Asshole in Equestria

>You are Rarity

>And by Celestia, you are pissed.

>Everything had been going so well today. You had been sitting in the boutique, happily working away at a new dress design when Sweetie Belle and her hick friend Applebloom had come running in, crying their little eyes out.

>Apparently the other child, Scootaloo, had been missing for a few days, and they had just found her namesake hidden in a bush, covered in blood.

>You didn’t really care about Scootaloo, but you had faked concern and joined them on their little search and rescue game, thinking that they’d give up after a short while.

>For 8 WHOLE HOURS you had been dragged along, offering false sympathies and interest as Sweetie Belle and Applebloom scoured the area around the bike. Even worse, Applebloom had brought Applejack and Rainbow Dash, the most uncouth p0nies in all of Equestria along!

>At least if they had brought Fluttershy along, you could have discussed your spa-dates or other girly topics, but no, you had to bear and grin as your mind was flayed by the unending boredom!

>You sigh out loud, your mind returning to the present. You were currently standing outside the Leaky Barrel, a festering manure pile masquerading as a bar. It’s patrons were notorious for being ruffians of the highest degree, but you needed somewhere where you could go in, get a strong drink, and have no questions asked.

>You enter the bar, and continue thinking to yourself. Maybe tonight you would treat yourself, and bring home a stallion… or two. You giggle to yourself as you approach an empty bar stool. Celestia knows it’s been a while since you satiated your roguish side, and you especially deserved to be treated well after today-

>Your train of thought is broken as you are knocked aside, as a mystery stallion barges his way onto the bar stool. You flounder on the bar floor, ignoring the leering laughs of the watching patrons, and wheel round to verbally assault the stallion who embarrassed you.

>You reel back in surprise at the stallion who sits before you… wait, stallion isn’t the right word. What did this individual call himself? A human?

>Yes, this was Anon the human. He had arrived in P0nyville a couple of years ago, and mostly kept to himself. However, the times when he didn’t…

>Anger grows within you as you remember the events of earlier on today. As you had left the boutique, driven by Sweetie Belle’s incessant pleas, Anon had greeted the three of you, eating the most ghastly thing you had ever seen. He claimed it was, “Deep fried Chicken, just like momma never made it” and laughed when Sweetie Belle asked if he knew the whereabouts of Scootaloo. “Scootaloo’s closer than you think.” He had said cryptically, laughing while spewing bits of meat in Sweetie Belle’s face.

>You knew he was rude, but you never fathomed he would be so rude as to eat meat in public! And then making Sweetie Belle cry like that…

>You glare daggers at his turned back, as he adjusts into the bar stool. “Pint of Cider, and not that apple juice horseshit they sell up at incest orchard” he says, and the barkeeper quickly complies. There was an underlying fear of Anonymous, probably due to his meat eating tendencies… and also to do with the fact he was probably insane.

>The barman levitates a glass of cider over to Anon, and he snatches it out of the air, not even giving a word of thanks. He pulls out a small book and begins flicking through it, as he casually sips his drink.

>Breathing heavily, you approach him, raising your head back in indignation.

“Excuse me Anonymous, but that was my seat. I’d like to have it back.”

>He continues reading the book, giving no indication as to if he heard you or not.

“Did you hear me? I said, that was my seat!”

>”I heard you perfectly well, as did every other pour soul in this hellhole” he replies flatly, keeping his eyes on his book.

>His words almost shock you into silence. Almost.

“Wha… you scoundrel! How can you treat a lady like that!”

>”Years of practise, you filthy whore.” You hear him briefly chuckle before he drinks deeply from his cider.

>That’s it!

>You’ve had enough of his loutish behaviour.

>Your horns glows, and his glass upturns, emptying its contents across the counter. He looks down casually at the face you created, before turning round to face you. You brace yourself for the myriad of abuse that was sure to accompany.

>”Hey Rarity, do you like reading?”

>Wait, what?

>The look of confusion on your face is clearly evident, and Anonymous grins.

“I… well, not really, no…?”

>”Oh, well that’s a darned well shame. Y’see, I was up visiting Purplesmart today and I found this dandiest little book. It’s a real thriller, for sure.” He holds the book down to you, so that you can see its cover.

>”A Complete Guide to P0ny Anatomy!” exclaimed the title. “All the insides and outsides of anatomical knowledge, everything a p0ny needs to know!” claimed the tagline. Centred in the cover was a skeleton of an earth p0ny, with various organs detailed around it.

>Butterflies begin to circulate in your stomach as Anon leans down, his face dangerously close to yours.

>”You’d never believe the stuff I found out from this book! Did you know that I could kill you just by battering your horn with a hammer, which would cause it to penetrate back into your brain and kill you, painfully might I add? Unicorn horns are extremely sensitive to pain. Isn’t it amazing?”

>You don’t reply, utterly terrified by the look of madness that has crept into his eyes.

>”What’s wrong, Rarity? Don’t you like finding out new things? Like if I ripped your horn off you right now and jabbed it into your neck, 3 inches below your chin, you wouldn’t die immediately? In fact, it’d take you hours to bleed out from there. If I moved the horn over slightly, that’s when things get messy. I’d hit an artery, and whoa boy, that things shoots out blood like a great red fountain.” He laughs in your face, feeding off the terror which you exuded. “But why would I want to end the party so early? I could make things last for hours if I broke a bone… or twenty. I could start with your back legs, crushing your hooves and knees, then move to the front, and repeat. Then, I break a rib or two, just to spice things up.”

>Every part of your body screams at you to run, but you remain in place, like your hooves were encased in lead.

>Anon leans in even closer, so that your noses were almost touching, and growls.

>”I bet you’d like nothing more than to be home right now, tucked into your bed like a little filly?”

>You nod your head frantically, voice chords locking up.

>”ANSWER ME!” Anon screams, bringing a fist down on the counter.

“Yes, yes! I want to go home, I want to go home!” you yell, tears streaming down your face.

>”Well then, I’m feeing pretty generous tonight, so here’s the deal. You’ve got one chance to make me forget this ever happened, one chance to redeem yourself. You’re going to say sorry, and then you’re going to get the fuck out of my sight. Got it?”

“I’m s-sorry” you stammer. “I’m so terribly sorry, I’ll get going right away.”

>Anon nods, before bringing his hand back. Before you can react, the anatomy book collides with your face, sending you sprawling once more.

>You scream and cover your face with your hooves, expecting a barrage of punches. When nothing happens, you shakily remove a hoof to find Anon sneering at you.

>”Aw bless, I ruined the pretty p0nie’s face.” He spits at you, before pointing to the exit. “Now, get the fuck out, before I give you something that’ll really make a mark, you spineless bitch.”

>You cry out and clumsily make your way out of the bar, crashing into p0nies as you flee.

>As you run away from the bar, you don’t notice Anon calmly return to his stool, ordering a second pint, and flicking open the book once more.

>”Just another day in Equestria” he mutters.