Title:           How do you imagine the satyrs to be? Are you intending to take Discord in a Dion
Author:          Anonymous
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/ndPcP68S
First Edit:      Sunday 14th of June 2015 06:09:57 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 14th of June 2015 06:09:57 PM CDT

How do you imagine the satyrs to be? Are you intending to take Discord in a Dionysus-like direction?
Is Luna's staying behind a act of self-sacrifice?
 
>He is a descendent of Shining armor
And Cadence, I assume?
 
>Also, the yellowish light of the sun is anathema to the Vigilant watchers, who are banished to their own dimension by it.
Why exactly does yellow light do this to them?
 
I do like a lot of the places mention. It's interesting worldbuilding, and generally makes me want to read about them. I have a few comments though:
 
It's not a huge complaint, but The Crystal House's paralysis ray feels a bit... cheap? Or maybe that's just me.
 
I agree with the other anon that The House of Images should be more broken and nightmareish, in some way or another. It doesn't necessarily have to be physical damage.
 
The Land where Light endures could stand being more broken as well, I think.
Interesting to see that satyrs apparently name themselves like ponies did, when present ponies do not.
 
What kind of general feel are you going for with Gloomy Dour's death?
 
See, you really, really need to explain WHY Oon and Eos is able to rekindle the sun. If you don't explain that in a satisfying manner, the end of the story is going to have a weak ending. Why can they do it, when neither Celestia, Luna, Cadence, Twilight or Discord can?
 
You can't afford to have things "just happen" because they fit the plot. They have to either happen for some knowable reason or because they fit the story's theme.
 
Now, this may be in tone with what you're aiming for, but I'll point it out anyway. This text really has "generic fantasy name syndrome". Every place is named "The X Y" or "The X of Y". Even the names Oon and Eos feel a bit like generic fantasy, but I don't have much of a problem with them. I assume pony naming conventions have changed in the time between Celestia's departure and this epic's events.
 
On a related note, there's a noticeable difference between places that feel original and ones that feel like standard fantasy.
That said, it doesn't hamper the setting too much, and can be excused if you're going for that early fantasy feel. "The scoured lands" and "The scorching desolation" are examples of this.
 
Just a wild suggestion:
Wouldn't it be cool if the story felt like it was cyclic in nature? With the very end of Oon and Eos' adventure lays the foundation for a world like The Era of Light Unending? Unless you think that misses the point of "Dying Earth".