Title:           [Ace Ventura] Well, this here sure is B-E-A-utiful A lover of animals, hardwor
Author:          Anonymous
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/HKt8Trcb
First Edit:      Monday 30th of April 2012 09:52:07 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 30th of April 2012 09:52:07 PM CDT

[Ace Ventura]
Well, this here sure is B-E-A-utiful
A lover of animals, hardworking and dutiful
I'm talking about me, just in case you didn't know
Just sit back, and watch The Ace Ventura Show
 
I saved more animals than you can count on your little hooves
I've even gotten laid. That? Just try to disprove
I've outsmarted animal abusers far and wide
You? When you see your shadow, you run and hide
 
I'm always calm in the face of danger, hun
When you see another person, you turn tail and run
You're only useful around minotaurs, or when grey
I've already won this rap battle, Hi Ho Silver, AWAY
 
[Fluttershy]
Um... You're reasons are all very... um... good...
...But... you're, um... being meaner than.. you should...
If it's okay with you, I'd like to, um... say...
...[Whimper] ...I- it's a lovely day...
 
...Maybe, um... I can offer you... some tea?
I'm... um... very kind... you s- see...
[Beat] ...No? You don't?
...I'll just be going now... [EEP] ...Or won't...
 
[Ace Ventura]
[He does his usual laugh.]
Alllrighty then, round 2 for the Great Pet Detective
I can't help but think that you and your friends are defective
I can definitely find that fauxmotivational on the internet
Your actions at the Gala proved you make a terrible vet
 
That bookworm's right, everyone of you's fucking crazy
I can tell your future! Hmmm. It's not looking really racy
Everyone can see that you and your friend's friendship's a sham
Sit the fuck down bitch, 'cuz you just got slammed
 
[Fluttershy]
NOW WAIT JUST A SECOND, don't you DARE insult my friends!
Apologize right now, and try to make amends
I've stared down a cockatrice. Those turn ponies into stone
I've even made a dragon cry, I'll NEVER be alone!
 
I'm warning you right now, I'll bring out the stare
It's a glare you can't compare to any other that are there
I've always been there when my friends need some help
And I'm instantly right there, wherever animals yelp
 
I have tender love and care, and friendship and tolerance
With your personality, you don't deserve even a glance
You keep saying I'm a chicken, but I live beside Everfree
With my friends at my side, YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME!