A Dash of Apple Sauce: chapter 7

“Applejack, I can explain…”

>”Ya told me yesterday that you were ok, and then you go and threaten a pony, sayin you’re goin to eat him alive! And not just any p0ny, a wonderbolt! What in tarnation were you thinkin!”

“Hey, that bastard was trying to pressure Rainbow Dash into… y’know, sex. I couldn’t just sit there and watch him exploit her.”

>”Rainbow Dash can handle herself, Anon.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t put that runt in his place.”

>Applejack facehoofs and turns to walk away. “Darnit Anon, if this is how you’re gonna be…”

>Anger courses through you.

“What, you think I don’t have an excuse? I’m never seeing my wife again, Applejack! Of course I’m fucking angry! What did you expect! Of course I wouldn’t be ok! Are you thick?”

>”I know that Anon! I’m not thick, I know y’must be upset… but ya can’t take it out on other p0nies. I can’t and I won’t accept your loss as an excuse for what you do. Is this what your wife woulda wanted? For ya to hit the bottle and hurt other p0nies?”

>How dare she! How dare she claim to know Julie… wait, that’s exactly what Julie would have said.

>As much as you hated to admit it, she was right.

“No… Julie would have expected more of me. Sorry.”

>”And so do I, Anon. I accept your apology. But ya gotta try and cope with this. You won’t find help at the bottom of a bottle, you’ll find in your friends. In me.”

“Thanks… I really don’t deserve your help after this.”

>”I told ya, I’m your friend and Ah’ll help ya through this, even if you do annoy me to Tartarus and back. Now get up, I’m sure you’ve got things to do.”

“Thanks. And by the way, I didn’t attack Soarin. Just scared him shitless.”

>”Ah know. You’re not the kinda person who would do that.”

>You pull yourself up and notice that you’re lying in the bed of the guest room, empty bottle of whiskey at your feet.

“My head… please, just put me out of my misery.”

>”No can do Anon. Now, come downstairs and have somethin’ to eat. That hangover won’t go away by its own.”

“Uuugh.”

 

>With the willpower of a hero, you overcome the jackhammer inside your skull and drag yourself downstairs.

“Mornin Big Macintosh. Morning Applebloom.”

>”Euyup.”

>”Hey Anon, y’excited for hearts and hooves day?”

“What’s that?”

>”It’s when ya get together with a special somepony and celebra-“ Applejack quickly shoves a hoof over Appleblooms mouth.

>So, it’s basically the p0ny equivalent of Valentine’s day.

>Someone up above must hate you.

“When is it?”

>”Tmmrmhff” Applebloom says through Applejack’s hoof.

>Tomorrow, eh?

“I’m not hungry anymore. Bye Applejack.” You quickly make your way out to the front door.

>”Darnit Applebloom!” you hear Applejack scold behind you.

>It’s the early morning, the sun is out. A nice walk is just the thing you need…

>”Morning Anon!”

>You look up to see Derpy Hooves flying down to you. One eye looked at you, and one stared off into the void. God knows how she coped with looking two different directions at once.

>She fumbles with letters and shoves a couple into your hands, along with a wrapped package, before flying off.

>Straight into a tree.

>Whatever.

>You open the first letter and see it’s from Celestia.

>”Dear Anonymous. I am writing to inform you that you have been granted full rights as a citizen of Equestria, and you will find your passport enclosed in the package. I am also sending weekly allowances of 200 bits, to ease you into Equestrian life.”

>The letter was signed by a stamp in the shape of Celestia’s cutie mark.

>”Ps, I heard about what happened last night. Remember, if you need someone to talk to, I’m always available.”

>Fuck. Even Celestia had heard about you…

>Ah well. Might as well get on with this, try to make the most of things. You open the package and a large bag of bits, along with your passport are sitting there.

>You immediately turn round and head back to the house. Inside, Applejack is sitting glumly at the table, and she perks up when you enter.

>”Anon, I-“ you cut her off as you dump around half of the 200 bits onto the table.

>Her eyes widen as she takes in all the money. “W-what in the hay is this for Anon?”

“Rent. And for putting up with my dumb ass.”

>She steps down from the chair and you kneel down, bringing her in for a hug.

>”Do ya have any idea how much you just gave me?”

“No idea at all. And I don’t want to know how much, otherwise I’ll feel the need to give you more.”

>”Aw shucks Anon, ya shouldn’t have done this.”

“It’s nothing.”

>You break off the hug and open the other letter, your spirits now elevated.

>”Dear Anonymous. Please meet me at Sugarcube Corner as soon as possible. Rainbow Dash and Soarin will be there. Sincerely, Spitfire.”

>Spitfire? She was the captain of the Wonderbolts.

>As quickly as you brightened up, you became sullen again. Applejack notices this.

>”Somethin’ wrong?”

“Spitfire wants me to meet her, Rainbow Dash and Soarin at Sugarcube Corner.”

>Applejack nods.

“Guess I better get going then. No point delaying this.”

>”G’luck Anon.”

“Thanks.” You exit the house and begin the walk to P0nyville.

 

>The change in attitude of the p0nies is apparent. Just yesterday you had been met with nothing more than curious glances, but now, the p0nies shifted uneasily and avoided your path.

>In hindsight, you probably shouldn’t have threatened to eat Soarin. Especially seeing as the concept of eating meat would be particular disturbing to herbivore equines.

>You enter Sugarcube Corner and are immediately greeted by a flame haired Pegasus.

“Hello Spitfire.”

>”Hello Anonymous. Please take a seat over there.” She points her hoof to where Rainbow Dash and Soarin are seated. Rainbow Dash has her front legs folded, and is pouting, while Soarin is positively furious at the sight of you.

“Morning Dash. Sorry about last night.”

>She continues to pout.

“Ok then, be like that. Morning to you too, Soarin.”

>”Go fuck yourself, monkey.”

“Will do, you donkey-faced failure. Hey Pinkie Pie!”

>Pinkie Pie runs over to you. “Hey Anonymoose, what can I get you this morning?”

“I’ll have a stack of pancakes, please. Syrup, as well.”

>”Okie Dokie! What about you Dashie? You want anything?”

>She shakes her head, glaring at you.

>”Allrighty then! And you, Soarin?”

>”A cupcake, please.”

>”Gotcha!” she bounces off to the kitchen, and Spitfire joins the three of you.

>”Now, I understand that a little event occurred last night which upset everyone here. I’m going to get everyone’s account of the story. No interrupting, no insults. Understood? Good. Now, Soarin. Tell your account of what happened last night.

>”I was just chilling in the bar, enjoying the atmosphere, when I decide to chat up Rainbow Dash. Suddenly, this asshole comes out of nowhere and squares up to me, telling me to back off, before hitting me and saying he’s going to eat me alive when he gets the chance. Being the better man, I left the bar and contacted the appropriate authorities.

>Spitfire glares. “You mean the newspaper agency?”

>Soarin shifts uncomfortably under her scrutiny. “Well, yes. Everyone needs to know about this psychotic.”

>Resist.., urge… to throttle…

>”Ok, that’s how you saw the events of last night. Anonymous, care to give your side of the story?”

“Me and Rainbow Dash were enjoying our cider, when Soarin slides up to her and says, quote on quote, “If you come backstage with me, there might be a spot in the Wonderbolts in it for you…” It doesn’t take much guesswork to realise what Soarin was wanting. I then put him in his place, and he ran like the little bitch he is. But I didn’t lay a hand on him.”

>”Is this true Rainbow Dash?”

>”Yeah, it’s true. Everything Anon said is true.”

>Spitfire turns to Soarin. “You’re disgraceful Soarin. Abusing your position like that, and bare faced lying. To the newspapers, and to me. Have you no shame at all?”

>Soarin doesn’t reply.

>”Consider your time with the Wonderbolts finished, Soarin. Don’t bother turning up for training, ever again.”

>He kicks the table over and turns to walk. On the way, he grabs his cupcake from the tray in Pinkie’s hooves and throws it to the ground. “Your cupcakes are disgusting.”

>Pinkie begins to bawl, her hair losing its fluffy appearance.

>”And you, Anonymous. I’m not finished with you.” He kicks open the door and walks out.

>You run over to Pinkie Pie and give her a hug.

“Don’t listen to him Pinkie Pie, he’s just an egocentric prick. Your cupcakes taste great.”

>She looks up at you and sniffles. “Thanks Anonymoose.”

>You return to your seat and sigh. Why does bad luck follow you like a deranged stalker?”

>”Well, Anonymous, thank you for coming here this morning. The Wonderbolts have an image to uphold and I appreciate your help in ridding bad influences.”

“You’re welcome. Listen, could I ask you something?”

>”Sure, what do you need?”

“Let me whisper it.”

>You walk over to her, crouch, and whisper your question. Rainbow Dash looks on in curiosity.

>”Why yes, of course. Now that we have a free spot… yes. I agree to your proposal.”

“Thanks Spitfire. Have a good one.”

>She nods and exits the café, leaving just you and Rainbow Dash.

“Listen Dash, I’m sorr-“

>You are cut off as she punches you in the gut, doubling you over in pain.

“I probably deserved that…” you moan.

>”Damn right you did, leaving me at the bar like that!”

“I’m sorry Dash. I wasn’t thinking straight last night.”

>She sighs and helps you back to your feet. “I can’t stay mad at you, even if you are an idiot. But you better not leave me hanging like that again.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

>”Pinkie Promise?”

“Whatever that is, sure. I pinkie promise.”

>On cue, Pinkie Pie drops a plate stacked with pancakes in front of you. She seemed to have regained her composure. “The pancakes are on the house, Anony!”

“Thanks Pinkie.” You dig into the pancakes. Good lord, these were good. Maybe you should eat pancakes everyday for breakfast.

 

>After your stomach was satiated, you headed over to Rarity’s. Rainbow Dash had “weather duty” or something to attend to. Ah well.

>Rarity answers the door immediately. “Do come in Anonymous, your clothes are ready.”

>She levitates a pile of clothes over to you. Thankfully, they appear to be regular clothes. Applejack had told you just how flashy Rarity could get when it came to fashion.

“Thanks. Accept these as your payment.” You draw 50 coins out of the 100 you had remaining.

>”I told you darling, this is just a favour.”

>You stare her down. “I suppose I can accept payment…” she says hesitantly.

“Please do. It’s the least I can do.”

>”Thank you Anonymous.”

“No, thank YOU Rarity.” With that, you make your exit, clothes in tow.

 

>You decide to make your way through the town square on the way home. Various stalls are set up, selling a wide variety of goods. However, there was only one stall you were interested in.

“Afternoon, Berry.”

>She looks up, startled, not having seen you approach.

>”Err, hi Anon, can I help you?” She gives you the same nervous look that everyone else had in P0nyville.

>”Yeah, I’d like to get a bottle of something.”

>She looks through her stall. “Well, I have some punch and cider if that’s-“

“I mean something… stronger. Bit of kick to it. Don’t tell me you don’t have anything like that.”

>You had been to many a street vendor in your time on Earth. They always kept the good stuff out of sight.

>She nods and pulls out a small brown bag. Inside was a single bottle of whiskey, no brand. Perfect.

>”25 bits.”

>You hand over the money and quickly bundle the bottle inside the clothes, hiding it from sight.

“Cheers. Thanks as well for providing for the party.”

>She gives a small smile. “No problem Anon. Come back any time.”

 

>Applejack greets you as you enter the house. “Ah see you got your clothes from Rarity. I’m guessin she didn’t want payment?”

“I didn’t give her a choice.” You chuckle.  

>”That mare, always tryin’ to hard…”

>You make your way upstairs to the guest room and strip down. Rarity had made two plain shirts, a pair of jeans and a pair of shorts. What to wear…

>”Anonymous.” Applejack says as she opens the door to the room.

“Wait! You can’t come in!”

>”Don’t be such a little filly.” She steps into the room ignoring your stark nakedness. While being naked around others may not affect these ponies, it sure as hell affected you, and you scrambled to cover your private area.

>”Fluttershy’s at th’door. She wants to speak to you.”

“Do you mind? I’m bloody changing!”

>She rolls her eyes. “Ah don’t see why you’re so concerned, but fine.” She leaves the room.

“Fucking hell… and next time knock!” you shout after her.

>You quickly put on one of the shirts and the shorts, and make your way downstairs.

“Hi Fluttershy. Is something wrong?”

>”Well, um... you know the way… you threatened... to eat Soarin?” She speaks so quietly that you have to strain to hear very word.

“You heard as well…? What is it that you want?”

>”Well, I was thinking… that would make you, um, omnivorous?”

“Correct.”

>”And I was thinking… you need protein in your diet… I could give you meat…” she whispers, looking down at the floor.

“Wait, you would do that for me?”

>She eeps and looks down at the floor, nodding silently.

>You scoop her up into a hug, and she cries out in surprise. You make sure not to touch her wings, seeing as they were so… ticklish… last time.

“Thanks Fluttershy. I was worrying about how I’d sort out my diet.”

>She smiles. “It’d only be fish though…”

“Doesn’t matter. Thank you Fluttershy.”

>She beams at you, then flies out the door.

>How kind of her.

>”What was that about?” hollered Applejack.

>You walk into the kitchen.

“Just about my dietary needs. Fluttershy’s going to provide the meat I need.”

>”She always was caring of animals…”

“Hey, I’m not an animal!”

>Applejack gives you shit-eating grin. “Then stop actin like one.”

>You fall into a chair melodramatically. “You’ve broken my heart Applejack.”

>”Sugarcube, we both know it’s stronger than that.”

>You think of the bottle upstairs, hidden behind your pillow. Applejack was wrong. It wasn’t that strong.

>You also remember her earlier words. “You won’t find help at the bottom of a bottle.”

>Tomorrow you were going to put that to the test.