why did i write this

The Unremarkable Life and Death of Thomas Daniels

 

>Day Tom on Earth

>You are a boulder

>But you're not just any boulder

>You are a boulder FROM EQUESTRIA!

>Unfortunately, boulders from Earth and Equestria are indistinguishable

>You erode over several millenia and become dust before anyone discovers your secret

>People stop complaining about the name of the thread because now you're part of the Earth and therefore in it

>Your sacrifice is forgotten, but the consequences of it last forever

 

 

 

Your Best Is My Worst

 

>Day 'live free in the NC' on Auraxis

>The nanites put your body together at the Indar warpgate, same as always

>You suited up as an engineer and got ready to kill and die, same as always

>You went to the vehicle terminal and had the nanites put together a Vanguard heavy tank with a 150 millimeter autoloading mixed chemical/magnetic propulsion main cannon loaded with high explosive shells, an E450 recoilless rifle in a remote mounting on the turret's roof, a heavy nanite mesh armor generator for when you don't feel getting the custom camo-job scratched, explosive reactive applique armor plates, and a high maneuverability chassis with neon blue undercarriage lights because FUCK LIGHT DISCIPLINE, YOU HAVE A TANK

>You love your job

>You could have made this tank closer to the front lines, but you feel like taking the scenic route to Crown Plateau, aka Meatgrinder Hill, aka that stupid tactically insignificant rock that everyone fights over for some reason

>It's an uneventful drive

>You hit the cruise control and check the map on a straightaway

>Looks like the Terran Republic fascists/commies/whatevers are attacking from Crossroads Watchtower across the valley

>You drive over Snake Ravine and spot the motherload of dismounted infantry coming out of an Advanced Mobile Station

>You drive a bit closer to get a better shot

>And you hit two tank mines simultaneously, destroying you and your sweet ride instantaneously

>Fuckin' tank mines

 

 

>You get put back together at the top of "The Crown" and suit up as an engie again

>You start walking around, distributing ammunition where it's needed

>You go up to the top of the defense tower and settle in with the armored exoskeleton guys who are shooting down the TR's "Mosquito" interceptor jets with the twin flak cannons on their suits' arms

>Slowly, the fighting dies down

>You think that's kind of weird, because there are obviously still people attacking and defending

>Everyone you can see from the top of the tower is looking at a single point

>Dafuq is going on?

>You lean over the guardrail to see what it is

>It looks like some white horse unicorn pegasus thing with weird hair

>It speaks in a loud, booming, female voice

>"Quit yer shit! I'm taking this rock!"

>EVERONE'S guns are aimed at her now

>There is a single, omnidirectional *click* as you pull the trigger

>"The fuck, man? My gun doesn't work!"

>"Mine too!"

>"This is bullshit! This thing's trial period ends in ten minutes!"

>Horse lady speaks again

>"YEEEAAHH I OWN THIS SHIT! FUCK OFF, ALL OF YOU!"

"You took our guns, you bitch!"

>"DAMN STRAIGHT, MOFUGGAS!"

"Control is a means of oppression!"

>"I want my gun back!"

>"Nine and a half!"

>Just then, a Mosquito pilot buzzes right over her head, no less than two meters from her and inverted

>He's got the cockpit popped open and is yelling something

>The doppler effect makes it sort of hard to tell what he's saying

>"lllleeeeOOOOONNNNEHHH IS BETTooooooooor!"

 

 

>A chorus of agreement erupts

>"Celestia is worst pony!"

>"Booooo!"

>"I didn't vote for you!"

>"Nine minutes!"

>You hear a whirring behind you, then silence

>Someone is speaking in a scratchy, walkie-talkie sounding voice

>It shouts

>"TWILIGHT IS BEST PONY!"

>Right into your ear

>You look away from horse lady for a split second

>Directly ehind you, there is a Vanu Soverignty infiltrator in spandex and one of those weird robotic-ass helmets, force blade in hand, paused mid-stab

>He let his cloak run out to say that

"Ow! The hell, bro? My ears are ringing!"

>"My bad."

>Someone else yells out

>"Applejack is superior!"

>And then another

>"Fluttershy or death!"

>And then another

>"Rarity is mai waifu!"

>And then another

>"Eight and a half!"

>And another and another and another until it becomes an indecipherable rabble

>This eventually becomes a fight between the TwiShyfags, the AppleDashfags, and the RariPiefags

>Everyone got new guns, and the fighting started anew

>Nothing changed on the day that Celestia got drunk and solo-capped The Crown

>Just another day on Auraxis