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Operation: Silence Fluffies

By: BallsOfFluff on May 8th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 3.10 KB  |  hits: 565  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Don't have fluffy ponies.
  2. >Don't really hate them.
  3. >Just don't want to put up with the bullshit.
  4. >Neighbor has three fluffies.
  5. >You DO hate those three.
  6. >Noisiest fluffy ponies you've ever seen.
  7. >Neighbor leaves them outside in his fenced yard all day.
  8. >They laugh as they play.
  9. >They cry when they get hurt.
  10. >They squeal as they chase each-other around the yard.
  11. >They are never quiet.
  12. >Not just being anal...you've met other fluffies and they're not this loud.
  13. >You've tried to live with it.
  14. >Went outside, tried to get them to play quiet games.
  15. >What's wrong with hide and seek?
  16. >Fluffy ponies somehow make even that into a loud game.
  17. >Ask neighbor to keep them inside during the day.
  18. >He thinks that would be cruel to the fluffies.
  19. >Dumbass.
  20. >You're not just being an asshole.
  21. >You work at night.
  22. >You have every bit as much right to sleep as anyone else.
  23. >You have to take this into your own hands.
  24. >Operation Silence Fluffies.
  25. >Go to the costume shop.
  26. >Rent human sized fluffy pony suit.
  27. >It's not very convincing, but fluffies are epically stupid.
  28. >Cook up treats.
  29. >Spaghetti, but with meatsauce.
  30. >Meat is not good for fluffy pony digestion.
  31. >They'll eat it because they're dumb though.
  32.  
  33. >Go out to back yard.
  34. >Stupid neighbor fluffies run to fence happily.
  35. >"New fwiend?" "Pway!"
  36. "No...no pway. Haf nummies!"
  37. >Emmulate their stupid fluffy speech patterns.
  38. >Fluffies cheer and hop around in excitement.
  39. >"Yay! New fwiend gif nummies!"
  40. >Hand plate of spaghetti over fence.
  41. >Neighbor's fluffy ponies gobble it down, meat & all.
  42.  
  43. Visit every day that week...
  44. >Gradually introduce more meat into their mid-day meal.
  45. >Meat makes fluffy pony shit reek.
  46. >Mid day treats ruin fluffy appetite for nutritious food owner gives them.
  47. >Neighbor is confused and angry when fluffy ponies don't eat.
  48. >"Why aren't you eating your oats?"
  49. >"Fwuffies not hungwy fo' mowe nummies."
  50. >"Have you been taking treats from stranger humans?"
  51. >Fluffies recoil in fear. "No stwangers!"
  52. >"Then who's giving you food?"
  53. >"Fwiend fwuffy gif good nummies!"
  54. >Neighbor is confused...doesn't believe fluffies.
  55. >Suit rental was a good idea.
  56. >Neighbor begins keeping fluffy ponies inside.
  57. >That won't stop your evil plan.
  58. >Know where he keeps emergency key.
  59. >Slip in once a day while he's at work.
  60. >Continue feeding fluffy ponies.
  61. >Introduce something new.
  62. >Butt-Flo Fluffy Pony Laxative.
  63. >Just a few drops.
  64. >This, combined with meat in their diets will make neighbor's house smell horrendous.
  65. >Wait until nightfall.
  66. >Hear angry yelling, crying fluffy ponies.
  67. >Fluffies overflowed the litter box.
  68. >Crapped on the floor too.
  69. >Meat has made their feces stink horribly.
  70.  
  71. >Continue the assault.
  72. >In three days; success.
  73. >See neighbor carrying box out to car.
  74. >Plaintive crying from inside.
  75. >"Sowwee daddy!" "Pwease don' sent fwuffy away!" "Sowwee fow poopies!"
  76. >Neighbor says nothing.
  77. >Comes back later without box.
  78. >Hear later; he dropped them off at the worst fluffy pony shelter in town.
  79. >Sweet sweet silence.
  80. >You can finally sleep.
  81. >Productivity increases at work.
  82. >Raises, promotions.
  83. >everythingwentbetterthanexpected.
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