Full Metal Nony 1

>You are Anon, the only human in Equestria, declared an endangered species by Celestia herself.

>You even had your own room in the royal palace, and life was pretty good.

>Unfortunately, this didn't stop the princess from forcing you into the Equestrian military, stating that you were to be trained as a royal guard.

>You have no idea why she would do that to you, but it might have something to do with the fact that you called her a fat assed bitch one night when you were drunk.

>One of the only upsides to your cruel and unwarranted punishment is that it gets you out of the castle for a while.

>The train whistle breaks you out of your thoughts, and you look out the window to see that you have arrived at the Royal Equestrian Military Training Institution.

>You exit your carriage onto the station platform, pulling out your pamphlet for directions.

>Building P-42 is where you apparently need to report yourself, so you sling your bag over your back and head in the general direction indicated on your map.

"P-39... P-40... P-41..."

>You rattle off the building numbers as you walk by, eventually stopping in front of your destination.

>Several ponies are milling about, talking to each other, but you spot one standing apart from them, rooting through his bags.

>You walk up to him, drawing curious gazes from some of the other ponies.

>Most everyone in Equestria has heard of you, but you weren't the type to get out much, and so the awed whispers about the near-mythical human being here were to be expected.

>Dropping your bag on the ground next to the dark grey pegasus, startling him into looking up at you.

>"Oh.. Uh... Hello, I'm Thunderlane.. And you are?"

>His silver mane is swept up into a mohawk. Awesome.

>Reaching out a hand to shake his hoof, you return his greeting.

"Hey Thunderlane, I'm Anon... And I guess we'll be working together in the near future."

>Though he seems a little dumbfounded by your presence, he reaches up a hoof to shake your hand, and is visibly uncomfortable when your fingers wrap around it.

>As you release his hoof, he looks up at you, a semi confused expression on his face.

>"So you're the human that everypony's been talking about? Appeared in Canterlot a few months ago with no explanation and taken in by the princesses?"

>You nod at him, grinning.

"The very same."

>"Wow, I thought you were a rumor, nopony's really seen you since the first few days you were here, and we all started wondering if you were some sort of hoax."

>You chuckle at his words, shaking your head.

"Nah man, I just don't get out of the castle much, so I don't really know anyone other than the guards and the servants."

>"So what brings you here then?"

>You look around shiftily before answering, and notice that your discussion has drawn the attention of most everyone around you.

"Well... I kind of... Called Celestia a fat assed bitch... She didn't take it too well, and sent me here for some 'attitude adjustment'"

>Several ponies in the crowd gasp at your insulting of the princess, but Thunderlane just laughs.

>"Heheh... You got balls man, I wouldn't risk calling her that..."

>His voice drops to a conspiratorial whisper and he adds.

>"...Even if it is true."

>You both share a laugh, but fall quiet when an ear splitting whistle draws everyone's attention.

>Turning around, you see several ponies in uniform lined up at the entrance to the building, wearing stern expressions on thier faces.

>Standing in the middle of the group is a bright yellow pegasus with a fiery mane and tail.

>She whistles again and yells at everyone gathered to fall in.

>The ponies all form up into ranks, and you stand in the back next to Thunderlane.

>The instructors (or so you assume them to be), start walking through the ranks, asking questions to each of the ponies.

>The fiery maned pegasus spots you, and she heads immideately for the back row, a sadistic looking grin on her face.

>You have a bad feeling about this.

>Stopping in front of you, the instructor takes the time to look you over before she speaks.

>"So... You're the one who thought it was a good idea to call the princess a fatass then."

>You chuckle a little and grin down at her.

"Yeah that was me-URK!"

>A hoof to the gut drives you to your knees, and the pegasus looks you in the eye.

>"I did not give you permission to laugh Private, and if you adress me, you will call me 'ma'am' or 'Captain Spitfire', do I make myself clear?"

>You wrap your arms around your stomach in pain, but manage to cough out a "Yes ma'am", nonetheless.

>"Good, I'm glad we understand each other, now..." A sadistic gleam appears in her eyes and she grins at you. "... Would you say that I have a fat ass then?"

>She turns sideways, allowing you to look at her toned, muscular flanks.

>Your eyes nervously dart from Spitfire's eyes to her flanks, as you try to glean the right answer.

>"Well Private....?"

"Um.. No Ma'am..."

>She nods in approval at your answer.

"... In fact, if I do say so, you have a very good looking ass Ma'am."

>You mentally slap yourself and Thunderlane groans audibly next to you.

>Spitfire looks like she's going to behead you on the spot, and you prepare for the worst.

>Unexpectedly, however, she smiles at you, and places a hoof on the side of your face.

>"What a nice compliment Private."

>You start to sigh in relief but it quickly turns into a yelp of pain as you are backhoofed across the face.

>"Next time you so much as think about looking at my ass I'm going to make you swallow your eyes private, understood?"

>You stand back up, nodding vehemently.

"Yes Captain Spitfire, I understand."

>The fiery pegasus nods contentedly and moves on to Thunderlane, and then the rest of the ponies down the line.

>You stand in line and wait, your gut and your cheek still throbbing in pain, and mutter to yourself.

"Damn that bitch hits hard."

>No sooner are the words out of your mouth than a tiny pebble hits you in the side of the head, followed by Spitfire's voice.

>"I heard that Private!"

>You gawp at her uncanny hearing and incredible aim, then decide that perhaps silence woyld be best.

>The rest of the morning consists of getting outfitted with military attire and royal guardsman equipment, a task made slightly difficult for you due to the fact that everything has to be custom made.

>Once everyone is equipped, you are all lead back to building P-42, and one of the instructors speaks to you all.

>"Good morning everyone, I am Warrant Officer Ironwing, the second in command for your platoon, and I will be in charge of turning you all into the best soldiers you can be..."

>You take a look around at the other ponies in the group as Ironwing talks, taking note of which ones seem happy to be here.

>As you turn your gaze back to the instructors, you lock eyes with the captain, who stares at you intensly.

>Unsure of what else to do, you put on your best shit eating grin and wink at her.

>She simply scowls and keeps her eyes on you.

"... And so it is my hope that you will all make your friends and family proud. If you will all proceed inside, you will each be asigned to an squad."

>As Ironwing finishes his speech, Spitfire's lips curl up into a sadistic grin.

>The ponies and you start to shuffle inside, whereupon you are sorted into squads of six.

>As you walk past the captain, she holds out a hoof to stop you.

>"Hold it. You're going to be in alpha squad, Private, under MY direct supervision."

>You groan internally and head for your assigned bunk, flinging your equipment down next to it.

>The rest of the group filters in, and you find yourself grinning as Thunderlane tosses his gear down next to you.

>"Looks like we're going to be partners, eh Anon?"

>You fist bump his oustretched hoof, and get started with putting all of your stuff away.

>Once everyone is settled in, the instructors call you back outside, and you are ordered to form up in front of your superior.

>You stand with next to Thunderlane and quickly glance over at the rest of your group.

>Of the five, you only know one aside from Thunderlane.

>You met Rainbow Dash once before when she and her friends visited Celestia's castle to meet you.

>She seems nice enough, but you remember her talking your ear off about wanting to join the wonderbolts some day.

>That probably explains the star-struck expression she has while looking at Spitfire.

>Standing next to her is a similarly awed pegasus who somewhat resembles her chromatic neighbour, only she has an aquamarine coat and an amber mane.

>The other two in your group seem to be twins, as they have identical blue-grey coats and silverish manes, although one of them looks more tomboyish than the other.

>You come to the realisation that each of the others is a pegasus, and this, capable of flight, whilst you are not.

>This strikes you as odd, but you hold your tongue as Spitfire begins to speak.

>Now then, you six are now officially part of alpha squad. You were all picked because you show the greatest potential amongst the pegasi recruits."

>The other five look at you from the corner of their eyes, and you look at the captain with a puzzled expression.

>"The only exception among you is Anonymous. He's here on special request of the princess herself. And though he may not have wings, I will make sure he recieves proper training..."

>You don't like the way she's looking at you, you don't like it at all...

>Briefly, you wonder if it's too late to apologize to Celestia and get your old room at the castle back.

>"Now, I want you all to give me 25 of your fastest laps to show me what you're all made of, if I like what I see, you can all go eat, otherwise, we're doing more laps."

>The five pegasi immediately take flight and bolt towards the track, Rainbow Dash and her counterpart vastly outpacing the other three, who are by no means slow themselves.

>You set off at a dead run behind them, but you can't hope to match the others.

>Ten minutes later, you are the only one remaining on the track, the others having been sent off to the mess hall.

>Spitfire has taken to flying next to you, yelling at you to go faster and taunting you.

>"So Anon, what are you gonna tell the princess next time you're drunk and stupid?"

>Gasping for breath, and barely managing to put one foot in fromt of the other, you nonetheless manage to reply.

"I'm gonna tell her.... She has a fat ass... But she'll never be half the bitch... You are... Captain..."

>Your run is cut short then as she flies in front of you and bucks you in the chest, knocking you flat on your back, where you lie, panting and grimacing in pain.

>Spitfire lands atop you, her hooves on either side of your body, and brings her face barely an inch from yours.

>"You'd best start thinking before flapping that tongue private, because my patience has limits."

>Despite every neuron in your brain screaming at you to shut up, you grin defiantly at Spitfire.

"I've gotten out of plenty of bad situations by 'flapping my tongue', Ma'am."

>She scowls at you, but you see a flash of... Something, in her eyes, and she doesn't hit you.

>After almost a minute of silently staring at each other,  you become uncomfortably aware of her tail brushing against your crotch, and start looking for a way out of your awkward position.

>Luckily, you are saved the trouble as she gets off of you and lets you up.

>"Alright private, that's enough for now, go catch up to the rest of your squad."

>Her voice lacks the edge it's had all day, sounding somewhat subdued, though the look on her face brooks no argument, and you set off at a run towards the mess hall.

>Once you get there, you quickly grab a plate for lunch and find the rest of your group already seated at a table.

>You take a seat next to Thunderlane, and you're offially introduced to the others.

>The twins are Flitter and Cloudchaser, the latter having forced her sister into coming on the grounds of 'it would be good to get out and see some of Equestria outside Ponyville.'

>The amber maned one is Lightning Dust, the self proclaimed 'fastest pegasus in Equestria', a title also claimed by Rainbow Dash, the final member of your group.

>"So," the chromatic pegasus begins, "What did you do to warrant special treatment from Spitfire herself Anon? Only the best become part of her squads."

>You hazard a glance at the twins.

"No offense, but you two don't look any better than the rest I saw today."

>Flitter looks slightly offended at you and Cloudchaser just shrugs.

>"Don't underestimate my sister and I, she might look like effeminate, but Flitter could kick your ass, and I can fly circles around anypony here...."

>The two speedster ponies glare at her.

>"... Except those two of course.." She finishes with a chuckle.

>Dash nudges you with her hoof.

>"Seriously though, why are you with us? You can't even fly!"

>You shake your head and run a hand through your hair.

"Fuck if I know, probably the same shitty luck that got me here landed me with the meanest bitch in Equestria.."

>Your laugh is cut short as the other ponies look behind you, eyes wide.

>Awh shit, you fucked up now.

"Is it too late to express my sincerest apologies and mention that I was only joking Captain?"

>You feel hot breath on your shoulder as Spitfire leans down and talks on your ear.

>"You just earned yourself some extra PT for the afternoon private."

 

>Several hours later, you return to your barracks, too exhausted to go eat with the others.

>The rest of your squad were sent with the others while Spitfire took time to 'oversee your physical excercise.'

>After an uncountable amount of push ups, sit ups, laps, and anything else the captain could think of, she finally allowed you to leave, once again with a warning to hold your tongue.

>Flopping onto your bunk, you let out a long stream of curses and profanity directed at Spitfire.

>You make sure not to be too loud however, in case she might be around to hear.

>You are woken up an unknown amount of time later by the other ponies sharing the barracks.

>You don't remember falling asleep, and you sit up, rubbing your eyes as Thunderlane hops on to the bunk next to yours.

"So what did I miss this afternoon?"

>"Not much, mostly speeches on the moral and ethical conduct of a royal guardspony, stuff like that. I was told to give you a summary, so here it is: Basically don't be a jackass."

>You grin and fist bump the grey pegasus' hoof before standing up.

"I need a shower, the captain had me sweating rivers earlier."

>Thunderlane chuckles and stretches out on his bunk.

>"You really should watch what you say, because I don't think you'll survive the next few months if you don't."

>As you grab your soap and towel, you frown ober at your friend.

"I'm not gonna do that. Spitfire just wants to break me and show me who's boss, but I'm gong to prove to her, and that bitch Celestia, that I don't take well to being ordered around."

>With that said, you get undressed, wrap your towel around your waist, and head for the shower.

 

>You are Spitfire, captain of the wonderbolts, and current commander of the P-42 recruit platoon.

>You walk into your office at the end of the day, sitting at your desk and letting out a tired, but still satisfied sigh.

>From what you've seen, the new group of recruits are a good bunch, especially the ones in your squad.

>Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust may even be wonderbolt material.

>The only problem you face is Anonymous, the human.

>Putting aside the fact that he isn't even a pegasus, and this, incapable of flight, you still have to contend with his attitude.

>Were it anypony else, you would simply have delegated him to one of the other instructors, but the request to train and break him came directly from the princess herself.

>You can't refuse the princess, even if you DO agree with Anon's general assement of her.

>In fact, loathe as you are to admit it, you find yourself with a grudging respect for the human.

>Despite your punitive measures, his defiant attitude was not diminished in the least.

>You don't remember the last time somepony stood up to you, and being in charge of some new recruits for a time is a refreshing change of pace from flying with the Wonderbolts.

>Even as you set about doing your paperwork, your thoughts remain focused on Anon.

>You're already eager for tomorrow, if only to butt heads with him again...

 

>You are once again Anon, and you have just gotten out of the shower.

>Feelin much more relaxed than you did earlier, you return to your bunk, throwing your wet towel on the rack lying back on your bed.

>Thunderlane looks over at you from the book he's reading, and motions towards Lightning Dust, who is looking at you with a less than pleased expression.

"So what's eating you then?"

>She huffs when you address her, and rolls over on her bunk, turning her back at you.

>"She's jealous that you got 'special attention' frok Captain Spitfire on the first day, apparently. She thinks that since she's the best, she should be in your place."

>Thunderlane doesn't even bother to lower his voice as he speaks to you, and you hear the subject of his speech growl in annoyance.

>You fix your eyes on her back, and respond to Thunderlane in a similar voice, making sure she can hear you too.

"Does she even know that the 'special attention' I got was punitive?"

>Thunderlane just shrugs, and returns to his book, leaving you to your own devices.

>You end up spending most of the evening organizing your equipment for inspection, and getting to know some of the others you'll be spending the next few months with.

>You're busy polishing your boots when the captain herself walks in, calling for lights out.

>"Alright recruits! Time to sleep, anyone caught still up after the lights go off will be subjected to disciplinary measures."

>Spitfire looks at you as she finishes, as if daring you to disobey.

>Thinking that maybe you've had enough discipline for the day, you opt to remain in bed.

>As the lights go off, the captain's voice echoes through the barracks  again.

>"Wake up is at five tomorrow morning recruits, so make sure you're ready for a nice long run..."

>You groan at the thought of more running, and close your eyes, willing sleep to take you.

>It's gonna be a long few months.