Title: Dead Baby Joke time? Dead baby joke time. Author: AlmostAverageAnon Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/JpSj0Gjf First Edit: Thursday 2nd of April 2015 07:25:45 AM CDT Last Edit: Last edit on: Wednesday 20th of April 2016 04:08:03 AM CDT What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume   What's the difference between a baby and an onion? No one cries when you chop up a baby   What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other's a watermelon   What's the difference between a baby and a dartboard? Dartboards don't bleed   What is the difference between a mars bar and a baby? About 500 calories   Why did the family take the baby along to the cookout? So they could set it on fire and roast their marshmallows   Why do people keep dead babies in the rec. room? They can chop off a leg and use it as a ping-pong paddle   Why do you put babies in a blender feet first? So you can watch their expression   Why do they boil water when a baby is being born? If the baby is born dead, they can make soup   Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken   How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? Depends how hard you squeeze them   How many babies fit in a blender? Depends how good the blender is   How do you know when a baby is dead? It doesn't cry when you nail its feet to the ceiling   How do you find a live baby in a pile of dead ones? Jab 'em all with a pitchfork   How do you stop a baby from drowning? Harpoon it.   How do you turn a baby into a dog? Pour gas over it and light a match, woof!   How do you turn a baby into a cat? Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw. MEEEOW   How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender   How do you get them back out? With Doritos   How do you make a dead baby float? A glass of soda water and 2 scoops of baby   What do you call two abortions in a bucket? Blood brothers   What is red and creeping up your leg? A homesick abortion   What is a foot long and makes women scream? Stillbirth   What is a foot long in the morning and makes women scream? Crib death   What do you call a dead baby nailed to the wall? Art   What's more fun than nailing a baby to a wall? Tearing it down again   What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding? A baby in a microwave   What is blue and yellow, and sits at the bottom of the pool? A baby with slashed floaties   What is red and yellow, and sits at the top of the pool? Floaties with a slashed baby   What's red and hangs around trees? A baby hit by a snow blower   What's green and hangs around trees? The same baby 3 weeks later   What's pink, red, silver, and crawls into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes   What's pink, and goes black with a hiss? A baby thrown into a furnace   What's brown and gurgles? A baby in a casserole   What is purple, covered in puss, and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt   What is black and goes up and down? A baby in a toaster   What's red and hangs out the back of trains? A miscarriage   What is red and goes round and round? A baby in a garbage disposal   What is red and swings back and forth? A baby on a meat hook   What is red, screams, and goes around in circles? A baby with its foot nailed to the floor   How do you stop it going around in circles? Nail its other foot to the floor   What's red and sits in the corner? A baby with razor blades   What is blue and sits in a corner? A baby in a baggie   What's black and sits in a corner? A baby with its finger in a power socket   What's green and sits in a corner? The same baby 3 weeks later   What's black and charred? A baby chewing on an extension cord   What's black, white, runs around the room, and smokes? A baby with its hair on fire   What is Blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a pnctured lung   What's cold, blue, and doesn't move? A baby in a freezer (Pretty obvious right?)   What's pink, flies, and squeals? A baby fired from a catapult   What do you call the baby when it lands? Free pizza   What is red and has more brains than the baby you just shot? The wall behind it   What is white and glows pink? A dead baby with an electrode up its ass   What is more fun than a baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork   What is more fun than swinging a baby around on a clothesline? Stopping it with a shovel   What's more fun than shoveling babies off your porch? Doing it with a snow blower   What sits in a corner getting redder and smaller? A baby combing its hair with a potato peeler   What bounces up and down at 100 mph? A baby tied to the back of a truck   What goes plop plop, fizz fizz? Twins in an acid bath   What's red, pink, and can't turn around in a corridor? A baby with a javelin through its throat   What's little and cant fit through doors? A baby with a spear in its head   What is the definition of fun? Playing fetch with a pitbull and a baby   What has four legs and one arm? The pitbull after playing fetch   What has 10 arms and blood all over it? A pitbull in front of a pile of dead babies   What's red, pink, and hanging out of your dogs mouth? Your baby's leg   What present do you get a dead baby? A dead puppy   What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees   What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? 100 dead babies in a trash can   What's worse than that? There's a live one at the bottom   What's worse than that? It had to eat its way out   What's worse than that? It came back for seconds   You know what's gross? Running over a baby with a truck   You know what's worse? Skidding on it   You know what's worse? Peeling it off your tires   What's the worst part about killing a baby? Getting blood on your clown suit   what piece of excercise equipment does a baby substitute: A shake-weight.   What's the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly your dick up a babies ass   Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday