>Be Floor Bored
>On ponynet
>Not shitposting for once
>Taking an online quiz that's supposed to tell you what mental illness you have
>A lot of the questions are stupid
>These quizzes often are
>One told you a mouse was your spirit animal
>Another told you there was an 80% chance you were lesbo, which your browser history strongly contradicts
>Hit the results button
>The words "Anxiety/Depression with Suicidal Ideation" appear on screen with the following explanation:
>"While incredibly rare among the general pony population these crippling afflictions are common among ponies
>Who reach adulthood without getting their cutie marks.
>This trauma results in social isolation and feelings of worthlessness
>That sometimes manifest in moments of suicidal impulse rarely lasting more than a few minutes
>Acting upon these impulses can be deadly, so counseling is strongly advised
>Currently drugs from the human world (where this affliction is far more common) are in pony trials"


>That sounds so fucking emo
>But you've had those moments
>When just out of the blue you feel like everything would be better if you just stopped existing
>And the idea of doing something about that seems entirely reasonable
>It isn't like telling somepony to kill themselves on ponynet
>That's just egdy bullshit you type when someone is being a stupid newfag
>This is actually having the desire to do it
>Fortunately these moments pass before you manage to get up off your lazy ass and do anything about it
>But they do scare you
>And make you feel worse about yourself
>Counseling is strongly advised
>What's that?
>Talking about your feelings with somepony else?
>Like you'd EVER put yourself in that position
>That sounds awful
>You'd almost rather kill yourself 
>But it also said this was common among humans
>You know a human


>Not that you'd talk about your feelings with HIM
>But maybe he knows enough about this stuff to tell you whether it's bullshit or not
>This sure isn't the kind of thing ponies talk about
>In real life you've never heard anypony say the word "depression"
>Let alone "suicide"
>But you know Anon comes from a world that's... darker
>From what little he's told you about it you think you'd probably fit in better there
>Because outside of ponynet you don't fit in here
>Would Anon think you were being an edgelord if you just asked him out of nowhere?
>One way to find out
>You can hear him tapping away on his keyboard in his room
>For all you know he's depressed, too
>Whatever that's supposed to mean
>You walk over and knock on his door
>"What up, Floor?," he says brightly. "I'm making a food run in about half an hour if you need anything."
>He's so nice to you, even though you haven't given him any reason to be
>You pretty much ignore him until you need something from him
>Then he happily obliges you for no good reason
>Which you figure makes you a shitty roommate
>But he doesn't seem to mind
"Anon," you begin. "Do you think I'm depressed?"


>He frowns
>"Where did you hear that?," he asks. "That doesn't sound like a word you ponies would use."
"On ponynet."
>"You know you can't trust everything you read on ponynet," he says
"Just, please," you mumble, "answer the question."
>"I don't know what normal is for ponies," he says, "But in my world a lot of people, especially young adults are depressed."
>"And many of them live lives not all that different from yours," he continues
>"So by human standards you'd probably be considered depressed, but you sure as fuck wouldn't be the only one."
"I sometimes think I'd fit in better on Earth," you say
>"I sometimes wish I had a way to show it to you," he says, "But honestly I think it would freak you out"
>"There's a lot cool and exciting things there, but no magic and a lot more suffering than here. I think it would make you sad"
"Sounds pretty emo."
>"There's that, too. But also a lot of really horrible stuff like wars and famine, poverty and crime"
>"People are generally a lot less kind to each other than ponies," he says, "You guys have it pretty easy here."
"If I have it so easy why do you think I'm depressed?"
>"It's always the ones who have it easy who get depressed," he replies. "If you have to really struggle you don't have time to be depressed."
"So I'm depressed because I have it easy?! That sounds like bullshit."
>"What do we do all day, Floor?," he says, "Pretty much nothing of value, along with minimal social interaction."
>"That's practically a recipe for depression."
"Are you depressed?"
>"Probably," he says in a measured way. "I'm not a mental health professional, so I can't say for sure."


"Do you ever think about... suicide?"
>The frown returns to his face, then he sighs
>"I did a couple times as a teenager. Never acted on it, and haven't thought about it in a long time."
"Teenager?"
>"That awful time when you're not a kid anymore but not yet an adult."
>You shiver
>Those years were very hard for you
>"Do you think about...," he begins, "killing yourself sometimes?"
"Once in a while," you respond, "But it never lasts long."
>"Fuck, Floor," he says, "That's awful. Is there anyone you can talk to about it?"
"I'm talking to you"
>He furrows his brow
>Shit
>You just realized you dropped a bomb on your roommate
>You're pretty sure this is way beyond the scope of a roommate relationship
>You're such a shit roommate
>"Well," he responds, "I'm not trained in social work, but I'm pretty sure talking about this is better than not."
>"At least that seems to be the prevailing wisdom in my world."
"I shouldn't have brought it up, though," you say. "I didn't want to bum you out."
>"It would bum me out a lot more to find you dead. That would really shake me up."
"It would really make a difference to you whether or not I'm alive?"
>"Fuck, Floor, of course it would. You're one of the only friends I've got here."


>Friend?
>Anon thinks of you as his friend
>And not the shitty roommate you actually are?
>You do see each other every day
>And eat together pretty often
>And sometimes play vidya
>Are you friends?
>You think you kinda are, but hadn't realized it until just now
"Wow. I hadn't thought about that."
>"You hadn't thought about our friendship?!", he says, a little hurt. "You get way into your own head sometimes!"
>You blush
>"That's got to be part of why you feel this way."
>You don't like the sound of that, but don't think you can argue
>"We should probably do more shit and get out more," he says, "you know, to get our heads out of our asses."
>That sounds terrifying
>But YOU'RE the one who started this
>Anon adds, "For both our sakes."


>Be Anon 
>You're a little taken aback
>It took one of your closest friends here in Ponyville a second to remember she was your friend at all
>Is she really that poorly socialized?
>Apparently so
>Also she's depressed, which you knew
>And possibly suicidal, which you hoped wasn't the case
>Shit
>You're out of your depth here, but obviously you're the only one she feels comfortable talking to 
>So this is on you, at least for now
"I think you're too hard on other ponies just like you are too hard on yourself Floor."
"The ponies you mock for being normies, or even worse Staceys?
"I'm pretty sure most of them would be friendly to you given the chance.
"Back in my world those Stacey types are sometimes mean as fuck, but here they're generally pretty kind."
"Not that that does anything to improve MY chances with them, but as far as making friends goes it's huge."


>She brightens
>"You're into MARES?!," she says, eyes widening
"What, did you think I was into stallions?"
>"No," she says blushing. "I just figured you were into your own species."
"I was. But there are no women here. Just a lot of beautiful mares. I can't pretend not to notice what I notice"
>She's beaming, like a little girl who just got told a secret
"Of course none of them seem to notice me like that"
>She frowns and says, "I know the feeling. I'm invisible to stallions."
"That's your own doing, Floor"
>"What do you mean?!," she says.
>Shit you've upset her
>This is probably too delicate a topic to get her upset over
>Choose your words carefully, Anon
"You avoid social interaction like it will give you cancer"
"And when you do go out you hide under a hoodie, and keep your unbrushed mane covering your beautiful eyes"
"How's any stallion supposed to notice you, let alone see how beautiful you are when you're hiding from everypony?"
"You don't give anypony the chance"


>The wide eyed smile is back, which is kind of a surprise given the level of honestly you laid out
>"My beautiful eyes?," she says dreamily
"Yes. How is any stallion supposed to see how beautiful you are when I live with you"
"And I only really get to see those eyes on the rare occasion you remember to brush your mane after washing it?"
"You can't just give up if you want a stallion to notice you"
"Or anypony for that matter"
"It's like you've worked so hard at becoming invisible you've almost done it, and I don't think that's really what you want."
>She frowns
>"It seemed like a good idea," she says, "Dealing with other ponies makes me so anxious, you have no idea"
>"You can't imagine what it's like living in a world where everypony has a purpose - a special talent - and you don't"
>She pauses, and looks embarrassed
>"OK," she continues, "so you can. But this is my world. I'm SUPPOSED to fit in somehow..."
>She sniffles, showing the tears can't be all that far away
"Yet here we both are," you say, trying to channel positive therapist characters from movies you remember.
"We might not have any choice about how we got here, but we can choose how we deal with it"
>Shit, that sounded half decent
>Who needs a fucking MSW?
>But now you have a pone in tears on your hands, and you definitely do NOT have a box of tissues to offer her
>Put that on the shopping list


>Be Floor Bored
>Be in tears in front of him
>He just ran into the bathroom and brought you back a wad of TP
>This is nothing you wanted him to see
>But he GETS it more than you ever thought he would
>And he just called you beautiful several times over
>He thinks your EYES are beautiful
>And yeah, he said a bunch of other shit you'd rather not hear, ever
>But you know he's into mares and thinks YOU are beautiful
>You really had no idea
>He's not just your friend
>He thinks you're beautiful
>And he's a stallion - not quite - but pretty close
>Those Staceys are gonna be sorry when you scoop him up and they realize what they missed out on
>Did you really just think that?
>What the fuck is wrong with you, Floor?
>A friend listens to you and says positive things about you
>And just because he has stallion bits you assume...


>He did say he thought YOU were beautiful and he was into mares, so...
>What the fuck else can you make out of that?
>It wasn't exactly a come one, but
>How would you know what a come on was like anyway?
"Anon, I...," you stammer, "This is a lot to..."
>"Process?," he responds
>Odd word choice, but spot on
"Yeah, process," you reply, "Whatever you're going out for just get me one, and I'll pay you back. I'll be in my room."
"And thanks. I feel a little better. Maybe you're right. Talking about this shit is better than not."
"Also thanks for getting us food."
>Which means falafel is what you're going to be eating
>He LOVES that new falafel place
>You like it too, but eating that stuff means you have to shower tomorrow
>That shit always makes you smell like garlic and onions a few hours after you eat it
>Too strong even for you
>So you guess you'll be showering tomorrow
>And washing your mane
>And even brushing it
>If only because Anon thinks you're beautiful when you do
"Thanks, Anon," you say as you head back to the safety of your room
>Things DO seem a little better
>Not a lot, but a little
>And that feels good


>Be Anon
>Going out to get falafel sandwiches for you and Floor
>This place is good
>It reminds you of back home
>There was a place near you that made sandwiches just like this
>Was it Lebanese? Palestinian?
>You're not sure
>But it was cheap, and the food was delicious, and you used to go there all the time
>And now in Hoersworld you can finally get a taste of home
>And it's cheap
>You approach the counter and the stallion greets you
>"What can I get for you, my friend?," he asks
"Two falafel sandwiches with everything, hot sauce on the side."
>That last bit is important
>Because their hot sauce is just like the place back home
>More than a few drops on any given bite is enough to bring tears to your eyes
>Floor won't even touch it
>Which means more for you
>Even the background music is good here - drums, violins and guitars playing funky rhythms and scales
>And somepony singing with a crazy vibrato over all of it


>Next time you're bring Floor here
>They have some seating, and the place is cute in a ramshackle way
>And it isn't crowded, so she could handle it
>Maybe she'd appreciate the vibe of this place like you do
>She does seem to like the food, which is a good start
>The stallion places a brown paper bag on the counter and says, "Two falafel sandwiches!"
>You place seven bits on the counter, one in the tip jar and take the bag
>"Thank you very much, my friend," he says, "See you tomorrow!"
>That's entirely possible
>Walking home you think about Floor
>Part of you ought to be worried about her, given what she told you
>But she brightened up so quickly just talking to you
>Maybe she just needs somepony to talk to
>You can be that for her, you're sure
>And you can definitely get her out of the house every now and then
>Is that doing enough for your friend?
>You did do a search on ponynet to see about pony therapists and depression
>Turns out that's not really a thing in Ponyville, because it's so rare among ponies
>The nearest counselor is in Canterlot, but she does online sessions
>And her website specifically mentioned adults without cutie marks
>You're pretty sure Floor will be resistant to the idea
>So you'll have to choose the right moment to bring it up
>And over lunch today will not be that moment
>Your mouth waters a little in anticipation
>Getting to share this little taste of home with her is awesome
>But next time you're bringing her there


>Floor joins you at the at the table as you produce the wrapped sandwiches from the paper bag
>Sooner or later you are going to have to get some plates
>For now you set hers on the bag, and yours on a paper napkin
>You peel back the foil and take a bite
>Floor hesitates
"Everything OK, Floor?"
>"Yeah, just working up my courage for the onslaught of garlic and onion," she says scrunching her muzzle
"The sauce is pretty garlicky. But if the onion is too much for you I can always order yours without."
>"Won't they be mad?"
"It's not that kind of a place. There's no high strung chef losing his shit over his precious creations"
"It's just the opposite of that - somepony who came from another part of the world running his own business"
"He wants his customers to be happy so they come back. I'm sure plenty of ponies order it no onions"
."Really?," she says, a little surprised. "I like it as is, but would probably like it even better that way"
"Well I'll order yours that way from now on. Actually I'd like to take you there. Place is vibey in a ramshakle way"
>"Vibey?"
"It's evocative of a very specific thing, something almost exactly the same where I come from"
"Like this sandwich. You can get the exact same thing in my world. And I'd bet the guy who makes would have..."
"The same story as the stallion who made this. The same music would be playing in the background, too"
>"Except," she begins, "you'd ogling women instead of mares there."
>Odd comment, but she does say odd things sometimes
"You like that I find mares attractive, don't you?," you say carefully drizzling a few drops of hot sauce onto your sandwich
>She's pulling a few onions out of hers onto the paper bag
>"Maybe it's a little bit of pony pride," she mumbles into her sandwich


>You get that
>Someone from another world finds your kind attractive, even if it is kinda weird
"Well the falafel joint is hardly a place where anypony is doing much of any ogling"
"Just a few ponies looking for a quick, cheap lunch. You'll see. It's as laid back as it gets"
>"Sounds good," she says kind of absently, with quite a bit of white sauce now on her face
"Let me help you with that," you say, grabbing a napkin and gently dabbing at her
>"For you know some mare is ogling you and you just don't realize it."
>You laugh
"Good one, Floor. You just described every shy guy's fantasy."
>"Shy mares have that fantasy too, you now", then she quickly changes the subject, "How many bits do I owe you?"
"Total with tip was 8, but don't worry about it. You can pay when we go and eat there"


>Be Floor Bored
>Sure enough it was there when you woke up this morning
>Overriding the familiar, cozy smell of your bed and unwashed bedding
>Onion smell, coming out of you
>It's not horrible, but it is jarring
>You have no problem with your own smell
>So much so that you often go much longer than you probably should without bathing
>But it weirds you out to smell like something foreign
>Like you're not a pony, but food
>Like some monster would smell you and think you were delicious and want to eat you
>Well, that's actually kinda sexy as a fantasy
>But the reality of it would be awful
>So is the reality of smelling like onions
>Which is why you're in the shower now
>This part you don't mind - being in the shower
>The warm water feels good
>You like warm wet
>What you HATE is getting in and out of it
>Going from dry to wet feels unnatural unless it's something sexual
>Then after being all wet and cold when you want to be dry?
>That's horrible enough to keep you away from it as much as possible
>But this part is fine
>So you may as well wash your mane to extend it a little
>Getting your mane wet also feels unnatural, but not nearly so much once the rest of you already is
>Lather, rinse
>You never repeat
>You're not that kind of pony


>You turn the water off, grabbing for your towel quickly to get the wet off you before it makes you cold
>Your towel could definitely use a wash as well, but there's no time for that now
>You rub yourself all over before the shivers start
>Then you reach for your brush
>Which has seem more use as a sex toy than its intended purpose
>But you run it through your mane in a cursory way just to get it over with
>Done
>You open the bathroom door to the smell of fresh coffee
>Another thing Anon likes that makes you smell funny, but it's just your pee, so you don't mind
>Anon is sitting at the table with a cup in his hand
>"That's what I'm talking about," he says smiling
"What?"
>"Look me in the yey and smile," he says
>This is uncomfortable
>But you comply
>Hey!
>Is a friend supposed to be looking at you like THAT?
>"If you took a few minutes before you left the house," he begins, "to make yourself look like that..."
>"You sure as hell wouldn't be invisible to he rest of the world."


"I don't get it," you say
>"Right now," Anon responds, "You look like a pretty little pony who gives a shit, instead of one who's given up."
>Ouch
>But he just called you pretty
>You aren't good enough at reading situations to tell whether he's being sincere or hitting on you
>Or both?
>So you decide to just play along
"Why should looks matter so much, anyway?"
>You're sure you've got him there
>"It's not looks per se, but what they say about you. I look at you right now and see a pretty mare who gives a shit..."
>"Not one who is trying to hide from the world"
>Maybe I like hiding from the world and not giving a shit."
>"Fair enough, " he says, "But is that the first thing you want everypone to think about you when they see you?"
>Ouch again
>But he's called you pretty again
>You have to see for yourself
>You go back into the bathroom and wipe down the fogged mirror with your stinky towel
>A plain, cream colored mare looks back at you, nothing special about her
>Your mane looks better than usual because you just washed and brushed it
>So it's not covering up your face
>Not being a shield for your bright green eyes
>You smile, and it just looks awkward
>This is what Anon calls pretty?
>Well, you're not the hideous troll you often think of yourself as
>You'll give him that much
>But pretty really seems like a stretch


>You walk out of the bathroom and turn to Anon
>"Well?," he says
"Cleaned up I'm not hideous, but I'm average looking at best, Anon."
>He smiles and says, "In a world of pretty little ponies being average makes you pretty."
>"And if being pretty takes such little effort," he continues, "why not bother to do it?"
"Maybe I'm just lazy?"
>"I'll grant you that," he replies. "But maybe something else is operating here as well"
>"Maybe," he says, "you don't think you DESERVE to be pretty, so you cover up the fact that you are."
"Bullshit!," you say
>But that does hit you
>The truth is you don't feel like you DESERVE anything
>And you never thought that was any kind of problem
>But maybe it is
>Maybe you're depressed because you don't think you deserve to be happy?
"Fuck you, Anon. I don't want to think about this shit."
>"What shit?," he answers, a little taken aback
"That I don't think I deserve anything, whether it's being pretty, being happy, having a relationship..."
"So I just assume," you say, surprising yourself in the process, "that those things don't really have any value."
>"Oh, just that?," he says. "You do realize being happy is kind of important, and those other things probably come along with it, tight?"
"How the hell am I supposed to be happy?! Look at my life!"
>"It's the life you made for yourself, Floor," he replies. "And you can make it into something else if you want."
"And how the hell am I supposed to do that?"
>He looks you over like a pedo watching fillies play in the park, leering a little, but trying not to be too obvious about it
>"I don't know exactly," he says, "But looking pretty and accepting that you ARE isn't a bad place to start."
>"That," he continues, "and getting out of the house more often."
>You KNEW he was going to go there
"But I don't LIKE going out!"
>"How would you know?," he counters, "You never do."


>He's got you there
>And you realize what he's doing
>He's trying to get you to change the way you see yourself
>And get you to break patterns of behavior that might not...
>Be working out all that well for you
>He's trying to be a friend
>But you also saw that look in his eyes, too
>It seems like at least part of him wants to...
>...fuck you?
>Or is that your mind playing tricks on you?
>You're no good at reading this kind of stuff, but it felt like that for a second
>He calls you pretty a bunch of times, and then tries really hard to hide what seems like
>A pretty lustful look at you
>Before getting back to the "You gotta get out more" shit
>So why not play along with him?
>You don't really have anything better to do
"OK, Anon. You want to get me out of the house, and I owe you a sandwich. Two birds, one stone?"


>Be Anon
>Walking with Floor to the falafel joint
>Her idea
>But you're proud of yourself
>You may just be playing at being a therapist, but you feel like you might be doing her some good
>You look over at her
>She LOOKS good
>All it took was a shower and getting her to brush that mane
>And suddenly she's the pretty mare trotting alongside you
>Which could become a conflict of interest for you, Mr Therapist
>Since now you're having thoughts about her that are no longer the way you're supposed to think of a patient
>Or a friend
>Now you look at her and see... what exactly?
>Possible girlfriend material?
>That's great, Anon
>Your closest friend confides in you she's depressed and possibly suicidal
>And your reaction is to notice how pretty she is, and start fantasizing about her?
>That's kind of sick
>No wonder this shit is left to professionals
>Still she is cute af
>You'd have to be made of stone not to appreciate that
"Turn here," you say, "It's just down this little side street."


>When you get to the door of the establishment you hold it open for her to go in first
>She balks for a second, then does, looking back quickly to be sure you're right behind her
>The music hit you
>It's not loud, but it's so exotic - weird rhythms and odd minor key scales
>You love it
"What do you think, floor?"
>She looks around and says, "You weren't kidding about it being ramshackle."
"The stallion behind the counter probably built most of it himself."
>The room isn't too bright, nor too crowded
>And the tables are in between benches with big, brightly colored cushions on them
>"It's kinda cozy," she decides
"Let's do this, then."
>You lead the way to the counter
>The stallion looks up at you with the usual speil, "What can I get you, my friend?"
"Two falafel sandwiches with everything."
>"Ummm...," Floor mumbles
"Oh, right. ONE with everything, one no onions."
>The stallion looks at Floor, then back at you
>"To stay?," he asks
"Yes"
>"Anything to drink?," he asks
"The lemonade is pretty good here. You want one, Floor?"
>S-sure," she responds
"Two lemonades, please."
>The stallion nods and says, "One falafel with everything, one no onion and two lemonades. Go sit down. I bring to you."
>You lead Floor to a booth and sit on cushions across from each other


>On the table is a napkin dispenser and a plastic squeeze bottle of hot sauce
>Before you can even strike up a conversation the stallion appears at the table with your drinks
>He places them in front of you and says to Floor, "Your husband is very good customer."
>Her mouth is wide open as the stallion walks back to make the sandwiches
>You laugh
"Well that was a little presumptuous," you whisper
>She's shocked
"Come on," you say. "Where he comes from you probably don't go out to eat with a mare who isn't your wife."
>"He actually things you and I are...," she stammers
"You think we couldn't pass for a couple? I obviously got the better end of the deal, but..."
>She's blushing pretty hard
>Which makes her even cuter


>Be Anon
>Finishing up your sandwiches at the falafel joint with Floor
>"I always thought these were good," she says, "But without the onions they're great. I don't even mind the garlic sauce."
"I'll keep that in mind. When I order in he future I'll get one with everything for me and no onions for..."
>You smile at her
"my wife."
>She frowns
>"I'm still mortified about that," she says
"I'm actually kinda flattered," you say
>"You SHOULD be," she replies. 
>You smile and she blushes again
"Guess it's time to settle up," you say, starting to stand up
>"This one is on me," she says, "Remember?"
"OK then. I guess I'll just owe you a lemonade."
>I'm fine with that," she replies. "You were right - the lemonade here is great. So do I just...?"
"Go up to the counter, ask him what you owe, drop an extra bit in the tip jar and wait for him to say..."
>You mimic the stallion's accent
"See you tomorrow"
>"He says that?"
"Every time. Now be a good wife and go pay for lunch."


>She frowns at you again, but trots off toward the counter
>A minute later she's heading back, holding a small styrofoam container in her mouth
"Did he say it?," you ask as she lays the container on the table
>"Yeah," she giggles, "but after he gave me this."
>You reach over and open the container
>It contains a brown, flaky rectangle of pastry
"That's baklava. It's super sweet. And buttery. And full of nuts. You'll love it."
>She takes a little bite of it and closes her eyes with a blissful smile
>"Oh shit," she says "You're right, this place is great. I'd even let him think I'm your wife for more of this."
"You've already let him think that."
>"Well," she says "I'm taking the rest of this home. Let's go!"
>She closes the container and picks it up in her mouth
>You stand up and wave to the stallion behind the counter as you get in front of her to open the door for her
>"See you tomorrow, my friend," he shouts across the room
>Floor giggles through the container in her mouth
>You walk home in silence
>She really can't talk with a mouth full of styrofoam
>But she carries it like a trophy
>You just assume wheels are turning in her head
>When you steal glimpses of her the look in her eyes suggests it


>Back home she puts the container on the kitchen table
>"Where has this shit been all my life?," she asks
"About halfway around the world from you, if pony geography is anything like back home."
>"Well, you made your point, Anon," she says. "I think I will be happier if I stop being so down on myself and get out more."
>"I didn't really want to go out today, but it was fun"
>"Even if the places you like are kinda weird, and the whole being your wife thing was unsettling."
"Sorry about that," you say, "I really had no idea he'd think that"
>"You LOVED it though," she says, narrowing her eyes at you. "Didn't you?"
"I'm not gonna lie," you respond. "I got off on it a little. It was like a stallion looking at me and asking 'How'd you get a mare like that?'"
"I was flattered - kinda proud to be with you looking like THAT..."
>You're no good at being cagey
"And yeah, I loved it", you admit
>"I KNEW it!," she says. "But if you want me to be that mare you were encouraging me to be I have some news for you:"
>"I took YOU out tonight, and I'M not that easy"
>Her ears are straight up, and she just stepped to the side like she was trying to cover for a wink
>But you can't be sure because you've only seen that shit in pony porn
>And they almost never shoot if from this face to face angle
>You wanna say, "Oh, you're not?," and pull her in for a kiss
>You probably COULD
>But there's time
>This is exactly why you don't try to play NEETpone bf AND therapist at the same time
>You've obviously fucked this up
"Thanks, Floor," you hear your voice saying as she heads into her room. "I had a great time."
>Before she shuts her door you hear hear her say,"I had the BEST time tonight."
>wtf do you make of that?!
>It's only 4PM


>Be Floor Bored
>Back in the safety of your room
>Conflicted
>It's hard to hold several different feelings at the same time when they don't line up with each other
>Today you had a good time with Anon
>But you were also mortified that the stallion at the restaurant assumed you were his... wife!
>He LOVED it, though!
>Like he enjoyed the idea of you two being a couple
>Which is totally creepy
>Because he's your roommate
>And it's creepy that your roommate has the hots for you
>But he's also your friend, and goes out of his way to do nice things for you
>He DOES seem to have your best interests at heart
>On the other hoof you're pretty sure he wants to fuck you
>Which is totally creepy
>Or is it?


>Aside from a few creepy looks he's been nothing but good to you
>And he's obviously shipping the two of you in his head instead of just thinking about having his way with you
>Is that sweet?
>You're disgusted and aroused
>Story of your life
>You sit in front of your computer, trying to shitpost on ponynet as usual, but your heart's not in it today
>You can't stop thinking about him
>What would it be like to have those arms wrapped around you?
>To kiss him?
>It would be gross, you're pretty sure
>Then why are you horny now?
>To feel his hard dick pressing up against you?
>Why do you have to be so pervy?
>This isn't something you're going to figure out in this state
>Hello Mr Quivers
>Today you're going to be Mr Anon


>Be Anon
>Be pretty pleased with yourself
>You got Floor out of the house and she really enjoyed it
>You did fuck up a little gloating when the stallion at the falafel joint assumed she was your wife
>Should have played that much cooler
>But you had just started thinking of her as gf material, and then somepony just assumes she's your wife?
>Really caught you off guard
>Especially with her all cleaned up and looking so pretty
>You know you shouldn't be thinking about her like that
>But you are, and now your dick is hard
>Shit, you DO want to fuck that hoers
>You're a little ashamed of the graphic images of your friend and roommate now floating around your head
>But your dick isn't
>He really likes the idea of wifed up Floor showing her appreciation for you by sucking him off
>And now he's demanding your full attention
>Fuck it
>Time to rub one out to the image of those green eyes looking up at you with a mouthful of your cock
>Which is hot as fuck, even though you don't feel so good about yourself doing it


>Be Floor Bored
>The falafel you had for lunch has worn off, and now you're hungry again
>All you have is instant ramen, and you don't feel like eating that right now
>You wander into the kitchen to see if there's anything in the fridge
>But you know there isn't
>Unless you want to try to make something out of old condiments
>And you've tried that before
>It doesn't work
>Now matter how you mix them up condiments on their own do not equal food
>You're standing there like an idiot with the fridge door open staring blankly
>As Anon emerges from his room
>"Hungry?," he asks
"Yup," you respond, "And as usual we've got nothing other than ramen."
>"Wanna try actually going shopping like normal ponies?," he asks
"For what? Neither of us knows how to cook, let alone shop for groceries."
>"We have ponynet," he says. "Gotta be how to videos there."
"Sounds like a project."
>"Yeah," he says. "That probably requires more ambition than either of us has. But we can probably still do better than pizza."
>You shut the fridge door
"You want to go out AGAIN?"
>"This afternoon was nice," he replies, "Wasn't it?"


>You shut the fridge door and turn to look at him
>Was he staring at your ass?
>He looked away pretty quickly, but you it seems like he was just standing there looking at your ass while talking to you
>Are YOU staring at his crotch?
>Fuck
>Don't look at him
>This is awkward
>Now you're thinking about how hard you came fantasizing to him a couple hours ago
>And you feel yourself blushing
>How do you get out of this?
"We could try foraging at the supermarket, but I'm not super optimistic about it."
>He just shoved his hands into his pockets
>Is he trying to hide his...?
>Or are you reading too much into this?
>It's so annoying that you can't really tell
>And now he's trying to get you out again, and he's nearly succeeded
>Fuck
>But now you're not just hungry
>You're horny, too
>And you're only giving in to one of those things
>It's not going to be fucking Anon in the kitchen right now
>Though it probably COULD be
>You could have that hot monkey dick slamming into you right now if you wanted
>Stop thinking about that!
>And stop blushing!
>He can totally tell, you're sure


>Be Anon
>Be hungry, standing in the kitchen having a bullshit conversation about what the fuck you're gonna eat
>She's blushing, and you're pretty sure she just stole a glance at your crotch
>Which is kinda hot, and also awkward, given your masturbatory fantasy of her just a couple hours ago
>You wanna make a wife joke, but you know that's a bad idea
>What you really wanna do is...
>Not get a hard on in front of her
>Which is a knife edge call at the moment
>Which is why your hands are in your pockets
>Which is probably kinda obvious
"They have some prepared food there," you hear yourself saying, "Might be worth checking out."
>You can't believe she's game for going out twice in one day
>You can't believe how cute she is blushing like fuck awkwardly standing in front of you
>She'd be super cute on your dick
>Stop thinking that!
"Let's get going then."
>She follows you out the door
>You really don't have a plan
>You're just hungry and don't want to order a pizza
>Or eat instant ramen
>And those are your two options if you don't go out


>You head down the street with a pretty mare at your side for the second time today
>She seems really distracted
>Well, you are both hungry
>"Anon," she mutters
"What's up, Floor?"
>"In the kitchen just now," she begins, "Were you... Were you staring at my ass?"
>Were you?
>You don't remember
>You probably were
"I dunno."
>"You don't know?"
>You're at a loss for words
>Don't start rambling at her
"I probably was. I don't remember, but I'd be a liar if I said I don't notice things about you."
>"That kind of noticing makes me uncomfortable"
"My bad," you say. "I totally misread the situation. I thought these was some tension, you know, THAT way between us."
>"Oh, there is," she says with remarkable flat affect. "That's what makes me uncomfortable. I'm trying to ignore it."
"I'm doing a bad job of that."
>"Me too," she replies. "But the alternative is terrifying."
"Am I that horrible?"
>Finally some eye contact
>"No, Anon!," she says desperately. "You're wonderful. I really think you're a great friend. I've never had anyone like you in my life."
>She looks away
>"I just don't want to fuck it up."


>Did you just get friendzoned?
"Sorry, Floor. I should have been more careful about not letting it show. That wasn't being a good friend."
>"I get it," she says. "Part of me would love to just jump in and take that risk. But..."
>"It'd great at first, then I do something to fuck it up, you'd leave and I wouldn't even have you as a friend anymore!"
"You don't have to follow that script. Besides, we obviously make a cute couple."
>"Is that what you want? A depressed NEETpony wife? Come on, Anon."
"You're leaving out the best parts, Floor. A super cute depressed NEETpony wife who happens to be the pony I get along with..."
"Better than anypony I know here AND seems to... have the hots for me?"
"Shit, I'd take that in a heartbeat!"
>And shit, you're rambling at her
>But eye contact has resumed, and hers are starting to well up
>"That's what you want?"
>There's not much left in the way of holding shit back now
>May as well let it all hang out
"If it means having the relationship we do now, but with kisses and cuddles and..."
>"Hot fucking in every room in the house?," she says hopefully
"Lots and lots of that," you reply
>"That sounds amazing," she says, "But it still scares the shit out of me."
"Well, we're just going to the supermarket now. City Hall is closed, so there's zero chance we'll come home married."


>"So you would," she begins, "You would totally... wife me?"
"If you're as hot for me as I am for you? That sounds like a great endgame. We'd have to test those waters first."
>"I masturbated thinking about you this afternoon," she says, blushing
"Ha! I did the same thing thinking of you. Why is that cute instead of creepy?"
>"It's both," she says, "But it's also really hot. We were probably doing it at the same time."
"Does pizza still seem like such a bad idea, Floor?"
>"Not at all. Fuck the supermarket. Let's go home."
"Is this about to happen?
>Shit, you didn't mean to say that out loud
>"I was thinking the same thing," she says. "Could you pretend we never had this conversation?"
"I can't even keep myself from staring at your ass, so no."
>"I guess I'm OK with that now. Forget what I said about it making me uncomfortable"
"Forgotten the moment you said 'hot fucking in every room of the house.'"
>"THAT'S what's gonna happen, isn't it?"
>You are fucking diamonds
>She notices and smiles at you
>"We can hurry if you want."


>Be Anon
>Be home on the couch
>Making out with Floor Bored
>She's kissing you, wrapped in your arms
>You can taste the slightly sour taste of hunger in her mouth as her tongue eagerly probes you and you return the same
>But it's the scent of her horsey arousal that overwhelms you as your hand moves over an ass cheek
>She's got a hoof against your pants, rubbing your straining cock
>"Let me see it," she says
>You unbuckle your belt and slide your pants off
>Revealing your cock at full attention, with a drop of precum visible at the tip
>She hops off the couch and crouches between your legs, eyes wide, and you feel her breath on you
>"It's beautiful," she says
>Without thinking about it your hand finds its way onto her mane and pushes her gently toward you
>There's no resistance, and in a second you feel her mouth around you, her tongue working its magic
>You moan, looking down at those green eyes looking up at you, pupils larger than normal
"You have no idea how beautiful you look with my cock in your mouth."
>You're rewarded with her sliding as far onto you as she can, and you feel your cockhead slide down her throat
>She gags a little, pulls off of you and says, "I bet you say that to all the girls."


>And she's right back on your cock, bobbing up and down on you
>It feels too good
>There's no way you're gonna last like this
"Floor, if you keep this up this is gonna end quickly for you with a mouthful of my cum."
>She reluctantly pulls back
>"That sounds nice," she says
"But I really want to..."
>"So do I, Anon," she giggles, "Part of me wants you to slam the shit out of me like you life depended on it..."
>"And another part wants to tease this out as long as possible."
"That sounds like a good order to me," you say, pulling her up for a kiss by her mane
>She's on top of you, which is wonderful, but obviously not the right angle for you to get into her
>You wrap your arms around her, your cock pressing up against... one of her crotchtits?
>That feels like a nipple
>God, she's so warm and soft
>Hot actually
>You bite one of those beautiful ears and whisper:
"I'm gonna fuck the shit outta you"
>She gasps, "Fucking DO it!"
>She's like a squirmy ragdoll as you position her on all fours, facing away from you
>That TAIL!
>You've noticed her tail before, but it never looked so sexy as it does now, lifted for you
"God, your tail is so hot!," you say, running a had over her flank
>She winks at you, a little marecum dripping out of her
>"Less talk... more..."
>You slide your cock into her, feeling her warm, wet tightness envelop you


>"Yes, THAT!," she practically screams, "More of that!"
>Like you need any encouragement at this point
>She's pushing back on to you with all her might, jamming you into her to the hilt
>You place a hand on either flank to take control of this operation
>And begin railing her
>You're rewarded with more wet and tight as you thrust into her, hard, again and again
>"Just like that," she says between heavy breaths, "Don't stop."
>She keeps pushing back onto you with more force than you expected
>Like she's hungry for every inch of you as far into her as possible
>"Just hold it there now," she says, pressing into you with all her might
>You comply, and are rewarded with her marevag taking over the work
>You had no idea ponies could do that
>It's like a much more forceful and tighter version of her tongue and throat
>If she weren't pressed so hard against you she'd probably push you out of her with the strength of her marepussy
>And from her breathing it's pretty obvious this is getting her off
>So you just stay there, hilted in her as she squeezes you
>"Yes," she pants. "That's IT, Anon!"
>She's trembling on you, and moaning
>"Fuck," she yells
>She's so wet, clenching you
>Really wet
>Like dripping all over you wet
>She crumples forward a little, leaving you halfway in her
>The trembling stops and she catches her breath
>"Wow," she says, looking back at you with a smile, "that was awesome. Did I squirt on you?"


"I think you did"
>"Is that OK?," she asks, sounding a little concerned
"I couldn't be more OK," you say, giving her a thrust
>She gasps, "I'm all yours, then. I want to feel you cum in me"
>You're pretty proud of yourself
>You made the little mare cum
>Now it's your turn
>Placing a hand on either flank you pull her onto you
>Without he pressing back into you it's easier to pound into her
>And she's pretty much just letting you slam her onto you
>Which feels fucking great
>"Celestia, fuck me Anon!"
>She's back to doing that winking thing on your dick as you slam into her
>Which is causing a familiar tightness inside you, as you feel your pleasure building
>This is gonna be it
"Take me," you say, smashing the little pony onto you and hilting in her as your cock starts pumping
>"Oh shit," she says, "I can feel you. Fuck yes! Cum inside me!"


>Be Floor Bored
>You just scored
>Anon just fucked the hell out of you
>You're a little sore from it, and that was hardly a marathon
>But fuck is he intense
>After you came he just pretty much threw you around on his cock
>It was like you're entire purpose in that moment was getting slammed by him until he came
>It was super hot to feel him cum in you
>Then he leaned over and gave you gentle little kisses on your neck
>They made you shiver
>He went from slamming the hell out of you to gentle kisses in a matter of seconds
>That spoonful really changes everything, and now it's in you
>Actually it's dripping out onto the couch right now
>You're used to the smell of your own arousal
>But your smell mixed with his is intoxicating
"We smell good together"
>"I smell like YOU," he responds
>Anon is looking at you all puppy eyes
>"I'm pretty sure there's no putting that genie back in the bottle," he says
"Would you want to? That was fucking great."
>"Yeah, it was," he responds
"So I have a shot?"
>"A shot at what?"
"Being your NEETpony wife someday?"
>"I'd say you definitely have a shot," he says, running a hand over your mane


>So you COULD be Anon's NEETpone wife
>And the idea holds a strong appeal
>Especially given that foreveralone is probably the other option
>You like him
>He's good company
>OH, be honest, Floor!
>You're probably halfway in love with him
>He makes you feel better about yourself
>And you actually care about him being happy
>And there's the hot monkey dick
>Yeah, there's that
>There is absolutely no doubt he can get you off
>Much harder than you can with Mr Quivers
>But you feel brutalized
>He doesn't fuck like a pony
>Sure he starts off slamming into you like any stallion would
>As if...
>But once he's in he keeps up with it, instead of just swelling up inside you and unloading
>Which is totally hot in an animal kind of way
>But it left you sore
>And you're kinda scared it could wreck you over time
>Like, your insides getting too beat up by monkey dick that has to keep slamming into you instead of...
>Just staying put there against your cervix
>Then flaring up and filling you with cum
>Maybe while you feel his teeth bite you gently to hold you in place
>But no
>He has to keep slamming into you over and over to get off
>Like a monkey
>Which kinda hurts
>But he smells so good
>And you came so hard
>And you're half sure you could learn to love this
>Half sure
>Fuck, you're conflicted again!
>And you just had sex with him, which is bad timing for this shit


>Be Anon
>Feeling pretty good about yourself
>You may be stuck in some strange world where you have no purpose 
>But you managed to do something you never did back home
>You just got LAID, MOTHERFUCKA!
>And you know for a fact you made her cum, too, so you weren't totally shit at it
>SHE'S talking about you wifing her, which must surely mean you're now some sort of sex god
>Or at least pretty fucking good by the standards of the two relative misfits you two happen to be in this world
>You'll take that
>Because it's better than the life you've been living since you got here
>So much better
>Brightening your mostly joyless days with going out with Floor, hanging out with her and...
>Having SEX with her?!
>Those days don't sound so joyless anymore, now do they?
>This actually sounds like something that resembles a life
>In fucking Hoersworld where you sure as hell don't fit in
>You two have been on the couch sitting in a comfortable silence for a few minutes now
>That's new
>You kinda LIKE it you decide as the doorbell rings
"Pizza is here, Floor. I got it," you say jumping up and heading towards the door.
>You settle the bill with the deliverypone and take the box of dinner into your hand
>Then head back to your pone lover
"I don't know about you," you say, "But I'm hungry as fuck!"
>"Nest time just say we're gonna fuck when we're gonna fuck and eat when we're gonna eat," she says.
>"Mixing the two up is just confusing."
>THAT'S your girl!