- >>Vietnam
- >>You're out on your first patrol with 4 fluffy G.I.s
- >>You spent the last 8 weeks training these little bastards to eat bullets and shit nails
- >>It's an experimental unit, the laughingstock of the military, implemented only to coincide with the recent granting of fluffy suffrage
- >>Sometimes the job feels like a punishment
- >>Other units snicker whenever you go by
- >>But no one fucks with you, they know how fuckin tough you are
- >>And that's how tough you made these goddamn fluffies
- >>Over time these dumb bastards became your closest friends
- >>You gave 'em nicknames - Munsta, Big BooBoo, Smarty Friend, and Bad Poopies
- >>They call you "Fwuffy Mumma", much to your chagrin
- >>These guys are your whole world now, and now that training's over, it's time for them to prove themselves
- >>Now you're in the jungles, patrolling for Vietcong
- "Smawty fwiend, take point. Bad Poopies, cover our six with the SAW."
- >>Goddammit, you even talk like them now
- >>You notice a clearing up ahead
- >>A lone fluffy pony is lying in the center
- >>It is waving a hoof
- >>Weeks of training collapse immediately
- >>Munsta is the first to go, running out for "hugsies"
- "PWIVATE! Get back here, NOW!"
- >>Bad Poopies drops the SAW and runs out into the clearing. "Fwen! Hewwo! Give hugsies!"
- >>You keep shouting, to no avail
- >>Munsta reaches the lone pony and begins hugging it. "Pway! Pway!"
- >>The pony simply continues to wave; it does not move otherwise
- >>This is more than enough for Big BooBoo, who now runs out to join the rest
- >>The only one who remains behind is Smarty Friend
- >>You got it right when you named him
- >>He looks like he's about to bolt forward though
- "Don't you fucking move, private. Hold your position."
- >>You smack him on the helmet for emphasis. >>"Owies! Ok! No move, sawge!"
- >>You watch as the other three ponies huddle around the waving body
- >>You know its dead
- >>Sweat runs down your face
- >>There is a loud bang
- >>Blood blossoms from BooBoo's backside
- >>He goes down, screaming. "OWIES!! Hewp! Hewp! Fwuffie huwt!"
- >>You throw your arm in front of Smarty Friend, holding him back
- "All of you, GET BACK HERE!"
- >>Munsta and Bad Poopies huddle around the wailing BooBoo, trying to hug him
- >>They don't understand what happened
- >>You were able to desensitize them to gunfire, but they never understood where bullets actually came from
- >>There is another loud bang
- >>Munsta's left front leg is blown clean off
- >>He flips on his back, screaming in agony
- >>Bad Poopies looks down at him, dumbfounded. "What happen to fwen legsie?"
- >>A bullet slams into his head, blowing out his left eye
- >>Blood sprays out his nose and mouth as he falls
- >>Bad Poopies is dead
- >>You realize now that the sniper isn't trying to draw the fluffies out
- >>He's trying to draw YOU out
- >>This fucker is going down
- >>You know he's shooting from a knot of conifers up ahead
- >>You also know that once he knows you know where he is, he's going to bolt
- >>Not happening
- "Stay here, Smawty. Don't move, unless you want to end up wike Bad Poopies."
- >>"No wan to be bad poopies..."
- >>You leave him, heading into the trees
- >>Munsta was the team sniper
- >>All you have is an SMG
- >>It'll have to do
- >>Staying out of sight, you make for the sniper's nest
- >>You catch a flash of him - he's covered in moss and grass, fixated on the kill zone, where Munstah and BooBoo are bleeding out
- >>They call out to you
- >>"Fwuffie Mumma hewp fwuffie! Pwese! Fwuffie scared!"
- >>You duck behind a tree
- >>Swallow nervously
- >>You can't afford to get spotted
- >>Suddenly, your eye catches a flash of movement
- >>It's Smarty Friend, advancing past you
- >>You didn't even hear him
- >>Sonuva bitch remembered his stealth training
- >>You signal at him frantically, but he doesn't see it
- >>You watch him go
- >>You see the trap before he does
- "SMAWTY FWIEND! NOO!"
- >>Leaf and stick cover on the ground break away into a pitfall. Smarty Friend falls in. You hear a sickening thud.
- >>Just then, the sniper runs out, pistol in hand
- >>He thinks he caught you
- >>In that instant, you recognize his face
- >>It's Cheng Nyet Vu, an elite Vietcong sniper who's been ravaging units in the region
- >>Command has placed a high bounty on his head
- >>But you don't give a shit
- >>This fuck killed your friends
- >>He lifts his gun
- >>You don't even give him a chance
- >>The SMG kicks violently, spraying bullets
- >>Nyet Vu is torn to shreds
- >>He falls to the ground, dead
- >>You rush out to the killzone
- >>BooBoo is dead, and Munsta is fading fast. He looks up at you, eyes glassy
- >>"Mumma... mumma..."
- "You're going to be just fine, pwivate. Hold on."
- >>You try to stop the bleeding, but it's too late. Munsta dies.
- >>You check the decoy pony
- >>A wire was tied to its hoof
- >>Grief stricken, you return to Nyet Vu's body
- >>You get down on your knees and peer into the pitfall
- >>Smarty Friend is inside
- >>He's impaled on a wooden stake
- >>He's still breathing
- >>You radio for immediate evac
- >>When you return home, you are hailed as a hero
- >>Fluffy ponies in the military become a hot button media issue
- >>Hippies and peaceniks label them as "tools of the corporate warmachine", while communists call them "imperialist shills"
- >>They are targeted nationwide as enemies of the peace, and become scapegoats of the war
- >>The military, for its part, vaunts the bravery of fluffy ponies, hailing them as "brave defenders of democracy
- >>Tens of thousands conscripted
- >>In the first month of deployment, 95% casualty rate, 0 confirmed kills
- >>The project is scrapped, and survivors are quietly committed to Agent Orange testing
- >>Meanwhile, you receive an honorable discharge and a sizable sum of cash for your deeds
- >>You retire to a farm in the midwest
- >>The air is clean, peaceful
- >>Smarty Friend hobbles around on an artificial limb
- >>He is your best friend, and you give him all the hugsies and pway he wants
- >>Once a year, you set the table for 5
- >>Spaghetti, of course
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Fullmetal Fluffy
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