Title:           >Had a long week at work >Decide to let off some steam by killing a fluffy pony
Author:          Anonymous
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/9pNY0n2Z
First Edit:      Thursday 22nd of March 2012 02:25:42 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Thursday 22nd of March 2012 02:25:42 PM CDT

>Had a long week at work
>Decide to let off some steam by killing a fluffy pony
>Stop at the fluffy pony shelter on your way home and pick one up
>Get home, pour out a bowl of bleach for fluffy pony
>Tell her to drink it, or she won’t get any dinner
>Fluffy pony begins lapping away eagerly
>No apparent distress
>Finishes the bowl,lets out a small burp
>“Beach yummy! Fwuffy have fud now?”
>You’re somewhat taken aback
>Sniff at the bottle, to check you hadn’t refilled it with water or something
>No, definitely bleach
>Guess you’ll have to deal with fluffy pony another way
>Start filling the kitchen sink
>Grab fluffy pony by the scruff of her neck
>Hold her above the water
>“Yay! Baff tiem! Baff tiem!” she babbles
>Force her under the water
>Fluffy pony’s stubby legs start wriggling
>After a while, they stop
>Give her another minute, just to be sure
>Pull her out
>Fluffy pony says “Fwuffy haf happy swim!”
>This is getting ridiculous
>Go to the closet, get out your golf clubs
>Choose a nine iron
>Back to the kitchen
>Fluffy pony is eating kibble out of a bowl with ‘Fluffy’ written on it
>You didn’t pour it out for her
>Where the hell did she get the bowl from?
>Unleash into fluffy pony with full force
>Swing with your back, not your wrists
>Fluffy pony flies through the air screaming “Wheeeeeee!”
>Hits the wall, bounces off, toddles back over to her bowl
>Bring the club down in an overhead arc
>Fluffy pony’s body crumples under the blow, then bounces right back
>The fuck?
>Days go by
>You’re at your wit’s end
>This god damned fluffy pony will not die, she just bumbles about spewing her inane babble about “Pway!” and “Bawl”
>More and more fluffy pony toys are appearing about your house
>Knives go straight into her fluff and slide back out; it doesn’t even feel like you hit her body
>Fluffy pony’s fluff appears to be fireproof
>When you locked her in the freezer for a day, she just made a snowman
>She even found some coal and a carrot
>The microwave just made her say “Fwuffy toastie-warm”
>None of the poisons you’ve tried have had any effect
>Nailing her to the wall gave you about an hours peace, then she got free
>Later, you couldn’t find the nail or the hole
>You thought you were getting somewhere when you lopped her legs of with boltcutters, but a minute later they were back
>You can’t tell whether she reattached them, or they grew back
>Neither would surprise you by this point
>Finally, you snap
>Fire kills everything, if you use enough of it
>Go to the garage, siphon the petrol out of your car into a bucket
>Walk into the kitchen where fluffy pony is playing with some blocks you sure as hell never bought
>Douse her in petrol
>This just elicits a response of “Splashy fun! Splashy fun!”
>Fluffy pony starts flicking petrol back at you
>Stand well back and throw a lit match at fluffy pony
>She lights up a treat
>No screams, just “Fwames pwetty!”
>She starts to run around the house, spreading fire as she goes
>You chase after her with a fire extinguisher
>She goes too fast for you to keep up
>Smoke fills the room, then your lungs
>You feel dizzy, and pass out
>The fire brigade eventually gets the fire under control before it spreads to any other houses
>Unfortunately, they didn’t make it to you in time
>Fluffy pony made it out OK, though
>One of the firemen takes pity on her, and lets her ride back to the station in the fire engine
>The firemen decide to keep her as a mascot
>Cook a nice bowl of spaghetti for her first meal at the station
>Fluffy pony is allergic to marinara sauce