Don't ask. Really, don't ask.

>You spot a hand slowly reaching for your chest just over the magazine you were reading.

“Stop it, Anon.”

>”Oh, come on! Why not?”

>You toss the magazine Anon’s face.

“I said no, fag. Now fuck off.”

>”Ooo, so edgy! I like it.”

>This fucking kid.

“Anonymous, you have five seconds to step the fuck back before you won’t need you worry about the prospect of reproduction.”

>”Damnit, Krabby. Why are you playing hard to get? I am the last man on the earth, after all.”

>You laugh at this douche bag.

“I’ve got a news flash for ya fuck head! No, you aren’t. I’ve seen plenty of other males around here. Hell, I’m pretty sure Rainbro is has more balls than you do.”

>”Krab, you wound me. I can be all the man you need and more if you just say the word. You know what, I can show you just how much of a man I can be.”

>The fucker leans in and grabs your shirt before you can react, pulling you in.

>What the hell does he think he’s doing?

>You punch him in the jaw much to your surprise and his.

>Even though he pisses you off to no end and often goes way too far, you’ve never actually struck him.

>Anonymous’s head snaps back and he stops leaving you sitting in stunned silence.

 

>He slowly lowers his gaze at you, eyes flashing dangerously, and grins.

“Anonymous, I’m sorr-”

>He painfully grabs your face and pushes you up against the tree you were reading under, preventing you from speaking.

>You whimper and try to remove his grip from your head but even with how much of a wuss Anon is, he is still much stronger than you.

>You eye Anon’s other hand moving towards your face and flinch.

>His free hand brushes some hair out of your face.

>You open your eyes and see that he has gotten closer.

>His hand is running through your hair and it makes your stomach turn.

>”So, Krab...”

>A pause.

>”Two things. First, this is going to happen. Deal with it.”

>”Secondly, where does your name even come from?”

>At that moment the world shudders.

>The ground behind Anon gives way and falls forming a massive trench.

>A massive cyber octopus flies up from the depths and roars causing birds to fly out of the trees and fill the air.

>The octopus fires a laser and in the distance you see Canterlot explode, most of the city tumbling down the cliffside.

>The beast then slowly rumbles away, shooting lasers as it begins to ravish the Equestrian countryside.

>Then a birdie tells you that humans can saves the day.

>You and Anonymous use your super duper secret human majiks to defeat the beast.

>But you had fallen in love with it before it died and you were sad.

>Then Anon showed you the D and you were happy.

>Secks.

>Fin.