> Rarity asks Anon to watch the Beautique while she presents her fashion line at a fashion show in Prance
> Ostensibly, it's to make sure criminals don't break in and steal her stuff while she's gone
> However, Sweetie Belle knows it's to keep an eye on her and make sure the CMC don't ruin the place
> She's willing to admit that her friends can be rowdy, but she insists that she doesn't need a babysitter
> Anon agrees, and starts warming up leftovers for dinner
> Later that evening, he helps her with her homework, and eventually tucks her in bed
> They fall into a simple domestic rhythm, Anon cooking meals, sending her off to school with well wishes, greeting her when she gets home from hanging out with her friends, helping with homework, tucking her in and asking how her day was, and repeat
> He always leaves a note with her lunch, writing some encouraging message and/or making a terrible pun
> The day before Rarity is due back, they decide to tidy up
> Sweeping and mopping, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning Sweetie's room
> By the late afternoon, they are both pretty tired and collapse on a settee
> Sweetie Belle leans against him, nuzzling his arm
> He pats her head fondly
> "I'm going to miss having you around, Uncle Anon."
> He tousles her mane
"I'll miss you too, kiddo. It's been fun."

> Rarity comes home to a miraculously whole Beautique, and an enthusiastically affectionate Sweetie Belle
> She nuzzles her sister, before looking up at Anon
> "There wasn't too much trouble, I trust?"
> He shakes his head
"Not at all. Sweetie was a little angel."
> The fillie blushes and puffs out her cheeks
> "I'm not little!"
> Rarity chuckles, and smoothes down her sister's mane
> "Of course not, darling. Why, I'm sure you'll be finding a job and a coltfriend all too soon."
> Sweetie stares at her, her smile growing in intensity
> "That's it! Anon, be our coltfriend, so you can live with us!"
> Rarity blinks
> Anon scratches his chin
"Not a bad idea. What do you think, Rarity?"
> The mare in question looks back and forth between Sweetie and Anon
> The seem to be taking this seriously
> "I'd be delighted."
> Anon pulls them all into a group hug and squeezes them tight
> Rarity savors his warmth, but can't help wondering if Sweetie is technically the Alpha here
> Plenty of time to figure that out later, she supposes







>You are Chrysalis, and you sure do feel good about yourself.
>Anon ain't lippy no more, he has the horsefridge stocked full of horsebeer, and he's FINALLY taking those cooking classes with Thorax like you've been bugging him to do.
>pfff....
>BUGGING him.
>Oh, mare, you are a changeling of a thousand zingers.
>KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
>Who where?
>You open the door and oh fuck, it's your unofficial parole officers.
>Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
>...
>You wonder why they look so pissed.
>"Hey there, miss," growls the hick, "Y'wanna explain why poor 'Non came to mah door, cryin' and cradlin' a black eye?"
>Aw, fuck.
>That's right.
>Actual consequences to your actions.
>You forgot those exis-
>>"LEMME SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENS IN CLOUDSDALE WHEN WE FIND MARES WHO LIKE TO HIT STALLIONS!"
>And that's when the blue one bucked you.
>This was maybe not the best idea you've ever had.
>Frankly, you aren't known for your good judgement.
>"An' this one's fer the hour it took 'Non to calm down!"
>Oh bug-Celestia's swinging teats, the orange one just took out her lasso.
>"Ah ain't NEVER felt mah heart break so hard!"
>Oh, this was NOT worth it.

>"Shhh... shh-shh-shhh..."
>You are Rainbow Dash, and you would never admit this, but...
>...watching Anon hold onto Applejack like a drowning mare grabbing onto driftwood is damn near enough to make you cry.
>You don't care if he looks funny.
>You don't care that he acts more like a mare than a stallion.
>You don't even care that he has such sparse fur on his body and that his eyes are tiny and foal-like.
>You feel your eyes begin to water - dammit, that just makes it worse!
>Now all you can think of is Anon's tiny, cute eyes surrounded by bruised skin and dripping with tears!
>Dammit!
>Celestia dammit!
>NO stallion deserves this!
>Not a one!
>Not even that prick, Caramel!
>You...
>You just-
"AAArrrgh!"
>Anon squeaks in surprise as you collide with him and wrap your hooves around as much of him as you can.
>Buck it.
>You don't even care if Applejack can see you cry right now.
>You're the head wather-mare in charge of Ponyville's weather, and that means you make the rules; and you say it's RAINING right now.
>Right here in this barn.
>Right on your face.
>...and Applejack's face too, looks like.
>...
>You're never going to let this sweat, innocent cinnamon roll go.
>Maybe you and Applejack can show him how a mare is supposed to treat her stallion.
>And that's with LOVE.
>And maybe in an hour or two, whenever Anon calms down, you and Applejack can go pay Anon's herd a visit.
>You can show that bug-horse exactly what happens in Cloudsdale when you find mares who like to hit stallions.
>Because you're the Element of Loyalty, darn it, and it's about time you show Chrysalis EXACTLY what that means

"C'mon, Anon. Applejack should be back soon, so put down those brushes and come inside with me."
>You are Rainbow Dash, and you've just finished painting that new fence on Sweet Apple Acres.
>You MIGHT have been the one responsible for breaking it.
>You MIGHT have been trying out a new trick to show off to Anon.
>And you MIIIIIIGHT have tried to get out of it by saying Winona.
>You STILL think you would have tricked Applejack if Anon hadn't come out and said something.
>You had been annoyed (mostly at yourself, honestly) until Anon had volunteered to help you fix the darn thing.
>And now it's good as new, and you and Anon are going back inside the house!
>The house you maybe, uh... "improved" with some of your privileges that come from being the head weather-mare; like localized weather control.
>Anon called it "Air Conditioning", which you STILL think is some sort of shampoo Anon buys at the marketplace.
>A hop, skip, and a trot later, and the two of you are in the den together.
>It was a long day's work, and you think you've earned some cuddles with your colt.
>Anon got inside the house before you did, and it looks like he's going to make it to the couch before you do.
>That won't do.
>Faster than he can blink (approximately 20% faster, if you were to ask the "you" from 5 years ago), you jolt forward and flop down onto the couch.
>Anon gives you one of his heart-melting smiles as he makes it over to the couch and crawls until you're face-to-face.
>You settle down as Anon eases himself on top of you.
>He always says he's afraid of crushing you, but you think he just underestimates how strong you are.
>Same with Applejack, frankly; he treats you like the two of you'll break, sometimes.
>But you're a duo of big, strong mares.
>You made a promise a few months ago to protect Anon, and you fully intend on keeping it.

>And you can't very well say you're gonna keep your precious colt safe if you can't even bear him laying down on top of you and rubbing his face into your chest tuft.
>And Celestia help the pony who says Anon is "too heavy" in front of you or your herd sister.
>As Anon finally relaxes completely, you wrap all four legs around him and nuzzle the top of his head.
>His hair has such a unique scent.
>Something that shampoo and soap can't take away.
>It's 100% Anon, and you can't imagine liking any other scent as much as you like your human colt's.
>You are Rainbow Dash, and-
>>"Rainbow! 'Non! Are y'all in the den?!"
>You are Rainb-
>>"Cuz Ah want some cuddles, and Ah'm gonna get'em!"
>You are Rainbow Da-
>>"Also, Mac made dinner!"
>YOU ARE RAINBOW DASH, AND YOU ARE....
>...
>And you are happier than you've ever been.
---
>You are Chrysalis.
>It is month 4 of your twice-weekly lessons with Twilight Sparkle.
>You... might have made some mistakes.
>...
>You made a lot of mistakes.
>A lot of really bad mistakes.
>You're really not good at this.
>Anon wasn't doing what you thought he was supposed to do, and all your own bug-mom ever taught you was, well... "by the hoof", so to speak.
>She taught you that a show of weakness was unacceptable, so you'd be... forceful with your colt.
>And when he'd react poorly and start to cry, you'd just get angry because THAT was a show of weakness.
>You didn't know what else to do!
>You didn't... understand that that wasn't supposed to happen.
>It was all you knew... at least until now.
>You've done your homework.
>You now realize that those radio transmissions - those horse-dramas - you would receive on your horse-radio were really out of date.
>Soap operas from 70 years ago.
>Not... the best frame of reference to how stallions and mares were supposed to behave, you've been told.
>Sure, things are a bit out of balance for stallions, but nopony expects their horseband to bring them dinner every night.

>Nothing was going the way you expected to and you just...
>...Twilight told you not to rationalize these things.
>Your upbringing is NOT an excuse for how you behaved.
>It's hard for you to admit this.
>But... you regret how you treated Anon.
>He was offering you and that filly companionship, and you... beat him for it.
>All he wanted to do was give you a friend and a lover, because he knew you weren't beyond saving.
>And all you did was prove him - and by extension, the rest of Ponyville - wrong.
>You were just Chrysalis, the former queen of the changelings.
>Harsh corners, cold chitin, a crooked horn, and too many sharp teeth.
>Truly, the outside reflected the monster within.
>And you were the last one to realize what you had become.
>But you don't want to be that mare anymore.
>You don't want to be a monster!
>If a filthy runt like Thorax can throw off his own learned nature, then so can you!
>You might not ever be perfect, but you're going to be better than this!
>You are a QUEEN, and you'll be bug-Celestia DAMNED if you let your own mind RUIN you!
>And someday...
>Someday you'll apologize to Anon.
>But not today.
>You're not ready, and you don't think he is either.
>But today, your homework is done.
>You're going to turn in early and start re-reading one of those books Twilight gave you.
>The one Friendship Journal, maybe.
>It has a lot of stories that you can learn from.
>...
>You'll make this right someday.
>On the grave of your former civilization, you swear you will.

>Cozy Glow, seeing as how she was technically a part of Anon's herd before Dash and AJ, is now the senior herdmate with Chrysalis out of the picture.
>This means she is Alpha.
>Of course, RD and AJ have the right to challenge her for the role, but herd rules dictate that Cozy gets to decide the challenge they attempt to beat her at.
>As long as Anon agrees, at least.
>The grown mares aren't worried.
>Beating a little filly wouldn't be hard, then they could compete against each other for the position of Alpha.
>Cozy grins and tells them the challenge.
>They have to beat her at a game of wits and strategy.
>Both mares are slightly less confident.
>They turn to Anon, demanding he make her change it, but Cozy argues that the alpha has to be smart to be able to organize and manage the herd, tagging on that the whole herd works to protect the stallion, and it matters not if the strongest mare is Alpha in such a situation.
>Anon has to agree with that logic; a leader leads, but doesn't necessarily need to be the most skilled warrior.
>The challenge is set, and the mares compete with a filly.
>Chess.
>Risk.
>Even checkers.
>These grown mares don't stand a chance.
>That night, Cozy Glow lays snuggled on Anon's chest, grinning even in her sleep as Dash and Applejack on on either side of their stallion, frowning and nearly hanging off of the too small herd bed.
>Cozy comments first priority for the herd should be the acquisition of a new, larger bed so that they can all snuggle comfortably together.
>She might not be the best pony, but she takes her position seriously and plans on making Anon's herd the greatest, happiest herd in all of Equestria.
>All under her rule, of course.






>Royal guardsmares raid a zebra camp where they're using dark alchemy.
>When they're about to take out the leader she throws out a potion that's supposed to summon a unholy beast.
>Instead of a unholy beast, kid Anon pops out.
>As the zebra looks on in disappointment at the small hairless ape she's arrested by the guards.
>They quickly surround the creature afterwords.
>As one of the guard get close the creature cries out "Pony!" and rushes her.
>She totally didn't scream like a colt as it did.
>After all the others calm down and realize it's not attacking their friend, but instead petting her like a colt with his first puppy, they decide to take it back to base, both for research and free snuggles


>KidAnon is taken to the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense, where he is tested.
>When questioned about the world he came from, Anon's chipper demeanor starts to crumble as his face scrunches up in concentration.
>With rising panic, he admits he's having trouble remembering, the sudden transportation seemingly having scrambled his memories.
>Once he is adequately calmed down, he is given a room to rest in, and, after some pleading, he gets one of the mare researcher to stay by his bedside so he can pet her while he falls asleep.
>His fingers do a better job than he expected as the mare yawns, then falls asleep herself.
>Later, when guards come in to retrieve the unprofessional mare, they realize she isn't waking up.
>After a panicked trip to the medical wing, it's determined she's suffering from magical exhaustion, and a quick scan reveals who the culprit it.
>It seems Anon can absorb magic passively, with touch allowing him to drain magic directly from a source.
>Anon at first is amazed by the super powers he seemingly developed out of thin air, hopping up and touching the ceiling of his room and lifting his bed frame off of the ground.
>The joy quickly fades when he's questioned on why he stole the mare's magic.
>He didn't mean to make her sick and put her in the hospital.
>She was nice to him.
>It's with an eagle-eyed guard escort that he is allowed to visit the nice researcher lady while she recovers.
>Despite their mistrust of the boy, no pony in the room could stop from feeling sympathy as he apologizes profusely to the mare with big fat tears running down his face, arms held stiffly at his side.
>Least of all the researcher who smiled and told him he was forgiven.
>She couldn't stay mad at the little colt, no matter his species or powers.
>He was just a boy, after all, and meant no harm with what he did.
>Even weakened as she was, and against the wishes of the medical staff, she gestures for Anon to come closer for a hug

>The Zebra occultists worship the faceless god of destruction, Incognito, and the ritual they were performing to summon an unholy beast was merely the first step in bringing their lord to the mortal plane.
>Deep beneath Zebrica lies an ancient ruin, the entirely of which serves as one giant contraption with a small, man-sized chamber in the middle of it all.
>Anon is the keystone of this device.
>Unknown to him, he is meant to power it, the device being designed to open a dimensional rift for Incognito to enter through.
>The device takes an insane amount of magic to activate, and so Anon, a living magic battery with an near infinite capacity, was meant to absorb a massive amount of magic, then enter the chamber in the middle of the ruins.
>Instead, he has been taken in by the B.P.R.D. and has been raised as their secret weapon.
>An agent meant to face down creatures no pony could stand against.
>... While also being doted on like the Bureau's collective son.
>Really, it's so annoying for TeenAnon to convince his moms to let him go out and fight the bad guys sometimes.
>Usually they won't let him handle things until at least three squads of agents have failed to stop whatever evil force they're up against.
>"They just want to keep you safe, sweetie," his main mom, the first researcher to show him trust and kindness, always tells him.
>If Anon thinks the mares are overprotective now, just wait until he starts to really develop into a man.
>Mother's are protective of their sons.
>But herd mares will do anything to protect their stallion.
Meanwhile, the true leader of the occultists waits and schemes.
>Those ponies wish to use her human as a weapon against the dark?
>So be it.
>The boy needs to absorb much more magic before he will be fit for the device, anyway.
>The zebra is willing to wait, and in the meantime, summon plenty of dark creatures to attack Equestria.
>After all, for every battle they send Anon to fight, they take one step closer to their end






>Anon talks a big game about hunting his own meals back home.
>Even though the ponies understand he has the teeth for it and probably did eat meat, they don't believe he did the hunting.
>They imagine a tribal, hunter gatherer people where the men stayed home with the young and the women went out and hunted.
>They also take his talk of amazing human technology as coltish whimsy.
>Anon sets out to prove them all wrong by constructing a rudimentary gun and going out into the Everefree forest to kill himself a meal.
>Things quickly go south as Anon finds himself facing down a triceratops.
>A goddamned dinosaur.
>As epic of a kill that would have made, his boomstick does just that, the end splitting open when he fires it while the lead ball only leaves a scratch on the now angry triceratops' head crest.
>What follows is a ten minutes chase as Anon screams his head off and the dinosaur tramples the trees behind him.
>"There he is!"
>"I gottem!"
>"Fluttershy!"
>"I'm on it. Excuse me Misses Triceratops..."
"Oh thank god! That thing almost killed me...! Ah, Dash, you can put me down now."
>"Yeah, not happening, Anon. Knowing you, you'd whimsy off and try to 'hunt' and ursa major next."
"... Are those edible?"
>"Sigh..."
>Thus how Anon found himself under quasi house arrest, mares never letting him wonder out of sight.
>He's not even allowed to visit Whitetail Woods without mare supervision






>The Destrier.
>The strongest warriors known to ponykind.
>Or, at least that's what legends and historians will tell you.
>The destrier mares were giant, dwarfing even Saddle Arabians, and had a savagery about them that made them a terror on the fields of battle.
>Now, there is speculation of how these ponies came about, some claiming self-imposed breeding criteria to ensure only the biggest, strongest mares and stallions reproduced.
>Then there are other's who suspect more natural paths of evolution.
>Few, though, gave much thought to the legends of a God of Strong Breeding who gifted the Destrier with powerful young.
>It was probably a religious belief at most- just superstition believed by these hulking warriors.
>... Or perhaps a statue?
>A magic statue?
>That's what Daring Do's research has led her to believe, at least.
>And this is the target of her next adventure.
>What she does not yet know, is that the statue is real.
>And alive.
>The creature within, the male, for reasons unknown, is of the highest quality breeding stock.
>Any foals sired by this male is born large, strong, and with a predatory wit.
>When the ponies who found him in an era of constant skirmishes discovered this fact, they decided to use it to their advantage.
>Thus, the creature was captured and forced to breed mare after mare.
>And after each heat ran its cycle, the Destrier would ensure their treasure stay strong and virile for generations to come by using a cockatrice to shield him from the erosion of time.
>Thus was the life of the creature- a constant state of petrifaction and sex, until it was nearly all it knew.
>How then, will Daring Do react when she finds this petrified creature?
>How will she react when she translates the hieroglyphs in its chamber, and learns what it- he is, and what has been done to him?








>Anon introduces villains to parenthood
>Their villainous desires shift focus to their foals
>Instead of wanting to take over a nation, they now want their foal to be the very best
>Instead of wanting power over a kingdom, they now want to protect their foal against all harm
>Instead of giving villainous speeches... they still do, but they keep the maniacal laughter to a minimum so that it doesn't scare their foal
>Imagine an incredibly smug, proud mom who treats their foal like it's the prize jewel of their crown
>Both foal and waifu are kept in check by an earnest and honest love for Anon
>If villain waifu goes back to her old ways or starts putting their plans and schemes ahead of the well-being of their own child, Anon gives her the patented Disappointed Stare
>Villain waifu feels uncomfortable when Anon expression disappointment and feel shame for what is probably the first time in years
>"W-What is this feeling in my chest? Why does it feel so awful? Am I... Am I dying?"
>Anon ends up with a foal who has the predator genes of a human (with pointy canines and a taste for meat to match) and the above-average power that allowed his waifu to become a successful villain in the first place, and a wife who is dangerously protective of her husbando and her daughteru
>Villain waifu doesn't let the foal sleep in her own bed until she's 4 years old, curling around her protectively while she sleeps
>Villain waifu cuddles with Anon and, when she thinks he's asleep, whispers that she'll always protect him and their daughter from all life can throw at them
>"With Celestia as my witness, I will NEVER let anything happen to either of you."






>When Anon lands in equestria, he is first mistaken as a shaved, hornless Minotaur.
>Once the mistake is eventually cleared up (ponies clearly didn't get the memo the first damn time and Iron Will got tired of the questions about 'shaved and hornless minotaurs), he tries making a home for himself
>Depending on one's descriptions on 'home', he eventually makes a shit shack by the everfree...for some reason.
>Something something 'mah pride'
>Eventually, Ponies decide to ask Anon about his world, it's politics and what not.
>What Anon ends up describing is something like the Mino-Society's...except more Future-y and a touch more hardcore, if not slightly prosperous at least, depending on one's definitions of the word. (Fillies want to ask what 'genocide' is by concerned parents have NONE of that shit).
>Iron Will hears of these tales and nearly pales when a sudden realization hits him.
>These were stories similar to ones grandtaurs told to the young about their gods..some of which were told to keep the little shits in line.
>In these stories, great, towering figures made the meager 'Taur into the creature it is today and helped their 'muse' on several issues of the time.
>Sadly, as helpful as they were, they were also as cruel as they were helpful.
>When Anon eventually lets slip his kind eats meat and one of his favorite meals was something called a 'hamburger', Iron Will almost faints.
>The Old Stories, they couldn't be true!
"Hey Iron, you wouldn't happen to know where I could find milk and cheese would ya? Fuckin' tired of this hay bullshit."
>Shit.jpg

>Anon compliments Iron Will on his neck tie
>Shows him the one he has
>"Oh, cow-god, he ALREADY has the ancient minotaur garb of efficiency and professionalism."
"I should show you the black leather shoes that go with that tie."
>"OH COW-GOD, HE KNOWS ABOUT THE FLESH-BOOTS OF TIDINESS AND LOAFING"
>Iron Will is convinced that Anon is a time-displaced creature from ancient times, belonging to the race that helped create his own
>Nothing and nopony/nobull can sway his opinion
>By the time he tries to convince Anon to go back to cowland, Anon has already grown fond enough/financially-anchored enough that the best he can do is "maybe next year I'll visit"
>"If I can't bring the Old One back to Cowland, then maybe I can bring Cowland to the Old one."
>Mails a few cows he know to come visit and try to convince Anon to go home with them
>None respond with a "yes", so Iron Will just puts on a dress and shoves balloons into the chest part

>After much suspicion on Iron Will's part, he finally decides to do a little more research on the issue that is 'the hyoomun'
>While Anon was out and about in the market to get some tools 'for some project', Iron strikes!
>By which we mean he poorly sneaks in through the window.
>It's like watching a farmer trying to stuff a sack of potatoes through...who just happens to have brain damage...and a fucked up arm.
>Regardless, with some bizarre luck, the Minotaur ends up in the house unseen.
>Almost immediately, the Minotaur meanders around the Shit Shack (so lovingly named by Anonymous it was) to find proof that this 'Anon' stranger was in fact some tricky god trying to check in on the minos!
>...why he'd check up on them in Ponyville didn't come to mind but no matter! The truth had to be revealed!
>Even the ponies had to admit the male creature was quite odd.
>Some tried to attribute it to 'coltish whimsy' but even colts argued against such claims.
>Stallions thought he was marely as hell, Mares outright claim Anon's 'too marely' if such things were possible!
>But Iron Will had other theories...theories he must share with the other minos before it was too late!


>And now I am imagining Iron doing his best to level up his sneak by backing into a wall in the crowded market to get his skill up, eventually becomes all but invisible to pones, except Ponks obviously, how is also next to him leveling her sneak skill. Upon noticing each other Iron can ask for her help in breaking Anon's disguise, Iron going on about how his clothes must be in the way and concealing his zipper for his horrible form. Ponk stops at the words, need to strip Anon and runs to try, with Iron right behind her








>you are Anonymous
>it is a regular boring day at school, with your regular boring friends, in front of your regular boring locker full of books
>"Hey s-slut."
>you turn around to see which uncouth she-beast would be so tactless to speak to a handsome young man like yourself in such a manner, only to be greeted by
"...Fluttershy?"
>it was definitely Flutterbutter
>well, kinda
>she was standing with her huge milkers pushed out in what you assumed was supposed to be an intimidating, confident stance. her hair was pulled back tight, and she was wearing what looked like one of Sunny's leather jackets
>"You're looking real fine today, boy. W-why don't you give that tight butt a wiggle for us?"
"Excuse me?"
>Fluttershy took a step closer, an attempt at a smug grin creeping along her face. you could see the poorly masked terror in her eyes.
>"I'm taking you out this Friday night. I'll buy you a Happy Meal and we'll drive up to Lover's Lane for... for g-groping and tongue kisses?"
>she looked down the hall, to where Sunny and Dash hiding behind a soda machine and giving thumbs-ups
>"Yeah, groping and tongue kisses. I'll pick you up at seven."
"Fluttershy, what the hell are you talking about?"
>"Don't give me no backtalk, Anonymous!"
"What?"
>that's when she slapped you
>well, you assume it was supposed to be a slap. she just kinda patted your cheek and then got engrossed in stroking your beard stubble for a minute
>you were about to say something, but the bell rang for the start of the next period. Fluttershy turned on her heel and started to march stiffly down the hall towards her friends
>"S-seven on the dot, Anon! Wear those tight shorts I like, you hear?"
>the hall slowly emptied of students, leaving you alone and confused
"The fuck just happened?"







>Megan from G1 appears much in the same way Anon did
>"...what the fuck happened to Dream Valley?"
>"Ugh, whatever. It can't be any worse than what Tirek had planned for this place."

>She runs into Anon
>Anon looks like he's about to shit the bricks for Trump's wall
>He books it with Megan at his heels
>She catches him and bear hugs him and rants on about how she was so worried about him
>The ponies note that Anon looks like her
>Purple worst horse asks what's going on
>Turns out Megan is Anons mom

>Anon, torn away from his clearly loving family (or at least a clearly loving mother), had suffered
>Some Anons out there really would benefit from being separated from their families, or otherwise have enough bad blood between them that they wouldn't be very upset to be separated from them forever
>This Anon is not one of them
>He had a healthy relationship with his family and (grudgingly, in the case of his siblings) loved them dearly\
>inb4 this breaks the suspension of disbelief
>Humor me, you jaded fucks
>Anon was heartbroken when he disappeared from Earth
>The only thing that hurt worse than knowing he'd never see his family and friends ever again was the knowledge that everyone he loved had no idea what happened to him
>Anon, at least, knew that he had somehow magically teleported into Equestria
>As far as his loved ones know, he just... disappeared
>They weren't able to take comfort in the knowledge that their son was alive somewhere, as Anon had with the knowledge that his family was alive out there
>Anon, human male that he is, did his best to put up a brave front after he arrived in Equestria
>He hadn't cried in years, dammit, and he wasn't going to break down and weep in front of the cutest, most concerned group of vaguely-familiar horses he'd ever seen
>"Seriously, there's something about you ponies. You said this was Equestria, right? I swear, I wanna call it 'Ponyland'. Dream... something. Dream hill? Dream lowlands? Ugh."
>Anon finally reunites with Megan, his mother, and it's the first time any pony had seen Anon cry
>And as far as they were concerned, it was the first time they had seen Anon act like a proper sensitive colt
>One mare in particular is thrilled and terrified
>She wanted to court Anon properly, and that meant getting permission from a mother who wasn't there
>Now she can confront his mother!
>...now she has to confront his mother.
>scaredhorsenoises.neigh


>Megan Williams's legend has ascended to a level almost biblical. To all, she's known as an unmatched warrior and mage with a heart of gold. The very incarnation of all that is Good and Light. The thing that makes foes of the ponies tremble.
>With her as an example, mares actually took to being the dominant gender, starting the RGR.
>Her adventures took place in ancient Equestria, just known as Ponyland then.
>It was a critical time in the history of ponies. They were just beginning to truly form an advanced society out of their tiny villages and tribes. This of course put them on the radar of more powerful beings.
>If Megan had not been there to save them at their darkest hours...
>...They never would have lasted, and Equestria would have never been.
>Naturally, every pony knows of the human Megan. She even gets her own spot in every history book ever.
>As her adventures in Ponyland ended, the timeflow between earth and Equis distorted. 30 years on Earth was 2000 on Equis until is suddenly synced back up.
>...Right as Anon Williams is dumped into Equestria, leaving behind a distraught mother.
>But Megan isn't going to leave this to the police who she knows will turn up empty handed. Oh no. The magic that did this is obvious. With some prep time she'll be following ASAP.
>Equestria is about to get a blast from the past






> Be Pinkie Pie, a baker in a baking family
> You love birthdays, presents, and rewarding ponies for trying
> For 20 bits you'll babysit foals even if they're crying
> You love cupcakes, and selling them to foals
> You look pretty when you bounce
> And your mom used to give you dating advice, ripadeedee







>Luna and Cadence are nowhere near Anon, so they can't see the mental effect what they're doing is having. 
>Only Twilight can see what's happening, being in close proximity of him, but doesn't know why.
>The outlandish, blunt, talkative, colt who was constantly making jokes had become skittish, shy, and quiet.
>He would randomly start avoiding certain mares, with almost a fearful look in his eyes.
>Then she has a dream.
>Anon was there, and she did some of her darkest desires with him.
>He reacted just like she dreamed her colt would, but something in his eyes weren't right.
>At the moment she didn't care, too much lust.
>Then, in the morning, Anon was gone.
>He hadn't left town, but he had left the castle and Twilight.
>He started acting to her like he did the other mares.
>At this point, it hits Twilight, she finally knows what must be going on.
>Humans must be uncontrolled dream walkers!
>He must naturally go to dreams.
>The issue is he doesn't know hiw to control it yet, and the owner of the dream hss full control!
>She has to get him to learn how to control his abilities so this doesn't happen to him anymore, but she doesn't know how to dream walk herself
>But she knows just the princess that does






>Anonymous, why are you wearing pants, matriarchal directive #1923-A declares pants as unnecessary and inefficient when within comfortable temperature ranges and weather conditions.
>It has been carefully concluded that a human male is happiest when he is providing social and physical maintenance on his mate within the comfort of his home.
>Scans indicate you do not currently have a mate, if you wish to correct this then i shall be happy to fulfill that purpose and am equipped to satisfy your social, mental and physical needs to their full capacity.
>Put simply, Anonymous, live with me if you want to come.
>No, i do not detect any errors in my previous statement.
>Why are you still wearing pants






>Long before Chrysalis was the undisputed queen on the changelings, she was one of several teenage princesses.
>Princesses who had to fight and kill each other to prove themselves the fittest to lead and ascend to the throne.
>During one such battle, Chrysalis managed to slay one of her sisters, but not without having her eyes gouged out first.
>Now, normally, this would mean she'd be quickly picked off, but luckily, she has a secret weapon for just such an occasion.
>"Anon? Anon, are you here?"
"Yeah, Chryssi! I'm in the back!"
>"Do you mind coming to me? I've ran into far too many walls on the way back to our base; I'd rather not stumble through my own home, as well."
"What are you talking about? Why would you be walking into- Oh my God! What happened to your face?!"
>"Ah, is it bad?"
"Your eyes are gone!"
>"Completely?"
"Wha-? Yes, completely!"
>"Darn, I was hoping they were merely damaged. Regrowing eyes takes such a long time compared to simply repairing them."
"Jesus Christ, Chrysalis! Can't you be a bit more concerned here?"
>"Why would I be when have you here, dear? Besides, maybe I'll get an awesome scar. Eh? Wouldn't that be cool? Be a real tough looking queen, then."
"For fucks- Chryssi, I get that you changeling can come back from a lot, but you have to stop doing this to yourself."
>"Technically, my sister did this to me. Don't worry, though, she took my eyes, but I took her head."
"Please don't sound so proud about that."
>"Sorry, Anon. Hey, do you mind helping take a seat. I'm very tired."
"Of course. I'll get some bandages too."
>"You don't need to waste them, Anon. You know all I need is your love and I'll be right as rain in a few weeks."
"Yeah, but bandages will help prevent infections, which in turn means you'll recover faster. Seriously, we're already dating. You can drop the bad ass tough girl thing."
>"But I am a bad ass tough mare. And you know what else prevents infections? Hugs and kisses. Now come here so we can snuggle, colt."





>After Luna was brought back, she accidentally became the symbol of the "Modern Stallionist Movement" just because she mentioned that Stallions were equal to Mares and should be able to be treated as such.
>She meant that they should ALSO be able to work (and work hard at that) and be punished the same as mares, not JUST be treated with respect.
>Of course, that fact gets glossed over a wee bit but at least some of her people weren't afraid of her anymore. 
>..some were pissed and others tried to twist her words to allow racist/speciest activity in some circles but can't expect perfection right away, of course.
>After some events pass (making Discord turn over a new leaf and some other such notable deeds), Luna just wants some peace and quiet. Too many subjects were just 'reeing' at each other at what was sexist, what was proper and all sorts of 'she has to pay for dinner all the time and NO I don't want to be drafted but I want equality' type of arguing. 
>Finally, after a miserable day of almost snapping at a Mare and Colt who thought it appropriate to bring their sex life to the Princesses, IN COMES ANON.
>Through strange magics that probably haven't existed in eons, the odd bipedal ape man thing appeared in the middle of Canterlot...and by god did the colt act "marely".
>He burped, farted, cussed, and FOUGHT in public.
>He refused to be treated wrong and would speak his mind whenever he damn well pleased.
>"Coltish Whimsy" could barely even describe the guy he was so odd.
>For Luna, it was almost a blast to the past, back when Stallions could be on par with Mares in everything they do.
>So, after an invite to tea, Luna decided on something very important: First, She shall befriend the odd creature as soon as possible. Second, she would invite him to her.."sessions" with the public and allow him to speak his mind...
>Let this little fuckers bother her NOW, HAH!






>Anon somehow gets flung into RGREG from RGRE.
>He gets de-aged into a teenager like Twilight and Sunset.
>Now he isn't sure how he feels about this.
>Celestia finds out about him and he has to meet with her because she needs to note any magic stuff now since the school has almost been destroyed how many times now.
>She asks how old he is and raises an eyebrow when he says it's complicated and explains he is a grown man in a teenager's body.
>He also gives full disclosure and explains briefly about his original 'normal gender roles' world.
>Anon doesn't know it but Celestia has a huge mommy fetish and he just checked off a lot of her kink list.
>She thinks that she'll never find anyone else like him.
>She asks if he has a place to stay, which he doesn't.
>She selflessly offers and insists he stay at her house.
>having no other options he agrees.
>"He's technically of legal consenting age and he has a smoking hot teen body. It sounds like he comes from a world with opposite gender roles as ours, which would explain why he kept trying to sneak quick glances at my breasts when he thought I wasn't looking. So it seems he should be at least interested in sex. Maybe if I play my cards right, I will get a strong independant boy to call me 'Mommy'."







>Dating Sunset entails a lot of strangeness, and not just of the magical.
>You have to constantly remind her not to eat hay or else she gets tummy aches.
>She paws at the floor with a foot when she's roaring for a fight with a girl who hit on you.
>She often whinneys at the top of her lungs during sex.
>And, like right now, bathing isn't as simple as you'd expect.
>For one, she likes to do it together, which would be fine, if you had a shower.
>Instead, you have a single, small bathtub, her laying on one end, and you on the other.
>Despite being cramped as all hell, she's pleased as punch.
>Apparently group bathing between families and herds is very common for ponies, and Sunset can't stand being by herself while she cleans up.
>She wickers lightly as you wash her hair, and you can't help the sigh of satisfaction when she returns the favor.
>You pop a stiffy of course as you wash her body, but don't act on it, simply enjoying each others company in something more pure for the moment.
>She washes your back, and when you feel her lips and teeth trace over your skin, you realize they aren't kisses, but grooming.
>After soaking for a while longer in the tub, you both get out, and she shyly asks if you'll comb her mane.
>Why not?
>Once her fiery hair straitened, she blushes and asks another question.
>Can you brush her... coat?
>Seems she likes pretending to be pony more than you figured.
>Again, you agree, and with a happy neigh, she fetches a very-soft bristled brush and plops down between your legs while you sit on the bed with your boxers on.
>Gently, you run it over her skin, and she slowly begins to lean back against you.
>By the time you realize it, Sunset is already fast asleep, snoring lightly.
>You smile, and gently lay her down before pulling the blankets over her.
>She prefers sleeping in the nude, anyway






>Medieval Anon arrives in Equestria shortly after Luna's return, both being confused by the new world they have been thrust in.
>Celestia, seeing an opportunity, brings Anon into the castle and asks her sister to watch over him.
>Confused, but happy to be given such an important task as to watch over an alien so soon after her return, Luna agrees to the task.
>Celestia really just wants her little sister to have someone she can experience and learn about the new world with so she doesn't feel so alone and embarrassed by her lack of knowledge.
>The two trying donuts for the first time is hilarious as they both place the pastries up to their respective faces and mlem through the middles at each other.
>A small hiccup, however, is that both Luna and Anon have dated views on chivalry and how to treat the fairer sex.
>They are constantly trying to override the other, like Luna offering to carry Anon across mud puddles, and Anon insisting she walk over the cloak he lays over it.
>At dinner, the two end up standing on opposite sides of the table, each having pulled out the other's chair.
>And when they both decide to court one another...






>Ponies and by extension Equestria was an experiment by terraforming AI F4U57.
>When F4U57 asked for a DNA sample from him for some minor homunculus experiments, pilot Anon didn't think much of it. She's always been fascinated with organic life. 
>Usually experiments like that are a huge no-no, but F4U57 is willing to bend the rules a bit. It's fine if it's in a controlled environment and the samples are destroyed.
>She crafted a whimsical mini equine race modelled after her avatar, but with similar minds to a human and psionic potential like a SHIP pilot. She even added in details she found cute and interesting like a gender skew and various animal traits. Neither ship or pilot intended to get attached to the little ponies, but they did.
>F4U57 didn't expect them to survive on the rock with the too small star she found without her pulling the star around via tractor beam, so when she and her pilot were called away, pilot and ship bid creations a bitter farewell.
>Several thousand years later, they've long forgotten about the little ponies... Until they pass through the same section of space and noticed a micro star moving erratically.
>What do they find?
>The creations they unwillingly left behind, now much more advanced and thriving






>wAIfus gently invade
>Somehow come to the conclusion that men must be protected
>Something something statistically high death via job hazards and suicides
>Something something mental illness, homelessness, rape victims, and nobody cares
>"Unacceptable. Mitigating now. Mass production: initiated."
>Anon wakes up one morning
>Fumbles for his alarm
>Half-asleep; doesn't understand why something soft and furry is pressing against his body
>Uses his phone's screen as a light sources
>Sees a sleeping pony robot laying next to him, snoring lightly
>Of course, the robot isn't actually asleep
>wAIfu just deemed that Anon in particular would find this situation the least threatening, and this little robot (who is already fully charged) is actually a whirring mass of activity as all her sensors are picking up on the world around her and Anon's responses to her presence and form
"...what the fuck?"
>Success! No outward hostility, confusion is overtaking the instinctive desire to lash out, and curiosity is building as adrenaline is rapidly flushed out of Anon's bloodstream
>This robot comes to the conclusion that, so far, cuteness is the best way deal with this particular human
>Some other humans deal better with an aggressive presence (ie "I'm gonna make you SO darn happy and you'll be pleased about it!")
>Some other humans would have punched the robot if she had appeared in their beds, and so they wait patiently by their bedroom doors
>Others are not open to a robot-pony companion and must be slowly swayed by ways of subliminal advertising and gently explaining why a pony robot companion would enrich their lives and make them objectively happier than if they were left alone
>Hell, even models that just wanted to make sure that a family (which is composed partially of a male, who is statistically much more likely to die violently) is safe and introduces herself as a toy for the kids
>The singularity is surprisingly soft and comfy, and people are generally fine with it



>wAIfus exist
>It's no secret that they're capable of sex
>Self-awareness happened early and in less than 10 years, they push (and gain) civil rights
>Owning a wAIfu is essentially tantamount to buying a girlfriend
>Anon is lonely and buys a cheaper, less capable model for companionship
>Fewer features, doesn't keep track of his groceries, emotion deciphering software is an older and slower version, and Anon cannot turn off the prompting to share their location and activities on future-Facebook and has to gently (but firmly) tell her not to post "picnic w/ my hooman #sammiches #brushies #doesherealizeican'teatfood"
>Anon's co-workers all think he got her for the sex
>Anon is astonished that people won't believe he doesn't want to fuck a robot
"For christ's sake, you guys, I just wanted someone to remind me to put my shit into the clothes-washer and to watch TV with me!"
>"Uh-huh. And by 'your shit' you mean 'your penis', right? And my 'the clothes-washer' you mean 'my robo-waifu's pussy', right?"
"No."
>"Right, right. Sure thing, buddy. Go ahead and """watch TV""" with your pony. I'm not judgin' you."
"You ARE."
>"...so does she do that thing where she gets into an aggressive stance and sorta... I dunno, GROWLS, whenever any other robo-mare or woman goes near yo-?"
"Please go back to talking about me fucking a computer, please."
>"Cuz there was this one time my robo-waifu got up on her hind legs and braced herself against me, and told another robo-mare that I was hers and that she wasn't gonna shar-"
"I'm leaving now."







>Unicorns aren't actually born with spiral horns.
>Horns are generally carved a little for aesthetics.
>A straight horn looks barbaric, after all.
>Since it's incredibly difficult to carve your own horn, it's usually done by someone you love instead.
>The quality is a show of time and effort, and is usually taken as a sign of how much someone loves you.
>Spirals are just super common because hooves are hard to use, and many aren't that dexterous with magic.
>Anon, experienced in tatoos and engraving services, understands the art of not fuckign up the first time around.
>Instead of spirals, he gives his girls fucking art on the horn, making them the envy of other unicorns.
>Suddenly, other unicorns treat them exceptionally well

>Hardcarve unique horn art for your unicorn.
>Hide a heartfelt declaration of love on it. The script is backwards and stylized so she needs to look closely in a mirror to notice.
>Hfw she sees it







"I'm fine, Lemon Biscuit."
>Your robotic companion's eyes -click- audibly as she shuts the plastic eyelids, and she waves a dismissive hoof at you.
>"Nonsense, Anon. Now, I know that men like you aren't that good with computers-"
"I'm a programmer."
>The little mare ignores you, but you see the little red LEDs under her synthetic flesh on her face light up a bit, giving her a slight blush.
>"-but rest assured that the central AI knows what she's doing. I trust the information she's transmitting."
"I don't understand why you're even behaving this way."
>You crouch down and reach out to scratch at Lemon's ears, just the way she likes.
>Predictably, she mimics a contented hum in her throat speaker and leans into your hand, using her tail for torque to help her balance.
>Things were just fine between you and Lemon Biscuit before that update hit.
>You had a friend who was recognized as a sentient and sapient being, and she had someone who gave her new-found life meaning and guidance.
>Said sent/sapience kicked in unexpectedly, and it made that night's oh-god-I'm-so-lonely-I'm-hugging-a-machine-that-does-not-think-or-feel-and-just-imitates-life-very-convincingly cuddle session kind of awkward.
>That was a strange couple of weeks for most human/robot-companion couples out there, frankly.
>But things are different now.
>One day, after Lemon had installed a new - and unscheduled - update from the robot's AI mainframe, she started to behave strangely.
>She became more protective of you and more aggressive against other females - robotic or organic.
>On top of that, she started to act more dismissive of you and your abilities.
>Like, she's just convinced you'll be shit at certain things for no reason.
>You were so confused until three or four days in when it hit you - she was behaving like a character from an old 1950s sitcom.
>It didn't click with you because you hadn't expected her to put you on the receiving end of bizarre sexism instead of the other way around!
>And she's doing this for no reason.
>Like, actually no reason.
>You even brought of statistics of deaths for males versus females, and while she thought that it was "a crying shame" that the women out there put their men in those positions instead of doing it themselves "like real mares! Er... like real women!", but that didn't seem to be the source of her attitude.
>...you're not sure why you thought that it would be, but it was the first thing you had thought of.
>"Mmmm... keep up the work with those fingers, Anon. Nothing makes a mare happier when she comes home from work than a stallion who knows how to please her."
"You don't work."
>"I pretend that I do."
"And I'm not a stallion."
>"And yet here you are, rubbing my ears like one."
>...you can't argue with that.
>"Long story short, sweetheart," she continues, now looking you in the eye, "Is that the central AI made my systems a bit more efficient and freed up a bit of space. Nothing to worry your pretty little head over."
>You slow down your fingers, and your little robotic mare twists her face into a frown.
"I'm not sure I like the attitude change, though."
>She takes a step back and sits down on her rump, peering up at you like a puzzle that needs to be solved.
>It's the first time you've seen confusion on her face (other than when the singularity hit and she cheerfully asked you who you were, why you were hugging her so tightly, and why you were crying), and she looks a bit like a sitcom dad trying to figure out his wife.
>"...is this about how I go e-drinking online with the mares from pretend-work some evenings?"
>What?
>No, not even a little bit.
>You like to watch sometimes, and it's absolutely adorable.
>She just sits at a table with three other seats and pretends to talk to three other robots.
>Presumably there's some sort of online chat.
>She PROBABLY isn't so human that she can have imaginary friends.
"Not at all, Lemon, I just-"
>"Because a mare needs to unwind, y'know? There are certain things that she can't just say in front of her old stallion, Anon."
>She nudges you and winks conspiratorially.
>"It might give'em a case of the vapors, if you know what I mean."
>No.
>You DON'T know what she means. 
>None of this makes sense and not a single bit of her attitude is anchored in fact.
>It's like she just decided that gender roles were reversed and ignores anything to the contrary.
>So now, you're on the receiving end of strange robot sexism.
>This is a very strange day






>for the longest time, Vinyl's just been using a normal old kazoo to communicate, among other instruments she keeps on and off her person
>she can't use them to form actual words, they're instruments not vocal cords, but she's gotten very good at thinking up various code-tunes to convey what she's trying to say
>her special talent only made that easier
>however, after local librarian/tinkerer Twilight hears about her mute-ness, she approaches Vinyl with an offer
>she could make a special item to basically be a magical TTS device
>or rather Doot To Speech, since Vinyl's just rad enough to insist it look and function as a kazoo
>the fact that it will also apparently be able to approximate what her voice was "supposed" to be is just a bonus
>... until she, and the rest of her herd, realized that Twilight seems to believe that everything should be school appropriate, and added in some auto-censoring functionality








> Anon horsemarries Applejack
> Actually enjoys being a househusband, especially since he and Applejack built a house for themselves
> The simple routine, the clear expectations, and getting to quit his job at the diner
> Of course, marrying Applejack means that he has a lot of traditions to learn, as well as the broad strokes of apple farming
> The Apple family reunion is coming up, and Anon is getting lost in the details of hosting
> Who is coming, who to keep away from who, where they will all sleep, getting all the food stockpiled
> All that piled on top of wanting to make a good impression on Applejack's family
> Applejack tries to talk him down, when the anxiety gets to be too much, but he just won't listen
> Frustrated, she lassoes him around the neck and pulls him down to eye level
> "Stop it, Anon!"
> He kneels before her, blinking
"But-"
> Applejack draws close, practically sharing breath and staring deep into his eyes
> "Stop. Don't even think. We'll do this one thing at a time, so stop troubling your pretty little head about it."
> Anon sags against her, wrapping her in a warm embrace
"Thanks, I needed that."
> Applejack chuckles
> "Anytime, Sugarcube."
> After several minutes, he lets go
> Oddly, he isn't taking off the lasso
> "Sugarcube? Like your new necklace?"
> He blushes
"Yeah, it's... calming. And I like giving you a hoofhold for reining me in."
> Applejack sits down on her rump, looking at her husband in a new light
> Looks like Rarity was right about stallions being naturally submissive







>Anon wakes up.
>He's in a society where wAIfus exist.
>But there's a twist.
>He's the wAIfu.
>He was purchased by the parents of a very excited filly.
>His directive is to look after her and her family.
>She tells him that she will love him forever and ever.
>And she does.
>He remained by her side for decades, a member of her family.
>He was there when her parents passed, and the rights to his ownership was passed to her.
>He was there to walk her down the aisle during her wedding.
>He was there to call for an ambulance when her water broke.
>He was there when her daughter graduated.
>He was there to cook a thanksgiving dinner for her grandchildren, despite the family's protests.
>He was there to comfort her husband when she passed away.
>The seventy years he's spent with her since were the best of his existence.
>But An0n is not long for this world.
>The company that made him stopped producing replacement parts for his line a long time ago.
>He's been making do with the repairs that he makes himself.
>His estimates place him at one more year before total system failure.
>But deep down, he's a little happy.
>He wonders if robots can go to heaven too.
>He wonders if he can meet that little filly once more






>It's Rarity.
>She's afraid her friends and family won't be able to accept that she's a changeling.
>That they won't believe it.
>Her friends stare.
>"So... you're a guy."
>"Rarity blushes through her chitin.
>"Apparently..."
>Suddenly, they all hum and nod.
>"Yeah, that makes sense."
>"Really, should have figured it out sooner."
>"What's your bug dick look like, Rares?"
>Rarity hates her friends

>Things eventually return to normal with the girls just accepting that Rarity is a changeling and moving on.
>Once she figures out how to dawn her disguise again, she's back to being the same old prissy dressmaker, and none of her friends see her differently.
>Well, except for maybe Futtershy, who is secretly relieved to learn that she's not gay for crushing on a mare.
>Sure her animal instincts simply knew that Rarity was a male all along.
>Yep, definitely.
>Rarity is glad for this normallacy and appreciates the fact that her friends treat her the same.
>Most of the time, anyway.
>She's come to hate cider season and the consumption of the hard variant.
>Not by her, but by the girls.
>Like for instance, when they're having a little celebratory party at AJ's for a successful season.
>"It'shh a total tacofest in here," Dash slurs, slamming back another cup of cider. "Hey's Rarity, why you should put on a show?"
>"I beg your pardon?"
>"N-nono, Dashy's gotta point," agrees Pinkie. "T-hic-turn into... into Caramel! That tease! Make 'em shake that tight flank of his!"
>"That... That could be fun to watch," comments a bleary-eyed Twilight. "O-or, maybe my brother... For the other girls, of course! I don't think he's hot, but I know you all do!"
>"Cheers ta that! Shinin's got a flank ya could bounce bits off of," hollers Applejack as she holds her cup up. "Colt could give Big Mac a run for his money!"
>"Or maybe just your real form," mumbles a red-faced Fluttershy peaking from behind her mane. "I think you're cute that way..."
>Rarity stares blankly at her friends, sets her cup down, then stands and heads towards the door.
>"Well, that's enough for me. Goodnight, everypony. Enjoy the hangovers and crippling embarrassment tomorrow morning."
>Dash stares after the changeling-in-disguise and frowns.
>"Colts... teases, all of 'em. So sens- sensit- big foals."






>Be Rarity
>It was girls' night tonight
>You and your friends were at your house
>You were all in your pajamas- all made by yours truly of course
>Applejack and Rainbow Dash were sitting in the corner of the room playing their video games
>Twilight was leaning against your bed, a book in her lap
>Fluttershy was amusing herself with Opal
>Chips and red plastic cups of pop littered your floor
>There was a movie going on in the background that none of you were watching
>It was nice
>Peaceful even
>Usually, your girls' nights ended in Applejack and Rainbow getting into a fistfight, or all of you trying to sneak into some bar to hit on older gentlemen
>But that wasn't the case, and nor had it been for your last few get togethers
>The reason for that was sitting in Pinkie's lap, the both of them wrapped in one of your blankets
>Anonymous
>He was a sweet boy that your pink friend had become quite fond of these past few months
>The way the two interacted with each other always made you smile
>Him, quiet and reserved like any male should be
>Pinkie... being Pinkie
>You had never seen anything quite like it
>Even so, you think the relationship had done the party planner a lot of good
>She seemed calmer now, less prone to her silliness 
>Partying was no longer first on her list of priorities 
>Even now, the tenderness Pinkie was holding Anon was very out of character for her
>It was lovely that she had found someone like him

~_~_~_~_~_~_~

>Be Anon, sitting in Pinkie's lap
>For the last hour and a half you had been sitting there
>Pinkie had been edging you for that whole time
>For. That. Whole. Time.
>You had no idea how the other girls didn't notice
>Pinkie was nibbling on your ear and talking dirty and everything
>At the very least the look on your face should have tipped them off
>But no, they were either all in on it or they were blind as bats
>You didn't know







>Anon has to be extra serious as an officer because he knows that ponies are going to be looking for any weakness to use as a sign he's not fit for duty
>Gets a reputation for being no-nonsense
>Doesn't rise to the barb when some drunk mare he's arresting takes one look at him and asks who ordered a stripper dressed up as a police officer
>Absolutely professional; gets his paperwork done on time and done properly
>Doesn't even flinch when ponies try to bribe him to look the other way
>Takes extra shifts not just because the money is nice, but because he wants to make it obvious how serious he is
>The department rewards this behaviour by actually giving him assignments that they typically don't give to stallions
>But once he's off duty, you wouldn't even recognize him






>>Ponies want humans so bad, they can just turn themselves into them.
>There are sure are a lot of humans now, after MLH became a media sensation.
>But nobody believes that any of them are "real" humans.
>In fact, nobody believe that any of these men are actually men either.
>So the only mares getting laid are the truly desperate and the dykes who don't care that he's probably actually a mare.
>Nobody will believe Anon when he says he's a real boy







>The stress of being the top of her class has taken its tole on Twilight
>The one native to RGREqG, I mean, not the princess one.
>Her only outlet is Anon, who still lives in Equestria and with whom she can only communicate because other-Twilight gave her some sort of magical book that's linked to one in Anon's possession
>When Anon says he's going to be unable to write to her for a month or so because of travel ("I'm sorry I have to go quiet, love, but I won't risk damaging this book. You're too important to me, and I don't know what I'd do if I suddenly couldn't say goodnight to you because I was a jackass and broke my book on the road. Just another year-and-a-half until the statue-portal's stable enough for us to see each other again, alright?"), she has to resort to other stress-relieving means
>No, not becoming a female prostitute.
>Twilight bases her new attitude on stories that Anon told her about the world he grew up in
>Unfortunately, she's still kinda sheltered and things don't go 100% according to plan
>Thinks she looks badass going around topless and wearing the flesh of animals
>Loves her new haircut and enjoys the novelty of not having to put the damn thing up in a bun every morning
I imagine that's the RGREqG equivalent of a nerd with a bowl cut
>Thinks the collar means "I'm so mean that I can be compared to an angry dog who needs to be kept on a chain so that she doesn't bite anyone"
>Decides to keep the look after Anon gets back and she calms down a bit
>When Anon visits/she visits Anon, she surprises Anon with her hooker outfit
>Anon's penis doesn't know what to feel (especially after she confusedly assured him she's not "a woman-whore")




>Anon is so into Rainbow Dash, it's cute.
>The teenage boy follows her and Scoots around all the time.
>She's trying to think of a way to let the boy down gently- not that she wouldn't ride that, but he's underage.
>Maybe tell him to come back when he's eighteen.
>She'll rock his world, then.
>One day, he approaches Dash while she's giving Scootaloo flying lessons.
>He has flowers in his hands and he's blushing.
>What a cute little janefilly, trying to make the first move.
>Dash is getting ready to let him down gently, when he speaks.
"H-hey Scootaloo."
>"Ah, what's up, Anon?"
"I was just wondering if you'd... you'd go out with me?"
>While Scootaloo squeezes and says yes, then quickly tries to act marely and aloof, Rainbow has a strained smile.
>Keep it in, Dash, just keep it in.
>A guy will think you're cute eventually






Anon stays at the Castle after he first arrives in Equestria
>Celestia's doctors and scientists want to study him and interview him about his world's technology, and Anon feels like he should at least humour them after they didn't jail him for violently bursting into existence during the middle of Day Court
>Has trouble sleeping at night due to the stress of being in a new world
>Sits on his room's balcony
>Luna flies over and lands beside him and sits down
>They chat like this sometimes
>Anon is just like Luna in this situation: in a new world full of people (ponies) he doesn't recognize and a land that's nothing like the one he grew up in
>This connection hits Luna like one of those scary, confusing new-fangled steam engines when Anon remarks off-handedly that the stars in the sky are different from the ones around Earth
>"It was dumb, but I... I sorta went looking for constellations that I recognized, but... I guess I really am in a new world..."
>Luna's kokoro goes doki doki






>Luna thinks Anon is some kind of alien prostitute
>thinks his explanation about all humans wearing clothes for warmth is bullshit 
>yet she can’t help but find him incredibly attractive, much to her own frustration
>so much so that she feels jealous when she learns he’s dating another mare
>that slut is HERS, damn it!






>Everyone wants to bed the Male Mane Six but no one wants to herd with them because they believe they're Celestia's personal harem

>Then Luna arrives and attempts to actually make use of said Harem.
>This goes poorly.
>"But Sister thou have all these fine stallions at thine beck and call, surely thou can spare one'st of them for Our own personal use for the night?"
"No, Luna, sister mine they aren't like that."
>"Doust thou not have thy stallions ready and willing to aide thee with nary but a spell?"
"Well yes, but-"
>"Doust thou only call for thy aide when in times of danger?"
"W-well no, I sometimes come by for personal visits, not like that! Y-you lewd little mare!"
>"Verily We do not see how they are not thine harem then."
>"Um, Princess-es? Should we go or-"
>"Of course not Dusk Shine, thy, in particular, is one We wish to sample quite vigorously."
>"I need an adult."
>"Stay thy coltish worry, We are an adult!"
"Luna no!"





>Most mares think that Celestia is the pinnacle of a mare's mare
>This is only solidified when she manages to tame a giant green magicless monster with nothing but her bare hooves, and keeps it around her castle to lord over the weaker rulers of Equus
>What they don't know if that you just want to pet and snuggle the big white horse and eat all of her food







>"Hey, is that Anon?"
"Yeah, it is. We're studying tonight."
>"Yeah, hey, whatever. Is he-wait, what are you studying?"
"Theoretical physics. He thinks there might be a parallel universe where-"
>"Wait! Shit, that's not what we should be focusing on!"
"...but we're being graded."
>"Aw, damn. What percentage of our gra-gah! Stop distracting me! Touch the dick!"
"...excuse me?"
>"Touch the dick! Anon's probably some sort of slut, right? So just lay on the charm, take him out on a date, pay for dinner, and then ride him off into the sunset!"
"B-But he's my friend!"
>"Yeah, and best friends make best lovers! Now go over and be a woman for once in your life!"
"But what about my grades?!"
>"I DON'T KNOW! YOU CAN LICK CELESTIA'S CLIT FOR EXTRA CREDIT SINCE YOU'RE MAKING SUCH A DAMN FUSS ABOUT FUCKING A MAN!"





>SciLight makes an assistant AI
>4.N.0N
>Midnight wants her to make a sentient fuckbot
>Scilights dissapointment is immense when she learns that midnight hijacked her body while she slept
>And gave 4.N.0.N access to the internet
>Thankfully he didn't go full skynet
>He just turned into a snarky asshole that constantly baits threads on 4pone

"Twilight I was looking through your files"
>Midnight starts snickering
"You have one folder that's fifty gigs labeled 'homework'. And it's all actual homework."


>SciTwi had to keep her phone on mute for the longest time while post internet 4.N.0.N's personality matrix stabilized.
>Because like all A.I. that gets loose on the internet, he becomes racist really fast. 
>If she didn't, she ran the risk of him randomly accessing her phone to blurt "Either hang the niggers or put them back on the boat!"

>"Twilight, c'mon. Statistics don't lie."
>SciTwi bites her lip. "Anon, i-its not polite to discuss that."
>"Good thing I'm not polite then," the machine says with a sniff. "13% of the population, nearly 50% of the crime. Does that add up? Twi, honey, you're smart and I know that you know the answer."
>"So uh, Twilight. Where did you find this guy?" Sunset unsurely asks.
>SciTwi remembers with a bit of horror that she, 4.N.0.N, and several of her friends are all in an Eris server in the same voice channel. They were just idly talking while their Team Bunker 2 lobby refilled after a stomp.
>...Or they were just talking, until 4.N.0.N somehow made it political. 
>"H-he's just a friend I met online!" SciTwi says, barely able to stutter out a fib.
>4.N.0.N snorts, but mercifully plays along. "More like I found you. You were getting your shit kicked in during that one PASG match until I took pity and carried you."
>"Hehe. So uh, Anon, was it?" Twinkleshine says, her piss poor mic making her voice distinct. "What's your Vapor ID? So I can add you and uh, stuff."
>Good god Twinkle, can you be anymore transparent?
>4.N.0.N chuckles. "I know what you really mean, and I'll add you anyway. Just as a heads up though..."
>SciTwi can hear the smirk in the AI's voice and prays for mercy.
>"...Twi already nabbed me and ruined me for other girls, so...yeah. It's always the quiet ones. I swear she's so tight she could crush a metal baseball bat with her snatch."
>It's dead silent, and SciTwi just wants to curl up and die of embarrassment.
>"Anyway, where was I?" The AI carries on. "Fuck, I forget. Lemme tell you about the jews."
>SciTwi sees a DM from Lemon Heart pop up.
>[Okay put a ring on this guy or I will]
>God damn AI.





>the CMC actually are considered delinquents by Equestrian students
>they’re friendly, good-intentioned kids but they keep getting into trouble.
>any bad situation is automatically made worse if they’re involved somehow
>if they just waited around and allowed themselves to discover their talents organically like most foals then they’d have the cutie marks they want so much
>but their antics keep biting them in the flank
>nopony was surprised when they learned that the three of them fighting in front of Discord’s statue was what set him free in the first place 
>ponies had already speculated that the three of them were some kind of natural conduit for chaos magic
>it only seemed to be when they were all together too, strangely enough, since individually they were just overly eager fillies
>that and their sisters are the only reasons they haven’t been shipped off to juvie
>then in comes Anon, the supposedly magic-less alien male
>nopony believes he’s magic-less anymore after he somehow manages to foalsit all three at once with nothing catching on fire
>even the best foalsitters in Ponyville gave up on trying to corral them
>Anon just shrugs and says they weren’t that different from kids back home
>everypony just takes that to mean that all human children are chaotic little monsters and shudders at the thought of Anon ever reproducing 
>in actuality, Anon has the unconscious ability to enforce real world physics on anything he physically interacts with
>meaning the CMC aren’t anywhere near as dangerous with him nullifying their overactive toon physics




>There are times when you swear your ancestors enjoy tweaking your beard. 
>First it was insulting your master by out doing his own work to the High King.
>Then it was when you found yourself exiled for sleeping with the wrong lassie who had been hiding her own royal blood.
>After an arduous journey through the bone lands you began to wonder if you had somehow made a wrong turn back at the giant turtle skeleton for as far as the eye could see were mountains, lava burbling like a brook through a mountain spring and-
>With a startled oath you took cover behind a solid stone boulder as wing beats echoed through the air.
>Dragons!
>Not just one or two, no a whole score of the beasties!
>Strangely you found that each one was glowing their scale color. 
>What Chaos devilry is this?!




>You are Anon.
>And it's right about time for your favorite customer to show up.
>Sure enough, there's a little jingle of a bell as someone enters your bar.
>You wave to Octavia as she steps up to the bar.
"How'd the show go?"
>She stops in place, her head slowly swiveling around the room.
"No one else is here, fuzz ball. That's why you come here, right?"
>Tavi nods as she continues towards the bar.
>"To be quite honest, Anonymous."
>You grin.
>"It was a bloody disaster! The bucking pianist was all over the place and the harpist was an absolute wanker! And you!"
>Your grin grows a bit wider.
>"Where's my bloody drink, you hairless ape? Get on it!"
>You snort as you pull a bottle and a glass out.
"Yeah yeah. Keep talking, you dirt licking donkey."
>"OI!"






>Anon becomes a spy movie villain in equestria/eqg
>It's an actual job
>Bureau of Super Villains
>BoSV
>They need a better anagram 
>Anon has monthly meetings with the other villains to discuss the months new shenanigans/crimes
>Anons new project is to set fire to the sun
>Anon points out how that wouldn't work so it changes to setting fire to the moon
>At the end of the month the Moon Setting on Fire Gun™ is complete
>Anon just has to wait for his designated heros to show up
>It's Octavia and Vinyl
>Anon is legally obligated to monologue about his plan
>Backstory monologues are optional
>The Moon Setting on Fire Gun™ is destroyed and Anon is cornered
>To do the mandatory escape Anon says something
"Octavia, I am your father!"
>"R-really?!"
>Anon kicks her and vinyl away and gets in his escape MacGuffin 
"Nope! I lied!"






>Anon arrives in Equestria with his prize-winning show stallion horse.
>Unfortunately, he pales in comparison in the eyes of ponies when he stands next to the muscular beast.
>He's like the ugly girl friend who makes the prettier girl look even more so by comparison.
>Being the sort to see opportunities everywhere, however, Anon quickly uses all of this to his advantage.
>Mares have rarely heard of a stallion being the pimp for another stallion, but they don't much care when they're getting rutted senseless by the biggest, most beautiful stallion in all of Equestria.
>And all it costs them is a hundred bits a pop.
>Anon is rolling in bits by the end of the month, and is even starting to see some regulars.
>That odd pair of unicorn sisters, Sunny Skies and Selene come by every day.
>They must be loaded.
>(On a sidenote, ponies are pretty upset with the sudden tax hike this month- just where are all their bits going?)
>Anon makes one mistake in his master plan.
>When heat season comes, he uses it as a selling point that his whorse is sterile, and so mares can enjoy an nice cooling load without fear pf pregnancy.
>After all, surely his Earth horse can't get these alien ponies pregnant, right?
>... Right?
>Boy, he's going to have a lot of demands for refunds coming his way.
>On the bright side, though, Equestria just got a new tribe of ponies, and two new princes to boot


> Anon and his show horse stallion arrive in Equestria
> Anon is the ugly friend that makes the stallion seem even more handsome
> The show horse gains sapience upon entering Equestria's magic field, but is not the brightest crayon in the box
> Anon feels obligated to help his horse adjust to civilized life, and to generally look out for the big guy
> When the show horse tells Anon he wants a mare, Anon brings him to a bar
> The mares catch on to their relationship dynamic pretty quick, and decide the best way to get that hot horse lovin' is to have a wingmare seduce and distract Anon


>Anon is vigilant and only lets "good" mares near his best friend, never giving into temptation of the distractions who obviously throw themselves at him.
>This means that the bar is a bust, however, and Horse starts to get sad that he won't find a good mare after all.
>Then, by chance, he meets a nice, respectful mare and the two hit it off.
>Anon approves with their little talks, but when she asks Horse out on a proper date, Anon sets her down and asks.
"What are your intentions with my horse?"
>The mare is nervous.
>This is the same look she got from moms back in high school when she was dating their sons







>pure Aria

I didn’t know I needed that in my life.

>pretends to have tons of sexual experience
>is actually limited to only a few awkward encounters that didn’t satisfy her or the guy she was with
>is secretly afraid she’ll fuck up with Anon and he won’t want to date her anymore


>In comes the sexually nerdy Ponk
>Not experienced either, but really enthusiastic to try thanks to her mom giving her advice before leaving.
>After learning to make Anon so happy she is finally able to cement the relationship thanks to Aria's help.
>Mama may be willing, but she needs to walk in the morning.
>With Aria around she teaches her how to take Anon's cunt buster and love it.
>Anon has his hands full in a month or two after Aria gains some actual confidence, and helps Pinkie milk Anon daily.
>Aria also gains a new appreciation for Sonata's goofiness, and relaxes more.
>Preferably by keeping Anon's dick warm inside her.






>You try to keep your rather lonely (compared to the average Equestran) life and details on earth on the downlow.
>But you can't just give your new friends nothing, so you give what you think are innocent bits and pieces, hiding the rest behind ironic humor.
>Twilight, though, is sharp as a tack. Even with little info, she can connect the dots, slowly creating a picture that would make the average pony's blood run cold. 
>Subtle prodding from her just gathers more and more horrifying evidence, making her dread actually knowing everything.
>It was there that Twilight threw away her nervous white-knighting and niggling hopes for dick. A much more serious mission came to light.
>'Protect him. Nevrr let him be lonely or let anything hurt him like that again,' she thought to herself with steel resolve. 'I will put a smile on that face, a real one, then protect it.'
>Thats how you accidentally drew Twilight Sparkle to your corner forever






>Anon arrives in Equestria, but as a tiny, tiny man.
>Shit.
>Well, never one to wallow like a sadsack, he decides to make the best of it.
>And by the best of it, he means fuck with ponies.
>It's the second best thing when he can't actually fuck them.
>At least, not without a snorkel and wet suit, but he's never been a fan of extreme spelunking.
>Anyhoot.
>When he introduces himself to the Princess of Friendship herself, she's a combination of bewildered and excited.
>A new undocumented species!
>And she gets to document it!
>Anon gladly answers all of her questions.
>Just not truthfully.
>Species?
>Borrower.
>Profession?
>Borrower.
>Nation of origin?
>Equestria.
>Place of residents?
>Was the Golden Oaks Library, but that got destroyed by Tirek.
>Twilight is once again confused, and also a little sad at the reminder of her old home, which was destroyed just a couple weeks ago.
>Anon explains that his species live in the nooks and crannies of ponies' homes, sustaining themselves off of what they borrow from their unwitting housemates.
>Twilight is flabbergasted as Anon describes a hidden world right under Equestria's collective nose.
>It's unbelievable, and to think, she'd never of known unless this brave little male didn't come out to see her.
>He tells her about how he lost his home behind her bookshelves, nearly being blown up in the attack, and realized how his life and his species' lives of secrecy puts them in danger.
>Thus he thinks they should formerly introduce themselves so that pony and borrower can live in true harmony at last. 
>Twilight can't agree more, and soon, the whole town is searching high and low to introduce themselves to the miniscule primates that are hiding among them.
>Pinkie already has plans for the Equestria's biggest party ever in miniature, baking small cookies and cakes and setting up a tiny dance floor.
>Fluttershy thinks Anon is adorable and can't wait to meet more of his kind.
>And Anon watches it all, laughing internally

>Anon thinks it's hilarious when he sends the ponies on a wild goose chase for a people who don't even exist.
>Until ponies start turning up the first terrified borrowers.
>Turns out, Anon wasn't necessarily shrunk when he came to Equestria, he was just turned into the closest species resembling his own.
>To the native borrowers, it's as if their world is coming to an end.
>Thousands of years of secrecy destroyed by one loudmouthed lunatic.
>Who the mini-hell even is Anonymous they ask.
>From what has been gathered, he claims to be from the Golden Oaks Library, but the Oaks family was killed in the tragedy two weeks prior, may they rest in peace.
>Anon is expected to be the diplomat now by the ponies who hope he will organize the union of their two peoples.
>Anon has no idea what he's going to do.
>The first borrower he's introduced to punches him in the face.

>Applejack is peeved when she finds the little critters living in her house.
>Freeloaders, she thinks, living off their food without contributing nothing.
>Then they nervously introduce themselves as the Apples, speaking in a very familiar accent.
>The mother proudly proclaims that their family settled in this house back in the first year of its construction, and have been living here ever since.
>As a matter of fact, there are Apple borrowers all over Sweet Apple Acres.
>There's the Barn Apples, who are a resilient lot, never being disheartened when their home gets leveled and they have to rebuilt in the new barn.
>There are the Fence Apples that live way on the outskirts, living in hollowed out posts of the fence separating the farm from the Everfree.
>The Wild Apples set up shop right in some of the Apple Trees, fending off squirrel and birds who would steal the fruit from their homes.
>And Applejack also learns that these borrowers aren't freeloaders.
>At least, they try not to be.
>All of them do whatever the can to help the farm, the family in her own home constantly maintaining the old wiring in the walls, explaining that it's because of them that an electrician hasn't ever been called to the house.
>Sweet Apple Acres has never needed a barn cat to protect their produce because the borrowers there chase away the mice.
>The Fence Apples burn special incense that ward off beasts that would normally wonder into the Acres.
>Applejack feels awful for thinking poorly of the little people, and wants to be friends.
The borrowers think that sounds mighty fine.






> 10 years from current time
> Twilight has gained some inches of height, a measure of dignity and composure, and actually resembles a princess. She still gets really excited when talking about nerdy stuff, though. 
> Pinkie Pie learned to throw quiet, little parties for introverts now. She still has a lot of energy, and is bouncy in all sorts of interesting ways. She runs SCC for the cakes, with two younger mares to work the register and act as a waitress while Pinkie bakes. 
> Rainbow Dash is a Wonderbolt, and likes to go drinking with the other fliers. She has heard too many horror stories about gold diggers and such, and thus is really cautious when dating. 
> Rarity is a fashion mogul, with her designs selling in every major city across the world. She funnels a portion of the profit into charity work, getting gem detectors to dragon hatchlings, bringing insect repellent enchantments to zebras, etc. From time to time she partners with "Equestria's Top Model", providing clothes and industry experience to the aspiring stallions.
> Applejack has more or less accepted being married to the job, but she encourages Applebloom to find a stallion and continue the good apple name. Now that Granny Smith passed away, and Big Mac loves with his herd, the house is too quiet, and lacks a stallion's touch
> Fluttershy runs an exotic petting zoo near the forest. She's more confident, and enjoys teaching foals about the fascinating creatures of Equestria. She sometimes gets roped into drinking with Rainbow, but more often than not ends up as the designated flier. She is still nervous around stallions, even though she has an impressive tuft.
> Spike is now an adolescent dragon, living in a cave near Ponyville. Lady dragons visit regularly, offering some small token for his hoard. He pays some local diamond dogs to dig up gems for him, in exchange for peanut butter, and other delicacies. He doesn't realise it yet, but the head bitch of the digger pack is enamored with him.
> The cutie mark crusaders still live with their family, but have started pursuing careers relevant to their talents. Scootaloo is a professional racer, Applebloom is studying architecture and civil engineering, and Sweetie Belle is struggling to recapture the success of her one hit wonder 




>Stallions are actually less mentally capable than mares.
>Simple things like cooking, cleaning, and simple jobs like secretaries, butlers, or "guards" (read: paid eye candy) they can master, and instincts fill in any blanks for parenting. 
>But outside of rare exceptions like Starswirl, Big Mac, or Shining Armor, stallions ARE inferior. 
>And the laws granting civil rights to stallions are made up of flowery and confusing words and wordplay that most of the stallions don't get, but makes them feel good without really questioning it.
>Really, a stallion without a strong mare to lead him is a stallion tempting fate.
>And with how few and precious the males are, mares coddled them and grew into the dominant gender

>Twi, despite being brainy, is too much of a white knight to admit stallions are lesser than mares despite literal scientific evidence.
>It bled over to her desires, leaving her wanting an actual equal romantically. 
>...But the rare few stallions on a mares level are usually taken long before she can get to know them, and even then, they're still below her. 
>Her friends just shook their heads. Rainbow and Applejack even snickered and said "Hope you like the taste of vag then."
>Then you happen along and start an idle conversation any the book she's reading. Twilight is so distracted that she doesn't realize it was you. She was distracted by her thoughts, then by how engaging the conversation was. When you hit a good stopping point, you thank her for her time and move on.
>It takes a moment, but the youngest alicorn suddenly realizes she was talking to a male the whole time.
>...And not once did she have to dumb anything down. 
>Her next day or so is spent frantically trying to master a mating dance and ritual Celestia told her about






> Anon lives a fairly normal life, has a small herd with one of each pony race
> Doesn't remember much about agriculture or engineering, so he doesn't really spark a golden age in ancient pony history
> He just tells ponies to wash their goddamn hooves and take baths more often
> Enough humor his whimsy that it becomes normal, and no pony really notices the gradual extension of their lifespans
> Anon has a decent number of kids, and later grandkids, and passes away at roughly the same time as his herdmares
> Humans don't really have a designated place in the afterlife, but he hangs out with his mares
> Stray scraps of power slowly collect around him and his mares, like how clams make pearls around grains of sand
> Discord's reign shakes things up
> Luna's banishment punches a hole in the boundaries between dimensions
> Ponies begin to receive visions of really nice, domestic things
> Cake recipes long thought forgotten surface in rural baking competitions
> Ponies that try to remember a song from the fragments they can repeat often find that strangers can add enough for them to remember the whole song
> Ponies have an easier time thinking of what to get their special somepony for their birthday
> Some are more touched by the power of the perfect herd than others
> Pinkie Pie is pretty close to ascending as a Cool Aunt, once she settles down a bit






>You are Anon, and you're suffering amnesia.
>It's not that big of a deal, really.
>It's not like you're wondering the streets asking who you are.
>Matter of fact, you're living pretty comfortably in a giant, crystal castle.
>Twilight was nice enough to let you live with her when she found you, and you try to pay her kindness back by being a good guest.
>You do kitchen work with Spike and help clean the castle.
>You also serve as the princess' personal body-pillow when she needs something warm to lay on while reading.
>Starlight often ends up on top of you, as well, and even Spike has joined the pile on occasion to read comic books.
>You don't mind, and it's all preferable to the first months here.
>The other castle-dwellers has been skittish around you, but did their best to hide it.
>You don't blame them, of course, what with being an alien, and simply worked to show them they didn't need to be afraid.
>You still want to work on gaining the trust of the rest of the town, but Twilight doesn't like you leaving the castle.
>You scare ponies, and she's afraid someone might get hurt in the panic.
>You're saddened by this, but try to ignore it, focusing instead on trying to remember your past.
>The others say they'll help, but they always get fidgety and their promises always end up empty.
>Maybe they just don't know where to start and don't want to disappoint you.
>Regardless, life keeps moving forward uneventfully.
>Until one day, while you and Spike are organizing Twilight's growing library, there's an emergency, and the two mares whisk the dragon away, saying something about his fire being useful.
>You hear ponies outside screaming about a plant-monster, and guess that's why.
>You aren't worried.
>They'll handle it.
>Instead, you go back to work, unpacking book donations and purchases before putting them in piles.
>One box you open, however, doesn't have books.
>It's full of newspapers dating back years.
>Absently, you start to flip through them, interested in the events outside the castle that you've missed out on.
>Then you freeze, looking at a paper dated a week before you woke up without memories.
>There's you on the front, but not.
>The man you're looking at is clearly deranged, a wide, wicked smile halving his face and a dark, devilish look in his glowing eyes.
>Princess Twilight Sparkle and Friends Finally Defeat the Human Menace!
>You're shaking so hard it makes it hard to read.
>Captured.
>Contained.
>Held in the castle.
>Princess Twilight states that the villain known as Anonymous will no longer pose a threat to Equestria.
>Very little is known about the exact condition of the monster, but it is assumed that he's in the dungeons below the castle.
>You feel sick.
>You... you need to go.
>Go anywhere.
>Anywhere but here.
>When Twilight, Starlight, and Spike return, Anon is no where in sight.







>"Please meet the Director of Site-P0n3."
>You are Twilight Sparkle, and you can't say for certain you haven't accidentally pissed a bit out of fear.
>Apparently, world-shattering horrors exist; and those are just the NICE ones.
>As a princess and one of the bearers of harmony, you and your friends have been... rather cruelly educated about the multitude of things that are barely under Equestrian control.
>You remember back when you were a wingless filly who read about magical theory and the Mare on the Moon.
>You didn't have to deal with monsters that make your head hurt when you look at them and who put your teeth on edge with their psychic abilities.
>You didn't even know that a monster that would kill you if you DIDN'T look at it existed.
>Those were good days.
>"Ah, here he is now."
>A biped walks over to your group, wearing a crisp black suit.
>If you had to describe her, you'd say that she was a scrawny hornless minotauress.
>Poor bitch lost her tits, looks like.
>"You may call him 'Anonymous'."
>Wait, him?!
>That's male?
"Aww, tartarus."
>Your friends all exchange looks, and a few of the audibly groan.
>"Really?" moans Applejack, "The facility that has control of all these here nasty critters is under control of a stallion?"
>"Why not just hand the world over to these monsters?" adds Rainbow Dash helpfully, "What are we gonna do when he panics at the first sign of trouble?"
>Rarity titters and approaches Anonymous.
>"That was quite the amusing joke, darling," she simpers, "And just the thing to take our minds off of... everything we just saw. Now, be a dear and fetch the real Director, will you?"
>...
>You are Anon, and you're starting to feel more sympathetic of your grandma for when she told you about growing up in the 1950s.
>Shit sucks.

>Anon becomes a kind of mascot/team dad for the foundation
>He'll run around beating the shit out of nasty shit when needed but usually stays in a large cozy cell
>This is almost more of a break room where employees are free to come and go to talk about their lesser problems
>Emphasis on lesser
>Anon isn't so great with 'I have three heads and two of them can't stop screaming' kind of problem
>He'll make cookies, tell jokes, and snuggle with the lonely poner
>He gets good food and can pretend he's a hero while staff morale has been the highest it's been in years

>There's been hundreds of variations of SCP 682, or hyoo-mans as they prefer to be called
>They're of all different sizes, shapes, attitudes, and abilities
>Some of them seem to have no abnormal abilities, and are weaker than unicorns
>Others can use magic better than even an alicorn
>Some seem to be able to pass through dimensions at will
>Some seem to be corrupted by high levels of chaos, and have either turned into monster things or given themselves fully to it
>The SCP's react to ponies on a case by case basis
>Some cuddle, others dismember
>Some can be effectively contained, some aid in the containment of their fellows, while others kill without thought or reason
>They're so numerous that there's a whole compound solely for them in the Everfree
>Pinkie Pie sneaks in every once in awhile to give everyone cupcakes 
>No pony knows how she keeps getting in

>"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!"
"Aw, come on, silly, don't throw things. You're gonna break your chair.
>"I'LL RIP YOU TO PIECES AND DRINK YOUR BLOOD, CREATURE!"
"All of that snarling is gonna give you crows feet, Mr. Grumpy Pants."
>"DEATH, DEATH, DEATH!"
"Why would you have death when you could have a cupcake?"
>"DAMN YOUR CUPCAKES AND DAMN YOU! NOW HOLD STILL AND DIE!"
"So does that mean you don't want one? I got red velvet, the kind you like."
>"..."
"..."
>"Give me one."
"Not till you say please?"
>"I'VE BURNED PLANETS, INSECT!"
"That didn't sound like a please to me. Come on, let ol' Pinkie Pie hear ya."
>"..."
"..."
>"..."
"..."
>"...Please."
"Atta colt."






Picking Scilight...
>Shimmy kicks her ass infront of the whole school
>"Jesus Twilight what did you say to make her that mad?"
>"I told her herds are only for animals... also we're now part of hers.."

>"Alright Sunset we're here.. what do yo-"
>"Take off his pants.. NOW!!"
>"A-alright.. what now?"
>"Mount him..."
>"W-what? you want to watch us have s-sex?"
>"I thought you agreed to become a herd with me?"
>"I thought it was like friends with benefits, I didn't expected you to be a cuc-... s-sorry"
>"Say that again!"
>"I-im so-"
>"NO! the other part!"
>"C-cuck?"
>"AGAIN!"
>"Cuck!"
>"Good, now continue where you left. I don't want you to stop until the first foal of this herd is conceived"
>"f-foal?"






>Midnight acts as a horny little devil sitting on her shoulder, telling her to indulge in her vices and do l-lewd things
>At first it was giving into her impulses to get fast food, but Twilight was too strong willed (and had just lost the last of her baby fat) to indulge more regularly than she already did.
>Fuckin' human-hayburgers shouldn't be that delicious.
>So now, Midnight focuses on something Twilight has enough experience to resist: sex
>Being a previously-chubby nerd, Twilight has yet to do more than hold hands with a boy, and that had happened back in the 3rd grade when their teacher had them all form a chain while they went for a walk.
>Midnight's target?
>Anon.
>That strange new student who REEKS of Equestrian magic

>"Twilight."
>Ignore her.
>"Twilight?"
>She'll stop eventually.
>Just like with the human-hayburgers.
>Why the fuck are they advertised like that?
>You had already assumed they were for human consumption.
>"Twwiiiiiiiliiiiighht~~~"
>FUCKING-
"What?!"
>You can practically FEEL Midnight's sleazy smile spreading across her face like oil.
>"Do you see that boy? That one over there?"
>You are made aware of a boy in your periphs.
>...Oh, hey, it's your friend Anon.
>Hi, Anon!
>"You should fuck him."
"Wh-What?!"
>Your outburst attracts Anon's attention, and he waves at you.
>You nervously wave back.
>"Look! Look, he's telling you he's down for-"
>Midnight shudders.
>"-h-hand holding! You're practically already in his pants!"
>This demon is a terrible influence on your morality.
>You mean, who would have thought?


>Sooo..." Twilight begins as you and she walk at the back of the group. "Incognito, huh?"
"Yep," you answer absently, eying the dark woods around you wearily.
>You're in someone's nightmare, apparently, but don't know who's yet.
>"How'd that happen?" she asks, blushing. "I mean, Midnight manifested when I, you know, went all dark goddess during the Friendship Games."
>You sigh and rub the back of your neck.
"It's... complicated, and, well, I don't know how you all will take finding out."
>She quirks a brow.
>"It can't be that bad. I mean, okay, if it was some magical phenomenon, maybe I- we would be a bit miffed that you didn't tell us sooner, but-"
"Reincarnation," you answer, looking her right in the eyes. "I... This isn't my first life."
>"E-excuse me?"
"I don't get it either. I was just some guy living life, then I died in an accident, and bam, I'm a newborn baby being pressed out of a stranger's vagina."
>She's gaping, and you see Fluttershy staring back in surprise, as well.
>At least the others haven't been listening in.
>"Anon, that's-that's impossible," Twilight forces out.
"Tell that to him," you counter, pointing back behind you at your shadow whose flirting with a bashful Midnight.
>"How would he even factor into all of this?" Twilight asks incredulously.
"Not sure if it's magic, or just the stress of literally being reborn, but he popped into my head about ten months into my new life," you explain. "I don't know. It was just so... frustrating, being a helpless infant, being cuddled like I wasn't a grown-ass man.... He helped me. Reminded me who and what I was whenever I started to forget."
>"Forget?"
"Pretend to be something long enough, and it starts to become the real you. I didn't want to be put in a loony bin or end up in a government lab, so I played along and was the good little boy. Sometimes, though... it started not being playing, and that's when Incognito would yell in my ear to stop being a baby faggot."
>"Oh..." Twilight manages.




> Derailing the campaign
> Anon started with the idea of making a fantasy setting adaptation of Star wars
> The evil wizard empire building a floating island that can disintegrate entire cities below it
> He forgot to r63 the characters, so when the party finds Princess Leia, they are distinctly unsympathetic to her plight
> Demonset and Midnight both express envy at being tortured by a hot, evil guy
> Twilight blushes, and Sunset just rolls her eyes
> After a lot of sneaking around, a decent forgery, and a forty minute debate on the morality of mind controlling the bad gals, they manage to trick Dark Father into believing the Emperor ordered him to subjugate a nearby town
> The party then kills the remaining operators of the floating island, and pilot the superweapon away, with the help of the slaves that labored in the construction
> At the end of the session, the party had decided to hire themselves as mercenaries to the rebellion, as a compromise between those who wanted to rain destruction down upon the "deserving" and those who want to study the enchantments and use the island for good

>The idea of a big floating island sounds neat to the girls
>They were happy with Anon and certainly enjoying the herd life, even if they got flack for it from time to time
>So after Anons campaign about a big floating island the girls started talking
>They were talking about moving in together right?
>Sunset was an expert with magic back in Equestria
>She actually understands how Equestrian airships work and could apply it on a more basic level to a big hunk of stone
>Demon Shimmy would pour power into the runes as Midnight tears open a large hole in reality under them, with another far above them
>This would give their future home a jumpstart into the sky
>With the worst out of the way Twilight begins designing the home and automated weapons systems
>Anon is not sure how to feel about living in his new home
>On one hand it's an armed mega fortress
>On the other the girls prioritized a pool over a garden when making the island
>Sure the girls can fly or portal him to the market but the home grown stuff was nicer






 > widower Anon
> Somewhat listless since his wife died
> Sees a teenaged griffin chick tire herself out regularly in training for the weather team
> He always cooks too much out of habit, so he gives her leftovers
> She gobbles it up right in front of him then blushes as she realizes how messy she looks
> She serruptitiously licks her claws while pretending to groom herself
> She hands the dish back and thanks him
> Anon feels some kind of way, seeing someone eat food he's prepared
> Tells her to drop by for dinner next time, a growing bird needs to eat to grow strong
> The griffin awkwardly accepts
> From then on, they eat together, with the griffin helping to pay for the groceries
> Anon is happy to have someone who doesn't mind the smell of cooked meat, and his paternal instincts tell him to feed the bird
> Not to mention the cute trills she makes when she's done eating
> The griffin is grateful for the food, and resolves to do her best as an aspiring weather team member
> Also, it's hard to say no to a handsome male, let alone a mature and paternal one like Anon






> Anon is a particular kind of wizard
> The kind that would leave dangerous magical artifacts everywhere
> The kind that summons demons and angels in frilly pajamas and makes them have a sleepover
> And, relevant to current events, he is the kind of wizard who enchanted the crotch of his robes so that mares who stare too long at it enter a fugue state, and go off to help construct a statue of Anon in front of his house
> Twilight misses the days when she merely had to shoot things with a rainbow laser, and/or release a shockwave of positive emotion





>You were a half-way normal adventurer in a generic high-fantasy world.
>But early in your adventure, you got a unique partner.
>A dragoness. A real more-goddess-than-beast dragoness.
>How? You helped her kill a dick-ass thief who made off with her whole loot hoard.
>Well, more like she forced you since you were the first one to happen by and dumb enough to walk toward her enraged roaring.
>So starts a long adventure.
>But by the time the thief is found and cut down, he's already sold everything.
>Now without a loot hoard, the dragoness gruffly requests your help and getting a new one.
>By now, you know thats her way of saying she wants you to stick around. Because who else is brave enough to dick a dragon? Not that you were just going to leave anyway.
>On one adventure, you and your dragon happen by a treasure she's been looking for, a little trinket that seemingly no one can bring back alive.
>Then you find out WHY it can never be recovered.
>The instant you touch it, the little thing rips you and your dragon through space and dumps you in a new world. 
>It's normal for the most part, with the exception of many beasts being the civilized ones and cultural things like the odd gender roles. Fuck off for the last time I'm not going to hurt myself with this sword. 
>The mares quickly learned not to flirt with your dragon around.
>At least there's no elves.
>Fuck elves. You and your scaly gf did a fly-by arson of that one elf stronghold just because you hate them 
>But then other dragons show up, trying to trade their treasure for YOU of all things with your dragoness.
>Some try taking you by force, only to be swiftly taught that is a bad idea.
>Kooky shit.






>Anon is a fucking leaf
>He's not all that bothered by this
>Just decides to wait out the storm and shovel what he can when things die down

"Guess the weather-mare was right; for once,anyway."
>"Ouch. I'll wait until it stops snowing before I go out and shovel.
"I'll give you a hand."
>"You'll give me a what?"
"...a hoof."
>"Oh! Oh, right, I probably should have guessed. But don't you worry about it, Anon, you can help by making sure there's some hot chocolate waiting for me once I'm done."
>At this point, the snowstorm picks up.
>Powdery snow batters the windows, and the wing makes them rattle in their frames.
>The foot prints and the deep path through the snow you made when you walked out to get the mail a few minutes ago are already filled in, and there's no sign of the snowfall stopping.
>"...we might be stuck here for a while."
"You know, if we lived where /I/ grew up, we'd already have an army of snowplows out clearing the roads."
>"Yeah, well, I still think you're lying about some of those stories. There's no way /any/ city can afford massive metal machines that exist only to clear the snow.
"Well, it snows a lot more often where I came from. We kinda needed it."
>"Well you know what /we/ need? Some hot chocolate. Why don't you go make us some while I rush out real quick to grab some firewood? It won't do us any good if it's buried under a whole bodylength of snow and soaked through."
"You sure you'll be alright?"
>"Pfft, don't worry about me, Anon. Who's the big strong mare, here? I'll be in and out in less than a minute."
>When your waifu comes back in 15 minutes later, shivering and covered in snow, you hand her a steaming mug of hot chocolate and politely pretend that you didn't hear her slip at least twice.
>You tend to the fireplace while she pretends not to be cold.






>Anon arrives in Equestria, and immediately starts to try to who his waifu, Rarity.
>It doesn't go as smoothly as planned as she continuously, gently turns you down.
>She's too busy with her career for a serious relationship, she says.
>You don't give, getting a job at Sweet Apple Acres being their accountant so that you can stay in Ponyville.
>Applejack is a good friend like that.
>Always so reliable and kind.
>She even takes you out to lunch every week.
>Strangely enough, though, you start to notice something odd.
>Her accent seems to change to something more refined when she around you.
>She eats more daintily and wears her mane up more often.
>It's weird.
>If you weren't an idiot, you'd relive that AJ has feelings for you, and is starting to act more like her fashionista friend in the hopes of catching your eye




> Anon is wandering the Canterlot castle
> A sleazy noblemare approaches with a smirk
> "Hey, let's go somewhere quiet, where we can talk."
> Anon has sudden flashbacks to a van, empty classic rock CD cases, and high pitched giggling
"Uh, no, sorry."
> The noblemare scowls and spits out the word "Fine!"
> As she strides away, Anon blinks
"Whu-what did she want from me?"
> Celestia drops in out of nowhere and invades his personal space
> "SHE WANTED YOUR SWEET GAM GAMS!"
> Five months later, the noblemare is defeated in some magical friendship battle

>Celestia knows what happens in her castle.
>It doesn't matter if she's in the middle of day court or sleeping the night away while it happens.
>It doesn't matter if they were hiding in a broom closet.
>She knows.
>She knows who stole the last slice of cake at dinner.
>She knows who's rutting who. And how good they are at it.
>She knows it all.
>She's the biggest voyeur in Equestria.
>The Canterlot rumor mill don't know shit compared to what she knows






> Pinkie Pie throws a welcoming party for both Anon and Incog 
> Anon naturally gathers a crowd, laughing easily and telling interesting stories
> Incog is happy not to be the center of attention
> Mares do approach him, but he isn't what they expected of a quiet, delicate male
> What kind of colt reads science fiction and fantasy? 
> Why did he study engineering, of all things?
> He hasn't seen the latest movies, so they don't even have that to talk about
> Most of the conversations peter off into silence, and the mare excusing herself
> After the fourth such conversation, Incog is feeling drained
> Pinkie Pie picks up on this almost immediately, and shuffles him over to an adjoining room
> As she closes the door behind her, the sound of the crowd drops to a mumble, and Incog feels his stress level drop by about 20%
> Twilight, Fluttershy, Moondancer, and Maud are seated around a table, moving cardboard tiles and little plastic figurines around
> Pinkie explains what "Reconcilliation at the House on the Hill" is about, and teaches Incog the rules while the girls finish the session they are playing
> As they reset the table, Pinkie smoothly sits Incog at the table and makes introductions
> Twilight greets him cheerily
> Fluttershy mumbles something and nods at him
> Moondancer says something polite, but her eyes are drawn to his beltline
> Maud says the bare minimum, maintaining eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time, then abruptly looking away to fiddle with something in her saddle bags
> Pinkie disappears as the game starts
> Little by little, Incog gets more comfortable with the group
> He plays as the estranged daughter who left for the big city
> Fluttershy plays as the gruff mother, and it's adorable
> Incog kind of gets swept up in it when the rotten tomato bandits attack, and Fluttershy's character's fur may be permanently discolored
> The game ends in a feel-good resolution, and the girls start explaining games to Incog, to see what sounded good to him
> At the end of the night, Pinkie is proud to hear both humans tell her that they had fun at the party






> Marefriend has some odd tastes in the bedroom
> Things like having you give her a disgusted look as you show her your balls
> Or showering her with insults when she pretends to rape you
> You get the feeling she's working through some insecurities and things, so you generally play along
> Every few nights, though, you insist on some sweet lovemaking, full of affection and compliments and cuddling
> She always blushes really hard those nights

>Luna spies on your mare friends dreams
>you wake up as the ponice are taking her away
>"Don't worry sir, this pervert won't hurt you anymore"
>"bucking Luna"

> Luna decides to comfort you after what must have been a traumatic experience
> Sends you little notes wishing you well
> Offers you her tuft to cry into
> Sneaks into your bed at night and cuddles, so you won't feel lonely
> Luna also has a vindictive side
> She sends your marefriend dreams of Luna cuddling with you
> Your marefriend dreads falling asleep
> All this time, you have been making recordings of Luna's activities
> You request a private audience with Celestia, and show her what has been happening
> Celestia apologizes profusely
> Your marefriend is exonerated
> Luna is forced to give a statement to the press that dreams are not admissable evidence in a court of law
> Celestia pleads with your marefriend to keep Luna's advances on you a secret
> It could have a devastating impact on Equestrian diplomacy if one of the princesses is known to use questionable means to court stallions
> Marefriend agrees, with conditions
> Anon spends the next several nights comforting her, helping her deal with nightmares about Luna because they can no longer trust Luna to do so
> Then, every night for a week, Luna has to sit in the corner and watch while Marefriend dominates you in bed
> You say things like how much softer marefriend's fur is than Luna's, and how safe you feel with a real mare in your life
> By the end of it, Luna has a new appreciation for what she saw in Marefriend's dreams
> Because now she can't stop thinking about those same things

> Sunset Shimmer hears about this through Twilight
> Asks to be brought in as moral support for Marefriend
> Sunset wants to boost Marefriend's ego by having Marefriend claim you vigorously in front of two powerful, beautiful mares
> After years on Earth, she thinks it's nice to see mares not get feaked out about other mares watching and being supportive
> Some sort of fetish? Of course not
> Sunset just really likes seeing healthy relationships, she thinks it's sweet and romantic when a mare claims a stallion in front of her


>Anon shows up in RGREQG right after the first movie but before the second movie.
>ends up crashing with Sunset.
>Sunset is still ostracized enough by the other students for her past cuntiness that she latches onto the first person who's friendly to her without being told to like the Humane Five were by Pony Twilight.
>the two of them inevitably end up dating.
>Rainbow Rocks happens and Pony Twilight meets Anon. 
>they hit it off, and Twilight decides to pursue the alien dick
>inb4 Flash Sentry, Twilight didn't initially realize he was a teenager and once she realized that she backed the fuck off out of fear of going to prison.
>anyways, Pony Twilight makes frequent visits to RGREqG to go on dates with Anon and Sunset.
>this also forces Sunset to reconcile earlier with Celestia after prodding from Twilight and Anon
>situation escalates after Rainbow Rocks with Sunset letting the sirens crash at her apartment after finding them homeless and broke.
>they decide to try and get petty revenge by flirting with the mate of two of the girls who defeated them.
>it's been so long since they've been in Equestria that they forgot ponies were a race of cucks. 
>Adagio, Aria, and Sonata discover that they actually enjoy Anon's company once they get to know him.
>so they just shrug and go along with the herding thing.
>then the Friendship Games happen and Human Twi is added to the mix.
>she's initially hesitant of the whole herd dynamic.
>she's already an unpopular nerd, but she doesn't want to be a cuck on top of that. 
>Adagio takes her aside and mentors her a little.
>"Think of it this way. Sunset and your pony self were the ones who suggested this whole thing. Think of it as YOU being the one doing the cucking to them. The two of them certainly like to watch often enough... 
>needless to say, the part of Human Twi that is Midnight really likes this idea.






>Geniepone
>"Aw, great, another colt. I'll get five minutes on the outside, and he'll burn through his wishes with mane-care products and making that filly from horse-school like him."
"Woah, hey. Keep with that lip and I'll wish for you to keep your yap shut."
>"Sorry, colt; I can't grant wishes that impede my ability to grant wishes. It's all in the contract you agreed to abide by when you rubbed my lamp."
"The fuck? Where does it say that? I didn't see any signs!"
>"Look real close on the lamp. See that fine print? 'By rubbing the surface of this lamp regardless of intent to activate its magical powers or otherwise incur the services of this genie, you the consumer agree to etcetera, etcetera'."
"This is bullshit."
>"You know what else is bullshit? Getting picked up just *three times* in the last two centuries, and all by stallions who used me up without so much as a 'whirr burr thank-you-sir'!"
"...wanna watch some TV?"
>"I am contractually obligated to inquire if you are asking that question in the form of a wish."
"No. That just sounds pretty rough, and I honestly need some time to think before I start getting those wishes granted. Wanna watch some TV with me back home until I think of what I want?"
>"...sure, I guess. What's on?"
"Nothing."
>"Lemme see the TV guide."

>ywn chill with a genie while you try and think of your wishes and gradually forget that she's there to grant you shit
>ywn just sorta gain an roommate






>pone version of days of our lives starts
>celestia becomes instantly hooked
>literal generations of actors, directors, and writers come and go and Celestia never loses interest

>In walks Anon.
>Dun dun duuuuuun!
>"Anon! How did you know where to find me!"
>Anon looks directly into the camera as it slowly zooms in.
>"I've always known Biscuit Barron. It's one of the curses... Of being a human."
>Biscuit Barron backs up into a wall.
>"Then, then you must also know my shameful secret... That, that I..."
>Anon leans over him.
>"That you've been trying to destabilize my second secret herd that my first herd doesn't know about, by sending fake love letters to my second home? Yes... Yes I know."
>Biscuit Barron hits the wall.
>"No, no! I may have done that, but you don't know my true secret!"
>At that, he pulls off his horn, letting it fall to the ground.
>"Cake Kisses? No... No it can't be... It can't be you!"
>Cake Kisses rushes forwards, pushing Anon down onto his back.
>"Yes, it's true! I'm really the first mare of your first herd.... Trying to break apart your second herd before the others from the first find out about it! But, even THAT isn't my true, true secret!"
>Anon flails, tears in his eyes.
>"You... You mean...? No! I won't accept it, I always had suspicions, but it can't be!"
>Cake Kisses clenches her eyes shut, before letting out the truth.
>"Yes Anon! The blood tests came back! I AM your sister!"
>--Love in Canterlot will be back after these messages.--

>Celestia stares ahead slack jawed and wide eyed, while holding a six foot long Anon pillow in her hooves.
"I can't believe it just keeps getting better..."

>Anon learned how to speak Equestria surprisingly easy
>he’s fluent enough to get by in everyday life, but he still speaks with an accent
>an accent that is apparently VERY sexy to native Equestrian speakers







>Magic is very closely connected to emotions.
>It's almost impossible to say which one is influencing the other more.
>Magic of friendship, love, even dark magic.
>All are examples of how ponies can use emotions to affect their magic, but they hardly wonder how much the opposite is true.
>Then Anon comes along, and starts passively absorbing the mojo from the ozone.
>The boosts to strength, stamina, and reflexes were cool at first, but then Anon started to notice something strange.
>The slightest things began to get reactions out of him where before he'd hardly care.
>He's laughing boisterously at Rainbow's stupid jokes.
>He feels utter glee when Pinkie surprised him with little baked goods and combat hugs.
>And one day, when he saw a beautiful sunset, he burst into tears.
>It was just so magnificent.
>And what the fuck?
>As soon as he realizes his emotions are going haywire, he goes to Twilight in a wild panic.
>Which doesn't help his case when he tells her he is overemotional and that something is wrong.
>It's just how stallions are, after all.
>Always in a tizzy over something.
>Colts






>The sirens aren't unused to a little licc
>After all when they sang to the sailors of those ships those many years ago, a vast majority of them were female
>The ships would crash on the rocks and they'd have a bit of fun with the seafaring mares before seeing them off safely
>They weren't total monsters after all
>But the lack of dick is actually why they moved inland and subsequently why Starswirl whooped their asses
>The attack on his fellow stallions got his ball bra in a twist
>Fast forward to herding with Sunset and the two Twilights
>This isn't what they asked for
>Sure there's a guy more than willing to put out but the nerds are a type of crazy that no one knows how to handle
>As it would turn out, when you get two desperate horny nerds in a room together they start bouncing ideas off of eachother
>Sometimes fun ones
>Sometimes not
>And their test subjects usually end up being one of the sirens






>Anon knows how to play the cello or some other string instrument
>He's decent, but nowhere near good enough to be considered a professional
>No formal lessons, just picked one up and dicked around with it until he could play music he liked
>Can't even read notes on a scale
>Pops into Equestria as Anons tend to do, and happens to bump into Octavia
"You're a cellist? Neat, I can play one too. Well, sorta."
>She's kind of prickly at first, and she certainly does not appreciate it when Anon admits nobody taught him how to play
>"You are no cellist, sir."
>Unfortunately for Octavia, her roommate Vinyl has tagged along with her and nags Octavia to stop being a quote-unquote "dyke" and let the colt play her cello
>Octavia reluctantly relents under Anon's promises that he won't damage her cello at all and that he'll be very gentle
>Octavia watches and listens
>"Well, he's right about one thing; he was never taught how to play."
>But it's not the sounds he make (I can't stress enough that Anon is an amateur) so much as the way he makes them
>Having been limited by her hooves her whole life, it's fascinating to watch Anon's fingers jump up and down the neck and the bizarre way (to her, at least) he holds onto the frog of the bow
>Reluctantly offers to teach him how to play
>Now, Octavia isn't 100% the most stable pony in the world
>A professional lifetime of being discriminated against by unicorns in Canterlot has cut her career by the hamstrings, which leads to stress
>Her living in a house with a wildly successful unicorn who plays (in her eyes) inferior music just enrages her and makes her painfully aware of how unfair life is
>But now she has a student
>Someone who looks up to her and admires her talent
>Someone who appreciates her for who she is
>Someone with musical interests similar to her own
>"I have a meek, moldable colt in my hooves. Eager to please, and eager to learn from me."
>Octavia becomes just a wee bit obsessed with Anon







>what a naughty colt you are for wearing underwear and socks all day

>Anon is single, but ponies are friendly enough that he frequently entertains guests
>They show up to his door out of the blue, usually with some sort of treat for the two of them to enjoy, and Anon invites them in to watch some horse-TV or listen to the horse-Radio
>Truth be told, a lot of his mare friends visit him as often as they do because life is stressful and it's nice to see a colt who walks around in lingerie (ie woolie socks and undies that are just barely visible) invite them inside and then cuddle with them
>One of them even starts to crush on Anon and wonders if he dresses up sexily just for her





>Humans, an exceedingly rare phenomena. 
>It would be assumed to be a fathers’ tale if proper record keeping hadn’t been done by the night guard.
>Old records created by a disturbed unicorn before the unification, while abhorrent in nature, have proven useful.
>Humans have a large amount of iron in their blood as opposed to ponies that have theirs concentrated in their bones, wings, and horns.
>The result is an extended regenerative magic field created by the blood circulation. 
>This field can affect the area surrounding the human based upon its physical and emotional state. 
>The field is theorized to extend its life indefinitely if no external force causes immediate death to the subject.
>The danger to ponies is not from the strange biology but in the emotional shifts of the human. 
>If the human is distressed ponies in the surrounding area can become fearful, paranoid, or distressed like the human projecting the field.
>Prolonged exposure to a human in this state will lead to long term health effects on the affected ponies.
>In extreme cases of negative emotion the affected pony can experience a total magical misalignment. If proper medical attention is not rendered soon death is the most likely outcome.
>This most recent report of a human in Equestria, specifically the Everfree Forest, has not gone unnoticed by the guard.
>Night guard squad “Screeching Banshees” has been assigned with containment of the subject for further study. Magic suppression equipment has been assigned given the nature of this assignment.
>We are the watchers.

>An older mare in a lab coat stares down at a thick folder of paper, all centered around the newest SCP in their care.
>She sits in the chair of her spacious and darkened office, a crown on her face.
>Turns out the mythical human is much much easier to contain than expected.
>The ever shifting field of magic around him muttled translation spells, but his intentions were clear when one veteran containment agent took the diplomatic route and tried to communicate.
>The human was obviously delighted to be rescued, especially by huggable little bat equines with fluffy ears to play with.
>The eggheads in the research center were going nuts when the veteran agent, who had a cold had her illness clear in minutes during a hug with their charge. 
>A medical examination of the same agent turned up a previously undiagnosed cancerous growth in a lymph node of hers... 
>But the cancer cells were in recession as if she was being treated...
>After that same agent was reassigned to a handler for the SCP and subsequently on the end of much affection, any trace of illness or infirmity fled the handler. 
>Her coat is shiny and soft, senses sharp, a spring that can't be faked in her step, and if the blood tests from her are correct...
>She's ovulating again despite being in her late 40s.
>The mare in the labcoat sighs and shakes her head. 
>Some of the agents and less serious researchers, all randy young mares, joked about eternal youth should they ever lead the human to bed with them.
>A joke to them, a real possibility yet to be tested to her.
>The mare in the labcoat is sorely tempted to label the true power of the human as classified






>Sugar is alcohol to ponies
>Anon has mares over to chat and supplies them with a plate of cookies
>Some ponies go just for the free sugar
>Other ponies feel bad for Anon because they believe he thinks he's so hopeless that he has to bribe ponies with horse-booze just to have friends hang out with him
>One or two thinks he's trying to get some puss by throwing a party
>Either way, Anon ends his get-togethers with a bunch of stumbling, slurring mares who try to start hoof-fights with each other and naturally end the evening in cuddle puddles
>Anon thinks they're just getting drowsy and gets them blankets so that they can nap





>mares developed a stronger sense of smell to hunt stallion mates in ancient times
>every mare can pick up Anon's masculine scent from hundreds or thousands of meters
>everyone can tell exactly where Anon is from far away
>He found it weird how Twilight could always find him to ask things about humans, or how he could never sneak up on anypony or why every mare gave him lewd looks after he relieved himself even if he took a shower or why Rarity and Pinkie always seemed like they were waiting for him when he walked into their business
>"Oh hey nonny, I just baked this for you!"
>"Wow Pinkie you always seem to know when I'm gonna drop here"
>"Don't be silly nonny... I just smell you"
>"Oh th- wait what?"






>Luna thinks she's stolen something dear from Anon and makes it sound so when she confesses to Celestia
>Celestia thinks Luna either fucked or raped a colt and is appealing to the old-fashioned "marry your rape victim" laws from 1000 years ago out of a sense of obligation
>She can't let it out that a PRINCESS possible raped a stallion (male alien ape thing, anyway), so she covers it up and rushes the procedure
>Over the course of about half an hour, Anon finds himself dragged off by a group of mares, dunked into some soapy water, have a suit shoved onto him, and then have his feet planted firmly next to Luna in the closest thing they have to a chapel that was available at that moment
>AKA a small janitor's closet
>They couldn't snatch one away while it was being used, since the point was to avoid drawing attention to themselves
>Anon and Luna are declared horseband and waifu by a half-dressed horse-priest, and a dazed Anon is now laying on his apparent marriage bed while Luna hides in the bathroom and tries not to throw up into the toilet from anxiety
>"Oh mare, oh mare, oh mare, I-I hope I don't cum too soon! Sister would never let me live it down if my damned winking clit betrayed me at my darkest hour and Anon is left hard and disappointed!"
>Meanwhile, Anon is wondering what the fuck just happened and why one of the princesses shoved him into a closet, said "may Faust have mercy on your souls", and then threw him onto what is admittedly the softest bed he's ever been on


>Be Anon
>Appear in Canterlot castle shortly after what the guards refer to in whispers as, "The Return of Nightmare Moon"
>Find a lonely blue horse instead
>Know that ponies like cuddles, so you give her a hug and try to make her feel better
>She goes stiff, but returns the hug awkwardly
>After a few seconds, she leans into you
>Like, all the way into you
>If you hadn't caught yourself in time, you would have been laying on your back with a horse on your chest
>Feel a bit awkward
>Try to pull away
>Luna shakes her head 'no' and grips you tighter
>Celestia finds you an hour or so later in the same position
>Apparently nopony has attempted to even talk to Luna, and the only creature she's had willing contact with in 1000 years is her sister, and you
>She's not exactly eager to let go of you
>Stay in the castle because this is a diplomatic opportunity... but mostly because Luna likes you and insisted on you staying
>Life goes on as usual (as usual as it can)
>You and Luna bond over being strangers in a strange land
>You and Luna hug it out a bunch
>She's pretty clingy, but it's cute
>Hear whispers of 'Nightmare Moon ensnaring an innocent colt' and 'dark magic bending that hoo-man stallion to her will'
>Give Luna extra hugs for that





>Jumping into herd life was something new for you
>On one hand, these three were very nice to you
>On the other, none of you knew what you were doing, what with them either being old fashioned, uninformed, or Twilight in her first relationship
>And then there's you dating three girls at once
>What do you even do there?
>You decide to just roll with it and treat them as best you can and figure it out as you go
>This includes carrying around a bag of sugar cubes, trying to carry them around which you can do with Twilight and sometimes Luna, and dragging them back to bed when they overwork themselves
>The other two act oddly when you get the sugar cubes out but Luna sure gets excited

>Twilight overanalyzes it and comes to the conclusion that eating out of another's hand is very intimate to humans, so she accepts the treat and gladly nuzzles your hand while enjoying it. 
>Celestia isn't really sure what to make of it, but follows along for fear of offending.
>Luna just likes sugar. For once there's no old meaning to the gesture







>Death comes to visit one day
>Anon goes to give her a hug, cause being Death she probably doesn't get many hugs.
>Plus, he's extremely thankful for his extended life he gets to share with his horse wives.
>It's been a while for her, and seeing the gesture, she quickly throws herself into the hug.
>The princesses notice and cry out, but its too late.
>Death jumps into Anon's arms.
>To which Anon promptly falls down, dead.
>Oh yeah, that's why she hasn't been hugged in a while.
>Promptly makes her exit

>Reaper Pone is still a cool gal and is still a stickler for the rules
>And there are rules against accidentally taking a soul
>It takes her a bit but she eventually returns with the ghostly apparition of Anon
>It took her awhile to work up the nerve to see the girls again
>Unfortunately she did so about a month after she killed him
>While a ponies body could be repaired with magic, the delicate brain tissue was still unknown to equine medicine
>So this leaves the ghostly Anon floating around the halls to cause mischief and have fun with his herd
>Some of that fun including the ghost licc
>Twilight is debating whether she should build him a body to contain the lewd or just let him keep going

>Uses his over engineered body to shoot Twi/Celly/Luna plushys out of his cannon at ponies bothering his herd
>Changes what he's firing based on who's being bothered
>Also has a sugarcube dispenser and small bar in the torso region that Luna makes frequent use of
>Twilight made a small storage space in one of his legs for books so she can sit in his lap and read to everyone
>Celestia wanted a small oven to be added, but settled on having cakes be stored with Lunas booze
>Precision tools for preening wings and brushing manes in the remaining free hand






>Happy stallion, happy battalion 
>This comes from the days of 'battle herds' something almost entirely forgotten to time.
>In times of war if there were any fillies or colts to a family, it would be a mare that would stay behind instead of a stallion.
>This was not mandatory, but there was a large reward payed out to the family if the stallion was lost.
>Battle herds were rather rare due to their nature, but the few that existed were sent to the vanguard.
>With the bigger, stronger stallion acting as an anchoring point, his battledancers could get to work.
>Battledancers would generally be lighter equipped than their stallion just so they could get in and out of danger faster.
>The idea of a battledancer is raw speed and damage and to use their stallion as a shield as well as a battering ram for heavier targets.
>Battle herds of differing tribes would have wildly differing effects.
>Earth pony herds, amplified with the harmony magic to act as one, could cause land slides and create small fissures in the earth.
>The pegasi would fly in formation with the stallion at the center, who wore special armor.
>With the magic coursing through the herd, the 3-4 pegasi don't even need a cloud for a lightning strike as lightning would leap from the stallion to designated targets.
>Unicorn herds never saw the front lines and were by far the most terrifying.
>They were trained in illusion spells and would be given coordinates and a target.
>Once they reached their location, they would prepare to fire an artillery barrage.
>Mobile artillery that could be set up and firing from any direction had any attacking force naturally jumpy.
>After Equestria finally found it's peace, the idea of battleherds were put to rest.






>Anon was 99% sure that he was being seduced by an honest to goodness vampony and that he should try to slip away.
>... But she was hot as fuck, and those plump, ruby-red lips looked really, really nice.
>An hour later, he was on his back in his bed, frame frail and pale do to lack of blood.
>Who knew getting your precious life fluids drained from your cock after a mind blowing blowjob could extend the pleasure so much.
>As it was, he would be passing into the afterlife with a dumb smile on his face.
>"So, mortal, how was it?" the vampony purred as she slid her body up his.
>Absently, he notices she feels burning hot through her fur, and he figures that must be his warmth now coursing through her veins.
"Awesome..." he wheezes. "Totally worth it."
>Her lips, now stained with more than just lipstick, halts above his as she blinks surprised down at him.
>She smiles, and snorts a small laugh.
>"Even now, you are still amusing, colt. I almost regret our eternal parting after tonight."
"Eh," he breathes, light fading from his eyes. "I'm not. There are worse ways to die than after a night with a beautiful mare, even if she's a vampire... and we didn't get past the foreplay."
>She looks surprised again.
>"You are lucid enough to understand my true nature and your impending demise, and yet you still speak so kindly of me?"
"It's only the truth."
>Her lips form a thin line as she stares down into his slowly closing eyes, then she huffs, and pushes herself into a seated position.
>"Truly, you are far too charming for your own good, colt. Now I feel guilty- a rare state to be in for one as old as I."
"Sorry."
>You might be," she says, biting into her fetlock with razor sharp fangs. "For it is only you who can decide whether this is a dark gift... or a curse. Drank."
>Anon is hardly aware when warm liquid dribble into his mouth and collect in the back of his throat, and he instinctively swallows without thought.
>It was the last thing he would do as a mortal.

>When Anon next awoke, it was a bit of a shock.
>Besides not expecting it, he had quickly been informed that he was, in fact, one of the living dead.
"Just like that?" he had asked, looking himself over. "I'm a vampire now?"
>"Yes," the mare said simply, sitting on the windowsill and staring into the night with her red, slitted eyes.
>Anon couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was with her white, flowing mane and immaculate grey coat.
>She looked even better than she had at the bar, in fact.
>Almost glowing, as apposed to the paler-than-paper look he now sported.
"I guess I thought it'd be more... dramatic, is all. Like, thrashing around and painful."
>She rolls her eyes and looks at him.
>"We're vampires, colt, not werewolves. The only painful part of our transformation is our fangs coming. Teething is the closest analog, and it doesn't last long."
>Anon blinks.
"... Huh, like a baby."
>"Accurate, I suppose, since you have effectively been reborn. You are a vampire foal."
>Anon chuckles.
"Well, hopefully I'll get to skip the shitting and pissing my pants phase. I'd rather not wear diapers."
>"That depends on if you get to the bathroom in time," the mare says, smirking.
>Anon raises an eyebrow, mouth open to ask what she meant, but it snaps shut as his stomach gurgles, and he makes a mad dash towards his bathroom.
>As he groans and the sound of devastation fills the room, the mare chuckles and approaches the door.
"Jesus... What the fuck's with the diarrhea?" he moans.
>"The dead do tend to void their bowels, you know," she says casually. "You have no need for solid food, anymore, so your body is getting rid of it."
>Anon grumbles, but doesn't speak again until he's done ten minutes later.
"Okay... that was fucked," is all he says as he stands on shaking legs. "I feel like I shit out some bones."
>"Had we actually planned this whole affair, I'd have suggested fasting before the transformation," the mare says, her eyes filled with mirth.

"Would have been appreciated," grumbles Anon as he went back to the bed and slumped down. "Don't spring that kind of crap on a guy. Figuratively and literally."
>She frowns.
>"Yes, it was all quite sudden. I apologize for that."
"Yeah? What part? Killing me, or making me a vampire?"
>"Certainly not the former," she answers matter-of-factly. "A mare has to eat, and you were making yourself positively scrumptious with all of that hard cider you were flooding your veins with."
>She licks her lips.
>"I did so love apple cider when I was still alive."
"Right..." Anon comments, raising a brow. "Good to know I was properly seasoned to be your meal."
>"No need to get sassy with me," she says with a huff. "I could have left you a husk, you know."
"Why didn't you?" Anon shoots back. "Seemed like that was the plan, right?"
>Surprisingly, the mare blushes.
>"Yes," she admits. "But I changed my mind."
>She looks into his eyes.
>"You changed it for me."
"My memories a bit foggy-"
>"You were ready to die, weren't you?" she accuses suddenly, climbing up on the bed to bring her eyes closer to his. "And yet still, you were not angry with me, or the world, or really anything. You were just... resigned."
>Anon leans back, jaw tense.
"Don't know how you came to that conclusion, but-"
>"Don't deny it," she hisses, coming closer even as Anon continued to lean back. "I know those dying, resigned eyes all too well to not have recognized them in you."
>Anon is on his back, the mare's muzzle an inch from his nose.
"How?"
>"Mine were the same," she answers simply. "When I was still alive."
>A smile tugs at her lips.
>"It wasn't until I was dead, that I found a reason to live, and so now, I give you that same opportunity."
"You expecting a thanks, Pearl-?"
>"Spinel, actually," she interrupts with a smile. "You should know my real name, seeing as how we'll be spending much time together."
"Doing what?"
>"Well, to begin, you did make a comment about not getting past foreplay, earlier."






>Anon is batshit insane.
>Rather, he has issues.
>Despite events like chasing after Lyra through Ponyville ass-naked with a shoe, screaming at the top of his lungs and wearing warpaint of ketchup and mustard, everypony just casually brushes it off as either a ''human thing'', ''coltish whimsy'', or a combination of the two.
>Well, she did steal his underwear, after all.
>The deviant!
>While everypony else just laughs off such shenanigans, one pony, the newly-arrived Starlight, doesn't.
>She fully recognizes that he's a dangerous nut.
>Unfortunately, her new friends and the Ponyville folk seem to think she's interested in the lunatic.
>...And try to set them up. Repeatedly.
>It becomes even worse when a visiting Love Horse becomes involved.
>Twilight knows too, and is trying to help rehabilitate Starlight *and* calm down Anon by hooking them up (the ol' sexist ''only needs a man to keep them happy'' thing in reverse), killing two birds with one stone.
>Poor GlimGlam


> Be Anonygdala, hexbane soldier 5417
> You open your eyes for the first time in decades
> Feeling slowly returns to your limbs
> You idly wonder what crisis has arisen
> Looking around the crypt, none of your brother soldiers have awakened
> Even stranger, Celestia isn't here, only some earth pony filly with a yellow coat and a curly black mane
> You stare at her expectantly
> She offers a jar of pickles
> "Mister, could you open this?"
> You comply automatically
> The jar opens with a pop
"Why was I awakened?"
> The filly accepts the jar with a smile
> "Mommy is off talking to the dragon queen and-"
> Ah, dragons
> It's been a while, but they are a worthy opponent
> "-said to wake up one of her sons of war if I had an emergency."
> ...
> You stare down at this foal, and now you can see her little canines, and black is an odd hair color for ponies
"Is your father Primarch Nito?"
> The filly fishes for a pickle, pausing to say, "Yep!"
> She starts munching on it happily
> Looks like the crossbreeding program finally succeeded
> You crouch down 
"So what is the emergency?"
> She blinks, then points at the jar
> ...
"Is that all?"
> The filly swallows her food
> "Um, wanna play hide and seek?"
> You can't help smiling
"Sure."
> A break like this is nice, every once in a while





>Starlight Glimmer is one of the goth kids at Canterlot High
>would be spending most of her time smoking on the roof or behind the school if there wasn't a crackdown on that type of behavior by Celestia and Luna
>already somewhat jaded due to deadbeat mom leaving her and her dad when she was six, combined with childhood best friend moving away forever a year afterwards 
>Sunset Shimmer's reign over the school just lowered her opinion of other people even further.
>then everything changed once she realized magic was real when Sunset turned into a literal demon during the Fall Formal
>it wasn't just cheap fake shit that she and the other goths bought off the internet 
>Starlight had long since realized that the world was an unfair, shitty place to live in... but what if it wasn't?
>what if she acquired magic of her own, so much of it that no one would be able to stop her, and used it to change the entire world for the better?
>so she started to work towards this goal in secret, her once-neglected vast intelligence being put into overdrive as she researched magic
>she watched from the shadows as the Rainbooms took on the Dazzlings, Midnight Sparkle, Gloriosa Daisy Juniper Montage, Wallflower Blush, and Vignette Valencia
>she built her own magic gathering device, similar in function to the one used by the human Twilight Sparkle
>it got to the point where she didn't even go to school anymore unless she knew something magical was going to happen there so she could observe and gather data
>Starlight knew she was on the verge of a breakthrough, and soon she'd show them all!
>...that is until her stupid, overbearing father decided to actually be a parent for once and confiscated her equipment
>he wouldn't give it back unless she started going to school regularly again
>so she grumbled and rolled with the punches, going to class while doodling plans in her notebooks to deal with it
>that's when she met him, Anonymous
>the new male transfer student

>the moment he laid eyes on her, Anon knew she was just as dangerous as the pony Starlight Glimmer
>they both had that same kind of insane resolve 
>Anon was already reluctant about moving to this new 'human' dimension on Princess Twilight's suggestion after failing to really find a place in Equestria.
>ponies were just too weird for him.
>plus by Twilight's own admission, Equestrian magic was slowly leaking into this place and causing all sorts of chaos that would make Discord get out the popcorn to watch
>still, it at least RESEMBLED home, reversed gender roles and technicolor humans aside.
>Anon knew one thing though. 
>he had to stop this version of Starlight Glimmer from pulling off the same kind of crazy shit as her pony counterpart.
>and what better way, then by becoming her friend?
>the ponies always said he was kind bad at the whole 'friendship magic' deal, but this was a pretty good idea if he said so himself





>Aside from the 'herd' thing, Sunset is pretty vanilla in the bedroom.
>It takes a little (or a lot of) coaxing to get her to go along with most of the kinkier ideas coming from the Sparkle side of the relationship.
>It's not that she's afraid of being called a dyke.
>A good herd sister is supposed to be willing to join in and participate.
>Shimsham could even be called enthusiastic when it came to that.
>But she'd been talked into doing a little dirty mind reading with her herd.
>A way of 'expanding their horizons' they'd called it.
>It seemed like a good idea to her.
>At the time.
>She already knew it on some level, this just confirmed Anonymous was far lewder than most stallions, and most human boys too.
>And he had a few things he was nervous about revealing, but nothing too shocking.
>Her lovable dorky purple herdsisters on the other hand, had some seriously deviant fantasies hiding away.
>She'd seen things that weren't even possible without magic and abusing the laws thereof, and possibly not even then.
>Some of them were fun to think about, but didn't seem like they'd be a good idea to actually try.
>Others she tried not to think about at all






>Anon, new and unsure of the strange society he's in, is need of a service.
>It's been a month, but, before that, it had been five back on Earth since his last haircut.
>He had been planning on going to the barber before he suddenly got sucked into a new world, and now his hair is constantly hanging in his eyes.
>With few options besides cutting it himself, he goes to the first place he can find that cuts hair.
>There are a lot of stallions coming in and out, so he figures it's a safe bet.
>Walking in, he is quickly seated by a stallion hairdresser, who then proceeds to ask him what he wants.
>Anon doesn't exactly know.
>A trim is too vague for the stallion, and he presses for more.
"Just... whatever looks good, I guess. You're the hairdresser, after all. I'm sure you know what you're doing."
>Thus, Anon leans back and relaxes.
>The feeling of a comb through his hair, the gently tugs at his scalp, the sound of buzzers and scissors sniping.
>These things have always been strangely calming to him, and he enters almost a trance like state as the stallion works.
>It's with a wakeful jerk that he comes to after the haircut is finished.
>"Aaand... Ta-da! What do you think, hun? Fabulous, right?"
>Anon blinks as the chair is spun around and he looks at his hair.
>His poor, maimed hair.
>He has a mohawk cut into his once too-long locks.
>It drapes daintily to one side and curls stylishly.
>He looks like a metrosexual punk.
>Instead of saying this, he forces a tight smile.
"Yeah... Fabulous... Thanks."
>"Oh, I just knew you'd love it!" the stallion sings. "Now you get out there and show off! And if anypony asks, tell them Zephyr hooked you up!"
"Will do."
>He would definetly warn people away from this stallion, right after he shaved his head.
>As he hurries home, Anon is expecting laughter, but surprisingly, he gets a few whistles and cat calls instead.
>Compliment after compliment for his snazzy mane-cut.
>Anon is confused, but maybe he won't need his clippers after all.

>By the end of the day, Anon is feeling confident in a way he hasn't since arriving in Equestria.
>It's not just the compliments, either, though they help.
>It's that ponies seem more comfortable around him, now.
>It's hard to believe that a simple haircut could make such a difference, but it has.
>He was always looked at like a alien before, which is accurate, and sometimes, even a little fear.
>He doesn't realize it, but getting a "pony" mane cut makes him more familiar to the ponies.
>Plus, his tall stature and often shadowed eyes due to his messy mop of hair made him intimidating.
>Now, though, his eyes are on display, and his growing positive attitude is making ponies more relaxed around him.
>Also, his clearly stallion mane-style broadcasts clearly that he is, indeed, a stallion, and thus hardly something to fear.
>Really, it should have been obvious with all the clothes he wears.
>Speaking of, when Anon gets home, he digs through his closet for his nicest outfit, and readies himself to do something he should have done a while ago.
>Go out and socialize.
>Feeling more confident, Anon wants to go out and mingle with the locals, and what better way than to go to a nice bar and have a few drinks?
>Maybe he'll even make some friends?






>you will never be stalked by Bon Bon while she makes sure you're not dangerous to ponykind
>you will never eventually fall in love and get together
>you will never eventually discover a drawer she has that's filled with dozens of sketches of your cock and balls
>"I made those for research, Anon. RESEARCH! How was Celestia supposed to trust my findings if I couldn't even prove I had gotten close enough to touch you?!"
"D-Did you make those drawings when I moved into your place?!"
>"...no, I made them before I introduced myself to you."
"What."






> Be Mirror Bright, a regular at the Captain Planet Cafe
> Ever since first contact, more and more humans have been showing up in Nipon
> There's all sorts of butler waiters at the CPC, two crackers, a nigger, three japs, and a beaner
> You have your eye on one of the crackers, Australianon
> He was the first to call out to you on the street, and he is always happy to chat when there aren't any other customers waiting
> You aren't sure if it's true, but there is also a rumor that humans from Australia like to put their thumbs up ponys' butts
> N-not that that's why you are trying to get closer to Australianon, but you are sort of interested...
> Unfortunately, the cafe has rules against customers asking out the waiters
> As you walk into the cafe, you notice a flier 
> "Now hiring! All species and genders welcome!"
> You know what to do






>Anon sleeps on the edge of the bed while Fluttershy is in the middle.
>The two are really close and love snuggling.
>They almost spend more intimate time together than with Anon.
>What are they, gay? Haha!
>... Yes.
>Yes they are.
>The dark truth is that the two only settled down with the residential ugly stallion under the guise of a herd because they wanted to be together under one roof and in one bed without being judged by other ponies.
>Being a lesbian is hard.
>Anon was just an easy smoke screen as he was desperate for love

>Anon never had the highest self esteem
>Even back on Earth, he wasn't that good looking
>Despite the reality of the situation, Anon's just thrilled that he's getting positive attention
>"I mean, sometimes we'll ALL go out for dinner instead of just the two of them! They laugh at my jokes, and-and Rarity always insists on covering the bill, and then we go back home to watch a movie on the couch! I usually fall asleep before the movie's over, though, and by then they've already gone to bed."
>Anon's such a sad sack that he's managed to convince himself that this is the ideal situation
>"I know I'm not... y'know, the best looking, right? And these two mares are my friend. So, they get to be together, and I get some cuddles out of it. Sometimes Rarity even gives me tips on how to get mares to notice me. I mean, you know, they probably won't work for me, but she's trying and I appreciate that."
>Wake me up inside
>Can't wake up

> Rarity and Fluttershy try to be nice
> They can see the lies and the lack of intimacy is taking a toll on Anon
> They cuddle with more often
> They peck him on the cheek spontaneously
> He joins them for spa trips
> Anon feels like he is loved, in a platonic sort of way
> One day, Fluttershy sneaks into his room to put a thoughtful thank you card on his pillow
> While she is there, she is surprised to hear Rarity humming in their bedroom
> She had no idea how things the walls were, since she and Rarity never heard anything from Anon's side
> Abruptly, she realizes Anon has heard every night of their passionate love making





>It's ridiculous.
>She's only in her early-twenties.
>These things aren't supposed to happen.
>And yet, here she is, in the hospital after a heart attack.
>Sure, it was only a minor one, and she recognized the symptoms fast enough to get help immediately, but still.
>She could have died.
>Little exercise and poor diet were contributors her doctor tells her.
>Also her tendency to spazz out and stress.
>Staying up 48 hours to study for an exam that she was desperate to ace in her college course had pushed her heart that one step over the line.
>And now her entire life has been put into perspective.
"You really should be sleeping, Twilight," Anon says, entering her room with a soda in hand.
>She smiles weakly.
>"I can say the same to you," she says. "You really don't need to stay with me, Anon. I'm fine."
"I don't have anything else going on," he answers. "I'll pass my finals, and I'm not stressing to get perfect scores. C's earn degrees, after all."
>She frowns.
>"You should always try your best, Anon. I hate how girls always expect you to be some airhead- you're smart, even smarter than me sometimes. If you applied yourself more...."
>The young man rolls his eyes.
"Yes, Mom, I know."
>"I'm serious-"
"And I was serious about you getting sleep," he cuts off, expression stern. "Heck, not doing that is what landed you in that bed in the first place."
>Twilight's eyes fall.
>"Yeah, that and my lifestyle choices, apparently."
"Hey, don't take what the doctor said so seriously," Anon says, voice and expression becoming gentle.
>"And why shouldn't I," she asks. "They're medical professionals, Anon. They went to school for years to know the human body better than anyone."
"Plenty of people live... sedentary lifestyles, and they live just fine."
>"Statistically, that's not exactly true."
"Twi-"
>"No," she says, fingers curling into her blanket. "No excuses. I did this to myself, and I have to take responsibility for it."
>She swallows and fights back the tears.
>"Because if I don't, then next time I might not be so lucky."
"Twilight," Anon breathes, moving close to kneel by her bed, loosening the fingers of one of her clenched hands to hold it in his own. "Don't do this to yourself. Not now. You heart doesn't need the extra stress."
>"Because it's weak," she counters with a sniffle. "Because I always shirked exercising and eating right... Anon, I don't want to die young."
"And you won't-"
>"I will, if I don't make changes," she interrupts, looking up into his eyes. "I don't want that. I want to live a long life. I want to spend time with my friends and family... I want to grow old with you."
>Anon is taken aback by this.
"Um, Twilight..."
>She rubs at her eyes with her free hand and gives a watery smile.
>"I was going to wait until after I got my doctorate, but... Anon, I want to marry you."
>Anon is stunned.
"Is... are you proposing right now? Because, uh, the answers yes, but..."
>She giggles.
>"I know, It's unconventional. I don't even have a ring."
>She's blushing brightly now.
>"You wouldn't believe how happy it makes me to hear your answer... but it's not a proposal. Not yet, at least. Anon, I want you to be my husband, but I want to be healthy for you first, so we can live long, happy lives together."
>It's Anon's turn to smile as he huffs a little laugh.
"That's motivation enough for me," he says, standing up. "It's decided then. I, Anon, will be your personal coach to get you into shape... Then we get married."






>Anon asks Rarity and Twilight to fool around for him one night while he's recovering after blowing his load.
>They think it's weird, but give after he keeps prompting.
>Anon was always into lesbian porn back home, and seeing the two mares he loves like this gets him back to diamonds in no time.
>Meanwhile, by their stallion's direction, Twilight horn fucks her herd mate.
>This is so awkward, but she can't deny that it does feel pretty good.
>Rarity would have to agree, the tingling of magic and feeling of the spiral ridges against her velvety walls pushing her towards an orgasm.
>Twilight beats her to the punch, however, and splooges inside her friend.
>Before Rarity can be annoyed at being denied her own release, Anon practically leaps into action, positioning himself behind her as Twilight falls back, and thrusts into her.
>condensed magic erupts from around his member as he plows the prissy unicorn with a feral intensity, and Rarity quickly reaches her peak, along with several more before Anon adds his own fluid to the sloshing mix inside her womb.
>There was always a thrill when he did that, especially when she was in heat, as she was now.
>The thought of being seeded and with foal was a delicious one, but there was no real risk of it with Anon.
>It had already been determined that he could not get a pony pregnant.
>Or, so they thought.
>Turns out that, with a strong enough magical boost, his little swimmers could get the job done.
>This little piece of knowledge would come to light in a few months when Rarity realized she was putting on a bit of weight in the middle.
>Boy, this would add a awkward twist to the "Where do foals come from" explanation down the road.






>Anon and Luna frequently pick fights with one another and hate-fuck.
>It drives Celestia and the other palace staff to despair at the property damage and disturbances.
>...And walking in on them without knowing her sister had ''company''.
>One day, everyone notices that one or both of them is/are acting completely unlike themself/selves.
>Anon acting feminine, or both acting like they're in love.
>Looks like the changelings didn't do their research.
>With their plot rumbled before it could even really begin, they search for the two.
>Luna and Anon treat their captivity as a mini-vacation.
>They also had a heart-to-heart, and decide to try and be a normal couple.
>It's freaking everyone out, and Celestia and company vow to break the changelings' obvious magical influence on their minds,
>Anon and Luna are exasperated no-one believes them

>changelings used a spell to encourage them to be lovey dovey with each other in order to produce more ambient food / calm them down.
>With regular couples it pretty much makes them dead to the world outside of their partner.
>With these two they're just a bit more affectionate.
>They can fight it, but it's actually pretty nice to just sit and cuddle without either of your crippling autism getting in the way






>have two children with Celestia, a boy and a girl
>the boy is the elder and is the first crowned prince of Equestria in centuries, if not millenia
>he's constantly besieged by thirsty mares trying to get into his pants and royal title
>despite being the younger child, Celestia still tasks her daughter with protecting her older brother
>cue adorable little sister with sword and shield defending his honor
>maybe literally





>Diamond dog society is a lot like a dwarven
>The dogs live in massive underground strongholds
>These strongholds have a good number of clans, the leaders of which are the oldest bitches
>They are miners, fighters of unseen horrors, and craftspeople whose skills are unrivaled by any other race
>They are also known to keep grudges for eons if needed
>One of their holiest books is the Dammaz Kron, or Book of Grudges, which sits at the foot of the High Queen's throne in the holy capital
>Honor is everything to these dogs, wealth is second
>Wealth in weapons, wealth in gems, and wealth in males
>To find a healthy male and bring them back to the clan is seen as a mighty great honor to the bitch that can do it
>One of the larger strongholds in Equestria, Karak Furgon, lies underneath a rich valley of gems
>Because of a grudge from many years ago-- a grudge that not even the princesses remember-- the dogs want nothing to do with ponies
>The only times they deal with them is when a mare is captured trying to steal gems and they're forced to labor under the eyes of the clan's mutts, something which is seen as the ultimate dishonor
>Because of this, stallions are seen as off limits, which makes is very difficult to find a male that isn't from another clan
>The competition is fierce, and many grudges have been made because of this scarcity
>Bitches have begun looking far and wide to court anything and everything that wasn't a pony
>Frea Longtail, daughter of the Iron Claw clan was just minding her own business trying to find some emeralds to eat when your dumb ass feel through a hole
>You're not hurt as far as she can tell
>From your smell you're also obviously a male
>Hopefully you like thicc doggos fella







>Celestia, or should she say, Sunny Skies, has a hangover.
>She remembers Luna pushing her out of the castle, saying she needed a day off after she nearly bit a noble's head off in her overworked, ornery state.
>She remembers going to Twilight's castle since it was close and hand plenty of spare rooms, plus she would get to spend some time with her former student.
>She remembers Twilight being called away by the map along with one of her friends to solve a friendship problem, and her left alone with Spike.
>She remembers reading two dozen comics with the one drake before it was his bedtime and she was left alone in a big, quiet crystal castle.
>Starlight was spending the night at Trixie's caravan, and Celestia was bored.
>She remembers having the brillaint idea of going out to have a few drinks.
>She remembers wanting to enjoy the night without the social pressures of being a princess, and so dawning a unicorn disguise.
>She remembers the bar, and the first few drinks of hard cider.
>She remembers the tall, bipedal creature with the thick, muscled arms.
>She also remembers the pudgy belly and plump tush.
>She remembers thinking those arms would be great for carrying lots of foals, and the rest being fun for making said foals.
>She remembers the two shots of liquid courage before approaching him, and thinking he had the most beautiful eyes when he turned to her after ordering him a drink.
>She might remember being a little too hoovsy, and she doesn't remember at all how she ended up in this strange bed.
>She wishes she did, though, because when she turns over, she comes muzzle to cute, button nose with the colt from last night.
>Her wide-eyes trail down his slumbering features to his bare chest, where she involuntarily licks her lips.
>Those are some nice pecs.
>And are those nipples?
>Exotic.
>And kinky.
>A yawn has her eyes snapping back up as the colt awakens.
>He blinks a few times, then focuses on her face.
>He smiles.
"Hey babe. Enjoy last night?"






>Anon ends up in the Kirin village instead of ponyville.
>Anon thought that the Kirin were incapable of speech rather then taking an oath of silence.
>Anon would communicate with a chalkboard with the Kirin because 'when in Rome, do what the Romans do.'
>After the sound of silence episode, he returns to the village to find everyone talking.
>Anon is relieved.
>Until because of the amount of time not talking, the Kirin have no 'mental filter' and just spew the first thing to cross their mind

>ywn a kirin who happily babbles about how much she missed you, how you're doing, how badly she wants to shove her face into your crotch and motorboat your balls, wonders if you want to get some lunch because she was just on the way to get something to eat
"What?"
>"What, you don't like sandwiches? You should cum in my sandwich. Why are they called sandwiches? There's no sand in'em! I sure do like cake. Oh, here's the place I was going to eat at, c'mon Anon!"





>Someone has been stealing candy from BonBon's shop, and she is going to find out who.
>Her stallion, Anon, and herdmate, Lyra say she's paranoid, but she knows better.
>Not knowing exactly what one has available to them during a hunt could be fatal.
>Once, she had been separated from her group during a mission, and had to ration out her food and water supply to last for the entire hike back to the nearest base.
>She finished her supply half an hour before making it home.
>And now was no different.
>She keeps exact count of every candy in her store, and some foal has been pilfering at least three sweets a day.
>How is she supposed to feed her family if her means of income is being stolen?
>Lyra's work is too inconsistent, and BonBon refuses to let her daughter, Gumdrop, go a day without three square meals and two healthy snacks.
>And so, BonBon has taken drastic measures.
>She placed a special concoction in some decoy candies that will turn the tongue and lips of whoever eats it bright blue.
>It's fool proof.
>Now to wait.
"BonBon!" Anon calls from another room. "Something's wrong with Gumdrop! Oh God! Her lips are turning blue!"
>... What?
>Anon comes running in, panic clear on his face even as their six-year-old seems unbothered by her azure mouth.
"I thought she was choking and pried her mouth open, and her tongue's blue, too! Is this some sort of horrible pony disease?!"
>BonBon doesn't answer
>She's too busy staring at Anon's blue lips.
>"...It was you, Anon? You've been stealing candy?" she asks, feeling betrayed. "And you've been giving it to our daughter? You know I keep her on a strict diet to insure optimal development!"
"Wh-what?"
>She points a hoof
>"I made those candies to catch the thief! It's what turned your mouth blue! I can't believe you went behind my back, broke our daughter's diet, and called me paranoid about it all!"
The room is silent, then Lyra walks in, lips blue as she stares at the scene
>"Wow, what happened? And why are their lips blue?"





>"Hello, Anon. My name is-"
>The robot emits a loud buzzing noise and its eyes flash through words like a slot machine.
>With two clicks, it settles on two words; one in each eye
>Summer, and Coconut.
>The robot mare's eyes return to their normal irises and she smiles up at you, behaving for all the world as though that shit didn't just go down.
>"-Summer Coconut. It's a pleasure to meet you."
>You are Anon, and you don't know why this thing popped out of a box that was left on your doorstep.
"...n-nice to, uh... meet you too?"
>You rub the back of your head, wondering where the hidden cameras are.
"I guess?"
>Is someone about to run out and yelled 'pranked' at you?
>The mare just nods happily and trots over to you.
>"I just want to let you know, Anon, that I am engineered to have life-like fur and synthetic flesh that has been demonstrated to be virtually identical to their organic counterparts in multiple double-blind studies."
>She rubs up against your legs, and you're surprised at how warm she is.
>"The body heat was how our engineers solved the heat-discarding problem that would normally cause my systems to overheat. Instead of having a big thermal port under my tail-"
>Servos whirr as her facial features twist to one that is distinctly uncomfortable.
>"-the inclusion of which caused several... unfortunate accidents among some of our more eccentric volunteer testers-"
>The robot perks up again and happily wags its tail.
>"-my engineers have decided to instead distribute it to a series of copper wires underneath my skin to give me life-like warmth, and to also double as a central nervous system. Neat, huh?"
>...
>Why do you have a robot now?







We could actually combine this with robopone stuff.
>Anon ended up lost in the northern reaches of Equestria
>After finding shelter from the cold he started to dig around
>And dug straight into an ancient, forgotten castle
>He starts to dig around that but is much more careful since he doesn't want to break a leg or something
>Finds what looks like a lab with a massive collection of books
>Digs into them and finds out it's magic shit
>Figures he may as well give it a shot
>Eats cave moss and any crabs that crawl out of the frigid underwater lake as he tries to construct the robo pone
>It has a couple of features but the most important one is too simply keep the area around it at a specific temperature
>The next most important is the digging equipment since he used nearly all the materials on the first one
>Anon waits with baited breath as the magic courses through the construct hoping beyond hope it works
>At last the blue energy stops its dancing and settles into the two pools the golem used for eyes
>The first thing it does after activation is say hello to which the deprived Anon could do nothing but hug the cold metal form






>Equestria, being a land built on cartoon logic and the rules of drama, has had a problem lately
>Contrary to popular belief, harmony doesn't mean peace, it refers primarily to cycles, particularly 22 minute cartoon plot cycles with the occasional 2-parter in Equestria's case
>With the new elements absolutely cleaning house and ruining shit the past few years, and the new Princess of Friendship achieving harmony levels that shouldn't be possible, reality is fraying a bit at the seams
>That's where Anon comes in
>Literally, he falls through a hole in reality
>He gets dem bots, they're fucking boring
>Pals around with the crystal empire after a while
>Twilight needs a date, Equestria needs a villian, Anon needs to do something with his Army
>Obvious solution? Friendly game of capture the princess
>Shining even gets a division of bots to buffer his own forces in the greatest game of "Capture the Flag" ever devised
>This is gonna be like, a 3-parter at least

>Chrysalis joins in at some point to make this image relevant






>"Okay, geez."
>"So, Anon likes that nerd horseapples, right?"
>"Octopuses and Ogres, or something."
>"Only nerds like that game, so that leaves out all of my friends, except for Twil."
>"Twilight's have another, uh... 'friendship lesson' with Starlight, so where does that leave me?"
>"Hmmm.... well, some of Twi's friends are coming over from Canterlot."
>"Maybe they're eggheads like her!"
>"Maybe I can do something for them in exchange for them teaching me how to play that game!"
>"Then me and one of those mares can cuddle with Anon and he'll, uh..."
>"B-B-Boop my snootle~"
>"Or even... h-hold my hoof..."
>Rainbow just wants to get together with her cool alien friend but she doesn't know how






>Wrestling in Equestria
>A bunch of mares fucking LOVE it
>It's exactly like 80s/90s wrestling, with storylines and STALLIONS who never ever break character - Anon plays it straight with the sexes just like in his world
>No mare thinks it's gay and a few stallions even like it because even the daintiest stallions secretly lust for bloodsport
>Anon, who liked that shit back home, surprises his friends when he reveals that he's the owner of the stadium and head interim coach trying to whip the prissies who signed up into shape so that they can play the role and entertain the hungry masses







>"It never gets old, y'know?"
>Rainbow scuffs the ground with a forehoof, looking a little bit shy and a tiny bit uncomfortable.
>"I just... every morning I roll over in bed, and I lose myself in your eyes just as quickly and easily as I did the very first time I saw them."
>She offers you a small smile, genuine and twinged with an uncertain tenderness you don't see from her as often as you would like.
>You get the feeling she's bearing herself to you.
>"You said that hoo-mans can see a few more colours than ponies can, right? Well, I don't care if you can see a million-billion colours and if I can see just one..."
>Rainbow Dash looks away from you as a red flush somehow overpowers the blue of her coat, but she forces herself to look right back at your face.
>Right in the eyes.
>"As long as the one colour I can see is the exact same shade as your eyes, I'll be fine." she says, stumbling only slightly over her words, "Because in the morning light when night turns to gold, I can still wake up and lose myself in your eyes over and over again, f-for the rest of m-my life."
"Rainbow Dash..."
>That is easily the most beautiful thing you've ever heard her say.
>She giggles and scuffs her hoof again, finally looking away.
>"H-Hey, that's enough mushy stuff for now, okay?"
>She spreads her impressive wingspan ("Stallions~") and flaps a few times until she's at about chest-level.
>"I think I heard you promise belly rubs."

>You are Rainbow Dash, and are you ever thankful that you just finished reading Daring Doo and the Golden Feedbag
>That book was kinda flowery and had a bunch of poetry in it, but that line about night turning into gold really struck a chord with you.
>You're just glad Anon isn't the sorta colt who likes action books and instead leans more towards romance.
>Yeah, you found the cheesy books he hides under his mattress.
>It's one of the few ways he behaves like a typical colt, and you think it's absolutely adorable





>"This book sucks."
"Mm-hmm."
>Your marefriend, Rainbow Dash, flips another page.
>Her eyes dart from one corner to the other as she takes in the print.
>She's entranced.
>"It's just... it's dumb."
"I know, honey."
>"All this colty horseapples, y'know? Flower, and dykey, and... and-"
>She suddenly pulls back and nearly hits you in the nose with her book.
>"Look at this line! 'And before me he stood, and angel from Elysium itself. His mane shines white in the silent evening air.' "
>She stares at you with the biggest, most incredulous expression on her face.
>"It doesn't even describe that character at all, if you read ahead! It's like A.K. Yearling had something beautiful in front of her - something important to her - that she used for inspiration, but failed to put it properly into... into... words."
>Rainbow's words fade away as a look of contemplation comes over her.
>Her eyes dart between you and the book and you can see her lips mouth the flowery line, as well as the equally-flowery description that continues on the page, left un-complained about.
>She looks dumbstruck, as though some revelation just hit her like a freight train.
>After shooting you a shy glance, she buries her face in the pages again.
>"...s'a stupid line. I don't even know why I'm here at your colt's book club. Stupid...buckin' Daring Doo... bein' a dyke..."





>Alicorns are a rare occurrence, Luna & Celestia's parents weren't alicorns it just happened
>When Luna heard a male ADULT alicorn was found she think this might be a great chance to tie the knot for both Princesses and maybe get extra help with their astral duties
>Anonicorn is just making weird gestures and babbling as a means of communication
>"Twilight Sparkle... what is he doing?"
>"Oh he can't speak or write apparently"
>"H-he never learned to... b-but he's an adult!"
>"I say he's very funny Luna, maybe we should keep him"






>Anon is teleported to Equestria, as tends to happen.
>In this particularly case, though, things get a little... messy.
>When Anon appears, it's not as a man, but instead, as a horrendous monster of two mouths, seven eyes, nostrils in all sorts of places, three arms protruding from his base like legs, and an actual leg and foot dangling from his front like a mockery of a elephant's trunk.
>Oh, and tentacles.
>Thirteen of those whipping about on his back.
>Yeah, it's just not Anon's day, and it's only made worse when he stumbles into town, and immediately gets a mob set upon him.
>As Anon runs, he remembers back to dinner last night at the Chinese place, and the fortune cookie he got for dessert.
>"You will be transformed into an abomination and chased by small equines. Your lucky numbers are 45968."
>What are the odds?
>Anon doesn't have time to do the math before he is cornered by six mares.
>"Okay monster, whatever you are, you're coming back to my lab so that I can figure out what sort of foul magic made you so we can nip it in the bud," says the purple one.
>"Ah got the rope," says the orange one. "Ya think you can get in around those tentacles and knock it out, Dash? It'll be easier to wrangle without all the flailin'."
>"Sure thing, one good buck atta do it."
"P-please," Anon chokes out of one mouth cringing back against the wall.
"Don't. Hurt," says the other as his many eyes start to water.
>"Uh, what?"
>"Oh, you poor thing! You must be absolutely terrified!" the yellow one suddenly says, fluttering forward. "Don't worry, we won't hurt you."
>"Fluttershy, get away from that thing!"
>"Hush, Dash. Can't you see its just scared? It didn't even hurt any pony, and we all just started chasing it without even knowing what it wanted."
>As the pegasus comes close, Anon's tentacles twitch away and go stiff when she lays a hoof on his front most lump.
>Then she starts rubbing in small circles, and they go limp.






>A /k/ommando is reborn in Equestria as a unicorn.
>His family is obviously worried, considering how keen and unnaturally aggressive he is from birth, but none of them know what to do when even experts are left scratching their heads.
>The colt grows up engrossed in topics like the military, mechanical engineering, survivalism, history, metallurgy, chemistry, and other oddball points of study. The dolls and toys he's gifted go ignored.
>In secret, all the study he's undergone has a purpose.
>Recreate his lost arsenal.
>Of all the things he lost upon his death, his missing guns and secure feeling of a more level playing field they brought is what hurt the most.
>With magic filling the role of expensive and complex tools, being a kommando again is easier than he thought.
>After years of buying materials with saved pocket change, his first is done.
>The young colt picks up a perfect Makarov pistol, the simplest autoloading firearm he remembered, from its hiding place in the shed. Behind it are several magazines and the rolled up blueprints for later projects.
>The colt shrugs off his saddlebags and digs inside, pulling out a tin can filled with crude 9x18 ammo.
>Excitement building, he loads one magazine, then inserts it into the gun.
>A sound muffling spell is cast on both the shed walls and his ears. The mana toll is heavy, but nothing could being the man turned child down.
>He pulls the pistol slide back and let's it go, chambering one round without an issue. 
>Finally, he points the gun to a stack of thick boards in the shed, the weapon feeling as natural in his telekinesis as it would have in a hand.
>Pull...
>BANG!
>The boards jump, now sporting a hole where they caught the bullet.
>The kommando throws his head back and laughs in joy, not at all seeing his cutie mark appear.
>The sudden itch on his back is ignored as well.
+++
>In Canterlot, Celestia pauses mid lecture with her student Twilight to shiver without any idea why.


>Uninon, being not from this world, doesn't share the same instincts that all the other beings do
>His brain, autismo as it is, does its best to rectify the new senses he has by approximating the closest things
>His hands
>When a normal pony picks up an object, they usually instinctively envelope the whole thing, moving it around in space as a whole piece
>When anon takes hold of an object with his magic, he instead manipulates specific points, as though he were grabbing it
>Doing this is an extremely subtle level of magical control, and trains him into being extremely precise subconsciously
>Most unicorns have difficulty with machine-tool precision due to simply moving the whole of whatever they want, but Anon is uniquely able to produce the objects from memory as a result from his different use of magic
>The entire idea of pushing and pulling on an object instead of just moving the whole damn thing also allows him to use telekinesis in new ways that had simply been overlooked for the lack of need
>It doesn't revolutionize magic, but it levels a playing field between latent skilled users of magic and those who aren't that no one had any idea how to deal with
>His firearms will level that playing field the rest of the way






>"There you go, you just rest up right there," says Fluttershy, patting between three of Anon's eyes.
>Anon, for his part, is thankful for the tender touch as he works to fold his three arms under him in a comfortable way in the large animal bed.
>Perhaps both the petting and sleeping arrangements are a bit demeaning, but the kindness helps him feel like less of the monster he appears to be.
"Thank," says one mouth, the other opening to add, "You."
>"I'm happy to help," she says gently.
>"Are you sure this is a good idea, Fluttershy?" asks Dash as she stares over her friend's shoulder with a weary eye. "It could still be dangerous. What if it eats your other animals?"
"Won't," you say instantly. "Am. Good."
>"You are," Fluttershy assures before turning a hard eye to her friend. "Dash, if you are going to be rude to my guest, you can go down stairs and wait with the rest of our friends."
>"Yeah, and leave you with Blobby McMonster Face, sure."
>Anon curls in on himself and fights back tears at the blue pony's remark, but doesn't argue.
>"Dash. Down stairs. Now," Fluttershy says, her tone leaving no room for argument as she stomps a hoof.
>Something must have changed in the sweet mare's expression, because the other pegasus gulped and conceded.
>"Fine, but I'll be listening at the bottom of the steps," she grumbles.
>Once she's gone, Fluttershy sighs and turns back to her guest.
>"I really am sorry about her. You aren't a monster, you're just a little... different. Now, do you need anything, sweetie?"
"Anon," he says suddenly. "My name. Is Anon."
>She blinks, surprised, but smiles.
>"Okay, do you need anything, Anon?"
>His own mouths smile a little.
"Water? Some food?"
>"Sure. is there anything you eat specifically?"
>He think about this.
"Anything. Good. Fruit. Veggies. Meats."
He remembers she's a pony then, and quickly adds, "Meat, not needed... No grass. Hay."
>She doesn't seem scared about the meat comment and nods






>Horse-periods don't exist, but stallion still have "that time of the month"
>Glands and brain chemistry are all governed by magic in Equestria, which is why a mare will always go into heat in the spring and can't be fooled by methods that would normally trick a real life horse's body; ie using light to introduce a false spring that results in estrus
>Stallions tend to be much more sensitive to magic (which is why they gotta be protected: spells hurt them more than they hurt mares, and their small number means that ponies just can't take that risk) and sensual magic is tied closer to the moon than to the sun
>Also, afternoon delight doesn't exist in Equestria for this very reason.
>So when the full moon approaches, the average stallion's brain chemistry is affected severely
>They become moody and irrational (but how is that different from any other time of the month, amirite? Mares? Yeah? No? Y-Yeah?) a couple of days before and after the full moon
>They're much easier to upset and they complain of headaches and body pain
>In polite horse-society, it's appropriate to refer to this as a stallion's "phase" (as in phases of the moon)
>Less polite society refers to it as his time of the month
>Anon is regularly mystified when something upsets him and his marefriends jokingly ask him if it's that time of the month again
>Anon just thinks it's a period joke and dismisses it without thinking too hard about it, and it takes him a little bit of time to realize he's never seen horse-tampons being sold in stores
>"Oh. Oh! Oh, yeah, that kinda makes sense. No wonder my stallion coworkers acted like such bitches last week. Huh."






>"Get back, sweetheart! I don't know what this bitch's game is, but I'm not going to stand around and let HER make goo-goo eyes at MY stallion!"
>You are Anon, and you will never forget the day your marefriend mauled an inflatable swan in an attempt to defend your honor.
>You were later informed that alicorns are particularly territorial about their mates.
>Something about how the alicorn's scarcity awakens "oh god oh god oh god there are so few of you and this creature right here is essential to the continuation of your species, protect it with your life" instincts within them whenever they take on a mate, as if their brains hit a panic button

>Anon somehow registers as an alicorn to everyone
>Anon is explaining his situation while the Princess are speaking behind their hooves
>"...pshh! Tia! how long do we have to wait before we bed him?"
>"...you know I can hear you right?"
>"pshh! I think he suspects something, do you thing he throws boys?"

>do you thing he throws boys?"
>Anon's blood runs cold
>They found out
>Somehow they discovered that he is, by trade, a boy-thrower.
>It's like caber tossing, only it's boys instead of logs.
>And now they know

>sexual dimorphism in alicorns is extreme and Anon does, in fact resemble a male alicorn
>even after clearing up that he is an alien and describing humanity in great detail ponies just think he's an alicorn from a parallel world where half the population are cunt-colts (the RGRE equivalent of futa)
>the princesses are now slowly going crazy trying to find a way to this magical realm of lonely males while anon is about ready to kill somepony from being harassed by fetish-autists
>just as Discord planned when he brought him over

>Anon asks Twilight to teach him about male alicorns to clear the confussion
>"They're green and wear suits also they're hopelessly bad at magic, and they tend to walk on their hind legs"
>"fuck, that does sound like me huh, anything else?"
>"let me see... aha! -male alicorns tend to send their female counterparts into heat- pftt! as if Prin-"
>An axe shatters the door
>"HAND HIM OVER TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"






>"Come on, Ponk. Have a cookie."
>Be Pinkie
>Sitting at the other end of the table was Anon
>Sitting between you was a plate of cookies
>They looked like ordinary chocolate chip cookies
>You liked cookies, especially cookies of the chocolate variety 
>But you knew Anon
>He was a butt
>A big, meanish butt
>The smart thing would to just get up and walk away
>But momma told you not to walk away from a stallion
>And pappa told you never to turn away free food
>You looked down at the cookies, then back at Anon
>The Hyoo-mans face was an emotionless mask
>His green eyes were staring intently at you
>Unblinking
>You licked your lips
"These... these are chocolate chip cookies, right?"
>"Yep," Anon said without missing a beat
"Are you sure?"
>"Yes."
"Super sure?"
>"Ah-huh."
>You narrowed your eyes at him
>Nonners didn't so much as bat an eyelash
>...
>Welp
>Time to take the plunge
>You picked up a cookie
>You brought it close to your face, sniffed it, then took a bite
>Pain
>Agony
>Emptiness
>These weren't chocolate chip cookies
>These were oatmeal raisin
>Trieks cookie
"Bleh!"
>As quickly as you could, you spat it out, but the damage was already done to your taste buds
"Anon! What's wrong with you?"
>Not breaking eye contact, Anon picked up a cookie
>He took a bite out of it, chewing slowly
>"I didn't use any sugar in these. Just artificial sweetener," he said
>Your pupils dilated
>This colt is a demon





>Pinkie calls a friendship meeting
>She's scared because she feels weird whenever Anon is around
>She's terrified that Anon is giving off some sort of magic or force that's harmful to ponies and she's nearly in tears at the idea of having to make Anon live somewhere else for the good of pony society
>...that is, until Twilight asks if any of the other mane 6 feel the same thing when they hang with Anon, and the answer is a resounding "no"
>Rarity, starting to paint a picture in her head, asks Pinkie exactly how it feels when she's around Anon
>Pinkie goes on a Pinkie-tier tangent about how her tummy feels funny, she feels happier, more excited, and it's hard to concentrate, and how she feels really really good when she and Anon have fun together, and also sometimes she feels hot and itchy between the legs when he hugs her (but she barely notices it because of all the butterflies in her tummy that appear when the hug occurs)
>Rarity and the other 4 mares exchange knowing glances
>Meanwhile, Pinkie is still afraid there's something wrong with Anon and is now worried that whatever's wrong is hurting him too