>Day 63+ in Equestria
>You'd honestly stopped counting after that point
>You're at the train station seeing your friend off.
"Are you fucking SERIOUS?"
>"Yeah. Princess' orders."
>See, your friend had been summoned to Canterlot for a highly important competition.
>Specifically, the Inter-National Dick Crab World Series.
>You still can't believe this is a thing.
>And you're even MORE shocked that they requested ANON to compete for Equestria.
>If he hadn't blabbed his mouth about how good he was about it this might not have happened.
>Fucking Anon.
>Oh by the way I should mention.
>You are Femanon.
>Long time no see, eh?
"...for fuck's sake, Anon."
>"Don't worry, I got this in the bag."
>Suuuure.
"Alright, fine. See you," you grunt.
>"Byyyyyeee, Femanon~" he singsongs.
>Fucking Christ.
"Oh, by the way," you smirk.
>"Huh?"
"I just want to let you know, and this is important."
>"Yeah?"
"That...Anon..I want you to know that...you're a huge faggot."
>He groans.
>"Well fuck you too."
>He's on his way to Canterlot now.
>Meaning you have to pick up his slack while he's gone.
>Alriiiight lesee..
>First thing to do is work with Applejack on the farm.
>Not too bad.
>You set course for Sweet Apple Acres.

"Ahem. Applejack?" you call as you stroll down towards the barn.
>She notices your voice beckoning her towards your divine presence.
>Yes your presence is divine. Deal with it.
>She blinks.
>"Howdy, Femanon, didn't 'spect to see you here."
"Yeah, been a while."
>"Well, what kin I do fer you, sweetheart?"
>Sweetheart.
>Good GOD.
"Well, I'm here on behalf of Anon, who decided it'd be a good idea to enter the Dick Crab competition."
>"Ah see. And he...urk, ah reckon he won't do well, wille?"
"I'll bet you 10 bucks he'll be knocked out the first round."
>"...ten bucks?"
>Shit
"Ten bits."
>"Ah, okay. But enough about Anon, how yer holdin' up?"
"I've been better. These past couple of months have been crazy. I've been touring the world, been caught up in a crazy spy-movie-tier adventure, called a sexist and contributor to the matriarchy- like, it's funny. I'm used to being a 'victim' of sexism, not an 'instigator'."
>"Heheh..well, yer not a sexist, sweetheart. Ah can tell you that right now."
>There it is again.
>You can tell she's hittin' on you.
>Normally she calls ponies 'sugarcube'. Not sweetheart.
>Roll with it.
>You're only doing this for a week.
>Plus you get Anon's payment.
"Well gosh, thank you, uh, honeybiscuits~"
>honeybiscuits
>wonderful
>"Not a problem, Femanon~"
>And now she's rolling with it.
"So where do I start?"
>She blinks. "Start?"
>Are you serious, apple horse?
>"Oh! Right, er, well, Apple Bloom's in school right now so ah'd mighty appreciate it if you could help gather the apples I buck down."
"Okay."
>Simple enough.
"In a bucket, I'm guessing?"
>"Eeyup!~"
"So where's the bucket?"
>She points (or hooves) to a bucket.
>That is a big-ass bucket.
"...hoo boy."
>"Shouldn't be a problem for someone as strong an' hardworkin' an' good-lookin' as you, right Femanon?"
"S-sure."
>The bucket itself is fine.
>The bucket filled with apples is a different story.
>You have no idea how Anon does it.
>You have no idea how Apple Bloom-
>No.
>Apple Bloom has an excuse. She's a fucking Earth Pony.
>Earth Pony stronk.
>Anon isn't.
>But fuck this bucket regardless.
>HNNNNNG
>"You holdin' up alright, Femanon?"
"Yeah, just carryin' a big damn bucket with so many damn apples in it, that's all."
>You pour the apples into the cart.
>God damn it.
>"Hehe, well ah really appreciate all the hard work ya put in, sweetheart~"
>Okay now she's just teasing you.
"Thanks," you deadpan.
>"Not at all, Femanon."
>You look at your list.
>"So, is there anythin' else ah can do for you? Or can I offer you somethin' to eat?"
"No can do. Again, I'm picking up the slack for Anon."
>"Anon, Anon, always about that Anon," she tuts, a slight scowl on her face.
"Well I mean if nothing else I get paid for it by whatever you and everyone else pay me. Plus I get to read the headlines of Anon making a dick out of himself."
>"Like always?"
>..
"Touche. But the point stands, I gotta get going."
>"Awww, already?"
"Yep. Got some work to do at Carousel Boutique."
>"Well..."
>...uh oh.
"Well, what?"
>"Well...nothin'. Y'all have fun, sweetheart!"
>for cryin' out loud.
"Alright, bye, honeybiscuits!" you call in your most intentionally awkward voice you've ever made.
>Only the most awkward voice for the most awkward name.
>You set out for Carousel Boutique.

>Y'all are Applejack
>You watch that lil' graceful creature walk off as she heads towards Rarity's.
>Honeybiscuit.
>That name.
>That affectionate name she gave you, out of pure, true love.
>It went through you like it were liquid apple pie.
>That settles it. Yer in love with Femanon.
>But yer mighty concerned about where she's goin'.
>Rarity.
>Now you respected Rarity, and considered her your friend.
>But you can't help but get mighty jealous of her an-
>No.
>Applejack, don't think these thoughts.
>Yer sweetheart is just visitin' Rarity.
>Yer sweetheart is just doin' a job for her.
>Yer sweetheart's just goin' out with her as part of her job.
>Yer sweetheart's just beddin' your higher class friend as part of-
>No.
>Celestia damn it, Applejack, pull yerself together.
>They're just friends.
>Not like you and Femanon.
>You set about yer work like always
>You just rush it a lil' bit.
>Jus' to see what Femanon might be up to...

>Whoop, there it goes, you're Femanon again.
>And you knock on the door to the Boutique.
>"Come in!~" comes the singsong, trilling and regal-as-fuck voice of Rainbow Dash.
>Too much sarcasm?
>You shrug and enter the boutique.
>Sure enough, Rainbow Dash is standing around, with Rarity nowhere to be seen.
"Uhh, Rarity? I wasn't aware you had a desire to become Rainbow Dash. It looks kinda eh on you, but whatever."
>sarcasm intensifies
>"...Really, Femanon? Really?"
"Yep."
>"No, Rarity's upstairs."
>As you suspected.
>A clip-clop of hooves tells you Rarity's coming downstairs, with a dress (or flight suit) for Dash.
"Mornin', Rarara."
>She looked towards your voice and blinked. "Well, isn't this a surprise! I wasn't expecting both Anonymouses this hour."
"Actually, I'm filling in for Anon. He's gonna be out of town for a while."
>"Really?" asked Rainbow Dash. "What for?"
"Dick Crab competition."
>The uproarious laughter may have shattered some vases and windows.
>"AHAHAHAHAHAHA A DICK CRAB COMPETITION...PFAAAHAHAHAA"
>Uncontrollable goddamned laughter from Rainbow Dash.
>Uncontrollable blushing from Rarity.
>"W-Well, Rainbow, darling, I k-know you can't help yourself b-but could you please stand still?"
>"AAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"It's entirely as ridiculous as it sounds."
>"AAAAAAHAHAHAHA, I'M, AHAHA, I'M GONNA NEED TO STEP OUT.."
>In her laughter-induced trance she walks out of the boutique.
>Leaving you alone with Rarity.
>Just the two of you.
>Alone.
>Yeah.
"S-sorry about that."
>"I-It's fine, darling, but...it's not that often that comes up in a conversation."
"Well, it's Anon. So."
>You two share an awkward silence.
"Soooo, I've been asked to help you out, as it's part of his list that he left me-"
>"YES!" a pause. "Yes, of course, he was going to help me out with tailoring."
>Uh oh.
"Tailoring?"
>"Yes. I've been mentoring him on how to make dresses, and he's been learning really well."
>Huh.
"You know WHY he's learning under you of all ponies, correct?"
>She sighs. "Yes. But I haven't the heart to tell him."
>RIP Anon's heart.
>gg no re
"He's not gonna be happy when you tell him."
>"I'm dreading that, Femanon. But honestly, I'm not the right kind of mare for him. I think, if anypony, Pinkie would be his soul mate."
"You really think so?"
>"Absolutely."
>Commander Writeslut, this is Femanon, we've got a shipper on deck.
Acknowledged. Keep goin'.
>"I think they're perfect together," she smiles.
>Awwwwwww
>Das so qt.
>But you have jobs.
"So, how do I into tailoring?"
>"Grammar, darling. First off, we've been working on a new line of dragon suits. Unfortunately the only dragon I've been working with is my darling Spikey-Wikey~"
>COMMANDER
No fuck you keep going
>"And Anonymous is out of town, so..."
>She hands you a business suit.
>It's got proportions better suited for dragons, with a hole on the bottom for a dragon's tail.
>Fuckin' awkward on a lady.
>You try it on.
>Hmmmmm
>"Well, how does it fit?"
"I'd say it's anatomically correct for a human. It's a little loose, but that's fine. You've adjusted for the spikes and scales, correct?"
>"Yes."
"Then that's fine as well."
>"The suit's meant to be flexible due to the nature of a dragon's anatomy."
"That might explain-"
>KNOCK KNOCK
>"Come in~" Rarity trills.
>And with the ring of the bell comes a pony you weren't expecting to see at this hour.
"Heyy, Applejack."
>"Howdy again, Sweetheart."
>There it is AGAIN.
>You're utterly convinced either Appul horse is fuckin' with you or she's actually in love with you.
>Which is awkward because you're not a lesbian.
>Shocking, isn't it?
>"Applejack, darling, it's good to see you!"
>Surprisingly, Applejack doesn't respond to dress horse.
>"Femanon, you holdin' up alright?"
"Yeah. I've been alright since we saw each other last...hour."
>"Oh! Well, that's swell."
"I mean it's not even that long."
>"Sure seems like it sometimes."
>Small talk will get you nowhere, honeybiscuit.
>...is what you would say if Rarity weren't here.
>COMMANDER.
No.
"Well, I'm helping Rarity out today, because again. Filling in, getting payed, life is awesome, etc."
>"Ah, so that explains the dress."
"Yeah."
>She takes one look at it.
>"Ah don't like it."
>You wish you had your camera.
>The face fault on Rarity's was just too good.

>"BUH- WHA- I- AAAP-"
>top kek
>Okay, resist the urge to laugh.
>You're getting paid.
"Okay?"
>"I- c-CAN YOU ELABORATE?"
>"Ah said ah don't like it."
>"I heard you clearly, but WHY don't you like it?"
>She pauses for a moment.
>"Well, ah don't think it really suits Femanon that well. It jus' looks rather bad on 'er."
"Well-"
>"Ah'd much rather her as she is."
"Can I-"
>"Because, if y'all don't mind me sayin', ah kinda prefer her that way."
"May I-"
>"Applejack, this suit was not meant for humans. It's meant for dragons."
>A moment of silence.
>"Ah, well that'll do it. But ah still think Femanon shouldn't wear it."
"Mostly I was just trying it on to see how it was coming along. Because she's trying to get a prototype of a line of dragon suits prepared."
>"Shucks, was jus' concerned Rarity were tryin' ta, y'know, embarrass you."
>"EMBARRASS HER? Applejack, if you don't mind me saying, I have the least intention of trying to embarrass her."
>Well.
"Awww, thanks-" you begin, before being cut off.
>"If anything she and Anon do that more without anypony interfering."
>Oof.
"Gee, thanks," you deadpan.
>"W-what did you just say about Femanon?"
>uh oh
>[munches popcorn internally]
>"Rares, I know we're friends an' all but ah really DON'T appreciate you callin' Femanon embarrasin'."
>"Darling, I wasn't intending-"
>"And y'all better not later on, because if ah didn't know any better that ain't how y'all treat a lady like Femanon."
>Hoo boy.
>You're certain Applejack was never this way with Anon.
"Applejack! Calm down!"
>She blinks, and starts to breath.
"Deep breaths, Applejack. Just calm down."
>"Hahh...sorry about that. Just got a lil' agitated."
>You look back towards Rarity, who's just sitting there, agitated herself.
"I'm deeply sorry, Rarity. I dunno what got into her."
>"Perhaps we can try this another time? It's not that I'm in any hurry, or anything."
>Sure. That might work.
>Again you don't need to and Anon doesn't need to, but he asked you.
>And it's coming out of his paycheck.
>Literally.
>Poor sap wouldn't know what hit 'im.
>Before you can answer to find a time to schedule something, Applejack speaks up.
>"Sure, Rarity. Ah'm sure Femanon will have plenty 'o time later on."
>CAN YOU FUCKING SPEAK TODAY?!
>GOD.
>No more words are shared between you, Rarity, and Applejack before you leave.
>And as you leave, you sigh.
>"So, Femanon, what's next on yer agenda?"
>Right.
"Well, I -was- going to work with Rarity for the next hour and a half, but that's pretty much done."
>You're staring right at her as you say that.
>"Yup."
>No sense of irony.
"And...well, then I was gonna work with Pinkie Pie on an April Foal's project, but that's not until like 4 today..."
>She blinked as her unironic smile faded.
>You don't blame her.
>If Pinkie Pie is involved in setting up a prank nothing good comes from it.
>Unless you're also involved.
>In which case lulz come from it.
>"A-An April FOAL'S project?"
"Yep. Top secret, completely confidential otherwise."
>"O-o-okay."

>Y'all are Applejack
>D-Did Femanon just say 'Foal'?
>As in a FOAL foal?
"A-An April FOAL'S project?" you stutter.
>"Yep. Top secret, completely confidential otherwise."
>Horseapples.
>It would never be secret at all if it were a foal.
>'Land's sake, Femanon, don't do this to me.'
"W-Well, that's a mighty interestin' development."
>"Yep. Be ready for when it appears," she smirks.
>You now dreaded that moment.
>Yer gonna hafta talk with Pinkie Pie a lil' later.
>But fer now, you're gonna have lunch.
>Just the two of ya.
>Alone.
"Well, er, sweetheart."
>That should keep her happy for now.
"It's gettin' to be around lunchtime, ain't it?"
>She checks her watch, and gasps.
>"Holy crap it's already noon?"
"Eeyup."
>Your belly rumbles.
"Hehe, and ah'm gettin' a lil hungry. You the same?"
>"Yeah. Where to?"
"Well, mah offer fer somethin' to eat still stands."
>She thinks about it for a moment.
>Come on, Femanon...
>"Sure! Haven't had an Apple Family lunch in a while."
>YES!
"Yeeehaw!" you shout.
>...
"Ahem. Alright."
>You managed to fix 'er up a good lil' apple salad.
>"Mmmmmph.."
>"Gulllp!"
>"Applejack, this is pretty good!"
"Ah'm glad~" you smile.
>You had hoped she liked it.
>But if she liked it, you were certain everypony else would as well.
>By Celestia you loved her.
>She takes another bite.
"Say, Femanon?"
>"Mm?"
"Ah've been thinkin'. An' Ah'm real sorry about what happened earlier today."
>She nods. "Again, we're gonna work something out later. I mean it's not a huge deal."
"Right. But y'all still like me, right?"
>"Yep. I still like you, Applejack."
>You smile.
>If Femanon liked you, that was a good start.
>Slow and steady right now, girl. Can't be too forceful jus' yet...

>You are Femanon.
>God DAMN this salad was good.
>"Femanon, sweetheart?"
>No srsly
"Wat."
>"Do y'all.."
>Y'all.
>"Ahem. Do -you- want to, well, see me again later? AH mean later today."
"Sure."
>You finish up your salad.
>"Ah mean after you're done with seeing Pinkie about that..well, Foal's project."
"April Foals. And you're not hearing anything about it until it comes."
>Top secret.
>Not to be disclosed.
>Not even to Writeslut.
God dammit.
>"APRIL Foals. Got it."
>The two of you share a long look at each other.
>It is said that in this moment, in the time it takes for two lovers to look into the eyes of one another, that truths would be revealed.
>That your destinies would irrevocably intertwine with one another.
>That true, unbreakable love would burst through your hearts.
>God that sounded so cheesy.
>But you couldn't help but wonder.
>Was Applejack really your true love?
>Was she really your Honeybiscuit?

>You are Applejack.
>The two of you share a long look at each other.
>It is said that in this moment, in the time it takes for two lovers to look into the eyes of one another, that truths would be revealed.
>That your destinies would irrevocably intertwine with one another.
>That true, unbreakable love would burst through your hearts.
>And it was true.
>By the stars above, it was true.
>In that moment, you fully realized just how in love with Femanon you were.
>She was your true love.
>She was your Sweetheart.

>You are Big Macintosh.
>You coulda swore you heard somethin' downstairs.
>So you got to check.
>Ah, it's just Femanon and Applejack.
"Howdy."
>The facefault on both of them is mighty funny.
>You don't say anythin' though.

>You are Femanon
>AUGH BIG RED HORSE
>"BUH- WHA- BIG MACINTOSH!"
>"Eeyup."
>Moment Killer out of fucking 10.
>...
>PFFFT.
>Okay you have to admit, that was pretty funny after the whole 'caught you off guard' thing.
>"Did y'all eavesdrop?!"
>"Eenope."
>You can already tell Applejack's getting mighty flustered.
>Y'all better-
>GREAT NOW -YOU'RE- SPEAKING TEXAN
>Applejack breathed a sigh of relief.
>"Okay, phew, was worried y'all heard-"
>"Don't need to hear, sis," he smirked.
>Dat shit eating grin.
>"W-what?!"
>"Eeyup."
>You were kinda okay with Big Red Apple Horse.
>He's not best pone.
>Not by far.
>But he's pretty chill when he needs to be.
>"S-So you know what's goin' on between me and Femanon?"
>"Eeyup."
>Eeyup.
>So now you have Applejack flank-flustered
>You have-
>Well, you HAD a ruined moment
>And you have Big Macintosh being smug as fuck
>"Big Macintosh, ah know yer mah brother an' all, and ah trust you. But could y'all give me an' Femanon here some space?"
>She paused, as if she were contemplating what she said.
>"Jus' for a lil' while."
>You could literally see Big Macintosh raise his eyebrows.
>Dem eyebrows
>"Eeyup."
>On that note, he left the room.
>Probably he was on his way out anyway.
>Best not to disturb him.
>Big Red Apple Horse is scary.
"Maaaaaaan that caught me off guard. You?"
>"Yeah. Real mood-killer sometimes."
>You smirk.
"At least he's a mood-killer and not a..."
>You remember in that moment that you're in Equestria.
"CAN I say that around here?"
>"Femanon, Sweetheart, ah'm a legal adult in Equestria, y'all don' need t' downplay innuendo 'round me."
"...I was gonna say serial killer. But hey, anus killer works too."