Title:           A bear's guide to finding Dank azz porn.
Author:          ABearNamedCindy
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/Li7r7Jr0
First Edit:      Thursday 23rd of April 2015 12:02:44 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Thursday 23rd of April 2015 12:03:41 AM CDT

A bears guide to finding Porn
 
So you want to know where to get porn do ya?
Well strap yourself in because you’re in for a long ride.
 
First you must go to the darkest parts of LA, North Hollywood.
Then ya have to slip the bartender at rage’s a fifty, and ask for the creampie special.
He will than usher you into the back room.     
This is step one.
 
Step two is the dangerous part.
You will wait at the bar until night fall. Then you will be blindfolded and escorted to a secret tunnel. Under cover of darkness to an undisclosed location. You see gays are the secret guardians of pornography. And dope ass kush, being faggots they have no use for such things. I was never able to really learn where they took me, probably at William Shatners house, but I’m not completely sure. Though some anon’s whisper that the location changes from time to time. So be ready for anything.
 
Once you arrive, they will remove the blind fold, and ask you, “What is the path to enlightenment, faggy boy?” You must, and cannot stress this enough tell them, UP, UP ,Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B A, Start. They may become enraged and even start hitting you but you must keep repeating this holy phrase over and over again, if you don’t they will surly kill you. Once you have passed their test. They will lead you to the secret tunnel. This tunnel will take you into the deepest pits of California. There you will encounter Nicholas Cage in a bear custom. You must appease him in order to enter the kingdom of Atlantis. Yes that’s right there is a secret fucking tunnel leading to Atlantis in California, guarded by the gays and hidden from the Jews. That’s why they set up in Hollywood, their looking for the secret tunnel.
 
Now pleasing Nicholas Cage is a difficult thing, how you do this, is beyond me, it varies every time. Maybe he'll want some mountain dew, maybe he'll want you to do the dew. It all depends on his mood.
After appeasing the Cage, Enter Atlantis, knowing that you are nearly complete in your quest for some fucking cash ass porn man.
Now we start step three.
Once inside Atlantis, you'll need to buy some raiding gear, maybe a sword, a hammer if you’re a pally, whatever fits your specs man, are you an art major? Well maybe some nice spell books, an engineer, some heavy tanking gear, didn’t go to college, pick gear specific to your profession. Up to your specs man. Once you have your gear seek out a man named Gilbert Gottfried, you can usually find him in the local perish, he's Atlantis’s religious leader.
 
There he will tell give you a quest to slay the jabberwocky.
 
Now this an't your mommas jabberwocky. Everyone in Atlantis is a huge fucking racist, and it really means the big nigger’s that live underground. Niggers come from underground, and lay siege to Atlantis, only coming to the surface to forage for welfare checks and fried chicken to feed their growing hordes. But you knew all this already I’m sure. So if you're black, your sol up to this point. Unless you instead take an alternate route and seek out terry crews. I’ve only heard legends from my negro friends, but if you’re black I’ll tell you what you gotta do, I hear it’s harder to get porn for you nigglets though.
Now you will leave Atlantis, on a three month journey to the underground lands of Africa. This journey will be dangerous, you may want to recruit some friends for this perilous journey, but in the end it’s all worth it for that dank ass porn.
Once entering Africa, you’ll notice the air smells like shit and jizz, this is normal get used to it. This is their homeland. You must begin your quest now by beating niggiza asses all across Africa, it will be dangrous and hard. But if you give it a month, of rapeing and beating them bush monkeys, they will eventually lead you to their boss nigger, the jabberwocky. When approaching the jabberwocky, you mustn’t have any grape soda or watermelon on your person it will only strengthen their resolve. Instead carry with you the scared objects of legend.
A night stick, a whip, and a job application.
 
This will strike fear deep into the negros heart, giving you a temporary upper hand. Praise white Jesus before the fight and you might have the resolve to win the fight.
 
After slaying the mighty negro, you must head back to town. With his head, and present it to Gottfried. There you will be given a map, to head to mount doom (it's in Atlantis), there on the highest peaks, in the deepest cave, you will find, the most glorious stack of porn your eyes have ever beheld. I’m talking some fucking brazzers status shit here. Better than heather, or my cherry crush. Fap hard my friend if you make it this far, you’ve earned it.