Vidyanon: ...With Several Fucks Given

>It's a lovely morning in Equestria

>Anon, wearing a robe, stands on his front porch admiring the scenery, cup of coffee in his hand as well as his inventory

>He releases a content sigh before taking a sip of coffee

>Taking the mug from his lips, he notices Rose walking by

>She seemed to be staring at him

>Anon waved to her slowly

>She just continued staring at him while making her way into town

"...Weird.."

>He took another sip of coffee

>"Hey Anon."

>The voice belonged to Pinkie, Anon noticed

"Yes, Pinki-..."

 

PINKIE PIE used MAREHOOD

 

It's Super Effective!

 

>Anon, scarred by this event, slowly backed away into his house and shut the door behind him

>He could hear giggling outside

>"Oh c'mon. I was just kiddin' around! Cantcha come out and..play~?"

>Anon didn't like the emphasis on the word "play"

>He decided to get to the bottom of this new development

>Anon walked to his bedroom to get dressed

>Before he could even get through the doorway completely his head reeled back like it had hit something

>Unfortunately, the event sent him rolling down the stairs

"Ow. Fuck. Shit. Dammit. Stupid. Cocksucking. Stairs!"

>He made it to the bottom, letting a heavy sigh loose when he realized what had happened

>Anon looked up to see the familiar words

>It seemed even daily decision had an effect on when he leveled up

"That's pretty cool...I guess."

>Rubbing his head he uttered the words with much less enthusiasm than usual

"Level up."

 

Choose a Skill to Level Up!

 

Strength. Stamina. Magic.

 

"Y'know what? I think I'll choose magic."

 

 

Choose a Perk!

 

( ) Charming Charisma

 

( ) Incredible Intelligence

 

( ) Frightening Fright

 

"Oh come on, you're not even trying with that third one..."

 

Shut up. This shit isn't easy to write.

 

"Wait, what?"

 

Choose a fucking perk

 

"Fine, fine. I'll take the...Charming Charisma."

 

 

 

>Anon's vision cleared up

>He noticed a newer, blue-er bar underneath his health bar

>Words, along with an arrow pointing to the blue bar, appeared in Anon's vision

 

This is your magic bar. It shows you how much magic energy you have left

 

"Interesting. So how do I use magic?"

>Nothing happened

"Oh come on. You're gonna leave me in the dark about this?"

>Still nothing

"Fine. Have it your way."

>"Who're ya talkin' to, Sugarcube?"

"Nobody, AppleJACK?!"

>Anon turned around quickly to see the orange mare giving him bedroom eyes

>He did the only thing he could think of

"FUCK OFF!"

>Anon kicked Applejack square in the muzzle, the force sending her through the window

>She got up from the ground, shaking a hoof in anger at Anon's home

>"Ya'll can't hide from me forever! I'll have yer head!"

>Anon wished she meant the one on his shoulders

>At least then he'd keep his dignity

>Then again, being decapitated by an orange pony with a cowboy hat sounds pretty emasculating

>Anon decided to step outside once Applejack left the premesis

 

>With his morning effectively ruined, Anon set off in the direction of the library

>Maybe Twilight would know why Rose and Pinkie were acting so strange

>Anon walked into town, noticing more strange looks from mares everywhere

>Mares...it seemed strange

>There didn't seem to be a single stallion around here

>Though this population -did- seem to be mostly females

>Anon decided it was just his imagination

>"ANOON!"

 

INCOMING!

 

>Anon turned just in time to see Rainbow Dash knock his ass over

>She stood on his chest, giving him a frantic look

>"Anon! What do you think you're doing?!"

"I don't get it! What's going on?!"

>"You need to get out of P0ynville fast!"

"What?! Why?! What's happening?! I'm frightened.."

>"Calm down!"

>She smacked Anon across the face

"Ow...you could've just told me."

>"No time. You need to go hide out somewhere. Home. The forest. Anywhere safe."

>The forest didn't really sound like "safe" to Anon

>He tried to get up

>Rainbow helped him to his feet and hovered in the air next to him

"Rainbow, what's got your jimmies in such a rustle?"

>"It's -your- jimmies we need to worry about, Anon. Today's the first day of spring!"

>Anon didn't get it

>He gave her a confused look

>"Estrus begins today!"

>He still didn't get it

>Anon cocked his head sideways, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms

>"Dammit, Anon! It's the beginning of mating season and every mare in P0nyville is in heat!"

"Oh.....OOH!"

>Anon broke into a run in the direction of his home

>Yeah...being the only male in town during mating season was definitely a bad thing

>His house was in view and he was getting closer

 

INCOMING!

 

>On the map, a red dot was closing in on Anon from behind quickly

>Anon waited for his chance

"Gotcha!"

>He jumped and performed a front flip with his leg extended, sending whatever was chasing him forward

>The yellow blur burst through his front door and flew through the house, breaking through the just-fixed hole in the back door and disappearing

>A blue blur sporting a rainbow trail zoomed past Anon into his doorway

>Anon ran inside his home before slamming the door and locking the many locks for when shit got real

>"So what's the plan?"

"Stay in here until this whole thing blows over..."

>Something occurred to Anon

"Hey Rainbow. How come you're not trying to fuck me?"

>"Duh. We're bros. I can't and don't want to see you that way. Besides, you need some kind of help in this."

"True that. Alright le-"

 

INCOMING!

INCOMING!

INCOMING!

 

>The words flashed over and over again

>Anon checked the map

>He gasped in horror at what he saw

>Red dots. Red dots everywhere

>A large wave of them was moving towards his house quickly

>"Anon, what's wrong?"

"Dash, we gotta move!"

>"Why? What's going on?"

"Horny mares!"

>Dash immediately flies to the window and looks outside

>She does not like what she sees

>Anon ran to the back door to check for a way out

>Anon spotted Lyra sneaking through the hole in the back door

>Quickly sprinting to her and picking her up, he threw open the back door and promptly threw Lyra out into a...sea...of mares

>Anon pointed a finger at the wave of horny horses

"Stay out of here! THIS IS HOLY GROUND!"

>"Only if you'll -come- with us!"

>"We waaant you!"

>...Epiphany

"Alright, but if you want me you must fight for me to...uh...prove your love!"

>Pinkie Pie stands above the crowd

>"But Anon, we don't want you. We just wanna fuck!"

"Well then prove you want that, then. GO TO THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE, EVERYP0NY, AND FIGHT FOR ME!"

>Everyp0ny in the crowd cheers and scrambles to the front of the house

>Anon took it upon himself to grab Rainbow and get on the roof of his home

>There they stood, looking down upon the two waves of Ponies

>Well...Rainbow sort of hovered, but you get the point

>Several markers appeared above the two waves of ponies currently staring each other down

>On your side, a medical cross could be found above a group led by Fluttershy while most other groups, led by Pinkie Pie and her friends, had a sword symbol above them

>On the opposing side, however, not a single 'medic' group could be found

>Taking their place was a group with a hammer above it

>That didn't seem all that bad

>The group was being led by a tan mare with a yellow mane

>Anon could vaguely make out her cutie mark, which was a hammer with a lightning bolt behind it

>He didn't think anyp0ny was a smith or anything...so...

>Fuck it, it doesn't matter

>Anon held out a hand and selected most of the 'sword' groups

"ATTACK!"

>He pointed at the front line of the opposing forces

>He held out a hand to the units not fighting and arranged them in a defensive position around the medic group

>Fluttershy looked up at Anon and smiled, blushing

>Anon ignored it and went back to the battle

 

Your units have special abilities

 

Call their names to use them

 

"Fuckin' sweet! PINKIE PIE!"

>Pinkie, on the front lines kicking the shit out of Rose, suddenly jumped back and pulled her party cannon out of nowhere

>She pulled the cord on the back of it, firing confetti, streamers, cupcakes and glitter

>Ugh...glitter. The cancer of all arts and crafts

>The cupcakes, stuck to mares in several of the opposing side's units, exploded

>"Their forces are getting weaker, my lord!"

"Wait wha? You're talking funny, Rainbow."

>Seemingly fed up with Anon's shit, the hammer-clad unit bursts forward from behind the front lines which were currently being blown the fuck up by delicious pastries

>As soon as they meet Anon's front lines his units begin to move backwards

"They're being pushed back! Fuck!"

>Anon selected the units carrying Twilight and Rarity and moved them away from the front lines

"Twilight!"

>A bright light was emitted from her horn before a shield-orb surrounded the forces near her

>The medic team got to work on Twilight and Rarity's units

>On the front lines things weren't going so well

>The sword symbols above some of your units disappeared as the ponies making them up scattered

>"Our troops are running from the battlefield! SHAMFUL DISPLAY!"

>Rainbow was freaking the fuck out

>Anon, on the other hand, kept his fucking cool

>Because he's a boss and shit

>Anon moved the troops surrounding the 'hammer' unit back, giving the unit room to charge Twilight's shield

>The unit connected with the shield, causing it to flicker a bit

>Twilight flinched

"Fluttershy!"

>A green aura surrounded her unit

>Anon watched as the green aura spread to the rest of your units, green medic crosses rising from them slowly

>They were being healed

>Twilight's shield held strong while the assault continued

>The 'hammer' unit continued to assault the shield, unhindered in their attack

"Rarity!"

>Rarity's unit, a group of unicorns who were also within Twilight's shield, began to charge up their horns

>Or something like that

>They were glowing and shit

>Rarity fired off a bolt of energy at the charging unit, incapacitating a p0ny in said unit

>The rest of her unit began their own assault and continued firing magical bolts at their foes

>The 'hammer' unit was losing p0nies fast

>Rarity's ability wore off and Twilight's was getting there

>Anon had to think fast

>He selected his entire army and focused their attack on the single attacking unit

>Twilight's shield disappeared

>Anon's forces surrounded the unit and began to tear its shit up

>P0nies went flying in different directions

>Soon enough the unit was destroyed

>"VICTORY!"

>Rainbow cheered as Anon brofisted her

"Alright! We win! I'm not getting raped!"

>Anon began to dance on his roof

>"AHEM"

>Their victory celebration was cut short by a group throat-clearing

>Anon looked down to the group of ponies he just commanded to see them all looking up at him expectantly

>Oh shit

>He remembered what he bargained for their loyalty

>He quickly pointed his finger at the center of the group

"No."

>Suddenly a lightning bolt sprang from the tip of his finger into the center of the crowd

>The mares, freaked the fuck out by the only human in Equestria performing magic like it was nothing, scattered and went home

>Fluttershy sat on the ground, burned and dazed

"Whoops...sorry, Fluttershy."

>Fluttershy got up and shook off the shocking she just experienced

>She looked up to Anon

>"Oh, that's okay Anon. If you want to make it up to me you could...well...*mumblemumble*"

"I'm sorry?"

>"I said you could let..*mumblemumble*"

"What was that?"

>"You could let..me..*mumblemumble*"

"One more time?"

>"You could let me fuck you."

>Thinking this over, Anon quickly pointed a finger at Fluttershy

"N-.."

>He slowly lowered his arm, realizing he was about to blow her to Oblivion

"No."

>He then jumped off his roof and walked his happy ass back inside