Title:           This is the story of a xenophobic man, his hat and a pony who just wouldn't quit
Author:          Anonymous
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/nx1c9Axy
First Edit:      Monday 23rd of June 2014 04:37:39 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 23rd of June 2014 04:37:39 PM CDT

This is the story of a xenophobic man, his hat and a pony who just wouldn't quit and the daily bullshit of the 41th millennium.
>You are commissar Anon Y. mus.
>and you are having a very bad week
>the nice argiworld you regiment was "guarding" was harboring a slanneshi cult and 1 day later the whole planet descended into pure fucking madness
>"Commissar the daemons... they’re in the walls!"
>Not wanting to waste to grab your hat, Laspistol and Chainsword.
>Quickly putting a shot though a cultist trying to ambrush you.
"Throne damnit soldier I need specs!"
>The guardsmen was bisected by a deamonette claw before he could mutter a word.
>Taking a few shots at daemon, you see that you must engage the beast in melee combat
>"your gonna have to do more than that big boy."
"I will not be tempted by you daemon harlot."
>"Eh have it your way I'll enjoy it more."
>As you activate your chainsword you mutter the litany of rigorous fury.
"may the emperor guide my sword as he has guided my life."
>you charge the daemon you’re quick but she's quicker ,using your pistol you shoot her point blank it the head then ram the chain sword though her chest.
"Enjoy that you bitch."
>After watching the daemon burn in wretched warp fire you run to join up with your men
"Sergeant what the Sit Rep?"
>"Commissar sir the ruinous powers have taken the exit and are advancing toward our extraction point were Gonne have to fight out way out sir."
"So be it."
>you turn towards your man ready the deliver a rousing speech only you don't get the far when a warp bolt hit's you in the head.
>you stay awake long enough you see daemons climbing the wall slaughtering your men.
>and a huge warp rift open somehow behind you.
>it was going to be a long day.
>You are pinkie Pie best friend the princess Twilight Sparkle
>she is very sick and needs you. Her very best friend to take care of her.
>"Please pinkie I don't need and HeAaa help."
>"Spike got it covered all I have is a headache."
"Come-on twilight you aren't well and am your friend taking care of you my duty."
>"Ok if you really want to help....
"Ah twilight are you ok?
>this goes on for several minutes.
>"you...can..."
>you stare at her she's still breathing but she seems, stuck.
"Maybe you need to see Celestia?"
>Nope she's still stuck, as you look around you see every unicorn around you with pained expressions on their face.
>As you engage pinkie mode to get the princesses, twilight comes out of her stupor.
>"help dust and mop and order books and generally help spike."
>Whoa you think to yourself today was going to be weird.
 
>You commissar anon and your head is about to rip it's self off your neck.
>you lie there hoping maybe the throbbing will stop.
>as it somehow goes away you fill yourself down, the wound from fighting the daemon is gone and so are your pants.
>well nothing gets done with standing around you crawl to a tree and sit yourself up.
>you begin to gather up wood.
>you recharge your l
Laspistiol by throwing it into the fire.
>A weapon almost as strong and hardy as the people who wield it.
>you've realize from your survival train and year of experience that you are alone.
>in unknown territory
>with no hope of being rescued.
"Well damn you could have dropped me in a lust pit."
>you say to no one in particular.
>as you set your camp up your stomach starts to growl, you realize you haven't eaten since you last went to sleep before the attack.
>as you pluck your laspistiol out of the fire you set off, if you die trying to eat xenos you will at least be remember as the “being who tried to eat us”.
>While you thinking you crash into a rock,
>as your head clears you realize it's no rock but it's a hut of sorts.
>You prime your laspistol ,full power, no use trying to conserve energy.
>you sneak around the crude building murmuring the litany of stealth.
>you peak in the door
>"um hello?"
>The foul xeno has spotted you, it’s speaking in low gothic it's mocking your tongue.
"Die foul being suffer not you to live."
>while drawing you weapon you stop,
>you’re alone on a alien world,
>alone
>by yourself
>with no backup.
>and you evaluate your actions.
>and act like a gentleman      
"Greeting xeno my name is Anon Y. Mus"
>"Um my names Fluttershy."
"Now xeno I am alone and far from home, do you know where i am?"
>"Um you’re at the edge of the Everfree forest."
"Great but do you know which segementum am in?"
>"ah what a "Segementum"?"
>Crap these xeno haven't even ventured into space.
>you sit down on the small stool and realization hits it looks like a small equine with wings.
>and your inner child comes out
 
>You are pinkie pie heading to fluttershy’s for some tea for twilight
> And you hear to voices coming from fluttershy's cabin.
>"so I told the eldar witch 'girl you mess with me you get all of us.'"
>as you creep closer, It’s not like fluttershy to talk to ponies.
>you to lend closer to the door.
>"Then on Istavan 4 there was this riot and a thing happens at least that’s what my grandpa told me."
>"he he tell more anon."
>Anon? doesn't sound like a pony you met before.
>time to make a new friend
"Hi my names Pinki..
>You don’t even finish your sentence when a strange creature is on you.
>"fluttershy do you know this being?"
>"Um yes that’s my friend pinkie pie."
>"Oh I apologize then."
"So as I was saying my name's Pinkie Pie!"
>"My name is Anon Y. mus and am a human."
"Hoo man?"
>"foul xeno! I'm a commissar for the imperuim of man."
>"yeah Pinkie and anon was been all over the galaxy.
>"yes and now am here with you equines."
>"please call us ponies we like it when you call us that."
"So flutter shy i was just stopping by to pick up some headache reliever for twilight."
>"yeah it seems unicorns all over have been suffering from massive migraines and headache.”
>”some say even the princesses haven't moved since they rose the sun and the moon."
>well that explains the eclipse that’s been going on since this morning or night
>then you see anon stand up.
>"you must excuse me fluttershy but I must take my leave.”
>”if you want i can show you the way."
>"Or anon you could stay here with me?"
>Ahh it finally hits you.
"Well I gotta go twilight needs me.
>"I'll be there in a minute pinkie."
>yep you gotta tell twilight.