Thread Bumpers (Updated 4th, Oct)

DERPY SHORT

 

>Day how in Equestria.

>You wake up to the unholy light of Princess Sunbutt with the accuracy of a hawk.

>Light right in the eyes, you crawl out of bed and do the normal routine.

>After you're finished you head downstairs to a mess of chaos that would rival even Discord.

>The couch is half burnt with stuffing stuck to the walls.

>Your lamp is leaking. LEAKING?!

>Your tv hangs from the roof and you can see hundreds of half eaten muffins everywhere.

>You head into the kitchen and walk right out.

>Might as well burn this place to Tartarus to clean it. It's be faster

>Before you head of to go buy matches you notice a grey and golden ball of fur fall out of the oven.

>It looks up at you with one eye fixed on you and the other god knows where it's focusing. It gives you a sheepish grin and rubs the back of it's head with a hoof.

>This is undoubtedly Derpy Hooves and you can't comprehend why she is here and what she has done.

"Derpy" You say with the fury of 1,000 hell hounds. Her ears and head droop, she knows she is in trouble.

"What are you doing in my house and what have you done?"

>Her face becomes riddled with guilt.

>"I just don't know what went wrong."

>FUCKING DERPY!

 

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FILLY PRINCESSES

 

>Day More Tea in Equestria

>Right now you're sitting down to eat breakfast in Castle Canterlot's dining room.

>The Princesses were kind enough to let you stay upon your arrival and 6 months later, you're still here. Maybe you should get a place to live?

>Eyeing the massive stacks of pancakes before you, you ready your weapons and prepare to eat these bad boys.

>Before you dig in, you see something in the corner of your eye.

>Turning to the window to... The princesses pulling faces at you. Really?

>Standing up and leaving your plate of golden amazing you walk over to them.

>You open the window and notice, the princesses are little fillies.

"Wh-what the... H-How?"

>"We've been caught, run!"

>The two little filly princesses run through the garden as fast as their little legs can take them.

>You quickly dive through the open window and give chase.

>"He's coming sister."

>"Fear not, we have a plan."

>They dart around a corner and you follow right behind you.

>Luna pushes a teddy under your foot causing you to fall and you hit your head on a nearby vase, knocking you out cold.

>When you awake you try to move but you can't.

>You look around and notice you're in what looks like Celestia's room, and you've been tied to a chair.

>"Ahh, so good of you to join us Anon."

>You give a glare to Filly Sunbutt.

>"If you don't smile then we shall not give you any scones."

>You look at the table before you and see a table full of what looks like what the Queen of England has for 'morning tea'.

>There's tea, biscuits, scones and the fanciest tea set to go with it.

>Your stomach decides to growl, reminding you of the tower you left in the dining room.

>Well if you want something to eat, you're going to have to play along.

>You give a smile then Princess Luna shoves a scone down your throat with some whipped cream.

>You cough and splutter a little but try to swallow as much of it as you can because you're hungry.

>"Would you like more tea Anonymous?"

>Fucking Filly Princesses.

 

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LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW!

 

>Day Let it Snow in Equestria

>You are anon and little Anon has been feeling blue today.

>You haven't had sex in years and every time you try to rub one out, Pinkie's sense tells her you're feeling sick and she bursts in.

>But no more, today you're so backed up that it's going to happen even if Pinkie wears it.

>You get home from work and you're about to throw off your pants when the lights come on.

>There are ponies everywhere all yelling "SURPRISE!"

>A pink ball bounces over to you.

>"Were you surprised Anon, Were ya? Were ya?"

"Yes Pinkie, thank you."

>Things get a little more blue while you go around talking with ponies.

>The whole time you begin to see everything as sexy.

>Punch fountain? Stick it in, Anon.

>Balloon? I'd tap that.

>That flank? Dat flank.

>You manage to sneak out and quickly dash behind some bushes the nearby park.

>Bye pants.

>Bye, bye boxers.

>You begin to rub one out.

>This has never felt so good, it's like heaven but in penis form.

>So close.

>Just before you climax Pinkie jumps out of the bush.

>"ANON!"

>Too late.

>Finally.

>You ejaculate everywhere and you can't stop, theres so much.

>Several minutes later Pinkie pops her head out of your snow-semen.

>"Nonny, you made it snow. Lets go make some snow cones."

>Today was an early winter.

 

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HUMAN FASHION IN EQUESTRIA

 

>Day New Fashion Trends in Equestria

>For about a week you've been helping Rarity with her designs, considering your world's fashion differs, she begged you for help.

>There were a lot of things she had to modify in your drawings, considering ponies can't wear human clothing but she's been loving every minute and hasn't been afraid to tell you.

>Every. 5. Minutes.

>'Oh Anonymous dear, I can't thank you enough for your help.'

>Annoying as it has been, you have been enjoying it.

>You never were one for fashion but you can remember some things that were popular back home and your lack of knowledge hasn't bothered Rarity at all.

>And today is the last day, this afternoon you will be a free man again.

>Giving Rarity's door a knock, you turn around to gaze over the town, planning what kind of job you'll do next.

>You then notice something odd in this scene.

>It's the ponies, they're wearing what looks like... Underwear?

>Not just any underwear, the exact type you're wearing.

>Boxer briefs.

>Each with their own design, usually matching their coat also some have rather odd patterns and even weirder colours.

>Most have Rarity's signature design, the shiniest jewels somewhere on the design.

>"Ah, Anonymous, do come in."

"Uh, Rarity?"

>"Yes darling, what is the matter?"

"Those ponies are wearing-"

>"My latest design, yes. The one you mentioned just the other day, under-something?"

"Underwear, just uh, why?"

>"Well you see, I designed a few pairs to fit ponies after even made a set. And when Pinkie came to visit she instantly fell in love with them, ordered 7 pairs that night. Oh and after that, the style just took off. What do you think? Magnific, no?"

>Unable to process what you are looking at you just head home.

>Rarity calls out to you but you're in auto-pilot and keep walking, you don't stop until you reach your bed.

>You climb back in and try to take your mind off the latest fashion trend you just gave these ponies.

 

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CHERRY POPPING [PART 1]

 

>Day Cherry in Equestria

>"HIYA ANON!" squeals the little pink party pone when she sees you.

"Hey Pinkie, What are you up to?"

>"Oh, just floating around." She gives a snickering giggle as balloons float out of her mane and suspend her in midair. "What about you?"

"I'm going to go cherry popping."

>"I wish I could help but you see... I haven't told anypony this but when I was a little filly my big sister Inky-"

"No cherry then I don't care." you call out as you walk off.

>Besides, you've already picked out your first 'cherry' for the day.

>You arrive at Carousel Boutique and walk inside, as the doorbell rings throughout the shop.

>"Ahh Anonymous, how can I help you today?"

"Is Sweetie Belle here?"

>"No, she's off with her friends. Those girls never quit, always so eager to get their cutie marks."

"Good."

>"Hmm? Why's that dear?"

"I'm going cherry popping."

>"Why Anon, I hope you don't mean what I think you do."

>As you walk towards her she backs away keeping the same distance.

"Yes, I do and I know your cherry is ripe for picking."

>"A-Anon, I'm afraid I'm saving myself for marriage... I'm a lady after all."

>Her flank hits the wall and now she's cornered.

"I'll find a diamond later."

---

>You leave the unconscious Rarity in a pit of her tears. On your way out you turn the 'open' sign to 'closed', wouldn't want someone to see the mess you just made.

>You take a deep breath of fresh air as you set out for the next cherry.

 

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CHERRY POPPING [PART 2] [Somewhat Explicit]

 

>Day Cherry in Equestria

>You're walking through the market, feeling refreshed after popping your first cherry for today.

>But you're not finished yet, there's still many untouched mares in this town who have yet to feel the power that is your penis.

>You feel a rush of air fly through your hair as a blue blur flies overhead.

>Looking up you see Rainbow Dash flying back towards you.

>She narrowly misses you and comes to a halt before turning to you.

>"Hey Anon, you doing much today?"

"Yeah just after some cherries."

>"Oh cool, I'll help you out if you help me with this sweet move I've been wanting to try out for a while."

"I'd love to see your 'moves' Dash but first I gotta ask, are you a virgin?"

>"Wha-what kind of question is that?"

"Just tell me, please."

>"W-well... I've never been with a stallion if that's what you mean."

"Close enough, let's go."

>The two of you head off to the lake where you and Dash set up an obstacle course. The second you're finished she flies off to get started.

>"READY?!"

"WHAT?!"

>She flies through all the obstacles as fast as her wings can manage.

>You sit there in awe of her speed, mobility... Okay, you're just checking out her flank. There's no speed capable of outrunning your eyes when it comes to flank watching.

>On the last obstacle she hits her hoof and wipes out, you rush over to check on her.

"DASH! You okay?"

>You freeze as you see her in the perfect position.

>Face down, ass up.

>Her tail slightly brushed aside for you to get a view of her marehood.

>'It's too late, dig in, don't wait.' you chant inside your head as you take off your pants.

>"Yeah, I'm okay... I just-WOAH! What the hay are you doing Anon."

>You firmly take hold of her flank,

"I told you, I'm out for cherries."

>"B-but I've had sex before..."

"You said not with a guy, that's close enough for me."

>"Anon wait!"

>You ignore her cries for you to stop and enter her rainbow cunt.

>You hum a happy little tune as you thrust into Dash. She now tries to fly away but you've got a firm hold of her.

>Despite your vice-grip, she tries flying faster and her wings make a weird vibration on your dick.

>It feels too good and you let out your seed deep inside her.

>She only cries out even louder.

>You get up and dust yourself off.

"That makes two."

>'Wait, *sniff* who e-else have you raped?"

>You don't answer, instead you put your pants back on and walk away, still humming the same tune as you set out for the next cherry.

 

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CHERRY POPPING [PART 3] [Explicit]

 

>Day Cherry in Equestria

>You've popped a lot of cherries lately and luckily, they've all said nothing but you're not counting on that luck to hold out much longer.

>You've decided to pop one more before you're thrown off to jail or whatever punishment these ponies carry out for rape.

>This cherry is like the tip of the icing, a princess.

>You read in one of Twilight's books after you finished popping hers and were waiting for Spike to get back, that Princesses must remain pure until marriage.

>That's perfect, it's like reaching for the furthest stars or sun in this case because Celestia is one powerful mare.

>Brute force isn't going to be enough to win you this cherry pie.

>First things first, you've told Celestia that you'll be making a trip to Canterlot and she's offered you a room in the Castle.

>Which is perfect, you originally thought you'd have to scout the castle grounds just to learn how to sneak in.

>When she showed you to where you'll be staying and the room was amazing. Everything was sparkling clean, even looked brand new and the bed looked comfy enough to be a cloud but you were more amazed by something Celestia said.

>"If you need anything, my quarters are just down the hall."

>It's like there was a god almighty ensuring you popped this cherry. It will be so easy.

>You begin to feel all giddy as watch the sunset in the Canterlot Gardens. You wait a few minutes before you start heading up to your room, along the way you bump into Luna.

>"Ahh, how fares things Anonymous?"

"Good, you?"

>"Excellent, you need not fear anything this night. We watch over all during it's dark silence."

>This pony freaks you out a little, it's the way she talks.

"Thank you then... Uh how's Celestia?"

>"She is well, and a little relieved to be heading to bed early this day."

>You use all your willpower to not cheer at that.

"I-Is she okay?"

>"Yes, running a kingdom can take it's toll sometimes."

"I'm sure it does." you fake a loud yawn and stretch, "Say, I'm pretty tired too."

>"You best get some sleep then, Goodnight Anonymous."

"Night Princess."

>You slowly walk down the hall with a slight slump in your step until you no longer hear Luna's hoof steps.

>You then pick up the pace, not wanting to waste anymore time.

>It takes some guesses which door is Celestia's room but you get it around the 8th guess.

>You slowly creep up until you can see the sleeping Alicorn's face.

>A devilish grin appears across your face as you remove the covers.

>You carefully adjust her hind legs into position and flick her tail out the way, revealing your prize.

>"1, 2, 3, 4, I can hardly wait anymore."

>You chant softly as you remove all your clothes.

>"5, 6, 7, 8, stick it in, no need to wait."

>Slowly, you guide your fully erect-member to Celestia's tight marehood. You've never felt anything so tight, you knew mares could clench but not this much.

>The speed is agonising but your heart feels like it's going to burst, if Celestia wakes up, you're dead.

>When you have your dick fully inserted you pause, you can feel her grip loosen but it still feels firmly wrapped around you.

>You pull backwards, taking in the warm feeling of her cunt. None of the others felt this good.

>In the excitement you quickly thrust back into Celestia then freeze when she lets out a loud moan. She stirs slightly from her slumber but doesn't wake up, only adjusts herself a little.

>You still wait a moment before running your hands along her soft coat on her flank.

>You then give it a squeeze, taking a tight grip before continuing your hip's rhythm, ensuring each thrust won't wake her.

>The sensation is amazing, the adrenaline and the feeling of her untouched marehood. You can't help but pick up the pace.

>Celestia's face turns a tint of red as she lets out soft moans in her sleep, she must be able to feel your dick all the way into her dreams.

>At this point you don't care if she wakes up, it's too late now.

>Your hips now thrust harder as you feel the climax approaching.

>You've reached your peak as you spray your load deep inside the sleeping princess.

>This time she does wake up, she turns her head and sees the naked human behind her.

>"Anonymous, I trust there is an explanation for this situation."

>Her voice was shocked and confused at first but turned into anger before she finished that sentence.

>You stay there, mouth agape and your dick still firmly planted inside the royal vagins as you try and think of a possible explanation but you've got nothing.

"I was looking for cherries." you say with a proud grin.

>Her eyes glow a fierce shade of... fire. The eyes burrow deep into your own as she stands up and faces you.

>"Anonymous the human, you are hereby, banished!" she bellows out in that Canterlot voice while her horn blasts you with magic.

>You try to shield yourself with your arms from the light. A second later you feel a cold breeze, you open your eyes to see a dull and empty wasteland. Looking around, you see nothing but off to the horizon you can see Equestria. You're on the moon, naked. Looks like you can breathe up here somehow, fucking magic.

>You try and wrap yourself up with your arms for warmth and all you can think about is the fucking cold.

"Worth it!"

 

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PINKIE THE BOUNTY HUGGER

 

>"Anonymous, I've come for you!"

>You hear Pinkie yelling outside Sugarcube Corner, you turn and look outside the window to see the pink pone sporting a leather jacket down to the floor and bolero hat. You just turn Applejack who is sitting beside you.

"What is she doing?"

>"Ahh'dunno Anon, it's just Pinkie bein' Pinkie." she says with a shrug before returning to her cinnamon bun.

>You stand up and head outside to see what stupid thing she's up to.

>"Ahh, come to meet your maker have we?"

"Pinkie, what are you doing?" you say with a deep sigh.

>She holds up a crayon drawing of you with 'WANTED! HUGGED OR ALIVE' written along the top in large, bolded letters.

>"I've come to collect the bounty on your head, don't try and run Anon of the east."

>Today has been boring as hell so that probably explains what happened next.

>You wrap your jacket around your face and tie it, leaving only your eyes visible. You then strike a series of kung-fu poses before putting on your most offensive asian accent.

"Does my wall dance scare you Pinkie Pie?"

>"Let's do this!" she says as she throws up the hat and charges at you.

>You didn't think she was actually going to attack you.

>"ATTACK HUG!" she screams as her hooves wrap around in a vice like grip around your chest.

"C-can't... breathe!"

>She lets go just before you pass out from the lack of oxygen.

>Fucking Pinkie.

 

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LUNA WANTS A PET

 

>”Lulu, are you sure about this? We can just get you a bat or something?”

>”Neigh Tia, we have made our decision.”

>Your sister remained silent as you continue to mark out the appropriate symbols on the floor.

>You were tired of being alone at night and as such, you were going to summon a creature from the eternal beyond to keep you company.

>With her magic, Celestia placed candles and lit them in around the circle you now finished marking out.

>You look over to Celestia who is still has a look of concern, you don’t blame her.

>You’re not 100% sure what will come out when you summon it, all you know is that whatever creature it is will obey your command.

>”Ready Tia?”

>”As I’ll ever be,” she stands by your side as you read the incantation.

>”Ykeahuke wkop zeconx, teak pc jupponj. Pac hte jmikih vuixe ow foklxj vuixe cou aykojj zakkiekj hofakxj pc yallinv. Omen hte majjavefac zehfeen ouk foklxj anx yope wokht.”

>As you chant a small breeze begins from the centre of the circle, slowly increasing in speed.

>The flames on each candle intensifies as the breeze picks up to a gust of wind. Before long it feels like there is a tornado in the centre of the room.

>You can hardly see from the wind forcing your eyes close, you can make out that a small black ooze has appeared and is climbing upwards to form a shape.

>A hallowing moan erupts of the creature and resonates throughout your body.

>”WHAT IS HAPPENING?” Tia calls out to you; her face clearly showing her panic.

>”IT’S WORKING!” you shout back, you can feel your body tremble with excitement. This has been the moment you’ve been waiting for, finally a creature of the night to call your own.

>The black ooze, now standing tall, begins to refine its own shape. You recognise this form from the book of mythological creatures you read prior to this summoning.

>It’s a human, you know it.

>The creature is bipedal with only two arms attached to its torso; the creature also has hands not claws.

>No tail, wings, horns or body parts that look like a mismatch.

>As the ooze now begins to give itself colour, your guess is confirmed as it has pale white skin and matted fur atop its head.

>You couldn’t be happier with the result, it’s one of the least blood-thirsty creatures and these beings are rather intelligent. Tia won’t need to worry about an evil demon running rampant anymore.

>As the creature’s shape has finished being moulded, the gusts of wind dies and the candles blow themselves out.

>You quickly grab a blanket when you notice the creature is nude and step towards it.

>”Luna be-“

>”It’s alright sister, he won’t hurt us. He’s harmless.” you say in an attempt comfort your sister as you wrap the blanket around the human.

>The human looks up to you with blank stare and drool oozing from him open mouth.

>It’s extremely off putting.

>”Um, hello human, I am Luna… and this is my sister Celestia. What is your name?”

>He looks tries to speak but his voice is hoarse and he has a slight stutter.

“A-A-,” he takes a deep breath, “Anonymous.”

>”Anonymous, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

>He continues his blank stare, directly into your eyes. You’ve never felt so awkward from one creature.

>He begins to shift and squirm on the spot with a look of discomfort on his face.

>”Anonymous, are you alright?”

>He nods happily then says with a proud tone.

“There’s a candle in my bum.”

>You’re taken aback as you try and process what this creature said and with such pride.

>”It appears you’re right sister. He is harmless. Congratulations!”

>Celestia beams at you with a huge shit-eating grin.

>”We desire a refund.”

>You look to Anonymous who now has his tongue hanging out of his mouth while panting like a dog.

>Fucking humans.

 

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CRYING COLGATE

 

>Day Dentist in Equestria

>"Wow, Anon, your teeth are so different to ours."

"Yeh, off kouwse."

>You're never knew why dentists insist on talking to you while they're looking around in your mouth.

>You just let out a sigh and Colgate's face scrunches up in disgust.

>"Woah, Anon, when did you brush last?"

>You just shrug, she still has her tools in your mouth.

>Her face becomes one of horror.

>"N-no... Brushie?"

"What? It's not that big of deal."

>Her mood swings again, typical women, into anger. She's looking deep into your eyes with the anger and hate of 1,000 demons from the furthest pits of Tartarus.

>That look is going to nightmares tonight.

>"Your house! Now!"

>Now you're not sure where this is going.

>The walk to your house is silent and awkward. You feel a little guilty too, maybe you should of just lied.

>You knew Colgate is a bit obsessive over dental hygiene.

>When you're unlocking the door, you can still feel her eyes burrowing into your back. You've never felt so uncomfortable.

>And confused.

>As the door swings ajar Colgate makes a beeline for the bathroom and you just wait in the doorway until she calls out, or rather, demands you get in there.

>You walk in to see a crying colgate, cradling an empty toothpaste tube and brush. Tears stream down her face and her makeup begins to run, you didn't even know she was wearing any.

>She looks up and your eyes meet, her sorrowful face becomes one of hate.

>"YOU MONSTER!"

>You're not sure quite how to respond to the scene unfolding in front of you.

"C-Colgate..."

>"HOW LONG?!"

"What?"

>"I gave you this when you first arrived 2 years ago, how long have you gone without brushing?"

"I don't know, since I ran out of the toothpaste?"

>She throws the toothbrush at you then soflty sings 'brushie' over and over to the empty toothpaste tube.

>You back away slowly and close the door, still unable to comprehend what you just saw.

 

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OLD SPICE/TERRY CREWS IN EQUESTRIA

 

"So AiE, write a story based on the last song you listened to." -Anon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otnyM9RJG4o

 

-Sweetie Belle's POV-

>Day advertisements in Equestria

>"Sweetie belle, do you hear that?"

>You flick up your ears and hear a chirpy little whistle.

"Yeah, what's that coming from?"

>As if to answer your question, A tall, dark, muscular and bipedal creature burst through the Treehouse's door and starts screaming at the wall.

>"OLD SPICE BODYWASH IS SO POWERFUL IT CAN SEND YOU TO NEW UNIVERSES WITH NEW 8 HOURS OF ODOR BLOCKING," he draws in a large breath and you begin to feel scared, "POWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

>As he screams, his legs turn into weird cylinders and shoot fire out of them, sending him up through the roof. He's still screaming too.

 

-Big Mac's POV-

>You're quietly bucking apples when all of a sudden you hear a shout overhead.

>"-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!"

>You look and see a tall, dark, muscular and bipedal creature fall to the ground, landing perfectly fine on his feet.

>That's impossible, nopony can survive that fall unharmed.

>"OLD SPICE BODYWASH CAN GIVE ANY MAN THE POWER HE NEEDS TO GET THROUGH HIS CHALLENGES, WITH IT'S B.O BLOCKING POWER IT CAN MAKE YOU AS POWERFUL AS ME!"

>His arm then extends, punching you in the draw and you stumble backwards.

>You look at the can he is now holding in front of you.

>The top of it opens, and sprays you with a weird gel.

>You cough and splutter before a strange sensation flows through you.

>You feel fresher, stronger and there's a manly smell in the air.

 

-Rainbow Dash's POV-

>You're up in Cloudsdale listening to Thunderlane brag about his latest 'conquest', sweet Celestia this stallion is an idiot. He didn't sleep with Cloudkicker at all.

>"And then next thing you know she was... What is that noise?"

>You listen carefully but you hear only silence.

>"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Wait, yeah, what is that?"

>Suddenly a tall, dark, muscular and bipedal creature jumps up onto the cloud, and starts shouting at the top of his lungs.

>"NEW OLD SPICE SHAVING GEEEEEEEL!"

>A giant cylinder can, around 3 times your size rises through the cloud and rains a gel over Thunderlane.

>"THIS COAT HAS GOT TO GO!"

>He pulls a shaver the size of him arm out of his red, skin tight shorts and quickly shaves off Thunderlane.

>In just a few seconds Thunderlane has been turned hairless, when he realises his cheeks turn the brightest shade of red and proceeds to use a cloud to provide cover himself.

>"YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM THE OVERWHELMING POWER OF OLD SPICE AFTER SHAVE!"

>A small bottle bursts through the walls and lands right into the creature's hand. He then splashes a small amount onto Thunderlane before removing the cloud he was using as cover.

>Thunderlane tries to use his hooves to stop ponies from looking but nopony can look away as his coat grows back at an alarming rate.

>It then just stops when it reaches the same length as it was previously but it looks different now.

>It's now more sleek and soft.

>His mane is no longer a mohawk but instead a long, flowing hairstyle. Wind has come out of nowhere making his new mane cascade in the breeze.

>"Wow, this feels incredible. Who are you stranger?"

>Thunderlane's voice is now much deeper and suave, he no longer sounds like a young colt going through puberty.

>"I'M TERRY CREW AND THAT WAS THE POWER OF OLD SPICE SHAVING GEL AND AFTERSHAVE!"

>He then spear dives through the wall, leaving a large hole right next to the door.

"Why didn't he just use the door?"

>Your question falls on deaf ears as Thunderlane now off with two mares.

"I wonder if they do lady's deodorant?"

 

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WOLOLO

 

>Day convert in Equestria

>It's been several months since you landed in this strange world with ponies as it's inhabitants.

>You're the only human in this land but also the only one devoted to your empire.

>Today's the day you've been waiting for, you're going to unite these ponies and figure out how to get home.

>With an entire world bolstering your empire's forces none will stand in it's path.

>You decide to head to Sweet Apple Acres, converting the strongest Stallion in this town will make a fine example of your cause.

>As you walk up the long dirt path and eventually see Big Mac bucking the apple trees.

>When you walk up to him he gives you a nod before going back to his work.

"Big Mac, there's more important work to be done."

>He turns to you with a confused look.

"Allow me to demonstrate, WOLOLO!"

>Big mac's coat then changes to green.

>He looks as his new and improved style before giving you a nod and going back to work on bucking apple trees.

>Simpleton.

>You decide to leave him here for now, there's no reason to be flustered over one pony when there's still an entire town left.

>As you walk up to the Apple family home you notice Rainbow and Pinkie are standing at her door already, saving you the trouble of finding them it seems.

>"Hiya Anon."

>"Hey bro, how's things?"

"Excellent. I've decided to convert the ponies of this world to support the cause of my empire."

>You stand there proudly while the two ponies give you confused looks.

>You sigh before instructing them on all your empires righteous ideals and the cause it supports. how it is fighting for the people at any cost and that it's the mightiest empire of all. It's a long speech and by the end Rainbow has nearly fallen asleep but Pinkie is fixated on you.

>She's trembling with excitement or because you've had her stay still for so long, you're not sure which.

"And that's it."

>Pinkie claps her hooves loudly while Dash stretches in an attempt to get out of her half asleep state.

>"Boring Anon, you have fun with that but now-"

>You can't let this pony leave without submitting to the empire.

"WOLOLO!"

>Dash's coat instantly turns into green and her jaw drops, unsure how to react.

>"How did you... W-what?"

>Pinkie giggles with a little snort.

>"That looks like fun, let me try."

"Pinkie you must be a priest that serves under a banner-"

>"WOLOLO!"

>Dash's coat changes from green to pink to your amazement.

"How did you? Never mind. WOLOLO!"

>Dash's coat reverts back to green but Pinkie just giggles before changing her converting her to Pink once again.

>The whole day the becomes wasted like this, arguing back and forth as you change Dash's coat from pink to green and green to pink.

>The sun begins to set and Rarity has come over for whatever reason.

>By this point you're exhausted from this back and forth. Pinkie's amusement in all this doesn't fade, your's however went hours ago.

>"Anonymous dear, are you alright? You look exhausted and dash, that green doesn't work with your mane at all."

"Yes, just trying to unite everyone but Pinkie here-"

>"WOLOLO," she interrupts, again changing Dash to pink.

>You hang your head in defeat, you can't keep this up.

>"This looks like fun, let me try. WAHAHA!"

>Then your clothes, Dash and Pinkie's coats all change into white with purple detailing.

>You give up at that point and head home.

>Fucking ponies.

 

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LUNA AND HER TERRIBAD PICKUP LINES [I haven't got a better title]

 

>Day terribad pick ups in Equestria

>You've been staying in the castle for a few months now thanks to the kindness of the Princesses and it just so happens that you've caught the attention of one.

>She's socially awkward and somehow got it into her head that using terrible pickup lines is a good idea.

>"Anonymous?"

"Shit!"

>You duck behind a nearby statue in hopes you won't be seen.

>But-

>"Found you!"

>It's too late.

>You stand up and turn to Luna who gives you a triumphant smile.

"Hey Luna. How are you?"

>"We are quite well. Yourself?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Look, I gotta go."

>As you try and make your escape, Luna stands in your way.

>"Anon, we were wondering-"

>Here we go.

>"We lost our virginity, may we have yours?"

>You facepalm and walk in the opposite direction.

 

>Day why me in Equestria

>You're sitting in the kitchen making yourself a cake when you hear the familiar sound of hooves stepping onto the tiles.

>You're expecting it to be the chef but when they speak up, you're very disappointed.

>"Anonymous!"

>Crap, it's Luna.

>"My, my. We must say, that apron looks most becoming on you."

>You look down on the white apron you're wearing. You're a little confused by the compliment but grateful none-the-less.

"Thank-"

>"We must say, if we were on you, we'd be cumming too."

>You just throw the batter in her face and leave.

>Fucking Luna.

 

>Day just stop in Equestria

>You're walking down the never ending halls of Canterlot Castle when you see the only Princess here you don't want to keep a hundred metre distance between.

>"Good Morning, Anon."

"Morning Celestia. Heading to bed?"

>"Yes, it's late for me. Oh, by the way, Luna was looking for you."

"Thanks for the heads up."

>You decide to make a b-line for your room. Not stopping for anything and moving into a near sprint.

>If you can get to your room then she'll leave you alone.

>You arrive at your door and give a sigh of relief before stepping inside.

"Home safe."

>As you open your door you're met with the expectant face of the Princess you do want to avoid.

>"Anon, fancy seeing you here."

"What are you doing in my room?"

>"Did you know the word of the day is legs?"

"Luna-"

>"How about we go spread the 'word'?"

>She looks at you with a deviant smile and bobs her eyebrows up and down.

>You don't even answer, you just push her out of your room and slam the door shut behind her.

 

>Day peace and quiet in Equestria

>You're currently enjoy the tale of "Sunwhirl and the Dragon's Keep" in the Library.

>Well, actually you're not enjoying it, it's awful.

>It's a shitty self-insert of Starswirl the bearded's unrealistic adventures in an unrealistic world who has mares swooning over him for no other reason than being 'exotic' or 'unique'.

>It reminds you of some terrible fan fiction you read back home but it's quiet here and there's no Luna.

>Which could make any terrible book, a thing of beauty.

>It was as if just thinking about it could summon her because you look up from your book to see her standing before you.

"How long have you been standing there?"

>"Not long."

"It's the middle of the afternoon, shouldn't you be in bed?"

>"The sun is up?"

>She sounds shocked as she looks around to check that it is the middle of the afternoon, however, she just shrugs it off and look back at you.

>"You know, I'm glad I bought my library card."

>You just do the book version of a facepalm while you wait for it.

>"Because I'm checking you out."

>She gives you a wink [spoiler]with her eye.[/spoiler]

"Luna, just go. Please."

 

>Day stahp in Equestria

>"Anon we heard you were the sweetest human in Equestria."

"Probably because I'm the only one."

>"We do not believe you. We must have a taste test."

>You don't like the way she said 'taste'.

>And you really don't like the way she's leaning in.

>You push her back and take a step back from her, eager to make some distance between you two.

>She gives her head a shake before standing up properly.

>"We are sorry, we do not know what came over us."

"It's alright, just... don't do that."

>"We will try," she smiles before there's a long pause. After a minute she finally she speaks up again. "Would you like to play trains?"

"What?"

>"Would you like to play trains?"

"Uh, sure?"

>"Excellent, I'll sit on your face while you choo, choo, choo."

>Fucking Luna.

 

>Day she doesn't stop in Equestria

>You've spent all day and all night, Luna free.

>It's been fantastic, perhaps she ran out of pick up lines.

>You take a seat on a couch and spread out relaxing.

>You're enjoying the moment until you get a feeling of being watched that only grows as time goes on.

"Luna, are you there?"

>"We are not Luna"

>Either someone can do a perfect impersonation of Luna or Luna has hit her head and gotten brain damage.

>You'll admit, either option would be great.

>As you sit up, you confirm that it really is Luna that's been watching you the whole time from the doorway.

"If you're not Luna then who are you?"

>"We are Simon."

"Right, Simon, can you quit watching me? It's freaking me out."

>"Simon says, we're having sex tonight."

>You bury your face in a pillow and wait for her to leave but she doesn't.

>She stays there watching.

>Fucking Simon.

 

>Day stuck in a carriage with Luna in Equestria

>You're sitting on one side and Luna is on the other.

>You wanted to go shopping and it was very convenient that Luna needed to go as well so Celestia asked you to take a carriage with her.

>'No' was apparently the wrong thing to say to Celestia.

>It was suffer an awkward ride to the shops with Luna or suffer the wrath of the Sun Princess.

>If only you had a few more suicidal tendencies.

>"Anonymous."

>Dear god, she's starting already.

>You wonder if that tuck and roll thing really works from the movies.

>"What shops do you require to visit?"

>You're surprised she said something normal for once.

"Uh, clothes mainly. I need to order some custom made ones being the only human and all."

>She nods before speaking up again.

>"It appears we have shat our pants."

"Luna, what the fuck? You don't even wear-"

>"May we get in yours?"

>Nope.

>You open the carriage door before tucking and rolling the fuck outta there.

 

>Day Fine Dining in Equestria

>You're currently enjoying a nice dinner in the Castle with both Princesses.

>The reason you can enjoy yourself like this is because Celestia is here.

>When she's around, Luna behaves herself. Although she has been getting a little more bold with her 'advances', if you can call them that.

>"Anon, could you please pass us the gravy?"

>You're unsure why she asked, she has magic. You assume it's some kind of mannerism and hand her the gravy jug.

>You reach for your spoon so you can have some soup as Luna speaks up again.

>"Anon, what is your favourite silverware... Because I like to spoon."

>You roll your eyes as Celestia gives a small giggle.

>"Please don't encourage this," you think to yourself.

>Skipping the soup, you move onto something else but you can't find your fork anywhere.

>"Oh my, Anon, did you want to fork?"

>You sigh and forget it, you'll just fill up on bread.

>As you reach out for some, Luna speaks up again.

>"Were your parents bakers?"

"I swear to-"

>"Because you've got nice buns."

>With dinner ruined, you throw your hands up and just leave.

>Fucking Luna.

 

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SAVIOR OF MANKIND

 

>"ANONYMOUS!"

>You're woken by the sound of the night princess. Needless to say, you're a little pissed considering it's 3am and you have a long work day on the Apple Family farm ahead of you.

"What?" you reply with a fierce and angry tone.

>"Are you alright? You seem agitated," her voice shows concern but at this hour, you're out of fucks to give.

>You suppress the urge to kill and sit up to look at Luna deep in her eyes, making sure she can tell you're more than annoyed.

>You don't need a mirror to know how terrible you look, your hair is all over the place and the bags under your eyes feel like suitcases.

"Luna, what do you want?"

>She stands upright, proud and tall, before clearing her throat to speak.

>"Anonymous, we have a solution to your problem."

>You give her the same tired and annoyed expression as earlier.

"Which one? Please tell me it's the 'no alcohol' one because I could really use a drink."

>"Afraid not. It's the reproduction for your race."

>Now she has your attention, you don't show that though. You're curious what she means by that, more because you thought it was an offer.

"Oh, Luna, you know I'm not into ponies. Besides, it would never work, our DNA-"

>"No, we have a better way."

>You sit upright and focus on every word she's going to say, this might be something better than alcohol. A girl.

"Do tell."

>"You may not be aware of this, but I created the batpony race through cross-breeding."

"How?"

>She holds up a terrified, fruit bat and you give her a deadpan stare. Any interest, optimism and hope you had is gone.

"I'm not even going to entertain this idea. Goodnight, Luna."

>Before you can roll back into bed, Luna lifts you in her magic and pulls your face against hers.

>You can see every little detail of her eyes. They'd look beautiful if they weren't giving you the most terrifying rape face you've ever seen.

>You can feel her breath on your face, it's quite quick and harsh. Her pupils have dilated and you can barely see a wide grin forming on her face.

>"Anonymous, this is for science."

"Luna, I beg you, don't-"

>It's too late, she holds you down with her fierce magical grip.

>Against a normal unicorn, your strength is enough to fight against their magic but alicorns are much more powerful than a regular unicorn. You can't fight back despite your never ending efforts to try.

>You spend the rest of the night being molested with a fruit bat until Luna is satisfied a race of Bathumans will be born.

>When she leaves you curl up into the fetal position and cry.

 

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PAT [PiE OP] x YANDERE OCTAVIA

 

>Pat slowly opens his eyes, eager to start a new day before trying to stretch. He quickly finds his arms and feet bound up to each pole of his bed.

>The rope is tight, constricting any movement.

>He goes into a minor panic until a grey mare appears, towering above him. He recognises her straight away.

>"Good morning, Pat," her voice is sweet but has a hint of passion that Pat picks up on that only makes his panicked state, worse.

"Octavia, what's happening?"

>His voice quivers as he begins to plot how to defuse whatever situation he has found himself in.

>She gives him a happy smile and stares with wide, unblinking eyes.

>"I've made a decision, for both of us, that we should be together."

>Pat gives out a sigh of relief. He'll admit it, he's been waiting for this moment where he could finally be with his waifu despite the current circumstances.

"But you don't need to tie me up to tell me that. I'm not running."

>"That's true."

>She leans over and begins to untie the bonds around his rope with her mouth before pausing and turning to Pat with that same wide-eyed and sweet but sinister smile as earlier.

>"Even if you run, Pat... I will find you. I've decided I want-no-NEED you. So stay, let me keep you."

>She leans in and softly kisses him on the lips before whispering in his ear, "You will be mine!"

 

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I'VE LOST CONTROL OF MY LIFE

 

>"Ready?"

"Ready!"

>This is it.

>The moment you've waited months for.

>Going home.

>Twilight concentrates as hard as she can, remembering the spell as her horn begins to glow and whir.

>You tense up your body and wait.

>Just before Twilight cast it at you, you open your eyes and you wish you didn't as all you can see is a bright, blinding, purple flash go off.

>Your eyes hurt for a minute before you can open them and when you do, it's very dark.

>It must be midnight back home.

>You jump up and down with excitement.

>"SWEET CELESTIA!"

>You recognise that squeal anywhere.

"Twilight?"

>"What the?"

>Before you can question why she's here or ask where she is, the whole world starts to shake and wobble as the sound of hoof steps echo everywhere.

>If you weren't worried before, you are now.

"Twilight, what's happen-"

>Light begins to fill the world again and you're met face to face with Twilight's flank cheeks and your face in a mirror.

>Except.

>Your face.

>Is now.

>Twilight's.

>Asshole.

"OH GOD, WHAT THE FUCK?!"

>"Anon, please stop talking," she shouts.

"You better be thinking of a way to fix this, and fast."

>"I'm trying," she winces, "but I can't think when you talk. It makes me feel... Funny."

>That was enough to shut you up.

>You kept quiet while Twilight flicked through some books but it doesn't take long before she speaks up.

>"Anon, we have a problem."

"Which is?"

>"I have to... use the little filly's room."

>Today was a very shitty day.

 

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