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Cardboard

By: AMedicalKrabbyPatty on Dec 8th, 2013  |  syntax: None  |  size: 4.35 KB  |  hits: 40  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Day cardboard intervention in Equestria
  2.  
  3. >Be Anon.
  4. >You've been dragged out of bed by Purplesmart and led to Fluttershy's place.
  5. >All of Purp's friends are here as well.
  6. >That's all fine and dandy but it's fucking two in the morning.
  7. >While you hate being here at this unsunbuttly hour, you know it's for a good cause.
  8. >However, you still don't even want to touch this situation with a ten foot pole.
  9. >It’s an intervention.
  10. >Fluttershy should be getting to her house soon from what you can guess.
  11. >She usually leaves the front of super-tree-fort-awesome with one of those... things... around this time.
  12. >She’s done so every night for at least a month now.
  13. >You really don’t want to think about it.
  14. >Apple pone warns everybody that she’s outside from the window.
  15. >Everyone gets quiet and you inwardly groan.
  16. >You really don’t want to be here.
  17. >She’s not your friend.
  18. >Therefore it’s not your problem to fix but there's nowhere to go at this point.
  19. >The tiny horses sit around Flutterpone’s living room before the butterscotch mare walks in the door with a very soggy piece of cardboard.
  20. >It is a cardboard cut-out of your dick with a picture of it professionally printed on it much like a sports fan’s cutout of their favorite player.
  21. >Where she even got those things made or how she even knows what your dick looks like is a complete mystery.
  22. >What isn’t a mystery is what she’s been doing with said pieces of cardboard.
  23. >For the last month, she has been stalking you relentlessly with at least three of those cut-outs with her at all times.
  24.  
  25.  
  26. >If you dared to make eye contact with her, she’d furiously rub herself with it no matter where she was.
  27. >Be it in public, in front of a school, or in a restaurant, she’d fapulate with cardboard versions of your dick until they were soggy to the point they turned into mush or you moved away forcing her to stop and resume stalking you.
  28. >In fact, these technicolored horses don’t even have laws for this sort of thing.
  29. >Apparently ponies just never did anything this level of indecent in public before to have laws about this put into place.
  30. >Ponies just didn’t do this sort of thing which made it even more weird for you (given the fact that it was weird enough that she carries your dick everywhere.)
  31. >This is really some fucked up shit and you aren’t even sure why you’re here in the first place.
  32. >Last time you checked, interventions were between the friends and family.
  33. >You aren’t either of those.
  34. >Why the fuck were you even here?!
  35. >Too late though.
  36. >She’s already here.
  37. >Fluttershy looks straight at you when she walks in, her wings flaring in response.
  38. >fuck-this-gay-earth.gif
  39. >Grapedrank saves the day by addressing your stalker before anything happens.
  40. >”Fluttershy, we’re all here to talk to you.”
  41. >No shit.
  42. >Rainbowcunt flys over and guides the yellow sex fiend to a spot directly across from you.
  43. >Fuck you too, Rainbowfag.
  44. >Purps continues.
  45. >”We’re all here because we care about you.”
  46. >You clear your throat.
  47. >”...everypony except for Anon. That doesn’t really matter, though.”
  48. >Everypony looks at you.
  49. >”While Anon was sleeping we decided that instead of having an intervention, we’d do something better.”
  50. >Wait a second...
  51. >The nerd blushes a bit while choosing her words.
  52. >”Basically, we want you to... you know...”
  53. >”We’ve brought him so you can fuck the living daylights out of him.” Lesbo Dash interjects.
  54. >Wut?
  55. >”Y-yes, what she said.”
  56. >...
  57.  
  58. >”You’ve got the entire night to work it out of your system. After that, you are on your own.”
  59. >....God is dead god is dead god is dead god is dead god is dead god is dead...
  60. >”Just don’t break him.”
  61. >You don’t remember moving but you are in the process of vaulting over the couch with your epik parkour skillz.
  62. >Your body suddenly goes limp and you land hard on your face.
  63. >Nonononononononononononononononono!
  64. >”He’ll be paralyzed for a few hours so take your time.”
  65. >The entire time, the yellow mare’s smile kept growing and growing.
  66. >You suddenly lose sight of her before your pants are ripped from your body.
  67. >Something cold pokes your one way street.
  68. >NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!
  69. >You proceed to live the worst day in history.
  70. >Ever.
  71. >One day, you will kill everybody in this one horse world.
  72. >But for now, its just a get handed over to a rapist p0ne kind of day.
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