a strange splendor though you never could capture it yourself.
- >She was always out of reach.
- >You remember that night fondly, Nightmare Night.
- >How they treated her, your guts wrenched at the sight.
- >She was their princess, their queen, their ruler and they treated her like a common criminal.
- >The same way they had treated you.
- >Who would have guessed that Twilight and her friends would be the ones to stand up for you?
- >Actually, a lot of people would’ve guessed that.
- >It’s hard to escape from a reputation. It’s what makes or breaks a person nowadays, both in your world and in Equestria.
- >You just walk, no true intent in mind.
- >It’s all you ever wanted, to walk peacefully, free from judgment, free from the worries of life.
- >Will I be able to pay for rent this month?
- >Will I be able to pay for my children’s tuition?
- >How am I going to live the way I’d always planned?
- >That’s always the worst thing about growing up.
- >Nothing’s ever the way you think it’s going to be.
- >Gates, houses, lights illuminated through the windows, shutters closed but still a trace manages to escape their binds.
- “Beautiful…”
- >You peer in, walls, fire, a colt, playing with his toys, simple blocks nothing more.
- >It reminds you of your childhood.
- >You remember the first time you spelled ‘cat.’
- >God this weather, its truly magnificent.
- >Both destructive and serene in its nature.
- >You slowly pass another house, giving this one a more in-depth look.
- >Bricks, wood, entrance, pavement, door, windows.
- >What is a house?
- >A house is just a combination of objects.
- >But to you it’s something more, it’s safety.
- >It is what everyone strives to obtain not because that it means safety, that it means that you have a place to go down at the end of the night and to be who you want to be in your own environment.
- >That is a home to you. A home is where you can be yourself.
- >You sigh.
- >And yet you don’t have one.
- >Of course they tried to give you one.
- >Why wouldn’t they?
- >They tried to set you up in a nice little condo away from town.
- >Fluttershy’s house is close compared to where you would’ve been set up.
- >It’s less like a house and more like an institution where other ‘creatures’ are kept.
- >You wouldn’t have any of it.
- >You made the mistake once of trusting them and settling down.
- >Of taking something and trying to make it home, and where did that get you?
- >It got you here, Equestria.
- >The land of fucking harmony.
- >No people around here anymore, just p0nies.
- >Even in the night they don’t reveal themselves to you.
- >The first time you tried to introduce yourself, some screamed, others shunned you.
- >It was if they saw the boogeyman.
- >You were no boogeyman, at least you weren’t the boogey.
- >They made the boogey.
- >And now this is your life, prowling the streets of the nights.
- >Living where you can, settling down, digging- digging through whatever you can.
- >Living off the scraps of those who’ve made their ‘homes.’
- >You breathe in the fresh scent of the air as you contemplate your next move.
- >You could settle down in an alley perhaps, everyone loves an alley.
- >But you have work to do.
- >You look at another enterprising house, lights out save for one on the second level.
- >The soft dim glow within, likely a lamp in an office of some sort.
- >Some stallion going over a mountain of paperwork staying up late into the fleeting hours of the day.
- >You step into the alley, masked in the shadows not that anyone would see you.
- >Still it felt safer than being out in the open.
- >Such things are what drove you away.
- >You- You just don’t know.
- >It seems like every other house.
- >Wooden planks, bricks, windows doors again, everything that makes up a home.
- >Still something about this house was different and you could feel it in your bones.
- >Could’ve been the sign on the door, a welcome mat ‘Wipe your hooves here.’
- >Number. What number? You peer closer as you attempt to spy on the address.
- >5740, dogs… A dog barks and howls in the night as you slip back in the shadows.
- >Your hands dart into the mailbox as you slink back across the street.
- >Of course, it’s not their mail.
- >That p0ny, Derpy, nice girl. Well not girl- mare.
- >They don’t mind you calling them girls, but mare is the more proper term as one Rarity would have you believe.
- >Giggling of children touches you. Where? Where did they go? Why are they up at this hour?
- >You look back to the house, tossing away the useless junk.
- >Your fingers fiddle with the blade in your pocket.
- >Useful in your world for self defense, useful in this world for less savory dealings.
- >A knife of this size is not very large where you come from, but to a p0ny it may as well be a meat cleaver.
- >The odor of fecal matter carries across the air into your nostrils, dog from the smell.
- >Thankfully you’ve yet to deal with a canine in this world.
- >Animals didn’t tend to shy away from you, though you weren’t exactly the next animal whisperer either.
- >Maybe it was your calm nature, your silent brooding being what allowed them to grow close to you.
- >It’s also what drove other people away.
- >You don’t blame them.
- >Your heels brush against the street audibly as you look left, then right.
- >Always look both ways before crossing the street.
- >You duck your head as a wagon rails past you, nearly knocking you off your feet.
- >They were likely coming from some pub or another.
- >P0nies have their fair of drunkards and fiends as any other culture.
- >None of them quite like you however.
- >The tender grass crunches beneath your feet as you step upon the lawn.
- >It takes you back to your time on earth after the long night shifts.
- >You dragged yourself across the grass so you could rest and be safe.
- >But that life is behind you now.
- >No sense in dwelling upon it.
- >Another wagon, slower this one, you look to the guards, eyes ever watching for troublemakers.
- >Of course when they see you they slow to but a crawl.
- >Interested. Maybe they know. How could they?
- >You haven’t been caught so far.
- >You rub your hands together, using the friction to heat your chilled fingers.
- “Pleasant night officers,” you softly call out.
- >Don’t want to yell at them and cause them to get suspicious.
- >A simple greeting is enough to wave them off your scent.
- >They respond with silence, a common response you would say.
- >One nods, the other speeding up as they continue their patrol.
- >Before long they’re gone and you’re left wondering what to do.
- >What to do? Oh yes, the house.
- >You try not to draw attention to yourself as you pitter patter up to the door.
- >You slide the knife out of your pocket, thumb sliding up the metal lovingly, like a mother to her child.
- >The soft yet fragile steel has always been there for you through thick and thin.
- >The knife flips open and reveals itself as you slide it into the key hole.
- >Lately the residents of P0nyville have been doing a better job on locking up.
- >Likely due to your recent activities in the area.
- >No one can be too careful.
- *click*
- >The door opens ever so slightly and you slip the knife back into your pocket.
- >You never like using your own tools unless you have to.
- >You shut the door blocking the gale of wind as it hits your back.
- >It’s only when you’re in the comfort of a warm heated home do you realize just how cold your body’s become.
- >Your ears burning painfully at the sudden change of temperature.
- >You place your coat on a nearby hangar as you peer into this home.
- >It has a simple wooden floor, common among the houses in these parts.
- >In Canterlot they typically used a stone or marble, carpeting placed in more wealthy homes while the poor resorted to dirt.
- >Their jobs allowed them to barely scoot along let alone improve their livelihood.
- >Moving up in the world is never as easy as it seems.
- >Counters, tables, mirrors it’s always the same.
- >You cannot remember a time when it was ever different.
- >Oh how you wished something unique would come along.
- >Not a peep at your presence yet. Only a single light was on, yet that was on the second level.
- >Your work would have only brought attention to those on the first floor and it seems not a p0ny was in earshot.
- >After your walk you figured you deserved a break.
- >Isn’t a snack acceptable at this hour?
- >You snag a tissue and wipe your nose as you scour their pantry.
- >What to eat?
- >Of course the main food source here would be apples due to the orchard just out of town.
- >Usually you only managed to obtain the scraps, the core being your main delicacy.
- >You’ve grown quite a liking to it actually.
- >It seems such a waste to leave the core, the tender crunch along with a sliver of moisture.
- >You’ve come to savor the smaller things in life.
- >Celery is another winner, most p0nies tend to avoid this fruit.
- >Fruit? You chuckle to yourself, celery’s a vegetable not a fruit.
- >Your mind boggles to and fro these days.
- >Still you snag some from the pantry along with a jar of peanut butter.
- >Dig it in and enjoy the flavor.
- >You spot a picture by the window.
- >The silver frame swirls delicately on the edges, the picture obviously of some importance to the occupant.
- >It depicts a stallion, middle-aged standing in a sea of fallen leaves, orange from the season’s climate.
- >The sun shines through the treetops, a small smile on his face, happiness…
- >A filly stands before him, her smile just as bright if not brighter.
- >You can usually tell a mare from a colt by the mane, though hers was absent.
- >It was the face that gave it away, only a mare could preserve such beauty despite her condition.
- >Not even the bags under her eyes swayed her happiness.
- >She mustn’t be around these days.
- >’I’ll never leave your side’ it says on the bottom left.
- >You set the picture down and move back to your jacket, slipping on your gloves.
- >A kitchen knife will suffice for this one and you stroke the edge with your finger.
- >Neglect has shown its course on it, not due to the edge but to the hilt, the wooden grip rough and dusty.
- >No mare would allow such disarray to come to this house.
- >What could it have been, you wonder. What happened to this stallion that led him to this where he allowed himself to be bogged down by the world?
- >How could he bow down to such monotony?
- >Of course, it is of no consequence.
- >You’ll have all the time in the world to wonder later, but now you have a job to do.
- >So, knife in hand, you walk up the stairs.
- >The floor creaks audibly, though not a stir comes from the upstairs office, bringing a smile to your face.
- >You peer left into the darkness of another room, the stale air drawing you in.
- >Floral wallpaper, peeled at the edges from abandonment, the sheets crisp and clean.
- >The touch proves them to be cold, so very cold.
- >You spy more toys upon the floor, a wagon carpet town on the floor.
- >It’s reminiscent of your car carpet city as a child where you’d spend hours pushing them around with abandon.
- >You nestle next to the toy box and draw out more of the wagons.
- >Each has their own personality, you have the slick one, the one the cool stallion drove.
- >There was the muscle, speedster and the token feminine wagon that was pink.
- >You hear the soft giggle as she plays with her toys, one of the only joys she still clings on to.
- >No other filly can understand what she’s going through nor the pain she’s endured.
- >Pray they never do.
- >You reach out and feel her coat, your hands petting her neck reassuringly as you would your own daughter.
- >But she can’t feel it, because in truth she isn’t there. She hasn’t been there in a long, long time.
- >She looks to you, maybe by chance or coincidence or even as a figment of your imagination.
- >Hallucinations are not uncommon given your mental health.
- >They twinkle, her mouth flutters… Beautiful down to the tiniest detail, and that’s what she is. Beautiful.
- >Even as sickness takes her, beauty will not be stolen.
- >She begs you not to do this, but you hush her as you continue to rub the back of her neck.
- >There is nothing you can do.
- >You are but a creature… of HABIT.
- >A creature of RAGE, of CHAOS.
- >One that will create nothing but TROUBLE.
- >Or at least, so they’ve told you.
- >She tries to hold on to your hand, slipping through as you stand.
- >You feel your heart begin to beat, harder, faster as rage splinters your mind.
- >You grip tight on the blade as you leave and push open the office door.
- >There beneath the ocean of paperwork, whiskey and stress is the stallion.
- >There he lays head to the desk groggy from his work.
- >He let this happen. He allowed this to happen to her!
- >He should have fought!
- >He should have tried to save her!
- >But this is what he gets.
- >He doesn’t resist, not at first.
- >Not until the blade begins to sink.
- >Further and deeper.
- >He flails and tries to escape but you will not let him.
- >Your hand grips his mouth as you force him closer to death’s door, but not quite.
- >You yank him back just as he’s about to cross because you won’t give him the satisfaction.
- >Not until he’s seen what he has done, not until he understands.
- >He did this!
- >And he deserves to die for what he did!
- >A mist sprays into your eyes but you do not blink.
- >You will not let him get away like he did before.
- >You will never let him get away with what he did to her!
- >Then after so long, pain gone from his eyes and replaced with understanding.
- >He knows and he is ready as you drive it further and deeper into his core.
- >His body goes limp.
- >He falls. You watch, mind absent.
- >The blood pools around him, soaking into the carpet, the wet drip echoing through the floor boards.
- >The beating slows, your heart slows…
- >All he had to do was not give up.
- >You adjust your tie and tuck in your shirt.
- >It’s over, and you are finished.
- >You sit in his seat, the piles of paperwork and whiskey, pouring yourself a glass and chugging it down.
- >How many nights did he sit because of what he did?
- >How many nights has he tried to forget with this alcohol?
- >You have no words to describe him. There are none.
- >You towel the blood off your face rinsing yourself with a splash of water.
- >You could stay the night, but that would defeat the point.
- >There is no place for you here.
- >You are but a messenger. You do not take breaks. You will not be constrained by such things as a cozy bed, a simple job.
- >That is the way a man dies.
- >So you walk back down the stairs.
- >And you slip on your coat, walking back into the world.
- >You take a deep breath of the night’s air.
- >And you walk down the street, alone.
- >Just you, the sky, the street, and the ground beneath your feet.
- >Just another night in P0nyville.
- ---------------- Enjoy The Ride ----------------
- >Be Anon in Equestria.
- >You’ve really enjoyed your time here in Equestria.
- >Pinkie’s kept you up all night (nonsexually), Fluttershy’s nursed you when you’re sick (very sexually), and Twilight’s always there when you need advice (both).
- >But it’s not just them; even the smallest of things seem to fill your life with joy.
- >That first breathe of air when you open your door, the sweat that builds under your brow after a hard day’s work, the refreshing mug of beer with your bros.
- >There was that weird marshmallow p0ny that kept wanting to make you clothes which was kind of strange, but you lit it on fire and let bygones be bygones.
- >Tasted like s’mores too, but that’s besides the delicious point.
- >This place has become almost like a new home for you, maybe better in fact.
- >Who else would challenge you to a race and give you a tour of the sky after?
- >Who else would let you into their home and become part of their family without ever knowing you?
- >Who else would deliver your mail wrong every day, but makes up for it by being great company and giving you free muffins?
- >These are the things that you’ve come to enjoy, but all good things must end right?
- >Your first thought was one of rejection. Nah, this stuff doesn’t happen to you.
- >You got a second opinion. There was almost a humor in it at that point.
- >It was like a dog holding onto his favorite chew toy, you couldn’t- wouldn’t let go.
- >But you’ve had time to think about all this. The tears were hidden behind closed doors, the rage held back from prying eyes.
- >But then a realization hit you, one so simple it was almost revolutionary.
- >It doesn’t matter when it comes. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been.
- >All that matters is you enjoy the time you have.
- >So, you guess you were wrong.
- >You’re enjoying your time here in Equestria.
- >Here with your friends.
- ---------------- Rainbro Requester ----------------
- >Be Anon.
- >Looking through the threads to see what's up.
- >The hell is this?
- "Yo Rainbow. Get over here?"
- >She sits up next to you, "What's up?"
- "Look at this guy."
- >She scans over the page before raising an eyebrow.
- >"What?"
- "I know right?"
- >"More Rainbro? I mean, buck I'm flattered, but that's so pre-AiE."
- "S-should we do it again though?"
- >"I mean, if it's cool with you then I can dig it."
- "The dude wants to read some I guess if there's an audience for it..."
- >"You going to keep stalling or are we going to do this?"
- "Ok, but..."
- >"Jeez what now?"
- "How do we do Rainbro stories again?"
- >"You mean you don't remember?"
- "It's been almost 600 threads now, give a guy a break. Unless you don't remember either."
- >"Of course I remember."
- "..."
- >"Buck..."
- "See?"
- >"There's nothing new we can do though? What are we going to do? Get drunk and hoof-wrestle? We did that already."
- "I don't know shit. How about we... umm..."
- >"Exactly."
- >Shit you really don't know what to do.
- "You know what, fuck it. We don't need to do something new. Let's just go down to the lake and have a good time like we used to."
- >"We did that before?"
- "Doesn't matter. Let's just have fun bro."
- >"Sounds good to me. Bro."
- "Feels weird to say it again doesn't it?"
- >"It kinda does, yeah."
- >You wrap your arm around her and give her a squeeze.
- "You'll always be my bro."
- >"Don't get all touchy feely on me now."
- >You chuckle and head outside with her by your side.
- >Fucking Rainbro requesters.
- ---------------- Slow Writefags ----------------
- >Day Anon in Equestria.
- >Laying down on your towel off by a lake.
- >Rainbow Dash and Pinkie are trying to make the biggest splash.
- >You just sit there and watch as they have fun.
- >Twilight comes up to you, "Hey Anon. What're you doing?"
- "Oh hey Twilight," you turn back to enjoy the show, "I'm just chilling right now. Haven't had much to do lately."
- >"Well haven't your writers given you something to do?"
- "To be honest I don't know what they're doing. Sleeping probably."
- >"Well they do have lives of their own after all."
- "Meh, I guess you're right."
- >She sits down next to you, Pinkie pulling off a solid 8/10.
- >"Hey I know, why don't you do something?"
- "Me? What the hell am I supposed to do? I just wait for them."
- >"I know but my point is that maybe you could do something on your own, maybe make your own adventure."
- "Twilight, my dear naive Twilight. Why would I ever do that?"
- >"Because you're bored."
- >You open your mouth, but the realization that she's right hits you like freight train.
- >"If they aren't going to write a story for you, then make your own. That's all I'm saying."
- >She's one smart cookie that one, with that eggish head of hers.
- >You smile and open up your umbrella, "Anon what're you doing?"
- "In three, two, one-" *boom*
- >RD sonic rainbooms right as she hits the water sending the waves crashing into poor defenseless Twilight.
- >You tap dance over to the shivering mare.
- "Write your own damn story. Whoop woop woop woop woop!"
- ---------------- Fire and Brimstone ----------------
- >Day ‘Taking out the Trash’ in Equestria.
- >You don your trusty combat armor, the clasps clicking into place taking you back to your old days in basic.
- >Of course you weren’t in Equestria then, but that’s all in the past.
- >A round of knocks rings out from the door stealing your attention.
- “Hold on, I’ll be there in a second!”
- >You stomp down the stairs and grab an apple off the counter, sinking your teeth into its juicy center.
- >Some things you’ll never get tired of. You pull open the door and find your good friend Applejack standing at attention, hat and all.
- “Good morning Applejack. You need some help on the farm again?”
- >”Nah Anon, but thanks for the thought.” She kneads the floor nervously which you find quite strange.
- “Could I get you a drink? It’s a little early for the hard stuff, but I’ve got some fresh OJ if you’d like.”
- >”Shucks Anon that’d be just swell, but I gotta go set up off in the markets today.”
- >Oooook… This is getting a bit awkward here so why don’t you…
- “Do you want help setting up then?”
- >”Oh I couldn’t ask ya to do that for me…”
- >If you had half a brain you’d know that she’s a bit embarrassed to ask. Thankfully you’ve got twice that.
- “It’ll be no problem. I don’t have to go into The Broken Record until midday so I’ve got time for days.”
- >”Ah thanks Anon. You’re the best sugarcube.”
- >You kick off down the road and use your giant form to its fullest extent, unloading the cart and setting up shop.
- >Okay maybe it’s not the fullest extent, but it’s still a fair amount of work for the average p0ny.
- >Applejack marvels at your speed, not even having to lift a hoof as you finish up the last few pieces in no time.
- >”Whoohy! I’m sweating just at the sight of that. I can’t thank ya enough.”
- “Don’t mention it,” you finish off the last of your apple cheerfully, “What else are friends for?”
- >There it is again, that nervous jitter that she has, what is that? The AJ you know wouldn’t be quite so timid.
- “What’s on your mind AJ?”
- >”Huh? Oh, it’s nothing, just thinking to myself.”
- “Well then think to me.” You try and pry, “It’s clear something’s bothering you, and playing coy won’t exactly make me want to help. So tell me why you really came by?”
- >She sighs knowing her hooves are caught, “Well, it’s kinda embarrassing ya see?”
- “No. No I don’t.”
- >She wrinkles her nose and smacks your arm playfully, “I’m not done yet ya jackwagon.”
- “Fierce words. Do you really want to tussle with the guy twice your size?”
- >”It’s just there’s a new business here in P0nyville and well…”
- “You can’t beat their competition?”
- >”But not for the right reasons!” she explains, “They’re not exactly the nicest competitors. Yesterday we found a fair chunk of our crop worse for ware.”
- “But you guys keep great care of your product.”
- >”It wasn’t our fault in the first place.”
- “You suspect they had something to do with it?”
- >”They had a smirk on their faces when we came down from the Acres. I know it was that lot.”
- …
- >You stand up without a word and look across the yard, another stand set-up as well, a stallion and mare with a row of shit-eating grins.
- >”We’re strained enough as it is with the local drought, but we can’t take many more hits like this.”
- >By the look in her eye you know she’s telling the truth.
- >There’s always the easy way… but maybe you should try talking to them first.
- >Ugh you hated this part of the job. You were trained to shoot a gun, not kind words.
- >You walk over to their stall as non-threatening as can be.
- >The mare gives you a smile, “Howdy there partner, interested in some fine Grade A apples? They’re freshly picked out yonder by Whinnysota.”
- “No thanks. I actually came to talk about the Apples.”
- >”I can assure you that their top quality. We care for them as if they-“
- “No no no, not the apples. The APPLES.”
- >Her grin immediately falls flat, “Oh. What about them?”
- >It’s amazing how quick she went from neighborly vendor to stuck-up… Not very nice word.
- “Well it’s come to my attention that you recently set up shop here and-“
- >”Is that a crime?”
- “I never said it was ma’am, but-“
- >”But what?!” one of the stallions pipes up harshly, “You got a problem with us?”
- >Tough guy huh? Just cool off Anon. No need to teach them manners.
- “I’ve also been made aware of certain damages to Apple property. Now, as a soldier, I cannot sit and abide by-“
- >”Listen here ya six foot idgit,” the mare shoots, “We’re here to do business and if that means cracking a few eggs then what of it? Go back to your ‘Apples’ before we make ya.”
- >You grin silently and walk back past Applejack’s stall, “What happe-“
- “Be right back.”
- >Ten minutes later…
- “Burn Baby Burn! Disco INFERNO! Burn Baby Burn! Burn that Mother DOOOOOWN!”
- >You’ve never been so happy to hear the squeals of tiny ponies in your life.
- >”Anon what’re ya doing?! Applejack screams into your ear.
- “What?!” you yell back, “I can’t hear you over the sound of my M240 Incinerator turning the stall into ash.”
- >She pulls your hand off the trigger, furiously panting at your indiscretion, “What’s wrong with ya?”
- >You bask in the fire’s glow and lower your flamethrower in confusion.
- “What do you mean?”
- >”What do I mean? Do I really need to spell it out for ya?”
- >You look to the fire and then back to her.
- “Too much?”
- >She facehooves and shakes her head, “That’s the wrong stall.”
- >Turning around you see the two p0nies staring at you with mouth agape.
- “Oh…”
- >”Yeah…”
- >You sit there silently for a few seconds before you get the courage to speak again.
- “Can I still sing my song?”
- >”Just go Anon…”
- “YEAH!” you charge off in their direction, finger on the trigger.
- >Today was a collateral damage day.
- ---------------- Fucking OCs ----------------
- >”I’m telling you Anon it’s not physically possible.”
- “But you just said anything was possible with magic!”
- >Oh yeah that sure got her.
- >”Ok, yes, I did say that but I’m sorry to say that it’s still not possible.”
- >How can Twilight just say no? It’s not fair that you’re the only creature in Equestria without a cutie mark.
- >Does that make you gay for saying that? No, even manly men have cutie marks. Snowflake for example.
- “I must try, my fellow crusaders would never give up,” you boast triumphantly.
- >”Fellow crusaders? OH Anon tell me you didn’t…”
- “Yep, they were the only ones who had faith in me. Little girls,” you sniff and wipe a tear from your eye, “They grow up so fast.”
- >”You’re being overdramatic.”
- “I’m being optimistic. Don’t try to stop me Twilight! Cutie Mark Crusader Escape Scooter!”
- >Scootaloo bursts from the upstairs window and grinds the railway down.
- >”Let’s go!”
- >You step on and give Twilight the bird as you make your escape…
- >And you’re going…
- >And going…
- >And… “Do you want a boost?” Twilight asks as you manage a full foot in distance.
- “NEVER!” you grab the handlebars and push off with your foot making a getaway through the door.
- >”Yeah! Cutie Mark Crusader Getaway Driver!”
- >She parks a block away and tries to see her flank, “Did I get it? Did I, Did I?”
- “No dice. Dangit.”
- >”How about you? Let’s see, let’s see!”
- >You should feel a lot more uncomfortable with stripping in front of a little girl than you are.
- >Oh well this is just a oneshot anyways so who cares?
- >You present your butt to the filly and she giggles, “You’re flank is cute.”
- >Cute isn’t exactly how you’d describe it, but you’ll roll with it.
- “Do I have one yet?”
- >”I don’t see nothing. Sorry Anon.”
- >You buckle back up and put her back on her scooter, “You ain’t giving up?”
- “Not until I get my cutie mark.”
- >Okay there is something seriously wrong with that phrase.
- >You push off and get back to the others, Applebloom and Sweetie hanging with Babs.
- >”Look it’s Anon y’all!” Applebloom hollers as you swerve home, your cape flapping behind your armor like a piece of toilet paper.
- >They could’ve at least given you something bigger.
- “Private Anonymous reporting for duty ma’am.”
- >”Just in time,” Sweetie Belle says, “We was just talking about our next plan to get our cutie marks.”
- “Sounds great to me. What’s the plan Babs?”
- >”Well first we got a new member here from back home. She’s a good friend of mine and I think you’ll like her. Her name’s Star Dancer.”
- >A filly descends from the sky with remarkable grace… and a horn on her head.
- >”She’s an alicron just like the princess, but she’s super cool. She’s great at sports and totally smart. Star Dancer can even cast high-level magic too.”
- >Applebloom recognizes the scorn on your face, “You okay?”
- “NO!” you charge at the filly and kick her ass straight into the sun where she burns into a crisp.
- >Without a word you drop your pants and check your beautiful printed ass.
- “And that kids is how I got my cutie mark as an OC Terminator.”
- >”Umm, Mr. Anon?” one the kids peeps out in the back, “What about good OCs?”
- >Hmm, you haven’t had much to do with them.
- “Well, there’s a difference between good OCs and bad OCs, like you said. Good OCs have realistic flaws and only play small roles in a story. Take my friend Raúl for example, he’s just a bartender and doesn’t play a major role.”
- >”What about your other friend, the uh… you know…” Duff. You tried to forget about that.
- “He played a small role in the story, but a big role in my character development. He didn’t have any powers or skills, hell I kicked his ass a time or two, but he was believable. I’d do almost anything to spend another night with that drunk bastard.”
- >You really do miss that guy…
- “Now onto my next lesson I-“
- >You’re interrupted by Derpy crashing through the school house with a smile, “Mail for you Mr. Anonymous.” She hands you a letter.
- “Ten ways to increase my… stallionhood?”
- >”Oops, my bad,” she shuffles through them again, “Here we go.”
- >You skim over the letter, your smile vanishing.
- “Sorry class but I’ve got work to do.”
- >”But Anon what about the lesson,” Cheerilee asks from the back of the room.
- >You cock your pistol and stand before the hole in the classroom.
- “I’ll be back.”
- >”That’s the wrong movie.”
- “Sue me. Cutie Mark Crusader OC Terminators Assemble!”
- >Today was a Fucking OCs day.
- ---------------- Pinkie Party ----------------
- >Another day here in this fine land known… Wait a pick-pocketing minute where are you?
- >This is not the plains of Tartarus that you’ve grown accustomed too.
- >Fresh green grass, you can actually feel your heart beating and that town looks a little too much like P0nyville.
- >By Odin’s beard you may yet be alive, somehow.
- >Whatever witchcraft has brought you back is of little concern at this point.
- >How would they react now that you’re back? You didn’t exactly leave on the best of terms.
- >And Luna… It’s best that she not know of your sudden appearance. She’s likely been through enough as it is.
- >It feels like almost yesterday that you were walking over this same cobble bridge.
- >This time you don’t have a back-stabbing partner to betray you again.
- >The p0nies smile at you and go on their merry way without much thought.
- >If the situation continued down the logical path then they should be- “HE’S BACK!”
- >You dodge the pink panther as she tries to latch onto your face, “He’s baaack! He’s baaack! Anon is baaack!”
- >What in the hell? “Aren’t you gonna say hi to your favorite party p0ny?” She squints and imitates a cat stalking her prey, “Or do I have to tickle you?”
- “Pinkie I do not believe that would be wise to- Dangit!” you holler as you dodge her yet again.
- >”Come on Anon, I haven’t seen you in like forever. Like two forevers! *gasp* Or a forever in a FOREVER!”
- >You might prefer Tartarus…
- ”No Pinkie. Down, get down,” you pull her off your arm and back up against a wall.
- >”We’re going to have a party,” she struggles to pull at your leg, “And you’re going to LOVE it!”
- >She’s starting to rumple your johnsons… Grabbing her by the tail you yank her off and throw her into a cart of hay.
- >A periscope shoots out the top, Pinkie’s eye jutting out of the top, “I see you.”
- >You kick the cart away and take off running, “Curses!”
- >Twilight’s house has to be safe. It has books, and Pinkie hates anything that isn’t bright and having a party.
- >You shouldn’t say hate, more like, love with minimal affection.
- >It’s about a block away so if you… You catch a rapid succession of thumps but for the life of you can’t tell where they’re… Oh no…
- >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YOYlgvI1uE
- >What is that? Please let your eyes be deceiving you.
- >No, they aren’t.
- >Pinkie’s back, and she has her Pinkiecopter with her.
- >She slides on her pilot goggles and readies her main gun, The Cupcannnon.
- >”There’s two ways out of this Anon,” she blares over the megaphone, “The easy way, or the fun way.”
- “I choose option C.”
- >Her smile grows twofold, “The megafun way it is!”
- >She smacks a button, three more cupcannons sprouting like weeds, “Cupcakes for everyone! Muahahahaha!”
- >Diabetes here we come.
- >You dodge a cinnamon swirl and keep running to the library, Pinkie laughing and bombarding the street with her sweets.
- >A mare catches one into her mouth and smiles only to be clobbered by another round of sprinkle fire.
- >”Come on everyp0ny smile smile smile! Fill my heart up…” she sings over the town.
- >A chocolate twist hits you in the shoulder , the cherry filling leaking down your back.
- >You grab the goop and fling it back, blocking her signature Lemon Cake.
- >”The fun is strong with this one.”
- >She aims down the sights and you can feel her grin on your back, “I have you now!”
- >You twirl around and throw a blade right into her rotor, the entire machine going haywire.
- >Twilight opens the door right as you’re about to leap through, “What…?”
- >You dive through, taking her with you as Pinkie crash-lands just outside.
- >”Anon? What’re- How’re-“
- “No time to explain,” you slam the door shut and lock the bolt, “I should be safe in here.”
- >”The last time I saw you… What’s happening out there?”
- “Pinkie. She appears to be a little happy that I’m back.”
- >She seems to understand as you stop to catch your breathe, “So… This is normal for you?”
- “You could say that…”
- >”I didn’t know you two felt this way about each other. I wonder how long this has been going on.”
- “Well ever since- Wait what?”
- >”You should’ve told me this was part of courtship in your culture.”
- >No no no. She better not be- *click*
- >She unlocks the door, Pinkie striding in coated in a black suit, “All too easy.”
- >Today you learned just what type of party Pinkie meant.
- ---------------- Twin Spartans ----------------
- >”I don’t think this is a very good idea,” Twilight cautions as you stand before her with open arms.
- “Come on, don’t be a chicken now. You fix jumper cables to me, but now you’re too afraid to hit me with some magic. Let’s do it.”
- >She bows her head, “I’m not comfortable with this, what if something happens?”
- >You’re a Spartan. There’s nothing short of a covenant fleet that could stop you.
- “I just want to test the power left in my armor. If it can take a hit from you I figure it’ll last me a while longer.”
- >”But what can’t I cast a small spell, like magic missile?”
- >You’re starting to get tired of her shit.
- “You don’t test a bullet-proof vest with popsicle sticks. Come on hit m-“
- >The last thing you hear is a massive crack before you get knocked on your ass.
- >”Fucking cunt…”
- >Ugh… Your head hurts like a bitch. This is the last time you do anything like this.
- “Twilight,” you groan as you try and get to your feet, “Twil- Dangit Twilight get off my back.”
- >You get to your feet, “Anon?” She’s in front of you just where you left her.
- >Why’s your back so heavy? She didn’t do anything weird did she?
- “I thought you stopped with the probing equipment.”
- >”I – did…”
- >”F- fucking cunt!”
- >You freeze as the sound of the foreign voice, “I didn’t know what spell to cast.”
- “Twilight what’s on my back?”
- >She flips through the pages of her book, “I know there’s a reversal spell here somewhere.”
- “Twilight what spell did you cast, and what is on my back?!”
- >”B-b-bitch and tits.”
- >You silently take off your helmet and place it on the counter.
- >”It was supposed to be a duplication spell, but… it seems I messed up.”
- >”Of course you messed up you dumb bitch!”
- >Dear god… What’re you going to tell Applejack?
- >Oh hey AJ, oh this? It’s just my asshole conjoined twin Twilight slapped on me, “Fuck her face!”
- >Yeah that’s not going to happen.
- “Give me the book Twilight,” you ask in your calmest tone possible.
- >”It’s around her somewhere just let me-“
- “Twilight… Give me, the book,” this time demanding it firmly.
- >She moves behind you as you look through the Reversal section, “Umm, hello? My name’s Twilight Sparkle.”
- >”I don’t give a SHIT!”
- “Be nice.”
- >”I don’t take order from a bitch like you!”
- “Could you make anymore noise?”
- >”I fucked your mother!”
- “Guess so.”
- >”Now, Anon 2 what’s-“
- “You call him that again and you’ll wake up with jumper cables.”
- >She gulps as you shut the book and set it down, “Anything?”
- “No. Nothing…”
- >Armor? Destroyed. Asshole? Replaced with an asshole. Defcon? One.
- >You can feel him flail his mangled arms at her as she moves around.
- >”Anon I’m so sorry.”
- “It’s ok. I’m ok. There’s no need to overreact.”
- >”Really? You mean… You aren’t mad at me?”
- “No. I asked for you to hit me and this is what fate handed me.”
- >”And you’re alright about this?”
- >Are you alright? Well that’s a different question all together now isn’t it?
- “Tell me Twilight, do you fancy yourself a medical mare?”
- >”I’m not sure I understand.”
- >”Of course not you cunt!”
- >You ignore him as best you can and place a hand on her neck softly.
- “I find myself in a predicament Ms. Twilight. One that I can’t solve by myself.”
- >”Just say the word and I’ll do what I can.”
- >It’ll be ok, you’ve been trained for… not for this, but that’s okay.
- “I need some gauze, a tub of clean water, enough alcohol to knock out a minotaur and something to bite on, a good stick.”
- >”Anon, there has to be another way…”
- >”Piss off you fucking whore!”
- >You turn your head and look at the abomination.
- “And a knife… a nice sharp piece of Equestrian steel. That’ll do just fine.”
- >Today was a “Shitting Christ!” kind of day.
- ---------------- Trust you? ----------------
- >Day Trust Fall in Pinkie’s room.
- >You watch silently from the comfort of your chair as the mane 6 take turns in some exercise.
- “How does this qualify as exercise? Where’re the benches and dumbbells? How about some squats?”
- >Rarity falls back into their hooves. “Squats?” she asks in shock, “I believe you’re missing the point of the trust fall exercise dear.”
- “How hard is it to lift a p0ny with five others? You’re what, 60-70 pounds?”
- >The room falls silent save for Rarity’s gasp, “Anon! How dare you ask a mare her weight!”
- “What? Isn’t that light? P0nies back home were like 200 or something.”
- >”See Rarity,” Applejack jumps to your support, “He was calling you skinny.”
- >”Oh, well I do my fair share of cardio in the morning…” she blushes, Applejack eyeing you carefully.
- >”Ya best keep your eyes in their sockets sugarcube.”
- “Come on, really?” she keeps up her glare, “Jeez, where’d I earn this reputation…”
- >”Would you like to join us,” Twilight asks. Ugh… Not really, no.
- “I’m good right here, thanks.”
- >You’re don’t need your friends to catch you to know that you trust them.
- >Plus… jumper cables…
- >It was hard enough to look over that.
- >Rainbow Dash hovers over you, “Come on don’t be such a baby.”
- “Get a little closer and we’ll see who the baby is.”
- >”Is that a challenge?”
- “Absolutely.”
- >Pinkie jumps between the two of you, literally. She’s just kind of hovering there like a possessed child.
- >”Hold on you two; let’s turn those frowns upside down!”
- >You have to use every ounce of your strength not to choke the life out of that little p0ny.
- >”Come on,” Twilight nags on you, “It’s a fun exercise between friends.”
- “Not gonna happen.”
- >”Please,” Pinkie begs as she hovers closer and closer.
- “No.”
- >”Pleeeeease?” she’s almost at your visor now.
- “I said no Pinkie.”
- >”Pretty please with a sugar on top,” she mumbles with her face squished against your helmet.
- >Your vision is completely obstructed save for the giant pink face smiling on your visor.
- “I hate you Pinkie…”
- >She cheers as you pry her from your face and make your way into the middle of their group.
- >This is a tad awkward.
- “So… what am I supposed to be doing?”
- >”Well,” Twilight explains, “You fall back and we catch you.”
- >That seems… a bit simple.
- “That’s it? No tricks or games?”
- >”No tricks or games. Promise.”
- >Here goes nothing then. You spread your arms out and tilt backwards.
- >This can’t be so bad, they’re your friends and you trust them to catch you.
- >Catch you… Six tiny p0nies that weigh around 60 pounds each.
- >…
- “Oh shit,” is the last thing you manage to say before you crash through the floorboards and imbed yourself in the Sugarcube Corner Kitchen.
- >Needless to say you don’t trust them anymore.
- ---------------- Define One-Shot ----------------
- >What is this strange sensation in your head?
- >It’s as though your brain was an egg and someone had scrambled it to make an omelet.
- >They didn’t even have the common decency to add bacon to it, disgraceful.
- >Besides the fact that your head feels like diarrhea balloon where are you?
- >Well there’s a lot of white, though it is hard to see with the whole blinding light in your eyes.
- >Perhaps you could fix that for them, whoever they are.
- >You attempt to rub your eyes only to find them bound in such a way that makes you the living X.
- >Odd, they don’t feel like rope. More of a steelish quality really.
- >”…unfinished. There’s plenty of tests to perform before we begin neural stimulation.”
- >Such an odd tone, it has a techno robotic feel to it.
- >Fighting through that accursed light you look at what appears to be an examination room where about six p0nies are led on display, each crisp and clean in their garb.
- >Good, let them rummage around for your amusement.
- >…
- >Oh you’re the amusement.
- >That makes more sense.
- >Still, work to be done and all that fine jazz.
- >Can’t have you locked up here.
- >You spy the restraint locking your wrist and smile.
- >They appeared to have only counted on holding p0nies as their bracers have an unlock switch on the outside.
- >Impossible for a p0ny to manipulate save for magic, but you have something else in mind.
- >Your beautiful fingers. A simple strain of the wrist and the clamp releases allowing you freedom to move it about.
- >It’s a bit stiff, but you figure it’ll be fine in a few minutes.
- >Oh look, one of the p0nies seems to have noticed your ruse but he can barely move his tongue.
- >You wave like any upstanding gentleman and continue releasing your other appendages.
- >The stallion’s practically tripping over his own hooves in shock as you do some relaxing stretches.
- >Touch your toes, spread your arms, crack neck, back and knuckles. Ahhh, feels good.
- >He’s practically dissolved to a pile of flailing mucus and hooves, the others finally seeming to pay attention to him.
- >”What’s wrong with Spaghetti Jensen?”
- >You tap on the glass separating the two of you with that grin still on your face.
- >They freeze at the sight of you, completely stunned.
- “Care if I come in?”
- >The mare who you assume is the head scientist slams the big red button and the siren starts to sound, “Security Alert!”
- “Huh? I’ll take that as a no.”
- >You hum to yourself as you tap other portions of the glass trying to find a weak spot while the p0nies try to escape.
- >Fine work. Fine fine work. They do an excellent job, you’ll give them that.
- >But look at that, there’s a door as well. The old fashioned way it is.
- >You quickly find the lack of handles and frown, “Please give the password.”
- >Well it did ask so nicely.
- “Lollipops.”
- >*EER*
- “Gumdrops.”
- >*EER*
- “Peter picked a peck of pickled peppers.”
- >*ding* “Access Granted.”
- >Huh, you didn’t that one would work honestly.
- >The group of p0nies are still trying to get through the door, but it appears ‘Spaghetti Jensen’ has tripled in size and now sports an Italian accent.
- >At least he lives up to his name.
- >They push harder through the spaghetti mass until they finally get through, the door locking behind them.
- >Only one remains in the room with you.
- >She slams on the door and begs for someone to open it back up.
- “Did you say please?”
- >She cries all the louder when she hears your voice, practically clawing at the thing.
- “Might I suggest the password?”
- >”Please don’t kill me! I’m too young to die,” she falls to the floor sobbing.
- “Kill you? Why would I ever do that?”
- >Her eyes widen with an even deeper fear, “Please no! Anything but that. Please!”
- >Wh- what? You haven’t even done anything yet. Have they grown so timid since you’ve left?
- >Oh well, wenches be fanatical thou. You suppose you could just knock her out, at least that’d quiet the damsel.
- >They seemed to be prepped for all manners of things and even have some surgical equipment stored nearby.
- >You dab the scalpel upon your tongue to test the sharpness, the quick rush of coppery fluid most satisfying.
- “Now, what to do with you?”
- >”I’ll do anything. Take my crebits! My keys! Just don’t use that hot monkey dick on me!” she breaks into more intense sobbing.
- >Now it’s your turn to freeze in place, scalpel in hand.
- “What?”
- >”I have a husband. Two kids! Please don’t…”
- “Hot… monkey dick? Define hot monkey dick.” *beep*
- >A synthetic voice booms over the speakers and siren, “Hot Monkey Dick. Noun. The love muscle of all known ‘human’ specimens. Assumed extinct after the last Anon had passed. Would you like to know more?”
- >You stare at her with utter confusion.
- “What kind of fucked up place are you guys running here?”
- “I mean hell, I murdered people, tasted their entrails and fed them their own fecal matter. What- In whose right mind would they name my junk a, and I quote, ‘Hot Monkey Dick.’”
- >”It is kind of silly,” she admits before cowering again.
- >You throw your hands in the air in defeat.
- “I can’t work like this. How do I go on knowing that- I can’t even look at it the same way anymore. Thanks Equestria.”
- >”Equestria?”
- “Keep it rolling now, don’t stop on my account. Where are we then? Rimlock?”
- >”We- we’re orbiting over the planet.”
- >…
- “Say what now?”
- >”I said-“
- “I know what you said. What the hell is this then?”
- >You find the window controls and immediately regret opening them.
- >The vast expanse of space welcomes you, the stars peppered throughout, the planet hanging just below you.
- >You’ve got to be kidding me?
- >You immediately turn back to her as she tries to slink away.
- “What’s the fastest way off the station?”
- >”Escape pods, but that’s half the ship away.”
- “Half the ship? This is a ship?”
- >”Welcome to the Equestrian Space Fleet,” she tries to laugh.
- >G-god dammit. You put your hands on your hips and ask her which way to go.
- >”T-that way, but I wouldn’t go that way if I were you.”
- “And why is that?”
- >She points down and you immediately see why.
- “I’m naked aren’t I?”
- >”Except for your socks.”
- “Thanks for that.”
- >You grab one of the larger boxes that contained some first aid kits and dump them out, placing it over your head.
- >”What- what are you doing?”
- “Don’t question my methods unless you want some of the hot monkey dick!”
- >She curls into the corner as you prepare to leave only for two guards to open it for you.
- “Ahh thank your gentlemen. Now if you don’t mind me I’ll just-“
- >”Get him!”
- >They lunge for you only to get punched right smack dab in the nose.
- “Ah ah ah, you forgot to say the magic word, ah ah ah.”
- >You smash both their heads together and part their slouched bodies, not corpses mind you.
- >Can’t go turn over a turned over leaf. That’s just stupid, like that sentence.
- >Concealed beneath your box you slide to the edge of the hallway which has grown a bit emptier now that you vacated the hall with the security alert.
- >Oh well, you’ll have plenty of time for conversation later.
- >Sliding down the hall you can’t help but notice how cold you’re starting to get, being naked and all.
- >Perhaps you could’ve taken their clothes. Perhaps you could’ve slit Chrysalis’s throat when you had the chance.
- >We all make mistakes, you think turning the corner.
- >…
- >And yours was turning the quarter.
- >The hallway is busier than Paris Hilton’s cooter, and that’s saying something.
- >Thankfully no one seems to be paying any mind to the walking box with socks.
- >”He’s got to be around here somewhere,” you hear a familiar voice state, “Set your phasers to FUN!”
- >Oh shit she’s here. The pink one.
- >”Wait Pinkie don’t-“ but it’s too late as she begins firing madly into the crowd.
- >You almost don’t make it out of there, but somehow you did.
- >The escape pods are all lined up and ready to go.
- >You slip inside, noting how spacious they are despite being designed for p0nies.
- >You set the coordinates for P0nyville and sit back as the engine flares.
- >”Good morning. We hope you enjoyed your stay on the MLP Marehood. Our in-flight movie will be Old Winona, a true story and our in-flight meal is our Galactic Good Squash Soup.”
- >A projector falls down to begin to show as a small bowl of soup comes out from the compartment.
- >You sniff it hesitantly and almost gag at the very thought of tasting that bile.
- >You wouldn’t drink that if it came from a horse’s vag.
- “Guh, define Squash Soup,” you say.
- >You wish hadn’t…
- ---------------- Cooped Cake ----------------
- >Day 16 under House Arrest, the reckoning is coming.
- >By now you’re surprised the floor boards haven’t ignited due to the pounding you’ve been giving them.
- >You pace back and forth in your room at Sweet Apple Acres, each step of your power armor a little more forceful than the last.
- >16 days. 9 hours. 22 minutes. 5 seconds.
- >Yeah this isn’t happening.
- >You activate your camo module that you’ve still got installed and sneak over to the window.
- >Five guards by day. Eight by night. Each armed with… Why do you care what they’re armed with? You’re a Spartan.
- >Fuck this shit you want to stretch your legs.
- >You sneak off downstairs and step outside, the light bending around your armor plating granting you near invisibility.
- >This is going to be a pie- “Halt!”
- >A guard marches up to you and you haven’t even stepped off the porch yet.
- >His horn’s glowing a misty blue and he waves it around where you stand, “We’ve been warned of your trickery, and it won’t last. Head back inside.”
- >Those sneaky mother fuckers. It must’ve been Twilight who clued them in your ‘trickery.’
- >But by the trajectory of his eyes you’re starting to think he doesn’t know exactly how big you are in comparison.
- >Clicking off your cloak you watch as his eyes widen until they’re coated in an eerie blackness.
- “Hey, eyes up here buddy,” you comment as he looks away from your crotch.
- >When he finally reaches your head you spot the subtle shudder as he realizes just how fucked he is.
- “So what were you saying again?”
- >”I- I-“ he can barely get out a word let alone try to stop you if you made a break for it.
- >Hell Rainbow Dash can’t keep up with you and she’s supposed to be the ‘fastest’ in Equestria.
- >She obviously hasn’t seen Mr. Cake in the sack. That’s oddly sad and incredibly awkward if you ever wander in on them.
- >You’d wished it to be a bad dream, but what sort of bullshit would that be?
- >The second guard steps up more confident than the unicorn, “Your detainment is to last two days and three nights longer. Head back inside or we’ll be forced to prolong said sentence.”
- >You grin behind the helmet and prepare to challenge him, “Anon! Get that behind back inside sugarcube!”
- >God… dammit AJ. You were about to lay down the law, Anon style.
- “Maybe next time.”
- >You head back inside, Applebloom playing ‘The Floor is Lava’ with her crusader friends.
- “Where’s AJ? I heard her yell at me.”
- >”She’s up in her room, but she didn’t want no p0ny botherin here.”
- >Oh we’ll see about that.
- >If she has the nerve to call you off then she has the time to get a little Anon time.
- >You knock on the door, “I’m busy.”
- “Applejack I will toss dung beetles down your back if you don’t let me in.”
- >”Just- give me a minute.”
- >You wait at the door while she clammers around inside.
- >What the hell is she doing in there? Was that a saw? Where do you even get power tools?
- “Is everything alright in there?”
- >”C-come on in.”
- >You open the door finding the windows boarded over enveloping the room in darkness save for a few candles lit on the dresser and the table top.
- >You don’t see Applejack any- What the fuck is that?
- >On the middle of her tarp covered bed is a large ass cake, the very one that matches the description of Celestia’s, the fucking one you were accused of eating.
- >Okay what the hell is going on here?
- >The door shuts behind you, Applejack standing there as red as a cherry, “Howdy there partner…”
- “You want to explain why the cake I was framed for eating is sitting on your bed?”
- >”I didn’t want to do this to ya Anon, but you’ve been so busy that we ain’t got any time to spend together. So ah might’ve took it so I could have ya all to myself.”
- “I’ve- been cooped up in here- for weeks! I’m about to go batshit and then you tell me-“
- >She saunters up to you all sultry-like, “Ah know how you get when you’re tense Anon.” She rubs her hoof up your stomach and down your leg, “Ya can be quite the animal.”
- >…
- >”Of course, I can’t have anyp0ny finding out, but ya wouldn’t tell just anyp0ny now would ya?”
- “I guess not,” you begin warming up to this plan of hers, “So… What’re we going to do about that cake?”
- >”Ah’m more concerned ‘bout what you’re gonna do to me…” she leans in towards you as you take off your helmet.
- “Do you have any towels?”
- >”Planning on making a mess?”
- “Oh yeah.”
- >Today was a ‘getting rid of the evidence’ kind of day.
- ---------------- Anon! Secure that Doughnut! ----------------
- >You wake up and do your morning workout.
- “Ahh,” you groan finishing up your post-workout shower, “I could really go for some doughnuts right now.”
- >Doesn’t need to be some masterpiece either, just a simple glazed mouthful of joy.
- >Wait shit! You don’t have enough bits to actually go buy one.
- >With all your time at the club you’ve been using your money to see everyp0ny has a good time.
- >Last week you even managed to get Twilight out on the dance floor. Your regulars have only started drifting back in.
- >Twilight has received a lifetime ban from the dance floor and has also been the recipient of one stern talking to.
- >You’ll have to wait until next week for your bits.
- >Wait a second! Pinkie loves you and would totally give you a free doughnut, besides she owes you for the bathroom incident.
- >The vomit took a month to fully get out.
- >But the past doesn’t matter right now, not when doughnuts await!
- >You snap on your armor, grab that sidearm and charge onward to victory!
- >Right into Twilight’s cone of vision, “Anon!’
- >Oh god fucking dammit!
- “Morning Twilight. How are you doing?”
- >”Good. Listen, I was going over some of those old papers you gave me and I can’t seem to piece it all together.”
- >No no no no no no no.
- >”Can you help me out? It’ll only take a minute.”
- >Ughhh, what the hell. It’ll only take a minute right?
- >Wrong! You collapse back on your doorstep, head throbbing from the sheer bullshit Twilight pulled on you.
- >”You can’t ban the Twimeister. I need to spread my wings and fly!”
- “You don’t have wings,” you groan back and crawl inside.
- >”One day I will and you’ll be so jealous!” you hear her cry back before you slam the door.
- “Keep dreaming.”
- >Eight pissing hours. You can handle yourself in some situations, but being forced to sit there and watch her dance for eight hours on end made you want to pullet a bullet in your brain.
- >You tried too, but of course you fired off the last one months ago.
- >You live in a cruel cruel world… one without remorse, and without doughnuts.
- “I wonder if Vinyl will care if I don’t show up today? She’ll understand.”
- >You crawl into the fetal position and cry yourself to sleep.
- >Dreams don’t have quite the solace you were expecting.
- >Fields of doughnuts lied before you like little flowers just waiting to be plucked, but they sat so far away, a morbidly obese Twilight dancing around and absorbing them in her fat rolls.
- >”I do what I want!”
- >You begged for her to stop but it was too late as she had consumed every doughnut in existence.
- >When you woke up you were filled with new purpose.
- >You would have a doughnut no matter what it took.
- >Attempt 1.
- >You walk out and head straight to Sugarcube Corner.
- >Applejack was there and asked you to help set up her apple cart.
- >AJ would never pull something on you so you accepted.
- >The second it was up you were swarmed with p0nies wanting apples.
- >What, do they have an apple fetish or something?
- >You get guilted into helping her through the rush.
- >Finally get to Sugarcube Corner and press your face against the glass.
- >The counter’s are empty, no more doughnuts.
- “Curses!”
- >Attempt 2.
- >Once again head straight to the objective.
- >You spot Applejack at the end of the corner with her apple cart.
- >Ha ha, not this time. You wave but fain ignorance when she starts asking for help.
- >You spot that cupcake tower that sits atop that fateful shop.
- >Target spotted, moving to intercept. Not five seconds later you trip over some midget thing.
- >Shoot it was Fluttershy and now she’s crying.
- >You try to calm her down and tell her that she’s fine but it isn’t working.
- >The stares… Why must everyone be looking at you?
- >End up taking Fluttershy back to her house where you take care of her all day along with her animals.
- >She thanks you and gives you a sandwich as a reward.
- >Shit isn’t even glazed. Still tasted good though.
- >Attempt 5.
- >Make a break for the shop.
- >Ignore AJ entirely and dodge Fluttershy while she’s on her chores.
- >Make a left to avoid Lyra and her stupid obsession with your hands.
- >Almost forget to duck when Rainbow Dash comes in for her landing strip.
- >She challenges you to a race but you have better things to do.
- >As you stand at the corner out of breath you feel a small tug on the leg of your pants.
- >It’s a small filly with tears in her eyes.
- >She’s holding onto a spool of string that leads up to a nearby tree.
- >You’ve got to be fucking with me.
- >Spend half an hour attempting to free this filly’s kite from a tree.
- >End up falling off twice and nearly impaling yourself on the fencepost.
- >Three times you almost had it but the branch snapped because of your weight.
- >By the time you successfully recovered the kite the shelves were empty once again.
- “For fuck sakes…”
- >Attempt 65.
- >You have saved enough cash to buy a lifetime’s supply of doughnuts but now it’s a matter of principle.
- >You burst from your house armed to the teeth and charge to victory.
- >Letting out both barrels you blow a hole clear through the apple cart and sending jam everywhere.
- >Fluttershy and Lyra are too busy slurping up surplus jelly to meddle with you.
- >You whip out your makeshift taser and shoot Rainbow Dash right in the cooter turning her into Rainbow Crashthroughfivebuildingsandisnowinfetile.
- >You burn down the kite in the tree before the kid can say a word and blast out a hole in an elderly couple’s wall to let in some fresh air.
- >Whipping out a sentry gun you set it up facing the clouds to keep the sky clear from those pesky pidgeons.
- >The only thing dropping this time is going to be red.
- >Cries shriek as the gun does its magic and you, after all this time, stand at Sugarcube Corner.
- >You waltz in, steaming and sweaty from all this work, tossing down your guns as you approach the counter, one majestic pastry left.
- >”Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, home of the Pinkie Twist- Hey Anon! Long time no see huh?”
- “Pinkie. I want…”
- >”Sorry,” she wipes out her ear, “You have to speak up.”
- >You grab her by the neck and force your head against hers.
- “Pinkie. Doughnut. Now.”
- >”Oh this pastry?” she wiggles out of your grasp like a snake and pulls it from the cupboard.
- >Your mouth drools at the thought of it running down- “It’s on reserve.”
- “R-reserve. For who!”
- >You can feel her dark presence like the plague as the purple unicorn walks up behind you, “Me.”
- >She snatches it from Pinkie’s hand and gulps it down in one bite, “No one stops the Twimeister.”
- >Without a word you shut the blinds and lock the door.
- >You flip the sign to closed and grin at Twilight with the face of death itself. *gulp*
- >Today was an ‘I’ll get that doughnut one way or another’ kind of day.
- ---------------- Channeling Rance ----------------
- >A pained yelp signals the last of the long line of stallions having undergone their certain 'procedure.'
- "I'm not entirely sure why this was necessary Twilight."
- >You never did fully understand Equestrian customs, but regardless you will honor them.
- >"It's tradition. Our ancestors used to use one stallion to bring about the next generation of p0nies. It's not... the most efficient way, but it's how we've done things in the past."
- "Wouldn't that merely stunt the genetic pool?"
- >She can't argue with that.
- >"Look Anon, I know that we've had our hooves, well my hooves and your hands, full, and I know it's been hard with Anny running around."
- "Speaking of that little rascal, where is she?"
- >"Magic Kindergarten. She's a year ahead for her age."
- >Ever since that little p0ny came into your life she's been quite the nuisance for you both, but you love her all the same.
- >Twilight's face flushes red and her speech stutters, "But... I just wanted you to know- I'll always love you, no matter what."
- >Her breath picks up and you urge her to sit down.
- "What's wrong Twilight?"
- >She presses her head against your chest and breathes deeply, "You smell so good..."
- >This isn't- Wait, every stallion had to get castrated, one stallion has to be left, and now she's acting like this.
- "Twilight, what's going on?"
- >"I'm sorry, but the stallion has to be of royal blood. It's- *sniff* it's in the rules."
- >You turn your head to the doorway, Celestia and Luna blushing and pawing at the floor.
- "B-but what about Shining Armor, or Blueblood?"
- >She has to cover her mouth as not to vomit, "One's my brother and no p0ny in Equestria would touch the other." She trails a hoof across your chest, "But they'd touch you."
- >The creepiness has effectively doubled.
- >Luna steps forward but stays a good distance away, "Rest assured Anon, you will not come to harm. I know we’ve never truly seen eye-to-eye…”
- >This must be hard for them as well, even royalty feels the constraints of their own nature.
- >”We have,” Twilight pauses to get another whiff, “Some control over ourselves, but please… I always wanted another daughter.”
- “And you promise that you won’t get mad at me?”
- >She shakes her head, “I’ll always love you Anon.”
- >You nod your head solemnly. It is your duty.
- >You tear off your pants and throw your armor to the side within seconds.
- >The p0nies look at you in awe at your enthusiasm.
- “What?” you ask in confusion, “I’m still a guy.”
- >Today was a very reproductive day.
- ---------------- Scruff Storm ----------------
- >Day Anon in Equestria.
- >You sigh as you recline in your chair, sunglasses pulled up over your eyes.
- "It's a good day to be Anon..."
- >At least, so you thought. A faint sound floats upon the wind, a rapid pant growing in intensity followed by the aroma of wet ink.
- "Twilight..."
- >One flash of purple later and the fucking unicorn is standing in front of you, completely out of breath.
- >"A-a... Anon..." she musters, leaning against the balcony on which your seated.
- >Be still, her vision is based on movement.
- >"You've- *gasp* you've got to help us. Things are out of control."
- "I'm sorry, the Anon you're trying to reach is not available right now, please leave your name and bugger off. He has better things to do."
- >"Anon! This is serious! It's- it's scruffy!"
- >Oh? Now that is something. You look over your sunglasses, the once purple unicorn a deep red.
- "You have my attention."
- >"He's- He's deleting everything! All my books! My Books, Anon!"
- "God forbid he burn your clopfics," you shake your head and readjust your glasses, "I don't see what this has to do with me."
- >GAH! THE LIGHT!
- "Give those back you wench!"
- >"No," she replies vaporizing your precious spectacles, "Things are going batshit and... and we need a place to stay."
- "We?" you stand up out of your chair, "Who in Tartarus is we?"
- >"Them," she points outwards, a sea of p0nies flocking carrying their creepy fanfics and other invaluables.
- "You've got to be kidding me."
- >And just when you think it can't get any worse, you feel a tug on your jeans.
- >"Ummm, Anon?"
- "Ugh... What Fluttershy?"
- >"Can, um- Can I stay with you?"
- "God... dammit Fluttershy..."
- >...
- >Don't give me those fucking eyes.
- "Take the spare bedroom." *squee*
- >"And what about the rest of us?" Twilight asks, the first knocks ringing on your door.
- "Fucking- What the shit, welcome to AiE you assburgers."
- >"Thank yo-"
- "But tone down your clop. I don't want you stinking up the place."
- >"But why?!"
- >You'd like to Elements of Harmony the hell out of Scruffy.
- ---------------- Vacate the Premises ----------------
- >Day Anon in Equestria.
- "God this fucking sucks..."
- >Your house is riddled with p0nyshit and god knows how much longer it's going to be before things turn around.
- >Fucking Scruffy.
- >There's a knock at the door. Oh thank fuck it's Derpy, the mail mare.
- "Hey, got mail for me?"
- >...
- ...
- >...
- ...
- >"What?"
- >You fucking hate this place.
- "Just give me my fucking mail."
- >Slam the door on her and accidentally step in shit on the way back.
- >That's it. No more walking into blinding white lights.
- >"Hey umm, Anon?"
- >You rub your eyes, already feeling a headache coming on.
- "What is it Fluttershy?"
- >"The toilet's clogged."
- "The- the toilet? You don't even use the damn thing!"
- >"I know... but uh, Angel's really picky so he-"
- "The fucking rabbit clogged my toilet? I can shit bigger things than him out! What did he eat?"
- >"Those weird taco things in your fridge."
- >No on must know.
- "That's it, get the fuck out."
- >"But-?"
- "NOW!"
- >God, if you're out there, smite me where I stand.
- >Might as well check this fucking mail.
- >Bill, bill, bill, Playcolt... You'll keep that, bill. Hmm? A letter from AiE?
- >Let's see here...
- >'Anon lands in equestria and isn't a complete beta faggot.'
- >You've got to be shitting me.
- >"Umm, alright we'll be going now."
- "Just- wait a second Fluttershy, I'm sorry."
- >"R-really?"
- "I'm being a bit hard on you. You're in a tough spot right now, so it's only right for me to help you out. I shouldn't yell at you. In fact, you should probably start walking all over me now."
- >"Is- is masochism your fetish?"
- ...
- >...
- "Get the fuck out."
- >"But you just-"
- "OUT!"
- >Fuck this place, so god damn hard.
- ---------------- Can you hear me now? ----------------
- >Be Anon.
- >It's been a week since you arrived through the wardrobe.
- >Thought you'd be going to Narnia but noooooo.
- >Had to be p0nyland.
- >First thing that happens when they see you? Fucking run.
- >You'll give them a reason to run.
- >Being stalking each and every p0ny.
- >Every. One.
- >Started out small, being there when they didn't expect it. Random hello.
- >Then it got bigger. Watching them from afar, hand vigorously moving in your trousers.
- >Pretty soon every p0ny knew you and not to go near you, even the children.
- >Then you hit the big leagues.
- >You stand just beside her bed, eyes on her beautifully sculpted ears.
- >You'd walk a mile through her wax to pick your dick in those.
- >But now was your chance.
- >You kneel down and suckle at her lobes.
- >They taste like oranges.
- >Your tongue flicks inside her ear, pants uncomfortably tight.
- >She moans like the whore she is.
- >It is time. *zip*
- >Start out slow, savoring every texture of it. Yeah...
- "You like that don't you bitch?"
- >Oh shit she's waking up.
- >"A- ANON!"
- >Still straddling her head, waist-deep in her ear you can only say one thing.
- "Praise the sun?"
- >Be forever known as 'that one ape who ear-raped a princess.'
- >Succeeded at making everyp0ny afraid of you.
- >Bad news is, you only have a few weeks to live.
- >Celestia had hearing aids.
- ---------------- Write A Oneshot They Said ----------------
- >Be Anon.
- >Go to Equestria.
- >What is this horseshit?
- >Settle in.
- >Oh that's a nice moon they have.
- >Oh that's a statue they have.
- >Oh that's a nice wedding you have.
- >Oh that's a nice cursed empire they have.
- >Oh that's a nice unicorn you have.
- >Proceed to screw things up.
- >This isn't very good now is it?
- >Proceed to fix things up.
- >Huh? That was easy.
- >You've learned a valuable lesson about being a better person.
- >Meet a nice mare and get to know her better, quite a childish personality.
- >Things get hot and steamy in the missionary position.
- >For the sole purpose of procreation they said.
- >A year later and no child.
- >In good news, your wife just turned 5.
- ---------------- Don't Like Our Thread? ----------------
- >It was a long time ago, in a land far different from ours.
- >Where p0nies roamed the plains and specs ruled the stars.
- >Why this place out of the many in the sky?
- >Well, I'll tell you, I'm not sure why.
- >Anon was him name, the traveler mysterious.
- >He found himself in a forest, his head quite delirious.
- >Wandered he did in those wooden plains, all the while curious as to what he could gain.
- >Friendship was one thought that crossed his mind, "My little pony, of course," he would rhyme.
- >But when he found that faithful village of his, it was not the same as he'd remembered it.
- >"Halt there young traveler, this place isn't safe. Too long has it been since harmony has graced."
- "Harmony," he thinks to himself in confusion, "What's wrong with place? An illusion?"
- >"I lived here once, a long time ago. Has time passed in such lengths that I can't bear to let go?"
- >You left town that night, or what was left. What else was there, the land quite swept.
- >He returns to the forest, sky black as night. A hole, he soon finds is quite a delight.
- >He nestles right in, this is his new home.
- "Don't worry young creatures, this is just a poem."
- >Eyes fell shut as the night passed, but it wasn't to be, for it was his last.
- >Harmony gone, the land now foul. Not a peep in the forest, not even a growl.
- >This story ends, much like it begins, another traveler comes as it's always been.
- "What joyous adventures," he'd cheer with glee as he took down the path towards his destiny.
- >Why didn't I stop him? Why watch him again?
- "You don't like our thread? Good, fuck off then."
- ---------------- Oaken Fields ----------------
- >Oaken Fields, that is the name if the sign is to be believed. You always wondered how exactly they attached text to these signs.
- >With a single finger you trace along the wooden indent, the tip filling in the void that the letters compose. Hmm, you’d thought them written, not carved into the wood.
- >By now you’re quite familiar with the… aura of sorts, that your companion radiates, a bit more pompous than you like, but the rest of her is ‘a-okay.’
- >”Jeez can you stop touching everything when you see it? We have a schedule to keep, and if you make me late, I will make your life a living…”
- >Your stare halts her sentence, Rainbow Dash still flustered, “Just hurry up will ya? This is one meeting I *really* don’t want to be late for.”
- >You nod, Rainbow Dash zooming back through the gates and into the ‘park.’
- >It was described to you as a forest but not a forest. These p0nies need to be more efficient at describing.
- >Pulling away from the sign you take a look at the elusive ‘park,’ the bounds stretching beyond your sight, though you’re sure should you go back to your previous state, this land would be trivial in size.
- >You reach down to pluck a flower, a simple thing with golden petals and a core of rubies. Not literally of course, though such a wonder would deserve such admiration.
- >You think you’ll keep this for now. Not to eat, you’ve had your fill on your way here.
- >The taste didn’t bother you. It was more so the rubbery lining that now fills your mouth.
- >That you could do without.
- >So instead you place nature’s bounty in your breast pocket, the flower directing itself to the sun ahead of you.
- >Making sure your tie is straight and suit dust-free, a smile creeps onto your face.
- >Now that is a wonder…
- >You approach, hands behind your back even when the sun’s rays decide to blind you. Poor them, they do not know of your immunity to such efforts.
- >How long has it been since you had last met? A hundred years? A thousand? Yes, something like that.
- >Though, by technicality, you’re unsure if what you had was a meeting at all. A favor…
- >”About time you hurried up,” Ms. Dash seems quit annoyed with you. Oh well. “You shouldn’t keep her waiting.”
- >”Please Rainbow Dash, it is quite alright,” the mare smiles before turning to you, hair swaying despite the lack of a breeze, “I understand that you are Anon.”
- >You nod, the towering mare looking back down to your friend, “Rainbow Dash has told me much about you.”
- “Truly?” your gaze turns, “I certainly hope she kept things civil. I’d hate to terminate our relationship.”
- >”How could you- I would never do something like that. Loyalty? Come on, step it up.”
- >You look for a place to stand but the- Very confusing Ms. Dash, most definitely.
- >An aroma catches your nose, a most distinct scent that… has no equal. It is as the taste of water, indescribable.
- >But- Freshly cut grass… Hmm, It can be defined after all.
- “This place, Oaken Fields, is quite pleasant,” you remark gazing over the wild flowers, “It reminds me…”
- >Of? Of what? Poor Anon, you don’t even know…
- >”Yes,” the mare speaks in that noble tone you’d expect.
- “Of a place I used to know.” And yet, it escapes you.
- >The mare smiles, her voice so familiar yet so foreign, “It is not the only thing.”
- >Too long has it been since you visited the castle of Canterlot, and she has been the cause.
- >One soul, returned to its owner, stood beside you on the trip here. Two souls, returned to their owners, await for you now.
- >How exquisite.
- >”Rainbow Dash, I wish to thank you for arranging this meeting. It has been too long since I could enjoy common company.”
- >”It ain’t nothing but a thing,” Ms. Dash chippers off and flutters just above the ground, “I’ll be at the gate if you need me. Try not to have too much fun without me, Anon.”
- “Of course, you shall be the first to get me ‘wasted.’”
- >She turns a beet red before bolting off around the corner, “Wasted, hmm? It would seem even the element of loyalty needs a way to settle down.”
- >You gaze around the vacant park, not a p0ny in sight besides the two of you.
- “I have always wondered what she means by that. To waste? All logical paths would lead me to believe she means to squander, and yet I feel as if this is in error.”
- >”Perhaps one day you will find out,” she smiles back and continues with a bow, “But I fear we did not have a proper introduction. I am Princess Celestia.”
- “Anon, madam. Short for Anonymous.”
- >”Quite a peculiar name,” she notes, presenting her hoof down the pathway, “Shall we?”
- >Walk? Run? Skip? Glide? The details, they are what matter, but you understand her still.
- >To walk beside the princess, instead of simply watching from afar, has a peculiar effect, a soothing sensation with a subtle… tingle. It is very strange.
- >”How long have you been in Equestria,” she asks you as she admires the flora, an attempt to begin a conversation it would seem.
- “Since the Summer Sun Celebration. Quite a strange gathering, and to watch the sunrise no less.”
- >”Is that resentment I hear?”
- >Resentment implies an inner hatred or bitter intent towards something. That is simply untrue.
- “Incorrect. I would instead lead you to believe that it is more so the sound of confusion.”
- >”Might you elaborate?” she asks, stopping between two large oaks so that you might gain view of the ball of light.
- >A remarkable view, you’d say.
- “A celebration, as to my knowledge, has special significance to those who practice it, and as far as I could tell, yours did not have such a unique meaning.”
- >You present the sun, the both of you gazing up towards it.
- “The sun, a source of natural grace, this I will not dispute, but my question is why pay tribute to such a natural occurrence if it occurs every day? This I will not understand.”
- >Celestia nods her head, “You make a valid point Anon. Why would all of Equestria care for a certain sunrise? It’s natural that someone of your… unique background would find it puzzling.”
- >Unique backgrou- No, Ms. Dash would know better, surely. Surely…
- >”But try not to look at the sun, Anon, and look to us,” you do as she asks. “What do you see right here?”
- >You rub your chin intensely as you survey the location where you stand. There’s Celestia, you, the park… What could she be referring to?
- “An illusion, some manner of trickery perhaps.”
- >She shakes her head, “You are overthinking things Anon. Tell me what you see.”
- >You see her, so many years ago, silent upon her bed, the bliss upon her face as she had rested.
- >There was no meeting as there had been with Ms. Dash, just a silent observation.
- >When life once again surged within her, you did not speak, only watched as she gasped and spun around in confusion.
- >The way her hair spun in the moonlight…
- >”Would you like help?” she jokes as you’re overwhelmed with a sense of embarrassment.
- “Apologies, I was just… thinking of something.”
- >Now she was asking- Ah, what do you see. What indeed.
- “I see a princess-“
- >”P0ny, Anon. Please keep things simple.” You’re unsure of her justification, but she is a princess after all.
- “I see a p0ny standing in a park…”
- >She allows a brief silence to pass, “And what else do you see?”
- “The grass, a dirt pathway-“
- >She shakes her head again, “Look down.”
- >Hmm, did you step in something on the way here? You see some residue from your trip upon your shoes, but apart from that there is a noticeable absence.
- “What else is there to see?”
- >She smiles, looking towards the sun, ”Two creatures standing together, one p0ny, one not so much, both bonding in a shared appreciation of life’s wonders.”
- >Quite a lengthy explanation.
- “To join together… this is the reasoning?
- >”It has been a very long time since last I watched the sun with another. Far too long.”
- >Watching the sun with another, skin chilled yet the sun so bright… It was as if- Gone.
- >Harmony, the bond between p0nies, that is what has kept this nation together for so long.
- >Even when you encroached, they continued onwards, together.
- >”You enjoy this place don’t you?”
- “Yes,” you reply as you kneel downwards, hand flowing through the dampened grass and petals, “Yes I do.”
- >Cool dew joins your hand, the moisture passing to your forehead with a swipe, the feeling amplified twofold.
- >”I thought you might.”
- >And why might she have thought that.
- “Why, princess?”
- >She smiles and you join her in a peaceful trot, “I do not know. Have you ever felt… I am unsure myself.”
- >The birds chirp and pass between the treetops, Celestia calmed by the tender creatures.
- “Do not feel pressured to speak. Silence speaks volumes, as the saying goes.”
- >”When you speak like this, I don’t know, you remind me of a p0ny I used to know.”
- >You certainly hope he was one of decent enough character. It would be a shame should it not be so.
- >”So much time has passed,” she chuckles lightly, “I can’t hardly remember his name.”
- >If she laughs then why does her voice contain a deep sadness? Pained laughter, a most dire expression.
- >You pluck the flower from your pocket, twirling the petals around one last time before tucking it behind her ear.
- >”What is this?” she tries to spot your gift from the corner of her eye.
- “I do not know,” you reply, Celestia smiling back at you, “and yet, you too remind me of someone. Someone I met long ago.”
- >”Who was she?”
- >The smell of freshly cut grass, the light of the burning sun, the grace of an innocent flower.
- >Your grin disappears as you increase your speed down the path.
- “I cannot remember.”
- >Why? Why can you not remember? Because there is nothing to remember. Only blackness.
- >That’s a lie. You know it to be tru- Is it? Stop.
- >Listen to yourself. Is this how- Leave it alone. You don’t have- Human.
- >You rub your temples as you pace back and forth, having already lost the princess down one of the many paths.
- >That… niggling little word worms its way around your mind, but you can’t remember.
- >”Anon.” You pause and quickly compose yourself, turning to meet Celestia with a smile, “Are you well?”
- “Most certainly. I was merely in need of some fresh air.”
- >She looks at you… She knows. “You never were a good liar, you know.”
- >She’s right, you- You weren’t?
- >”Luna did the same thing, that flaring you do with your nostrils. It’s a dead giveaway.”
- “So… you don’t know me.”
- >”I only just met you, Anon.”
- >But she knows so much. What about before?
- “You must know of me. You spoke of my background before, so it is clear-“
- >”This is not your home, that is what the young Pegasus Rainbow Dash told me. I inferred that this would all be new to you.”
- >Gain control of yourself Anon. She knows not of what you are- who you are… No, what is the correct term.
- >”I did not mean to offend you.”
- “No please, there is no need for an apology. An overreaction on my part. Please accept my own instead.”
- >”So very similar…” she mutters as you continue to walk around the park.
- >So is she.
- >Talking to her like this, it feels like a crime. You caused such ill to befall her kingdom, even her own sister, and here you stand unharmed, untouched by your deeds.
- “I have a question, princess, if you shall have it.”
- >”Please, address me as Celestia, we are in good company.”
- >Good company… It brings a shard of joy to your heart.
- “If someone were ever to cause you harm, unknowingly mind you, would you deem it fit to punish such a person?”
- >”You mean harm to my person?”
- “Not necessarily, more so a sequence of events that cause harm to you and your kingdom. Would you punish someone for that?”
- >”This sounds quite personal,” she replies with a grin, “You’re not planning anything are you?”
- “Of course not Celestia, I would never do that after- *acheem* Would you punish them?”
- >Your slip seems to have passed her by, “It would depend, dear Anon, if that p0ny did so knowingly of the consequences.”
- >She does not understand the scope to which you speak.
- “What if this p0ny had, for example, caused the release of the tyrannical Draconequus and subsequently the conversion of Nightmare Moon? What then?”
- >Once again her glance towards you shows suspicion, “You are quite sure that you have no conspiracy you wish to admit to?”
- “Just the past…” you accidently mutter under your breath. “No, nothing like that.”
- >Her body relaxes back to her leisurely state, “Then I would go back to my initial question. Are their actions conducted knowing of the consequences?”
- >You pause, Celestia’s forgiveness coming too easily for your liking.
- “What if they did nothing to stop it? What if they watched?”
- >She pauses in turn and find her to be looking at you with a look that can only be described as sadness, “I’m sure he would have his reasons.”
- >You find yourself back at the entrance, Rainbow Dash standing out near the gates obviously bored ‘to tears.’
- >Yes you quite enjoy that one.
- >”I do believe that this brings our meeting to an end. I appreciate the gift,” she hovers the flower over to her other ear.
- “Princess-“
- >”Celestia,” she corrects with a smile, one you can’t help but mirror.
- “Celestia, I thank you for your time. This has been- most enjoyable and- I feel, quite strange. Almost as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.”
- >You stand opposite her in silence, the tension growing into one that can be described as awkward.
- >”Perhaps we can have another walk such as this? I always welcome good company.”
- “I look forward to it.”
- >Her eyes trail up and down your body one last time, “So very similar…”
- “Excuse me?”
- >”It is nothing. Now, you should attend to Rainbow Dash, I can feel her boredom from here.”
- “That is quite a skill.”
- >”Sarcasm, Anon. It was sarcasm.” Of course.
- “Well then,” you take a courteous bow, “Until we meet again, Princess Celestia.”
- >She nods her head as you turn and leave, quickly plucking up another flower, a copy of the one you presented to the princess.
- >Rainbow Dash would admire one such as this as well.
- >You keep the flower concealed in your hands behind your back, Celestia giving you her last words.
- >”Until next time…” she pauses, her smile one you can truly feel, “… my little human.”
- >You freeze in place. Human? You twist back around, finding only an empty pathway, light shining through the trees to your right.
- >”What is it Anon? Are you alright?” Ms. Dash asks as your vision searches for the missing princess.
- “Y-yes. I am quite alright.”
- >”Good, Scoots should be getting out of school soon. Wanna chill with us? We got ice cream.”
- >That word… Could she-
- >”Equestria to Anon, coming in. You in there?”
- >You shake your head at your behavior. You simply misheard her.
- >”Saying no to ice cream? Wow, what a party pooper.”
- “I shall go, but, what is this ice cream?”
- >Ms. Dash appears to have ‘knocked a couple screws loose,’ “Yeah, you’re coming with us.”
- >You give the park one last look as Rainbow Dash pushes you along, “Oooh, tastie flower. *chomp* Thanks.”
- “My pleasure.”
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------- Thread One-Shots (Updated - 11/9/13) ------
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