- >Fluffy ponies are easily scared.
- >Movie night.
- >Put fluffy pony in her pet carrier, facing the television.
- >Put a pan & funnel under her face.
- >Separate pan under back end to catch piss and shit.
- >"Watch TV now? Happy cawtoon pwease!"
- >Fluffy pony is hopping in her cage excitedly.
- >Turn out all lights.
- >"Scawy dark! Pwease lights!"
- >Open living room window.
- >"Nooo! Cwose window! Bad monsters come in!"
- >Pop in DVD. 2 hour horror/gore compilation.
- >Fluffy pony is whimpering and crying from minute one.
- >Too dumb to close eyes.
- >"Pwease no more movie! Scawy! Fluffy scawed!"
- >Fluffy pony cries in terror for full two hours.
- >Disc finally ends.
- "Okay, I've got to leave now. Watch the house and don't let the monsters get in."
- >Fluffy is hysterical with terror.
- >"NOOOO!!! Don' weave fwuffy! Fwuffy scawed!"
- >Slam front door, don't leave.
- >Wait about 10 minutes, start walking around.
- >Always stay out of fluffy pony's line of sight.
- >Make creepy noises, creaking floorboards, dragging tools, rattling chains.
- >Fluffy alternates between weepy silence so monsters can't find her and hysterical, uncontrolled bawling.
- >Never stops crying.
- >Finally, it's enough.
- >Lights on, take fluffy out of her carrier.
- "Time for bed."
- >Put her in the safe-room.
- >"Nightwight, pwease!"
- >Slam door.
- >Check bottle under funnel.
- >It's super effective; almost a full liter of fluffy pony tears.
- >Chill, mix with gin & dry vermouth.
- >Friends all say you make the best dry martinis.
- >Never tell them the secret ingredient.
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Dry Martini
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