>”So this is our ancient tradition of mares trying to attract colts.”
>Before you was… well to be frank it was a ridiculously sized inflatable pool.
”I don’t get it.” You scratched your head, hoping the act would somehow instill the understanding to make sense of the scene before you.
>”It’s very simple really, since princesses are part Pegasi, they will enter the pool with the others and perform demonstrations of superiority in an effort to attract a mate.”
>Sure enough there were many Pegasi already in the pool, some just floating around and chatting with their friends.
>And right in the center were Luna and Celestia, both looking nervous but otherwise simply floating in the water.
>You could even see that they had their legs tucked in.
>This was just odd.
“I still don’t really get it, but continue.”
>”As I was saying, when the time comes stallions will start coming here and the mares in the pool will attempt to draw their attention and favor.”
“And they do this how?”
>Twilight looked a bit sheepish at the question.
>Was it really that bad?
>”Well long ago they used to fight for dominance, but now it’s mostly about appearing bigger and having better plumage.”
“Wait a tick, they fought?”
>”Those were dark times in our history. Sometimes mares would have o go to the hospital for being dunked under water.”
>That doesn’t sound too bad.
>”Mom used to tell me stories of how some even got water in their nostrils and they cried because of how bad it felt.”
>”Ladies and Gentlecolts. May I have your attention please.” A mare was began speaking with an air of authority.
>Every head turned to her, ready to listen.
>”We will now begin the annual Pegasus Courtship Festival. You have all been read the rules and I highly suggest you follow them. Good luck to all and may fortune favor you today.”
>Your head snapped back towards the giant pool. Ready to bear witness.
>Words could not describe the scene that began playing out in front of you.
>Several mares began to splash each other using their wings.
>Some got scared and took off into the air, at which promptly a whistle was blown by another pony in a referee shirt with a call of “You’re out!”.
>But it was the royal sisters that concerned you the most.
>They circled… errr floated around each other, hissing and yelling “Honk!!!” at the top of their lungs.
>”This is amazing!”
>Twilight viciously scribbled notes down, her gaze going back and forth between the carnage and her notepad.
“What is?”
>”The princesses, they’re going all out. And this early too.”
“You don’t say.”
>If going all out meant Celestia sticking out her tongue at Luna and her responding with some choice comments about the size of Celestia’s rump, you may have to re-evaluate a few things here.
“Twilight I thought you said that they were supposed to show off for stallions?”
>”They do, but this is a necessary step to weed out any who are just too ill prepared for the whole competition.”
>Okay she is making this shit up as she goes along.
>That’s right, you’re calling bullshit on the little horse.
“Well I’m going to see this for myself then.”
>Despite Twilights pleading for you to get back, you marched forward, towards the pool.
>You barely got with twenty feet before you realized something was terribly wrong.
>Everything went quiet, the type of quiet you see in the movies where you know someone’s about to get fucked.
>And not in a good way.
>It was then that you noticed that all the movement had stopped within the pool.
>Every mares attention was solely on you.
>Yeah this wasn’t going to end well, you could already tell.
“Ahhh yeah, sorry thought I saw a penny on the ground. I’m just going to head back up to where it’s safe.”
>Silentretreat.exe
>Command Failed
>”Contestant we have our first stallion, please line up and wait for you turn.”
“No nononono, I’m not a part of this.”
>Before you could react, you were placed front and center in a chair which was way too small for your size.
>The pleading look which you sent Twilight only garnered a mute response of “This is the fate you chose asshat.”
>E tu Twilight? E tu?
>”The first contestant will be none other than the Princess of the Night, Luna.” The announcer wasn’t wasting any time with her shtick. 
>”It pleases us to see you again Anonymous. We thank you for giving us the opportunity to court you in the proper way.”
“Don’t mention it.”
>You were almost knocked backwards by the gust of wind that got sent your way when Luna unfurled her wings and flapped them suddenly.
>Holy shit that almost gave you a heart attack.
>”HOOOOONK!!! Honk Honk Honk!!”
>They can’t be serious with this.
>”Thank you princess Luna for that fine display.”
>These niggers are serious with this.
>”Next up we have Spitfire, Captain of the Wonderbolts and leading champion of the Cloudsdale five hundred.”
>An orange and yellow Pegasi, one you distinctly recall from the air shows that Rainbow dragged you too floated forward.
>”Why hi there, you’re an odd one. But don’t worry if you pick me, I’ll show you just how fast I can really go.”
>Was that supposed to be a pickup line? It sounded like a pickup line.
>A bad one.
>Much like Luna before her, Spitfire spread out her wings, minus the gust of air.
>The big difference was she chirped.
>Like a bird.
>But with words. Which birds most definitely did not do, except those big fuckers with the claws.
>Okay this shit was going from plain ridiculous to downright autism inducing.
>Twilight get your purple ass over here and get me out of this shit!
>Looking back for your little chaperone, you only saw a vacant space which she formerly occupied.
>Where the fuck did purple nurple scamper off to? You needed her fuzzy ass to bail you out here.
>”Next up we have”
>The whole thing continued like that for several more mares.
>Each feeding you a cheesy pickup line and some odd display conjoined with a bird sound.
>Some tried honking, quacking, chirping.
>One mare tried to preen herself, which got her tackled and immediately disqualified for indecent behavior.
>This shit was more confusing that arithmetic.
>Please just let this be over.
>”And our last contestant, Princess Celestia herself.”
>God, why have you forsaken me?
>”Why hello Anonymous, it’s a pleasure seeing you again. I was quite surprised when I saw that you were the first to take part in this.”
“Yeah.”
>Celestia smiled that all knowing smile of hers again.
>Twilight I swear if you don’t get your pony ass here soon you’ll… you’ll fuck with her organization schedule.
>”Well I won’t keep you waiting any longer then.”
>With that you saw the Princess which controlled the sun raise her head high and unfurl her wings.
>Holy shit were did she have a massive wingspan.
>And why the fuck was that the first thought that ran into your head?
>This place was seriously starting to mess with your head.
>Then taking you really by surprise was the single loudest “HONK!” from her mouth.
>You had to cover your ears from that one, holy shit.
>Giving you one last smile Celestia floated back over to her place beside her sister.
>”Thank you very much Princess for that fine display. Now I have just been informed of a late entry into this year’s competition.”
>Seriously fuck your life.
>”Allow me to introduce the Princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle.”
>I’m going to burn all your books Twilight and then let Spike have ice cream for breakfast.