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You go to sleep in your bed tonight. It is nice and cozy, and you cannot wait to shitpost tomorrow when you are not dead tired. You wake up to see long black hair covering your face. You move it out of the way with your hand, only to discover that it is green, and also a hoof instead of a hand. Ye gods must have turned you into a filly. What do?
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You get out of bed to look for your computer only to discover that, after your mind has had time to adjust to not being human, you also are not in your room. Actually, this room looks a little better. Like you're in a fancy hotel or something, but more colorful. Your computer is nowhere to be found. Even if you could find a way to type with hooves (and upon further inspection of these hooves, you could probably find a way to hunt and peck with the very tip of them based on their curvature), you would be unable to shitpost due to the lack of a machine to shitpost.

You are standing in a foreign room in the body of a filly. You are now much more awake. What do?
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Being a genre-savvy filly, you figure yourself to be in Equestria and so head out to find Spike. As you exit the room, you find yourself in a large castle, which you can surmise from the architecture is not Twilight's crystal castle. It looks more traditional. As you wander around searching for a doorway out, you eventually find yourself face planting into a large white leg. You look up and see Princess Celestia.

>"Well hello little filly, how did you get in here?"
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A devilish idea pops into your head as you crawl underneath the princess' legs and look up to see her delicious candy vag. You jump up to try and reach it for a little taste, only to find yourself enveloped in her magic and lifted onto her back. You realize that you are a bit small to try and >rape the princess.

She looks back at you and smiles.

>"Well someone's a bit eager to meet her princess. Unfortunately, I'm a bit busy today to play with my subjects. Why don't you tell me where you live so I can take you back to your parents?"
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Undeterred by minor setbacks, you grab hold of the princess' waist and try to hump her back like a dog humping a leg. "Lemme smash, I wanna smash!" you shout out, only to be met with giggles. She lifts you up to her face and nuzzles you.

>"You are such an adorably rambunctious little filly. But really, I cannot stay all day to entertain you. Where do you live? I'll take you home."

A frown forms upon your face. "I'm actually homeless."

The princess appears a bit shocked from this revelation, and you realize from a bit of reflection that orphans were not entirely common in the show. Most ponies, if they did not live with their parents, lived with siblings, or even with lesbian aunts.

>"How did this happen? Are your parents dead? Do you not have any family to stay with?"
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Determined to taste delicious mare pussy, you keep your eyes on the prize. "My name's Anon. My family died in a boating accident and I can't remember anything past that. Now lemme smash!" You keep trying to grab at her with your hooves, but her magic keeps you just out of reach.

>"A boating accident you say… that actually seems rather tragic, but surely you must have extended family you could stay with. How about I let you stay with one of my students while I have an assistant look into the matter for you. I'm sure her family wouldn't mind looking after an orphaned filly for a few days while we try to find you a suitable home…"
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You grumble as you realize that Celestia's tasty mare vag will be just out of reach for now. "Okay, fine. But it better not be a filthy commie. Better dead than red!"

Celestia laughs.

>"I'm not sure what that is, but I can assure you, my student is very nice. She's also not red… for the most part."

She places you onto her back again and leads you into a room full of toys.

>"I'll be back in a few minutes, my little pony. I need to retrieve my student. In the mean time, I think there's some bubble wrap in here if you still feel the need to smash something. Try not to wander off; it's easy for a filly to get lost in my castle."

She kisses your forehead and leaves. What do?
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A few boxes on the other side of the room with bubble wrap overflowing out of them quickly catch your eye. Fuck the princess, you've got more important things to deal with – Mother. Fucking. Bubble wrap.

You quickly pull as much of the stuff as possible from the box and lay it out on the floor. There is a ton of the stuff available, with different sizes of bubbles, suggesting it was saved up over time. It would appear as if the princess saves all of the bubble wrap from the castle's packages to put into her filly playroom. She is wise beyond her years.

But enough of that, BUBBLE WRAP! You get up on two legs as if you were still a human and attempt to dance upon the floor full of the wrap, making everything pop as loud as you can, and inevitably falling on your ass when you realize your 2 leg coordination is pretty shitty in this body. Despite being in this body for less than an hour, you feel more used to moving about like a pony than like a human. At least you don't have to learn new muscle memory.

You try to dance like a proper pony on the bubble wrap. It does not disappoint. You briefly wonder between pops what it would be like to get a ballerina cutie mark before the door opens.

>"I'm telling you Twilight, if you want to improve your magical aptitude, you're going to have to make friends. And what better a friend to make than a pony who's lost her family?"

You stop your silly dancing as soon as you realize you're no longer alone. At the door is Celestia, a filly Twilight Sparkle, and an almost newborn Spike sleeping on her back. She looks at you, embarrassed, and waves.

>"Um… Hi?"
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The sight of filly Twilight makes you aware of a few things. The first is that Luna is not around, and will not be around for perhaps a decade. The second is that you are nowhere near the rest of the mane six, who might not even all be in Ponyville at this time. But most importantly, Celestia's back, which means it's time for >rape.

You need to act fast, however. By the sounds of your earlier conversation, Celestia was planning on putting you up with Velvet and Night Light for a few days while she tries to find a non-existent great uncle or something of yours. You only have a few moments to taste that sweet candy vag before she's out of your sight and you're stuck with the stinky nerd filly. Being that you're an Earth pony, you figure the best way to try this would be to hoof it.

You dash as quickly as you can towards the princess. "Prepare yourself Celestia, whether you like it or not I will have that candy va-"

Your words fall flat as the air around you rapidly condenses, only to fling you backwards onto the bubble wrap.

>"Told you she's a rambunctious one."

Celestia giggles, but Twilight looks at you with an eye of caution, as if she senses you had some sort of malintent. She merely shakes her head and looks up to her teacher.

>"Are you sure I have to befriend her? She seems a bit rude."

>"Now Twilight, not every pony has had the privilege of spending time around royalty. It's quite alright for her to act a bit informal around me, I really don't mind it. But more importantly…"

She motions over to you with her hoof to come over.

>"Come with me. I'd like to introduce you to the ponies who will be taking care of you for the next few days."
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You pick up a few of the less popped sheets of bubble wrap off the ground and look up to the princess to show her the most adorable set of filly eyes."

"Miss Princess Celestia, can I stay and play with my new friend? We can play with the bubble wrap…"

>"Oh you are just adorable, aren't you? Tell you what, you can play together as much as you want when you get to her house. I'm going to give her the day off so you can have plenty of time to get to know each other."

This causes Twilight to do a double take.

>"Wait, are you serious princess? You were going to teach me the cloud walking spell today. Isn't studying important? I can't just blow a day off to hang out with some random filly!"

The princess begins to take her leave from the room, and motions for the two of you to follow, which you do.

>"Twilight, you will have all of the time in your life to study magic. But your youth is too precious to not spend at least some of it making friends. They may become indispensable for you some day."

The unicorn filly groans. You get the sense that she's been given this lecture multiple times before, and from your knowledge of the future, you know she's going to receive it again… probably. Turns out you can change that future if you really wanted to. But right now, you just want to hang out with Twilight and try to make her happy. She seems a bit unnerved from what you tried to pull with Celestia. You offer her one of the plastic fun sheets that you're carrying. "Bubble wrap?"

She doesn't speak much, but she accepts it from you and begins to slowly pop the bubbles in order with her telekinesis as you make your way through the castle. As you reach the entrance, you find two ponies waiting for you. But rather than it being Twilight's parents as you'd expect, you find two other familiar ponies – a teenage Cadence and Shining Armor.

What do?
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Twilight looks like she's about to blow her top at the site of her brother.

>"BBBFF, are you skipping school again? You know mom's gonna be mad when she finds out!"
>"Relax Twily, it's early release. Only you would think to keep studying today. Besides, Celestia asked to watch you and your friend while our parents are out."

She looks a bit annoyed by him, so you decide to give her some naughty ideas. You whisper into her ear, "Say, don't you think they look like a cute couple?" This gives her a devilish smile.

>"You know Shiny, I don't recall us needing two sitters. What made you decide to bring Cadence along?"

This makes the both of them blush heavily, so you and Twilight decide to take the tease up a notch. "Shining and Cadence sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G"

They look mad and embarrassed as hell

—

Will you continue, or do you have other plans?
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>"Hey, cut it out you two, that's not funny!"

Shining seems visibly annoyed with you and Twilight's antics, and worse yet, you remember he's a bit of a dweeb at this stage in his life. An evil thought crosses your mind. You immediately run up to Cadence and jump onto her leg, clinging tight. She seems rather unperturbed by the adorable filly hug, as any foal-sitter should, and you are quickly joined by Twilight tackle glomping the other leg. You take advantage of the moment to flash Shining the smuggest smile you can mange.

"Hey Shiny…"
>"What…"
"I'm hugging your filly friend!"

Shining's muzzle flushes quickly from its normal white to beet red.
>"Hey, she's not my filly friend!"

You stick your tongue out in response. Before Shining can react further Cadence motions her hoof towards the door.

>"C'mon Shining, we can't be foaling around, we've got to get these girls home. It's starting to rain."

He shuts up for the entirety of the way home. You and Twilight end up staying attached to Cadence's legs along the way there, making the trip slow, but at least her head's blocking out some of the rain.

Several times along the way you find the two of them nuzzling faces together. Not his filly friend your plot.

You are now in the manor of Madame Twilight Velvet. Cadence manages to slowly pull both you and Twilight off of her forelegs, and you are now sitting on their couch.

What do?
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Cadence shivers as she tries to shake out her very wet coat of fur.

>"Twilight, do you think you could show your new friend around the place? I need to help Shining with some uh… homework. Our teachers piled a lot on us. Hollar if you need anything"

Twilight snickers
>"Yeah, sure. Have fun you two!"

After Shining and Cadence leave the room, you finally find yourself alone with an innocent Twilight and her very young baby Spike. She's still snickering.
>"Those two aren't going to be studying at all. They'll be making out all afternoon."

"Yeah, I suppose they will…" Your eyes wander and you find them suddenly distracted by the sight of Twilight's flank. "Hey Twilight, do you like to play games at all?"

>"Oh yeah, of course! I've got a bunch of board games in the closet. Got any favorites?"
She walks off to find some games and you follow, eyes glued to her tiny filly flank. You can only wonder how her candy vag tastes. Grape, maybe?

She opens up a door full of games and starts rifling through them. You take the opportunity to strike, sneaking out from under her to shove your face in her snatch…

>"Eep!"

You are kicked very hard and fall flat on your ass. Twilight turns around.

>"What in Tartarus, Anon? Don't sneak up on me like that!"

At this point, both of you notice that your nose is bleeding.

>"Are you alright?"
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"Fucking hell, what was that all about?"

Your nose hurts… a lot. Twilight can kick rather hard. Or maybe she has magically enhanced limbs. You're not sure.

>"What was THAT about? You just shoved your face in me! Was that some kind of prank? And… did you just swear?"
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Twilight was not happy about your little sneak attack. In fact, you probably broke away all of the trust you might had earned since trying to molest the princess. Why did ponies have to be so difficult about this? You just wanted to lick their tasty horse pussies. It's not like you wanted to bend them over and fuck them in the ass with your now non-existent dick. Were you too ugly? Nonsense. Everypony thinks you're adorable. Do they think you unskilled? If so, how dare they. You were quite obviously the most proficient carpet muncher in all of Equestria. Rainbow Dash couldn't hold a candle to you. Of course, it helps that she's still a filly… oh right. You're a filly, Twilight's a filly, and Celestia's not into fillies. Maybe it's hard for ponies to see you in a sexual manner… IDEA!

"Hey, that was uncalled for! I was just trying to look at the games on the bottom shelf, and this doorway is way too thin for both of us to fit in. I couldn't exactly see too well in the closet anyways, so I bumped into you on accident."

Twilight looks at you dumbfounded.
>"Look, Anon, I'm sorry. I…"

"REEEE-"

She covers your mouth before you can continue screeching uncontrollably.
>"You know what? How about you find us a game. Easier for us both. Just don't scream, or you'll bring down Shiny."
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You've lost the mood for traumatizing Twilight anymore. She's a cute filly and not worth losing favor of. You opt for a game you'd likely both enjoy.

"How about a riveting game of chess?"

She seems surprised.
>"Chess? That sounds fun. I'm actually rather good at it. Not as good as my brother, but I've been catching up rather quickly."

She levitates down a rather beautiful-looking ornate chess set and sets it up on the table. It strikes you as little bit odd that the king and queen pieces are Celestia and Luna respectively, despite the fact that Luna won't be getting out of the moon for another decade or so. You suppose the game (which you just lost), therefore, must be over a thousand years old in Equestria.

>"So… do you play white or black?"
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"Well you know what they say, always bet on black!"

Twilight laughs.
>"I'm pretty sure that's a roulette saying, Anon. Good choice though. I'm actually not as good at playing white, since Shiny always picks it"

The two of you finally sit down to play, and she sets about with a fairly standard white open, only to be met immediately with an aggressive Sicilian defense. You weren't going to fuck around. "Hey Twi, how about we make this interesting and place a bet?"

She gives you a strange look.
>"Aren't you homeless? What would you have to bet anyways?"

"Well yeah, for now at least. But we could always make a fun bet, like loser has to shave off their fur."

She stops the play she was about to make and stands up.
>"Anon, walk with me."

You are led outside, only to find that the rain from earlier has increased in magnitude to a torrential downpour. On top of this, the wind is icy. Twilight shuts the door behind you and has you step into the rain.
>"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW BUCKING COLD CANTERLOT GETS IN THE WINTER?"

Without a word, she stomps back inside, leaving you both to continue your game soaking wet. The game goes by fairly slowly, as Twilight isn't quite used to playing the initiative. Halfway through it, Shining comes downstairs looking a little bit worn out. He sees the board set out and stares at it for a few moments before declaring that black would win in 5 moves and trotting off to the bathroom. You can't see what strategy he's thinking of, but you end up beating Twilight in 6 moves anyways.

It's around this time that Cadence ends up coming down the stairs.
>"Hey girls, I'm going to be taking a break from studying. How about I make you all some snacks?"
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The prospect of snacks seems pretty nice for you thus far. In fact, you haven't really eaten anything since you came to Equestria… that raises slight concern in you. What if they make you eat something like flowers, or bacon made out of hay? You can't go starving, but is now really the best time to be expanding your palette.

"Uhh… what kinda snacks do you make best?"

>"Well, I can make some really killer pizzas…"

Perfect. Nothing you're not used to. And being a filly, you have an excuse to be a picky eater. Probably. You shrug. "Sounds good, Cadence!"

She heads off for the kitchen, leaving you alone with purple smart once again.

>"Soooo….."

This may get awkward.

>"Since we're going to spend some time together, I guess we should try to get to know each other. For starters, how old are you exactly?"
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How old are you? Well mentally, you're 27, but you can't tell Twilight that, so you make up an answer.

"Seven."
Nailed it.

>"Oh wow, you're young. I'm like… ten, and yet we look the same age. How'd you get so good at chess?"

Shit, more questions. With any luck, she's gonna beg you for a life's story. You don't want to get caught in a web of lies, so you keep things vague.

"I dunno. Maybe I'm a child prodigy? I just played it with my dad on the regular, kind of like how you play it with your brother. Repeat something enough and you'll get good at it."

Twilight rubs her chin for a bit, trying to best process your answer. You hope you haven't given her cause to segue into questions about your parents, but then you could just melt down like a 7 year old should when asked about her dead parents and leave things at that. Instead, she responds with a question that you probably should have expected to begin with.

>"Got any favorite books?"
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You struggle to think up the name of a book from Equestria, but only one comes to mind. "Uhh… I guess I'm a fan of the Daring Do series…"

>"Daring Do? Don't think I've heard of it. Sounds like the name of a comic book."

And of course she hasn't. Daring Do won't be around for at least another few years. You play it cool regardless. "Nah. It's an up and coming series of short novels about an adventurous mare who rescues ancient treasure from baddies trying to steal it." You leave out the part about it being an ongoing autobiography… for now.

>"Sounds interesting. I'll check it out in the library when I next get a break from my studies."

Damnit.

Around this time, Cadence comes into the room and sits down next to the two of you.

>"So… pizza's in the oven. It'll be out in about 15 minutes. How've you two been getting along?"
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You drag Twilight into an awkward hug.

"Well we're not as peachy as you and Shiny, but I'd say we're doing okay"

Cadence glares at you for a few seconds before jumping back into her usual chipper demeanor. You get the feeling that she may need a drink or two if you keep pushing her buttons.

>"Anything I can get for you in the mean time?"

You think for a second about what to do next. Things are getting boring and you don't want to just play more games of chess. You ARE in Twilight's house, so that can only mean one thing…

"Say Twilight, you have books on magic, don't you? How about you show me some?"

>"I've got plenty… I don't know if you'd be able to understand them, and I certainly don't think you'd be able to cast any of them without a horn, but I wouldn't mind someone to study with me!"

She runs up to her room, and in a minute, returns bolting down the stairs with a massive textbook titled, "A Beginner's Book of Spells." You pour through the Table of Contents looking for anything involving interdimensional travel, only to find… nothing. Not even anything on teleportation. Well that's a disappointment.

What will you do now?
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Twilight's book has nothing for you to learn except for perhaps the basics of how magic works. Unfortunately, you're extremely impatient and feel the need to skip the addition and subtraction and jump straight into triple integrals. Surely, Twilight has some more advanced books in her room, but how to get to it…

"Hey Twilight, random idea, but how about we play some hide and seek?"

She pouts a bit.
>"But I just got settled down with a nice book…"

"How about I let you hide first, and you can read while you hide?"

This seems to satiate her, so you cover your eyes with your hooves and wait for her to find someplace to hide. You can't hear her heading upstairs, so you imagine she's in some sort of closet. But buck that, you're going to straight for her room.

You rush up the stairs and walk into her room. It is, unsurprisingly, the cleanest room ever. You spot Smarty Pants sitting on top of a desk next to a few quills and a fresh ink bottle. There's a closed journal sitting on top the desk, possibly either a diary or a workbook. You're not sure.

Adorning the walls are a few bookshelves filled with textbooks on a number of subjects. History, mathematics, physics… fuck this filly's a nerd. You leaf through the physics book briefly to see if it contains anything on magic, but by the looks of things, it contains nothing more than what you could find in the beginner magic book.

There are no more advanced books, however. Much as Twilight would be the type to read ahead, perhaps Celestia is the type to keep her from rushing into harder magic too quickly, lest she accidentally trap herself in a pocket dimension or something. Go figure.

You head back downstairs, content that Twilight is not hiding in her bookshelves, and open up the game closet. She's hiding on the top shelf.

>"Alright fillies, pizza's ready!"
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Fuck the game, peetzer's ready. You run towards the kitchen table to find… ordinary cheeze pizza served on a plate. Good, nothing made out of hay or oats… yet.

You sit down at the table and help yourself to as much as you can get away with without looking like a greedy little filly. Not having hands (or magic), you decide to dig in face first, assuming that's how an Earth pony is supposed to eat. No pony complains, so you mentally mark this off as normal filly behavior.

"Ayyyy, this is a really good-a peetzer, Mi Amore Cadenza," you say in your most fake Italian accent possible.

You try to do that okay sign with your fingers, only to realize you have none. Fuck.

Cadence laughs.
>"Mi Amore Cadenza, huh? That sounds like a cute nickname. I think I'll take it."

It now dawns upon you just how much shit hasn't happened yet. You finish your meal, and are now once again bored. Being young once again seems to have given you a shorter attention span and a greater craving for excitement. Will you continue your game of hide and seek (it would be your turn to hide), or will you find something else to entertain you?
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You decide to continue your game of hide and seek, having not much better to do. Since it's your turn to hide, you decide to get a little bit clever, and hide in Shiny's room, under his bed. The room is a complete mess compared to Twilight's, so she'd probably have a hard time finding you in here.

Twilight doesn't seem to find you. Minutes pass – 5, then 10, then 20… you hear her meticulously searching each room, even the bathroom, but she doesn't seem to think to check this room. You finally hear the door open, but instead of Twilight entering, it's Shining and Cadence. They don't see you.

>"Hey baby, ready for round 2?"
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There isn't really a way of getting out from under the bed of somepony who's about to have sex without it seeming awkward, so you decide to make the best of the situation. Since becoming a filly, you haven't masturbated once, and you've been dying to know what it feels like. You lie on your back and reach a hoof down to gently rub against your clit as you hear the two teenage lovers both pounce upon the bed. A slight tingle rushes down your spine as the soft fur on the back of your hoof lightly grazes your marehood. It's a little jarring, but still very pleasurable, so you continue.

By the sounds of her half-muted moans, you guess that Cadence must be getting eaten out right now. Since you don't have someone to play the role for you, you improvise and lick your hoof, tasting the somewhat bitter juices from your vulva off of it, and rub it back again on you. Fuck, you could get used to this. You start to rub faster as you listen to the pair above you transition from foreplay to straight up fucking, causing the box spring mattress above you to creak a little. Thank goodness the bed frame it's on is sturdy…

>"Anon, I know you're not in any of the other rooms, I've double checked them both!"

The door opens and you can hear quick shuffling of both of the ponies above you.

>"What in Celestia are you to doing?"

Twilight has just walked in on her brother and foalsitter having sex. You are still hiding under the bed. What do?
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You bolt out the door screaming "REEEEEEEE" at the top of your lungs and almost knocking the wind out of Twilight as you shove past her. There is no way for this to end well, so you're just going to go with the flow. You go find another place to hide quickly until things blow off, this time in the bathroom. After about five more minutes, you hear a knock on the door, followed by Twilight's voice…

>"Anon, Cadence says when you're ready to come out, she needs to give us both 'the talk', whatever that is." We'll be in the living room… are you alright? You seemed pretty scared. I don't think you're in trouble though."
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The talk. Oh that's cute. You don't need the talk; you need to finish the job! You reach a hoof down to your marehood once more… only to find that you've lost your mood in your adrenaline-filled rush to get out from the bedroom. You can rub it a little, and you can certainly get a physical reaction, but nothing seems to feel quite the same. You recall hearing once that women are more mental in their arousal, with men being more physical. Is this what that's like? And are you really aroused by watching others have sex without their knowledge? Is this really your fetish?

The question makes you jump for just a second before you realize that Fluttershy is too young to rape you, and also likely in a hospital for falling onto a flock of butterflies made of dark matter.

Back to reality, you try to think of what to do now. You contemplate playing a prank on Twilight to convince her that Cadence doing something crazy, like mind controlling Shining, but she seems to have left. Since you aren't in the mood for receiving a bunch of shit about the birds and the bees that you already know since you're like… mentally 27, you figure it's about time to give the talk yourself.

You march downstairs with a look of determination about your face, and as soon as you see the two guilty lovebirds, you point an accusatory hoof at them.

"Cadence, Shining, how old are you two?"

>"Seventeen"
>"Sixteen"

"You are at least a decade too early to be having Equestria's next alicorn baby. Wrap it before you tap it, idiot!"

Cadence looks at you dumbfounded.
>"Uhhh…. Anon?"

You ignore her and turn to Twilight.

"What they were doing is called sex. It's a thing ponies do that feels insanely good, but also carries a risk of having a foal… or getting a disease if you're dumb and fool around with lots of ponies."

You point your hoof back at Shining.

"Seriously bruh, use a condom, EVERY TIME!"

Cadence places a hoof on your shoulder.

>"Would you mind telling us where you learned all of this stuff? You're like… seven."
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You don't have time for difficult questions. Instead of answering Cadence, you simply flash her a very smug grin, and laugh maniacally. Not sure what to do from here, you prance off into the kitchen. To your surprise, there is one last slice of pizza that Twilight didn't have the appetite to sneak for herself. You devour it instantly when nopony's looking, only to realize that you now have nothing to do again.

Eventually, you're going to have to face your foalsitters and the rest of the family. Or do something else entirely.

What will you do?
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A wicked thought crosses your mind. You never really got the chance to finish clopping. Shiny never got the chance to finish fucking Cadence. It's time to play.

You walk into the living room again, where Shiny is sitting on the couch, next to Cadence. No time like the present to teach the Princess of Love what it feels like to become a cuckqueen. Before anypony can get a chance to address you for suddenly running away twice in one day, you make your move – jumping onto Shiny's lap and pressing your hooves against his chest. Your eyes gaze into his with a look of fiery seduction. You reach for his cock to bring up to your marehood… only to find it blocked by a magic bubble.

Being an earth pony is unfair. Every pony you want to take advantage of has way more magical power than you. Okay, you'll have to give credit to the fact that you've mostly been hanging around the most powerful magic using unicorns and alicorns in all of Equestria for your short period of time here, but still, it would have been nice if you could at least find SOMEONE weaker than you to play with.

Cadence glares at you. She looks like she's about to explode, but in an instant, as she gazes into your eyes, something stops her. Her facial expression shifts from anger to worry.

>"Alright little filly, it's time for you to come clean. I don't think your parents really died in a boating accident. Who touched you?"
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Who touched you? Okay, this lie has gone far enough. You don't want to start getting innocent ponies thrown in jail, or worse. Time to come clean… about everything.

"No one did. I woke up this morning in a body that was not my own. I'm not actually a pony, or even from Equestria at all. I'm a 27 year old male human who works as a clerk for a second-hand clothing store called Value Village. I am incredibly lost in this world and have no idea what the hell I am doing. I've also been hearing voices in my head and they tell me to do horrible things like molesting ponies. I feel as though I have no control over my life at all. It's as if the gods are playing dice with my fate, and I'm just along for the ride."

Cadence stares at you blankly, then turns to Shining, and then back to you. She seems completely befuddled.

>"You have… way too overactive of an imagination. I have no idea what in the world has happened to you, but it is clear that you need help."

She rubs her forehead with her hoof to try and alleviate her stress.

>"First thing tomorrow, we're scheduling you an appointment with a therapist. I am just a foalsitter, I don't know how to deal with… this."

She storms out of the room, followed quickly by Shining, likely to console her. This leaves you alone with Twilight once again. She looks confused about how to talk to you, likely from having no friends, and being 10.

>"Anon… is everything alright?"
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You feel like you could break down and cry at any moment. That would probably be pretty pathetic though. No one wants to see a grown man cry. You'd probably have an excuse, being in the body of a filly, but that would only make things worse and further convince ponies that you really are just some sexually abused little filly who's lost her mind. Regardless, you still need some sort of emotional outlet, so you reach out and pull Twilight into a crushing hug, barely managing to hold back your tears.

"No one's going to believe me Twilight. Not a single fucking pony. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for anyone to take you seriously when you look like a fucking seven year old?"

Twilight slowly returns the hug, much weaker than your grip upon her.

>"Yes."

She holds the hug for a few more seconds before it starts to get awkward, and then breaks free.

>"Actually… now that I think about it, you look more like you're 12. Sure you don't have a cutie mark, but you seem a little more physically developed than me, and I'm 10. Did you just randomly guess your age?"

"Umm… yes?"

>"So, point to your favor I guess. I've known of fillies lying to say they're older, but who in their right mind would say they're younger? But your story still seems a little bit unbelievable, doesn't it?. If what you were saying is true, what could you show to prove you're from another world?"

Science, that would be the obvious answer. Human civilization knows leaps and bounds more than Equestria about how the universe works, and has used it to build some of the most impressive works of technology. But most of that technology has to be built with other technology that you have no experience with. You know a lot of theory, both from spending too much time on Wikipedia and from a little bit of college experience, but theory could just be interpreted as a filly rambling. You'd need to set up an experiment to prove anything – that you know something that Twilight doesn't.

What do?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Silently, you curse having spent more time watching cartoons in your life than actually studying science. No wonder you were stuck working at fucking Value Village. And now you're stuck living in cartoon. Talk about… irony… a light bulb turns on in your head.

"I know how you got your cutie Mark, Twilight."

>"Yeah? So does half of Canterlot. I turned Spike big enough to break a hole in the ceiling of Celestia's school. It was a bit of a spectacle really. There was an article in the paper about it, that I bet you read."

"Did it mention that 5 other ponies got their cutie marks at the exact same time, all caused by a sonic rainboom centered in Cloudsdale?"

>"So… what, you're an extremely good detective? Way to go Anon, you snoop around… a lot."

Twilight's sarcasm is starting to get pretty annoying. You're half tempted to give her a good hoof to the face, but that wouldn't exactly help you convince her that you're NOT crazy.

"Well what the hell do you want me to do, make a gun from scratch? I wasn't exactly a pinnacle of my species' higher intellect."

A smile cracks across Twilight's face.

>"Say the pledge of allegiance."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The pledge of allegiance? Oh now that's easy… wait, how does she know?

"Twilight, how do you…"

>"Irrelevant, I need to know where your allegiances lie."

You place your hoof over your heart, about to say your pledge that you had repeated every day through grade school, only to find yourself blanking. Evil thoughts once again plague the forefront of your mind.

"Twi, do you remember what I said about those voices in my head? Well one of them is a Communist, and another is a German National Socialist."

>"One step ahead of you."

Twilight shoves a hoof into your face as hard as her filly body will allow.

>"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"

This shocks the evil out of your system long enough for you to re-assume your patriotic stance. Twilight joins you by your side as you salute a flag that is tragically not there, though it is in your hearts.

"I pledge allegiance"
>"To the flag"
"Of the United States of America"
>"And to the Republic, for which it stands"
"One nation"
>"Under God"
"Indivisible"
>"With liberty"
"And justice"
>"For all"

Twilight wraps you in a warm hug.

>"Welcome to Equestria, no commies allowed."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You never really answered my question, Twi."

She meanders her way over the the couch and takes a seat, this time adopting a more human-like posture, slouched with her back across the cushions and her hind legs crossed and perched upon the table.

>"Oh come on, isn't it obvious? You're not exactly alone here. Honestly, you'd be the fourth human to show up in a pony body that I've seen, including myself. Well, fifth, but I had to drop old Fizzlepop out of a weather balloon after I caught her singing the Soviet national anthem. If you want to stay here, I only expect you to follow two rules: keep a low profile and don't be a red. Any questions?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"So…"

You try to think up a few questions that might be pertinent to ask your newfound comrade, for better or worse. Not too much comes to mind.

"I know you hate communism, but are you strictly against national socialism?"

Twilight raises an eyebrow.

>"Not the most valuable of questions to ask, but to be honest, I don't really care too much about what you believe, as long as you don't try and implement it here. I love my country very much, but there's no way in hell I'm going to replace this functioning monarchy with a proper republic. If it's not broken, don't fix it. Try telling that to a communist though…"

You make a mental note not to try to overthrow Celestia.

"Any chance you could get me out of therapy tomorrow?"

This earns you a laugh.

>"Should've thought about that before you decided to try and fuck Shiny!"

She's… kind of right. But you are still a bit horny.

"Well it's not like I could've known you might be DTF…"

>"I'm still not. I was married back on Earth and I'm not going to break that vow. Incidentally, if you decide to shove your face in my snatch again, I will shit in your goddamn mouth. Do I make myself clear?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Shit in my mouth, huh? I might actually be into that."

Twilight rolls her eyes.

>"You know, I think therapy just might be good for you. I hear that the kind of ponies that specialize in family counseling ALSO specialize in treating corpophagia."

Damn that bitch and her sass. You could hardly tell that she has no friends.

"Yeah, well, I've got plans. LOTS of plans for how to deal with this therapist."

Your conversation is cut short by the sound of the door opening. Night Light comes into the room, excited to see you, followed shortly by Twilight Velvet, carrying an umbrella.

>"So, you must be the new filly Celestia told us about. It'll be a pleasure to have you over for the next couple of days. How you been holding out? Have Twilight and Shining been nice to you?"
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Time to bring your plan into action.

"Twi's been fine. She's a real sweetie once you get to know here. Shining though… I mean I guess he's cool, but we kinda walked in on him doing naughty things with Cadence in his bedroom. She overreacted, called me crazy, and said I needed to see a counselor."

Night Light seems unsure as to how to react.

>"Twilight, sweetie, is all of this true?"

She shrugs.

>"Well, she's technically not wrong. I don't think Cadence was trying to upset Anon though."

Night Light sighs.

>"Well I'm going to go upstairs and have a word with her. Hopefully this is all a misunderstanding."

He heads upstairs as mama Velvet trots off into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Sparkle gives you the stink eye.

>"So… you're going to burn your bridges with an alicorn princess to avoid an awkward conversation with a therapist. Way to go Anon, you really know how to manage those assets. And they say I'm bad with making friends."
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You decide not to push things too much further with the Cadence situation, since the situation will likely resolve itself with Night Light talking to her. Unfortunately, this may nonetheless mean a talk with a therapist, but you'll live with that for now. In the mean time, more time alone with Twilight means more time to pester her with questions.

"So… what happened to all of the human-turned ponies you haven't murdered?"

Whatever bite you tried to put into the phrasing of that question doesn't seem to have phased Twilight.

>"Murder, dear Anon, is the unlawful slaughter of another person. Are communists people?"

A chill runs down your spine. Is she really so heartless?

>"As for the rest of our friends, one of them is in my class, and is an excellent musician for her age. I might introduce you to her tomorrow if you can manage not to screw anything else up. She actually shares a few things in common with you. You're both green, and you both used to be a man. Well… I'm at least pretty sure you used to be a man, right?"

Your conversation is interrupted by Cadence bolting down the stairs and Night Light screaming at her.

>"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU BUCKING HARLOT!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You ignore the pink ball of chaos that just blitzed down the stairs and focus on your conversation. In the background, Night Light is reading Shining the riot act about having sex so early in his life, and outside of marriage.

"So Twilight, what about the others?"

She pauses to think for a moment.

>"Well, aside from you, there was one other pony – a white pegasus that looked kind of like me. Or at least she had my haircut. She was running away from Cloudsdale orphanage. I ran into her about 2 months ago. I think she said she was headed for Ponyville next. Flew here first because 'Oh, I'm in Equestria, I should meet Twilight Sparkle!' I think she might have been a child before she became a pony. Go figure!"
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You take some time to reflect upon the events of your relatively hectic day, and your conversations with Twilight. You are one of four ponies in Equestria, the others being Twilight, a green filly in her class at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, and a white pegasus with the same haircut as her, who is most likely in Ponyville. Evaluating this information, you come to two conclusions.

The first is that you are likely going to need all of these ponies together if you want to figure out what has happened to all of you and how to get back to Earth. Since two of these ponies are in Canterlot already, and not likely to leave any time soon, this leaves only the task of locating the stray.

The second conclusion, however, is that you might not be able to trust Twilight. She murdered another pony in cold blood for having the wrong ideology. It begs the question as to why, but you're not in the mood for finding that out. A pony like her could be dangerous, doubly so when you consider both her magical potential, and the fact that she has the ear of Princess Celestia on a regular basis.

The rest of the day seems to go by without a great deal of fanfare. As it turns out, Shining had been caught in the act for a second time today, and so now he is grounded, and Cadence has been fired as a foalsitter. This was probably bound to happen with or without your intervention. On the upside, this meant you wouldn't have to go to a therapist tomorrow. But you were planning on skipping town anyways, so that ends up being pretty irrelevant.

Dinner ends up being spaghetti and wheatballs. Despite your initial objections, it ends up being pretty good, even if you do end up eating a lot of carbs. Twilight Velvet must be a pretty good cook. While you contemplate what it might be like to fool around with her for a bit, seeing the way she nuzzles against Night Light after a hard day's work gives you a bit of a realization that those two are pretty inseparable.

Night comes soon enough, and you find yourself laying in a sleeping bag on Twilight's floor. You fake being asleep for a few hours until you are confident no one else in the house is awake. Silently, you creep out of your sleeping bag. It is time to head to Ponyville.

How will you proceed?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It takes you venturing just to the front door to realize that this is not entirely a good idea. It is still raining, albeit not as heavily as earlier, and you're pretty sure the Friendship Express doesn't run this late at night. Moreover, you don't want to start a manhunt while you are waiting for a train. You head back inside, and fall asleep…

Only to be woken up by Twilight, looking down on you with the biggest filly smile you've ever seen. You almost can't tell that there's a potentially sociopathic adult human hiding behind her facade.

>"I've got good news and bad news, Anon. The good news is you don't have to go to therapy. Dad never found out about the rest of what you did yesterday, so you get out scott free. The bad news is you have to go to school. And no it's not my school, so you get to hang out with all of the non-gifted jackass unicorns, some army brat pegasi, and a scant few underclass Earth ponies who get bullied all the time, because this is Canterlot, baby!"
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School? School was a possible game changer. You could finally get to be a filly again! Bullies were not a problem, you could always befriend them, and maybe do their math homework in exchange for dealing with ponies you didn't like. This was going to be awesome! Part of you wondered how they managed to enroll you in only a day, but that doesn't really matter too much because SCHOOOOOL! You get to be a kid again!

Quickly you look around for what you want to wear… only to realize that most ponies don't wear clothes, and Twilight doesn't have a cute little red scarf for you to wear. You will have to remember to buy one when you have bits. Maybe you'll meet a Rarity-type who will do it for cheap or even free?

You race down the stairs to get breakfast, which you devour up as quickly as possible so as not to be late. Velvet makes a remark about how you have quite an appetite. You think up a retort about how much you'd like to eat her out, but it doesn't end up coming out. Must avoid being sent to a therapist.

After breakfast, you are finally taken to school. It's only slightly larger than what you can remember of Ms. Cheerilee's schoolhouse from the show, leading you to the realization that ponies don't like particularly large institutions. No wonder you got in so quickly. There's like… 3 teachers.

First class is math. What do?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You quickly look around for a seat in the classroom. A desk second from the front, and not next to the Window catches your eye. This lets you seem neither like a slacker, nor like a teacher's pet, while still being close enough to the front to seem like a smart student. Perfect.

The class goes by a bit slowly, mostly covering fractions. After a while, the teacher ends up dividing the class into groups, and you find yourself befriending a young unicorn by the name of Amethyst Star as you help her through the problems. She's fairly nice. Loves animals and has a talent for making jewelry. You're not quite sure what Twilight was talking about with the so called "bullies" at this school. So far, everypony has been very nice to you.

After class ends, a short 20 minute recess follows. What do?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You spend the break chilling with Amethyst, who introduces you to a couple of her unicorn friends, Ember and Aurora, both of whom are blank flanks. You gather a little bit more information about the ponies on the playground and find out that yes, there are a couple of mean ones, but they're mean to everyone, so you shouldn't be facing any bad apples alone, even as an Earth pony.

Recess ends sooner than you'd expect, and you find yourself in your next class, with a different teacher and a different subject: history. To your good fortune, most of this is lecture, and the teacher approaches the subject of the Equestrian civil war like a brilliant storyteller. With friends by your side to enjoy it, the class goes by fairly quickly, bringing you to another break, this time for lunch.

Twilight Velvet had packed you some traditional pony fare, which you weren't entirely sure you wanted – a dandelion and honey sandwich and some hayfries. Before you can dig in, however, you find yourself face to face with two of the schoolyard bullies – a rather muscular pegasus colt named Monsoon Comet, and a dark and slender unicorn filly named Moonlight Eclipse.

>"Hey new kid, give us your lunch!"
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You look to your friends. They are shaking in fear, but among your group, there are four, whereas there are only two bullies. Thus, you feel content to ignore them entirely.

You reach into your bag to grab a few hay fries, and eat them. They remind you of leftover Arby's curly fries, but in a strangely good way, so you keep reaching for more and more.

>"Hey, I don't think you heard me, I said give me your lunch!"

Instead of complying, you reach a hoof forward and boop each of the aggressors on the nose.

>"I don't think she understands what she's dealing with."

In the corner of your eye, you see Moonlight reach into her saddlebag with her telekinesis and pull out a knife.

What do?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moonlight's knife, while certainly sharper than a butter knife, is nonetheless fairly small. If well placed, it might be able to kill, but you're pretty sure she doesn't have it in her. At worst, you'd get a few cuts that would certainly hurt, but you'll live. You call her bluff.

"You're retarded, aren't you?"

Your boldness catches her off guard.

>"Says the pony who doesn't seem to know what a knife is. Do you realize I could kill you right now?"

"Do you realize I'm currently staying with the princess' protege, and that if she finds my bloodied corpse, they're going to do a lot worse to you than you did to me? But I don't think it'll even get to that. Do you know what I am? I'm a Navy fucking Seal. Do you want to see what gorilla warfare looks like? Because I'm going to fuck you up if you continue with that shit."

Moonlight blinks and puts her knife away.

>"Damn bitch, you crazy."

She walks away with Monsoon. You've won this round, and have apparently caught the attention of a few other ponies, who are now cheering your name.

What will you do now?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You take a moment to calm yourself. Adrenaline is coursing through your veins, and for a while, you still feel like you can sense every action happening around you at all times. Reaching into your bag once more, you pull out the sandwich. You take an adventure bite, and it is incredibly sweet. Not just the honey, but the dandelion petals too. In a way, you can somewhat understand why people back on Earth made wine out of this stuff… although it could just be that your new pony taste buds are allowing you to enjoy certain foods that would otherwise have been more bitter as a human. You briefly contemplate whether this will mean that foods you used to enjoy as a human, like steak, will taste gross as a pony… as if you'd ever get the chance to enjoy steak again.

Your newfound friends pester you about how amazing you are for standing up to the bullies. To the best of your ability, you try to entertain them with simple platitudes about how important it is to stand up for yourself. All the while, you slowly enjoy the sandwich. In a way, it feels a bit more important than the ponies you've been keeping the company of all of your lunch break, because this sandwich was not simply one that was given to you. This was a sandwich that you had to earn, risking life and limb to keep for yourself. Knowing that you had this victory made it taste better than anything you had ever eaten before in your life.

Lunch ends soon enough, and you are brought in to your final class of the day: writing. The assignment of the day is to compose a poem. It can be about anything, but it must be from the heart.

What will you write about?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Visions of your home back on Earth dance in your head as you try your hardest to compose a poem. You try to focus your inspirations to come from your recent victory, but your creativity leaves off on a tangent of its own. In the end, you find yourself blending the two thoughts together. You stand before the class, and read…

"Why do I fight?

I have seen cities turned to soot and ash
Thousands killed by a blinding flash
War does nothing but ruin our lives
Leaving dead husbands, and tearful wives

Those who survive are plagued by guilt
Over the many homes that must be rebuilt
It's a pain that seeps deep like an adder's bite
Why then, do I fight?

I fight to protect my many friends
They alone, make it worth it in the end
Though family too makes life worth living
Their love, a gift that just keeps giving

I fight so I'll never have to be alone
I'll fight for the simple pleasures at home
To this I'll fight just one more day
For sandwiches made of honey and fries of hay

I hope I never have to fight again
But if I must, it won't be in vain
It will be for love, and friends, and laughter
And a sweet, delicious, happy ever after

That is why I fight."

You take a bow to the sound of a hoof-stomping applause.

Class ends soon after, and when school is over, you are met by Twilight and the rest of the family, minus Shining Armor who is still in class at Canterlot High.

>"So how was your first day at school?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You flash Twilight a warm filly smile.

"Honestly, it went pretty great. I even learned a new friendship lesson – always stand up to bullies, because it will make you popular with the whole school."

Twilight gives you a playful noogie.

>"Glad to hear you're doing well. I always remember that school as being a little bit brutal. I take it you're making friends alright?"

"Well yeah. It helps to be nice to ponies and help them out with their work and such."

Mama Velvet finally chimes into your conversation.

>"It's probably for the best that you're making friends. Celestia's been pouring through birth records of Canterlot and the surrounding cities, and she can't find any pony that matches your name and description anywhere. Just where do you come from, exactly?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Ummm…."

More questions you'd rather not answer. How lucky Twilight must be to have come to Equestria in the body of an existing pony.

"If I'm really honest, I can't remember that well. All I know is that it's pretty far from here."

Mama Velvet sighs.

>"Well, that'll make things difficult to find you a proper home. I hope you don't mind staying with us a little longer than expected. I mean, I don't mind taking care of you for an extended stay. Twilight sure seems to have taken a liking to you, but I'd just like to make sure it's what you want."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that you've got one less worry off your back.

"Ms. Velvet, I don't think there's anywhere else I'd rather be staying right now."

She pulls you up into a very warm embrace.

>"You know, you don't have to call me Ms. Velvet. You can call me mama if you really want."

Twilight Sparkle gives you a strange look in the eyes that says "I have no idea what the hell is going on here either."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You embrace your new "mom" into an even tighter hug.

"Thanks Mama Velvet. You're the best. I loved that sandwich you made earlier today, by the way."

She giggles just a bit.

>"Oh, you are too kind."

Twilight Sparkle is looking at you kind of funny. You decide you're going to refer to her mentally as Purple from now on, seeing as "Mama Velvet" is also named Twilight. You're not sure what to call this look. Concern? Intrigue? Confusion? She's certainly studying your behavior.

>"Hey mom, do you think I could take Anon with me to see Lyra today? I want to introduce them. You know, make my friends friends of each other and all that?"

Velvet shrugs.

>"Sure, just be home by 5."

Purple motions for you to follow.
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A conversation you had with Purple the other day comes to mind. The other human in Canterlot was green, and in her class at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Was Lyra this filly? You aren't sure, but you don't have much better to do, so you follow.

The walk to Lyra's house is relatively quiet, but you try to keep it from becoming too awkward with a little conversation about your day. Purple seems rather glad that you're getting along well at school, and tells you a little bit about her own day… of attempting to walk on clouds and falling through half the time. Mimicking the functionality of other pony races is apparently rather difficult to learn. It might be a while before she could confidently take other ponies on random trips to Cloudsdale.

When you finally arrive at Lyra's place, you are met by her mom, who tells you she's practicing her Lyre, though you can feel free to bug her. A familiar tune greets you as you walk up the stairs…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2U7TDOtfxts
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You rush into the room.

"Ooh, ooh, do Free Bird!"

Lyra gives you her best poker face possible.

>"I was a busker back on Earth. Do you have any idea how many times I got asked to play that?"

Fuck, did you just offend her on your first impression?

>"About as many times as I got asked to play Stairway… until the meme died off and I ended up practicing on a song for months that I wouldn't end up playing that often. So you know what? If you want Free Bird… you better be ready to hear some fucking Free Bird!"

She gets up on two hooves. You can tell she's had practice at this, because holy hell is that awkward in a pony body. What you hear is perhaps the best damn rendition of Free Bird you could get out of a harp and a filly voice. Really, she even managed to get some of the electric guitar distortion effect out of it, which you were not expecting at all in this world.

In the end, she takes a bow.

>"So… you're the filly Twi's been telling me about. Where you from? Back on Earth, that is."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"'Murica"

Lyra laughs a little to herself.

>"No shit. But like, where from? At least say what state you're from. Like… I'm a Seattlite born and raised, Twi's from somewhere in Virginia, though she won't say where, and Blossomforth… Twi, did you figure out where she's from?"

Purple puts a hoof to her chin for a moment to think.

>"Well, based on her accent, I'd say probably Minnesota or Wisconsin. Hard to say. I didn't have much a chance to talk with her before she went bolting off to Ponyville. I hope she's not expecting to meet with too many of the other Mane Six. Pinkie should still be living on her rock farm for a few more years, and Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy should still be in Cloudsdale living with their parents. So she's going to have run away from an orphanage in a reasonably bustling city to what is basically a dump with just Applejack and Rarity."

Lyra rolls her eyes.

>"Twi, you're rambling again."

>"Oh… right. So where are you from, Anon?"

"If you must know… Texas."

Both ponies nod.

>"Best state by far."

Lyra reaches an arm around you.

>"Okay, you're alright. We should chill some more. What kinda music you like? I can do most classic rock, plus everything by Nirvana."
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"Know any Alice in Chains?"

This earns you a smile, and your private Lyra concert continues. As it turns out, she knows a lot more songs than you had imagined, though still not perfect enough to play any old song you can request at her. She plays for about an hour, interrupted only slightly by her mother coming into the room, asking her to keep it down a bit.

>"You know, a year and a half ago, you were such a sweet little filly with your lyre, and nowadays you only seem to play a racket."

>"It's called rock, mom, and I'm going to revolutionize the Equestrian music scene, just you wait!"

Of course a Canterlot mother won't understand. Lyra's a proper musician at heart. After a little while more, she finally stops to take a break.

>"You know… back at home, this was my life. All day, every day. Even when it rained. Especially when it rained. I learned somewhere to the tune of a couple hundred songs, sometimes by ear, just to see a smiling face and a fresh 5 or 20 in my guitar case whenever I caught someone by surprise. 'Holy crap, he really knows that song!' I kept tabs on whatever people would request the most. Wasn't that good at making too many of my own songs, but I'd say I was probably the best cover artist in the whole Emerald city. And now… what am I, man?"

She drags you into an even tighter hug.

>"Thanks for being a good audience. I kinda needed that."
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You return the hug and pat Lyra on the back as you do so.

"Fuckin' faggot."

Lyra just laughs.

>"Nah. I may have been a member of the 'left coast', but I was never into other guys. Give me pussy any day… fuck I miss pussy."

She lays back on her bed and plucks a few random, somber chords.

>"It's nice to have friends, really. Ponies have a lot of human-like qualities, but it's just… not the same. I kinda wish I could get a girlfriend though. None of the other humans would mesh well with me though. Twi was married, and still is in her heart. I think she misses her kids every day."

Purple nods.

>"I do. Although you two remind me a little of my sons in a way. I hope they're doing alright. I can only imagine what kind of chaos has been going on at home since I've left. Although I'm not entirely sure if time has passed on Earth at all or if, should we ever return, we'll end up right where we left off."

>"You know Twi, if that actually happens, Blossom's gonna have the same problem as us in reverse. Mentally ages from 12 to who knows how old, drops right back into a 12 year old body and has to live with her mom again."

The two share a collective laugh.

>"So Anon, what are you hoping happens out of all of this?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Honestly… I was hoping we could work on this together. Three brains is better than one, right?"

Purple seems to nod in agreement.

>"So I take it you're on team 'let's get the hell out of Equestria'? Kinda glad to hear. That said, you should probably know we're just as clueless as you are. I've been here for a little more than 2 years. In that time, I've earned a cutie mark for magic and I still have no idea what the hell is going on. I've read through every book I can find on magic, physics, history, you name it… still nothing that explains a phenomenon even close to this."

Lyra breathes a deep, heavy sigh.

>"It also begs a question as to why, doesn't it? I mean, I don't know about you two, but I wasn't THAT important back on Earth. I mean, sure I was good at what I did, but musicians in Seattle are kind of a dime a dozen. Would anyone have a cause to take a couple of nobodies and drop them into magic horse land, not even telling them what they're there for? Rap with me Anon, can you think of any reason this shit might be happening?"
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"Rap? If you say so, Lyra…"

You jump onto the bed and proceed to rap:

"Now, this story might sound absurdly silly
But it's about how I got turned into a little filly
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there, don't move or chuckle
I'll tell you how I became the sister of a foal called Twilight Sparkle
In Texas born and raised
In front of the screen was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out is how I roll
And all shitposting on a little board called /pol/
When I went to sleep as life behooves
And I woke up with weird green hooves
I flirted with the princess but she took no heed
She said 'You're movin' with Twilight's mom and her steed'"

Your two pony audience bursts into laughter and applause immediately afterwards. Lyra immediately grabs you into another hug.

>"Bro, you and me, we should do a thing. You bring rap to Equestria and I'll provide you accompaniment. I just need to get a bass guitar. Maybe a few other instruments too, this place is looking pretty barren. Sure I can learn a lyre in a few days to make it not look suspicious that I'm not as good at it as whoever this pony was before me, but fuck, I can do better."

She finally lets go and collapses onto her bed.

>"Seriously though, let's jam sometime, man."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You know what? We should jam. We can busk outside the castle and make total bank. Tons of rich nobles passing by."

Lyra shakes her head.

>"I can get what you're saying, but it would be like playing in front of the House of Congress. All you'd get is a bunch of pissed off bureaucrats telling you to keep it down. The best place in Canterlot to do this…"

She opens up the curtains in front of her window to show a bustling city square down below

>"Is right before our eyes."

You gaze down upon the city streets and see it is covered in rich and middle class ponies going about their daily business. If Canterlot had any homeless, they certainly didn't show themselves. Ideas about how to profit off of this dance in your head.

"Hey, what if we could get Twilight to dress up like a gypsy and dance to our music?"

This causes Lyra to smile, and you both turn to see the now embarrassed Twilight.

>"I- I'd say I have two left feet, but that is literally true for all of us right now. The answer is no though. I can't dance."

So much for that idea.

Will you do anything more with Lyra while you're at her house?
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It's a little close to 4 o'clock. You don't have to be back home until 5, so you try to think of something to do until then. Lyra looks pretty exhausted, and you do recall her mentioning missing pussy…

You climb on top of the bed and lay next to her. Before she can react, you quickly set to work dividing her legs and eyeing your prize - a beautiful, mint-colored clit. You quickly reach out to attack it with your tongue.

>"Uh Anon? What are you dooooooooooooiiing?"

You don't stop. Instead, you straddle her in hopes she'll catch on and join in. Fuck her snatch tastes good. It… your tongue is frozen in place. Lyra crawls out from under you, and you see a very displeased Twilight in front of you.

>"I forgot to mention one thing about Anon… she's a bit of a pervert."

Lyra laughs and gives you a playful noogie.

>"The filly who loved too much, eh? Don't worry mate, I won't hold it against you. We're all a bit tense. That said, like I said before, I'm not gay. I don't care if you are, but I don't swing that way."

Now what?
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"Alright Lyra, I'll try not to do that again. Although you know, it's not THAT gay if you think about it. You see, since we're both male minded but with a female body, it's sort of a Schrödinger's…"

Purple gives you a light hoof to the head.

>"You know, maybe you should try asking people whether they'd like to fool around with you BEFORE you decide to go around shoving your face in their snatch. Were you like this back at home? Or are you just doing this because you know you couldn't get away with it as a man?"
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You don't need to listen to this shit.

"Alright Twilight, give me a fucking break. I've never been a hormonal pre-teen filly before."

Purple seems to just roll her eyes, but to your surprise, Lyra comes to your support.

>"She's got a point. Neither of us know what it's like to be female. You got messed with in one less way than us in this. I might have a little more self control, but even I can understand the sexual tension to a point. Fuck, does this world even have dildos? Because I think we could all use some fucking dildos."

Purple stares at her blankly.

>"Dildos. Really? Even if there are stores that sell them here, do you really think ponies would just hand away dildos to a bunch of fillies?"

>"Then we'll have to MAKE a dildo. Cut up a broom handle, polish it, maybe carve it into the right shape… Anon, what do you think of this? Think it'll solve your rampant sex drive? Because if so, I will DESTROY the next broom I see, so help me."
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"A dildo? I can't have a dildo! I don't want to pop my hymen and lose my virginity."

Purple stares at you for all of about 5 seconds, waiting for a punchline.

>"So, let me get this straight. Trying to put my brother's dick in you, and shoving your face up mine and Lyra's snatch, does not count as losing your virginity, but masturbating with a dildo made out of a modified broom handle does?"

Lyra can't contain her laughter.

>"Holy shit… you tried to fuck her brother? I'm pretty sure that dick would break you. Should I make your dildo extra large?"

"Alright, fine. Make me a big, black, dragon dildo. It needs to make all of the white stallions jealous."

More laughter, this time from both Lyra and Twilight.

>"Okay, okay. See me after classes tomorrow. I'm going to have to practice my whittling skills. At least you can't get shot in Equestria for whittling."

Soon enough, you find yourself having to leave. Twilight's house isn't too far, but it's still a bit of a walk, and you don't want to be home later than 5, lest you upset your new mother. The walk there is a bit more silent and awkward than before, likely due to your weird antics just a few moments prior. At least Lyra seems to think you're alright, albeit a bit eclectic. Twilight though… she may have to get used to you being just a little on the weird side.

After about 10 minutes or so, you arrive home. You are welcomed by Mama Velvet and Night Light, as well as by Cadence, who is for some reason having tea with the family as if nothing happened last night. Purple has the same face of confusion that she had earlier in the day.

What do?
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While Purple may seem weirded out, you aren't one to look a gift pony in the mouth. You approach your new family and give out hugs to both Velvet and Cadence, like a good filly should. As you give Cadence her hug, you quietly whisper into her ear, "sorry about yesterday."

Cadence seems a little confused.

>"Yesterday? I don't really remember much from yesterday. I made you pizza, and then… well Celestia, it's all fuzzy after that."

She puts a hoof to her chin for a few seconds.

>"Anon, have you been a bad filly?"
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Out of the corner of your eyes, you see a bright flash of green light emanate from Velvet's horn for a split second. Or at least you think you did, you're not quite sure. It could have been a trick of your eyes.

"Me? Oh no, I don't misbehave any more than any other filly. I think Shiny might have done something."

>"Hey, don't go about pointing hooves at me!"

Everyone shares a collective laugh at Shining's expense.

"At least that's what I think happened."

You no longer remember any of the events from yesterday from the point after when you finished your pizza up until the point when dinner was finished.
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You look around for Purple. She appears to have left the room. Strange. You look back to Mama Velvet.

"Did you… cast any spells just a few seconds ago? Because I could have sworn I saw your horn flash a little."

She nods.

>"Yep. Had to reheat my tea since it was getting cold. Would you like some, dear?"
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Not wanting to be impolite, you accept some tea from Velvet. You try to reflect on what you can of the events of the day, but you can't help but feel as though some of your knowledge may be fake. Just what happened yesterday? Did you even finish your hide and seek game? You very much consider finishing your hide and seek game with Twilight. Before you can get up to go look for her, however, you notice some strange writing on the wall opposite you:

>"DO NOT REACT TO THIS MESSAGE"
>"Meet me in my room in 5 minutes. As you enter, say the name of the first US president."
>"-Sparkle"

What do?
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The text on the wall disappears as soon as you finish reading it. You have to admit, it's a little bit creepy, but you nonetheless decide to comply with it. For a little under 5 minutes, you keep up conversation with the family, and finish your tea. Then you excuse yourself from the table and head upstairs.

As soon as you enter Twilight's room, you provide the answer she is looking for.

"George Washington"

>"Good answer."

Twilight closes the door behind you and casts some sort of a spell that causes the walls to glow temporarily with the same fuchsia color as her horn's magic aura.

>"This room is now sound proofed. Nothing that is said inside here can be heard outside. The reverse is not true in case we have any eavesdroppers. Tell me, have you noticed anything strange going on today?"
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"Well…"

For a brief moment, you think about the events of the day.

"Both Cadence and I have very hazy recollections of everything that happened yesterday. I saw a green flash of magic coming from your mom's horn earlier today, but when I asked her, she said it was from re-heating her tea. I thought that tea was pretty hot though, not sure why she needed to re-heat it."

Twilight walks up to you slowly and places her hooves on your shoulders.

>"Anon, this is going to hurt for just a second."

She slams her forehead into yours extraordinarily hard. A flash of fuchsia light envelops the room for only a split second, and the both of you collapse to the ground, writhing in agony from a splitting headache that seems to last for a very slow minute. A vision flashes before your eyes – Twilight's recollection of yesterday's events.
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You see a few things you didn't particularly want to see. Bolting out the door of Shining's room while he fucks Cadence. Trying to ride Shining's cock. Shoving your face into Twilight's cooter… okay, you remember that one, but you didn't remember it from her point of view. You're kind of a pervert. Maybe you do need therapy after all.

"Twi, what the hell is all of this?"

She struggles to get onto her hooves again, only to collapse as soon as it looks like she has some balance in her.

>"Something that I am now almost instantly regretting. Are you holding up okay? Because my head hurts like a son of a bitch."

"I feel like I got kicked in the head by a Kangaroo. Can we nuke Australia please?"

>"Sure, just as soon as we figure out what the hell is wrong with mom. She's been acting a little weird for the past few days to be honest, not just today. She isn't normally as lovey dovey with dad, nor is she the type to just want to keep a filly she just met a day ago. Now she's casting spells that wiped yours' and Cadence's memory, possibly the rest of the family too. Any thoughts on what's going on here?"
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You try to think. Thinking, as it turns out, is very hard when your head feels like it's going to explode. Did you get a concussion out of this? SHOULD you be thinking this hard?

"Uh… I don't know, maybe some kind of interdimensional dream demon or something? Nightmare Moon is still a thing at this point in time, right? Maybe she can possess ponies from the moon?"

Twilight shrugs.

>"I guess? I was thinking something more like a changeling sleeper agent, but I suppose that's possible too. But whatever that is, it's not mom. What do we do about her?"
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Your blood is practically boiling. Who the fuck does this cunt think she is, wiping out your memories and making you have to go through this painful process of getting them back only somewhat.

"I say we rip and tear her a new asshole. Get me a knife. I'll fuck her shit up!"

Twilight gives you a simple half smile.

>"I'd like that… but more importantly, when and where? If we try and attack her now, Cadence and Shiny will obviously stop us. If we try to take her alone, there's still a chance that she's physically stronger than us. I used up a hell of a lot of magic just sound proofing this room and on that memory transfer spell. How well can you hold a knife in those hooves?"
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"Well… if she's a changeling like you think, she's obviously going to be feeding off love. Maybe I can lull her into a false sense of security by cuddling up to her? You could then maybe tell the rest of the family what's going on, or stab her in the back or something."

>"I… maybe?"

Twilight paces back and forth across the room, deep in thought.

>"We'd need to get her alone. I don't know about convincing the others, but if you could sufficiently distract her, I could probably get a knife in her back. What time though, tonight? Tomorrow morning after dad's gone to work?"
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"Night time seems most reasonable. Only time of day she'd be easiest to distract."

>"Fair, but this means we have another problem. How do we distract dad?"

"Well, I was hoping we could first make sure Velvet's actually a changeling or whatever before we actually go and do this. Maybe wait a few days?"

>"Obviously, but we don't want to wait until the day we actually go through with this to make any plans. I'd like to have at least a rough idea of how we're going to do any of this before we take any actions, and then we can adjust our plans if need be. So that leaves us with two problems to solve before we can proceed…"

"How to prove Velvet's not Velvet, and how to isolate her if this turns out to be the case?"

>"Precisely."
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"Test her memory and knowledge of pony customs, maybe?"

Twilight takes a brief pause before she retorts.

>"Only problem is we don't know how long she's been replacing Velvet. It's worth a shot, since a failure is an almost guarantee of an impostor, but it may still be possible for a changeling to provide the answers. Also, we want to make sure she doesn't suspect anything. If I provide you some questions, do you think you could ask them for me? You may end up risking a memory wipe, but I think with the right questions and the right phrasing, it'll seem perfectly innocent."
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"Well, I mean… if all of this `is too hard to tackle on our own, there's always the Celestia option."

Twilight puts a hoof to her head and slowly drags it along

>"I mean yes, buuuuuuuuttt… it's not that good of an option."

"Oh?"

>"Celestia's not as competent as we give her credit for. Though it would be prudent that I tell her tomorrow about today's events, I'd give about a 50/50 chance that she tries to find some way to pin it back on me to handle it."

"But you're like… 10. Shouldn't she wait a bit before she throws that crap at you?"

>"Yes, I am 10 – at least in this body. But this is a cartoon world. What do cartoon rules state about 10 year olds and saving the world?"

"…fuck."

>"Best case scenario, she gives me a spell to expose changelings or expel demons, and we can gut her after we get full proof of everything. But I like to have backup plans. And backup plans for said backup plans. I might not be THE Twilight Sparkle, but I can get her level of super organization, you know? Now, what the hell do we do now? We need to not seem suspicious when we eventually go downstairs."
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Something to do, something to do… you open up the blinds and look out Twilight's window. Outside, you see the sun, clouds, and the peculiar architecture of many Canterlot buildings outside. It really is rather nice that the city is nestled into a mountain.

"You know Twilight, you've got a nice view of the moon and stars outside."

She giggles a little.

>"Yep, plenty of stars. All one of them… but yeah, it's pretty good for stargazing. Do you want to go see them tonight? I've actually got a nice telescope that my mom got me for my birthday last year. And yes, that is going to be one of the questions I'd like to ask her should we need to use that strategy."
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"You know what? Stargazing would be pretty nice. We should do it outside though. Keeps me away from the monster inside, and makes me feel like some sort of NEET who's allergic to fresh air."

Twilight walks up to you and gently wraps a hoof around you.

>"Tell me something… in this short time you've come to this world, how do you feel? Are you scared?"
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You feel the weight of the past day and a half sink deep into you. It hasn't even been two days since you've arrived on this world, and you've already had a pony threaten you with a knife, and another actually take away some of the few precious memories you've earned here.

"Twi, I'm… VERY scared. This whole world is dangerous, and I don't know how to interact with it or anyone here. The pony who is supposed to be in charge is useless, and I am perhaps only a few yards away from a literal monster who can violate my mind any time she wants to. I almost got stabbed a few hours ago. And the cherry on top of all of this? I keep hearing voices in my head, and somehow they make me feel so, so alone. Is there something wrong with me?"

Twilight slowly meanders onto her bed and taps it with her hoof.

>"Alright, come here, you. This is purely platonic, so no funny business."

Not sure where this is going, you join her on the bed. She warps her forelegs around you like a vice upon your chest, and pulls you into her.

>"When I first came here, I was… very panicked. It was Christmas back at home, and I was not going to be there for my family. Instead I was here, waking up to a family of complete strangers. I hardly even recognized myself when I looked in the mirror. I was apparently supposed to be Ms. 'Twilight Sparkle', but I couldn't cast magic, had no butt mark, didn't have the wings like on that toy I got for my daughter… I go to school and don't recognize anyone. I felt like I had to retrace all of the steps of whomever this Twilight was, so I did the best I could remember from the few episodes I had watched. I became a student for Celestia, who turned out to be grossly incompetent or the world's biggest troll; I got my brother together with Cadence, who as it turns out really only puts up with his general geekiness because of how well-endowed he is…"

She rests her forehead on your head and you can feel warm, wet tears slowly start to fall on you.

>"…and yet none of it brought me closer to getting home. I read every book I could find in the Canterlot library for magical artifacts, magical spells, anything that could bring me back. One of them mentioned a mirror, but the world it leads into is a crude facsimile of our own. Anything else close to being able to travel between worlds is so far beyond my physical and mental capabilities, and I don't even know if they'll bring me back to my Earth, or a completely different one, or if it'll just be some other pony world."

She holds you even tighter and starts to tremble. Her voice becomes heavier, as if it were becoming more difficult for her to breathe.

>"I don't even know if I'll ever see them again. I don't even know if they've… moved on without me. Has my husband remarried? Do my children still miss me? Why did I have to leave them, Anon? Tell me this much. Does God want to test us? Is this really His work at all? Does He even exist in this world? Are we all just dead?"
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You turn around to hug Twilight back. Though you can't give a bear hug quite like the middle aged mother trapped in the body of a filly, you can damn well try. For several minutes, the only sound that can be heard in the room is that of two fillies weeping. You weep for lost loved ones, for a return to safety and sanity, and most importantly, because life in Equestria is too hard not to weep from time to time. At least no one outside the room can hear you.

Twilight is the first to stop crying.

>"Thanks… for that. I kind of needed that."

You dry your eyes and nuzzle her.

"No, I needed that. It's nice to know that… that I'm not alone here in this hell hole."

She cracks a slight smile and holds you closer to her chest. You can hear her heart beating. It isn't particularly fast, but it is loud.

>"You're not really alone here. You've got me and Lyra, and I'll bet someday you'll venture out and find the others. I don't think I've met all of the human-turned ponies in this world, and I know it's entirely possible that there will still be new arrivals to come. I'm not sure how I feel about that though. On one hand, it means new friends. On the other, it means more will end up suffering until we fix this. What's a pony to do?"
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"Look, Twi…"

You look into her eyes, which are still wet from the tears and growing heavier. She isn't too happy about her predicament even with her forced smile.

"We're gonna do the best we can. Sometimes life likes to throw us into bizarre predicaments, and the best we can do is keep up the struggle. And if there are more ponies coming our way, so be it. That just means more minds to figure out what's going on and hopefully get us all out of this mess."

This makes her smile look a little more real to you, and she hugs you once more.

>"Thank you for that. I guess… I kind of get burned out every so often from all of this. I've been trying to bear the brunt of all of the work trying to get us home since, well… I'm the only one who can really understand any of the things I'm dealing with, and only just barely. But I think, if nothing else, you make for some really good moral support. You're almost like a proper big brother even though you're technically younger than me, and also no longer male."

She sighs and collapses back onto her bed.

>"So what do we do now?"
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You curl up next to your emotionally exhausted 'sister' and wrap your hooves around her once more. It was kind of odd that she thought of you like a brother, but in some way, it was rather comforting.

"Twi, do we have to head downstairs now? Can we just… stay like this for a while?"

She holds your hooves tight to her chest.

>"I suppose it wouldn't hurt."

The two of you stay there for almost an hour, sharing each other's warmth and comfort, completely silent save for your breaths and heartbeats, which you become acutely aware of. Throughout all of this, Twilight appears to be staring off into space. Something is clearly on her mind, though you cannot tell whether it's about her family back at home, her mother here, or something else entirely.

Your silence is broken soon enough by a knock on the door, followed by the voice of Night Light.

>"Twilight, Anon, dinner time."
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Shouting "coming" would be the thing most ponies would do in this situation. You almost do just that, until you remember that the room is still enchanted and no sound you make can be heard from the outside. Instead, you open the door and the room flashes fuchsia once again before dissipating its aura, presumably losing its magic as well. As you walk down the stairs and into the dining room with Twilight, you make a mental note to be prepared for anything.

Dinner, as it would seem, is a nice hearty potato-vegetable soup. It tastes surprisingly delicious despite the lack of meat, and you start to wonder whether or not Twilight's real mother, assuming this isn't her real mother, is as good a cook as whomever it is in the room with you right now.

Finding out who Velvet really is does seem to be of importance though, so you think up some low key questions to ask her…

Wait, what were you just doing? And why does Velvet look tired all of a sudden? There is a message written in magic on the wall behind her that disappears just as soon as you read it, like earlier.

>"I am missing 37 seconds of memory. What should we do? - Sparkle"
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If you were going to act, now would have be the time. Velvet's lethargy could likely mean she couldn't throw out another amnesia spell for a while, especially after having to use it on 5 ponies at once. But you don't. There are too many ponies around, and failure could be disastrous. Instead you elect to leave the problem off for another day. You place a hoof on Purple's back and spell out a few letters one by one: "CELESTIA". Her response is a single letter: "K"

The rest of the meal goes pretty uneventfully, with Velvet leaning against Night Light displaying an almost uncomfortable level of affection. It's enough that even Cadence decides to excuse herself from the table first, with Shining following soon after. You finish your meal soon enough, around the same time as Purple. She runs up to the window to take a look outside and returns back to you with a little smile beaming across her face.

>"Hey, it's getting dark soon. You were saying earlier you wanted to go stargazing?"
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"Stargazing, right. We should go get that telescope."

Twilight nods and runs up the stairs to get her equipment. You pass the time watching Spike. He really is a lot younger than you're used to seeing from the show, and from what you've seen thus far, he sleeps a lot. He is, admittedly, adorable when he sleeps however. You reach a hoof over to try to gently pet him, which he immediately grabs and nuzzles like a pillow. Silently, you pray that he remain unharmed by the whole "bug" situation.

Soon, Twilight returns with a pretty sizable telescope and a couple of coats to keep warm in the cold streets of Canterlot. The two of you walk outside to set up the telescope, and spend the next few hours taking turns exploring the night's sky. It really is rather pretty, getting more so as the sky turns darker throughout the night. You try to locate some recognizable stars and constellations, but find none.

"Hey Twi, do you think we might just be in the distant future, with the stars that we know having gone supernova?"

>"I have no clue where we are in time and space. All I know is…"

She turns the telescope towards the moon as you stare through it. It's almost blinding in its luminosity, but even more striking is the dark alicorn face staring back at you.

>"We are certainly not on any version of Earth."
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"I suppose you're right. Hell, the fact that we've got Celestia changing out the sun and moon every day should make it obvious that this world is a little… different."

>"Yeah, pretty much."

Your stargazing continues for a little while more, until eventually, Velvet comes outside and tells you that it's getting late and you should get to sleep soon. Not having much of a choice, and given that it was starting to get cold out, you head back inside.

As you enter the house, and Velvet is out of earshot, Twilight whispers a few words into your ears.

>"If you need to do anything outside of the room, like using the bathroom, do it now, because I'm going to be getting a protection spell cast on it."
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You follow Twiliht's advice, despite not needing to use the bathroom THAT much. At the very least, the experience hasn't changed much since being back on Earth. The toilets are very much like they were in America, and the toilet paper isn't leaves. In fact, when you think about it, there's a lot of areas in Equestria that you haven't had to experience culture shock in. Kind of weird if you think about it.

When you come back to the bedroom, you see that Twilight has laid out a sleeping bag for you. Her bed looks a lot nicer though.

"Hey Twi, do you think I could sleep with you tonight? I promise not to do anything lewd…"

She rolls her eyes playfully and gestures for you to come up.

>"Alright alright. It could be a scary night, so fine. Either way, I'm getting Shiny to put a shield spell on the room. I told him I was having nightmares and was afraid monsters would come for me in the night. He didn't believe me, but I said I'd do the dishes for him for a week, so he reluctantly agreed. Have you got everything you need?"

You nod and crawl into bed with her. She turns out the lights and you set about falling asleep. It isn't very easy, with the thought of Velvet attacking in the night keeping you up. These thoughts are soon assuaged as the walls begin to glow with a blue aura. Shining's spell, Twilight's embrace… you feel safe. Now the only thing troubling you is the voices inside your head. In a quiet voice, you pester your half asleep bedmate with one final question.

"Twi, do you think we should nuke North Korea?"

>"Mmmnnng, no. They suck, but we don't want fallout on Seoul."

She wraps you tighter in her embrace, and you hear a few last words from her as you drift off to sleep.

>"Jal ja yo, Anon"

Sleep meets you quickly… only to be disturbed a few hours later by a rustling at the door.
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The rustling is loud and disturbing, but it only lasts for a few long seconds before stopping suddenly. Somehow, it doesn't manage to wake up Twilight at all. You can still see her breathing, but nonetheless, it is strange how she can sleep like the dead through such a matter.

Not knowing when whatever that was would come back, you search around the room for something you can use as a weapon. Unfortunately, any knives that might be in the house would be in the kitchen, and leaving the room to grab one would drop the shield. There aren't even scissors that you could take apart and improvise as into a knife. You begin to give up hope at a means of self protection until you open up the closet door… a baseball bat sitting against the wall greets your eyes. It has a label "Home Run" carved into it – Twilight's handwriting (horn/hoof/mouth writing? You aren't sure what fits here). You grab it and crawl back into bed, clutching it tight in case whatever it is comes back.

A half hour more passes, and you hear a rustling again, this time at the window. In the corner of your eyes, you can see a changeling pounding against the shield walls outside.
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You bite your hoof just lightly to make sure you aren't dreaming… yep, you can feel it. This is definitely real. Unless that gimmick doesn't actually work and you can feel pain in dreams. But there's no time for that. Quickly, you shake Twilight awake and point to the window, where the changeling is currently pounding – panicked, but still silent.

She forces your head low and under the blanket and curls up close to you. As soft as she can, she whispers into your ear.

>"The shield won't fail, and she'll have to give up soon enough. Chances are, she's going to try and ambush us in the morning, so I'm thinking we should sneak out about an hour or two before we normally do. The window is safer than the doorway, I can at least slow fall us since it's only a 2 story jump. Will that work for you?"
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Not wanting to get into a fight with a changeling right away, you comply. The night passes slowly, and you find it difficult to get to sleep, but at the very least, the changeling flies away soon enough, easing some of your troubles. You eventually manage to drift away to sleep once again, but this is interrupted all too soon by Twilight pulling off the blankets at the crack of dawn.

>"We're going to jump very soon. I can use my magic to slow our descent just a bit, so it shouldn't hurt much. Are you ready, Anon?"
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You grab the bat and place it between your teeth. In case you encounter Velvet again, or run into some other changeling, you'll need a weapon. Also, you don't want to bite your tongue when you hit the ground. For good luck, you also boop Twilight's nose with your hoof, earning you a raised eyebrow. She turns towards the window.

>"Alright on the count of three, I'm going to open this. I want you to jump out as soon as I do. I'll slow your fall so you don't get hurt."

Fuck, that's going to suck.

>"One… two… three!"

She opens the window and you run out blindly. Falling is a very terrifying feeling as you approach faster and faster towards the ground. It's even worse when you consider it's only from the second story. Is she really going to… Before you can finish that thought, you feel a force pulling up on you about an inch before you hit the ground. It hurts to be tugged so suddenly, but you are safe.

Twilight's turn is next, and she wastes no time in her jump. You move to try and catch her, but again, her fall is slowed just an inch before falling into your hooves. She drops to the ground and motions for you to be silent.

>"We sneak out of the yard, then we bolt to the castle as soon as we're out of hearing range. I'm gonna need you to watch my six in case she chases after us."
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Each step through the yard feels like an eternity, and despite your best efforts to keep your hoofsteps quiet, you can hear them as loudly as your pounding heartbeat. Nevertheless, you continually scan the area, keeping close to Twilight as you reach closer and closer to the street.

To your good fortune, there aren't exactly a lot of ponies outside. There are perhaps one or two early morning joggers that pass by you, but they seem content to stick to themselves. You don't talk to them in case they could be a changeling, but neither do you allow yourself to act too suspicious. After passing a few houses, you start to pick up your pace. Soon enough, you're even passing Lyra's house - a safe point if there ever was one.

What feels like the longest half hour ever passes, and you soon make it to the walls of the castle. Fortunately, the guards do not give you too much problem as you make your way in. It probably helps that you were here just two days ago, and that Twilight visits the princess on a regular basis. Regardless, you feel paranoid to talk to anyone other than the princess herself. Could any of the changelings impersonate her? You shiver at the thought.

The two of you make it only as far as a lobby before Twilight decides to take a seat on a bench. She casts a spell, though you're not sure what it is. After a few minutes, Celestia emerges from a room and approaches the two of you.

>"Password is Green Tea. What's wrong, my little ponies?"
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You sit back on your bench and try to calm your nerves as Twilight explains her problems to the princess. This is her burden to bear, and you don't want to say anything stupid to the princess before you. Surely, you must already look like a degenerate carrying a baseball bat into her castle.

>"Princess, in short, I believe my mother has been replaced by a changeling. She has at least once used memory spells to erase a portion of my memory, and twice to erase a portion of my family's memory, including Anon's. I believe at least one of these circumstances was to remove from our minds an incident that had Cadence kicked out of the house, and the second, to cover up her own failure to answer probing questions at the dinner table. The night following this, we had a changeling drone pounding at our window trying to break into my room. If you wish, I can use my memory transfer spell to show this to you."

The princess tilts her head and gives Twilight an look of concern.

<"Memory transfer? Twilight, have you been reading ahead? You know I've told you those spells are too rough on a filly your age. You could seriously hurt yourself."

>"I do what I must!"

There is a fiery determination in Twilight's violet eyes, which takes Celestia off guard.

>"Princess, I… I will do everything I must to protect my friends, my family, and my country. Over the past year or so, you've been trying to teach me a degree of self reliance so that I can effectively research independently. Well push has come to shove and this is what I have to show for it. And yes, it has taken a lot out of me. I am physically exhausted. I used my telekinesis to save myself AND Anon from injury when we jumped from the second floor of a building to sneak away from whatever monster is inhabiting my house. Now will you help me or not?"

Celestia raises a hoof and gently strokes the cheek of her frustrated student.

<"Oh Twilight… of course I will. I'm sorry if I've been pushing you too hard. At least I know now where your limits are. How about you go into the royal kitchen and fix yourself up some breakfast. I'll have a few of my guards look into changeling situation. Don't worry yourself about it anymore."

Twilight gives a tight and somewhat teary hug. As she does this, Celestia turns her focus to you.

<"And how are you holding out, Anon? This must be exhausting for you."
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You stand up from your spot on the bench, grabbing the baseball bat in your mouth once again. It drops from your grip onto the stone castle floor, causing a ringing sound to echo throughout the otherwise mostly silent room. There are bags under your eyes that reveal just how empty you feel as you stare up at the princess.

"Well I'm not fucking okay, that's for sure. I'm actually rather paranoid and don't know who the hell I can trust. I can't even tell if you're not a changeling. Is there anything you could say that only you would know?"

The princess pauses for a moment to think. Without a word, her horn glows and before you appears a few sheets of bubble wrap.

<"Will that work?"
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"That'll do Princess, that'll do."

You place the bubble wrap onto the bench and sit back down to pop the bubbles individually. The sound of the crushing plastic soothes you, and allows you to focus on the main problem at hand.

"Tell me, Princess, how are you so calm about this?"

Celestia gives you a quick affectionate nuzzle, steadying your nerves even more. She gives you a warm smile in her reply.

<"I am over a thousand years old, and in my time, Changelings have tried to attack a total of 16 times. Though they are persistent and cunning, they have never succeeded. I gain nothing in blind paranoia. Instead, I make friends and cultivate knowledge among my faithful citizenry so that we can always stay one step ahead of our enemies. For everything you and Twilight have gone through over the past day, did you not make it through to me in one piece?"
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You shrug and continue to pop more bubble wrap.

"I mean I guess we made it out fine. Still don't feel so well about everything"

Celestia flashes you a warm smile. If looks could kill, this mare would make Chairman Mao look like the Dalai Lama.

<"Then don't worry yourself. You're safe now, and by the end of the day, I'll make sure you have a warm bed to fall asleep in that is safe from monsters. Running a nation is a chess game I've been playing for far too long for one or two changelings to be able to threaten things. Now how about you scoot yourself over to that kitchen? I bet if you ask nicely, you might be able to convince my chef Gustaf to make you pancakes."

The princess shoos you off in the direction of the kitchen and leaves to speak with a guard. What do?
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With the need to keep your guard up all the time removed, your body begins to return to a more normal state. Suddenly, you become very aware of how little sleep you were able to get over the night, and of the fact that you haven't eaten breakfast yet. In your sapped state, you meander over to the kitchen and see Twilight sitting at a table and chatting with a gryphon in a chef's hat. That must be Gustaf.

Positioned in front of Twilight appears to be eggs, hash browns and… is that bacon? If that's not hay, you need it in your body right now.

"Twilight, is that bacon?"

A mischievous smile answers your question as she tears off a piece of a bacon strip and levitates it over to you. You take a bite and… holy shit that's real pork.

"Gustaf, please tell me you have more where that came from."

He points to a second plate on the kitchen counter.

>"Don't go telling Celestia I'm feeding meat to curious fillies now."
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You sit down at the table with your plate of food and place a strip of bacon across your face. This earns you a funny look from the others in your company, especially as you proceed to bite the end of it and slurp it into your mouth like a noodle. Twilight giggles.

"What?"

>"You're weird Anon, but it's a good weird. Never change."

The rest of your food you eat normally. Two days has been too long to go without good protein. What Gustaf said didn't sit too well for you, however.

"Is there anything wrong with fillies eating meat?"

True to her characteristic need to be a smartass, Twilight provides your answer before Gustaf can speak.

>"It can give us indigestion, kind of like cats who eat grass and then throw it up afterwards."

>>"Yes, well, that hasn't stopped you from asking for it whenever Celestia isn't looking. It's like you have some sort of carnivore living inside you."

If only he knew…

>"I need my brain food! Eggs and bacon are full of delicious choline. Do you want me to fail my next test?"

Gustaf rolls his eyes. You hope you aren't going to regret this bacon later. For now, you savor every bite.
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As you finish your meal, you look down upon your empty plate and contemplate the wisdom of this decision. You don't feel too terrible yet, but if it gets bad enough, you probably won't do this again. Or at least not as often as Twilight does. Is she mad, or simply exaggerating the effects of meat on a filly's digestion. Doesn't matter. If you're going to be a filly, you're going to stick to a healthy and nutritious diet of sugar, flour, and whatever other carbohydrate-packed food groups ponies tend to eat.

Twilight wraps a hoof around you.

>"Hey, don't overthink it too much. Eating meat for a pony is no worse than eating a ton of sugar for certain other species."

Your mind flashes back to a Halloween night when you were 9 years old. You had the dumb idea to eat half your trick or treat bag and didn't want to eat anything the next morning. Maybe you'd do it once again in a blue moon if you felt stupid. On the other hand, you're a horse now. Sugar is your bitch.

>"So…"

Your focus is brought back to reality, and you see a very bored Twilight looking you straight in the eyes from an adjacent seat.

>"We're stuck in the castle until the princess captures and interrogates bug mom. What do you feel like doing?"
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"You."

Twilight tilts her head quizzically.

>"Huh?"

"That is uh…"

You vomit up the spaghetti and wheatballs from the day before yesterday… or at least that's what you think it is. Gustaf faints. You might have just insulted his cooking. You're not sure.

"That's what I want to do. You."

Twilight smacks her face with her hoof.

>"You are absolutely terrible at pickup lines."

You shrug and wipe the vomit off from your face.

"Yeah well, I was just trying to tell a joke. No idea where the spaghetti came from. Shouldn't that have been completely digested and gone out through the other end by now?"

>"I honestly have no idea myself. Say, are you going to clean that up? I mean, I can't see any towels around here, but you could probably wipe it up with a lampshade and hang it up to dry or something. No one would notice."

"I'm pretty sure everyone would notice. Besides, aren't there cleaning staff in here?"

>"There are, but I needed to make a joke at everyone's expense."

"Everyone? Didn't Gustaf just faint? I'm pretty sure we're the only conscious ponies in the room."

She points out the kitchen window to reveal the castle garden.

>"See that statue over there? That's Discord. He can't talk or do anything for the next decade or so, but I'm pretty sure he's cringing every time he hears someone dropping trope names and breaking the fourth wall."

"Okay, for real though, we should get something done. Do you want to make a bubble wrap fort?"

>"Eh, sure why not."

And you spend the entire morning constructing a scale model of Canterlot Castle out of cardboard boxes and bubble wrap.
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You stand before the front gates of your model castle. It is a fine piece of art and worthy of a hard morning's work. Unfortunately, it is flawed in that it lacks pillows, but you were unable to obtain these without raiding a few bedrooms that you aren't so certain Celestia would appreciate you raiding. Beyond this, it lacks subjects. You report to Twilight the need for subjects, and she agrees.

The two of you run into the hallways searching for guards and other servants.

"Avast ye knaves, we require underlings for the superior Fort Bubblewrap!"

>"All hail the glory of Fort Bubblewrap!"

Though you are largely ignored by the few guards wandering around the castle, you manage to catch the attention of one elderly stallion - a janitor. He seems tired from his work and offers to play in your fort as your squire.

How will you proceed?
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"Sure why not, you can play with us."

The old pony, as it turns out, was a pretty fun guy, and you manage to kill a few more hours playing as "princesses and squire" in Fort Bubblewrap with him before you inevitably get bored and betray him. As he stands guard at the Fort's gate, you conspire with your co-princess Twilight to cast him into the moat, where he is eaten alive by alligators. He screams in terror as the nefarious reptiles - made from green pillows that you snagged from another room - sink their teeth into his soft pony flesh.

Speaking of reptiles, you realize that you may have left Spike back at home. Your heart almost seizes as you worry about whether or not he might be okay. These fears are soon alleviated, however as you see Princess Cadence walk into the room with Spike slumped across her back.

>"So… how are you girls doing?"
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"Eh, not bad. You?"

>"Oh, you know. The usual. Wake up to Celestia knocking on my door telling me I'm not allowed to leave the castle or contact Shiny and the family as a matter of national security. The usual."

You almost forgot that she lived in the castle. She spends so much time around Shining and Twilight it's almost as if she's part of the family.

>"Spent most of the day just reading a trashy rom-com to pass the time until Celestia comes back. Got hungry and decided to drop in on the kitchen, and you know, I find the most interesting tidbit of information from our chef… a little green filly threw up all over his floor. Which leaves me with just one question… do you two know what the heck is going on?"
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"Uhh Twi, can you…"

>"Right. Well, to make a long story short, mom's a changeling who infiltrated the family to get to you. She's been wiping memories to cover her tracks and keep you around."

Cadance's eyes widen at the revelation. After a few seconds, however, her shock turns to worry.

<"Shiny!"

>"Is fine. Okay, I'll grant that I kind of used him to keep my room protected from mom in the middle of the night after she found out I was on to her. But he has plausible deniability. In fact, I didn't even tell him that mom's a changeling"

<"And you just left him in there with a monster!?"

>"We had to jump out the window to sneak out of the house. Couldn't clue Shiny into what was going on without jeopardizing our own safety. He'll be fine. Worst thing that'll happen is she'll wipe a day out of his memory. If she turns violent, he's so good with those shield spells he could just put up a magic bubble and go to sleep in it.

Cadance starts to tear up.

<"I don't… I don't want him to get hurt…"

>>"Well Honey, you won't have to."

Everyone in the room turns their focus to the door. Shining Armor has just entered the room.
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You pull Twilight to the side of the room, away from Cadance and Shining, who waste no time jumping back into their usual affections.

"Hey Twi, what are the chances that this isn't the real Shiny?"

>"Honestly, probably low. I could ask if you're concerned though"

"Please…"

Twilight turns her attention to her brother, who is now having his neck nuzzled up on by a very pleased Cadance.

>"Hey Shiny, do you remember last night, when…"

>>"My memory wasn't erased, and you're not getting out of doing the dishes just because there really was a monster in the house."

>"Oh, so you DO know what went on?"

>>"The guards broke down the front door, dragged our 'mom' out of the house kicking and screaming, and demanded Dad and I come in for questioning. I just got out of a three hour long interrogation. I am exhausted, though I think I may have also just scored a letter of rec to get into West Hoof."

>"So you're taking advantage of a bad situation?"

>>"You know it."

>"Congrats!"

Cadance gives Shiny a sudden kiss on his cheeks.

<"I knew you could do it sweetie. Although if you needed an in, I could always pull some strings."

>>"Hey. I'm gonna get those Lieutenant bars all on my own."

<"Whatever you say, Shiny… Anyways, now that we're all together again… you all wanna do anything?"
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"I wanna try talking to the changeling."

Every pony in the room turns to you, showing looks of confusion and disgust.

>"Are you out of your mind? That thing tried to break into our room while we were sleeping and you just want to waltz up and talk to it?"

Twilight had a point. That thing was legitimately dangerous. Though it was no doubt subdued, you would surely be safer staying the hell away from it.

"Call it a little morbid curiosity. You could say I have more balls than brains these days, and I literally do not have any balls."

>"Are you absolutely sure about this?"

"Sure as I'll ever be."

Shining steps forward with a look of determination in his eyes.

>>"Well if you're going, I'm going too. I need some closure with her, and you sure as hell shouldn't be going alone."

"Suit yourself."

You leave the room with Shining by your side. The castle is rather large and difficult to navigate, but fortunately your escort just came back from the interrogation chamber and knows exactly where to find it. Eventually, you reach a room guarded by two heavily armored ponies, each armed with sharp hoof blades, and one with wing blades to top it off.

What do?
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"Hey Shiny, you're good with guards, right? Think you could talk to them?"

>>"I suppose I could…"

Shining puts on his best unflinching, stoic warrior face and approaches the guards, looking them straight in the eye.

>>"We'd like to speak to the monster that replaced my mother. Get some closure."

The pegasus guard shrugs.

>"We can open the door so you can talk to her, but we can't let you enter the room itself. She may be magically restrained, but we can't risk a security breach."

>>"That should be fine."

They open the door, and you see what appears to be a half bruised Twilight Velvet. She has chains around all four of her hooves, each tied to an opposite corner of the far wall, which keep her from moving any further than the interrogation table that sits in the middle of the room. Around her horn is a black ring that you suppose is some sort of inhibitor. Best not to test it.

<"Have you come to rub salt in my wounds you vile little wretch?"

"Yes I have you fucking faggot!"

You emphasize the last words as strongly as you can. In response, she spits in your face. It's a rather sticky spit that you're rather sure will be difficult to wash out of your hair.
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Oh it is on. You hawk up the thickest loogie from the back of your throat and spit it back at the bug monster. Once again, she spits back. The two of you go for a few more rounds before Shining puts up a shield between the two of you.

>>"Will you two cut that shit out? I came here because I legitimately wanted to talk to her. I thought you did too, but it looks like you just want to fight with her."

A wide smile graces the fake Velvet's face.

<"Oh I'm pretty sure the little filly just loves my body fluids. Did you think that was honey you were eating yesterday?"
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You lick your lips and flutter your eyes at the fake Velvet in your best attempt to seduce her.

"Oh yes, and I'm sure you'd love mine as well"

Her smile cracks wider and her eyes turn a bright emerald green. It's hard not to get lost in their beauty, so much that you feel compelled to step forward towards them, but in front of you, Shining's hoof is blocking the way. You can hear him yelling at her, but the words are muffled. In amongst the shouting, you can hear her soothing voice.

<"Come closer, little filly, and I'll show you something that tastes really good. You've never been with a mature mare before, have you?"
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The changeling's every words are like a drug, coursing through your veins. You aren't sure how you're managing to resist her, but you nonetheless enter a sort of meditative trance, focusing on her eyes as you plant your hooves into the ground like a tree.

"I bet you'd love that, wouldn't you? A lick… a taste… from such a cute little filly. It's too bad though."

Her voice softens even more, almost lulling you to sleep.

<"What's so bad? A naughty little filly finally getting to indulge herself in what she wants? I can see it in your eyes, the way you've been looking at almost every pony in the house with lustful eyes. I can almost smell your fantasies. Wouldn't you like your first time to be with a mare who can show you the ropes?"

Those words dug deep. While you were technically 27 back on Earth, your luck with women wasn't that great. You were almost hoping things might be different here.

"You have no idea how much I want that. But there's a problem. A big problem."

<"I don't see any problems."

"The problem, Miss Velvet, is that you…"

You feel your blood boil, and the effects of the changeling pheromones are purged from your body at once. You can finally make out Shining's words.

>>"You have to tell me. What did you do with my real mother. At least tell me this much."

<"Your ignorance is all too cute."

"ARE NOT A REAL MARE!"

The room falls quiet. Shining puts his hoof down and turns his attention to you.

>>"Are you okay? You don't look so good."
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Yeah, I'm fine. Pretty sure she just tried to mind control me. Probably wanted to lay eggs in my brain or something."

Shining wipes some of the bug spit off of your face.

>>"Actually, I was referring to your face. It looks a little reddened, and you're missing some fur. I don't think that's any ordinary spit."

You put your hoof to your face. There really is some fur missing, and it kind of stings to touch. Crazy bug bitch.

>>"I think we should get out of here. She's not gonna tell me anything, and I don't think it'll be helpful for you to be getting into any more fights. Maybe you should see a nurse."
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"Yeah, I think you're right. Just give me a few more seconds though."

Shining groans, but doesn't stop you as you turn to Velvet once more.

"Your kind will attempt multiple times in the next decade or so to attack Equestria, and you will fail each time. The end result will be that every last one of you, save for your queen, will be turned into a neon-colored faggot bug pony. You will sit in circles talking about your feelings, and become incapable of defending yourself against even the most basic of external threats. You will become softer than even the ponies you feed off of now. And there's nothing you can do about it, you putrid, disgusting maggot."

She aims to spit at you once more, but you slam the door behind you as fast as you can.

Shining gives you that look again.

>>"You are, without a doubt, the most unpredictable filly I have ever met. It's like your brain is some sort of wormhole to another dimension. No wonder your cutie mark is a question mark."

Wait… did he just say cutie mark?
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You crane your head to see if you can look at your flank, and sure enough, Shining was right. On each of your flanks was a black question mark, suggesting you have a special talent of… honestly, you have no idea.

"Huh, so I have a cutie mark now… Does that mean I'm legal?"

>>"Legal? For what?"

"You know, screwing around."

Shining applies his hoof to his face.

>>"14, Anon. What the hell, just because you have a cutie mark doesn't mean you're not still a filly."

Well there goes that theory.

The two of you continue on throughout the castle once more, this time looking for the nurse's office. Along the way, you manage to find a mirror along one of the walls, and decide to take a look at your face. It's not too bad, but you definitely are missing some fur, and the skin beneath it looks to be beet red, suggesting a first or maybe second degree burn. That has to be some nasty spit. Did she actually put that in your sandwich, or was she just fucking with you?

Soon enough, you arrive in front of a white door with the word "Nurse" embellished on a sign. Definitely the place you're looking for. You open the door to find a very pretty blonde mare greeting you.

<"Alright, have a - Oh my! Vat happened to you?"
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Before you can answer her question, you find your eyes wandering to the very fit thighs of the blonde bombshell before you, and more importantly, her cutie mark. Hello Nurse! This mare's cutie mark was a heart with… is that a swastika? Are there actual Nazis here, or is this universe just trying to fuck with you?

"Doctor doctor, give me the news, cause I've got a bad case of loving you!"

The mare blushes, but only for a little bit.

<"I must insist you let me know vat caused zis so I can prepare a proper… erm, treatment."

>>"She got into a spit fight with a changeling, Nurse Aryanne."

Aryanne. Such a pretty name. You'll have to take this mare out somewhere special when you're not being inspected. Wait, Shining just implied you got into a spit fight. Now she's going to think you're some scrappy degenerate, right?

<"A changeling? But isn't their venom neurotoxic? Tell me filly, have you experienced any hallucinations?"
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"Umm… I don't know. Are you actually an angel? Cause that's what you look to me right now. Might need some proof that you aren't a hallucination."

<"An angel? Tell me filly, describe to me vat I look like."

"Well, you've got the most beautiful blonde hair, white fur…"

<"Zus far zus good"

"A cutie mark with a swastika inscribed inside of a heart…"

<"Is zat vat it is called? I always thought it was some sort of windmill… vich makes little sense because vat does a windmill have to do with being a nurse?"

And with that, any chances of her being secretly a human have gone out the window. Unless she's just very secretive. But then again, every ex-human you've met thus far has been a filly, and she's a full grown mare…

"And the flanks of an alicorn."

She nods her head upon hearing this.

<"Okay, okay, I know ze problem. You are not having hallucinations. But ze venom has produced an aphrodisiac effect. We may have to monitor you to make sure zat it does not get worse."

She places a soft hoof on your face where the burn is. It stings a little, but her well-groomed fur would be worth any pain, even choking on Zyklon-B.

<"Tell me, how does zis feel?
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"I guess it stings a little…"

<"Zat is good. Changeling venom has a cocktail of effects, one of vich is an anesthetic. Another of vich is to make you more susceptible to suggestion. Could you please smack yourself in ze face with your hoof?"

"Why?"

<"Excellent. Zat has worn off too. Looks like all we have to do is treat ze burn."

She walks over to a counter and pulls out a jar from one of the drawers. It is filled with a sort of clear jelly. She applies some to her hoof and rubs it over your face.

<"Zis is just aloe. It will make ze burn heal faster and reduce ze stinging. You should need need much more, but let me know if you start experiencing more hallucinations, or if zhe stinging gets worse."

The aloe was nice and cool, and it had the softness of Nurse Aryanne's hoof to boot. Somehow, you get the feeling you may end up asking for more later.
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You throw your hooves around Aryanne, who seems unsure of how to react for a while, but eventually settles on hugging you back.

"You could always give me a little more now…"

She sighs and finally releases you from the hug.

<"You know zat would not help. I could give you a small jar to take home in case you need more later if you want zo."

She walks over to the counter again and produces a lollipop from another jar, which she places in your mouth.

<"And zis is for being a good filly."
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The lollipop was bittersweet. Bitter, because you knew it meant you would have to leave the cute nurse so she could attend to her other work, but sweet, both literally and because it was a gift from her. Nonetheless, you cherished every second it lasted in your mouth as you walked out of the nurse's office. Though your instincts told you that now would be a good time to head home, you found yourself quickly reminded that the "home" situation had a few issues right now. Instead, you returned to the room with Twilight, Cadance, and the fort, having nothing better to do. As you enter the room, you find them together with Celestia, sharing a few cups of tea.

>"Whoa, Anon, what happened to your face?"

"Bug mom's a crazy bitch. That's what's happened."

Cadance gives you a little glare

<"Could you tone down the language, Anon?"

"As I have been told, changeling spit contains a hallucinogen, an aphrodisiac, and anesthetic, and whatever corrosive chemical melted off a giant chunk of fur on my face. I think I'm entitled to at least one curse word."

You catch Princess Celestia eying your new flank.

<<"Seems like you have quite a few stories to tell us. How about you talk about them over some tea?"
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"Sure, why not?"

You sit down at a makeshift table made of cardboard boxes leftover from creating your castle, alongside the princesses, Twilight, and Shining Armor. Why no one thought to have this in a different room is beyond you, but far be it from Celestia to not think to have a tea party spontaneously in any venue, even if it is a filly playroom full of boxes, bubble wrap, and various toys.

The tea you are served is pretty hot, so you let it cool down for a few minutes before taking a sip. As you do, you find it to have a somewhat funky, but nonetheless enjoyable flavor. It's pretty sweet too.

"Damn Celestia, this is some bomb ass tea. What'd you put in it?"

<<"Oh you like it? Really, it's just Earl Gray. I didn't sweeten it much."

"Well it tastes pretty amazing."

You hear a clink as Twilight's cup is placed upon its porcelain coaster.

>"Anon, you said earlier that the changeling spit contains an aphrodisiac, right?"

"Well yeah…"

>"Aphrodisiacs work by increasing your body's production of sex hormones. Those hormones are tied to a number of other functions in your body, including your olfactory senses. So you will probably find things smell and taste a bit different than normal."

"Huh."

The rest of the ponies in the room give Twilight blank stares.

>"What? I like to branch out in my studies."

She leans over to you and whispers quietly into your ear.

>"Masters of Science in Psychology, Magna Cum Laude."
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