DERPY SHORT

>Day how in Equestria.
>You wake up to the unholy light of Princess Sunbutt with the accuracy of a hawk.
>Light right in the eyes, you crawl out of bed and do the normal routine.
>After you're finished you head downstairs to a mess of chaos that would rival even Discord.
>The couch is half burnt with stuffing stuck to the walls.
>Your lamp is leaking. LEAKING?!
>Your tv hangs from the roof and you can see hundreds of half eaten muffins everywhere.
>You head into the kitchen and walk right out.
>Might as well burn this place to Tartarus to clean it. It's be faster
>Before you head off to go buy matches you notice a grey and golden ball of fur fall out of the oven.
>It looks up at you with one eye fixed on you and the other god knows where it's focusing. It gives you a sheepish grin and rubs the back of it's head with a hoof.
>This is undoubtedly Derpy Hooves and you can't comprehend why she is here and what she has done.
"Derpy" You say with the fury of 1,000 hell hounds. Her ears and head droop, she knows she is in trouble.
"What are you doing in my house and what have you done?"
>Her face becomes riddled with guilt.
>"I just don't know what went wrong."
>FUCKING DERPY!

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FILLY PRINCESSES

>Day More Tea in Equestria
>Right now you're sitting down to eat breakfast in Castle Canterlot's dining room.
>The Princesses were kind enough to let you stay upon your arrival and 6 months later, you're still here. Maybe you should get a place to live?
>Eyeing the massive stacks of pancakes before you, you ready your weapons and prepare to eat these bad boys.
>Before you dig in, you see something in the corner of your eye.
>Turning to the window to... The princesses pulling faces at you. Really?
>Standing up and leaving your plate of golden amazing you walk over to them.
>You open the window and notice, the princesses are little fillies.
"Wh-what the... H-How?"
>"We've been caught, run!"
>The two little filly princesses run through the garden as fast as their little legs can take them.
>You quickly dive through the open window and give chase.
>"He's coming sister."
>"Fear not, we have a plan."
>They dart around a corner and you follow right behind you.
>Luna pushes a teddy under your foot causing you to fall and you hit your head on a nearby vase, knocking you out cold.
>When you awake you try to move but you can't.
>You look around and notice you're in what looks like Celestia's room, and you've been tied to a chair.
>"Ahh, so good of you to join us Anon."
>You give a glare to Filly Sunbutt.
>"If you don't smile then we shall not give you any scones."
>You look at the table before you and see a table full of what looks like what the Queen of England has for 'morning tea'.
>There's tea, biscuits, scones and the fanciest tea set to go with it.
>Your stomach decides to growl, reminding you of the tower you left in the dining room.
>Well if you want something to eat, you're going to have to play along.
>You give a smile then Princess Luna shoves a scone down your throat with some whipped cream.
>You cough and splutter a little but try to swallow as much of it as you can because you're hungry.
>"Would you like more tea Anonymous?"
>Fucking Filly Princesses.

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LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW!

>Day Let it Snow in Equestria
>You are anon and little Anon has been feeling blue today.
>You haven't had sex in years and every time you try to rub one out, Pinkie's sense tells her you're feeling sick and she bursts in.
>But no more, today you're so backed up that it's going to happen even if Pinkie wears it.
>You get home from work and you're about to throw off your pants when the lights come on.
>There are ponies everywhere all yelling "SURPRISE!"
>A pink ball bounces over to you.
>"Were you surprised Anon, Were ya? Were ya?"
"Yes Pinkie, thank you."
>Things get a little more blue while you go around talking with ponies.
>The whole time you begin to see everything as sexy.
>Punch fountain? Stick it in, Anon.
>Balloon? I'd tap that.
>That flank? Dat flank.
>You manage to sneak out and quickly dash behind some bushes the nearby park.
>Bye pants.
>Bye, bye boxers.
>You begin to rub one out.
>This has never felt so good, it's like heaven but in penis form.
>So close.
>Just before you climax Pinkie jumps out of the bush.
>"ANON!"
>Too late.
>Finally.
>You ejaculate everywhere and you can't stop, theres so much.
>Several minutes later Pinkie pops her head out of your snow-semen.
>"Nonny, you made it snow. Lets go make some snow cones."
>Today was an early winter.

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HUMAN FASHION IN EQUESTRIA

>Day New Fashion Trends in Equestria
>For about a week you've been helping Rarity with her designs, considering your world's fashion differs, she begged you for help.
>There were a lot of things she had to modify in your drawings, considering ponies can't wear human clothing but she's been loving every minute and hasn't been afraid to tell you. 
>Every. 5. Minutes.
>'Oh Anonymous dear, I can't thank you enough for your help.'
>Annoying as it has been, you have been enjoying it.
>You never were one for fashion but you can remember some things that were popular back home and your lack of knowledge hasn't bothered Rarity at all.
>And today is the last day, this afternoon you will be a free man again.
>Giving Rarity's door a knock, you turn around to gaze over the town, planning what kind of job you'll do next.
>You then notice something odd in this scene.
>It's the ponies, they're wearing what looks like... Underwear?
>Not just any underwear, the exact type you're wearing.
>Boxer briefs.
>Each with their own design, usually matching their coat also some have rather odd patterns and even weirder colours.
>Most have Rarity's signature design, the shiniest jewels somewhere on the design.
>"Ah, Anonymous, do come in."
"Uh, Rarity?"
>"Yes darling, what is the matter?"
"Those ponies are wearing-"
>"My latest design, yes. The one you mentioned just the other day, under-something?"
"Underwear, just uh, why?"
>"Well you see, I designed a few pairs to fit ponies after even made a set. And when Pinkie came to visit she instantly fell in love with them, ordered 7 pairs that night. Oh and after that, the style just took off. What do you think? Magnific, no?"
>Unable to process what you are looking at you just head home.
>Rarity calls out to you but you're in auto-pilot and keep walking, you don't stop until you reach your bed.
>You climb back in and try to take your mind off the latest fashion trend you just gave these ponies.

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CHERRY POPPING [PART 1]

>Day Cherry in Equestria
>"HIYA ANON!" squeals the little pink party pone when she sees you.
"Hey Pinkie, What are you up to?"
>"Oh, just floating around." She gives a snickering giggle as balloons float out of her mane and suspend her in midair. "What about you?"
"I'm going to go cherry popping."
>"I wish I could help but you see... I haven't told anypony this but when I was a little filly my big sister Inky-"
"No cherry then I don't care." you call out as you walk off.
>Besides, you've already picked out your first 'cherry' for the day.
>You arrive at Carousel Boutique and walk inside, as the doorbell rings throughout the shop.
>"Ahh Anonymous, how can I help you today?"
"Is Sweetie Belle here?"
>"No, she's off with her friends. Those girls never quit, always so eager to get their cutie marks."
"Good."
>"Hmm? Why's that dear?"
"I'm going cherry popping."
>"Why Anon, I hope you don't mean what I think you do."
>As you walk towards her she backs away keeping the same distance.
"Yes, I do and I know your cherry is ripe for picking."
>"A-Anon, I'm afraid I'm saving myself for marriage... I'm a lady after all."
>Her flank hits the wall and now she's cornered.
"I'll find a diamond later."
---
>You leave the unconscious Rarity in a pit of her tears. On your way out you turn the 'open' sign to 'closed', wouldn't want someone to see the mess you just made.
>You take a deep breath of fresh air as you set out for the next cherry.

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CHERRY POPPING [PART 2] [Somewhat Explicit]

>Day Cherry in Equestria
>You're walking through the market, feeling refreshed after popping your first cherry for today.
>But you're not finished yet, there's still many untouched mares in this town who have yet to feel the power that is your penis.
>You feel a rush of air fly through your hair as a blue blur flies overhead.
>Looking up you see Rainbow Dash flying back towards you.
>She narrowly misses you and comes to a halt before turning to you.
>"Hey Anon, you doing much today?"
"Yeah just after some cherries."
>"Oh cool, I'll help you out if you help me with this sweet move I've been wanting to try out for a while."
"I'd love to see your 'moves' Dash but first I gotta ask, are you a virgin?"
>"Wha-what kind of question is that?"
"Just tell me, please."
>"W-well... I've never been with a stallion if that's what you mean."
"Close enough, let's go."
>The two of you head off to the lake where you and Dash set up an obstacle course. The second you're finished she flies off to get started.
>"READY?!"
"WHAT?!"
>She flies through all the obstacles as fast as her wings can manage.
>You sit there in awe of her speed, mobility... Okay, you're just checking out her flank. There's no speed capable of outrunning your eyes when it comes to flank watching.
>On the last obstacle she hits her hoof and wipes out, you rush over to check on her.
"DASH! You okay?"
>You freeze as you see her in the perfect position.
>Face down, ass up.
>Her tail slightly brushed aside for you to get a view of her marehood.
>'It's too late, dig in, don't wait.' you chant inside your head as you take off your pants.
>"Yeah, I'm okay... I just-WOAH! What the hay are you doing Anon."
>You firmly take hold of her flank,
"I told you, I'm out for cherries."
>"B-but I've had sex before..."
"You said not with a guy, that's close enough for me."
>"Anon wait!"
>You ignore her cries for you to stop and enter her rainbow cunt.
>You hum a happy little tune as you thrust into Dash. She now tries to fly away but you've got a firm hold of her.
>Despite your vice-grip, she tries flying faster and her wings make a weird vibration on your dick.
>It feels too good and you let out your seed deep inside her.
>She only cries out even louder.
>You get up and dust yourself off.
"That makes two."
>'Wait, *sniff* who e-else have you raped?"
>You don't answer, instead you put your pants back on and walk away, still humming the same tune as you set out for the next cherry.

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CHERRY POPPING [PART 3] [Explicit]

>Day Cherry in Equestria
>You've popped a lot of cherries lately and luckily, they've all said nothing but you're not counting on that luck to hold out much longer.
>You've decided to pop one more before you're thrown off to jail or whatever punishment these ponies carry out for rape.
>This cherry is like the tip of the icing, a princess.
>You read in one of Twilight's books after you finished popping hers and were waiting for Spike to get back, that Princesses must remain pure until marriage.
>That's perfect, it's like reaching for the furthest stars or sun in this case because Celestia is one powerful mare.
>Brute force isn't going to be enough to win you this cherry pie.
>First things first, you've told Celestia that you'll be making a trip to Canterlot and she's offered you a room in the Castle.
>Which is perfect, you originally thought you'd have to scout the castle grounds just to learn how to sneak in.
>When she showed you to where you'll be staying and the room was amazing. Everything was sparkling clean, even looked brand new and the bed looked comfy enough to be a cloud but you were more amazed by something Celestia said.
>"If you need anything, my quarters are just down the hall."
>It's like there was a god almighty ensuring you popped this cherry. It will be so easy.
>You begin to feel all giddy as watch the sunset in the Canterlot Gardens. You wait a few minutes before you start heading up to your room, along the way you bump into Luna.
>"Ahh, how fares things Anonymous?"
"Good, you?"
>"Excellent, you need not fear anything this night. We watch over all during it's dark silence."
>This pony freaks you out a little, it's the way she talks.
"Thank you then... Uh how's Celestia?"
>"She is well, and a little relieved to be heading to bed early this day."
>You use all your willpower to not cheer at that.
"I-Is she okay?"
>"Yes, running a kingdom can take it's toll sometimes."
"I'm sure it does." you fake a loud yawn and stretch, "Say, I'm pretty tired too."
>"You best get some sleep then, Goodnight Anonymous."
"Night Princess."
>You slowly walk down the hall with a slight slump in your step until you no longer hear Luna's hoof steps.
>You then pick up the pace, not wanting to waste anymore time.
>It takes some guesses which door is Celestia's room but you get it around the 8th guess.
>You slowly creep up until you can see the sleeping Alicorn's face.
>A devilish grin appears across your face as you remove the covers.
>You carefully adjust her hind legs into position and flick her tail out the way, revealing your prize.
>"1, 2, 3, 4, I can hardly wait anymore."
>You chant softly as you remove all your clothes.
>"5, 6, 7, 8, stick it in, no need to wait."
>Slowly, you guide your fully erect-member to Celestia's tight marehood. You've never felt anything so tight, you knew mares could clench but not this much.
>The speed is agonising but your heart feels like it's going to burst, if Celestia wakes up, you're dead.
>When you have your dick fully inserted you pause, you can feel her grip loosen but it still feels firmly wrapped around you.
>You pull backwards, taking in the warm feeling of her cunt. None of the others felt this good.
>In the excitement you quickly thrust back into Celestia then freeze when she lets out a loud moan. She stirs slightly from her slumber but doesn't wake up, only adjusts herself a little.
>You still wait a moment before running your hands along her soft coat on her flank.
>You then give it a squeeze, taking a tight grip before continuing your hip's rhythm, ensuring each thrust won't wake her.
>The sensation is amazing, the adrenaline and the feeling of her untouched marehood. You can't help but pick up the pace.
>Celestia's face turns a tint of red as she lets out soft moans in her sleep, she must be able to feel your dick all the way into her dreams.
>At this point you don't care if she wakes up, it's too late now.
>Your hips now thrust harder as you feel the climax approaching.
>You've reached your peak as you spray your load deep inside the sleeping princess.
>This time she does wake up, she turns her head and sees the naked human behind her.
>"Anonymous, I trust there is an explanation for this situation."
>Her voice was shocked and confused at first but turned into anger before she finished that sentence.
>You stay there, mouth agape and your dick still firmly planted inside the royal vagins as you try and think of a possible explanation but you've got nothing.
"I was looking for cherries." you say with a proud grin.
>Her eyes glow a fierce shade of... fire. The eyes burrow deep into your own as she stands up and faces you.
>"Anonymous the human, you are hereby, banished!" she bellows out in that Canterlot voice while her horn blasts you with magic.
>You try to shield yourself with your arms from the light. A second later you feel a cold breeze, you open your eyes to see a dull and empty wasteland. Looking around, you see nothing but off to the horizon you can see Equestria. You're on the moon, naked. Looks like you can breathe up here somehow, fucking magic.
>You try and wrap yourself up with your arms for warmth and all you can think about is the fucking cold.
"Worth it!"

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PINKIE THE BOUNTY HUGGER

>"Anonymous, I've come for you!"
>You hear Pinkie yelling outside Sugarcube Corner, you turn and look outside the window to see the pink pone sporting a leather jacket down to the floor and bolero hat. You just turn Applejack who is sitting beside you.
"What is she doing?"
>"Ahh'dunno Anon, it's just Pinkie bein' Pinkie." she says with a shrug before returning to her cinnamon bun.
>You stand up and head outside to see what stupid thing she's up to.
>"Ahh, come to meet your maker have we?"
"Pinkie, what are you doing?" you say with a deep sigh.
>She holds up a crayon drawing of you with 'WANTED! HUGGED OR ALIVE' written along the top in large, bolded letters.
>"I've come to collect the bounty on your head, don't try and run Anon of the east."
>Today has been boring as hell so that probably explains what happened next.
>You wrap your jacket around your face and tie it, leaving only your eyes visible. You then strike a series of kung-fu poses before putting on your most offensive asian accent.
"Does my wall dance scare you Pinkie Pie?"
>"Let's do this!" she says as she throws up the hat and charges at you.
>You didn't think she was actually going to attack you.
>"ATTACK HUG!" she screams as her hooves wrap around in a vice like grip around your chest.
"C-can't... breathe!"
>She lets go just before you pass out from the lack of oxygen.
>Fucking Pinkie.

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LUNA WANTS A PET

>”Lulu, are you sure about this? We can just get you a bat or something?”
>”Neigh Tia, we have made our decision.”
>Your sister remained silent as you continue to mark out the appropriate symbols on the floor.
>You were tired of being alone at night and as such, you were going to summon a creature from the eternal beyond to keep you company.
>With her magic, Celestia placed candles and lit them in around the circle you now finished marking out.
>You look over to Celestia who is still has a look of concern, you don’t blame her.
>You’re not 100% sure what will come out when you summon it, all you know is that whatever creature it is will obey your command.
>”Ready Tia?”
>”As I’ll ever be,” she stands by your side as you read the incantation.
>”Ykeahuke wkop zeconx, teak pc jupponj. Pac hte jmikih vuixe ow foklxj vuixe cou aykojj zakkiekj hofakxj pc yallinv. Omen hte majjavefac zehfeen ouk foklxj anx yope wokht.”
>As you chant a small breeze begins from the centre of the circle, slowly increasing in speed.
>The flames on each candle intensifies as the breeze picks up to a gust of wind. Before long it feels like there is a tornado in the centre of the room.
>You can hardly see from the wind forcing your eyes close, you can make out that a small black ooze has appeared and is climbing upwards to form a shape.
>A hallowing moan erupts of the creature and resonates throughout your body.
>”WHAT IS HAPPENING?” Tia calls out to you; her face clearly showing her panic.
>”IT’S WORKING!” you shout back, you can feel your body tremble with excitement. This has been the moment you’ve been waiting for, finally a creature of the night to call your own.
>The black ooze, now standing tall, begins to refine its own shape. You recognise this form from the book of mythological creatures you read prior to this summoning.
>It’s a human, you know it.
>The creature is bipedal with only two arms attached to its torso; the creature also has hands not claws. 
>No tail, wings, horns or body parts that look like a mismatch.
>As the ooze now begins to give itself colour, your guess is confirmed as it has pale white skin and matted fur atop its head.
>You couldn’t be happier with the result, it’s one of the least blood-thirsty creatures and these beings are rather intelligent. Tia won’t need to worry about an evil demon running rampant anymore.
>As the creature’s shape has finished being moulded, the gusts of wind dies and the candles blow themselves out.
>You quickly grab a blanket when you notice the creature is nude and step towards it.
>”Luna be-“
>”It’s alright sister, he won’t hurt us. He’s harmless.” you say in an attempt comfort your sister as you wrap the blanket around the human.
>The human looks up to you with blank stare and drool oozing from him open mouth.
>It’s extremely off putting.
>”Um, hello human, I am Luna… and this is my sister Celestia. What is your name?”
>He looks tries to speak but his voice is hoarse and he has a slight stutter.
“A-A-,” he takes a deep breath, “Anonymous.”
>”Anonymous, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
>He continues his blank stare, directly into your eyes. You’ve never felt so awkward from one creature.
>He begins to shift and squirm on the spot with a look of discomfort on his face.
>”Anonymous, are you alright?”
>He nods happily then says with a proud tone.
“There’s a candle in my bum.”
>You’re taken aback as you try and process what this creature said and with such pride.
>”It appears you’re right sister. He is harmless. Congratulations!”
>Celestia beams at you with a huge shit-eating grin.
>”We desire a refund.”
>You look to Anonymous who now has his tongue hanging out of his mouth while panting like a dog.
>Fucking humans.

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CRYING COLGATE

>Day Dentist in Equestria
>"Wow, Anon, your teeth are so different to ours."
"Yeh, off kouwse."
>You're never knew why dentists insist on talking to you while they're looking around in your mouth.
>You just let out a sigh and Colgate's face scrunches up in disgust.
>"Woah, Anon, when did you brush last?"
>You just shrug, she still has her tools in your mouth.
>Her face becomes one of horror.
>"N-no... Brushie?"
"What? It's not that big of deal."
>Her mood swings again, typical women, into anger. She's looking deep into your eyes with the anger and hate of 1,000 demons from the furthest pits of Tartarus.
>That look is going to nightmares tonight.
>"Your house! Now!"
>Now you're not sure where this is going.
>The walk to your house is silent and awkward. You feel a little guilty too, maybe you should of just lied.
>You knew Colgate is a bit obsessive over dental hygiene.
>When you're unlocking the door, you can still feel her eyes burrowing into your back. You've never felt so uncomfortable.
>And confused.
>As the door swings ajar Colgate makes a beeline for the bathroom and you just wait in the doorway until she calls out, or rather, demands you get in there.
>You walk in to see a crying colgate, cradling an empty toothpaste tube and brush. Tears stream down her face and her makeup begins to run, you didn't even know she was wearing any.
>She looks up and your eyes meet, her sorrowful face becomes one of hate.
>"YOU MONSTER!"
>You're not sure quite how to respond to the scene unfolding in front of you.
"C-Colgate..."
>"HOW LONG?!"
"What?"
>"I gave you this when you first arrived 2 years ago, how long have you gone without brushing?"
"I don't know, since I ran out of the toothpaste?"
>She throws the toothbrush at you then soflty sings 'brushie' over and over to the empty toothpaste tube.
>You back away slowly and close the door, still unable to comprehend what you just saw.

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OLD SPICE/TERRY CREWS IN EQUESTRIA

"So AiE, write a story based on the last song you listened to." -Anon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otnyM9RJG4o
 
-Sweetie Belle's POV-
>Day advertisements in Equestria
>"Sweetie belle, do you hear that?"
>You flick up your ears and hear a chirpy little whistle.
"Yeah, what's that coming from?"
>As if to answer your question, A tall, dark, muscular and bipedal creature burst through the Treehouse's door and starts screaming at the wall.
>"OLD SPICE BODYWASH IS SO POWERFUL IT CAN SEND YOU TO NEW UNIVERSES WITH NEW 8 HOURS OF ODOR BLOCKING," he draws in a large breath and you begin to feel scared, "POWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"
>As he screams, his legs turn into weird cylinders and shoot fire out of them, sending him up through the roof. He's still screaming too.
 
-Big Mac's POV-
>You're quietly bucking apples when all of a sudden you hear a shout overhead.
>"-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!"
>You look and see a tall, dark, muscular and bipedal creature fall to the ground, landing perfectly fine on his feet.
>That's impossible, nopony can survive that fall unharmed.
>"OLD SPICE BODYWASH CAN GIVE ANY MAN THE POWER HE NEEDS TO GET THROUGH HIS CHALLENGES, WITH IT'S B.O BLOCKING POWER IT CAN MAKE YOU AS POWERFUL AS ME!"
>His arm then extends, punching you in the draw and you stumble backwards.
>You look at the can he is now holding in front of you.
>The top of it opens, and sprays you with a weird gel.
>You cough and splutter before a strange sensation flows through you.
>You feel fresher, stronger and there's a manly smell in the air.
 
-Rainbow Dash's POV-
>You're up in Cloudsdale listening to Thunderlane brag about his latest 'conquest', sweet Celestia this stallion is an idiot. He didn't sleep with Cloudkicker at all.
>"And then next thing you know she was... What is that noise?"
>You listen carefully but you hear only silence.
>"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Wait, yeah, what is that?"
>Suddenly a tall, dark, muscular and bipedal creature jumps up onto the cloud, and starts shouting at the top of his lungs.
>"NEW OLD SPICE SHAVING GEEEEEEEL!"
>A giant cylinder can, around 3 times your size rises through the cloud and rains a gel over Thunderlane.
>"THIS COAT HAS GOT TO GO!"
>He pulls a shaver the size of him arm out of his red, skin tight shorts and quickly shaves off Thunderlane.
>In just a few seconds Thunderlane has been turned hairless, when he realises his cheeks turn the brightest shade of red and proceeds to use a cloud to provide cover himself.
>"YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM THE OVERWHELMING POWER OF OLD SPICE AFTER SHAVE!"
>A small bottle bursts through the walls and lands right into the creature's hand. He then splashes a small amount onto Thunderlane before removing the cloud he was using as cover.
>Thunderlane tries to use his hooves to stop ponies from looking but nopony can look away as his coat grows back at an alarming rate.
>It then just stops when it reaches the same length as it was previously but it looks different now.
>It's now more sleek and soft.
>His mane is no longer a mohawk but instead a long, flowing hairstyle. Wind has come out of nowhere making his new mane cascade in the breeze.
>"Wow, this feels incredible. Who are you stranger?"
>Thunderlane's voice is now much deeper and suave, he no longer sounds like a young colt going through puberty.
>"I'M TERRY CREW AND THAT WAS THE POWER OF OLD SPICE SHAVING GEL AND AFTERSHAVE!"
>He then spear dives through the wall, leaving a large hole right next to the door.
"Why didn't he just use the door?"
>Your question falls on deaf ears as Thunderlane now off with two mares.
"I wonder if they do lady's deodorant?"

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WOLOLO

>Day convert in Equestria
>It's been several months since you landed in this strange world with ponies as it's inhabitants. 
>You're the only human in this land but also the only one devoted to your empire.
>Today's the day you've been waiting for, you're going to unite these ponies and figure out how to get home.
>With an entire world bolstering your empire's forces none will stand in it's path.
>You decide to head to Sweet Apple Acres, converting the strongest Stallion in this town will make a fine example of your cause.
>As you walk up the long dirt path and eventually see Big Mac bucking the apple trees.
>When you walk up to him he gives you a nod before going back to his work.
"Big Mac, there's more important work to be done."
>He turns to you with a confused look.
"Allow me to demonstrate, WOLOLO!"
>Big mac's coat then changes to green.
>He looks as his new and improved style before giving you a nod and going back to work on bucking apple trees.
>Simpleton.
>You decide to leave him here for now, there's no reason to be flustered over one pony when there's still an entire town left.
>As you walk up to the Apple family home you notice Rainbow and Pinkie are standing at her door already, saving you the trouble of finding them it seems.
>"Hiya Anon."
>"Hey bro, how's things?"
"Excellent. I've decided to convert the ponies of this world to support the cause of my empire."
>You stand there proudly while the two ponies give you confused looks.
>You sigh before instructing them on all your empires righteous ideals and the cause it supports. how it is fighting for the people at any cost and that it's the mightiest empire of all. It's a long speech and by the end Rainbow has nearly fallen asleep but Pinkie is fixated on you.
>She's trembling with excitement or because you've had her stay still for so long, you're not sure which.
"And that's it."
>Pinkie claps her hooves loudly while Dash stretches in an attempt to get out of her half asleep state.
>"Boring Anon, you have fun with that but now-"
>You can't let this pony leave without submitting to the empire.
"WOLOLO!"
>Dash's coat instantly turns into green and her jaw drops, unsure how to react.
>"How did you... W-what?"
>Pinkie giggles with a little snort.
>"That looks like fun, let me try."
"Pinkie you must be a priest that serves under a banner-"
>"WOLOLO!"
>Dash's coat changes from green to pink to your amazement. 
"How did you? Never mind. WOLOLO!"
>Dash's coat reverts back to green but Pinkie just giggles before changing her converting her to Pink once again.
>The whole day the becomes wasted like this, arguing back and forth as you change Dash's coat from pink to green and green to pink.
>The sun begins to set and Rarity has come over for whatever reason.
>By this point you're exhausted from this back and forth. Pinkie's amusement in all this doesn't fade, your's however went hours ago.
>"Anonymous dear, are you alright? You look exhausted and dash, that green doesn't work with your mane at all."
"Yes, just trying to unite everyone but Pinkie here-"
>"WOLOLO," she interrupts, again changing Dash to pink.
>You hang your head in defeat, you can't keep this up.
>"This looks like fun, let me try. WAHAHA!"
>Then your clothes, Dash and Pinkie's coats all change into white with purple detailing.
>You give up at that point and head home.
>Fucking ponies.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LUNA AND HER TERRIBAD PICKUP LINES

>Day terribad pick ups in Equestria
>You've been staying in the castle for a few months now thanks to the kindness of the Princesses and it just so happens that you've caught the attention of one.
>She's socially awkward and somehow got it into her head that using terrible pickup lines is a good idea.
>"Anonymous?"
"Shit!"
>You duck behind a nearby statue in hopes you won't be seen.
>But-
>"Found you!"
>It's too late.
>You stand up and turn to Luna who gives you a triumphant smile.
"Hey Luna. How are you?"
>"We are quite well. Yourself?"
"Yeah, I'm good. Look, I gotta go."
>As you try and make your escape, Luna stands in your way.
>"Anon, we were wondering-"
>Here we go.
>"We lost our virginity, may we have yours?"
>You facepalm and walk in the opposite direction.

>Day why me in Equestria
>You're sitting in the kitchen making yourself a cake when you hear the familiar sound of hooves stepping onto the tiles.
>You're expecting it to be the chef but when they speak up, you're very disappointed.
>"Anonymous!"
>Crap, it's Luna.
>"My, my. We must say, that apron looks most becoming on you."
>You look down on the white apron you're wearing. You're a little confused by the compliment but grateful none-the-less.
"Thank-"
>"We must say, if we were on you, we'd be cumming too."
>You just throw the batter in her face and leave.
>Fucking Luna.

>Day just stop in Equestria
>You're walking down the never ending halls of Canterlot Castle when you see the only Princess here you don't want to keep a hundred metre distance between.
>"Good Morning, Anon."
"Morning Celestia. Heading to bed?"
>"Yes, it's late for me. Oh, by the way, Luna was looking for you."
"Thanks for the heads up."
>You decide to make a b-line for your room. Not stopping for anything and moving into a near sprint.
>If you can get to your room then she'll leave you alone.
>You arrive at your door and give a sigh of relief before stepping inside.
"Home safe."
>As you open your door you're met with the expectant face of the Princess you do want to avoid.
>"Anon, fancy seeing you here."
"What are you doing in my room?"
>"Did you know the word of the day is legs?"
"Luna-"
>"How about we go spread the 'word'?"
>She looks at you with a deviant smile and bobs her eyebrows up and down.
>You don't even answer, you just push her out of your room and slam the door shut behind her.

>Day peace and quiet in Equestria
>You're currently enjoy the tale of "Sunwhirl and the Dragon's Keep" in the Library.
>Well, actually you're not enjoying it, it's awful.
>It's a shitty self-insert of Starswirl the bearded's unrealistic adventures in an unrealistic world who has mares swooning over him for no other reason than being 'exotic' or 'unique'.
>It reminds you of some terrible fan fiction you read back home but it's quiet here and there's no Luna.
>Which could make any terrible book, a thing of beauty.
>It was as if just thinking about it could summon her because you look up from your book to see her standing before you.
"How long have you been standing there?"
>"Not long."
"It's the middle of the afternoon, shouldn't you be in bed?"
>"The sun is up?"
>She sounds shocked as she looks around to check that it is the middle of the afternoon, however, she just shrugs it off and look back at you.
>"You know, I'm glad I bought my library card."
>You just do the book version of a facepalm while you wait for it.
>"Because I'm checking you out."
>She gives you a wink [spoiler]with her eye.[/spoiler]
"Luna, just go. Please."

>Day stahp in Equestria
>"Anon we heard you were the sweetest human in Equestria."
"Probably because I'm the only one."
>"We do not believe you. We must have a taste test."
>You don't like the way she said 'taste'.
>And you really don't like the way she's leaning in.
>You push her back and take a step back from her, eager to make some distance between you two.
>She gives her head a shake before standing up properly.
>"We are sorry, we do not know what came over us."
"It's alright, just... don't do that."
>"We will try," she smiles before there's a long pause. After a minute she finally she speaks up again. "Would you like to play trains?"
"What?"
>"Would you like to play trains?"
"Uh, sure?"
>"Excellent, I'll sit on your face while you choo, choo, choo."
>Fucking Luna.

>Day she doesn't stop in Equestria
>You've spent all day and all night, Luna free.
>It's been fantastic, perhaps she ran out of pick up lines.
>You take a seat on a couch and spread out relaxing.
>You're enjoying the moment until you get a feeling of being watched that only grows as time goes on.
"Luna, are you there?"
>"We are not Luna"
>Either someone can do a perfect impersonation of Luna or Luna has hit her head and gotten brain damage.
>You'll admit, either option would be great.
>As you sit up, you confirm that it really is Luna that's been watching you the whole time from the doorway.
"If you're not Luna then who are you?"
>"We are Simon."
"Right, Simon, can you quit watching me? It's freaking me out."
>"Simon says, we're having sex tonight."
>You bury your face in a pillow and wait for her to leave but she doesn't.
>She stays there watching.
>Fucking Simon.

>Day stuck in a carriage with Luna in Equestria
>You're sitting on one side and Luna is on the other.
>You wanted to go shopping and it was very convenient that Luna needed to go as well so Celestia asked you to take a carriage with her.
>'No' was apparently the wrong thing to say to Celestia.
>It was suffer an awkward ride to the shops with Luna or suffer the wrath of the Sun Princess.
>If only you had a few more suicidal tendencies.
>"Anonymous."
>Dear god, she's starting already.
>You wonder if that tuck and roll thing really works from the movies.
>"What shops do you require to visit?"
>You're surprised she said something normal for once.
"Uh, clothes mainly. I need to order some custom made ones being the only human and all."
>She nods before speaking up again.
>"It appears we have shat our pants."
"Luna, what the fuck? You don't even wear-"
>"May we get in yours?"
>Nope.
>You open the carriage door before tucking and rolling the fuck outta there.

>Day Fine Dining in Equestria
>You're currently enjoying a nice dinner in the Castle with both Princesses.
>The reason you can enjoy yourself like this is because Celestia is here.
>When she's around, Luna behaves herself. Although she has been getting a little more bold with her 'advances', if you can call them that.
>"Anon, could you please pass us the gravy?"
>You're unsure why she asked, she has magic. You assume it's some kind of mannerism and hand her the gravy jug.
>You reach for your spoon so you can have some soup as Luna speaks up again.
>"Anon, what is your favourite silverware... Because I like to spoon."
>You roll your eyes as Celestia gives a small giggle.
>"Please don't encourage this," you think to yourself.
>Skipping the soup, you move onto something else but you can't find your fork anywhere.
>"Oh my, Anon, did you want to fork?"
>You sigh and forget it, you'll just fill up on bread.
>As you reach out for some, Luna speaks up again.
>"Were your parents bakers?"
"I swear to-"
>"Because you've got nice buns."
>With dinner ruined, you throw your hands up and just leave.
>Fucking Luna.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SAVOIR OF MANKIND

>"ANONYMOUS!"
>You're woken by the sound of the night princess. Needless to say, you're a little pissed considering it's 3am and you have a long work day on the Apple Family farm ahead of you.
"What?" you reply with a fierce and angry tone.
>"Are you alright? You seem agitated," her voice shows concern but at this hour, you're out of fucks to give.
>You suppress the urge to kill and sit up to look at Luna deep in her eyes, making sure she can tell you're more than annoyed.
>You don't need a mirror to know how terrible you look, your hair is all over the place and the bags under your eyes feel like suitcases.
"Luna, what do you want?"
>She stands upright, proud and tall, before clearing her throat to speak.
>"Anonymous, we have a solution to your problem."
>You give her the same tired and annoyed expression as earlier.
"Which one? Please tell me it's the 'no alcohol' one because I could really use a drink."
>"Afraid not. It's the reproduction for your race."
>Now she has your attention, you don't show that though. You're curious what she means by that, more because you thought it was an offer.
"Oh, Luna, you know I'm not into ponies. Besides, it would never work, our DNA-"
>"No, we have a better way."
>You sit upright and focus on every word she's going to say, this might be something better than alcohol. A girl.
"Do tell." 
>"You may not be aware of this, but I created the batpony race through cross-breeding."
"How?"
>She holds up a terrified, fruit bat and you give her a deadpan stare. Any interest, optimism and hope you had is gone.
"I'm not even going to entertain this idea. Goodnight, Luna."
>Before you can roll back into bed, Luna lifts you in her magic and pulls your face against hers.
>You can see every little detail of her eyes. They'd look beautiful if they weren't giving you the most terrifying rape face you've ever seen.
>You can feel her breath on your face, it's quite quick and harsh. Her pupils have dilated and you can barely see a wide grin forming on her face.
>"Anonymous, this is for science."
"Luna, I beg you, don't-"
>It's too late, she holds you down with her fierce magical grip.
>Against a normal unicorn, your strength is enough to fight against their magic but alicorns are much more powerful than a regular unicorn. You can't fight back despite your never ending efforts to try.
>You spend the rest of the night being molested with a fruit bat until Luna is satisfied a race of Bathumans will be born.
>When she leaves you curl up into the fetal position and cry.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PAT x YANDERE OCTAVIA

>Pat slowly opens his eyes, eager to start a new day before trying to stretch. He quickly finds his arms and feet bound up to each pole of his bed.
>The rope is tight, constricting any movement.
>He goes into a minor panic until a grey mare appears, towering above him. He recognises her straight away.
>"Good morning, Pat," her voice is sweet but has a hint of passion that Pat picks up on that only makes his panicked state, worse.
"Octavia, what's happening?"
>His voice quivers as he begins to plot how to defuse whatever situation he has found himself in.
>She gives him a happy smile and stares with wide, unblinking eyes.
>"I've made a decision, for both of us, that we should be together."
>Pat gives out a sigh of relief. He'll admit it, he's been waiting for this moment where he could finally be with his waifu despite the current circumstances.
"But you don't need to tie me up to tell me that. I'm not running."
>"That's true."
>She leans over and begins to untie the bonds around his rope with her mouth before pausing and turning to Pat with that same wide-eyed and sweet but sinister smile as earlier.
>"Even if you run, Pat... I will find you. I've decided I want-no-NEED you. So stay, let me keep you."
>She leans in and softly kisses him on the lips before whispering in his ear, "You will be mine!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'VE LOST CONTROL OF MY LIFE

>"Ready?"
"Ready!"
>This is it.
>The moment you've waited months for.
>Going home.
>Twilight concentrates as hard as she can, remembering the spell as her horn begins to glow and whir.
>You tense up your body and wait.
>Just before Twilight cast it at you, you open your eyes and you wish you didn't as all you can see is a bright, blinding, purple flash go off.
>Your eyes hurt for a minute before you can open them and when you do, it's very dark.
>It must be midnight back home.
>You jump up and down with excitement.
>"SWEET CELESTIA!"
>You recognise that squeal anywhere.
"Twilight?"
>"What the?"
>Before you can question why she's here or ask where she is, the whole world starts to shake and wobble as the sound of hoof steps echo everywhere.
>If you weren't worried before, you are now.
"Twilight, what's happen-"
>Light begins to fill the world again and you're met face to face with Twilight's flank cheeks and your face in a mirror.
>Except.
>Your face.
>Is now.
>Twilight's.
>Asshole.
"OH GOD, WHAT THE FUCK?!"
>"Anon, please stop talking," she shouts.
"You better be thinking of a way to fix this, and fast."
>"I'm trying," she winces, "but I can't think when you talk. It makes me feel... Funny."
>That was enough to shut you up.
>You kept quiet while Twilight flicked through some books but it doesn't take long before she speaks up.
>"Anon, we have a problem."
"Which is?"
>"I have to... use the little filly's room."
>Today was a very shitty day.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GRIFFINS LOVE LASER POINTERS!

>You're sitting at the park with your bro, Dash.
>Neither of you are really doing anything but sit on your asses.
>It's a pretty boring day, until you see Gilda, Dash's bitch of a friend walk over.
"Hey Dash, you know how griffon's are half cat?"
>"Yeah?"
>She stares at you, trying to work out what you have planned but she'll never be able to work out of from just the big shit eating grin you have on your face.
>You pull out a small, cylinder object on a key chain out of your pocket and point it at Gilda's direction.
>"What is that?"
>You don't reply, instead you click the button and point the little red dot in front of Gilda.
>"What the hell is this, dweeb?"
>Then her eyes widen.
>Her legs and talons twitch.
>She lowers her front half, ready to pounce.
>The whole time she has a look of bewilderment on her face, unable to comprehend this sudden urge to chase the little dot.
>Then, you shake it around before making it dart over to a tree.
>Gilda's ass begins to shake and rumble.
>It's like watching a girl twerk at first but then she pounces backwards.
>Her plump booty charges full speed at the dot to catch it.
>She then rams it into the tree, snapping it in half.
>"AH SHIT! I got splinters in my ass!"
>You don't let her rest, you continue to move the laser, making sure it's just out of reach as she runs backwards to crush it with her giant ass.
>Dash's sides are in orbit.
>Then you shut it off.
>Gilda is trying to catch her breath when she glares at you, and boy is she pissed.
>You return her snarl with a big cocky grin as you point the laser pointer at your crotch.
>Her eyes widen in fear as she realises your new plan.
>You sit down, lean back and turn on the laser pointer.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
COMEDY GOLD

>"Do you think she's home?"
>Fluttershy gingerly places you on the clouds to Dash's front yat before fluttering to the ground beside you.
"Only one way to find out," you reply before you loudly knock on Dash's door.
>You wait but there's no answer.
>"Maybe she's out?"
"Doubt it, nobody has seen her for a few days."
>"What're we going to do then, Anon?"
>You don't answer her, instead you step back and kick the door down.
>Turns out clouds aren't very stable as the door disappears with a poof.
"Dash? It's Anon, I'm coming in with Flutterbutter."
>The two of you step inside and head straight to Rainbow's room where you find her curled up into a ball.
>You roll her over to see she looks awful.
>Her mane and coat are a mess, she has bag after bag under her eyes and tears streaming down her cheeks.
>"Oh no, Dash, what's wrong?"
>"I-I failed... The Wonderbolt tryouts."
"Who's that?"
>Dash looks at you, dumbfounded.
>"I've told you about them before. They're Equestria's greatest ariel team and it's been my dream since I was a filly to join their ranks."
>"It'll be okay, there's always next year."
>"I don't want to wait a whole year for another shot. I've already been striving to achieve this dream for years only to be shut down. I was so close too."
>She burries her face into her pillow and screams.
"Come on Rainbow, there's no need for the long face. You'll get there."
>"Yeah, I thought that about this time, that I'd get there but instead the rug was pulled out from under me. I'll try again next 
year, I'll work even harder. I know I will but right now, I feel like just giving up."
"Rainbow, do you know what I do to stop myself feeling blue?"
>"What?"
"I start breathing again."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MOTORBOAT!

>Day Questions in Equestria
>You're sitting in Twilight's library as she hounds you with question after question about humans.
>She's a little too inquisitive for her own good.
>"So, are there any kind of ritualistic events humans do?"
"What do you mean, like holidays?"
>"No, as in things like social interaction and courting."
"Uh, not really. We greet each other with a wave and move on with it. For courting, it varies."
>"From what?"
"Anywhere between romance to motor boating."
>"Motor boating?"
"Yeah, it's where you'd stick your head between someone's tits or ass and shake your face making a weird motor sound."
>You demonstrate by shaking your head a little and making the sound before realising that you're an idiot for doing it.
>Twilight doesn't catch onto your embarrassment, instead she writes it down before Spike walks into the room.
>"Twilight, do you know where the ladder is? I can't get the book of Nordrassil otherwise."
>You glance at Twilight who isn't even paying attention.
>Rather than bothering to snap her out of it, you stand up and walk over to the little purple dragon.
"Where is it, kiddo?"
>"Over here," he replies as he waddles off to the shelf with you following.
>As you reach up and grab the book marked, "Nordrassil: The World Tree" you feel something push up against each cheek. 
>Your face goes deadpan as you suddenly realise what is about to happen.
>A soft but firm object the size of a basketball plunges itself into your ass and immediately begins to shake side to side briskly.
>The sensation catches you off guard as the vibrations reverberate through your entire body, the closer to your ass it is, the stronger the vibrations.
>You begin to feel light headed as whoever is motor boating your sweet, virgin ass shakes even harder and faster.
>Then they suddenly stop and you drop to the floor like a plush.
>As you turn around, Spike picks up the book you were holding for him and leaves.
>"Thanks Anon."
"Y-You're.... wel... welcome."
>Then you come face to face with a pink mare sporting a rather large grin.
>"Greetings Anon, I have come to court you!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CELESTIA IS A DORK

>You're going on walk-abouts through the castle with no real direction in mind. It's another one of those days where you can't be bothered to really do anything.
>God you miss your computer and the Internet.
>Then you hear what sounds like Celestia's giggling behind one of the doors.
>Curious, you open the door to see her sitting at a little table along with dolls and stuffed animals as she reads to them.
>"And then missus Solaire leaned in to plead into her husbando's ear, take me!"
>She hides her face behind the book and gives a loud, giddy giggle.
>You clutch your hand over your chest as you try to fight off the impending heart attack, you still make a "hnng~!" sound though which catches the ear of the Princess.
>She turns to you, her face as red as a rose.
>"E-Evening Anonymous..."
"Hey Princess, what are you up to?"
>"I, uh... was--"
>The rest of her sentence is barely a whisper.
"What was that?"
>"A... tea party," she stammers.
>A proud grin forms on your face. You can't help it. Embarrassed Celestia is the best.
"Mind if I join?"
>"S-Sure."
>You take a seat between a pink pony doll and a chimera plush. The seat is less than half your size so it's an uncomfortable sit so you find yourself shuffling often stop yourself from falling off.
>"Everything okay?"
>You nod.
>"Ok, uh... now... where was I?"
"Take me," you say.
>The princess looks up from her book, the red in her cheeks all the brighter.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
APPLIANCE PONY (Phone)

>ZVVT! ZVVT! ANON! ZVVT! 
>You pick the little the pone phone and push the answer button on her belly, eliciting a small giggle from the mare before holding her up to your ear.
"Hey, Anon speaking"
>"Hi Anon, it's your mum."
>"A-Anon--"
"Hey mum, what do you need?"
>"I'm calling about your brother."
>"Anon, your breath is..."
>You try to ignore the little mare, even as she wraps her forehooves around your ear tightly.
>"--so do you think you could help him out?"
"Sorry, what did you say?"
>"Aah!"
>"Anon, are you listening?"
>Then you can feel something running down the side of your face.
>"Sorry mum, I'll call you back," you answer before hang up and placing the pone phone on the table.
>"S-Sorry Anon."
>She looks up at you apologetically as you walk away.
>Fucking appliance ponies.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
APPLIANCE PONY (Remote)

>You watch that great big lumbering green man lift the couch pillows in search of you.
>"Where is that damn remote?" He mutters to himself.
>As he looks around, trying to remember the last place he left you, you try to stifle a laugh.
>You can't help but play this game with him every time, it's just too good.
>"I don't have time for this, robot wars is making its debut return in 15 minutes."
>He makes his way over to the TV unit, where you were hiding so you quickly leap down behind it and make a mad dash for a nearby pot plant.
>Anon reaches under it checks behind each nook and cranny before groaning in irritation.
>"Seriously not in the mood."
>You sit comfortably with a wide, shit-eating grin on your face as he lifts the couch with one arm.
>He looks under it to find a bunch of dirt, dust and more signs of it needing to be vaccumed under there.
>"Oh man, a gummy worm," he cheers as he lifts up a purple piece of candy, covered in hair, dirt and more.
>You dry retch. Then, Anon eats it.
"Anon, what the fuck?!"
>He drops the couch and rushes over to you.
>"Oh, there you are. I was so worried."
>"Don't fucking touch me--"
>You're interrupted by being shaken around as Anon leaps onto the couch.
>He lies sprawled across then pushes your on button with the same grubby hand he held that lolly in.
>You decide you're not going to send the signal, instead you relax and go limp.
>"What," he cries as he thumps the button a few more times.
>Then like some kind of idiot, he shakes and thumps you. Like that'd somehow get you to work.
>"Dammit, flat batteries."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ARISE!

>It's morning. Late in the morning but who cares, you're a growing dragon. You need all the sleep you can get.
>You figure you should go make sure Anon is awake, he sleeps just as much as you sometimes.
>As you push the door open, you peer into the pitch-black room save for the candles circled around Anon's bed.
>Twilight stands with her back to you, at least you think it's Twilight. They're wearing a hooded purple cloak so it's hard to tell who it is.
>You're not sure what to do.
>Is this pony is about to sacrifice Anon or something? Maybe you should check the other rooms in case that's not Twilight. But you find yourself glued to the scene before you.
>With their magic, the mysterious pony draws lines between the candles and a few strange symbols around it.
>Then they begin to chant some strange language.
>Not you're sure it's Twilight. You recognise the voice. So you feel a little more at ease, but only a little. You're still pretty creeped out by whatever Twilight is doing, so you walk into the room. Slowly. Silently.
>You need a better look.
>"Arise Anon. Arise from beyond the grave to reclaim your spirit and body! Return to life!"
>"Twilight, I'm not dead."
>"Then wake up already!"
>A pillow launches from Anon's bed to Twilight's face.
>"Get out of my room," he replies with a grunt as he rolls back over.
>You decide to leave the room as Twilight pounces. It's best leave them to their antics and just get something to eat.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GUMMY IS A CROCODILE

>You're sitting in Sugarcube Corner, enjoying a few jammy dodgera and Pinkie's occasional company.
>She left her creepy crocodile pet on the table to keep you from getting too lonely until she gets back.
>Which is sweet in her own way but this thing keeps starting at you and blinking one eye after the other. It's giving you a, "something is seriously wrong in the head," kind of vibe.
>"Hiya Anon! What did you and Gummy get up to while I was busy?"
"Not much Pinkie."
>"Oh, Gummy, you should tell Anon your crocodile jokes," she exclaims as her hair fizzes outwards with the sudden realisation.
>She then sits and stares at gummy with a broad grin for a few seconds before bursting into a fit of laughter.
>"Gummy you crack me up," she says, wiping away a tear.
>Now that you think about it, you get the same vibe from Pinkie once in a while. It's the perfect paring.
>"Anon, you don't think it's racist for Gummy to tell crocodile jokes do you?"
>You look around the room for someone to come help you with that. You're not sure how to answer.
"Uh... No? Why?"
>"It just feels like Gummy telling crocodile jokes would be like me making fun of griffons or minotaur."
"Maybe if he weren't a crocodile then yeah. I guess. I really don't-"
>"He isn't a crocodile. But don't worry Anon, people make that mistake all the time."
"What? He clearly is."
>Pinkie shakes her head before pushing that creepy green lizard closer to you.
>"Look, he's an alligator."
"No, he's a crocodile," you reply with a sigh as you switch into autistic rant mode, "Firstly alligators have broad U-shaped snouts while crocs have a more pointed one like Gummy here. Also alligators rarely leave the water-"
>"That's why he takes lots of baths."
"Pinkie-"
>"Anon-"
"Here's another way we can tell, alligators can't excrete salt from the tongue whereas crocs can."
>As you say that, Gummy opens his mouth to reveal a thin forked tongue.
>"See, alligator!"
"No, this means... He's neither. What the fuck is he?"
>"An alligator."
"No, Pinkie, he's got to be something else."
>"What a load of croc," she replies with a snort and a giggle.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DERPY THE MAILMARE

>Pinkie makes some of the best damn cupcakes you've ever eaten. You could live of these if it weren't for the serious cases of diabetes running in both sides of your family.
>The icing alone is sweet enough that you may as well just lick sugar off a table.
>It probably makes sense that in a world of technicolour ponies biggest danger to you would be food.
>As you take another bite, you decide to look up at the clouds to enjoy the peace a little more.
>And it's lucky that you do because a falling a package is about to hit your head.
>You shove the rest of the delicious desert into your mouth and catch the box.
>"Oh, thank you Anonymous," calls out a voice from above.
>The sun's glare is in your eyes so you can't tell who it is until the pegasus lands.
>It's a grey little mare with a blondish colour mane and golden eyes that remind you of a chameleon's as they both seem to focus on their own thing.
>Or maybe they're a bit more like those googly eyes as they seems to shake and rattle in her own head.
"I don't think we've met before."
>"Nope, uh, everyone calls me Derpy. I'm the mail mare," she beams proudly, puffing up her chest as she's displaying a badge of honour.
>"Derpy," Pinkie calls as she rushes out of Sugarcube Corner holding a tray.
>"Hiya Pinkie."
>"Fresh batch," she gleams.
>The tray holds six muffins of unknown flavour and with the enthusiasm of a kid on Christmas Derpy rips into them.
>You find yourself wondering if there's a pony diabetes.
>Once she's eaten them all, Pinkie reveals a seventh muffin.
>Derpy eagerly leaps to eat it but Pinkie moves out the way with a playful giggle.
>"Come on Derpy, you got to really want it."
>Like a hamster on a wheel, Derpy keeps running to the muffin with her mouth ajar like she's got it a centimetre from her mouth.
>Not wanting to interupt their silly game of cat and mouse, you stand away and watch Derpy fumble, trip and falter as she hones in on the muffin.
>Eventually she gets it, and flies off with her package with a content belly.
-----
>It's morning and you've been waiting by your postbox for some mail.
>Thankfully, it's not long.
>The grey mare descents from the sky.
>Three legs land steadily but the third taps a rock causing the entire pony to roll the rest of her landing in.
>"Delivery for Anonymous," yelps Derpy as she holds up a little box.
>You thanks her and immediately open the box.
>Derpy struggle to untwist herself from the wreckage but once she's finally standing upright, she makes count of all the contents of her mailbag before taking off.
"One sec Derpy, there's a mix up."
>She darts her attention back to you, heartache in her eyes.
>"I'm so sorry, I was doing so well today too."
"Heh, no that was mean of me. Here, I got these for you," you apologetically tell her as you place the glasses you ordered on her.
>Her eyes rattle around on their sockets before aligning to look straight.
"Woah," she replies in bewilderment, "Thank you!"
>She happily skips on the spot, her eyes fixed forward.
>Before she flies off again, she wraps you in a warm hug. It's a little tight and for a moment there you changed into a shade of purple.
>She waves at you before focusing forwards.
>And with her gaze at the front of her, she doesn't notice the blue pegasus flying backwards coming in from the side.
>The two collide before you can call out.
"Damn birdbrains," you state to nobody in particular.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DASH HAS GLASSES

>You step into the treebrary to see Twilight and a blue blur bolt into the other room, which you'd assume was Rainbow Dash.
"Hey Twi' how's it hanging?"
>"Hi Anonymous, what can I do for you today?"
>Scanning around the room, you find yourself unable to decide clearly so you reply with a shrug.
"Books."
>"Heh, well I have plenty of those but I'm going to need something descript than that."
"I dunno. Mystery, fantasy, action, whatever. Just recommend me something with substance."
>She ponders to herself as she walks up and down the library, pulling down a book once in a while with her magic until she has a small pile.
"So, what's up with Dash?"
>"Hmm, uh, what?"
"I saw her take off like the wind as I came in. Is she doing alright?
>"Y-Yeah, she just, uh..."
>"It's okay Twilight, he'd find out eventually," Dash finishes for her as she re-enters the room with a bashful, downtrodden look.
>Sitting on her face is some large, circular rimmed glasses.
"Why the long face?"
>"You can't tell? Look at these," she stammers while pointing to the glasses.
"Yeah, so what four-eyes?"
>"Don't call me that."
>Dash hangs her head a little lower, her face scrunches up in embarrassment and a little anger from your comment.
>You look over to Twilight who is backing away quietly, trying to leave both the conversation and the room. As she steps out, she sternly gestures to you then Dash.
"Here, take a look you nerd," you state as you pull a pair of your own glasses from your pocket.
>They're not as large as Dashes but they seem to do the trick as she seems shocked to see you wearing a pair.
>"W-What? When did you-"
"Always. I've got hyperopia. Means I have difficulty focusing on objects that are close, while it's not as bad as it could be, things like reading are impossible without glasses."
>"I had no idea."
"Yeah, because it's hardly that big of a deal. I'd wear mine more often if I looked as cute as you with them."
>"Oh... so..."
>She hesitates to draw a breath. The rosey colour from her cheeks fades somewhat and her face seems to relax as her comfort and confidence return for the time being.
"So?"
>"So you're a four-eyes too," she stammers jokingly.
"That's it," you reply with a mischievous grin, "come here."
>You rush over to her, arms out-stretched and scoop her up into your grip.
>"Anon! No! Let me go," she protests while flailing and flapping her wings in a desperate attempt to escape.
>Like all adorable ponies you get your hands on, she can't free herself. The advantage of being twice their size strikes again.
>You hug her closely and make cutesy-wutesy kind of sounds while calling her cute.
>"Cut it out Anon, you're freaking me out," she yelps as you rub your face against her coat.
>She tries to push your face away but your strength proves too much, so instead she slumps into a defeat limp state and accepts her fate.
>That's when you let her go much to her surprise.
"Enjoy your books, egghead," you state as you give her a boop on the nose before leaving with your books underarm.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
APPLES, APPLES, APPLES, APPLES, APPLES, APPLES, FUCK IT MANE!

>You promised AJ you'd help out at her farm because Big Mac is off on a trip or a date. You're not sure as you weren't listening completely, which is also why you ended up agreeing.
>As you walk up the beaten dirt track to Sweet Apple Acres, you try and thing of a reason to weasel out of this.
>Feigning an injury could work, or being sick, forgetting other plans... The list goes on and on.
>But any excuse you use would fill you with guilt so when you reach the barn and Applejack is in sight you take a deep breath, suck it up and head over.
"Hey Applejack, what do you need me to do?"
>"Howdy Anon, thanks for coming to help me out," she answers as she steps away from her cart.
"No worries. What are friends for," you reply with a waning chuckle.
>"I appreciate it. Honestly there isn't too much work to be done, mainly just carrying all the apples that have already been bucked in the east field yesterday to the barn."
"Oh, really? Then why'd you need my help?"
>"With two working I'll be finished in half the time, and I could use a half day. Plus the company is always nice."
>You smile warmly at the farm mare.
>"First thing, we need to fix the cart. One of the cows knocked it over last night it seems. If you could just lift it, I'll get her done."
>Looking over the worn out wooden cart as one of the wheels has fallen off. An easy enough fix from the looks of it.
"So you need me to be an apple jack?"
>She gives a half amused, half pained laugh before telling you to lift the cart.
>It's not too heavy so it doesn't take much effort to lift, it's holding it for several minutes while AJ fixes up the wheel.
>Once it's sorted, you let it go with a relieved sigh.
>Your arms were starting to really ache there. More a sign of how you should exercise more than anything.
>The two of you begin walking up and down the orchard. Applejack pulls the cart while you load the apple baskets onto it.
>Once the day reaches near noon, the last of the apples are loaded and your stomach lets out a low growl. Low enough for AJ to hear.
>"Hungry?"
"Yeah, I could eat a horse. I guess you could say, I've got quite the apple-tite."
>She laughs before rolling her eyes.
>"Just when I think your jokes can't get any worse."
"You don't like them? I apple-ologise."
>Again she lets out a giggle as she playfully throws an apple your way.
>You catch it and begin to snack on it as you walk back up the hill with AJ.
>"I'll take you out to lunch, my treat for the help."
"I apple-y accept your offer."
>She looks up at you with a stern look, nothing but harmful intent is behind those eyes if you keep the shit up.
>"Heh, alright Anon, if you keep making apple puns then you're getting your own food."
"Alright, alright."
>You unload the apples with AJ in the barn before heading inside to find Granny Smith cook in the kitchen.
>"Hiya Granny!"
"Hey Mrs Smith."
>"Hello you two. Anon, did Applejack rope you into working the field?"
"Yeah, I've been be-cider this whole time out there."
>AJ slowly looks up at you, her face scrunched up in disgust.
>You look down at her with a grin.
>"Oh, snapple, that was another pun," you mock.
>Her face screws up even more and she lets out this disgusted huff.
>"And what in the hay was that? I warned you," she bellows while picking up a pile of apples on the table.
>"Applejack, those are for-"
>Granny Smith is cut off by AJ's yelling while she throws each apple at you one at a time.
>You can't help but laugh as she lobs each one at you, which only seems to fuel her anger and stir her on.
>You do your best to catch them but it's hard to tell where she's aiming when she swings her hoof. So you take a few to the face, chest and arms but only manage to catch a small handful of them.
>"Alright AJ, that's enough. Your behaviour right now is apple-auling."
>You let out of a roar of a laugh before high-fiving Granny Smith while Applejack groans in defeat.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JAR OPENER ANON

>"Howdy Anon, can you open this?"
>You tear yourself from your book to do your job.
>AJ hands you the jar of pickles and you give it a slight twist.
>It's a little tough but with some extra push, the lid twists and comes off.
>You loosely put it back on and hand it back to her.
>"Heh, probably loosened it for ya. Anyway thanks for that partner. I don't know where we'd all be without ya," she states as she leaves some bits on the counter beside you then takes off.
>This is your job.
>Opening jars.
>When you first started it, you thought they were all patronising you but as it turns out, even unicorns struggle with these things.
>Makes you wonder if it was a sadist or a masochist who decided to invent jars that ponies couldn't open.
>They all must be masochists because they keep using jars. But at least you've got an easy job.
>"NONNY," squeals the hopping Pinkie Pie.
>She places a jar of peanut butter on the counter then beams at you.
>Pinkie seems to be sweating quite a bit.
>You're not sure you've ever seen her sweat after hopping around so she must have a peanut butter craving.
"Okay Pink. One sec."
>You lift the jar and give it a twist. And this baby is on real tight.
>It doesn't seem to want to budge.
>"Y-You know... Anon..."
"Yeah?" You grunt as you try to put more power into it.
>This might just be the tightest jar you've ever had to open. Looking it over you can't see any trick to it, so you give it a few taps to loosen the seal then try again.
>"Do you know the difference between peanut butter and jam?"
"What?"
>"You can't peanut butter your dick in a pony."
>With that the jar lid comes flying open and slips out of your hands as Pinkie licks her lips while never breaking eye contact with you.
>"Oh boy," she says in a dulcet tone, "I just... love peanut butter."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GHOST ANON

>You wake up and begin to stretch.
>There's no sensation of creaking joints or muscles getting into gear. There's no sensations of any kind really.
>Not anymore.
>You're a ghost so that's the natural thing it seems, but you still have your old living habits.
>With that out of the way you make a start on the day.
>You float through the roof of the Sweet Apple Acres homestead and end up in Applejack's room where the mare sleeps soundly.
>She looks so peaceful, and cute. It brings a smile to your face.
>So you rev those ghost powers into gear and start shaking all the furniture in the room while you let out a stereotypical wail.
>It's simple stuff but it always spooks AJ.
>"W-What?! No, please! Leave me alone," she squeals as she dives under the cover, still visibly shaking in fear.
"Yoooouuu~ Diiiiiid~ Thiiiiiiissss~!"
>"I don't know what you're talking about! What do you what?!," her voice croaks as she pleads.
>Normally you spook the crap out of AJ first thing in the morning, but you find yourself getting a little bored of it now.
>She's always reacts the same.
"You will have pancakes for breakfast."
>"Okay."
"SAY IT," you boom as you shake everything more violently.
>"I'LL HAVE PANCAKES FOR BREAKFAST! I SWEAR!"
>You stop shaking everything then wait for the cautious Applejack to emerge from her makeshift blanket fort.
>She's visibly bewildered as she looks over the room again and again, but eventually she steps out and makes her way to the kitchen.
>When she walks through you, she gets the usual shiver that everyone gets when they do that.
>With that part of the day done, you head over to Pinkie's.
>You shift through the walls as per usual and float over her bed with the little mare is piled up under the covers.
>After a deep breath, you prep to shake the room.
>You grip onto the sheet, then throw it back to reveal a pile of pillows.
>Suddenly Pinkie leaps out of what seems to be nowhere, as if she's got better ghostly powers than you along with a bunch of balloons and streamers.
>"HAPPY SPOOKIVERSARY," she cheers with a party blower.
>Pinkie throws a white sheet over herself with eye holes cut out then she begins to play some tune on the kazoo while strutting around the room.
"What?"
>"Spookiversary. You've been haunting me for a whole month now~! Isn't that exciting? QUICK! Blow out the candles."
>She brings out a jacko-lantern with a picture of your generic ghost pone and Pinkie carved into it.
>It's rather well done too.
>"Sorry if it doesn't look like you, I've never actually seen you before."
>You smile lightly, not that she'd notice that, then blow out the candle inside the pumpkin.
>Pinkie continues to party, however you're not in the mood for that so you head off to the next mare in the schedule.
>Rarity is already up, she's quite the early riser. Especially since you've been around to be a menace in her daily routine.
>She seems to be in a rather chirpy mood too, as she works on her dresses. Completely oblivious to the world.
>You decide to let her work for a moment.
>It's not until she drops a spool of thread that an idea of what to do stirs in your mind.
>You push it under desk, causing Rarity to lower her head to look for it.
>Now that her ass is floating up in the air, you real your hand back only to bring it down on her flank with enough force that'd leave a bright tomato red mark if you were still corporeal.
>The force however does cause an extremely intense shiver throughout Rarity's body, especially in her flank.
>Rarity jolts upright with a gasp, a blush is visible on her face. It's about as bright as that hand-print would have been.
>Sometimes, you really do enjoy the life of a ghost.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UNDEAD ANON

>Be zombieanon in equestria
>You weren't always a zombie, once upon a time you were bursting with life.
>But the princesses have some resurrection spell that they use on you because they like keeping you around.
>Every time they do it though, your body struggles to keep itself together.
>"Anon, can you hear me?"
"Ughhhhhhh," you reply as you sit up.
>"WOAH! Uh, sister, his head is around--"
>"Got it."
>There's a warm tingly feeling around your neck which eases this aching pain as your head is forcefully turned to face the princesses.
>"Much better."
"What happened?" You ask as you return from your daze.
>"The royal janitor forgot to place down a slippery floor sign so you slipped and fell out the window," Luna apologetically states.
"Wasn't I on the second floor?"
>"Yes, you were also the side with the cliff-face," Celestia adds.
"Must be a new record for me or something?"
>"How many times does that make now sister?"
>"I lost count long ago," Celestia sighs, "But at least Anon is alright now. We thought we lost you."
"While I appreciated the whole ressurection thing at first, I think I'm finally ready to, you know... Let go."
>"Anon, please. Don't say things like that. You know we've been doing this for your own good," states Celestia brazenly.
>With that she gives you a pat on the back, quite firmly too.
>Firmly enough to knock your eyes out of their sockets towards Luna who says in an unimpressed and flat tone, "Don't you roll your eyes at me."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FLUTTERSHY'S FIRST DRINK

>Fluttershy rapidly downs the last of her glass and then gently places it on the table so as not to make a noise.
>You smile at her proudly. This her fourth glass so far.
>"I didn't want to wake Angel," she says as she pets the bunny.
"You don't have to down them like shots. It's better to sip away at them."
>"Oh my, I am so sorry."
"Don't be. I'm glad you're enjoying this. Most people hate the taste for the their first time."
>"I just... L-Like the feeling. I feel nice."
"Well, make sure to watch that."
>"Why?"
"Whiskey can... It's kind of like medicine, some is good but too much just makes you worse."
>"Then is it alright if I have another?"
"How are you feeling first?"
>"I feel light-headed, a little dizzy when I move, and very happy," she affirms with a grin.
>It's really nice to see her so relaxed. She's usually running around the house, caring for her animals but today you took care of them to give her an easy day.
>She kept hovering over her shoulder but the animals helped you out by constantly wanting her attention.
>You grab her glass and pour some more of the caramel nectar. Once the liquid reaches your second finger, you hand it back to her.
>"Why is it you only put so much?"
"Medicine."
>She raises the glasses and winks at you before taking a swig.
>Then Fluttershy realises what she did, so she apologetically takes a tiny sip.
"Drink it how you like."
>There's no response, as she's too focused on petting the sleeping bunny beside her.
>"Isn't he just the cutest."
>You never really were a fan of rabbits. Things are hell spawns but get away with it because they're considered cutesy.
>But you'd never have the heart to admit this to Fluttershy, especially not when she's so relaxed and content with things.
"Adorable," you answer behind your most convincing smile.
>You take another sip then top yourself up.
>Pouring more for yourself than Shy. Because you understand the concept of moderation.
>Again, you take a sip then you hear a sniffle.
>Watching Shy closely, you notice her eyes have a sorrow to them. Like they're welling up, however she's still smiling.
>You might have enough time to save the mood.
"Shy."
>Looking up at you, that warm smile grows brighter. However her eyes still look ready to burst.
"Why do you have so many animals?"
>"What? Well... They're all my friends."
"I know it's related to your cutie mark, but you have so many."
>"I-It's so I don't have to be alone," Fluttershy states behind that warm and loving smile.
>Her eyes can't take holding back any more. Tears begin to stream gently down her face.
"Shy," you say apologetically as you take away her glass.
>"Oh dear. When did I start crying?"
>She looks at you as she asks.
"It's okay. This happens sometimes."
>"Do you ever feel like this?"
"Of course. That's why it's good to take it easy."
>You do your best to sound reassuring as you awkwardly try to work out how to comfort the mare and bring back that content mood.
>"How silly of me. I'm sure you're much more lonely than I am."
>She scoffs at herself as she tries to wipe away her tears.
>You realise what she was actually asking with her prior question and so, unable to think of what to say, you move over to beside her to bring her head to rest onto you.
>Her sobs grow a little more as you run your fingers through her mane and over her ears.
>"Anon."
"Yeah."
>"I think I had too much medicine."
>She hunches over and you dart backwards.
>Without a word, you dart out the back for the bucket that is out there.
>When you return you hear the sound of her dry heaving, followed by the sound of the dam you should have been more concerned about bursting.
>Unfortunately you weren't completely there in time.
>You get the bucket under her but same makes it onto the floor and your hand.
>The immediate response is the dry heave yourself, but you fight the urge for the sickly Fluttershy's sake.
>She throws up once more and you reel back.
>As she has her head submerged in the bucket, you go get some paper towels and mop.
>Once it's cleaned up and Fluttershy has thrown up a few more times, she emerges from the bucket's depths to smile at you.
>A chuck rests on her lip, which you promptly wipe off.
>"I... I think... I'm all better now."
"It's all out of your system."
>"Mhm, my head feels much clearer now. Thank you, Anon."
"Any time," you reply as you move the bucket out of your range of smell.
>"Is it--"
>She cuts herself off, nervously tapping her hooves together.
"What?"
>"C-Could I have... another glass?"
>Her smiles shakes as her teeth clatter together and her eyes continue to well up.
"What do you actually want?"
>She doesn't speak, instead she softly places her head on your lap.
>"Is it o--"
"Of course. Just relax," you interrupt as you run your fingers through her hair once again.
>She sobs a few more times into your pant leg before taking a deep breathe.
>The two of you sit in silence for some time.
>You still sip away at your drink, and finish off Shy's. She's in no condition to after all.
>"So... You do?"
>She suddenly speaks in a hushed whisper you almost didn't hear.
"Hm?"
>"Lonely."
"Of course I do Shy."
>She brushes her head into your leg more at your response.
"But... I've got you, so it's not so bad."
>She doesn't say anything after that.
>Likely thanks to the drink, she falls asleep pretty quickly.
>Once you're sure she's soundly out for the count, you carry her into her bed and tuck her in.
>You make a quick return to the lounge room to grab Angel and place him in with her to cuddle with.
>She wraps around the little guy and gives a content smile as she dreams.
>Then you return to the couch to be alone for a while and finish the last of your drink.
>Then sleep easily takes you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BUGMUM

>From the hive there's a few trees that seem lifeless all year around.
>They never grow any leaves, the bark flakes easily however they're pretty sturdy.
>You tried shaking one and it didn't budge.
>So now it's decided, you're going to climb the largest one and see the sights from the clouds.
>Once you get reach the second branch, Chrysalis comes charging over like a furious bull.
>One of the drones probably ratted you out. Mummy's boys.. Or girl. You've still yet to work out how to tell a changeling drone's gender without looking for genitals.
>You swear there's a puff of smoke from her nose when she huffs in anger.
>"ANONYMOUS! WHAT. HAVE. I TOLD YOU. ABOUT CLIMBING THAT DAMN TREE?"
"To... Not."
>"YES! Now, get down now!"
"Drat," you huff as you begin to climb down.
>"No muttering under your breath, just do it."
"I wasn't," you lie right back as your feet hit solid ground.
>You head over to bugmum with your head hanging low, trying to look apologetic. You're not, but it's important to give the appearance.
>"You have no idea if there are bugs in that tree."
"So? I live with bugs."
>"We are NOT bugs," she replies, clearly offended.
>You look at the bughorse and not all the bug features.
>Horns, holes in the legs, bug eyes, those little wings, she lives in a hive, is the mum of just about everyone in it, and even lays those eggs.
>As far as you can tell, she's a bug.
>But you'd dare not say it again as you can see the challenge in her eyes.
>You've never been in trouble with mum before, and this look is part of the reason. She knows exactly how she's punish you, you know the exact thought is in her mind and she's only waiting for the reason.
>You head inside without another word.
>Chrysalis smiles at you for being an obedient little child, however you've got a plan.
>She's not spoiling your adventure like this.
-----
>It's early morning.
>Which is perfect because Mum is not the morning type.
>Maybe that's why they say the early bird gets the worm. Maybe all insects hate mornings, making it easy for birds.
>You ponder that little thought while you making your climb.
>It's quite tall, a lot taller than the other trees.
>The higher you go, the more out of breathe you become. Along the way you take a break to watch these trail of white ants wandering about. 
>You're not quite sure what they're up to but you've always been fascinated with watching bugs.
>For obvious reasons.
>Now you've finally reach the top branch.
>There's a breeze up here and it's causing you to feel a little queasy.
>And as if to make things worse, the branch under you begins to give way.
>In a panic, you try to climb down but the sudden shaking causes it more stress than it can handle.
>The branch falls out from under you and you soon follow after it.
>You hit a few branches down the way and your memory is hazy, but you're pretty sure you lost consciousness before hitting the ground.
-----
>"Good morning, Anon," replies a croaking voice as you come to.
>You try to move but something is holding you down. Only a sloshing noise is your clue.
>There's a horrid aching that thunders through your body, which is too be expected.
>But there's also a cold, soothing tingle on your skin too.
>Opening your eyes, you see a glaring bugmum who looks crankier than usual.
"I'm sorry," you reply instantly.
>She gives a sigh, then takes a seat in front of you.
>Her hair is messier than usual and her eyes looks a little worn. They're all puffy, which you didn't think her shell like skin could do.
>You can't help but feel like she's like this because of you.
>"I've put you in my slime while you get better. I'm not sure how well humans recover so... Just... What did I tell you about climbing that tree?"
"I'm sorry."
>"So you've said, but are you?"
>You try to nod, but the slime clutching to your face prevents any and all movement.
"I am."
>"Swear?"
"I swear."
>"Then promise no more tree climbing again."
"I promise."
>"Promise what?"
"I promise not to climb any more trees."
>"Good," she says with a sigh of relief.
>Your tummy rumbles thanks to you skipping breakfast, catching mum's attention.
>"Don't worry, I've prepared breakfast for you."
>Thanks to this slime, you're wondering how you're going to eat.
>Maybe she'll use her magic or something.
>Oh, jeez, the aeroplane thing is embarrassing.
>Then bugmum hovers above you with a nurturing smile. It's kind of warming.
>"Open wide."
>You open your mouth and then immediately as she opens hers too.
>A pink and green chunder begins to flow out of her mouth and into yours.
>It's all prechewed and you try to close your mouth. However Chrysalis makes note of that and uses her magic to hold your mouth open.
>"Don't be such a picky eater, it's good for you," she says while dry retching to prepare round two.
>All protests are drowned out by bugmum's loving broth as she continues to pour more into your mouth.
>Today was a very regretful day.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
KOOL AID PRINCESS IS BEST PRINCESS

>"OH YEAH ANONYMOUS," Celestia bellows as she bursts through your wall for the second time today.
"Fuck off sunbutt, I can't afford to keep fixing these walls anymore. Hell, the contractor refuses to come around here so I have to do it myself now."
>"How else would I get inside?"
"The door!" You scream back violently, face blurring red and ready to pop.
>"What... Like a peasant?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE CUDDLER

>Two mares are wandering down the street late at night, the darkness barely lit by the moon's glow.
>Eager to get home, they make mistake of crossing down an alley way as a shortcut.
>The alley is long and winding, around midway it turns off into the left.
>Normally they wouldn't risk this sort of thing, but this takes them right outside their home, and going around the block takes so long.
>"Do you think he is out tonight?" One mare asks her friend, her voice catching a few times.
>"Sh!"
>As if somehow even thinking of him is bad luck, the two pick up their pace.
>The corner is so much nearer now.
>"He could be waiting around--"
>"SH! Don't say those things, Bonnie, we're almost home," the second mare interrupts again as they now enter into a sprint.
>Hearts bounce wildly in chests, hooves hit the pavement hard, and their icy panting creates a mist in their eyes.
>Then they approach the corner.
>Fear is mounting.
>Nearer and nearer.
>Almost home free.
>They dive forward and prepare themselves for the unspeakable when they are greeted by an empty alleyway.
>"For a minute," says Berry before cutting herself off for a deep breath.
>The Bonnie gives a sigh of relief and Berry Punch lets out a choked sob.
>She turns to her friend to see a green hand ruffling her mane. Bonnie's eyes widen in horror as she is forced to watch her friend enjoy the blissfull agony of a headpat.
>Anon the Cuddler is right in front of her.
>His towering figure and mirthful smile is as terrifying as she was told.
>At first Bonnie only thought of them as rumours, but as more and more ponies were turned into "cuddle-sluts," the truth became an inevitable bitter pill.
>His opposable thumb works around the ear, giving it a firm run as his fingers run over the top in a gentle circle.
>Berry's eyes have now rolled into the back of her head, and almost in slow motion, her tongue flails out as she collapsed like a satisfied customer.
>Anon turns to Bonnie and grins.
>It's hard to see him properly. In part, the fear creates a blur and the tears do the rest.
>But she can still see enough of him.
>That green face, with the question mark on it.
>Yes, a question mark is appropriate.
>Why?
>Why god?
>Bonnie is a little surprised at herself, she never was a religious type. But I guess in a situation like this makes every pony question their faith.
>"Why hath thou forsaken us?"
>The tears are endless now.
>The soak into Bonnie's coat as Anon creeps closer and closer.
"Hey little pony, how would you like," he pauses to lick his lips, "A belly rub."
>Bonnie's heart skips a beat as she resigns herself to fate then nods.

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GUESS WHAT DAD

"Like my father always said, 'You can't tittyfuck a horse.' Well, guess what Dad," you say to the wider world.
>"Anon, darling," says a sweaty Rarity at your side as she tries to catch her breath, "You know I--And the sex is well... great."
>You roll over to your side and look deeply into those deep blue eyes longingly. 
>Seconds tick by in your mind like a big pendulum swing as you wait for the return of your virility
>"Really, the sex is amazing," she pants, "But you really need to stop talking about your dad afterwards. It's a little awkward."
"But he always had expressions to fit any situation."
>"Not as well as you think dear. I mean, 'Are you winning son?' doesn't quite fit."
"Doesn't fit? Am I winning? Yes, yes I am. I just fucked a horse, up top," you cheer as your raise your arm.
>Rarity sighs and weekly flails to hi-5/hi-hoof you and submits to fate.

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ANON THE ARTIST

>"Uh, excuse me... Anon?"
>Flutter's head peers around the corner of your office with her trademark meek smile.
"Come on in 'shy, how can I help?"
>"You, um, still do all those wonderful drawings right?"
>You nod, cautiously.
>Knowing how these things often go, you've got a 9 in 10 chance of disappointment and/or anger incoming.
>Fluttershy rummages in her satchel bag, struggling to find something.
>"You see, I'd like you to draw some... art for me," her voices echoes from the deep pit of her bag before the mare reemerges looking dishevelled.
>With a quick flick of the head, she blows a few strands of hair out of her eyes and gives you some papers.
>"His name is Lucian Darkrose," she mentions as you gloss over the abomination before her.
>It's human, or at least humanoid from the poor draughts before you. But the air about this seems to read 'gay vampire' as his white hair, one yellow eye and the other is a glowing red, with a blood streak tattoo to look like a tear, a loose eye-patch around the neck, and the horrors seem to keep on going.
>Little details and descriptions are pointed on every page in an attempt to fill out every imaginable detail.
>Then you're handed a small and worn diary labled, 'Lucian Darkrose Origin 1'
>With a deep sigh, you point to the sign that reads, 'NO HUMAN OCs'
>"Oh," she says after a drawn out and awkward pause before refling through her bag again, "Well, we can still make this work... cause I also have a bear fursona named--"
>Her voice trails off into the ether as you ignore her, so you may better put your brainpower to plotting suicide.
>Fucking ponies.

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Prompt: laws that Mayor Mare has been forced to enact because of Anon.

>THE ANONYMOUS COMMANDMENTS
>Read the billboard as Mayor Mare stamped the latest decree on it.
>She though the name rather tasteless, but the ponies of Ponyville love a bit of flair and after a while it seemed more necessary.
>Something about this board drew everyone's eyes and they all put themselves together to ensure these laws were upheld.
"Shit, what did I do this time Miss Mare?" Said Anonymous in his whiny voice that drew his smile in your mind even if you didn't look at it.
>"You know what," Mayor Mare replied sternly.
"Not really," Anonymous added with a shrug, "I get up to quite a few things. Just wondering which I got busted for today."
>"Anonymous. you are a public menace. Just because the Princesses have declared you an endagered species, doesn't mean you can do whatever you will."
"What?! I do not do as I please, thank you very much," Anon replies defensively with his arms raised, "In fact.... I haven't done Commandment #109 ever since you put the ban up."
>There's a pause as Mayor Mare tried to recall which of the many rules this would be until Anon took pity on her and decided to fill her in.
"Anonymous shalt not glue velcro to the bottom of horse shoes."
>"Ah, yes."
"You've got to admit, it threw the town for a loop when they stepped on the carpet. Or one of my many 'Other-Half-of-the-Velcro traps."
>Mayor Mare rolled her eyes and turned to the latest decree.
>"Do take careful note of the latest commandment."
>Anon leant down and looked over every part of the new paper. He moved his head this way and that as he read it over and over and then finally let out the snicker he was so desperately trying to hold in.
"Anonymous shall not be sold, given, or so much as touch ginger root. That's a shame, there's a few mares, and two stallions, who rather enjoyed it."
>"Well, no more of it," Mayor Mare scolded as her flank let out a ghost of pain to remind her of the incident.
"Would you like to know how I found out about it?"
>Anon grinned wildly and waggled his eyebrows like a couple of caterpillars at a dance party as Mayor Mare turned a shade of red before angrily shooing the human away.
>His high-pitched and childish giggles stayed with the Mayor long after she left.
>Then she made a mental note to draw up a commandment of no teasing the mayor for him.
>Fucking humans.

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KNIGHTLY ANON

>Late at night, you begin to walk down the halls. Each hoofstep echoes loudly through the stillness of the castle and when you stand still the place falls so silent it grows. The silence stretches out like tendrils on vines becoming almost overbearing.
>And then there is a crash and clatter from the kitchen. In a great haste, you sprint down the halls and around two corners before arriving.
>"Ah," calls out a well-spoken voice from within his shell of tin, "Princess of Day, fear not for the sound you may have just heard was naught but your sister and I engaged in a riveting duel."
"Hello, sir Anonymous."
>"Beware, Noble Knight," bellows Luna as she rises from the pile of pots and pans she was buried under and brandishing a wooden sword, "Thou's fate be sealed."
>"We shall see. Thy blade must first follow through with your words."
>"Engarde," they both chorus in battle cry.
>As they charge, they place their weapons at the ready before smashing them together. Blow after relentless blow, the two spar. You grimace a few times at their swings because even though their swords are wood, they don't hold back in speed nor strength.
>"Your swordplay has grown much, I must say," Sir Anonymous chuckles, "The dexterity of your magic provides you a well utilised advantage."
>"And yet we are still but a babe compared to thine's experience. One would think thou would hold back a little against such a novice."
>"Ha! You dare to claim this is my best? Truly you wound my warriors pride."
>The two chuckle, still locking blades as they move about in the kitchen, cackling away madly. Various cooking utensils strewn across the floor are kicked away as they try to avoid having their foot or hoofwork bogged down by obstacles.
"Must you two really do this here? Look at your mess."
>Sir Anonymous' blade stops mid-strike as the two look around. Luna just rolls her eyes and her magic then scoops everything up to put back in their place. Then in an instant she leaps up onto the counter and takes a swing at Sir Anonymous, you very nearly missed the block.
>"Aha~! Truly your onslaught holds no quarter."
>"Do you yield, fair knight?"
>Before he can give his response, there is the distinct sound of a door being closed in the far off distance. The three of you exchange looks as you each try to recall who might be still in the castle at such a late hour.
>"Perhaps, for now. Let us investigate at haste," Sir Anonymous whispers, his armour rustling as he shifts to sheathe his sword.
>Luna leaps down from the counter and stands astride Sir Anonymous in a proud stance.
>"Onward?"
>Despite the armoured helm, you can tell he is grinning widely as he mounts Luna and the two gallop off into the fray. For a moment you stand there, aghast. But then sense returns and you gallop at full-speed to try and catch up.
>Down the hall, once you've caught up, Sir Anonymous and Luna stand with their backs pressed to the wall on either side of a door.
>"Hide dear sister, the knight and I shall handle the brigand who dare trespass upon our noble home," she says in hushed excitement.
>You roll your eyes and stand aside to watch. Sir Anonymous hover one hand over the handle and brandishes his wooden weapon. Then using his fingers he counts three before tearing the door wide open before he and Luna leap inwards.
>"There they are," Sir Anonymous bellows, Surrender villain
>"He's fleeing," shrieks Luna.
>A clang, bang, and smacking of wood can be heard in the room. You make your own count of three then calmly walk in. Using your magic, you light a torch to unveil the scene of Luna and Sir Anonymous wailing on a statue of a noble dignitary whose high opinion of himself compelled him to gift you that piece. Now with light in the room, the two are able to realise what they're doing and leap upright.
>"Well, we certainly gave him what for." chuckles Sir Anonymous to hide his embarrassment.
>Again you roll your eyes as you wander over to the window that is just barely ajar to close it.
"Must have been the wind," you mutter.
>"Looks like we solved that one," Luna cheers.
>Then both her and Sir Anonymous leap into the air where armoured hand and hoof meet in a cross between a high-hoof and a high-five. Using her magic, Luna keeps the two suspended mid air so they can hold the pose and bask in their camaraderie.
>"Valliant," cheers Sir Anonymous.

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GIGGLE-LOW GIGOLO

>"So, you're the gigalo?" The nervous mare asks warily.
>"Giggle low," Pinkie corrects, "Now get in there, Tiger."
>As you step forward Pinkie gives you a slap on the butt with a cheery giggle.
>As you close the door behind you, the mare says in a hush voice, "Giggle low?"
>You shrug.
"It's either just how she pronounces it or she's making a joke. It's... Hard to tell."
>"Oh, I see. That somehow explains a lot."
"Like what?" You ask as you unbutton.
>The mare begins to stare, her mind in two places at once. The one that's trying to focus on the conversation clearing losing out to the other.
>"Just, when she was discussing price... And, uh, things."
"I see, well then."
>You look at the current client. Clearly an older mare with a line or two in the more worn places of her face. But her orange coat still shines and short blonde mane still flatter her. An exact age impossible to narrow down but it's not like that matters.
>The mare gives a shocked but youthful giggle as you scoop her up I to your arms and place her on the bed. It was as if the clock was wound back and she was filled with an energy she didn't know she had.
-----
>As you step outside, Pinkie glances at her watch.
>"You were in there a while," she beams.
"Uh, yeah. There was an encore performance."
>"That's always promising."
>As the two of you begin walking off, you notice two buttons out of place and hastily fix them.
>"She seemed real happy, looks like you showed her a great time.
"Well, I do work for it."
>You and Pinkie wander into
>"I thought we could maybe expand our business."
"How so?" You ask, your brow creasing in caution.
>"Well, we could move into doing stallions too."
>You choke on your drink, coughing and spluttering. A worried Pinkie Pie pats you on the back until your airways clear.
"I don't really... Go that way, Pink."
>"Why not? I think it'd be better to make everypony happy. No matter what gender," she smiles sweetly, and you note innocently.
>She often does. Even though she is your manager... Or pimp, however you wanted to put it, she always seemed to have this aura of innocence. Many ponies did, especially your clients due to nerves. But Pinkie seemed to take it a step further that made you think she was either poking fun or worse...
>With a bit of uneasy trepidation, you sit up and clear your throat.
"Pinkie, what exactly do you think a giga--giggle low does?"
>"Isn't it just a human word for comedian?"
"A comedian... Who only does their act for one person at a time?"
>"I thought it a bit odd but then again, you're the only human we've got. How would I know how you do it."
"I... Guess."
>"And you've got to show me your act some time."
"I'm not sure I should--"
>"But I could give you tips."
"I just said I don't go that way," you smile, unable to resist the joke.
>"I don't follow."

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BELLY RUBS FOR NIGHTMARE MOON

>"How... How did you know to do that?" Celestia nearly shrieks in surprise.
"Oh, well, she just wants attention."
>You continue to scratch the greatest evil to tarnish the land behind the ear, as you move a little lower you hit a spot that causes Nightmare Moon's hind leg to kick.
>She tries to mumble something and flash her fangs however the bliss takes hold and all she can muster is a VERY happy moan.
>"Okay, but you should get away from her now. She's dangerous."
"Nah, she's not gonna hurt a soul. Isn't that right?"
>Your second hand begins to scratch at her side. With a sigh of bliss, Nightmare Moon half rolls and half falls onto her back.
"Oh, does someone want a belly rub?"
>The mistress of the night's legs flail in the air as she squeals.
>"YES! BELLY RUBS FOR THE QUEEN OF THE NIGHT!"

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