- >Allergic to cats.
- >Dayum shame, you like the things.
- >Decide you want to try owning a fluffy pony.
- >They're a damn sight cheaper than hypoallergenic cats.
- >Head to the pet store
- >They've got two terrariums full of fluffy pony foals.
- >One is priced considerably higher than the other.
- >A glance at the label reveals the reason
- >"Feeder Fluffies"
- >Makes sense, the pastel storm drain cloggers are the fastest reproducing "mammals" known to man.
- >The ones in the "Premium Fluffy Ponies" bin are nearly all better color coordinated than the ones in the feeder bin.
- >The nicely colored ones in there must have something else wrong with them.
- >You call a worker over and ask him to get you out a fluffy pony from the feeder box.
- >Like hell you're paying 20 bucks for a fluffy pony when you can get one for a dollar.
- >You pick out a brown fluffy pony foal with a blue mane to troll your hipster friends.
- >It coos in the palm of the worker's hand, and giggles a bit.
- >"So, who's the lucky critter?" asks the store worker, reaching for a bag.
- >"Oh... uh, my cat."
- >The worker nods and puts the fluffy pony in a small brown paper bag and staples the top closed.
- >You make your purchase and take the bagged fluffy pony back to your house.
- >You wait until you're home, don't want the little guy crapping in your car.
- >you dump it out in a big plastic tub lined with wood shavings, so it can walk around safely until it gets bigger.
- >It wakes up. Must have fallen asleep in the dark bag.
- >You name the fluffy pony foal "brisket"
- >it's barely old enough to be weaned, so you have to feed it from a bottle for the first few days.
- >You have to get some nutritionally complete fluffy pony milk for it. Apparently they sell the genuine stuff.
- >"100% fluffy pony milk. Contains no more than 16% growth and production hormones by weight"
- >jesuschristhowhorrifying.tga
- >After a week or two, brisket hasn't grown much at all. He should be much bigger by now.
- >he's not looking too good either. He doesn't scamper around anymore, he just slowly totters around the bin.
- >His fluff is starting to fall off in tufts too.
- >You ain't going to take a one dollar horse to the vet, so you check the brand of fluffy pony milk on the internet.
- >The reviews are almost all glowing. Most of the bad reviews are complaining about how unethical it is.
- >Hm, probably not that then.
- >On a whim, you check the pet store brand you bought brisket from.
- >Nothing.
- >Wait, there is one thing. On a russian message board
- >Some ex-employee laughing about how they irradiate the feeder foals to make sure they don't have any parasites.
- >You do a little digging and find out it's true.
- >Brisket was exposed to an extremely fatal blast from an electron beam sterilizer.
- >You pick him up to comfort him, but even your gentle grasp breaks some of his bones.
- >Fuck.
- >You give him one last very gentle hug with both hands and then crush his skull in with your thumb.
- >Guess you get what you pay for.
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Brisket
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