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Hunter In Equestria 1: Fleshlights are a thing to be feared.

By: Anone_Moose on Aug 6th, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 8.34 KB | hits: 244 | expires: Never

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9PM, ROUTE 66. 1 DAY AGO. NAME: Alyn Redfield.
>You're on the road heading towards Amarillo, Texas on a job.
>Some reports of strange things going on.
>And by strange, people keep on claiming to see pastel colored horses walking around the roads.
>As a hunter, you would most likely have ignored this, but due to certain... circumstances, you have decided to check it out.
>(You fuck wit, you're going to get yourself killed if you check this out.)
>Oh. Yeah. Kal. Forgot about him.
>Kal is a demon that attempted to possess you.
>Attempted being the key word.
>Now he's just your bitch.
>(No I'm not.)
>You keep most of the pros of being possessed... And all of the cons...
>Holy water harms you, you cannot cross a salt line, and for some reason your eyes are always black.
>Of course, you cannot be killed though conventional means, and only a few things you know of can.
>The colt being one of them.
>(Who the fuck you talking to anyway, you fucking yahoo?)
>You like talking to yourself. It calms your nerves.
>(It also makes you seem like a crazy fucker.)
>You kind of are, after all your only company you have is a demon that wants to take control of your body.
>(Yeah, I do try that don't I? Speaking of which, I have gained control over your penis. So, yeah.)
>...What?
>You decide to stop talking to Kal, and focus on driving.
>About an hour later, you notice the gas light is on.
>You see something up ahead on the road.
>Thank god it's a rest stop.
>You pull in and park next to one of the fuel pumps.
>You notice a familiar looking Impalla in front of you.
>You get out, put on your shades, and go inside of the gas station.
>Inside, you see two people in front of you talking to the cashier.
>They finish up, and turn around.
>One smirks at you and says "Kinda dark to be wearing sunglasses isn't it?"
>You smile back at him, "Sensitive eyes, Took one look at you and my eyes couldn’t take it."
>Oh shit. Kal planted something in your head...
>(Nice one fucker.)
>You see the guy chuckle to himself, and the next thing you know is his fist in your face.
>Your glasses broke, so you decide to not open your eyes for now.
"You hit like a girl too."
>Kal. You fucker. You're going to BATHE in holy water when you get into a motel room.
>"Oh, that's IT."
>"DEAN. STOP THIS."
>New voice. You assume it's the other guy.
>Thank God for that.
>You stand up and crack an eye open.
"Sorry, about insulting you... Sometimes I just can't control my mouth."
>He just looks at you, slightly slack-jawed.
"What...? Is there something wrong?"
>"Sam, look at his eye."
>"I see it, Dean."
>You realize your eye is fully open, and that these guys... are hunters.
"Oh boy, look guys, I don't want any problem... I'm just here to get some gas and leave."
>"You're not going anywhere, buddy."
"Hey, I'm not like other demons. Hell, I'm technically NOT a demon!"
>"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"
"Wouldn’t every other demon try to kill you guys right here, and right now?"
>"How do we know that? Sam, start it."
>Wait. Sam. Dean. These are the fucking Winchesters. Oh shit.
"Kal you fucking asshole, you knew about this."
>(That I did Alyn. That I did.)
>The one called Sam starts the exorcism.
>It FUCKING HURTS.
"STOP IT YOU MORONS. I CAN'T HOLD HIM BACK FOREVER."
>Sam stops the exorcism for a second.
>"What's he talking about?"
"Kal, you moron. The demon possessing me!"
>They just look at you like you're fucking insane.
>Rightfully so, you'd say you were crazy if you were them.
>Sam has yet to continue on the exorcism.
>"Dean, what if he's telling the truth?"
>As they are talking, you slowly make your way around the room to the cashier.
>"What the fuck is going on!?"
"Some strange shit if you ask me.... I'd like 40 on pump 4 please."
>You hand the cashier the money, and he activates the pumps.
>You turn around to see the Winchesters staring at you.
>"Did...he just pay for gas?"
"Yeah, I did... Sue me."
>You walk past them back to your minivan and start filling it up.
>You hear footsteps from behind you, and you open the door to your van.
>You reach inside, and open the weapon cache.
>You don't even pull anything out, you just opened it to try and make a statement.
>"Dean, look what he has..."
>"I can see that Sam... Looks like he's possessing a hunter."
"... Dear god you're dense."
>You turn to Sam.
"I hope YOU get what I'm trying to imply."
>"Not really, but I do get that you're not the average demon."
>(Well, it seems that they're not as dumb as I had hoped.)
>You hear the familiar click from the pump, signaling for you to replace the handle back into the pump slot.
>You do so, and turn to Dean.
"You owe me a pair of sunglasses."
>You close up the gas tank and get in your van and pull off.
>(What, not going to get a motel for the night? Is the big bad Ayln afraid of some second rate hunters? PUSSY!)
>This is one of the reasons you have a minivan.
>It's nice and big, and no reason to blow cash on Motel rooms.
>Hell, you even hooked up WiFi to it.
>A few hours later, you have reached Amarillo.
>It's pretty fucking late, so you decide to pull over into the nearest parking lot and go to sleep.
>Now, your dreams are a little... Different from everyone else’s.
>You keep on getting visions of Kal’s time in hell, or you see Kal and he tries to kill you in your sleep.
>This time... it's different. It's quiet. No dreams, no visions… Only a chuckle could be heard.
>It's the most peaceful rest you have had in months.
>Sadly you were woken up by something shaking your van.
>You wake up, grab a gun, and stick it in your pants.
>You open the door of your van and... Well, you don't know what you're looking at.
>It's a red pastel colored horse thing.
>You feel your pants become tight as your penis becomes erect.
>(HAHAHAHA! YOU HAVE A BONER FOR THAT HORSE!)
>Dude... What?
>A group of ladies walk by and start laughing at you.
>A few teens roll by, and stop and start laughing at you.
>You lift your shirt and point to your gun.
>They leave.
>You turn to the... Horse thing, and it looks back at you.
>"What's up with the boner?"
"Don't ask...wait... did you just talk?"
>(Yes. It did. Suddenly this boner attack just got better.)
>"Yeah, got a problem with that?"
"No, just that I don't see that often. Only when dealing with tricksters or so... AW SHIT. FUCKING A."
>"Uhhh, you alright?"
"Just figured out what the fuck I'm hunting."
>"You're hunting something?"
"Yeah... A Pegen trickster. It's basically a god that can fuck around with things in life. Like you. You're just something made by the trickster."
>The horse thing starts to chuckle.
>"That's where you're wrong."
>It starts to twist and contort.
>Its form goes from that of a horse thing, to a more human shape.
>(Least you won't need to find the faggot.)
>Oh, yeah, THANK YOU KAL.
>The trickster does a small bow.
>"I do hope you liked that form. It's a background character from a show I just ADORE."
>SHITSHITSHIT.
"What show is that?"
>You try and distract him, as you get the wooden stake out of your van.
>"It's a show called 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.' It's a wonderful show."
>You reach the stakes, and grab one.
>You inch your way towards the jester.
>(It's a trickster, not a jester you cunt.)
>Surely you jest Kal? You knew that. You just wanted a shorter name for it.
>(Lazy fuck.)
>Yeah yeah yeah.
>"One of my favorite characters is a trickster like me. He knows what the ponies are planning and acts in accordance to that."
>You are about 5 feet away from the jester, and you pull out your... fleshlight?
>(HAHAHAHA OH GOD, THAT'S PRICELESS.)
>Upon closer inspection... it looks like it's been used... Recently.
>"I do hope you realize that the neckbeard that was using that would like it ba-"
>You throw it at his face.
>It hits with a nice smack and it cracks.
>You can see some fluid go inside of his mouth.
>You gag a little.
>You run back to your van but notice something's off.
>It was noon, but it's dark now...
>Oh shit.
>You turn to the jester.
>(Sweet Lucifer, that pissed him the royal fuck off. Dis gun be good.)
>The look on his jizz covered face was that of utter hate.
>"Oh, NOW YOU FUCKED UP! NOW YOU FUCKED UP! YOU HAVE FUCKED UP NOW! I'm going to send to the WORST PLACE I CAN THINK FOR OF FOR YOU.
>(A room full of holy water?)
"A room full of used fleshlights?"
>"Equestria!"
>That doesn't sound so bad...
>You black out.

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

9PM, ROUTE 66. 1 DAY AGO. NAME: Alyn Redfield.
>You're on the road heading towards Amarillo, Texas on a job.
>Some reports of strange things going on.
>And by strange, people keep on claiming to see pastel colored horses walking around the roads.
>As a hunter, you would most likely have ignored this, but due to certain... circumstances, you have decided to check it out.
>(You fuck wit, you're going to get yourself killed if you check this out.)
>Oh. Yeah. Kal. Forgot about him.
>Kal is a demon that attempted to possess you.
>Attempted being the key word.
>Now he's just your bitch.
>(No I'm not.)
>You keep most of the pros of being possessed... And all of the cons...
>Holy water harms you, you cannot cross a salt line, and for some reason your eyes are always black.
>Of course, you cannot be killed though conventional means, and only a few things you know of can.
>The colt being one of them.
>(Who the fuck you talking to anyway, you fucking yahoo?)
>You like talking to yourself. It calms your nerves.
>(It also makes you seem like a crazy fucker.)
>You kind of are, after all your only company you have is a demon that wants to take control of your body.
>(Yeah, I do try that don't I? Speaking of which, I have gained control over your penis. So, yeah.)
>...What?
>You decide to stop talking to Kal, and focus on driving.
>About an hour later, you notice the gas light is on.
>You see something up ahead on the road.
>Thank god it's a rest stop.
>You pull in and park next to one of the fuel pumps.
>You notice a familiar looking Impalla in front of you.
>You get out, put on your shades, and go inside of the gas station.
>Inside, you see two people in front of you talking to the cashier.
>They finish up, and turn around.
>One smirks at you and says "Kinda dark to be wearing sunglasses isn't it?"
>You smile back at him, "Sensitive eyes, Took one look at you and my eyes couldn’t take it."
>Oh shit. Kal planted something in your head...
>(Nice one fucker.)
>You see the guy chuckle to himself, and the next thing you know is his fist in your face.
>Your glasses broke, so you decide to not open your eyes for now.
"You hit like a girl too."
>Kal. You fucker. You're going to BATHE in holy water when you get into a motel room.
>"Oh, that's IT."
>"DEAN. STOP THIS."
>New voice. You assume it's the other guy.
>Thank God for that.
>You stand up and crack an eye open.
"Sorry, about insulting you... Sometimes I just can't control my mouth."
>He just looks at you, slightly slack-jawed.
"What...? Is there something wrong?"
>"Sam, look at his eye."
>"I see it, Dean."
>You realize your eye is fully open, and that these guys... are hunters.
"Oh boy, look guys, I don't want any problem... I'm just here to get some gas and leave."
>"You're not going anywhere, buddy."
"Hey, I'm not like other demons. Hell, I'm technically NOT a demon!"
>"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"
"Wouldn’t every other demon try to kill you guys right here, and right now?"
>"How do we know that? Sam, start it."
>Wait. Sam. Dean. These are the fucking Winchesters. Oh shit.
"Kal you fucking asshole, you knew about this."
>(That I did Alyn. That I did.)
>The one called Sam starts the exorcism.
>It FUCKING HURTS.
"STOP IT YOU MORONS. I CAN'T HOLD HIM BACK FOREVER."
>Sam stops the exorcism for a second.
>"What's he talking about?"
"Kal, you moron. The demon possessing me!"
>They just look at you like you're fucking insane.
>Rightfully so, you'd say you were crazy if you were them.
>Sam has yet to continue on the exorcism.
>"Dean, what if he's telling the truth?"
>As they are talking, you slowly make your way around the room to the cashier.
>"What the fuck is going on!?"
"Some strange shit if you ask me.... I'd like 40 on pump 4 please."
>You hand the cashier the money, and he activates the pumps.
>You turn around to see the Winchesters staring at you.
>"Did...he just pay for gas?"
"Yeah, I did... Sue me."
>You walk past them back to your minivan and start filling it up.
>You hear footsteps from behind you, and you open the door to your van.
>You reach inside, and open the weapon cache.
>You don't even pull anything out, you just opened it to try and make a statement.
>"Dean, look what he has..."
>"I can see that Sam... Looks like he's possessing a hunter."
"... Dear god you're dense."
>You turn to Sam.
"I hope YOU get what I'm trying to imply."
>"Not really, but I do get that you're not the average demon."
>(Well, it seems that they're not as dumb as I had hoped.)
>You hear the familiar click from the pump, signaling for you to replace the handle back into the pump slot.
>You do so, and turn to Dean.
"You owe me a pair of sunglasses."
>You close up the gas tank and get in your van and pull off.
>(What, not going to get a motel for the night? Is the big bad Ayln afraid of some second rate hunters? PUSSY!)
>This is one of the reasons you have a minivan.
>It's nice and big, and no reason to blow cash on Motel rooms.
>Hell, you even hooked up WiFi to it.
>A few hours later, you have reached Amarillo.
>It's pretty fucking late, so you decide to pull over into the nearest parking lot and go to sleep.
>Now, your dreams are a little... Different from everyone else’s.
>You keep on getting visions of Kal’s time in hell, or you see Kal and he tries to kill you in your sleep.
>This time... it's different. It's quiet. No dreams, no visions… Only a chuckle could be heard.
>It's the most peaceful rest you have had in months.
>Sadly you were woken up by something shaking your van.
>You wake up, grab a gun, and stick it in your pants.
>You open the door of your van and... Well, you don't know what you're looking at.
>It's a red pastel colored horse thing.
>You feel your pants become tight as your penis becomes erect.
>(HAHAHAHA! YOU HAVE A BONER FOR THAT HORSE!)
>Dude... What?
>A group of ladies walk by and start laughing at you.
>A few teens roll by, and stop and start laughing at you.
>You lift your shirt and point to your gun.
>They leave.
>You turn to the... Horse thing, and it looks back at you.
>"What's up with the boner?"
"Don't ask...wait... did you just talk?"
>(Yes. It did. Suddenly this boner attack just got better.)
>"Yeah, got a problem with that?"
"No, just that I don't see that often. Only when dealing with tricksters or so... AW SHIT. FUCKING A."
>"Uhhh, you alright?"
"Just figured out what the fuck I'm hunting."
>"You're hunting something?"
"Yeah... A Pegen trickster. It's basically a god that can fuck around with things in life. Like you. You're just something made by the trickster."
>The horse thing starts to chuckle.
>"That's where you're wrong."
>It starts to twist and contort.
>Its form goes from that of a horse thing, to a more human shape.
>(Least you won't need to find the faggot.)
>Oh, yeah, THANK YOU KAL.
>The trickster does a small bow.
>"I do hope you liked that form. It's a background character from a show I just ADORE."
>SHITSHITSHIT.
"What show is that?"
>You try and distract him, as you get the wooden stake out of your van.
>"It's a show called 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.' It's a wonderful show."
>You reach the stakes, and grab one.
>You inch your way towards the jester.
>(It's a trickster, not a jester you cunt.)
>Surely you jest Kal? You knew that. You just wanted a shorter name for it.
>(Lazy fuck.)
>Yeah yeah yeah.
>"One of my favorite characters is a trickster like me. He knows what the ponies are planning and acts in accordance to that."
>You are about 5 feet away from the jester, and you pull out your... fleshlight?
>(HAHAHAHA OH GOD, THAT'S PRICELESS.)
>Upon closer inspection... it looks like it's been used... Recently.
>"I do hope you realize that the neckbeard that was using that would like it ba-"
>You throw it at his face.
>It hits with a nice smack and it cracks.
>You can see some fluid go inside of his mouth.
>You gag a little.
>You run back to your van but notice something's off.
>It was noon, but it's dark now...
>Oh shit.
>You turn to the jester.
>(Sweet Lucifer, that pissed him the royal fuck off. Dis gun be good.)
>The look on his jizz covered face was that of utter hate.
>"Oh, NOW YOU FUCKED UP! NOW YOU FUCKED UP! YOU HAVE FUCKED UP NOW! I'm going to send to the WORST PLACE I CAN THINK FOR OF FOR YOU.
>(A room full of holy water?)
"A room full of used fleshlights?"
>"Equestria!"
>That doesn't sound so bad...
>You black out.

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