M.A.D. Anon

>Day M.A.D. in Equestria

>Wake up, and salute your Ronald Regean poster

>Go to the bathroom

>Shit, Shower, Shave

>Descend to the kitchen via stairs and commence the most American breakfast possible in this meatless pony-filled Purgatory

>Biscuits and gravy, it don't get much more 'Murican than that.

>check your kitchen clock, it's 7:59

Sigh... Flutternutter will be here in a minute.

>8:00

>knock knock

>Fucking sundial-work

>Open the door, Fluttershy's standing there in a bomber cap with a red star on it and a large, ragged fur overcoat

Hey, Fluttershy.

FS: Hello, Comrade Anon.

>Dat accent

What do you want Flutterski?

>you chuckle at your goddamned brilliance. That pun was fucking uranium

FS: I have a gift for you, comrade

I don't need anymore dragon dildos.

FS: Is not dill-dough. Is launch keys.

>wut.jpg

>FlutterLenin hands you two titanium keys and flashes two of her own to you.

FS: Is Mutually Assured Destruction tickle your turnips, comrade?

>What?

>Didn't they invent the train like 10 years ago? Where the hell did they even get uranium?

FS:I mean, is that your fetish?

No, Fluttershy.

>She looks crestfallen, her ears flatten out and she pouts at you.

>Then ears stand staright up and she has a fire in her eyes.

>It burns brighter than Berlin 1945

FS: If you don't rut me, I will blow you up!

>This bitch crazy

Flutters, if you do that, then I'LL blow YOU up.

FS: Oh, right.

Go home Fluttershy.

FS: Okay...

>Tears form at the corner of her eyes, she's shaking visibly.

Do you want your keys back?

FS: No, you keep them. They were a gift remember?

Uh, thanks.

>she sobs with no control left in her body. Tears gush forward like orcs rushing Helm's Deep.

Bye, Flutters

>shut the door

>We may have a crisis on our hands Mr.Regean.

R:Great going Anon, You've made your country so proud.

 

 

 

 

>You are now Fluttershy

>Anon has resisted you for THE. LAST. TIME.

>If you couldn't have him, nop0ny could.

>But, you don't want to kill him, just everyp0ny else.

>Especially that whorse Rarity. You've seen how she gazes at him.

>So...It's settled then

>You're going to use your ("legitimately" aquired) nukes. On Ponyville.

>All that can be heard throughout the your cottage is a dark chuckle than builds to a hysteric scream.

Anon... You could have stopped this...*sniff* all you had to do was love me forever.

 

>You are now Anon

>You feel bad

>Could be the protein defeicency

>Could be home sickness

>Or it could be that Fluttershy's about to kill herself because you wouldn't pork her.

>mmmm....Pork.

R: Maybe you should go apologise

That's a great thought Regean, but counter-point: Let's not.

R: She's probably gonna kill herself over this

Over me not giving her the D? It'll be the 6th time this month.

R: Yeah, but she has never been this upset over rejection.

You're right, me. But you remember what happened last time I went to her cottage...

 

 

 

 

 

>>Flashback time

>You broke your damn arm. Probably wasn't a good idea to fist fight Big Mac when you and he got wasted.

>Even less of a good idea to go to Lilac Lust for help.

>Doesn't really matter, since the hospital doesn't know how to help humans

>Fluttershy, being a vet, should be able to help you.

>God, she was doing literal backflips when you told her at Sugarcube Corner that you needed her to fix your arm

>You walk up to the door and knock on it.

>Fluttershy answers it, dressed in a white doctor's coat.

Hey, Fluttershy, are broken arms, your fetish?

>Oh my fucking god. You must be a super jew to drop that piece of comedic platinum.

FS: It can be.

Just a joke Fluttershy

FS: Oh...Come in! Come in!

>You walk in and she leads you to her room.

>As you walk behind her, you notice the crotch area of her coat's wet.

Jesus Christ...

FS: Who's that?

What? Oh, nobody.

>She shuts the door behind you

FS: Alright, anon? What seems to be the problem?

I broke my arm.

FS: No, that is a problem, but not THE problem.

>Where is this going...

FS: The problem is you're not inside me.

>She opens her coat revealing straps and lingerie and...is...that...Scootaloo?

S: Hiya Anon!

>allmywut.jpg

Fluttershy, I'm leaving.

FS: You can't leave, i haven't fixed your arm yet!

Nope. I'm leaving

S: Bye Anon!

Seeya Scoots, be good ok?

>That was the single strangest thing you have ever seen

>Magnolia Pyscho duct-taped scootaloo to her chest.

>More so, how the fuck did you not notice that to begin with?

>Arm never heals right, bones mend back out of place and sever a nerve in your hand.

>Can't move your pinky or ring finger

>Such a day in the life of Anon: Defender of the American Way.

 

 

 

 

 

>>Present

>You are Fluttershy and you're going to destroy p0nyville

>It's nothing against ponyville

>It's just so there is nothing to stop anon from loving you

>If you're the only living thing in ponyville, then he'll have to love you.

Angel!

>The white demon of the west appears before you munching a carrot

I'd like for you to deliver a message to Anon.

>you had him a note and shoo him off.

>Now you need to get the party's approval to use the missles

>Shouldn't be hard, the Party is all your woodland friends.

>By the end of today. p0nyville will be a smoking crater.

>good thing Anon's house is outside the town's limits.

>Meanwhile, the rabbit arrives at Anon's.

 

>You are Anon: Defender of the American Way

>fluutershy's super upset and you need to apologise

>Put on your boots, jeans, American Flag shirt and head out the door.

>Fluttershy's rabbit is sitting on your front step.

>he has a piece of paper in his paw

Gimme that, you shit.

>The rabbit gives the paper and the bird, then runs away.

>Wascally Wabbit.

Let's see here...Undying love...Can't live without you...Nop0ny else can have you.

>This is all old news.

Nothing to report Mr.President.

>Regean's voice eminates from the back of your mind.

R: Look at the bottom of the page, you ass.

>Scan down to the bottom.

"I'm going to bomb P0nyville so you can only love me." "P.S. Scootaloo hi."

Aww, that's nice. I should visit the girls again soon.

R: You dumb bastard. Look again.

>Rolling your eyes, you look again.

I'm going to bomb P0nyville so you can only love me...Well Shit.

R: Come on, boy we got work to do.

But, I'm scared...

R: You know, a wise man once said some thing about being scared. He said "Courage isn't about being brave, it's about being scared as hell, but saddling up anyways."

Are you saying I have to fuck Fluttershy?!

R: No, that was a quote from John Wayne. An American. Are you an American?

Yes, sir.

R: do you believe in the values of Capitalism?

Yes, Sir!

R: Are you gonna protect your friends?

YES, Sir!

R: Are you gonna let that yellow communist win?

YES, SIIRRR!!!

I mean...no!

R: Sigh...

 

 

 

 

>You are Scootaloo

>You are also a plot device in this sheit story

>Earlier, you saw Fluttershy running to her cottage bawling her eyes out.

>Thinking nothing of it, as Fluttershy is known for her strong emotions, you head over to the clubhouse to meet up with Sweetie Belle and Applebloom.

AB: Hay Scootaloo!

SB: Scoots! You're back!

Hey girls.

AB: Well where yah been?

Just in town, I saw Ms.Fluttershy running home crying, I wonder what's got her so upset.

SB: Probably something to do with Anon.

Why do you say that?

AB: Do yah not know about that? Mah sister says she has a crush on 'im.

SB: My sister says she wants to mate with him.

What does that mean?

>Mando's doll and Sweetie exchange looks

SB: Scootaloo, I think it's time we had a talk.

 

>You are Anon.

>You and Regean have to stop Yellowsilent from killing everyone.

>Worse, you have to stop her.

Kennedy was good at stopping missles. Where's he?

R: Dude, he got shot in the head. He's not too good at anything anymore.

You're dead too!

R: I wasn't assasssinated

Pfft. Almost were.

>Regean kicks you in the imagination

>Visions of you and Flutternut having sex on a bed made of eels and severed crocodile dicks flash across your eyes. Eels weren't alive, the crocodile dicks were.

What in Uncle Sam's name was that?

R: What happens when you fuck with Regean.

>you shudder and shake until you get to Fluttershy's Cottage.

>the door's open.

>this is too easy

>walk in and there she is. Kahmrade Fluttershy.

FS: Hello Anon, my love.

>you remain silent

>The launch keys are already in the control module.

>Angel's poised to turn the first key

Don't do it, Flutters. You'll kill everyone even your friends.

FS: I don't care! All i wanted was you! ...and that hot monkey dick.

R: What did she say?

shut up Regean, I'll tell you later.

FS: Who's Regean?

No one.

R: I'll show you no one.

>Regean fuckin'punts that imagination.

>The Room starts playing

STOP IT REGEAN, I'M SORRY! JUST MAKE IT STOP!

R: Damn right you are.

FS: Okay. Um, where was I? Oh! I'm giving you this last chance. Bed me, or I destroy everything.

No!

>she sighs and turns away towards the control module.

>Angel starts hopping in anticipation.

Fluttershy! How can you do this?

FS: Like this.

>Bitch turns the key.

>ahfuck.gif

 

 

 

>Gotta go fast!

>You have an idea, albeit a bad one.

R: What are you gonna do?

That's for me to know and for you to find out.

>Regean stays silent at this, most likely sensing how fucked we are.

>at home

>where are the keys?

There!

>A conviently placed control module of your own replaces your couch.

>while it took a p0ny and a rabbit to activate Fluttershy's module, your armspan is wide enough to activate yourself.

>stupid pones

R: You just want to destroy more land?

Just watch.

>You turn the keys clockwise and the launch sequence begins

>The entire house shakes as it splits in half and a missle rises from beneath the foundation.

Jesus...Christ.

JC: Did you send for me my son?

Fuck off.

JC: Hmph.

>As it rises, the engines engage and the missle takes flight.

R: Are you...no.

Yep.

>The missle streaks through the sky at the speed of half a Rainbow Dash.

>Meanwhile Fluttershy's missle is also streaking towards ponyville

>itshappening.jpg

>Anon's missle streaks towards Fluttershy's. they're only 100 yards apart.

>50

>20

>10

>5

>Derpy flies into Anon's missle sending it off course.

>Derpy hits the ground unscathed, as the missle explodes in the thermosphere (yes Derpy was in the thermosphere).

>Fluttershy's missle continues to streak towards P0nyville

>It's only a matter of minutes before it strikes

>P0nies run in panic, Twilight's trying to block it with her magic, Applejack threw a rock through the sofa and quill store window and Big mac's taking a sofa.

>Rarity and pinkie have decided to repent to Celestia.

>Rarity confesses of comitting adultery and blasphemy.

>Pinkie confesses murder, rape, stealing, homosexuality, idol worshipping, summoning Satan, and taking a cupcake from the cupcake jar.

>Fluttershy has barricaded herself in a bunker under her house.

>It's dark, all you can hear is her humming "you are my sunshine"

 

 

 

 

>MEANWHILE The missle flys toward the town, and it's up to Anon: Defender of the American Way to stop it.

>Anon?

What?

>What are you doing?

I'm maturbating to death, what does it look like?

>Why?

The missle missed, they're all gonna die and i'll be stuck with Fluttershy.

R: Ahem.

Shut up, Regean. You haven't been any help at all today.

R: Prick.

>So, you're just giving up?

Yepperoonie.

>You're not gonna try at all, then?

Nope.

>You're okay with everyone you love dying?

I did it once when I came to Equestria.

>No one died

They way as well, i'll never see them again.

>That's depressing

Tell me about it.

>Sigh

sigh

R: Sigh

.

.

.

>Hey, What's that?

It's a Bird!

It's a Plane!

>Anon was right the first time, it's a chicken.

R:...Chickens don't fly

Unless.

>no

S: DEUS EX MACHINA!!!!!!

>Scootaloo flys into the missle at mach 800

>The missle esplodes over p0nyville in the stratusphere.

>The limp form of Scootaloo falls to P0nyville.

>The day is saved. Thanks to Scootaloo's selfless sacrifice.

>All is well in Equestria, including P0nyville (except for elevated cancer and birth defect rates due to the fallout)

>Scootaloo is in a coma at the hospital, everyone is there hoping she wakes.

 

 

 

>You are Regean, Former President of the United States Of America

>You watch as your only friend Anon, tears himself apart over the sacrifice of this brave orange filly

If I wasn't a spirit, trapped in this retard's mind, I'd kill that yellow bitch.

>You watch as the young p0ny stirs and her eyes slowly open

Anon, look!

A: What... Scoots! You're awake!

>she smiles weakly

S: Anon I have something to say

A: What is it?

S: I couldn't let Fluttershy put her penis in your vagina, I couldn't let her get you pregnant.

>wut?

Anon? what the hell does she mean by that?

A: I don't know, Regean.

>Applebloom and Sweetie Belle are sitting in bed with Scootaloo

AB: That is kinda... our fault.

SB: She didn't know about the birds and the bees, so...we...told her.

AB: Ah think she got mixed up.

>evenmorewut

S: *cough cough* Anon, I have more to say...

A: What is it?

S: >Scootaloo

A: Wha...?

S: >is

A: no. NO! DON'T YOU DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE! PLEASE, SCOOTALOO! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!

R: Prick.

S: >kill

>with a final breath, she leaves this world.

A: >NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!1!!