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Asshole in Equestria: Part 3

By: An_Irish_Nomad on Aug 17th, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 18.33 KB | hits: 452 | expires: Never

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>You gag as vomit fills your mouth, and you force it back down, choking on its acrid taste.
>No, you weren’t a goddamn furfag, you didn’t fuck animals.
>”Oh come on Anon, there’s no need to act. I know you enjoyed last night.” Gilda purrs, lying seductively on her side.
>You breathe deeply, trying to clear your head.
“Ok, listen up Gildy. Don’t fuck with me, or I will fuck with YOU, and not in the way I apparently did last night. Now, did we have sex or not?”
>”Why do you care so much?”
“Answer the fucking question, or I swear I will hurt you!”
>”Ok, fine. We didn’t actually have sex last night.” Gilda rolls her eyes. “Sheesh, I just wanted a look, that’s all.”
“Oh, you just wanted a look. That makes everything ok then.” You massage your temples, before heading to the open bathroom door. “I need a fucking shower.”
>”Want me to join you?”
“Don’t make me hurt you, you bird brained bitch.”
>You slam the bathroom door shut, and huddle under the shower, which obviously wasn’t the right size for you. You turn the dial to freezing cold, and bring your knees in, sitting in the foetal position.
>God dammit. You hadn’t ever had to deal with this… well, apart from that one time you got drunk with Rainbow Dyke, but that’s an entirely different story. You’d restrained yourself fucking with these p0nies in the physical way, and last night you’d come close to breaking that restraint.
>Maybe it was time… you’d been here what, 3 years already? It should be obvious you’re not going home anytime soon…
>No. Gilda’s just some dumb bitch who you happened to get drunk with. If you’re going to condemn yourself, you’ll do it with someone who cares about you…
>Yeah, likes anyone cares about you.
>Shivering, you turn off the shower and climb out. There didn’t appear to be any towels in the bathroom, so you just walked on out.
>”Hey, don’t get the sheets wet!” Gilda cries as you flop down onto the bed.
“Make me care.” You say, closing your eyes, preparing yourself for sleep.
>”Well, at least sit up for a minute” Gilda says, and you begrudgingly comply.
>Gilda’s wings wrap around you, and she brings herself in closer.
“What the hell are you doing?”
>”Oh relax.” Gilda’s body heat surrounds you, and your shivering begins to slow.
>After a few minutes, you’ve warmed up, trapped in the fluffy embrace of Gilda wings.
“Ok, you can let go of me now, retard.”
>Gilda’s wings retract, and she looks at you, a faint blush on her cheeks.
“I suppose I should thank you, even though you’re a fucking idiot for not keeping any spare towels.”
>”I was only making sure you didn’t make a mess, dweeb… it’s not like I like you or anything…”
“What was that?”
>”Nothing…”
“Then stop wasting my time, for fucks sake.”
>You resume the prone position, face down on the bed, and you sense Gilda lying down beside you.
“What the fuck is your problem? I’m trying to sleep here.”
>”Hey, this is my apartment, remember?”
“You should know by know that I don’t really care for those sorts of details.”
>…
>”You really are going back to sleep, aren’t you?”
“Finally, you catch on.”
>You smile to yourself. Gilda really was a pushover…
>”Ok then, time to fight dirty.”
>You didn’t like the sound of that…
>Suddenly, Gilda pounces on you, pinning you down.
“Get off of you, you freak! I will fucking kill you!”
>You suddenly feel something warm and sticky running down your cheek and neck.
“Oh my God, are you licking me?”
>”Mmmhmm.” Gilda hums as her tongue runs down your face.
>You thrash about, trying to dislodge Gilda from your back, trying to ignore the sensation of her tongue as it charts its course down your neck.
>Suddenly Gilda hops off you and you stumble to your feet, seething with rage.
“WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT, YOU FUCKING BITCH!”
>”Because of that.” Gilda points down at your crotch and your member, which was growing in size.
>You fucking traitor!
>Penis like griffon tongue.
>I will have your head for this!
>Anon plz.
>Gilda smiles devilishly at you. “Well, it’s not as big as I had imagined it would be, but at least it’s not barbed.”
“Griffons have barbed dicks? How horrifying… wait, I’m meant to be angry at you! Fuck you!” Blushing furiously, you grab the sheets from the bed and wrap them round your waist, forming a makeshift toga. “Well, I’ve hated every minute of knowing you Gilda, so I’m not going to miss you.”
>You make for the apartment door, not caring about your clothes. It’s not like they had anything important in them, just your wallet and hotel key. Wait shit, those were actually pretty important.
>”Anon, wait.”
>You turn round to Gilda, who appears to have lost her composure. “Look… I know I barely know you, and I’m a total cunt… but you’re almost like a friend. I don’t want you to walk out that door and never see me again. So I’m coming with you to P0nyville. I hate this place anyway.”
“How did you know I was planning on returning to P0nyville?”
>”You rambled on last night while I molested you.”
“I fucking needed to know that, thanks.” You sigh, unable to muster any rage. “Look, as long as you don’t act like a complete shithead you can come with me. But any more passes and I’ll beat the shit out of you, understand? And where the fuck are my clothes?”
>Gilda squees, before blushing.
“Did you just fucking squee…? You’re weird, Gilda.”
>”H-hey, I’m only hanging out with you because I’m lonely, not because I like you…”
“Like I said, you’re a weird faggot. C’mon, find my clothes and then let’s get going.”
>You settle down into the train seat, craving a drink. You weren’t an alcoholic by any means, your life hadn’t gotten that shit, but you still needed to blow off steam after this morning.
>You certainly hadn’t expected returning home to P0nyville with a companion, that’s for sure. Speaking of your new companion…
“What the fuck are you doing?”
>Gilda had decided to settle down next to you in the train carriage, which was empty this morning.
>”What do you mean?”
“There’s plenty of other seats you can sit on, get the fuck away from me.”
>”Hmm… no.”
“Eat shit.” You try to sound angry, but truth be told, you kinda liked sitting here, with Gilda by your side… because you were cold, it’s not like you liked Gilda or anything…
>Oh come on, Gilda is the like the rule 63 version of you, of course you’d take a liking to her. No need to be ashamed of it, right…? Gilda still couldn’t know though.
>”So Anon, what’s your story? You’re unlike anything I’ve seen in Equestria so far.”
“It’s only natural that someone as witty, talented and handsome like me is unique to these lands.”
>Gilda snorts in laughter. “Nice try.”
“You really want to know, huh?”
>Gilda nods silently and you clear your throat.
“Well, the reason you’ve never seen anything like me before is because I’m not from around these parts. I’m from another dimension.”
>”You’re from another dimension?”
“Oh, so you’re part parrot as well, peckerface?”
>”Fuck you.”
“Yeah, whatever. I know that’s batshit crazy, but it’s true. I was just minding my own business and then BAM! I’m in this land of boring, multicoloured equines who shit themselves at the sight of me.”
>”Wow, that must have sucked.”
“What an intelligent insight, Gilda. Of course it fucking sucked, I lost everything.”
>The carriage falls silent.
“I’m getting a drink. Don’t follow me.”
>You brush Gilda off you and head to the bathroom, locking the door behind you. You slump down against the wall, this being one of the few times where you actually felt any emotion other than anger.
>You tried to brush it off, but you were lonely. You were sad and lonely, and you did nothing to fix either of those things.
>You stay in the bathroom for the rest of the journey, only leaving when the train grinds to a halt.
>”Did last night pull a number of you?”
“Of course not, I just… I got travel sick.”
>”You get travel sick? You’re lame, dude.”
“You’re one for talking about being lame.”
>You stretch your arms, breathing in the country air as you left the station. Canterlot wasn’t nearly as bad as Fillydelphia air wise, but it couldn’t hold a candle to P0nyville’s country freshness.
“Well, we’re here. First things first, there’s one little tyke I have to visit.”
>You make your way to the cutie mark crusaders clubhouse, where you used to get drunk and pass out, much to the disdain of the CMC.
>As you approach, you hear a familiar revving and a particular orange pegasus races towards you.
>”Anon!”
“There’s my favourite filly!” You bend down and ruffle Scootaloo’s mane as she beams up at you. “So, how have things been Scoots? The whole town still hate me?”
>”Yeah, Sweetie Belle always talked about how Rarity would wake up in the middle of the night, screaming your name.” Scootaloo suddenly looks at the ground, downcast.
“Something wrong Scoots?”
>”Well, not long after you left, I got my cutie mark.” Scootaloo shows you her flank, and the blazing tire that was on it. “Applebloom thought my cutie mark might be in stunt jumping, so they set up a ramp over the club house. When I jumped it, I went flying everywhere and was spinning through the air and I thought I was going to die, but I landed on the other side just fine. And that’s when it appeared!”
“Well fuck me Scootaloo, I’m proud of ya. I knew you’d get your cutie mark before the others!”
>”Yeah… that’s the reason Applebloom and Sweetie Belle stopped hanging out with me. It’s been boring since then, there’s never anyone to talk to…”
“Fuck, I’m sorry Scoots. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for your cutie mark, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to hang out with you.”
>”It’s ok… even if it did fucking suck…”
“Oi, what did I say about using grown up words? Don’t let Rainbow Dy… I mean, Dash, don’t let her catch you saying those kinds of words.”
>”Why, you afraid I’ll get mad?”
>Oh fuck.
>You turn round to face Dash as she approaches the three of you. You quickly turn back to Scootaloo.
“Listen, Scootaloo, come to Twilight’s house later. I’ll meet you there and we’ll go out for ice cream, how does that sound?”
>”Sure, it’s been way too long since I hung with you!”
“Well then, scram. Be there or be square, kiddo.”
>You smile as you watch Scootaloo ride off, before remembering Rainbow Dyke was still here.
“So, the walking, talking gay pride parade decided to say hello.”
>”I see you haven’t changed a bit, Anon.”
“Is there any reason why I would?”
>”Maybe not.” Rainbow Dash turns to Gilda. “But why are you here, Gilda?” The venom is Dash’s voice is palpable.
>”I decided to come back… and apologise.”
>Rainbow blinks in surprise. “R-really? You came back to say sorry?”
>”Yeah, I regret being a massive cunt. I also missed my best gal, my best friend.”
>Rainbow Dash blushes before turning to you. “Are you going to apologise as well?”
>The next few minutes are spent by you and Gilda rolling on the floor laughing.
“She… actually thought… I was going… to say sorry!” you howl between fits of laughter.
>”I know!” Gild cries, tears of laughter streaming down her face.
>”Geez, grow up you guys.” Rainbow mutters.
“How about… fuck you.” You chuckle, panting heavily.
>”Yeah, you really haven’t changed a bit.”
>You help Gilda to the standing position, as Dash suddenly adopts a shit eating grin.
>”Wait, you too aren’t… y’know…”
“What?”
>”No!”
“Of course not!”
>”I would never!”
“I don’t even like Gilda!”
>”I don’t even like Anon!”
>You and Gilda glare at each other, volcanic blushes forming on both of your faces.
>”Hehe, there’s nothing wrong with admitting it.”
“We aren’t dating, you filthy dyke. I just met her yesterday.”
>”Breaking out the insults, are we? That means I’m right.” Rainbow grins. “So, was it a one night stand or what?”
“Don’t do this Dash, I’m warning you.” You knew exactly what Dash was going to do.
>”I tried Dash, but he wasn’t in the mood for it” Gilda chuckles.
>”Huh, that’s what happened with me as well.”
>FUCKING BITCH SHE WENT THERE
>Gilda raises an eyebrow. “Wait, you two…?”
“I was drunk and so was she and I sort of liked her and I took her back to my place and then I chickened out and then I hated her and that’s it, that’s all that happened.” You splutter, your embarrassment reaching critical levels.
>Gilda begins laughing, and you bury your face in your hands. “No fucking way, you and Anon almost fucked?”
>”Yeah, he had already stuck it in me before he ran off, shouting that he wasn’t a horsefucker.”
>You are so glad Scootaloo wasn’t here to hear this.
“Both of you can go to hell, I’m heading to Twilight’s. Have a shitty day.”
>You storm off towards P0nyville, as Gilda and Rainbow Dash giggle behind your back.
>You had hoped that you’d be able to forget your past with that rainbow haired cunt, but obviously not.
>God fucking dammit.
>You storm through P0nyville, not even savouring the shocked looks p0nies give. The only thing that could cheer you up right now is…
>”Anon?”
“Hey Purplesmart.”
>”W-what are you doing here?”
“I got lost.”
>Twilight blinks. “Well em… do you want to come in?”
“You do realise I was joking about getting lost? Fucks sake Twiley, grow a sense of humour.” You chuckle and rustle her mane, before stepping into the library, as Twilight sluggishly closes the door behind you.
“So, what have I missed? How’ve you been handling yourself?”
>”Oh, well, Pinkie Pie threw a massive party when you left, and Rarity had a mental breakdown, but overall nothing much has changed. I’ve been keeping busy with my studies-“
“Purplesmart, I told you to lay off the studying. Let go and relax for once, stop being autistic and get outside, meet new p0nies.”
>”Don’t call me purplesmart! You know I don’t like it!” Twilight tries in vain to suppress her smile, and you both laugh.
“It’s good to see you again, Twiley. I’ve missed P0nyville, even if it is a shithole of the highest degree.”
>”I’ve missed you too Anon, even if you are an annoying jerk.” Twiley comes over to you and you hug her, gently caressing her mane.
“I trust my house is still here? There’ll be blood if it isn’t.”
>”Rarity tried to have it demolished, but no-one had the guts to go ahead with it. On a related topic, the town won’t be pleased that you’re back.”
>”They’ll be even less pleased once they find out I brought Gilda.”
>…
>”You brought Gilda back? How’d you meet up with her?”
“Long story short, I went back to her apartment to get drunk after finding out she had a history here, and when I woke up I decided to bring her with me.”
>”Well, I can’t say it’s not a good matchup…”
“Why does everyone assume we’re a couple…? Whatever. I’m going to crash on your couch until Scoots arrives.” You make your way to the couch, stretch out on, and close your eyes, ignoring Twilight’s sighs of frustration.
>You wake to find Scootaloo sleeping on your chest, and you scratch behind her eyes.
“Hey Scoots, wake up.”
>She groans and buries herself between you and the couch.
“C’mon ya little rascal, there’s still time for ice cream.” You lift her up gently, and plane her on your shoulders, where she sleepily leans.
>”Look who’s finally up.”
“Hey Gilda, am I unlucky enough for you to join us for ice cream?”
>”Nah, I’ve never been a fan. Also, when you left, Rainbow Dash told me to tell you something.”
“Spit it out.”
>”She told me to warn you to not hurt Scootaloo.”
“Pffh, I wouldn’t hurt Scootaloo anyways, and you can tell Rainbow Dyke I’m not afraid of her.”
>”Whatever… so did you and her really…”
”I’ll talk to you later, Scoots doesn’t need to hear this. You can probably find my house by yourself, there’s a key under the mat.”
>”So, I’m staying with you eh?”
“Well, considering your dumb ass won’t find anywhere else, I guess you better crash with me.”
>Gilda smiles at you, before heading out of the library.
“Cya Purplesmart!” You yell.
>”Goodbye Anonymous!” Twilight shouts from upstairs, and you make your way out of her house.
>You open the door to your house for the first time in months, ignoring the layer of dust that had settled on every surface.
>”Oh, hey Anon.” Gilda descended the stairs, holding a mug of coffee with a talon.
“I said you could bunk with me, not that you could take my stuff.”
>”Is now a bad time to mention that this is the last cup?”
>…
“I’m going to bed, I’m too tired to berate you.”
>You trudge up the stairs, open the door to your room, and stretch out on the bed.
>”So, how was your day?”
“I’m not in a chatty mood.”
>Gilda climbs onto the king-sized bed with you. “That Scootaloo kid seems nice. I didn’t think you had it in you to treat someone that nice.”
“Yeah, Scootaloo is a great kid…”
>…
>”So, are you going to tell me about Dash?”
>You groan.
“Look, there’s not much to say. It was a one night fling that wasn’t really.”
>”You ran away after you began.”
“She’s secretly a lesbian, it was for the better.”
>”Is that the reason why you were so upset earlier? Do you not like the thought of fucking outside your own species?”
>You roll over to face Gilda, your faces inches apart.
“Look Gilda, I know you want to bone me, but I just can’t go through with it. No questions, no arguing.”
>”That’s ok, I can wait.” Gilda curls up on your bed and you absent-mindedly stroke her.
>“Nighty-night Anon.”
“I hope you have nightmares…” you mutter, as Gilda purrs.
>Holy fuck Gilda was an annoying, forward idiot… but you liked her.
>Was this a relationship? You doubt you could call it that. But this was something... something that put a smile on your face, a spring in your step and a warm feeling in your heart.
>How absolutely disgusting, you think to yourself, before sleep claims you.
>You slept well that night.

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>You gag as vomit fills your mouth, and you force it back down, choking on its acrid taste.
>No, you weren’t a goddamn furfag, you didn’t fuck animals.
>”Oh come on Anon, there’s no need to act. I know you enjoyed last night.” Gilda purrs, lying seductively on her side.
>You breathe deeply, trying to clear your head.
“Ok, listen up Gildy. Don’t fuck with me, or I will fuck with YOU, and not in the way I apparently did last night. Now, did we have sex or not?”
>”Why do you care so much?”
“Answer the fucking question, or I swear I will hurt you!”
>”Ok, fine. We didn’t actually have sex last night.” Gilda rolls her eyes. “Sheesh, I just wanted a look, that’s all.”
“Oh, you just wanted a look. That makes everything ok then.” You massage your temples, before heading to the open bathroom door. “I need a fucking shower.”
>”Want me to join you?”
“Don’t make me hurt you, you bird brained bitch.”
>You slam the bathroom door shut, and huddle under the shower, which obviously wasn’t the right size for you. You turn the dial to freezing cold, and bring your knees in, sitting in the foetal position. 
>God dammit. You hadn’t ever had to deal with this… well, apart from that one time you got drunk with Rainbow Dyke, but that’s an entirely different story. You’d restrained yourself fucking with these p0nies in the physical way, and last night you’d come close to breaking that restraint.
>Maybe it was time… you’d been here what, 3 years already? It should be obvious you’re not going home anytime soon…
>No. Gilda’s just some dumb bitch who you happened to get drunk with. If you’re going to condemn yourself, you’ll do it with someone who cares about you… 
>Yeah, likes anyone cares about you.
>Shivering, you turn off the shower and climb out. There didn’t appear to be any towels in the bathroom, so you just walked on out.
>”Hey, don’t get the sheets wet!” Gilda cries as you flop down onto the bed.
“Make me care.” You say, closing your eyes, preparing yourself for sleep.
>”Well, at least sit up for a minute” Gilda says, and you begrudgingly comply. 
>Gilda’s wings wrap around you, and she brings herself in closer.
“What the hell are you doing?”
>”Oh relax.” Gilda’s body heat surrounds you, and your shivering begins to slow.
>After a few minutes, you’ve warmed up, trapped in the fluffy embrace of Gilda wings. 
“Ok, you can let go of me now, retard.”
>Gilda’s wings retract, and she looks at you, a faint blush on her cheeks.
“I suppose I should thank you, even though you’re a fucking idiot for not keeping any spare towels.”
>”I was only making sure you didn’t make a mess, dweeb… it’s not like I like you or anything…”
“What was that?”
>”Nothing…”
“Then stop wasting my time, for fucks sake.”
>You resume the prone position, face down on the bed, and you sense Gilda lying down beside you.
“What the fuck is your problem? I’m trying to sleep here.”
>”Hey, this is my apartment, remember?”
“You should know by know that I don’t really care for those sorts of details.”
>…
>”You really are going back to sleep, aren’t you?”
“Finally, you catch on.”
>You smile to yourself. Gilda really was a pushover…
>”Ok then, time to fight dirty.”
>You didn’t like the sound of that…
>Suddenly, Gilda pounces on you, pinning you down.
“Get off of you, you freak! I will fucking kill you!”
>You suddenly feel something warm and sticky running down your cheek and neck.
“Oh my God, are you licking me?” 
>”Mmmhmm.” Gilda hums as her tongue runs down your face.
>You thrash about, trying to dislodge Gilda from your back, trying to ignore the sensation of her tongue as it charts its course down your neck.
>Suddenly Gilda hops off you and you stumble to your feet, seething with rage.
“WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT, YOU FUCKING BITCH!”
>”Because of that.” Gilda points down at your crotch and your member, which was growing in size.
>You fucking traitor!
>Penis like griffon tongue.
>I will have your head for this!
>Anon plz.
>Gilda smiles devilishly at you. “Well, it’s not as big as I had imagined it would be, but at least it’s not barbed.”
“Griffons have barbed dicks? How horrifying… wait, I’m meant to be angry at you! Fuck you!” Blushing furiously, you grab the sheets from the bed and wrap them round your waist, forming a makeshift toga. “Well, I’ve hated every minute of knowing you Gilda, so I’m not going to miss you.” 
>You make for the apartment door, not caring about your clothes. It’s not like they had anything important in them, just your wallet and hotel key. Wait shit, those were actually pretty important.
>”Anon, wait.”
>You turn round to Gilda, who appears to have lost her composure. “Look… I know I barely know you, and I’m a total cunt… but you’re almost like a friend. I don’t want you to walk out that door and never see me again. So I’m coming with you to P0nyville. I hate this place anyway.”
“How did you know I was planning on returning to P0nyville?”
>”You rambled on last night while I molested you.”
“I fucking needed to know that, thanks.” You sigh, unable to muster any rage. “Look, as long as you don’t act like a complete shithead you can come with me. But any more passes and I’ll beat the shit out of you, understand? And where the fuck are my clothes?”
>Gilda squees, before blushing.
“Did you just fucking squee…? You’re weird, Gilda.”
>”H-hey, I’m only hanging out with you because I’m lonely, not because I like you…”
“Like I said, you’re a weird faggot. C’mon, find my clothes and then let’s get going.”

>You settle down into the train seat, craving a drink. You weren’t an alcoholic by any means, your life hadn’t gotten that shit, but you still needed to blow off steam after this morning.
>You certainly hadn’t expected returning home to P0nyville with a companion, that’s for sure. Speaking of your new companion…
“What the fuck are you doing?”
>Gilda had decided to settle down next to you in the train carriage, which was empty this morning.
>”What do you mean?”
“There’s plenty of other seats you can sit on, get the fuck away from me.”
>”Hmm… no.”
“Eat shit.” You try to sound angry, but truth be told, you kinda liked sitting here, with Gilda by your side… because you were cold, it’s not like you liked Gilda or anything…
>Oh come on, Gilda is the like the rule 63 version of you, of course you’d take a liking to her. No need to be ashamed of it, right…? Gilda still couldn’t know though.
>”So Anon, what’s your story? You’re unlike anything I’ve seen in Equestria so far.”
“It’s only natural that someone as witty, talented and handsome like me is unique to these lands.”
>Gilda snorts in laughter. “Nice try.”
“You really want to know, huh?”
>Gilda nods silently and you clear your throat. 
“Well, the reason you’ve never seen anything like me before is because I’m not from around these parts. I’m from another dimension.” 
>”You’re from another dimension?”
“Oh, so you’re part parrot as well, peckerface?”
>”Fuck you.”
“Yeah, whatever. I know that’s batshit crazy, but it’s true. I was just minding my own business and then BAM! I’m in this land of boring, multicoloured equines who shit themselves at the sight of me.”
>”Wow, that must have sucked.”
“What an intelligent insight, Gilda. Of course it fucking sucked, I lost everything.”
>The carriage falls silent.
“I’m getting a drink. Don’t follow me.”
>You brush Gilda off you and head to the bathroom, locking the door behind you. You slump down against the wall, this being one of the few times where you actually felt any emotion other than anger.
>You tried to brush it off, but you were lonely. You were sad and lonely, and you did nothing to fix either of those things.
>You stay in the bathroom for the rest of the journey, only leaving when the train grinds to a halt.
>”Did last night pull a number of you?”
“Of course not, I just… I got travel sick.”
>”You get travel sick? You’re lame, dude.”
“You’re one for talking about being lame.”
>You stretch your arms, breathing in the country air as you left the station. Canterlot wasn’t nearly as bad as Fillydelphia air wise, but it couldn’t hold a candle to P0nyville’s country freshness. 
“Well, we’re here. First things first, there’s one little tyke I have to visit.” 
>You make your way to the cutie mark crusaders clubhouse, where you used to get drunk and pass out, much to the disdain of the CMC. 
>As you approach, you hear a familiar revving and a particular orange pegasus races towards you.
>”Anon!”
“There’s my favourite filly!” You bend down and ruffle Scootaloo’s mane as she beams up at you. “So, how have things been Scoots? The whole town still hate me?”
>”Yeah, Sweetie Belle always talked about how Rarity would wake up in the middle of the night, screaming your name.” Scootaloo suddenly looks at the ground, downcast.
“Something wrong Scoots?”
>”Well, not long after you left, I got my cutie mark.” Scootaloo shows you her flank, and the blazing tire that was on it. “Applebloom thought my cutie mark might be in stunt jumping, so they set up a ramp over the club house. When I jumped it, I went flying everywhere and was spinning through the air and I thought I was going to die, but I landed on the other side just fine. And that’s when it appeared!”
“Well fuck me Scootaloo, I’m proud of ya. I knew you’d get your cutie mark before the others!” 
>”Yeah… that’s the reason Applebloom and Sweetie Belle stopped hanging out with me. It’s been boring since then, there’s never anyone to talk to…”
“Fuck, I’m sorry Scoots. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for your cutie mark, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to hang out with you.” 
>”It’s ok… even if it did fucking suck…”
“Oi, what did I say about using grown up words? Don’t let Rainbow Dy… I mean, Dash, don’t let her catch you saying those kinds of words.”
>”Why, you afraid I’ll get mad?”
>Oh fuck.
>You turn round to face Dash as she approaches the three of you. You quickly turn back to Scootaloo.
“Listen, Scootaloo, come to Twilight’s house later. I’ll meet you there and we’ll go out for ice cream, how does that sound?”
>”Sure, it’s been way too long since I hung with you!”
“Well then, scram. Be there or be square, kiddo.”
>You smile as you watch Scootaloo ride off, before remembering Rainbow Dyke was still here.
“So, the walking, talking gay pride parade decided to say hello.”
>”I see you haven’t changed a bit, Anon.”
“Is there any reason why I would?”
>”Maybe not.” Rainbow Dash turns to Gilda. “But why are you here, Gilda?” The venom is Dash’s voice is palpable. 
>”I decided to come back… and apologise.”
>Rainbow blinks in surprise. “R-really? You came back to say sorry?”
>”Yeah, I regret being a massive cunt. I also missed my best gal, my best friend.”
>Rainbow Dash blushes before turning to you. “Are you going to apologise as well?”
>The next few minutes are spent by you and Gilda rolling on the floor laughing. 
“She… actually thought… I was going… to say sorry!” you howl between fits of laughter. 
>”I know!” Gild cries, tears of laughter streaming down her face.
>”Geez, grow up you guys.” Rainbow mutters.
“How about… fuck you.” You chuckle, panting heavily. 
>”Yeah, you really haven’t changed a bit.”
>You help Gilda to the standing position, as Dash suddenly adopts a shit eating grin.
>”Wait, you too aren’t… y’know…”
“What?”
>”No!”
“Of course not!”
>”I would never!”
“I don’t even like Gilda!”
>”I don’t even like Anon!”
>You and Gilda glare at each other, volcanic blushes forming on both of your faces. 
>”Hehe, there’s nothing wrong with admitting it.”
“We aren’t dating, you filthy dyke. I just met her yesterday.”
>”Breaking out the insults, are we? That means I’m right.” Rainbow grins. “So, was it a one night stand or what?”
“Don’t do this Dash, I’m warning you.” You knew exactly what Dash was going to do. 
>”I tried Dash, but he wasn’t in the mood for it” Gilda chuckles.
>”Huh, that’s what happened with me as well.”
>FUCKING BITCH SHE WENT THERE
>Gilda raises an eyebrow. “Wait, you two…?”
“I was drunk and so was she and I sort of liked her and I took her back to my place and then I chickened out and then I hated her and that’s it, that’s all that happened.” You splutter, your embarrassment reaching critical levels. 
>Gilda begins laughing, and you bury your face in your hands. “No fucking way, you and Anon almost fucked?”
>”Yeah, he had already stuck it in me before he ran off, shouting that he wasn’t a horsefucker.”
>You are so glad Scootaloo wasn’t here to hear this.
“Both of you can go to hell, I’m heading to Twilight’s. Have a shitty day.”
>You storm off towards P0nyville, as Gilda and Rainbow Dash giggle behind your back.
>You had hoped that you’d be able to forget your past with that rainbow haired cunt, but obviously not. 
>God fucking dammit.
>You storm through P0nyville, not even savouring the shocked looks p0nies give. The only thing that could cheer you up right now is…

>”Anon?”
“Hey Purplesmart.”
>”W-what are you doing here?”
“I got lost.”
>Twilight blinks. “Well em… do you want to come in?”
“You do realise I was joking about getting lost? Fucks sake Twiley, grow a sense of humour.” You chuckle and rustle her mane, before stepping into the library, as Twilight sluggishly closes the door behind you.
“So, what have I missed? How’ve you been handling yourself?”
>”Oh, well, Pinkie Pie threw a massive party when you left, and Rarity had a mental breakdown, but overall nothing much has changed. I’ve been keeping busy with my studies-“
“Purplesmart, I told you to lay off the studying. Let go and relax for once, stop being autistic and get outside, meet new p0nies.”
>”Don’t call me purplesmart! You know I don’t like it!” Twilight tries in vain to suppress her smile, and you both laugh.
“It’s good to see you again, Twiley. I’ve missed P0nyville, even if it is a shithole of the highest degree.”
>”I’ve missed you too Anon, even if you are an annoying jerk.” Twiley comes over to you and you hug her, gently caressing her mane. 
“I trust my house is still here? There’ll be blood if it isn’t.”
>”Rarity tried to have it demolished, but no-one had the guts to go ahead with it. On a related topic, the town won’t be pleased that you’re back.”
>”They’ll be even less pleased once they find out I brought Gilda.”
>…
>”You brought Gilda back? How’d you meet up with her?”
“Long story short, I went back to her apartment to get drunk after finding out she had a history here, and when I woke up I decided to bring her with me.”
>”Well, I can’t say it’s not a good matchup…” 
“Why does everyone assume we’re a couple…? Whatever. I’m going to crash on your couch until Scoots arrives.” You make your way to the couch, stretch out on, and close your eyes, ignoring Twilight’s sighs of frustration.

>You wake to find Scootaloo sleeping on your chest, and you scratch behind her eyes. 
“Hey Scoots, wake up.”
>She groans and buries herself between you and the couch.
“C’mon ya little rascal, there’s still time for ice cream.” You lift her up gently, and plane her on your shoulders, where she sleepily leans.
>”Look who’s finally up.”
“Hey Gilda, am I unlucky enough for you to join us for ice cream?”
>”Nah, I’ve never been a fan. Also, when you left, Rainbow Dash told me to tell you something.”
“Spit it out.”
>”She told me to warn you to not hurt Scootaloo.”
“Pffh, I wouldn’t hurt Scootaloo anyways, and you can tell Rainbow Dyke I’m not afraid of her.”
>”Whatever… so did you and her really…”
”I’ll talk to you later, Scoots doesn’t need to hear this. You can probably find my house by yourself, there’s a key under the mat.”
>”So, I’m staying with you eh?”
“Well, considering your dumb ass won’t find anywhere else, I guess you better crash with me.”
>Gilda smiles at you, before heading out of the library. 
“Cya Purplesmart!” You yell.
>”Goodbye Anonymous!” Twilight shouts from upstairs, and you make your way out of her house.

>You open the door to your house for the first time in months, ignoring the layer of dust that had settled on every surface. 
>”Oh, hey Anon.” Gilda descended the stairs, holding a mug of coffee with a talon. 
“I said you could bunk with me, not that you could take my stuff.”
>”Is now a bad time to mention that this is the last cup?”
>…
“I’m going to bed, I’m too tired to berate you.”
>You trudge up the stairs, open the door to your room, and stretch out on the bed.
>”So, how was your day?”
“I’m not in a chatty mood.”
>Gilda climbs onto the king-sized bed with you. “That Scootaloo kid seems nice. I didn’t think you had it in you to treat someone that nice.”
“Yeah, Scootaloo is a great kid…”
>…
>”So, are you going to tell me about Dash?”
>You groan.
“Look, there’s not much to say. It was a one night fling that wasn’t really.”
>”You ran away after you began.”
“She’s secretly a lesbian, it was for the better.”
>”Is that the reason why you were so upset earlier? Do you not like the thought of fucking outside your own species?”
>You roll over to face Gilda, your faces inches apart.
“Look Gilda, I know you want to bone me, but I just can’t go through with it. No questions, no arguing.”
>”That’s ok, I can wait.” Gilda curls up on your bed and you absent-mindedly stroke her.
>“Nighty-night Anon.”
“I hope you have nightmares…” you mutter, as Gilda purrs.
>Holy fuck Gilda was an annoying, forward idiot… but you liked her. 
>Was this a relationship? You doubt you could call it that. But this was something... something that put a smile on your face, a spring in your step and a warm feeling in your heart.
>How absolutely disgusting, you think to yourself, before sleep claims you. 
>You slept well that night.

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