Vidyanon: Trial of the Century

>A week had passed since the Great P0nyville War for Anon's Dick

>At least that's what Anon dubbed it

>Thankfully most of the mares in town had gotten over their little...problem

>...Alright, it wasn't so little. But thankfully it was over

>Until the next time something crazy and out of place happened

>Which happens all the time here

>For some reason Anon couldn't stop thinking of negatives to counter the positives he tried to see in this world

>Well, at least he wasn't having inner monologues with his body parts

>That would just be silly

>Anon exited his home and began walking towards the market

>He was running low on food supplies thanks to the long-ass week he spent indoors hiding from the horny mares of P0nyville

>Shit happens when you're oblivious to these kinds of things

>Fucking Estrus

>Anon began to think

>Strange shit had been happening

>Not the usual strange shit like multicolored equines who could do magic and fly attempting to rape him

>Stranger shit than that

>Hard to imagine, eh?

>He hadn't really questioned it before, but now seemed a good a time as any to do so

>The HUD, the inability to die. It all seemed so unreal

>Yet again, multicolored ponies. Land named Equestria. Already as unreal as it could get.

>"Howdy there, Anon."

>Anon quickly turned around in fright as he recognized the voice, his eyes meeting Applejack's

>"I just wanted to invite ya'll ta-"

"RAPIST!"

>Anon kicked a leg in the air, sending Applejack into spinning backflips in the space in front of him

>He brought his leg down with the same force and spun her in the opposite direction

"TATSUMAKI SENPUKYAKU!"

>Anon then jumped and spun in the air twice before using the momentum to kick Applejack, sending her flying in the direction of the farm

>Convenient

"Phew...thought I was finally going to get- Hello what's this?"

>On the ground where Applejack once stood now was a jar of what looked like rainbow paste

>Anon picked it up and observed it

>On the jar was a label reading "NO2"

>He shrugged and placed it into his inventory before continuing his walk to the market

>Unfortunately the fight with Applejack had leveled him up

>Why unfortunately? Anon didn't realize this and now he had neon words pointing him out to everyp0ny in town

 

>Anon had made it to the marketplace, ready to make his purchases

>Surprisingly there weren't that many ponies around

>In fact...there really weren't -any- ponies around at all

"The fuck? What gives? Here I am trying to buy some food and there's nop0ny around to sell it to me. Stupid marketplace."

>"I can help you get some food, Anon. I mean...if you really want it..."

>Anon jumped, ironically a bit startled by the quiet voice

"Jeez, Fluttershy. What's up with you ponies and sneaking up on me today? Also, where is everyp0ny?"

>"Oh, everyp0ny's getting ready for Celestia's arrival. She's making a visit to check up on how P0nyville's been doing since...the Estrus incident."

>Before Anon could respond, a white form landed in the corner of his vision

>He turned to see Princess Celestia herself

>Fluttershy bowed to the Princess

>She closed her eyes and smiled

>Anon, in a flustered state, did the same

>This was a huge mistake

>As soon as he brought his head down he heard a large thump in front of him and soon his view of the ground was obscured by none other than the Princess herself

>He jumped back once he saw her dazed form hit the ground

>...

>Anon did the only thing he could think of

>He pointed at Fluttershy

"IT WAS HER."

>He sped off towards home

 

>Anon's home came into view

>He continued his ragged sprint until his outstretched hand finally met the doorknob

>Turning it, Anon attempted to walk inside

>Attempted being the key word

>His head reeled back when he tried walking through the doorway

>Sighing and looking up, he saw the culprit that was stopping him from getting inside

"Ugh...Level Up."

 

Choose a Skill to Level Up!

 

Strength. Stamina. Magic.

 

"Stamina, just for the fuck of it."

 

Choose a Perk!

 

( ) Sonar Map Setting

 

( ) Night-Vision goggles

 

( ) Swanky blue suit and spiky hair

 

"Yeah...I don't see how a sonar's gonna help me here...or night-vision. It's not like I go outside at night anyway. Fuck it, I'll take the sexy clothes."

 

>Anon's vision un-blurred

>He rushed inside, locking the door and hiding out

>He sat on his couch, pondering the events that had just transpired

>Anon just knocked the shit out of Princess Celestia

>With the words on his head, no less

>Bad situation. Very bad situation.

>Suddenly a knocking on the door

>Anon jumped at the sudden noise and hid behind the couch for a few moments

>The knocking persisted and became louder each time it began again

"Shit...I guess I better just up and face the music..."

>Anon got up and walked over to his front door, opening it slowly

>A white p0ny with a purple mane greeted him

>She didn't look too happy

"Uh...hi Rarity?"

>"Anonymous! It's simply dreadful!"

>Rarity pushed her way into Anon's house as she exclaimed this

>Anon just stood there and waited for her spiel to be over and done with

>She stopped talking once she got a look at him

>"Anonymous...what are you wearing?"

>He looked himself over once, finding out that his sexy blue suit was already on him. Along with a strange yellow badge on the left side of his chest

>Anon then felt his hair, feeling the spikyness

>He squealed in delight on the inside before Rarity began talking once more

>"Well, anyway. I have terrible news...Fluttershy's been taken into Royal Canterlot Guard custody!"

>Wait

>What?

"Well shit...she didn't steal the Princess' bird again, did she?"

>"Phoenix."

"Huh?"

>"It's a phoenix, Anonymous."

"Whatever."

>"To answer your question, no she didn't. But it's something much worse. She's been blamed for striking the Princess and knocking her to the ground!"

>Kind of a sour-ish situation

>Fluttershy was going to be locked up, which meant no more rape attempts from her

>And Anon wouldn't be blamed for the event he was freaking out about earlier

>...

>Anon just loved sour-ish situations

>"Anonymous...why are you smiling?"

"I..uh..remembered a funny joke. Anyway, why are you telling me all this?"

>"Because I want you to defend her, darling."

"Defend her? What do you....oh no. No no no no no."

>"Yes, Anonymous. I know Fluttershy didn't commit this crime. You must be her defense attorney."

>Anon gave the most deadpan look he could muster

>"What?"

"The fuck makes you think I'm a good defense attorney? Hell, what makes you think I've even have a lick of experience in law?!"

>She places a hoof on her chin for a few moments before responding

>"Well you humans have many strange skills. Who am I to say you couldn't defend somep0ny in court?"

"You'd be right, first of all. Besides, why would I want to defend one of the two ponies who've been trying to rape me?"

>"Anonymous, I beg of you.You -must- help Fluttershy."

>Anon crossed his arms

"I don't wanna."

>"Oh dear..."

>Rarity sighed

>"Alright then. If you don't help Fluttershy then I refuse to make clothes for you anymore."

"What?! Oh c'mon. You're the only one who knows my measurements! And I'm -not- going through that shit with another maniacal marshmallow p0ny!"

>"Then I'll see you at the Canterlot Courthouse tomorrow. 10:00 AM, sharp!"

>Rarity exited Anon's home, using her magic to close the door on the way out

>Anon stood there for a few seconds before shaking his fist angrily at the heavens

"SON...OF...A..BIIIIIIITCH!"

 

 

9:45 AM; Canterlot Courthouse

Friday, March 27th

 

>Anon entered the courthouse lobby, scanning the room for Rarity

>He spotted her sitting on a bench consoling a crying Fluttershy

>Anon felt a little bad seeing Fluttershy in such a terrible state

>He then remembered all the rape attempts from the past and quickly dismissed the bad feels

>Rarity spotted him as he walked up to them

>"Good morning, Anonymous."

"Not really that good, but okay."

>"Are you ready?"

"Ready to fail you me- OOF!"

>Rarity hoofed Anon in the gut quite hard

>She then, with an angry look, motioned over to Fluttershy who was quietly sobbing to herself

"Ugh...Yes. I'm ready."

>Fluttershy looked up at him

>She sniffled once

>"A-Anon? A-Are you going to h-help me?"

>Anon rolled his eyes before donning his most bullshit happy face

"Yes, Fluttershy. I'm going to defend the fuck out of you!"

>Everyp0ny in the room turned to look at Anon

"...What?"

>They all seemed to roll their eyes and turn back to their previous engagements

>Anon shrugged

>"It's just about time for the court proceedings to begin. Come, Anonymous."

>He nodded and looked to Fluttershy one last time before she was taken into the courtoom

>Anon followed Rarity inside

 

10:00 AM; Canterlot Courtroom

Friday, March 27th

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1ruEtqTKy0

>Anon stood behind the defense's stand waiting for the judge p0ny, who donned a large white beard, bald head and long black robe, to speak

>It was quiet for a few moments before Anon finally decided to speak up

"Uh...judge?"

>"Hmm? Oh yes! Court proceedings. The court is now in session for the trial of Ms. Fluttershy."

>A p0ny in a magenta suit and hair almost as crazy as Anon's spoke up from behind the prosecution stand across the way as he bowed

>"The prosecution is ready, your honor."

>Anon stood there for a few moments before realizing his cue

"Oh! The..uh..defense is ready...Your honor."

>The judge nodded

>"Mr. Coltworth? Your witness."

>"Yes, your honor. The prosecution would like to call...Featherweight to the stand."

>A few moments later and the young colt was behind the witness stand

>"Mr. Featherweight, would you please give us an account of what you saw that day?"

>Featherweight nodded

>"Now, Anonymous, I expect you to do your best today."

"Well duh. My clothes are on the line here!"

 

 

Witness Testimony:

"What I saw"

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hf_D3pK6LVI

"How come these words keep popping up in front of me whenever we transition?"

>"Hush, Anonymous. He's beginning his testimony."

>Featherweight looked as though he was going to speak up

>He then proceeded to give his account of what he saw...

>...in movement

>Being a mute p0ny does have its disadvantages

>Anon felt something strange about his movements, nevertheless

"Rarity..."

>"Hush!"

"Rarity, listen. Something about his testimony...it doesn't make sense."

>"Whatever do you mean? And how can you tell if he's just flailing about?"

"I don't know. Something's telling me whatever tale he's spinning is bullshit."

>Featherweight hit his left hoof with his right, seemingly mentioning the moment the crime was committed

>Anon quickly pointed straight at Featherweight

"THAT'S BULLSHIT!"

>He stood there in the same pose as silence overtook the courtroom

>Everyp0ny in the room looked at him

"I mean...OBJECTION!"

>He did the only thing he could think of

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVVECt2cP_A

>He began a series of random movements in an attempt to communicate with Featherweight

>The whole courtroom looked upon him in confusion

>Anon finished his spiel by slamming a fist into his palm and pointing at Featherweight

>He reeled back in horror before shaking his head

>Anon crossed his arms and nodded

>Featherweight continued his movements, looking as if he were grasping for any shred of evidence to prove his innocence

>Anon threw out random movements once again in rebuttal, not even sure how he was communicating with Featherweight

>He felt as if he were revealing some great truth about Featherweight's motives

>Featherweight stood there for a few seconds, seemingly in shock, before reeling back against the judge's stand. His face contorted into a look of shock and fear

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdIlP488n14

>Anon continued the onslaught of random movements, hammering nail after nail into Featherweight's metaphorical coffin

>He certainly was getting somewhere with this

>He finished his series of movements with a final epic finger point at Featherweight

>Featherweight held his head in his hooves for a few moments before slamming them down on the witness stand, an angry look in his eyes

>The courtroom became silent

>"Mr. Anonymous?...You seem to be the only one who knows what this young colt is saying. Please, enlighten the court."

"What Mr. Featherweight is saying, your honor, is that he confessed to the crime."

>The judge's eyes opened wide

 

A few moments later...

 

>"It's strange to think that Featherweight is actually the perpetrator."

"It is, Rarity. What happened to Featherweight, your honor?"

>"The baliff handed him to police custody. They will handle his sentence from there."

"I see."

>"Yes. Well now that the proceedings have been handled, I can now pass on my sentence...

 

The court finds Fluttershy

 

NOT GUILTY."

 

>Confetti rained from the ceiling from nowhere

>Rarity grabbed Anon in a hug

>Anon was confused as all fuck

>"Court is now dismissed."

>The judge banged his gavel once more before everyp0ny began filing out of the courtroom

>Anon walked out of the courtroom in the direction of the train station, Rarity and Fluttershy in tow

>"Thank you so much for saving me, Anon. Does this mean you like me?"

"Not in the least."

>"O-oh...okay.."

>"So Anonymous, how did you know Featherweight did it?"

"I didn't."

>Rarity and Fluttershy both stopped in their tracks

>"What ever do you mean?!"

"I mean I bullshitted my way through most of that trial and made him think he committed the crime."

>"B...But Anonymous! That's terrible! You just got the wrong p0ny sentneced!"

"Well, that's law for ya."

>Anon, not caring for any more of Rarity's shit, continued on his merry way to the train station