Title:           Deadmeat Chronicles: Deadmeat Cracks a Nut
Author:          BadFicWriter
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/cajfSTH1
First Edit:      Tuesday 5th of March 2013 10:02:13 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 5th of March 2013 10:02:13 PM CDT

>You are a maroon unicorn fluffy with a light green mane.
>You are stalking.
>You crawl along the floor as quietly as you can.
>Ever so slowly you shuffle along.
>You reach out and pull yourself not making a sound.
>You get closer to your goal.
>You edge closer and closer.
>You know the time is right and you are in the right spot.
>You get a determined look on your face and leap into action.
>You jump and in a few leaps you land in the mouth of the poopie eating monster.
>The white gravel gives way as you land.
>You quickly squat down and grunt as you squeeze out the poopies that have built up in you.
>You quickly finish and start to scramble out.
>You kick white gravel as you make your way quickly out of this monstrosity’s mouth.
>You land on the floor in a slide.
>You get a triumphant look on your face as you spin and face the poopie eating monster once more.
>It springs to life pushing your poop to the door.
>You shake your hoof at it, “Yoo nuu get Deadmeat yoo dum dum munsta!”
>”Yoo haf nummies on Deadmeat poopie!” You top it off giving the beast a raspberry.
>You set down wagging your tail with its crooked end in triumph.
>”Ok my little babies! It’s time to go outside!”
>Outside time? Maybe today you can find an exit to that barrier.
>You wonder with the rest of the fluffies to the yard.
>You see some two legged monsters walking away.
>They have recently arrived.
>Something about making the hidey hole of the stinky water monster quiet.
>They have left a pile of wood, cinder blocks and tools.
>Some fluffies have taken up playing on the stacks of wood.
>One pegasus fluffy stands on the top of one stack of planks, “Fwuffy fwy! Fwuffy fwyyyy!”
>He leaps off the planks flapping its wings uselessly.
>A look of pure joy washes over its face as it spreads out its little leggies.
>It plummets down slamming it face on a tool box then slamming into the legs of the table it was on.
>”EeeEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEeeeEEeeEEEE!!!” it screams as it kicks around on the ground.
>Boo boo juice flows from its nose and mouth.
>The table wobbles and the tool box falls off landing on the hurt fluffy.
>A loud crunch is heard as the fluffy gets quiet and quits moving.
>”Andwew wan fwy! Wet andwew fwy too! Andwew come!”
>You see the orange unicorn start truddling toward the planks.
>You quickly run up to him and pull him back by his tail.
>”Nuu! Dat bad pwace! Fwen stay way!”
>Andrew sits down and looks confused at you but doesn’t question.
>”Otay! Fwen say so! Fwuffies pway noa!”
>He starts to jump around you.
>You start to walk away with Andrew beside you.
>”Fwen haf fun? Fwen nee toy?”
>You turn and see the light brown alicorn with light purple hair trotting up.
>”Hewwo fwen! Wan pway?”
>She stomps, “Am smawty! Nee make efewy fwuffy haf toy! Dat wha mommeh say!”
>You look around, “But efewy fwuffy haf toy and am happy.”
>Princess Princess looks around and sees all the giggling fluffies.
>She falters, “But Pwincess Pwinces nee be smawty…”
>”Yoo pway wif Deadmeat and fwen! Haf fun!”
>”Yoo nee toys?” Princess Princess asks.
>”Nuu, jus nee fwen.” You say smiling at her.
>She giggles and walks up to you, “Otay! Pwincess Pwincess pway wif Siw Wiwwam Ooginod.”
>You start to trot with Andrew and Princess Princess walking with you.
>Charles is cracking nuts at his chair when the rich bitch sticks her head out the front door.
>”Hey peon! There are some dead fluffies in the play room. Come clean them up!”
>The man stands up muttering, “Hope that bitch breaks her neck tripping over one of her ‘pets’!”
>He wonders to the house.
>You get excited.
>You look at his abandoned table and chair.
>You run over to them with Princess Princess and Andrew in tow.
>You try to jump up on the chair.
>You get it with your front hooves but your back hooves dangle kicking air.
>”Andwew hewp fwen cwimb! Am gud fwen!”
>He puts his head under your hooves and pushes you up.
>You jump up and lean on the table with your front hooves looking at the pile of nuts the meanie monster left behind.
>You bite one and lower yourself off the chair.
>You trot away and drop the nut on the sidewalk.
>Princess Princess looks at you angrily, “Yoo bad fwuffy! Nuu take nummies! Bad!”
>”Deadmeat beat twee wock!” You snap back.
>You top off your statement by stomping on the nut.
>”Owies!” You jump back shaking your hoofie that you just hurt.
>Princess Princess giggles a bit.
>You look closely at the nut, “Deadmeat nee sowwy stick!”
>Andrew and Princess Princess both jump back, “Why nee sowwy stick?”, “Yoo nuu gif sowwies! Mommeh gif sowwies!”
>You start to look around the yard, “Nee sowwy stick gif twee wock sowwies!”
>The yard is immaculately clean, you see no loose branches.
>”Nee sowwy stick!” You stomp in frustration.
>”Why nuu use hoomin sowwy stick?” Andrew asks.
>You whip around, “Munsta sowwy stick? Whewe munsta sowwy stick?”
>Andrew points to the fallen tool box on the dead fluffy, “Sowwy stick in dere.”
>You take off in a shot.
>You hear Princess Princess yell after you in angry babbles but you ignore her.
>You run up to the tool box ignoring the flattened fluffy under it and look in.
>There you see it.
>It is long and black with a metal top the goes off in a sharp curve on one end and a cylinder on the other.
>You have never seen a hammer before but you can recognize a sorry stick when you see one.
>You lean your head into the tool box and bite the handle.
>With great effort you pull it out and start to drag it.
>”Andwew hewp! Andwew hewp fwen!” The orange unicorn bites the handle and helps you drag it.
>You drag the hammer over to the nut.
>Yes! Everything has come together!
>You give a slight giggle, “Deadmeat beat twee wock!”
>Princess Princess sits off to the side and watches you with interest.
>You lean down and bite the head of the hammer.
>You raise it up and move it over the nut.
>A triumphant glint in your eye twinkles as you line it up.
>You drop the hammer letting it land on top of the nut perfectly.
>”DEADMEAT BEAT TWEE WOCK!”  You shout triumphantly.
>You look down and see the hammer is on top of the nut.
>The nut is still intact with no cracks.
>Princess Princess walks up and sniffs the nut, “Dat how yoo beat twee wocks?”
>”Nnnnnnnnnnnn!”
>Andrew does a little dance, “Yay! Fwen beat twee wock! Andwew wan beat twee wock too!”
>”NnnNnnnnnnnnnn!”
>”Why put sowwy stick on twee wock beat twee wock?” Princess Princess asks sitting back.
>”NNNnnNNNNNNNnnnn!”
>Andrew runs off and bites a leaf from a nearby bush.
>He runs back and places it on the hammer and nut.
>Princess Princess looks down, “Bad fwuffy beat twee wock. Bad fwuffy do gud ting den.”
>She leans her head back and looks down her nose and gives a haughty sniff.
>”NNNNNNNNNnNNNNNN!” You start furiously stomping.
>He sits back and claps his front hooves, “Yay! Andwew beat twee wock too!”
>”WHAAAAAAAA!!! ‘Tupi’! Dum! ‘Tupi’! Dum Dum! Ahhhhhhhh!”
>You start to jump around and stomp angrily.
>You shake your hoof at the hammer, “Yoo dum! Yoo nuu gif owie twee wock! Yoo dum dum sowwy stick!”
>You give out an adorable shout of rage then start to stomp on the hammer with your front hooves.
>Andrew and princess Princess jump back at your outburst.
>You slam down on the hammer as hard as you can.
>”DUM!”
>”DUM!”
>”DUM!”
*crack*
>”DUM!”
>”DUM!”
*crack*
>”DUM!”
>”DUM!”
>”DUM!
*crunch*
>The hammer goes to the ground as shell pieces fly away in all directions.
>You stand there dumbfounded.
>The tree rock broke.
>You wipe a rage filled tear off your eye as you look at the cornel on the ground.
>”Tee hee…”
>Princess Princess and Andrew start to come back to you, “Fwen otay?”
>You lean over and nibble the nummie, its good!
>”Tee hee hee…”
>You hungrily eat the rest, “Deadmeat win! Deadmeat know how beat twee wock!”
>You run back to the table.
>Andrew helps you get back up and you nose all the nuts off and onto the ground.
>You lower yourself again and bring one back to the hammer.
>You place the hammer on it and start to stomp the hammer again.
>Andrew watches for a minute then start to stomp too, “Andwew hewp fwen!”
>The nut cracks quicker this time.
>You start to ferry the nuts to the hammer and crack them one by one.
>You eat nummie after nummie.
>Princess Princess eats a few too, “Dis gud nummie! Pwincess Pwincess teww mommeh get mo!”
>Andrew gets a share too.
>You are all three giggling after your little feast.
>”Deadmeat happy noa! Wet’s pway baww!”
>You and your friends walk off to the balls.