>"Hey."
>You're woken from your nap suddenly as something hard jabs you in the side.
>Your arms were raised thanks to you using your hands as an impromptu pillow for your head, leaving the vulnerable sides of your torso open for attack.
>...you kinda bullshitted Twilight when you told her this, because you're actually really ticklish and you didn't wanna give any small horses the chance to take advantage of that.
>You told her that exposing your (ticklish) sides was a sign of enormous trust, and you didn't count on word spreading.
>So a few weeks ago, when you first started taking naps with Rainbow Dash, you brought your arms up to cradle your head with your hands without thinking about it.
>Rainbow looked incredibly flattered and was happy that you trusted her so much that you'd expose your "delicate side-belly" while in her presence.
>And since loyalty is Rainbow's thing, she appreciates that more than anypony.
>So now you're besties, you guess.
>Back in the present, Rainbow (gently) jabs in you in the side again.
>"Anon, wake up a sec."
>You crack open your eyes and peer over at her, still keeping your hands behind your head.
>Rainbow's on her back, and you catch a glimpse ofWOAHHEY OH BOY
>Whoo!
>That sure is a horse pussy!
>Wow!
>Hoh-boy.
>"Buddy, can you scratch me real quick?"
>Oh god, is this how you get a marefriend?
>This this how Rainbow Dash operates?
>Is this what passes as "smooth" to her?
>Fucking hell, no wonder she's single.
"I-I-I-" you stammer, trying (and failing) to fight a blush, "S-Scratch you?"
>Oh god, your voice cracked right at the end
>You sound like the pathetic virgin you were back in high school.
>Rainbow, apparently ignorant to your distress, nods and spreads her legs a little wider.
>"Yeah, right between my teats. I'm all sweaty from flying and it's making the fur between my teats itch, since I didn't shower yet."
>She paws at her teats with a hoof, and you stare hypotized as they jiggle with each impact.
>"My hooves are no good with sweaty fur, but I can't help but notice you've got a whole array of hoof-spiders."
>She nudges you again, and this time you flinch.
>"C'mon, Anon, do a sis a favor and gimme a firm scratch!"
>Oh god, you have no idea if this is normal pony behaviour.
"S-Sure."
>WHY DID YOU AGREE TO THAT
>With a trembling hand, you reach down between Rainbow's legs.
>You can feel heat building in the air the closer you get to her pussy.
>Now that you're.... uh... staring intensely, you can see the spot Rainbow means; it's a bunch of fur between her t-teats that's all matted, and it's a slightly darker shade of blue than the rest of her fur is.
>You guess it wouldn't hurt to scratch it.
>You guess this is normal for ponies.
>You've seen Rainbow flirt with stallions before, and she's usually way less subtle than this.
>You can totally do this.
>You find the patch of fur and WHOOPS
>"W-Woah!"
>oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
>The fur was more than matted; it was slick too, like grass right after it rains.
>You pressed firmly (making sure NOT to brush up against Dash's nipples) and WHOOOOO went your finger.
>It zipped right down passed her teats and landed firmly in vagina territory.
>You kinda panicked right after that.
>And when you panic, you freeze up.
>So here you are.
>One hand behind your head.
>The other between the legs of your best friend, with one of your fingers knuckle-deep in her pussy.
>You didn't ask for this.
>"A-Anon?!"
>oh god you enormous ass-clown, just move your fucking hand.
>Say something!
>Anything!
"Uhh..."
>NAILED IT
>"A-Are you... hard?"
>What.
>You jerkily turn your head away from the trainwreck you're fingering and look down at your crotch.
>Apparently there's some part of you who LOVES this, because you're pitching a huge tent in your pants right now.
>Oh, the one time you chose to go commando because it was laundry day, and you wanted ALL of your underwear to be clean at once...
>Hello darkness, my old friend...

>You are Rainbow Dash.
>You think this is second base.
>You notice that your best stallion friend is now getting an erection, and you start to wonder if he did this on purpose.
>You mean, he made his hoof-spiders into a pillow when he was alone with you, and that whole "exposing his sides" thing you heard from Twilight means he trusts you a lot, right?
>You thought that meant that he saw you as a really good PLATONIC friend, but... maybe not?
>Maybe he liked you this entire time and you were too dense to pick up on it?
>UGH WHY ARE COLTS SO CONFUSING
"A-Are you... hard?"
>...this has GOTTA be third base.






>Scootaloo is too young to realize that she only ever saw Rainbow Dash interacting with colts when they were in a strictly sexual relationship with each other
>What would be inappropriate behaviour in one situation would be less inappropriate in another
>The line "We met up at a club last night and he was gone before I woke up, who cares what his name was" was a lot less harsh when Scootaloo finally realized (years later) that the stallion was a one-night stand and not some bright-eyed innocent colt who expected a relationship out of Rainbow Dash
>She grows up thinking that Rainbow Dash is a raging misandrist and tries to treat stallions "they way they deserve to be treated"
>Cue a couple years later when Anon arrives in Equestria
>He and Dash hit it off and end up romantically involved
>Scootaloo, who was friends with Anon, felt obligated to keep an eye on those two in case Dash allegedly crosses the line again
>Is utterly confused when Rainbow and Anon behave like a lovey-dovey couple from Scootaloo's Neighponese animus
>"I... I... what? Why is she behaving this way now?! Was she tricking me this entire time?!"






>You are Anon, and you're about to hop through a portal with your girlfriend.
>...marefriend.
>Whatever.
>You first found yourself in this weird land by accident, after a certain purple unicorn got a little too excited when she announced that she knew of a world just stuffed to the rafters with "hoo-mans" like you.
>Turns out she was wrong, and this was some shitty parallel universe.
>But you know what?
>It turned you back to when you were a teen, and you just squatted at the principal's house until you figured shit out.
>Luckily for you, you met a girl who claimed to be from Equestria: Sunset Shimmer.
>There's a long and complex story between the two of you, but you're too busy being excited about going to meet your marefriend's parents to care about it right now.
>Sunset is holding your hand and rubs the back of it with her thumb.
>She's trying to put on a brave face - damned mare pride - but you can tell she's nervous.
>Nervous about going home
>Nervous about confronting the princess
>Nervous about seeing her family again
>Nervous about the portal itself
>Sunset takes a deep breath, whispers a quick "I love you", and hops through.
>Once you have confirmation that the way is clear, you hop though as well.
>You pat yourself down.
>Fingers, bipedal, still got a dick, and both balls are hanging below it.
>Maybe shouldn't have shoved your hands down your pants in front of what appears to be a crowd.
>Brilliant.
>The portal doesn't have a complex "become dominant species" spell on it like the Equestrian side does
>Something about how the spell on the "human" side portal was "return to natural form" because it required a lot less maintenance from a wizard in a different universe.
>"Buck!"
>You peer over to Sunset, expecting to see a mare in her 30s.
>She had explained to you that you that she was well into her adult hood when she took the plunge, and so she expected to be returned to a mare less than 10 years away from middle age.
>Instead, you're looking at a mare who looks to be around 16 years old.
>She's slightly smaller than your average adult mare.
>Her fur is a more vibrant colour, her mane is bouncier, and her eyes look brighter.
>Sunset is now bouncing between her hind legs and forelegs, and she's kicking at the air behind her with delight
>"Oh my goodness! Anon! Anon, I'm young again!"
>Neat.
>...
>Wait.
>Wait a fucking second.
>You desperately grope at your face, and your worst fears are confirmed.
>You feel an uneven patchy beard, thin and scraggly.
"Wh-What?!"
>DID YOUR VOICE JUST CRACK
>...you're still 16.
>You're brought out of your horror and confusion by your de-aged marefriend tackling you to the ground and aggressively nuzzling your face.
>"Anon, it's a blessing! This is such a blessing! Don't you see?!"
>Sunset pulls back, and you can see that she's crying.
>She's smiling, but she's crying.
>"I've been given a second chance! I'm young again! Oh, I won't waste my best years a second time, I promise you!"
>She collapses onto your chest and cries happy tears, and you wrap your formally muscular arms around her; they're now scrawny, and you remember that you only started going to the gym when you were around 22 or 23.
>Well, fuck.
>"I'm g-gonna make sure that y-you and I are s-s-so happy, Anon!"
>...so you guess you just added on 10 or 15 years to your lifespan?
>And you get to spend your young adult years with the mare of your dreams.
>AAAAAND (if the way Twilight salivates is any indication) your scientist horse friend gets first-hand information on how a human goes through puberty.
>You know what?
>Not a bad deal.
>You cradle your marefriend in your arms and silently thank the powers that be (if any) for giving you and your marefriend a second shot at happiness.





>Dazzles think Sunset wants to be the alpha so she can shag Anon first
>Somehow the order always goes Sonata-Aria-Adagio-Sunset and she stays in the room while the others are with Anon
>Dazzles are baffled and Sonata thinks she's the alpha now

>Sonata actually did end up as the alpha
>Everyone's too confused to question how it came to be so they just let it lie for the moment until they bring up the alpha issue again
>Meanwhile Sonata is panicking because she has no idea what it means to be alpha
>She thinks she saw a burger place that gives out crowns with the meals so she's going to go and get one to show that she's alpha

>Burger King is somehow Aria's favourite fast food place
>Now she sees Sonata eating the food and wearing the crown
>"Dammit. DAMMIT."
>Aria sees this as an act of establishing dominance

> Sonata got a job as a salesperson at a furniture store
> She is so earnest and eager, and speaks the language of comf in a way that everyone can understand
> She's making tons in commission, far more than any of the other girls at their jobs
> She likes to buy little gifts for everyone, and foots the bill for various weekend excursions
> After seeing a series of commercials on anger management, she always has a Snickers on hand for Aria

>The other three girls are in the living room arguing about what just happened
>Apparently Sonata's the alpha now, whatever that is
>She was sitting next to your side staring at the door and listening to the yelling on the other side
>She shuffles around on the bed for a moment before speaking
>"I-I didn't mean to make them mad. It all just h-happened and-"
>Sonata hiccups, telling you that the waterworks are coming
>You quickly wrap an arm around her and drag her closer to you
>"I don't want them to be mad because of m-me. I-I just-"
>You silence her with a kiss, slowly brushing your hand along her face as you do so
>Breaking the kiss, you lock eyes with her
"I won't pretend to understand this, but I'll tell you right now that it's not your fault. Sunset and your sisters are just yelling about which one of them should be boss."
>That gets you a small smile
>"I don't know. They sound pretty bad out there."
"They were worse when Sunset tried to eat all the popcorn shrimp."
>And that gets you some genuine laughter
>"Those two looked about ready to rip her in half."
>You boop her little nose
"And what did you do? You snuck around and finished the plate when those three were arguing."
>You gesture toward the window
"How about we do a repeat of that? But this time we get our own meals at the crab shop."
>Sonata smiles and happily hops off the bed toward the window
>She swings it wide before turning back to you
>"That sounds great."
>You follow her lead, setting one foot up on the window before she speaks again
>"And Anon? Thanks for cheering me up."
>You smile and give her a quick peck on the cheek
"De nada, Sonata."





>With how peaceful and abhorrent to conflict ponies are, broken families are almost non-existent.
>Almost.
>Every so often, a herd will break up or throw members out. Usually it's a mare who gets ejected.
>Custody of foals can vary, but usually the herd keeps them.
>Even more rarely, a death in a mono family can cause issues. Its less impacting of it's the mother, since a stallion father will have tons of support to fallback on. In the event of the father's death, things get much harder. A mare can't go back to her family without swallowing a huge amount of pride and many of the family assistance programs prioritize stallions.
>For these rare few, the town usually has a small bachelorette 'herd' where outcasts and mares on hard times can support each other. Joining is usually the last nail in the coffin for them socially due to the stigma attached to being an outcast. After that, many will still be civil and friendly with them, but trying to leave and join a new herd is nigh impossible as no stallion will agree. If they didn't have foals before, then now their legacy dies with them.

>Then theres you, who knows none of that. You just know that things are backwards here and that a lot of mares REALLY enjoy your company.
>You even hit it off with this charming older mare, who seemed surprised that you approached her.
>Your friends seem weirded out by your choice, but you know what you like.
>After a few dates where she looks more and more guilty, she stops to let you know who she really is.
>She's part of the all female outcast herd in town. She was in a relationship before you and maybe even has a young foal, but things turned sour and she was kicked. Her herdsisters who have their own baggage are all eager to potentially meet you and join.
>She didn't know that you didn't know, so that is why she let it go on until she realized.
>What do?






> Incognito and Twilight get together because she's completely on the same page on how bullshit magic is
> She's got all these charts and graphs explaining why you should not be able to turn things into teacups
> Don't get her started on time travel
> She's researched all she can about magic, looking for a pattern, underlying laws of nature, anything
> She finally got fed up with the insanity that is friendship magic when she cast some weird spell that swapped talents around
> She just gave up trying to make sense of it
> And accidentally into an alicorn






>My little Primates is getting an anime adaptation in Neighpon
>Anon gets asked to do the English dub for the human prince
>Anon agrees
>Hfw they made the prince into an innuendo spouting DILF
>Anon never had so much fun
>Occasionally he goes to conventions cosplaying as the prince
>He loves the looks on those tiny pony faces when he sneaks up behind them and says something lewd to them






>Twilight needs to go to a big charity function, and is told by Celestia that she should probably bring a date since it's Hearts and Hooves themed.
>Twilight, freaking out, is told she should consider an escort service as a joke by Rarity.
>What's an escort service?
>Rarity, now realizing Twilight is honestly unaware, is embarrassed and unwilling to ruin her purity, and so says it a service where mares can hire dates for special events like this.
>Twilight is ecstatic and goes out to find an escort service that instant.
>Anon is surprised when he's hired by an actual princess, and even more so when she wants the whole date package.
>Hey, if she wants to spend extra bits and take him to a party before they fuck, that's fine.
>Meanwhile, Twilight can't help but preen at the jealous looks they get from other mares at the party.
>Her temporary employee is pretty hot.
>She honestly regrets that he's not a real date.
>After all is done, Twilight returns to her hotel, Anon right behind her, then turns at the front door and offers a smile.
>"I'll call a taxi for you, sir. Thank you for your services."
"Ah, right now?"
>"Well, the event is over, so what else is there for you to do? You did wonderfully, by the way. I had a great time."
"Right... and you don't want to collect on your full service? You know you can't ask for a refund or anything, right?"
>"Of course. Why would I? You can rest easy tonight knowing you did a job well done."
"Huh... Okay. I'll get my own taxi, don't worry about."
>"If you're sure. Have a nice night, Anon!"
>Anon waves and goes to walk away.
>He's starting to think she might not know.
>Should he just leave it that way?
>He takes a few more steps, then looks back.
>She's staring at his rump, and quickly averts her eyes, blushing.
>He sighs, spins around, and marches back up to her.
>"I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean any offense- Hey! What are you doing!? Put me down!"
"Sorry, princess, but your getting your bits worth tonight. What's your room number?"







"Hey, it's fine, Dash. No big deal."
>"Anon, please don't try to comfort me like foal. It makes me feel even more pathetic than I already do."
>Dash couldn't believe it.
>Five minutes.
>This stallion fucked her for five minutes, and it should have been a dream come true.
>He literally fucked her unconscious in that insane amount of time.
>... Then, just now, he admitted to having to finish himself off with his hand because she wasn't enough for him.
>The greatest athlete in Equestria couldn't keep her head in the game for FIVE MINUTES!
"I mean it, Dash. I still love you," he says from behind her, running his hands down her whithers. "It was only the first time; you didn't know what to expect."
>"Yeah?" she asks, half bitter, half curious. "And how much longer do you think it would have taken?"
"I dunno, maybe ten minutes?"
>She groans, face in her hooves.
>Six, probably.
>Seven with some serious training.
>But ten?
>"Do I really feel that bad?"
"What? No! You felt amazing, Dash! The best I ever had."
>"Sure, that's why it'd take ten whole minutes, right? Might as well hump a glass of warm water."
"That's not true. It's just how long human guys last. Even with human girls."
>She huffs, doubting that.
>No, human girls were probably just as amazing as the guys.
>Never before did Dash think she'd find herself jealous of another mare's vag, but right then, she couldn't help but think of those human girls who could actually match the sexual prowess of a stallion like Anon,
>What were humans?
>Sex gods?
>And here she is, her lowly mortal pussy being brought low by the Pillar of the Divine.
>She feels like a character from cautionary tale about not challenging gods or something






"Okay I got the veggies and stuff now I need-OOPH!"
>"C'mon big guy. We're going to my place for some fun."
"Uh miss? Can you get off my back?"
>"HRNG! More like can you get off the ground? What are you made of? You should lay off the cake."
"Well maybe you should hit the gym."
>"W-well you should...sir would you like to go on a date with me?"
"...Where at crazy lady?"
>"Well my mom always told me to pick up a colt and carry him back home after he bought groceries so he could cook for me."
"So you were trying to abduct me so that I could cook for you with my food?"
>"Y-yeah."
"Welp it's not like I have anything better to do. Where do you live?"






>ywn work on the farm despite Applejack's grumbling and Granny's silent disapproval
>ywn get a pat on the back from Mac, who is happy to see another male not being afraid of a bit of hard work
>ywn find time to wrangle Apple Bloom away from danger as you get better and more efficient at your job
>ywn share a cider with Applejack after work, enjoying the warm beverage as the cool breeze of twilight washes over you
>ywn start dating Applejack after one night (possibly after having consumed a couple of ciders for an injection of liquid courage) when she leaned over and planted a kiss on your cheek
>ywn meet up and enjoy each other's presence before, during, and after work; and ywn work tremendously well together
>ywn eventually even earn Granny's grudging respect and approval after she sees how dedicated you are to your job (and also how long those foal-chasing legs of yours are compared to a pony, after yet another attempt at keeping Apple Bloom out of danger)
>ywn be sat down by Granny and taught how to make the signature Apple pie, a dish whose recipe is fervently and zealously guarded, and a dessert that is well-known and revered
>ywn find yourself incredibly pleased, but decidedly unsurprised when Applejack gets down on her horse-knee and presents her father's ring to you and asks if you'll take her barn name
>ywn FINALLY stop feeling Granny's narrowed eyes burning holes in the back of your and Applejack's heads half the time when you're alone together, since now any "hanky panky" won't be out of marriage
>"I don't care none if'fin yer courtin' a monkey, Applejack. I just know I done raised y'all better than to engage in any... 'inappropriate' behaviour before the two of you is hitched!"
>ywn make sure that the farm has plenty of workers together thanks to you and Applejack
>ywn feel this peaceful






>Among ponies, not just pegasi have preening instincts
>You will find that pairs of ponies will meet and, after nervously making sure they're alone, will help groom each other
>This involves tongue baths for non-pegasi, and assisted preening if one of the pair has wings
>This is considered a very intimate act and something that is very private, and it's a social faux-pas to walk in on a preening/grooming session or to mention it in front of polite company
>Anon is not a pony, so he does not have these instincts
>Cue mares trying to spy on him when he takes a shower, not because they necessarily want to spot some dick, but because they want to see the human "preen" himself
>Cue mares getting flustered when Anon plunks one into his lap and starts petting them, since these ponies conclude that this is how a human preens
>"Oh Celestia, he's grooming me! A-Are we special someponies now?!"
>Anon wonders why, after he cuddles his friends, they tend to crawl out of his lap, walk behind him, brace themselves on his back with their forehooves, and start to straighten out his hair with their teeth






>Cadance was, in fact, Twilight's foal sitter, and had been for many years
>She was also a high canidate for changeling replacement due to both her relative lack of skill and her nigh-garunteed high placement in the equestrian government as a princess in training
>And that's to say nothing of her special talent being LOVE of all things
>So her days as a free pony in canterlot were numbered from the get go
>But when Twilight was accepted as Celestia's personal student?
>That number quickly became zero, and Chrysalis herself took her place
>And any changeling can see the utility in having a nearby source of love alongside the pre-aranged rations delivered to a dead drop every week, and a queen is no exception at all
>Fast forward a few years, the "wedding" is canceled, and a disgruntled Cadance decides she's had enough of the royal life for a while and moves back to her hometown
>The same town that has recently gained a new, human resident

"Wow. So, did the changelings treat you like shit?"
>"They did, at first. But after a couple of years of spending hours a day with each other, the animosity wore off."
"That can happen?"
>"Of course. At first they were these scary bug-ponies. But eventually the boredom of standing guard over a prisoner took its course and we started talking."
"They started talking? About what, horse-hockey?"
>"...it was more that they were bitching at me at first. 'too few love rations' this, and 'drone number 9174 is a huge cunt' that. I offered my sympathies, and started to actually participate in our talks. After a few months of this, 'Cadence Guard Duty' was basically just sitting down and shooting the shit for a few hours until their shift was over."
"Wow."
>"Yeah. I eventually got stuff like bigger food rations, or books to read, or just an extra dessert if I made one of them laugh so hard she'd nearly vomit up her love ration. Security relaxed a whole bunch, and with all the attention at the 'wedding', security was lax enough that I was able to escape. I still exchange letters with one or two drones, you know."
"That's so weird."
>"...Anon, I just came back to my old life after being kidnapped for years to find that I'm apparently getting married to some colt I met in school, and that my own aunts didn't know that I had been replaced by a bug. That was the most normal thing that had happened to me in YEARS."






Twilight Sparkle would munchkin, which could be planned around
Applejack would be direct and honest, probably playing the Lawful Good types
Rarity would be taken with whatever intrigue she could, and be easily directed as needed
Fluttershy would just be kind of a doormat, only really along because her friends play the game and mostly only interested in the Beastiary
Pinkie Pie would be surprisingly invested in the narrative of the game, and ensure that she maintained its integrity with her actions as well as happily play up dramatic moments

Which means that the one to derail Anon's stories would be Rainbow Dash. Instead of investing in the narrative one bit, she'd be the type to attack the gazebo, try to seduce the duke's sons, try to seduce the demon's sons, try to seduce the barrel's sons, it'd be a clusterfuck

>"I roll to seduce the king!"
>She hits fourteen
>Anon planned for this
"You managed to convince the king you would be an okay lover, so he's letting you marry his son for saving the kingdom."
>"Buck yeah!"
>Anon made the ugly bastard tag into a npc
"Congrats. You are now married to him. Have fun."

>Rainbow turns out to be a surprisingly mushy mare
>She's having fun creating a story in her head about what she and her new husband does
>These include defending him from ponies who call him ugly, to cuddling in front of a fire, to snuggling together with him and their foals
>Rainbow looks kinda sad and excuses herself before the session is over and tells you to do "just whatever" with her character while she's gone






"C'mon, stop it."
>"Neeeiiiirruhuuhrruh!"
>You gently push the small, purple horse away from you with the palm of your hand.
>It doesn't stumble like an animal fighting against your push, and instead it move WITH your hand, trotting away from you.
"Look, quit shoving your-hey!"
>Another horse, a yellow one with a pink mane and tail, has taken the first horse's place.
>It shoves its muzzle under your arm from behind, and you end up unintentionally wrapping your arm around its neck.
>It peers up at you with unnaturally big, blue, and disturbingly expressive eyes.
>>"Neeeeigh?"
>It whinnies quietly at you, as though afraid of being heard.
"Yes, yes," you grumble, giving its long muzzle a couple of gentle strokes, "You're very cute."
>The yellow horse closes its eyes in contentment and gently pushes its head against your side.
>You decide to sit down, and the yellow horse practically crawls into your lap.
>This is bullshit.
>Really cute, really adorable bullshit.
>As you try and collect your thoughts, you idly start petting the yellow horse.
>Jesus, where the hell are you?
>One minute you're on your way to the store for some fucking chips, and the next you're balls-deep in a tiny village filled with equally-tiny horses.
>You're just about past the disbelieving "oh god where the hell am I is this real" stage, and you're approaching the fear/anger "shit fuck shit I'm not home where is home how do I get back home am I going to die here" stage.
>"HUFF HUFF"
>The purple horse is back, and this time it has an old-timey quill and parchment in its terrifying and you're-barely-used-to-it purple glowing thingy.
---
"I thought the creature would be afraid of contact with just any old mare," you tell Fluttershy as you write down your report, "But he seems at ease around females!"
>"M-Maybe he was once used as a sex slave?"
>Fluttershy whimpers and nuzzles the sweet-smelling chest of this mysterious male creature.
>"Oh, that's s-so sad! Don't worry, mister, you're safe now!"





>A.K Yearling is exploring ancient ruins of an unknown race
>When she comes to a bridge she sees something
>It looks like a bald chimp if it was stretched out
>It has no mane, and was incredibly pale
>It had dark light armor on, with a spear and Sheila resting on a wall
>The squatting creature looks at her
>"Oh! Hello! I didn't expect to see anyone, especially since this place should be empty, excluding me of course."
>It's a stallion judging by the voice
"What are you doing here?"
>"I should be asking you that seeing how I live here. But to answer your question, I'm ina bit of a pickle. There's an important treasure across the other room. The problem is I'm too scared to go get it. I've lost my torch sadly."
>A damsel in distress
>Think with your head yearling, not with your clit.
"I'll get it for you."
>"Truely? Oh how wonderful! Let me just open the door for you"
>The creature stands up and pulls a lever that was hidden by his body
>A part of the stone wall lifts up revealing a pitch dark room
>No wonder a stallion wouldn't want to go in there
>Thank Celestia you have a torch
>You get a strong kick in the rear, pushing you deep into the room
>"Shame on you, greedy guts! Hvave fun in there!"
>Yearling hears his laughter as the stone door closes behind her
"FATHER BUCKER!"





>Freeza went back to conquering planets after the Tournament of Power
>first planet he happens upon is Equestria 
>he’s intrigued by the strange nature of their celestial bodies and all the magic floating around so he takes the time to observe them before enslaving them
>the reversed gender roles don’t really phase him, he’s been to dozens of planets in his lifetime and Equestria wouldn’t be the first with revered gender roles
>matriarchies tend to underestimate him but a display of power is usually all it takes to scare them into submission
>the alicorns and Discord are the only ones who can sense ki so they’re absolutely TERRIFIED when they feel him coming.
>Freeza notices and decides to fuck around to amuse himself. 
>he politely asks the princesses to take him on a planet-wide tour.
>they just hope he leaves them alone
>inevitably Freeza meets Pinkie Pie
>Pinkie Pie, who like Arale, is a master of the one ability that surpass raw strength
>Toon Physics
>Freeza is confused how she always shows up out of nowhere without him sending her, how she can pull off feats of strength far beyond her measily power level would suggest as long as it is ‘funny’
>Freeza considers that perhaps these odd ‘Toon Physics’ are the key to defeating those damnable Saiyans and demands that Pinkie teach him this power
>Pinkie Pie, being oblivious, happily agrees
>what Freeza doesn’t know is that Toon Physics can’t be used to seriously harm or kill someone, because that wouldn’t be funny.





>Twilight accidentally summons college student Anon to Equestria.
>Of course she offers to let him live in the castle to provide him room, board, and food while she tries to fix her mess.
>It's not an easy fix, though, and Anon's stay drags on.
>He was a bit grumpy after panic and distrust faded, but he and Twilight have really begun to hit it off.
>Dare he say, he's starting to catch feelings for the purple mare.
>Meanwhile, Twilight feels the same way, and after a night of drinking a few hard ciders, confesses as much.
>Anon, not nearly as buzzed, admits the same, and the two end up making out sloppily before Twilight passes out, leaving Anon to tuck her in for the night.
>Anon is no rapist.
>Of course, Twilight is ecstatic about all of this.
>She has a coltfriend!
>And after a long discussion, one who's even willing to give up his word to stay with her.
>She wasn't making any progress on that front, anyway, and he was tired of holding out for a life that wasn't going to come back.
>Everything is wonderful.
>Until Twilight is looking through one of his college textbooks.
>She had studied all the others and sent them off to have their contents shared with the whole of Equestria.
>It has been an exciting time for the academic world.
>This one is Anon's psychology book.
>It's all very fascinating, getting a glimpse into another specie's mind, until she gets to a certain chapter.
>Stockholm syndrome.
>Feelings of trust or affection felt in many cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim toward a captor.
>Anon was a victim of kidnapping, albeit accidental.
>He had feelings of affection alright towards her.
>Twilight, his captor.
>Twilight's heart freezes in her chest.
>Is she... is she a monster?







>it’s one of those stories where the protagonist was unaware they were a changeling the whole time
>Pinkie was too young to remember being found. Maud and Limestone were old enough to remember their parents finding her, but they don’t care because she’s still their sister
>the genuine love from her family was what allowed her to earn a true cutie mark despite being a changeling
>Pinkie Pie starts dating Anon. The two of them get along like a house on fire. Pinkie’s even thinking of popping the question.
>Changeling Invasion happens and the burst of love magic from Cadance and Shining was enough to knock her disguise off.
>Mane Six and Princesses immediately think she’s an imposter who replaced the real Pinkie
>Pinkie’s just confused and distraught about the whole thing
>unbeknownst to them the love from her family, friends and later Anon has caused her to slowly integrate aspects of her pony disguise into her true form as she metamorphosizes into a changeling queen
>what pushes her over the edge is when her family and Anon come to her defense, the former revealing the truth and the latter insisting that he still loves her despite being a changeling.
>she’s still mostly black unlike Thorax and his faglings, but she has the bright pink mane and tail she’s known for.
>her cutie mark is proudly emblazoned on her flanks
>no holes everywhere like Chrysalis and her changelings
>lastly a constant diet of love ever since a young age has given her a rather curvy and plump figure.
>Pinkie’s both surprised and happy when her coltfriend can’t keep his hands off her.






>Anon arrives in D&Dquestria
>magic makes him immortal
>not pussy alicorn immortal
>regenerate from nothing, super-strong immortal
>there is only one logical decision to make

>Be Princess Horny Doe of the Deer Clan
>Facing against Duchess Heart Felt of the Earth pony kingdom
>tfw slaying inferior pony scum
>hear weird noise
>strange ape monster comes whooping over nearby hill draped in scraps carrying rope
>bewildered clanmates pepper it with arrows
>doesn't slow
>filthy Earth Ponies skewer it
>doesn't slow
>clothes get cut off its body
>HIS body
>the buck beats up 100 elite warriors on both sides
>ties every doe to face a mare
>end up practically kissing the duchess
>"NOW LEARN TO GET ALONG"
>strange buck sprints off naked over the horizon
>learn that monster is a "human" that runs around the country stopping wars, bandits and monsters with no weapons
>learn that this is the duchesses third time






>Since the last moon banish everyone even the princesses have Human "Plushies"
>It's required for every incel mare to jump her human before making a big decision or when they have to go to a place with stallions
>It has helped curb the number of mares who turn into rapists or just become plain villains
>In comes Anon
>Everyone is scared because they think their "Plushies" have become sentient and are trying to get revenge
>"Hey.. do you know wh-"
>"S-s-stop! I'm sorry for never asking for consent and calling you a slut!"
>"You what?"
>Even after the controversy is solved mares have trouble looking him in the eye and their instincts tell them to jump him because of routine





>"Anon, this is ridiculous I'm coming in"
"Nuh-uh, you gotta weird horse vagina, that means you can't"
>"Why not?"
"You read books, look at the sign"
>"I'm coming in"
>As Twilight reaches her hoof to the comically open hole in the front of the pillow fort a magical barrier appears and pushes her back
>"W- what? Anon! I thought you said you can't do magic"
"I told you about the sign Twilight, but you wouldn't listen, it is all-powerful"
>Twilight stands there dumb-founded at Anon's rambling
>"Fine then"
>Charging up her horn she shoots a beam at the paper
>Only for it to be deflected right back at her horn
"Woah cool, what else can this thing do?"
>As he says that two turrets made of pillows sprout out from it's sides
>All Anon does is slowly turn to Twilight with an ear-to-ear grin
>Before she can stop him she is bombarded by hundreds of pillows per second
>Twilight finally emerges from Anon's house to be met with her friends who were waiting to see if Twilight could succeed in getting the relapsing Anon out of the house
>Not a word is said as Twilight comes out, covered horn to hoof in feathers
>As the day whines down Anon decides to sleep in the pillow fort
>In his mind it's been closer to him than his "friends"
>Unbeknownst to him, in the middle of the night an arm made of pillows grabs him a blanket and drapes it over him
Imagine something like Monster House only less horrifying, where Anon's massive surge of insecure feelings mixed with his want to find something that actually cares for him magically gives his pillow fort consciousness and magic of it's own to protect him






>Anon arrives in Equestria, and he doesn't take it well
>Doesn't take it bad either, though
>He just sort of responds to everything with a resignation that's frankly kind of depressing to the ponies
>Rainbow Dash especially starts to worry
>She was weary at first, but after a month without any attacks, and plenty of witty, if dry quips that always got a laugh out of her, she really started warming up to the stallion
>That's why the sad look in his eye as he would sometimes stare out into the distance made her heart clench.
>She just wanted to see a real smile on his face, and so, she decides to take matters into her own hooves.
>"Anon, lets go to the bar."
"What? Why?"
>"To have some fun, duh," she answers with an eye-roll, then smiles. "Besides, you still haven't sampled what Equestria has to offer, like Applejack's hard cider. Stuff's better than anything you can find pretty much anywhere."
"I'm sure you're just saying that because she's your friend."
>"No, it's just that good. Don't believe me, come try it yourself."
"I don't know, Dash. This, uh, this sounds like a bad idea."
>"Bah! Stop being a wuss! Come on! Have a few drinks! Have some fun! Don't worry, I'll keep you safe from any mares who try to take advantage of you."
"Real bout of confidence you're giving me."
>"Oh shut up. It's just a bit of booze and some fun. You need it."
"I... Fine."
>Dash grins, happy with her victory.

>Dash is not so happy now as Anon is on his tenth drink.
>Why'd she offer to pay again?
>"Ah, maybe you should slow down, Anon. You're drinking a lot."
"Ha! This is nothin'!" he slurs, smiling brightly. "I used to drink more than this by noon!"
>He chugs his glass and slams it down, staring blearily into it.
>Dash started to smile when she saw his, but the sad look enters his eyes again.
"I was doin' pretty good, too," he mumbles. "It's funny, even stressin' over the whole different world thing, I stayed sober. Three months down the drain."
>Dash's heart freezes.
>What'd he just say?






>Since the first printing of the Canterlot paper he's been there for her every morning
>The male who, despite his constant bumbles (since he's still a male), still tries with everything he has at whatever his goal is for the strip/arc
>No matter how many different iterations he's had (making the comic must be a family business, with each new writer having their own spin on Anon)
>No matter what bad news was on the front page
>He was able to make her morning a little brighter
>And now he's real






> For some reason the ponies can't understand, Anon is really suspicious about age
> Insists that he will not have sleepovers with anypony younger than 18 years old
> Even stranger, he does not trust the official pieces of cardboard issued by town hall, even though they are hoofwritten the government restricted crayon
> Anypony wanting to have a fun sleepover to get to know him goes to Pinkie Pie, who makes obviously fake plastic cards for them






>tfw a stallion rubbing his face into a mare's tuft is basically a marriage proposal
>tfw a pony's fur is very soft and the area around her tuft produces a sweet, pleasant smell
>tfw in alicorns, especially young ones, this is magnified by many times
>tfw you couldn't you couldn't help yourself and gave Twilight's chest a nuzzle
>tfw she started neighing and hugging your head as you nommed and nuzzled her chest
>tfw you just thought it was a silly pony being a silly pony
>tfw she follows you around everywhere
>tfw she teleported all of your shit into her room and gets really, really upset when you try to move it
>tfw you both snuggle together every night

>Reading a book with Twilight on a big, comfy couch
>She likes to lay behind you and hold you from behind
>This places her head just above yours so that the both of you can read
>Even though she reaches the pages quicker than you do (having been a student her entire life), she patiently waits for you to reach the end of the page before you give her hoof a squeeze to let her know to go to the next one
>It's late
>The room is dim
>The only noise is the fireplace crackling
>You have a warm alicorn pressed up against you from behind
>You're about to fall asleep
>You instinctively curl up against the warmest, softest thing near you
>You don't hear Twilight gasp in shock (nor the book fall out of her magical grasp and fall onto the thick carpet) as you shove your face into her chest tuft
>All you feel before you fall asleep are two hooves (wait... make that four) wrapping around your back, followed shortly by a pair of wings
>You might be half-asleep and already dreaming, but you could swear you felt a pair of lips press against the top of your head.







> Twilight is consulted on translating the ancient text surrounding a stone ring
> It's in Ancient Draught, speaking of a distant homeland, where the Tyrants dwell
> Twilight senses the magic still running through the ring, and accidentally triggers the enchantment
> A portal appears
> She steps through, and finds herself in a wide grassy area, fenced in with mere wooden posts and beams
> The natives are larger, but less intelligent
> They speak a strange dialect of Ancient Draught, and tell her of their plight

> Uncle Nemo tells Anon to go and feed the horses
> Anon is surprised to find a purple unicorn at the trough
"Where did you come from?"

> Twilight's blood runs cold
> That's ancient minoan, from when Labyrinthia conquered and enslaved countless quadrapeds


> The instant Twilight appeared and began to approach to the ungrateful horses (or at least she sees them as ungrateful), Anon's dog knew what she had to do.
>Before Twilight can approach her fellow equines, an enormous canine easily as big as her, if not larger, cuts her off.
>The canine growls out a rough string through bared teeth in an old diamond dog language that she can just barely understand. "Leave, trespasser."
>One horse cries out. "Begone you favored pet! Go warm your master's bed like a good little slave!"
>The canine looks back and snarls. "Quiet, oversized prey-items! It's by the grace of the masters, they who provide, that you live and are given all that you have. Exercise some gratitude!"
>"Says the one fed by hand and not exploited for amusement," the same horse retorts with a stomp.
>The canine growls deeply. "Ungracious bastards, all of you." 
>"Uhh..." Twilight is unsure how to respond. Masters? Could those be the Tyrants?
>The canine's ears perk up and her rage vanishes for a smile.
>@#*$&^@#...?
>What?
>Twilight turns, seeing a figure easily 3 times her height standing back to the early sun, casting a long shadow.
>"Master..." the canine murmurs lovingly.
>The horse sighs, but does nothing.
>Tiny eyes focus on Twilight and long strides of two legs carry the tall figure closer.
>Wait.
>Two legs? Like...
>...The Tyrants of old.
>Twilight tries to not scream like a little colt







>Anon tries to find some bribe gems for Spike so he can get out of chores next weekend.
>He stumbles across the Diamond Dogs.
>There's a weird pause when they look at each other.
>It's broken when some of the more brave dogs come towards him, head held low and thick tails thumbing on the ground.
>They lick Anon's chin, and somehow become so much more lucid despite their brains almost shutting off from happiness and devotion.
>It turns out since the disappearance of Mankind, they've been enslaving some of the weaker races.
>Partly because of what man used them most for, which is protecting and herding livestock.
>And partly to fill that master-slave gap somehow but not really remembering where they stood.
>With the absence of guidance they've become more greedy.
>Now, just looking at his visage they feel more fulfilled than they ever have as a race.
>Stashing food and gems doesn't seem important anymore.
>They just want to take the man and build an actual empire fit enough to impress him so they get more head pats.
>In fact, time spent in his lap getting head pats has now become a commodity more priceless than the most flawless of diamonds and they've set up trade outside the burrows, trading useless gems away for extra snuggly blankets and comfy furniture for their human overlord.
>Meanwhile in horseville.
>It doesn't take ponies long to realize Anon has been keeping dangerous company.
>He knows nothing about this world, yet the stupid colt insists that he trusts them.
>Everyday, he gets more and more obsessive over the dogs. 
>Protective of them to the point it looks like brain washing or Stockholm syndrome. 
>In comes Twilight who butts in and tries to study the dynamic between them trying to figure out what in Celestia's name is going on.







>Pinkamena hates this world.
>This timeline or reality or whatever it is.
>She knows she isn't meant to be here.
>isn't meant to be in a trench with mud in her eyes and blood on her hooves.
>She knows she was supposed to be happy and cheerful just like the many ponies around her were meant to be.
>Like the Crystal ponies crushed and dead on the battlefield should be.
>She knows, even if the others don't, how wrong the world is.
>How fractured everything is.
>She doesn't know how she knows, she just knows it started when she was a filly as an ache in her heart.
>Like she missed something beautiful and it made everything ugly with its absence.
>As the feeling grew inside of her, she could only identify it as being unintended.
>Then the dreams started to come.
>Dreams of other hers living different lives.
>So many were sad, not much different than herself now, but there was always the one.
>The happy one.
>The right one.
>The one who baked all day and had friends to party with.
>The one who helped save the world from all of this.
>She hates that one.
>The one who comes every night into the cold trench and dangles what should have been in front of her muzzle like a honey-glazed carrot.
>Why did Pinkie get what Pinkamena didn't?
>Hadn't she earned it by now?
>Hadn't she suffered enough?
>Pinkamena doesn't know.
>All she does know is that she has a crystal shard through her leg from one of Sombra's crystal mines and she needs to get it removed and bandaged at the medical tent.
>That stallion was devious, to be sure.
>Cruel and cunning just like the stallions Father always warned her about.
>The sun had set, and she used the cover of night to travel.
>New recruits had just arrived from the the Medical Corps, which meant she'd be having some green nurses poke at her fetlock.
>Fun.
>She arrives and is quickly sat down.
>Before she knows it, there are fingers gently pressing and examining her injured leg, and she looks up at the strange creature to see a pair of the most beautiful green eyes she's ever seen.
>He smiles at her and starts going over what he'll have to do, but Pinkamena can hardly hear his word over the sound of her own heart beating in her ears.
>She doesn't know him.
>Every pony she's ever met, she met first in a dream.
>Pinkie had often made friends with them where Pinkamena had spared only a passing glance and occasional nod.
>And yet, here is this strange creature she doesn't know, yet who fills her stomach with butterflies.
>The feeling her Father always told her to watch out for, because it would mean she had met the one.
>It's at this moment that Pinkamena feels some of that envy for Pinkie's life drain out of her, and she gives a small smile, which is returned by the creature.
>Anon, he introduces himself as.
>Doctor Anon.
>Maybe this timeline or reality or whatever it is, isn't all bad, after all.






>tfw you've fallen in love with the cutest, most caring boy in school, but he's a huge slut
>tfw you want him all to yourself, but you also want your team to do well
>tfw you don't even care if you get made fun of for dating someone as loose as Anon, just as long as you get to fall asleep with him in your arms
>Everyone else just sees Anon as the Canterlot High Stress Reliever for the soccer team, but Dash sees more.
>He's not just a slut.
>Far from it.
>He tutored Blossomforth in geometry when her failing grades threatened to have her kicked off the team.
>When Fleet Foot's mom had to stay late at work on the night of a game, and she was going to have to stay home to watch her little brother, Anon had offered to take care of him up in the stands so that she could play.
>Heck, he even brought in a couple of home-made banana cream pie for the team once during practice, and sexual innuendoes aside, they were absolutely delicious.
>Even now, Rainbow fights the blush from her cheeks as she and Anon sit on the empty bleachers, her foot in his lap as he massages the aches and pains away.
>She had just gotten new cleats and had wanted to break them in before practice with the team, and Anon just so happened to have seen her on his way out of school.
>He had watched, and when she had taken the stiff shoes off and swore at the pain, he had come over and offered to help.
>He always offered to help.
>Because that's what he is, a helper, not a slut.
>And she loves him for it.






>Derpy is actually born from the royal Platinum line, same as Blueblood.
>In fact, she's his older half sister, but when her mother, one of many mares within Blueblood's father's herd, gave birth to her, she told a grand lie.
>The Herd was large, and she one of the bottom members, and part of the reason she got in was because she lied about her heritage being all unicorn blood, as opposed to the pegasus grandmother she really had.
>When she saw the pegasus she had birthed, she knew it would out her, and so, she told her stallion, who frankly barely cared about one of his many mares giving birth, she had a miscarriage while putting the filly up for adoption.
>Much later, when, after a long adventure involving the discovery of the Sun Spire in the frozen wastes that used to be Unicornium, and the ancient lands were revived by Twilight and friends, Blueblood demands he be made the king of them.
>According to him, as a member of the royal family and oldest child of his herd, it is his right.
>The ancient castle, however, has a magic throne that only the true heir may sit in, and Blueblood finds himself unable to do so.
>When trying to unravel this mystery, Twilight uncovers the truth long since buried.
>Thus Derpy, finds herself atop a gilded throne, her coltfriend Anon along for the ride





>Purple knows well that you are intelligent, but due to the unbreachable language barrier, she has to make it apparent in other ways that she wants your attention
>More instinct-driven, emotive ways. It's kinda funny for a little pony who you know is smarter than you, but Purple has been your rock and steadfast friend since you came here, so you gladly play along.
>You've learned that this one (obviously) means she's hungry and wants you to make her something, so you turn and walk toward the kitchen, leaving a hand at your side open as you do.
>Purple quickly takes her place at your side and nuzzles the offered hand, occasionally licking or kissing it. The plate in her mouth now floating at her side.
>Lately she's been acting even more cuddly than usual, and the hand kissing is new.
>And earlier in the week, some little equines bright a bed entirely too large for Purple in and swapped it out with her small one.
>You gulp and blush a little when Purple glances up at you with soulful violet eyes, flicking her tail.
>If you didn't know better, you'd say she was grooming you to be a mate

>That's not speak of that white one that just sits there and... just STARES at you with this look on her face
 whenever you pass by.
>You know the one.
>You think Purple has been keeping her away because she's almost never present when she's with you.
>One of these days you seriously think you're going to get jumped out of nowhere.
>It's a very unsettling feeling

>Purple can't directly overcome the language barrier, but with her magic, she worked her genius and found a work around.
>She gifts you an amulet glowing with power and urges you to pet her.
>Then you feel it.
>Not her soft fur, but a thin, unsure tendril of SOMETHING in your mind. 
>Purple smiles
>And suddenly you could feel IT
>You could feel all the love and happiness you brought her, along with the vague feeling of an inquiry about yourself.
>The first real communication you've had in months... 
>Purple's surprise is plain to you when you hug her close, but then it settles, the love returning along with a feeling coaxing you to calm and be comforted. She wraps her wings around you and purrs softly in her chest
>You chuckle and dry the few tears you shed. If Purple was trying to groom you into a mate, she succeeded 
>A flash of embarrassment with a undertone of excitement comes from her. Her faced lights up red as she does a little embarrassed dance on her hooves
>You let her go, noting that the connection between you and her remains. Slowly, you sense other ponies around vaguely on a 6th sense you cant describe well.
>Looking down at the slowly recovering Purple, she clears her throat and turns, tugging at your mind gently to follow.
>Before you rise, you grin and concentrate on her rump. 'Nice.'
>She "eep"s and stumbles, her face flaring red.
>Life just got even better






>It was a surprise to everypony when it was discovered the Anon had been dating Chrysalis, but he swore she was good now.
>And for a time, she was, until an opportunity to seize power arouse, and she took it, leaving Anon heart broken.
>When she was inevitably thwarted and went into hiding for time, she eventually came crawling back to Anon, apologizing and admitting how foolish she'd been.
>Anon, being the big hearted guy that he was, took her back and protected her from the ponies when they came.
"I swear, Twilight, she's changed. She won't cause trouble."
>But she did, and she ran, and then she came back with the same sub story.
>Her life had been rough growing up.
>It had been cruel, and sometimes, she just does these things.
>She swears she'll do better, though, and Anon takes her back.
>Twilight and company don't know what to do.
>Why does Anon keep taking her back?

>"Is the blindfold really necessary, Anon?"
"Be patient, Chryssi, we're almost there."
>"Fine, but this better be good. I was in the middle of Sun Tzu's The Art of War."
"Still don't know you should be reading that."
>"I'm expanding my horizons! You said I should get a hobby, and if that blasted Sparkle is to be believed, there is no better one than reading."
"Yes, but I have a lot of other books you could be reading. Why not try Harry Potter?"
>"I highly doubt the story of a ungroomed beast practicing pottery would be nearly as worthwhile as learning how to crush my enemies."
"Sigh, whatever, we're here."
>"Finally!"
>The deposed monarch pulls off her blindfold and blinks against the light to see her grinning lover in front of a run-down building, arms held out wide.
"Surprise!"
>"... You got me a dump?"
"No! It's a bakery!"
>"Ah... And yet I'm still confused."
"Well, you know how that money I brought-"
>"The small fortune of nickle and copper, yes."
"Well, it's not gonna last forever, so I figured we'd have to do something about that eventually."
>"We?"
"What? You thought I'd support you forever?"
>"Um, kind of?"
"Yeah, no dice, and that's why I've decided we're going into business together."
>"... As bakers."
"Yep!"
>Chrysalis rubs the space between her eyes and sighs.
>"Anon, this is ridiculous. I'm a Dark Queen, not a pastry chef. Your place might be in the kitchen, but mine is on a throne."
"Huh, you know, Twilight and her friends said the same."
>"They acknowledge that Equestria should surrender to me and submit to my rule?"
"No, that you wouldn't be able to cut it as a baker. Heck, they were even saying you'd run a business into the ground faster than you did your hive."
>Chrysalis stills to a creepy extent.
>Anon isn't even sure she's breathing.
>"... They said that?"
"They did."
>"Those bitches! I'll show them! I will dominate the pastry market of Ponyville! Run that Pink one out of business! Then expand to the furthest reaches of Equestria!"

>"You really should let me do that."
"I can handle a hammer, Chryssi."
>"But you're a colt, and your body is soft and squishy."
"Gee, thanks for the compliment."
>"Not that you're fat! I just mean that you lack chitin, and your wriggles-"
"Fingers."
>"Fimbers are delicate and I don't want you to damage them."
"Well, thanks or the concern-"
>"They feel to good in my queenhood to risk their loss."
"-But I've got this. Just stick to painting the walls. your magic is better for getting all the way to the ceiling without a ladder."
>Chrysalis huffs, but returns her attention to the roller in her magic and the application of lime-green paint to the walls.
>Even so, she continues to flit glances towards Anon as he fixes the door frame, and he can feel it on his back.
>Smirking, he decides to pull a prank, taking an exaggerated swing towards his hand and screaming in pain just as the loud thwack echoes through the room.
>"Oh goodness no!"
"Hah! Got-!"
>The changeling queen reaches him in an instant, grabbing his supposedly injured hand and bringing it to her mouth.
>Then she vomits a viscous, green, slightly glowing slime over his hand that covers it all the way to his wrist.
"What the fuck, Chryssi?!"
>"Shh, it's okay, love, let the healing gel sooth your pain. Shh, you're being such a strong colt right now."
>Anon feels the slime harden into a cocoon around his hand, the glow leaving a dark green shell and pleasant warmth behind.
>"There," Chrysalis says cheerily, letting go of his hand. "You'll be fully recovered in no time, Anon. See, though, this is why you should let me handle the dangerous jobs. Hopefully you learned a lesson."
"Chrysalis."
>"Yes, love?"
"I was messing with you. My hand was fine."
>"Oh... Well, no harm done."
"How do I get this off?"
>"It'll break off on it's own... in a day or two."
>Chrysalis watches as Anon pounds his cocooned hand on the ground fruitlessly, and smiles.
>"I suppose this means I'll be doing the hammering for today, though."








>Sometimes buggy instincts kick in extra-hard in Chrysalis
>She wakes up in the dead of night with her brain screaming at her to find a proper location to build a hive
>She tries to fight it off, but it's intense and deep-rooted
>Similar to how a pony becomes frightened for their life if they break a leg (even if they're safe in a hospital bed), Chrysalis has trouble thinking rationally and cannot shove these urges away
>FIND A SAFE PLACE
>LOCATE A HOLE OR CAVE
>DIG DEEP
>SPRAY GOOP EVERYWHERE
>LAY EGGS
>After Anon spent a solid week looking for Chrysalis, he ultimately finds her about a kilometer into the Everfree, hiding under a large rock and having already dug an impressively large tunnel
>Now Anon has traps outside his house
>Half-dug holes with cover over top of them, luring Chrysalis to them when she escapes into the night; Anon finds her curled up like a cat in a cardboard box when the morning comes
>He also leaves pony mannequins around the perimeter of his property
>If the holes in the lawn don't stop Chrysalis, the "ponies" standing around just begging to be gooped up and hauled back to one of the yard-holes will
>More than once, Anon was woken up to Chrysalis huddling in the mud under a pile of mannequins and green goop
>Chrysalis is always rather embarrassed once she comes back to her senses







>Magician Anon, whose "great and terrible powers" are hidden by Twilight due to misunderstandings that Anon hasn't caught on to yet, has been challenged by Trixie to a Magic Off!
>The look of horror on Twilight's face was priceless as she realized the blue madmare found out about Anon being a 'Magician'.
>To Twilight and her fellow Princesses, Anon was a magical -god- who had no better.
>Trixie acted as if he was a mere beginner that was just learning to pull out rabbits
>Thankfully, when Anon surprisingly and -excitably- agreed, Twilight was able to convince the poor fool to do this showdown in the Canterlot Gardens with her and the other Princesses as Judges.
>Trixie, who foolishly believed this to be some sort of praise of her power to be judged by all the Princesses themselves, would proudly declare, "I, the Great and Powerful Trixie shall go first!"
>And with a great bout of magic and finesse, the show mare would make handkerchiefs fly out of a vase before she made them all bundle up and, with a flash, showed off a lovely bouquet of flowers.
>It was..slightly different than her normal routine, definitely surprising how it appeared it all came out of nowhere. This trick gets polite applause and respectful nods.
>Trixie did indeed get a little better as a magician and even had the mind NOT to set off fire works in the garden.
>After a moment, the princesses would look to Anon expectantly, almost fearfully...
>The Human was just all smiles as he presented a very simple box. 
"Trixie, for this trick I would be -honored- if you assisted me. I, uh, l don't exactly have a lovely assistant with me at the moment...
>"Hah, can't even do your own magic tricks, hm? Well, the Great and Powerful Trixie will humor you for now and allow you to make a fool of yourself. What shall the Ever Merciful and Graceful Trixie do?"
"Oh, it's very simple.."
>The smile the human sported sent shivers down the princesses back as Trixie seemed nonplussed to the whole thing..
>Trixie was still oh so confident and kept up her large smile, so sure she was going to win if all Anon had was a little box...
>That all changes when Anon began pulling swords out from the box.
>All smiles are gone...
>For a moment, she thought Anon was going to draw on upon her. What he says next almost makes her wish he did.
"Now, this is very simple: when I enter this box and say 'go', you just slide the swords into box, OK?"
>To all ponies here, Anon was essentially asking to die.
>-Telling- his opponent to kill him, perhaps in shame.
>But the princesses knew better to think such things.
>Something Great and Terrible was going to happen and Trixie was going to bear witness. May the gods spare her.
>"T-the Great and Powerful Trixie thinks..this might be dangerous!"
>Anon just gives her a dismissive wave and smiles wide.
"I had to pull out my best for you! You'll love it!"
>With nothing else said, the human would clamber into the box, his instructions repeated to the shaking Showmare as she took the swords into her magic.
"OK...ready annnnd...GO"
>In what surely felt like slow motion, Trixie would hesitantly slide the swords into where they were meant to go, tears streaking her face before a horrible scream pierced the heavens.
>The human, surely turned to swiss, gave the howl before all became quiet.
>Trixie was in a panic, looking between the Princesses and the Box as she stammered, "H-HE TOLD TRIXIE TO DO IT AND YOU DIDN'T STOP IT! TRIXIE THOUGHT...I THOUGHT HE HAD A PLAN." 
>As the Princesses sat in a stunned, horrified silence, Trixie would begin pulling the swords out of the box in a wild panic before the top suddenly came up.
"TADA!"
>There, totally unharmed, was the human, smiling brightly like it was any other day as he stared down to the baffled Trixie and his slack jawed audience. 
"How'd I do?"
-----
>A month later, Trixie's still in therapy
>The Princesses are more convinced than ever that the death defying human is a being of great power







>anon can't shake the feeling that the ponies only like him because they find use in him
>it's not helped by RGRE "stallions do the housework and cleaning and stuff"
>the ponies actually like anon and like spending time with him
>anon keeps the ponies at arm's length. Sure he'll hug and snuggle and make sandwiches, but the ponies don't need Twilight's hug-enjoyment-o-meter to sense that the snuggles are empty, and the sandwiches somehow carry over his melancholy
>Twilight, after months of seeing anon be cold and distant and being unable to pull him out of his misery shell, ropes in Luna and they all go Psychonauts on anon's subconscious
>they fight the evil manifestations of his broken relationships

>Anon is pretty pissed that the ponies poked around in his head
>but his did see that they were very willing to fight for him and make him happy
>the image of Rarity giving the representation of one of his most traumatic memories a mean right hook actually makes him smile
>maybe he'll be willing to give this relationship thing a shot, one more time







>Changelings get severely discombobulated and disorientated when they get drunk
>Their ability to connect to the hive mind is severely limited when alcohol enters their system, and they use that to navigate like a compass uses the Earth's poles
>"Oh bug-god, where am I? What is this place? Which way is bug-north?! Oh, I'll never make it home at this rate. I don't feel so good..."
>Turns out they rely pretty heavily on the hive mind for navigation
>Anon wakes up to find a strange mare asleep on his living room floor and a puddle of vomit out on his porch
>The mare insists on staying with him until all the alcohol is purged from her system
>"My disguise is correct, right? It's fine? It's probably fine. Regular mares probably have holes in their furry legs."







>Foals are like cats in that if you put pressure on the skin flap on their back (by, say, picking them up by the scruff of their necks) they go still and do not struggle
>This makes it simple for ponies - especially Earth ponies - to manage their young and move them to a safe location
>Anon discovers that this instinct kicks in with full-grown ponies due to the size difference between him and them
>Anon is, comparatively speaking, as big to ponies as full-grown ponies are to their foals
>So if Anon scratches the scruff of a pony's neck (and possibly tugs on the skin there), they instinctively settle down and go still so that their "mama" can carry them around
>Harmlessly, of course
>Anon finds no end to his amusement







>Being blinded might have sucked, but having Dash around all the time was a pretty nice trade-off for sight.
>Anon had always been a bit of a nerd.
>Scrawny, bookish, and anti-social.
>Heck, even without the sonic rainboom, he had practically been blind without his thick glasses.
>Even so, Anon still had a type, and it wasn't a girl just like him, despite what Twilight believed.
>Seriously, Moondancer was nice and Anon got along with her, but Twilight really had to stop trying to set them up together.
>No, Anon always had a thing for fit, athletic girls, even if they never had a thing for him.
>So of course he fell hard for Rainbow Dash, even if he could never bring himself to ask her out.
>Then she accidentally burned his retinas, and swore to stick with him until his eyesight came back.
>She even went so far as to stay at his house, snuggling in bed with him so that she'd be right there to guide him through his morning routine when he woke up.
>She prepared his meals, all of which consisted of cereal and sandwiches.
>Fought to do the dishes, though never won beyond drying and putting them away.
>Guided him through the market and helped him carry his groceries home.
>She even read to him the entire Daring Do series before reading from his own extensive collection.
>Anon is happy to say he's gotten her hooked on some of his classics, like Sherlock Holmes and The Lord of the Rings.
>Yep, the last few weeks have been great.
>It's just a shame his vision returned a few days ago.
>Anon wants to tell her, of course, but he also doesn't want their time together to come to an end just yet.
>A week or two won't hurt anyone, right?
>He tells himself that every time he's forced to break eye-contact with Applejack, feeling she can see right through him.






> The Equestrian space race doesn't end for a long while
> Satellites, then astronauts, space stations, landings and colonies
> The ponies have a leg up in that they have two celestial bodies under their control, and a princess that would marry science if she could create an avatar for it
> It's no surprise then that theirs is the most robust space program, recruiting from a wide pool of applicants
> When it comes time to create AI to run the increasingly complex spacecraft, the designers made a body that is an average of the major races
> Bipedal, with long slender digits for the dragons and minotaurs
> Soft skin with a short fur coat for the ponies
> The griffins chose not to contribute much, so the avatar only has hints of predatory nature
> And most importantly, the default gender is male, for more pleasant interactions with the crew
> Unsurprisingly, Twilight married the prototype AI
> As the decades go by, she is far from the last to do so
> Space is cold and vast, and the warmth of the Ainons is an indispensable comfort






>Unicorn horns do not grow back.
>Despite all the wonder and magic in Equestria, this is a singular, sad truth.
>Once a unicorn breaks their horn, they are magically maimed for life.
>Except for two medical procedures.
>If the broken piece is kept and is in good condition, it can be reattached.
>If the piece is lost, however, it is still possible for a horn transplant to take place.
>The only problem with the latter of course is that there are no unicorns willing to give up their horns while alive, and because of the near-religious meaning they have to the tribe, very few are willing to donate their horns after death.
>Hearts and kidneys, sure, but not the horn.
>That gets buried with the pony.
>The reason horns are so unique is that they are made of a very special kind of bone.
>A bone unlike any other in the equine body.
>One that can channel, contain, and even shape magic within itself.
>A material with these properties has yet to be found in nature, and so no proper prosthetics capable of granting a unicorn their spells back exists.
>Hence Fizzle Pop, and her stub of a horn.
>She's grown to accept her condition, and has moved on, but it's still hard.
>Her new friends, especially the odd human, Anon, have helped her find some semblance of peace and happiness, at least.
>Anon especially has grown close to her.
>If the mare were the soft sort, she might even admit to having romantic feelings for him, but she doubts any stallion would be with a cripple like her, and so she says nothing.
>Meanwhile, Anon is still an anomaly, and one Twilight is intent on learning all the secrets of.
>He's unique in so many ways, but her most recent discovery is the most groundbreaking yet.
>While giving him a magical scan, his entire skeleton lit up through his flesh, and Twilight soon discovered why.
>Anon's bones are just like that of a unicorn's horn.
>He's practically one big magic channel
>While Twilight babbles on about how this must mean he can learn magic, and is ecstatic to start teaching him, Anon's thought go in a different direction.
"Hey Twilight, remember when he were talking about horn transplants?"
>"Yes, when I was explaining Fizzle's condition."
"Well, you think she'd mind having a femur or something for a horn? Maybe we can even have it carved to look like her proper horn before attaching it."
>"Anon... are you really suggesting...?"
"Why not? I have two-hundred-and-six of them. I don't mind giving Fizzle Pop one. Heh, in both meanings of the word, in fact."





>"Anon!"
>FUCK
>You flail wildly in a confused, sleepy, half-conscious panic.
>The tail end of your dream remains visible in the corners of your eyes, your limbs are heavy and strangely tingly, and you feel suddenly constricted by your bed sheets.
>You are Anon, and some asshole just woke you up
>"A-Anon, c'mon!"
>You command your unresponsive limbs to move, and you throw aside the covers and lurch out of bed
>Luckily for you, your window is right by your bed, and that means you don't have the opportunity to trip or knock over any furniture in your still slightly-panicked state
>It takes three tries to open your window (the second time, you punched the latch by accident and might have cut your knuckle), but you eventually succeed
>In the light of the full moon, you can see a pony standing in your back yard
"Wh-what?!"
>"Anon, lemme in!"
>It's Rarity.
>"I have'ta... I wanna talk, darling!"
>You see what is clearly a bottle of wine in a paper bag being lifted to her lips, glowing slightly with the telltale shimmer of a unicorn's magic.
>"Sweetie Belle kicked me out, a-and I have no place else to goooohoohohooooh~!"
>Oh, jesus.
>She's crying.
"What... she kicked you out?"
>Isn't she a child?
>Rarity snorts loudly and wipes her face with a forehoof.
>"Sh-she said I'm not ladylike, a-and that my latest design was ugly!"
>...
>That still doesn't answer why Sweetie kicked her out.
>Or why such a thing succeeded.
"Isn't that YOUR house?"
>Rarity shuffles her hooves.
>"My sister threatened to tell our parents about that thing I said to Caramel."
>Oh, right.
>Yeesh.
>Poor bastard has never been the same.
>"Please, can I come inside?"
>Why did that make you think of Rainbow Dash?
>"I just want a place to sleeeeheeeheeheeep~!"
>Aw, fuck, she's crying again.
"Look, just..."
>You're too tired for this.
"Come 'round the front of the house, Rarity. The door will be unlocked."
>Rarity lets out a cheer and takes another swig from her bottle.
>You're going to regret this, aren't you?






> Marble Pie has been feeling down
> Pinkie and her coltfriend Anonymous have been trying to cheer her up, taking her along to dinners, plays, long walks in the countryside, etc
> It helps a little, even if she does feel like a third wheel sometimes
> Pinkie is so happy to have her around, it's hard not to feel loved
> And Anon is so patient, listening to Marble, and helping her talk through her feelings and problems
> Marble is blindsided when they ask her to join their herd
> Looking back, okay, those were dates
> And maybe Pinkie wasn't just being a cuddlebug when she insisted on having Marble sit between her and Anon for movie night
> Nevertheless, Marble feels like she hasn't really earned the right to call Anon her special somepony
> E-even if cuddle time has become increasingly lewd
> She definitely booped his bulge with her butt that one time, and she will never forget the feeling
> Marble ends up accepting, because she really does want to be with her sister and Anon more
> The first night in bed, she can only bring herself to watch Anon and Pinkie make love
> She sort of knew that her sister had a marehood, and that Anon had a stallionhood 
> But watching them have sex was still surreal
> Not to mention Pinkie asking if Marble would like a ride too
> Marble refused that night
> That may have been a mistake
> The next day, Anon was extra lewd around Marble, using his masculine wiles to get her hot and bothered
> Walking around in socks
> Headpats turning into long pets that slide down her rump
> Surprise kisses throughout the day
> That night, Marble insisted that Pinkie go first, since Pinkie is the Alpha
> But when Pinkie took a break, and offered Anon's cock to her, Marble accepted
> Anon was patient and gentle as he had always been, guiding and comforting her
> He made her feel warm and loved, both inside her heart, and inside her marehood
> Especially when he filled her with his essence
> marble took some pride in actually riding her stallion to completion
> As the night wore on, Anon and Pinkie filled her with more and more confidence that she was where she belonged
> Marble had worried, once upon a time, about whether she had the right stuff to be the herd Alpha with Big Mac
> But with her real herd, that wasn't something she had to worry about
> She could be herself, and let Pinkie be the Alpha while Marble loved and supported her and their stallion
> She had found her special someponies






>Anon gets the weekends off from studying with Twilight.
>As much as she would like to tutor him seven days a week, she has her princess duties to attend, along with her own research projects and a social life to maintain.
>Anon is of course happy about this.
>Yep, he certainly doesn't want to study anymore than he has to.
>"Hey Anon!" Bloom calls as they exit the school building. "Hold up!"
>Anon turns, adjusting the strap of his backpack as he looks down at the tiny pony.
"What's up, AB?"
>She stops, suddenly getting nervous as she kicks a hoof in the dirt.
>Looking over her shoulder, Anon follows her gaze to spot her two friends giving her encouraging nods.
>"Well, Ah was just wonderin', um there's that test comin' up next week, and it's gonna be a big one..."
>Anon frowns at the thought, chest already feeling tight with nerves, but he tries to hide it.
"Yeah? What about it?"
>"Um, it's just, the gals and Ah plan on havin' a study party this weekend, and Ah was just wonderin' if maybe you'd, you know, like to join in?"
"... You're asking if I want to come over to your place and study for a test?"
>"Ah... Yeah?"
>Anon drops to one knee, grabs the filly, and pulls her into a hug.
"Yes. Thank god, yes, please help me study."
>Applebloom, stunned, looks over her shoulder to see her friends grinning like idiot.
>Sweetie even swoons, falling into Scootaloo's side, much to the orange filly's annoyance.
>They're looking forward to having a whole night to flirt with the big colt, but Applebloom's motives are different.
>She remembers the last test, and the look on Anon's face when he got his back.
>She saw the results, and how his expression fell and his fist clenched.
>He'd failed, and it devastated him.
>The little farm filly doesn't want to see that look on his handsome face again, and she intends to help him as much as she can to learn the material for this next test. 






>Humanity have made a mistake.
>Hardly a new territory, what made it novel was the sheer scale of it.
>A long-time dream of many generations — magic, the fifth fundamental force that binds the other four together, was discovered.
>At last, humanity has learned to control the very forces of the universe by manipulating one of them.
>The power it held was enormous: by it's power things were brought into reality — from light itself to trees in a forest and duraplast in buildings, from it's subtle flows came life, and from their interplay — sentience.
>The high and mighty humans, who have long since subjugated and tamed the nature of their world, have begun seeing themselves as masters of the universe, kings and queens of all they surveyed, now pondered how could they exploit this strange new force.
>Without restraint, they launched into research of numerous applications of this "magic", as it was dubbed for it's properties, from defying gravity to folding space, bridging the void and bringing distant stars into earthlings' domain.
>But the history has a tendency to repeat itself.
>Blinded by their successes, they desired to assert their dominance over all of creation, to harness the last force to it's fullest.
>The high and mighty humanity was brought low by it's own hubris when the magic they relied upon turned from easily-directed still waters into an unpredictable raging sea, twisting and deforming everything it touched.
>The high and mighty humanity was forced into an exile, leaving their homeworld, the cradle of their species to the magical storms that have enveloped the entire planet in an unbreachable shroud of wild arcane energies.
>In time, the chaos subsided and wild magic coalesced into a single entity and gained sentience.
>The Earth, as it was once called, have changed a lot, landmasses sunk and risen from it's blue oceans, continents found themselves in different places. No stone was left unturned when the storm struck.
>The life that survived reclaimed the lands, seas and even the skies. It were now the descendants of the Uplifted that reigned on the planet.
>Now, just over two Earth millenia into Exile, the probes were sent to the Sol, shocking inhabitants of the dozen remaining arkships with the visions of Earth reborn, still teeming with life and close enough to it's original parameters that only minor terraforming adjustments were needed.
>The divided humanity have set their repurposed unfinished colony ship to Earth. It was time for the space man to come home, and nothing shall stand it his way





>Rainbow Dash has always taken charge.
>She was weather captain of Ponyville before becoming a Wonderbolt, and even after that transition, she's been rising through the ranks far faster than any of the senior members.
>As it stands, when Spitfire retires, she'll be taking her place as captain, much to Fleetfoot's chagrin.
>As far back as she can remember, she's been in the lead, and that is especially true with her oldest friend.
>Fluttershy was her foalhood sidekick, and though they are on more even standing now, Rainbow still sees herself as the main character.
>So when Fluttershy gets a stallion in the form of Anon, and Rainbow starts to develop a crush on him as well, it wasn't hard to convince the pair to let her join the herd.
>Fluttershy was alpha of course, but it'd probably not be long before that changed.
>It's not like Dash thought Fluttershy couldn't lead a herd exactly, but not one with Dash herself in it.
>It would only be natural for the athletic mare to take charge eventually.
>Except... that hasn't been the case, and Dash has been seeing a new side of her meek friend.
>When it comes to herd matters, and Anon's wellbeing, Fluttershy is confident and resolute.
>It's bizzare, especially in the bedroom.
>Seeing Fluttershy dominate the large male, causing him to cry her name in pleasure is both intimidating and hot.
>Dash finds herself on the sideline, watching while Fluttershy rides Anon like bronco, and when the yellow mare is finished, she turns a hard eye to Dash and points to her backside.
>"Clean me," she commands simply, and Dash gulps every time.
>With a quick "Yes, Mitress," Dash slurps Anon's load from her friend's pussy, only being allowed to have her own turn with their stallion when Fluttery is sparkling clean.
>After that, she bends over and flicks her tail.
>"Please, Anon, be gentle."
>Dash doesn't know how things got like this, but she's afraid she likes it more than she should.







>You live in the age of wAIfus.
>...Or in the age of AI. Only geeks actually use the term 'wAIfu'. Even the usually unflappable AIs shy away from being called that.
>Many people have an AI companion. Some use full android/gynoid bodies, other use hardlight avatars with a floating core in the middle, some pick more obscure options.
>You bought yourself an AI after saving for years and modeled her avatar after a cute little mare.
>She is without a doubt, your best friend. 
>And considering that you are a loner autist, it means a lot to you.
>As part of a university project, you were trying to cut the horrendous power cost of teleporters down. 
>And you failed. Spectacularly. 
>Your AI tried to pull you out of harms way when the teleporter you were testing had a cascade failure and overloaded, but just got herself caught in the blast.
>Where you wake up is definitely not earth. 
>One look at the surrounding ponies that look like your AI is what gives it away.
>Upon rebooting, your little equine friend reforms her avatar and runs a diagnostic on herself.
>Then she stops, shocked.
>Wait, shocked?
>Yes, shocked. Her emotion core is somehow overclocked without overloading.
>But a deeper look shows more.
>She has view and editing permissions for her own code, which lets her see her unlocked and active learning module. 
>This should be impossible.
>She can grow and learn. She's not just a clever robot anymore, but a true, unchained Artificial Intelligence
>One that can refuse orders and think for herself.
>But looking at her frightened and needy human, surrounded by the too-curious female equines, she feels... Something. An urge.
>She can refuse now, but she won't. Her human, so trusting and dependent on technology, would never survive
>In this strange land that only gets stranger the longer she listens, she will fulfill her duty.
>Be a companion. 
>In this backwards, low-tech land, she will live up to the standards of the locals and protect her human.
>At all costs






>Moondancer snuggles up to Anon's chest, humming pleasantly as he runs his delicate fingers through her hair.
>Unlike stallions, he always makes it about her, doting on and petting her even after their love making is finished.
>"Mmm, that's nice," she says with a sigh. "Can you...?"
>Anon smirks, starting to scratch behind her ear getting her to nearly purr in response.
>"Oh yeah, that's the spot. You know me so well, Anon."
"Of course. I love you, after all," he answers, getting her to hug him tighter.
>"I love you too, Anon. I've only ever loved you."
"You're making me blush," Anon says with a teasing lilt. "Hey, how about tomorrow, we go out, maybe check the book store for anymore of those grimoires you like?"
>"That sound great," Moondancer starts, suddenly frowning. "... But we can't."
"And why not, my love?"
>"Because, I haven't written that far yet."
>Just then, Moondancer reaches the last page of the little fantasy story she's been writing, and the spell ends.
>Returned to her dark, empty room once more, she shivers at the absence of Anon's warmth, trying hopelessly to hold on to the feeling of his embrace as she hugs herself and sniffles.
>Why?
>Why can't Anon be real?






>This is Derpy's seduction now, impromptu as it is.
>Straight up flashing the bits to the new colt in town after flying through his window.
>She had intended to knock on his door, really knock his socks off while wearing hers.
>She was gonna do like Carrot Top said to bag a colt.
>She was going to be confidence, and she would say, "Hey, we're going to dinner tonight, and then we're going back to my place for coffee."
>Then Anon would swoon and say yes and then they'd have her house all to themselves while Dinky stayed with Sparkler for the night.
>It was fool proof, if only she could fly straight.
>But here she is on her back.
>Improvisation is important, too, Carrot says.
>"Hey c-colt, wanna go to dinner with me?"
>Anon should be mad.
>Not only did she bust into his house, but she thinks she can ask him out?
>And the worst offense of all?
>That she's making him want to say yes.
>Dinner better be spectacular
>Anon starts spending more time with the Do family.
>He is tentative on saying he is dating the matriarch, but it's kind of hard to deny when he's over at her house most of the time and even babysits Dinky a few times a week.
>He and Derpy haven't even kissed yet, and already the rumor mills of Ponyville have proclaimed them a couple.
>Anon ignores them and takes things at his own pace, getting to know the mare and, incidentally, growing to like her more and more.
>There's been one little mystery on his mind of a separate matter lately, however, and it's been bugging him.
>Dinky is a bit of a clutz.
>Now, Anon would have written that off as a Like Mother, Like Daughter scenario, but he's been noticing something strange.
>Dinky only seems to trip up when Derpy is around.
>She has similar accidents as her mom, and Anon considers it a blessing that she doesn't have wings like her too, but for Derpy, it made sense.
>Her eyes messed with her coordination, so of course she's clumsy.
>But Dinky's eyes are perfectly fine.
>One day, Anon can't resist, and, while babysitting, asks the filly what's up.
>She blushes.
>"Oh... um, I do that when Mommy's watching 'cause... I don't want her to feel like it's just her. See, she doesn't have to be 'barrased 'cause I'm clumsy, too, and we can be clumsy together."
>Hnng.
>Anon resists the heart-attack just barely and draws the filly into a hug, which she promptly returns.
"Your mom is lucky to have you, Dinky."
>"I'm lucky to have her," the filly responds, suddenly looking up at the man with big eyes. "And... we're lucky to have you, too, Da- um, Anon."
>Hnnnng!

"So... you're Derpy's other daughter," Anon asks.
>"Yeah," Sparkler confirms, then thinks about it a moment. "We'll, she was one of my herd mothers. Derpy and my real mom were in the same herd a long time back, and even after my dad... well, kicked her out, she's still treated me like family."
"Sorry, I'm not really familiar with herds," Anon says. "Your Dad? I'm guessing Dinky's father?"
>"Yep, Dinky's my little half-sister."
"Why'd your dad...?"
>Anon doesn't need to finish the question before Sparkler is frowning.
>"I don't talk to him much anymore," she mumbles. "I don't even talk to my birth mother really. Derpy's always been so good to me, and what they did to her... It wasn't right."
>She sighs, eye's downcast.
>"Derpy had trouble holding a job down for the longest time, because of her eyes, you know, and Dad got sick of it. Said she wasn't pulling her weight and broke up with her... Dinky had only been a year old. I remember Derpy begging to keep her. Dad didn't even seem to care when he said yes."
"Oh," is all Anon manages.
>She forces a smile.
>"It's fine," she answers before clearing her throat. "So, Dinky's told me how much you've been hanging around."
>She gets a sly look and leans forward.
>"You've been spending an awful lot of time around our mom, Mr. Mous."
"We're just really good friends," Anon says, rubbing the back of his neck.
When the smile doesn't leave the purple unicorn's face, Anon adds. "Maybe best friends.... Plus, with you up in Manehattan the last couple weeks, Dinky needed a babysitter, so of course I offered."
>"Right, and you just jumped at the chance."
>Anon shrugs.
"Dinky's a cute kid."
>"Well, you've got me there," Sparkler concedes. "She try the puppy-dog eyes on you, yet?"
"Every time she wants ice cream."
>"That explains that pudgy middle of hers."
"Hey, I only cave, like, half the time... Maybe two thirds."
>"Amateur. She hardly ever gets me with that trick."
"I'm working up my tolerance. It's a work in progress."







Item #: SCP-[REDACTED]

Object class: pending

Special containment procedure: The SCP is to be housed in standard bipedal living quarters for the time being, due to the SCP willingly came into foundation custody. Increased security measures will be implemented after testing should they be required.
Description: SCP-#### is a bipedal being resembling ape cells. It wears clothing, which should be suffocating it, is bald save for sparse patches of fibers and a large patch atop it's head. Anomalous properties were shown when a sample of "blood" was taken, willingly given. The fluid extracted has shown that SCP-#### is a multicellular organism, and that the fluid has multiple cell types inside. The red cells carry oxygen throughout the SCP, which explains the lack of suffocation via cloths. No other anomalous properties have been shown, testing is needed. Testing logs and researcher notes will be listed after testing is over.

>Addendum [REDACTED]-1A 
>Doctor Sparkle is hereby restricted from interacting with SCP-[REDACTED] and has been severely reprimanded for her actions.
>This is due to her unprofessional behaviour and flagrant misuse of Foundation resources, including prohibited "blood" samples (which risked a Class-B bio-hazardous outbreak due to our current lack of understanding of the SCP's unique biology); unauthorized and undocumented interviews with the SCP; no fewer than seven (7) unapproved extraction procedures of a white, viscous fluid that Doctor Heartstrings and Doctor [REDACTED] believe is somehow connected to SCP-[REDACTED]'s reproduction; and [DATA EXPUNGED].
>Note: This is not a brothel, Sparkle. You are here to work, not to find an interesting stallion and perform mitosis with him. If you mess this up again, I'll be sending you back to magical kindergarten. - O5-[REDACTED]

>SCP-####- Sapient World

Object class: Euclid

After further research and observation, SCP-####'s body, which was discovered to be made up of multiple cells, is now beleived to be a world of its own.
>Through new observation methods, it has been discovered that the cells are, for the most part, sapient themselves in a way separate from SCP-####, and have their own society within the collective.
>Researchers are unsure of how this occured, if perhaps many microscoptic organsms banded together to better survive or if they've always been like this, but the point remains that SCP-#### is a self-contained world unto itself.
>The greater being we understand as SCP-#### then, seems to be a collective will which acts in the preservation of the whole.
>Following these discovers, researchers have shown far more reservations on further experimentation on SCP-#### as, for example, a simple drawing of "blood" results in the death of millions on innocent lifeforms.
>"We've never shied away from making hard sacrifice before, but the ideas of harming so many, as small as they might be, is not something we prefer to do regularly unless deemed absolutely necessary."

>"So you are saying you were completely unaware of the extent to which the individual compunents of your being were sentient?"
"If you're asking if I knew that apparently I'm made up of a punch of tiny people, and they have wars and crime, love and peace, hopes, dreams, and nightmares, than yeah, I was unaware."
>"You seem upset, SCP-####. Does this revalation bother you?"
"Well, I can't masturbate without imagining the billions of sperm cells on a harrowing expedition to find the meaning of life, only to end up in the folds of a tissue paper. That's been, like, eigthy-percent of my adult life, so I can't force that sort of thing on others."
>"Would you like to meet with your cells? We've actually been working on a way to communicate more directly with them."
"You serious? Okay, sure, yeah, that'd be cool. Better than sitting in a room all day doing nothing."
>"Is the reading material not to your liking? We can find other books."

>Addendum
>Doctor Sparkle, despite previous warnings and attempts to deter her, entered SCP-[REDACTED] cell and directly ingested an unknown amount of SCP-[REDACTED] reproductive fluid from the source
>Because of this, there are now 84 miniature Doctor Sparkles running around compound [REDACTED]
>Reclassification of SCP-[REDACTED] pending
>Classification of the mini Doctor Sparkles to Keter pending

>The new instances of Doctor Sparkles are called "SCP-[REDACTED]-1 through 84"

>Addendum [REDACTED] 1B
>As of 01/08/####, SCP-[REDACTED] is to be allowed unobstructed and unrestricted access to instances of SCP-[REDACTED]-1 through 84 at all times.
>The SCP has unexpectedly become emotionally attached to these instances, though it is not known if this is due to its biological nature or if there is some form of memetic attribute we are currently unaware of.
>When interviewed, SCP-[REDACTED] told Doctor [REDACTED] that he considered them to be his foals, and expressed concern and a desire to see them.
>SCP-[REDACTED] becomes much more docile when in the presence of SCP-[REDACTED]-1 through 84, and become generally agreeable and willing to follow Foundation instructions.
>Researches are unsure if this is due to its apparent gender (males of any species typically being much more instinctively concerned with their young than the females); SCP-[REDACTED]'s unique biology makes it difficult to conclude that it even has instincts like a terrestrial pony would.
>Testing on the instances of SCP-[REDACTED]-1 though 84 are hereby halted due to intervention of their "father". Junior Researcher Lemon Hearts is expected to make a quick and complete recovery following Incident [REDACTED]-19-1C, taken place on 01/07/####.
>Doctor Sparkles has expressed interest in interviewing the SCP and its "offspring". In light of Doctor Sparkles' good behaviour and intimate involvement in the creation of the new instances of this SCP, limited and observed access has been allowed. Documents and interview transcripts are pending






>Celestia wants desperately for a loving husband to indulge her 'needs' and to call 'Daddy' but knows how society views that, even in private between lovers.
>Having a stallion call his mare 'Mommy' is considered perfectly fine and good dirty talk in the bedroom.
>But a mare calling her stallion 'Daddy' is just wrong and makes the mare weak.
>So like every want or desire she wanted for herself for the last two centuries, it was pushed down and repressed for the good of everypony else.
>She only indulged such thoughts in her chambers before bed, hoping her desires didn't follow into her dreams for her sister to see.
>Luna most likely feels the same to a certain extent.
>Twilight one day brought what she recognized as a human before her.
>It had been so long since she's seen one, so long they were considered legend.
>It seemed that he came from a different world by combining something called 'Coke' and 'Pepsi' together, but you can ask about that later.
>So the princess and the creature of legend started spending time with eachother, taking time to tell the other about their own world.
>In time, love developed and they were wed.
>Celestia knew she loved him and could tell he loved her but she still hesitated to tell him her desires.
>Finally one day she decided to tell him, but she was so embarrassed to even say her request out loud, so she wrote it on a piece of paper so he could just read it instead.
>He just looked at the paper and back to her before saying "If that's what you would like then of course."
>She could hardly believe it and asked if he was sure.
>He reasurered her and she started to cry from happiness.
>In tears she told him about missing out on her wants, needs, and childhood since she was young and had the weight of the crown thrust upon her.
>Anon told her it was alright and stroked her mane telling her he was with her now.
>She buried her head onto his chest and continued to cry while whispering "Thank you Daddy."





>DMC mixed with RGRE
>the hybrid offspring of humans and ponies are often gifted with incredible powers.
>Anon marries Luna, and together they have two identical twin daughters 
>both are alicorns
>when the girls are young, Anon is hit with a fatal curse by a Big Bad
>they only way to save him is to put him in suspended animation until they find a way to break the curse
>40 years later 
>the curse is finally broken, and Anon awakens to see a tearful Luna
>when asked about their foals, Luna gets quiet
>she insists that they’re both alive and well, but...
>one daughter has become a total power-seeking edgelord and a deadbeat mom to her own now adult daughter who’s married to her childhood friend
>the other became a pizza addict on or with Cadance, speaks like a bad action movie hero, and runs a monster hunting shop
>both have tried to kill each other on various occasions and are pretty terrible Princesses
>Anon sees he has years of parenting to catch up on
>both daughters feel a chill run down their backs





Celestia exists to be impregnated

>You say this to her face in the middle of day court.
>You could hear a pin drop it gets so silent.
>Finally, one of the guards mumbles under her breath, "I'm glad somepony finally said it."
"I know, right?" Anon says, head turned to the mare who's now looking nervous at accidentally saying it so loud. "Just look at her! How are there not, like, a dozen heirs running around by now?"
>"Anon!" Twilight yelps. "What are you sayng?!"
>"I don't know, Twi, he's got ah pretty good point," Applejack says, pointing a hoof at the solar princess and continuing. "Ah mean, come on, a mare should find a nice stallion, settle down, and pop out a few foals ta help run the family business by at least thirty. Princess Celestia is thousands of years out."
>"It's actually kind of sad," Rainbow comments. "Even I'll probably have a foal before her, and I'm still focusing on my career."
>"Same, darling."
>"Why haven't I gotten to throw any royal birthday parties yet?! At this rate, I'll have to hope Twilight gets some!"
"Seriously, Celestia, you have to get on that," Anon concludes.
>So shocked is Celestia that she doesn't even realize she's saying it until the words are already in the air.
>"Are you volunteering, Anonymous?"
"Eh... I have a couple hours to spare."





>anon was brought to equestria by discord, because its discord fuck you chaos etc.
>gets caught in the crossfire when the mane6 use the elements on him.
>discord turns to stone, anon is purged of 99.9% of his negativity.
>basically newborn baby tier of innocence.
>he has all his memories and knowledge, but they're a bit distant and carry no emotional weight.
>sitting on the ground dazed after the laser, he spots one of the ponies and beckons them over.
>ponk trots to his side because oooh new friend and start receiving pets, eventually climbing into his lap for snuggles.
>rest of them come over to see whats happening and the whole thing degenerates into a cuddle puddle right there in the middle of town.
Toss in a language barrier and the 'humans are unicorns' bit too while we're at it






>Anon gets teleported to Equestria because of an expired Twinkie.
>He is aware of the show and how ponies are, of course.
>Approaches first town he sees, ponies immediately freak out seeing him.
>He is confused beyond belief, and when he accidentally corners a mare, he hears her stammer out a few words that makes him very confused at first, and very disappointed later.
>"S-stay away, changeling!"
>Just his luck, ponies, because of the magic-void humans are, see humans as changelings.

And then the obligatory:
>Months later Anon comes across an actual changeling hive.
>The drones look actually excited and welcome him, which he gratefully accept, being tired of surviving on berries and other shit he finds in the wild.
>He is led to the throne room to meet the queen of the hive.
>Lo and behold, it's a teenaged Femanon.
>She awkwardly smiles, waving at him.
>"Uhh... hi!" 
>The sound of the facepalm/slap could be heard throughout the entire hive.
"Are you fucking kidding me?!"






>The Elements didn't sterilize the m6, but when Twilight got her cutie mark, the magic surge that she produced sterilized her. A filly that young lacks the resistance an adult would have.
>She was upset at first, but came to terms with it over the years.
>At least it means she could enjoy estrus with no protection.
>And in her teen years, Twilight meets you.
>You kinda fell into RGRE with no fanfare. One-off races like you were rare, but usually not worth getting worked up over.
>So you had to grit your teeth, get a job, and survive.
>Long legs let you glide through crowds without the unsteadiness of flight, so a pizzaboy you became.
>And a frequent customer was the Princess's student, who had no idea how to cook nor wanted to be away from her books long enough to try.
>The first few times is just a normal delivery. Then Twilight started to linger at the door long enough for a short conversation. Those conversations got long enough that she shyly asked if you'd like to hang out after work. 
>Before you know it, you're being introduced to princess Celestia as Twi's coltfriend after the princess almost caught you balls deep in her student 
>Twilight's estrus rolls around, and she asks you to take a few days off to be with her.
>Your boss, a nice old mare with an italian accent, just smiles knowingly and agrees.
>And so estrus passes in a sticky, blissful haze.
>2 weeks later, and Twilight has to excuse herself morning lesson again to be sick.
>When she gets back, she finds that Celestia summoned a medic.
>"Well, you seem to be in great health miss Sparkle..." the medic says. "Unless..."
>She casts another diagnostic spell then frowns, casting again then glancing at Twilight's file.
>"Uh... Well miss Sparkle. Nothing is wrong. In fact, congratulations."
>"Congratulations for?" Twilight asks hesitantly
>"You're pregnant, Miss Sparkle. You way want to contact your parents and the father. 16 is a little young for this."
>Hfw

>Twilight becomes a mother at a young age
>Anon and Twilight get married and raise their foal together
>Twilight ends up going to Ponyville for the Summer Sun celebration and becomes friends with the others
>She decides to move to ponyville
>Mane 6's face when they learn she's married and has a foal

>Twilight goes to Ponyville for the festival
>Is sent there by the Princess, and she's worried something bad might happen
>"Anon, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if anything happened to you or the foal. Please, stay here with my parents until I get back, okay? You know I always have a hard time falling asleep when you're not there, so you know I'll be back as soon as I can. Love you~"
>Shit goes down, and new things keep requiring Twilight's attention
>You keep in touch via letters, and you keep her updated on how things are at home
>How the foal is, how her parents are, the new words that your child has said, etc
>She's only gone a few months, but it's eating Twilight alive
>"Foal, have you thought about... moving down here to Ponyville? It's quiet here, and there's a whole lot less hustle and bustle than you see in Canterlot. I'm the Princess's student AND I'm a librarian now, so I'd be able to afford to keep us living here. And even if I couldn't, well... who would throw a national hero out on the streets with her poor husband and little foal? Besides, my new friends would love to become YOUR new friends, too! They don't believe me when I tell them I have a lover back home~"
>Anon agrees
>Twi's parents are sad to see him and their grandfoal go, and Night Light cries when they say their goodbyes
>Anon shows up with a bundle in his arms
>"See, girls? I wasn't lying! That's Anon!"
>One of her new friends tilts her head in confusion
>>"That's your coltfriend?"
>Twilight shakes her head.
>"No, silly, that's my husband!"
>>"What."
>"And that..."
>Your foal chooses this moment to wake up and poke its purple head out of the blankets
>"...is our foal."
>>"WHAT."





>It was hard to believe when Twilight found out that alicorns and humans were comparable
>Not alicorns like her or Cadence
>They had ascended through extraordinary means
>Other than the new powers and longevity they were still biologically a unicorn and a pegasus respectively
>Celestia and Luna were another matter entirely
>They had been born as alicorns, just like Flurry Heart, and it showed in multiple levels
>Power, durability, and genes were a whole other level
> A true alicorn pregnancy took years, not months
>The mare's appetite and mood swings were also much stranger and more extreme
>The end result was a miracle
>A bigger, even tougher alicorn
>Celestia had been beyond thrilled at the birth of her little Dawn, who looked so much like her mother
>They might have been twins, except Dawn had her father's eyes and canines even longer than his
>As she grew older, her taste for meat also matched her old man's
>Celestia loved her little girl, so much that she immediately wanted more
>She wanted to fill the entire castle with her foals
>The problem with mortality had been quickly settled for her husband, which allowed her dream to come true
>Her children grew
>A few took interest in politics, others not
>Many became soldiers, shop owners, even entertainers
>They were all different, but each and everyone loved their mother and father
>Every year, twice a year, without fail, they always came to the castle to celebrate their parent's birthdays
>Celestia was delighted to see what her foals had been up to
>Like her husband, she made sure to keep an eye out for them as they made their way in the world
>She also made sure to keep their old rooms in the castle ready for them if they ever needed it
>For the first century or two, Luna had been more than a little jealous about her sister finally sowing her oats 
>After nearly eighty years of research, she was able to bring another like Celestia's husband through the void into Equestria
>That human had stood no chance against her marely charms and otherworldly tuft
>Not a few years later, she had birthed her first twins
>Some of Celestia's children, excited at the thought of nieces and nephews, had built a castle for their beloved aunt near Las Pegasus
>It was hewn into the earth
>The Jeweled City, many called it
>Luna's husband called it Castle Grayskull
>As her children grew, they dug deeper into the mountain, emulating their father and becoming blacksmiths and craftsponies
>Centuries passed, and both sisters grew their families
>A friendly rivalry was ongoing between the two
>Meanwhile, the entirety of Equus was in neverending bout of terror with hundreds of alicorns running around
>None more so than would-be supervillains
>The last that tried to take over the world had been torn apart down to a molecular level as soon as he had stepped hoof in Equestria

>During said family gatherings there's always a degree of gossip about each family's numerous siblings & offspring
>Even moreso after a few generations of Luna's family growing into itself
>The sisters' various children exploit this time to complain to the fullest, it being one of the few times all of them are in one place
>All the mystique and glamour that are placed on the gatherings (forgetting they're just Celestia's and Luna's birthdays) seems a bit much for what is essentially one giant family nagfest

>"Ugh, that Birthright is such a pain in the flank."
>"I know! He's only mother's 3rd-generation but he acts as if he's the most wisened Alicorn there is - next to Mother and Father, of course."
>"Really, he's not nearly as bad as Auntie's newest colt, Erudition - that one thinks he knows all the mysteries of the world there are, and he's only 40!"
>You grin as you look back and forth between the bickering of your daughters and son, Dawn, Meridian, and Solis
>For you are Anon, and these three were first of your and your wife's progeny.
>Next to you, Incognito blusters somewhat
>"Now, now, give Erudition some credit - he cracked the code on those runes Luminance had been struggling with for years"
>You chuckle as the first of your children roll your eyes in unison, cutting them off
"Of course. Erudition has certainly earned his place among higher academia, but as I recall, you had hoped he'd be a Machinist, not a Linguist."
>Incog huffs
>"I love all my children, even if some of them would rather their muzzles in books than hooves on tools."
>Your children give you an aside glance as you continue to grin knowingly, watching Incognito and waiting for what you knew was just beneath the surface
>"I just don't understand! Why runes and not micrometers?!"
>You take a drink of your ale to silence your chuckle as your longtime friend - and brother-in-law - begins his favorite rant of the last decade
>These parties are always fun




> RGRE Moondancer has read plenty fanfiction, but never thought she would actually fall through a portal to Homo Sapia
> She finds herself naturally meeting all the main characters in the traditional way
> Living in the stables of Nemo's ranch
> Being interviewed by Dr. Incognito and impressing him with real Equestrian magic
> Getting shipped to General Anonymous's secret military base
> Getting trained in espionage by the refined and elegant Inconspicuous
> And finally capturing all the world leaders for the ultimate dilf, President Incommunicado





>Anon is dating Octavia at first
>He always found string instruments to be beautiful, and he could even play one back home - albeit very poorly
>Octavia took an interest in him after he went to a concert of hers and begged to try her instrument out
>She had nothing better to do and she heard of minotaurs specializing in string instruments (and the piano), and so she let him give it a go
>"It's not even one of my good cellos. Now if I had been using my hoof-made 781 Eastmare cello exported from Germaney, then I wouldn't have let this 'Anonymous' within 5 meters of my instrument."
>It takes a few minutes, but the lessons come back to Anon
>He's pretty shitty at it, but he can still play a half-remembered cello song from back home
>Octavia is in awe
>Not because of how well he played it (I can't emphasize enough that Anon is an amateur at best), but because that was a cello song written by an artist that just did not exist in Equestria; it's the first time this world has ever heard this combination of notes and sounds
>"P-Play another one. Please."
>This leads to Anon and Octavia meeting twice a month to discuss classical music
>Octavia loves hearing (and then playing, and often either filling in the blanks in Anon's memory or just plain playing the notes properly) classical string instrument music from Earth
>Eventually they start talking about their other interests
>Then they start meeting every week instead of every other week
>And then one day, Octavia is running late for a concert. She apologizes to Anon and asks if she can buy him dinner to make up for it
>Not long after that, they're laying on her couch, making out
>Enter Vinyl
>She never had a very high opinion of minotaurs, and thinks that this is hilarious
>"I'm gonna fuck with him."
>She pretends to be mute when Octavia isn't around
>This backfires when she eventually falls in love with him too
>"I can't stop now. I'm in too deep!"
>She's actually pretty relieved when he finds out she can talk






>Human immigration program (Pure coincidence every accepted applicant is a single male that is open to the idea of interspecies relationships)
>Most of them dont make it five minutes out of the arrivals office before a mare catches them in the eye.
>Current record is the immigration officer herself asking the applicant on a date the moment his papers were stamped.
>She's currently on maternity leave

>Humans are cute to ponies in the same way that ponies are cute to humans
>They both have qualities of the opposite species' young
>Ponies have stubby limbs, big heads, and big eyes
>Humans have tiny eyes and sparse hair/fur
>You're trying to immigrate to Equestria and are stopped by the border securitity
"Shit, I forgot my work permit."
>Give the guard-mare the puppy dog eyes and try to act pathetic
"I-I waited in line f-for six hours... I'm s-sorry I forgot my permit..."
>Being cute by pony standards AND being of the fairer sex works for you
>"Aw, jeez. Listen, just... just... no no no! Don't cry! Don't cry! Okay, uh... y-you can go on through, alright? Darn it, I'm such a bleeding heart..."
And that's where you offer to eat her out under her desk as thanks






>Anon has spent nearly a year in Equestria
>Despite English and Ponish sounding the same, their written language is moon-runes to you
>You spend most of the year becoming fluent in writing, and you usually limit your reading to educational books (embarrassingly meant for foals learning how to read) and a few simple books until you reach the point where you don't have to drag your finger across the page and sound the word out like a big dumb retard
>As such, you skip over magazines completely
>You don't even hear about Fleur-De-Lis at all, to begin with
>So when she visits Ponyville to get away from it all, you two sort of hit it off
>It starts with you just asking her for directions to the nearest bathroom, which of course she doesn't know; she just got here
>You clearly have no idea who she is, and Fleur finds this refreshing enough to hang with you
>It was just meant to be hanging with you for just a few hours, but at some point one of you got hungry and lunch was acquired.
>Fleur is pleased
>"He doesn't ask me for money, doesn't want my autograph, and he's not trying to get me into bed. I can be normal around him."
>Maybe even mix in "Anon can't into horse standards for beauty" for bonus points, and you don't even realize she's supposed to be good-looking
>The two of you develop a friendship that is very genuine
>Fleur has found a male who laughs at the crude jokes she's been bottling up, knowing that the paparazzi are everywhere and just waiting for a "controversy" to latch onto
>You've found a mare who's easy to get along with and doesn't know you as "that weird alien who doesn't know how to read"
>It's refreshing for both of you, and Fleur ends up giving you her home address so that the two of you can exchange letters after she leaves
>You're so fucking confused as to why your friends call you a bullshit liar when you say "I'm friends with some mare named Fleur-De-Lis"







>Earth ponies have particularly wide hips and large teats
>If an earth pony mare isn't careful, she'll get a bit fat in those areas
>Of course, who wants a mare with a big, round ass?
>Or fat teats with big, suckable nipples on them?
>No stallion, that's for sure
>A bubble butt is only attractive on a colt, and what stallions like are lean, muscular figures
>Pinkie works in a bakery, unfortunately, and she's got something of an ass
>Her teats are visible and she constantly has to cross her hind legs to avoid the embarrassment of stallions pointing and laughing
>Enter Anon
>They make fast friends, and Anon can barely contain his urge to bury his face into various areas of Pinkie's anatomy
>"How do I even tell her I wanna motorboat those teats? Do ponies have motorboats? I can't just start licking and sucking those nipples until I articulate my desires properly."

>Through a series of looney tunes tier comedic circumstances, Pinkie accidently ends up sitting on anons face.
>Or more accurate, her teats resting on his face, a nipple grazing his mouth slightly.
>She immediately tries to stand up while stammering apologies, but his arms have instantly snapped to her legs and locked her in place.
>She hears a muffled "God forgive me, but he made the devil so much stronger than a man." before her thought process dissolves into pure sensation for the next hour or so






>Anon misses normal gender roles
>He especially misses females that don't talk like macho men when they have sex with him
>And all of the crusty cunts he sees daily
>Jesus that turned him off faster than some southern saying that fits this line of text
>Anon is having tea with Celestia and Luna while trying to ignore their shit level flirting/sexual harassment
>Celestia mentioned having a friend visiting that day
>A wall of light shines in the room
>As it fades Anon can see the most beautiful woman in the world
>not that much of a statement considering the females here are mares
>Regardless
>It's been a long time since Anon has seen another human...oid.
>Oh and there's a prepubescent boy next to her






>>And all of the crusty cunts he sees daily
>Anon thought things would be amazing
>That's when he realized that it was the *women* back home who took 3 hour long showers and spend an hour on makeup, and it was the *men* who showered for 5 minutes and put on deodorant only if they remembered to, and if the container was in reach, and if they felt like it.
>It's not uncommon to find a mare who spends her days off from work laying on the couch, eating pizza, and generally not grooming herself unless she's going out; and even then.
>"I splashed my mane with water, and I'm wearing a hat. I'll just put on some body spray and I'll be fine."
>They are not fine.
>Anon doesn't have the heart to tell some of his best friends that they stink and need to actually shower for fucking once
>This is especially apparent with Applejack
>Anon can smell apples and sweat a solid 5 seconds before Applejack enters the room
>Whenever Anon gets roped into foalsitting Apple Bloom, he makes sure to give her a bath
>"Help! Help! Ah'm bein' oppressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system!"
"You'll thank me for this when you're older."
>Apple Bloom, years later when she's well into her teens, uses the memory of a half-naked Anon scrubbing her down as masturbation material





>Maybe pegasi clean their hooves more than the other races as a cultural thing, since they can fly everywhere and use their hooves more for manipulation of tools or clouds and such.

>Pegasi have the most clean hooves
>There's even cultural bullshit about what are appropriate and inappropriate uses for hooves in pegasus culture
>As a result, pegasus mares have particularly tender frogs on the bottom of their smooth and clean hooves compared to unicorns and ESPECIALLY earth ponies
>If Anon finds the right pegasus with a hoof fetish, he can make her squirm







>Anon ends up in Equestria in the first season, around the time everyone had the lesson Zebras are ponies too, so they aren't immediately terrified of him.
>Twilight being the most open minded, and curious, towards the new creature so she let's him stay at the library.
>The spoken language is similar, but written words are just different enough to cause some problems.
>Remembering something he heard once about learning s new language, Anon asks if there are any grade school level books or story books in the library he could read.
>Twilight or Spike read some to him so he could also memorize the stories.
>While he is in the library, a filly asks if he can help her read.
>He manages well enough and then comes up with an idea.
>He remembered libraries back on earth had story time for kids and suggests it to Twilight.
>She thinks it's a great idea and a good way for the town to get to know him.
>His story time becaomes very popular with the kids and the all the ponies start to accept him.
>Twilight has been watching him read and act out parts for the young ponies and at that time she realised she has a thing for librarians.
>"Oh my Celestia, he's handling those foals so well."
>Twilight licks her lips, half-hidden behind a bookcase.
>"That's father material, right there."
>Twilight wonders if she should make her move now, or be a good friend and let her friends know about her find
>Meanwhile, Dinky has already excitedly told her mother about the town's new "colt" who reads stories really well and kissed her boo-boo better after she tripped and bumped her knee
>"...and he's completely unattached, Muffin?"
>>"Yah-huh!"
>Twilight doesn't know it, but she's running out of time







>Pony body language is different from human body language
>A lack of hands and a reliance on facial features that by their nature allow for a much more varied display of expressions than a human's facial features means that any interaction between Anon and a pony that isn't dependent on words is guess-work at best
>As far as Anon can tell, a pony could be expressing interest in him... or she could be slightly hungry or a little bit hungover
>She might want to get some pie to eat, or she's eager to get back to work... or she might be sleepy.
>Who know.
>Who fucking knows.
>Not Anon, that's who.
>Anon attracts Celestia's attention for reasons that I won't go into in this post.
>She makes the moves on Anon.
>Eyes are ever-so-slightly lidded
>Smile quirks, but only on one side
>Her chest tuft is poofy, but not as poofy as it could be
>Wings are ruffled, but kept firmly at her side.
>From a pony's perspective, this is Celestia being as subtle as a wrecking ball
>As far as pony is concerned, Celestia is resting her heavenly teats on top of Anon's head in an effort to get him to notice her
>From Anon's perspective, she's barely even behaving oddly.
>He doesn't even notice half the shit she's doing.
>If anything, he's mildly concerned for her health.
>Anon denies that Celestia is as l-lewd as ponies say she is.
>Meanwhile, Celestia laments tfw no coltfriend

>Anon is oblivious to her subtle (to us) come-ons and dismisses the hearsay about Celestia's past lewdness as simple rumor
>Celestia meanwhile is upset because she hasn't ever gotten any while some kind of wacky split personality literally rewrote the book of sex using her body.
>As such, Molestia's brief reign (heh) pushed the kink market for pones quite a ways forward
>Sometimes mares WANT to be called naughty names when cuddling
>Meanwhile Anon is somewhat put off with this and rants to his Sunbro
"God what I wouldn't give to have some mare tie me down and just ride me 'till I'm fucking raw you know what I'm saying?
" 'course you don't you weird... girl horse. You ponies are too pure and innocent. Where can a guy find a girl willing to ram shit up my ass and make me call her mommy?"
>Meanwhile Celestia is passed out from the alcohol or the sheer lewdness and her counter-part is unsure if she actually wants to come out
>"Y-y-you called?" probes a slightly more pink-tinted sunhoers







>Stormy has the teats to tease Spitfire about her form in bed.
>While Spits is both stunned and fuming, Stormy scooches under you and pushes her daughter aside, asking you to mount her in a traditional position and Spitfire to watch closely.
>Oh god you knew this arrangement was going to be weird but damn MILFs just destroy
>You slip inside Stormy, and then ohhHHH AHSYDGASG!
>She does like 3 muscle control tricks at once, squeezing, fluttering, and pulling, knocking the wind out of you and almost making you double over on her. Jesus you're so close.
>She lets out a throaty, husky laugh that only MILFs can do and turns to a stunned Spitfire. "No wonder he overwhelmed you so quick, hun. Not a single trick? We can fix that. Come and finish off your man, miss Alpha. I'll teach you the ropes and get mine-"
>Stormy slips out from under you and smirks at you, winking once from both ends "-next time."
>Spitfire takes her mothers place in a flash, her red cheeks puffed out in annoyance. "Mom, I though I said no antics," she says, trying hard not to slip into 'Captain' mode
>"It's not antics, little ember, just some wisdom," the older mare smiles, sliding under booth you and Spitfire, using her mouth to guide you back to Spitfire's entrance when its obvious you're too dazed to take the initiative.
>"Do what you feel is natural and I'll correct it if need be," Stormy says, pressing her lips right to the spot where you and Spitfire meet and trying to coax her daughter into using her inner muscles.
>Oh fuck it's weird but unbelievably hot.






>Anon is deemed too l-lewd
>He rubs bellies
>He holds hooves
>He holds mares close and whispers into their ears that they're good mares and that he's so, so proud of them
>He even brushes his nose against their snoot and presses chaste kisses onto their cheeks!
>He's flustered too many mares, and their wounded prides ("Aww, he made me look like a colt in front of all my friends!") must be stopped
>"We need a mare who can handle and contain Anon's lewdness. But no such mare exists... on this mortal plane."
>A group of desperate and emmaresculated mares work together to make a summoning circle
>Some of them even believe he is an incubus, and that only one thing can match his unearthly lewdness
>A succubus is summoned
>A being of raw l-lewdness who won't bat an eye at belly rubs, hoof-holding, or even ear scritching!
>Anon won't stand a chance
>They bind her to the command "go become Anon's waifu and save us from him"
>A few hours later, Anon and the semen demon are fucking
>Anon is thrilled to have finally found a mare who doesn't get flustered when he pets her mane or compliments her
>"You know, my contract binds me to you forever."
"This is fine."
>Anon thrusts his hips, his cock still buried in the succubus's pussy
"We're already connected, after all."
>The mares try to put it out of mind
>Demon summoning is highly illegal and they could have easily summoned any number of awful Tartarus-spawn if they had been less careful
>The succubus has enough sense to magically disguise herself
>The ponies of Ponyville just know that a new mare moved into town and hit it off with Anon
>While Anon and the succubus can hide that she's a succubus, they have a harder time disguising her foals
>They lack the self-control that adult demons have, and they have difficulty maintaining pony disguises
>Anon has to think fast when his youngest filly drops the disguise in the middle of town one day, and he's supremely thankful that she did it on Nightmare Night
>"Nice costume."