Title:           What if The Duke of Derpy left us?
Author:          Baron_of_Bonbon
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/Bagsdbqk
First Edit:      Saturday 1st of December 2012 03:51:29 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 1st of December 2012 03:51:29 PM CDT

What if The Duke of Derpy left us?
()()()()()()()()()
 
>It finally happened. You finally convinced the Duke of Derpy to leave the threads forever.
>It was all thanks to your houndings, they will make you a hero.
>Oh no! The Duke of Derpy is god's gift to the Earth after all!
>He’s finally gone, and now I finally have time to read the stories the other writers write.
One Week Later
>It’s been a week without Duke’s influence in the thread, and they have gotten better.
>There's no shitposting whatsoever anymore
>or /soc/-ing.
>just one troll
>Duke must be hiding behind the Anonymous tag.
>So I told him to go again.
>I know it was him, he was always the one to start the shit posting.
>More new writers have been flocking to AiE, unburdened by The Duke of Derpy's bullshit
Two Weeks Later
>The rate of stories has severely increased
>The troll is still there though
>It has to be Duke. He's been causing drama on skype lately
>I know it’s him. I has to be.
>I was right.
>The Duke of Derpy got fucking told that night
>he probably cried himself to McDonalds
 
One Month Later.
>Stories
>So many stories
>It’s impossible.
>Shinobi and Nether have written 4 new stories. What interesting and prolific writers!
>Betty is Betty, posting shorts and silly stories
Three Months Later
>Duke must have a Trojan on my computer.
>Everywhere, every thread I go to, I can see him, the lone troll, shitposting anonymously.
>He has hundreds of different flavors of autism, he must be eating several different vaginal creams at once to pull it off.
>I told the thread. They already seem to know
>Everyone knows it’s him.
>Pale and Wuten have moved in together and had a child. Chronicler and Aether are...*gulp* best friends!?
>Everything is awesome except that lonely troll
>Well... he's always got Moose
 
Six Months Later
>This cannot be happening.
>They're giving me the nobel peace prize for warding off The Duke of Derpy
>After that, I needed to finish my work.
>Duke had to be told.
>I cornered him down an alley in San Francisco.
>For the “King of Gore”, he seemed almost scared when I discovered him sucking cock in an alleyway.
>His cries for help made it all the better.
>I handed him a piece of paper that said: "ur a fagit"
>Spaghetti shot out of his nipples and he burst into treats
>I never saw The Duke of Derpy in person again.
 
12 Months Later
>I went to the current AiE thread, still holding strong.
>It was accompanied by a link to a website called “Reddit”
>I follow the link, and what comes up almost shocks me to death.
>The homepage was a subreddit dedicated to AiE.
>There was a list of writers.
>Names I remembered.
>Aether, Chronicler, Sherminator, Wuten.
>They were all here.
>And they were all writing.
>But at the very bottom, last on the list of favorite writers, was a picture of a familiar wall eyed grey mary sue Pegasus, and a name under it.
>”Duke of Derpy”
>Even Reddit thinks he's a fag.
 
The End
 
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What follows is the unaltered egomaniac trip that was the original story this is parodying:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Duke, please go (One Shot)
By: The Duke of Derpy
 
>It finally happened. You finally convinced the Duke of Derpy to leave the threads forever.
>It was all thanks to your houndings, they will make you a hero.
>When he said goodbye, there were posts that said that they would miss him.
>They were lying. They had to be. Just sparing his feelings .
>He’s finally gone, and now I finally have time to read the stories the other writers write.
One Week Later
>It’s been a week without Duke’s influence in the thread, and they have gotten better.
>I mean, there is still shit posting.
>And /soc/-ing.
>And trolls.
>But Duke must be hiding behind the Anonymous tag.
>So I told him to go again.
>I know it was him, he was always the one to start the shit posting.
>Some of the shit-tier writers have left now. Said that the crap was too much.
>Good riddance, I say. More space for the good ones.
Two Weeks Later
>Okay, so the rate of stories has severely decreased.
>More /soc/. More trolls.
>It has to be Duke. Even if some of the writers say he hasn’t been on Skype.
>I know it’s him. I has to be.
>Some of the okay writers have left now. Lovely and Aanon and the rest.
>I was disappointed but I know it will work out.
>More room for Sherm’s return.
 
One Month Later.
>/soc/
>So much /soc/
>There is more crap then there are stories.
>It’s impossible.
>How could Duke be doing this? It was almost impossible for him to be able post all this shit at once.
>Shinobi and Nether have left. They were too weak.
>Betty has said goodbye. He must be in denial of everything, he was delirious enough to say he was on good terms with Duke.
Three Months Later
>Duke must have a Trojan on my computer.
>Every board, every thread I go to, I can see him shit posting.
>He has hundreds of different trips, he must be working at several computers to pull it off.
>I tried telling the thread. They passed it off as another troll post, some even telling me to go see a shrink.
>I know it’s him.
>Pale and Wuten have left. He must have gotten to them too. I must save Chronicler and Aether.
>I can be a hero to them.
>and then, when they are so grateful for my bravery, they will write stories for me.
>Only me.
>For I take their stories seriously, unlike others.
 
>Five Months Later
>I…I was too late…
>I couldn’t stop his reach.
>Aether…and Chronicler…
>They both quit writing for AiE.
>It is impossible.
>With them gone, all that’s left is Anone Moose and his stupid one shits.
>I can’t handle this anymore.
>Duke has ruined this for good.
>He is everywhere.
>He is on 4chan.
>He’s on Facebook
>He’s on Youtube.
>I couldn’t stop it.
>I destroyed my computer, piece by piece.
>I must do something immediately.
Six Months Later
>This cannot be happening.
>They locked me up in a padded room somewhere.
>They say I lost my mind, but they won’t listen when I explain it.
>After everyone left the threads, I had to follow.
>They needed to return.
>And to do that, I need to remove the catalyst who started this.
>Duke had to die.
>I cornered him down an alley in Brooklyn.
>For the “King of Gore”, he seemed almost scared when I attacked.
>His cries for help made it all the better.
>Every swing of the hammer sprayed the walls, and my face, with blood.
>I left his body in an alley way, and it was over.
>But a week later, he appeared again.
>No, it wasn’t the same guy, but it had to be Duke.
>When I tortured him, he screamed ignorance.
>That Mary Sue creating ass was strong enough to never drop the act.
>But a new one sprang up.
>And again.
>And again.
>By the time they threw me in here, I killed 8 Dukes.
>But now… now I was stuck here, alone.
 
12 Months Later
>They told me I could use the computer today, but I didn’t know where to go.
>As I lurked, I stumbled on a familiar page.
>AiE Thread 947…
>After all this time, it still lived.
>Full of /soc/ and trolls.
>But there was something else.
>A person said he wanted to start writing stories about Anon in Equestria
>I immediately typed a reply about how he should leave now, but someone replies first.
>”Hey. Go here if you like.”
>It was accompanied by a link to a website called “Illuminati’s Anon”
>I follow the link, and what comes up almost shocks me to death.
>The homepage was simple, but it had large avatars with names under them.
>Names I remembered.
>Aether, Chronicler, Sherminator, Wuten.
>They were all here.
>And they were all writing.
>But near the top, 4th on the list of favourite writers, was a picture of a familiar wall eyed grey Pegasus, and a name under it.
>”Duke of Derpy”
>No…
>NO!
>I killed him!
>He should be gone.
>I type quickly, telling him to leave, when I feel a hand on my shoulder.
>’Time to go back to your room.’ Said the doctor.
>No, I needed more time, I said. I pleaded for 5 more minutes, but he was insistent.
>I thrashed and screamed that Duke needed to leave, one of my kicks knocking the computer tower over.
>It toppled over, and the screen went black.
>Noooo! I screamed at them to let me go, but they threw me back into my padded cell.
>I’m not allowed to use the computers anymore.
>After all this time.
>I knew where they were.
>I had the time.
>It isn’t fair…
>It’s just not fair!