>Be Anon
>And instead of being home and welcoming the new year as you had done every year before with a nice nap, you were at a party being thrown at Pinkie’s place.
>All around you the various students who’d also shown up were milling about.
>Some were talking
>Others drank from the obviously spiked punch
>Some of the girls were giving each other high fives after coming out of a closet with various guys
>Your feet hurt
>You wanted to go home, play some games and go to sleep.
>But no, you had to have that momentary lapse in judgement and actually go outside and socialize
>Fucking fuck
>”Hey there”
>Here we fucking go again
>Turning towards the person who decided that you warranted a conversation you couldn’t help but frown
>Goddamn Rainbow Dash
>”What’re you doin’ here all by yourself hot stuff?”
>The alcohol on her breath hit your senses before the words even touched your ears
“Trying not to catch something that might require penicillin in the morning.”
>Giggling drunkenly the blue skinned girl moved closer into your personal space
>”Don’t be like that, you don’t want to ring in the new year by yourself do you?”
>You really did though
>”So how about you and me find ourselves a nice place where we can shoot off some fireworks together.”
>Wiggling her eyebrows suggestively Rainbow licked her lips
>BEGONE THOT!
“I’m good thanks, but Thunderlane over there said he wouldn’t say to a quickie”
>Pointing at the visibly nervous and out of place male at the party you prayed that the inebriated girl took the bait
>”Did he now? Well looks like you get to miss out on some Dash sweet cheeks, better luck next year.”
“Poor me”
>Turning on her heel Rainbow made her way over to Thunderlane, nearly tripping on the bean bag chair that lay forgotten on the ground
>You were safe
>For now
>But you couldn’t let your guard down
>The first chance you got you were going to slip the fuck out of this place and run home
>Then you were going to lock your doors and avoid all human contact possible
>”Now that wasn’t very nice.”
>A husky voice tingled against your ear sending shivers down your spine
“jbdbjfbnejl!”
>Out of reflex you jumped forward and grabbed the closest thing to protect yourself
>Mainly a candy dish that was filled with…
>Condoms
>You’d make it work
>Looking at your assailant your eyes widened in fear
>Not her, anyone but her
>”Ahhh don’t look at me like that. I won’t bite, unless you want me to.”
>Sunset Shimmer, the girl who ate boys for lunch and left them as shriveled up husks stood grinning ear to ear.
>From the looks of it she found her newest victim
>And it was you
>Double fuck
“Uhh hi there Sunset. What brings you here so late?”
>Still clutching the candy bowl of contraceptives with +2 agility you eyed the newcomer with apprehension
>This girl nearly blew up the school and when she failed at that she went ahead and decided that every guy was her plaything
>The only reason you were spared was due to your rejection of all human contact
>And you had to go and fuck up your scorestreak on survival
>Good job numbnuts
>Maybe they’ll put that on your gravestone
>Here lies Anon, he fucked up
>Slowly inching closer Sunset sized up your weapon
>”I had another party that I had to go to, but this one is definitely more lively.”
“You don’t say.”
>Taking a step back as she took one forward your eyes began searching for an escape
>You could probably dive out that window
>It’d probably hurt like a son’a’bitch but you’d be alive
>”So are you going to offer me some candy or you going to hog that thing all to yourself?”
>Candy?
>Wha- oh fuck
>Her eyes locked onto the contents of the dish causing her smile to turn into a predatory grin
>”Looks like you’re more eager than I expected.”
>Nope
>Dropping the candy dish and your only means of protection you ran
>Knocking a few other people over along the way out the house
>Not today shimmy sham
>Your ascension to full wizard wasn’t going to be destroyed by the she-demon tonight

>Be Sunset Shimmer
>You watched as Anon ran from the room screaming
>And you weren’t looking at that butt as he did
>No ma’am, you were a fully reformed pony/human after all
>Sighing loudly you began picking up the condoms that now lay littered on the ground
>Maybe you came on a little too strong with him
>The books that Twilight kept pestering you to read all said that males liked aggressive girls who took charge of the situation
>And that’s what you did with zero success
>Every guy so far either ran off terrified or just broke down crying
>Bucking ninnies
>What’s a girl got to do to get some these days
>Back when you were a queen bee around here all you had to do was snap your fingers and you’d have a guy ready to do whatever you wanted
>Now you were lucky if one didn’t threaten to press charges
>That’s probably why you set your sights on Anon
>He pretty much stuck to himself and didn’t talk to anyone
“Just you wait Anon, we’re not through getting to know each other just yet.”
>Letting out a sinister laugh you raised your hands high
>Several people backed away out of fear, but what the fuck did you care

>The school cafeteria during lunch could best be described as a living organism made up of different parts.
>Each more idiotic and nonsensical than the other
>It was the equivalent of a platypus
>The fucked up little creature that it was
>You always chose to sit alone and eat your lunch in relative peace and quiet
>That very peace afforded you time to recharge from the stupidity of the other students and faculty
>Or just time to catch up on your homework so you wouldn’t have to do it later
>It was a nice little system you had going
>Do the work now and have time for video games later
>Taking a bite of your peanut butter and banana sandwich you glanced around the lunchroom
>The cliques all had their own sections
>The jocks and their boy-toys up front
>They were the loudest of all the groups
>Often cheering or just being asshats
>The nerds were right beside them
>Normally this would have raised some eyebrows due to the social hierarchy, but these were the nerds that got protection in exchange for doing their overlords homework
>Then there were the band geeks and musicians
>Some laughing and joking while holding their instruments and showing off to one another
>Why the fuck they weren’t eating in the place designed for it was beyond you
>The noise of the place in general drowned out just about everything else that was happening
>Some of the teachers who drew the short straws and got stuck supervising you all milled about as well
>None of them truly paid any attention to the students
>Some of the known school bullies were busy extorting money in plain sight after all
>But could you blame them though?
>They already had to deal with most of these shitstains on a daily basis in the classrooms
>Popping the remainder of the sandwich in your mouth you reached into your lunchbag and pulled out the next course
>Fucking carrots
>… and a bottle of ketchup
>What? Don’t look at me like that
>It’s perfectly normal okay
>You needed to eat veggies and the tomato-y condiment made it just a little more bearable
>Besides if you ate all your veggies you would be able to indulge in the double chocolate chip and macadamia brownie you brought
>With your focus completely on the lunch before you, you failed to notice a lone bacon-haired figure approach
>Some of the students in your immediate area were the smart ones and nope’d right the fuck out the moment they noticed her
>You weren’t so lucky
>”Enjoying your lunch Anon?”
>Chocking on the carrot you just popped into your mouth due to the familiar voice you began slamming your fist against your chest as you coughed
>Dear fucking Christ
>Not her
>Not now
>Coughing loudly you peered at the she-devil that took a seat right across from you at the table
>Didn’t she have some freshman to torture or something
“Do you really have nothing better to do than mess with me right now?”
>The smile on the girl’s face didn’t even falter from your question
>”Not really.”
>Great
>Grabbing your juice box you squeezed it to get the rest of the delicious liquid out while still eyeing the madwoman
>MMmmm juicy
>The juice, not her
”How about a bribe then. I got five dollars in my wallet, it’s all yours if you leave me the fuck alone.”
>Resting her chin on her folded hands Sunset looked as if she was honestly contemplating your offer.
>Yes
>Let the greed win Sunset
>”Nah, spending time here is worth much more”
>Fucking sadistic bitch
>She probably got off on messing with people 
“No bribe then, so what will it take for you to leave me the hell alone?”
>The smile on Sunset’s face only increased and took on a more devious appearance
>Dammit
>You should have just kept your damn mouth shut and left
>”Better question would be why your cock isn’t pumping my womb full yet?”
>You fell out of your seat at that
>The area around the two of you went dead silent as most of the girl’s jaws dropped and the boys blushed heavily
>WHAT the fuck!?
>Scrambling up you grabbed your lunchbag and fled
>There were no words to describe what just happened
>This woman was crazy
>And your dad was very clear about crazy women
>Run Anon, run and don’t look back
>Bitches be crazy and they love nothing more than fucking you over with their crazy
>From now on you were going to eat your lunch in the bathroom
>Far the fuck away from this loony

>Be Shim Sham
>And Fluttershy’s advice didn’t work as well as you had hoped
>Anon didn’t take to the direct approach
>Your proclamation of wanting his baby batter didn’t result him in taking you right there in the middle of the cafeteria
>He did not bend you over the table and mark you with his seed
>Bucking buck
>What the buck did a girl have to do to get some dick around here?
>Oh look he left his bag of carrots
>… and ketchup?
>Who dips carrots in ketchup?
>Popping one of the orange colored veggies in your mouth you contemplated your next move
>The direct approach didn’t work
>That much was sure
>Picking up the bag you stood up and headed towards the exit
>You needed a better plan
>A plan where Anon couldn’t escape preferably
>Like a lightbulb going on over your head you snapped your fingers
>You knew just the mare- err woman that would have some sound advice and would definitely know exactly what to do
>The students around you however didn’t share your optimism from the looks of it
>Most avoided making any eye contact as you walked towards the exit and several of the guys that did gave you scathing looks
>And Miss Cheerilee was giving you a thumbs up
>What a weirdo
>But no time to dwell on your image
>Right now you needed to lay down the groundwork for giving Anon some Vitamin V

>Be Shimmiest of the Sham
>And after your last failed attempt to woo Anonymous you decided to bring in some outside help
>That plan consisted of getting help from one of the only women in an actual healthy relationship that you knew
>And it wasn’t shaping up to be much of anything
>One step forward and two steps back
>Dean Cadence looked ecstatic that you came to her for help with your predicament
>”Have you tried getting him drunk and grabbing his dick?”
>Your eye twitched
“I can’t buy alcohol yet and I’m pretty sure that would get me in trouble”
>”Never stopped me when I was your age.”
>You should be surprised
>But somehow you doubted that she was kidding
“I’m not looking to have a one night stand, more long term.”
>Humming thoughtfully the dean leaned back in her seat
>”You could always break into his house when he’s aslee—“
>Wringing your hand you felt your blood pressure rise before cutting her off
“I was hoping to get advice that didn’t end with me locked up in jail or worse.”
>How this woman ever managed to get married was beyond your comprehension
>”Well if you’re not ready for the more direct approach we can go a bit softer.”
“I tried the direct approach and all it did was make him run away.”
>”So he’s a little shy, but I have an idea that might help you win him over and help him get over that shyness.”
>Thank bucking Celestia
“I’m listening”
>Dean Cadence began looking through her desk drawers for god knows what
>To be honest you were getting worried
>”Gotcha.”
>Whatever it was that she was looking for she must have found because she gave you a look that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand
>”One way to win yourself a man is to show him exactly what he’s missing out on.”
“Okay.”
>Slamming the object on the desk your expression changed to that of confusion
“A camera?”
>”Yup. So here’s what you’re going to do.”
>This better be worth it

>Be Anon again
>Why? Because god hated you
>And he’s a vengeful and vindictive dick
>A dick that makes your free time disappear and mornings come way too soon
>Walking up the steps to Canterlot High you let out a large yawn
>Just remember Anon
>Get through these classes and you’d be home free
>And from the sounds of it there was going to be a snowstorm tomorrow so you might get a snow day
>Fuck yeah
>Moving past the other students you were happy to notice that most of them shared your hatred of the morning routine
>Lyra Heartstring had her face pressed against the locker with her eyes closed
>And judging by the line of drool making its way down the side of the locker and snoring she was fast asleep
>How she managed to sleep like that without falling over or just crumbling down was beyond you
>Moving towards your own locker you spied another girl that defied all logic
>Pinkamena Diane Pie
>The resident party girl
>She was skipping happily down the hall without a care in the world
>A big mug of coffee in her hand
“Hell has a special place for morning people.” You grumbled to yourself
>Moving along you continued to pass students as they prepared themselves for another exciting day of learning
>Reading the numbers on the lockers you found yours
>115 
>Reaching up to put in the combination you froze
“The hell is going on here?”
>The lock was undone
>You never left your locker open 
>Ever
>You learned that in freshman year after you found in filled to the brim with crusty old panties
“I swear to god if there’s some fucked up shit in there I’m going to fucking lose it”
>Despite the warnings that were going off in your hand you pulled open the door
>Jesus titty fucking Christ
>There were pictures 
>A lot of them
>Every inch of your locker was covered in them
>Different angles of a nice supple rack
>A butt that definitely looked toned with just the right amount of fat
>If this was some sort of twisted pran-

>Wait a tick
>One picture lay on top of your chemistry textbook
>And it got your whole undivided attention and woke you up completely
>In it was definitely a girl spreading her pussy lips apart
>The pink glistening folds, the neatly trimmed bush
>Wait… if those are her hands
>Who the fuck was taking the picture?
>Picking the picture up you examined it further
>For science
>Definitely not because this might have been a vagina that belonged to one of the girls in school
>Flipping the picture over you noticed some writing on the back
~There’s more where this came from hot stuff~
>Throwing the picture back in your locker you quickly grabbed your textbook and shut it
>You didn’t have time to figure this out at the moment
>You needed to get to class

>Be Sunset “The Dick Magnet” Shimmer
>Your jaw was on the ground
>You couldn’t believe it
>It worked
>It BUCKING worked!
>Anon didn’t run away
>He didn’t start screaming or anything like that
>And most importantly he didn’t call the cops
>From your vantage point you saw him pick up one of the pictures and read the little message you left on the back
>And he didn’t throw it away
>That crazy Dean’s advice actually worked
>You were hyperventilating
>Keep it together filly
>Looking around to ensure you weren’t spotted you took off towards Dean Cadence office at a sprint
>If her crazy idea worked then you needed to know what to do next