Mad Science: Chapter 2

Mad Science

By IceMan

 

Chapter 2

 

>Groggily, you manage to shake out of sleep and stretch out of your sleeping bag on the hard wood floor.

>Opening your eyes, you see that the nightmares of yesterday are the present of today.

>You are still in Equestria.

>Still partially asleep, you clamber up the stairs into the library.

"Anyone else up?"

>There is a note on the table in the center.

>"Dear Anonymous," it begins.

>"Spike and I have gone out to get quills, ink, and a few other supplies. Feel free to do whatever you want today. -Twilight"

>Frowning for a moment, you ponder what exactly you want to do.

>You begin to search for the tools you need, first looking through the innumerable books around you.

>Unfortunately, none contain the information you seek.

>While Equestria has made some great strides in astronomy, chemistry, and medicine, little has been researched in the realm of particle physics.

>They also do not appear to have discovered electricity, instead running their technology on "lightning magic."

>Probably just the local term for electricity, but they still describe it as "the magic of the clouds."

>Equestria may not have found a way to produce it artificially.

>Looking up from the thick book, your stomach suddenly growls.

>Breakfast.

>You step outside into the foggy grey morning, wishing you had a sweatshirt and rubbing your shoulders.

>Slowly, you walk down the streets and observe a few ponies on their morning business opening shops and carrying bags of groceries to and from the marketplace.

>Quickening your pace, you set off in a more determined direction towards Sugarcube Corner.

>It may not be your preferred eatery, but at least Pinkie Pie may be somewhat charitable towards your lack of funds.

>At least you know her name, something that you can't say for 99% of the other citizens of the town of Ponyville.

>The names around here still make you shudder in disgust on the inside; this entire universe feels like some little girl's fantasy wrapped up in a neat package of cuteness.

>Reaching the bakery, you open the door, a little bell above the doorframe jingling as you enter.

>"Hello, Mr. Anonymous!" Pinkie shouts gleefully at you, leaning to the right of two customers in front her.

"Hello, Miss Pie. Are you having a nice day?" you inquire flatly.

"Oh! I'm just having a great day, I mean it's still early and everything, but today just seems like it's going to be slightly better than any other day, do you ever have that feeling, Mr. Anonymous, I'm sure you have it's at least better than yesterday when you ended up here . . ."

>Her words fire from her mouth like bullets from a machine gun, leaving you a bit stunned as you occasionally try to get a word in.

>The two other customers shake their heads and smile at you meekly.

>"And I'm sure you’re at least a bit less cranky now that you've had a good night's sleep."

>She pauses for a moment, taking a deep inhale.

"Could I get some breakfast?" you utter as she begins to speak again. "I won't be able to pay for it immediately, but I need something to eat."

>"Oh, that's okay Anon, don't worry your little head. We have some bagels over there if you want one or we have some doughnuts in the display case," she replies.

"Thank you. I'll try and pay you back as soon as I get some money."

>She waits for a bit while the other two ponies walk out.

>"Don't worry about paying us back. You're a friend, Anonymous, and you're not from around here," Pinkie conveys at slightly lower volume.

"I insist," you respond. "I will get it to you by the end of the day."

>"Anonymous. Don't worry about it," she replies with a smile and a wink. "Consider it a welcome to Equestria gift."

"Alright."

>You are not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

>You still plan on paying her back later.

>Grabbing a bagel and a smearing it with jam, you thank Pinkie Pie for her hospitality and go out on your way.

>As you stroll the streets chomping on your jam bagel, consider what you want to do today.

>Your walk brings you to the edge of town, where you cross over a small brook on a cobblestone bridge into a small park.

>Scattered benches now dot your path as you make your way out into the fields.

>Appetite satiated, you decide to continue your pleasant walk through the country.

>You might as well establish the lay of the land.

>The park seems to cover the bend in the brook, where another stone bridge crosses the other bank and leads east into the forest.

>Crossing the brook again, you take the slightly less-worn forest path, passing a small cottage on the way.

>Trees suddenly rise in front of you, and a murder of crows ominously flutters up from deep within the woods, cawing.

>You step off the dirt path and head south, once again following parallel to the creek on your left, which you can hear bubbling softly in the distance, and the forest, looming to your right.

>Enjoying the pleasant silence of being alone, you walk through the verdant meadows filled with kaleidoscopic wildflowers until you come to another bend in the brook.

>There is no bridge here, so you would have no choice but to ford the frigid waters.

>You decide to head back towards town.

>You have an experiment you've cooked up that you'd like to perform, and should take a good portion of the day to do.

>"Where have you been?" says Twilight as you step back into the library, a twinge of concern in her voice.

>Probably because she still wants to learn more about you.

>You appreciate her curiosity.

"I got some breakfast. Then I went for a walk. Is there a problem with that?" you reply.

>"No! Just . . . you could have left a note or something."

"I apologize, but your note said I could do whatever I wanted today. Also, I had just gotten up, I was not exactly thinking clearly. But, that is neither here nor there. I have an experiment that I'd like to do. Do you know somewhere where I could get some copper metal, a Bunsen burner or other flame producing device, and some electrical equipment?" you inquire.

>"There's the blacksmith and the jeweler, they may have some copper. You could probably rip those instruments in the basement apart for whatever electrical equipment you need. I don't know what a Bunsen burner is, but I can whip up some magical flames for you to use," Twilight explains.

"I also need some money," you announce.

>Twilight sighs and hands you a sack of 50 gold coins.

"Thank you," you state, and walk outside once more.

>"I want to come with you. I want to see what you want to do with all this stuff," Twilight says, running out behind you.

"Very well. I assure you, it will be quite interesting."

>Once again walking the dirt paths and passing the half-timbered houses, Twilight leads you to the brawny, soot-covered blacksmith pony, living in a stone house on the southwestern edge of town.

"I need whatever pure copper pieces you are willing to sell me," you tell him as he gets over the shock of seeing a human for the first time.

>"I'll give you my scrap pieces for free if you want," he grunts, lifting a piece of steel from the flames with tongs held in his teeth.

>"There're a few pieces lying over there. Just made some bronze armor plates and had a bit of excess."

"I can't use ingots," you state, looking at the rust-colored copper blocks.

>"Why not? It's just the same stuff as sheets or cylinders or rings or whatever you need," the blacksmith complains.

"No, it's not the same. Or, well, it's the same metal, but I need to have more surface area. Obviously, that is not something you fully understand or have to deal with daily. Could you just hammer it out flat into sheets?" you snap.

>The blacksmith grunts and grabs the copper ingot with the tongs, then places it in the fire.

>An iridescent coating begins to cover the exterior of the metal, and you begin to smile a bit.

>At least one part of your experiment will work.

>Grabbing a hammer from the shelf, the smith flattens out the copper ingot and dunks it in a bucket of water.

>"There ya go. That'll be 2 bits."

>Frowning a bit in annoyance, you hand him two of the gold coins and stomp out of his forge.

>"You didn't have to be so sassy with him," Twilight berates as you walk out of the shop.

"I needed to obtain what I needed," you retort. "The entire experiment is pointless if I do not start with the right materials."

>Once you arrive back at the library, you immediately walk down to the basement, Twilight following.

"I need to build a voltmeter," you explain. "Do you have a horseshoe magnet, a compass, and some wires with alligator clips?"

>Twilight frowns and narrows her eyes at you.

"Fine, I'll get it myself then," you respond, looking around the room.

>Quickly, you spot a drawer labeled "Magnets and Compasses" and see some wires dangling from the electroencephalograph.

"However, you said you had something to make a fire with."

>The little purple unicorn maintains her expression.

>Peeking up from a drawer, you ask:

"What's going on? Am I doing something wrong?"

>"Anonymous, why are you such a jerk?" she snaps.

>You give her a quizzical look.

"What do you mean?"

>"You know exactly what I mean. You assume that everyone is dumber than you -"

"Well, they are! I am a genius at virtually everything!" you cut her off.

>"But that doesn't give you the right to just boss people around."

"And? If this is about the smith, I need the right components for this all to work; I can't compromise! Now if you could please do whatever it is you need to do to get a fire started down here, please do so."

>She sighs, and her horn begins to glow.

>A plume of purple flame ignites on the ground, singeing the wood beneath it but spreading no farther than the point of ignition.

"Thank you. Now explain how you did that."

>"What, you've never seen something like that? You big dummy, how can't you do that?" Twilight mocks.

>Your hypocrisy has been brought front and center.

"Alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," you reply. "I'll try not to be as . . . bossy, but I make no promises. If I need something exactly right -"

>"Then you ask nicely and explain why it needs to be that way," Twilight says.

"Very well. But, what is this?" you state, pointing to the flickering fire.

>"Magic," Twilight declares, and you can't help but laugh.

>Magic.

>What a ridiculous concept.

>There have to be at least some rules that it follows.

>Your curiosity has been peaked.

>Something to investigate during your time here.

"I assume this is also what you did when you teleported me when I first got here. How does magic work?" you inquire.

>"I don't know, at least, not entirely. Magic is extremely poorly understood. We know what we can do with it, but not how. No one knows where it comes from, or why it even exists at all. It's just something that unicorns have, like a talent. I've always had it, and my teacher, Princess Celestia, has said that I am particularly talented in the magical arts. All I have to do is focus and . . ."

>Twilight emits a burst of violet sparks from the tip of her horn.

"Interesting."

>You still need more information, but that will have to do for now.

>Best not to pester Twilight for information when you have a much more important experiment to do.

>You grab one of the pieces of copper and, using a pair of beaker tongs you found in another drawer, you carefully lower it over the roaring flame.

>Gradually, the shiny metal becomes grey and iridescent, with looping spirals of color like oil scum in a gutter.

>Assembling the compass, magnet, and wires together, you fashion a crude voltmeter.

>The wires wrap around the needle of the compass, which you hold in between the prongs of the horseshoe magnet.

>Noticing you have no way to measure the detected voltage, you also grab a ruler.

>Placing the contraption on the ground in the beam of dusty sunlight, you connect the two clips to the piece of heated copper.

>The needle flicks to the right about 3 centimeters.

"This, my dear Twilight, is the magic of my universe," you sigh as a great grin envelops your face.

"When you heat copper enough, it becomes capable of converting light into electrical energy, capable of powering the myriad devices of my universe. I can then measure this by seeing how it moves the needle when the electromagnetic energy runs through this wire, tilting it towards one pole of the magnet. Without electricity, my universe would collapse."

>Twilight clops over, mouth agape.

>"It's lightning magic?"

>You look at her quizzically.

"Yes. It's lightning magic."

>"Your entire universe runs on lightning magic?" Twilight asks.

"Well, not the entire universe, but my society. And it's not magic. It's science. Magic has no rules. It is nonexistent, or at least, in my universe it is. Science has rules, laws, order, logic. Magic does not."

>You fiddle around with the your solar panel a little more, attempting to squeeze a few more drops of power from the inefficient device.

"Well, it seems my experiment was, overall, a success."

"There is one more thing I'd like to discuss before I continue the story of humanity," you say, looking up from the voltmeter.

"I'd like to stay here in this laboratory. It appears to have all the equipment I need for any possible experiments I want to do."

>"You don't mind sleeping on the floor?"

"I've slept on much harder and colder floors before. And the access to tools outweighs that minor cost."

>"Alright, if you're okay with it, I'm okay with it," Twilight agrees. "I mean, I have to use this lab for my magic experiments sometimes as well, so don't think you'll always have the place to yourself."

"Not a problem."

>You'd prefer to have someplace where you could be left alone more often, but your options at this point are fairly limited.

>So, you make do with what you have.

"So, will continue your history then?" Twilight implores.

"Of course. Where were we? Ah, yes on the steppes of northern Iran there was a society called Persia . . ."

>You continue on to the ascendance of the Greeks and the battles of Marathon and Thermopylae, and reach the end of the conquests of Alexander the Great.

>Then, you delve into Chinese and Indian history before returning to the West with the rise of Rome just before dark, where you once again halt the story out of hunger.

"I need something to eat. Again. We can resume tomorrow," you declare.

>"Oh, but it sounded like you were getting to a good part!" Twilight complains.

"Yes, the Romans left an indelible impact on human history, but that will have to wait. I cannot tell stories on an empty stomach. I am really in the mood for some good rotisserie chicken right now."

>"You humans eat other animals?" Twilight asks.

"Yes," you explain. "We are omnivorous creatures."

>"Well, I can't get you chicken tonight. How about a nice green salad?"

>You frown.

"It'll have to do. Beggars can't be choosers," you relent.

>On day three, you decide to see if you can obtain some new clothes and shoes.

>Your t-shirt is beginning to a feel a bit stiff from wearing it for three days straight.

>"Don't worry," Twilight tells you. "I'm certain that Rarity can help you out. She's an excellent seamstress."

>Walking through town with Twilight trotting along by your side, you see two young ponies, one tall and yellow and one short and teal, playing with what appear to be fireworks.

>Another idea slinks into your mind, this time one that could be quite profitable.

>The Carousel Boutique is a tent-like, cylindrical structure with flowing gold, indigo, teal, and white walls like falling cloth.

>When you open the door, a small bell jingles as you walk through.

>"Hello! Who's there?" a voice calls from upstairs.

>Faintly, you hear a sewing machine rattling.

>"Rarity, it's Twilight! Could you come down?" Twilight calls back.

>"Of course, darling! Give me just a second!"

>The rattling stops, and you hear the tapping of hooves on the stairs.

>"So, what can I do for you Twilight? Oh! Hello, Anonymous!" Rarity exclaims.

"Hello. I need new clothes, and I was told you may be able to help me," you explain.

>"Of course! You are going to be staying here quite a while, aren't you?"

>You nod.

>A terrible truth of your current situation.

>"You clearly don't have much fashion sense, do you? I mean, that yellow outfit you were wearing earlier was dreadful. I guess what you're wearing now isn't so bad, but it's a little bland . . ."

>Rarity walks over to a small desk and grabs a loose yellow measuring tape, lifting it with a blue aura projected from her horn.

>"Let me take some measurements, and I can get you some very nice garments in a few days."

>Standing still in front of a mirror, Rarity takes her measurements down.

>"It might be a bit difficult to adjust for human styles, but I will do my best!"

"I don't need anything fancy, by the way. Just the same as what I'm wearing. I don't need something expensive."

>"Of course, darling. Do you need any other colors, or anything?"

"Not really."

>She continues to run her measuring tape up and down your form, jotting down numbers on a small white pad.

>"So, tell me about yourself, Anonymous. What is it like on Earth?" Rarity inquires.

"You can ask Twilight all about that. I've already told her everything there is to know about human history."

>"But what about the people? Are they all as . . . drab . . . as you are? No special coat colors, no interestingly designed manes?"

"Not in what most would consider good society, but I don't really care. No one has purple skin. For example. Or at least, no one I've met."

>You smile slightly to Twilight, hoping she understands it was a poorly-conceived joke.

>She smiles back.

>Rarity finishes up her measurements, sliding the measuring tape back into its round holder with a snap.

>"Okay. The total will come to 12 bits. As I said, it will probably take me a few days to finish it all."

>You reach into your sack and hand her the money.

"Thank you very much. I appreciate your kindness."

>"You may want to take a shower, Mr. Anonymous, and maybe wash what you have. You smell rather ghastly."

>You blink, but give no response.

>You arrive home and get cleaned up.

>You manage to get through the Middle Ages and into the Age of Enlightenment with Twilight, and begin to explain the majority of humanity's scientific knowledge alongside its history.

>Then you tell her of the Industrial Revolution, and the great expansion of humanity's technology during the late 18th and early 19th Century.

>You explain the Great Wars of the 20th Century, and reach the 1950s.

>The dawn of day 4 is blinding and cloudless, and as you once again roll off the floor and stumble upstairs, rubbing your eyes as you walk, you see Twilight running around in a frenzy collecting papers and books into a large saddlebag.

"Good morning, Twilight," you greet her with. "Is something wrong?"

>She suddenly stops rushing between the bookshelves and darts towards you.

>Her eyes are a bit puffy and bloodshot, but a unnerving smile covers her face.

>"Oh, nothing. Going to meet my teacher can make me a little stressed out!" she states, emphasizing the last three words.

>Grimacing a bit and remembering plenty of people you knew at school who acted this way, especially around tests, you calmly grab hold of Twilight's shoulder as she tries to run off.

>You always hated people who acted like that; they never cared about what they were learning, just what grades they got.

>Tests were never the end of the world.

>You sought to eliminate those people in the best way possible: eliminating their irrational fear of tests.

"Twilight. Calm down. You are overreacting. Do you consider your teacher a friend?"

>"Yes, but she's also the ruler of the country and -"

"That is irrelevant."

>"No, it's not! What if I mess up in front of her or she pop quizzes me on something! I won't be prepared and -"

>You cover her mouth with your palm and state:

"You are a very smart . . . mare, Twilight. I am sure that - What's your teacher's name again?"

>"Princess Celestia."

"Thank you. I am sure that Princess Celestia holds you quite highly, and no matter what you do, she will still respect your intellect."

>"But -"

"No buts! Now, do you have everything we need?" you inquire.

>"Yes. But I'd like you to bring that photoelectric cell you made."

"Very well. I will go grab it."

>After obtaining your contraption from the basement, you walk to the train station, where you meet Twilight's six other multicolored friends.

"They're coming as well?" you ask.

>"Yes. We're special envoys to the Princesses," Twilight remarks.

"Okay."

>The seven of you board the kitschy steam train, which looks like it jumped right out of a children's coloring book.

"Twilight. Your civilization clearly has some knowledge of post-industrial technology," you state.

>"Yes. And?"

"Why do you still use steam trains? Why are there no cars or paved roads?"

>"I don't really know Anonymous. We run most of our technology on stored magical energy, not the electricity of your human world," Twilight explains.

>You frown in displeasure at this inconsistency and return to looking out on the bare foothills of a large snow-capped mountain range.

>Turning back to look at the three other ponies sitting across from you, you notice a certain pink mare and remember a promise you made, clutching the small leather bag of coins knotted to your belt loop.

>Standing up, you clumsily walk over to the other side of the train car as it bumps over the sleepers.

"I forgot to pay you back, Pinkie," you state as she catches your gaze.

>Reaching into your sack, you pull out five bits and place it on the seat next to her.

>"I told you you didn't need to pay me back," she retorts, smiling at you and pushing the money away. "We're friends, Anonymous."

>Friends.

>No, not friends.

"Then consider this a repayment for being so mean to you when I first arrived," you respond, a condescending smirk on your face.

>"Anonymous, c'mon. You don't need to worry about it. It was just a bagel," Pinkie Pie rebukes.

"No. I will not be in debt to another person for any reason. And, furthermore, I would be taking away a sale from you."

>Everyone in the train car is staring at the two of you now.

>"Alright, Anonymous," she relents, sensing the pressure.

>You return to your seat and continue to stair out at the passing scenery, which suddenly becomes blocked as you enter an inky black tunnel.

>The city of Canterlot is a citadel of white, gold, and purple spires protruding from the mountainside.

>For now, you have no time to enjoy the beauty.

>There is work to be done.

>You quicken your pace towards the largest building in the city, which you assume is the palace.

>As you reach the ornate onyx steel gates, a guard calls down, "Halt! Who goes there!"

>Twilight manages to catch up and shouts back, "Twilight Sparkle on an appointment to Princess Celestia with six guests."

>"Very well! Raise the gate!"

>The leviathan gate clinks upward as two heavy metal chains are pulled down by a pinkish aura.

>Inside is a large garden with several coral trees glistening in the sunlight.

>Two guards walk over to your entourage and lead you through a large archway, up a grand staircase, and through a gargantuan set of doors with engraved sun and moon symbols on it.

>You now stand in a long hallway with several stained glass windows shining vibrant light through onto a gold and purple carpet leading onto a shining golden throne.

>Standing in front of you is the largest pony you have seen in this universe: pure white with a pastel pink, green, and blue mane with both pegasus wings and a unicorn horn.

>She stands a few inches taller than you.

>So, this is the ruler of this land, Princess Celestia.

>The other ponies lower the heads in respect.

>You remain standing.

>"Please, my friends, this is unnecessary. Hello, Twilight Sparkle. I see you have brought your traveler friend that you have said so much about," the princess states.

>"Anonymous, would you like to introduce yourself?" Twilight replies.

"Yes. My name is Anonymous. I am a human from the planet Earth, which is not in this universe."

>"And how did you come to be here?" the princess asks.

>You tell her the same story that you have told twice before to the crowd and to Twilight.

>"Very interesting. So, humanity is obviously much more technologically advanced the Equestria. Our scientists could not even begin to fathom such a device as your dimensional transporter."

"Quite. For example, we can harness the power of the sun for our own use," you explain, carefully pulling the solar generator from your sack and setting it on the floor in the light.

>The needle shifts to the right as electricity flows through the wire.

>Celestia gives a look of interest.

>"Do humans have any form of magical abilities?" she inquires.

"No," you respond. "We use technology and innovation to advance our interests. For example, this is a rudimentary solar battery and a voltmeter. These wires allow electrical energy to flow to this needle, which then charges it, causing it to be pulled to the south pole of this magnet."

>"Very impressive. And this is common technology on your world?"

"Well, we have more efficient versions, and even those are not in widespread use yet."

>"Interesting. For you see, Anonymous, I raise the sun every day. Anything that I could do to help my people more with my power is something that I greatly desire."

"Trust me, this plate is merely a demonstrative tool. I was testing the physics of this universe in comparison to mine. Apparently, we share several of the same physical laws, of which I would be happy to teach you."

>Celestia walks over to one of the windows and gazes outside.

>"There is something else I wish to discuss, Anonymous. Twilight has told me as much as she could about the history of your people. It is very violent."

>She turns back around.

>"Your society is, as I have said, centuries more advanced than ours. It is my duty as sovereign of this nation to ensure its security. So, Anonymous, if you are any sort of vanguard for an incoming invasion, or are hiding anything that would threaten my people . . . tell me now."

"You are wise to be distrustful of transdimensional beings," you respond. "But, I guarantee, you have nothing to fear. Even if someone in my own universe decided to use the transporter in my own universe, there is no guarantee that they would end up here. I promise, I mean no harm to this nation."

>"Very well. What do you plan to do, Anonymous?"

"I plan to return home. I must report my discoveries and that my transporter works as it should. That may take a few months, and I don't plan on simply freeloading off your favorite student."

>"You need a job," Celestia extrapolates.

"Yes. And I have a very good idea on how I can obtain some funds. How popular are fireworks in Equestria?"

>"Very popular. We use them at our festivals and for celebrations. In fact, the Summer Sun Festival is coming up. Perhaps you would like to make some of the fireworks for that?"

"I would be more than happy too. It will be an excellent use of my knowledge of chemistry and physics."

>"Good. Then I would like to humbly welcome you to Equestria, Anonymous. If there is any way that I can aid you in your quest to return home, please have Twilight send me a message, and I will happily provide it."

"Of course."

>"Do you have anything else to report?" Celestia inquires to her student.

>"Not today. I will have a friendship report for you next Tuesday probably. Like always," Twilight expresses, smiling a bit.

>You raise an eyebrow at "friendship report."

>A query to make later.

>Arriving home in the late evening, you and Twilight clunk open the door to the library and walk inside.

"So, what was that argument you were having with Pinkie Pie on the train earlier today?"

"I pay back my debts; I am not a man who likes to owe money to others," you explain.

>"That's good of you. But if someone doesn't need you to pay them back, why force it on them?"

>You consider your response.

>Your reason would probably disrupt your plans right now.

"I'd rather not say right now. It's a bit personal.  Allow me to put it this way: I don't like people having influence over me."

>"Fair enough," Twilight relents. "I understand that you do not trust me fully yet. But, perhaps with time . . ."

>You place your fingers to her lips.

"I will decide when that time is right."

"Also, Twilight. What are these 'friendship reports?'" you ask.

>"As the princess's student, I send her reports on the magic of friendship."

"And what exactly does that entail?" you say, stony-faced.

>"Various things. Morals, for the most part. Maybe you'll be part of one someday."

>All that passes between the two of you is the muffled echo of crickets outside.

>"Would you mind finishing the story of humanity?" Twilight inquires.

"Of course."

"The Americans were quite frightened by the spread of communism during the 1950s, and so made a huge effort to stop it. When the northern half of a country called Korea decided to invade the capitalist southern half, the Americans and their allies felt the need to intervene . . ."

>Going slightly more quickly than the last few times, you manage to finish the remainder of human history, and turn in for bed in your sleeping bag.