"What?"
"How?
"Why?"
"What?
"I..."
"What!?"
>After wildly gesturing you let your hands fall down to your sides.
>You look up to the beautiful decorated ceiling and take a deep breath...
"Are you fuckin' kidding me!?"
>You close your eyes
>Silence...
>The temperature in the room seems to drop to zero
>This time Raindow Dash and Ponko sure went the extra mile
>This has to be a prank
>You open your eyes and see two royal guards giving you angry stare
>Celestia gives you a warm smile
>Looking to your right you see the mane six
>One cowers in fear
>One made a step back and covers her mouth in disbelief
>One seemingly turned to stone out of shock and terror
>Two also give you an angry stare
>And Starbutt is baring her teeth in fury
>You look to your left
>Cadence and Shining Armor seems to have difficulties to keep their composure
>Even discord looks angry
>Fuck
>Maybe you shouldn’t have cursed in the throne room...
>At the princess...
>Fuck
"Sorry..."
>"It's quite alright Anon, I understand that this situation must be quite surprising"
>No shit Sherlock...
>But Celestia's warm voice makes the atmosphere more relaxing
"I... I just don’t understand how and why... me?"
>"Your immunity to magic makes you the most suited for this... endeavor."
>Is she serious?
"No, she could just drop a boulder on me! Throw stuff at me..."
>"We will ensure there is no such possibility."
>Then why would your my magic immunity matter?
"A kick of her would kill me, she could bite me, poison me, strangle me, suffocate me...
>"You will have combat training. And the elements of harmony shall assist you."
>Combat training? So you are about to get beat up in your spare time.
>And the help of the elements?
>You let your gaze wander to your right
>oh come on if SHE doesn’t kill you Starbutt will
"I just don’t think I'm up to that task."
>"All of us will help you and..."
>She takes a deep breath  and lowers her head before continuing
>"...we have prepared some tools to aid you."
>You can hear sadness in her voice
>This is not right, not even by your standards
"You are trying to kill me, aren’t you?"
>She shakes her head
>She stands up and walks down the stairs of her throne
>She walks towards you and... and bows??
>"I cant force you to do it, Anon."
>"But i beg you. Please! You are my last hope!"
>You have never been anyone's last hope, and never thought you ever would be
>This situation is getting really uncomfortable
>The mighty princess of Equestria bowing before you, begging you
>How funny it would be to throw a verbal punch at Starbutt right now, though
"Alright, alright, alright! Just stop it please."
>"You have my eternal gratitude!"
"Are you not afraid i could... mistreat her?"
>"You are a gentle soul, Anon."
>a pussy...

>Although the the thought is quite tempting... you could...
>Nonono this is not the right moment for such fantasy
>Still this is all surreal
>Not what you expected when you were summoned to Canterlot
>What did you expect?
>surely NOT this
"Please, princess stand up this is making me uncomfortable."
>"Im sorry, Anonymous."
>She stands up and looks at you with serious eyes
>You start scratching your head and exhale deeply
"If this gets me killed ill be really mad at you."
>Celestia starts giggling
>"I guess that would be pretty reasonable."
"So how is this going to work, then?"
>"We will prepare the necessary arrangements and meet at your housing in 3 days."
"Three days? Well I'm off then."
>Time to get the fuck outta here
>You turn around to head for the exit
>Maybe you should start a journey for the next few days... months... years... decades...
>Hey maybe you can get some meat in Griffonville..
>Meat ooohhhh yes
>"Anon!"
>You turn around around in an instant
"Yes?"
>Celestia is looking at you with large eyes, full of hope
>"Thank you very much and please be careful." 
>"I know I'm asking a lot of you, but i place my complete trust in you."
>Griffonville, Meat, not getting killed...
>Fuck you heart! You are even more stupid than brain!
>You sigh
"Okay princess, bye"
>And with this you leave
>Okay somewhere between here and the train station there must be a store where you can get some liqueur
>You may have just made the most stupid decision of your life
>Time to get hammered
>3 days

>After you rushed through the city to get a drink you board the train to Ponyville
>Luckily the elements didn’t make it in time
>Being lectured by twilight again can wait
>You take a place at a window in an empty carriage and start drinking
"I hereby declare that ... fuck you!"
>You let your head sink against the backrest
>This is... slavery?
>Yeeehaaa being the first slaver in Ponyville will sure aid you in your struggle for social acceptance
>Why on earth didn’t she banish her again?
>No she is dumping the second least appreciated being in Equestria at the least appreciated one
>From now on you are the proud owner of one of the most dangerous beings in Equestria
>She is trying to get rid of you...
>Does she want you to turn her into a functioning part of society again?
>You?
>dumping her or killing you seems much more realistic
>So she is yours and you have to take care of her
>great
>Maybe she tries to kill two birds with one stone
>Thinking about it will get you nowhere, never has
>Three days to enjoy yourself before your life might end
>you take another sip
"Fuck."