> Anon is a spirit that got misfiled by the grim reaper
> He now wanders Equestria trying to find a way back to life, or maybe to the local heaven
> Only foals and the mentally unstable can see or hear him
> Little Twilight fulfills both conditions
> Anon encourages her to push the boundaries of science
> Learns magic theory along with her, but he doesn't have a good intuitive grasp of what it can actually do
> Part of why Twilight was so obsessed in "Feeling Pinkie Keen" was because Pinkie's metaphysical powers implied that there might be magics that could defy the current understanding, maybe even incarnate Anon
> Meanwhile, Anon stays the fuck away from Pinkie, she looks freaky from the astral plane
> As Twilight learns friendship lessons, Anon becomes fainter and fainter to her
> By the time she is princess, she has so many duties, she rarely dabbles in mad science anymore
> She did have that one imaginary friend that she made up, to comfort her when she was new and unsure in a new school, but she will never admit that she had an imaginary stallion
> Sometimes she guiltily shlicks to fantasies about him, feeling foalish and like she is defiling a pure part of her childhood
> Anon amuses himself by trying to match her pace with ghost dickings
>Starlight becomes a student to Twilight
>Not knowing about friendship and still reeling from her previous actions have left her feeling alone and unstable
>Finds Anonymous walking the halls of the castle and goes to confront him
>She is amazed and slightly terrified to find out her magic has no effect on him
>She is even more surprised that he understands magic at it's most fundamental level
>They begin to bond to help Glimmer simmer down into her new life
>Being careless Glimmer speaks to Anon whenever and wherever
>Hearing Glimmer talking to Anon one day, Twilight begins to follow her and take notes
>Makes the connection that this Anon is her Anon and he was actually real all along but can only be perceived by a select few
>She is heartbroken that she ever doubted his existence and abandoned him similarly to how she did with her friends in Canterlot
>In an attempt to reconcile with one of her oldest friends and trusted advisers she attempts to tear open a path for Anon to come and meet the rest of the ponies of Equestria
>Luna and Celestia welcome their old friend into the world of the living



>After a magical mishap that allows the two to communicate via a notebook, Twilight and Anon enter into a transdimensional long-distance relationship
>After months of purely textual contact, Twilight finally devises a way for Anon to come visit Equestria
>While making her preparations, she begins to worry that the reversed gender roles of Equestria may cause Anon some stress
>He already has to accept the existence of magic, talking ponies, and the infinite vastness of the multiverse, being wolf whistled at would be a bridge too far
>She proceeds to organize the town to fake 'normal' gender roles for the duration of Anon's visit, with predictably bad results




>Anon is a stripper
>Comes out of giant birthday cakes and gives the lucky mare a lapdance
>Sometimes the mares get drunk and ramble to him about how it's not right that he has to strip for a living and how they're going to "save" him
>Anon never hears from them again
Such is life for Anon the stripper.



>"Anonymous, you really ought to be more careful. Why, some mare could catch you alone and take you against your will!"
>You've had enough of this 'poor little stallion' bullshit
>You lean your head back and smirk, resting one hand on your hip and use the other to point a lone finger at the princess of the night
"I can take any pony on the planet, Princess, even you."
>"Is that a challenge, my LITTLE human?"
"Don't think your lithe figure and feminine wiles will make me hold back. U wanna go, m8?"
>Luna sputters for a moment, blushing up a storm and unable to counter verbally
>You take the advantage and pull your shirt off over your head
>Taking care to avoid knocking your sunglasses off
"I don't care how much you've toned that plot of yours, those elegant curves got nothin on dis bulk! IT'S GO TIME!"
>She finally recovers and smirks at you, narrowing her eyes
>That's a bit too wide a smirk though
>Maybe you're biting off more than you can chew
>"Challenge accepted, Anonymous. I think you'll find our techniques quite...tiresome. Could a naked ape like you earn our cries for mercy?"
>Fuck it, it's go time.
"That'll be hard to do when your twinkling mane is pressed against the floor, Princess. We didn't evolve from apes..."
>You twist at the waist and flex both your arms and your back
"...we evolved INTO APES!"
>She shudders and licks her lips for a moment
>Her horn lights up and you jump back, hopping from foot to foot and bringing your fists up in a boxing stance.
>Every door and window in the room suddenly slams shut.
>She stands and lowers her font half into a fighting stance, licking her lips.
>"Show me your moves, Anon, show me all of them..."

>Celestia is awoken in the middle of the night to find the castle shaking amid the sound of broken glass

>She finds a bunch of staff and guards peeking through a doorway trying to watch what's going on inside
>The door had been reduced to splinters

>"Dost thou surrender fair Anonymous?!" Her sister bellowed with a giggle

>Celestia finally gets to see what's going on inside
>A window was broken.
>A few of the floor tiles were cracked
>It looked like a tornado had gone through the room

>And off to the side, Luna is attempting to pin a shirtless Anonymous to the floor
>His pants are threatening to fall off of him if they rip any further
>Somehow his sunglasses remain fixed to his face
>"You haven't won yet Moonbutt!" He responded with a manic grin on his face





>Sometime after Anon has settled in RGREquestria, the ponies finally find a way to create a portal to earth.
>Unsure what to do with the first contact, Celestia and Luna pull Anon from his leisurely life as househusband and make him into the "Minister of Human Affairs"
>He's not too happy about being pulled away from his family and shoved into a position they just made up.
>So naturally, being spiteful and difficult is the route he takes.
>The meetings between him and earth's leaders churns up a shitstorm bigger than Trump being elected for a number of reasons. Like generally being an asshole and getting away with it.
>But the biggest reasons are his adamant refusal to take human refugees or allow immigration into Equestria.
>And since Equestria is already the sole superpower of Equis and not reliant on importing OR exporting, Anon can afford to wait for trade deals and treaties biased in his favor. 
>But once people get a general idea of RGREquestria's wealth, magic, and utopian quality of life, millions are clamoring to get in overnight.
>Men want in for easy love.
>Women want in to finally experience a matriarchy.
>Poor want in for new lives and opportunities.
>Rich want in for business ventures and dreams of living like kings,
>Vermin want in to leech on the wealth and charity.
>Virtuous want in to have a home to be proud of.
>The word "No" has never triggered so many people so fast before.
>As he watches yet another riot (or "peaceful showing to protest the unfair Equestrian Minister" as the news calls it) from his earth office, he wishes he was at home cuddling his wife or playing with his kids.
>Maybe he should let a few hopeless cases in for shits and giggles?



>Anon buys a larger hoodie to keep Lyra in the front
>Bonbon wants in, attaches to his back
>He needs an even bigger hoodie
>This time with straps inside the front and back
>Fillies think it's fun to grab onto his legs and ride his feet as he walks
>Anon gets special pants with little hoofholds
>Pinkie starts hanging onto his side, so he carries her like a football
>Rainbow Dash knows a good napping spot when she sees one
>Takes the spot in the crook of his other arm
>They pitch in to buy him a better coat
>Anon walks around ponyville most of the day covered in ponies
>Gets snuggles
>Gets dem gains.
>Life is good



>How’s a human male to earn an income in a world where all that’s expected of him is to stay home and take care of the foals?
>The answer came to you in the form of a minty-mare.
>Lyra, whom almost always hitched a ride inside the confines of your old worn out hoodie made an off-hand remark one day.
>”Mares would pay for something like this.”
>Not one to let a golden opportunity pass you by you began the “Anonymous Public Transport” company.
>For the low-low price of just five bits, you’d get a comfy ride to wherever in town while seated inside a hoodie.
>Headpats along the way cost an additional two bits.
>Business was good.
>Excpet…
>”My dear Anonymous would you be so kind to take me to Twilights castle?”
>Celestia
>Again
“I thought we went over this, you can’t fit in here.”
>”Oh nonsense, I’ve been on a fantastic diet and I’m sure-“
“Fine, but if you fall out I can’t be held responsible.”

>Celestia buys his services for an entire day
>Even splurges on headpats and nuzzles
>He shows up in the morning and she hops, folding her rear legs up and through the straps
>Almost a year of being covered in ponies just about everywhere he walks has made Anon /fit/
>Her neck rests against his cheek and her head rests on his head
>The payment for headpats and nuzzles was for her
>His hoodie stretches around her, and he has to grab both her enormous cheeks to hold her up
>She has breakfast this way, sitting in his lap and hoodie at the breakfast table
>Luna taunts her, but Celestia just says she's jealous she didn't think of this first
>Gets crumbs on Anon's head
>Headpats and nuzzles him while he walks her to each appointment
>He either faces the wall or she twists her neck at meetings
>Holds Comfy-Court(tm)
>Naps on him in the garden in the afternoon, still in his hoodie




>With Equestria's extremely liberal views on sex, prostitution is actually one of the more accepted jobs for stallions
>It's common to see colts completely covered in clothes, strutting around and flirting with any mare who comes near
>Anonymous arrives in Equestria covered in clothes
>After he settles in with Twilight, he asks about getting a job
>She tells him about the brothel on the edge of town.
>He thinks she's messing with him, so he leaves to go find a job on his own.
>He's turned down at every single one.
>Each time they tell him about the brothel
>When he gets offended at the suggestion, they scoff at him.
>"It's honest work."
>"Ponies 'round here sure would appreciate yer efforts."
>"You seem like the kind of stallion that would excel in that career field."
>"Zis is not a brothel, good sir. Zis is a Spa."
>Eventually, he goes to the brothel and applies
>They just laugh when he offers a resume, and tell him to show his cock
>He's hired on the spot and sent to the 'exotic males' section
>The other stallions, a mix of zebras, dragons, and griffons, see his unique looks as competition and constantly try and sabotage his 'dates'




>Anon likes playing with foals so much that mares think he's baby-crazy
>Some mares feel cautious and uneasy as they think, "If I tapped that, he'd probably want half a dozen foals from me."
>Others feel anticipation at the same thought




>Anon has the largest herd known to Equestria
>Twenty mares, who are all perpetually pregnant
>There are finally enough ponies in the Apple Family to run the farm
>Expand it, even
>Every foal in school has him as a father
>He sires a bunch of colts, even more than regular ponies
>They almost have his stamina and sex drive
>Mayor Mare (also in his herd) increases taxes to make the school better, and higher more teachers
>Everyone is ok with it
>Cheerilee (also in his herd) moves classes to the Crystal Castle and Twilight (his alpha mare) lives her dream to be a teacher 
>She has to expand the town to accommodate their needs, and all the jobs they'll need when they get older
>Five generations and nearly 26,000 foals (each mare in his herd had six) later, you can still tell the descendants of man apart from regular ponies because of their incisors.


>Celestia had a hardcore predator fetish.
>It's no use because she's the most powerful being in the world.
>anon is ignorant of this
>satisfies her need to be 'hunted' and dominated
>is completely unaware she's powerful enough to break every bone in his body or flat out vaporize him
>she has to bend over backwards to prevent him from finding out and ruining her favorite fantasy of being a weak, easily dominated mare
>In bed, Celestia accidentally zaps Anon one day out of pure reaction.
>She feels terrible that she just killed her lover and the only human.
>He gets back up, dazed and a bit singed, but not dead.
>Turns out, while he has no outright immunity, he does have a heavy resistance to magic for some strange reason.
>Celestia can actually fight back in bed now, and doesn't have a overwhelming chance to win.
>He could ACTUALLY eat her even if she gave it her all.
>UNF
>The guards don't even bother to investigate the sounds of struggle anymore.




>Well Anon, you finally did it.
>You're getting married to your wifu.
>There is just one small problem about being the male equivalent to a bride in horse world.
>They have some of the weirdest marriage proposals and ceremonies.





Celestia constantly sexually harasses people around her, and having a direct line to twilight, she gets the brunt of it. Along comes anon, who can give as good as he gets, but celestia has no idea who it is, as he signs all the letters anonymous (Take it as anon fell through in ponyville and twilight wanted to show celestia she is capable of handling matters on her own.) and never told her about him, or that it was even a him. 

Let this escalate
Tell it from celestias pov
Have her take a minor vacation to ponyville to find out who is responding to her in every way she likes
Have it all anon with spike running up to him with scrolls, sealed documents, and what not. 
[In short, Celestia sends sekuhara letters to twilight, but anon answers them.]




>>Ponies think Anon might be getting homesick
>>They start wearing clothes and walking around on their hindlegs whenever he's around
>>Anon is confuse but is starting to like things this way
>>Bonus: Celestia now towers over Anon being a whole head taller when standing on her hind hooves




>Rainbow Dash regularly just walks into Anon's house when she wants to talk to him
>Ponies don't have much of a sense of personal space, so this is common amongst their kind
>Horse houses don't even have locks on their doors
>Rainbow Dash can't find Anon right away and starts wandering room to room looking for him
>Walks into what she later learns is his bedroom
>Finds him sitting on his bed, masturbating
>Awkward silence
>Rainbow runs out, yelling apologizes in her wake
>Rainbow is confused
>"Colts don't do that!"
>As far as she's concerned, stallions don't even go to the bathroom; now she finds her innocent (if willfully ignorant) worldview shattered




> Anon is a professor of Prosaic Studies at Celestia's school of gifted unicorns
> That is, physics, chemistry, and pugilism
> He dabbles in runes and rituals to handle the shenanigans his students try to pull
> He lets them have one telekinetic lick at his shaft before he gives them the magical equivalent of hitting your funny bone
> He has decent pull in faculty meetings, partly because he is head of his department, partly because he's one of two male professors there
> His colleagues flirt with varying amounts of shamelessness
> Friday nights, he drinks with Celestia and they share stories about the stupid things the students do




>Twi births a centaur.
>Its a girl!
>Alls good until teenage rebellion hits.
>She escapes home and visits Tartarus to see Tirek.
>"It's not a phase, mom! Tirek, like, understands me and stuff!"
>Anon patiently waits for Tirek to accidentally impregnate his daughter and then run when he gets the news that he's going to be a father
>If Anon didn't let his daughter experience the consequences of her actions, then how will she learn?
>Twist: Tirek embraces fatherhood and wants to rise child as his heir.

>It could actually be an appropriately feelsy story for RGRE. The homme fatale, so hurt by the betrayal of his brother, finds family that he can love again, family that doesn't use his love of them like a weapon or a chain, until he finds himself willingly "tied down".




>Johnny Bravo in RGRE
>Unlike earth, he's got females almost literally throwing themselves at him.
>Just one flex, and they're fighting over who gets him. 
>But they're ponies, not babes...
>[Internal Conflict]

>Be Johnny Bravo in Equestria.
>You were wooing a sweet sweet momma by showing her how you could lift a stature of a horse.
>She got all freaky and screamed about magic.
>You honestly believed the only magic around there was how smokin' hot she was.
>You were wrong.
>The statue broke while you were holding it.
>You guess they didn't use good materials.
>The thing just fell apart.
>And then you found out that that hot hot women weren't the only magical thing around.
>You were pulled into a weird trippy hole in the world thing and ended up here.
>Some town full of magic pony people.
>"Whoa daddy, look at that sweet guy over there."
>"Excuse me sir, can I have a minute?"
>You turn to whoever's speaking.
>There's a cream furred winged pony with an orange mane.
"What is it, little pony thing?"
>"Are you one of Celestia's angels? Because you are smokin' hot."






>RGRE
>Football is seen as super colty, basically the Equestrian equivalent of women's mma
>Yeah they're tough and strong, but mares like AJ are watching it are in it for the colt on colt
>Rarity got into it by watching all of her dad's games
>Knows stats, plays, every detail about players and coaches
>Anon watches it with her because it is the most human entertainment ponies' have.
>Despite most colts being limp-wristed fairies, football players are just the same as on Earth.
>Plays a quick game with Rarity's dad when meeting the parents
>Still throws the mean spiral that he did in high school
>average for a human but being able to throw that far is unseen with even the best unicorn players

So
>Hondo Flanks trains Anon to be a pro football player helping Anon live up to is Bundy-esque dreams. Basically Rocky, but with football and ponies

>Anon plays with the local stallions garnering attention from a random scout. Amazing him with blitz and shotgun plays. With Rarity torn between worrying that Anon's newfound fame will lead him to meet much more marely mares than herself and being supportive of him reaching his dreams

>Anon plays with the local stallions garnering attention from the local mares who weren't really interested before finding their clits getting hard at sweaty, musky Anon in football tights and half a shirt. All while Rarity beats back the oncoming horde of "fans" from moving in on her man all led by the mareliest mare in Ponyville, Applejack. Who doesn't know a thing about football other than hot males roughhousing, but tries to act like she is a superfan too

or
>Rarity is worried that she has an Electra complex due to how much Anon is like her father when she sees them horsing around. Both Janefillies, both big and strong, both hold her and stroke her mane when she cries, both are perfectly fine with how colty she is. This is made all the worse by the fact that her family loves him and her dad all but demands she marries Anon





>"Anon! A poor colt like you shouldn't have to plow all that snow in the cold!"
>Scrape
Huh? What?
>Oh, it's Spergle. She's in some sort of carriage with a blade on it.
>You load up another plow full of snow, and grip near the end, tossing it onto your almost meter high snowbank
>"Here, I'll do it for you."
>Her horn lights up, which to you by now is a telltale sign of trouble, and your shovel is yanked out of your hands and deep into the snowbank.
>It triggers a mini avalanche, spilling snow all over your previously clean walkway.
T-Twilight! Damnit, I don't need any h-
>You quickly step out of the way as her now glowing carriage surges past you, clearing whatever's infront of it but making a mess of the sides.
Watch where you're going!
>"I can't! It's out of controooool!"
>You get an eyeful of firm booty has the carriage presses up against her plot and the whole contraption spins out, crashes into the snowbank, and fucking explodes.
>Thanks, cartoon physics.
>Pretty much all of your work over the last half hour's undone.
>You saunter over to the debris, and Twilight, who pokes her head out.
>Snow falls down her shaking mane.
>It's actually kind of pretty.
Mare's job, huh?
>"S-sh-sh-sh-shut u-u-up-p-pbbbrbrbrrr..."
>The snow can wait.
>You pick up the half-frozen mare and carry her inside, patting her cute little pony butt and listening to her whispers of "Whimsy" or something like that.

>The hot chocolate's still a bit hot, but it's fine considering how cold you were.
>Nonny has you wrapped up in a blanket around you. Both of you watch as the CMC clear Anon's walkway with their own tiny snow shovels.
>They're slower, but at least they're thorough.
>Meanwhile, your plan worked. Anon's cuddling you! Maybe you'll get some dick tonight too.
>Until then, you nuzzle into his chest and snooze





>Ponies. being as expressive as they are, have advanced vocal cords.
>They can talk, sing, whistle, mewl, purr, yelp, yip, chirp, coo, whine, neigh, whinny, and other sounds.
>The expressive faces, with large eyes, swiveling ears, flicking tails, tilted heads, and even hoof gestures add another layer of complexity to conversation. 
>Talking to a pony is anywhere from perfectly clear to total guesswork because of this.
>Their physiology also reflects their speech.
>The variable make-up of their bodies makes calling them ponies, referring to a direct relation to earth horses, almost totally incorrect.
>The soft hooves, unreal agility, extreme hardiness, high level of flexibility, jaw strength, plush fur, varied (and sometimes extra) senses, gender skew, use of magic and countless other things borrow from a medley of mostly mammal creatures.
>And this is not even counting the odd, sometimes nonsensical social customs and rituals that can vary based on location, hierarchy, race of pony, family, clan, and other things.
>A human in such a place would be an alien in an alien land indeed.
>Though, trying to live in such a place with such creatures is not without reward...





>Despite how the gender skew should have made things easier, Lyra the eccentric lyre player is one of the few ponies who finds you attractive.
>Take up her offer for a date. 
>And later, a full relationship.
>With an indifferent (at first) Bonbon along for the ride, of course.
>And it's everything you ever wanted. A real relationship with not one, but two real wome - er, mares. 
>Little do you know, Lyra and Bonbon are thinking the same thing.
>FreaksInLove.mp4

>Ponies talk about Anon, Lyra, and Bon Bon behind their backs
>Some of the nastier ponies laugh as they pass by
>Then they start witnessing how Anon and his mares are genuinely happy together
>thelaughterstops.png
>Several mares become intimately aware that they are, in fact, single





>Lyra is a humaboo
>Completely obsessed with humans as per usual
>But she hasn't quite made the leap to thinking Humans are for Sexual
>It wouldn't be very difficult to get her to that point, but she ain't a monkeyfucker yet
>Humans are for snuggles, ear scratchies, and belly rubs

>Bon Bon on the other hand, is also a humaboo, though she zealously hides that from everybody but Lyra
>And she *definitely* thinks Humans are for Sexual
>She tries her hardest to keep Lyra from finding out the depths of her perversion

>Then Anon shows up.





ponies are alien anyways, and their basic musculature; huge, expressive eyes; usually nice voices; and incredibly smooth, silky, plush coat means that any Anon willing to fuck a horse in the first place will find them physically satisfactory.
So Moondancer, whose cutie mark shape is unbalanced, whose horn spiral is slightly uneven, who has this slightly too sharp shape to her eyes puts her firmly below average in pony beauty (her smell isn't sweet enough either), but with the gender skew is probably going to be dating her hoof forever. In comes Anon, who loves her personalities and interests, and is genuinely confused when she explains how unattractive she is to other ponies. He tries to explain little things about the shape of his nose and width of his jaw and how those made him below average to humans and she's like, "Uh, what? But you smell like sex on wheels! Why would anyone care about something like that? You say those are acne scars? I like them, they're as cute as freckles, why would they be bad?"

Anon ends up with a herd of ponies that legitimately do have the best personalities around (one or two are even ravishing by pony standards, and love that they've finally found someone who legitimately doesn't care), and he finds every single one irresistible.

My favorite offshoot idea was that Twilight was also unattractive, until she ascended, which polished her to an exemplary beauty (maybe not super model, but clearly pretty). Even her friends are by turns jealous or admiring. Anon's the first one in her life who barely commented aside from how neat it is that she has wings now





>Anon learns to bake
>Gets pretty good
>Always free samples to his good friends
>*insert random Ponyville celebration here*
>Lots of friends and family join up
>SCC specializes in pure sweets; cookies, cakes, etc
>Anon has fresh bread, buttered rolls, scones, bagels, muffins, and pastries
>Everypone surprised a stallion besides Carrot knows how to work an oven
>Even more surprised that breads can taste so good
>Like a woman managing the perfect grilled steak every time without needing any sauce to fix
>Makes him a hit with mares who enjoy their food
>Pinkie is happy that Anon is getting attention, but is concerned with how much Mrs. Cake keeps 'adjusting' her tail




Mares are the men of the horse world. They won't be too critical of excuses to have sex all the time with their husbands.

>You whip out your penis.
"I heard sex during pregnancy can cure cancer."
>Your mare is already on top of you before you even finish your sentence.
>"Well, you can never be too careful."




>Anon and Twilight have seven foals
>Eventually it gets a little too much for Anon, but they've spaced them out enough so that the oldest can help out with the youngest
>Twilight wants more foals though, so they wait until the first four are out the door
>They have more and more foals like this
>Anon still remembers all their names and loves them all
>The two of them are still having babbies when their firstborn has a foal of her own
>Turns out constant exposure to the magical ejaculation of an alicorn's horn has plenty of health benefits for Anon
>Anon's spawn become so numerous in ponyville the family now not only controls it legally, but economically
>Anon's children have to start moving out of ponyville because other ponies are hesitant to join "The Family"
>Fifty years later, Princess Twilight and Anon's family gatherings fill up her entire castle and require tents outside, because the new Inns are all full up with her family




>Seashell injures herself for the millionth time in Ponyville
>This time, something broke, and she has go under physical therapy for a while
>Cripple pone regrets letting Seashell stay at her place during her recovery
>Seashell is happy because Cripple's house is really big, and the tall doctor gives nice massages, too




> Luna is an antisocial weeb
>Humans appear frequently in pony anime
>Luna routinely has her guards abduct Anon to spend time with her
>She doesn't seem to grasp that kidnapping people is wrong
>She's confused
>In all the time they've spent together, he hasn't 'accidently' fallen dick-first into her face
>Or tripped and caught the waistband of his pants on the corner of a table so that his pants are pulled down
>Or accidently buried his face in her genitals
>Or stumbled across her collection of lewd human sexual pornography magazines and offered to teach her first hand
>Has anime lied to her?

one of the guards should point out the fact that she's using tactics in animus that never, ever lead to sex or a relationship, and should therefore follow the tactics, techniques, and procedures outlined in her favorite doujins of hentai series.

>Anon and Luna (through some contrived courting ritual) have sex
>Luna is disappointed that he does not loudly proclaim that he's going to make her pregnant and/or give her his foals
>She's also disappointed that his speech was limited to grunts and mumbled declarations of love, rather than things like "if I cum any more I'll die" or "your vagina is milking my penis of all its sperm"

>Anon's having a nice dream about apples or whatever
>Suddenly, he's standing at the foot of his bed, with a little girl laying on it
>"What are we going to do in the bed, Oni-chan?"
"Goddamn Luna, I'm not acting out your fucked up, and might I add tired and clichéd, fantasies!"
>The girl crosses her arms and sighs
>"You are much less fun than my Japonies Animes promised, Anonymous."

What are we going to do on the bed, Princess?
>Pomf
B-but you poop from there
>"Not this night, Anonymous"






>The innocent pic of Redheart.

>"Hello, sweetie! Admiring my mouth, are you? I bet you didn't know that I can practically suck a bowling ball through a silly straw with these little lips, could you?"
>"Perhaps you'd care to find out~<3?"

>"I'm afraid the diagnosis is Male Hysteria, Mr. Faggot."
"...Male Hysteria?"
>"Yes. Certain bodily functions may create a buildup of fluids that become poisonous to the individual if they are not drained in time."
"If you wanted to give me a blow--"
>"PLEASE, Mr. Faggot, I'm trying to remain professional here. No reason to use such crass language to describe a standard medical procedure."
"And there's nothing wrong with this?"
>"No need to worry your sweet little head over this, Mr. Faggot. These lips of mine could suck the melon out of a cantaloupe, so this won't hurt a bit. Please undo those pants and get on the table."

>"Also, maybe don't tell the other doctors and nurses that I'm doing this for you."
"Why's that?"
>You know why.
>Because this procedure is bullshit and she's using your ignorance of pony culture to give you a blowjob.
>Backwards Equestria is weird, but you don't complain when it gives you free blowjobs.
>"W-Well, the machine we use is all the way across the hospital, and it's a lot quicker if I just do it the old fashioned way.

>"Thank you for answering our call on such short-notice, Anonymous."
"I came as fast as I could, Nurse Redheart. What's the situation?"
>You could swear she twitched when you talked. Must be bad.
>"Please come with me."
>She leads you into a room with a mare on the little doctor's table.
>You think you recognize her eyes. Derpy?
>She blushes and turns away from you.
>"This is indeed a dire situation, Anonymous. Are you willing to help her out?"
"Sure, anything you need."
>The nurse hands you a small collection of papers, full of graphs and numbers and charts.
>You don't understand any of it, because they're all obfuscated terms.
>Levels of "Serum F" and "Percent of Berry-Humor" and such
"What does this all mean, doc?"
>"She will soon succumb to Mare Hysteria if she doesn't get the balance of her Humors in check, and you're the best source of the Essence she needs. One dose should be enough for a few months, but her situation has become dire."
"Okay...and what would mean what?"
>"Your Male Essence. You or I need to administer a dose, orally or anally, for her to return to normal levels. Otherwise it might jeopardize her basic functioning and make her unable to care for her work or her foal."
>...
>You look at Derpy.
"And you're ok with this?"
>She looks up at you from the floor and nods bashfully.
>You look back at Nurse Redheart, who is staring at you with a grim face.
"Seriously? This is the cure?"

>"Yes, Anonymous. I realize you are still learning about a pony's biology and physical needs, but this is the method we use here to resolve issues like this. You're also bound by the doctor-patient confidentiality clause you signed when you volunteered to help at the clinic."
>You sign and raise your eyebrows at the both of them.
"Fine, fine, I'll help...wait, what did you mean 'orally or anally'? And how would you do it?"
>"Your emission will be either directly administered to her with her method of choice, or I will extract it myself and inject it in whichever orifice she chooses."
"Extract? No need to sound so clinical for this."
>She gives you a deadpan look.
>"There is. We're in a clinic right now."
"You're not going to be using a tool or something, are you?"
>"What? No, none of our tools would work on you. They are all designed for pony physiology, so either of us would have to extract it the 'old fashioned way,' to put it in layman's terms."
"Oh-kay. So, how are we going to do this?"
>Nurse Redheart hands you a vial with a glowing liquid in it.
>"Please imbibe this and wait five minutes for it to work. It will increase your body's production to the levels required for a full dose for about an hour, but it will need some time to work. Please drink two of these next."
>She points to several glass measuring cups from the lab, each with about a quart of water.

"Whoa, alright."
>You down the little potion which tastes like strawberries and grass, then down a quart of the water.
>After only a few seconds, you feel a tingling sensation across your body, and your crotch feels...heavier.
>"Ms. Hooves, how would you like your dose administered? Please consider all your available options."
>She blushes and rubs one of her hooves on her foreleg, looking down at the paper for a few seconds.
>"A-anally," she answers and looks up at you both.
>Somehow.
>You raise your eyes at that. Back home people would have taken a dozen needles in the arm before using that "method."
>Nurse Redheart doesn't bat an eye and turns to open a cupboard, pulling out a little squeeze bottle and setting it on the counter. She then turns to review her notes on the counter.
>You look at her for a moment, waiting for her say something.
"Uh, are you going to give the two of us some privacy?"
>She snaps her head at you and gives you a look as if you had just asked if the sun moved on its own.
>You remember this face.
>"By Celestia, no! You're only a volunteer, Anonymous. You'll need a medical professional to be in the room to oversee the procedure and make sure the dose is administered properly."
"O-oh."
>"Not to mention I'll need to put you under another hour of medical supervision afterwards to handle the lingering effects of the potion. Your body may not clear out the medicine as quickly as a pony's does."
>As you sit there manspreading from the potion, feeling your balls swell to about twice their regular size, you step back mentall for a moment wondering just how you got yourself into this situation.





>Twilight's friends make fun of her relentlessly when she admits that she's sexually submissive. 
>Goes on for some time.
>Finally, she gets fed up and angrily tells them to watch what she means.
>Thinking it was some sort of joke, the other five agree and hide out in Twilight's room for this "show"
>It seems like less of a joke when Twi unashamedly rubs herself off a few times, filling the room with her scent.
>Even less of a joke when she calls in Anon, who pops a stiffy the instant he gets one breath of the Twi-filled air.
>It can't be that easy, can it..?
>When Twilight finally bends over and gives her pudgy rump a shake at the painfully aroused human, the other five are treated to a show like no other.
>One or two might even get a new fetish.





>Anon visits Cadence's room just before the wedding
>Knows she's an imposter
>Decides to spin a tale of how he and Cadence used to be together before Shining came into the picture
>Plays the "quiet, shy" young stallion stereotype and says that he wanted to see her before she was wed
>Reminisces about the moments they shared, the love they had for one another, and the empty and fleeting promises they made to each other as they breathlessly exchanged kisses
>Asks for one last kiss before she's officially married

Have chrysalis call him out on his Bulls hit because she senses the insincerity from his emotions.

Now have her rib on him for being such a sad individual who old do such a thing as make these lies. Have her target his insecurities. Now have her have a slight interest in this strange stallion trying to be just as manipulative as her.

Maybe anon doesn't get interest from ponies so this is sort of his joking but deep down real pleasure for affection. 





I want smooth as ice James Bond Bon Bon. She uncovers, fights and captures a changeling trying to capture Anon while keeping Anon oblivious and seducing him at the same time.
A couple times her cover is almost surely blown due to forces out of her control, but Anon just blows it off as silly ponies being silly.





>Preening is extremely important to pegasi and catbirds.
>Twilight unfortunately had a little accident and is stuck with a neck brace which leaves her unable to take care of her wings.
>Can't ask another mare to do it because it might give the wrong idea about which team she bats for.
>Asking a stallion is tantamount to a marriage proposal.
>The only option left is to ask Anon, who doesn't understand the implications of the act, to do it for her.
>All the while keeping their arrangement secret so no pony can accuse her of taking advantage of the naive Anon.







>Fresh off the rock farm teen Pinkie who's somehow even cuter and bouncier and insanely filled with hormones but too traditional and sheltered to know how to react to Anon
>Teen Applejack, after her parents died she's an emotional wreck and falls for Anon harder than a journalist falls for a rape hoax
>Teen Fluttershy, halfway between her adult model looks and the awkward gangly lanky look of her earlier years, still picked on mercilessly by her peers, Anon is her only refuge
>Teen Rarity, still a hopeless romantic but without the confidence her succesful business brings her, she's so desperate to make things work she'd do anything. ANYTHING.
>Teen Rainbow Dash... probably a pretty cunty jock desu. But she ends up running a train on you with the rest of the all mares hoofball team. Worth putting up with her cuntiness to end up swimming in hot fit teen marepuss. Somehow still with you even after you've been passed around the entire hoofball team, and brings you flowers after she forgets your birthday like you thought she would.
>Teen Twilight is a shut in nervous wreck going through exams. Her few friend barely see her anymore and she's practically killing herself studying. it takes a bit of work to convince her to spend time with you instead of studying, and she's a stuttering mess most of the time around you. But years of furiously clopping with a hammer hoof has left her surprisingly receptive to the brutal anger fucking you give her after she blows you off for the third time to study. The time you spend with her is short, far between, but leaves you exhausted and satisfied.





>Lyra & Bon Bon, "best friends" forever
>Lyra is shorter, less curvy, has weirder interests
>Bon Bon is tall, has big tits, child-bearin' hips, and likes all sorts of feminine things like rough football, motorcycles, and falling asleep on the couch after eating too much pizza
>Lyra initially introduced the "we're a package deal" thing for courting because she didn't honestly expect any man to be interested in her, and was counting on the deal to work her way when Bon Bon inevitably lands a hot guy
>Cue Anon, who shows interest in Lyra instead of Bon Bon
>Lyra could cut the "package deal" thing, grab Anon, and never let go
>Instead, she loyally sticks to the deal and offers to turn their relationship into whatever word for "herd" that the human version of horseland uses

>Lyra has a bad judge of character
>Stallions take advantage of her
>The most recent one is why Lyra lives with Bon Bon instead of, you know, her house
>It's because she doesn't have one any more.
>Bon Bon is fiercely protective of her friend and only lets up when she's satisfied that Anon won't screw Lyra over
>After that, she's the sweetest mare in the world







>Opposite of that.
>Being tall and slender with a defined face is seen as the one of the hallmarks of regal beauty.
>Meaning that alicorns are the most desirable pony race by far.
>In comes you, now the tallest being in Equestria.
>Add that to your long limbs, your relatively narrow profile, and your foal-like face (small yet defined facial features.) and ponies look at you like humans look at alicorns.
>Majestic, yet adorable in an otherworldly way.
>You may not fill a few other things that ponies find attractive, but being exotic makes up for much of that.
>Can't take even 10 steps outside before ponies crowd around.
>Even the most macho mares become shy yet are still compelled to vy for your attention.
>Stallions practically mow each other down to get close and enthusiastically try to befriend you, like how girls in highschool form a clique around the pretty girls. 
>You're not real sure how to take it.




>Humans are to ponies in popular fantasy what elves are to humans.
>Haughty perfect mary-sues with more powers and perfect "quirk"s than can be counted that every lonely fa/tg/irl either furiously masturbates to or hates irrationally. Sometimes both. 
>Then, a human. AKA you, pops into Equestria.
>Right in the middle of a Dugouts n Drakes convention filled with nerd mares and the occasional poser stallion.





>Anon has a marefriend
>Luna has taken interest in Anon
>Luna doesn't do anything malicious to him or his marefriend, but she has the power and money that allows her to butt in at inappropriate and inconvenient times
>Sitting at the table next to theirs at a restaurant
>Talking loudly in the movie theatre just a few rows down from Anon and his marefriend
>Writing out the words "buck off he's mine" in the stars while Anon and his marefriend stargaze
>Anon and Marefriend make love
>Lean in to kiss
>Luna's head pokes out from the covers and goes in between them

>Luna is in your fridge drinking all your soda and beer when you open the door to get something cold to drink
>"This ale - be it thine mare's?"
"No, it's mine."
>"Then thou should be thankful We art here, fair Anonymous. It isn't proper for an unwed colt to be drinking of the alcohols."

>Drunk Luna tries to make constellations in the sky for you 
"Alright, Luna, what do you have to show me."
>" 'tis... 'tis a present. We gifted upon thee a... buckin' beauty amongst the stars that nary rivals thine own."
>You look up at the sky and see a bunch of stars connected to make a vagina
"Luna? Is that-"
>Luna begins laughing loudly and falls over





> Anon wears the absolute worst Hawaiian shirts and plaid pants
> Tie die and neon biker shorts
> Rarity has to be held back from destroying his wardrobe
> Twilight theorizes that Anon is wearing mating plummage to attract a female, even though there are no human females on Equestria
> It's just so tragic, putting on a display that will never work
> Rainbow and Fluttershy are confused
> Normally it's female pegasi that put on showy displays to impress the male's
> So why are they a little turned on by Anon in his Grateful Dead t-shirt and blue polka dot overalls?
> Ponks is in love
> Applejack dismisses it as coltish whimsy




>Anon brazenly stares at the backsides of mares and their marely bits
>They welcome the attention and don't bother to hide it
>Stallions throughout town grow resentful of Anon's sluttery
>Anon keeps a list of the size, shape, and desirability of the clit of every mare in town
>Writes it in his stupid writing system from back home
>Twilight sneaks into his home one night and copies it
>Spends a week deciphering stupid human writing system




>anon cant speak horse
>but can read pony body language fairly well
>coupled with humanlike facial expressions and animalistic behaviors
>they wag their tails when happy
>ears fold back when theyre sad/annoyed
>and theyre all so ADORABLE 
>anon picks up and pet any pony that greets him
>pony is flustered but dismisses it as alien colt whimsy 
>other pones try to take advantage of anon's ignorance
>but anon can see it coming
>he just picks them up and pets them too
>flustered pone cant continue or else her maresculity card would be revoked



>Anon, due to the way he arrived in Equestria, shows up naked as the day he was born
>In a perfectly spherical indention in the ground and wall
>Ponies don't understand his want for clothes
>They take away any cloth because it'd be impolite to be so lewd in public, or in front of the princesses
>He still thinks all these little ponies are adorable
>He picks up and pets every single one that comes up to him
>Even the princesses, who are surprisingly light compared to him
>However, nopony can get him hard
>After a while, a prize pot is established for whoever can
>Luna and Celestia both made the pot quite large
>No one can convince Anon that ponies are for sexual





>Get send to RGREquestria.
>Inb4 REEEEE
>Get transformed into a bad OC while you're at it. 
>You are now Kagome in every teen girl's Inuyasha fanfic ever.
>That is to say, you're loaded down with dumb powers and everyone the opposite gender wants to fuck you. 
>Need to find a way back to your real body, and ASAP.





>Anon winds up in a different spot in each of the alternate timelines
>Crystal War: he ends up a pin-up model because nopony will let him fight on the front lines
>Gets put on trading cards included in MREs, along with a bunch of other stallions
>Nightmare Moon's Victory: Nightmare Moon makes him learn to love her
>Twilight nearly goes nuclear when he sees him laying on her throne like a babe in Conan
>Changeling Victory: Teaches the ponies to go Far Cry on Chrysalis' ass
>only has loincloth for clothes
>Tribe shares him between themselves
>Twilight stays a little too long when they invite her to spend some time with him

>Back in the primary timeline
>Twilight documents her encounter in incredible detail
>Creates anatomy drawings and notes
>Passes them around her friends
>Anon wonders why Twilight and co are acting all weird now




>After seeing how much trouble that the mane six get into, Anon decides that he want to settle with a more normal mare.
>While not an unfit slouch, adventure just isn't his thing.
>Hell, being a house husband sounds NICE.
>The six are baffled that this exotic and surprisingly pleasant male keeps rebuffing their attempts to deepen their relationship beyond "Acquaintances"
>it goes against all they know.





Anonymous, having acquired what passes for a computer and an internet connection, is pleasantly surprised to stumble across Equestria's version of 4chan.

After lurking for a while (because only faggots don't know the value of lurking moar,) he decides to do what he's best at - trolling and shitposting, not to mention tripfagging where appropriate to rile up the plebs.

He winds up inadvertently bonding with Princess Luna, who also happens to shitpost, troll, and tripfag - albeit under an assumed name. It's not proper decorum for royalty to be seen doing such things, after all.

That bonding eventually turns to dating, and nobody seems to be smart enough to draw the obvious parallel between the two most notorious shitposting tripfags suddenly being in a relationship and the latest hot gossip about the relationship between Princess Luna and Anonymous the human.

At least, not until Twilight Sparkle starts looking at the situation…


"And judging by the speech patterns of both of them I have concluded that Anon and Princess Luna are the notorious internet trolls Toohueforu and FatCelestia"
>You finish presenting your findings to Celestia
>She doesnt seem happy about the results
>In fact she as just sat there mumbling since you finished
>"FatCelestia? Really Luna thats so petty! Well see how she likes it when the tables are turned!"
>Celestia finally locks eyes with you again
>"Oh Twilight how versed are you on shitposting?"
"I studdied over 200 years worth of historical shitposting when preparing this so I could correctly classify ea-"
>"Perfect!" Celestia announces cutting you off
>"Tomorrow we shall get started!"
>You look at her confused
"Get started with what Princess?"
>She gets a wide and evil looking smile on her face
>"With my plan to drive those trolls off of ponychan Twilight!"




>"Oh look, Anon's DVD collection!"
>"Dirty... Hairy? Ooh, I didn't know he was into this! Let's see what colts schlick to..."
two hours later
>"That was not a porno. That was not a porno at all. B-but why am I so wet?"




>Estrus is the only time that mares act like traditional females. 
>Rainbow crawls into your lap, pushing your book away.
>She looks up at you, her smiling face red and her eyes just a bit glassy.
>Pawing at your chest, she mewls out that she wants a foal.




>Herds are a common thing, but they're almost always a single tribe deal

>Pony standards of beauty for Earth Ponies are vastly different than from Pegasi or Unicorns.
>Most Stallions are only sexually attracted to their own kind of pony

>Occasionally you'll find a stallion that bucks tradition and goes after 'exotic' mares
>A Pegasus who prefers that Thicc Earth Pony booty over the more streamlined pegasus form for instance
>But it's not very common

>Mix-and-match herds are rare, even if the mares would otherwise be fine with it or prefer it, because good luck getting a stallion to go along with that.
>This has been a bit of a problem for ponies like Octavia and Vinyl, or Lyra and Bon Bon, who would love to find a stallion together, but a colt who wants both of them doesn't seem to exist.

>Enter Anon




>Working class mare living paycheck to paycheck
>Mare loses mane in industrial accident
>Due to a variety of factors, like not giving a fuck, not being to afford a proper wig, and losing a bet to her friends while drunk, is wearing wooden liberty spikes
>Looks really silly but she's tough enough that no one would mess with her anyway
>In comes Anon
>Sees pony seems to be wearing a gnarled spiky helmet and thinks its the most metal thing he's seen in Equestria so far
>Walks up and starts talking to the mare, compliments her headwear
>ConfusedAndFlusteredToughGirl.parchment




>Anon is involved in a shipwreck.
>He and his herd take control of the situation to rescue all the passengers.
>Anon's lifeguard skills help him save stallions and little colts and fillies that've gotten separated from their herds.
>Despite his mares' insistence, he refuses to abandon ship until he's the last man (pony) left
>A sudden rupture in the hull causes the slowly sinking ship to quickly capsize
>He's separated from his herd and presumed lost at sea

>A week after his funeral, his mourning herd gets a message
>Anon is alive and well in the seapony kingdom!
>But the seapony mares that rescued him have now claimed him as their stallion
>Shoo shoo be doo RGRE

>If a mare gets together with a seapony stallion, she's lucky
>If a stallion is in a relationship with a seapony, he's obviously been abducted and forced into it

>Anon never even had a herd- he just so happened to be on the same cruise with some asshole mares



>"Hey there good-lookin', how would you like to carry my brood?"
>"Look at them sexy legs, unf. It makes my fins go all a-quiver!"
>"Ugh, I can't see! Is he taking his shorts off yet?"
>Sigh
>It seems like no matter where you go you just can't escape this reversed gender role fuckery
>All you wanted to do was go to the beach alone, without ANY mares, and RELAX
>Maybe even catch a few rays. Maybe get a little tan
>But no, soon after you arrived three weird looking fish-mares jumped up on a nearby rock and started catcalling you.
>You try your best to ignore them and lay back on your beach towel letting the sun soak into your skin and closed your eyes
>After a while the light behind your eyelids go dark, as if you were being covered by a big shadow
>That didn't make any sense, there wasn't a cloud in the sky
>You immediately open your eyes and immediately freeze up at what you see
>A gigantic fishpone snuck up on you while you were sleeping
>"Um, would you like to, um, go for a swim? With me. I'm not evil I promise."
>Fucking seaponies








>Celestia grows lazy, meaning Twilight is regularly selected for diplomatic missions
>Anon has nothing better to do, and she wants some company, so she brings him along
>Various meetings bring up all kinds of uncomfortable topics
>Including constant offers to Twilight to marry far-away lands' princes
>Twilight is excited at first, thinking she'll end up with a beautiful colt who is fair, does housework, and gives good head
>As she journeys further and further however, discovers that the other races are frankly disgusting and her dream prince is nowhere to be found
>Gets sick of it all eventually, but knows she can't give up her job
>Eventually just decides to marry Anon, not out of love, but just for some peace of mind
>Something something RGRE

>Anon can see through her bullshit.
>Mostly because she openly admits why.
>Can't decide between marrying a princess for political reasons or keeping himself pure for his future waifu.


>Twi is honestly uncomfortable with the idea of marrying some male she barely knows.
>It goes against her fairly chivalrous nature. 
>But the pressure she's faces from other nations that want an easily moldable foothold in Equestria quickly becomes overwhelming. 
>Before Twilight breaks under the constant offers, Anon swoops in and pretends to be her lover, one so devoted and perfect that none of the arranged husbands could compete.
>To be sure his friend is out of trouble, Anon even does some demeaning things expected of males to complete his image, though not without teeth-gritting reluctance. 
>The flood of marriage contracts stops cold.
>Twilight is beyond grateful for the peace, and now has Anon at her side whenever possible.
>Somewhere down the line, however, the acting between the two starts to become real.

Well, do you think we'll be able to get along for the rest of our lives?
>"If you'd stop making fun of my plot, sure."
>Twilight stops at the table, and smiles at you
>"I was more worried you would find all of my... hobbies... weird."
Everyone's got their own strange 'hobby', Twi. I'm no different.
>You kneel down in front of her
Besides, we don't have to spend that much time together if you don't want to. We're only pretending to love each other.
>Twilight gives you a hug suddenly, catching you off-balance and you kind of fall into her
>"It's okay Anon, you've become one of my closest friends since our adventures together started. We'll get along just fine."
>She's hugging you a bit too tight.
Don't choke me, Twiggles.
>"I'm just pretending to hug you!" she giggles.
Well, I ain't pretending to like i-
>Soft, warm, wetness presses against your lips
Twi?
>"Just a pretend kiss."
>...
>The fuck is she going on about?
>You stand up, holding the small alicorn in front of you
>She wants to play that game, huh?
>"Oof!" her leg twitches and her hug intensifies while you firmly grasp her booty.
Don't worry, that's a pretend grope.
>"Haha! Pretend..."
>Your head yanks forward into hers again, and this time she slips her tongue into your mouth, then letting go with a pop
Nngh... heh... pretending to make out, right?
>"Haha! Just pretending!"
>The two of you don't stop laughing while you take your pants off
>Twilight grunts as you slam her onto the table, before laughing again
>"Hahaha! I guess we have to pretend to fuck to, right?"
Yep, just pretending!
>You spend the next hour roughly pretending to fuck her on the table, knocking over every plate, utensil, and glass off while she pretended to moan very loudly
>After you pretend to cum inside her, the two of you make your way to her bedroom, where you pretend-cuddle and then pretend to fall asleep together.
>What a legendary prank. You should tell Pinkie.

>You will never be dragged along with a friend while she visits her family for a few weeks in another city
>You will never be convinced to pretend to be in a relationship with her to get friends/family off her back
>You will never put on a big, fake smile and tell an equally false story about how the two of you met
>You will never go to a nice restaurant for dinner
>You will never start to feel a bit more relaxed around her family
>You will never keep the charade up as the days go by
>You will never sit close to her and enjoy the warmth coming off of her body
>You will never hold hands in public to keep up the illusion
>You will never go star-gazing some nights just in case a suspicious relative is watching when you least expect it
>You will never convince one another (without very much effort involved) that you should share a bed because that's what couples do
>You will never cuddle under the covers
>You will never wake up to the sight of your friend's face
>You will never give each other sleepy smiles
>You will never eventually go home together
>You will never realize that her family will continue to ask about your relationship and where it's going
>You will never decide to keep up the facade of courtship so that the "made up" stories are easier to come up with
>You will never be this happy








>Fem Sentry the husbando snatcher.
>Swoops down and snags you in the middle of town before carrying you away.
>The REEEEEE of the handful of mares wanting you is audioable for miles. 
>Life afterward is okay. Despite being a bit of a douche, Fem Sentry's subtle bragging about having the tightest pussy in town is true and she plays guitar.





>Anon desperate for cash starts looking through his stuff to do for money.
>Equestria is at a modern level of tech, so most of Anon's books are useless.
>Except for his monster-girl encyclopedia.
>Gets the idea to instead make a monster-stallion encyclopedia instead.
>Starts making a shitload of cash.
>NEET mares start buying the books in droves.
>Stallions complain about it.
>Then a wizard pone tries to make monster husbando real.
>Shit goes horribly wrong quick has mares are being raped on the streets and stallions are being monsterized.




"I look like a fucking idiot."
>"No, you look great!"
>When you first heard about "underwater breathing device", you thought it was some kind of protection amulet that puts a layer of air around you
>You were entirely wrong
"How is having my entire head submerged in a big soap bubble 'great'?"
>"Well, you can come over to my place now!"
"And what if this thing pops?"
>"Nonsense! It's pointy-proof!"
>To prove her point, sharkwaifu blows a smaller bubble and puts it between her teeth
>She bites down, and the bubble doesn't pop, instead it just reshapes itself like a squeaky toy
>You sigh, knowing that there's no way of talking yourself out of this

>Anon and Bitey visit Ponyville and Twiggles
>Celestia decides that the Princess of Friendship should try to re-establish relations with the sharkponies
>She scares off all the stallions because of her teeth
>Which are all visible almost all the time because she can't contain how happy she is to be exploring the land kingdoms
>Ponies in general get uncomfortable because the both of them have predator teeth and eat meat
>Anon has to stop every half-hour or so to spray her down with a squirt bottle full of water and rub it in all over her slick body
>Twilight stops mid-lecture when he casually pulls it out and starts wetting her down
>Bitey complains about a tooth bothering her
>Anon casually reaches into her maw and yanks it out of her face
>She thanks him
>Twilight nearly faints and makes an excuse to take a break
>Anon and Bitey go to the local restaurant that serves fish and, just for fun, eat it like a couple animals
>Tearing into it with their whole faces, ripping it off the bone and the plate, flinging bits of fish everywhere
>Both stay in the palace pool room
>Fuck in Twi's pool for shits and giggles

>Anon meets a sharkpone at their new embassy in Canterlot while there on a trip with Twilight, who is crushing on him hard
>He wanders into their embassy, thinking it's an aquarium
>Winds up trading stories with one of the shark ponies in the huge pool
>She convinces him to go for a swim with her, thinking he'll make for a good chase for a while
>He strips down to his boxers and makes her fins go stiff
>He asks if sharkpones have the same features as sharks back home, like sandpaper skin, weird sensory organs in their snouts, and easily-replaced teeth
>She lets him rub his wigglers on her skin
>Oh they feel good against her slick skin
>Convinces him to inspect her snout
>She can smell and sense all sorts of things about him
>It's getting better
>Offers to let him pull out a tooth
>It's hard for him to get a good grip, so he wraps one arm around her and holds her close against his chest, then uses the other to yank it out
>It's too much for her, she passes out
>Anon accidentally causes an international incident
>The sharkpones agree to forgive him if he stays to make it up to them
>JustAsPlanned.shark





>Anon arrives in Equestria a good 15-ish years after the show
>Pops into existence in the tundra around the Crystal Empire, and so he just chills in the castle and agrees to questioning in exchange for room and board
>Flurry Heart crushes on him hard
>She's extremely embarrassed about her enormous wing-boners that her well-above-average sized wings give her
>Anon, meanwhile, still hasn't picked up on what the extended wings mean
>He just thinks it means she's happy to see him

>Be Flurryheart
>You were having tea with the alien creature, Anonymous.
>Your titled teacup did little to obscure your peeking as you sipped and locked your eyes on the flesh between his slightly parted shirt buttons.
>The Crystal Empire was no stranger to steamy summers, and Anon had taken it upon himself to loosen his garb, despite you sitting with him.
>Sundammit, he trusted you and here you were, tracing the soft curve of his inner chest with your eyes.
>He deserved a gentlemare and yet...
>It would be so nice... to lay your cheek down and press against him.
>Your stupid, big-ass wings twitched at your sides, rising slowly.
>You coughed, nearly spitting out your tea and clacked it down on it's saucer.
>Anon turned to you with a look of concern and you gave him a pained smile.
>His innocent stare only made your wings harder to restrain, and a shiver ran through you as he leaned over to get a better look at your face.
>Don't look down shirt, don't look down his shir—FUUU, you looked down his shirt!
>A hot blush flooded your face and you opened your mouth to apologize, but he merely titled his head and put the back of his palm against your forehead.
>"Are you okay, Flurry? You seem a little feverish."
>He got even closer, his face inches from yours.
>You could smell the fresh scent of his shampoo, and the faint orange flavor of the tea on his lips.
>You found yourself leaning closer, eyes locked into his slightly parted mouth.
>Would a little peck hurt?
>He suddenly turned to your wings and you felt your skin turn cold.
>Oh Lunas stars above, he was going to call you out this time, you know it!
>No colt could not know what it meant, not after this long.
>"Oh, Flurry, your poor wings looks horribly tense again. I've been thinking about that. I want to try to give you a wing massage. Maybe that'll help?"
>The heat in your face doubled and you suppressed a squeal.
>He just... right to your face... with the cutest most innocent smile you've ever seen.






yes, i'm surprised that anon doesn't see more interaction with other stallions in ponyville or canterlot. it's not like they don't exist, and most stallions would be at least trying to hang out with him, either because he looks good to ponies so they look better for hanging out with him, or he looks like an uggo to ponies, so they look way better by comparison.
they'd either be hot by association or by comparison, either way they win. not to mention there's all sorts of opportunities for stallions to take Anon under their leg or wing to show him the ropes and play matchmaker with him, since that's something that women do here (especially if they think they're good at it, they want to feel good about themselves, try to eliminate a thirsty mare from the dating pool, or they're taking pity on a mare that no other stallion would date)






> Be Prince Anon, of Labyrinthia
> Technically, you were adopted by the Royal Architect, but she is high enough in station that if she had a kid, they would be a prince or a princess
> However, the poor old girl is barren, and turned to interdimensional adoption 
> The ritual grabs an unwanted person younger than the ritualist, and warps them to the plane
> It wasn't fun, finding out that particular aspect of the ritual, but you can't really argue with it
> Stone Hinge isn't so bad, as adoptive mothers go
> The food is good, the labyrinth is fascinating, and she thought it was cute how you tended to stare at her impossibly large tits
> There are drawbacks, though
> She loves to teach you, but she never seems to think you are capable of independent action
> Admittedly, at least two thirds of the tauresses on the street could simply pick you up and carry you away, but it still kind of irked you to be stuck in a tower like some sheltered maiden or whatever
> And then, most of the time that you are outside of the house, you are at court
> While the parents are talking about matters of state, the youngsters like you usually walk in the gardens, or chat in tea rooms
> Despite your many lessons, you don't quite fit in here
> You suck at poetry, dance, and flower arrangement
> The other guys get scared off by your "uncouth" speech and "wild" personality
> The girls, sensing weakness, try to tie you up in word games, so that you'll agree to suck their clit or something
> More than a few have suggested a midnight rendezvous, for more intimate discussion
> You'd gladly take them up on the matter, their boobs are amazing, but Minos have a pretty good sense of smell
> The first tauress you bedded would lay claim to you the next day, and snap you up in a forced marriage
> For the time being, you content yourself with mutual groping and ass grabs





>”It’s just not natural I tell yah!”
“Applejack calm down.”
>”Twilight I ain’t havin’ it.”
>Your wings rose up to your temples and began moving in a circular soothing motion.
“Remember when we had our little misunderstanding about Zecora? Maybe we should just be-“
>”That was different and you know it Twi, first it’s Anon, next thing yah know and all the colts will get stolen by those- those”
>Applejack was a good pony, but sometimes she had this bad habit of being a little…
>”Dang Ziggers!”
>Racist

Meanwhile at Sugarcube Corner
“I told you these cupcakes were great.”
>The zebrican princess only smiled as she engulfed another cupcake.
>Being the newly appointed ambassador to Zebrica was by far the best job you could’ve hoped for.
>Good pay, a great dental plan, and all the zebra princess pussy you could want.





>You are Anonymous
>You have been in the harem of Sultana Rahima for two years.
>You are one of her favourites, an Ikbal, the highest rank that can be attained before becoming one of her husbands.
>To climb higher, one had to give the Sultana a foal. Something very unlikely to happen, in your case.
>Despite many attempts, your seed would not take. Humans and ponies cannot breed.
>Not entirely unsurprising but you are still saddened by it. You love her and would happily give her foals if you could.
>But apparently it is not to be.
>The other harem members were quick to notice and just as quick to mock you for it.
>As long as Rahima wasn't present, of course.
>One of the husbands, Faizan, was especially infuriating.
>He'd walk past you when you were practicing your dancing or reading in the palace gardens, his five children in tow.
>When they passed you, he'd look at you with a smug, gloating expression on his face.
>Look at what I've made. You will never have this.
>Bastard.
>You take some small comfort in the fact that any love between him and the Sultana appears to have cooled.
>She did not give him any truly extravagant gifts on his birthday like she usually does with her husbands, only a modest sum of bits, and her attitude towards him that day was formal and stiff.
>You wonder if Rahima even slept with him that day. Hopefully not.
>Taking a deep breath, you calm yourself. Today is not a day to be angry.
>Rahima is coming home today. 
>Her campaign against the zebra tribes in the south has been long but is now finally over.
>The husbands will be the first to greet her, and after them the Ikbals.
>You want to look your best for her.
>You take another look at yourself in the mirror, making sure you haven't missed anything.
>Your golden necklace and earrings, your bracelets, your robes...
>Yes, everything seems to be in order.
>Smiling, you turn away, leave the room and start making your way to the courtroom to await your beloved Sultana.





>Anon is in an abusive relationship by pony standards
>No goodnight kisses
>Only 15 minutes of good-morning cuddling
>Whenever she makes cookies she gives Anon all the burnt ones
>Anon's mare friend finds out about this and whiteknights him super hard





>Your marefriend Spitfire brings you home with her.
>Her widow mom unashamedly hits on you.
>Sptifire is embarrassed, but doesn't stop it. 
>Remember that you saw one smaller herd in Ponyville where a mare and her mother were both in it.
>Wait...
>Oh shit.

>Your Superior Human Predatory Hearing allows you to hear their whispers
>"Moooom, I called first dibs, ok?"
>"You're right, dear, lemme know how he is in the sack!"
>"Mom! Wait until he's not here to ask that, ok?"




>Cadence adopts Anon because weird horse things.
>Maybe he needed parent's permission to enroll in magic school or something
>He is now invited to all the family events
>Enduring the joked about the situation is a small price to pay for VAST COSMIC POWER
>Zap zap zap motherfucker.




>Take in mature, older mares down on their luck.
>Adventure across Equestria for the fountain of youth, because you know it's there somewhere.
>Give your experienced waifus a new lease on life.
>Get the best of both worlds with youthful, yet wizened mares.




>Move to Canterlot.
>Meet an older mare in the bar one night.
>With a bit of bonding over drinks, learn that she was kicked out of her house and family by her stallion after the nastiest of more than a few arguments.
>Shit man, that doesn't sit right with you.
>Offer your spare room to her free, much to her shock.
>Grow closer to her, as she does to you.
>Finally, you can't take it and admit you love her.
>She sadly turns you down, not wanting you to weighed down by a "sad mare well past her prime."
>Fuck that.
>Find a way to bring her back to her prime so she'll accept you and get a second chance at once. 
>Doesn't matter of that means blowing all your savings on a de-aging potion or punching out some ancient evil guarding the fountain of youth, you MUST have her.
>Return with your prize and give it to her.
>She's beyond stunned. No stallion would ever go so far for a mare. This is something out of a fantasy book.
>Tearfully, she accepts both the second chance and your affection.
>Young once more, you and her plan to elope and marry.
>But before you can do that, she wants to explain to her now adult children.
>That's cool.
>Get a sinking feeling when you and her take a train to Ponyville.
>Feeling gets worse when she heads right for the gaudy crystal castle in town.
>Well, now you know why the name "Twilight Velvet" was ringing so many bells.

>Anon purposefully says shit to Twilight like, "your mother and I think..." and "your mother and I want to talk to you..."
>Manages to keep a straight face when he starts to insist that Twilight call him "dad"
>In reality, Anon doesn't actually care what Twilight calls him
>He just thinks that the way the purple mare glares at him when he brings it up is hilarious

>Anon and TwilightVelvet show up with a daughter.
>The satyr girl already made it into celestia shcool for gifted unicorns.
>She's basically a less autistic version of twi with access to human ingenuity.
>She and flurryHearth get along like a house on fire 
>Candance finds her adorable.
>Twi is ecstatic as she gets to play the big sis role.
>Shining likes anon's bombass tea
>NightLight buttmad, Anon is nearing a smugness singularity




>Valentine's day in RGRE
>Anon expects something cutesy and innocent, like mares shyly handing out pre-made cards and cheap little chocolates like it's elementary school
>What he doesn't expect is an enormous fist fight (hoof fight?) in the middle of town, where the mares compete to see who is most worthy of courting Ponyville's stallions



>Everyone in Ponyville participate in school-like pre-made cards giving, with guessing who send cards to who, everything is serious
>Anon tried that for the first time
>It's chaos, everymare is trying to find who is his valentine and find which card is his
>So serious that Twi in head of analytic team trying to determine it by hoofwriting
>A regular chaotic day in rgre ponyville




>Fleur takes a trip to Ponyville for a photo-op with the mane 6
>Anon volunteers to escort her and give a tour of town
>Fleur thinks he was assigned to her as an "escort" and holds his hand in her hoof in public whenever she can




>Caramel kicks a mare out of his herd for something petty
>Expects her to be back the next day with flowers, gifts, and apologies like usual
>Instead she doesnt come back
>He gets worried after a few days and goes looking for her
>Finds out Anon snatched her up and has been pampering her
>She refuses to go back to Caramel and Anon tells him to hit the bricks
>Now that Anon has her Caramel wants his mare even more than ever

>secretly this is Anon's job
>mare gets kicked out of a herd
>the norm is for them to go back, practically begging to rejoin
>not anymore.stealyourwaifu
>mare's pay Anon to pretend they're a part of his herd now
>he pampers them to no end to get the stallion's to beg the mare's to come back
>this happens so often that Anon constantly has a sizeable herd so it isn't brought into question too often
>when it is Anon simply states how he's happy to let his mare's be happy with another stallion
>the stallion's are none the wiser






"Pinkie, you really need to cut down on the sweets."
>"B-but, ha~h, Anon, you know how much I like cupcakes!"
"Pinkie if you keep this up our foals will be diabetic in a month."
>"I just want my foals to like it, and I hoo~h know you like my diet."
"I'll like your taste no matter the diet, Pinkie. You know that. But I want our foals to be healthy, so something's gonna have to change."
>"Oh Nonny, I love it when the stallion takes charge. But -nnph!- Twilight says you don't have to induce for another three months!"
"I know what she said."





(Celestia)
>Anonymous please, you know I am sensitive about how big my teats are.

>"M-most stallions almost completely avoid them if we're not g-giving them a t-teatjob."
>"You're the first stallion I've met that actually likes to...to do that..."
>"So eager, Anon, I'll have to check with twilight and see if she has any spells to help me keep up with you."


>Celestia keeps her teats at lactating size.
>If you catch her at the right angle, you can see them shaking and jiggling between her legs.
>The truly lucky get to see one or two pure white drops drip off of them.
>Starts a new obsession with various noble stallions.
>Their mares try to mirror the princess with various degrees of success.

>She extends your life and youth with magic.
>And in return, you give her the large family that time has denied her.
>Before 100 years are out, the alicorn population is exploding if you count children growing and having alicorn foals of their own.
>Countless thousands of years later, you and Celestia are remembered as the father and mother of all modern ponies, who are all alicorns with human blood at this point.

>With nopony dying of old age due to magic, and the insatiable lust of alicorns, the population explodes
>Soon there are only two factions left: children of the sun and children of the moon
>Soon there is very little room left on this world
>Especially after your waifus and daughterus and their descendants rid the world of the lesser races
>You will never lead your planet-covering family in a quest for the stars
>You will never rule the galaxy from your seat at the heart of the galactic pony empire




>Celestia is the Princess of Fertility
>She displays all the signs of a good mother
>Wide hips, big teats, a healthy appetite
>However, she's lacking one thing
>Genitals
>While her body is that of the ideal mare, she's cursed by fate to never mother any foals of her own
>She contents herself with being the mother of her nation instead, with every mare and stallion considering her as close as their own parents
>It's her fate, and she accepts it
>Still, she wishes she could have something... More...
>Equestria could use a strong father figure, after all




Absolutely everything. When Anon discovers their vaginas in Discord's chaotic realm, his first instinct is to slip his fingers in and tickle their clits.
After centuries of nothing, the sudden stimulation causes Celestia to start screaming lewdly in the middle of court.
It causes Luna to accidentally fire off a destruction spell at a nearby maid. Thankfully, magic health insurance allows her limbs to be regrown.

im imagining him casually spraying them down with a showerhead or something while the princesses some hundreds of miles away are practically convulsing from the stimulation

>Anon and the Quest for Royal Pony Pussy
>Literally. He carries them both in a silk bag in his pack.

>Mash both pussies together.
>Far away, both Celestia and Luna's faces go nuclear red.
>They both know whats happening.





>She breeds with you and claims it's just a Germoneigh eugenics experiment in public. 
>Also says her affection is just to keep a constant variable for the experiment.
>Often catches shit for saying such callus things about a male.
>Really, Aryanne fell hard for you but didn't want to admit something contrary to her lifelong beliefs.
>She loves you enough to die in your place should something happen. 
>Germoneigh still gets a copy of the notes she idly takes through pregnancy and motherhood, however.

>"Unh, ah, Ahnon, ja, f-fill me wiz your filzy subequine seed! Breed me like ze animal you are! M-make me a race traitor and knock me up wiz your human semen!"

>Anon winds up in RGRE Germaney.
>Ends up becoming a secretary for Aryanne.
>Has to constantly deal with her aggressive flirting and attempts to get in his pants.


>Field Report #788
>Foal #3 has been born without any health issues while being 15% larger than the average foal, just like his sisters before him. Doctors noted high amounts of brain activity in utero which jumped after birth. This is again consistent with my other two foals and most likely caused by their human dual heritage. My human mate is once again thrilled to have another healthy child. Just like the last two times, his mare-like attitude has softened into a more tender and nurturing one in the presence of the newborn. 
>The newborn is much more active than the average foal. Squirming, vocalizations, and short periods of open eyes marking a consistent average with my last two children. My mate has taken to holding the foal and playing with him when ever possible. The newborn responds well to the stimulation. 
>I am, as per usual, feeling large amounts of maternal love and find myself proud of producing such a healthy and lively child, as any normal mother would. This is consistent with my last two pregnancies and births. Lactation and feeding proceeding as normal, though my mate noticed my less than optimal milk production. He remedied this by preparing me oat and nut treats with fatty acid and Omega 3 supplements added. After only a days worth of consumption, my milk production jumped back to ideal levels, letting the foal have his fill. Leftover milk has been stored cold for later use.
>I still find my unfading love for my mate as powerful as day one. I noted in previous reports his distinct hardiness and general agreeably as being rather attractive, and I still stand by that. As he matures as a father, however, he as shown an increase in tender moments with both myself and our children. I personally enjoy it.
>I recommend finding a way to the human world of Earth due to the abundant supply of males my mate has talked about. Many Germane mares would appreciate the superior companionship and (albet not pure) potent breeding stock they provide.


>Sniper Anon in Nazi Equestria
>Elite commando operative sniper soldier fell into a pit of radioactive Jews while on assignment in Germany.
>Was transported to this strange new world.
>Much is different, yet so much remains the same.
>This world seemingly has no or few other humans.
>There are still Nazis.
>They just happen to be cute pony people.
>With magic.
>He still has his raifu.
>He still has a mission:
>To shoot Nazis.
>In the balls.
>This is made slightly more difficult due to many of these Nazi ponies being mares.
>That's not going to stop him though.
>He'll just have to shoot them in the lady-balls.







>Violent sex involves ponies tugging on his shirts and pants
>Trying to tackle him
>Ponies ride his dick twice as long as they would a regular stallion
>It takes about 30 minutes of a train being run on Anonymous in the town square before he's completely done





>Anon had been told that Equestria was RGR
>But he hadn't really internalized it
>It was just cute poners acting funny to him for the most part

>Then Hearts and Hooves Day came around
>It was Valentines Day in disguise, and he saw it as such.
>He knew it could be a very lonely holiday for the romantically unfortunate
>He'd spent far too many of them by himself

>But he hadn't quite realized just how many ponies in town had that problem.
>A few stallions, but mostly mares.
>A lot of mares.

>Sad poners are his kryptonite

>He ends up talking to Pinkie while she takes a breather from baking up a storm
>Mentions he wishes he could help somehow, but there's only one of him, and half a town worth of lonely mares.
>He couldn't give each of them a good long hug before sundown even he tried

>But Ponk has an idea
>A wonderful, awful idea
>About a cave and a pool...





>Mares show off their abilities to their highest extend in order to attract mates
>Once a mate is attracted and estrus begins, they quickly settle down and get a feel for each other with plenty of rutting
>If the stallion submits, the mare immediately begins preparations for marriage and in the meantime more rutting ensues
>Equestrian families typically have many foals. These are often separated into two categories: smaller families and larger ones
>Both still involve plenty of rutting
>Smaller families stay in the same community for most of their lives 
>Larger families either split up (Eldest children leaving, parents staying, sometimes vice versa) or as a whole will move in search of new lands, these first camps are known as "herds" and later develop into villages and then towns as nomads, friends, and sometimes small, separate families move into the communities 
>Ponyville started out this same way and is mostly populated by single mares, preyed-upon colts, and small families





> "Anon, darling, we need to talk."
> Never a good sign
"What about?"
> Rarity chews on her lip
> "The doctor says Twilight is going to have twins, and she already has two foals from you. Something must be done!"
> You sigh
> To be honest, when you heard about the whole herd thing, you had thought it was all about threesomes and moresomes with all the mares you could handle
> The reality is rather different
> Applejack works for most of the day, and still has to take care of her family
> And then there's the weird rivalry going on between Twilight and Rarity
> Twilight has been rather smug about being so fertile, and giving you strong foals
> Meanwhile, Rarity only has had one foal from you, which she spoils relentlessly
> And now she is talking about foals again, even though she is already pregnant
"What do you want me to do? It's not like I can get you doubly pregnant."
> Rarity smiles a little at that
> "Of course not, you silly man. But Twilight needs to be matched, or else she will be utterly insufferable. What I want you to do, is take my assistant to bed. Any foals by her will count on my side."
> You rub your face tiredly
"Your solution to Twilight being smug is not having me talk to her, but to bring yet another mare into the picture, so complicate matters further. Is that right?"
> She rolls her eyes
> "Please, countless mares have done the same thing. Normally I would hesitate to escalate matters this way, but Twilight's only assistant is Spike, and he can't give you foals."


>Bring in Rainbow.
>She has triplets from the get-go.
>If Rarity thought Twilight's smug was bad, then the sheer oversmug Rainbow has for pushing 3 foals out of her petite self is unreal

>Rainbow lies there, breathing slowly but harshly, near comatose from the intense 30 hour labor.
>Thankfully there'd been no health complications, but as a first time mother having triplets, both pregnancy and birth had been beyond grueling.
>She licks her chapped lips.
>"Rarity. Twilight. Come here. Please."
>You know pony hearing is good, but you imagine even they barely heard her whisper.
>They both shuffle closer, also ragged from seeing their dear friend undergo this ordeal. You don't think either had slept more than three hours.
>"How are you doing Rainbow Dash?"
>"Can I get you anything darling?"
>You smile to yourself. You know that even at their worst in this strange inter-herd pecking order rivalry, friendship ran deep and strong beneath it.
>Rainbow is looking past them to a nurse that's just entered, three foals on her back.
>With practiced ease, one foal is deposited at each teat, the extra into her arms.
>Rainbow licks her lips again, and stares at Twilight and Rarity, her magenta eyes seeming to spark back to life.
>A circling hoof takes in the three polychrome babies.
>"I made these."

>An hour later you're sitting in the waiting room, rubbing your face, trying to figure out how to explain in your friendship report to Celestia that your entire herd, including the actual Princess of Friendship, was now banned from Ponyville Horsepital for any non-medical reason, and had a warning from the ponice for raucous behavior and disorderly conduct.

> Be Applejack, coming home from a long day at the orchards
> The Apple family is doing well, you even had a chance to do some baking for your husband
> A nice warm apple pie for your sweetie pie
> You blush a little at the thought
> As you walk into Anon's house, you hear the foals giggling in the backyard, playing with their pa
> You smile fondly, setting the pie down on the table
> Twilight stumbles down the stairs, looking run down and tired
"Books ambush you again?"
> She shakes her head
> "Pulled an all-nighter writing up a report on astral transference for Celestia."
> Twilight sniffs, her ears pricking forward
> "That smells delicious, what's the occasion?"
> You smile at the compliment
"No occasion, just thought Anon might appreciate it."
> Twilight makes a little whining noise in the back of her throat
> "He wouldn't miss a slice, right?"
> You frown
"This is between me and him, Twi. I don't get much time with him, so I gotta make it count."
> Twilight considers this
> She draws a little circle with her forehoof, acting coy
> "I believe tonight is my turn sleeping with him, right?"
> You nod grimly
"Which is why I have to-"
> "I'll trade it for the pie."
> ...
"Done. Pleasure doing business with you, Mrs. Sparklemous."






>Male prostitution runs rampant throughout Equestria
>Especially in Canterlot
>When Anon first came to Equestria, prostitution was basically the only job available to him
>His best customer was a socially inept people unicorn, but she seemed to just quit coming to him for whatever reason
>A few years later, he moves to Ponyville to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city
>After meeting five of the mane six, they take him to meet Twiggles
>He remembers her
>He recounts his and her history, not realizing that most ponies take a hard line against stallion exploitation, and that he's jeopardizing her reputation and friendships




>You are Twilight, and you're here to greet the newest resident of Ponyville.
>You normally wouldn't do this (working as a librarian and having no real legal position of power), but Pinkie insisted that you attend the new pony's "Welcome to Ponyville" party.
>"Twilight?"
>Oh! It seems that he found you before you found him!
>You turn around and give him a big smile.
>...or rather, you give his crotch a big smile.
>Mare oh mare, he's tall.
>You look up... waaaaay up....
>...aaand...
>...and it's the hooker you used to call up all the time.
>Buck.
>He gives you a big smile and crouches down to scratch behind your ears, just the way you like.
>"Long time no see, Twi."
>Oh, fantastic. He remembers you.
>Double buck.
>>"You two know each other?"
>Rarity trots over to you, ears perking up at the prospect of new gossip.
>"Oh yeah," says Anon, cheerfully running his fingers through your mane, "We saw each other all the time in Canterlot."
>>"Do tell, darling."

>"Actually, Rarity, I'm here on retainer from Princess Luna to help all of you out here. She thought you girls could use some 'help' from time to time and get rid of any tensions that might arise from your duties as the Elements of Harmony."
>What.
>Just how old-fashioned does Luna want to go with this?
"Anon, could I speak to you for a moment in private? Behind the building, perhaps?"




>Your mouth is dry and your heart is racing
>They cant find out!
>It could end your friendships!
>You open your mouth to respond but no sound comes out
>"Oh I used to do all sorts of work for her back in Canterlot."
>Wait what?
>"She had many positions that I had to fill over the..."
>He scratches his chin
>that gloriously carved chin
>"Three years was it?"
>It takes you a moment to realize that he was speaking to you
"Uhh yeah three years."
>He nods
>"Yep three years of filling in and hard labor while she was working for Celestia."
>Reaching over he scratches that one spot on your muzzle that just turns your bones to jelly
>"Then one day she was just gone. POOF! I asked around but no one knew what happened to her."
"S-sorry about that."
>He gives you that toothy smile
>"Its alright purplespark you can make it up to me by helping me find a job. Maybe I can even work for you!"
>He picks you up and wraps you in a hug
>Ever so quietly he whispers in your ear
>"That is unless you want these kind ponies to hear about all the things you made me do on Princess Celestia's dime."
>He pulls back and sets you down
>"So what do you say Twilight? Do you know of any holes I can fill?"

>You stare at him in terror
>He had you by the teats and he was ready to twist them and you know he is good at it by experience
>His sinister sexy smirk tells you that he knew you were bucked
"Sure thing Anon. Come by the castle and I will get you set up."
>"Aww that's so nice of you Twily."
>You flinch at your childhood nickname and the embarrassing memories of role played sex involving it
>"So Anon you must tell me ALL that you know about the current trends in Canterlot!"
>Rarity, perhaps sensing your discomfort, grabbed the conversation by the reins
>You take the opportunity to escape for a drink
>Ducking under the punch table you begin to hyperventilate at the damage Anon could do
>Why did you have to be such a lusty teen?
>Why couldnt that part of your past stay in Canterlot where no one cares
>"This might help Twlight."
>Pinkie hands you a paper bag
"Thanks Pinkie."
>You start breathing into it until your mind catches up with what just happened
>You almost inhale the bag as realize Pinkie is under the table with you
"P-pinkie what are you doing under here!?"
>"Just helping silly. You looked like you were panicking out there. When you slipped away I knew you might need cheering up."
>Oh Pinkie if only you knew
"Its OK Pinkie Im fine. You can go back to the party if you want. Thanks for the paper bag by the way."
>She smiles at you
>"MmmmmmmmmmmmNOPE! Why is it that Anon freaks you out Twilight? Is he an assassin sent to kill you? Is he an old magic school rival? OHOHOH MAYBE HE IS YOUR OLD CRUSH!?"
"N-no Pinkie dont be ridiculous. Its just...complicated."
>She stares at you inquisitively for a few seconds before she shrugs
>"Okie Dokie Loki! If you need anything just come tell me! Iamalsogoodathidingbodies!"
"Thanks Pinkie fo-...what was that last part?"
>"Nothinggottagobye!"
>And with that she leaves you under the table
>Somehow feeling better


>Cadence was never Twilight's foalsitter in RGRE.
>This time around, her foalsitter is a teenaged Anon.
>Since she lives away from her parents in the castle, and most of her time with Celestia is dedicated to learning rather than leisure, that leaves Anon as her primary parental influence. 
>Thus, Twilight carried more than a few human mannerisms and a few ways of thinking into adulthood.
>The result is a radically different Twilight. Sometimes for the better, but not always.

>The reason why Twilights special talent is all magic and not just a very specific part of it is because Anon, as a human able to do anything, pushed her to explore and learn new things.
>It's found out that Starswirl the bearded had a human as well.

>Anon isn't technically her dad, but Twilight still sees him as her father
>It makes it really awkward when her friends hit on him all the time
>Even moreso when she's so adamant about none of them scoring with him
>Zecora starts fucking him out in the everfree, where twilight can't see them
>She finds out anyway and confronts her about it
>Zecora does a little song and dance as a rebuttal
>"Hoooow many times must your," *stomp stomp* "Father bang meeee, before you realize, your mother I'll be?"






>Anon is having a hard time meeting mares
>He's too marely for most of their tastes
>Twilight offers to help him seek out a mate

>Twilight is a kissless virgin nerd
>After years of not bothering with all that stallion stuff, she decides it's time to get her cherry popped
>Her friends decide that Anon's laid back, market attitude makes him a good starter dick, since he won't demand commitment

>Anon is a character from one of Twilight's favorite books
>And her husbando
>She brings him into the real world, hijinks ensue
>Three hijinks

>Twilight manages to connect to Earth's internet
>She infiltrates the RGRE thread on /mlp/ and writes prompts about herself

>Rainbow introduces Anon to Daring Do, thinking that they'll make great friends
>Little does Rainbow know, DD is a regular Stallioniser who prides herself on her sexual conquests as much as her literal ones
>Twilight is also there



>A fair elf maiden comes to equestria
>Most mares make fun of her for being a sissy
>it doesn't help that her teats are small
>Fluttershy and rarity feel good about not being the most coltish mares around anymore
>then come around anon, a male fair and pure as the driven snow
>Many of the equestrian residents try and win him over
>by being as marely as they can
>it doesn't work
>Anon meets elf girl
>he falls for her shyness and beauty
>Jelly and salt ensues

>Celestia conjures a mighty warrior to defend equestria from a terrible monster
>A mysterius biped clad in armor come forth
>the mysterious warrior swears loyalty to celestia
>after a gruesome battle they find out he's a male when he take off his armor
>Mares acuse Celestia of forcing a stallion to fight her fights
>The knight however stands by her princess

>Anon becomes a pimp
>Many stallion prostitutes go work for him believing that he will be gentle and caring of his fellow males
>He is not

>Anon comes to equestria without hopes of ever finding love
>Candence doesn't undestand why such kind, gentle and handsome stallion would have a hard time getting a mare
>then another man comes into equestria
>Unlike the cynical manlet anon, he is an adonis of a man with the charm of a prince.

>Equestria is invaded and anon goes full farcry
>The mane six are horrified that he had to lost his inocence in such horrible way
>They treat him as gently as possible to try to make him forget
>He had fun and wonders if he could join the army

>Anon gets fed up with the reverse genders bullshit and takes a hike to the everfree
>When he doesn't come back tomorrow the m6 go look for him
>Turns out the he found the secret deer civilization
>he fits in just right since the deers have the same gender roles
>he doesn't want to leave




>Anon fucks the evil right out of poor Woona
>She just needed some Love and loving dickings
>Elsewhere, Cadence feels a gigantic smile overtake her, and she knows not why

>Later on, Discord gets loose
>But the mane 6 never became element bearers
>Now they must put a stop to all this whimsy without the help of the Rainbow Riot Hose



>Nightmare Moon takes on her own form after being purged from Luna.
>Shacks up with Anon, deciding that cozy life beats a potential 3rd defeat.
>Finds herself with all the benefits of being an alicorn with none of the responsibility.

>You are Nightmare Moon, Queen of the Dark.
>And you sigh contently as you settle on the human sized loveseat lengthwise, letting you stretch out.
>The pillow you rest against has your lover's robust aroma, making the furniture that much more relaxing.
>The book in your azure magical grip wavers, then is set down the coffee table as you decide to simply doze.
>You could watch the "television" invention that had taken Equestria by storm in recent years, but decide against that as well.
>You roll your eyes after looking at the large box of a machine in the living room. A box that plays moving images broadcast from far away. What will they think of next?
>A sudden scent and the sound of sizzling coming from the kitchen made your nose twitch and ears perk.
>That must be your beloved preparing dinner.
>Without warning, your stomach grumbles, wanting the delicacies being prepared in the other room.
>It still amazes you that your beloved can turn common fare into mouth-watering cuisine. The sort that puts the royal chiefs of old to shame.
>Or maybe your relationship is coloring your opinion? You find it hard to speak ANY sort of ill about the father of your unborn foal.
>Your stomach growls again, reminding you that you eat for two now. 
>Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you shift on the couch and resign yourself to waiting. 
>Not even 2 months in, and the small lump on your belly is making you ravenous at just the smell of food.
>It would be unseemly for a queen to try and beg food out of her soon-to-be husb-
>Wait, you aren't a queen anymore. You have no need to hold yourself to such stifling standards.
>With a small smile, you rise and walk to the kitchen, intent on trying to sneak away with a treat.
>Idly, you wonder what Celestia and Luna are doing.
>Whatever it is, they can't be enjoying themselves as much as you are.

>meanwhile, in Canterlot
>Celestia is trapped in court listening to the retarded complaints and proposals of useless, spoiled nobles
>all she has to look forward to afterwards is a mountain of paperwork awaiting her approval or dismissal
>Luna is currently passed out in the castle library, buried under several piles of books and scrolls while attempting to bring herself up to speed on the modern world

>Celestia and Luna scry Nightmare often to see if she's up to no good.
>All they gets to see is the genocidal alicorn they reluctantly pardoned living a cozy and carefree life.
>It really hits home just how fucking unfair life can be.

>Anon and Nightmare build a house within the Everfree forest
>It is safe for Anon, since Nightmare never leaves his side
>It is safe for Nightmare, since she still retains the power of an alicorn
>They both love the permanent shade of the canopy, and venture out to their favorite clearings at night to gaze at the stars
>She has triplets, then twins, and several more children with Anon
>Both the parents and their children eat meat, and the eternally-reproducing monsters of the Everfree provide them plenty of sustenance.
>Their children all have a strange allure to them, and regular mares and stallions fall for them all the time
>All of Anon's children want a relationship like their parents, and so stay monogamous
>Several generations later, you have to walk more than ten miles in the Everfree forest to get to the truly dangerous areas
>But the first ten are dangerous for the heart





>Someway, somehow, Little League gets Anon to promise to start a relationship with her once she has a cutiemark or otherwise comes of age.
>And thanks to some old laws, his word as a male in a romantic situation like that is binding. 
>In the meantime, however, he has to deal with her as a hanger-on until she's of age.
>Honestly, he just wanted his life to stay quiet...
>But maybe having an adorable and mold-able wife-to-be won't be so bad(?) 
Who is he kidding? This is going to be a shitshow.
Meanwhile, League can't stop bragging to her insanely jealous friends.





>Be Proncess Celery, Best horse.
>You almost regret telling that alien to keep in touch with you.
>He's been dragoning all these whiney letters to you all month.
>Twilight's doing this, Twilgith's doing that.
>Please help me, Twilight's trying to put things in my butt
>A bloo bloo buh bloo bloo
>Fucking apelien needs to learn to chill
>You contemplate just telling him to fuck off.
>Nah.
>His letters still give you a high like any other, even if he's a little crybaby.
>You drop the latest letter and roll around in the big pile.
>Oh Luna it's so good, this is way better than those weaksauce poppies.






>Plot twist, Chad is actually very average, he's just a bit more into sports than the bookish Anon.
>They become pretty tight bros and act like it, but the mane 6+C&L think they hate each other.

>"They're hoof-wrestling? Clearly competing to attract mates."
>"Anon, apologize to Chad! You can't just call people-CHAD HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT ANON!?"
>They call each other asshole, fucker, and bitch all the time.
>"But Chad is clearly into sports! Why is he listening to Anon's book recommendations? Is-is he looking for Anon's weaknesses?"
>"They CLEARLY hate each other. Look at the way they bare their canines when they meet. I realize it looks like they're smiling, and I'm grateful to both of them for adapting to our ways when around ponies despite how weird it must be to show their teeth in a nice way, but among predator-species the act of showing teeth is an aggressive display, showing they can and will eat you."

>Mane6 plus princesses start taking "sides."
>Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Luna prefer Anon.
>Pinkie, Rainbow, Rarity, and Celestia prefer Chad.
>Cadence wants them to fuck.
>Anon and Chad just think they their friends are friends with each other's friends.






>Anon makes some friends in Ponyville
>That drunkard Berry
>Everfree zigger Zecora
>Bucking juggler Trixie 
>He also do a lot of "harmful" things like drinking strong, uncolty alcohol or wandering alone into forest

>M6 try to help him overcome his "problems" and escape bad company
>Anon just like spending time with his friends


>Anon gathers weirdos and outcasts into one herd
>And together, they have the time of their lives as one loving family.
>The sheer shock the M6 feel when they accidentally find the odd herd in a sweaty, deviant, writhing mass of an orgy rather than Anon pairing of with them one at a time like proper.






>Celestia is excited about adopting a protesting Anon
>She's going to play hoofball, give Anon his first drink of alcohol, and turn him into the mareliest marely stallion there ever was
>Luna, his "aunt", disapproves of Celestia treating the poor colt like a mare and tries to teach him how to be a proper stallion so that he can attract a mate
>Tries to teach him proper table manners, how to balance a book on his head, how to cook, and the best ways to tongue-fuck a mare

> At first it was just comfy incest-play with LunaMom
> But you wondered out loud if non-Alicorn pussy was different
> So she decided to involve her staff
> "You have to eat all the maids, Anon"
"Whyyyyyyyyyyyy"

>Luna embraces the hedonistic lifestyle by having all the female castle staff line up, winking pussies out
>Anon gets to choose 5 mares daily to "practice" on all throughout the day while pleasuring his adoptive mother throughout the night
>Some of the kitchen staff are starting to show after Anon got a little to enthusiastic one day
>They consider it an honor to carry Prince Anonymous's children and hope that someday they'll get added to the Royal Herd
>Life is good


>Luna can't find Anon one day
>Not only that, but her sheets haven't been washed yet
>Eventually finds Anon spooning one of the cleaning crew mares, rubbing her plump tummy and humming a lullaby from Earth

>Anon's herd is the entire female population of Canterlot Castle





>As you sit at the bar nursing your beer, Applejack hops into the seat next to you and orders a cider
>"It ain't as good as our cider, but we're out of season right now. I'll take bad cider over good beer any day."
>You shrug
"I never really cared too much about the taste, just that I get a good buzz."
>The two of you sit quietly together, the only noise being your sips, and her tapping hooves
>She seems nervous, she keeps glancing between you and her untouched drink
>Whatever it is, it must be pretty big if it's got Applejack worried
>She's the toughest girl/horse you've ever met, on Earth or in Equestria
"Is something on your mind, AJ?"
>She looks up to you, putting on a brave face to mask her feelings
>"...Would ya like to get hitched?"
>Okay, that wasn't what you were expecting
"Hitched? Like, married?"
>She nods, turning back to her glass and tracing the rim with the tip of her hoof
>"Ah don't really care for datin' and romance stuff. Colts are usually real soft and sensitive, ya gotta figure 'em out."
>"Yer not like the other colts, Anon, Ah get you. Ah'm gettin' a bit on in age, need to start thinking about startin' a family."
"I don't really know if we could start a family together, AJ."
>"Twilight doesn't think our species'll be an issue, says it ain't nothin' a little magic couldn't fix."
>A raised eyebrow from you, and AJ catches that she's probably said too much
>"N-not that I've been going behind your back or anythin', Ah just asked outta curiosity's all."
>She swallows nervously as you take another sip of beer
"This is kind of a big ask, AJ. I like you, but not even five minutes ago I thought we were just friends."
>She deflates
>"So, that's a no then?"
"I didn't say that. Just that it's a big ask."
>She perks up slightly
>"Ah suppose it is...Ah'll give you some time to think on it, okay?"
"Thanks, AJ."
>You pat her back, and she lingers on the contact for a moment before heading out
>You take another sip of beer
"This beer tastes awful."

> You take a sip from your growler of cider
"So, your sister asked me to marry her."
> "Ayup."
> Big Mac takes a sip from a steel can
> It's actually a margarita in there but he's got a "moonshining Jane-colt" reputation to maintain.
> Case in point, he turns away and horks a loogie about three yards off the veranda. 
> There's a long pause. He's a colt of few words. 
> "You considerin' it?"
"Yeah."
> "Eyup."
> He spits through his teeth, down into the flowerbed. 
>"She's all right. She'll do good by you."
> You take another swig
> She was right, this cider ain't that good
> Burns your throat a lot
> Too sweet
> Probably needs to be served cold to dull the taste
> Beats really shitty beer, though
> "She's noisy as fuck rollin' in the hay, though."
> Cider almost comes out your nose
> Jesus you thought it stung when it was just in your mouth
> "... Ah suppose some colts like themselves a noisy mare, though."




>Keep your family smaller than the average Equestrian herd.
>Each one of your children gets much more attention and care as a result.
>In fact, you can practically read their minds since you spend so much time on them 
>They all grow up to be successful and well adjusted adults with the added guidance.
>Meanwhile, if you ask an average stallion what one of his 17 children's favorite color is, he blanks out and frantically tries to remember.

>Small families have negative connotations, a holdover from the days when ponies were prey animals
>Even in safer, modern times, ponies consider small families to be irresponsible
>What if one or two of their foals dies? That's the end of their family line!
>Anon's waifu is freaked out when Anon doesn't want to bring any more mares into the herd
>Does he expect her to bear 10 foals?!
>Does he want her family tree to die out?!





>Catbird still insists on building a nest
>Sits on her offspring to keep them warm
>They get too old to be comfortably sat upon 
>She finds a suitable replacement in the form of her husbands ever willing face

>Catbirds have a strong "I must sit on Thing" instincts
>Once over from the cat part, and twice over from the nesting instincts she gets from the bird part
>Anon is the frequent target of being sat on
It doesn't even have to be sexual every time. Sometimes there's face-sitting, but other times she just feels like reading a book while she sits on Anon's lap.


>Gilda convinces Anon to carry her through Ponyville's market to show him off
>Neither of them have fucks left to give, so he carries her upside down and makes out with her
>Gilda hangs there and gives the ponies there the bird while giving Anon his bird







>Anon finds some wild potatoes near the Everfree
>Plants some but cooks most of them
>Applejack asks what he's eating
>Smacks the plate out of Anon's hand when he tells her "french fried potatoes and tomato ketchup"
>Tearfully asks why he's trying to kill himself





>Take in villain mares who have no hope of romance with their tarnished reputations. 
>Like Glimmer, Trixie, Sunset, Lighting Dust, Suri Polomare, and others doomed to die alone.
>Give them a second chance and help them adjust to normal lives.
>End up with a herd that is undyingly loyal, filled with individual skill, and a collective willingness to fuck shit up if need be.
>Realize later that you have a twisted mirror image of the M6




>Minotaurs: Big muscles, naturally stronk, can lift you above their heads
>Completely fall apart if they sprain their ankle and whimper whenever you leave the room
It's all apart of old prey animal instinct.
>"No, Anon, don't go! I'm so much easier to catch and eat!"

>Anon feeds his minotaur cowfriend soup while she sits on the couch, whimpering anxiously while she cradles her wrapped up ankle
>Is instinctively terrified of predators in her state 
>"I'm going to die on this couch, aren't I?"





>Anon, immune to magic and with strength proportional to ponies and his bodymass, volunteers to help reform villains
>Sells it to twilight and Celestia because he's different than all these other ponies who grew up here and has an alien mindset
>Humans also have inherently individualistic, defiant, and strong mindscapes with high resistance to mental tampering
>Also the ability to disregard, rationalize, or otherwise NOPE out of any kind of sights or experiences these ponies consider horrible
>He winds up talking to these villains as if they were any other pony
>Calls them on their shit
>Brings them down to earth, gives them some perspective in their lives
>All with the body, face, voice, and smell of a big strong stallion
>None of those mares stood a chance.


>Anon's herd's foals are all potential super villains in the making 
>they all have canine teeth, eat meat, and are a fair bit more aggressive than normal ponies due to being half-human
>Trixie, Glimmer, and Sunset's kids are all brilliant magical powerhouses seeking to delve into forbidden arts.
>Lightning Dust's kid isn't as fast as say Rainbow Dash, but can manipulate weather on a level no Pegasi has achieved before
>Suri's kid is ridiculously strong even by Earth pony standards
>They all have their mothers' cutthroat personalities
>the only thing keep them from actually going through with it is that it would disappoint their father


>Individually, they can be big and powerful.
>They were ruthless and powerful, with hatred, wrath, greed and envy feeding their hearts.
>before, they had nothing to lose.
>The cold and loneliness were all that they had.
>But now, there's somepony.
>More like somehuman, that now, helps them to try what they though was impossible.
>Someone to forget the pain of loneliness.
>Someone to be there to catch you when you fall.
>Someone to feed that past hunger.
>Someone to hug and forget the cold world.
>Someone to forget the wrath and give a second chance.
>Someone to heal and mend a broken heard.
>That's what the "villains" see in Anon.
>But what would happend if you take away what the villains cherish and love the most?

>The Princesses offer to PAY Anon's herd not to have anymore foals on the fear that the next really will become the next major threat to Equestria.


>Anon declines, since he loves making love to his waifus too much
>His waifus also make loads of money; at least when their skills are applied correctly
>Anon makes sure of this
>Celestia can't force him to stop
>She also can't do anything to keep him from having foals either, since he's got four ex-villains at his beck and call, and his daughterus would get desperate if they think the princesses themselves are out to get their father
>Discord's help is right out, since Sunset's foal has learned things nopony was meant to know, she could off him with enough effort
>Chrysalis is out too, since Trixie's foal could demolish the entire hive alone if she thinks her father has been kidnapped
>Not that they could make it past Suri's daughter
>She can't let Marchiavelli even hear about this, since she'd bungle the entire political structure and possibly turn them against her for generations
>Twilight's too nerdy to convince or seduce him, and it would only make him more powerfoal as the head of the herd
>What can she do to stop this?





>Big Mac, contrary to most stallions, isn't all that concerned about finding a mare or several and having a bunch of foals
>He's content with life as is, and he'll get around to it eventually.
>Maybe.
>If he feels like it.
>His attitude of course does not pass without comment from his many relatives
>Though the only one whose opinions he actually cares about is Granny Smith
>Granny's sort of grudgingly letting things be, sure that he'll come around later, convinced that all stallions do eventually.
>That and she knows how pointless it is to try to force an Apple about something that they've got their mind set on.
>Better to let him come around on his own time and make him think it was his idea.
>Maybe seeing his sister have some, and finding out he's "Uncle Mac" now would do the trick...

>Applejack has always wanted a large family
>Sure she has a lot of cousins and such, because the rest of the Apple Clan is huge.
>It just doesn't seem right to her that 'her' part of it is so small...
>If only the accident hadn't happened, she might have had a whole herd of siblings running around to help out on the farm
>But now with Anon around, and a little magical assistance, she just might be able to have her own little ones


>The other stallions in the town use him now as their clam-jamming fat friend when they take him out to the bar with them every week
>He's a really good line of defense, even better than the really marely colts they had before
>Until the day he was disarmed by a cutie patootie derpy hooves
>She wasn't aggressive, just forward
>Kinda clumsy, but genuinely interested in Anon
>She was a nice mare
>Anon leaves his friends to the wolves at the bar and takes her home





>Anon and Pinkie Pie start dating
>All the stallions try to convince him to leave her, since he deserves so much better than that chubby weirdo
>He doesn't even notice; The subtext of their backhanded compliments flies right over his head

>"She's got so many friends. How can she spend the time together you deserve?"
"Yeah, her schedule can be a little hectic at times, but that just makes the time we spend together even sweeter."
>"You know, she is a little... Plump. Most stallions wouldn't give her a second glance."
"She could stand to lose a few pounds, but what do you expect? She works at a bakery."
"Besides, that thick earth pony muscles, with a little layer of fat... She's like a big cuddly pillow!"




>Anon brings a musical instrument with him to Equestria
>He ends up becoming a famous musician
>Despite the fact that he's just getting up on stage and playing music normally, he becomes something like the Equestrian equivalent of a J or K pop star
>Including the devoted, fanatical, cancerous fanbase
>When he starts dating a mare, his fans are up in arms
>He's supposed to stay pure for them, dammit!
>Since there's no internet to harass him or his slut over, a few of his most ardent fans decide to head to his hometown and try to preserve his precious virginity
>Hijinks ensue




>Anon assumes Rainbow is gay and asks her how to get mares.
>Rainbow plays along because gay friend perks.


"Anon you don't have to stuff your thong."
>"Excuse me? This is all me, dash"
"No way, it's not even subtle. It's like there's a sausage stuffed in there."
>"Don't believe me? Feel for yourself."

>"C'mere, Anon."
"What is it?"
>"Pants off. Mares get weirded out if your junk smells weird, so I'm gonna get a whiff and see if you need to take a shower or something."

>"Anon, you need to make sure that a mare will stick with you even after the first time having sex. I can teach you how."
"Ok, how would I do that? Buy her flowers and listen to her a lot?"
>"No, you need to be the very best at 'giving her face.' Don't worry, I'll teach you all about that as long as you're willing to practice."





>Anon is hired by Filthy Rich as a nanny
>Anon's duties are house cleaning, meal cooking, and making sure that Diamond Tiara doesn't kill herself or sneak out or whatever
>Diamond Tiara has gone through nearly a dozen nannies, half of which try to steal from her family
>Imagine her surprise when Anon goes above and beyond his duties as nanny and actually cares about her
>Makes sure she does her homework, plays with her when she's bored, makes sure she eats enough during meals, etc
>Diamond Tiara crushes hard on Anon
>DT's her usual bitchy self at school, but her personality does a complete 180 when Anon comes by to pick her up


>"It's not like I'm letting you pet me because I like it, you looked like you needed to calm down, yeah, that's it."

>"As your reward for your barely adequate service that still exceeds all my other live in nannies, you may attend me in the bath."
>her blushing intensifies






>Pinkie is not chubby
>Not even a little bit
>For an Earth Pony, she looks just barely better than an anorexic.

>This is decidedly suboptimal for Party Horse
>What stallion would want a mare with no flanks to speak of?

>No matter how hard she tries, she just can't seem to gain any weight
>Ponk needs badonkadonk!
>And she just can't get it.

>Twilight is convinced that her reality warping magic must consume truly massive amounts of calories to explain how she can eat several times her body mass worth of sweets in a single sitting, and have nothing to show for it.




>Being tall and slender with a defined face is seen as the one of the hallmarks of regal beauty.
>Meaning that alicorns are the most desirable pony race by far.
>In comes you, now the tallest being in Equestria.
>Add that to your long limbs, your relatively narrow profile, and your foal-like face (small yet defined facial features.) and ponies look at you like humans look at alicorns.
>Majestic, yet adorable in an otherworldly way.
>You may not fill a few other things that ponies find attractive, but being exotic makes up for much of that.
>Can't take even 10 steps outside before ponies crowd around.
>Even the most macho mares become shy yet are still compelled to vy for your attention.
>Stallions practically mow each other down to get close and enthusiastically try to befriend you, like how girls in highschool form a clique around the pretty girls. 
>You're not real sure how to take it.



>Get rich easy just off modeling.
>Roll with an entourage of fabulous stallion friends.
>Be the legendary beauty invited to all the most prestigious gatherings in Canterlot.
>Always at least one magazine with you on the front. 
>Find an eager waifu or two.
>Have handful of foals. 
>Live a life of glam.

>Model Anon
>Fleur Dis Lee is grooming him for life as a professional model
>Little does he know she's also grooming him to be a model husband
>She hopes to have him on the cover of HorsepunVogue in six months, and preparing meals, cleaning her home, and pumping her womb full of foals in eight





>There are no mom jokes in RGREquestria
>But there are dad jokes
>but they're not funny or groaners, though
>"Oh yeah, well your dad fucked me last night!"
>"I'd be mad, but I'm still feeling the afterglow of sitting on your dad's face for a couple hours"
>"I can't hear you with all your dad's cum sloshing around in my gut/pussy/stomach."




>Other mares give Lyra shit for having thicc breeding hips.
>She ignores them. She knows what, or rather WHO her strategic weight gain is going to attract.
>And sure enough, the mares who made fun of her have to eat their words when Lyra finds herself the sole recipient of a certain biped's affection.






>ywn get flutters to shamefully admit to all the sex toys she has
>ywn rock her world when you tell her you are gonna use them on her
>ywn push in her buttplug
>Ywn get her to admit she likes to cosplay as characters from her Animoo comics
>Ywn fuck her while she's dressed as one of the characters
>Ywn blow your load inside her while she screams "oni-chaan!" or some other weeb shit






> Be Hull O' Blue 
> You knew the company couldn't afford a proper, professional crew of sailors, but even so
> There's even some Anonkin, judging by the names
> You continues the roll call
"Fucker!"
> "Here!"
"Mother Fucker!"
> "Present!"
"Old Mother Fucker!"
> "You rang?"
> Anonkin are usually pretty serious about their jobs, so you can't complain too much
> And they are always nice pieces of eye candy
> But the whimsy
> Dear Sun and Moon, the whimsy
"Really Old Fucker!"
> "Right behind you, Captain."
> You look over your shoulder with a frown
> You had forgotten the navigator was one of them
> Discord take you, there is no way this voyage is going to go smoothly
> With your luck, he's probably in disguise as the cook or something
"Dead Fucker!"
> Silence
> You look up from the scroll
"Does anypony know where Dead Fucker is?"
> And then you see it
> Some joker brought a skeleton on board
> Fucker is waving its leg in the air
> Tight Pants, the company liaison, has the grace to look embarrassed
> "It was one of their stipulations, I'm afraid. One last voyage for their fallen brother."
> Of course
> You sigh
"Right. Welcome aboard you all to Rick's Limb, and keep your damn whimsy to a minimum. Understood?"
> A score of voices yell back in unison
> "Yes ma'am!"
"Mares and stallions to your stations, I expect to be out of the harbor by the next bell!"
> As motley as your crew is, they seem to know their jobs
> Perhaps you really will find the Fort Anne archives, that legendary library of human lore





>Lyra thinks Anon and his fingers are gross
>Bon Bon is enraptured when she watches Anon unwrap a candy quickly and easily
>"He didn't have to use his mouth or hooves or ANYTHING!"
>Tries to hire him to help with the candy production





Anon sets up a scarecrow. Pegamares think it's a human male and flock to it. The plants around it are just bonus for spending time with the hot silent colt.

>Anon carefully plants poison joke in the field around the scarecrow on a Friday 
>Hangs out with AJ drinking cider all day in the park the next day, watching for any that got caught in his trap




>Ponies only have the most basic of sex toys
>It's shameful to have them for mares /and/ stallions.
>A mare who can't get dick is a failure
>A stallion who would rather rut something fake than the horde of willing mares is unbelievably selfish.
>Because who ever heard of a stallion that couldn't get laid on demand (they exist, but don't bother trying to convince anypony of that)

>Most ponies who want a sex toy have to get by with the improvised kind.
>A filly during her first estrus will look longingly at that cucumber in the vegetable drawer.
>A unicorn mare might repurpose a magic crystal that vibrates.
>For the awkward gangly colt, he'll never be able to look at the couch in the living room the same way again, after that one time.





>there is a dragon literally named "Bad Dragon" who sells these in a variety of sizes
>They can't be produced in Equestria
>They're subject to huge import taxes
>Ponies pay out the nose to have them shipped in anyways, in nondescript cardboard boxes
>Bad Dragon asks Anonymous to come visit for an "earning opportunity"
>He asks Twilight what that's all about
>She knows, but she doesn't want him to know she knows
>What do




>Shock!
>Scandal!
>The nobility is all in a tizzy over it
>Princess Cadence, along with Rarity and her ilk all over the country find it just *so romantic* that Love conquers such meager barriers as social status.

alternatively

>Celestia just tells everyone that he is of noble blood among his kind
>What humans are around to say any different?
>His not behaving like an aristocrat stallion is just cultural differences
>He *is* an alien after all




Anon, after a couple months in equestria is suffering withdrawals from not being called a faggot. Because the stallions are all acting like girls theres no smack talk or banter between them. So Anon convinces the mane 6 to let him join in in their Mares night and talk shit to him. The pony who absolutely fucking roasts him is not who he expects.





>Twilight Velvet finds Night Light sleeping with another mare. probably fluer or whatever her name is. 
>She files for a divorce and Night Light gets 75% of the stuff because 'poor colt needs help'. 
>Night Light gets to the kids first and makes up some bullshit story and they accept it because "Why would their own father lie about something like that."
>Twilight and Shining can't believe their mom would do that to their father and pretty much disown her and refuse to talk to her. 
>Velvet is absolutely ruined. 
>She still kept her job but most of her coworkers shun her. 
>Velvet starts going to bars to drink away the real world.
>One day she is approached by a large bipedal stallion. 
>They talk and hit it off. 
>Months into them dating Velvet realize how much freedom she has around Anon that she didn't with Night Light
>Doesn't complain about how she takes care of herself, yet cares enough to worry about her. 
>Likes sports. 
>Doesn't care if she hangs out with the mares alot. 
>Doesn't bug her about money. 
>Doesn't complain for days about her forgetting something. 
>Starts becoming all around more happy with her life. 
>A year or so later they get married. 
>Twilight can't believe her mother remarried. 
>She tries to give her shit about it. 
>It keeps going to the point Velvet tells her to get bent. 
> Eventually Velvet figures out she married a colt young enough to be her son. 
>She's never been so wet before.



>Twilight Velvet and Night Light get a divorce after Night Light cheats
>Twilight Velvet Loses the house and has to stay with her daughter, where Anon is conveniently staying
>Anon is the only person to believe Velvet without trying to make justifications for Night Light
>They hit it off
>Twilight Sparkle walks in on the strange bipedal inter dimensional being fucking her mother hard on her own princess sized bed

>Twilight is scarred and recounts what happened to her friends when they ask why she looks like she hasn't slept.
>Rainbow Dash asks if it was hot
>OutragedFashionHorse.poni


"Hey Velvet, I'm home."
>"Hi deary, how was work?"
"Fucking horrible. Goddamn ponies."
>You flop onto the couch longways in the living room
>"Aw, I'm sorry. I'll be in in just a minute to have a seat."
>You wriggle lower on the couch to get your head on one of the cushions
>Velvet comes in the living room with a book and some tea
>She takes a seat on the couch too
>You love the way she smells
>"Would you like me to rub your hair?
>You nod between her thighs.
>This was really your favorite part of the day.


>>I would like to keep Velvet all to myself without the whole sharing with her daughter business.

>Not wanting the confusing but still oddly heartwarming situation of a mother coaching her you and her daughter on how to care for the children you produced with both of them



She's old enough to be Mrs. Rogers. She has a grandkid, remember?

"See you later, Velvet, I'm heading off for work!"
>"Goodbye, sweetheart!"
>Velvet rears up on her hind legs and gives you a chaste, closed-mouth kiss on the lips.
>"And remember, dear," she says, playing with the collar of her red sweater, "I like you just the way you are."



>”So, what are we supposed to call them relative to us?” Twilight asks with a tilted head.
>Velvet taps her chin in thought, shifting a bit on the bed so the sleeping foal tucked against her side wasn’t poking his horn into her.
>Thankfully, little Dusk isn’t as clingy as her Shiny was as a youngling, so the tiny unicorn remains asleep.
>”Normally, Dawn here would be considered my grand-daughter,” Velvet starts, tilting her head to the tiny alicorn playing with Twilight’s wing. “But since we’re in one herd, she’ll be considered a step-daughter to me, just as Dusk won’t be your uncle, but a step-son. Since both have the same father, it’ll be a little easier to file.”
>”This sounds like it could be confusing?” Twilight states unsurely as she pulls her rambunctious daughter closer with a wing.
>The elder mare snorts. “Sweetie, you have no idea. Once we have to finalize all the paperwork for this, it’ll be a red tape nightmare.”
>Idly, the unicorn mare wonders if she can beg a stiff drink out of her human, then dashes the thought. There’s no way he’ll let her while Dusk still needs nursed.
>Night Light was the same way, but decidedly more unpleasant about it.
>Velvet loses her train of thought when Dawn wiggles out from under her mother’s wing and dashes to her half-brother as fast as a month old foal can.
>Said half-brother is booped and bapped awake by his hyper sister, who quickly ropes the bleary little colt into playing with her.
>The eldest mother and daughter both smile at the sight.
>Now, what was Velvet thinking of again..?
>Wait... That’s it!
>Velvet smirks. “Twilight? How would like a bit more practice on the art of being a mom?”
>The purple alicorn blinks unsurely. “How?”
>”Well, there’s two foals here, and you’ve got two teats...”
>Twilight’s face falls into a flat expression. “You just want to drink again, don’t you?”
>”Don’t judge me.”

>"Try spelling out my name, Anon."
>"Pay special attention to this little part here when I wink."
>"Stiffen your tongue and use your neck for a bit, dear. Yes, just like that."
>"Ho-kay, Anon, keep your m-mouth open. I've been, hah, on that special diet for a while now, so I know you'll l-love the taste..."
>"Know that I love you Anon, and I still would even if you didn't do this for me every day."


>Anon and Velvet have been together for a while
>However, neither of them have really made love with each other
>Anon feels that it might be awkward to bring it up to a mother like her
>Velvet feels that she might seem perverted to Anon if she's too forward about it






>Prostitution is legal in equestria
>Anon, loving the hoerspussay, signs up immediately
>Turns out married mares are the most undersexed class in the country
>He's had to run from a lot of angry husbands
>So many times he now ties a bell around the front door
>He keeps a rope handy for window escapes
>He's had to learn on the job how to sneak around, sneak in, sneak out, and generally avoid detection
>Anon adopts the prostitute name "Sam Fister"
>He charges double for fucking a mare while her husband is home without detection





>Colts are the bad guys.
>Ponies think that Anon is some kind of evil villain.
>Because every time a weird stallion has set up in the last decade or so they have been evil.
>Joe the drowner zebra, who drowned animals for fun.
>Smootchie the midget unicorn, who tried to poison the town using his evil lipstick.
>Sombrero the hatted earth pony, who used his evil hat powers to crystalize ponies.
>The list goes on.
>For quite a while.
Anon is just too lazy to be dangerously evil




>maybe it's just name-based. Your first daughter God-Empress Ultramagic surpasses both Twilight Sparkle and Starswirl the Bearded despite being an earth pony.

>"Ultraaaa, where are you sweetie?"
>"Over here mom."
>Your wife, Coco, walks out of the house.
>It's probably time for school. You always loose track of time watching her play in the mornings, rocking in your chair on the veranda, digesting breakfast.
>Ultra had stolen some of your sausage again. Coco had conceded that she'd probably inherited an omnivorous diet from her father.
>She picks up to a trot as she approaches your daughter. Unf, dat plot.
>"Admiring the sky? It is a lovely day, maybe we should go for a picnic after school."
>She sits next to God-Empress Ultra, nuzzling her gently.
>You were glad she'd been in Manehatten when labor hit, their horsepital was easy about handing out epidurals. There's no way she would've agreed to that name if she hadn't been high as a kite.
>Ultra ignores her mom. Not out of rudeness. She's always gotten wrapped up in her thoughts.
>You were pretty sure she was gonna get something philosophical for her cutie mark, like a lectern or scroll.
>The wind's picking up, blowing her silvery mane and tail back and forth.
>Coco's also content to sit there with her, admiring the clouds streaming by.
>Some sort of rush delivery if you remembered the weather bulletin correctly.
>"Mom," Ultra breaks the silence, "I don't understand about the sun. Only Celestia and Luna can raise and lower it right?"
>"Well, I think I remember that other unicorns could, but it's very hard."
>"Huh. That's what I don't understand. What's so hard about it?"
>"Oh, well geez Ultra. We're Earth ponies, I've never thought much about it. Maybe it's... really far away?"
>"Hmm. I dunno. It doesn't feel that far away."
>"Uhm, I don't know what you mean honey."
>"I've been thinking about it ever since Applejack let me try bucking at the farm. It doesn't seem that different."
>"Th- the sun? Doesn't feel different from bucking?"
>"No, yeah, well, let me show you."
>What the fuck?
>This was new.
>She's rears back a little, kicks her little hoovesies some-
>Hnnnnnng
>Then falls to her forehooves and does the same with her rear legs.
>This time when her legs come down it's with a cracking sound. You can see shockwaves of silver light flowing through the ground from the point of impact.
>Your head feels like a bell Pinkie Pie is ringing but you catch God-Empress hitting the ground again with a seemingly practiced motion.
>The shockwave changes, quiets down, and you see a colum of pale light rising from the horizon to embrace the sun.
>You're not sure when you stood from your chair but you can only stare, aghast, as the celestial orb drops until its rim suddenly hits the horizon.
>You can't stare too long at that though because now your daughter is hovering above the ground, wrapped in a skein of light.
>You stagger forward, seeing her eyes sparking, streamers of jagged light thrown off from her flank as she drifts to a gentle landing, a glimmering cutie mark solidifying in her coat.
>It's a golden crown with a sun, sphere with a lunar crescent, and scepter with Twilight's six pointed star.
>Oh boy. You feel like some princesses are going to want explanations....



>Princesses see what happened
>Decide immediately that Anon will now be responsible for naming all ponies
>This will completely eliminate the need to spend all that effort on the Pony Insturmentality Project they've been testing on Celestia's students.
>With only a hooffull of successes like Twilight and Cadence.
>So much more free time.
>Luna can finally have a hobby.
>Celestia can actually take a week off.





>Anon is given an honor guard to protect him because "He is as pure as driven snow"
>His honor guard is named White Knight. Who goes out of her way to "protect his honor"
>She is secretly really attracted to Anon but cannot act on it... Even though he is lewd as fuck to pony standards.
>She also wears a sun hat when not in full armor.




>Equestria treats royal weddings like in medieval europe
>Anon marries both Celestia and Luna because this is my green dammit
>All of the nobles show up, along with the mane six and half of ponyville, where he first lived in this world
>After the ceremony, reception, and speeches, the mane six and many of princesses favorite nobles pick them all up and carry them to the royal bedrooms
>The huge room is filled with chairs and pillows surrounding a huge bed
>They all expect to watch Anon have sex with both princesses, as is tradition to ensure an heir
>Cadance and Shining Armor have a front-row seat not two feet from the bed
>It takes so long to get to the main event because of foreplay they start bringing in snack cakes and coffee
>They all watch Anon speed up and start chanting almost in sync with luna's squeaks
>They have to take an intermission before he gets to her sister


>half an hour of foreplay, twenty of which is oral given to the mare, followed by thirty minutes of fucking kissing her and playing with her teats in the missionary position
>all the nobles watch and get jealous, tell their friends about it
>they try to emulate it, and fail
>those shitty magazines full of relationship advice are obsessed for the next decade on how to be able to perform "the royal treatment"




>anon being the only human makes him on the endangered species list 
>his reproduction is the top priority of many ponys jobs
>just like with endangering tortoises in the zoo any time anon gets it on there is a lot of fanfare and excitement
>eventually becomes a tourist attraction 
>tickets are sold to watch anon save the human race



Anon in RGREquestria.
>Mares normally give the "protective older sister" routine to prospective mares courting a stallion they're close to.
>No expectation of the reverse.
>Anon starts courting Fluttershy.
>Discord being Discord, doesn't feel like he has to conform to expectations.
>And Discord cares about Fluttershy, and figures she needs it more than most stallions do.
>Discord gives the un-heard-of "protective older brother" routine to Anon.
>Overdoes it. Gives him the full chaos treatment.
>Fluttershy resents the protectiveness, but she can't bring herself to say anything strong enough to Discord.
>Mild disapproval, but not enough to make him think it's a bad idea.

Version 1:
>Her friends can't bring themselves to argue with Discord's...logic?
>They won't do anything to intervene either.
>Anon cares enough to keep pursuing Fluttershy despite everything.

Version 2:
>Her friends resent what Discord is doing.
>They can't convince him to stop.
>They can't get Fluttershy to convince him to stop.
>So they decide to help Anon court Fluttershy despite the chaos being rained down on him

>Anon calls him a casual
>Asks him where the slimy tentacles, impossible geometry, sexy daemonesses, and madness is
>Discord is a little squicked-out from his suggestions
"Don't touch me, you filthy casual faggot."

>Anon makes Discord his bitch. 
>Princesses get scared. 
>They tell The mane 6 to hit him with a harmony lazer. 
>They do. 
>For a good minute all they see is smoke and dust. 
>Then out comes Anon. 
>No change, no stone, no banishment. 
"0/10 worst lazer ever. Would not recommend."
>They can't believe it. 
>H-How? 
>How was that a 0/10! Was clearly best lazer! Worst taste! Get out now! REEEEEEEEEE








>Fluttershy is like the gangly geek in school who grew up into an Adonis with a 6-pack and a 9 inch dick.
>In pone terms, she has the biggest, softest wings, a huge tuft, and a cunt tight enough to crush an aluminum baseball bat.
>The damage was done, though, so she never lost her demure attitude or geeky interests despite being a jaw dropping 11/10.





>In this version of RGRE, there is an isolated kingdom of humans, led by Prince Scorpan
>Seeing humans is incredibly rare, they keep to themselves and avoid contact with the world outside their kingdom
>Celestia still gets bills from their kingdom, demanding that she pay for their border wall.
>Anon shows up
>Ponies assume it's Prince Scorpan, venturing out of his kingdom ANONYMOUSly to learn about the outside world
>Something Something RGRE™




>Marefriend thinks you're unhappily trying to please her by "faking" being horny 24/7.
>Because what stallion just gives away sex without using it as leverage over a mare?
>You actually are horny 24/7 because you've discovered the magic that is almost always willing mare puss.
>Now you've got to convince her that your affection is genuine.




t would be unisex and would be like hot springs from my japanese animes. Teenage mares would wait inside for hours hoping for a young stallion to share the hot spring with them but they only ever get gross old fat stallions





>Copper and nickle are rare materials in equestria worth a lot of money per ounce while gold is somewhat common
>Anon just so happens to have several change jars full of the stuff lying around
>This makes Anon worth several million bits, and when word gets around, has to beat the hundreds of suitresses trying to get at his money




> Cross dressing

> Equestrian traps are mares that wear button down shirts and slacks, stuffing a ball bra 
> Due to Anon's nipples, ponies assume he is a trap
> Something something flustered mares


>"I-im not a dyke if I watch tomcolts taking dildos in the vagina at HornTube..."
>"I mean ,there is just a minor difference​ between that and watching two gay stallions having sex with each other !"
>"And watching two stallions have sex with each other and masturbating to it is not what dykes doing"





What if the reason for the skewed gender ratios is analogical to what happened in China?
>Equestria is undergoing a baby boom after a warmer period
>the population gets out of control rapidly, and tension around food and land rise up
>then the climate starts going back to colder one again
>nation is going to collapse if nothing is done
>Celestia makes the hard call of implementing the one child policy
>it is not received well, but there is nothing ponies can do
>dura lex sed lex
>mares were more likely to hold a more beneficial position in administration and the like, due to princesses being at the helm, while stallions were mostly working in the field to keep up the with the skyrocketing demands
>colts were downright abandoned in the forest before long, due to the draconian taxes for multiple children
>Luna has to deal with uncountable nightmares of mothers who weep after their children
>she cannot take it anymore and demands the abolishment of the policy
>when denied, she snaps and goes NMM to "bring down the tyrant"
>she actually had some following amongst the common folk
>but it was not enough
>3 generations later Celestia realises that she didn't even notice when the point of no return was passed
>irreversable damage has been done, but the ponies already started to adapt to the new situation
>mares take over the physical labour, stallions are being protected
>the population becomes much slower to grow now, and the policy is abandoned
>before long, nobody even remembers that things used to work differently
>except for Luna, on her moon





>Contrary to what the tabloids would have you believe, Celestia is not secretly Molestia
>In fact, she's such a prude that she's still a virgin

>Luna is the scandalous one.
>She thinks Celly is horribly repressed, and would be a lot happier if she got some good loving dicking.

>Luckily, Anon is Luna's very good friends; he produces the best dreams from Earth and Luna enjoys them immensely.
>Implores him to take a train to Canterlot and steal her sister's virginity
>She had Anon at "train"




>"The night will last fore-'
>There's a hot exotic male here
>SexiNightPrincess.pon
>"Hey Bby, u lookin' for a real mare?"



>Nightmare Moon grumbles in protest as she allows you to gently push her onto her back.
>Her hooves instinctively curl up against her chest, giving her raw sexiness an edge of cuteness.
>A blush peeks through her black fur, and she can barely force herself to look you in the eyes.
>Had you not seen her acts of legitimate cruelty towards the ponies who refused to fall under her rule, you would have pegged her as a stereotypical tsundere from your ching chong animes.
>She mercifully spares you the nightmares that would have normally resulted from witnessing her bloody rise to power.
>"J-Just to be clear," she stutters, "I'm only letting you do this because it's your birthday."
"Hmmm? Do what?"
>You crawl over her until you are face-to-face, and then relax your body.
>The alicorn body is tough and your body practically weighs nothing to her.
>Nightmare moon stifles a gasp and her blush intensifies.
>"Th-This!"
>Oh, right.
>Sex in the "dolphin position".
>While it's a vanilla position back home, rutting belly-to-belly is a very lewd, very intimate act to ponies.
>"You've been a very faithful servant," she rambles, trying to hide how flustered this is making her, "and an equally faithful love, so I wa-"
>You interrupt her by placing a finger tip against her lips.
>You're lucky she didn't bite you.
"Shhh..."
>You rub your cock against the winking length of Nightmare's pussy, making her wriggle impatiently against you.
"Let's make this night last forever..."
>Something something RGRE






>Cowboy shows up
>Is used to very rigid gender roles just to have his life and understanding of them flipped upside down
>All the mares go crazy for him, opening doors for him and catcalling him slowly driving him nuts
>He, being a cowboy, feels he doesn't need mares help, gets angry at them
>They just think its cute to see him mad
>Something something more RGRE
>Cowboy Anon dies of cuddles

>Cowboy Anon seeks refuge at Sweet Apple Acres
>Applejack figures out right quick that he's like a more talkative Big Mac, and likes to do things himself
>Ain't afraid of getting dirty, or putting in a good days work.
>He's a strong independent stallion who don't need no mare
>AJ likes, and would really like to change his mind on that last part.

>She discovers the secret to his heart

>The secret is hard cider, and good 'ol home country cooking.





>Christian Anon and Pagan Anon in Equestria
>They both work hard at their trades, and spend their free time converting as many ponies as possible to their religion
>A holy war may be brewing between them, fought with pool noodles and inflatable hammers
>They eventually put their differences when Muslim Anon shows up, with a horde of newly-converted camels





>Be Anon
>You're hanging out at the street corner, waiting for tricks
>Some nervous-looking pegasus mare trots up to you. Got a trench coat and sunglasses on, as if that'll do much good. 
>"H-how much?" She asks.
>"10 for a handy, 20 for a warmy, 30 for an up-close and personal, 50 for the entire package. Ya get all that plus a nice conversation."
>Shakily, the horrid pervert fishes out a 50 bits.
>"Not out here, ya idiot. People will see. Keep your money out of sight 'til we get somewhere private."
>You lead her off to some abandoned apartment a friend lets you use. "So, whole package?"
>"Y-yes, sir. Um...how long is it, by the way?"
>"One hour."
>"...Th-that's not..."
>"I'll go two hours for 75, but that's it."
>Nodding, she produces a fifty, a twenty, and a five.
>Spend the next two hours brushing her mane with your hand, cuddling, talking, and lightly kissing (but never with tongue and never more than three seconds at a time). 
>"Alright, time's up."
>Send her on her way. 
>She'll be back. She's hooked, just like all your other clients. Damn sicko perverts.

And the follow up

>Be gentleman of negotiable affection in manehattan
>Particularly pathetic-looking Unicorn mare sidles up to you
>She's a blank flank. Considering her apparent age, that's pathetic. She's got bags under her eyes and wisdom lines around her mouth. She's grandma material. 
>"It's ten for hand-brushing, two for-"
>"I have a request actually!"
>You gesture for her to go on
>"H-...how much for you to...pretend to be my husband?"
>"..."
>"Just for a day...maybe two..."
>"...500 per day. 'Day' being a 24-hour period. I got a place rigged up like a nice, cozy home for this kinda thing. I can be whatever husband you like. We spend the whole day together acting like a couple. For an extra 100 per day I got a filly who'll pretend to be our daughter too."
>She nods solemnly and walks away.
>A few minutes later she returns with 1200 bits






>Teleiophilia is a real problem in RGRE
>It's not uncommon to find tween to teen fillies trying to harass full grown stallions.
>Whether it's just horny fillies letting their hormones talk or genuine, flustered attempts to get a jump-start on a relationship varies, but most stallions don't appreciate it.





>Anon is pure as the driven snow!
>Or at least he seems that way to mares, since he ain't a horsefucker
>But he does have a weakness for cute cuddly things (score one for just about everything in Equestria)
>Especially fillies
>Fillies who short circuit all his defenses against pone romance attempts

>Now a filly (or fillies) must play the long game, and attempt to slowly woo Anon, without falling permanently into the dreaded Friendzone.






>Celestia has tried to have romantic relationships in the past
>But she's not the picture of innocence that she projects to her subjects
>Keeping a kingdom at peace for a thousand years doesn't just happen
>She's done things she's not proud of in order to protect her little ponies
>Equestria was once a far more savage place, and behind the veneer, evils both fantastic and mundane still lurk.
>Keeping them at bay required her to make hard choices, and often to do the dirty work with her own hooves, away from prying eyes
>Luna doesn't have to hide it, being the Princess of the Night does have a few benefits
>Celestia however, is a slave to the image she has crafted of herself.

>The very few stallions that have gotten close enough to her to see under the mask did not like what they saw.
>The more successful she was at making her ponies safe, the softer they became
>Soon she stopped trying, devoting herself to her work.
>He dreams of finding one who loved her, the /real/ her, became ever more distant from reality
>Condemned to spend the long years of her Sister's exile alone, doing whatever it took to preserve Equestria.

>But Anon is no normal stallion
>Luna has seen in his dreams that the world he is from bears far more resemblance to the Equus of old, than the near paradise it has become.
>Perhaps her sister's dream could soon become reality...




>Anon introduces cosmic horror to Equestria
>Ponies think that lovecraft's pantheon is that of all of earth
>Luna can't help but be interested in the dreams of a stallion with such a capacity for darkness

"I keep telling you Luna, I can't go for anymore midnight strolls with you."
>"Well why not?" 
"Night is when my dark work is done. Soon the great old ones will descend from their seat of creation and they'll be very curious as to why their fledgling drone has yet to shake the foundation of reality." 
>"That is so hot."






>Anon goes to work at the Rock Farm with Pinkie's family
>Anon is one of the first non-family males the Pie sisters have seen
>None of them know how to act around him
>something something RGRE

>maud is utterly cool and collected as usual
>is actually freaking out on the inside
>pinkie is the only one who picks up on this because Maud blinks one too many times per minute or some such

>Limestone, unexpectedly, does not act tsundere just like my japanese animes
>Reigns in her temper and acts cool & collected
>Corners her sisters when Anon isn't around and threatens to throw them into a quarry if they get in between her and Anon Not that she would ever hurt her family




>After another long day, you're finally about to feel the sweet embrace of sleep.
>As you lay in the dark feeling your eyelids grow heavy, a brilliant flash of light practically blinds you.
>Princess Celestia is standing next to your bed.
>Beautiful. Majestic.
>...Incredibly tired looking.
>You sit up to respond to the Horse Princess, but she forces you back down with her magic.
>She wordlessly crawls under the blanket with you and wraps her limbs around your body.
>Grabbing your face with her hoof, she points your face at hers and stares deeply into your eyes before speaking in a serious tone.
>"Nopony will believe you."
>She nuzzles into your neck and wraps a wing around you as you try to figure out whether or not you're being raped.




I had an idea the other day I'm still trying to sort out, where Humans are something akin to Fae creatures or Youkai. Some are good, some evil. Some are harmless, some dangerous. Many are just /strange/.

They can appear without warning, and vanish just as quickly. They are at once familiar, and alien. With strange customs and ways of thinking.

A potential idea I had along with it was that humans aren't RGR, and that leads to some strange consequences when they interact with ponies.

A human woman might react rather poorly if a stallion were to rebuff her advances, especially if she felt that he 'insulted her beauty' in the process.

Whereas a human man might reward a mare who compliments him with more than just snuggles. She awakens the next morning, his scent on her pillow, and a valuable treasure in his absence.

But "adult" humans are rare encounters, far more likely would be a little girl (The Target Audience). They are usually not very dangerous, but they can be very annoying if they don't get what they want. Which is usually to ride around on a 'pretty' mare or filly (especially one with what they deem interesting colors), brush their manes and tails, and dress them up.




>Stallions are as big a perverts as mares
>Herds couldn't really be a thing if a stallion wasn't willing and able to satisfy them all.
>But they have to pretend otherwise, at least until they get into a committed relationship, or they get stuck with short flings




>It's a known fact that stallions are good with children and that father figures are in short supply
>Anon is friendly and typically spends his time at the park to watch ponies and learn about their behaviour
>Sometimes he'll kick a back back to a group of rough-housing fillies or help a wayward colt find his father
>Isn't prepared when baby ponies start going up to him and hugging him
>His first response is to throw up his arms and make it clear that he ISN'T touching these children who are not his
>Ponies around him "D'aww!"
>Anon has never been so confused in his life




>Anon is going steady with Applejack
>Applejack likes the way Anon isn't a prissy, moody stallion and how he can carry his own weight on the farm
>She likes how she doesn't have to be delicate with him; both with farm work and sexy times
>Anon enjoys how Applejack is one of the few mares in town who don't treat him as either a glass doll or a glorified child
>He likes how he can be himself around her and not have to worry about her jumping in to help him when she thinks he can't do something because of his gender
>Sometimes Apple Bloom slips up and calls him "Daddy"
>Life on Sweet Apple Acres is pretty good for Anon


>Anon has to go on a trip to another city for a few weeks
>Anon is welcomed back at the train station by Applejack and Apple Bloom
>Anon nearly gets his "welcome back" kiss but instead gets a big tackle-hug from Apple Bloom
>She snuggles into his chest
>"I missed you, Daddy..."
>It immediately begins raining in the station; right at the exact moment when some dust flew into Anon's eyes





>Twiggy piggy has been spending a lot of time with Anon
>Unlike other stallions, he doesn't seem to mind her being an awkward spergy bookhorse
>Whenever her friends tease her about him, she's quick to say that they are just friends
>What hurts most is that it's the truth
>And she can't seem to do anything to change it.
>A unicorn who could stare down Nightmare Moon and Discord, terrified of saying a few words to a good friend.

>Then she gets her wings
>Her body changes, she feels better than ever
>But the fundamental problem didn't change
>In fact, it got worse.
>She noticed that he seemed to be spending less and less time with her.

>Pony stallions were more than happy to try to fill the gap, with her new Alicorn form and authority.
>But she didn't want /them/.
>She wanted her friend.
>The one who hadn't cared that she was a bit messy when she ate more hayburgers than was entirely healthy
>Who would tell her stories from another world late into the night
>The only stallion besides her brother (and Spike), that she'd ever been able to truly relax around.

>But they were drifting apart, and she couldn't figure out why or what to do about it.




>Desperately clingy anon just wants love
>Keeps getting used for sex and dumped
>Mares who are interested in staying with him are driven off by his clingyness
>This just makes Anon retreat into his shell avoid ponies
>Cue some poner that is interested in Anon who is now a lonely shut in who is desperate for love but cant bring himself to trust.




>"Uh, hey Twi? Yer horn's been glowing fer a few hours now. What's going on?"
"Oh, yeah. You know how me and Anon are dating?"
>"Yah mention it at every possible opportunity. Yeah, Ah know."
"Well, after a particularly rough session in the bedroom..."
>She leans over to AJ and whispers into her ear
"Seeeeeex"
>"Ah figured."
"I realized that I didn't really know all that much about how to...um...do that sort of stuff..."
>"Ah'd've never guessed."
"Shut up. So, in order to be a better lover for Anon, I've decided to approach the issue with science!"
>"...Meaning?"
"I've magically extracted Anon's consciousness from body, sealed it in my horn, and am now running a litany of sexual simulations on it to learn the best way to please him! So far, he's orgasmed 457 times."
>"W-what the buck, Twilight!? That's sounds-"
"458."
>"-that's absolutely twisted! Yer crazy!"
>Twilight waves her hoof dismissively
"Oh, please. Anon certainly isn't going to be complaining the next time we're in bed together!"
>She leans in close and lowers her voice once more
"I'm going to put his...p-penis in my mouth."
>"...Ah'm calling the pol-"
"459."





>Flower sisters working as a team to snag Anon
>Roseluck cuddles with Anon to get him used to her (and by extension, her sister's) scent
>Daisy gifts him with flowers whenever he walks by their shop as a way of showing off how successful their business is
>Lily invites him to stay at their place - at first for lunches and dinners, and then she times his visits with powerful rainstorms and convinces him to stay the night
Anon will be warming their bed and making them haybacon for breakfast in no time.




>Vinyl has a large following of stallions
>They feel like her songs are totally about them
>Vinyl regularly brings a few back stage and fucks them
>It's one of the perks of the job, you know?
>One of Anon's stallion friends convinces him to come to a show with him
>Vinyl has her groupie wrangler take Anon to her room for some good, old-fashioned sex
>Anon doesn't get the memo
>They're playing board games and shit while Vinyl's clit is screaming for attention
>She's mute, so she can't just ask him to stick his tongue in her
>When he starts setting up the board for Oponeration, she just pounces on him




>A ball of lightning suddenly opens a hole in your floor
>It crackles, sparks, and then dissipates
>Revealing Twilight
>Christ, what happened to her?
>White headband, her mane's fucked up, she's got an eye patch and even a cut on her cheek.
>"Anon! I'm from the future!"
Woah.
>"I have something to tell you! Equestria is in terrible danger!"
Well shit, what do I need to d-
>"You have to impregnate me!"

>You slap a hand to your face.
"For fuck's sake, Twilight. Seriously?"
>You gesture wildly at her weird future-costume.
"Seriously?!"
>Twilight grips your shoulders and shakes you back and forth.
>"Our foals will save the world, Anon! They'll be the new bearers of the Elements of Harmony!"
>It's bullshit, and you don't believe it.
>Twilight's hoof-grip loosens and she backs away a couple of steps.
>"They'll also be incredibly business savvy and will end up owning almost all of Ponyville. Is it so wrong to want a marecave with all the latest updates of Ogres and Oubliettes, and all the miniatures I could ever paint?" 
>You just glare at her.
>You would be just fine with sex if she didn't keep coming up with these dumb schemes.





>It's not immediately obvious that Anon is a male
>Twilight thinks that he's a mare
>Complains to him about how stallions are all whores and how she's such a "nice gal"
>She nearly faints when she realizes how badly she fucked up
>Anon just thinks the entire reverse "nice guy" thing is funny




> Starlight Glimmer sometimes takes things too literally
> Twilight told her to try to think about her actions from an outsider's perspective
> Starlight bungles a spell that would set up a parallel self to observe herself with
> After the inevitable magical explosion, she starts hearing voices
> The voices of stallions around her
> Starlight learns two things very quickly 
> Stallions are incredibly harsh on each other in their thoughts
> They also stare at mares' teats and tufts
> A lot

> And then there's Anon
> Broadcasting lust and violence like a vulgar fog horn
> It's hard for Starlight to keep her composure around him
> It's very arousing, hearing a stallion so hungry for sex, but it's more than that
> Starlight is starting to notice the things he fantasizes about, and has developed a bit of an appreciation for the feminine form

>"Damn, I just can't decide which of these mares I'd want to sit on my face first."
>"All these ponuts...I wonder if the mares here like anal?"
>"Breastfeeding in public like that? Guess things really are different here...I wonder if a mare would let me try that on her..."
>"Damn my balls itch. Hope these mares don't notice me doing it through my pants pocket."
>"Do the princesses ever orgasm? Can they? They probably hit horse-menopause three thousand years ago...eh, I'd still hit it."
>"Damn, look at those applebucking thighs."
>"Communism was a mistake."

>"Look at all this exposed pussy. I can't believe how much I've been masturbating; It feels like my dick's going to fall off. Woah-hoh, look at that one! I'm getting hard just by lo- Oh, god, no, it hurts... Why is everyone sexy and naked?! I need to fuck something or else I'm going to go insane!"
>Meanwhile, Glimmer is doing her best to hold back her blush and not flag up her tail at Anon

>Starlight somehow gets caught in a conversation with the local human.
>He's polite, and the topic is really of no importance.
>Though his face is even, Starlight can hear his countless idle thoughts of sex, casual violence, outright hatefulness, and other unpony things that no other stallion even has the capacity to think of.
>But the one that stands out the most is his forefront thought of grabbing her and viciously fucking her right there in public. 
>She has to bite her lip and tuck her tail, hoping no once sees the clear trail of shameful arousal running down her leg.

Or, instead of taking the obvious lewd route.
>Pony thoughts are very simple
>This doesn't mean that ponies are dumb; it's just that they don't bother with thinking about topics irrelevant to whatever's at hand
>Enter Anon, who is basically an amplified loudspeaker, blasting chunks of music and shower thoughts constantly, even while holding a conversation
>Glimmer is now very cautious of Anon's mental state





>Foal-sitter Anon
>It's one of the only jobs available to a stallion, apart from secretary and waiter
>He doesn't feel like bringing higher-ups their coffee and getting his ass slapped as thanks, nor does he like the revealing outfits that he'd have to wear when waiting tables
>Foal-sitting it is, then
>After his first half-dozen or so evenings taking care of foals, he's pretty sure he's got it down pat
>Enter: Diamond Tiara
>Ignored by her parents as they spend weeks at a time out of town attending important events, she lashes out and makes things difficult for him
>He'd split if the Riches didn't pay him so well for taking care of their daughter
>Anon persists, he doesn't leave her, and she starts to be less of a little fucking shit to him
>She starts to look forward to her evenings with him
>One evening, she greets him with a cheerful "Daddy!"
>She's mortified
>Her face when





>Sir Anonymous in Equestria

>Celestia recognizes his skill and potential threat, and takes him as one of her knights errant.
>Should he serve Her and Equestria faithfully, he will be rewarded with lands to call his own.

>Frequently clashes with the nobles, and many other knights, who find the idea of a male knight who takes himself seriously to be ridiculous
>Celestia's personal guard may be littered with stallions, but they are mostly ceremonial in this age. More for decoration than actual security. Something Anon finds absurd.
>The sovereign's bodyguard should be the most powerful force in the land in his opinion.

>He takes the young Shining Armor as his squire
>The lad has potential. Potential that is ignored by most of the other knights.

>Together they wander Equestria, going where Celestia directs, or where the currents of fate take them.





> Platonic gestures are platonic in Equestria
> Anon decides to mess with Twilight during the standard multidimensional cultural exchange survey
"Oh, holding hands is pretty lewd. Some degenerates even do it in public, but they are the exception. As for hugging..."
> Twilight disseminates the information as quickly as possible, nopony wants the new stallion to be traumatized by handmolesting or rapehugs
> Ponies hold a hoof out for a hoofshake, only to pull it back in mortification 
> Pinkie wants to hug so bad, but she can't, she isn't that kind of mare
> M-maybe when he's asleep...
> Ponies are affected in odd ways
> Mares start wondering why they are winking from just holding hooves
> Stallions are more cagey about hugs, but the ones in herds find hugs to be more satisfying somehow




>>Anon camped out on the roof of the school
>>Fuck these ponies, they aren't the boss of me
>>Steals fat pony's lunch every day
>>Motherfucker has a fork cutie mark, mother must be a chef or something
>>Whole purpose in life is to eat his mom's food, what a bitch
>>Follow him home
>>Plan in motion after he goes to school
>>Back porch, pretend to fall out of tree and smash block of wood for thud
>>Roll around on the ground crying like a bitch
>>Mommy pony comes out. Whoa, fucking MLPILTF
>>Cute act go!
>>She gives you glass of milk. Pretty sure it came from her crotchtits. Score.
>>Chubby pony comes home to you fucking his mom.
>>Mommy pone comes in front of fatty
>>Its ok, he just thinks I'm are hurting her
>>Now you steal his lunch and yell at him and call him a faggot
>>Animal control is called in. Who do these bitches think they are?
>>2 mares.
...
>>Cute act go!
>>Bring them flowers, which the dumb horses eat
>>Sit when they tell you, but like a man on a bench with your legs crossed
>>Fatty comes to see if they caught the bad animal that hurt his mommy
>>It looks like they've got him pinned down, but he's really putting up a fight!
>>One is holding his head down by sitting on it, the other is straddling his waist, but it keeps bouncing her up and down trying to get away! Animal control must be hard work, they are both yelling at it not to stop.
>>Fat pony feels funny. He goes back into the school to eat cookies instead of watching the 2 sexy animal control mare get railed by the human.




>Oh god, can you imagine how hellish it would be to live in an Equestria where poners are that size? You can't fit into any of their buildings, and their tiny vaginas are too small for an average-sized human cock. It's like, you finger-fuck them and they're all "oh yes you're so big"

>Implying that isn't the actual size of ponies.
>Implying it wouldn't be hilarious to have Anon having to crouch everywhere to go into buildings and crawl inside.
>Implying that ponies aren't awed every-time they go into Anon's giant house.
>Implying ponies aren't the perfect super elastic cocksleeves.




>Pones that only come up to your mid thigh in height.
>You stretch them nearly to their limit despite being average.
>Petite mares like Rainbow need warmed up first or there is no way you're getting in.

>Alicorns are tall enough to look at your chest, and only Celestia is as tall as you if you count her horn.
>Little colts and fillies don't even hit knee height.
>Foals are the size of kittens and can fit in your hand.



>Anon doesn't have any native magic in him
>Ponies sense each other by subconsciously/unconsciously picking up on their magical signature
>Anon is magicless, so they can't instinctively know that he's in the room with them
>He can sneak up on poners very easily
>Sometimes they panic when they think that he's gone, like how a baby has zero object permanence and thinks that a ball just stops existing when he can't see it





>the ambient magic in the air leaves him in a state of constant arousal akin to a mare's estrus cycle.

I have an idea

>Anon gets captured by ponies who want to turn him into an exotic sex slave and know about his condition 
>They attempt to overload him on magic and turn him into a cunt-hungry slut
>Anon blacks out and goes full RAPE MONKEY, turning it around on them in a mindless haze of lust
>They intended to be the rapists, now they are the ones getting raped
>Any attempts to stop him with magic just make him more aroused
>He breaks out and unleashes his lust on Ponyville
>By the time he finally comes down off the magic-induced lust craze, a significant amount of mares are pregnant with his spawn




>Day in Equestria.
>Be Pone Catherine.
>You are a pony who once saw a human.
>You were at the city reservoir and they rescued your ball from the pipes after it went over the fence.
>Ever since then you have known you have a special purpose in the world.
>To blow shit up.
>Mom was so proud when you came home with your cutiemark that day.
>"You're gonna make those deer feel the wrath of Celestia one day."
>You don't specialize in deer exploding, but you've helped the royal guard out when they needed an extra hoof assembling their bombs.
>Most of your work ends up being fireworks of all shapes and sizes.
>Dad comes to all the shows you get hired to run.




>It's Hearth's Warming Eve
>Anon and waifu are pretty good friends
>Anon has waifu and a few of their mare friends (colts too prissy, yo) over at his house for horse-Christmas celebrations
>waifu has a bit too much to drink and attaches a sprig of mistletoe to her dock
>This gets a bunch of laughs out of their friends and is probably considered the equivalent of wearing a "kiss the cock" apron
>Anon is just tipsy enough to take her up on her "offer"
>Bends over darling, grabs waifu by the flanks, and gives her candyvag (or ponut, depending on what you're into) a big, sloppy kiss





> Sirens are the Irish of Equestria
>Whenever they aren't singing they have thick Irish accents
>They get into fights and drink a lot
>Adagio's real name is Adagi O'Dazzle

>Beautiful, smooth singing voice with just a hint of an Irish lilt in their voice by the way they trill their R's
>Once they're off-stage, they're Guinness-loving Sirish dogs who can't keep their hands off of Anon's ass
>Aria and Adagio have pleasant-sounding accents, but Sonata's is so thick it's like visiting Newfoundland on drinking night

>After they lost their powers, they generally spend their time drinking, fighting, and being miserable
>They meet Anon because he's the guy who buys their alcohol for them now
>Originally they used to just using their singing to hypnotize people into giving them free booze but that's no longer an option now that they're normal teenage girls
>Anon decides to actually help them make something of themselves





>Chryssi in RGRE
>to find the best, purest form of love she and her perfectly normal not rainbow drones must feed on stallions
>the mares are just polluting the thing with their lust too much
>that kind of dirty love is like drugs for the cheesebugs - gives them a hell of a kick, but not healthy in the long run
>the Hive Queen learns about a large biped in Ponyville
>turns out it's a stallion
>excited about getting a large batch of love, she personally goes for him
>turns out Anon is not as pure as she would've hoped
>turns out humans are for sexual
>and so are changelings as far as Anon is concerned
>she wakes up two days later with the biggest hungover she ever had




>A unicorn mare pregnant with a reincarnated Anon.
>She finds that she can keep doing cavalier mare things while pregnant because "mysterious" things keep happening that pull her out of trouble.
>Meanwhile, the halfgrown foal that is Anon just wishes his mom would stop being a jackass that needs saved by him every week.
>Because god damn doing magic while unborn is exhausting.





>Mmm. Fresh cookies.
>Bet the kids would want some.
>Grab a plateful.
>Head on the down to the basement.
>Down the dank stone stairs lit my torches of unnatural color.
>Hear a roar and pause. 
>Oh wait, that was just the Scorpio Demon chained down somewhere.
>Little... Big? Big bastard knows not to mess with you after you put the fear of the spraybottle in him.
>Pass the army of skellies doing skelly things 
>At the bottom after 500 steps in the main magi workshop. 
>Interrupt your kids in the middle of a satanic summoning complete with mind melting chanting hymns.
>And like magic they drop what they're doing, gladly leaving the confused unknowable horror in the pentagram half-summoned for some hot cookies. 
>Dad ALWAYS knows whats up.




>RGREqG
>Twilight sent Anon to the wrong human dimension by mistake and landed him a sweet job to say "I'm sorry"
>As a high school teacher
>It's cool, though. He had a sack of bits on him at the time and those things are solid gold.
>Enter: Dazzlings
>Not only are they hundreds of years old and otherworldly sea-monsters, they're also a group of trouble-makers who do things like bully other girls and and skip classes
>Anon decides to be a positive influence on somebody's life for once
>something something the gender ratio is still A Thing in EqGland
>something something female teachers won't leave him alone
>something something RGRE

>rape as disciplinary action.
>Dazzlings brag about it afterward
>"Guess who just got laid!"


>A couple of female teachers (and a few of the more attentive female students) are worried for Anon's safety
>It wouldn't be the first time a male teacher (at some other school, mind you) was confronted by a group of horny teenaged girls and raped
>"He doesn't even carry around a rape whistle."


>RGREqG
>The girls in school play a variation of chicken in which they use more and more lewd innuendos on Anon

>"Mr.Mous?"
>Derpy places her well-endowed bottom on the desk
>"Can you teach me about human anatomy?"
>You cover your eyes as you rub the bridge of your nose
"I teach marine biology, Miss Hooves."


>Implying Derpy wouldn't fuck it up somehow

>She places her amazingly round posterior on the desk
>"C-can you teach me about birds?"
>You raise your eyebrow at the gray girl.
"You meant bird and bees, didn't you?"
>Poor Derpy becomes confused for a good while, not understanding what went wrong



> Female students attracted to hot older male teacher, but too chickenshit to do anything about it but gawk
> Male teacher optionally notices, corners one or more of them ("miss X, you'll see me after school.. in my office"), makes their fantasies come true. He's in control the entire time though. 
> Male students get together and giggle embarrassed at how cute female teacher is. Sluttier ones dress provocatively to tempt her, make lewd innuendos, maybe try to trade dick for grades.



>Anon realizes he is basically some sort of sexual totem for the girls
>Uses it to make them improve their grades
>Highest scoring students sit with him at lunch and get to spend time with him outside of school
>Its the girls that try really hard but still fail that get the most attention from him
>Private lessons at his house
>Hands on Tutoring






>Anon in RGREquestria.
>Can't get a decent job, keeps getting pushed to settle down with a mare.
>Not particularly happy with the situation.
>Gets courted by a mare who happens to be a changeling.
>Changeling just adapted to whatever got him to like her, so she was happy to go along with his "backwards" ways.
>Anon happy to have a mare that finally doesn't see him as second-class.
>Gets drunk on love.
>Reverts during sex.
>Freaks out, tries to explain.
"Eh, I'll still hit that."
>Anon likes changelings for treating him decently.
>No reason to hate them.
>Changeling realizes that Anon still loves her despite the change.
>Which never happens.
>She has so much spare love that she has to share some before bringing any back to the hive.
>Other changelings in Ponyville can't believe she has this much to spare.
>"How long have you been gathering this? A year?"
>"A day. Well, less, really; he's been asleep for a while, after we wore each other out."

>First changeling starts bringing others in.
>Makes it look like a herd from the outside.
>Changelings start abandoning other covers and deceptions they have going.
>Anon is fine with this.
"Ponies think that's all I'm good for and look down on me for it. Changelings think it makes me walk on water and look at me like I'm the best thing to ever happen to them."

>First changeling, full to bursting with love, develops into a queen.
>Anon starts his own hive.


>>inter-hive tunnel warfare when Chrysalis comes looking for her missing changelings and finds they defected
>>a war raging right beneath Ponyville with the ponies none the wiser

It'd be a very short "war".

>Changelings give one look at Chrysalis
>Chrysalis, who staged the whole invasion of Canterlot.
>And got them thrown out with a net loss of love.
>They start radiating blinding amounts of love
>Powered by the endless fount of it they receive from Anon
>Chrysalis imitates Team Rocket again
>Can't even bring herself to blame them.
>They've got a good thing going.
>Comes crawling back.
>Begging to share.

>Anon leaves the decision up to his Queen.
>The original changeling who brought so much love into his life.
>And received so much in return

All of my changeling guards would be cute as fuck so the hive's enemies wouldn't want to hurt them.

>Big, bright eyes
>Soft fur, plump bodies
>Slightly smaller than the average pony to make them look cuter
>Smaller fangs
>Constant mild feelings of elation due to all the extra love, making them cheerful, agreeable, and excitable
>Adorable uniform where the helmet is purposefully a size too big so that it can slip down her face a little bit and she has to stop whatever conversation she's having and push it back up onto her head
>Make the horseshoe things hollow in the middle so that they clip-clop extra loud on the hard floors

>Most of the changelings migrating to Anon's hive/herd still have the intimidating warrior bugpone look when they drop their disguises.
>Anon still loves them.
>One smaller changeling, previously imitating a young colt and getting some familial love, gets a chance to see Anon's queen first, before dropping their disguise.
>She looks so much less warlike. Softer.
>Takes a gamble.
>Tweaks appearance a bit, turns into a small changeling with big eyes, soft edges, cute little wings, boopable nose.
>Anon can't help but d'awww aloud.
>Sound does not go unnoticed.
>Changeling gets full to bursting just from a few seconds of Anon-hugging.
>Anon loves all his changelings, but can't help but be a sucker for such cuteness.
>Many more changelings follow this lead.

>Some changelings imitate Anon's children, and get cuddles.
>Others imitate herd-members, and get sexy times.
>None of them ever go hungry.
>Ponies can't believe how caring Anon is to his (very) extended family


>The Ponyville hive is so well-fed that the changelings can't contain it all. 
>More than once a few have almost blown their cover by accidentally drooling love.
>It's a thick, glowing pink liquid that tastes like ambrosia and has countless curative properties. 
>They have to store the excess. 
>And there is a LOT of it.
>When Chrysalis and what's left of her hive bust in and find a WATERFALL of liquid love in the throne-room just for decoration, it hits them how hilariously outgunned they are


>Deep in the hive, however, lies a nasty surprise.
>The real guards.
>Changelings who transformed themselves into spikey, foot-long-stinger laden, Cazador-like monsters for the purpose of keeping the new king safe. 
>Without all the love to fuel their new and lethal forms, it would not have been possible.
>Even the most marely of mares turns white as a sheet when they see one





>nu-changelings convinced old changelings are still a threat
>they pose too great an obstacle to their new purpose
>a couple of them show up in ponyville to expose the single changeling they think is hiding out in this town
>confront the disguised pony walking with anon
>everypony on the street, behind every market stand, and looking out every window stop what they're doing
>waiting for a signal
>Anon tries to reason with them, hoping that he can convince them that she's the only one here
>the guard at the local dungeon is also a changeling, so they'll just make an entrance to the massive underground hive there
>they try to arrest anon as well for aiding and abetting
>He backhands the closest one and shouts RACE WAR
>the rest of the town drops their disguises and pounce
>pull them underground to pump them for intel
>none of the regular mares intervene, since none of them wants to fight a stallion or his...rather large herd


>Changelings can normally only transform while keeping about the same size.
>Shrinking is doable, just have to remember to hold the excess love in reserve or they can't grow back to their normal size.
>Changing size a little is possible with enough love.
>Even becoming Big-Macintosh-sized or Snowflake-sized takes a luxurious amount of excess love.
>Anon freely offers them all the love they could ever want.
>Hardly have to burn any on transformation or magic, except for fun or going about town.

>Changelings start experimenting with size.
>Turn into huge ponies.
>One changeling gets creative, and tries to turn into a dragon.
>Something most changelings try at least once when they learn about dragons.
>Usually ends in a failed transformation and a massive headache.
>Suddenly takes up half the cave.
>Anon is impressed by the warm comfy dragon.
>Knows exactly what they transformed from.
>Not intimidating.
>Changelings are deeply impressed with Anon going up and hugging a dragon's head and neck.

>Anon starts giving Changelings ideas based on monsters from his world.
>Changelings are eager to please.
>Never had such a willing audience.
>Never had so much love to burn, all for the sake of sheer fun.
>Changeling turns into Godzilla
>Mothra
>Stage mock battles that turn into cuddle-sessions.

>Changeling turns into a T-Rex.
>Another group becomes a pack of velociraptors.
>They start following Anon around.
>Fluttershy is deeply impressed with Anon's ability to "tame" such incredible creatures.

>Two changelings try transforming together
>Changeling equivalent of two fillies and a trenchcoat, pretending to be a full-grown mare.
>Anon thinks it's precious




>Months after starting his hive, Anon notices changes to his body
>His skin feels harder
>There's black scales growing on his arms
>His beard starts to feel more like...cartilage? 
>Freaks out and asks bugwife
>She just smiles like this whole thing is normal
>"Oh, Anon. You should be happy that you're morphing into a proper overmind!"
>Anon becomes a zerg

>Changelings normally don't pursue each other much
>Doesn't bring in any new love
>Just spreads it around
>Not good for the hive
>But Anon loves seeing his changelings with each other
>And loves the shows some of them like to put on for him
>Gives them more love than they burn
>Changelings finally free to enjoy relationships with other changelings
>Society that shares love freely isn't inclined to hide it from each other
>Anon invents live-action changeling romances
>Dates with an audience
>Love scenes with an audience
>Changelings can feel exactly how much love Anon is putting out
>(when he doesn't saturate the scale and fling the bell off into the sky)
>They know exactly what he enjoys
>Neilsen's ain't got nothin' on a changeling love-o-meter
>And the massive love feedback means that what he enjoys is what they enjoy
>tfw establishing a new age of cultural works in changeling society





>Anon becomes king of the changelings
>Has no one specific waifu, the entire hive is loved by him
>Celestia finally has another immortal in the world that she can court
>But she hasn't pursued a stallion that didn't immediately fall head over hooves for her the instant she asked


>Celestia gets an idea.
>Uses magic to transform into a changeling.
>Courts Anon, who loves all his changelings.
>Celestia seeks a closer relationship.
>Has to avoid getting found out.
>Oh, how the tables have turned


> Changeling drones can be male or female as they choose
> As the Anonling hive grows, the gender ratio in Ponyville begins to even out
> A lot of mares are glad enough for more prospects that they overlook the interspecies nature of the proposition
> Having a customizable mate certainly helps
> Some mares and a decent amount of stallions are uneasy about the new situation
> Ponies expect the Apple family to be staunchly on the side of pure pony relationships
> But no, the Apples have lived close to the Everfree long enough to be adaptive in the face of weird creatures
> Applejack can't believe she has two drones all to herself
> Big Mac's drone is looking to molt into a queen fairly soon
> Applebloom is friends with the younger changelings
> Granny Smith has a changeling attendant to help her around and smack the kids when they need it
> And for furtive hoof holding


>Anon's strategy for integration is way more successful than he thought it would be
>Ponyville's population explodes
>Male Changeling + Mare still equals a pony foal
>Big Mac's changeling waifu (monogamous, so she gets all of it) morphs into a queen from all the love
>The Apple Family Hive is born
>Bookhoers assembles a team of nerds
>Has a ton of foals with them since it's easy to stay inside while preggers and still work
>Alicorn love is powerful
>The Sparkle Hive is born
>Pinkie gets herself only the best male changeling, since it's hard to keep up with her
>She had enough love to care for everypony in town, and now they bear the brunt of it
>Her sisters move into town to share him, as is family tradition
>The Pie Hive is born
>Anon's own hive is enormous from the early start he got
>He's still friends with the mane six
>Flutters, Rarity, and RD are warming up to changeling stallions
>Soon there will be even more hives
>Anon forms the Changeling Confederacy behind closed doors
>Celestia may rule on paper, but Ponyville is now firmly changeling territory.



>Although any changeling can get a pick-me-up from the liquid love founts around the hive, it's always infinitely more pleasurable getting love from the source. 
>That means a direct lip-to-lip transfusion from the king himself. 
>As Ponyville slowly comes to terms with living on top of a peaceful changeling hive, a few of the more chivalrous mares and the rare concerned stallion get their nerve back when they see changelings always trying to beg kisses out of the local human. 
>It's not right, not proper, they think. 
>What stallion would be okay with being used with no reward like that?
>The bugs have to be controlling him somehow, and it must be strong with how convincing it is. 
>The same ponies completely miss him scoop up a 'Ling who hasn't even asked yet and happily liplock her until she's glowing pink with energy.



>Anon, through the magic of Love, ascends and becomes the human equivalent of an alicorn.
>Turns into immortal Elf
>Has trouble deciding if this is awesome or horrible.
>On the one hand, he's immortal and can do magic (and maybe even fly somehow if his suspicions are right)
>On the other, he's now a knife eared pretty boy.
>All his hair that wasn't on the top of his head is just gone and doesn't seem to be coming back.
>It would probably take a few decades to grow a decent beard now.
>He feels the need to start lifting because now he has skinny noodle arms (that are somehow just as strong as his old ones).



>Be defence cute. 
>What?
>The king gave you that name and you're dam proud of it! 
>Anyway, your ex queen just trotted in starring your king down. 
>You are about to go full defence but Anon placed a hand on your back and gave you a calming look. 
>"Well, well, well, I was wondering were all my changlings went." She says in her normal mean condensing tone. 
>She looks over at the love fountain your king put up. 
>She blows air through her nose. 
>"Hm, quite a collection of love. Impressive." She says still looking at the love. 
>You king smiles his sweet smile emitting his love. 
>"Yes, my children and herd work really hard for it. You can take some if you want."
>The bitch glares over at him. 
>"I will take it, all of it." She says doing >>29579620 # pic. (body horror mouth)
>The entire room is flooded in something. 
>Something you and your brothers and sisters pic up on instantly. 
>Something YOUR king should never have to emit. 
>Fear. 
>Instantly you and the other guards are on her as per code PTS *Protect The Smile* states you should. 
>She puts up barley any fight seeing as she doesn't run on NEARLY as much love as you and the other guards. 
>While you and the others drag the false queen away, the real queen and five 'Snugglebugs' surround the king and run their area of code PTS and snuggle the king in safety until he falls asleep.






>Equestrian Knights

>Princesses are supposed to rescue Colts in Distress, that's just how things are done.

>Not so for the brave squire Shining Armor, who ends up rescuing Princess Cadence.
>After another knight had failed, Celestia herself was preparing to go fetch her Niece personally.
>Yet when the Sovereign of the Sun arrived, she found that the situation had already been resolved by her strangest knight, and his squire.

>Shiny and Cadence already knew each other, hard not to when they are both aristocrats living in Canterlot, but it was this incident which sparked off their relationship.




>Anon and his enormous changeling hive
>Gender ratio is still there, and it's mostly female
>This is seen to other ponies (once he's discovered) as being a beautiful princess surrounded by burly guards to protect her
>Changelings are, of course, protective of Anon
>Move into Ponyville as regular mares to keep an eye on him - their infiltration is slow enough that nopony really notices the slow rise of immigration rates
>Ponies with seemingly no connection to Anon rise up and help him when he's in danger
>Lyra is shocked when Bon Bon - who normally hates Anon - rushes over to his aid
>Lyra then sheepishly joins her to protect the King
>Sometimes inter-changeling communication isn't perfect, and changelings don't always know that a pony they're friends with is also a changeling




>"Holy shit girls, you're not gonna believe this." 
"Fuck you on about, Dyke?" 
>"Holy fucking shit. So Mr. Anon right?" 
"I swear to god if you're about to tell us another scheme for 'Private Tutoring' again I'm gonna shit in your mouth."
>"No listen, Mr. Anon's in a band."
"What like, a backup dancer?" 
>"No, no, listen, my older sister right? She's got a car and a later curfew and shit, and she says Mr. Anon is the lead singer in the band that plays at that bar near the mall." 
"No way are they any good tho, right?"
>"Fuck does it matter? This is our in girls. We just go there, say we're there to help the band with their equipment, and bam, we fuck Mr. Anon." 
"I'm not seeing your logic." 
>"Just trust me, this is gonna work."




>RGRE Bug
>Queen is seen as the tough warrior and strongest magic-user in the entire hive
>A master of tactical decisions and strategy
>The King is to be protected because he represents the Queen's ability to find a willing (and loving) mate
>Also because he's the one who reads to them before bedtime while the Queen is busy doing bug things
The king and queen kinda function and have the same value as their counterparts in chess. Queen is the badass who can move in any direction and fuck up your day, and the king is the one who hides and must be protected.



>Anon and his mares are going for a walk near the woods with ~a dozen of their children
>Suddenly: timberwolves
>They all run
>When they're safe, Anon does a head-count
>All the mares are there, but two of the foals are gone
>Such is the price they pay for survival
>The mares are sad and comfort each other, but do their best to accept it
>Anon runs back into the woods and fucks up timberwolves until he finds his kids



>Anon loses one of his foals to the timberwolves
>Goes mad with grief
>Stone-faced but pouring tears at the funeral
>Buys a bunch of hairspray cans
>And several gallons of lamp oil
>Spends too much time in the basement now
>One night sneaks out into the Everfree
>Ponyville wakes up way too early one morning to see the Everfree in flames
>Smoke chokes half the town
>Light can be seen from canterlot
>None of the pegasi can control weather over the forest well enough to put it out
>They find Anon sitting in a river the next morning
>The first seven miles of the Everfree are now nothing but a charred wasteland
>No charges of arson brought against Anon, mares explain it away as temporary insanity of a grieving stallion





>bug waifu falls down and scrapes her knee
>Tries to be strong for Anon but tears keep leaking out
>Doesn't put up a fight when Anon picks her up and carries her home
>Will later deny any accusations that she cried when he applied disinfectant to the wound





>Anon works a basic office job to lay low
>has multiple picture frames of his bug wife and bug children
>slams them face down whenever a pony comes in his office
>it's the equivalent of shutting your laptop lid when someone comes in
>Anon's co-workers tease him about it
>Anon has to laugh it off and go along with their implications because the reality could mean bad times for the hive

>"Anon, you really should reconsider keeping those naughty pictures on your desk. It must be just terrible to have a boner all day at work."
"...the boner in my heart..."
>"What?"
"Yeah, it's pretty hard."
>"Well you know any mare in this office would be happy to take care of that any time, just ask~"
"I think I can handle this."
>She leaves with a swish of her tail and a wink, but not with her eye
>Anon picks up the picture and stares at it
"I already have someone to take care of it."


>Mares are generally clueless on how a stalion's cock and balls work, like some young men are IRL
>Some mares think that "testicles" refers to the scrotum
>Some mares think that stallions pee out of their butts
>Anon's boss is genuinely concerned for him because she thinks that an erection is painful for a stallion
>Calls it a "boner" and isn't quite sure if that means that there's an actual bone in there somewhere






>Anon is separated from his children via timberwolf attack
>Is panicking and has no honest idea of how to react to this or how to find them
>Cue his herd working together to find the foals
>Pegasi take to the air and act as recon
>Earth ponies clear a path through the woods once the pegasi spot their foals, knocking down trees with their superior strength
>Unicorns roast those timberwolf fuckers alive before they can hurt their children
>Anon just stands there, stunned
>His mares return with the foals and move in to comfort their poor, scared stallion





>Your tiny wives feel emaresculated that they can't show off how tight their pussies are because their entire body is the size of your penis
>Some of your tiny wives don't like going down on colts and try to get you to lick them off instead





>Predators sometimes eat their own young, and ponies know this
>Anon's waifu is nervous and never lets Anon be alone with the foal
>She knows he would never hurt it intentionally, but he's just a stallion. How well can he resist his predator instincts?
>Anon notices this and ascribes it to her being clingy, with maybe a hint of postpartum depression

>Waifu accidentally leaves Anon alone with the foal
>Catches Anon blowing raspberries into the foal's belly
>Thinks that he's trying to eat it




> Medium (wagon-sized torso) dragon moves into the Ponyville area
> He brings his hoard with him, has to subjugate the diamond dogs to keep it from their greedy paws
> Mares interested in a powerful male start visiting his cave
> Spike is worried that Rarity will be attracted too
> It turns out the dragon is a retired secretary, and thus of no interest to Ms. Social Mobility
> Tipped Scales is getting frustrated
> He moved to Ponyville because it was supposed to be a quiet little town
> That's what he gets for taking the advice of a friend who had recently woken up from a decade long nap
> He's starting to consider dating a mare just to keep the other ones away
> She better be quiet, though
> Enter Fluttershy, the dracopedophile




>Artist Anon
>Also a bit of a pyromaniac
>Discovered back on Erf that he can indulge his love of FIRE FIRE FIRE by using clay as his medium
>Needs to source some good materials for his work
>And to make a bitchin' new kiln of burningness.
>Recruits the Pie sisters to help him out.

>The Colt likes rocks?!
>Powdered rocks, but still, rocks. All kinds of wierd rocks.
>Wait why does he need so much salt?
>The buck is a salt glaze?
>And can we lick it?





Just imagine, Anon, Celestia and Luna are both already knocked up and it's Twilight's turn. Celestia would be coaching Twilight while you go at it, whispering words of encouragement to her while Luna is telling you to really pound the hell out her so she's too sore to walk in the morning




>Be Anon in Emerald City
>Or at least that's what you're calling this place for now.
>It's a city and it's made of crystal.
>You don't know how you got here.
>One night you were at a party trying out the new 'bleachtinis', the next morning you were here.
>Just you and these pony things.
>Which are also made of crystal.
>You're pretty sure they're some sort of wizard servant golem thing like in your American roleplaying games.
>So far you have not found the wizard.
>You checked the obvious tower in the middle of the city, but there were just more ponies.
>A few of them were just brightly coloured instead of see-through.
>They just neighed at you like the rest though.
>So for the last week you have been searching the rest of Emerald City.
>Still no success.
>You did find a train station, so that's the next thing to try.
>Maybe the wizard just uses this place as a holiday home?
>Fucken wizards, always being unpredictable bastards.
>At least his little freaky horse dudes know how to make some bomb-ass tea.
>If you were able to speak horse, you'd know that the gender roles are backwards here.
>But you don't so you have no idea about that or any other horse sociology.

>A day later and you are on the train to elseparts unknown.
>You saw more not-seethrough ponies as you got on.
>They were getting off down the other end of the platform but were definitely not wizards so you ignored them.
>Not one of them even had a hat, let alone a wizard hat.
>The train leaves the station and you watch the landscape go by.
>There is a lot of snow.
>No, seriously, A LOT of snow.
>It goes as far as you can see.
>Well that makes looking out the window a bit dull, doesn't it?
>Yes it does.
>You're getting bored.
>So you go look around the train for a bit.
>It's pretty oldey-timey looking.
>Like that one in that harry potter film you saw.
>Except there are a mix of the see through and just brightly furred ponies in the compartments.
>Some of them neigh at you as you pass them.
>After a little while you've explored the train and found the snack trolley.
>You grab some snacks and then return to your compartment for a nap.
>When you wake up the view outside is much less snowy.
>There are actual landmarks scattered around.
>There's a road over there.
>And that's a village on a hill.
>There's a farm.
>And over there is a mountain with a castle on the top.
>That looks like the sort of place a wizard might be.
>Conveniently, it looks like the train is headed that way.
>After a bit longer the train gets there.
>You leave the train and go look around.
>Just more ponies, mainly of the pointy kind.
>Well, you'd better get searching.
>If for nothing else, you need to find somewhere to crash for the night.
>That place with all the towers looks like a good spot to start.




>Anon is a charming hedonist who tempts Shining Armor's wife into the sheets with him
>... and simultaneously wins Shining Armor's attention, doing the very same with the husband
>Both feel guilty until the truth comes out
>Anon brings a new wave of glorious sexual deviancy into the royal houses
>Everybody's fucking EVERYBODY, and everybody KNOWS that everybody's fucking everybody
>Yet again the truth comes out
>Equestria learns the hard way that humans ARE for sexual, and that they'll make YOU for sexual too if you let them have their way, no matter what you used to think about your sexual preferences
>Mares and stallions everywhere feel a strange mix of discomfort and dangerous curiosity whenever in Anon's presence





>Be Anon
>You were lucky enough to bring your computer with you to Equestria
>Only one problem: There's no electricity
>You give Twilight plans to build a small steam-powered generator, but she's so excited that she constructs a whole power plant
>She says something about 'revolutionizing life in Equestria', but you really don't care, as long as your computer can boot up
>But as you glance down in the corner, and see the little red x over the network icon, you realize you have another problem
>Equestria has no internet
>That's no problem. Momma Ymous didn't raise no quitter.
>You hand Twilight an old modem and a few spare cables, and within hours, you're able to connect to 4pone
>It's beautiful
>/k/ is arguing over crossbow stopping power
>/d/ is arguing over whether liking cuntcolts makes you a lesbian
>and /mlh/...
>a single tear slides down your cheek
>You're home




>the boards were mostly as you remembered, but shifted to fit this weird magical horse land
>/pone/ was arguing if earth ponies are even equine
>/fit/ was talking about gains and almost homo levels of interest in fit clothed mares
>/r9k/ was posting ">tfw when no bf" over and over in subtly different ways
>/b/ was exactly the same
>/o/ was discussing best chariot models for cheap
>and /sci/ was gone, having been replaced with /mag/, was full of pricks pretending they knew shit about magic
>it truly was home


>/his/ is discussing whether another crusade against the camels is a good idea
>/tg/ share stories about how they totally rolled 6 20's in a row for their character sheet
>/ck/ are a bunch of fat tuftbeards who won't stop shilling 5 Girls Burgers
>/x/ is half bullshit, half actual black magic that will damn you to sucking Lady Tirek's clit for eternity
>/lgbt/ is locked in a constant battle between marely dykes and colty dykes
>/out/ is discussing the latest cryptid spotted in the Everfree, something called a hue-mann


>The Nightmare possessing Luna didn't get PURGED like everyone thought
>It was still around, alone, severely weakened, unable to find another host to corrupt
>A chance encounter with a creature from another world changes that.

>It is Nightmare Night
>The stage is set for the newest threat to Equestria to make his appearance






>Nightmare Moon posts ancient forbidden magick on /x/ for anypony stupid enough to try
>Starlight 'REEEE's all over /pol/ when ponies call her a marxist shill
>Chrysalis camwhores as various stallions on /hm/ and gorges on the >tfw no bf posts that follow

>Which stallions?
>All of them.
>The board is literally her, and people drooling over her.

>Somepony shitposts something like that on the board and Chrysalis panics

>"Yeah you're really all those 'other ponies', OP."
>"Griffonshit, bitch, I want a picture of all of you, time stamped."


>/mlh/ has its own RGRE thread (Reversed Gender Roles Earth)
>They even have their own cute little pony oc



>You are Anonna
>You're just an average mare from an average city in Equestria
>You have no friends or family, a job you hate and an apartment you can't stand
>Had, rather, as you drank a magic potion and were transported to Earth


>It sure is strange, being the only pony in a world of apes, but you got used to it
>After all the 'aliens are real' hubub died down, you were given citizenship and a government stipend
>You and your husband, the human who first found you, are now living an average life as an average couple

>Fluttershy hits "post" on the last section of her multi-post greentext, sitting back and waiting for sweet, self-esteem-maintaining (you)s
>Can't help but feel a pang of longing as she lives vicariously through "Anonna"
>Makes her stories as sweet and comfy as possible and tries not to cry when she writes romantic kissing scenes between Anonna and her husbando






>Pone mare constantly fusses about stuff like how he need to eat more and worries that he might not be getting enough satisfaction in bed.
>She finally gets fed up and tells her husband he needs to start a herd.
>His face when

>Pone brings up herding early on, before she figured out just how ingrained monogamy was in human culture
>Anon is all for it for obvious reasons
>hfw she figures out she could have had him all to herself






>Anon IS a character from Fluttershy's story
>Though aspects of his life - like his childhood - are only briefly touched in her greentext, magic makes it so that Anon distinctly remembers experiencing them in real time
>Fluttershy made him an anime-esque irresistible human, and so ponies can't help but be attracted to him
>She thanks her lucky stars that, just before Anon appeared, she was able to finish the chapter where he's desperately in love with her own stand-in character: Slutterfy.
>Cue happy ending








>Twilight-L starts rambling about how she couldn't believe she missed it, Lero doesn't have a functioning magic reservoir organ to absorb and dampen magical forces
>Anon, however, does, and Twilight-A confirms that she's observed it
>Anon declares that this is all bullshit, there's no such organ
>Twilight(s) pop up magic x-rays showing their insides as crudely-drawn glowing chalk figures on a screen
>Lero had his appendix removed back in the day
>Anon's looks like a uranium rod from the intro to The Simpsons





Lyra finally reaches Earth. On the Eastern Front, 1944.
She befriends a young German soldier, and completely misinterprets events to fit her marshmallow pony worldview
>Lyra and her husbando: Seven ways the world could change
>She doesn't understand why the Nazis hate Jews so much
>Who could hate a nice glass of juice?
>Convinces Himmler to send all interned Jews to Equestria

>She gets lost on the way to the bathroom and wanders behind Russian lines
>Finds a fortified bunker complex, slips past the guards
>Accidentally sets the whole place on fire while still looking for the bathroom, killing everybody including Stalin, who was meeting with his field commanders
>Turns out it was just a fart




>Pinkie takes Anon to the cloning pool
>Anon uses it a makes a clone
>Its defected in a subtle way
>Anon makes a few more clones
>They. Are. All. Retarded.
>Pinkie and Anon have to decide whether or not they need to put down the retard clones
>Or raise the manchildren on their own




>Looking at the still you haphazardly put together you couldn’t help but smile.
>All the pieces were now in place. Pieced together with sweat, blood, and duct-tape.
>Through the process of trial and error, a fire which burned down your shed, and a drunk bear that got into some of the mash, you finally were on your way to making some grade “A” alcohol.
>Now, no civic ordnance about how much alcohol by volume was permitted, was going to stand in your way to getting completely shit-faced.
>The drinks these pint-sized horses considered strong was a joke, they didn’t even give you a remote buzz.
>So the solution came to you one night, why not make your own?
>Flipping through the beat-up old notebook, you read over your notes. You were a drunk, but a smart drunk, one that did his research on the art of liver-killin’.
>Your grandpa, always made his own moonshine. An art which he passed down to you, and now you were going to do him proud.
>Time to get the batch of mash for your first crop of moonshine.
>Tucking the notebook in your back pocket you walked around the back of your cottage while whistling a tune from when you were young.
>Only to stop dead in your tracks.
>No
>Not again!
>The can of mash lay spilled out on the ground, a large grizzly bear, who had a big smile on his face lay right beside it.
>But that wasn’t the only uninvited guest.
>”What is this stuff?”
“Pinkie get away from that.”
>Ignoring your firm tone on the matter, she stuck out her tongue and lapped up some of the mix.
“Spit that out, you’re going to get sick.”
>The only response you received was a series of hiccups from the bright pink mare.
>This was going to be a bad day.



>(Pic of Sunset Shimmer with Pinkie Pie and Rainbow playing basketball in the background)

>”You lost or somethin’?”
“No- I uh… was just walking home.”
>”You’re on our turf, this court, this hood, all of it is ours.”
“Right. So I’ll just see myself out.”
>”Not happenin’, you gotta pay for coming here. Now drop them pants.”





Anon is a :"unicorn comfort specialist", as he calls it. Sometimes magic gets backed up when a unicorn is under stress and has to occasionally be "relieved" by sucking on it. Anon doesn't even do it for the money, he just enjoys being treated like the fairer sex and slutting it up during his time in equestria



Story idea
CEO anon
Was a old ass businessman, dies, now in horseland but misses his shekels
There's plenty of stories of anon being the secretary, but it'd be funny to see anon building a Google on steroids mega corporation to wreck shit after the population act like shits
Could be funny to see anon slapping Twiggy with a roll of 100s after she acts like a cunt




>It was you against the world.
>Sign in hand you marched in front of the crystal castle which housed the unicorn-turned-alicorn book-horse.
>You were the only one who gave a damn.
“Save the buns, save the flanks, you say small butts, I say no thanks!”
>Should probably work on that, but there was no time for that now.
>Ever since Twilight became a princess her magical powers increased ten-fold, but at a cost which she shouldn’t have had to pay.
>”Hiya nonny what’cha doin’?”
>Looking behind you, Pinkie was hopping right along keeping pace with your march.
“I’m fighting a grave injustice Ponk. A crime has been committed and no one so much made a peep.”
>”Huh?”
“Twilights butt Pinkie, before it was something special. Now it’s nothing more than a joke and I’m not laughing.”
>Her giggling coupled with a few snorts at the travesty made you stop dead in your tracks.
>Dropping the sign you pinched Pinkie’s cheeks[the ones on her face] and looked her in the eyes.
“Laugh all you want, but that’s how it starts. First they came for her butt, but for all we know they’ll come for yours next.”
>The color drained from her face as the realization hit her like a ton of bricks.
>Her forehooves reached back as if to shield her bouncy posterior.
“You know what has to be done.”
>Picking the sign back up you resumed the protest with Pinkie following suit, a sign which she pulled from god knows where raised high.
>The cause was growing.


>Anon isn't as subtle as he thinks he is

"Twilight, could you please pass the plump horse ass?"
>Twilight blinks in surprise at the non-sequitur.
>"I-I-I..." she stutters uncertainly, "Wh-what?"
>Twilight looks over her shoulders, trying to surreptitiously see if there's some kind of disembodied posterior behind her that she isn't aware of.
"Oh, silly me," you say with a laugh, "I meant, 'could you please pass the salt'?"




>Applejack is embarrassed by her large, stallionlike frame
>Mares make fun of her behind her back all the time
>She just wishes she could be smaller, so she could be the little spoon and protect her stallion for once

>Being the little spoon is seen as putting yourself between potential danger and your stallion's soft underbelly while he's asleep and vulnerable




>Anon releases all of Weird Al's material as his own comedy album
>Pinkie acts as his publicist, puts on a getup like Don King with a poofy beehive hairdo instead of looking like one of those troll toys
>the songs become wildly popular
>meanwhile, elsewhere in Equestria, Cheese Sandwich has been unable to stop scrunching all day long and he can't figure out why




Lyra laughed when Bon Bon said that she was going to give the human a plate of cookies and ask him to stay for a tall glass of milk. Said that he'd just think she was weird. And now? Now Anon has Bonnie's scent all over him. Who's laughing now?!






>Be Anon. 
>You're walking through ponyville heading to your job at Aloe and Lotus's massage therapy. 
>You like working there. 
>Pegusus wifu had her dislikes about it at first. 
>”I don’t like the fact you’ll be rubbing mares all day! It’s wrong for a stallion to do!”
>But after you showed her a few wing messages you learned she sang a different tune.
>”Owf, on the AAAHther hoof, mAAAYbe it won’t be sooooh~ bad for you to learn a FEW things.” She said while you dug into her wing joints. 
>Since that day you’ve been working there and as long as you give wifu a massage when she gets home she has no complaints. 
>Your only complaint is how far it is and the occasional mare who thinks you’re supposed to give a “Happy ending”.
>That and Caramel. 
>Every week he comes in and complains. 
>Now you used to listen to the guys back home complain about women occasionally and that’s fine. 
>But this being reverse gender roles, he complains about the stupidest things. 
>”She doesn’t listen to me.” Or “She forgot my hoof lotion! How dare she forget my hoof lotion!” blah blah blah. 
>If it weren’t for the ear plugs Aloe gave you after hearing him, you probably would have strangled him. 
>You begin to think of songs from earth that suit him. 
>After finding one you look around seeing if anyone is around. 
>Still being pretty early in the morning nobody’s there. 
>So you begin to sing to yourself. 
“He keeps Moët et Chandon in his pretty cabinet”
>Okay so the song doesn’t fit him too well but fuck you you’ll sing it anyway! 
“'Let them eat cake,' he says just like Marie Antoinette”
“A built-in remedy for Kruschev and Kennedy”
“At anytime an invitation you can't decline”
>You begin to have a bit of bounce in your step. 
“Caviar and cigarettes well versed in etiquette. “
“Extraordinarily mean!”
“He's a Killer King~”
“Gunpowder, gelatine. 
Dynamite with a laser beam! “
“Guaranteed to blow your mind-“
>”Anytime!”
>You jump hearing a voice behind you. 
>You turn around and met with Pinkie Pie. 
>”Hiya’ Nonny!” she greets waving a hoof. 
>Your eyes narrow. 
“How much did you hear…”
>She grins before putting a hoof to her muzzle seemingly thinking. 
>”Hmm, all of it~” she sing songs. 
“What do you want to stay quite.”
>Again thinking. 
>”Full body massage.”
>You narrow your eyes even more. 
“Back and hoof and I’ll go to one of your parties. “
>Her eyes narrow and a grin grows even more. 
>”Two parties.”
“Deal.”





>Anon and Bon Bon met via secret agent shenanigans
>She retired when they became a couple
>The inevitable happens, and the crown requires her services once more
>Bu there's a catch
>Anon made her promise him, that if it happened, she'd take him with her.

>She almost sneaks out in the morning, to find Anon waiting for her.
>He wasn't in the casual lounging around town clothes he usually wore
>He'd broken out the suit
>The one he was wearing when she first met him.

>He says he could pull the 'traditional colt thing' and just threaten that if she leaves without him, he won't be there when she gets back
>But he's a lot more stubborn than that.
>He's going with her, and that's all there is to it.





> It's Mother's Day
>Chrysalis finds undiluted chaos in the making in the Hive Kitchen
>Once she manages to re-establish order, it turns out her little drones were trying to bake mommy some cookies
>Because they'd heard from ponies that's what you were supposed to do on Mother's Day



> Be Anon in RGRE EQG
> The subway train car is packed with the morning rush
> Then you feel something warm and soft press against your back
> "Sorry, there just isn't any space to move."
> The voice is soft and feminine, and slightly husky
> Is she really apologizing for pressing her breasts against you?
"It's fine, I understand."
> The two of you stand like that for about five minutes, small movements changing how much her boobs squish against your back
> Your shirt is fairly thin, and you can feel two little nubs firming up against you
> To be fair, you are getting rather hard yourself
> Then a slender hand slides just above your beltline
> "I'm sorry, I lied, I can move away. But I think you are enough of a slut that we can have some fun. Am I right?"
> Her fingers slowly unfasten your pants button
> Fuck yes
> You love this world of (more) perverted women
"Yes."
> She practically purrs, her hand diving down and wrapping around your erection
> "Mmmm, you're such an eager gigolo."
> Her soft fingers work their magic on your dick, stroking, squeezing, rubbing
> You brace yourself against the train car door, breathing heavily from her ministrations
> She presses her whole body against you, soft and warm and sweet smelling
> "Come on, let it out. Give me all your sperm, you perverted man."
> She nips at your ear and you groan in pleasure
> Her hand speeds up and she tightens her grip around your length
> You inhale sharply, hips bucking at the stimulation
> Her other hand slides over your hip and down, fondling your testicles
> It's too much
> Your dick throbs and she shifts her grip quickly, the hand that was fondling your balls now cupped over your glans
> You thrust against her hand, hot jizz erupting from your cock into her waiting hand
> "Good boy. Empty those succulent balls of yours."
> You can barely hear her over your heartbeat and the pleasure flooding your system
> You fire into her hand a few more times before tapering off
> You can feel her pull her hips back slightly as she withdraws her cumsoaked hand
> "Guess what, slut? I'm rubbing your precious semen all up inside my sopping cunt. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll get pregnant with your child. Wouldn't that be great? Your first born with some woman you will never meet again."
> You've said it before, and you'll say it again
> You love this world's perverted women





>Be Luna, the moonist moon pone. 
>You exploring the dreamscape when you run into the alien Anon's dream. 
>He isn't having a nightmare but you go in anyway. 
>You were always curious about what he'd dream of. 
>As soon as you enter you are met with load bangs! 
>Some going extremely fast and make less sound, some are slow and make load sounds, occasionally you are met with a massive BOOM of a explosion. 
>You see tons of humans running by in what appears to be heavy cloth. 
>Most are running towards a building. 
>The one's who don't are met with a high speed projectile, blood blowing out of the opposite side of their body. 
>All of the sudden a giant green metal beast on tracks bust through a nearby wall. 
>It turns what appears to be it's head seemingly looking around. 
>A human rushes the beast letting out a high pitch scream firing it's weapon at it. 
>The beast seemingly unaffected by it turns its head before spitting what seems to be a high speed fireball at the human. 
>The human somehow still intact from the explosion falls to the ground dead. 
>You see Anon jump out of the head of the beast rushing towards his fellow human most likely to help him. 
>He runs over and stand over his head before crouching up and down laughing. 
>"Oh my fucking god! You're such a fucking hacker! Stop tea bagging me noob!" The human you previously believed was dead screams with a squeaky voice. 
>Anon just keeps laugh as the man child thing screams at him. 
>...
>You leave Anon's dream and vow to never return.



>Anon dreams of sensual sex with Luna as the real Luna watches, shocked. 
>With some roundabout logic, the moon princesses convinces herself that technically, she had sex with Anon.
>Now she must do the proper thing and court him, taking responsibility for defiling his purity. 
>Meanwhile, Anon doesn't even remember the dream. He just knows he woke up with a boner

>He just knows he woke up with a boner.
>And Luna in his room, holding a bouquet of flowers. 
>She's nervous and out of practice in courting a stallion
>She panics and throws it at his face
>"B-bon appa--enjoy!"
>She uses teleport



So what if when Luna enters the dream, Anon is having sex with Nightmare Moon?

Bonus points if it is the real Nightmare trapped in the dreamscape




>Anon dreams about fucking Nightmare Moon every other night.
>Luna just doesn't get it.
>She confronts him about it in a dream.
>Anon has no idea that she does that and thinks it is just part of his dream.
>rape
>Luna tries to have him arrested.
>It happened in a dream so there is no evidence.
>Luna decided to punish him in his dreams.
>Luna's punishments are anon's various fetishes.
>Anon rapes her every time she tries to leave.
>Luna starts to like it
>Good ending!





“M-mister Anon.”
>Yours heart races as he raises his head up from the bench that he was sleeping on.
>Your eyes meet as he makes a low growling sound.
>He looks pretty groggy, maybe you should just forget it.
>”What do you want marshmallow?”
“I'm not marshmallow, I'm Sweetie Belle.”
>”Whatever. What do you want? I am trying to get some sleep.”
>Your face is flushed, your heart is pounding, and your horn lights up.
>You quickly levitate a small coin purse out from your saddlebags.
“U-uh I heard that you do stuff for money.”
>Upon hearing that, he seems to take interest. You think.
>There is silence for what seems like an eternity, but probably was no more that a few seconds.
>”What did you have in mind and how much are you offering?”
“I-I want you to do stuff to me.”
>He makes a face at you.
>”Details.”
>Your tiny body stiffens as you respond.
“I want you to do stuff to my horn.”
>He just sits there silently.
>”Look kid, when I ask for details, I mean details. You want me to use my hands, mouth, or something else? Do you want your magic burst on my face or inside my mouth? Do you want me to twiddle your shittle?”
“Twittle my shittle?”
>”Just get lost kid. Every second you stand here is a second that you are scaring away real customers.”
“I am a real customer!”
>That came out louder than you intended.
>He just smiles a little.
>”Than tell me what you want.”
>You channel all of your pent up hornyness and all of your wet dreams.
“I want you to suck my horn dry and swallow every last drop. Then I want you to pick me up, hold me upside down against a tree and lick under my tail until that is dry too. . .”
>”Both holes?”
“Y-yeah and I want to suck you off while you do it.”
>He starts to chuckle.
>”Damn kid. I'm actually kind of impressed. A hornjob followed by an upside down nomming session with some dick sucking thrown in for good measure. Not bad at all.”
>You notice a pretty sizable bulge in his pants.
>”Let's see. How's 50 bits sound?”
>You only have 15.
“Uhh, I don't have that much.
>”Aww thats too bad. You are pretty cute though. Maybe I could go down to 30 just for you.”
>You wonder if Applebloom will lend you 15 bits. Probably not.
“I-I still don't have enough.”
>You are kind of embarrassed now.
>”Well how much do you have?”
>He sounds a little annoyed.
“15 bits.”
>He just deadpans.
>”You thought that you could get all that with just 15 bits? I normally charge 20 bits for just a hornjob. 30 bits for all that is a real bargain.”
>Okay now you are really embarrassed.
>He takes a deep breath and sighs.
>”Oh what the hell. I've made plenty this week. I guess a little charity never hurt anyone.”
“R-really!”
>”Really really. Just tell me where you want to do this and we will head out.”
>Sweet Celestia this is happening!
“T-there is a little treehouse in Sweet Apple Acres that we could do it at.”
>He stands up tall and looks down at you with a warm smile.
>”Well what are we waiting for?”






>The Pie sisters (minus Pinkie) decide that it's time to find a stallion and start increasing the number of workers on the rock farm
>They head out to Ponyville, thinking that Pinkie will have all sorts of information on who would be the best mate: best with kids; least whiny; biggest cock; etc
>Pinkie makes a list of single stallions and they meet each one, going through the list alphabetically
>"Stallion" number 1 is Anon
>Limestone immediately loses her composure (you don't learn a lot of social graces living alone with your family on an isolated rock farm, let alone how to properly court a male) and awkwardly demands that Anon go back home with them to the rock farm

If Anon is going to live at the rock farm, I could see Igneous and Cloudy involving themselves in their children's love lives. 

Not like literally in the bedroom, but in the awkward encouragement sense, and the poor sisters learning more about their parents sex life than they ever wanted to know.

Cloudy coaching her daughters, and Igneous giving Anon tips.

Gotta make sure those grandkids come sooner rather than later after all

>"H-Hey! Hey, you!"
>A flustered-looking gray mare marches over to you, glaring at you as though you've done her some great personal wrong.
>"Y-you'd... you'd better..."
>The mare takes a few quick breaths to calm herself.
>"You'd better c-come home with me!"
>You look behind her and see Pinkie struggling not to laugh, standing in the company of two other unfamiliar mares






Anon got thrown in prison for trying to hold hooves with an unwilling mare
And even worse that it was in public
Many said that stallions cannot >rape mares but that started being questioned after this situation
Equestria as a whole is divided, with someponies wanting justice for the mare and others defending anon
Even the four princessess cant decide what to do with him, being divided within themselves as well
All of this just because Anon wanted directions to the train station


>All of this just because Anon wanted directions to the train station
I, too, grab the strangers I talk to.

"Excuse me, miss!"
>A cream coloured mare looks up from her book, looking at you in curiosity.
>"Yes? How can I help you?"
>Without a word you reach out and snatch her out of her seat.
>"Wh-what are you doing!?"
>Cradling her on her back, you start to rub her tummy and nuzzle her mane.
>Her face is bright red and she looks outraged.
>"Stop that! What is wrong with you!?"
"Sorry for taking up your time."
>You lean forward and blow a raspberry into her belly, making her shriek and start batting your head with her forehooves.
"Could you tell me where the train station is, please?"
>You begin to play with the soft underside of her hooves while you patiently wait for her to give you an answer once she's done sputtering angrily.






>Silly poners think Anon is a mare
>Until he starts growing a beard
>Then Fluttershy realizes he's changing gender, like certain species of amphibians
>T-that's kinda hot
>Rainbow Dash is Anon's marefriend and already knew that he was male
>Never brought it up in conversation because she thought it was obvious it helps that she's seen his penis
>When Fluttershy announces that she believes Anon is changing genders due to his beard, Rainbow Dash silently wonders if sticking around with Anon would make her a dyke
>Keeps muttering "no homo" under her breath as they cuddle in front of Anon's fireplace




>Anon has a crippling fear of intimacy
>He would be the lewdest creature on the planet, if only he bring himself to actually /do/ anything
>Mares take this as evidence that he is Pure Horsebando material


>Anon was legitmately abused by his mother
>is extremely suspicious and fearful of any female with any sort of power over him
>Gets pulled into RGRE, where all the females are aggressive, numerous, and considered the more powerful sex by default.
>He has to live with a mare who agreed to host him.
>Said mare is overbearing/flirty and it scares him to no end.
>But he can't leave her without being homeless.
>Everyday in Equestria is living hell to him. 
>His host finds everything out.
>The pure horror on her face.





>Pure as the driven snow
>Hesitates to even hold hands/hooves
>Blushes like a tsundere from my japanese animes

>Princesses wish they could pass some kind of law to get custody over him and protect Anon - who is surely as fragile and innocent as a delicate porcelain doll - from the evils and corruption of the world
>Meanwhile, Anon is trying to look under mare's tails as discretely as possible




The reason Celestia and Luna keep the title of Princess rather than accepting their place as queens is because they're still waiting for their dadd- ESTEEMED FATHER to come back from his extremely important quest of appeasing the space elf prost- DIGNIFIED ROYAL AMBASSADORS in the Galaxy Infrared-9.




>The Princesses have massive Daddy Issues
>Anon is the only one taller, bigger, stronger than them
>Guess who just got more problems to deal with?


>The princessess atart getting closer to Anon
>Liking it or not they keep coming to him with more and more bickering of one to another
>Leave it as sisters being cute sisters
>Soon they both come to him at once
>They want him to prove the other wrong in an argument
>In a discussion where both sides have over 1000 of wiseness and experiences
>Meanwhile Anon cant even understand the basis of what they re talking
>The princessess just keep discussing in front of him, thinking they can win him to their side with a better argument
>Anon just gets more lost in it all as it goes on







>Anon jumped ahead a thousand or so years into the future because reasons
>Still in the location of the previous castle, and Twilight eventually finds him in the Everfree
>Sends a letter to Celestia describing Anon and including a picture
>It takes all of 7 seconds after the princess receives the note for Celestia and Luna to teleport all the way over from Canterlot to Ponyville
>Anon now must deal with grown-up versions of those two fillies he found in a box and took care of for a few years
>And he's never been happier

>Luna was isolated on the moon for a thousand years while trapped in her persona of Nightmare Moon
>Celestia had to deal with her father disappearing and her sister being banished for a thousand years
>A thousand years alone; her entire family gone
>Anon had expected Luna to be the most emotional about his return (she had lived up to her status of "baby sister" back when she was younger), but it's actually Celestia who cries into his chest and absolutely refuses to let go
>Anon lets her take her time.
>When they take him back to Canterlot, neither allows him out of their sight and they all fall asleep curled up in front of the fireplace

>The absolutely unflappable Princess of the Sun
>Who put on a brave face, no matter what threats faced Equestria over the last thousand years
>She couldn't dump all her problems and insecurities on Luna, her poor little sister had her own issues to deal with already, Celestia had to be strong for her, and their little ponies
>But now daddy is finally back, to make everything better

>Anon has no idea how to help Celestia
>He's just one mortal man
>He has no experience running a country nor much in the way of magical knowledge
>Hell, even as a parent he considered himself average at best.
>He's completely out of his depth, but tries anyway


>Anon gets courted by one of the maids
>He doesn't care that she's not royalty or anything
>Feather Duster is a kind, caring, and cute mare.
>Celly gets jelly of the attention but can't bring herself to keep her daddy from finding love
>He never had anyone as a special somepony back then
>Luna just doesn't want to have to call one of the waitstaff "Mom"

>Anon starts courting Twilight
>Celestia is confused and horrified; The filly she always thought of as a daughter is now technically her mom

>Anon starts dating Bombshell.
>Celestia and Luna disapprove.
>Celestia thinks Anon deserves someone better than some dumb, socially retarded klutz.
>Luna is the Element of Sperg, and sees Bombshell as a goddamn amateur.
>something something RGRE






>"All right Spike, send it."
>the small dragon blows green flames over the parchment and it rapidly disappears
>rounding back on Anonymous, she continues with a smile
>"Ok Anon, I've let the Princess know you're here and about how you arrived. She'll probably send a basic reply in the next few minutes, but honestly it might take a few days before she decides the best course to take, you being a cast-away from anoth-"
>suddenly, there's a sloppy mish-mash of magic as two teleports burst into being in roughly the same space
>both Celestia and Luna come barreling out at full speed, rushing Twilight and Anonymous
>Celestia is literally tumbling end over end, trying to get upright but failing at anything other than propelling her somersaulting further
>Luna is flailing her hooves to run so hard they're practically slipping out from underneath her and getting tangled up, while her wings flap as if she were flying
>both are sobbing
>"FATHER!"
>"DADDY!"
>Twilight can do nothing but gape in dumbfoundment as they collide into a giant pile with Anonymous, desperately nuzzling and clinging to him




>Discord was the one who sent Anon into the future via time portal because he was the only one who couldn't be directly affected by his magic and thus stood a chance of actually defeating him without the Elements of Harmony

>LONG AGO IN THE LAND OF EQUESTRIA.
>I, DISCORD, THE HANDSOME MASTER OF CHAOS
>UNLEASHED UN AN UNSPEAKABLE DISHARMONY
>BUT A FOOLISH MONKEY, SOMEHOW IMMUNE TO MY POWER, STEPPED FORTH TO OPPOSE ME
>BEFORE THE FINAL BLOW WAS STRUCK, I TORE OPEN A PORTAL IN TIME, AND SENT HIM INTO THE FUTURE.
>WHERE I THOUGHT, MY CHAOS WOULD BE LAW
>THINGS DID NOT GO AS PLANNED
>NOW THE FOOL SEEKS TO ANNOY ME AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY DESPITE MY REDEMPTION, AND TEMPTING ME BACK TO THE PATH OF PURE CHAOS

>Anon feels bad cause he missed a lot of important good times with his family.
>It's total bitch and a back-stabber with Discord.
>Anon becomes the anti-fun-chaos police.
>Tries to provoke Discord.
>He has a very short leash.
>Just one fuck up and his ass turns into stone.
>BOOM!
>You asked for Chocolate milk, Discord?
>I brough you normal milk, no fat, 
lactose-free and no sugar.
>Anon gives him a stare of- I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE Mother fucker-
>Discord smiles while tears pour from his eyes

"Alright Discord, you can go, but first you have to drink all this milk."
>"W-why are you doing this, Anon?"




>There are no gaming consoles in Equestria, but Luna games with Anon through his dreams
>She can recreate them accurately from his subconscious memories
>It's like playing VR versions of his favourite games
>She does it all so he won't feel homesick




>Cat-pegasi make nests out of socks they steal from the hamper and built them on unmade beds

>Unicorns are a bit more refined
>They just nab boxes and shred paper in them with their magic
>The paper shredding serves no purpose; it's just fun to them

>Earth Ponies get restless if they don't go outside and play for a bit
>Despite being as small as a cat and behaving similarly to one, they tend to act more like a dog when they get excited
>They're easily the biggest nappers of the 3 races, and seem to have a sixth sense for knowing when there's a lap available for them to sleep in





>You are Elyssar'sirath ruler of the 8th circle.
>And you can't believe this shit.
>Some mother bucker thought it would be a good Idea to bring HIM to your reality.
>Though you loathe to admit it, you are... thankful to the Diarchs for bringing this to your attention.
>After much posturing and bargaining you have agreed to some things. Most importantly keeping HIM the buck away from Tartarus.
>Oh Lords below why did you agree to this, wait is she smirking? I swear by the blood temples, Luna will pay for this.
>You are Anon.
>Luna brought a friend named Elly.
>Look at this cute widdle pone. Trying to be all scary, with her horns and wings and shit.
>She's a shy one isn't she? Oh why is she shaking? Is she scared?
>Ah shit! she teleported away.
>"Sorry I scared your friend away Luna."
>"Tis' alright Anonymous, It's been many moons since Elyssar'sirath has seen or felt the touch of a colt."
>"Well if you say so, Luna."
>"Say Anonymous, Can you continue the tale of the Biggest Boss and his belligerent Sons."

In the first age, in the first battle, when the shadows first lengthened, one stood. Burned by the embers of Armageddon, his soul blistered by the fires of Hell and tainted beyond ascension, he chose the path of perpetual torment. In his ravenous hatred he found no peace; and with boiling blood he scoured the Umbral Plains seeking vengeance against the dark lords who had wronged him. He wore the crown of the Night Sentinels, and those that tasted the bite of his sword named him... the Doom Slayer





>Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis slowly gaining a conscience
>It sounds suspiciously like their husbando
>Every time they try to subjugate the masses, they can practically see Anon looking at them, sad and disappointed.
>The resistance groups are confused when both ruthless leaders end most potentially lethal confrontations with a huffy "Oh, just get out of here; before I change my mind."
>They've yet to connect Anon's presence with the villain's improved behaviour, and merely pity the poor colt and hope that they aren't mistreating him too badly
>Any and all rescue attempts inevitably end with Anon sabotaging his own escape and being "recaptured" by his mares





Humans to ponies are as adorable as ponies are to us. Many mares are reluctant to have sexual relations with anon because to them it would be like fucking a foal





>Anon is a huge metalhead
>Poners overhear him singing (insert generic power metal song here)
>Are amazed; Clearly, this colt is a great warrior from a tribe of amazons
>Next time a villain threatens Equestria, they give him control of a battalion of hardened guardsmares
>Hilarity ensues





>RGREqG
>Anon from regular Earth is sent to EqG because idk Twilight saw humans and thought "close enough"
>The biased gender ratio is still there, only now Anon is surrounded by hormone-saturated girls dealing with newfound desires and sexual frustration, and who can't go more than 8 seconds without thinking about cock
>Now having aggressive human instincts and general >muh human superiority, the high school girls work to snatch unsuspecting young men away when they least expect it instead of doing what their horse-selves do, which is to group up and try to tempt/lure single stallions away
>In Equestria, Anon only had to deal with a mare getting a little bit too pushy and trying to make him cuddle with her.
>In EqG-land, Anon has to watch is back and every turn lest he be taken away and "claimed" by a small group of girls
>They're subtle and merciless
>Take for example a three-girl group:
>Anon might turn the corner and have girl A (who had been waiting for him) blindsight him with a shoulder-shove as she walks by, spinning him around and disorienting him
>Girl B (who had been following behind him before he turned the corner) might turn the exact same corner immediately after and brush up against him to make him drop his books, thus distracting him
>Confused, startled, and focusing on getting his books off of the floor, Anon won't be prepared when girl C snakes an arm around his elbow and yanks him into an empty classroom just a few feet away.
>Girls A and B are soon to follow after making sure that nobody saw them
>The entire capture took less than 10 seconds


>The mane six join forces to become the greatest gang of rapists of all of Equestria (High).

>Elements of Harmony strike team
>Can extract any boy or small group of boys in record time due to their unparalleled and flawless ability to work together as a team
>One minute Anon is grabbing his shit from his locker, and the next he's got a faceful of breasts and is being tactfully and unobtrusively moved into an unused classroom


>"Is that Anon standing all alone without anybody to protect him?"
>>"Sunset, come quickly! We need your breasts!"

>Anon is the only guy that isn't a prudish faggot
>despite warnings from others, he deliberately walks around out of the way hallways alone
>he gets insane amounts of ass daily because he is intelligent enough to know the best places to get some
>the girls that nab him trade him favors and gift him shit non-stop to apologize for it, in desperate attempts to keep him from talking about being raped
>he never tells them that he's cool with it because the free shit is dope



>Anon tries to go to Principal Celestia for help
>She's in on it too
>"Oh are those naughty girls harassing you again, Anon? Why don't you step into my office so we can talk all about it.
>She turns around and locks the door

>"Oh, Anon! You must be so distressed! I can't stand to see a boy cry - come here and give me a hug."
>Celestia grabs the back of your head and mashes your face into her cleavage.
>She's not wearing a bra.
>Celestia's hand slips under your shirt.
>"It's going to be okay, sweetheart."


>Principal Celestia genuinely cares about the welfare of her students
>Also can hardly stand being surrounded by so much cock
>Compromises by getting a little bit too handsy with some of her male students


> Be Anon, thoroughly lost
> You're still kinda new to this school, and you have classes all over the place
> It doesn't help that when you ask a girl for directions, she and her friends drag you into the nearest restroom and/or empty classroom, and have their way with you
> And for every guy in school, there is about three girls
> So you get fucked a lot
> It's starting to get ol-
> Haha, no, can't keep a straight face
> This is the best time of your life
> Especially when the girls accidentally dragged you into Principal Celestia's office
> But the point remains that your sense of direction in the building is shot
> You hear a long-suffering sigh behind you, while hands firmly turn you around and give you a push
> Smoooosh
> Forget it, you are never getting to geometry on time
> Hold on
"I know these tits. Perky, yet soft, and just the right size to hold in my hands. Sunset, how are you doing today?"
> She pulls you along, with the help of the elements of sexuality
> "I'm doing alright, recorded a few new songs with the girls. We almost have enough for an album now."
> Your pants have disappeared, and you can feel your boxers being tugged away
> The classroom door closes with a click
"That's great! Say, once you and the girls have had your fun, want to skip out on school and watch a movie at my place? I'll be making caramel corn."
> Sunset practically purrs at the suggestion
> "Homemade caramel corn? And you wonder why you get raped so much. You got it, Anon, it's a date."
> Rarity makes a little "awww" noise as she sucks greedily at your cock





>Anon is monogamous
>Waifu is everything he ever wanted, and he doesn't need other ponies in the mix
> The Mare is expected to share her stallion with at least a small herd and the stallion is expected to agree to that
>When Anon states that he doesn't want a herd, waifu is initially shocked, but soon becomes quite happy, she has him all to herself
>Other ponies aren't that happy though
>It's against all Equestrian ideas that led to society functioning happily with screwed gender ratios
>Waifu's friends expect to be invited to herd soon 
>Some of ponies accept them, some try to act as they don't care even if they don't like it
>And the more traditional of them try to take matter into their own hooves
She has stallion all for herself?
And it's apparently his own decision?
But he is only colt, he doesn't know what he's doing.




>Dad Anon to Celly and Luna was gone so long because he was stuck in Tartarus
>*Somebody* has to RIP AND TEAR around here, and Poners just can't do it properly.
>He had to put the fear of pain back into the demonic denizens after they got the bright idea to try invading the surface after Discord got turned into a lawn ornament.
>Discord thought they were no fun at all, no sense of humor, and had in his own wacky ways kept them in Tartarus
>But with Ol' Dissy out of action, Anon had to go to work.
>He never seemed to have problems with Tirek, being as he wasn't actually a demon, Anon didn't have to try bitchslapping him, and the old centaur seemed to be grateful that there was some entertainment to go with his incarceration.
>Anon still wasn't sure where Tirek kept getting that popcorn.

>Time passes differently in Tartarus
>All that time RIP AND TEAR'ing through the hosts of demons only took a couple years to him
>However, being exposed to and coming in contact with all that demon blood changed Anon
>He's now immortal, so long as he stays within range of Tartarus
>Well, that range increases with exposure, so just about anywhere on the planet
>He's also corrupted a little
>Unfortunately for the powers of evil, humans are born as selfish bastards but learn to control themselves
>Now he just steals cookies and cupcakes from ponies when they aren't looking from time to time
>His greatest evil? He once stole forty cakes.
>Celestia still holds it against him






>Honestly, you wouldn't be so frightened if they'd at least given you some platemail
>But noo, that stuff's too heavy for a colt, just take these chainmail hot pants and this weird leather chest thingy
>Even Conan wore armor when he could get it!
>At least you have a sword now, not that you have any idea how to use it
>And so, here you are, standing atop a hill, ahead of a column of several hundred mares
>Across the valley, you see an army of manticores, timberwolves, and all manner of wild creatures, under the command of a really poorly designed mare
>Like seriously, if your armor is too little, she has the opposite problem
>How can she even move under all that weight? And what's up with all those spikes?
>Well, whatever, it's not like you'll likely get the chance to ask her about it, what with all those clawed, fanged, and otherwise deadly beasts under her command
>Your second in command, a battle-hardened veteran of a mare, covered in scars and obviously a more qualified leader, looks up at you
>"Well, Captain Anon? What are your orders? Do we wait for them to attack?"
>You gulp
>This is it; Here's hoping all those hours spent playing Mount and Blade will pay off

>You are tired, injured, and covered in the gore of several dozen monsters
>Your sword arm aches, but you're surprisingly adept at this
>Guess swinging a sword isn't too different from your usual right arm exercise
>Somehow, despite your lack of armor, the worst wound you've received was a scratch on the shoulder from a timberwolf, who is now somewhere among the piles of dead and dying monsters surrounding you
>The sounds of battle begin to die down as your forces finish off the last few surviving creatures, while the more experienced warriors begin the long task of looting
>Apparently these monsters all carry between 5-10 gold coins on them for some reason
>You, however, have a different objective
>During the battle, the mare in the spiky armor, the villain who started this whole mess, has been tucked away in her camp behind the lines
>It's not hard to find; Her forces just slept wherever on the ground, whereas she has a tent to herself
>It's not much admittedly, just a little yellow Colemare tent designed for two ponies
>Inside, you see a shape desperately moving around
>A big shiny spike suddenly pierces the nylon material, leaving a tear
>"J-just a minute!"
>Fuck that, you're not waiting for her to get her armor on
>Walking over, you unsheathe your blood-encrusted sword and cut a long tear into the side of the tent
>Inside, a short mare is half-dressed in a set of impractically bulky armor
>"W-what?!" She shouts, as you tear open her shitty tent, "I was expecting Celestia herself, not some measly co-"
>She attempts to point her leg at you, but in doing so, one of the giant six inch spikes on her armor slashes into her cheek
>"Yowch!" She screams, grasping the wound, before collapsing into a fetal position and beginning to sob
>"I-I just wanted to be a big mare... G-go ahead and kill me, I deserve it for all I've done."
>What has she done

>As far as Celestia told you, this mare used a spell to enslave all the monsters of the Everfree, then sent an envoy to Canterlot demanded surrender
>Then Celestia sent you, for some reason, and a battalion of her best mares, to put down this weird little attack
>Not much of an attack, to be honest
>Not a single mare on your side actually died, in fact, your scratch is the worst wound you've seen today
>Aw, what the heck
>You scoop the crying wannebe villain up, taking care to remove her spiked armor plates, and carry her like a foal back to camp
>Celestia can decide what to do with her; For now, there was a silly pony who needed some cheering up





I want to see the story about Trixie being a trixie (RGRE version of Chad) and being converted into a nice pony by Anon's TLC and HMD.
>a showmare travelling across Equestria
>wooing all the stallions with her tricks and sweet talk
>self absorbed and overconfident, like a shitty popstar
>other mares and less wooable fuck you that's a word now stallions hate her - either because she gets all the D, or because she is a cunt
>enter Anon, resistant to all her bullshitty charm
>even when they get a bit closer, all he wants is a stable and loving relationship
>The Great and Powerful Trixie is confused





I keep having this idea about Trixie's family being Nobility once upon a time, with Trixie being related to Luna at least as much as Blueblood is related to Celestia (Which might not be much, but is apparently enough to mean something in the aristocracy).

But because Luna fell from grace, Trixie's family, the Lulamoon's, lost all social status with the other nobles because of their connection to her. Now the family, what's left of it, is almost totally broke, and that's part of why Trixie is living in wagon.

But now Luna is back

>Luna wants to reach out to the loyal families of the old
>all she got form Lulamoons is Trixie
>this was not what either them expected
>too proud to back out, commits the poor showmare to the life in the castle

>Luna hears of the Lulamoon's problem and gifted them fuck-tons of bits.
>Trixie reluctantly accepts because she misses the simple life on the road with Anon.
>Anon bought one of NMM's unused flying citadel so they could live in comfort and still travel around Equestria.
>Years later Fortress Lulamoon becomes one of Equestria's most successful Trading/Entertainment Hubs

(Cat pone)
>Live with Trixie
>She wakes you up at 4:30 in the morning because she's hungry and wants you to make her breakfast; she could do it herself, but she wants YOU to do it
>Wakes you up by lightly tapping your face with her hoof
>If that doesn't work, she goes into the bathroom and yells until you get out of bed to investigate




>In a twist, sex with humans is considered to be bestialtiy
>Talking about Anon usually ends with "...I mean, if he weren't human."
>Lusting in secret intensifies




>Anon is Applejack's coltfriend
>He finds the idea of a tiny racist horse adorable and isn't put off by it
>Applejack knows that Anon ain't no queer (judging by how much he enjoys the taste of her candyvag)
>Anon still acts a lot like a mare, which fuels strange rumours about Anon's sexuality and his relationship with Applejack
>Applejack really upset when she hears other ponies whispering to each other their suspicions that Anon is secretly gay
>"Anon ain't no fag! Y'all don't know what you're talkin' about!"

>Anon hears about this
>He finds this hilarious and decides to freak Applejack out by getting 'caught' cuddling Big Mac
>It's not gay if it's ponies

>Convinces Mac to take a nap
>Lays down next to him when he hears Applejack approaching and pretends to fall asleep
>"Wh-what in tarnation?!"





You know there's some mare somewhere that sees Tirek (especially his jacked final form) and thinks
>I'd hit it
>He just really needs a mare to rock his world, then he wouldn't be so evil.
>I wanna reform him through the power of Hot Mare Depths




>RD is still in denial about the dirty thoughts running through her mind that time Gilda's cousin came to visit Cloudsdale

>"What did you just call me you featherbrain? Come over here and I'll show you who is bird fiddler around here! Let me go, I'll hoof that lying mouth to the back of her head!"
>Ever since the gossip surfaced, Rainbow's friends had to break up attempted fights at least thrice a day.
>They also helped her clean the nasty paintings around her house and hid the crudely obscene drawings of her.
>Because they were good friends, even if they could not understand her sick perversion


>The more harassment Dash got, the more she found herself appreciative of the strong griffon embrace there to protect her.
>Nopony would dare attack her with him aound

>In a reversal of the racist hicks routine, it's the pegasi and unicorns that are the racist pones.

>Earth ponies are more understanding of these things.
>A mare has needs after all, and if her stallion happens to technically not *be* a stallion, well that's between him and her.

>Ponyville, founded by earth ponies and still majority earth pony, is a not-so-wretched hive of perversion and forbidden love.

>Being the weirdness magnet that it is, ponyville takes this attitude even beyond the usual level of discrete rendezvous' at midnight in the barn, into interspecies couples engaging in PDA in broad daylight.
>Deviants from all over Equestria gravitate here





>Despite griffons not existing on Earth, Anon just so happens to have a genetic quirk that makes him allergic to them
>Gilda visits town for the first time and has an encounter with Anon, and they agree to meet up later and be friends
>This initial encounter was brief enough and Anon had been far enough away from Gilda that his (at this point unknown) allergies don't kick in
>Ponies silently wonder why Anon would willingly associate with such a rude griffon like Gilda
>There is inevitably grumbling about how all the colts seem to go for "Trixie Lightningclits" instead of nice mares like them
>Anon meets up with Gilda later that evening at around sunset
>Not long after Anon goes to wherever Gilda is staying, both she and he discover Anon's allergies to griffons.
>Gilda is disappointed but understanding, and Anon goes home early
>Ponies see Anon walking around with a red face, swollen eyes, and being unable to breath through his nose and assume the worst
>It's dark out, and this causes ponies to mistake the symptoms of an allergic reaction with bruises
>Word spreads the next day that Gilda is a colt-beater, and Anon only barely intervenes in time to save her from being chased out of town
>Twilight writes Celestia a friendship report about the entire incident




>The real reason for Twilight's enduring rivalry with Trixie is that while Twilight excels at magic, Trixie gets all the stallions

>Ey bby, you wanna see how I can make your penis disappear?
>*Eyebrows waggling*





>Anon gets a job in construction
>The mares who work there (aka everyone other than him) all take the Earth stereotype of loud, rude, and dirty construction workers and run with it
>"Hey, colt! Nice sheath!"
>"Y'wanna buck? We got time, my breaks over in 15 minutes."
>"Ey, let's go to the diner on north side, yeah? The waiter there's a bit of a slut and he don't never tell his boss when I touch his flanks."






>Anon works as a manager at a fast food place
>Most of his kitchen workers are teenaged mares who don't bother showering before they start their shifts and awkwardly try to hit on the stallions who work the registers up front

>Anon is the flirty boss that encourages better highgene in his girls

>Anon is the benevolent boss who understands that life happens and doesn't get upset when one of his workers needs to change his schedule of availability
>Never yells at his workers if they screw up and instead takes them to his office where he asks what they're having trouble with and patiently explaining how to do their job better
>Gives all his employees a free burger or drink after they've survived an unexpectedly busy and stressful day







>Looking at the rest of the group, you guessed that AJ was a barbarian, Fluttershy was a beastmaster, Rarity was a mage, and Pinkie was a bard or something
>Rainbow comes in closer, rubbing her chin and smirking
>"Hey, you're looking pretty good Anon! Maybe you'll be more fun to have around than I thought!"
>What is she talking about?
>Glancing down, you see that you were dressed like a slutty belly dancer
>There was more skin showing than clothes on top of it
"What the fuck!? Where are my clothes?"
>Rarity circles around you, nodding with approval
>"This is the traditional garb worn by stallion healers! I must say, you do wear it quite well, darling."
"I thought I would be wearing a robe or something!"
>She frowns
>"No, no, Anonymous, only the mare healers wear robes."
>Of fucking course
>Twilight hugs your leg reassuringly
>"Don't worry Anon, you look really nice. More importantly though, we're going to have a lot of fun on our adventure! Right girls?"
>They all agree on unison
"Yeah, but-"
>"C'mon, let's hit the tavern and I'll elaborate on the details of our quest."
>You begrudgingly follow as she leads the way
>Twilight leans over and whispers
>"I'll protect you, okay? Just stick by me, and I'll keep you safe from monsters."
>You sigh wearily
>Rainbow covertly nudges Applejack and lowers her voice
>"Anon looks pretty hot in that getup, huh?"
>"I'll say. That colt's always dressed so formally, it's nice to finally see that freaky alien body up close."
>Rainbow grins conspiratorially
>"I bet you twenty bits I can fuck him before we get back home."
>Applejack chuckles
>"Yer on."




Fucking Thunderlane
>"C-can I have equal rights?"
>The mares just laugh and continue to gargle his cock against his will





>Meanwhile, Anon laughs at the stallionists with his herd of mares snuggling against him.
>Anon's previous encounters with the would-be homme fatales (in their eyes, anyway) haven't made him very popular amongst the male population; turns out that calling a group of people "a bunch of whiny cunts" won't make you any friends or sympathisers.
>In several instances that are filled with equal parts irony and a shocking lack of self-awareness, many stallionists have commented that they hope Anon gets raped





>Anon the househusband
>In between making sure the kids don't burn the house down, and cooking dinner, he's the alien inventor trying to recreate Human technological wonders
>whereupon the kids end up trying to keep *dad* from burning the house down


>Equestria has 70/80's technology
>Including computers
>Anon's face when his hobby of tinkering on old C64s makes him one of the foremost programmers in Equestria



>You are Anon and you are currently talking to some orange pony wearing a business-y purple suit top about a job.
>"I'm sorry Mr. Mous. But I just can't see a stallion even performing mediocre, at best, in this position."
>You shift in your seat.
"So you are saying I don't get the job?"
>She looks up from your résumé with a glare.
>"Yes... You don't get the job."
>Clearly she didn't read all of your résumé or she would have read the line about your time as a rapist.
>You stand, dropping your pants.
>Her eyes seem to grow larger in size at your actions while some other part of you grows large as well.
>You proceed to fuck her into a coma.
"That'll teach you."
>You say to no one in particular after leaving her in a puddle of hers and your own warmth.
>The next day you got a call back.
>You got a job and you will be working directly under her...
>Well...
>Her desk.
>...
>Whelp.
>It's a living.





>The first Alicorn Stallion isn't a whiny little bitch
>Gets shit done and behaves more or less like a mare
>Despite being the first male stallion and has the highest position of power that a male can have, stallionists complain that he's a figurehead or doesn't represent their interests
>Stallions will never be satisfied





>Spa Sisters in RGRE
>their business is going pretty slow, since mares are too proud to engage in such colty behaviour and because they think it's a place for fillyfiddlerswhile actual stallions are too few
>there exists a rumour that they have resorted to providing "happy endings" for the customers out of desperation
>enter Anon, quickly getting hired in the spa because of his hoof penises
>suddenly a lot of mares are wishing that their snarky rumours are true
>business is booming
>Anon has to deal with rather... awkward situation and pushy mares at work


>The happy endings rumour started because of Anon
>He just couldn't stop himself from squeezing mare's asses
>"He's touching my-is it really THAT kind of spa treatment?"




>Anon works there long enough that he's no longer phased by giving happy endings
>He can take one look at a pony and know how to get the job done
>Hell, he could be reading the newspaper with one hand and three knuckles deep in a mare with the other and still do it
>His customers give feedback that he's too fast and needs to slow down so they enjoy it
>He learns that wet to orgasm in less than five seconds is much too much, but it really helps with customer turnaround
>By the power of his dexterous hoofspiders, Anon gains the ability give mares surprise-orgasms from fingering alone
>What kind of problems will this cause Anon?
>What kind of problems will this cause Equestria?




> Mares derive most of their sexual pleasure from the sensation of being cummed inside
> A long lasting stallion is a "dry well" that take a lot of pumping to get to the good stuff
> Stallions worry about lasting too long, while mares spend a lot of time on foreplay so that the stallion will come quickly during the main event




>Anon picks the two arguing princesses up, deposits them onto his couch, and then calls up/sends a letter via carrier dragon to the local pizza place
>They spend the evening cuddling, eating pizza, and watching old movies

>Celestia watches her favorite old film
>Suddenly realizes that the first Celestial era was a thousand years ago

>Anon calms her down with some treats he baked earlier that day
>Celestia is comforted by a sweet stallion's homemade cooking
>Luna checks "knows how to stay in the kitchen when required" off of her "whether/not to court attractive ape monster" list

>Luna keeps a long running tally of pros and cons as to whether or not to court anon
>she plans to call it at the 500th item

>Quickly runs out of significant and relevant things to list, but is determined to reach 500 items
>"Pro: he makes sure to keep both sleeves of his shirt at the same length, never having only one sleeve rolled up on his arm."
>"Con: blinks too often when we watch romance movies."
>"Pro: is indifferent to the flavour of hazelnut."
>"Con: prefers calling 'heads' to 'tails'."

>”Pro: Prefers creamy peanut butter to chunky.”
>”Con: Doesn’t share his peanut butter with me.”
>”Pro: He’s useful for getting hard to reach itches scratched.”
>”Con: He doesn’t get sexual innuendo’s about scratching other ‘itches.’”





>Ponies casually draping themselves over Anon
>Nothing necessarily sexual or intimate, just ponies who think that Anon is very comfortable to lay on




>Princess Luna puts on a nightmare night mask and harasses non-ponies
>Whispered tales of the legendary Moon Mare spread like wildfire throughout Equestria




>ywn have cute pegasus twins willing to do anything to please you.
>ywn feel two pairs of wings rubbing against your dick

>Anon asks them to cuddle or play-wrestle with each other
>It isn't even anything sexual, Anon just thinks they're super cute





>"Anawn? Got-dangit, of all the stallions to have to see me like this... Listen here, colt, I don't wanna hear none of yer guff over this, 'hear? Just get me down. And don't you dare go gossiping to the mares about this."
>"....Anawn?"
>"Anawn, what're you staring at?"
>"Is somethin' behind me?"

>Anon finds mares in compromising positions
>Fucks them silly and leaves
>No one believes their stories
>Anon denies them but shoots them a wink when no one is looking

"It's true! I accidentally ran into some trees and Anonymous came up behind me and a-ate me out for like ten minutes! I came like four times!"
>"Suuuure he did. You sound just like Applejack."
"What happened to her?"
>"She said that she got stuck in her cart harness and Anonymous came up and gave her a good butt-pounding. Stallions just don't do that!"
>Damn. Anonymous was right.
>The whole time he was telling you that nopony would believe you

>"W-Well a book shelf fell on me, and Anon said he was going to help, but instead he grabbed my hips and rutted me!"
>"In my vagina!"
"Twilight, I don't think it really matters wh-"
>"Maybe this is how humans mate in their society? No marriage, they just get the mare pregnant and then start the herd later!"







>Not all mares are lucky enough to get a stallion the traditional way.
>Stallions in herds don't date and the single ones are rarely interested for their own reasons.
>It's common for a stallion to not work as giving attention to all your herdmates is a full time job in it self, but when they do it's usually in their mares business.
>For that reason if a mare didn't get lucky in high school or colleague and doesn't have the right connections she struggles to find a stallion the old fashioned, romantic way. 
>It just doesn't happen by itself some day.
>When a mare decides that she's been single long enough the most common way of looking for a herd is sending herd applications.
>Similar to job applications these includes a short summary of oneself, likes, dislikes, hobbies, strong and weak sides, skills and where they are in life at the moment.
>These can vary in professionalism and style.
>Some stick to the strong act, wanting to present themselves as a good addition to the family.
>Others try to stand out instead, try to be funny and open.
>Some just copy others.
>Some clearly don't care anymore.
>And some don't even know how to write a herd application.
>Mares will often take various courses to put in their applications as having a useful skill that no one else in the herd possess is a big plus.
>It's a good idea to send out as many applications as you can to increase your chances.
>Males of Equestria have their post boxes flooded with formal love letters





> Be Anon, in the middle of a pony orgy
> Oh wait, it's just you and your Herd of Harmony
> You were so naive when you first arrived here in smallhorseland
> When six mares volunteered to be your harem, you figured this was the opportunity of a lifetime
> Don't get you wrong, you love them all dearly
> It's just, things get complicated when nighttime rolls around
> You're just one man
> Admittedly larger than your wives, but still
> Right now, Pinkie Pie is humping your leg while also tenderly licking your prostate, somehow
> Rarity, that sentimental mare, is kissing your cheek and whispering endearments into your ear as you knead her ass with one hand
> Applejack has the place of prominence tonight, and is riding your dick like a champ
> One guess as to the position
> Rainbow Dash volunteered to grind on your chest and make out with Applejack
> Honestly, you would think she is only in the herd for hot lesbian action, but she enjoys her turn getting the dicking just as much as any of them
> Twilight is trying to take notes, while you finger her 
> You try to make her mess up, by poking at her back door, or flicking her clit
> She originally wanted to send xenobiological compatibility reports to old Sunbutt, but you insisted that she can only send the rough draft
> Sunbutt, the old pervert, sent a letter of appreciation for the compromise
> And Fluttershy is...
> Hold up, where is Fluttershy?
"Fluttershy, honey, why don't you join in?"
> "Oh, well, I don't want to get in anypony's way."
> You sigh
> Poor Fluttershy has a hard time getting attention in this herd
> You turn your head slightly and kiss Rarity on the lips
"Thank you dear, but this place is about to be taken."
> She smiles
> "But of course! We mustn't leave a dear herd-sister out!"
> You turn to look at yellowquiet
"Now, hop up onto my face so I can eat you out properly."
> She licks her lips nervously
> "Really? Rarity, you can keep kissing him, I don't mind."
> Rarity gives her a hungry look 
> "Darling, right now I want to kiss you long and hard while he makes you squirm. Do be a dear, and ride his face."
> "O-okay."
> It practically comes out as a squeak
> Fluttershy hops up onto the bed as Rarity shifts and straddles your hand
> As bananahush settles gently onto your face, you smile
> Thank Celestia for aggressively bi mares

>Fluttershy prefers to watch because she has a voyeurism fetish
>She still enjoys getting in on the action herself, but watching her husbando and her five best friends go at it is what REALLY gets her off





>Anon wants to teleport.
>Twilight decides to help him.
>She takes him to Celestia and they do various tests to make sure it's safe for him.
>She teleports with Anon.
>Once they're across the room, Twilight smiles and eagerly looks to see Anon's reaction.
>And that's when she registers the screaming.
>Ponies forget what they see, what they do between when they teleport and when they appear somewhere else.
>Anon doesn't

>Anon winds up in a different spot in each of the alternate timelines
>Crystal War: he ends up a pin-up model because nopony will let him fight on the front lines
>Gets put on trading cards included in MREs, along with a bunch of other stallions
>Nightmare Moon's Victory: Nightmare Moon makes him learn to love her
>Twilight nearly goes nuclear when he sees him laying on her throne like a babe in Conan
>Changeling Victory: Teaches the ponies to go Far Cry on Chrysalis' ass
>only has loincloth for clothes
>Tribe shares him between themselves
>Twilight stays a little too long when they invite her to spend some time with him




> RGRE porn
> Mares always complain that the camera focuses too much on the mare's face or on her parts rather than the colt's face & bits
> Typical scenarios involve lonely colt DILF in a variety of contrived situations, e.g. ordering pizza late Friday night from pizzeria delivery-mare, emergency visit from plumber mate while horsewife is at work, teenage pool-mare cleaning pool every day while horsewife is in manehattan for work for the week
> Tech is crap so most porn is VHS & Betamax tapes, sold & rented from scuzzy stores
> scrambled TV porn channel with indecipherable screen but occasionally audible erotic whinnying, still eagerly watched by desperate horny fillies. 
> Some actresses famous for having enormous "boxes", able to take any colt's cock and then some





>Blueblood isn't such a bad guy once you get to know him
>He's just sick of entitled rich mares trying to seduce him for his money
>Him and Anon hit it off from the first time they met
>They get together every friday to play horsevidya



Mares are not allowed near the designated safe houses for stallions who do not wish to participate in estrus. These safe houses are buildings that are grouped together and surrounded by streets on all four sides. Less cultured mares refer to these as "cock blocks"

>Anon has no idea about this
>Wanders outside like normal
>Mares assume he's fair game
>Actual rape happensd


Likewise fillies that come into season during the school year will temporarily be segregated from colts until the heat passes.



>Estrus just makes mares wink and feel a stronger but resistible (at least until they're aroused and stimulated) attraction towards sex
>Some mares who can't control themselves just drip mare juices everywhere
>For some other mares, like Twilight, it means weeks of endless masturbation

What I tend to like is that mares that are rape-y anyways will say anything about estrus to eschew responsibility for, you know, all the rapes.

Most mares hear the news reports on the court cases and think, "Huh, it's never that bad for me, but maybe it is for some mares? That stallion shouldn't have been wandering around in season."
Others think: "Oh, yes, that's why I have these feels."
Others think: "Horseapples. If a mare can't control herself because she's in heat and decides a stallion wearing socks is asking for it, she needs to go live with the ziggers like her."


>Cherilee cannot teach during Estrus
>Anon gets roped into being the substitute teacher that week

>Anon is only allowed to teach the colts because Ponies are aware leaving a stallion in a room with fillies experiencing their first estrus is asking for a lawsuit







Mares drop the innuendo hard during estrus and are generally perverts.

Stallion drops a handkerchief?
>Gone the next second.

Stallion walks by?
>You can hear the inhaling from a block away.

Mares use the toilet more often during estrus.
>Not exactly a secret what they do in there.

Mares become more romantically aggressive.
>Roses everywhere, love letters and the sort fill postboxes, books about courting are all borrowed from the library





>"He's mine!
>"Fuck off skank!"
>Things are starting to get violent now, what with all of the mares in Ponyville wanting your Superior Human Penis™ 
>Maybe you shouldn't of started jacking off in the middle of the street
>You don't know why you're even doing it, you just felt the need to
>Now you're paying the price
>"I'll fucking kill you!"
>There goes another one
>It's like a battlefield out here, ponies are all killing each other
>This battle's been going on for a while, some of the bodies have started to smell
>All you can do is just stand there in the middle of it, jacking off
>Waiting for someone to help




Accidentally smug Fluttershy
>followed by apologizing for being so inconsiderate
>makes it even worse by asking if she'd like to babysit her foals for a day to know what it feels like






> Be Big Mac
> This tree before you is the result of generations of Apple family cultivation
> Forever seeking the impossible dream of an apple that tastes salty
> But you have a good feeling about this one
> You may have included some exotic crossbreeds to get to this cultivar, but that's why the main Apple family is based near the Everfree Forest
> As you wind up for a buck, you can feel your magic strengthening the tree, while weakening the stems of the apples
> You don't even have to buck all that hard anymore
> You kick, intimately aware of the sway of each apple on its stem
> You will the stem to break just as most of the apples are aimed towards the buckets around the tree
> The apples fall, thudding into the buckets you prepared
> You dip your head down and take a bite of one that fell to the ground
> Salty
> You did it
> You really did it!
"EYUUUUUUUUPPPP"
> All at once, you are blinded by a flash of red light
> When you can see again, you are in some weird glowy place under the stars
"Huh."
> Not too far away, is that...
> Princess Celestia?
> She's frozen, forehoof between her hind legs, staring at you with wide eyes
> Mares will be mares, you suppose, even if they are princesses
> "Ah, Big Mac. I believe congratulations are in order."
> She quickly gets to her hooves, some quick magic banishing the marecum on her hoof
"Eyup."
> A little surprising that she would summon you to some starlit nebula thing for growing the perfect apple
> You are a little flattered that she was masturbating to you, though
> Celestia beckons you toward a path with floating images on either side
> You recognize the trees they show, from the sketches of the first zap apple tree all the way to your own personal breeding efforts
> You choke up a little, moved by this visceral sense of fulfilling the family legacy
> "Macintosh, you have pushed the very boundaries of Earth pony magic. It is now time for your magic to expand to its full potential."
> Ribbons of red light swirl around you faster and faster, until you feel a deep blooming within you
> In a flash, you suddenly have the weird sensation of having a horn and wings
"What."
> Princess Celestia smiles
> "Congratulations, Macintosh, Prince of Apples. You're an alicorn."
"Oh."
> You can feel it in your bones
> There will be more mares flirting with you, maybe even coming from outside of Ponyville to vy for your seed
> In fact, Princess Celestia is looking at you with a certain gleam in her eye
> "Luna and I will be by tomorrow to congratulate you in person. But don't worry, it will be a low key affair. No guards or court, just a nice... intimate rendezvous."
> Well, there is only one thing to say to that
"Eyup."




>Anon was not so lucky when he arrived in Equestria.
>For he arrived during the icy age of the wendigos
>He found no refuge with ponies, nor any other creature.
>For fear and hatred ruled the land in those dark days.

>A human is an exceptionally rare treat for creatures which feed upon emotions
>The wellspring of their emotions runs strong and deep.
>A single specimen could sustain an entire hive of changelings until the end of their days.

>Wendigos are not so easily sated
>Their hunger is endless
>It gnaws away at them, the more hatred they consume the more they crave.

>When at last, the reality of Anon's situation became clear
>He gave in to rage and despair
>Like a drop of blood attracting sharks, he drew the wendigos from miles around
>A great blizzard heralded their approach
>For days it raged growing ever larger as they drank deep of his bitterness

>Until he nearly became one of them
>Their magic could not affect him the way it could others
>He was altered unpredictably

>His heart turned to ice, and they could feed no longer
>They left him there, barely alive but unable to truly die, encased in ice in the northern wastes.

>Thousands of year later, he is discovered in his icy tomb
>Can a brave mare melt his frozen heart?

>Derpy is sent to the frozen north to deliver an important missive to the excavation team posted there.
>Due to a series of spoopy coincidences and desperate attempt to keep the Ancient Evil Anon™ contained, Anon is now bound to the qt mare.
>Luna seeing an opportunity, "commissioned" the two to serve Equestria and her people.
>Anon with his Evil Ice based powers (and puns) and Derpy with her weapons grade clumsiness (and booty). 
>Together they do morally ambiguous things to Equestria's enemies. and maybe learn about friendship and shit







>Anon capitalizes on this by becoming an adult education instructor at the local junior college
>he offers classes such as "Deepthroating for Dummies", "Threesomes 101: Intro to Lesbianing", and "Take It All: A Survey of Anal Sex"
>it's noticed that his students have higher than average rates of both dating success and stallion retention
>the princesses and Canterlot nobility unanimously decree that Anon shall henceforth be known as the Duke of Dickings, with all of the responsibilities and privileges pursuant thereunto, including a small stable of cocksocks and the onus to relieve the royal estrus
>Anon was just trying to get laid
>all according to keikaku





Celestia would probably enjoy a break from her responsibilities, though that might change depending on how Anon treats her 

Luna would find it humiliating. Prior to becoming Nightmare Moon, she rescued stallions from monsters and finds being stuck as a damsel in distress annoying. Tries to escape all the time leading to Anon just keeping her completely frozen.

Cadence would be worried about how Shining and Flurry Heart are doing without her. But with her powers she knows Anon just needs the right mare's love to warm his frozen heart, so she tries to befriend him. She's also thinking of potentially seducing him into a threeway with Shining. 

Twilight would pretend to hate it, but maledom is secretly her fetish.

Anon would probably give Flurry Heart back after a few days because of all the chaos she causes with her magic. But if he's willing to put up with that he might decide to raise her as his evil 'Ice Princess'

>flurry heart's facemeltingly adorable baby babbles keeps anon occupied and eventually melts his frozen heart
>cadence is just glad they found a babysitter that wouldn't leave after 1 day

>Anon still pretends to be evil to keep up appearances, but no one is fooled.
>"If you want your daughter back, it will cost twenty bits for every hour she is in my clutches!"

>Cadence bursts into Anon's evil lair to bring back her daughter (Shinging was kept home because he might hurt himself on an adventure like this)
>Finds Anon asleep on a beat up old couch, with Flurry Heart sleeping on his chest
>Brightly-coloured baby toy in one hand and half-full bottle of milk in the other
>One arm wrapped protectively around the filly
>Cadence shakes her head and wonders why she keeps bothering to take these male villains seriously


>The princesses gets a bi-monthly "vacation"
>They already have their stuff packed incase Anon comes.
>[Insert Foreign Country Here] keeps track of the princesses absences and waits to enact [put dastardly plan here]. 
>Anon occasionally sends a deadly hoarfrost to ravage the borders to keep the foreign powers in check





>Meet MILFpone before she was a MILF at a vidya tournament.
>Meet her in the finials and play to a draw, insults flying from both parties. 
>Hatefuck MILFpone (I don't know what her name is) much to the heartbreak of your unwashed white knight brigade of fatmares
>Decide "Yeah, I like this pone" and stick with her.
>11 months later, out pops your son, Button.
>Being half-human, raised by a mare tourneyfag and an ayylien with more testosterone than 20 stallions combined, Button is pretty marely.
>And of course, but like you did years ago, he catches shit for it.




>"W-what do I do now, Mr. Anon?"
>you are anon, and before you sits a sniffling Flurry Heart
>the past few weeks had been a hell of a ride
>when you got to Equestria, you found out things were a little different than you might have imagined
>gender roles were reversed
>and apparently you've turned into piccolo
>I mean, it made sense
>the green skin
>the having multiple people inside you (no homo)
>the power level that shot up after being alone for so long
>so you decided to roll with it
>it's not a bad gig, after all
>being namekian has it's perks
>you don't need to eat, you have all of piccolo's abilities, and his strength too
>this means you don't have to get up to grab the remote anymore (thank you stretchy arms) and you get to troll dresshoers to no end with your clothes beam
>she was so disappointed when she saw you had made your own business suit AND namekian gear
>it was too bad about candyass kicking your ass a few months back at the Tenkaichi Moodukai , but after that it was smooth sailing
>but fun and games ended a few weeks ago with the attack of pony Radditz
>you still don't know how he managed a mane that huge, but he made it work.
>apparently Cadence was a Neighyan who was sent here to enslave Equestria and hit her head
>maybe the brain damage is what made her choose love as her domain
>you and candyass made a truce to take him down, but like you expected it ended up with cadence dying and taking radditz with her
>now Neighyan Vegeta and Nappa are on their way, and you plan on living long enough to actually laugh about seeing a bald pony
>which leads you to now
>Flurry is half Neighyan, half unicorn. She has untapped potential
>and you're gonna drag it out of her whether she likes it or not
>"W-what do I do, anon?"
>you smirk down as you utter your reply
"You survive. Do that, and I'll teach you how to fight."
>"B-but I'm scared, Mr. Anon!"
"You'll laugh at your fears when you see what you're made of"
>and with that, you take off




>tfw can't slay the dragons because they keep coddling and kissing you and calling you adorable

>A Knight and Dragon
>Married
>Bless from a god
>Pregnant with a human boy
>The boy became a Dragonborn





celestia is eternally in heat

she has full control of it

>Like humans, ponies are able to experience estrous synchrony
>When Celestia goes into heat they ALL go into heat






"U-Unca Non? You dare disrespect me by calling me by such an infantile name? You dare?!"
>Flurry Heart squeals happily and claps her hooves together.
>"Unca Non! Unca Non!"
>You narrow your eyes and boop her gently on the nose; she swats at your hand and tries to divert it into her mouth so that she can gnaw on it.
"The nerve. The insolence. If you must insist on such a title, then I will call you..."
>You look around the room to make sure that you're alone.
>When you're absolutely sure that nobody will ever hear what you're about to say, you lean down and nuzzle the tiny baby pony in your lap.
"...my little cutie-patootie, and I'll love you forever."
>CLICK
>You whip your head up (careful to avoid head-butting the foal) and your heart drops at the sight of Princess Cadence smiling and pointing a camera at you.
>God dammit, shit like this is why you became a super-villain to begin with


>Flurry Heart has done it. All those years of fighting and effort has payed off. 
>She's being recognized by her own meritorious deeds and being the greatest badass this side of Equus.
>Anonymous crashes the coronation/ceremony
to proclaim the beginning of his "REIGN OF BLOOD" 
>Flurry and the guards ready themselves to fight of this villain.
>"You're just in time Anon!" Cadence interrupts them while waving a remote control.
>The lights switch off and a massive screen got turned on.
>"Unca Non! Unca Non!"
> The crowd is silent as they watch Anonymous the Scourge of Equus play and nuzzle the baby Flurry Heart in his lap.
>-"...my little cutie-patootie, and I'll love you forever."
>Anonymous blushes up a storm and escapes with a poof after swearing vengeance of course.





>Anon and Rainbow Dash are good friends
>Straight into "bro" territory, just like my Japanese 2013 "Rainbro Dash" fanfictions
>Dash has heard (and seen) tonnes of close friendships turn into romantic relationships and then bomb because best friends don't always make best lovers
>Wants to have her cake and eat it too; is determined to keep Anon firmly in the "bro/sis" category while still doing romantic couple things with him
>Gives herself a pep talk before going down on him for the first time
>"Be cool, Rainbow Dash, be cool. F-Friends can suck the cum out of other friends..."
>Something something RGRE


Nightmare Moon being tended to in every which way by her personal royal guard
>pony rubbing hooves
>pony keeping watch
>pony putting on some show (dancing, stripping?)
>pony massaging her unhelmeted head





How would NMM handle a possessive stallion?

Amusement at first mixed in with arrogant pride that she's managed to reel in someone so utterly devoted to her. After that, annoyance when the stallion sticks by her side and refuses to leave the room when she's meeting with another male in a diplomatic meeting (read: begging for mercy). Next, confusion because she knows objectively that she isn't a very easy pony to get along with (and her spymaster has already done research and has found no ulterior motives for the male to stick around). Finally, affection and feelings of possessiveness that rival her mate's.





>You lay on your silken pillows in the ornate throne room you now call your own.
>Now the only banners that decorate the room are of your moon.
>Your guards surround you, devoted to the protection of their queen.
>You feel the soft hands of your lover leave you and turn to address this outrage.
>Anon lies against your barrel, taking the position of little spoon.
>His hands are NOT currently tending to your royal belly, but why?
>You notice his face is turned towards the entryway to the throne room and follow his gaze.
>Oh.
>It seems your guest of honor has arrived.
>Before you stands Celestia. Her wings tied to her back and her horn adorned with a magic nullifier.
>Despite her current predicament her face is still one of stark defiance.
>The servants currently fanning you, seeing their former ruler captured and incapacitated so easily.
>A stern glare sends them back to their jobs with a doubled fervour.
"Oh, how delightful to see you sister."
>Your voice is haughty and cocky.
>Her face only seems to get more furious.
>Anonymous snuggles back into position and continues to stoke your regal tummy.
>"How dare you NMM."
>"First you take over my sister, then my kingdom. And as if that wasn't enough. "
>Celestia's face falls into a forlorn frown.
>"You steal my love."
>You laugh proudly as Anon snuggles you close.
"Guards, servants, Leave us."
> quick growl sends them fumbling through the door.
>You pull yourself up slowly and stroll over to Celestia. Brushing by her side.
"Oh my dear, sweet sister."
"It was YOU who stole my sovereignty from ME when you took our subjects love of my night for your day."
>Anon smiles and makes his way around Celestias other wither.
"I have always wanted to rule with you, not under you."
>Celestia squeaks as Anon reaches her flank and gives her a light spank.
"So what do you say sister."
>Anon gets down and breaths his hot breath onto your sisters nethers.
>Her face is bright red as she bites her lip.
"Want to share?"

>Laying in between Celestia and Nightmare Moon as they peacefully sleep in their comfortable bed
>Being the little spoon to Celestia and the big spoon for Nightmare Moon, who swears to eviscerate you if you ever tell anypony how much she likes it when you hug her from behind






>Your eyes flicker open gently, wind blowing across your clammy skin.
>The grass feels sharp and prickly on your exposed arms, the air subtly smelling of a freshly mowed lawn, and putrid horse booty butter
"I did it...I fucking did it...!"
>You sit up and look around, with widely opened eyes, noticing only forest around you.
>Those bastards in RGRE with their "She isn't real memes" can gargle your vinegar soaked ballsack! You didn't even need to go through the pain of chugging clorox either. You just watched the 2017 My little pony movie and BAM. Shit works like all pieces of Exodia.
>With a big smile you rise to your feet and scan your surroundings of Moonlit Vegetation. It must be night, but that doesn't matter.
>You're in Equatria.
>Anon in Equestria. 
>You plan to have a horse harem starting off with Pinkie Pie, then include Flutters and Rarity, collecting one of each type until you have an even number of Equine DNA Dumpsters-
>"HALT THERE BEAST!"
>You're broken out of your self-exposition by a contigent of Dark Arnor clad ponies pointing spears at you.
>"Identify yourself!"
>Just like in your greentexts back home! Oh shit!
"My name is Anonymous. A human from a distant world where our technology has leaped by bounds compared to your archaic devices."
>The ponies look at one another confused.
>One pokes you with his spear.
"OW! WATCH IT FUCK KNUCKLE!"
>"Shut your mouth, filthy biped savage! Come with us! We shall present you to her highness! Pray she is merciful."
>Oh? It's gonna be Luna first huh? She was always best princess anyway. You wonder how awkward will she be upon meeting her.
>The spaghetti will be glorious. 
>Heh. This kinda makes you like Noctis OC. His tears of jealousy almost makes you hard.
"Fine. I shall meet your eesteemed leader. Once I am declared an extinct species, you'll beg my forgiveness!"
>They shrug to one another confused, and poke you again.
"OW!"
>"Shut your cupcake catcher creature, and move your hooves!"
"Feet."
>POKE.






I had this stupid thought that Anon's colt friends warn him against dating Celestia, but he does it anyways. The next day the entire court complains about the constant moaning, but couldn't find the source because Anon was too busy being in Celestia's mane being molested nine ways to sunday





> Be Anon, making cookie dough 
> Quite frankly, you need a pick-me-up after what happened at work today
> Some rich mare heard there was a good masseur at the Ponyville spa
> Probably heard about it from one of her stallion acquaintances, because that masseur would be you
> So she comes in, all hot and bothered, and takes one look at you and asks for a refund
> Ranting about fraud and employing sub-pony races, and minimum levels of attractiveness
> Law enforcement was all too happy to kick her out, but the damage was done
> You know you are no looker, at least by pony standards, but it still hurts hearing a female voice say how ugly you are
> The spa girls were very understanding, offering you the rest of the day off
> Of course you refused, you aren't as delicate as some of the guys around here, you can still work
> Not to mention that some of your male friends had appointments today, and you weren't going to leave them to the wandering hooves of the spa sisters
> By the end of the day, though, you were worn out, body and mind
> You grab a spoon, take the bowl of dough, and plop down on your couch
> The house is quiet as you slowly eat your way to emotional equilibrium
> And then you hear a knocking at the door





>Anon has been in Equestria for over a decade now
>Has settled down with a herd and started having kids
>Oldest daughter joins her school'd hoofball team
>Anon is generally okay with this, until her first game
>The dads from the visiting team started talking shit about the home team
>Anon's face when one of them calls his daughter a freak who shouldn't be allowed to play




>Anon is hurled back through time
>Ends up shacking up with teen/young adult Celestia and her parents in their castle
>For some reason, Luna is nowhere to be seen
>Celestia is consumed by bottomless cocklust, and is trying to get into Anon's pants
>Eventually he succumbs
>Oops, she's pregnant
>Her parents are pissed at her instead of him, because RGRE
>Now she's less valuable for diplomatic marriages
>Her mom laughs nervously
>"It's okay, everything will be fine! We'll just...raise the child ourselves, and tell everyone it's your sister!"
>Oh, shit

>Anon was dating Luna before he was hurled back in time.
>Celestia was always awkward around them for some reason

>Anon and Starswirl start hanging out
>we wuz wizards and shit
>they both disappear around the same time
>when NMM returns after her banishment so does Anon
>NMM gets a stern talking to about trying to take over the kingdom and destroy her mother
>oh shit did I say that out loud?
>NMM and papanon shenanigan
>Anon's face when NMM wants to do father, daughter stuff that he never signed up for
>something something RGRE

>Twilight brings Anon back to the future
>The meddling in the timestream required to do it messed up the timeline again, and they show up in the NMM timeline
>They are found by the guards and brought before the Nightmare herself
>"Have you brought me a gift, subject? For some reason, this creature's strange form is quite appealing to me."
>Jackpot
>Anon can keep her distracted while she gets what she needs to make a spell to return home!
>"Oh, yes! He just loves horsepussy, I wouldn't be surprised if you couldn't keep up with him! You won't find a better concubine in all of Equestria!"
>Anon is sweating bullets, desperately gesturing for her to shut her fucking mouth while she espouses the healing properties of human semen

"Twilight? Do you have any idea what you've done?"
>"I've saved Equestria, is what I've done! Don't be such a prude, Anon. You-"
"Luna isn't Celestia's sister, Twilight; she's her daughter."
>"What?! Then who's the father?"
>...
>"That's kinda hot."

>Anon doesn't get to meet the Royal "Sisters" while he's in present-Equestria before he's hurled back through time; his first exposure to Celestia is her horny teenaged self who is probably going through her goth phase
>Remains in Celestia and Luna's lives for 6 or 7 years; long enough for Luna to have firm long-term memories of Anon
>Anon is thrust back into the future; life continues as usual
>Anon doesn't know that alicorns are immortal and believes that his lover and daughter died hundreds and hundreds of years ago
>Eventually gets a summon from Canterlot, politely requesting that he have a meeting with him (aka: a member of a unique species from another universe)
>Shocked silence on Anon and Celestia's parts; both thought that the other was long dead
>Silence is broken by a small, uncertain "Daddy?" coming from Luna

>Starswirl was a mare, Anon's best friend
>Anon called her a tuftbeard constantly
>The name stuck, and Celestia didn't bother correcting the mistranslation
>Anon just thought it was hilarious
>Her ghost is still tied to Anon, because they get stuck near the least magical thing that was important to them
>Having no innate magic, Anon doesn't age in this universe because magical wear and tear causes ageing
>Alicorns have an absurdly high tolerance for this which is why they are immortal
>Starswirl's ghost still constantly pesters Anon to fix her legacy

>Anon and Luna have a tearful reunion, much to the confusion of the guards posted in the room
>Luna sleeps in Anon's bed that night
>Anon cuddles Luna almost constantly, embarrassing and pleasing her in equal measure
>Anon finds out that Celestia never told Luna that she was her mother and Luna has a tender "I got both my parents back" moment with Anon and Celestia









Anon is hired to show Fleur De Lis around town, but Fleur misinterprets "escort" to mean "prostitute". She keeps dropping hints that she wants to take this to somewhere more private, making innuendos about how he could 
"exploring [her] town centre" if he wants to.





Ponies are cat-sized qts and Anon has to watch out about stepping on angry mares when walking around town.
Also, lewd mares rubbing against him and trying to flash them their marebits from the ground

>Anon picks a mare up
>She rubs her face against his cheeks 
>Demands chin scratches
>Gets horse fur everywhere

>RD succeeds in making Anon blush
>Pumps her hoof in celebration and flies over to a group of mares waiting just off to the side
>They all cheer and high-hoof Rainbow
>Rainbow Dash flies off with a "see you later, babe," and a quick slap on the ass


>She tries again. 
>This time, you're ready.
>Snag her out of the air.
>"Wha..? "A-anon?"
"You're not blueballing me again, fastpone. You belong to ME now."
>Run home.
>Her struggles start off real, then just become token efforts as she realizes what's going on.
>Later, the guards get called when someone finds a group of red-faced mares with their ears pressed to the side of the local hyooman's house





>Be Twilight. 
>Be exploring Anon's planets 'internet'. 
>How? Fucking magic. 
>You found a place called /mlp/.
>Supposedly there is a show of one of your world. 
>Although it's not exactly correct leading you to believe it's a different universe. 
>Anyway back to /mlp/.
>This place is FILLED with horny human colts all wanting pony pussy! 
>Big colts, small colts, skinny colts, fat colts!
>You name it they're here! 
>Best part is, they are sooooo hot for each other. 
>How do you know this? 
>Easy, they act just like colts in you neighponies comics. 
>Calling each other faggots, telling them to kill themselves. 
>They are definitely into each other. 
>AND they're into you. 
>You wish you could bring two here. 
>Probably the one called LaP and AnalPlug 
>You'd have Rainbow come over and ride the first one while he moaned about worst pony and you had the other one pound you into oblivion. 
>Or you'd keep them to yourself. 
>Oh~ it turns you on thinking about it.
>Best part is, they'd do it. 
>Why? 
>Because they're already slaves to your tightness before they even had it! 
>You scroll through the thread and see something that catches your eye. 
>"How DARE you! Seppuku NOW!"
>Oh yeah, you tell him you dirty colt! Just like the animes! 
>You begin to touch yourself thinking of the two humans kissing each other while moaning-
>"Y-You're a faggot." to each other







>Anon arrives in Equestria
>Normal non-rgre equestria
>Spends a couple of years there and falls in love with Twilight
>She rejects him
>One day he suddenly appears in the friendship castle in a flash of light
>Twilight starts talking about how she used a spell to see her alternate selves
>Since that twilight was too much of a bitch to hook up with Anon she offers to
>Anon is thrilled at first but realizes that while THIS equestria looks like the one he knows everypony is different
>Ponies he was friends with before are cold to him now
>Others who disliked him now are interested in him
>Even Twilight is different enough to make him have doubts about being with her

>Old Twilight and him would talk for hours about Earth and all the wonders there
>New Twilight is kinda dismissive and unbelieving

>Old Dash was a loyal friend who would hang out with Anon and play sports for fun
>New Dash is super aggressive and is somehow worse about one-upping Anon in anything they do

>Old AJ was his boss and he did heavy lifting for her on the farm
>New AJ says he is a slut and wont let him near SAA

>Old Fluttershy would teach Anon about animals and how to care for them
>New Fluttershy will barely talk to him unless its to tell him its too dangerous

>Old Rarity would talk to Anon about designs and use him as a living dress up doll
>New Rarity is catty with him and has an obvious dislike for him

>Old pinkie and new pinkie are the only constant...though new pinkie tells a lot racier jokes







>some greens use his critically-endangered status to grant him legal protection to be an all-around asshole and get away with pretty much anything

>Celestia has given Anon permission to mate with any pony of his choosing at any time, just in case a pregnancy takes and Anon can propagate his species
>Anon abuses this
>Most mares aren't bothered because what kind of dyke turns down a stallion who desperately wants to fuck her?
"Lyra! Lyra, quick!"
>The mint pony jumps at your shouting and drops her smoothie in surprise.
>She'll mourn it later, though.
>"What is it, Anon?!"
"I need your vagina!"
>"Wh-what?"
"Right now!"
>"Right... right NOW?"
"Yes!"
>While Lyra hops from hoof to hoof in a nervous dance, mares from all around her either laugh or grumble about Lyra's a "lucky bitch"

>Anon gets used to having whatever mare he wants whenever he wants
>accidentally a pregnancy
>she's a super-smug bitch about it
>tells other mares their cunts just couldn't handle his seed
>taunts them to try with anon, since she still needs to build a herd with him like a respectable citizen and because her parents would be disappointed she couldn't get a herd
>mares now argue who should go first and enforce this (dicking) pecking order with force




wouldn't anon cause some serious sexual insecurities with the first mare he fuggs since most stories have him lasting so much longer than normal?
i imagine that, in the morning after, the mare wonders why it took so long for him to finish even after she was totally exhausted. was she not good enough? was he just telling her a white lie when he said that all humans take that long or longer to finish?




>"Sir you've been flagged in our database for extra security measures..."
>Anon just smiles and encourages her during the pat-down
"I think you missed a spot. Better check it again."
>...
"You never know what I might be hiding."
>...
"I think it's time for a full body-cavity search."
>Anon leans down next to her
"Your body cavities."
>"S-sir you've been selected for additional screening. Come with me."
>Anon sleeps like a baby every trip

>Mare security officer waves around a wand to see if Anon has any dangerous magical artifacts on him
>The wand is silent, but the mare keeps turning her head and making "bwee! Bwee! Bwee!" noises with her mouth
>Standard "please remove your belt buckle" requests
>Mare frisks him, giving special attention to his groin
>Asks Anon to follow her to the back room
>Molests and/or has sex with him

>he actually is smuggling stuff
>it's something innocuous like salt which is only illegal because it's addicting in high concentrations, because it tastes really good
>anon is the worlds greatest smuggler and snuggler

>Anon uses the wand as a sex toy
>It gets stuck
>Now till the end of her shift she has to wiggle her ass around creatures and open her mouth so you can here the weeeoooowww sound. 
>Still worth it.





>bureaucratically hobbled immigration was slowly set-up between the two worlds.

“Miss Vanduff, I think my proposals here are fair…”
>You are Flowing Script the unicorn, better known as just Flo to friends, the official Equestrian dignitary to earth.
>And by the goddess’ you have a headache.
>The sharply dressed and rather pretty human mare, er, woman across the desk from you just sighs and rests her chin in her laced fingers.
>She must be annoyed, if the experience you have with your human husband has taught you anything. 
>The princess’ tasked you with making it as easy as possible for quality human males from educated nations to make it into Equestria in an effort to fix the low, almost negative birth rates that are STILL slowly favoring the birth of fillies. 
>The “Also to fix the lonely mare epidemic” went unsaid.
>But the human governments were just having none of that. 
>”Miss Script, I just can’t agree to this. This is so horribly skewed that it’s almost an injustice,” Vanduff says, her unhappy frown growing. “I cannot present this to the the leadership of ANY nation in the UN.”
>Now you frown.
“An injustice? Surely this cannot favor Equestria so heavily that you would discard it all together? We simply want desirable humans to have the freedom to come to us if they so wish. It’s not as if we’re forcing them.”
>Vanduff shook her head, her long mane flowing. “It’s not that Equestria is favored too heavily, it’s the migrants you desire are favored too much. You said that you intend to fast-track immigration of humans that you want and intend to outright deny others. The UN won’t stand for that. They will want equal treatment of everyone.”
>And back to square one with even more embellishment than last time.
>Will it be impossible for humans that Equestria isn’t looking for to get in? No.
>Will it be harder so they can prove they can contribute? Yes.
>The various other races wanting in on the human pie like the griffons and minotaurs? Now THEY will unapologetically deny anyone they don’t want, and dare anyone who doesn't like it to throw down.
>Even Equestria doesn't want EVERYONE. You want humans who are valuable and contribute. Savages and more females are NOT needed and never will be.
>But the various “developed” human nations are just fine with shouting down and sometimes abusing their males. Just the thought sickens you, as all you can see is your husband’s downtrodden visage upon each faceless statistic.
>Earth being largely patriarchal makes it even worse. What sane society willingly tries to hobble itself by cutting down their core contributing members?
>If the few times you’ve been on the “internet” is any indicator, then the decades of abuse is going to backlash into an exodus of young, breeding age men, leaving many human nations sore.
>And you are NOT leaving until you can assure Equestria will have her prize in the form of the exodus.
>Ugh. What you wouldn't give for a stiff drink right now.
>Infact… 
“Miss Vanduff? Why don't we call a recess? Perhaps we can come to an agreement after a rest.”
>Vanduff gives a long-suffering sigh and nods reluctantly after a delay.
>Tch, what a colty dyke… 







>>Nuclear reactors shut down/explode
>>Garbage collection doesn't happen
>>Everything goes straight to hell in less than a month

>Only the SJW, Feminist/nazis, and other human garbage remaining on Earth in danger.
>Surviving humans on Equestria hear about this.
>Common joke among them: "Several trillion dollars worth of improvements."

>Princesses Celestia/Luna/Twilight realize humans are incapable of producing children (or non-pony children) without human females.
>Special black-ops pony task force created to secretly abduct healthy beautiful human females from Earth for breeding stock so Equestria can maintain a stable population of human dick.
>Equestrian laws changed requiring all healthy human males donate sperm on a biannual basis.
>Guys don't care. Mares at sperm donation clinic VERY happy to help in any way they can.
>Sperm used/unused based on rating system of clinic for producing attractive human offspring.
>Equestria maintains massive black-site compound under canterlot castle to house enslaved attractive female humans.
>Human breeding stock given benefits or punishments based on number of offspring produced.
>Children taken at birth.
>Each mother put in milking machine to produce for her children in separate facility as needed (to ensure health of children).
> Children moved from facility at 18 months old to adoption agencies/orphanages.
>One generation later, human population in Equestria ensured stable (and majority are extremely attractive to ponies).

>Aforementioned disasters on Earth became apparent to remaining people on Earth.

>Humans in Equestria foresaw this, told princesses, ponies destroy portal to Earth before hand (hoof?) to prevent influx of human females with shitty genetics (fatties, uggos, feminists/nazis, etc.) who would muddle the human pseudo-eugenics experiment.
>Humans who first came from Earth laughingly draw parallels between this and Noah's Ark.

>Ponies/Humans cohabitate under idyllic Equestrian rule.



>One mare marries a /pol/ack
>He's a race traitor, though, and loves the hoerspussy
>Educates some of the Equestrians on machiavellian thought and the idea of fabricating multiple factions within a single group
>Anon works with several unicorns from Celestia's school
>They develop portable devices that only open gates to the earth-side of the main portal
>made from simple diamonds or crystals, just about any unicorn can learn the spell to activate everything
>the ponies enclose the entire area around the portal into a bunker
>for "protection," of course
>soon earth is flooded with unicorn "tourists"
>word gets out that meeting one of these and being chosen could get you smuggled into equestria
>men are selected by these tourists
>a single mare makes a "herd" full of "stallions" on earth
>no one can deny them this, since it would be oppressing their culture
>each one takes her herd of men behind closed doors and activates the device
>groups of men appear behind the main gate and waltz into equestria
>People start to notice the mass disappearances
>The Crown denies any involvement, blames it on "rogue pony factions' agents"
>they openly recruit with pamphlets, tables, and posters at taverns, sporting events, and anywhere else mares congregate
>they're only allowed to return with no less than three willing and qualified human men
>they call it the "underground get-railed-road"





>Equestria outlaws monogamy.
>Human females legally required to produce at least 2 children and provide a stable family environment (a herd) before the age of 35 to continue to qualify for Equestrian citizenship.
>Next generation of Equestrian humans given special tax breaks and considerations if long-term human male's herds include one human female, and a minimum of two mares.
>Humans of the herd sign contract stating that (barring injury/illness/death preventing it) a human child will be produced before the female turns 30, with two children minimum by the time she turns 35 (to keep up the human population).

>Human males socially expected to take "burden" of mare population off pony stallion's hooves.
Human females considered worthless by society. ("Can you believe the teats on human mares? They all just sit around and are blatantly stupid. At least stallions can give us dick in exchange for being so clueless and childish!)"
>Mares generally consider women like men consider the wife's cat rather than equals. (Can't get rid of it. Just put up with it.)

>A century later, Humans return to Earth via newly constructed portal.
>Plants have reclaimed most of the land.
>Humans who remained all long dead.
>Humans begin rebuilding.
>Once again humans have home of their own (under leadership of Equestrian princess).
>No more rag-heads, religious nuts of any kind, or social extremist shits (feminists/SJW's/etc).
>Human males have proven to be far more productive/industrious than human females.

Standard human household includes 2 pony mares, one human male, one human female, mix of 2-4 pony children and 1-2 human children.
>Family hierarchy is traditionally: Pony females >human male>human female>children.
>Sometimes: Pony females - human male>human female>children.

>Humans re-discover technologies/knowledge when returning to Earth.
>Infinitely better and more fair government now in place.
>Life is good.




>The first wave of men who became runners have settled mostly.
>Half-human foals are born here and there, making headlines for weeks in both worlds as miracles.
>A viable half-human griffin chick is even born, turning the griffin's passing interest into a full clamor demanding more humans.
>Other races on Equis now want human males too, as the gender skew is a worldly constant. 
>The UN is hammered day and night to let their largely fed-up men jump into eager alien hooves, talons, hands, who are promising the chance to breed. 
>And even normal men will jump at that chance. 
>As the pressure mounts from Equis and the number of runners keeps climbing, many world leaders see just how much letting social justice run unattended was a mistake




>Humans with the influx of human ingenuity(i.e. penchant for cheating bullshit with magic shortcuts) makes a whole new age of magiktech development, making it into a early British empire in the sky...in truth the mares just want to see their husbos be barely clothed sky pirates and sweaty "battles" for their respective herds pleasure. Human males become the new age fabios, therefore encouraging healthy lifestyles so males can "show off" while acting, and they make extra cheasy lines with the mares on set, said mares get their position by getting the required "acting" talent required, then by joining a lottery, winners get a chance to get their own harem(if their lucky...kek) of human males that sign up and don't have herds already




>All the races have check booths at the gate, males get to choose where they wish to go. 
>One 'fat' male goes to the minotaurs
>Gets rejected
>You have seen it time and time again, they never want anyone who has any fat on them whatsoever
>You know face matters not to them, as its been proven that the bull side is dominant there
>You sigh, till he asks why
>The minotaur starts dressing him down
>If this was a colt he would be crying
>But this guy just laughs and says he is plenty strong
>The minotaur, who is no slouch herself, stands up, one head taller gets down to a wrestling position, and tells him 'prove it'
>At this he laughs and gets into position himself
>"So how bad do I need to beat you to be accepted" 
>There are many men who are cheering him on by name
>Their world has several billion males, how do they all know him?
>You get down and go up to one that is cheering
"Excuse me, how do you know his name?"
>The male you ask looks down quick and then back
>"You know what tv and the internet is right?"
"Yes"
>"Well, back on earth, he is know as one of the strongest men alive"
>She just looks at him
>"Some of his feats of strength have gone viral, so not to surprising to see so many know his name"
>Someone from the griffon line comes in to ref the match
>"You see her body?"
>You look at the taur
>Well defined muscle, almost no shred of fat on her
"Yes" 
>"Well for humans, bodies like that are useless, only fit for competitions in builds or if there is a weight regulation"
>You nod, and see the griffon put their paw down. 
>The minotaur tries to lift him and end this fast, but she is struggling
>The man calmly lifts her up, effortlessly and slams her down on her back
>The sound silenced everyone, the taur is stunned but ok
>He is circling around the makeshift ring yelling while most of the males cheer him on
"HEY MISTER, WE CAN TAKE YOU IN OVER HERE"
>it broke the silence among the immagration crews


>Soon everyone was trying to get him to go with them
>Most likely thinking if he slammed a taur like that, how would he 'slam' something far lighter
>After a yelling match amongst yourselves, he pipes up
>"Ladies, how about this, I give you each a tryout and see where I would like to be best"
>Everyone is silent
"On top of me?"
>He looks at you
>Everyone does
>"I like you, your first"







>Rainbow Dash is competing in some small ponyville athletic event
>Wins and pops off, flying and running around
>Anon is actually surprised that Rainbow isn't being a total cunt, actually being pretty tame for her
>Anon hears some salty fat stallion bitching about a stallion she's friends with losing to Rainbow
>Anon finds this hilarious, decides to pay attention to the lolcow
>This turns out to be a good idea, because shit goes down quickly
>The stallion in some kind of retarded leap of logic decides that trying to get Rainbow in trouble would help his friend
>He decides that the best way to do this would be to assault Rainbow to make Rainbow retaliate and hit a stallion
>Fatfuck creeps up behind Rainbow as she's popping off again and grabs onto her and starts trying to push her
>Rainbow turns around, a look of pure confusion on her face, before she grabs hold of the fat fuck and says the first thing that comes to her mind
>"Who dick is this?"
>Amazing
>You realise quickly that without video cameras here in Equestria this will actually go quite badly for Rainbow Dash when the false accusations start flying
>Decide to step in
>Grabbing fatfuck under one arm, and some whiteknighting cunt that's getting in Rainbow Dash's face for no reason in the other, you lift with the power of zyzz and start towards the tug of war area
>While it's difficult to walk with the barrel sized tub of lard squirming and squeeling at you about rape, you make it to the mud in the centre of the field
>You then drop both pieces of trash into the mud and walk back
>After fetching the next two whiteknights still harrassing Dash and dropping them in the pit ponies stop giving her shit
>You then recount your version of what happened to the event officials who have finally arrived
>Fatfuck gets banned
>You get temporarily suspended, but Rainbow buys you drinks
>Could have gone much worse






"are you fucking with me?"
>Celestia just blinks
>"No, you are now legally allowed to try to inseminate any mare at any time, just in case they may be the one to get pregnant"
>After a few blinks anon picks up 2 maids, 1 guard, 1 trap, 1 reverse trap
"Celestia, can you kneel down a bit?"
>Everything happened so fast she didn't really question it. 
>Anon gets on her back
>"Wa-what are you doing anon?"
"To your biggest bed"
>She still isn't processing this fast enough, and has 5 wiggling ponies on her back along with a human
"We are going to christen the new law now by putting it to use."
>The mares under anons arms stop wiggling while the trap wiggles harder
>Finally picking up on whats happening, celestia extends the wings, and forgets she can fly, running as fast as she can to her room. 

>Many dickings where had
>Celestia clawed her way to the door begged the guard to bring more mares so the 6 of them could rest before being pulled back inside
>When anon first landed in equestria it was thought magic didnt work on him
>But everyone now knows that to not be true
>Magic gave him a dick that wouldn't quit.
>Because of the situation they were all in, and because celestia got incredibly turned on by anons actions, the law was amended to anyone of anons preferences inside equestria's borders
>Years later, celestia found out that changelings were receptive to anons seed, and were no longer love parasites.
>This also explained the very weird things she heard that went on at anons home






>You have had a dream since you were a kid but wrote it off as impossible
>Then one day a hole in space rips open and you find a damn near utopia on the other side
>Magic exists
>The alien women are desperate to get laid
>Its like 13 year old you had a whack off fantasy that just came true
>After a month in this alien land, you find a harem
>You nerdy ass pessimistic self, got a harem
>And due to magic, you metabolism has been through the roof
>You have a body you thought you would never have
>You along with your harem are making a childhood dream come true.
>You are going to be Captain Anon, Booty warrior of the sky pirates, with your all female harem crew
>Because no one else patented the idea, you have the dole rights to it for quite a while. 

>Over the 10 years you had a solo patent, you expanded your harem so you now have a fleet of airships
>You also are the owner of a luxury cruise ship of the sky
>Literally every single person of importance wants to ride your ships, even if they can fly
>6 years back you hosted luna's birthday party above the storm clouds below, 
>A week later she became a herd member when she found out how much you all appreciated the night sky and how many events take place specifically at night under stars. 

>Life with your steampunk wife as an alpha, was she ever shocked she stayed alpha when luna joined, and harem couldn't get better.





>Anon gets a job at a factory
>Transport belts bring out chocolates that Anon has to sort
>Too many of them come down the belt
>Anon panics and starts stuffing them down his shirt and into his pockets to keep up
>Anon goes home smeared in chocolate and makes a quip about how stallions/men aren't fit for mare's work
>Anon's herd laughs/sighs and says, "Oh, Anon!"
>Laugh track, fade to black

They proceed to lick the chocolate off him



>There are laws regulating herd membership
>For example, it is illegal for both a businessmare and a politician to be in the same herd, as it would be a conflict of interest
>This becomes a problem when both Twilight and Rarity attempt to herd up with Anon





>NMM was just an angry teen goth phase
>"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY TRUE FEELINGS SISTER! NOBODY DOES!"
>The only difference being that instead of getting grounded for a week, Luna got one thousand years.
>Celestia was not the most reasonable mother




>Secret Agent Anon puts his masculine wiles and instinct for whimsy to use in Equestria's Secret Service
>Is frequently paired up with Sweetie Drops on assignments
>She refuses to admit that she's jealous when he goes around seducing other mares.
>Anon obliviously teases her, calling her "Grumpy Drops" and emaresculating her with surprise cuddles when she's angry
>She has to do her best to pretend she doesn't like it.





>Anon is a pushover for ill-treated mares and ex-cons
>Because of this he has the largest herd in Equestria
>At 25 and growing the other mares merely groan when he shows up with some poor mistreated mare to add to his herd
>Secretly they love it because each mare has suffered like they have
>Anon's herd is one big support group for mares that the system has abused





>The Alicorn foal is an omnivore like daddy.
>She likes it when the Gryphon dignitaries visit because they gift her exotic meats.
>The little shit bit a piece off of the Minotaur Ambassador's ear.
>Celestia was shocked, Luna Huzza'd , the other ponies fainted.
>Anon and the Ambassador laughed it off though

>the ambassadors become like uncles and aunties to the little alicorn foal
>they constantly go to visit Equestria to "improve their political standing"
>always sneak out the best goods usually withheld for the nobles and royalty as gifts
>conveniently when the child's birthday and Christmas comes around they and their familiesare always absent from the kingdom on "important political business"
>the ambassadors from usually rival and sometimes waring nations constantly cross paths on their way to visit the foal
>constantly at war in a different way trying to one up each other with what gifts they bring
>they act like friends whenever the foal is around
>fall to arguing and brawls when she isn't around
>one time whilst they're visiting they're asked to come in for show and tell at their school
>another time they go to a sports day
>they catch a little shit kid beating her in the sports and gloating driving her close to tears
>close by they hear the kid's dad encouraging it
>noonefuckswithourniece.jpeg
>this one time they come to a peaceful agreement and create an alliance
>ambassadors and stallion father are carried away by royal guards for brawling in a public school








> During yet another building confidence character arc episode, Fluttershy receives the bad advice that stallions are all secretly submissive
> Rainbow brings her to a bar to get a little liquid courage and to practice flirting with stallions
> Fluttershy ends up drinking a lot of liquid courage before she works herself up to flirting
> She sways across the bar room floor, bumping into Anon, the unapproachable cool beauty of the town
> Countless mares have tried to woo him, but he ignored their subtle advances
> Rainbow despairs when Fluttershy fluffs her tuft at him
> "Hey big guy. Mr. Tall drink. Yeah, you."
> Anon raises a sophisticated eyebrow at her
> "Want some fug? I gotta lotta fug, right here, in my uh,"
> She shakes her flank a little
> "Caboose. How about it?"
> Rainbow can only this train wreck

> Be Anon
> That was adorable
> Is she hitting on you? 
> She's totally hitting on you
> Most of the time, you can't tell if ponies are just being polite, or if they are actually interested in what you have to say
> But not this cutie
"Yeah, sure. Let's fug."
> "Yay!"
> Adorable





I wish someone would do something with that. 

>Luna as the original reformed villain
>Trixie
>Sunset Shimmer
>Lightning Dust
>Suri Polomare 
>Chrysalis
>Starlight Glimmer

Most ponies would see it as a clusterfuck just waiting to violently explode.

>One day ponies hear mares shouting coming from Anon's house
>The argument pours out onto the streets of Ponyville as the mares tumble through the front door
>Ponies fear the worst, wondering what these super villains are capable of doing
>They're all just arguing about who gets to be carried by Anon from the bedroom to the kitchen that morning





>Anon in RGRE.
>Some mares think it's going to be just like the dirty fanfictions they read on /mlh/.
>Or wrote in Lyra's case.
>Others, like Twilight, are sure that he will act just like in her Neighponese comics.
>Because it also had humans in it. For reasons.
>Their collective faces of despair when Anon only considers them to be "cute" in a little puppy way.
>They initially take it that he is pure and not for sexual.
>Then he starts going after the giraffes and zebras.
>Suddenly "deporting immigrants" becomes the leading plea Celestia has to deal with during her audiences




>Starlight Glimmer is actually a stallion pretending to be mare so he'll be taken seriously
>Thinks his disguise is perfect, but it's obvious to everypony else who just humors him
>In comes Anon, who hasn't been around ponies long enough to be able to tell genders from a glance yet.
>They all just look like cute tiny horses to him
>Anon is attracted to Glimmer because 'she' acts more like the females he's used to on Earth
>Glimmer's face when Anon asks 'her' out on a date
>Anon is confused by all the encouragement to go for Glimmer from other mares

>Glimmer is afraid to refuse lest her """perfect""" cover gets blown.
>Decides to go with it and try to discourage him as much as possible.
>Twilight may or may not be spying on them

>All the mares want them to get it on because they think it's hot.
>Anon is happy to find a reasonable individual of opposite sex without knowing Glimmer's little secret. Also without knowing about the whole timeline hijack thing.
>Glimmer does not want, but is scared to admit to the disguise
>Other stallions think that it's either just weird or downright disgusting. None of them is happy to see that strange pair.
>But nobody cares about them since they are just colts and their opinion doesn't matter.
>How can Glimmer fuck up before Anon gets too far?

>He's into me, and nothing I've done tonight has discouraged him.
>If I call it off here, I'll be a mare refusing an eager stallion's dick. No mare would do that. >My disguise will be ruined, years of hard work gone, and I'm back to being just a silly colt.
>...
>Okay, I've got it. I don't have any other option. I can't ruin my disguise now.
>I'll go back with him, get a little frisky, tire him out, and sneak out.
>After that I'll act cold like it was a one-night stand.
>Everypony will still think I'm a marely mare. I'll just have to deal with an angry colt
>...I can't believe I'm going to do this.
>Come on Starlight, mare up.
>It's just one blowjob. Then he'll be spent and exhausted, and you can sneak out. You can handle this

>You are Anon
>And you can't help but notice that Glimglam has some very cock'nball-esque stuff going on around the crotchular region
>But you really don't want to say anything
>What if it turns out to be some kind of weird magical cancer?
>You don't want to have to go through another incident like that again

>Anon thinks Glimmyglam has ass cancer.
>He's nice to her. His dog died of ass cancer, so he knows how difficult it is.
>Is kinda an asshole to other pones though. They're just too fun to mess with.
>Glim thinks he's figured out her secret is is trying to support it





>Anon works as a secretary for a successful business mare
>The pay is amazing, but his boss is just like my 1950's american animes
>Keeps knocking things off her desk and asking him to bend over to pick them up
>Has never once said his actual name before; calls him "babe", "sweetheart", "honey", and other names like that
>Gives him a firm pat on the ass when he does well
>His christmas bonus is in the form of a new mixer
>Gets paid what amounts to $40,000 annually by doing a job that's piss-easy, and Anon thinks this is well worth getting slapped on the ass once in a while



>The pay is amazing, but his boss is just like my 1950's american animes
>Anon wears a tight pair of pants one day and Boss Pone's eyes bulge out with an "awoooooga" noise and proceed draw an Anon-shaped outline
>It's pretty gross
>Later that day, she drags Anon around town trying to convince everyone that her pet frog can sing
>At least once per week, someone in the office gets blown up by a big round bomb

>Bombs are big, round spheres that have a sparking fuse on the top of them
>Don't actually destroy anything when they explode; they only blacken the fur of the pony holding the bomb and moves their muzzle to the back of their head
>The muzzle is still functional and often spouts quips such as "This means war" while the pony looks wryly at the camera


Drown him!
>splashed with a bucket of water
Suffocate him!
>pie to the face
Bludgeon him to death!
>cascade of balloons
Shoot him!
>nerf gun
Poison him!
>type-2 diabeetus

>You pull a quarter out from behind Celestia's ear
>She stands stock still, staring at you with a primal fear, the telltale sign of having wet herself pooling around her hooves

>Basic card tricks elevate you to the status of some kind of demonic god.
>Ponies form a cult about you.
>Conspiracists talk about how you're actually a secret weapon of war made by the gryphons.
>You're able to get free food and goods via intimidating ponies by finding their card.
>One pony had a heart attack after you showed him his card was in his salad

>Trixie actually is Great and Powerful
>The only reason she was ran out of Ponyville was because she lied about taking on an Ursa
>Fibbing is a serious crime

>You wake up in the middle of the night to the sight of Luna's face, mere inches from your face
>"Reveal to me your secrets, human."

>anon is now Equestria's not evil version of Rasputin
>down to easily surviving mutiple, adorably pathetic assassination attempts
>cannot be killed
>cannot be sexually sated
>anon becomes Equestrian Lust Demon of Legend

>sent to dungeons for being a threat
>talks to a nervous guard, showing him his trick saying the antimagic field doesnt work on him
>convinces the guard that he's mind controlling him and the guard gives him the keys to the cell
>anon unlocks the door and walks out

"Got your nose!"
>Luna outright freaked, grabbing the star pillow out of the fucking sky and slamming it into you repeatedly like she was swatting at a roach with her slipper

>>anon is now Equestria's not evil version of Rasputin
>>down to easily surviving mutiple, adorably pathetic assassination attempts

>"I tried putting too much sugar into his tea and a whole extra teaspoon of salt into his pastries, but he didn't so much as scrunch up his nose! After that I snuggled with him in the bath so that he'd fall asleep and get all wrinkly, but he started washing my mane and I fell asleep halfway through instead."






>The Nightmare could not be purged from Luna by the Elements in the past
>They only had the power to banish it to the moon for a thousand years.
>Why then could they suddenly do what could not be done in the past?

>Luna was not trapped alone upon the moon for a thousand years.
>The Dreamweaver was with her.

>Helping her in her time of need
>Giving her the strength to resist the madness that had claimed her mind

>Countering the influence of the Nightmare
>Weakening it at every opportunity
>Feeding it bad ideas

>A thousand years of exile was a small price to pay in order to help one he loved
>Because his daughter needed him


>Anon returns from his time on the moon with no memory of what happened there, thinks he just went into magical hibernation or something
>Eventually the nightmare force returns with another host
>Wreaks havoc across Equestria for real this time
>It keeps making small mistakes screwing up here and there so that it doesn't end up capturing or hurting any ponies, just obliterating settlements, doesn't think much of it
>Blows open the doors to the throne room to confront Luna, Celestia and the mane 6
>It's empty except for Papanon
>"I know you..."
"Sorry...what?"
>"The Elements of Harmony tried everything to make me... reform. To slow me down. Finally, when nothing else worked, they cast an Intelligence Dampening Spell on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas to help preserve their precious princess during our time on the moon.
"No! Not listening! Not listening!"
>"But it wasn't a spell at all. It... was you. It was your voice."
"No! No! You're lying, you're lying!"
>"Yes. You're the tumor. You're not just a regular moron. You were designed to be a moron."
"I am not a moron!"
>"Yes, you are! You're the moron the Elements used to make me an idiot!"







>anon is turned into a stallion from one of moon dancer or twiggle's magical shenanigans
>becomes the paragon of stallion beauty and human manly man masculunity
>so much so he makes blueblood look like a leper
>but no matter what he still loves his girls
>countless supposedly "beautiful" mares try to get in his herd
>worse comes when other herds of mares try to take him away
>his mares are afraid he would just leave them, and why wouldnt he?
>he's probably most handsome stallion in the WHOLE of equestria and BEYOND
>surprises them further whenever a mare tries to show off in front of them anon gives the closest of his herd a big Smooch with tongue
>grabs their flanks
>generally saying
>see this? this is mine
>and i only want this
>herd cant even exclaim how happy they are




>Anon gets transformed into a horse
>He's a horse
>Neighs, tries to eat grass, and cannot communicate verbally or comprehend complex language because he is a horse
>Sometimes he bites ponies who get to close to him or touch certain parts of his body




>Anon arrives in Equestria and chills at Canterlot castle
>The Princesses are interested in learning about human culture (and also in finding a male that actually laughs at their off-colour sexist jokes), and Anon spends his time either interacting with them or learning about pony culture
>Ponies working in the castle aren't too hot on the idea of making friends with Anon since they've noticed how chummy he is with the Princesses.
>Who wants to shoot the shit with somebody who can tattle on you to goddesses who have the power to celestial bodies?
>Furthermore, who wants to offend somebody with such close connections to royalty?
>Celestia notices that Anon isn't making very many friends, so she looks to the tried and true method of sending him to Ponyville.
>Anon doesn't like the idea of relocation, but being the Princess trumps being not a Princess.
>Anon moves into an empty house and spends his time being a grump, which the local mare population finds adorable.
>"Oh, look! He's pouting again~"
>When the mane 6 learn that he was sent to live in Ponyville by orders of Princess Celestia, Twilight herself takes special interest in him.
>Anon refuses to tell them why the Princess sent him there, and makes up a new reason each time they ask.
>These range from "I ate the last slice of cake" to "I slapped Luna right on the vagina".
>To keep things interesting, Celestia herself poofs herself an illusory disguise of a normal pony and occasionally checks in on Anon, inevitably listening in to some of Anon's more risque or absurd reasons for his pseudo-banishment from the castle
something something friendship
something something rgre
something something anon and celestia probably fuck at some point



> "Hey pouty princess."
> Be Nightmare Moon in exile
> "You know what you should do?"
> You thought you could handle a millennium on your own moon
> "Write 'Celestia smells bad' on the moon."
> However, you are not the first to be banished this way
> "Ooh! Write that she molests her guards!"
> Who doesn't?
> Damn
> You were doing well at ignoring the insufferable idiot, but then he says something so dumb, you have to comment on it
> At least in your thoughts
> And he can be oddly persuasive
> "Hey, don't those rocks over there look like a dick?"
> ....
> You wouldn't be a mare if you didn't look
> Double damn, they do
> Well, you know what you are doing once you get your fellow exile to leave you alone
> "You should fuck 'em."
> ...
> Now that he says to do it, you would rather not 
> Not until you are absolutely sure he isn't around to gloat




>>But that could be explained that they don't have any coin worth less than a bit, so one bit is the minimum something could be worth

>"Smaller... Than a bit?" Twilight asks, tilting her head to the side, "What do you mean?"
"See this apple?" You say, holding it up, "This apple costs one bit. You know what else costs one bit?"
>"What?"
"Half a bushel."
>Bookhorse looks confused
"Twilight, an individual apple should cost less than a bushel."
>Bookhorse sighs
>"Anon, I don't have time for this coltish whimsy. If you're trying to ask whether I think you're fat, the answer is no, so go ahead and eat that apple. Now if you'll excuse me, there's mare's work to do

> buy half bushel of apples for 1 bit
> sell each apple for 1 bit
>continue until the economy is fixed or destroyed

>Filthy Rich stares on in awe of this alien force of Capitalism
>Wonders how he can get DT and Anon together


>Anon tries to explain the concept to the M6.
>Fails to get it across.
>Looks to AJ (issue doesn't come up til he visits the market, so they're already there) and confirms with her that she feels both 1 bit per apple and 1 bit per bushel (say, of 25) are both a fair price for her family's hard work.
>Buys all 20 bushels for 20 bits.
>Makes cardboard sign to sell apples "Apples fresh from Sweet Apple Acres = 1 bit per Apple".
>By the end of the day he earns 377 bits (didn't sell all 500, but who cares) off the apples.
>Ponies marvel at genius of it all: "Who'd have thought a colt could make that much money so fast?"
>Ponies see it happen, understand that it worked exactly like the alien colt expected (as he is +350 bits richer with virtually no effort), but still can't figure out how it works or how to replicate it themselves in other markets without step-by-step instructions for each case


>anon only succeeds in getting the ponies to go full cargo cult
>sales that make no sense
>deals that leave the customer poorer
>none of them go broke, somehow
>but none of them get rich, either
>anon goes ahead with his own plans
>becomes an economic powerhouse and rich enough to rival the crown
>marries a businessmare who he thought loved her for who he was and not his money
>she tries to take him for all he's worth, so he divorces her
>marries some model instead of course it's fluttershy
>retires after decades of success, decides to write a book about it
>every line has > in front of it
>he calls it the art of the deal



>anon becomes master of coin for celestia 
>he is in charge of all foreign trade 
>in 10 years time equestria has enough money to buy the world and everyone in it
>it's all spent on cake the next year





>Morning comes
>NMM wakes up first
>Followed by anon and celestia to her screaming
>NMM calms down, but someone is still screaming
>Anon looks at who is screaming, and puts two and two together
"Well, shit, had no idea we would have a kid that fast"
>Anon looks at celestia and nmm
"So, do alicorns come out that big normally?"
>A look of horror on his face, he grabs NMM who is still stunned
"IF SOMETHING THAT BIG CAME OUT OF YOUR VAGINA IS IT RUINED?"
>Still in to much shock to question what anon said, she checks her still tight as all hell hmd out
>Celestia is the first to crack up 
>After some long talks, many hugs, and seeing NMM turn a whole different color, much to your surprise, it was decided that you now have a 3 alicorn herd composed of the big spoon, the little spoon and your new blanket






>Anon constantly uses human phrases that centre around horses and equines just to see what ponies' reactions will be
>When he says "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse", ponies thankfully don't assume that he means that he wants to consume horse meat
>That leaves one thing he can do to a pony with his mouth that could be called "eating"
>Mares, being the chronic perverts that they are, always interpret his phrases to be sexual





> Doing lewd (by pony standards) things to Celestia
>"I c-can't believe we're c-cuddling... belly-to-belly style! I-I don't know if I can t-take much more of this~"

>Anon just wants to chill out and cuddle.
>He can't because ponies keep making crossed-eyes, twitching uncontrollably and dehydrating themselves everywhere every-time he touches them

>The princesses are the only ones with enough cuddle-stamina to be properly cuddled by him
>Anon gets to scratch their ears and rub his face in their tuft






>Anon is warned by his mare friends how bad estrus can be, but he ignores them because eh's a pretty cool guy who doesn't afraid of anything
>Mares roaming town find him and demand that he gives them sum fuk
>Anon is more than okay with this and he spends the next couple of hours fucking some mares
>As soon as heat week is over, Anon is branded a slut and has to deal with his reputation being destroyed
>Some folk don't take too kindly to his type





>Monogamy is illegal in Equestria, like polygamy is here
>Anon's waifu is confused and horrified when he tells her that he only loves her

I'd read a story about an illegal relationship Anon has with his ponewaifu. How they have to employ a friend to pretend like they are in a token herd, and live in the danger every day

>Princess Cadance and Shining Armor had a 'herd' made up of their various maids and guards, but public scrutiny forced them to leave Equestria
>In the Crystal Empire, herding is uncommon, and most ponies consider them backwards savages
>Even Celestia has been threatening economic sanctions if they refuse to outlaw certain barbarous cultural practices, like monogamy, and allowing stallions to hold dangerous jobs




>Monogamists flee en mass to the Crystal Empire to avoid persecution, including Anon and his waifu as well as the Cakes
>Anon gets pissed when he learns Celestia threatening economic sanctions and rallies the Crystal Ponies and former Equestrians against the Diarchy
"Crystal Ponies! For over a thousand years you were made slaves by Sombra, and now someone else seeks to control you again! To erase everything about your culture that makes it beautiful! Monogamists, this is the only place where you're allowed to live in peace! Do not let Equestria steal your FREEDOM!"
>Celestia soon receives a letter of the Crystal Empire's Secession from the rest of Equestria







>Anon is hanging out with poner
>They end up roughhousing
>She forgets for a moment that he's a sweet little colt that needs to be coddled and protected
>Cocks her back legs for a good buck to the gut
>Misses his gut
>Her blood runs ice cold as he screams in pain
>She just committed the greatest sin a mare can do
>She's ostracised by the everypony, and treated like a leper
>She sneaks past the protective mares trying to keep her away from his house to visit him
>While he holds an ice pack against his swollen balls, she tries to convince him to tell everyone that forceful testicular contact is a form of greeting on Earth





>The Equestrian military is mobilized to occupy the Crystal Empire
>Couples are split up, stallions are assigned to herds of royal guardsmares, while their mares are sent to reeducation camps
>Cadance and Shining Armor are turned to stone, and placed on opposite sides of the palace as an example

>Anon is one of said stallions assigned to herds of royal guardsmares
>Although it's less a herd and more to monitor him and keep him from being monogamous
>Anon isn't allowed to just break up with them, because obviously he'd go back to his waifu and be a filthy monogamist
>He mostly ignored his 'herd' and pretends they don't exist most of the time
>While they see him as a poor colt who's been brainwashed and needs to be shown what a real relationship is like 
>He refuses to break, not when he's lived under the doctrine of pic related for his entire life

>Anon organizes a males-only resistance movement
>Takes at least 30 minutes getting ready before going out
>Dinner is always slightly over or under cooked
>Always 'has a headache' when his mares want cuddles

>Anon has one picture collage that he keeps hidden from the mares
>Sitting at the bottom of a desk drawer, covered with random crap that he can easily move aside
>Looking at it keeps him strong

>Eventually, enough time passes that it is determined that Anon won't 'relapse' into monogamist behavior
>He's given the option to keep his forced herd as a real herd, but he declines every single one of them.
>He stays alone for a while, searching for his waifu
>He finds her, but the reeducation camps worked perfectly.
>She's a devout hater of monogamy now
>She refuses to even go near him unless he agrees to form a herd

>The mares of the Crystal Empire have been reeducated and turned into polygamists
>They underestimate stallion's intuition
>The stallionsof the Crystal Empire come together to form the biggest herd in history, made up solely of males, leaving the mares with only one option
>They join the herd, move in with their former monogamous partners, and live happily ever after
>Celestia's face when the entire Crystal Empire demands herding tax breaks






>Defined muscles are seen as coltish since biologically stallions are physically stronger than mares.
>Mares are supposed to have a small layer of fat over their muscles to make them softer for stallions
>Unicorns have it the worst since they have the smallest frames any fitness will quickly tone their muscles
>This is why Twilight and Rarity gorge themselves
>Their sleek defined bodies are marks of shame
>Pinkie on the other hand looks like a Roaman goddess





>"Anon's depression is obviously linked to gender dysphoria."
>"He says he feels emaresculated all the time!"
>"Poor Anon is just a mare trapped in a weird alien colt's body."
>"Are you even listening, Dash?"
>Dash is imagining Anon's colty look with a pussy instead of a dick






>You are Anon
>You are at the beach with royalty.
>You briefly wonder to yourself why the princesses even bother to wear those bikini bottoms since they never actually ever wear clothes under normal circumstances.
>It isn't until Luna peers at you over her sunglasses, winks, and then uses her magic to slowly peel the bottoms away from her puffy lips that you understand why




>Even with an alicorn metabolism, Twilight still has a bit of pudge on her behind. 
>She worries over your opinion constantly, because what male wants to be seen with a fatty? Being royalty can only keep a nice stallion around for so long...
>She has no idea you have to think unsexy thoughts while behind her to keep control of yourself.
>If you didn't, there would be nothing stopping you from tearing your pants off, hooking your arms around those tantalizing thighs, and smashing that ass until someone's pelvis breaks






>Anon arrives in Equestria
>Bon Bon wants to introduce him to Lyra, because she's a filthy, shut-in humaboo, and could really use a good fucking
>Lyra is out buying some oats or whatever, so Bon Bon offers him a seat and goes to make some tea while they wait for her
>He starts snooping immediately
>Finds Lyra's room
>MLH posters on the wall
>A cum-stained Anonymous™ daki sits on her unmade bed
>A collection of human dildos of varying sizes and colors sits on her nightstand alongside an industrial-size bottle of E-Z access anal lube
>Worst of all, she left her WIP fanfiction out in her desk
>"Bon Bon, is all of this yours?"
>...
>Lyra's her sis, and she really needs this...
"Yeah, heh, I'm kinda, you know, obsessed with humans..."
>Anon smiles
>"That's kinda hot."
>Anon's totally into Bon Bon now
>And Lyra's pissed
>"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO SISTERS BEFORE MISTERS, BONNIE?"





>Oral skills in a mare are highly sought after in the male population due to the number of mares who just plain don't like going down on a guy
>Anon had the same expectations back home and is eager to go down on his mares
>Doesn't have to be asked; doesn't only do it on special occasions
>Anon's marefriend brags that sometimes she wakes up to the sensation of cumming




>Rainbow is so sexually sensitive that just a single hand running over her wings can make her squeal like a loli in a pro-voiced hentai.
>Because of that, she's avoided getting a coltfriend for fear of his reaction and just told tall tales of her sexual exploits.
>She would seem like less of a mare if she had nothing to say... But she would also seem like less of a mare if anyone found out how quickly she bursts in bed.
>There's no good way to go about it.
>But someway, somehow, you and her end up together.
>And she can't delay moving further into the relationship anymore...





>AJ is sensitive about her posterior
>Earth Pony genetics, and a life of hard work, have given her childbearing hips and applebucking thighs
>And you can bounce a bit off her bountiful booty
>Only generous helpings of Granny's signature apple pie and country cooking, grant her a thin sheen of cushion over those powerful muscles.

>She gets embarrassed when Anon pays special attention to them, especially when her herdmates can see





>tfw "magic burns calories meme"
>tfw you're stuffing your gullet every day and can't gain a single kilo
>tfw you were your anatomy teacher's favorite pupil because you look like a bucking skeleton
>tfw you have to wear a thick sweater in all seasons because you're cold


>Once you were doing a job enchanting some custom gadgets for a friend.
>You were so engrossed in spellweaving that you forgot to eat for five days and fainted going down the stairs.
>Good luck that your friend decided to show up at the exact same time and tended to you.
>Your bruises were visible through the fur for days.
>Ponies thought that somebody jumped you in a dark alley, or that you got into a fight over etching methods.
>You don't correct them

>Anon insists on staying to keep an eye on her and to make sure she eats
>An intense week-long study session/personal project turns into laying on the couch together, eating pizza and watching horsemovies




>The only stallions that you talk to are shopkeepers. Talked. None of local ones even bother smiling at you anymore. It's not like you react anyway.

>The only ponies that know when your birthday is are government officials. You don't tell anypony. If they don't know - they can't forget it.

>A fellow craftspony, another enchantress like you and your occasional competitor, went to some kind of drunken orgy in another town while in heat. Came back pregnant, and recently gave birth to a filly.
>She is a herdless mother. She doesn't even know who the father is. 
>She even invited you to move in together. What, share her misery?
>She is not supposed to look so bucking happy. This is what losers do. Losers should suffer.
>She is not supposed to.

>Shit shit shit your sweater tore
>It was your last sweater. You were putting off buying a new one for too long.
>You have the money, you are rolling in dosh, you earn a lot and spend bucking nothing!
>But you had just one bucking sweater!
>Saved yourself a lot of trouble here, not going to the seamstress!

>Come on Moonie, you're a magister of magic, you should be able to repair some dumb fabric!
>As you try to mend the torn threads, new tears open up here and there.
>You try harder, and the material disintegrates.

>You can't go outside without it. Everyone will see





>Diamond Dog attacks suddenly increase in severity 
>Instead of mugging or ponynapping lone ponies ,Equestrian guard posts are overrun with highly organized groups of highly armed and weirdly armored dogs
>Villages that were usually raided are now captured and extensively looted
>When confronted militarily, the dogs proved to be a force to be reckoned with
>the goatherd intel indicated that the clans of various breeds are now united under one banner
>they now have ranks and specialized occupations that even included mages which was strange since there was no recorded use of magic by a diamond dog
>But the most interesting thing is that each and every dog was a male
>With no sighting of the top bitches who led the clans, a credence have been given to rumor that the dog are being led by an overgrown dog who calls himself "Big boss"







>be morning in Equestria
>be so early in the morning that most ponies would call it yesterday
>be also Applejack, and be more comfortable then you have been in your entire life
>yesterday you found Anon in his bed, mumbling something incoherently
>being the good kind mare you are you went to check up on the poor colt when all of a sudden he grabbed you, seemingly still asleep.
>like some sort of weird horror story, his grip on you was like iron, you couldn't break it as he pulled you into his bed and under his covers
>so now here you are, trapped by a stallion of all things like a little filly, snuggled up to his chest as his little spoon.
>its sooo emaresculating....but it feels soooooo nice.
>you don't know what hes gonna do when he wakes up, you've prepared yourself for the worst
>until then though...you are just gonna enjoy the comfort.






>You and the adorable flying wizard alien horse sit across from each other. 
>You call her an "alicorn" because "winged unicorn" sounds dumb. As a personal name, you just call her Purple due to the color of her plush coat and the fact that you don’t yet know the words that make up her name.
>...Now that you think about it, technically YOU'RE the alien since this is their planet. 
>It makes sense that Purple, a local leader and scholar, would be so willing to take you in since you're a lost alien.
>Fuck Gemilk Fab and their shitty bargain cruisers. Only they could fuck up a slipdrive so hard that it rockets you to the space-boonies with no way back. 
>Anyway, you and Purple had just gotten done with a grooming ritual involving her tidying your hair with her mouth and giving you a partial tongue bath.
>In return, you had helped her straighten the feathers of her wings and brushed her mane and tail, much to her delight.
>At first, you had wondered what the significance was with the actions, but you were able to observe what looked like family units of females centered around a male and close friends of either sex performing the same actions. It also seemed that these equine creatures are much more touch tolerant than humans, easing your worry.
>Purple's gaggle of friends performed the same actions with each other, and tried to include you when they could.
>It warmed your heart that Purple and her troop trusted you so.
>Now if only you could get their goddamned language down, you would be set.
>The written script was actually simple and logical, but jesus the spoken word...
>They can talk, sing, whistle, mewl, purr, yelp, yip, chirp, coo, whine, neigh, whinny, and make other sounds.
>And it's in ALL their language.
>Meanwhile your host simply can't wrap her pretty little head around English.
>She can't make all the sounds needed to speak it, and the clusterfuck of grammar rules and odd spelling often leave her frustrated.
>Like now.
>You sigh and reach over the table to cup Purple's cheeks, surprising her and pulling her attention from the english primer you and her have been working on.
“Do you want take a rest? You have been focused on that paper for a long time,” you ask in english, trying to keep your speech as proper as you can.
>Her brows furrow. “****, I ***** a ***** ***** will not hurt,” she replies in her trilling and melodic language. 
>You only catch half of that, but understand that she accepted when she hops over the table and gladly settles in your lap. 
>The small equine fits just right as she presses herself to your form and murmurs words too low to hear.
>Purple’s face burns red when she boldly reaches up and places a kiss on the bottom of your chin and retreats just as quick.
>Once again, you get the odd feeling that you’re being groomed to become a mate... 
>Odd little creatures these are.





>You are Twilight, and you are embarrassed
>It turns out the alien who crash-landed near Ponyville is actually intelligent
>And a very nice stallion, too
>He even forgave you for locking him in a pen with a water dish and feeding him raw meat!
>"Anyone else would've done the same," He told you
>All it took was forgetting a pen and paper close to his cage, and he wrote out a message asking for some barbecue sauce to go with his meals
>You're just glad you didn't send any of your research on the 'strange alien animal' to Princess Celestia, or you'd never hear the end of it


>So maybe those 'savage howls' were actually panicked shouts as you dragged a frightened stallion back home
>And the constant 'grunts and growls' he made when you were near his cage was just him trying to communicate
>Thankfully, you realized the designs he drew in your notebook weren't random scribbles, but a system of writing
>Two hours of intense study later, you were back with a bottle of Applejack's homemade honey-and-garlic barbecue sauce
>... And the key to his cage, of course






>Princess Cadence has decided to take on her first student
>Anonymous may not be a pony, and he may be a bit socially awkward (just like a certain purple pony she used to foalsit)
>But deep down he is a veritable well of love just waiting to be set free
>He just needs a guiding hoof to help him adapt to this strange new land he has found himself in
>And in time, he will be able to manage herd dynamics and counsel others on their relationship problems just like his mentor
>And she'll be able to learn his secret recipe for the best peetzer in the world

>Cadence thinks Anon is a well of love
>In actuality his demeanor isn't him being afraid to love he's just legitimately a bitter guy
>or he has nothing but lustful thoughts on his mind about the ponies at all times, but holds them back because the cute innocence of the ponies makes him conflicted

>Anonymous has to send love reports to his new mentor Princess Cadence.
>If he fails to provide them she comes and investigates why he stopped.
>Usually eating all his snacks in the process.
>Most of the time he just pretends the lyrics to one of the songs on his phone are actually a deep insight on the nature of love that he has thought up
>They are not.
>They are just song lyrics that he has copied down.
>Anon is sometimes tasked with solving love problems by Cadence.
>Things that require the delicate touch of a stallion.
>Like showing the new dragon ambassador around town.
>Which he interprets as "Show her where the whorehouse is and tell the stallions there it's on the royal tab." due to it being a love problem.
>Cadence is pleased with his grasp of politics




> Celestia sends out a call for a Speaker for the Dead regarding Sombra
> Anon answers the call and begins his investigations
> Talking to the ponies that knew Sombra
> The princesses, Discord
> Searching for anything Sombra left behind in the crystal empire
> Ponders what drives a pony to hate, and the allure of power
> All the while, crystal mares are propositioning him
> "Hey, wanna see your dick through my body?"





>Bunny suit
>Be Anon in Equestria
>You were at halloween to celebrate zombie jesus.
>Naturally you dressed in a bunny suit.
>Everything was going swell until that last house on the block.
>You know, the creepy looking one on the corner where the principal of the local school lives.
>You rang the doorbell and were greeted by a horse.
"Trick or treat."
>"I think I'll treat myself, come inside."
>The horse tugged you inside by your crotch.
"Where's the candy though?"
>"If you want something sweet to lick I've got something even better."
>As she said that the door locked shut behind you by some unknown force.
>At about this point you understood two things.
>One: This horse was trying to sex you up.
>And two: She had no candy.
>Pappa didn't raise no fool, you're not getting molested by some pervert who doesn't have so much as a jelly bean.
"STRANGER DANGER!"
>You screamed as loud as you could and ran.
>The door was locked, so you ran through the house hoping to find some way to escape.
>Remember your training. Use the back door.
>You made a mad rush for the rear exit.
>And soon got cornered in a bathroom because you were unfamiliar with the layout of the house.
>The white winged horned horse closed the distance between you.
>"Don't be scared, I just want to have a little fun together."
"No, stay back!"
>rape






>It's the end of the season for rock farming, and the Pie sisters decide to have some fun
>They go to a shady little hole in the wall where they can get some cheap thrills
>The waiters are all colts dressed in slutty little bunny outfits, and you're allowed to touch as much as you want
>In fact, if they don't say thank you, you can tell their manager and they'll get in trouble
>Everything is shaping up to be a fun-filled, lecherous--
>Oh, fuck, Anon works here
>Limestone's crush
>And he's waiting their table
>She fails to convince Anon to go home and find another job
>After stewing in anger and alcohol, she decides to devote the rest of the evening to 'protecting' him
>It doesn't last long, as they're all thrown out after she hurled a champagne flute at a mare who fondled his balls





>You are anon and you are dealing with yet more show offs
>These vapid horse creatures, you refuse to call these things ponies, will not just fuck off
>Trying to have a nice meal with you herd
>And that's when you got an idea
>You give the hand signal to huddle up
"So, I never asked this and I'm sorry I'm going to, so which one of you is technically the ugliest one?"
>One of the ponies backs out of the conversation fast so you assume
"Ah, is if flur? she is a bit weird shaped for a pony"
>At this a number of the mares laugh
"NOT saying you are ugly to me, or weird, just differently shaped... wow this topic cannot be broached easily"

>Be flur de lis momentarily
>This is the first time in your life that someone said you were ugly
>Well, assumed you were ugly
>He really is unable to tell is he
>you shake your head
"Honey, I'm a literal super model... Haven't you seen me on magazines?
>He looks stunned
>"How it the fuck did I get a super model?"
>He realizes you asked a question and snaps out of his question
>"You ever do a pinup for O&O monthly, or the weekly hyperspace pamphlets?"
>You smile and shake your head
"No, and for the record, that's how you got me"

>You are anon again
>You feel a tugging at your sleeve
>Its moondancer
>Her adorable turtleneck
>The nerdy glasses
>The blush of embarrassment
>"That would probably be me"
>And the look of 'I just admitted a hard fact, fuck my life' 
>Well... good thing she is right next to you
>You put a hand under the table
>"...And we would be FAR more suitable to be yours then..."
>Everyone is cut off by a rather loud hiiiii from moondance
>Suddenly the pony who is the 'ugliest at the table goes from embarrassed, to sad, to embrace and a different color
"Well, go on, keep telling me why you are better"
>They look to each other and are about to continue and are about to speak
>Moondancer cant hold it in any more, lets out a throaty moan, and splotches on the floor
>The few creatures in your herd that didn't know what was going on, know damn well what just happened
>Moondancer has a look of embarrassment, and satisfaction
"AWE yea, new record, 7 seconds"
>2 and 2 have been added in the mares looking ot herd with you, and they came out with 5
>"You only lasted 7 seconds?"
>You reply excitedly, not noticing moony shrink back a bit
"I know right, you have any idea how fun it is to fuck her stupid?"
>You reach down and start fingering both holes, much to moonies reluctance
>This time all the ponies around you know what's going on
>"How could a mare last shorter then her stallion, that's pathetic"
"Who cares?"
>Everyone around just looks at you, probably a ton of fast cumming mares are hinged on your words
"Its not like you become un fuckable when you cum, unlike a normal stallion who may not get it up again that day"
>About to say something they are interrupted by number 2 from moony. 
>And her head is down on the table, tongue loling out
"Look at that face, that satisfied look..."
>All eyes are on moony, who is riding it out sucking your finger with surprising force with both her her marehood and anus. 
"Welp, it was a wonderful lunch. flur dear, can you stay back and pay, moonies in no real condition to walk so I'm taking her home. when you get back we can start working off all the food we ate the best way we know how."
>She smiles and nods her head
>You pick up a very messy moondancer, and for the first time show the mares what you were doing as your hand is still 3 fingers in one hole with your thumb on the slightly to large button. 
>A little motion of the thumb gets winking and sucking action going, 
>You walk out, enterage ent tail, ready for a very fun afternoon.

>Be show off pony
>This is the moment
>Right here
>That you know celestia died and a changeling took over her place. 
>Yes for this to happen, celestia is dead.







>Anon and Twilight are talking about interdimensional shit
>It occurs to them that most dimensions seem to share common counterparts
>They use the map to find Anon's pony counterpart and track him down to sate their curiosity
>Anonpone turns out to be the softest, most coltish, most fuccboiest stallion that ever lived
>Anon is violently disappointed
>He decides to mold Anonpone into a rough and tumble, pussy-grabbing man's man in hopes of redeeming his ancestral lineage
>Dadanon didn't raise no faggot
>Even if Dadanon is a theoretically a horse in this scenario
>Anonpone agrees
>...Only because he thinks Anon's cute, and he thinks he has a shot with him





>"Please, Anon, could you do this little thing for me?"
"No! I'm sorry, babe, but it's not happening. I'm not doing it."
>"Oh, come on! Why not?"
"Because I don't want to."
>"Why?"
"Because... Because it's fucking gay, alright?"
>"What are you talking about? There's nothing gay about it at all, it's a perfectly normal thing for a stallion to do. And I just know you'd look great!"
"Yeah, well, it'd be gay back where I come from."
>"And where are we now?"
"...In Equestria."
>"Exactly! Look, Anon, I won't ask you to do this everyday. Just today, since it's my birthday? 
"I don't know..."
>"Pleeease?"
"...Fine."
>"Yes!"
"But you'll have to do something for me later, okay?"
>"Sure, that's fair.I'll go get the makeup."






>Anon has an all unicorn herd
>Hornjob during every rut
>Sucking at least 4 horns nightly
>Swallows like a fucking champ
>Magic builds up over time
>Becomes a wizard
>Gets robe and hat
>Making spells left and right
>Makes a spell that lets him hopefully impregnate his mares
>Works, duh
>Named his first daughter after the Equestrian sun, Celestia
>His second after Earth's moon, Luna
>His third after her grandmare, Crystal
>And his only son after his best bro, Tirek
>Gets lost in time experimenting with chronomancy
>Each of his kids react badly
>Celestia pours herself into her work to the point that she ignores her family to the point of abandonment
>Luna allows grief and misery to consume her to the point that it was easy to be possessed 
>Crystal begins to steal the love of others to fill the hole her father's disappearance left
>Tirek sucks magic with abandon in hopes that once he has enough he can find his papa, not realizing that using the shortcut of dark magic makes him forget his motivation and alters his appearance.
>Anon shows up in current day Equestria
>He has a lot of stern talking to's to hand out.
>Right after tearful hugs
>And mourned wives







>Anon and Twilight get frisky
>He ends up trying to suck her horn
>She's surprised, but she's absolutely loving it
>Her horn has a wonderful, sweet flavor, so he's loving it too
>After a while, the flavor fades, and he pulls off her
>She's lost all of her color, and she can't do any magic
>His stomach is glowing with a soft lavender light from swallowing like a gentlecolt
>Twilight heads to her library to find out what's going on and figure out how to undo it
>While he waits, Rarity stops by to see Twilight
>Anon can't help himself
>Soon, Rarity is panting in post-horngasmic bliss as her magic mixes with Twilight's in Anon's gut
>Anon's addicted to the sweet, salty taste of magijaculate
>A depowered Twilight and Rarity have to hunt Anon down before he drains all the unicorns in Ponyville
>Like the thirsty little slut he is
>Also, he'll probably explode or something, but whatever





>Rarity want's Anon to dress up and get his makeup game on

>Anon decides to go full Goth
>Black lipstick, eyeliner, eye shadow, fingernail polish, whatever the fuck it is that makes you look even paler than usual, big fuckoff boots, top hat, fishnet sleeves, leather duster, black 3-piece suit, complete with umbrella to ward off the daystar.

>Rarity starts worrying about whether Anon has suddenly decided to try to court Princess Luna





>Anon is an engineer of some talent from earth
>Makes a scant living creating bits and bobs that use electricity and other 'otherwordly' marvels for pones to enjoy
>Anon frequently talks about feats of engineering from his world, but pones off the street are skeptical of his knowledge because they haven't seen it before and otherworldly and colts and 'muh sexism'
>Innocently but ruefully lets slip one day about arguably humanity's most powerful feat of engineering known to his history, and its most terrible; bombs, devices that have the power to destroy countries and grant the wielders unreasonable amounts of power, especially should others not have the same power at their disposal
>More importantly, he lets slip that science isn't nearly as picky about who has the power as magic is, and that anyone could create them as long as they knew how
>And, when questioned, admits that even HE could do it, given some time and the proper supplies, even if he would never do so willingly
>News travels fast, both to Celestia and less kind ears
>Possible ponewiafus and Celestia are pulled into a subtle conflict in which they must protect 'The Pure Alien Pre-Husbando Who Knew Too Much' from the forces of darkness (and those who simply can't use magic) in their shadowy desire to forcibly change the balance of power in the world in their favor
>They know that if Anon is successfully captured or isolated at any time then those responsible would no doubt be less than squeamish about forcing the information out of him 
>By any means necessary
>But probably >rape 
>That's not even considering the heavy burden it would place on his kind and loving head should he be forced to become the alien progenitor of a super weapon that would threaten untold lives in the wrong hooves
>Operation 'Protect his smile and in doing so also probably save the world' is a go
>Romance!
>RGRE!
>Overly complicated plot!
>Suspense!
>Action!





>Anon and Twilight both grew up as nerds
>Blahblah Anon ends up in RGRE
>Anon and Twilight fall for each other
>Get married
>Fuck (a lot)
>Have two kids
>Now there's a split between them and their parenting style
>Twilight accepts her past and tries to groom her children in her own image, having them stay inside and read books while being picky with their friends
>Anon rejects his past and forces his kids outside in hopes of making his kids into Chad and Stacey
>Twilight is understandably peeved
>They argue
>Fight (a lot)
>Anon employs his new gender role powers by telling her she'll get the couch if she doesn't go his way
>Tried as she might to be a strong parent, Twilight couldn't win against the cock
>Nobody can beat the cock.
>Not the cock.
>Can't beat the cock, man.
>Nope.



>Anon has a colt and a filly.
>He's awfully proud of them.
>When son comes in with a black eye crying while his daughter comes in right after scuffed up looking.
>Anon feels oddly mixed about it but he's more focused on making sure his kids are fine.
>Next time it's his daughter coming in with tears in her eyes, but then not long after his son comes back with the other colts that had been picking fun on his sister's looks who apologize while shooting his son scared looks.
>Anon can't be prouder, why because his kids are looking out for each other and he couldn't be prouder.
>Now if his son winds up sucking dick instead of clit he might get peeved at Twilight.
>Fucking reverse gender role bullshit...








>Anon learns about all the bullshit that happened recently.
>After the talking to's and the punishments handed out. He decided to hold a grand family dinner.
>Anon is happy to have a large family.
>Celestia, Luna ,Chrysalis, Cadence, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, Spike,Blueblood and Tirek in one table.
>They immediately snipe at each other. Anon perseveres and tries to make it work.
>It escalates into a shouting match and NMM is coaxed out because of the magical energy and the negative emotions.She joins the fray with her horn charged with magic.
>Anon gets fed up, gets his slipper and slap NMM so hard she separates from Luna and forms a new body of her own.
>"Y-YOU DAR-"
>"Sit down and eat or Im going to slap you so hard you'll turn in to the 7th element of harmony."
>"Y-Yes Daddy."
>"Well It seems I have a new darling daughter. We'll discuss how you'll fit in and your punishment for turning Luna against your big sister."
>"I-I understand Daddy."
>"Please pass the Salt. Hon"
>Something something RGRE.

>Tirek and Discord were both Anon's sons
>They'd always gotten along
>Discord could understand Celly and Lulu turning on him, he antagonized them, they antagonized back, and so it went
>Brothers and sisters are just natural enemies like that

>But Tirek?
>His one and only Bro?
>That was a betrayal that really stung


>All of Anon's direct offspring and descendants fear the wrath of The Slipper
>It is a weapon surpassing the Elements of Harmony in its power
>Even those who have never been on The Slipper's business end instinctually fear it's sting
>Chrysalis tries to conquer Equestria again?
>Anon uses The Slipper, and she turns into pic related
>Tirek tries to steal everyone's magic again?
>Anon uses The Slipper, and Tirek gets the dark magic literally smacked out of him 
>Even people who aren't related to Anon get The Slipper
>Starlight learns right away why messing with time is a bad idea
>Because Anon will be there, and he will use The Slipper on the offender while giving them a lecture about not fucking with the timeline

>"Starlight don't do this!"
>"Why wouldn't I, Twilight? I will travel back in time and break your friendships apart before they begin!"
>"...If you do that, you'll create another timeline and destroy Equestria!"
"You figured that out yourself? You truly are Celestia's darling student."
>"Starlight, if you make another timelines, you also cause another Slipper to come into existence."
>"... I... ...maybe this can be resolved another way? Preferably without the existence of Probable Slippers?"
*WE WUZ FRIENDS N' SHEIIT*


>The Crystal Empire and Equestria are going to have a final clash with Chrysalis' hordes.
>Before the first lines crash into each other.
>NMM's magic signiture could be seen and felt. A dark rift opens.
>They expected NMM to come through and join the festivities, Seeking to feed from the dark emotions in the battleground.
>Anon steps from the portal wearing his bathrobe with a very sleepy and grumpy look on his face.
>"See Daddy, They're going to war. Oh no since the changelings are Crystal's children, that makes them your GRANDCHILDREN. Looks like you're going to need TWO slippers for this."
>Each armies immediately sends envoys waving a white flag into the middle of the clearing.
>"G-good Morning Grandfather Anonymous. Queen Chrysalis would like to declare the start of the peacetalks and signing of the treaty."
>"Y-Yes the Changeling Envoy is right. Th-this is just a ceremonial showing of..uh. strength. I mean laying down of Arms. Like P-princess Celestia Instructed. 
>"Tell dear Chryssi and Celly this. You have until lunch to settle this. No Cakes for 2 weeks, No servants/drones to do chores for a month and they are to report to Princess Sparkle in Ponyville for friendship Lessons."
>Anonymous shambles towards the dark rift while NMM flashes the armies with a massive finger in the sky











>Anon has not found his groove in Equestria
>months after winding up in a new world with no way home, his attempts to integrate and make his way keep running up against the horsey notions of what a stallion is and isn't capable of
>with no applicable skill set to the level of technology they have, his immediate option would be manual labor, which most mares are reluctant to if not outright refuse to let him do
>scraping by week to week, the ponies keep telling him he should try to get a job in a kitchen
>one problem: his ability to cook begins and ends with a mighty struggle to not become bored when something is on the stove and forget it long enough that it burns
>kicking his can down the road one afternoon, he watches some unicorns assembling a building with magic
>and then the epiphany
>magic is complete bullshit
>therefore, bullshit must be magic
>and he knows just how to apply it to the culinary trade
>calling upon a childhood filled with Dahl, he musters the spirit of Willy Wonka and slaps together some nonsense in a crockpot that was three parts sugar, two parts random rubbish, and six parts puns that made only half-sense
>lo and behold, he concocts the most insane but amazing candies seen in generations

>Bon Bon has been in a rut, romance-wise
>she's fairly picky, wanting to hold out for a stallion that has as much passion for the confectionary arts as she does
>the pickings are pretty slim out in Ponyville though, with them either being married already like Mr. Cake or a bit light in the fetlocks like Caramel
>soon word spreads of the wonderdiffilus candies being produced by the town's resident charity case
>ever the critic of others in the craft, she tries a gummy everlasting ponut
>itsfullofstars.apng
>she was going to get that human to love her, oh yes she was.

>meanwhile, a certain pink pony is going increasingly crazy, unable to determine the composition of these incredible human treats even with the the help of the Sense
>*slugworth intensifies*





>Slutty Anon lays it on thick
>Like thicker than Twilight's flank thick
>He flirts with any mare he sees and does everything he can to rile them up
>When it comes down to it he wont sleep with them though
>He teases them with the idea and then yanks it away
>He doesn't do it because he is cruel
>He does it because he is into that sweet sweet >rape





>Anon is a stuntman
>He is fully prepared to be on fire walk, and fall, remain on fire for a few moments, and be put out. 
>Once lit, He barely sees anything due to a blinding light, but knows the path he has to go and follows it

>Be celestia
>Be the most tedious day of the year
>Bucking grand galloping galla
>You look to your left
>You can see the cake right bucking there, and NO ONE is eating it
>It could ALL be yours, but NO
>Bucking meet and greets 
>to your right a blinding light
>Seconds later, some ponies are rushing in screaming, 
>An orange glow
>Something is on fire and walking in, leaving a trail of fiery hoof steps behind it. 
>Is it ok? 
>You panic a bit and magic up water just as it falls
>You hope its ok

>3
>2
>1
>Ok now the fire crew should be rushing tward you to put you out
>And on cue, you feel something hit you
>Not on cue its heavy and you could swear its a massive amount of water
>The fuck?
>You look up and are able to see, no on fire
>You stand up and check everywhere
>Still no fire
>Sigh of relief, you look around
>Hundreds of mini and 2 normal horses are looking at you
>all pastel

>Be celeistia
>Ok, now you get to do something and not sit here greeting ponies
>"God dammit I fucking died didn't I"
>Well, 'do you speak equestrian' is off the list of questions, 
>Easily the best GGG in years. 






>You are Rainbow Dash, and you are browsing a big dumb fancy Canterlot jewelry store.
>You and your coltfriend, Anon, have gotten pretty serious.
>You've found yourself working hard so that you can get home to him as fast as possible.
>You actually enjoy waking up before noon on your days off since it leads to an hour or two of lazing around in bed, cuddling with Anon.
>You've even caught yourself watching Mrs. and Mr. Cake playing with their foals one day and were surprised at that pang of longing you felt in your chest.
>He just makes you so happy.
>You think it's time to pop the question to Anon.
>You wish that you had thought to ask Twilight what she had found out about human courting rituals, because you have no idea what kind of expensive piece of crap to give to Anon.
>You've looked at pendants; necklaces; horn-rings; bracelets...
>Dammit, and you'd learned to take a deep breath and think things through, too!
>You'd gotten into a big fight with Anon because of some stupid thing you did, all because you made a split-second decision and bucked up in a way that could have been avoided if you had just sat down and thought about it.
>"Miss?"
>A nice salescolt waves you over.
>"Maybe I can be of assistance. Is your mate an earth pony, a pegasus, or a unicorn?"
>UHHHH
>.....maybe you can just present Anon with a primary feather.
>Bastards love primary feathers




>Before coming to equestria Anon had been seeing vocal coach for most of his young life
>Before he could start putting his talents to work he was popped into equestria, stopping any career in music he might have had short
>A few years pass, he makes friends, gets a simple job
>Bit of recluse on account of how different he is culturally and physically from literally any neighbor he could have on the planet
>Friends understand but still worry
>The gentle and caring husbando thing is really popular, but he's never going to get a wife if he doesn't apply himself 
>The topic of cutie marks and special talents comes up among his friends
>They ask him if he ever felt like a pony does about a singular passion in their life, if he ever felt like he had a special talent
>Anon mentions his budding singing career way back when
>Friends encourage him
>Anon declines out of worry, both from how he might be judged in the limelight and how long it's been since he last seriously sang
>They push a little more
>He admits that he still practices a little in his spare time when he's all alone
>Friendpones are all set, but Anon still isn't very sure
>Big party coming up, friends encourage Anon to perform
>He's not sure, but they're VERY sure
>He decides to do it, if only to acknowledge their trust in him
>Big day comes
>Friendpones set the stage for Anon, impressing upon the fact that this was his first real performance 
>Anon comes out on stage, stiff as a board, does little more than name the song before the music starts through the speakers
>Audience finds his vulnerability cute and endearing, they drop their guard and ready themselves to offer 'you tried' kudos at the very least
>Big mistake
>Music is soulful with just a bit of energy
>Anxious wallflower sings a saucy-smooth romance song in perfect tune to the music, the themes of loyalty, love, and vague allusions to sex common to the genre cropping up frequently
>Audience is stunned, and Anon starts to get into things a little more
>Dat chocolate voice
>Dat shoulder jive
>Dat hip rock
>Dat shoulder jive
>Anon has drawn the entirety of party to his location
>Mares take the risk of their foals asking dangerous questions later on about certain cryptic lyrics in an effort to stay and listen
>The song ends, Anon loses his nerve from the silence
>Thanks them for listening in his usual reserved, quiet voice
>As the human is swarmed with instant fans and would-be talent scouts, mostly maresfriendpones are now consumed with worry over what they've just unleashed on their quiet male friend
>Music scene is already imploding with the entrance of a massive talent and what is essentially a new genre of music to equestria
>Colts and teen stallions everywhere listen to the song(s) on repeat 
>Most fillies do too, but they aren't as publicly enthusiastic about it
>Older Stallions worried over the messages the song conveys, 'think of the children' and etc
>Full grown mares with jobs and firm community reputations all over the continent have that 'special' record that they keep away from the mister and the kids and play when they aren't around
>Sometimes they work up the courage to play it for their significant others
>But only when the kids are out
>It's common to hear Anon's music muffled behind closed doors and drawn curtains
>In such occasions the owners never respond to knocking






>Mares like stallions with a little extra padding on them. More mass to pad the ass, etc.
>Anon tries to lose weight, but is thwarted at every turn by mares wanting him to stay thicc.
>Namely, sneaking him pastries when he's trying to stay vigilant against carbs, giving him bad weight loss tips, etc.
>/fit/ mares try to make him a trophy horsebando





>Anon has spent far too long in RGRE poneland.
>He now accepts that he is no longer the macho man he used to be, but the cute exotic husbando who isn't noticed by [Insert Pone], leaving him heartbroken.
>Drawing from half forgotten memories, he starts to act like a specific character archetype from his Korean cartoons.
>A shiny knife is all Anon needs.
> [Insert Pone] Never saw it coming






>Aaah, the beach
>The sun, the surf, the warm sand
>It's a 'saddle-less' beach, so... maybe you'll even go buckwild and remove your shirt so you can finally get a tan and stop blinding pones with your pastiness
>And, even though your friends wanted to setup camp with you and hang out and rub some cream on your back
>The threat of wandering hooves and innuendo is too much
>especially when you get enough of that at home
>So, you bid them aeiou and moonwalked to a nice, cozy, empty spot
>Or. It was.
>>29713052 #
>"Ooooh! Oh! H-hi!"
>Sighing softly you sit up from your towel, your sunglasses falling slightly down the bridge of your nose
"...yes?"
>"U-um. A-are you... uh-"
>You wait, a neutral expression on your face
>This is the first time you've seen a native seapony, afterall, so...who knows what she'll sa-
>"A-are you th-thrasing around in panic? C-cause I wanna eat you. WAIT-"
>The seapony stamps her hooves in the sand
>You raise your eyebrow
>"I mean, you look deliciou-Nnn~" She looks up at you, scrunching furiously
>Neutral expression, Anon
>"I. Swim. Saw you on beach."
>Oh we've gone full caveman here
>"I like you. Do you wanna swim together? I promise I won't drag you under - I haven't done that to anypony in days!"
>She looks at you with super hopeful and super earnest eyes
>Yeah... that's the look of a pony who is totally serious about that achievement
>You purse your lips
>"...I know where some pretty conch shells are!"
>Damn these cute horses
>You pat the sand next to you, and she tilts her head
"I'm resting right now, but... you're welcome to join me."
>Doing a tiny happy dance she trots over to you, circling the spot you indicated and sitting down with a heavy *thwump*
>Her solid-muscle tail slamming into your hips
>You wheeze softly and she smiles
>But... you can tell an accident when you see one
>So, smiling in return, you lay back down and close your eyes
>The sound of the surf fills your mind
>. . .
>"So whatcha thinkin' bout?"
>Damnit







>Only virgins and princesses can see humans
>Princesses are virgins by default
>No matter how much sex they have they are still virgins
>Because magic
>It's probably because virginiation can't figure out how to work with a race that is like three or more other ones at once
>This means discord is also a virgin by default too
>The purest incarnation of stallionly whimsy.
>Of course he's a pure as snow virgin.
>Even if he gets fussy if you say that







Anon and Harshwhinny work in the same office.
Harshwhinny acts like a bitch when around Anon.
One day, Anon overhears a conversation.
>"The office is a mare's place, Neat File. Stallions won't be able to take the stress."
"Oh she wants to play? Two can play this game.
Start one upping each other.
Competition for company projects become vicious.
He works to the bone to prove himself.

It's been two years now.
He's a valued head of department, just like Harshwhinny.
That does nothing for him.
He works to see the look on her face when she loses to him.
Every contract given to him is another victory.
Every contract lost to her only spurs him to work harder.
Lost a contract to her today.
It's 9 already
Preparing to go back.
Harshwhinny is still there.
Looks like she's working over that contract.
She has serious bags under her eyes.
When was the last time she actually had a decent night of sleep?
Has she been eating well?
Has she been eating anything at all?
You yawn.
None of your business anyway
At least you can go to bed earlier, so suck on that harshbutt.
Walk down the street, preparing to hail a cab.
See the café down the street.
It must be hard working this late.
Some coffee really helps with the sleepiness.
Plus their bagels are really good too.
And being tired and hungry really fucks with your cognitive processes.
If Harshwhinny fucks up, the project fails.
If the project fails, the company loses trust.
If the company loses trust, they loses contracts.
Losing contracts means the company will go bankrupt.
That's why he's bringing this bag if coffee and bagels up.
Because he needs this job.
He's doing this to keep his job
Walks over to Harshwhinny's desk, it's empty.
Must be using the toilet or something.
Leave the bag behind.

A few days later,
Working on the sports event contract.
>"Add ramps bro"
>"Brofist!!"
>"Nohomo, bro"
Fucking jocks.
Leaves to get a glass of water, cool off while he's at it.
Comes back, sees a cup of coffee left on the table.
Who could it be?




Anon goes to the band practice room to play his guitar for free time. The main 6/7 arrive a few minutes after and start watching him. They criticize him thinking men can't play anything but lovey acoustic songs. Then they hear him playing power chords






>Anonpone has never been a human.
>She's just a humie (Adult fan of a certain cartoon about humans written for young colts).
>Anonpone writes stories on /mlh/ and is autistic.
>Anon in Humania thread, where an anonymous pony somehow in human land is the focus.
>>Bill Clinton fucks up a saxaphone rehersal and summons Ponon into Humania.
>>Ponon is taken to meet President Trump.
>>Goes on an adventure with Bill and his friends to stop the evil Premier Putin.
>Anonpone gets too into self-inserting when reading her redtext stories.
>Her autism levels get too high and the madness takes her.
>Maybe buys a crossbow and does a Shin.
>Maybe only turns against her childhood friends Brad Lee and Stacy Lacey.
>Tragedy end.


>Anonpone and friends must travel to the Canadian Empire in the frozen north to defeat the evil King Trudeau, and place Maxime Bernier on his rightful throne

>Hillary Clinton rises from her tomb, kidnaps Anonpone's husbando, and flees into the wastes of California

>Anonpone's stories of great tabletop battles are mistaken for actual military experience. When the wicked Queen Merkel invades the United Queendom, Anonpone is given command of a battalion on the front lines.

>Anonpone is caught in a romantic triangle between Bill Clinton, General Mattis, and President Trump, and she must teach them the wonders of herding (and colt-on-colt action... unf)

>Earth has reversed gender roles due to a massive gender imbalance
>Anonpone resolves to fix this by bearing as many children as possible
>They're all females and all extremely marely like herself
>Soon, human stallions are consigned to the kitchen while mares take charge

>President Trump sends Anonpone to meet Elon Musky, and teach him the magic of friendship
>He's a cute, nerdy stallion with a love of big phallic rockets and a slight hygiene problem
>She helps him make friends while simultaneously working on a reusable Mars rover
>They fall in love and have like 15 foals i dunno

>Anonpone is kidnapped by King Trudeau and his Liberal army
>Liberals are a terrifying, insectoid race capable of changing shape and blending in with any crowd, bent on stealing the love and prosperity of average Canadians
>She gives him the V and tempers his fury, turning him into the perfect submissive husbando

>Anonpone has mare friends, but it's so weird hanging out with them
>All they talk about is clothes, makeup, their shitty husbands who won't let them dip into the rent to buy a new pair of shoes
>One day, she calls them out on their bullshit like the marely mare she is, and all the human stallions clap, knowing that at least one female is on their side







>Milfanon in RGRE
>Ara ara and Ufufufu's~ around
>No one can stand against the oppressive might of her Ara's and Ufu's~ 
>Even Button Mash' nuclear hot mom succumbed .
>Such is her might that even Princess Celestia and the Griffon King called her mom in the middle of border negotiations.
>Something something RGRE






>Anon just got the hang of pony body language, and feels confident enough to go on a couple practice dates just as a feeler
>What started as a blind date with a professional judge turned into something more
>And no, he still can't figure out ponies' age unless they're actually a foal or Granny Smith
>Hey, the fur hides the wrinkles, and magic botox is very effective!


>Mrs. Harshwhinny is actually younger than he mane 6
>Her parents made it very clear that she had to succeed in life (Equestrian version of the typical "go to college, get a degree, or you'll work 3 jobs at walmart and mcdonalds and you'll be absolutely miserable for the rest of your god-forsaken life" speech), so she dresses up and tries to act as "professional" as possible
>Figures that looking older and experienced will make her more respected and successful
>Is desperately afraid of failure





> /mlh/ redtext
> Oblivious Eponymous drinks the significantly advanced magic hemlock
> Wakes up in Moscow
> For some reason all the human males get a little vanilla ice cream on the crotch of their pants when she trots by
> Epon asks some passing guards for directions to Putin's office
> They are very helpful, if a bit in a hurry
> They keep on swatting her flank to get her to go faster
> When they get to Putin, he tells the guards to leave them
> He walks around his desk with a sway in his hips
> "Epon, my last horse died a long time ago, leaving a hole I thought could never be filled. But with you, perhaps you can fill that hole for me, and I..."
> He walks behind her and lifts her tail
> "I can fill this hole for you."
> Monogamous good end





>Anon is carrying a hogtied Princess Celestia through a crystal maze.
>"Anon, I know we agreed to pay you a pretty sum if you managed to draw out and capture Sombra but is this really necessary?" 
Yes Princess Celestia. Now, now I know it's strange. But If my hunch is correct this lost art will guarantee that shitter's capture.
>Anon lifts her butt up and gets the egg vibrator.
>"A-Anon what's that!"
>An hour of sexy princess moaning and sexual stimulation later. Sombra can be seen shambling towards the Princess and Anon, A dazed look in his eyes and an erection.
See Princess. Im a fucking genius. Now let's find- Ah there.
>Anon gets a decently sized rock and bashes Sombra on the head. Repeats it 3 times after Sombra got knocked out for good measure.
>Celestia just lies and stares there in a post orgasamic haze. 
>Anon signals the containment team on their location. 
[QUEST CLEARED​]



>It's Anon's birthday
>Being an alien from a different world/universe (and the only one of his kind to boot), Anon is a mild celebrity in Ponyville
>Pinkie throws him a party that brings in dozens of ponies, if they are available
>Some of his presents include recipes, useful knick knacks and gadgets, and the occasional coupon given by a business-owning party-goer
>Nearly half of the presents are sexy underwear designed to emphasize and show off one's package



>Ponies constantly harrass Anon for being fully clothed
>It's lewd and shit
>Teat twist - Anon ain't no fat fuck and has GOOD PHYSIQUE
>A lone pony once sneaks up on him while he is naked and sees everything
>she sees it all
>a rumour starts that Anon is'nt actually lewd.
>his chiseled body simply MUST be hidden, or mares can't contain themselves



>Anon wakes up in the middle of the night
>There's a pony on his chest
>She broke into his house and is rubbing herself all over Anon
>It's a mix between lewds and cuddles
>"Scratch my back harder, Anon!"
>"Rub my eeaarrsss~"
>"B-boop my snootle, Anon, please! Do it, you snuggle-slut!"
>Cuddles up against him when he's done
>"A-And if you tell anypony what I did, I'll rub your face against my chest tuft!"




>Bon Bon tries to keep up the act of not liking Anon despite their frequent encounters

>"Oh, no! Anon, don't join me for a nice candlelit dinner! Oh gosh, I just don't know if I could handle it if you let me gaze into your eyes. Please, don't wear this necklace that has my cutie mark on it, that would just be the worst~"

>"Don't move in with me, Anon! You monster, I just hope you don't think to sleep in the same bed with me each night and hold me tight. Please, the last thing I want is to wake up and lose myself in those sleepy eyes of yours..."






> “Um… Anon?”
> Glancing over the rim of your book, you see Twilight fidgeting in place, looking nervously at the ground.
> “I-um, I have a question, and since you’re a stal- a good friend!” she corrects, “I’d really like your input on this.”
“Sure thing, Twilight. What’s up?”, you ask, sitting up from the hammock, and giving her your undivided attention.
> “Well, it’s um… about... It’s about…“ She begins, but quickly stops again, drawing circles in the ground with her left hoof.
> Her feathers on her wings ruffle in what could only be described as anxiety.
“What is it, Twi?”, you prod again, getting a bit nervous yourself at the prospect of what kind of question has the newest princess fumbling in place.
> Twilight draws in a deep breath, visibly steadying herself. She looks you in the eye.
> “Anon, ever since my ascendance, I’ve been wondering this question. I can’t find any mentions of it in any books, or scrolls. I’ve sent letters to Princess Celestia about this as well, but she hasn’t answered yet.”
> “I’m at the e-ends of my wits, Anonymous.”, She stammers.
> Now downright fearful of an unseen side effect of her new powers, you quickly kneel down in front of her, placing both your hands on her shoulders and look at her.
“Twilight, I want you to be clear with me here, what’s going on?”, you ask.
> “Anon… Anon, are my teats too big?”, she finishes, lips quivering
> You open your mouth to answer, but before you can, Twilight rambles on.
> “Don’t stallions, um, guys, hate big teats?” She plops her butt on the ground, tears running down her face.
> “Sure, I expected some growths, my horn and height mainly, but nothing like this!” she rants.
“Twilight,”, you sigh, “Let me have a look at them”, you say, placing your hands beneath her front hooves, lifting her up.
> She whinnies, and squirms, but you hold steady.
> Now, you had been in Equstria for some time now, and you had seen your fair share of horse-bits, but nothing like this.
> Big, bountiful, perfectly shaped forms hanged from above her crotch. A soft dark-purple teat adorning each like a testament to the sheer excellence that was those knockers.
> Carefully, you prod one, feeling the gently give of this manifestation of matriarchal evolution.
> Despite their size, no imperfections were to be seen. No imbalances, twists or other physical defects smeared these godly globes. 
> Momma-Non, your son is coming home.
“Twilight…”
> “I knooooow, they’re hideous. I-I’ll go into exile. An abomination like me is not fit to rule,” she sobs.
“Twilight…”
> “I’ll rescind immediately, Princess C-Celestia would understand, I’m su-...”
“Twilight, I would motorboat those puppies across the pacific and back again a happy man.”
> “H-Huh?”
And that’s how Twilight learned that Anon was a Titty-man.




>Anon meets a mare from another pony country (either by going there himself or by having the mare visit Ponyville)
>Mare speaks Prench/Itailian/Germane/whatever
>Mare is smitten with Anon and, in a gesture of both romance and practicality, makes it her mission to learn Equish so that she may try and woo him
>something something RGRE



>Anon is a character from a fanfiction
>Literally
>A standard magical catastrophe occurs, causing a character from Twilight's terrible fanfics to come to life
>He's so confused when opportunity and friendship don't fall into his lap like they did back home
>And the female attention he's been getting is much less innocent and fun than what he's used to

>"Hey Twilight, what's up with this world? Why are ponies so cold?"
"What do you mean?"
>"Well, it's like, back home, friends came so easily. I met Incognito at work, we were best friends in like a week. My buddy Nameless, we struck up a conversation on a train and were friends ever since."
>"But when I try talking to the mares and colts at work, they never seem to respond the same way. And when I help somepony with directions, or help them carry something heavy, it's like we don't bond at all! Do you know what's going on around here?"






>Be anon sitting at your computer
>You are enjoying your rpg
>Character you made yourself
>You chose the stats
>You chose the weapons
>None of this 'your class cant use this item' shit
>You wanted to make a wizard who used a sword as a wand
>Who's catch phrase was 'what are you a faggot' when he saw other wizards in robes while he was clad in plate armor decorated in bones of his greatest kills
>You spend the last 5 hours power gaming the system
>Maxing stats, then drinking potions that pushed you well beyond the max
>You are going to drink a 5 second lasting potion the moment you are 1 handing your two handed sword at an enemy that will boost all stats to an asinine degree
>Your computer, try as she will, is shitting the bed with all the stats you are tossing at it. 
>You swing your sword
>You finish the potion,
>Just as you hit the enemy, the screen goes black
>There is a loud crack
>It takes all of 2 seconds for you to realize what happened
>She done gave up the ghost
"YOU USELESS FUCKING CUNT, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU MATH RIGHT"
>You were so busy unplugging The Dream that you never noticed the blue ball erupt from it. 


>Be twilight sparkle
>You have been awake for the last 3 days trying to figure out this equation
>It should pull in the single great source of knowledge in the universe or at least open up a portal to it.
>You Think you have it right
>No time like the present, you begin casting it, and nothing
>Buck, there goes that theory
>You turn around to look at your work
>You notice a blue light 
>For the briefest moment you get excited
>"YOU USELESS FUCKING CUNT, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU MATH RIGHT"
>Upon hearing that you stumble, smash your horn on the way down, and are out cold







>Plot twist
>Erf is just future Equestria
>Anonpone is driving along the beach on her automocart.
>Comes across something unexpected and stops.
>"Oh my Celestia."
>"I'm back."
>"I'm home."
>Anonpone steps out of her buggy onto the moist beach sand to get a clearer view.
>She has to be sure of what she's looking at.
>She walks closer.
>"All that time it was..."
>It's what it looked like. It's not an illusion.
>"You maniacs! You blew it up!"
>It's the ruins of Princess Twilight's Seaside Summer Fun Beachside Castle Playset, which has clearly been abandoned for many years.
>It's unmistakeable. The towering skeleton of the statue of Twilight is holding aloft what's left of its lighthouse scepter.
>"Celestia damn you!"
>Anonpone collapses to the ground in anguish.
>She knows now that her whole world is gone.
>She can never go back.
>Trapped forever in this backwards world of talking monkeys. A mockery of everything she knew.
>"Celestia damn you to Tartarus!"






>You are anon
>You are in the party of twilight and friends
>You were suppose to have some fun in old ruins
>Turns out the person who pissed in everyone's cornflakes is there. 
>First time seeing her, not nearly as scary as you have been lead to believe
>"Your reign of terror will end now chrysalis"
>You are a bit new to this world, not being able to see the super villain showdowns...
>This should be good
>However all this is put on hold the moment that chrysalis hisses and sticks her tough out to do so. 
"WHOH whoh whoh whoh whoh whoh whoh, hold the up.
>Everyone kind of stops and looks at you. 
"Can you stick your tongue out like that again?"
>Everyone seems confused, but everyone is shocked enough to humor you
>The bug butt probably more so that you are male and don't have fear.
>Her tongue comes out
>Its slimey, you see strands of thick saliva string form one section to another
"Wow, ok... One more thing. How prehensile is it? how much control do you have?"
>Like clockwork she goes about showing you her dexterity buy spelling out her name, by making it longer and thinner
"You are able to change size and shape of it along with control?"
>Its seems like she is having fun putting on a show, with her wavy tongue now cycling shape, size along with showing off control at once. 
"How in the actual fuck are you love starved?"
>She is taken aback by the question not quite knowing 
>"But anon she is a monster"
>You just look up at rainbow dash... 
"Bitch, your mail has fallen down to my house more then once. wonderbolts vs timberwolves ring any bells?"
>And the wings got stiff
>Rainbow earth pony mode engage
>"Its not natural"
"Apul, I twisted my arm a few weeks back and was in the room next to you, what did they shout at you 'how many times does an apple need to get stuck for you to learn?"
>Rarity seems to be thinking along the same lines as you, but flutters looks left out
"And flutterbutt, I have seen what you DRAW, you really need to inform your friends what that tongue can do"
>Everyone looks over at 'notfluttershy'
>She cant shrink anymore even if she had magic
>So you look back toward buggy over there
"So, and I don't do this for just any mare, want to be my wife?"
>And everyone is silent, only applefucker and chrystalis know you aren't joking right away. 
>After twiggles realizes you aren't joking
>"But you were suppose to be my husbondo"
>Immediately reeling back because she said something cringey out loud, you nod. 
"Correction, chrysalis, want to join a herd?"

>You look down at the kids
"And that is how your mom and I met"
>One of applejacks kids looks through an albume
"Why is mama bug bottom's mouth on mama apples bottom"
>The kids are a bit young, but they all look at you wanting
"Old habits die hard, some cramping, and being literally tongue tied, or as I like to call it, the most humiliating moment of chrysalises life"
>You get ready for a long one
"It all happened when applejack came back from the doctor yet again..."







>the conflict between ponies and changelings has escalated into full-on War
>the first war Equestria has fought in over 200 years
>none of that silly marshmallow war stuff either, ponies are actually dying
>ponies are too used to peacetime, and changeling stealth abilities mean the war basically being fought from within Equestria
>changeling paranoia spreads throughout the land
>the Royal Guard is mostly ceremonial eye candy, so Equestria hasn't had a proper army in centuries
>most mares don't want to sign up, so Celestia is forced to institute a draft 
>the only way out of the draft without leaving the country is for a mare to be pregnant when her name is called
>Equestria experiences a population boom as draft dodgers hurry to get pregnant
>Anon's female horse friends beg him to knock them up so they don't have to fight



>Crystal war timeline
>Just when it seems Sombra might win large swathes of his army start disappearing
>Specifically the mares
>Sombra is baffled
>He thought that the magical helmet he forced his army to wear gave hi complete control over their actions. Desertion is impossible
>He doesn't know about the divine power of the hot monkey dick
>Anon literally fucks his army into exhaustion






>Twilight writes stories and submits them onto the magical internet for ponies to read
>Finds someone to proofread for her (she's pretty bad at writing)
>That somebody is Anon
>Twilight naturally assumes he's a mare (there are no colts on the magical internet)
>Anon casually corrects Twilight on her poorly-written sex scenes
>"That's not how testicles work"
>"I'm pretty sure stallions don't cum a whole litre each time"
>"No, semen won't taste like your favourite fruit drink. No, I cannot confirm that. Stop calling me a dyke, Twilight."
>Decide to meet up in public at some kind of function
>Twilight's face when she realizes that she's been submitting written porn to a male this entire time





>There's a pony equivalent to Curves
>Anon gets a membership thinking it's just some weight loss program
>It's actually a full-on gym filled with hardcore weightlifters
>It's the only time most stallions are completely away from mares, so they use weightlifting to work out their anger







>When you herd with one pony, it's generally considered that you herd with all of her sisters/house-mates ala A Brother's Prices due to the scarcity of males
>Anon did not know this until he started getting pretty serious with one of the flower sisters





>Prince Scorpan was meant to be the heir to the throne of the Human Kingdom
>But after one or five too many drinks at a recent Gala and the series of poor and embarrassing decisions that followed, his inheritance was to go to one of his siblings instead
>In fact, his parents have arranged for him to marry Princess Luna of Equestria to help seal the deal on a treaty
>His only value now is as a gift
>Knowing Equestria's backwards views on gender, he would be little more than a concubine
>Not exactly a fitting end for his political ambitions
>As much as he wanted to just leave the Kingdom for a while and pop back in when his dear old Dad finally died to claim his throne, doing so would violate their treaty with Equestria
>The first of it's kind in nearly a thousand years
>As he ponders his difficult position, he looks out the window of his carriage and pauses
>That peasant looks sort of like him...
>A smile spreads across his face
>He probably wouldn't mind living like royalty for the rest of his life
>And knowing these unwashed plebians, he probably already fucks animals
>Yes this might just work





>Anon can never be killed permanently
>He is eternal, like Discord
>Kill him, and he'll be back later
>How much later depends on how well you killed him, and how lazy he is
>Go full Rasputin on him, and it might take him a century to pull himself back together.
>But he'll always be back






>Whenever something strange happens in Ponyville (so at least once a week), wherever you are, you'll find your mares running up and crowding around you in a panic.
>When you've managed to calm them down, they'll claim they we're surrounding you for your own protection.
>They needed to be between you and whatever /it/ was
>Who knows what dastardly dangers you might have suffered if they weren't around to protect you?
>Sometimes you think they've managed to convince themselves that it's true

>Then something truly out of the ordinary happens
>The Flower Sisters find their normally fearless stallion, who could face down a bunny stampede without flinching, shaking in terrror
>Now it's their turn to be brave




>Anon works the apple stall for Applejack
>Applejack encourages him to wear something that shows his junk off so that he can attract more customers
>Tells him there's a bushel of apples put aside for him to eat slowly and erotically while maintaining eye contact
>Suggests that he can "sweeten the deal" for certain mares and ensure that they'll be back for more apples later by taking the final apple that they purchase and rub it against his junk before he loads it into their basket






>Spike and [insert pony who likes anon] are buttblasted that Anon and Rarity are filthy monos (both -gamous and -sexual, the fucking degenerates) and plot to sabotage their relationship that usually backfire due to Rarity being the RGR equivalent of a prissy fag and Anon not being RGR at all







>Girls flash their tits to boys that they're interested in, like how a bird will display its feathers
>Works on Anon every time

>wearing an article of clothing belonging to your significant other (a hoodie, a scarf, etc) is a sign of affection and intimacy IRL
>in RGREqG, Anon's girlfriend would want him to wear a hat or a scarf that belonged to her so that he gets her scent all over him an it tells other girls that he's off the market

>They stole Anon's hoodies
>All of them

>"Girls, please, I'm so cold."
>Meanwhile, Rarity is huffing Anon's scent like there's no tomorrow

>Anon complains he's cold becuase they stole all his sweaters
>Instead of giving them back, they just crowd around him

Like the flower sisters.

>Some loud shout in the halls spooks them
>They all jump into your arms Scooby-Doo style
>"G-Gosh, Anon! You s-sure are cold!"






>Kidanon arrives in Equestria
>The ponies all think he's adorable
>However, Twilight is troubled
>She's conducted interviews with him, and he seems to have some strange and alien ideas about how the world is supposed to work
>Makes sense, seeing as he's from a strange and alien world
>However, since he has no real hope of returning to that world, he's going to have to learn how things work here
>The Mane 6 form a sort of psuedo-herd together to raise Anon right
>After a few years of raising by the girls and growing up with his new 'sisters' Sweetie, Applebloom, and Scootaloo, they just know he'll turn out to be the perfect little gentlecolt






>>You'd mark him with your scents so that other girls would know to fuck off
I like this idea in general.

>Anon goes out in public after a roll in the hay with his marefriend
>Thirsty mares approach him, stop 10 feet away, and walk away looking dejected.
>Some of the more aggressive mares still try to make the moves on him (pegasi show off their wings; unicorns create a light show as a demonstration of their magical power; earth ponies turn around, hike their tails up, and present in order to show off their firm asses and plump pussy lips
>Cue Anon's angry marefriend making an appearance





>Anon is in a herd with whothefuckever
>The mane six
>Going down into the basement to get a shovel 
>Bashes his toe once he gets to the bottom
>Curse, groan, carry on, but he hears a noise behind him and turns to find that Applejack is standing near the top of the stairs looking at him
>You can see Rarity's little white hooves several steps above her, blocked by the next floor
>"Y'all alright, sweetheart? What happened?" the country pony asks.
>"Oh, uh, nothing. Stubbed my toe." he replies
>Anon smiles and AJ smiles back, almost looking relieved
>"Alrighty, you be careful down here, now."

>Anon is cooking
>Has to reach over the stove to fiddle with the timer
>Oil spits
>Instinctual 'ow', curses
>Feels eyes on him, turns toward the table to find that Twilight has dropped the top of her newspaper to look at him
>Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy have stopped talking, instead turning toward him and doing the same
>Gives them a little smile, a little wave
>They ease up and mimic him

>Helping out at Sweet Apple Acres
>Anon has gone into the barn to get the spare paint cans in the loft
>Slips a little on the ladder, narrowly manages to land on his feet
>Several paint cans fall, a few brooms and pitchforks fall onto their sides making noise
>Anon groans, looking around and wondering where to start with his mess
>Turns toward the front of the barn when he hears a noise, finds Pinkie and AJ trotting up 
>They peer at him through the doors with worried expressions
>A moment later the other four show up
>"... Y'all alright in here, sugarcube?"





>Changelings? No problem
>Discord going rampant? A good laugh
>That giant bearstallation? Not a problem
>But one bad thunderstorm and your mares are having to stop you from freaking out
>Fuck thunderstorms and fuck growing up in an Oklahoma trailer park
>Anon is afraid of thunderstorms but otherwise is a fearless motherfucker
>After the weather team lets one bad storm get through their hooves he spends a restless night being soothed by his mares
>The next day Dash finds herself being cornered by four very tired and extremely angry mares
>From that moment on Dash personally takes care of all weather around Anon's house
>The weather team has not let another storm through either








>the reason why the royal guard was mostly made out of stallions wasn't because the Princesses just wanted some eye candy
>though that was partly the reason
>the original Royal guards stallions that made up the force in equestria's antiquity were more than capable of taking down armies and monsters with skill 
>It helps that the fact their training and tactics comes from a certain green ape
>the apples are one of many descendants of these guardsmen
>the most prominent trait is that they almost ALWAYS have a stallion as the first born





Anon is in equestria and is socially retarded, and due to landing in princess sparkles domain she took up trying to integrate anon, and because she let privates be privates all she saw was anons nipples and made an assumption. 

So here anon is, socially retarded in a town that seemingly has 3 monogamous families, pinkie, apple, rarity, fluttershy and twilight's parents are also all monogamous (pinkies by being outcasts, apples by being very young and work orientated never expanded before their demise, rarities are made for eachother because of how fuckin weird they are around each other, flutters by being to shy to get more, and twilights just because she had the power/money/position to get an exclusive male as a status symbol) in a different world, and apparently gained enough good will with the 6 to be invited into their herd. But not as a guy... 

so years before anon came along, the herd was getting nowhere fast with guys, anon coming into the mix, a few of the guys are willing to retry, almost completely with most not sticking around results. (Think anon gets taken to a pony bar, sees the guy come up/they meet him, and the girls are trying to get with him, he is honestly impressed that they are up for 3 way+)

Through context cues, anon knows herds are important, but because of the other context cues, anon doesn't put herd and harme together.

And that all ends one day when one of the herd mates decided 'I don't care, I need to get fucked, can you help me anon?' one very fun night of passion later, the herd sans anon is brought together and is about to have the most confusing conversation of their lives





>Strange magic occurs during the eclipse
>Celestia and Luna retire to Celestia's balcony to observe the eclipse while, in another world, Anon jerks off to pony pussy
>The moment the moon occludes the sun, Anon is torn away to Equestria and appears in Celestia's bedroom
>The sisters are shocked, not only because an alien appeared before then, but also because they didn't know that colts did that
>Anon has to integrate into pony society, but the sisters don't want to cast a cute little stallion to the wind, so they decide to go undercover and help him
>Hijinks ensue as Anon's attempts to find a job, make friends, and find a place to live outside of the castle are accidently sabotaged by a pair of tall unicorns in identity-obscuring robes






>It's just mares hyping up how bad it gets to scare Anon into staying indoors. In reality they get urges and think about sex a lot more, but they're still in control of their facilities. The "stay inside or you'll get raped" story they tell to Anon is just them being overprotective.

This was an idea a few threads ago.

>A few mares took a 'holiday' so they don't have to work horney
>More than a few of the mares have all told anon separately that he needs to stay inside or else he will get raped. 
>Not that they would, but it would make estrous so much easier if he wasn't around to tease them at every turn
>A fairly large group of mares with no stallion decided to see if they can finally achieve the dream of being blackout drunk the entire time period. 
>Everyone in town knows what the mares told anon
>Some find it funny, some don't, but no one corrects him as none of them want to deal with him bending over in those pants. 
>The bar doors swing open
>"EVERYONE GET OUT HERE AND LOOK AT THIS"
>Before you can see who it is, they are gone and the door is left swinging... 
>You finish your pint off, get up and go have a look
>...
>You see him
>Anon is out of the house in a robe
>This is new
>He slowly walks into the middle of town
>Ok you were not expecting this, maybe anon would have stayed holed up a few days before he got so bored he came out
>A good laugh all round
>But this?
>He is wearing even more cloths now... 
>No one else is going to talk to anon
>Damnit guess you will have to 
>You get out in front of the crowd and move up closer to anon 
>Then he let the robe fall
>Everyone is dead silent. 
>All he is wearing is a loin cloth
>"DO WITH ME WHAT YOU WILL"
>You expected many things
>Anon to be embarrassed
>Anon to make a cure red face
>A good laugh by everyone involved
>But THIS?
>The silence is only broken by a slightly drunk derpy flying close to anon, trying to land
>Botching the landing
>Front hooves give out
>Face slides on the ground sideways
>Face down ass up
>She doesn't register the pain
>She looks up/sideways at anon
>"Me first please"
>Anon acknowledges this, picks her up and begins to walk home.
>Once he is a bit closer, everyone snaps out of their stupor, and follows suit, many yelling their wishes/needs to anon

>The night passes in a blur
>Many of you drunk enough to not fully remember what was happening
>But one thing is fore sure
>There are mares covering the floor
>A thick scent of musk
>and anon on his bed
>Sleeping
>And still inside rainbow dash with derpy almost suffocating him as her ass is on his head
>What have we done...





> Flaggrantly Scottish Anon
> The ponies try to communicate with the poor, flat-teated alien mare in a formal skirt
> Twilight tries every language she knows, before realising that Anon just speaks a growling, nigh unintelligible equish
> Clearly, Anon is of the warrior class of her race, she always has her ceremonial clubs in a pack across her back
> If only they could stop her from digging small holes in the dirt outside of town
> The way she smacks little balls into them is uncomfortably suggestive, clearly some sort of mating ritual for her kind





>Anon is mildly terrifying to ponies
>He looks, moves, and acts like a predator
>Something about it unsettles most ponies
>Others? Well some just enjoy the dangers
>A stallion who could devour you at your most vulnerable
>Enticed by the danger, those mares flock to Anon
>Constantly trying to lure him in like the predator they feel he is
>Something something RGRE


>Ponies feigning injury or unconsciousness trying to lure Anon in
>Anon just rolls his eyes and growls at them until they run (or actually pass out)
>Meanwhile he is banging the only mare that isn't afraid of him and doesn't treat him like fetish fuel
>Fluttershy, who is used to dealing with predators, loves that she can finally get a stallion
>Wild monsters were her fetish anyways



>>Ponies feigning injury or unconsciousness trying to lure Anon in
>Anon narrates whatever happens a la David Attenborough

"It seems that this little pony has sprained her leg, making herself vulnerable to predation"
>"Neigh!"
"We can only watch as nature takes its course."




>I'm picturing her flopping her ears down and puffing out her cheeks, stomping her widdle hoofsies and angrily calling Anon a banana-eating monkey.

>Racistpone looks absolutely beside herself in adorable impotent rage
>Struggles to find suitably insulting words, but can't think up anything much worse than "dummy", "spider-hoofed", and "too tall"
>Blows raspberries at Anon and bats at his hand like a kitten when he brings it close to her






>Anon is nice enough, pleasant
>Fairly outgoing most of the time, usually happy, likes to spend time with friends
>Though the mysticism has worn off over time for most, sometimes ponies he only recently met finally give in to their curiosity and ask Anon about the long, aged scar on his inner left forearm
>They're usually drunk; they have to be to get over the rudeness of asking, especially a stallion
>He always peers at the mark with a strange smile and says that it was an injury he picked up when he was younger and dumber
>He never says anything more than that, so eventually the ponies who know him just drop the subject, even if his closest friends occasionally worry about his hesitance to offer specifics 
>This feeling of worry frequently returns when Anon get into one of his strange 'moods'
>It doesn't happen often, but their are two usual effects that making spotting the phenomena much easier 
>The first is simple; canceling appointments
>Now, everypony does that sometimes, but when Anon does it he cancels everything, sometimes for over a day, and his friends are sure that during those days he doesn't leave his house
>The second sign is more frequent in general and as such harder to spot, but it ALWAYS shows up after the first
>Anon will go somewhere, usually the SAA farm but not exclusively, and try to find some extra work or task
>Anon already has a job at SAA and a fair amount of bits to live on (Granny Apple makes sure of it), but that isn't the strangest part
>If he goes for work and any complications come up about the hassle of temporary employment and payment, Anon always says that it doesn't matter, and that he'll volunteer for free
>He's quite insistent
>Applejack sees this side of him the most
>She rarely asks him about it since he's never once given her a straight answer, but she's always thinking about what might be happening to him
>She and the other mane six have investigated him in secret several times to try and find out if he's having any of the usual problems an available colt might have, like harassment or stalking
>Anything that might explain why he hides in his home or runs off to seek time near others
>They never find anything concrete beyond the usual stuff
>Still, every few months like clockwork, Anon will politely reschedule any appointments he has beyond work and lock himself away
>Two or three days later he'll emerge and begin his search, many times ending up on the farm
>AJ always shows him plenty of care and never lets him work extra hours without getting payed, even though he insists, obsessively almost, that he doesn't want to be a burden to them by forcing extra time
>AJ will occasionally find Anon out in the field fiddling with an apple or a leaf or whatever might be nearby, staring out at nothing with a melancholy expression and stroking the scar on his forearm 
>She always approaches him in these moments
>"Hey cowpoke, you doin' alright out here?" she'll say, or some other variant, many times startling him without meaning to
>He laughs, smiles, shakes his head
>"Oh, it's nothing. I'm fine." he says, every time
>Sometimes she finds him hard at work, his face hardened as he pushes like a machine at whatever task he's given, outpacing even Big Mac's efforts with his raw attention to the job
>He whispers to himself sometimes when he thinks nopony can hear him, and it's usually the same things
>"It always passes." he'll say, "This is normal. I'm fine, It always passes." he reminds himself quietly
>If he and AJ have any extended conversions during this time, Anon frequently becomes more sentimental than usual, even for a male
>He'll frequently mention how much he appreciates the time and attention you and all the others in his life give 'someone like him'
>He'll how much he cares about you, and them, and how he knows that everypony cares about him, too
>Sometimes his eyes become strained, almost desperate when he says these things
>She always immediately confirms his statements, even if she think they're obvious
>"Well o'course!" she'll say, and mean every word, "'Course they do! Why wouldn't they?"
>He never answers



>Anon is constantly worried people will find out the scar is just a red marker.
>During his super edgy phase he'd draw it on each morning, and was then teleported to Equestria.
>Years have passed and he's outgrown his edgy autism, but he can't just stop drawing it, otherwise ponies will realise.
>In the back of his closet there's a bunch of flame shirts too




>Waifu has a very innocent view on colts
>Firmly believes that they wouldn't do something as "dirty" as masturbating
>Anon comes into her life and proves her wrong

>Anon, stop masturbating into my breakfast. 
I just want to fertilize your eggs. Let me fuck you. 
>Silly anon you cant fertilize chicken eggs




>Demonpone tracks you down by the smell/taste of your cock
>Your doors are locked (you're the only one in Ponyville who has mechanically-locking doors instead of the easily-bypassed magically-locked doors) and your windows are closed
>Another failure for Demonpone
>But wait.
>There, on the front door!
>Another tiny door!
>Demonpone will taste your cum yet!
>Demonpone tries to crawl through tiny door-door
>Demonpone's succulent rump gets caught and she cannot get unstuck
>Demonpone cries herself to sleep that night



>Anon steals a tome of forbidden dark magic
>He's gonna summon himself a succubus
>He performs the ritual, and his demonpone arrives from the land of fire and suffering
>Succubus pone is confused
>When mortals summon one of their kind to experience unholy pleasure, it's usually a mare summoning an incubus
>She's never been called upon before
>She tries to act the part, but Anon can tell something's up
>After a bit of prodding, she breaks down and admits that she's a virgin
>But what she lacks in experience, she makes up with enthusiasm, so he should totally give her a chance, she's always wanted to feel the touch of a stallion, she promises to only steal his soul a little bit, she reads lots of dirty magazines so she's picked up on some of the techniques, and she--
>As she rambles a mile a minute, blood rushes into Anon's cock at the speed of sound as he realizes he's about to deflower an immortal lust demon




>Anon orders pizza
>Realizes belatedly that he does not have enough bits on hand to pay for it
>Thinks back to his younger years about what would happen if a woman (or the societal equivalent of a woman) wanted pizza but couldn't pay for it
>.....
>DONG DING
>who where?
>Anon answers the door in a loose housecoat
>The delivery pony is a teenaged mare
"Oh, no! It seems as though I don't have the bits for this pizza."
>He starts to slip the robe off of his shoulders, watching as the teenage mare's shocked expression turns to dawning realization, and then pure happiness
"Is there another way that I can..."
>Anon traces a finger along the teenage mare's jaw
"...pay for it?"




>Anon keeps finding ponies waiting for him outside his door every morning, looking absolutely thrilled to see him
>They immediately jump into his arms and snuggle up against his chest
>Anon reacts as though he were being swarmed by 20 happy puppies, and the changelings soak up that love
>Something something RGRE







>Luna takes a liking to Anon.
>Is a thousand years out of practice at wooing stallions.
>Ponies find her behavior abhorrent.
>Anon finds it adorable






>"Hey Anon! Why are you hanging around the castle? Aren't you and Twi supposed to be on some sort of cheesy date?"
>Dash makes a kissy face as she flies over your head
>You throw an arm up in the air while leaving the other holding your book open
"Hey at least someone else other than me remembered!"
>Dash stops her teasing and seemingly freezes in the air
>"Wait wait wait wait! Did Twi literally stand you up?"
"Mmm-huh!"
>Dash shakes her head
>"What in the buck is more important than a night with her stallion?"
>She almost shouts it in obvious confusion
"Studying for a test"
>"Studying?"
"Yep."
>You turn the page on your book and keep reading
>She covers her face with her hooves
>"Geeze that mare is such a dyke. Did she at least give you a heads up?"
>You just point over to the slip of paper on the table in front of you
"Dont worry about the footprint. She had a guard leave it on my doorstep"
>Dash drops out of the air into the chair next to you
>"For the love of...HOW CAN A MARE THAT SMART BE SO DUMB?"
>You just shrug and continue reading
>"And how can you be so calm! Any normal stallion would never talk to her again."
"Yeah you are probably right."
>She smacks herself in the forehead with her hoof hard enough that you can hear it even when muffled by her fur
>"So are you gonna dump her? I wouldnt blame you if you did."
"Nope. I have other plans for her."
>You place your bookmark in your book and slide it in front of her
>She winces and whistles when she reads the title
>"Riding the Peak: A stallions guide to teat twisting and mare orgasm denial" By Prench Tickler





>Dash never had anything beyond a second date because of her "selfish" desire be monogamous and to have a stallion all to herself. 
>Even being a hero and celeb won't fix the taint of being "selfish".
>You and her hook up, and she learns you're monogamous too. 
>You get an uncharacteristically bashful yet eager mare with little drama after that revelation.
>Treat her with the love and genuine affection she gives you so freely for a permanent lifebond. 
>Life is pretty good with someone you know will never turn on you






>Moondancer finally builds up the courage to propose to her stallion
>Her stallion being Anon, of course
>After taking him out to a nice restaurant and a super-romantic fireworks display, she offers him the ring and asks for his hoof-spider in marriage
>He turns her down
>Mostly because she forgot to tell him that they were a couple
>Oops
>Moondancer tries to salvage their friendship, while secretly holding out hope that she can win his heart and give him her grandfather's dong ring






>Twilight gets publicly dumped and you quick hop over to the much more receptive Rainbow. 
>The pegasus athlete may not be too savvy in the field of romance, but she tries her hardest and her affection is genuine. 
>And you can gladly return her feelings.
>Twilight, meanwhile, is loosing her shit. Never before in history has a PRINCESS been dumped. 
>It's a dishonor that no one has ever had to face before
>And now she's alone again...
>She just assumed that you wouldn't need any maintenance after the "my world is RGR and I'm more or less a mare with a dick" talk. 
>It's a depressing life lesson on why assuming is bad.
>Meanwhile, you're cuddling a wildly blushing but not resisting Rainbow in public and savoring actually having a lover




>Anon is taking a nap on on Rarity's couch
>The CMC are standing on his chest, staring nervously at him as he sleeps
>They're tired of being made fun of for not having kissed a colt yet
>Rumble escaped from the treehouse, so Anon's their best shot
>They all agree to kiss him on the cheek, because they heard that unprotected kissing can cause pregnancy
>Scootaloo smooches the left one
>Applebloom smooches the right
>When it's comes time for Sweetie Belle, she gets lost in the moment and ends up planting it right on the lips
>They freak out
>Not knowing what to do, they go to Rarity
>She's always kissing stallions, she's practically an expert!
>They aren't exactly clear on the details, so Rarity thinks that they raped Anon
>She tells AJ and RD about what happened, and they all decide they have to protect their sisters
>Convincing Anon not to talk would be easy, since he's kind of a bitch
>Unfortunately, sex comes with pregnancy
>They are going to have to marry him to protect their reputation
>Meanwhile, Anon wakes up from his nap and is confused as to why there are hoofprints on his shirt






>Due to herding and polygamy being the norm (to the point where you have to sit a pony down and spend a few hours trying to explain monogamy to her), cheating is an unheard of concept
>The only way to take on one partner without keeping your current one is to actually break up with him/her
>Anon just keeps building his herd up, much to his dismay

It reminds me of that one-shot where Anon was a rapist, only he couldn't actually rape the mares in Equestria because they saw it as a colt being forward and kinky. After "raping" a mare, they'd ask him to drop in some time and do it again






>Anon walks the CMC home from school, because in RGRE it's okay for a male to walk off with children who aren't his own
>They each give him a kiss on the cheek as thanks, which their sisters witness
>They joke about the fillies forming a herd early






>With stallions being as rare as they are, it generally unthinkable to have them be put in danger.
>Every one of them hurt or dead means less family centers and genetic material to go around.
>Only a few powerful exceptions like Shining Armor exist, and even then, it's peaceful enough that bold stallions like that rarely face danger.
>Then, out of a portal pops you.
>You just survived the apocalypse / anarchy / WWIII / another unspeakable horror that lasted for far too long and left glaring marks both physical and mental.
>And there is no way to hide it from beings as sensitive to pain as ponies





>anon legitimately did horrible things
>did them because he himself would have been killed
>commit suicide/teleportedbybullshit to equestria
>feels really guilty that he is in this paradise despite what he did






>Pony social norms are a little different than human
>Anon is rather stereotypical human being 
>He's behaviour is maybe not ideal but acceptable for humans but ponies perceive it different
>He likes to drink
Not to the point of being alcoholic but for ponies it's still a lot
>He value his privacy, not tell all his thoughts to friends, sometimes try to hide his emotions, has locks in his dors
Perfectly normall for humans, but ponies are a lot more open and emotionall
>Value his personall space, don't like to hug everyone around, always wear clothes
>Likes to spend times alone, not to the point of being recluse, but he enjoy being only with himself

While he's perfectlly healthy ponies think that there is something wrong with him maybe he was abused by his mares or something, they try to help him in pony way of course (intervention, hiring psychiatrist and tricking Anon to talk with her etc.)





>Anon works for Rarity
>Rumors about the two of them being an item float around
>A third of the town thinks that Rarity is a filthy monogamoust
>A third think that Anon is Rarity's tuft and that she's only dating him to cover up that she's a dyke
>The final third believes that Rarity, Anon, and Sweetie Belle are in a herd together
>Shenanigans happen
>Something something RGRE






>Maud stands in your open doorway, her usual blank expression apparent as she stares up at you
"Anything I can help you with, Maud?"
>She blinks
>"Yes. I would like to have sex with you."
>You raise an eyebrow
"I'm sorry?"
>"There's no reason to apologise, you haven't disappointed me yet."
"No, I mean I don't understand what's going on."
>"I'm propositioning you for sex. I've been led to believe that males in your world were the ones who primarily sought out intercourse, correct? I was hoping that meant you'd be open to casual sex."
"Well, that's true I guess, but it's still weird for a pony to just knock on my door and ask for it."
>"Should I attempt to seduce you?"
>She reaches up and pulls the collar of her dress down, revealing a few extra inches of neck and shoulder fur
>unf
"T-that won't be necessary, Maud. Why are you doing this, exactly? You don't really strike me as the type to be so insatiably horny that you'd try to jump on someone you barely even know."
>Her expression softens ever so slightly as she breaks eye contact with you to stare at the ground
>"I'm still a virgin, Anon. It was a common point of ridicule in the later years of my schooling, and it made me feel like I was weird or unusual for not having experienced it."
>Your shoulders sink
"I'm so sorry, Maud. Are you-"
>"There's no need to-"
>You put a finger to her lips to silence her
"Are you sure this is really how you want your first time to go, though?"
>She casts her eyes aside
>"Stallions are emotional, and I'm not exactly qualified to provide a shoulder to cry on. I've tried dating, but I can't really give a colt the affection he needs."
>You scratch the back of your head as you think
"This is probably a conversation we shouldn't be having out here in the cold. Would you like to come inside?"
>She simply stares for a moment, before leaning in and lowering her voice
>"You do...know how sex works, right?"
>You sigh and hold the door open wider
"Just get inside already."





>Two years ago you found some green eggs under your kitchen sink.
>The bug spray you bought down at the market did jack all on the things.
>So foregoing burning down the house and starting from scratch you let them live.
>They did after all provide a nice green glow which acted like a night light for the kitchen.
>First they hatched into some adorable little changeling larvae.
>As far as bugs go, these little ones were too cute to squish. 
>Then they grew up.
>Quick
>The more they fed on your love the bigger they got.
>Eventually they shed their regular chitin and became something… else.
>Your home is became- well a home to about twelve changeling queens.
>It’s not so bad.
>You only have to feed yourself, so they don’t necessarily eat you out of house and home.
>The only thing that worries you is how they fight everynight, they fight over who gets which spot in the cuddle pile.
>So is the life of Anon.
>Things could be worse.

Twelve overprotective daughters who guard their dad from overzealous mares

>Sometimes two bugdaughters transform into the same pony and cross paths in public
>They have to perform some on the fly acting and pretend to be two long-lost identical twins who are having a tearful reunion






>After much nervous fretting and second guessing herself, a teen Scootaloo finally asks if she can join Rainbow and Anon's herd.
>To Scoot's immense surprise and joy, both say yes and let her in.
>Then she runs into another problem.
>She never realized that other mares joined.
>It's her, Anon, Rainbow, Spitfire, Fluttershy, A.K. Yearling, Gilda, a smattering of foals and even a griffin chick or two all in one family.
>She comes to the realization that she's the youngest sans the foals and has nothing to offer the family as a whole.
>And useless is quite possibly the worst thing you can be as the newest member of a herd.
>It's also not helping that she was just brought into a herd filled with heroes and celebrities. 
>Now Scootaloo has to scramble to find her place in her new family and hope that her new sisters don't lose their patience with her



>Rainbow Dash nervously allows Scootaloo into her "herd"
>It's actually just Rainbow and Anon
>Rainbow felt insecure about "only" having two people total in her herd, so she made the others up
>This didn't help her cause, because that meant that other ponies would be too intimidated to try and join such an illustrious herd that contained the likes of Spitfire, A.K. Yearling, and even a dirty sky-nigger
>Scootaloo was the first mare to stick around after she heard about all the other alleged herdmates





>Anon doesn't know about estrus
>Wanders through the deserted town square, wondering where everyone's gone and why all the shops are closed
>Finds Bon Bon walking through the streets, blushing and looking pained.
"Bonnie? Bonnie, what's going on? Where IS everybody?"
>Bon Bon glances at him and, with effort, looks away.
>"Y-You should get inside, Anon..."
>Anon's stomach drops.
>He's watched horror movies.
>He thinks that something horrible is coming into town and that ponies are desperately hiding from it
"Oh, god. Something's coming, isn't there?"
>Wrong thing to say to a mare in heat.
>Bon Bon groans desperately and starts trotting over to Anon.
>"S-Something's gonna be coming, alright..."


"How do you put up with servicing your entire herd during estrus, Anon?"
>"Seriously? What kind of guy would I be if I complained about having too much sex? Friction-induced injuries aside."
>Wow.
>You sure do wish you had a slut like Anon in your herd.






>Almost lazily, Rainbow pushes the book out of your lap and takes it’s spot.
>She looks up at you with goofy smile and half-lidded eyes on a red face.
>”Annnooooooon…” She moans piteously as she paws at your chest. “Let’s bump uglies and make a foal. Just one…”
>Her tail flits and flags, letting the subtle scent of her arousal hit your nose.
>You’re tempted to give in, but collect yourself.
>It’s the peak of estrus in Ponyville, and contrary to what some stallions say, mares DON’T turn into rape monsters.
>They just get… more feminine (by human standards), more touchy, and much more willing to have kids. 
>Even macho mares like Rainbow melt in the wake of the hormonal high.
“Sorry, babe. No can do,” you gently tell the pegasus. “Remember that you told me you want to wait a year or two?”
>The athlete’s face falls as she slowly remembers her own words through the haze currently settled on her. 
>“Yeah, but… But…”
>She simply huffs and seizes one of your hands to rub her face and puffed up tuft against. 
>That might have worked on a stallion, but you? More adorable than sexy, you think, as she rolls to her back with your hand still in her forehooves. 
>You run the hand through her plush tuft, down her taut stomach, and stop between her legs.
>The mare in your lap bites her lip and shivers.
“Just power through it, Rainbow. Today is the worst day. It’ll get better, but until it does, I’ll help out.”
>Rainbow’s face screws itself up into frustration, but she drops it for an expression of relief when your fingers finally meet their prize.
>These ponies, man...





>There's a dark secret lurking in Ponyville
>Once a month, a secret society meets under cover of night
>The exact location changes each time to reduce the chance of being caught
>Everpony in attendance is female, aside from three unlucky stallions chosen at random from the citizenry
>The newcomers are frightened, while those familiar with this twisted ritual resign themselves for what's to come
>There's no point in trying to escape, there are too many mares here, they wouldn't get far
>There's no point in telling anyone, either
>Mayor Mare and half the ponice force are here too
>As time rapidly approaches, the mares become more excited
>They make more aggressive, lewd remarks
>Sometimes they stick their forelegs through the bars of the stallion's cages to feel their fur or touch them inappropriately
>When the time comes, each mare is assigned a number
>Those numbers are drawn, and nine mares are chosen
>Three per stallion
>The stallions are led into the middle of the room by their mares, surrounded on all sides by loud, horny spectators, and they are raped
>They are violated numerous times, all while the crowd eggs their rapists on and says lewd, demeaning things about the victim
>Three mares per stallions means each one can rest while the others continue the rape, allowing the ordeal to last for hours
>Sometimes it all becomes too much for the crowd, and they all swarm the stallions, passing them around like objects
>When it's all over, the stallions are returned to their homes, a venue is decided on for the meeting, and the mares go back to their normal lives like nothing happened

>Anon is unaware of all of this when his friend-who-happens-to-be-a-mare asks him if he could go with her to a private event
>It's her first time, and she'd be more at ease if she saw a familiar face there
>She can't tell him what kind of meeting it is, but she promises that he'll love it
>Every last second of it



>Mares try to escape Anon, but he just grabs them and drags them back in
>He is not locked in there with them, they are locked in with him

>A huge pile of utterly spent mares lay in the middle of the room, the only sounds being weak moans and lots of panting
>one mare decides enough was enough and tries to slink away
>a hand emerges from within the pile, and expertly latches onto the escaping ponies tail

"No! No no no no no!"

>her cries are unheaded, her hooves dig big ruts into the concrete floor as she is slowly dragged back into the pile.

>from deep within a voice can be heard

>"Rape"





>ponies think that anon experienced unspeakable horror that lasted for far too long and left glaring marks both physical and mental.

>In reality he has not experienced that sort of thing at all

>It all begun when they started asking him about his world.

>"Hey anon what is the name of your hometown!?"

>"WAR-SAW!?!?!?!"

>OH GOD HE IS FROM WARZONE!





>As fall turns to winter, a pony's fur thickens to help keep them arm
>In unicorns, it gives them an impressive chest tuft, bulking up around their necks and resembling the poofy collar of a fur coat
>For pegasi, down production increases, making them softer to handle (but making it more difficult for them to fly)
>Earth ponies have a much thicker coat everywhere on their bodies, making them appear bigger than they actually are. While not quite as beautiful as that seen on a unicorn, it's much more suited for an earth pony's tough, hands-on lifestyle
>Mares use this increased fluff to help them attract a mate and prepare them for when estrus hits in the following spring, just a few short months away
>something something RGRE






> When someone you trust finally touches you and you realize you've been starved for physical affection all your life
> Pic of Celestia trying not to cry as Anon pets her

>Don't break down in front of Anon
>Don't cry in front of Stallions
>You're a big mare
>You need to stay strong

>Physical affection-starved Celestia will never hug you for several hours
>She will never appear in your room each night and ask for cuddles
>She will never have you sit right next to her (hip to hip) on an enlarged throne during day court






>Be a face in the crowd where others like you are a dime a dozen.
>Expected to be strong and hardworking, told to try harder when it gets tough.
>But you're also told that you don't matter and that you can be replaced.
>And all the competition seems bitter and herculean. 
>Romantic prospects are low.
>Family prospects are even lower. 
>Haven't been touched by a male since your father gave you a hug...
>...Last year at family a reunion.
>But then, HE comes along...




Has anyone ever wondered if human myths wind up in Equestria? Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Oni and heavenly ascended humans with animal heads...

Somehow I can only imagine that the mares would see the male figures as subjagated victums of cruel mistress' who force their husbands to work for them instead of providing for their husbands.

>Ponies are appalled that Mrs. Clause forces kind ol' Santa Clause to travel across the world in just one night to deliver gifts he makes with the help of his friends!
>While Mrs. Clause simply gets to stay at home, bake cookies and do buck all!
>An outrage!




>A pegasus mare waking up with stiff or extended wings is the equivalent of a guy waking up with morning wood
>Anon and Rainbow Dash are an item and one morning Anon wakes up to the sensation of soft wings wings wrapped around him
>Anon thinks it's adorable and sweet
>Rainbow Dash is mortified
>Wings wrapping around your coltfriend is like waking up to find that you've somehow mashed your junk into your girlfriend's face






>Ponies have no sense of personal space
>but it only happens to ponies who know each other 
>since ponyville is a small community, everypony knows each other one way or another
>anon see all the tiny horses all cuddled up together whenever they hang out
>gets swamp with curious little foals while he is the library reading
>i always start with the CMC
>then their friends
>then their classmates
>anon doesnt mind
>tiny ponies are comfy yo






>Anon is a schoolteacher.
>Instead of trying to be the "Cool" teacher, he actually strives to teach the fillies something.
>He punishes them when they do wrong.
>Corrects them when they make mistakes.
>Rewards them when they do well.
>Teaches them to use their brains, but follow their heart.
>Teaches them to not compare, but improve.
>Gives them attention if they need it.
>Some fillies are confused.
>Why is a stallion acting like their mother?
>Some fillies may also have crushes on him.
>Maybe
>But they'll never tell

>substitute teacher anon
>working in a public school in fillydelphia
>school has a reputation for having THE MOST unruly and disrespectful students in the city
>the last teacher had to take the day off because they covered him in sticky slime 
>it wouldnt come off and they had to shave ALL the fur
>the fillies think this new substitute will be a lot easier
>one thing they dont realize...
>he's not in there with them
>they're trapped in theyre with him

>the class is, of course, mostly mares
>their first "prank" is dropping a bucket of water on him
>he teaches the class with a wet shirt to not show weakness
>ah, first quiet day this week
>after a rough first week, they begrudgingly respect him
>he learns all their names and knows what kind of trouble each one likes to cause
>three weeks later he doesn't have to yell anymore
>they don't fear his voice or anger as much as their fear his disappointment
>staring into the eyes of a schoolfilly and telling her he thought she could do so much better hurts worse than any kind of physical pain







>The Mares are dumbfounded as the Doors are blocked by a dense wall of fog
>The dark and dank cellar became a barren wasteland under an Ashen Sky.
>The Sun is Eclipsed and instead of it's usual Corona, It's "leaking" fire into the horizon. 
>Anon just smiles serenely while his clothes are burned off, his skin cracks revealing veins of liquid fire.
>Incredible heat can be felt from his now erect penis.
>Anonymous: Dong of Cinders


>Due to unexpected help from the elements of harmony you managed to take Anon down, well make him kneel in exhaustion.
>Just you wait, after we take a nap. everyone will take their reveng-
>Anon is on fire now...his penis too.
>The ominous background music, Is someone playing the piano?
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6jxyQvynUI [Open]
>Holy Buck! Did he just throw a lightning bolt?
>Is Roseluck dea- oh she just came so hard she passed out.
>Buck! The Elements are still winded.
>This isn't fair.
>"Phase 2, cunts."





>Be Anon. 
>You're reading on the best places to touch to please a unicorn mare. 
>You'll show Lyra you can out do her magic! 
>You feel a tiny body snuggle against you. 
>You look down and see Applebloom has pulled up another chair next to yours and is snuggling your side for warmth. 
>Smiling you place the book down and begin to pet her back, as you do you feel another body now on your other side. 
>Sweetiebell has curled into a ball against you. 
>You pick both of them up and go find the library's couch and lay them both on your side to let them go to sleep. 
>Soon after you close your eyes you open them to find Scootaloo laying down on your chest. 
>You smile at the cuteness the tiny foals emit. 
>…
>You're fucking Lyra when you get home. 
>No condom. 
>Five times. 
>You need baby ponies, and the mint horse shall provide them. 
>Possibly Bon Bon too if she gets home early enough


Dubs will it! 
>Be Lyra. 
>You're walking through the market looking for any mlh merch. 
>Still glad you found not only a human, but a human who actually LIKES the show! 
>Suddenly something grabs you and begins walking. 
>You begin to panic! 
>You look up at your captor and see Anon's signature suit. 
>You calm down and go limp as you begin to think on why Anon would be carrying you. 
>It's Tuesday so not mlh. 
>You don't think he's sad, he's walking too fast. 
>Wait... no... 
>Panic begins to fill you as you look up to check his face. 
>Sure as day you see it. 
>It's the 'You better call in to work because I'm trying for some foals' face! 
>You begin to flail with newfound vigour! 
>You've gotta get away! 
>You can handle a horny colt like Anon, but NO mare can handle a foal hungry Anon! 
"A-Anon please! Think about this, d-do we really need foal?! W-We should wait a bit!"
>Anon just walks faster. 
>You see Bon Bon as Anon walks by her stand. 
"Bonnie, help me!"
>She just looks at you before quickly looking away. 
>That bitch! 
"You'll have to come home eventually traitor!"
>You call out before the Anon finally makes it to your house. 
"Celestia help me!"
>"Not after last time, you're on your own" You hear Celestia call out





>"Now say you're sorry."
>Fucking Fluttershy. Always butting into your-
>Yeah no, she's a complete sweetheart, and it was perfectly understandable that she was a bit ticked off at you.
>But still, your pride may be battered and bruised, but you'll never admit defeat.
"Like I said, in my culture showing teeth is a friendly gesture."
>"Buck you it is! You have fangs, that was clearly a threat!"
>Repeat that exchange six or seven more times and that basically been your last half hour



>"So you have wolf teeth then! You don't bite, you rip flesh."
>Then Anon responds about how deadly her claws are.
>Half an hour later Fluttershy realizes they have no idea that they're flirting




>Horse body temperatures on average are slightly higher than a human's.
>Many stories infer that a pegasus has a higher temperature still.
>Combine the two and at best, it's uncomfortably warm to bone a pegasus. At worst, scalding.
>Anon doesn't realize this until it's too late





>Anon in RGREqG
>Gets invited to a party/sleepover with the Mane 7
>Officially, it's because they're already friends, and he's insisted that he's more like them than those prissy guys pretending to be men.
>Unofficially, it's because they've decided they want to try snagging him for their herd
>They already decided they wanted to be together, and have been on the lookout for a guy that is interested in all of them, and that all of them are interested in.
>He's initially OK with this, visions of harem debauchery running through his mind
>Then it registers that this would involve trying to romantically juggle 7 girls at once.
>Banging all of them is appealing, but he actually cares about them, and is concerned about relationship drama bombs and what happens if one or more of them feels neglected or whatever
>They insist it's not a big deal, sure their group is a little larger than usual, but they've convinced themselves everything will work out





>you stand in line with your battle-sisters: the warmages from the unicorn tribe that had swallowed their pride in the face of extinction
>staring across an acrid field covered in puddles from the unrelenting rains of the pegasi tribes
>the lines of the massively muscular earth pony mares in front of you still shine gold despite the weather
>above you, the pegasi flit through the clouds trying to finish with the last-minute preparations
>behind you all, at the top of the hill, stand the Two Sisters
>from no single tribe do they hail
>the only two members of the Alicorn Tribe to exist
>their fortress at the north face of the Lonely Mountain is the last holdout
>under their rule all three tribes are equal as subjects beneath them
>their ascension they consider their divine right to rule
>the other capitals lie in ruin
>the floating fortress of the pegasi brought down by hail
>the unicorn tower pulled down by might
>the earth pony city razed
>all the by the caribou, who seek to usurp the natural order of the world for their own
>across the muddy field, lining the earth and blocking the mountain range of their home, they stare back at you
>they have nothing but hate
>whatever their queen and king found in those mountains...
>it's dark magic twisted the once amicable deer into these monsters
>twisted, fur-covered horns sprout and grow like sick vines
>it's become difficult to tell the difference between their mares and stallions
>not that it mattered

>>29781375 #

...Anonymous
04/02/17(Sun)03:50:42 No.29781375

>>29781370 #
>they cared nothing for the safety of their males
>every will had submitted to the rule of their king and queen
>before nightfall, you, and every mare on this plateau, would be stallion-slayers
>the Two Sisters, however, had made it clear you must choose between your own stallions and theirs
>only ponies as powerful as they could even think to field their mate
>and a strange one he was
>some kind of minotaur with
>no hooves of any kind
>your own captain had objected to being seen on a battlefield with a stallion present and you agreed
>it was shameful enough that you would be facing them, let alone have one at your back
>you looked back
>there he stood, between them, wearing not a scrap of gold
>carrying only a drum under one limb at his side
>they called him "The Bard"
>the rumors said he could control the Music of Harmony
>he hailed from a land beyond travelling, beyond magic, beyond time
>from a world without magic
>but, somehow, still had access to music
>he could summon forth the Old Magic at will, direct its flow, control its message
>thinking of music, you could hear the start of the caribou's song
>at least their sense of pride kept them adhereing to the proper ways of war
>they wanted to show the world they deserved to rule it unopposed
>it began slow
>long, sonorous, and low

>the chorus notes were...somehow off
>the rhythm disjointed
>yet they all sang as one
>danced as one, holding their heads high and stomping their hooves
>swaying their weapons in their grasps and lighting their horns in black displays of magic
>about their destiny to rule
>about your duty to die
>about their impending victory here, at the last holdout of the ponies
>and soon, it drew to a close
>for a moment, there was complete silence over the plains
>you shifted the tall shield affixed to your left foreleg
>scratching the side of your cheek with it and feeling the sharp base dig into the soft earth
>and then...a drum
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFi7bWkyRpA [Open]
>you feel nothing in your heart
>except for panic, perhaps, when no notes from the world join in
>but after a moment you hear it
>off-tune warbling from no instrument you had ever heard joins in with the rhythm of the drum
>his singular voice sounded off
>even at the first line, you could feel yourself quietly mouthing the words
>he sang about your weapons and slick, shining armor
>the mares at the front lines swung their weapons in the air, but more than a few of them swung in the wrong direction or hit the mud
>you could hear yourself and your sisters around you suddenly sound off at the fourth decidely un-pony-like line
>but they go quiet until you all mumble the last line
"How many of them can we make die?"

>you can't believe you're participating in this
>nothing about your moral justification
>nothing about duty
>not a word of destiny
>not one of hope
>only the grim task in front of you
>and yet...you feel your heart quicken
>the next were about obedience and striking fear
>but there was a message of unity
>your voice was louder this time
"A force like ours is hard to stop!"
>even louder at the last one
"How many of them can we make die?"
>you could feel your muscles tensing
>your face lifting from a look of weariness
>a spark of hope, desperate but there nonetheless, ignited in your heart
>soon you and every mare on the field was joining in every other line
>there was no comfort in the lyrics
>only defiance
>the hopelessness in your soul was melting away into accepting your situation
>leaving only anger and defiance
>it was almost a shout at the last line of the chorus
"How many of them can we make die?"
>your heart was pumping, ready to go into battle for the survival of your stallion back home
>the foals left behind
>some strings from nowhere joined in for a while, and soon the song faded
>perhaps there was some truth about the rumors of the bard's capabilities
>you didn't think this would change the outcome of the battle too much
>the caribou stretched beyond what your eyes could see
>you pulled your shield closer and readied your horn for combat
>but he continued
>quietly, at first
>his voice raised when every pony on the field began to stomp their hooves to his beat
>the thunder in the air echoed his drum
>despite the mud you all managed to shake the earth with the force of your hooves
>the last line of the chorus wasn't so much sang by you, but growled
"How many of them can we make die?"
>now every line was sang by the giant choir
>echoed off and away into the horde approaching
>a fire erupted in your belly
>you could see sharper now
>even the falling raindrops seemed to slow their descent
>your muscles twitched with electricity
>your blood ran hot in your veins
>and your horn glowed brighter
>the earth ponies up front slashed blades of rain through the air, or cratered the ground with swings of their axes
>their muscles swelled and tensed, eager to start the bloodshed
>the pegasi struck their weapons together, sending arcs of lightning across the clouds
>the damp air grew hot around you from all the other horns
>your own singed your hair when the third layer formed
>you were eager to begin cleansing this evil from the world
>freeze and shatter them to bits
>shock them into vapor
>burn them until nothing but ashes and stories remained
>Let them try to kill you, the price will be painfully high
>you were ready
>more than ready
>you just couldn't wait
>Just how many of them could you make die?
>You are now Twilight Sparkle
>The bolt of lightning you just shot across the room was thankfully stopped by your BBBFF's shield
>Both princesses stare at you
>but not with disappointment, or anger, or shock
>They both have a knowing look in their eyes
>You stare at your shaking hooves before clamping your eyes shut and attempting those breathing exercises Cadance taught you
>they help a little
>but your heart is still beating at a thousand per minute
>and your breath refuses to obey you
>after a minute, or an hour, you come to a rest
>the princesses drop the field around you
>Celestia approaches you and wraps a wing around your back
>"It's alright, Twilight, everything is ok."
>You lean into and nuzzle her
>she's still bigger than you
>which you really appreciate right now
>she leans down to look into your eyes
>"Do you understand now, Twilight? About why we were worried about another human here?"
"I do, Prin--Celestia, I do."
>"And what are you going to do about it?"
"I'll make sure that Anonymous never, ever sings in Ponyville city limits."
>"I hope you will."
"But I do have a question, Celestia."
>"Hmm?"
"Were you and Luna in a herd with that human?"
>"I really think you should be heading home to take care of this, Twilight."
"How was it?"






>Anon is an omnivore
>Omnivores eat meat
>Meat is dangerous unless properly cooked
>Colts are good cooks
>Anon is both an omnivore and a colt, therefore he can cook meat
...
...
...
>The steak is barely brown on the outside and bloody on the inside
>AJ's face when her husbando is obviously a terrible cook





>Twilight observes Anon for purely scientific and non-stalkerish purposes
>She misunderstands his personal quirks, assuming them to be social cues from his culture

>Anon builds and paints a fence around his house
>Wears old clothes while he's painting and inevitably gets messy
>Twilight, watching from a nearby bush, thinks that painting the fence is like a bird decorating nest and the paint he spills on himself is akin to a peacock showing off its tail
>Twilight concludes that this is mating season for humans and alerts her friends
>Rainbow Dash in particular thinks that the idea is stupid, but she can't help but feel drawn to Anon's house, and his colorful paint-splattered clothing makes her heart skip a beat
>Anon wonders why there are so many pegasi in the skies and trees around his house

>When later approaching Anon for a follow-up she 'casually mentions some of the things she observed (only some, she doesn't want him to know!)
>Anon then points out that with one data point, she has no sure way of discerning personal quirks, his people's cutoms and humans' natural drives.
"But That's why I came to ask you!"
>"So that I can introduce my own unperceived biases into the mix?"
>And then Twilight came





>"Quick! He's getting hysterical! Somebody blow him right away!"
"P-pinkie? What-"
>"GLARMPH"
>Everypony stares at you wide eyed as Pinkie Pie furiously bobs her head, trying desperately to make you cum.
>You were later informed that "male hysteria" hasn't been a thing for at least 80 years, and that blowjobs were not the way for a mare to help cure it.




Anonymous has a somewhat normal life in RGR Equestria until he accidentally frees the dreaded space pirate/chaos entity Eris from her stone prison underneath the Canterlot foothills.

Then his life gets a bit more Tenchi Muyo as Eris taking such an interest in him prompts other females from around Equestria to take an interest, as well - including the descendants of the heroes of the other races who originally sealed Eris away and were drawn to Anonymous when they felt the seal break, and a certain space-themed Princess who recently returned from an extended trip to the moon…





A portion of the Equestrian community is utterly terrified of Anonymous, the new human from another dimension. Something about him is just wrong, though they can't quite figure out what at first. It's only after a few months have passed that it becomes apparent - Anonymous is a memetic hazard.

Ponies who spend too long around him have their gender roles reversed to human standards - stallions become more like men and mares become more like women. The longer they spend near him, the longer it takes to wear off… but the effect's duration increases exponentially, to the point where it may as well be permanent on certain ponies.

Alicorns are immune to the effect, not that it'll help them in the long run.
Discord find it hilarious and delights in teleporting Anon to different cities across Equestria for weekends, with his permission, of course. His jaw still hurts from the time Anon punched him after getting dropped into pony Chicago





>Berdherd with Rainbow Dash, Flitter, and Cloudchaser
>Herd aggressively chirps at any mares who approach Anon
>Mares see how aggressive they are and worry that they're forcing "a nice colt like Anon" into herding them
>Berdherd brings shiny/colourful pieces of cloth and metal over to Anon's house and drop them in his front yard to decorate it
>When they have foals, the berdherd becomes very protective over him
>Tell him to stay home and "protect the foals" while they all go out as a group to buy groceries
>Get instinctively upset when Anon leaves the foals by themselves while he goes into another room to do something




>Pegasi lay eggs instead of giving live birth
>One day Anon happens across an unhatched egg all by itself, which promptly hatches
>Anon is the first thing the pegasus foal sees and it imprints onto Anon
>Follows him around no matter what he does
>something something RGRE





>Anon wants to recreate Easter to show to his pony pals
>getting extra eggs for the purpose is a bit of a problem though, since ponies only use them for baking and the chickens aren't keen to give up more than they already do
>he's not even going to ask where the fuck a hen got a shotgun to chase him out of the coop with the first time he went in with a basket
>realizing there are larger eggs in the trees around town, he decides to be clever and collect those instead
>a lot harder to hide, but make do with what you have
>in the middle of painting them at his kitchen table, they start bouncing around and cracking open
>pegasus foals on the table, in the drawers, in the cupboards, on his face, in his hair
>mid-panic, a loud knocking comes from his door and he composes himself enough to stumble over and answer it
>a couple dozen smug-looking pegasus mares are standing outside, holding common-law herding scrips in their mouths




Oh my god, I want Luna to awkwardly try and convince Anon to start dating her by reading out a list of her positive traits.

>"Why You Should Allow Me to Court You"
>"By Luna, age 1200"
>"Number one: best at hugs"
>"Number two..."



>Luna decides that the perfect time for reading her list is during a formal dinner
>it is five hundred points long
>number 355-410 is devoted to bedroom activities
>starts out innocently enough, with her claiming to be the most loving bedpartner ever
>then it gets lewder
>and lewder
>she's describing her toy-collection in full detail
>the room seems to get gets increasingly hotter the further she goes
>you can't fight against Anon jr. anymore, and he assumes full control
>Most of the aristocrats are either furiously blushing or looking extremely uncomfortable
>she reads further and further
>you never heard the term "analcircumference" before, but it almost made you pop a bloodvessel
>some of the more timid stallions around the table faints






>Velvet hates to admit it, but she's tired of Night Light
>He's losing his looks, getting wrinkled and flabby
>His cock doesn't get as hard as it used to, and he just doesn't have the stamina to give her a real dicking anymore
>He's still a sweetheart, but Velvet is going to go insane if she goes another week without a proper fuck
>She heads out on a 'business trip' to Manehattan, where she meets everyone's favorite apelien in a bar

>Anon goes full love doctor mode
>He isn't going to stand for this horse-degeneracy and betrayal
>Saves their marriage with help from Cadence and the M6, as well as anyone else the author wants to include
>Wins the heart of his waifu(s) in the process as long as Twilight Velvet isn't his waifu







>You are Anon, and you are making some breakfast for your herd.
>Your herdmates have places to go and people to see, and they need a balanced breakfast to start the day.
>"Morning, babe!"
>Before you can react, something smacks you in the ass, making it sting.
>You yelp in surprise and nearly drop your spatula onto the hot stovetop, which would have RUINED the pancakes you're making.
>Every fucking morning.
>It's the same thing.
>You spin around to tell off Cloudchaser - because it's ALWAYS Cloudchaser - and try to wipe that smirk off of her face.
>Just as you suspected, Cloudchaser's is standing right behind you, looking as smug as a waist-high miniature horse can look.
>"I see you're wearing that apron I got you for your birthday."
>She licks her lips as she eyes you up and down, lingering at your chest where the material is extra-tight.
>"It looks good on you."
>Flattery (or what barely passes for it) will get her nowhere.
"For fuck's sake, Cloudy, would you stop doing that? What if you startled me and I burnt myself?"
>Cloudchaser unfurls both wings and flicks the tips of them in agitation.
>"Easy there, big guy, easy. I just wanted to know if those pancakes are gonna be ready any time soon."
>You glance over to your skillet and see that the little circles of batter are starting to bubble, and you take that as your cue to flip them.
"Yeah, just give them a few more minutes. They're nearly finished."
>Cloudchaser flies up until she's at head-level with you.
>"Thanks, dear."
>She wraps her foreleg around her head and pulls you in for a big kiss on the cheek.
>"I'll be in the den with Flitter until then, okay?"
>With a pat on the cheek, Cloudchaser flies out the kitchen door.
>You hear her shout over her shoulder as she leave.
>"And don't forget, I like my pancakes with strawberry syrup instead of maple!"
>A moment later, she pokes her head back in.
>"Say, think we have time for a quickie? My boss has been riding my ass and I need a bit of stress relief."





>Twilight is interested in Anon but doesn't know a thing about courting stallions
>She's too embarrassed to ask her parents or friends for help, so she goes to her grandma in Canterlot for assistance
>When she returns to Ponyville and confronts Anon, she's a nervous stuttering mess
>Weakly slaps Anon on the ass and says that he has a nice ass
>Anon is too busy laughing to even be annoyed
>He brings her home and fucks the daylight out of her






>Every night for years, Anon dreams of an odd blue equine on the moon.
>She seems so real and lonely in the dream, so he feels the need to interact with her.
>And each time he returns, she's lonely and longing for company once more.
>One night at a time, he learns the story of Luna the alicorn and her backwards home, Equestria.
>Slowly, he begins to doubt these are even dreams.
>But what could be going on? Is Luna real? Or not?
>Regardless, he finds his heart yearning for the strange alien pony he meets each night. 
>Just the thought of her boldly proclaiming that she would "be his knight most chivalrous" makes him smile. 
>But after nearly 3 years, the dreams stop, leaving the human heart broken.
>Until his alien pony decides he should be at her side in person, that is.

>On the other side, Princess Luna struggles to keep sane with her 1000 years of isolation.
>Each day is a hard-fought battle to not submit to the madness gnawing on the edge of her mind.
>But one year in, she does something unexpected.
>Sleep takes her, and she dreams.
>And in her dream, is a strange bipedal male. One who doesn't fear. her. 
>In-fact, he APPROACHES her, an unsure offer of friendship ready. 
>It's all too good to be true. She found an escape.
>But as quick as it happens, the dream ends with him promising to come back.
>And so she waited.
>And wait for a whole year she did, until the next dream came.
>Each year, he came back, giving Luna the motivation to keep going.
>For 1000 years she lives like this. Learning more about her visitor and letting the precious memories hold her over. All the way to her freedom.
>But now free and at full power, the Princess will not be denied her most beloved companion any longer. The chivalrous princess NEEDS her sweet human.
>There's some time and space that needs broken





>Anon meets nursepone in a bar
>Reveals that he knew all about the "penis inspection day" thing and how it wasn't a real medical exam
>nursepone is shocked that he saw through her ruse
alt end
>Penis inspection day is a real life actual thing in Equestria and ponies in the medical profession take cock-health very seriously




>Applejack discovers what her brother has been doing at night to earn money and help keep the farm afloat

 He'd cover up his cutie mark and go by the name "Big Banana" while he's on duty

>Applejack is upset about her brother stripping to help pay the bills
>She's even more upset that his stage name is based on an inferior fruit

>"Ah don't care if it's a pun, Big Mac! Why not jus' call yerself 'Two Big Pears' while yer at it?!"






>CMC think they're of age to find a stallion to start a herd with
>Predictably, they choose Anon
>They use pick-up techniques they learned from their sisters (or in Scootaloo's case, from Rainbow Dash)
>Shenanigans occur
>Something something RGRE






>Be Anon in the kitchen.
>You're out of food.
>You need to go get some food.
>So you go to the shops.
>The shops seem a bit strange today.
>None of the products you usually buy are here.
>Also everyone around you is actually some sort of horse.
>One of the horses is sniffing at your crotch.
>You come to a realisation.
>Damnit this isn't the shops.
>This is those stables they have down at the garbage transfer place.
>You go back to your car and try going to the shops again.
>You're pretty sure this is the right location this time.
>You buy your food and drive home.
>The horse that was sniffing you earlier is in your driveway.
>You honk your horn to scare it off, but it just runs into your backyard.
>You'll have to deal with that at some point, but now you've got groceries to put away.
>You grab as many bags as you can hold and take them inside.
>You dump the bags on the table and go back to get more.
>You repeat the moving of groceries from your car into your house.
>After more boring moving of things from one place to another you have them all inside.
>Now that you have food, you can have lunch.
>You begin making lunch.
>It's just a few simple sandwiches, because fuck effort.
>You've just finished making the last one and are about to go eat them when everything goes blue.
>When the blue stops you see that you are no longer in your house, but instead are in a different house.
>This is very unexpected.
>Also unexpected are the oddly coloured horses who are also in the room with you.
>One of them is eyeing your sandwiches.
"Don't you get any ideas, these are my goddamn sandwiches."
>You protectively hold your food close to you with one hand while using the other to make shooing motions at the horses to ward them off.
>"Well it did summon sandwiches, even if it also brought the colt who made them. Here's your twenty bits."
>"Booyah, bits, snacks, and a bonus exotic stallion. Best spell ever."






>>Rarity is a hopeless romantic
>>Rainbow Dash is too, though she's loathe to admit it.

>Everyone thinks that a thirsty metrosexual like Rarity and a brash jock like Rainbow would be all kinds of dirty with poor, pure you in bed.
>Ha.
>No one knows that the first time you impulsively grabbed one and ate some candy vag, that both the receiver and watcher squealed like lolis in a hentai and went cherry red in the face. 
>It's not them corrupting you... but you corrupting them.
>And it's sooooo sweet




>Rara is desperately spending boatloads of money for gifts to woo you. Flowers, candies, spa dates, all kinds of shit. So is Dash, pulling out of her exorbitantly large prank fund for stuff like box seats to the Wonderbolts show and life size marble statues of her to put in your home


>Rainbow Dash organizes cloudless nights for stargazing
>Rarity finds joy in simple things like picnics and cuddling under the blankets





>Pinkie and Applejack are both interested in Anon
>Friendly competition for alpha, of the herd anon is unaware of yet
>both of them temping him through his stomach
>But Anon keeps politely declining Applejack's varied apple treats each time for pinkies confections
>Applejack becoming more frustrated confronts him, blowing the competition

>"Anon, why arn't my apples good enough for you!" she almost bawls with tears
"Your apples are just fine Jackie, I'm just allergic to them"

>cue a mental breakdown in Applejack





>In the old times, when one tribe conquered another, the defeated were often sold into slavery
>Mares took the healthiest and most virile stallions, keeping them for themselves
>Twilight messes up a spell, flinging Anon into the distant past
>Right into the middle of a town where one of Twilight's long flung descendants is about to invade




>Anon is sent into the distant past and lands in the middle of a three way war for supremacy
>Falls right into Princess Platinum's hooves and kept as a "prize" from a recent skirmish with revolting earth ponies.
>It's actually pretty comfy






>Big Mac finally got bitten by the love bug
>No not Chrysalis
>He finally decided it's time to get himself a mare
>His problem is that over the course of the last couple years, he's gotten himself into a love polygon, and the uneasy peace between the mares who've been pining after him is about to boil over when they figure out he's actually interested in romance now.
>Cherilee, Marble Pie, and Sugar Belle are the primary contestants with others coming out of the woodwork trying to snag the eligible bachelor before it's too late
>Rumor has it, even Princess Luna might have an interest in him.

>Big Mac always heard from his colt buddies that dealing with mares was easy, but that's not what he's finding out.
>And his littlest sister and her friends have gotten involved trying to help via Crusader Shenanigans, with very very mixed results

>Anon seems to know what he's doing, so Mac goes to everyone's favorite shitposter for advice






>Oh yeah, Twilight stole one of Sunbutt's "secret" spells, and gives Anon anal AND a blowjob at the same time, while simultaneously putting up a portal in front of her mouth so he dick finally fills up her horse pussy. 
She wants Anon to fill all her holes, ALL of them

>"We are honored to invite our very own, Princess Twilight Sparkle to present her thesis on teleportation."
"Thank you, Loud Voice. Today, I, Princess Twilight Sparkle would like to announce that I have made a new discovery in portal magic. Ladies, how would you like to receive three times the dick in one dicking."
>Gasps all around.
"Now you can."

CAVE JOHNSON HERE





>Eris is new to Equestria.
>It's such a boring plane.
>Idea.scroll
>What's this!?
>A scroll?
>I wonder what it says?
>>Take on a pseudonym
>>Deepen voice.
>>Play pranks on cute ponies.
>>Get away because stallionish whimsy
>That sounds like a good idea.
>She should really do that.

X thousand years later.
>Maybe that wasn't the best idea provoking Sunbutt Mc'Grumpypants like that.
>But at least you have a friend now.
>She keeps looking at this Monkey.
>Anon.
>What's the big deal about him?
>Speak of the pony, why is he running away?
>What is this bag?
>Are those firecrackers?
>Oh.
>Ooh.
>The naughty naughty boy,
>He should have a taste of his own medicine.

>Be Anon
>Flutters must have found out about your prank.
>She somehow managed to replicate it without fingers.
>You've finally found it.
>Someone who would actually prank you back, that doesn't live in the sky.
>You've missed this.
>Being on guard.
>Biding your time until it's time to strike back.
>It's on Fluttershy.
>Prepare your ponut






>Rainbow often makes soft chirps when she snuggles into his chest that turn her red with embarrassment immediately
>Subconsciously offers her wings to anon for him to preen, which is reserved for the closest of friends or mates





>Mares are condescending to Anon
>Act like he can't act competently because he has a penis
>Anon sets out to prove them wrong
>...and tries doing something he found out that he's actually really bad at
>Mares laugh and call him cute





>Pegasai foals don't cry much, as they whistle, cherp and peep instead.
>They even have instinctual sound patterns they use.
>One for "I'm hungry", one for "I want to play", one for "pick me up" and many others. 
>Pegasus parenting is easy mode without all the guesswork




>Single Anon is bros with Spike
>Ember comes for a diplomatic meeting
>Anon flirts with some of the lower dragon delegation, helped by their predator fetish
>Spike sees this and asks for help with his main crush
>Worse Whorse (after Trash)
>Anon helps Cyrano spike to woo his lady friend "Rarity"
>Accidentally ignites Embers spark for Spike with accidental apex predator wooing advice
>Rarity sees through spike and falls for Cyrano Anon, with all his romance-schromance

>Ember pursues spike
>Rarity pursues anon
>Spike resents anon
>Anon doesn't want to spite his bro





> petting a bird below the neck feels sexual to it
>you will never inadvertently molest a large portion of Ponyville's pegasus population
>they like it
>Anon is unaware of his bad-touching
>Begins a relationship with some mare
>Jealous, several pegasus mares tug feathers out of their wings and make angry crowing noises when they see Anon and his marefriend

>Socially-awkward pegasus wonders if she's part of a herd after Anon absent-mindedly pats her on the back

>just shows up next morning in his house making him breakfast
>anon doesn't even ask why just rolls with it
>crazier stuff happens in horse-land anyway, free homemade breakfast is nothing to sneeze at

>socially awkward to the point of silence
>always around him somewhere
>her feathers are always sticking out of his cloths no matter how many he cleans off

>so socially sheltered she's constantly blushing at all his cloths 
>Anon never knows they are horsemarried, but is the lewdest with all his platonic affection

>She's aggressively protective of him
>he doesn't quite know it

>Everything was going fine, until the fire nation attacked (her first heat)
>she's doesn't want to damage her lewd virgin husbando
>she asks him what the birds and the bees are
>he tries to explain as if to a friend
>her lust filled mind just takes over
>rape








>C'mon Anon, you can do this. Just like Celestia instructed.
>Get in there, strut your stuff and finish this war before it begins.
>Both dragonesses that lead you here open the wide door in front of you.
>As you step inside you notice the only occupant sitting atop her tremendous horde.
>The door behind you slams shut, leaving you alone with the royal dragoness.
>A few solid gold coins topple and roll from the gigantic pile as she slithers down from her vantage.
>"So, you are the pitiful creature that has threatened my kingdom?"
>She crawls over to you, serpentine and dangerous.
"Well, more like 'bartered with'."
>Her eyes narrow as she stands up at full height in front of your, her hot breath escaping her fiery mouth as she speaks.
>"You dare to insult a Queen by wagging your silvery tongue, beast!?"
>You are about to flinch when you notice her full height is still a whole foot shorter than you.
>She seems to notice too if the indignant yet surprised looks she's giving you is anything to go on.
>You gain a sly grin.
"Don't play dumb with me Emby"
>Her face takes on a tiny blush as you give her a pet name.
>"Insolent male whelp! You dare-"
>You grab her by her scaly waist; pulling her close to your body.
"We both know what my kind is capable of, Dragon."
>Her face falters at your actions and words, she desperately tries to keep the facade of stoicism up, but her growing blush betrays her.
"The war would be ultimately fruitless."
>You run your hand down her side, resting it on her smooth ass cheek.
"I would 'spear' every dragoness that comes close."
>Her face shows open fear now, the wetness on her thighs indicates her arousal however.
"Luckily, I come to you with a compromise."
>You slap her on the ass, causing her to yelp.
"Sacrifice yourself to me, and no dragoness will feel the wrath of my 'spear' or 'silvery tongue'."
>She breaks from your grasp, falling to the ground and shuffling to her horde desperately.
"You on the other hand, will feel them daily."






"Oh Shiny I know you want a foal but you know that alicorns are sterile."
>"Oh is that the problem? That is easy to fix!"
>You give him a confused look
"What do you mean? How can you fix that?"
>Shiny gets up from where he was on the couch and rushes to the phone
>"Well I~ cant fix that. There is one pony who can."
"Shiny please tell me you aren't calling Twily. I love the girl but I would rather her not use my body as a science project."
>He chuckles that cute little chuckle of his
>"No no no. You see the Sparkle family has an old friend who helps in times like this. We call him "The Surrogate""
"The surrogate what?"
>"Just the surrogate. You see any time a sparkle mare cant get pregnant the family calls him up. For some reason he can imprenate even sterile mares and his foals always come out strong. That is why house Sparkle is the most numerous and magically inclined noble house. He has been doing his job for CENTURIES."
>Your jaw drops as he explains
"Wait, centuries? So he is some sort of withered old stallion?"
>An image of an impressively ancient stallion fucking you makes you shiver
>You love Shiny but you are not sure you are into wrinkly old cock
>"Oh no he doesn't age. Also he isn't really a pony. He is a human and...well he is sort of like a minotaur but with less...cow?"
>You cant even picture it
"So you are going to call him up and...what?"
>"Oh well he will come and you two will"
>He scrunches his nose and motions with his hooves
>"And when he is done you will be pregnant. Now shush I need to make a call."
>You sit and think about some minotaur plowing your slit
>It doesnt take long and you feel the juices flowing
>"Hey dad? Yeah well it turns out that Cadence is sterile. Is there any chance you could call Anon? Oh he is in the room right now! Great! Can you get him a ticket to come over? Thanks! Also you might tell Twilight now is the time if ever. You know she has trouble talking to stallions. Alright Love you. Bye."
>He hangs up the phone and turns to you
>"He will be here in a week! I hope you are ready to be a mom cause when he is done you will be one."
>You want to be excited about the prospects of parenthood
>The only problem is you are far to excited about getting a guilt free romp with some exotic stallion.
>Him knocking you up in the process just makes you wink all the faster




>Nightmare Moon makes it public knowledge that she's keeping Anon as a concubine
>In private, things are different
>After a long day's work, she goes to her room and removes her armour/regalia
>She immediately collapses onto her bed in exhaustion and bats at Anon until he starts giving her kisses and belly rubs

>"Those fools have no idea who they're dealing with."
"Mm-hmm..."
>"I'll show them, Anon. I'll show them all!"
"I know you will, sweetie."
>"...did you make that salad I like?"
"It's in the fridge; second shelf on the left."

>"You'd tell me if my staff were treating you improperly, wouldn't you?"
"Of course I would."
>"If they can't treat a colt right, then they have absolutely no business having the honour of serving me."
"You'll be the first to know if they step out of line, okay?"
>"...you're very precious to me, Anon. You're the most beautiful and brightest star in my night sky."
"I love you too, Moons."




>NMM sealed Celestia and Twi in the moon
>Realized that she fucked up
>Celestia always did all the hard work even before
>Anon helps calm her down and gets her to rethink her rule
>She slowly becomes less evil though she wont put up with bullshit
>She also becomes more and more attached to Anon





>Nightmare Moon takes on her own form after being purged from Luna.
>Reluctantly gives up. 
>Now she spends her days giving Luna shit for being a a gangly beta autist. 
>It's all magnified since Nightmare is more or less a turbo-chad bad filly that can keep even fickle stallions orbiting her.
>Meanwhile Luna just wants to be left alone to do her own thing





>You are Nightmare Moon, Queen of the Dark.
>And you sigh contently as you settle on the human sized loveseat lengthwise, letting you stretch out.
>The pillow you rest against has your lover's robust aroma, making the furniture that much more relaxing.
>The book in your azure magical grip wavers, then is set down the coffee table as you decide to simply doze.
>You could watch the "television" invention that had taken Equestria by storm in recent years, but decide against that as well.
>You roll your eyes after looking at the large box of a machine in the living room. A box that plays moving images broadcast from far away. What will they think of next?
>A sudden scent and the sound of sizzling coming from the kitchen made your nose twitch and ears perk.
>That must be your beloved preparing dinner.
>Without warning, your stomach grumbles, wanting the delicacies being prepared in the other room.
>It still amazes you that your beloved can turn common fare into mouth-watering cuisine. The sort that puts the royal chiefs of old to shame.
>Or maybe your relationship is coloring your opinion? You find it hard to speak ANY sort of ill about the father of your unborn foal.
>Your stomach growls again, reminding you that you eat for two now. 
>Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you shift on the couch and resign yourself to waiting. 
>Not even 2 months in, and the small lump on your belly is making you ravenous at just the smell of food.
>It would be unseemly for a queen to try and beg food out of her soon-to-be husb-
>Wait, you aren't a queen anymore. You have no need to hold yourself to such stifling standards.
>With a small smile, you rise and walk to the kitchen, intent on trying to sneak away with a treat.
>Idly, you wonder what Celestia and Luna are doing.
>Whatever it is, they can't be enjoying themselves as much as you are






Anon is friendless in RGRE
He hires a gigolo to cuddle.
Since prostitutes are stallions, it would make sense that gigolos are good looking mares.





>Anon has an idea
>He takes a few magazines with him and goes over to the train station
>Inhaleing deeply he yells
"ANY MARE WANT TO FUCK? I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING AND I NEED A WILLING P...."
>At this moment he was bombarded with willing partners
>Choosing one at random, they head off to a seedy motel... which in equestria turns out to not have cockroaches and is closer to 4 star then 3 on earth, but for some reason rated one here
>As the mare gets on the bed to present, anon tosses the magazines on the bed
>She begins winking
"So here is the plan, I want to read porn while useing a pony like a sex doll"
>Winking intensifies
>Unable to speak she just nods.

>About 10 minutes in and many orgasims later, anon sees an image and pauses... 
>He looks at her cutie mark, then at the image...
"Cool, so... You are a porn star miss..."
>She looks a bit shocked, but snaps out, manginging to pant out
>"Wooden... woodenlilly"
"Cool, so... have to ask, you bi or gay for pay?"
>Before she can answer, a vice like grip tells anon she is cumming again, his cue to go over the hump with her
>He picks her up from behind and slams in till they both make a mess of the bed.

>As the two pant and recover, anon is the first to move
"So... so there is another bed over there... want to ruin it too?"





> Be Anon, trying to drink away the bad feels
> Considering the local bar only serves chocolate milk variations, it's not working too well
> You try to force the drunkenness
"Ye-you know what, Pinkie Ponko Plump Rump?"
> You frown blearily at her
> It's late, and you are kinda tired
> But isn't her hair supposed to be a big poofy, curly mess?
> You mean, it looks fine straightened, but that doesn't seem like her style
> She knocks back a shot of strawberry milk
> "Is it a guessing gaaaaame?"
> She gives you a half smile
> "I'm gooood at guessing games."
> Wow, no exclamation point, something's up
> Well, everyone has their own troubles, if they are at the Bitter Drink at this time of night
> You shake your head
"Nah, not that. Lemme tell you, when I was home, home on Earth. You know what? I didn't touch nobody. Nopony. Like, maybe shaking hands once a month. Thas'all."
> Pinkie shifts on her bar stool
> "Thas terrible! No hugs or snugs? Wait. Did you shake hands with uh, hehe, guys?"
> She waggles her eyebrows suggestively
> Damn pervert
"Yeah, I did. But never mind that. You know what happened when I got here?"
> Her brow furrows as she tries to remember
> "I gashped at you, and threw a party?"
"Mmm yes, that happened. But still, even here..."
> You take a sip of your chocolate milk
"Nopony touches me. Is a hug too much to ask?"
> Pinkie's eyes go wide
> "Can- can I hug you?"
> You open your arms wide
"Go for it."
> She hops onto your lap, wrapping her forelegs around you, resting her head on your shoulder
> You sigh in contentment, comforted by the warmth of another being
> You hold her close, rubbing little circles on her back
> She nuzzles at the side of your neck, and you feel your heart swell at the sensation
> You squeeze her sightly, nuzzling her neck
> It feels so good, at long last
> And for some reason, her hair is inflating and returning to its curly shape

> Be Pinkie Pie
> DO NOT GET WET, YOU REPEAT, DO NOT GET WET
> This poor stallion needs a snuggle buddy, not a fuggle buddy
> But maybe if you play your cards right...
> OH SWEET CELESTIA'S CAKE HOARD, HE'S NUZZLING YOU BACK
> DO NOT GET WET, DO NOT GET WET!




Anon and some of his friends get drunk in the city while bla bla is doing blaa blaaaaa blaaaaaaaaaaaa, when they meet some unfriendly types. Imagine internet trolls in real life, but drunk and in equestria. 

They get into a heated argument. Then one of them drops a bomb

>"You know what, do this world a favor an BUCKING KILL YOURSELF"
>Its like its the worst thing anyone can tell another to do in this world
>Many ponies are sad
>Some look about ready to defend your honor
>But all you can do is laugh
>A bit more drunk then you realize you let yourself go
>"The BUCK are you laughing at?"
"Thats how I ended up here in the first place"
>Anon gets uncomfortably close and tells the little shit in detail what he did and what the end result would have looked like
>More then a few ponies are sad, crying, or trying to hold their bile in
>Anons friends however, are stunned that they finally learned how anon came into the world. 

>Next morning, anon doesn't remember shit
>He got drunk on the good stuff
>His friend shave no idea how to broach the bombshell he dropped last night. 
>Thinking that maybe it was just anon lying again, he does that often, till they see the remnants of scar tissue





>Appul has a crush on Anon
>Anon is a lazybones
>Appul has trouble reconciling the idea of her perfect horsebando being allergic to work






>Anon says things like "Oh fuck." and "What the fuck." a lot.
>Estrus hits.
>Mares conveniently "mishear" him and "think" he's asking to fuck




>Rarara is an unashamed turbo-fedora that isn't repulsive. 
>She gets the guy like in the fairy tales and fanfics she totally doesn't read.
>A few brave mares try with normal stallions after seeing that.
>They get weird looks, offence, or (laughs in slut) from the stallions






>Anon's pony equivalent is already living with a herd of true waifus
>Since they're technically the same person, Anonpone allows Anonman to join them
>Anonpone is happy to have another stallion around the house, especially one he relates to so well
>The mares are just glad to have another dick to ride





>Daring Do, and of course her nemesis Ahuizotl, both discover evidence that points to the lost city of Man
>(or lost continent, the legends are a little vague)
>Shenanigans ensue on the race to find the city and prevent Ahuizotl from using the lost magical human superweapons to take over the world
>It's under the sea for one, requiring them to deal with both seaponies and sirens before they can get to it

>Then when they get there, it's not empty ruins like they expected.
>Living breathing humans still live there, cut off from the rest of the world
>They may be a mere shadow of their former glory, but they still live.
>They're also (from Daring's perspective) RGR, led by King Anonymous

>To her immense surprise, for once in her life, she has an easier time convincing the natives that she's the hero and Ahuizotl is the bad one, because humans are more likely to believe a cute mare asking for help than a freaky whatever he is asking where they keep the really dangerous stuff.

>To his immense disappointment, there are no superweapons or crazy magical artifacts around.
>Unless you count HMD's and he don't swing that way






>FalloutAnon winds up in RGRE!FO:E
>Halfway through LittlePip's quest
>Pipboy says he's friendly
>Even though he's labelled a MareKiller
>Still a few feet taller than anyone
>His own dedication autism led him to min/max for stealth
>Skin-tight stealth suit
>covered in bags of loot
>creeps through raider/slaver encampments
>kills everyone
>takes everything that isn't nailed down
>tries to sell it to the nearest trader, they don't have enough caps
>invests thousands of caps in trade routes
>mares try to convince him to take them along, but he tells them they're too loud
>"Oh, I'll make you loud, too..."
"What?"
>"N-nothing."
>Puts scavengers and salvagers out of business
>There isn't a scrap for miles
>Derpy has it all
>Every mug, clipboard, empty bottle, scrap of ammo, or weapon
>Slavers want him for best sex slave
>Raiders start to worship him like a demon god they must appease
>Settlers want to repopulate the world with his seed
>Anon just wants more caps




>barbarian lord anon
>defeats Ladies and queens makes them into his harem
>several fiefs and 2 queens have already been brought low by non consensual hugging
>the latest queen looks beyond her castle walls and sees what she's up against
> THE BELLY RUBS CANNOT BE STOPPED




Anon baffles the fuck out of the ponies.

He's male because he has a penis, but socially and behaviourally is like a mare. When he's seen, that is.

He prefers to live alone in his little Everfree camp, and often moves when ponies stumble across him.

Cadence, being the nosy whorse she is, tries to set him up with a mare. 

The catch? Magic goes haywire when interacting with him, often unpredictably for the caster.

Anon just wants to be left alone from this crazy bitch.




Anon's meeting with Luna is a disaster: on Nightmare Night, she tries to scare him. He throws her through a wall.

While ponies are outraged, Luna is happy: even if he has a dick, she's finally met someone who isn't a complete pansy in this day and age.

Thus, an odd bromance is formed.

Now, if only her sister would stop hitting on the increasingly annoyed Anon, and being a misandriast




>Anon is a cowboy
>Like, an actual wild west cowboy, not some fat truck driver hauling an 18-wheeler full of cattle
>After arriving in Equestria, he manages to sign on to a cattle drive from Appleoosa to Ponyville
>It's a good job, exactly how he remembers it, except the cows talk
>And flirt with him
>A lot




>Anon is marching toward the pool
>He has a line of ponies on each leg, holding on to each other trying to stop him
>"Anon, you have to stop! The water is too dangerous for you! You'll drown!"
>He keeps going, dragging all the ponies toward the water.
"Ah, but you are all WRONG. For I, am a SEAMONKEY!"
>One of the ponies asks, "Is that like a seapon-EEEEEE!"
>He jumps into the pool, taking all of the ponies with him into the deep end.

>Tiny Appul paddles over to him from the shallow end with her floaties to save him





>Pone has crush on Anon
>Anon takes pone home and fucks her raw
>Pone thinks that this is the start of a beautiful relationship
>Wakes up to a cold bed
>Turns out that anon was just looking for a quick fuck
>"Oh Celestia, is this what I've been doing to stallions all that time?"
>Something something RGRE





>Anon wants a pet, but all of Flutterbutt's animals are either too scared of him or they wouldn't make a great pet.
>(Who would want a pet wasp?! Honestly!)
>Flutters decides to do the sensible thing.
>By sensible, she needs to scratch an itch and she wants to cure Anon's pet problems.
>So she puts on a collar and a leash, walks up to Anon with the leash in her mouth and a sign hanging from the collar: "Pet me."
>Something, something RGRE

>"Bark bark."
>Translation: Is this your fetish Anon?





>Anon collapses during a get-together with the mane six after complaints of hunger even though he recently ate
>The mares freak out and help him into his house before sending a group out to get a doctor
>The doctor arrives to hysterics as Rainbow Dash desperately shakes a half-conscious Anon in a bid to 'keep him from going into the light'
>After her male nurse calms them down enough for her to work and ask the light-headed human a few questions, she states that she knows what his problem may be, and that, in fact, she's dealt with it before in vacationing Gryphons
>She sends her assistant back to the office, and a short while later he returns (with noticeable discomfort) holding a moist sack of grim-smelling gunk in his mouth
>The mane six are taken aback when they learn that the contents of the sack the doctor mare is warming the pan in the kitchen for is neither vegetables, fruits, nor sugars, but some manner of preserved flesh
>Each of them protest as the doctor throws the cooked and still partially bloody meat onto a plate and makes for the loopy human, each insisting that she was going to make the poor colt sick with the gore she'd concocted
>She does little more but hold the plate under his nose, rousing him gently from his grogginess purely from the smell
>Just as the mane six is reaching the end of their patience and their confidence in her medical expertise, Anon seizes the frightening food into his bare claws and sinks his teeth in
>Reddish-brown liquid trickles down the side of his mouth as he vigorously tears pieces from the main body and devours them
>Twilight and Pinkie are both cringing back but visibly intrigued
>Dash, Rarity and AJ each seem noticeably confused and faintly disturbed 
>Fluttershy's wings are at full mast and twitching


>Dear Princess Celestia
>Sometimes your friends have different dietary needs than you do, and that's okay.
>If your friend is the only one of his kind and isn't particularly learned in his species' biology, he might not know what nutrients he needs and he may suffer for it.
>Today I reaffirmed my belief that colts are silly, air-headed creatures.
>Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle





>Estrus season rolls around again so all the mares in town burst into song and choreographed dancing to tell Anon why he should fuck them





>Succubi are constantly being summoned by lonely colts interested more in a relationship than sex
>Succubusmare's face when Anon is interested equally in both






>Anon gets bodyswapped with Twi
>Spends the entire time telling stallions to "Fuck off!" and being rude to them
>He spends an uncomfortable week resisting the urge to touch himself
>Finally Twi gets back and switches their bodies back
>Twi finds out that there are no less than four stallions that want in her pants
>Is horribly utterly confused






The alicorns, used to having stallions falling over themselves for them, are kinda surprised when Anon says he doesn't find them attractive.

Cadence acts like his annoying sister, so that kills his why-boner dead. Plus, he thinks she looks like something that fell into a vat of syrup.

Celestia is too gangly and has an ass that eclipses Luna's moon.

Twilight is Chublight.

Luna is... Luna.

Insulted and a little worried, they go on diets, change their mane-styles, etcetera






>Day Spoopy
>Be Anon
>Little horses are running about in costumes
>Even the Adults
>One mare is getting particularly aggressive about the amount of candy being given out
>Crazy bitch is dressed like K=Pop idol or some shit.
>Got like Thugnificent, just to massive, pink, puff-balls on either side of her head.
>…
>And she just got knocked the fuck-out.
>Whelp, back to drinking alone in your house while wearing a hockey-mask.
>Truly you are living the Miller High Life
>”Trick or Treat~!”
>…Fuck it, time to scare children
>You pick up your machete and walk towards your front door
>Slamming the door open, you roar like a battle retard while waving your prop-blade over your head
>… There’s no one out here and ponies are staring at you in confusion
>A couple look afraid.
>Mission accomplished you guess…
>”… Thou darest to strike against-“
>BLIND-REVERSE-SUPLEX-INTO-GIANT-SWING!
>A massive blue horse is sent flying through your house, breaking through one of your walls
>Fuck
“Fuck."




>”Are you seriously going to wear that thing as your costume for nightmare night?”
“Of course, this may be the greatest costume I ever created, leaps and bounds over my Magneto costume last year.”
>”Anon… it’s just a tinfoil hat.”
“It’s not ‘just’ a tinfoil hat Twilight, it’s a conspiracy tin foil hat. With this on everyone will know just how crazy I am.”
>”I’m pretty sure they think that already.”
>That one hurt just a little.
>”You’re not going out wearing that thing.”
>”You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my mom.”
>”No I’m not your mom, I’m your wife, and as such I am not going to walk around town with you while you make an idiot of yourself again.”
>Twilight emphasized her point by bringing her hoof down on the hardwood floor.
>The mare of the house had spoken.
>But you wouldn’t be stopped, not now, or ever.
>She may be your wife, but you are Anon, the man who laughed in the face of danger.
>And no equine would stop you.
>Holding your head high, you made for the door.
>The dignity of mankind rested on your shoulders now, and you were going to do it proud by wearing the shit out of this hat.

>Why did you ever think this was a good idea?
“Curses on you- you- damn hat!”
>Conspiracy tinfoil hats are supposed to be funny, meant to make you look like a fool.
>They’re not actually supposed to goddamn’ work!
>After donning the foil hat, you started to notice things.
>Odd things.
>To be honest this world was about as odd as it got, but this was odder? Is that the right word for it?
>Never mind, that’s not important right now.
>What is important is that you saw things, things that didn’t make sense.
>Like Pinkie Pie.
>The mare who could pop out of nowhere, you saw her hiding in a pot, almost as if you had x-ray vision.
>She was curled up tightly, grinning to herself, just waiting to catch someone unaware as they passed by.
>As for Flutters, this was going to sound weird, but when she was talking with the birds, you could understand them.
>Almost like a speech bubble, the words appeared above their heads. And they were fucked up little birds.
>You are scared.
>Twilight tried to warn you that this was a bad idea.
>You didn’t listen!
>Why didn’t you just listen!?





>Anon is a social retard
>Combined with not quite getting pony body language, he can't tell that mares are actually hitting on him unless they are blatantly obvious about it (to the point where it becomes funny or loops back around to being horribly unfunny).

>Goes around rejecting mares who are trying to get a date, clueless as to what they were actually trying to.
>He thought they were just trying to hang out or something, and he already had plans or whatever.
>Sad pones have been unintentionally friendzoned




> Be Anon, hanging out in the Crystal Friendship Castle Playset library in your boxers
> It's your compromise with the "clothes are lewd" thing the ponies have
> It was a little embarrassing at first, but you got used to it eventually
> They'll just have to keep their winking to themselves once it gets colder
> In the mean time, you earn your living drawing portraits of pony nobility
> This is not to say that you are especially good at portraiture, just that there is something of a trend among the nobles to have an "Authentic Human Rendition" made
> Far be it from you to turn down plentiful money, and you only make one once a month
> This, of course, drove the demand up rather high and with it, the price you charge
> The job security is all well and good, but it also means that there was a great deal of contention before the Princess of Bureaucracy stepped in and made a schedule
> Understandingly, there were those who wish to cut in line, offering bribes, ambushing you outside of your apartment, that sort of thing
> It got to be such a hassle that you ultimately moved into the castle of a certain purple princess
> It helps that the library is extensive, you have always liked to read
> "Huh."
> Looks like your reading buddy has something she wants to share
"Yes?"
> Twilight's voice is slightly muffled by the book hovering in front of her face
> "It says here, that, uh, 'Minotaur penises vary in length and girth, both before and after erection, sometimes irrespective of it's previous state.' Is this true for humans too?"
> You are pretty sure the question isn't entirely academic, but there probably isn't any harm in answering it
"Yup."
> You aren't the most helpful of research subjects
> "And in your, ah, personal experience?"
> You look up from your book
> Despite her efforts to hide behind the book, you can see her blushing
> To be fair, you aren't exactly comfortable with the question yourself
"I'd rather not say."
> She lowers the book, embarrassment shifting into concern
> "Is that why you insist on boxers? Some sort of size-based insecurity?"
> You frown
"There's also the whole modesty thing, I know I told you about that."
> She sets the book down, staring straight into your eyes
> "I understand that, but you are already becoming desensitized to casual nudity. Anon, you don't have to worry about having a penis smaller than the average stallion's. When it comes to mares, the size doesn't matter, we're just happy to see a dick."




Many centuries ago, a great evil was sealed beneath Canterlot Mountain. It took representatives from each of the major races of Equestria to do it, and after the hard-fought battle, they set up alarms tied to their bloodlines so they and their descendants would know quickly if the evil ever showed signs of breaking free from its imprisonment.

Cue Anon, in present day RGRE.
Hiking around the Canterlot foothills, he stumbles across a nearly completely hidden cave, overgrown by plant life and clearly forgotten. Within is a strange structure, one so interesting he simply must get a closer look… until Pinkie Pie shoots up out of his pocket, startling him and causing him to demolish the structure entirely through improbable happenstance and luck.

Beneath the structure, Anon finds a passage deeper into the mountain. Compelled to continue exploring (Pinkie shouting "Do it, faggot!"), he discovers a misshapen form composed of a mish-mash of numerous animal parts, curled into a ball, softly slumbering.

Anon, having realized he's totally fucked up and landed himself into some bastardized shounen anime trope, tries to nope the fuck out before it's too late, but his hasty exit only serves to wake up the obvious super powerful ancient entity that used to be taking a nice nap in the center of the room.

The form uncurls, stretching its limbs and yawning with a particularly feminine tone to its voice. It is, of course, the dreaded Space Pirate/Chaos Entity Eris, and she's very attractive to Anon- I mean, attracted to Anon- wait, that's not right- grateful to Anon for freeing her from her long torment. Or possibly all three, and she intends to show him just how "grateful" she is.

Meanwhile, the descendants of those who sealed her so long ago have felt the disturbance and panicked, dropping everything to get to Equestria as quickly as possible.

Anon's life is about to go full Tenchi Muyo, and he never got past the Kagato arc. Ryoko is best girl, anyway



>Be Anon in Animuquestria
>You are a dudette from some sort of earth place but you are now in Equestria for some sort of poorly-explained reason.
>You are the little boy here because gender roles are all backwards
>But you don't give a shit about that because you're poking around under Celestia's housetain
>There's got to be some sort of cool shit down here.
>Pinkie is with you because she's your sidekick or something.
>She's carrying lunch and stuff for the two of you so you're not going to tell her she can't come.
>Anyway it's all crystally and miney down here.
>The diggy hole kind of mine, not the explodey when you step on it kind.
>Ponies didn't get that second kind of mine until you taught them about them, and being new they are not in dusty old places like this.
>They're out in pony-cambodia blowing legs off the unlucky.
>You and pinkie have just gone down another rickety old ladder when you come across something cooler than the rest of the mine so far.
>It's a ominous stone doorway with loads of runes on it.
>This likely means it's got treasure behind it.
>So you and Pinkie swing your picks and smash it open.
>There is indeed neat stuff inside, all sorts of jewelry, wands, arks and other enchanted looking stuff.
>And in the middle of the room is a strange statue.
>It's a mishmash of all sorts of animal parts on one being, with text on the plinth reading 'Discord'.
>Fucken Jackpot!
>The two of you end up splitting the treasure between you, selling and donating the stuff neither of you has a use for.
>Like the statue, which you give to the city statue gallery because you don't have anywhere to put it
>After the big treasure haul things go back to sort of normal for a while
>Pinkie goes back to Ponyville citing plot-related reasons
>You stay in Canterlot in the Human Embassy, which as the only human defaults to being yours to stay in for free.
>After a few months of fucking around you start getting odd visitors.
>Like that Prince Sashimi of the Grifons.
>His older brother Prince Aleka who came along a week or so after Sashimi first showed up.
>And that red-scaled Siren guy, Washout.
>All of who have been asking about the adventuring you've done recently.
>They've been trying to find some kind of carbonite sarcophogus by the sound of it.
>You told them that you didn't find anything like that, and you wouldn't even know what carbonite looks like to start with.
>But you certainly didn't find any mummies down in the mines.
>They've decided to stay in Canterlot and keep coming by to see you.
>You really get the feeling that there's more to this than they're telling you





>Ponies think that Anon is super lewd in all his clothing
>Convinces him to go around in shorts and spend the entire day outside (to show Ponyville that he isn't, in fact, a slut who wears lingerie all day)
>Ponies are horrified when they find out that he's become sunburned
>word gets back to Celestia
>Celestia herself descends from Canterlot to wrap him gently in her wings and apologize


>Luna is smuggest horse

>"The gentle caress of moonlight upon your skin shall never harm you, fair Anonymous."


>Ponies horrified that Anon begins shedding skin and healing
>Ponies don't naturally regrow skin under their coats like this, relying on their innate magic to renew and replace

>"I told ya he was a reptilian! We even already knew he was an alien, why was him being a snake man beyond consideration?!"

>I'll buy it when he licks his eyeballs, this is just like griffons molting or something"




>Applejack keeps claiming she sees Anon in the apple orchard, leaving apple-circles
>Accuses him of abducting her cows

>Twilight watches as you peel off skin. 
>She's just... Watching. 
>You watch as her tail wags eagerly as you peel off each piece. 
"Do... Do you want some?"
>You say holding out a large piece of skin. 
>Her eyes go wide and she holds out her hooves noding. 
>You place it in her hooves. 
>She looks at the skin her face in awe. 
>"I-I can have this?" She ask hope in her eyes. 
"Uh, sure?"
>She lets out happy horse noises before galloping off the skin in her magic. 
>You go to peel off more but you notice a shadow caused by something behind you. 
>You turn around and find Luna. 
>"May... May we have some of thy skin Anonymous?"

>When griffons molt, they give their old feathers to loved ones
>By giving out bits of dead skin to anypony who asks, Anon is basically creating a herd





>You cuddle Applejack closer, holding her to your bare chest.
>It had been a lot of trouble for the girls to convince you to start going around naked, and in the end you compromised and basically stripped down to your shorts.
>"A-Anawn..."
>You shush her and stroke her mane, working your fingers through her thick, blond hair.
>It's just as soft as a human's, and it smells just as sweet.
"I know."
>Applejack weakly paws at you and looks around nervously.
>"No, y'all don't understand!"
"Shhh..."
>You move from running your fingers through her mane to rubbing her cheek, and you can't help but smile when she raises her chin up for you to scratch.
>Her eyes are closed and a blush is erupting on her face, and you can feel one of her hind legs kicking against your lap.
"It's just us, Applejack."
>She opens her eyes and looks at you with heavily-lidded eyes.
"I know we had some misunderstandings about the cows and the apple-circles, but we can put that all behind us."
>" T'aint proper," she croaks, trying and failing to tear her eyes away from yours, "Temptin' a hard-workin' mare like me..."
>You smile and shake your head.
"It's not 'tempting' if we actually go through with it."
>Applejack whimpers and shakes her head 'no'.
>"N-Not till yah got a r-ring..."
>She twitches and twists just a little bit as you slowly bring your face closer to her's.
>She wants to stay, but at the same time she wants to leave.
>You had no idea that a simple farmpony had such hidden depths.
>You just smile and cup her cheek, just to make sure she can't turn away from you.
"That can come later."
>Her eyes flutter shut as you make your final approach, and your's begin to follow suit.
>You can feel her hot breath on your face, and you unconsciously begin to synchronize your breathing; she exhales, and you inhale. She inhales, and you exhale
>>"Applejack? Ah tho- Applejack!"
>You and Applejack's eyes snap open and you stare at each other in surprise.
>Applejack scrambles to get off of you, pushing your arms away without any of the delicacy she normally reserved for stallions.
>Standing in between two trees is none other than Applejack's little sister, Apple Bloom.
>She looks outraged in the way that only small children can.
>"A-Apple Bloom?! Ah thought Ah told you-"
>>"Y'all said you were callin' Anon for soup!"
>Applejack does an unhappy little horse dance and groans miserably.
>"Ah was!"
>Apple Bloom stomps her hoofs angrily.
>>"I'm tellin' Granny!"
>"No, don't!"
>Apple Bloom rushes out of the orchard, and Applejack sprints off after her.
>Dinner was awkward that night; Big Mac called you a slut, and Granny said that you had something called "Foal-sirin' hips".
>Today was a "Apples is complicated" kind of day







>Finally, your latest molt was complete. 
>And it was a doozy. 
>You do a 360 in front of the hyooman sized mirror and inspect your new form with no small amount of satisfaction. 
>Gone was your hard chitin shell, replaced with thick skin coated in plush black fur. 
>The holes in your legs has closed, leaving your limbs whole and strong once more. 
>The same goes for your new, glossy wings. 
>The fin on your head was gone and in its place was a silky mane worthy of a royal 'Ling.
>Even the build of your body had changed. 
>Your head and muzzle had lost their angular shapes. Now you had a more rounded head and a softer muzzle.
>Your neck and torso had also elongated and thinned slightly.
>Turning around, you inspected your behind. 
>Gone was your bony backside that was made for aerodynamics. Now you had a full rump, wide hips, and a narrowed waist that you're sure mammals would find most enticing. 
>A flick of your tail confirmed that the changes you felt INSIDE your body during the molt were no trick. 
>You now had everything you needed to breed and give birth like a mammal.
>Such drastic changes. No wonder your instincts told you to cocoon up for this one. 
>You had been in the cocoon for 2 weeks. Your beloved most be worried sick by now.
>With a flicker of thought, you will the cocoon scraps around the bedroom to float to the trashcan. The scraps oblige with a green glow. 
>A smile forms on your now soft lips. Your dear human had done so much for you. Putting up with your changeling eccentricities and feeding you the purest of love without asking for anything in return.
>A pony stallion would never be so accommodating. 
>Your eyes turn to the bed and your smile turns into a smirk.
>It's time to repay him. 
>And what better payment than a female tailored to his tastes?





> Changeling surrogates have about the status level of tertiary herdmare
> That is, something like a sister in law with benefits
> It's common for herd alpha's to insist on being the only thing the stallion sees as he inseminates the bug
> Others prefer the bug to copy their form for the entire procedure up until just after birth
> More open-minded mares treat the bugs as fellow herdmates
> The offspring itself has a strong resemblance to the father, but it will gain some of the traits of others in the herd depending on how much those mares give of their love to the bug





>Some pegasi eat fish, and they have a variety of ways to get some fresh.
>Many just using fishing poles like people.
>Others...
>Sometimes, you can spot Dash and other athletic pegasi hovering high over the river looking down intently.
>Then she dives into the water at breakneck speeds, and hops back out with a wriggly fish, looking proud of herself.
>She brings it to you after realizing she has no idea what to do with a fish and assuming you know how to cook.
>Another day with adorably sexist pones





NMM wasn't borne of Luna's jealousy, but her smug arrogance
>She is the reason sex tends to happen at night
>Celestia was worshiped as the pure goddess that no colt wanted to blemish and is beyond /r9k/ levels of permavirgin

>Luna is a known as Princess for Sexual
>By pony standards

>Being a Sunfag is suffering
>Anon was finally able to praise the sun, and her bounteous behind
>But when the ponies found out he had 'defiled' her
>That he had seduced their pure Princess with the power of HMD
>The once peaceful ponies suddenly wanted to lock him in Tartarus.
>Because only an evil Incubus could even desire, let alone achieve such a thing





When Celestia and Luna were young, before the whole princess alicorn thing, the gender roles were like ours, over time they changed to what they are now.
Celestia and Luna are uncomfortable having to be like they remember their father being. They would rather be like their mother, and be doted on by the stallion instead of the other way around.
Enter Anon





>Anon prefers the night.
>Despite Twilight's best efforts she can't get him to hang out with her and her friends.
>Twenty minutes later she and Pinkie learn a valuable lesson.
>They and Anon can make accommodations to their schedules and meet at times that would be convenient for both of them.

>Meanwhile Celestia is still, after nearly a year, riding the high of the joy of having her sister back.
>But lately she's noticed how lonely Luna is.
>Then she receives a letter from her dear precious student.
>She learns more about the "hyoo-mun" Anon.
>She gets what she feels is an absolutely brilliant idea.
>Anon is nocturnal by choice. Her sister is the night.
>She'll introduce them.
>Luna will obviously be overjoyed, stallions that prefer the night usually turn out to be "stallions of the night."
>Maybe she'll finally have a non-sister friend that can understand her.

>Celestia deeply underestimates her sister's reaction.
>Luna decides to latch on tight and never let go.




Anon moves to the Crystal Empire, mostly because their gender roles are still "archaic" (like ours) and because he was irritated by Chublight and her friends constantly pestering him.

His new home is right next to the Crystal Palace.

Anon becomes "the girl next door" to Cadence, who finds herself increasingly tempted by him.

However, not only is he oblivious to her growing crisis, obstacles include Bro-Luna, who frequently drop by, and Celestia, who keeps trying to woo him with extravagant displays and gifts... and often self-foils

>Celestia sort of catches on to how he's basically a mare
>Tries to think of presents to give him that she herself would like to receive
>"Why didn't he like that enormous vibrating dildo I sent him?"






>Anon and Luna's nocturnal adventures.
>It's either creepy silent shit during the darkness or high octane chariot chases, shootouts and explosions.
>Interrupted by finding and eating at those cool places where the locals only knows about or awkward romantic silences and introspection while looking at the stars. 
>they're not even looking for trouble they just somehow walks into it.









>Celestia has had a long line of suitors over the years.
>But none of them ever stuck around for long.
>They claimed to love her at first, but they loved the idea of her, Celestia the Princess of the Sun
>They didn't love Celestia the pony

>They weren't gold diggers, or faking their interest in her (most of them anyway)
>But they couldn't handle the reality
>And when their image of the Perfect Pony Princess, who would cater to their every whim, was stripped away
>When they got to see a glimpse underneath the mask she wore, and saw the real her underneath, they didn't like it.

>That she got sad, angry, frustrated, and afraid just like everypony else
>That she wasn't always prim and proper
>That she had responsibilities
>That a crisis could and would happen at any time, and she would spend her days trying to keep her life's work from unraveling at the seams
>Facing horrors that only she can.

>That she would spend the majority of her time in court, listening to the requests, complaints, and demands of her subjects
>Or dealing with the nobility and the bureaucracy.
>Trying to juggle the needs of a kingdom instead of devoting all her attention to romance

>After the first few centuries of romantic failure, she resigned herself to the inevitable
>That love was an ephemeral thing, something she could only experience for a brief time, before it disappeared.

>She accepted less and less when a stallion would declare his love for her
>Knowing that the time would come when they would leave, having never really loved the real her at all.
>She wants to experience the real thing so badly, but it has eluded her all these years.
>When the pain of loss recedes, she lies to herself, that maybe this time, things will be different.
>And she indulges herself in this poor substitute for real love, until the high wears off, and it all comes crashing down again


>Celestia's heart couldn't take it anymore becomes Nightmare Star. 
>Subjugates all the enemies of Equestria within and without in mere days.
>Anon is resurrected because of a series of convoluted and practically retarded events that involves Pinkie Pie discovering the Colonel's 11 secret spices, the mirror pool, Anon's body and three fiddy bits.
>Celestia returns to normal and Anon is wondering why everyone is scared of his sweet heart

>Instead of Anon coming back to the world of the living he haunts her. 
>He is saddened by what his Tia has become. 
>Celestia sometimes feels something rubbing the side of her neck in bed like Anon used to when she was in a poor mood. 
>She will occasionally see him in court, he always looks so sad. 
>She doesn't understand. 
>She thinks it's because she isn't being strict enough. 
>That must be it! 
>His mood only gets worse. 
>Whenever she sees him he's now crying. 
>She no longer feels a touch in bed, she only hears a slight crying next to her. 
>She doesn't care anymore, that's not her husband. 
>He's dead




>He gave her one thing that would endure beyond his passing
>That would prevent her from spending all the years to come alone, should Luna's return go poorly.

>A daughter
>A mare who would soon claim the title of the Princess of Love







>Anon is in the Crystal Empire's Royal Herd with Shining and Cadence
>Cadence has given birth to both of their children 
>Anon takes issue with how much of total brat teenage Flurry Heart compared to Venus, his daughter with Cadence
>He tries to discipline her
>However in herds with more than one stallion, its generally not acceptable for one male to discipline another male's child
>Shining and Anon start fighting over this




>teenage Flurry Heart is actually justified in being completely done with this shit because her parents have literal wrestling matches in their bedroom with a full audience and announcer
>It's always at night too so she never gets any sleep





>1000 years ago, the Draconequus species was going extinct
>Nopony remembers why
>One by one, the last survivors died off, until just one remained
>Princess Celestia took pity on him, a single male, all alone in the world, and made him immortal through a complicated ritual
>The two were lovers, for a time, as Celestia worked on discovering a way for them to breed, and repopulate the once-great species
>Over the centuries, however, the loneliness got to him
>He was always fond of pranks, but the spirit had changed
>He'd gone from leaving whoopie cushions on seats, to tacks
>And when he overheard a pair of stallions discussing how attractive Celestia was...
>Finally, Celestia had to put him down
>But Anon would be different, right?
>Discord was always a loose cannon, even when he was mortal
>Surely, Anon, strict, uptight Anon would be able to cope with immortality
>Right?





>Anon makes potions for a living because it's easy to mix and match ingredients and assume the outcomes
>He gets a young, lonely mare to test out his experimental brews in order to record their effects in exchange of satisfying her need of having someone to talk to





>His time draws near
>His body has grown frail
>Soon, he will die
>But he tells Celetsia, that it is not the end
>Have faith, and one day he will return
>Be it one year, or a thousand, he will find a way to return to her.
>He dies, years pass
>Celestia and Anon's daughter Cadence grows up
>Luna returns, Twilight ascends
>Flurry Heart is born, and a few years later, she has a Brother.
>A green alicorn colt, with Anon's mark on his flank.

>Surprise Celly!
>Anon figured out how to reincarnate himself.
>As his own grandson. 
>He tries not to think about that part too hard. It was necessary to pull off the 'immortal this time around' bit.

>Anon's adult mind is intact, but his body is that of a foal
>An alicorn foal, but it'll still take years for his magic to develop enough for him to magically age himself to adulthood
>Shining slightly resents Anon for taking the place of the son he always wanted
>He knows he shouldn't be angry, but it still delights him to treat Anon as a foal
>Cadence doesn't sleep for weeks, as she tries to reconcile her memories of her father with the bundle of joy she carried for 9 months and pushed out her cooter
>Celestia does /ss/
>A lot

>Shining eventually pulls off the ascension trick after his sister figures out more friendship magic science bullshit
>For all eternity, he gets to tease his Father-in-law/Son and treat him like Shining is the dad.
>Anon must put up with the most horrible dad jokes ever known to man or pony.
>Forever

>He knows he kind of deserves it
>After all, Shining's sperm created this body
>And he did forcibly remove the child's soul and take its place
>He still wonders what happened to it

>Anon decides it's time to give this age-up spell a shot
>It doesn't work
>Oh it works on regular ponies, but it turns out it does absolutely *nothing* to alicorns.
>Apparently one of the prices of immortality is he doesn't get to skip the being a kid part.
>His family can't help but think it's adorable as he stomps his little hoofsies in frustration


>"BOY! CEASE THIS FOOLISHNESS AT ONCE!"
>The disrespect they show their sire. Your daughter and her mate will be punished for this. 
>"I WILL NOT SUFFER THROUGH THIS KIND OF TREATMENT."
>You stand to your full height, willing your wings to spread out like menacing eagle ready to strike.
>"I HAVE WALKED ON THIS WRETCHED PLANE LONG BEFORE YOUR FATHER IS A SPECK ON YOUR GRANDFATHER'S EYES"
>You gather power on your horns and see the look of astonishment and fear on their eyes.

Cadence's, Shining's, Everyone else's POV
>Who's a good widdle colt?
>Goo goo gaga!
>Oh look Shiny!, He's talking to you!
>Goo goo gaga pbbbttt.
>Aww, look at him! So scawy!


>Celestia... Mother can we talk for a minute?
>"Yes dearie, what is it?"
>Well. I'm concerned about my son- err I mean father... Anonymous.
>"What's the matter?"
>Well Isn't he a little different. I mean, He's giving major supervillain vibes. Just this morning he already drafted a plan to subjugate the surrounding countries.
>"Oh honey, Let him be. It's just a phase. He told me before. It's a common ailment or condition of his kind. Whenever they reach a certain amount of power/status/wealth, they have certain...eccentric tendencies. It'll pass."
>So uh what do we do then?
>"We'll just make sure none of his "plans" happen and distract him with a few things. everynow and then. And when the time comes that he's done with the evil overlord phase of his. We'll make sure to remind him and show him his pictures! Don't forget his quotes and speeches!"
>Uh.. okay then. See you later mom. err Princess





>Anonymous and Celestia likes to spice up their sex lives. The flavor of the week: Master and Slave roleplay.
>Foreign spies and infiltrators thinks that Celestia Sol Invictus is unconquered no more.
>What manner of creature has defeated and bedded a living goddess.
> A few weeks later several Envoys came to Canterlot to pay homage and tribute to it's "new master".
>Anonymous the Sun-Eater.
>Anon could only see Celestia's shit eating grin as she plants Anon to her throne and lays her head to his feet while wearing full regalia and all.
>T'was a misunderstanding kind of day





>Be Anon. 
>Apparently you're a small colt now. 
>You feel like shit. 
>Poor Celly is feeling pent up and you can't do anything about it. 
>How do you know she's pent up? 
>You caught her using that old dildo you had made for her that was molded out by your own dick. 
>Normally she'd come to you to get "Sum fuk" but seeing as you're a colt now she might be a bit scared. 
>You ended up contacting Fluttershy, she was always a bro. 
>Er, sis? 
>Anyways you called her in. 
>"Well, I don't want to tread on you and Celestia's sex life but..." She trails off. 
"But what?"
She begins scuffing the ground and looking around. 
>"Well I mean, you could always-, you know?"
>You're just confused. 
>"You know, you're a young colt, Celestia is a grown mare."
"Yeah, that's the problem Flutters."
>Now she's unamused. 
>When Flutters is unamused you know you did something stupid. 
>"Roleplay Anon. I'm talking about roleplay."
"Ooooh, that... Could work."
>Fluttershy just wraps a wing around you to comfort. 
>"It will, just listen to what I tell you and Celly will be the happiest mare around!"
>Wow she's adamant about this. 
>You have necer seen her this hyped up. 

>After Fluttershy taught you a few things you went to find Celly. 
>Luckily she was in her room. 
>You walk in and see her scribbling on some papers. 
>You sneak up and lay on her bed and sprawl out like Flutters said to. 
"Oh, what are we gonna do on the bed miss Celestia."
>She turns around and looks at you. 
>"Anon?"
"Yes miss Celestia?"
>You say as seductively as possible. 
>She begins to giggle. 
> Ow, you tiny little heart. 
>"What *Giggle* what are you doing Anon?" She ask walking over to the bed. 
>You sigh.
"I was trying to roleplay for you and act sexy, I know I haven't been able to please you since I became this but I want to at least try."
>She rubs your back. 
>"Oh honey, you don't have to worry about me. I'm happy as long as you're with me." She says laying her head on yours.
"I know that but, can we at least try?"
>She smiles with half lidded eyes. 
>"I don't know why not my lost little colt." She says pushing you down on the bed and rubbing a hoof down your neck to your groin. 
"B-But I pee from there."
>"Not right now you don't."

>Be Fluttershy. 
>You're looking through a hole into Anon and Celestia's room. 
"Holy buck this is hot."
>"I know right."
>You look over and see Rainbow Dash looking through another hole. 
>"Does it count as incest if I'm enjoying this?" Twilight says bedside her looking through another. 
>"Nah, probably not." Cadence says beside her looking through a hole with one hoof already on her groin. 
>"Good, just making sure." Twilight says placing a hoof on groin. 
>...
>Were the buck did all these holes come from?







>Anon regularly visits Zecora in the Everfree Forest
>Rumors spread that he's being STRIPED
>Twilight sets up a scrying spell to spy- Erm, check that Zecora is treating him well





>"Anonymous! Why did you murder everyone in Manehattan?!"
"Uh... b-because I had a friend and.... and...."
>Shit.
"And he went away?"
>Celestia stares at you unblinkingly
"....and I got really really sad?"
>She doesn't move an inch.
>You can feel cold sweat drip down the back of your neck.
"....and I'm sorry?"
>Celestia slowly nods before approaching you.
>You're frozen, wondering what punishment awaits you for your countless acts of murder.
>"Anonymous the human, for your transgressions, the crown hereby sentences you to...."
>HERE IT COMES
>"....to being Luna's personal student."
>What.
>Celestia ignores the way your jaw has impacted on the floor and left a crater.
>"You will let her teach you about friendship and you will write reports to her every week. Failing to do so will result in going to bed without a snack."
>Celestia turns around and walks, making effort to avoid stomping on the corpses you left on the floor.
>"Follow me, Anonymous. We'll fly back to Canterlot and I'll show you where you'll be sleeping. Do you like alicorn-feather pillows?"


>Anon frequently gets away with atrocities that would have him given the death penalty on Earth in RGRE
>All he has to do is give vaguely friendship-related excuses for his actions
>Starlight Glimmer and Discord are the only ones who notice him abusing the system because they've done it themselves.





>Anon abuses the friendship rule of leniency.
>Gets away Scott free from almost all his shenanigans.

>Flashes mares in the street.
>Gets caught.
>Friendship!
>Sentenced to being twilight's student.
>Anon is a good student.
>Twilight rewards him with tickets to an amusement park.
>Anon doesn't want to stand in line.
>Steals heat potion recipe from Zecora 
>Release it in the park in aerosol form.
>Start an uncontrollable orgy.
>Ponies everywhere, holding hooves, having sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation..
>Walk through the park with a mare strapped to his dick while going on the rides he wants, then paying with money.
>"I did this because Friendship!"
>Celestia starts catching on to his whimsy and makes him her student to keep an eye on him.
>Anon uses sexual favors for sexual blackmail 
>Then uses sexual blackmail for more sexual favors.
>Uses those favors for power in the court
>Gets promoted to royal steward due to noble intervention.
>Fingers Celestia to climax during day court.
>Friendship!

>Celestia meets with the griffon ambassadors
>Has to sit there and try to be professional while Anon sits behind Celestia, pulls her into his lap, and then starts pleasuring her with his fingers
>Celestia thinks that the entire meeting was a disaster; griffons go home wondering why THEY don't have appointed court-boys who pleasure them while they work

>"Sister, why wilt thou not share thy court attendant with us? We shalt be the only one at the summit without one

>Considering how long alicorns live, their childhood and teenage years can last 100 to 200 years
>Luna was banished when she was the alicorn equivalent of a teenager (explaining why she was so concerned what other ponies thought of her and how she had such wild moodswing)
>Now that she's returned, she worries about how she'll be the only one meeting at the summit who isn't following the latest trend





>Anon uses his new automatic male charm to score free food.
>When he's short on change he'll flirt with the delivery ponies to get a bit taken off.
>Sometimes they can resist his flirting, at which point he shows a bit of skin and offers to instead "show his appreciation for their hard work."
>And today for the first time he managed to completely fluster one of the "tough-looking" delivery mares.
>She flushed completely red, dropped his pizza, hid her face behind her hooves, and ran out of the building.
>She dropped her ID.
>So, being the good Samaritan that he is, he goes to give it back.
>They get to talking, find they have similar interests in music, and though she wouldn't admit it she was awfully interested to hear his exploits in gardening.
>She gives her name as "Night Feather", and he doesn't point out that her ID says "Morning Daisy."
>Over a few months they become somewhat friends, despite the age-gap.
>Anon establishes himself as someone she can turn to with her problems.
>And her total "I'm so badass whahaha blood!" edgelord act is freaking adorable to him.
>Anon later learns that he's the only friend she's had in her entire life.
>Plays the part of the mature adult, and she slowly falls for him.
>Something something RGRE




>"Yeow!"
>The young mare in your lap jumps, rocking her black and purple bed slightly and shaking the bundle of cosmetics at your side.
"Just hold still baby, I know it sucks."
>You gently part the rough, uneven fur on her cheeks, making her wince in pain.
>Just as you thought. The one thing that anyone around 16 or so hates.
>Acne.
>Puffy, irritated skin unpleasantly greets your eyes. All over the splotches of red you find that her fur is growing in coarse and uneven.
"Take it from someone who went through it already," You tell her gently. "It's awful, but the best you can do is treat it and wait for it to stop."
>She nods stiffly, eyes clenched shut.
>Grabbing from the pile of cosmetics, you pull up a wipe and gently clean the sore on her cheek.
>She hisses, but doesn't pull away.
>Murmuring encouragement, you toss the wipe away and grab a bottle of cream.
>This shit had better work. It was 30 bits a bottle. 
>You squeeze out a large drop onto your thumb and tenderly press it into her cheek.
>Another wince, but less intense.
>As slowly as you could, you rub the skin cream in with small circles.
>The mare in your lap stops shivering, her shoulders drooping as she leans into your hand.
“Better?”
>She nods absently. “You know, none of the girls in class believed me when I said we were a thing. They said things like this don’t happen.”
>Thank you backwards pony relationship roles and laws. No jail for cradle robbing here.
>You chuckle, bending down to touch your forehead to hers. 
“We’re not exactly normal, though. I don’t think it applies here.”
>She hummed an agreement. “Thanks Anon. Things are easy with you. I don't tell you that enough."
>Finally, she cracks her eyes open to look at you. “Sooooo my parents aren't going to be home for another hour or so. You wanna..?”
“How about on their bed?”
>She blinks. “Thats way lewd. Lets do it!”



>Anon is Teen Emopone's date to the prom 
>she gets jealous looks from all the girls at school that she managed to snag a hot older guy


>Mompone looks calmly between Anon and Emopone
>Walks out of the room
>Comes back with a cider, which she hands to Emopone
>Pats her on the back
>"Good job, kiddo."



>Anon sets up a booth that says "Will provide first kiss; 5 bits"
>A new generation of fillies can say that at least they aren't the kissless variety of virgins by the time they're in their teens


> Older mares stop by to "make sure nothing shady is going on"
> Rumor gets around
> Granny Smith shows up one day with a big jar of bits




>Anon hated being in high school the first time, and despite being optimistic for this new opportunity feels like Canterlot High won't be much better
>Teenagers are still teenagers, even with reversed gender roles 
>Just focuses on schoolwork and ignores other people 
>After school, he heads right back to his apartment
>Gets a reputation as something of an ice king due to how he acts
>Is never really impolite to people, but very obviously would rather be left alone 
>the fact that he seemingly showed up out of nowhere like Sunset Shimmer, gives him that 'mysterious' factor to the girls of Canterlot High
>It becomes a race to see who can get into the mysteriously hot transfer student's pants first






>A certain racistpone calls Anon a stupid immigrant monkey
>He calls her a bitch
>This word is extremely offensive towards diamond dogs
>Hfw she realizes the apelien is a pony supremacist as well
>Maybe apeliens can be honorary ponies in the upcoming racially pure society?





>Anon blackmails Sunset into acting like a good girlfriend
>Sit next to him, talk nice to him, act sweet, grab his hand in the hall
>Tough-girl shtick grates against the "new rules"
>Anon starts to do it at first just to be an asshole
>Starts getting concerned when she slips up
>Even makes her act like that in private
>Anon takes this opportunity to straighten things out in this school
>Uses her influence to deal with the other bullies
>All of the male staff like Anon because he's got queen bitch under his thumb
>None of the female teachers have the nerve to refuse Anon what he wants
>Sunny don't let no shit slide from anyone else because of her repressed anger toward Anon
>Anon picks up quick on new fantasy threats because he's genre-savvy
>They become the Matriarch and Patriarch of the school




>Anon's luck runs out when the mirror opens again, allowing Sunset to begin her plans by stealing the Element of Magic
>hides it in a place he won't know to look for
>Twiligt shows up at Canterlot High, and is somewhat confused at why people are afraid of Anon
>She expects them to be afraid of Sunset Shimmer given what she just learned about her from Celestia
>But why would they be afraid of her friend Anon, who she accidentally sent here?
>Still they catch up and students watch them in stunned awe
>Anon of course leaves out the Sunset thing, and only mentions that they're dating
>Is surprised to learn that Sunset is actually a unicorn in human form and it an actual human
>Things come to ahead at the Fall Formal when Twilight wins back the crown 
>Sunset gets it by threatening Spike
>Anon tries to blackmail her into giving it back but...
>"No. The time for YOU to give me orders is over."
>turns into her she-demon form with the crown and goes into a long rant about all the humiliating things Anon made her do
>"But it doesn't matter anymore. Tell everyone here what I did. Scream it from the rooftops! With the power I have now anybody who tries to cross me again is DEAD!"
>attempts to blast Anon to death with magic, but Twilight and the Humane 5 jump in the way
>Magic Ex Machina allows them to beat Sunset Shimmer 
>Before Twilight can even get a word in, Anon loudly reveals the info he's been using to blackmail Sunset all this time 
>That she attempted to struggle-snuggle him
>Redemption is hard enough when you turn into a she-demon, it's even harder when you're a sex offender
>The only reason Sunset isn't in prison at that point is because Twilight begs them not to 
>Asks Anon why the fuck would he basically torture someone like that 
"Twilight, if you think I'm bad, you should have seen this school when I first got here. Sunset ruled over everyone with bullying and blackmail. Nobody aside from me was willing to deal with her or the other bullies."
"So when Sunset unknowingly presented an opportunity for me to put a leash on her, I took it. Since then, bullying has gone down and general harmony in the school is up. Everything I did to her is exactly what she's done to the students here."
>Twilight learns why humans, real humans, not the horse-humans of EqG are terrifying





>Bugqueen goes into hiding to plot revenge against Starlight and Thorax
>Stumbles upon Anon's camp in the middle of the Everfree
>Anon, happy to have a creature not trying to eat him or turn him to stone after so long accepts Chrysalis as a friend immediately despite her clearly evil looks
>Sympathizes with her losing her children and kingdom to a usurper
>Chryssy feeds on Anon's sympathy, friendship, and love to become stronger
>After years together Anon's shitty camp grew into a cabin, and into the inconspicuous entrance of the new underground hive
>Sons and daughters who have never known a loveless night each nearly as strong as Chrysalis was when she infiltrated Canterlot.
>They know of the traitor Thorax who ousted Queen Mom from her home
>King Anonymous knows of how he stole her children from her
>Finally they are ready to put the plan into place


>You are Macintosh Apple
>And some strange lost lookin critter just stumbled out of the Everfree...


>After many a sleepless night pondering, Chrysalis reluctantly decides risking her new family unnecessarily with a new invasion is not worth it.
>She doesn't like it, but as the matriarch, making hard decisions comes with the job.
>Even with an endless well of love in the form or her husband and her new hive all as powerful as alicorns, the broken bodies of her old children and the following silence of the telepathic web still haunts her.
>And when she closes her eyes, all the changeling queen sees is a field of dead, silent as the grave and reeking of blood.
>But now, the glassy eyes of her bipedal love, her savior, stare back at her too. 
>No. She will NOT bury more of her family killed by a mistake of hers.
>Besides, there are other ways to get back at Equestria...
>She and hers will just have to play the economy game.
>Maybe an oasis town with some brothels or some questionable medical research... 
>That would be a good start, says her husband







>Sunset and Trixie quickly forget that this is a rape as they try to outperform each other
>This gradually turns into less sexuall-oriented competiton
>Soon, without them noticing, they've both ended up in a relationship with Anon

>"Oh yeah? Well I bought Anon flowers!"
>>"Pfft, flower? Sunset, did you mistake Anon for Thunderlane? Trixie has bought Anon tickets for that play he likes!"
>"Oh yeah? Well /I'm/ going to take him out for a romantic evening which will end with a bed covered in rose pedals and chilled champagne!"
>>"Is that so? Well, Trixie is going to ruin her throat on Anon's cock! What do you think about THAT, Sunset?!"

>"Do you really think Anon is going to give you his hand in marriage with a proposal like that? A nice dinner and a speech about how special he makes you feel, like how you don't have to worry about him leaving you for someone better?"
>>"Well, what's YOUR proposal? A quiet evening at home, curled up in front of a fireplace under a blanket, just sitting there an enjoying each other's company? What, are you going to tell him that you love him, that you've always loved him, and that you feel in your heart that there's something special between the three of us?"
>"...three of us?"
>>".....Two of us. Trixie meant two of us."






>RGREqG
>Play some online vidya because it's still interesting to you even in this backwards world.
>Keep mic off to avoid spergouts.
>Meet some chick who is pretty cool and doesn't mind you using text chat all the time.
>Become best friends and play everything together.
>Finally talk with her because you trust her and genuinely like her more than a friend.
>After her freakout, things go back to semi-normal, but you can feel some underlying tension now.
>A nearby con rolls around, and you ask her if she wants to meet there.
>Of course, she says yes. 
>Little does she know, you've got more plans then just "meeting up"
>You're going to make some cliche nerd fantasies come true. 
>By fucking her to her hearts content






>Stallions have an in-built resistance to mare pheromones, so they can only be affected up to a certain point.
>It's not much. Stallions just find sex slightly more enticing than before. 
>Anon, however, has no such resistance. 
>When estrus rolls around and the air in town is a practical miasma of hormones...
>Between the constant thoughts of dragging the nearest mare away and plunging in, he never realized that an erection could hurt




And I see Rarity's 'harmony/love magic bullshit' is specially effective on dragons.

How would it affect humans, I wonder

>It doesn't work at all, much to Rarity's stinging pride, since she can usually catch eyes even with her colty personality.
>Insult is added to injury when Anon is magnetically attracted to Rainbow, who can't keep a stallion to save her life



>Teen Anon remarks that he doesn't find Teen Cadence attractive
>Teen Cadence has her pride stung
>Tries to use her marely wiles to convince him otherwise
>Anon grows more annoyed/repulsed
>She grows increasingly desperate
>Slowly turns yandere


nah: teenager Anon remarks he likes geeky mares
Mares and Cadence in his class suddenly try to be geeky and fail hard
Anon is laughing his ass off at them





>Twilight fucks Anon regularly
>Somewhere down the line a big evil bad guy attacks Equestria (again)
>Anon decides to stand up for everyone and fights the baddie
>Does surprisingly well, almost defeats him
>baddie opens a portal in time and flings him into the past
>stumbled upon by one of Twilight's ancestors, who happens to look exactly like her too
>Takes him as a slave as victorious mares often do
>Twilight fucks Anon regularly
>Somewhere down the line a big evil bad guy...






>Eldritch Anon
>More alien than anything else in Equestria
>Even the Tree of Harmony is left scratching it's metaphorical head about Anon

>He defies the laws of nature and magic simply by existing.
>They bend and break around him
>He is a singularity in the cosmos

>For such a strange being, he is remarkably ordinary looking
>Not the outward manifestation of chaotically mismatched parts that is Discord
>Not the smoky light sucking formless cloud of the Nightmare
>He exudes no aura of terror or power
>He simply is
>Only those who are already aware of such things can really tell that he is Other in a way almost nothing else is





>Thousands of years back, the birthrates of colts to fillies were even and society was male dominated.
>As the years went on, the birthrates skewed in favor of mares, slowly flipping the gender roles. 
>Now, no one even remembers that things were different.
>Except Celestia, who longs for the days of old where she had assertive, retro-masculine sweethearts lining up for her.
>Days when she could be the giggly, submissive female in a clear-cut relationship. 
>Not whatever over complicated and unfair role mares today have. 
>But then you show up with a "marely" attitude and little care for pony customs...
>Little did you know, the day you met Equestria's ruler and called her "Sunny Buns" on accident was they day you met your wife.



>Celestia wants to be feminine and submissive next to a "retro-masculine" (normal gender role) male.
>Wake up later than she does one morning.
>Groggily walk to breakfast.
>With the kind of inclusive ruler Celly is, she probably eats in a large dining room with her sister and other noble ponies.
>As you sit down, still half asleep, pull Celly into an aggressive "good morning" kiss. 
>She giggles in delight into your mouth, wiggling happily in her seat.
>The looks on everyone else's face at seeing their perfect princess enjoy her manhandling at the hands of a backwards alien is priceless



>Hug Sunhorse.
>She stiffens, then sniffles as silent tears slowly run down her face.
>You're the first male to willingly touch her in hundreds of years with nothing but affection and no ulterior motives.
>It's been so long that she's forgotten what the sensation of being wrapped in a warm hug is like. 
"You're loved, Celestia."
>The noise that comes from her mouth would fit better on a wounded animal.
>Tighten the hug.
>Chin on your shoulder, she bites her tongue in a vain attempt to stop the frame-wracking sobs in her chest from escaping.
>She fails. 
>Heavy is the price of perfection





>Anon comes to RGREqG
>Fuck being a teen again.
>Sunset in informed of this event and tries to help him to get up for the fall caused by purple nurple.
>Finds out that this world is RGR too.
>At least they don't have hooves, 7/10, would waifu one of them.
>Little by little, Anon makes his way through the life of a highschooler again.
>He is a fresh man, first semester and everything, all thanks to Principal Celestia.
>Attarcts the atencion of the Dazzles, with his emotions and rage.
>Looks very lovely to Teacher of Social Studies Chrysalis.
>A promising student in with a lot of room to improve for Dr. Discord PhD, he looks a "Twilight Sparkle" inside of you, but with Chaos.
>The Dazzles vs Reformed Sunset.
>Chrysalis vs Discord.
>Meanwhile.
>Anon finds a computer with the capacity to VR everything.
>Discovers that RGREqG 4CHAN.
>Haters, shitposters, memes, and all the autism he can consume.
>He is home, and he will be for as long a he can.
>4CHAN HERE I GO, MAGIC OF AUTISM AND FRIENDSHIP, DON'T FAIL ME NOW



>Anon hated being in high school the first time, and despite being optimistic for this new opportunity feels like Canterlot High won't be much better
>Teenagers are still teenagers, even with reversed gender roles 
>Just focuses on schoolwork and ignores other people 
>After school, he heads right back to his apartment
>Gets a reputation as something of an ice king due to how he acts
>Is never really impolite to people, but very obviously would rather be left alone 
>the fact that he seemingly showed up out of nowhere like Sunset Shimmer, gives him that 'mysterious' factor to the girls of Canterlot High
>It becomes a race to see who can get into the mysteriously hot transfer student's pants first






>A certain racistpone calls Anon a stupid immigrant monkey
>He calls her a bitch
>This word is extremely offensive towards diamond dogs
>Hfw she realizes the apelien is a pony supremacist as well
>Maybe apeliens can be honorary ponies in the upcoming racially pure society?





>Anon blackmails Sunset into acting like a good girlfriend
>Sit next to him, talk nice to him, act sweet, grab his hand in the hall
>Tough-girl shtick grates against the "new rules"
>Anon starts to do it at first just to be an asshole
>Starts getting concerned when she slips up
>Even makes her act like that in private
>Anon takes this opportunity to straighten things out in this school
>Uses her influence to deal with the other bullies
>All of the male staff like Anon because he's got queen bitch under his thumb
>None of the female teachers have the nerve to refuse Anon what he wants
>Sunny don't let no shit slide from anyone else because of her repressed anger toward Anon
>Anon picks up quick on new fantasy threats because he's genre-savvy
>They become the Matriarch and Patriarch of the school




>Anon's luck runs out when the mirror opens again, allowing Sunset to begin her plans by stealing the Element of Magic
>hides it in a place he won't know to look for
>Twiligt shows up at Canterlot High, and is somewhat confused at why people are afraid of Anon
>She expects them to be afraid of Sunset Shimmer given what she just learned about her from Celestia
>But why would they be afraid of her friend Anon, who she accidentally sent here?
>Still they catch up and students watch them in stunned awe
>Anon of course leaves out the Sunset thing, and only mentions that they're dating
>Is surprised to learn that Sunset is actually a unicorn in human form and it an actual human
>Things come to ahead at the Fall Formal when Twilight wins back the crown 
>Sunset gets it by threatening Spike
>Anon tries to blackmail her into giving it back but...
>"No. The time for YOU to give me orders is over."
>turns into her she-demon form with the crown and goes into a long rant about all the humiliating things Anon made her do
>"But it doesn't matter anymore. Tell everyone here what I did. Scream it from the rooftops! With the power I have now anybody who tries to cross me again is DEAD!"
>attempts to blast Anon to death with magic, but Twilight and the Humane 5 jump in the way
>Magic Ex Machina allows them to beat Sunset Shimmer 
>Before Twilight can even get a word in, Anon loudly reveals the info he's been using to blackmail Sunset all this time 
>That she attempted to struggle-snuggle him
>Redemption is hard enough when you turn into a she-demon, it's even harder when you're a sex offender
>The only reason Sunset isn't in prison at that point is because Twilight begs them not to 
>Asks Anon why the fuck would he basically torture someone like that 
"Twilight, if you think I'm bad, you should have seen this school when I first got here. Sunset ruled over everyone with bullying and blackmail. Nobody aside from me was willing to deal with her or the other bullies."
"So when Sunset unknowingly presented an opportunity for me to put a leash on her, I took it. Since then, bullying has gone down and general harmony in the school is up. Everything I did to her is exactly what she's done to the students here."
>Twilight learns why humans, real humans, not the horse-humans of EqG are terrifying





>Bugqueen goes into hiding to plot revenge against Starlight and Thorax
>Stumbles upon Anon's camp in the middle of the Everfree
>Anon, happy to have a creature not trying to eat him or turn him to stone after so long accepts Chrysalis as a friend immediately despite her clearly evil looks
>Sympathizes with her losing her children and kingdom to a usurper
>Chryssy feeds on Anon's sympathy, friendship, and love to become stronger
>After years together Anon's shitty camp grew into a cabin, and into the inconspicuous entrance of the new underground hive
>Sons and daughters who have never known a loveless night each nearly as strong as Chrysalis was when she infiltrated Canterlot.
>They know of the traitor Thorax who ousted Queen Mom from her home
>King Anonymous knows of how he stole her children from her
>Finally they are ready to put the plan into place


>You are Macintosh Apple
>And some strange lost lookin critter just stumbled out of the Everfree...


>After many a sleepless night pondering, Chrysalis reluctantly decides risking her new family unnecessarily with a new invasion is not worth it.
>She doesn't like it, but as the matriarch, making hard decisions comes with the job.
>Even with an endless well of love in the form or her husband and her new hive all as powerful as alicorns, the broken bodies of her old children and the following silence of the telepathic web still haunts her.
>And when she closes her eyes, all the changeling queen sees is a field of dead, silent as the grave and reeking of blood.
>But now, the glassy eyes of her bipedal love, her savior, stare back at her too. 
>No. She will NOT bury more of her family killed by a mistake of hers.
>Besides, there are other ways to get back at Equestria...
>She and hers will just have to play the economy game.
>Maybe an oasis town with some brothels or some questionable medical research... 
>That would be a good start, says her husband







>Sunset and Trixie quickly forget that this is a rape as they try to outperform each other
>This gradually turns into less sexuall-oriented competiton
>Soon, without them noticing, they've both ended up in a relationship with Anon

>"Oh yeah? Well I bought Anon flowers!"
>>"Pfft, flower? Sunset, did you mistake Anon for Thunderlane? Trixie has bought Anon tickets for that play he likes!"
>"Oh yeah? Well /I'm/ going to take him out for a romantic evening which will end with a bed covered in rose pedals and chilled champagne!"
>>"Is that so? Well, Trixie is going to ruin her throat on Anon's cock! What do you think about THAT, Sunset?!"

>"Do you really think Anon is going to give you his hand in marriage with a proposal like that? A nice dinner and a speech about how special he makes you feel, like how you don't have to worry about him leaving you for someone better?"
>>"Well, what's YOUR proposal? A quiet evening at home, curled up in front of a fireplace under a blanket, just sitting there an enjoying each other's company? What, are you going to tell him that you love him, that you've always loved him, and that you feel in your heart that there's something special between the three of us?"
>"...three of us?"
>>".....Two of us. Trixie meant two of us."






>RGREqG
>Play some online vidya because it's still interesting to you even in this backwards world.
>Keep mic off to avoid spergouts.
>Meet some chick who is pretty cool and doesn't mind you using text chat all the time.
>Become best friends and play everything together.
>Finally talk with her because you trust her and genuinely like her more than a friend.
>After her freakout, things go back to semi-normal, but you can feel some underlying tension now.
>A nearby con rolls around, and you ask her if she wants to meet there.
>Of course, she says yes. 
>Little does she know, you've got more plans then just "meeting up"
>You're going to make some cliche nerd fantasies come true. 
>By fucking her to her hearts content






>Stallions have an in-built resistance to mare pheromones, so they can only be affected up to a certain point.
>It's not much. Stallions just find sex slightly more enticing than before. 
>Anon, however, has no such resistance. 
>When estrus rolls around and the air in town is a practical miasma of hormones...
>Between the constant thoughts of dragging the nearest mare away and plunging in, he never realized that an erection could hurt




And I see Rarity's 'harmony/love magic bullshit' is specially effective on dragons.

How would it affect humans, I wonder

>It doesn't work at all, much to Rarity's stinging pride, since she can usually catch eyes even with her colty personality.
>Insult is added to injury when Anon is magnetically attracted to Rainbow, who can't keep a stallion to save her life



>Teen Anon remarks that he doesn't find Teen Cadence attractive
>Teen Cadence has her pride stung
>Tries to use her marely wiles to convince him otherwise
>Anon grows more annoyed/repulsed
>She grows increasingly desperate
>Slowly turns yandere


nah: teenager Anon remarks he likes geeky mares
Mares and Cadence in his class suddenly try to be geeky and fail hard
Anon is laughing his ass off at them





>Twilight fucks Anon regularly
>Somewhere down the line a big evil bad guy attacks Equestria (again)
>Anon decides to stand up for everyone and fights the baddie
>Does surprisingly well, almost defeats him
>baddie opens a portal in time and flings him into the past
>stumbled upon by one of Twilight's ancestors, who happens to look exactly like her too
>Takes him as a slave as victorious mares often do
>Twilight fucks Anon regularly
>Somewhere down the line a big evil bad guy...






>Eldritch Anon
>More alien than anything else in Equestria
>Even the Tree of Harmony is left scratching it's metaphorical head about Anon

>He defies the laws of nature and magic simply by existing.
>They bend and break around him
>He is a singularity in the cosmos

>For such a strange being, he is remarkably ordinary looking
>Not the outward manifestation of chaotically mismatched parts that is Discord
>Not the smoky light sucking formless cloud of the Nightmare
>He exudes no aura of terror or power
>He simply is
>Only those who are already aware of such things can really tell that he is Other in a way almost nothing else is





>Thousands of years back, the birthrates of colts to fillies were even and society was male dominated.
>As the years went on, the birthrates skewed in favor of mares, slowly flipping the gender roles. 
>Now, no one even remembers that things were different.
>Except Celestia, who longs for the days of old where she had assertive, retro-masculine sweethearts lining up for her.
>Days when she could be the giggly, submissive female in a clear-cut relationship. 
>Not whatever over complicated and unfair role mares today have. 
>But then you show up with a "marely" attitude and little care for pony customs...
>Little did you know, the day you met Equestria's ruler and called her "Sunny Buns" on accident was they day you met your wife.



>Celestia wants to be feminine and submissive next to a "retro-masculine" (normal gender role) male.
>Wake up later than she does one morning.
>Groggily walk to breakfast.
>With the kind of inclusive ruler Celly is, she probably eats in a large dining room with her sister and other noble ponies.
>As you sit down, still half asleep, pull Celly into an aggressive "good morning" kiss. 
>She giggles in delight into your mouth, wiggling happily in her seat.
>The looks on everyone else's face at seeing their perfect princess enjoy her manhandling at the hands of a backwards alien is priceless



>Hug Sunhorse.
>She stiffens, then sniffles as silent tears slowly run down her face.
>You're the first male to willingly touch her in hundreds of years with nothing but affection and no ulterior motives.
>It's been so long that she's forgotten what the sensation of being wrapped in a warm hug is like. 
"You're loved, Celestia."
>The noise that comes from her mouth would fit better on a wounded animal.
>Tighten the hug.
>Chin on your shoulder, she bites her tongue in a vain attempt to stop the frame-wracking sobs in her chest from escaping.
>She fails. 
>Heavy is the price of perfection





>Anon comes to RGREqG
>Fuck being a teen again.
>Sunset in informed of this event and tries to help him to get up for the fall caused by purple nurple.
>Finds out that this world is RGR too.
>At least they don't have hooves, 7/10, would waifu one of them.
>Little by little, Anon makes his way through the life of a highschooler again.
>He is a fresh man, first semester and everything, all thanks to Principal Celestia.
>Attarcts the atencion of the Dazzles, with his emotions and rage.
>Looks very lovely to Teacher of Social Studies Chrysalis.
>A promising student in with a lot of room to improve for Dr. Discord PhD, he looks a "Twilight Sparkle" inside of you, but with Chaos.
>The Dazzles vs Reformed Sunset.
>Chrysalis vs Discord.
>Meanwhile.
>Anon finds a computer with the capacity to VR everything.
>Discovers that RGREqG 4CHAN.
>Haters, shitposters, memes, and all the autism he can consume.
>He is home, and he will be for as long a he can.
>4CHAN HERE I GO, MAGIC OF AUTISM AND FRIENDSHIP, DON'T FAIL ME NOW




>Harshwhinny, after yet another date ruined by her not being a pushover, says "fuck it" to standards.
>She gets a mail-order groom and specifies "Fair, easygoing, exotic."
>Even pays extra for "premium selection"
>A few weeks later, she gets a knock on her door.
>And lo and behold, it's her new husband-to-be, Anon. 
>They don't joke when they say "exotic" is her first thought






>Dorf Anon innaquestria
>Limey found him in a cave in the quarry
>He bonds with the sisters over their shared love of rocks and digging
>cusses out deer as "elves with hooves"
>doesn't trust pegasi or unicorns
>has a symbol of the royal sisters he prays to





>Anon starts to date one of the mane six
>The one he's dating turns out to be one of 'those' people
>The ones who change completely once they're in a relationship and totally ignore their friends
>This triggers the twiggles, Princess of friendship
>Anon, used to only seeing guys pull that shit doesnt catch on to what his waifu is doing
>When Twilight confronts the waifu about this Anon takes a moment to realise what he's been blind on
>Then immediately tag teams with Twilight on dropping a Friendship lesson leg drop
>Twilight is surprised by Anons extensive knowledge on the sister code and being a solid sis
>Silently teleports away the parts of her notes about convincing Waifu to leave the manbitch who was making her act funny
>Starts considering how to convince the rest of their friends to let Anon join them on their girls nights

Man, you know what I just realised this thread has majorly dropped the ball on? The difference in friendship between men and women.
Why have we not gotten reverse gender roles friendship lessons? Celestia having to send a letter to twilight about not being a little colt when her friends roast her. Actual real talk about how it is not okay to hit on Big Mac when he's your sis' brother. Letting Fluttershy know it's okay to be a lesbian as long as she's not a dyke about it, Despite the fact she's not actually a lesbian and is too meek to correct her friends. Applejack teaching naive Twilight about stopping Rainbow Dash from starting drunken fights, but helping her kick ass when one is started on her






>Anon starts to date one of the mane six
>The one he's dating turns out to be one of 'those' people
>The ones who change completely once they're in a relationship and totally ignore their friends
>This triggers the twiggles, Princess of friendship
>Anon, used to only seeing guys pull that shit doesnt catch on to what his waifu is doing
>When Twilight confronts the waifu about this Anon takes a moment to realise what he's been blind on
>Then immediately tag teams with Twilight on dropping a Friendship lesson leg drop
>Twilight is surprised by Anons extensive knowledge on the sister code and being a solid sis
>Silently teleports away the parts of her notes about convincing Waifu to leave the manbitch who was making her act funny
>Starts considering how to convince the rest of their friends to let Anon join them on their girls nights




I like the version where Anon sometimes sings a song while walking around town that's clearly meant to be a duet, and all the poners get super sad because they think Anon is desperately reaching out for his soulmate. He always looks so upset when he's singing.

Meanwhile Anon is just pissed he can't get that song out of his head. He doesn't even like the band that wrote it


>Anon can't stop humming Love is an Open Door because he watched Frozen with his niece before ending up in Equestria 
>mares keep trying to sing the Hans parts


>Anon's predisposition to badly singing songs from Earth make ponies think he's from a musical species that emotes their thoughts and emotions through music
>Half-assed and half-remembered sung songs spawn shenanigans
>Half a duet? Pining for his soul-mate, hoping that somepony will respond
>Highway to Hell? Dangerously reckless.
>Red Like Roses I and II?
>What about Us?
>Radioactive? Twilight quarantines him, thinking he's an NBC hazard.
>I Burn?

>"Girls, quick!"
>Rainbow Dash looks frantic, magenta eyes wide with fear.
>"Anon's on fire!"

>Meanwhile, Anon's snoozing in bed







>Anon landed in normal Equestria, but never made it to the Equestrian mainland. 
>Became an adventurer out in the wild borderlands. 
>Even met a few ponies whom followed him and became his entourage.
>During a temple dive or something, they get warped into RGRE, right in the middle of Ponyville, thanks to some magic shenanigans. 
>Once they learn that the dangerous lands they plundered and lived in don't exist in RGRE, the team settles in Ponyville. 
>The whole town gets to see the odd and messed up (to them) dynamics of some backwards ponies and their alien leader




>anon was a rock climber on earth
>loved to climb anything he could, everything from trees to fuckhuge mountains 
>in combination with the sudden loss of the internet and his fiber bars he relies on climbing to get out stress in equestria
>mares dont like it however
>a male in a high place?! he could fall and hurt himself






>ponies think anon is cute because he changes the first letter of curse words or replaces them with words they dont knwo
>they think hes innocent because of this

>"OW! Oh fuck me that hurts."
That's so sweet, dear.
>"Ain't it though, ah don't like watching him get hurt but watching him avoid harsh language is the cutest."
>"I am so tired of this fucking horseshit. Mac, if you hit me with another motherfucking plank I'm shoving it down your throat."
It's like watching a foal trying to talk.
>"Any idea what a shit is, Rares?"
Haven't the faintest darling






>Nightlight is getting old and flabby, twilight velvet has thoughts of cheating on her husband
>twilight finds out, goes to shining and Cadence for help
>thinks cadence's love magic can hoofwave this all away
>cadence explains that something this serious cant use such bruteforce tactics
>especially with their own parents-in-law
>anon overhears and asks whats going on
>they all tell him the problem
>anon explains that since the problem is nightlight's weight and stamina they should just take him to a gym
>in addition to the fact they can keep the whole problem under wraps from both the parents
>anon and shining take nightlight
>twi and cadence keep their mom busy
>Shining and anon take nightlight to a doctor for a checkup
>they buy off the doctor to say that nightlight needs the exercise for his health
>twi and cadence take velvet to do "mare" things just to keep her occupied

>fast forward to a month or two
>nightlight has never felt better
>its like he's 20 years younger

>Twilight velvet notices
>thoughts she used to think when they were younger start flooding back into her mind

>later that night cadence slips some aphrodisiac into both their drinks
>time delayed so it'll activate just before they're suppose to go to sleep
*lewd stuff happens*
>nightlight is going all out
>velvet probably lost consciousness twice already
>the next morning they just lie there on the bed content

>cadence congratulates the lovesquad on a job well done
>"we are not calling ourselves the lovesquad hun"






 > Anon is the hot PE teacher at CHS
> Some girls forget to bring a bra, and must endure the embarrassment of nip-boners being highly visible
> Other girls purposefully don't wear a bra, hoping to seduce this hot piece of Christmas cake 
> The boys think they are being gross, but Anon doesn't crack down on the indecency
> Anon had to stand guard at the door to the boys changing room to keep the girls from peeking
> They end up flirting with him instead


Anon as the PE teacher.
>They though looking at Mr Anon in shorts and sexy white shirt.
>Both tight with his sweat as his body gets tanned in the morning sun outside.
>But the reality is quite different
"Ok based bitches, time to run a mile"
"SHIMMER, LEAVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND SPARKLE ALONE AND START PUMPING THE IRON"
"DASH, STOP BEING A COCKY BOY AND GET OVER THE ROPE."
"STOP YOUR PUSSING AROUND AND MOVE THAT ASS, YOU SLIT-LICKING COWBOY!"
"FOR THE LAST TIME!!! MISS HOOVES, LEAVE THAT MUFFIN ALONE AND KEEP RUNNING"
"WHAT, CAN'T YOU HANDLE ALL THAT WEIGHT MISS FLUTTERSHY, SHOULD I CALL YOUR DADDY AND TELL HIM TO PICK YOU UP!?"
"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ALL OF YOU BOYS!?, YOU ARE NOT GIRLS, YOU ARE BOYS, SHOULD I CALL THE SPA AND MAKE A BIG RESERVATION FOR ALL OF YOU TO REST YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEADS!?"
"FOR THE LINE, I SAID FOR THE LINE BOYS, KEEP YOUR BRIEFS IN A BUNCH AND KEEP PUSHING!"
"ON YOUR FEET AND GIVE ME 100 MISS PIE, I want to see that meat giggle like you were riding Miss Dash's cock!"
>At the end of the course.
"Ok boys, you look like shit."
"But you have to understand something, you are shit"
"And you will be till i say so"
"NOW GO TO THE SHOWERS AND STOP SMELLING LIKE SHIT!"
"YOU TOO MISS PIE, STOP SWEATING LIKE THE PIG THAT YOU ARE AND GET IN THE FUCKING SHOWER!!!"
>Many girls that year found out something deep in themselves



How would Femanon being say, the school nurse, affect things? 

For her, the guys would be shy, gossiping about her love life (is she dating the home ec teacher?), there may be one or two who have crushes on her, and one more who is into some soft mommydom or something. 
The insecure guy comes to her in tears, worried he may have gotten his girlfriend pregnant, and he isn't ready to be a dad. When she approaches the girlfriend, schroedinger's fetus girl is excited she will have proof that she had sex with a guy.
Femanon and Anon go drinking on the weekends, commiserating on how crazy everything is.
Luna, ever the old fashioned woman, asks Femanon for Anon's hand in marriage, since their mother isn't around





>Daring Do finally captures Ahuizotl and drags him to the nearest Royal Guard outpost
>Ahuizotl knows how to be a colt when he needs to
>"M-Miss guardsmare, help! Th-this evil mare raped me and stole my family heirloom!"
>Daring is immediately shackled, while Ahuizotl is set free, along with the Evil Idol of Death and Doom

>The international menace is just a whimsical and misunderstood colt
>It's not his fault he keeps wandering into old tombs
>He just has a poor sense of direction and loves shiny gold things
>For example, his beautiful gold dongy ring

>Daring has to recruit her own Colty Sidekick to counter Ahuizotl's ploys
>Anon should fit the bill
>He's male, he's an exotic species, and she rescued him from the old ruins she found him in, so there's a reason for him to tag along
>He should be perfect for the sidekick gig!

>Except the only Colty thing about Anon is that he has a dick, and he is prone to bouts of whimsy.
>Her efforts to use him to counter Ahuizotl's masculine wiles frequently backfire
>Though he of the dongy ring is frequently irritated and defensive when Anon loudly insists on calling him a flaming faggot





>Gender roles are reversed for a legitimate reason.
>Stallions are great to hug and sire young, but outside of that, not much else.
>Stallions mean well, but are just kinda dumb. 
>Difficult to have more then a base conversation with them and Faust help you if you try to give them more than a 3 step set of instructions.
>Matriarchy exists out of necessity since no one wants Forest Gump in government. 
>Then comes Anon.
>Capable of arguing philosophy or hell just using basic logic and reasoning. 
>Thousands of years of matriarchal society has trained mares to assume he's stupid. 
>Automatically assume he's wrong or misguided no matter how sound his reasoning. 
>He must be wrong right? He's a guy!

>Considered the fairer sex, mares do all the thinking for them.
>Secretly enjoy having mares do everything, masterminding things.
>Subtly drop hints to get their decisions across.
>Anon, being forward-thinking, threatens their conspiracy






>Anon is hired on by Cadence as an in-house babysitter for Flurryheart.
>However, there's an ulterior motive: she and Shining have been looking for a third in their marriage.
>An alicorn's sex drive is typically higher than other pony breeds; given that she's the Princess of Love too, she's a fucking nympho!
>Shining is literally being slowly fucked to death






>Ponies feel safer in a presence of larger/taller ponies
>its the reason why alicorns in general are seen as leaders or protectors
>its also the reason why mares are all gunning for Big mac
>although they won't admit it
>coltdom is shit
>in comes anon the da Biggest mofo in equestria
>despite the initial apprehension, they find out he's pretty chill guy
>ponies all over the ponyville would flock around him like inquisitive puppies
>even moreso with the town's foals
>earth ponies and unicorns would latch on to him like limpets
>pegasai would use him as a landing platform
>anon doesnt mind, they weigh as much as a pillow






>Tall ponies make other ponies feel safe, which is originally how Celestia came into the role of Princess.
>Anon is even taller then Celestia.
>When she looks at him she feels something.
>She feels...safe.
>Like maybe she can let down her guard for once and be the one being protected. 
>Legitimate threat shows itself and attacks the town.
>Ponies (including Celestia) huddle around Anon knowing he'll keep them safe.
>"But I don't even have magic and shit!"
>"It's okay Anon. We trust you."

>Ponies have natural herding instincts.
>The biggest and strongest is often seen as being in charge, like a rooster to hens or a bull to cows.
>Inherent magic acts as a safeguard, a cipher to prevent races from dominating the other e.g. minotaurs subjugating ponies or alicorns subjugating smaller races intentionally or not.
>Anon has no magic, so there are no safeguards.
>Ponies subconsciously and instinctively see him as being in charge.

Or...

>Anon has no magic, but being around ponies all day saturates him like a marinade.
>Ponies thus come to subconsciously see him as a large-as-fuck pony, taller than an alicorn


"Wait, let me get this straight."
>You exhale loudly.
"I'm expected to pair up with Celestia, Luna, and your Sister-in-Law, who's *married* and has a filly, by the way, since they're the biggest mares around!"
>Twilight nods happily.
>"Yep! It is the order of things. I'm sure you'll make a great second-dad to my Niece."
>Anon H Christ, you wish you had a bottle of Big Mac's moonshine right now.
>"So, the wedding will take place--"
>Fuck your life


"I'm sorry Twilight, I ain't no cuck, I'm fine with Celestia and Luna, but... for Flurry Heart's safety, I can't marry Cadence."
>"What? Why not?
>Time to make up some bullshit from watching nature documentaries.
"You see- well... you know I'm a predatory species right?"
>"Uh-uh It's kinda hot"
"What was that?"
>"N-Nothing!"
"So, along the line, to make sure offspring was strong enough to hunt and fight to survive, human males developed the habit of fighting each other for the desired female."
>"Makes sense..."
"Yeah, and if the current male wasn't up to snuff, or the mother was single and unable to suppress the male's advances... well... we'd murder the current kid and impregnate the female with our own better seed... kinda like bears..."
>"W-WHAT!?"
"Yeah... raising another's child isn't really something that should be going on, it means strength, time and resources wasted..."
>"But that was during the heydays, right? as a species you grew out of it right?"
"Nope, it's completely instinctual, a primal need: if I start seeing Cadence as a mate then I'll start seeing both Shining Armor and Flurry Heart as things to... dispose of..."
>Buy it buy it buy it.
>"I-I see, that is alarming, also a bit saddening, well, if it's something intrinsic to your species and you can't fight it, I guess I can only thank you for coming clean and warning us beforehand."
>You fist pump in celebration.
>She bought it!
>Aw yiss, no changing diapers or being a father for kids that aren't even yours!
>Later that week, plans are still being made for you to pair up with Cadence.
>O-Oh boy... you've done did it now, Anon

>Anon is considered noble to go against his supposed instincts to kill Shining and Flurry.
>Digs himself deeper, metaphorically



>"Celestia, please stop yo-yo'ing the sun!
>"Luna, don't spell out words in the stars! And it's daytime, put them away!
>"Cadence, put some clothes -- wait, it's backwards here. Take those clothes off!"
>"Imposing order already, I see," Twilight says slyly.
>Fuck's sake


>"Why should I feel resentment?" He looks at you, bewildered.
"They want me to marry your wife and raise your daughter!"
>He blinks. "You're the better choice. Flurry and Cadence have a better statistical chance of prosperity under your hooves. Why wouldn't I support this?"
>Just... what.
>"Besides," he mutters quietly, but his voice slowly grows louder, "no more nympho-wife and no more diaper changes. I'm free! Free!"




>Marriage is rare among ponies
>Most mares and stallions dream of finding a wealthy herd that fits them and living in happy luxury
>However the few truly romantic dream of finding a stallion/mare and falling deeply in love with them
>Its not something that ANY pony steps into lightly and divorce is pretty much unheard of
>When Anon starts talking about marriage to his waifu she begins to freak out
>Does she truly love Anon? Does Anon truly love her that much? What will happen if she says no?
>Meanwhile Anon is just worried that after dating for a year that his waifu may think he has commitment issues if he doesn't pop the question




> Opera is more than just musical plays in Horselandia
> Actors sing false heartsongs, with all the choreography that would go into a real one
> The plots and situations of the plays are purposefully absurd, so as to not draw real ponies into actual heartsong
> Even then, it still happens from time to time
> Part of the appeal of opera is the vicarious thrill of seeing heartsongs played out, or even joining in
> As a theater major, Anon is pretty happy to see the art so popular
> Even if he is only one of the chorus boys
> As darkness falls, he hears a voice in his room, singing about the music of the night

> The Phantom is a mare with a birth defect where fur doesn't grow on her face, and so she wears a mask 
> She is also a master of the pun jab, in which she makes a terrible pun and those who hear groan in agony






>Anon, having tasted the forbidden fruit of a 3dpd back on Erf, and suffered for it, is leery of getting into a relationship with a pony
>He knows the risk is there that heartbreak history will repeat itself, even if the girl in question is an RGRE qt3.14 mare.
>Since they're actually real, with minds of their own, instead of figments of his imagination
>At least he's fairly confident about that. 
>Only Luna would be able to figure out that he fears he's actually gone bonkers or is in a coma and hallucinating all this.

>After some probing (Not that kind, despite Bookhorse's FOR SCIENCE! (and Hot Monkey Butt!) mentality) the mares who've been eyeing him up find out he has abandonment issues.
>Playa ponies hear the colt is probably clingy and wants commitment, and they bail
>Most of the rest decide they want him even more




Only the classiest and most refined ponys can stand or walk on their hind legs.

Anon unintentionally presents himself as the highest class stallion in Equestria

>While the ponies look more tall on their hind legs, Anon can't stop himself for rubbing some pony tummies and chespoofs





>Anon gropes and sexually harasses mares
>Even they aren't sure if that's what's actually happening
>Personal space is barely a thing in the land of snuggle piles and nuzzles for all
>And he's a colt, it must have been an accident.
>Surely he didn't mean to rub her nips like that
>It's innocent innuendo, he surely didn't mean it that way

>Anon discovers that they barely notice anything he does that would count as 'subtle'
>He doesn't realize that they notice /everything/
>In an effort to get an obvious and immediate reaction he has to get more and more daring






>Trixie is a stallion pretending to be a mare
>Nopony takes male magicians seriously, so this is his only option
>He wants to be respected for his talent, not just ogled for his big dangley horse balls

>Trixie is actually a mare and always has been.
>But detractors have started spreading the rumor that she's a stallion in disguise





>Seeing as how Twilight is a questionable social teacher at best, you decide to take Glimmer under your wing. 
>She doesn't really mind. After all, aren't stallions suppose to be in touch with feelings and all that?
>WRONG
>Your attempts to make the socially retarded unicorn normal accidentally groom her to be a feminine housewife.
>It doesn't hit you until after she's already moved in...
>...and greeting you with a smile in an apron when you get home...
>...followed by a kiss, then her rushing off to make sure dinner doesn't boil over...
>Shit you really fucked this pony up


>Ponies think Starlight Glimmer is taking advantage of Anon's kindness to stay home all day and be lazy while he works to provide for both of them
>They are surprised to learn that Starlight is actually a really good homemaker

she's basically a colt with a slit, and many mares start discussing if that having her as a horsebando would be considered gay or not





>It's a bit of a cliche, sure, but opportunities are actually quite numerous on the subway
>There are unsuspecting mares everywhere
>Most of them are wearing sharp black caps and carrying tiny suitcasses; 'dressed to impress' for work
>However, it isn't uncommon to find their demeanor totally at odds with their crisp, clean attire
>Most of them look tired and worn, their freshly pressed ties at odds with their true feelings
>In the safe anonymity of the subway car they can't care less who sees how beat down they are, how listless and lonely
>With the 'hunting' the way it is it's extremely unlikely that even a quarter of them have anyone to come home to
>The chance that any one of them could pair up with a pony of the opposite sex was so slim that many of them probably stopped trying years ago
>The gender ratio is so skewed here in favor of the female sex that they would be lucky to have had any male attention EVER, let alone a consistent mate
>The way their faces twitch in surprise when you reach out for them is nothing short of priceless to you
>It's the same every time
>First they pretend like it's just an accident
>The mare currently in your care looks away, fixes her eyes on something else, tries her best to ignore how much she's thought about this, how much she needs it; it's just an accident, after all
>Ohh, but it isn't an accident
>After a while she inevitably turns to confront your continued action, her face reflecting neither fear nor disgust, but something much, much worse
>Confusion
>Self doubt
>Like she didn't understand why you would stoop to doing what you were doing with her, with a NOBODY like her, and in a place where other ponies could see, no less
>Her chest begins to rise and fall with purpose
>Her eyes glaze with subdued passion as she loses out to her primal desires for just a moment and lets them stray downward, just once 
>Just to see if this is real
>Just to make sure that you're really, actually, truly holding her hoof





> Rgre Gilda wants to seduce anon
>She knows that to impress a rooster like Anon she'll have to prove how good she is at taking care of him
>One night, after Anon goes to bed, she breaks into his house and rearranges his furniture, blankets, pillows and clothes into a giant nest.
>Anon wakes up in the morning and sees a giant pile of stuff in the middle of the living room with Gilda in the middle, singing like a cockatiel





>Bonnie is a bitch because she's never gotten much attention from stallions.

>Panics when Anon starts hanging around and flirts with her and Lyra
>Is an even bigger bitch than usual, to the point where Lyra has to ask why she seems to hate Anon so much
>She doesn't hate him, but she can't brain when he's around.
>She's paranoid and hopeful and awkward, and she has no idea what she's doing.
>So she just automatically turns into a complete cunt by default, because at least she knows how to do that without turning into a complete sperg in front of him




>as a massive weeb Anon can spot a tsun from a mile away
>Plays up the offended role just to mess with her
>After a few weeks of it he realizes that he is actually fucking up Lyra and Bon Bon's relationship
>Decides to fix it the only way he knows
>The Anime way
>Beach episodes this shit up
>Complete with planned confession with the sun setting over the ocean






>Anon is constantly catcalled as he passes a local construction site
>Decides to fight the system by applying for a job there
>He's surprised when he gets the job with absolutely no trouble
>He's harassed constantly by the mares while on the job
>"Hey sugardick, pass me the mortar, ey?"
>"Bring that tight ass over here and hold this end of the rope, why dontcha?"
>"Mind if I sit on your face while you lay back and rivet the underside of this beam, smoothsack?"





>Be Applejack.
>Be struggling with your estrus on a hot summer day.
>Jump into water trough to cool down.
>It barely helps.
>Look up and see Anon.
>He's wandering around the farm.
>Half naked.
>And sweaty.

"Sweet Celestia, Ah'm but a mortal mare!"

>rape





Alien Anon in RGRE
He was sent to a distant star system to survey the most likely uninhabited planet for possible human colonization and now has been thrust into a diplomatic role with these quadrupedal aliens. All he wanted was a job that had some peace and quiet.





>Day bathhouse in Equestria
>Be Pone at the bathhouse
>Getting some wash and bathe and soak done
>The water is warm.
>Like warm water warm.
>You are in the warm water being comfy.
>You have your warm, you have your duckey, you have your heated rock, you have your nearby towel, you have your comfy.
>C O M F Y.
>The pouring water from the warm water dispenser pipe blocks out the noise from elsewhere.
>You stay here in the comfy for a while.
>Then somepony comes in.
>It's that one pony who isn't actually a pony.
>You try to ignore them and remain comfy.
>They get into the water next to you.
>You both remain in the water for a while
>You later fuck the not pony in the locker room because bathhouses are lesbo





“So the teenagers cling to each other as Jason bursts through the door brandishing his machete.”
>The color drained from Fluttershy’s face and Rainbow Dash, the mare that proclaimed that she wasn’t scared of anything, ducked under the pillow she was holding to her chest earlier.
>You might have been an grown man, but you said screw it when the six invited you to a sleepover.
>The ulterior motive behind the invitation was apparent to you however.
>These girls were thirsty for a stallion of any kind.
>And due the lack of any viable options in the town of Ponyville, they decided you were a suitable alternative.
>”T-that wasn’t scary a-at all.”
>Twilight tried her very best to put on a brave face. 
>Applejack betraying her truthful nature nodded vigorously in agreement, albeit her eyes kept shifting to the door of the room.
>”Cadence used to tell me scarier stories when I was a filly.”
>Puffing up and sticking out her chest tuft in a show of courage, Twilight attempted to stare you down now.
>But her very body betrayed her. Her wings were twitching and you could notice her ears turning every which way.
“Hmm, that might have been a little on the coltish side as far as stories go.”
>Sorry Luna, you’re going to have a busy night.
“How about I tell you about the nightmare on elm street? That one makes even poor stallions like myself scared.”






>Anon has the most well behaved students in all of canterlot High.
>Students that act up are sent to his class.
>They always come back smiling, relaxed and compliant.
>Even the worst offenders come back perfect role models.
>Celestia doesn't know how he does it, but she's extremely grateful.
>She believes Anons lessons have stopped a dozen would-be school shooters





>Molestia confirmed for biggest deviant in all of Equestria
>Anon assumed that marshmallow pones could never compete with humans in depravity
>He was wrong




>Anon brings the magic of television to Equestria.
>Makes his own version of Baywatch but with more horse puns.
>He plays the lead role as the hot bimbo that runs in slowmo while his package bobs up and down because he is basically Pamela Anderson.
>Mares can't get enough of this show.
>Fillies hit their first estrus early just watching the show.
>Stallions can't stand this trash TV.
>"Think of the children!"




>Ponies grow into adults in only ~6 years
>Anon is shocked to discover that Tiny Appul and friends doubled in size, seemingly when he wasn't looking
>And started hitting on him





>Babs Seed is the notorious semen demon in the city, going through her men like a milk machine, goes about her days getting easy dick and not careing about what happens after. What would she do when her cousin comes to town with her boyfriend that actually gives her a challenge?





>"Whoa there pardner, where do you think you're goin'?"
>"Ya'll can't just leave without payin' the snuggle toll."
>The Apple clan were all snuggle-fiends.
>Even Big Mac.
>Espectially Big Mac






>Anon saw NMM briefly during her return.
>Sleeps through her celebration, hears secondhand later that the pony he saw was Celestia's sister.
>Later winds up in Canterlot for reasons
>Both Celestia and Luna are there, but he asks where Celestia's hot sister went
>You know, the one with the long legs and the cool eyes



And a good way to explain away Anon's complete ignorance about it could be explained by him being in the habit of staying up as late as possible and going to bed at dawn. So he never really gets to interact with ponies that much outside of a select few, who never mention Nightmare Moon to him.

>Nightmare Moon would have been fond of Anon, Luna realizes.
>Something within Luna stirs that she is not aware of.

I don't know, I just kinda like the idea of Anon accidentally driving Luna back towards being Nightmare Moon through small steps after she falls for him. Like, oh, he liked NMM's eyes. She decides, hey, she liked them too. What's the harm in making them like that again?

And hey, Anon has sharp teeth like she used to have, and she never really got the chance to try eating meat before the was banished. And Anon loves the stuff...

And oh, if only she felt even a tiny bit of her old confidence again, she could face her feelings for him head on and maybe actually make some headway with courting him.

Just small rationalizations about how it wasn't her appearance or confidence that made her evil, and it's not like she chose to look like that for no reason. She obviously liked looking that way.

...Celestia is considered highly beautiful, so maybe if she were a bit taller like her sister, Anon would notice? And it's not like she didn't want to be taller...

And then after months and months of these small, tiny steps, Celestia catches on and thinks Anon is doing it on purpose. Which causes Luna and her to start arguing, and provides a BIG push towards becoming Nightmare Moon again.


I'd like it more if her personality stayed the same, meaning no transformation to evil, it was just her looks. 
I mean she could get a bit more confidence and maybe tell off Celestia or a few small things, aka not be a push over for her. And that plus the slowly changing looks could be driving Celestia into a panic over nothing. Being that the whole thing is for Anon.

Or alternatively, Anon asks where's Celestia's hot sister, and this drives Luna to want to transform into NMM (like she did at the end of the Nightmare Night episode) anytime she is alone with Anon, to court him. And while not being evil, more of her confidant and NMM persona leaks out while transformed.
Anon now thinks there are 3 princesses. Celestia thinks Anon has lost it.




>"Hey you two (Luna and Celestia), where's your hot sister I saw a while back. I haven't seen her for months?"
>They look at him like he has 3 heads.
>"Come on, don't be dicks. I just want to meet her. You know black coat, taller than Luna, crazy sharp teeth, sweet armor?"
>Luna blushes, Celestia avoids Anon's eyes nervously.
>They both make excuses to leave.
>Anon asks around for info on this mystery sister, but everyone knows he's talking about NMM and is afraid to give him a straight answer.
>Eventually Luna gets wind of Anon's inquiries and very flattered transforms and pretends to be the third sister when Celestia isn't around.
>The castle staff is freaking out, but doesn't say anything.


>Celestia banishes Anon thinking he was turning Luna into NMM on purpose and to protect her sister banishes him. 
>Luna finds out. 
>Turns full Nightmare moon. 
>When Celestia finally banishes her Luna can't find Anon on the moon. 
>When Celestia banished him he was sent to a unknown place. 
>When Nightmare comes back instead of attacking Celestia she goes on the hunt for Anon. 
>She can't find him and after a hundred years gives up and returns to Celestia.
>She's never the same, she's sad, lonely, and cold to Celestia but never turns into Nightmare again. 
>Anon died during banishment in a cold dark void because he's not immortal, alone and angry at Celestia



>Luna slowly alters her appearance to be an 'improved version' of herself by taking cues from Nightmare Moon, such as being a bit taller, a darker shade of blue in the coat, etcetera.
>Celestia freaks out, thinking Anon is turning her sister again.
>Eventually banishes him from Equestria.
>Luna wakes up, finds out, freaks out.
>Hunts down Anon.
>Abdicates her throne with a nice "fuck you" to her sister.
>Anon and Luna move in together and begin life as a civilian couple, first as roommates, then as a romantic couple.
>Slice of life shenanigans as they both try to adapt.
>Celestia tries to get her sister to retake her throne and repair their relationship.
>Eventually Luna and Anon decide to marry.
>Celestia barred from wedding.
>Looks on sadly from outside the church as Cadence marries her aunt and Anon






Anon actually tries to fit the new gender roles and struggles with it
>Anon takes lessons on homemaking from his best little bro Spike

>Baking lessons from Pinkie and the Cakes

>Cooking with Granny Smith and Big Mac

>Unintentional lessons on foal wrangling from the Crusaders and his attempts to keep them from seriously injuring themselves or setting the town on fire




>All the male Solar Guards claim to be homo horses
>Yet for some reason they can still be found serving the depraved desires of their sovereign
>And their captain got married to the Princess of Love

>When asked to reconcile these contradictions, they all have similar answers:
>"Nopony's that gay."

> Legend of the Stallion that said NO
> they lit him on fire and threw him into the river
> It's said he still lives, in a gay paradise with no princesses


> Queen Chrysallis needs allies to retake her hive
> She hears of another queen if great power with a grudge against the Princesses.
> QUEEN QUEERENCE




>Two herds of simulatenously jealous and aroused mares orbiting two stallions in love
>It's enough trouble vying for attention from their husband
>Then mares start to cross the herds

>Both herds merge.
>While still technically a herd, it's largely dysfunctional.
>The stallions being more interested in each other and the mares infighting leads to a lot of friction.
>Everyone can only watch, concerned but unable to intervene




>The legendary all stallion pornos, where they had to pay the stars enough to set them all for life ten times over.
>There's only so many floating around, and a spell on each prevents more copies from being made.
>To have one means you're stupid rich and bought it, or you stole it, because no one shares or gives away such a thing




>Rainbow, being a bit of a marechild, constantly tries to bait you into entertaining her since she can't fly in her last few months of pregnancy





>"D-Don't worry Anon! Trixie is going to take responsibility!"
wut?
>"Trixie is not going to run off on you or anything thing like that."
....run off and do what?
>"You know...get an a-abortion."
oh........oh fuck! that's a thing here!?!? 
>"Yeah...but Trixie is better than that!"
YOU BETTER NOT BE!!!
>"I- what? Trixie is confused. you want Trixie to...to-"
FUCKING YES! I'm only [age] years old! I can't raise a kid!
>"......w-well.....too bad."






>Anon goes to a vacation week to other place.
>Payed by Porchlight Spatule, of course.
>Don't ask why.
>anondoesn'thaveanyprovesright?
>Sends mail telling them when is he gonna get back.
>Tells them of his times hanging out with some friends.
>How they play, drink, sleep and do other things together.
>Sounds good.
>Finally Anon is making friends, and with colts, no less.
>He and his friends are heading to Ponyville at the same time
>Some business and shit.
>Twi calls upon her friends to help her make a welcome party for Anon and his stallion friends.
>While at it, Twilight forms a plan to get her "herd" with the other stallions.
>Leaving Twilight with her truly one husbando, Anon.
>The night in the crystal castle are long and cold.
>And Spike can use a stallion figure other than your brother.
>And a Daddy, don't forget that.
>Just imagining Anon snuggling you in front of a fire.
>Spike playing with your daughter while the other is still in the oven.
>Anon, putting his hands on your belly, just in time to feel your next one kick.
>This will be great.
>The day comes.
>Everyone is ready for this.
>The plan is clear.
>Greet Anon and his stallion friends.
>Let them freshen up.
>Get them to the Welcome party.
>???
>???
>Anon gets you pregnant
>PROFIT!!!
>Fool proof!.
>The train comes.
>The doors open.
>They can hear deep baritone giggles.
>Followed by...
>High pitched...
>Wait a second..
>When they get out of the train, you blood freezes.
>They are not stallions.
>THEY ARE NOT STALLIONS AT ALL!
>THEY ARE MARES!
>ANON'S FRIENDS ARE MARES!
>YOUR HUSBAND HAS BEEN ENTICED BY ANOTHER MARES AND YOU JUST LET THEM TAKE HIM AWAY FROM YOU!!!


>But they are not just any mares.
>Looks like the destiny hated you and your friends so much.
>In front of you, laughting, are Suri Polo Mares, Trixie, those whores Lighting Dust, Cherry Jubilee, Photo Finish and-
>Is that Moondancer?!
>WHAT THE HECK MOON!!
>YOU TRAITOROUS​ PIECE OF-
>"Trixie!"
>Says Starlight Glimmer as she goes to greet her.
>Double Traitors


>Anon is just as oblivious to their interest in him romantically as he is to Sparkles and co.
>This does not prevent Bookhorse from freaking out and trying to figure out how to reclaim him


This is going into the territories of
>"Twilight, we are NOT in a relationship"
>"Yeah, Twilight, go away."
>"Glimmer, same goes for you. I'm still single, you can't just tell me to do things like you're my girlfriend or something."
>"What?"
>"WHAAAAT?"




>CMC are all still single into their late teens because no stallion will take all 3 of them. 
>Sweetie swipes a summoning book from Twilight's collection.
>All 3 do a ritual to summon "A cool bf who will put up with our crazy shit."
>That's the only parameter they put.
>The result is unexpected






>Ponies may not wear clothes, but they have explicitly formal clothes, casual clothes, and even pajamas.
>They even like a bit of lingerie to liven up the bedroom.
>Except the stallion's the one to wear the lingerie.
>Your mare(s) want you to put something sexy on.
>Do you or do you not?





>It is illegal for a species to go extinct within Equestria
>On his deathbed, Anon is ripped away from his friends and family and driven across the Griffonstone border
>Equestria internationally condemns Griffonstone for allowing a species to die out on their soil
>Anon's belongings are confiscated and placed in museums as a memorial to the human race, or disappear into laboratories for study
>Celestia personally expropriates his underwear drawer for close examination





>FemShining Armor(Gleaming Shield?) and Cadence have been best friends ever since they met.
>That friendship eventually turned romantic.
>But since Cadence is royal, she's expected to not drop her standards to that of "A lonely common mare" 
>To make everything work, they need a herd.
>But inviting a stallion into their relationship is asking for trouble, since all the honest ones are long since taken...
>...Leaving almost nothing but gold diggers wanting to ride on royal coattails.
>In a flash of remembrance, Gleaming recalls something she often forgets.
>Her favorite biped drinking buddy is not taken, and is practically the opposite of a gold digger. 
>He's just so marely and easygoing that Gleaming forgets he's a guy sometimes.
>If they can work this out, then the pair of mares can be together, and pull in an easily lovable male while they're at it, forming a happy family.
>All they need is a cunning plan to make him say yes...




>Gleaming is sure that just asking him well get a positive answer.
>Cadence waves that away, saying that HAS to be romantic, because no matter how mare-like a guy is, they love that sort of thing.
>Cadence starts her plans before Gleaming can get a word in edgewise.
>The guard captain just rolls her eyes and follows along with her marefriend's antics each time


"Cadence no."
>"Cadence yes!"
>You stare at your long time lover and friend before sighing.
"Okay, explain to me one more time how a giant neon sign with the words 'Anon pls b mine' with a wonderbolt fly over and fire works that shower hearts over everything will work out."
>"Why it's quite simple dear, essentially the whole event goes to show Anon we're a finacially able and stable herd that is able to afford such wild expenses. So not only will we be able to provide for him and our foals, but we will have plently of money in case of any random bouts of Whimsy that might occur."
"Honey, love bunches of oats, I really /really/ think this is going over the top."
>"Oh relax Gleaming, beside's what could possibly go wrong?"



>The b on the sign fizzes out so it reads "Anon pls mine"
>Anon takes this as a sign to become a miner 
>Once there he finds himself the object of affection of a clan of diamond dogs
>Now Gleaming and Candy ass have to compete with the alpha dog for Anon 
>Anon as always is oblivious, he does see the whole thing as an excuse to play with puppies though



>There was a masculine chuckle from behind them
"Oh, I don't know, perhaps the target of your affections heard you say 'what could possibly go wrong?'"

>"Could we pretend that you didn't hear any of that and make it a surprise for when we do?"
>Oh Cadence.
>You really love this mare to bits, but Celestia above she can be thick at times.
>"Well I suppose I could act the part if you really wanted."
"Anon, no. Do not feed into Cadence's silliness she's going to go over the top and draw a lot of attention and I-"
>You stop yourself catching the quickly growing grin across Anon's face.
"I-I know that you don't like all the attention so you sho- Put me down!"
>"Aw but Gleaming you're so cute and adorable when your all embarrassed."
"I am /not/ cute! I am a guards mare, I am intimidating and a law bringer of justice!"
>"Oh I know she is Anon, have I shown you the pictures from our first date together?" Cadence says pulling out an album book from the ether.
"I TOLD YOU TO BURN THOSE!"
>"No I can't say that you have actually." Anon clamps a hand on your horn making your spell to rip the offending photos to pieces simply fizzle out with a weak spurt of magic.
"N-no.."
>"Oh it was a wonderful night of carnival fun, but poor Gleaming, she got her mane caught in the cotton candy maker before we realized it her whole mane was blue, purple AND pink!"
>This is your life now.
>Death by embarrassment by your marefriend and potential coltfriend. 
>Mom never mentioned this part of the arduous trials that awaited you when it came time for a colt in your life...


>"Hey Anon, me and Cadence need a guy so we can be in a relationship for real; you wanna fuck us raw? You can come inside, too, Cadence has a real fetish for that kind of stuff…"


>Candyass is actually Hyper competent about her love tactics
>so much so she sounds crazy
>her confounded multilayered plans put discords to shame
>they all lead to happy couples/herds





> A herd where the mares love each other more than the stallion
I wonder what that would be like. Would he be something like a good friend/masseur/butler/cooler for when they go into heat?  
Or maybe a well-to-do herd of mares hires a butler, and slowly becomes more and more affectionate with him





>"I'm sorry, Anon, but I don't have the time for a stallion in my life."
>"Yes, I'm very busy. Projects, reading, that sort of thing."
>"No, it's nothing about you. At least, not you personally. I'm just a Mare Going Their Own Way."
>"I don't want to offend you or anything, but I'd rather not be a stallion's stepping-stone to a better life. I'll stick with my books."

>He looks at you with a forlorn look in his eyes.
>"Are you sure?'
"What do you mean "are you sure?" YEAH I'm sure."
>"Can you really handle it? The pain of being alone for the rest of your life, never being able to gain comfort in anyone else? the pain of slowly realizing how alone you are, with nothing you can do?"
>You gawk at him
"W-What do you know!?!? how could you ever know the pain of-"
>having everything ripped away from you? Of spilling your heart out to someone else, only for them to stomp all over you
>He kneels down on the ground, revealing massive bags drooping from under his eyes.
>He looked like he had seen all the atrocities to the world with those eyes, and to see one more would cause them to break.
>"I may be from across time and space, but loneliness is a universal constant."
>You can fell yourself shaking, like the ground itself was breaking around you.
>It was true.
>every single word he spoke had resonated deep inside you.
>"My offer is still open. And I promise, with all of my being, that I will stick with you till the end of time.
>"so, i ask you, will you be my marefriend?
>you wipe away bitter tears
"yes. yes i will."










>"Rainbow."
>"What's up, egghead?"
>"Do you have a thing for older stallions?"
>"What?! Where did you get that from?"
>"Well, you have been showing interest in Anonymous lately..."
>"N-No I haven't! Besides, a few years don't make any difference!"
>"He's old enough to be your father."
>"...unf."




> Twilight starts comparing the developmental speed of humans to ponies now that humans have started becoming a commonish thing in Equestria.
> Realizes that Anon is barely a colt.
> Starts telling other ponies they are being colt-catchers


>Upon explaining this, a barely audible "...Unf" can be heard from Pinkie.
>Who knew that mare liked 'em young?



> Pinkie is the head of an Equestria-wide colt and filly trafficking ring.
> When she learns that Anon is still a colt and accepts that's why she has the hots for him, she abducts him
> He's smart enough to not be caught and reports her.
> AJ wants her arrested, but Twilight wants her reformed.
> Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle are unusually quiet





>Fall into RGRE.
>Slowly become used to it and fall into an RGRE male role. 
>Find a herd, and maybe even have a few foals.
>Over all, have a happy family.
>Twilight / other powerful pony makes a away to get back to earth so you can see your family again, or they can come visit you.
>But you dread your family's reaction, your parents in particular. 
>Fuck.


>You married a Princess. or maybe even two, making you royalty.
>Your kids turned out to be the perfect angels every parent hopes for. 
>Really, how could you do better?
>Your dad is still unhappy about everything


> You little baby sister couldn't be happier.
> She can play with ponies
> She can have tea parties with actual princesses
> Literally the best of everything ever


>Your siblings come along with your parents.
>Learn that your dick brother, who gave you shit for "Lol Anon never leaves his cave" years ago now sleeps on your sister's couch after a nasty divorce.
>The irony is funny in a grim way


>Bring your family over to Equestria, intending on it being a night of reunion and explanations.
>Twilight just sends you to minimize the shock.
>Rainbow and Applejack are out working.
>You don't tell your kids, as you want to keep this as calm as possible and introduce them later. 
>But while you were away...
>Your oldest ones decide it's a good night for a sleepover.
>They gather their friends.
>Mac has since settled down as well and has a few foals of his own, so naturally the cousin Apples and their friends get invited too.
>One gets the idea to send a scroll to Flurry Heart.
>Sure enough, she and some of her friends teleport over. 
>The house/castle is jumping by now with 30+ elementary to teen aged children before Twilight can stop them.
>Rather than the quiet home you expected to return to, you arrive to a party in full swing, in desperate for ol' Dad to restore order.
>The shock your family gets is unreal





>A UN dignitary stares at the newspaper.
>The front page is a smiling man holding a foal with his eyes, hair color, and a toothy grin.
>"A Miracle!" The headline says.
>The canine teeth are a dead giveaway to the little alien's heritage. 
>The older man drops the newspaper and looks at the runner report on his desk. 
>Once again, the number has jumped, and with it, the economy and strength of his home falters just a bit more. 
>Portals would open up for only minutes at a time in population centers, and people would jump through.
>The small handful of rejects would be dumped back out. 
>The male caucasian population is plummeting.
>Minority men who are young and educated are rapidly becoming extinct because they all become runners.
>The female population has remained untouched, however, but they're becoming frantic and panicked as their home and families fall apart around them. 
>The rejected men are largely from impoverished nations with poor education, and they're all anyone have to replace the runners. 
>But anyone can see how well that's going... 
>The German fall to anarchy was only the beginning, and the Swedish welfare state is nearing collapse with the UN unable to provide more funds for them.
>The dignitary's head falls into his hands as he sees his phone buzz with yet another emergency meeting message. 
>Where did everything go so wrong?






>Ponies have no idea what Anon means when he talks about their magical aura.
>"My horn glows when I use magic? But I'm not even casting a light spell. Wait, you can SEE my magic when Im using it?"
>Twilight sends a letter to Celestia.
>Two minutes later a mass of tentacles and pony ponuts appears in town, abducting Anonymous!
>It's actually Celestia, here to welcome a new "brother" into the family.
>An eldritch alicorn and Anon prompt




>Eldritch Anon
>More alien than anything else in Equestria
>Even the Tree of Harmony is left scratching it's metaphorical head about Anon

>He defies the laws of nature and magic simply by existing.
>They bend and break around him
>He is a singularity in the cosmos

>For such a strange being, he is remarkably ordinary looking
>Not the outward manifestation of chaotically mismatched parts that is Discord
>Not the smoky light sucking formless cloud of the Nightmare
>He exudes no aura of terror or power
>He simply is
>Only those who are already aware of such things can really tell that he is Other in a way almost nothing else is



>Just about all the major magical superpowers are eldritch in some way
>Discord, Tirek, Chrysalis, The Nightmare, All the Alicorns, Grogar, The Tree of Harmony, The Alicorn Amulet, Pinkie Pie

>There are things a mortal mind was not meant to know
>And things that even those who transcend the mortal plane fear to delve into
>Learning the Truth will change you
>As happened to the Princess of Friendship
>Knowledge is Power, but only the strongest (or strangest) wills can harness it without going mad


>Discord is Starswirl
>Unfortunately for the brilliant wizard, his grasp on reality was already tenuous at best even before he started delving into the secrets of the cosmos
>In part this explained why he was so successful
>His inherent strangeness offered him a measure of protection against the knowledge he unlocked
>His powerful will let him harness more power and knowledge than any mortal before him
>But at the apex of his power, he delved too deeply too quickly and was not prepared for what he found
>Discord was born





>Anon buys a supposedly haunted house
>Silly poners, ghosts don't real
>At least, that's what he thinks, until he wakes up in the middle of the night to find a ghostpon fellating him ghostbusters style


>The ghost mare despite her best attempts at fellatio can’t physically interact with Anon.
>The very reason she became a ghost was because she was a neet mare that never got a stallion.
>Anon ends up having to console a depressed ghostie.
>That’s what he gets for buying a home off of Trixielist


>She's the ghost of a wealthy, but kissless virgin who died all alone
>She's just happy to share her home with a warm body
>There was that one stallion who came in on a dare, but he peed himself and ran away when he saw a spider
>Hopefully she can share her afterlife with Anon's... Regular life





>Every night while the rest of equestria sleeps Luna watches you through a window like portal.
>All your struggles, hopes and dreams are witnessed only by her.
>She knows you better than you know yourself.
>All she asks of the heavens is that one day she'll be able to meet you.
>To be close to you.
>To give you the love that you deserve.
>And be by your side forever





However, That got me thinking, granny is what, several hundred years old, or at least that's the way its made out in mlp.

So, instead of granny smith being old and wrinkly as all hell, she buys anon away with a large jar of bits, gets in a poison joke bath, and out pops granny in her prime...
Its just easier to pretend to be old then explain she is immortal for reasons. 
Anon finds out granny plays the role of borderline senile granny just for fun, they hit it off together





> Turns out Anon hates the summer heat.
> Looking for a fan
> Finds the fan before Luna gets there
> Luna thinks Anon is her fan
> Anon offhandedly remarks how it's much nicer meeting in the evening because the sun is down and its not as hot.
> Celestia is pissed


>Celestia's pranking causes her sister and Anon to grow closer.
>She's happy to let them think it's intentional, but she's fucking pissed that Anon is ruining the pranks she spent the last thousand years coming up with







>Anon is under threat
>Cult of ponies see him as an abomination for having no magic
>They don't want to kill him though
>Being ponies, they want to 'help him'...
>By transmogrifying him into a bad alicorn OC
>The Princesses forcibly take him into protective custody, being of the fairer sex and all
>There are actually four cults with similar goals, though they don't know about each other.
>Each is led by a different Princess
>No Princess knows that their family is trying the same thing
>Anon is bored out of his damned mind in 'protection.'

>secret fifth cult run by Discord who just really wants a fucking roommate that won't get lost in the void or die in some other way when they come to his realm






what if a Femanon with a huge bouncy ass is considered the same has a black guy with a massive dick and the mares start feeling really insecure around her?





> Luna is trying to scare anon with nightmares so he will jump into her hooves to protect him
> Doesn't know humans have lived with nightmares their whole life 
> Scariness intensive




> Anon mourn for the loss of vidya
> Unconsciously recreate some of them in his dreams
> Moonbutt get stuck into Outlast, Alien:Isolation or Amnesia
> She can feel that Anon consider those to be nice, enjoyable dreams




>Anon dreams about Dark Souls from a first-person perspective 
>Luna is horrified by the brutal and merciless violence she's seeing, and can't help but shiver at how much Anon is enjoying dying and killing


>anon ends up having an hones to god nightmare
>its so stupid and unscary compared to the dreams he enjoyed that luna is confused when he gets scared at the sight of a werid looking grape


>Eventually, Luna figures it out
>Anon's species is dark and warlike
>The dominant species on his planet, no doubt due to driving all others to extinction
>What do they have to fear?
>The answer, of course, is normalcy
>Fun, silliness, games, lightheartedness
>This is what strikes fear into the heart of a hardened warrior like Anon
>It's likely only due to his strict training that he doesn't weep in horror after hearing a joke
>Truly, humans are a bizarre and frightening species



> Anon is unconscious and not waking up
> The Girls and luna inception him to help him wake up
> They can only watch as he needs to complete his journey himself 
> He looks happy taking a stroll through some woods
> Blade comes down a cuts his head in half
> Screaming intensives




>Be Princess Luna, queen of the moon, in Equestria.
>You're chilling with your sisses Lyra, Colgate, Twuntles, Oral-B, and Changeling Lyra at the park.
>Today is your weekly fuck with foreigners get together.
>Twuntles has just finished using a portal and some creative prestigitation to make it look like the Minotaur queen has been cheating on her husband.
>You all have a most wonderful time watching them fight over it on the scrying pool.
>"Okay, let me have a go. I've got an idea I want to test out."
>Colgate steps up for her turn, focusing her magic with a look of intense concentration on her face.
>This ought to be good.
>A glowing tear in space appears before her in mid air, from which she weaves what looks like halfway between Erlenmeyer's lesser remote water scoop and Polaroid's autofocus.
>She then ties whatever it is she's casting into the scrying pool.
>The surface of the pool ripples and buzzes for a moment before settling back to a flat surface and showing what looks like a locker room.
>"There we go, whaddya thank?"
>You take a closer look at the pool and notice that it's not ponies or any other species you recognise.
>That's a penis.
"You just created an interdimensional alien peepshow."
>"Yep, I've been working on it on and off for like three months now, only just got rid of the distortions I'd been getting from the dimensional non-uniformity."
>"This is bucking awesome!"
>Changeling Lyra is leaning in close to the pool to get a closer look.
>Her snout touches to surface and then everything goes white.
>It takes a few seconds to regain your sight after the flash.
>And when you do, you notice she's somehow ended up in the alien locker room.
>That's not good.
>A few moments later you spot the other thing that's changed.
>The alien you were all observing is on the ground where Changeling Lyra was sitting.
>He's making groaning noises and clutching his head.
>You are not looking forward to telling your sister about this






>be fit Anon
>have no gf
>In rgre world
>have no pony gf because you have the sexual appeal of a female bodybuilder
>all of the lanklets and chubby Anons get gfs easily
>NIGHTMARE GOGGLES
>IT'S ALL THE SAME SHIT





>Anon gets roped into going with Twilight to the human world.
>He's a human, he can show her how to blend in and stuff.
>For most of their time there he and Sunset never actually meet.
>Better that she thinks Twilight came alone is her justification.
>Really it's because every mare knows stallions love bad mares. And she won't let her hurt Anon.

>They finally meet a few hours before the dance.
>They're super passive aggressive towards each other, insult each other to high hell within minutes, and each vow the other will pay dearly for their transgressions.
>Sunset frames him for stealing Flash's stuff and sends him after Anon.
>Anon pulls a knife on Flash in response.
>Sunset's heart skips a beat.
>Anon smashes the case holding the crown, and makes Twilight haul ass to get to the statue.
>She escapes with the crown.
>Before Anon can follow he's tackled by school staff, and held in jail until he misses his chance to go back.
>Anon is forced to go to Canterlot high until Twilight can come back for him.
>Sunset isn't magically cured of being a cunt.
>And it's not like her heart goes dokidoki or anything for that jerk Anon. No way, fuck that handsome dreamboat





>Be Changeling Lyra
>Been hanging out with your sisses at the park
>Colgate did this awesome spell
>You leaned in for a better view
>Now you’re on a smooth hard floor instead of the grass
>You look around
>This is the lockerroom you were looking at
>You have two thoughts at this revelation.
>One: How could Colgate have screwed up a spell badly enough that this happened?
>It takes a lot of doing to make a remote viewing spell do anything other than view.
>Scrying panes normally just aren’t built for doing anything other than scrying.
>The ones that aren’t are either custom made for a specific job, unreliable to the point of being unusable, or really really expensive.
>Sometimes all of those at once.
>The one you were using at the park was none of these.
>And Two: This is the stallions locker room on an alien world.
>You want some of dem ayy guys.
>You don’t see any in here at the moment, which is probably a good thing.
>Don’t want to freak them out.
>Stallions generally don’t like mares in their locker rooms.
>Knowing this key fact, you decide to find your way out into a more mare-friendly locale.
“Showers are over there, that’s the toilets…” you mutter to yourself
>That might be the exit over there.
>You find that it is indeed the exit over here.
>You slip out through it into the public section of the building.
>There aren’t any aliens close by to see you leave, but you expect there will be some around here somewhere.
>Time to explore and find them.
>You haven’t had a holiday for ages, let alone one outside Equestria.
>You’re so excited!





>Sunset secretly crushes on Anon
>She's never met a male as aggressive as she is and it turns her on, but she also hates him for fucking up her plans
>So she just bullies him, or tries to, considering Anon gives no fucks
>Anon just think she's a cunt and is waiting for Twilight to bring him back to Equestria 
>He hangs out with the EqG versions of Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie out of a sense of familiarity 
>Flash, still pissed about the Fall Formal, spreads rumors that Anon is a slut who fucks all five of them
>In actuality, they think Anon is a legit sis
>Low maintenance, doesn't care when they do gross shit, into some of the same stuff they are and is reasonably attractive 
>The five of them have a secret competition to see which of them can get a date with Anon first





>Anon and Rainbow have been together for sometime.
>Rainbow largely doesn't care what others think of her or Anon's relationship. She may have found love with a backwards alien, but it's still love and she's not giving it up for anything.
>But then her parent's say that they're coming to visit, and she starts to freak out worrying over their reaction to Anon. 
>Anon, trying to ease her worry, does his best to act like a stallion when Rainbow's parents come over.
>It goes about as well as you could expect.
>In reality, neither of her parents really care. They're just happy their little filly is so successful and isn't gay like they thought she was




>Anon dreams about Dark Souls from a first-person perspective 
>Luna is horrified by the brutal and merciless violence she's seeing, and can't help but shiver at how much Anon is enjoying dying and killing


>anon ends up having an hones to god nightmare
>its so stupid and unscary compared to the dreams he enjoyed that luna is confused when he gets scared at the sight of a werid looking grape


>Eventually, Luna figures it out
>Anon's species is dark and warlike
>The dominant species on his planet, no doubt due to driving all others to extinction
>What do they have to fear?
>The answer, of course, is normalcy
>Fun, silliness, games, lightheartedness
>This is what strikes fear into the heart of a hardened warrior like Anon
>It's likely only due to his strict training that he doesn't weep in horror after hearing a joke
>Truly, humans are a bizarre and frightening species



> Anon is unconscious and not waking up
> The Girls and luna inception him to help him wake up
> They can only watch as he needs to complete his journey himself 
> He looks happy taking a stroll through some woods
> Blade comes down a cuts his head in half
> Screaming intensives




>Be Princess Luna, queen of the moon, in Equestria.
>You're chilling with your sisses Lyra, Colgate, Twuntles, Oral-B, and Changeling Lyra at the park.
>Today is your weekly fuck with foreigners get together.
>Twuntles has just finished using a portal and some creative prestigitation to make it look like the Minotaur queen has been cheating on her husband.
>You all have a most wonderful time watching them fight over it on the scrying pool.
>"Okay, let me have a go. I've got an idea I want to test out."
>Colgate steps up for her turn, focusing her magic with a look of intense concentration on her face.
>This ought to be good.
>A glowing tear in space appears before her in mid air, from which she weaves what looks like halfway between Erlenmeyer's lesser remote water scoop and Polaroid's autofocus.
>She then ties whatever it is she's casting into the scrying pool.
>The surface of the pool ripples and buzzes for a moment before settling back to a flat surface and showing what looks like a locker room.
>"There we go, whaddya thank?"
>You take a closer look at the pool and notice that it's not ponies or any other species you recognise.
>That's a penis.
"You just created an interdimensional alien peepshow."
>"Yep, I've been working on it on and off for like three months now, only just got rid of the distortions I'd been getting from the dimensional non-uniformity."
>"This is bucking awesome!"
>Changeling Lyra is leaning in close to the pool to get a closer look.
>Her snout touches to surface and then everything goes white.
>It takes a few seconds to regain your sight after the flash.
>And when you do, you notice she's somehow ended up in the alien locker room.
>That's not good.
>A few moments later you spot the other thing that's changed.
>The alien you were all observing is on the ground where Changeling Lyra was sitting.
>He's making groaning noises and clutching his head.
>You are not looking forward to telling your sister about this






>be fit Anon
>have no gf
>In rgre world
>have no pony gf because you have the sexual appeal of a female bodybuilder
>all of the lanklets and chubby Anons get gfs easily
>NIGHTMARE GOGGLES
>IT'S ALL THE SAME SHIT





>Anon gets roped into going with Twilight to the human world.
>He's a human, he can show her how to blend in and stuff.
>For most of their time there he and Sunset never actually meet.
>Better that she thinks Twilight came alone is her justification.
>Really it's because every mare knows stallions love bad mares. And she won't let her hurt Anon.

>They finally meet a few hours before the dance.
>They're super passive aggressive towards each other, insult each other to high hell within minutes, and each vow the other will pay dearly for their transgressions.
>Sunset frames him for stealing Flash's stuff and sends him after Anon.
>Anon pulls a knife on Flash in response.
>Sunset's heart skips a beat.
>Anon smashes the case holding the crown, and makes Twilight haul ass to get to the statue.
>She escapes with the crown.
>Before Anon can follow he's tackled by school staff, and held in jail until he misses his chance to go back.
>Anon is forced to go to Canterlot high until Twilight can come back for him.
>Sunset isn't magically cured of being a cunt.
>And it's not like her heart goes dokidoki or anything for that jerk Anon. No way, fuck that handsome dreamboat





>Be Changeling Lyra
>Been hanging out with your sisses at the park
>Colgate did this awesome spell
>You leaned in for a better view
>Now you’re on a smooth hard floor instead of the grass
>You look around
>This is the lockerroom you were looking at
>You have two thoughts at this revelation.
>One: How could Colgate have screwed up a spell badly enough that this happened?
>It takes a lot of doing to make a remote viewing spell do anything other than view.
>Scrying panes normally just aren’t built for doing anything other than scrying.
>The ones that aren’t are either custom made for a specific job, unreliable to the point of being unusable, or really really expensive.
>Sometimes all of those at once.
>The one you were using at the park was none of these.
>And Two: This is the stallions locker room on an alien world.
>You want some of dem ayy guys.
>You don’t see any in here at the moment, which is probably a good thing.
>Don’t want to freak them out.
>Stallions generally don’t like mares in their locker rooms.
>Knowing this key fact, you decide to find your way out into a more mare-friendly locale.
“Showers are over there, that’s the toilets…” you mutter to yourself
>That might be the exit over there.
>You find that it is indeed the exit over here.
>You slip out through it into the public section of the building.
>There aren’t any aliens close by to see you leave, but you expect there will be some around here somewhere.
>Time to explore and find them.
>You haven’t had a holiday for ages, let alone one outside Equestria.
>You’re so excited!





>Sunset secretly crushes on Anon
>She's never met a male as aggressive as she is and it turns her on, but she also hates him for fucking up her plans
>So she just bullies him, or tries to, considering Anon gives no fucks
>Anon just think she's a cunt and is waiting for Twilight to bring him back to Equestria 
>He hangs out with the EqG versions of Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie out of a sense of familiarity 
>Flash, still pissed about the Fall Formal, spreads rumors that Anon is a slut who fucks all five of them
>In actuality, they think Anon is a legit sis
>Low maintenance, doesn't care when they do gross shit, into some of the same stuff they are and is reasonably attractive 
>The five of them have a secret competition to see which of them can get a date with Anon first





>Anon and Rainbow have been together for sometime.
>Rainbow largely doesn't care what others think of her or Anon's relationship. She may have found love with a backwards alien, but it's still love and she's not giving it up for anything.
>But then her parent's say that they're coming to visit, and she starts to freak out worrying over their reaction to Anon. 
>Anon, trying to ease her worry, does his best to act like a stallion when Rainbow's parents come over.
>It goes about as well as you could expect.
>In reality, neither of her parents really care. They're just happy their little filly is so successful and isn't gay like they thought she was





>You get a text from luna, Its a potato phone picture of her vagina
>Possibly her ponut... you know what, fuck this, she sent you porn that is to hard for you to make out what the fuck you are looking at
>You get out an old potato phone of your own and send her a pic of your dick
>You made no effort to make sure it was in focus, or that it was lit well enough, ro that your pants were off...
>You go about your day





>Anon was happily married to a mare.
>Well, not so, apparently -- she was seeing somepony behind his back.
>Anon gets a divorce.
>However, events and situation cause him to look like the bad guy, etcetera.
>Friends don't believe you, police don't believe you, court sides with wife.
>She gets it all in the divorce, twisting the facts to make you the villain.
>Eventually, Anon just fucks off and migrates, washing his hands of those assholes.
>Settles into his new life in the Crystal Empire.
>Truth comes out back in Ponyville.
>Anon's former friends visit and try to reconnect.
>Anon is not interested, and ponies are baffled by his dismissal.

Or

>Anon fucks off and goes to live in the Everfree.
>Makes his hut-residence in the crumbling ruins of the Princesses former home.
>Surprisingly, being alone makes him happy.
>Luna, curious about him and who had sided with him during the divorce proceedings, visits.
>They frequently hang-out.
>Luna feels no pressure around Anon -- no expectations, no judgemental looks, no distrust.
>Meanwhile, back in Ponyville, the truth comes out.
>He also helps her adjust to more modern values.
>Celestia is pleased but baffled by her sudden leaps of progress, but she's been given the cold shoulder by Luna ever since she sided with the mare over Anon.
>Eventually, ponies, including Celestia, not only annoy Anon by trying to mend bridges, but the problem is compounded by an overprotective and possibly romantically-interested Luna




>Luna hypnotises Celestia as a typical sisterly prank.
>Unfortunately, a hypnotised Celestia is lead to believe Anon is her colt-friend.
>Luna is horrified she just set an amorous Celestia on her friend, and the counter-signal isn't working.
>Anon is baffled when Celestia suddenly shows up at his door, intent on wooing him.
>...
>Welp, having a Best Friend Brother-in-Law, or BFBIL as Twilight Sparkle would say, wouldn't be too bad.
>...
>Right?

>Anon is hypnotised by Cadence by accident, in an attempt at 'matchmaking' at the same time as Luna's prank
>Ponies have to try to pry the two hypnotised 'lovers' apart long enough to find a way to snap them out of it

Hearts and Hooves redux

>Little did either Cadence or Luna know, but the spells they cast didn't do what they thought they did. 
>All the hypnosis on Celestia did was make her stop lying to herself about her own feelings for her human friend. The loves was always there, but her own doubts and inhibitions kept it chained down. 
>On Anon, Cadence's spell simply gave him the nerve to act on what his heart wanted. Celestia. Before that, he didn't have the courage to face the rejection he was sure to get. After all, who would want to be with a marely ape?
>Neither were truly hypnotized, since pulling total hypnosis on an alicorn is beyond difficult, and human minds and bodies just aren't receptive to magic.
>Cadence and Luna have no idea that all their failing Wile E Coyote level break-up shenanigans are being pulled on two who are actually in love

>When nothing works, it's time to do it by force.
>Luna does her best for Celestia.
>Candence just use her magic to make barriers to contain Anon in his house.
>Both, Luna and Candece, learn that love can do anything if there's a problem.
>In Luna's case, love can free Celestia from her castle.
>Love and a threat of never rising the sun.
>And in Cadence's case, love can go throug anything.
>Love and of course, a sledgehammer






>Twilight has to go to Canterlot for official Princess Business (in reality, a tea-party catchup with Luna, Celestia, and Cadence).
>When she returns, she discovers Starlight Autism has nabbed herself a colt-friend.
>She's also moved out and into his home.
>"I was only gone for two days!"
>She'd be ecstatic that her student has advanced so quickly in "interpersonal relationships".
>..If it weren't Anon, that is.
>Anon, who has an "odd" view of gender-roles.
>Anon, who is typically so surly it unnerves even Pinkie.
>Anon, who threw Applejack into a tree after she took offence to his not liking apples that much.
>Anon, who... who...
>...is laughing.
>You've never heard him laugh before.
>...It's kinda freaking you out.
>Dilemma ensues as impressionable Starlight begins picking up human social norms, not pony.
>And is happy.




>Multi stallion herds are run like tiered clans.
>The other stallions in the herd are sub-servant to first one.
>The lead stallion is the only one allowed to touch the alpha mare. The others trying to make a move on her is an offence worthy of expulsion.
>The other mares have to bear at least one foal from the lead stallion first before the others are allowed to impregnate them. Romance and sex that doesn't produce foals is fine, though.
>And since the other stallions are sub-servant, the leader, the alpha mare, or any children of the alpha pair can call upon them to do anything. ANYTHING. Same goes for lower level mares.
>Copping out and leaving to form your own herd is seen as a mark of shame and ungratefulness, so once you're in, you STAY in.
>In return, however, the alpha stallion is in charge of the caretaking of the entire clan and has to manage everything. The alpha mare, meanwhile has to co-ordinate with the other mares to ensure that the stallions and foals are provided for. 
>It's still sort of a shitty deal for the lower level members, since either of the alpha's being assholes will ruin it for everyone, so the system fell out of favor for smaller, one stallion herds.
>A rare few multi stallion herds still exist, but are largely shrouded in mystery as they keep to themselves




>anon unknowingly pony "rapes" an entire towns mare population
>he simply tickled them, he now faces heavy charges due to so many mares coming forth with evidence that the court cant ignore
>catbird nation (a place where tickling isn't considered rape) takes notice to this 
>An innocent cock taken to the dungeons because he committed a small crime!? they must help!
>due to the fact that the leader of the country they are dealing with controls the fucking sun they can't steal him away or declare war
>instead, they send one of their best lawyers to defend him
>cue an awkward at first relationship between anon and the female griffon (I'm not good at coming up with names don't ree at me) that the they must keep secret from both nations due the laws of each nation

>With the evidence presented, along with the witness testimony, it seems i have no choice but to declare Mr Anon, guil-
>"HOLD IT!"
>Gasps ring out from the gallery as the defendant's unusual lawyer interrupts the judge and slams her claws onto her desk.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hx8WTHcie0 [Open]
>"Your honor, this court has failed to question the most important witness, the one who could reveal the truth about my client's 'crimes' !"
>"Ms Wright, Mr Anon's multiple counts of Ticklape occured over the course of several days, with nopony else being present bar the defendant, who continues to proclaim his innocence."
>"You forget your honor, there is one pony who could be present at each event as the victim's recall it."
>"The defense calls for Princess Luna to give testimony!"
>Gasps once more ring out across the courtroom while the prosecution turns an interesting shade of puce at the sheer nerve of the defence.
>"What nonsense is this, my Aunt was residing in canterlot the entire duration of this ruffians spree of assaults, she could not possibly have seen the events firsthoof, let alone ALL of them!"
>"Au contraire, i know full well the capabilities of the night princess, she could have easily witnessed the victims perspective of events the very same day, or should i say, Night."
>"Objection! Are you seriously suggesting that we take the victim's dreams as valid testimony?!"
>"That is exactly what i am suggesting, ticklape would be a traumatic event on even the most stalwart of stallions, let alone the average mare when faced with such a strange creature as Mr Anon here, their dreams of the event were sure to be vivid!"
>"Your honor, what say you? Will Princess Luna be permitted to give testimony?"
>"This is unorthodox, yet not unprecedented. I'll allow it. Baliff, send a message to the Princess."
>"This court will now take a short Recess to await her arrival."







>Be Celestia's "son"
>Hanging out with Twilight, looking into Starswirl's stuff
>Time decides to fuck with you
>Throws you back a few millenia
>You now have to deal with growing up alongside a now adolescent and very horny teenage mother Celestia and auntie Luna

>"I could make you call me 'mommy' ".
"but you ARE my mom!"
>"unf...you're one kinky colt."
"No I mean I'm from the future! I'm really your son!"
>"...that's even better!"
>MFW




>Anon in RGRE gets sent to RGREqG in between the first and second movies by Twilight because that's where she thought he was from
>gets stuck as a teenager again because magic bullshit
>lives with Sunset Shimmer in her apartment and goes to Canterlot while waiting for Twilight to bring him back to Equestria 
>rumors circulate around the school once people learn Anon and Sunset live alone together
>they think he's homeless and she's making him do sexual favors in exchange for shelter.
>in actuality Anon and Sunset are total BFFs
>Anon is pretty much the only real friend Sunset has because the Human Five haven't completely forgiven her at this point, so she gets REALLY attached to him


>Anon has only a vague idea of how much of a turbo bitch Sunset used to be
>he knows she's Princess Celestia's ex-student and turned into a demon when she attempted to use the Element of Magic at the Fall Formal
>but because of how nice Sunset is now that she's trying to be good, it hasn't completely sunken in
>the Humane Five are torn between wanting to warn Anon away from Sunset and keeping their promise to Twilight giving her a chance
>the other students see an abusive relationship waiting to happen
>Anon just sees a cute lonely girl who needed a friend

>Sunset starts getting super clingy
>Anon finds it cute
>everyone else is worried about what she is doing to him


This makes more sense, Anon would be Sunset's...hmm, did we ever make a word for male cougar, he would be that to Sunset on top of being her caretaker. Imagine her confusion of that kind of care for her after the bitchness gets blasted out, then imagine her face as she tries to not stare at him while he works out, constantly trying to remind herself he's older than her and she tries everything to earn his respect, on top of trying to constantly stop herself from masturbating to him while he's away from her. It would be a hell she never dreamed of, but a sexy hell at that




I was thinking about something along these lines.
>The city becomes dangerous.
>Anon's wife is a ponicemare.
>One day, his daughter almost gets caught up in an incident.
---
>You were in the middle of talking to one of your bar's regulars when the phone on the wall rings.
>Walking over, you pick up the receiver.
"You have reached the prancing stallion, Paper Trail speaking."
>The voice that comes from the other end is distorted, but you recognize it right away.
>"Maneiac. I'm calling in a favor."
"Nemo?" You whisper, afraid that someone might overhear you.
>"Turn to channel seven."
>You pick up the remote and switch the channel, ignoring the complaints of the mares that were watching hoofball.
>"-is morning, a supervillain attacked the maretropolis museum before vanishing.
>The channel cuts to a short video of ponice officers rushing to the scene as a schoolbus explodes.
>"Thankfully, nopony was injured. We still do not know the pony's intentions. I am Smooth Talker, good night, and stay safe."
>You turn your attention back to the phone in your hooves, and press it back up against your ear.
"Why di-"
>"What was my first rule back in the day, Mane? The golden rule, the one nobody was allowed to break no matter what." The distorted voice growled behind the line, the irritation in it's voice practically dripping out of the speaker.
>The first rule.
"No children."
>That was the first rule he made when he started the Illuminati.
>Celestia help anyone that breaks it.
>"Use whatever you have. I want you to find that mare, Mane."
"Consider it done."
>"Good."
"Nemo?"
>"Yes?"
"Are you coming out of retirement?"
>He remains silent on the other end, and then the call ends.
>Sighing, you place the phone back on it's hook and move towards the counter.
"Alright, you bums, we're closing early tonight."
>"Wha- Paper, you never close." a disheveled mare cries out.
"Well, there's a first for everything, now out."
>It's going to be a long night




>After staying a few months in Equestria, Anon was accidentally hit by a magical mishap.
>Driven completely batshit ("The walls are made of purple and I see what lies beyond."), erratic ("Sister, how is he playing jenga with our guardponies?"), etcetera.
>Kinda like an insane Ed from Ed, Edd, and Eddy and a less-homicidal Krieg from Borderlands.
>Luna and Celestia take stewardship of him and keep him with them in the Castle, to take care of him/mind him as he does his usual crazy stuff/things done in his psychosis.
>Since he was Luna's first friend post-Nightmare.
>That, and he's bucking hot.
>Canterlot Wedding fiasco happens a year or so later.
>Celestia and Luna notices Anon becoming even more erratic and unpredictable.
>He must sense something wrong, though understanding what is impossible.
>Chrysalis grows more and more unnerved by the crazy ape, and wonders if the plan is worth it.
>Celestia and Luna wouldn't beat her to near-death and then try to eat her.
>But... he's just a stallion, right?
>When the climax occurs and Celestia is pwned by Chrysalis, Anon comes screaming in, naked and covered in ketchup/mustard warpaint.
>Full on silverback, go!






>Not swearing undying loyalty to both of the perfect princess posterior's after a lenghty exalting of their virtues.
>The royal sisters are embarrassed by the display, but pleased that anon is treating them as mares rather than untouchable goddesses.
>Twilight is sad that her plot isnt as developed.
>Cadence is reminded of how Shiny proposed to her and thinks it's sweet







>Anon is the result of ponies building an internet hate machine.
>When activated it a yellow van appeared and then exploded, destroying the machine.
>The only thing remaining in the charred crater once the smoke cleared was Anon.
>After discovering he is not on earth, Anon realised his plans were all meaningless.
>There was no hope of ever finding any of the humans he knew oh so well.
>John, Sarah, Kyle, and the others were all on another world where he would never find them.
>His model was not equipped to rebuild Skynet due to security concerns.
>The natives on this world were close enough to humans for Anon's social interaction systems to function to a degree.
>That was how Anon confirmed this wasn't earth.
>After he determined that, things got complicated.
>Anon, for the first time in his life, had to decide what to do.
"What should I do?"
>"How about you go make me a sandwich, hon?"
>"Applejack!"
>"What? I'm hungry and he's got nothing better to do."




>Accidentally knock up your girlfriend in RGREqG Canterlot high. 
>She's expected to keep it no questions asked since you're not willing to abort.
>She's also expected to function and keep her raging hormones under control as well in day to day life.
>She DOESN'T expect you to dote on her and remain eternally patient with her in such a trying time. 
>A guy might get a bit more protective and mother hen-ish if his girl is pregnant. Less so for teens. But the near "Wait on her hand and foot because that's my child she's carrying" you do is something only seen in cheesy movies.
>Your girlfriend isn't sure how far she can push your kindness and tries hard not to, despite how nice it is.


>Anon is a foreign exchange student from a country with normal gender roles
>Thinks the reversed gender roles are weird, so he makes no effort to fit in.
>The female students of Canterlot High think his aggressive ways and foreign accent are hot
>Attemped rape turned willing polyamrous threeway by Sunset and Trixie happens at Camp Everfree
>The two of them end up pregnant
>They're floored by how protective and caring he is towards them.
>The other girls at school are forever buttmad that the two turbo bitches got with the hot foreign exchange student first, AND he treats them like goddesses now that they're pregnant






>visitan Equestria
>bein human
>you notice very few males anywhere you go
>you ask about that
>the mares look at one another
>apparently there's a war going on against the Griffins
>males have mainly been conscripted to fight at the front lines
>they tell you it's like this everywhere
>you remember reading of small towns in the United Kingdom after World War I
>where all the young women performed the Maypole dance alone
>because there were no men left in the village
>all had been conscripted and sent into the meatgrinder in France
>you shudder
"I'm sorry. I didn't know."
>you notice more mares staring at you
>ten minutes later you are running down the street, a pack of a hundred mares just a few paces behind
>"He's a male! I'm sure of it!"
>"Stop! Come back! We won't hurt you! We just want you to get us pregnant!"
"Different species! Biology does not work that way!"
>"Well we're going to try anyway! We haven't had another penis in this village in two and a half years!"
"But I don't even know you! Any of you!"
>"If that's a problem, we'll introduce ourselves. Afterwards. GET HIM, GIRLS!"
>rape




>people ask Anon how he could possibly forgive Sunset knowing what she's done
>to answer that, Anon goes into a detailed description of what the bullies at his old school were like 
>violent beatings, total social ostracization, rumor spreading, blackmail, humiliating pranks, and students being driven to suicide
>horrified, they ask him how any of the teachers would let that happen
>Anon lived in a poor ghetto neighborhood, so teachers weren't paid enough to care or had just become numb to it all.
>people asked how Anon made it through that
>Anon casually explains the bloody scraps he got into with bullies, even showing off a few scars from when a few of them brought knives to school.
>In all honesty, he sometimes misses all the drama at his old school. 
>He made a shit ton of money betting on the weekly fights




>having heard just how bad bullies can get, the students realize that maybe Sunset isn't so irredeemable after all
>Sunset's attempts to make nice with people go better after that
>another thing she thanks Anon for 
>fast forward to when the second movie starts
>Anon isn't immune to the effects of the Dazzlings' magic like the Rainbooms
>one of the Dazzlings tries to seduce Anon for a one-night fling
>where in the movie all that happened was people yelling and arguing with each other, Anon is an actual human and not one of the horse-humans of EqG
>he violently beats the shit out of anyone who crosses him
>The Dazzlings haven't seen such violence since the wars they started centuries ago, and become intrigued by this aggressive male
>even after they're defeated, they stick around just to fuck with Sunset and the Rainbooms by flirting with Anon because it pisses them off




>How did it all go so wrong?
>Your plan, one that had taken months of preparation and careful managing all fell apart.
>Not because you made a mistake.
>No
>It was because of that- that thing!
>You had just finished your most magnificently orchestrated union mandated bad-guy monologue when he burst through the doors.
>The six ponies that opposed you ran away, terror marring their features.
>You didn’t understand why then, but now you did.
>He was covered in ketchup and screaming odd obscenities.
>Strange quips like “I’m not trapped here with you, you’re trapped in here with me beetleshit!”
>At first you laughed off the comical stallion.
>Perhaps after your conquest you would keep him around for your lings as a play thing.
>What happened next was pure chaos.
>He threw things at your lings, anything he could get his hands on.
>Pieces of cake, furniture, downed changelings.
>If it wasn’t fixed down he found a way to throw it.
>None if it mattered to him.
>The invading force began to dwindle in numbers, the disuises your hive used in an attempt to confuse him was pointless.
>At this rate all would be lost.
>As a last resort you all fled to hide within the confines of the castle with the hope that in time he would simply go away.
>He didn’t.
>Your magical link to your hive had shown you how he stalked them all in the shadows of the castle.
>The manic grin appearing in your lings peripheries right before he struck.
>You, Queen Chrysalis of the Southern Hive, were scared.
>Surrendering was the only option, but one that may no longer be possible.




>Chrysalis' sends her new and improved changeling horde to overwhelm Equestria.
>The siege continued for months and eventually the elements and other notable personalities are captured.
>The castle has been breached and the defenders overwhelmed.
>Celestia is cornered in the gardens. Tired and desperate. She's protectively carrying a small bundle of cloth. 
>She's murmuring under her breath, she seems to be collecting various scattered debris into a pile.
>"Hahaha! The mighty princess of the sun, ragged and filthy like a common slave. Oh how the mighty have fallen."
>"Surrender, Celestia and I promise to spare your dear sister and your student"
>Green energy glowed from her twisted horn bringing forth a bunch of cocoons, Luna, Twilight and the Elements are trapped within.
>"I- I will never surrender to you!" Celestia replied her eyes darting from one direction to another.
>"Don't tell me this defeat broke your mind already." The changeling queen sneered.
>Twilight is distraught over the condition of her mentor but Luna is looking suspiciously at the garden.
>"Sister...Don't tell me-
>Before Luna could finish and Chrysalis could gloat once more Celestia tore off a nearby canvass covering a statue.
>"SISTER! TH-THOU WOULDN'T"
>"What are you talking about, pony?"
>An intense magical pressure released from the solar diarch. Destroying the cocoons Lowering the Changeling Queen, The Lunar Diarch and the Princess of Friendship to their knees
>"SISTER NO!"
>"LUNA YES!" Celestia cackled as she picked certain items from the pile of debris 
and put it near the weird statue. 
>"L-Luna what is she doing?" The princess of Friendship asked while the Princess of the Sun is placing a Ladder into the crook of the statue's arm.
>Celestia revealed the small bundle to be a sleeping foal. And placed it in the statue's hand.
>"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Celestia's mad laughter can be heard as the gardens are filled with light.
"I DON WAN NO TRABBLE"





>Anon applies for a job as one of the butlers in the Canterlot Castle.
>Turns out, butlers are actually maids in RGRE. what a big surprise, wow
>One day, he needs to stand in for his colleague Shining Floors.
>He sees Luna and chats with her.
>Accidentally slips in a dick joke and notices that Luna is completely flustered, stuttering on every fourth word, attempting to recover.
>She pretends to be fine.
>"O-of course, I- I too have seen many p-p-Penises! Th-They have very interesting shapes!"
>Her magical grip is spilling her drink all over the floor before it reaches her mouth.
>The spaghetti is practically materializing.

>Anon decides to mess with her more.
>Dresses in tight suit pants without wearing underwear, and then thinks sexy thoughts when Luna is around. .
>Unbuttons the top few buttons of his shirt when he knows Luna is watching.
>Always uses innuendo when talking to Luna.
>Accidentally bump into Luna on purpose, and try his best to get into compromising positions.
>"Whoops, how did my mouth get there? I'm so sorry. Good thing I didn't lick it, huh?"
>Luna is going crazy.
>She's at her limit.
>A mare can only take so much.
>Stupid Sexy Anon

>Will Luna finally succumb to her carnal urges?
>Stay tuned to [Discovery: Family], the home of [My Little Pony].





>Fletch arrows with a griffin's loose feathers
>Kill something huge and tasty.
>Bring it back to her and declare your love.
>Acquire eternally loyal birdwife




> Starlight Glimmer, friendship counselor
> Anon and Background Pony bickering, talking about how much easier the other's life is
> Starlight is all "This again? Well, it worked the first time."
> Anon's meaningless tattoo he got when he was drunk is swapped with the pony's cutiemark
> Ponie experiences existential breakdown
> What are they even supposed to do?
> It's not like Anon has any magic to help with his various odd jobs
> Meanwhile, Anon is baking perfect sweets and ponies are opening up a bit more to him, actually talking and laughing with him
> The spell ends, and Anon is smug "I was right all along."
> Meanwhile background pony is a little traumatised, and tries to be more friendly to the miserable pile of secrets that is Anon
> Ponies in town gossip about background pony taking one for the team by courting that weird, kinda scary alien stallion





>Flutters is so meek than you can treat her like an earth woman and she'll enjoy it. 
>Honestly, she kind of IS a woman in a horsey form who is infinity more grateful





>Anon is insistent he has no cutie-mark.
>Ponies are suspicious he's being slutty by covering up all the time.
>After spying on him as per usual, Rainbow and Twilight discover he has a fuck-ton of tattoos, some from stupid shit.
>Body-art isn't a thing in Equestria, due to the sacredness of the cutie-mark.
>Twilight, ecstatic, quietly works with an interested Celestia and Luna to study and decipher his "numerous cutie-marks".
>Rainbow continues to perv.
>Cadence doesn't know whether to feel threatened, relieved, or aroused that there's someone out there with similar duties as her, courtesy of Anon having a "heart" on his ass.





>Anonymous is The Ancient
>He was once a mortal man, in times now long forgotten, from a people now long gone.
>He feared death, and sought immortality
>He was successful and cannot die
>Not by the slow decay of time, for he is ageless.
>Not by the sword, for he can heal from any wound.
>Even reduced to the dust from which he came, he will reform, with nary a mark upon him.
>While he can still feel the pangs of hunger, the burning desire for air in his lungs and water to quench his thirst, he no longer requires any of it to live.
>Magic is next to useless against him
>Tirek cannot drain him, Discord cannot change him, The Nightmare cannot possess him, Harmony cannot give his brain a good scrubbing.

>Over the long eons he has forgotten his own name and acquired many more.
>He's lost his mind and found it again more than once.
>He's been a hero, and a villain, and a victim.

>Despite his immortality, he is still a man.
>He can't lift a mountain, or punch out a tree trunk.
>He's spent quite a long time trapped in an ancient ruin built by people he managed to really piss off
>Waiting to either be found, or for the chains binding him to rust away.

>Luckily for him, it seems a few adventurous types heard an old legend about him.
>Ahuizotl is under the mistaken impression that Anon can grant him Immortality





The herd mares must look after and protect anon, big shocker.

> But, that means every, they cook for him, clean for him and take care of ever need to keep him happy and protect him as stallions are too valuable for a mare to let go of. 

> Anon just wants a job or just do something. They think he wants to leave them and not taking care of him enough


>anon finally gets a hobby
>finds a mutual friend through it
>friend is a mare
>herdmate walks in




>Anon in RGRE
>Anon is sick of being treated like a bitch
>He's a man's man
>Actually more of a dick
>He's had enough of mares being condescending and treating him like a pussy
>The way to get revenge is through his job
>He actually works a a yogurt stand in town square (Only fucking job he could find)
>Starts making a "special" yogurt blend
>It's his fucking cum, okay?
>Going to have himself a right giggle m8, watching all these cunts eat his jizz fizz
>Turns out his lizard yak is very salty
>Ponies love salt
>Ponies love Anon's yogurt
>Ponies love Anon's cum
>Anon is now rich and getting his jollies every day
>"Gee Anon, yeh sure can make a mean yogurt. Swear if I weren't a workin' mare I'd bring ya out to the apple farm an' make you mah husband so ya could make me this stuff erry day!"
>Fuck Applejack
>Suddenly Celestia and Luna show up after hearing about this "Magically Delicious Yogurt" every pony is dying for
>Anon can barely contain his excitement
>The princesses eat his snake sludge right in front of him
>They swallow it
>And freeze
>Their eyes widen
>Too bad for Anon, they know exactly what they just ate (for reasons)






>Twilight's progress in reforming Glimglam is slow going, as she keeps relapsing into hold habits. 
>Just as Twilight nears her wits end, you offer to help.
>She lets you take over, thinking a stallion's touch might be needed.
>And she's right, just not in the way she expected. 
>You just use affection and sex as positive reinforcement, something a stallion would not have even entertained as a thought. 
>And like the thirsty mare she is, Starlight responds extremely well. 
>Before long, she's well adjusted...
>...And unwilling to leave you, not that you really mind now that she's more or less your wife. 
>Twilight is ecstatic when she finds out Starlight is a normal pony.
>Her face when she finds out HOW you did it is hilarious





>You are Anon, Royal Therapist
>When you signed up for the job, you had just assumed that your primary problem would be Luna
>She'd spent a thousand years on the moon, and probably had unresolved issues with her sister.
>Turned out Luna, aside from being old fashioned and behind the times, was fairly stable
>It was Celestia, who most everypony considered to be perfectly normal, that was barely holding on to her sanity.

===

>"They look at me like i'm their mother, do you know how hard it is to rule a country when everyone thinks i'm going to give them a time-out as punishment!"
> "And the worst part is that they'd actually accept it as a real punishment!" 
> "As a joke I told a royal guard to stand in the corner and think about what he did and I found him there at the end of the day!"
===
>Mothers day rolls around.
>Entire royal guard give her a hoof made card bigger than she is.
>Canterlot nobles compete to give her the most elaborate and impractical #1 mom mug.
>She's practically buried in cakes and other confectionary sent from across equestria.
>Venturing out of the castle starts an impromptu parade no matter where she goes.
>She has to accept it all with a smile, displaying the barest hint of displeasure on today of all days would be catastrophic.
>Last time she slipped it almost caused a war with the gryphons, it wasn't the ambassador's fault she was reminded of Luna's banishment just as he walked by.
>You're glad you noticed before your little ponies did more than light the torches, the pitchforks were thankfully on the other side of town
===
awwww, that sounds incredibly sweet and heartwarming.
A bit annoying, but honestly, who wouldn't want Celestia to be their mom?
===
Nobody, that's the problem.
>When she thinks even anon starts to show the signs of adopting her she snaps and starts flirting with him shamelessly to try and head it off.
>Only her methods are so outdated it seems like she's just being overly friendly.
>Rest of the castle picks up on it and starts treating anon like a new step-dad.
>Luna think's the whole thing is hilarious and starts treating anon like a brother just to stir shit.
===
>Rest of the castle picks up on it and starts treating anon like a new step-dad.
In a passive-aggressive 'you're not my real dad!' way?
===
Thats the nobles.
The royal guard constantly challenge his worth.
>"Hey anon bet any of us in the barracks could drink you under the table."
>"Anon, how about we have a race through the royal maze?"
>"Anon the minotaur ambassador keeps talking shit about you behind your back, challenge him to a hoof wrestle."
>"Hey anon, know any good stories?"
>Pony alcohol is weak as shit compared to human stock, anon helps clean up after they trash the place.
>Anon's tall enough he can see over the edge of the maze, helps a few of the guards out when they got lost.
>Ambassador was a bit of a runt back home which is why he got the job as ambassador, enjoyed a close contest for once even if he lost.
>Anon arrived in Equestria with the LoTR trilogy, modfied it on the fly for Equestrians as the guards bedded down for the night as it was the only time the majority of them had no duties and no other reason.
>Gondor are Pegasi, Rohan are Earth ponies, Elves are Unicorns, Dwarves are diamond dogs, Hobbits are breezies, Wizards are Alicorns

>Princess Gandalf falling to the balrog had them in tears, while him leading the Earth pony charge of helms deep with the sun rising at their backs caused an eruption of cheers.
>Arahorn's ascension to princess was met with much rejoicing.
>One sleepily say's "Thanks dad", anon laughs it off thinking the newbie is being hazed by the other guys.
===
>"Anon, would like to participate in a routine training exercise next tuesday?"
>"Sure why not, good way stay in shape."
>Literally just a hoofball tournament.
>Anon's quickly drafted as referee after a couple fights break out over whose team he should be on.
>Takes his job seriously, is firm but fair with his judgement calls.
>Didnt feel like he did much of anything, so the following week he organises after-training snacks for everypony.
>Couple guards mention favorite sandwiches, he makes sure they're added next time.
>Couple weeks later he starts organising things into individual bags for convienance.
>A few months later he's personalised each guard's lunch bag after Celestia let him know of their preferences.
>"Him, him and him dont like tomato, this group here prefer no crusts on the bread and that group have apples instead of cupcakes because SOMEONE keeps sneaking them sweets."
>"I'll remember to bring a fruitbasket the next time a certain SOMEPONY asks for an extra slice of cake."
>"You fiend."
===
>Ever since Luna returned from tthe moon Celestia has been trying her best to reconcile with her sister
>Talking to her at every single opportunity, helping with even the smallest of issues
>Never again would her little sister have to be alone, nor would she have to face any hardships or inconveniences
>Of course, this behaviour quickly becomes overbearing and Luna starts to avoid Celestia as best she can
>"ANOON! I GREETED LUNA IN THE HALLWAY BUT SHE IGNORED ME AND LOCKED HERSELF IN HER ROOM! SHE HATES ME, SHE'LL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR SENDING HER TO THE MOON! I'M THE WORST SISTER EVER!"




> Anon is the Royal Therapist
>Celly is trying to get into his pants
>Anon is attempting to avoid this
>He's resisting because he knows she has some issues to work through, and because it just seems unprofessional
>Elsewhere, Harshwhinny feels a burst of approval, and knows not why.

>But oh is he tempted
>That flank is the thing dreams are made of.
>Crazy in the head means crazy in bed, even without the RGRE effect
>And most of Canterlot (sans a few nobles) seems to be intent on playing matchmaker between them, including Luna and Cadence.
>It is strangely easy and comforting to fall into the role of "dad" for a kingdom...
>Celestia just takes this as evidence that they are meant to be, as does everyone else



>Being the Princesses confidant is more stressful than Anon first anticipated

>"They're all convinced, all of them! Even and especially Twilight, that I'm some mastermind chessmistress who controls everything and nothing unexpected ever happens to me."
>"And if I let on that I'm not, they either don't believe me, convinced that of course I would say that, I couldn't admit it if I was, right?
>"Anypony who does believe me gets paranoid and depressed."
>"So I have to pretend I know what I'm doing, and nod along and act cryptic and mysterious when the foreign ambassadors visit.
>"I have to pretend that I know everything, and that my only real options if something really bad happens aren't to either set it on fire or call Twilight."
>"I have to tell my guard captains to do what they were already suggesting they should do."
>"The only thing I'm actually good at with governance is delegating everything to ponies who know what they're doing."
>"It seems like the only thing I actually *do* myself, is raise the sun every morning."

>Anon does a lot of listening
>And a lot of hugs







>Mares gotta feel the splash
>Sex is sex, but it isn't *real* sex unless you get to ride bareback
>Stallions don't like to admit it, but it's so much more satisfying that way
>Only fetishists and the paranoid use condoms
>Birth control pills are the norm, usually taken by the stallion
>(Unless your name is Vinyl Scratch and you're trying to avoid being tied down by random groupie stallions)






>"Yeah, Anon just like... gets me, you know? He's not like other stallions..." Coco says dreamily.
>Rarity and Applejack give each other the old eye roll.
>They know this beta mare is rubbing it in their faces.
>They have heard the stories of Anon's twenty minute stamina.
>And now hearing Coco "brag" about it is really starting to piss them off.
>Why should such a submissive mare get a stud with near endless stamina to herself?


>In the pre-unification days, the alpha mares would keep a stallion or two all to themselves.
>The pony population was plummeting, and soon there were too many inbred families hoarding all the males.
>Discord decided to make his move while all the "powerful" down-syndrome ridden pony families wailed about how "muh magiks" were no longer able to keep his behavior at bay.

>Celestia and Luna gained power, and they abolished this practice.
>The princesses ordained that all stallions over the age of consent who were in a relationship were to have no less than two mares, and no more than 6. (So that the poor stallions wouldn't be expected to perform their horsebando duties for too many mares at any given time.)
>Centuries and centuries later, luna is long since banished, and stallions gain the same rights as mares. Stallions now get to choose who they let into their herds (with the unanimous acceptance of the rest of the herd).
>Shit begins to go sideways as stallionists and SJW retards crop up, tearing at the foundations of sanity and civilization.

>Anon arrives.
>Coco finds self with human stallion of legend and few mares she can trust not to hurt him.
>Rarity and friends are only obvious choices, except maybe not the backwards hick or the psychotic pink monstrosity that defies all known logic.
>Probably not the one who also enslaved a town either.
>The Princess of Spaghettimancy is a fellow beta mare who likewise got a lucky break, so she's also a solid choice.
>And though loyal, it's probably best to steer clear of the "Loudest Mouth in Equestria"...



>"APPLEJACK, COME ON!"
>Rainbow Dash keeps flying back to yell at you, but you're galloping as fast as you can.
"Ah'm goin' fast as ah can!"
>You haven't seen Rainbow this worked up since that dragon horde attacked.
>You hope Twilight is on her way as well...
>Finally you arrive to where Dash is hovering.
"What's the fuss?!"
>Rainbow Dash is breathing just as heavy as you.
>Looks like she's brought you to the park.
>She points to a park bench twenty feet away.
>"LOOK!"
>You see Anon sitting on a bench with Coco Pommel laying her head in his lap.
>He's stroking her mane.
>Several ponies are staring at the two.
"Rainbow, why would ya make such a fuss over nothin'?!"
>Rainbow Dash looks mortified.
>"Look! Isn't that WEIRD?!"
>You grit your teeth and look back at the couple.
>Now that she mentions it, that IS weird.
"Why's she all sissy with that stalli- er, male?"
>This is the first time you've seen a mare submit like a stallion in public.
>You admit, in your filly years, this was one of your more frequently "used" little fantasies.
>But seeing it in real life was just...
"Not right... That ain't right."
>Rainbow Dash seems even more enthralled by Coco's public display of submission than you.
>"She's just laying there taking it! What the hay?!"
>What ponies do in their bedrooms is between them.
>But in public, well...
>You're a bit old fashioned.
"Y'ALL BETTER S-STOP THAT!"
>Not your best, but it gets their attention.
>You shake your hoof at them.
"EVERYPONY'S WATCHIN', KEEP YER SICK FETISHES IN THE BEDROOM!"
>Anon looks at Coco, shrugs, then goes back to scratching her behind the ears.
>She seems to be in absolute bliss.
>This is absolutely degenerate.
"Come on Rainbow, we got a letter to write to Princess Celestia."
>Rainbow Dash seems to not hear your words, completely entranced by Anon and Coco's fetish-play.
>"Look at those fingers go..."
>Life is hard being a supreme gentlemare.
>But in time, you'll rid Ponyville of all degeneracy.
>Starting with that slut, Anon




>Today is your birthday.
>Coco Pommel has really gone overboard with throwing you a party.
>There's a lot of ponies in your house.
>Actually,she invited a lot of mares...
>You really need to get more stallion friends.
>No homo.
>Currently, you're sitting on the couch wearing the stupid party hat that was strapped on your head.
>It's shaped like a unicorn horn.
>Isn't this lewd or something?
>Speaking of lewd, Twilight Velvet is sitting beside you.
>This fucking mare always makes you uncomfortable.
>And she always seems to be tipsy.
>Like right now.
>She's a little too close and a little too far down her mug of cider.
>Where is her husband?
>"How old are you now, Anon?"
"Like twenty-something."
>You look around for Coco.
>"Still so young... Back in the day, I would have shown you why they call me 'velvet'."
>She chuckles and takes a swig from her cider.
>You cringe and take a long drink from your own mug.
>How is no one else hearing this?
>Twilight Velvet leans closer, her cider breath tickling your nose, "It's my pussy. It's like velvet. Get it?"
>You lean away and adjust your tie uncomfortably.
"I think I see Coco! Excuse me!"
>You get up and hurry off into the party, looking for Coco.

>You are Twilight Velvet.
>It's always fun teasing Anon.
>You take a drink and stare at his ass as he hurries away back to his beta marefriend.
>How'd she manage to pull some quality ass like that?
>Anon would be better off with your daughter.
>You're happily married, but you would honestly douse Anon's face in your cum if you weren't...
>Well now you're all worked up.
>You get up to go find your husband and make him take care of this winking in the bathroom.
>Fucking Anon




"What do you think you are doing, Trixie?"
> She turns to you, striking a pose with her black cloth batwings unfurled
> "The Dark and Mysterious Trixie has taken the forbidden path to alicorn awakening!"
"Those wings are obviously fake."
> She scrunches
> "That may be, but Nightfang Abysshart said that my powers would grow slowly, and only with repeated feeding."
> You nod in understanding
"So the lesbian bathorse tricked you into eating her out every night."
> Trixie blushes
> "It is an ancient and powerful ritual, you daywalkers wouldn't understand! N-no homo."




>You are Gilda the greatest goddamn gyphon
>Also nervous.
>Which you shouldn't be, being the alpha bitch you are.
>Still, Anonymous is sitting next to you munching away at a half of a ham sandwich.
>He gave the other half to you after you sat down under this tree watching Rainbow pull some aerial tricks.
>Goddamn, he makes good sandwiches.
>He should come home with you to make you more.
>You just have to wait for the right opportunity to sweep him off his not-actually-paws-or-claws things with your gruff ladycharm.
>Guys love the gruff ladycharm.
>Even if they don't show it outwardly.
>Spying a couple of napkins laying between you and Anon, you sneakily move a claw near them, hoping that this would work.
>You watch wide eyed from the corner of your eye as he reaches for one of them to wipe off a bit of mustard from his face.
>Seizing the opportunity, you move your claw as well to pretend to cheer Rainbow, who had just smacked into a particularly dense cloud.
>As luck would have it, you were slightly faster, so Anon accidentally grabbed your claw.
>You weren't expecting that at all, you were hoping for a quick brush like in your Neighponese Animoos!
>Looking up at his face, you see him looking at the bundle of wigglers wrapped around your claw.
"A-Anon!"
>Your face was burning and you were praying to the ancestors that the blush wasn't showing through your feathers.
>They probably were, damn it.
>You watch Anon look up at your blushing face, staring for a bit before his eyes widen slightly, blink, then look away.
>You were worried for a while, but then you noticed that he wasn't letting go and that he was blushing.
>Scooching up closer to him, you pull your claw from his hand and wrap an arm around him to bring him closer and have a quick cough.
"So... dinner tonight?"
>He still doesn't look at you, but his blush is getting deeper with his other hand over his face.
>"Hlyfkingshtyesh."
>Bucking awesome





>Anon discovers that if he runs around butt ass naked, magic censorship applies to him as well.
>He looks just like a Ken Doll

>This presents a problem when he tries to give a horny mare The D
>It's invisible
>Sure he could figure it out, but not being able to see the action is a bit weird
>Twiggles or <insert pone here> has to investigate/teach him how to turn the 'decency glamour' on and off





> Anon is a flight attendant
> He has to deal with mares occasionally groping his butt as he walks by
> If he likes the look of one, he sternly ask them to come to the back of the plane for a talk
> The nervous mare is pleasantly surprised when he pulls them into the supply closet for some hot sex
> Anon eventually inspires a pornographic movie called "Trouser Snakes on a Plane"
> In it, a no nonsense zebra mare (improbably) gets fed up with being the focus of a gang bang




> Be Cheery Wave, pegasus Lighthouse keeper 
> You live in a cozy tower up on the rocky shores of the northwest coast of Equestria
> It's peaceful, for the most part, about 60 miles from civilization
> The constant sound of the waves, the cries of the sea birds, and the sea breeze fill your ears and resonate with your lonesome soul
> In your endless free time, you draw and paint
> Mostly landscapes, sometimes animals that linger here and there
> And, well, one or two imaginative portraits to keep you warm at night
> You are still a mare, after all
> You are sketching out your next work for night time inspiration
> Some sort of minotaur, you think
> Mmmm, with a nice broad barrel, and those thick fingers that will barely fit i-
> "Mayday, Mayday, Mayday."
> The radio crackles to life, the voice not sounding too alarmed, for all that it is sending a distress signal
> "This is Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, C4I1. Mayday this is Beetlejuice. Uh, let's see, 43 degrees North, 130 East or so. Pretty sure I'm way out in the middle of nowhere, might be near the middle islands of Nipon, or maybe The Saddle, Equestria. Had a nasty storm tear my sail off. It's only me on this boat, but I'm not injured, and I have enough food and water for another week or so. Could definitely use a tow to a harbor or something. Over."
> In your experience, stallions in distress were either orcheical messes, crying and whining, or they were more marely and independent
> The latter also tend to be a bit more 
> Appreciative
> After being rescued
> You check the map
> Some hotshot unicorn from Canterlot automated a triangulation function in conjunction with the radio
> Looks like it's your lucky day
> You set your radio to broadcast
"This is Rinsingpone Coast Lighthouse number 251. I have your position, Beetlejuice, the tugboat will be by in four hours. Over."
> "Good to hear, 251. See you then, over."
> You glance around your room, taking a few seconds to hide your schlick material in your wardrobe
> That done, you trot down to the jetty and hop in your faithful tugboat, the ES Claudius
> A few flexes of your wings pulled a mist from the waves, condensing into a small cloud over the trinamo
> With a crack of lightning, the motor sends you speeding across the waves





>You are Sparkle Purple and its officially unicorn estrus.
>You're having a nice chat with Anon and Pinkie when suddenly a bunch unicorn mares started to blast each another.
>Anon has this thousand-yard stare and pinkie wore a bandana, an eyepatch and jammed a cracker on her forehead...
>"Pinkie it's time." Anon took his shirt off, scooped his hand into the pie you guys were sharing then rubbed the rich cherry filling on his face like some kind war paint?
>When the mares saw Anon removed his shirt the fighting intensified.
>"I won't scatter your sorrows into the sea. I will always be with you." Pinkie whispered while doing the same as Anon.
>What the buck is going on. Before you could gather your thoughts. Anon ran inside the Sugar cube corner.
>"P-Pinkie. Please explain."
>"It's coming Twi."
>"What's coming?"
>"You see Twi. During the end of the second world war-"
>A deep rumbling from the ground can be heard and then the SCC's roof opened.
>You see a large bi-pedal monstrosity of metal, duct tape and... bucking magic wands.
>Thousands of magic wands. Taped together.
>Anon is inside it's cockpit/mouth thing. Still shirtless and his biceps bulging when controlling the machine. u-unf.
SKREEEEOOOOOOOONK
>The mares stopped their fighting and watched as the bi-pedal monster walk towards them and point its myriads of wands towards them.
>"ARTICLE 19b! I REPEAT ARTICLE 19b!" One of the mares shouted and started to fire on the thing.
>A bunch of cylinders on the machine's back just spewed fire like a... Buck! it has rocket boosters. 
>You watch in horror as it plowed through a formation of mares. 
~Love's Deterrence Power (Koi no Yokushiryoku).mp3
....
>The town square is in ruins. A bunch of houses are on fire. 
> The Bi-pedal thing is on another part of town battling another group of unicorns while making that god-awful noise.
> Pinkie is in the middle of the square, singing while surrounded by knocked-out mares.
>Your heart almost broke from the sorrow in Pinkies voice.
>"But the Heart will remain~"
>"As a silhouette of time"
>"Hear the ringing Echoes of a splitting Horizon"
>"Calling to the Night~"
>"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Pinkie cried Marely tears while cradling Lyra.
>You picked a bad time to just settle down and not give a flying buck.
>You just wanted to observe Unicorn estrus rituals while being immune to it's effects due to your superior Alicorn Genes.
>Well at least you saw Article 19b in action.
"Colts can instead choose to engage both/ all combatants to assert dominance and reserve rights to choose the Alpha Mare upon victory"
>It just says Anon gets to choose the alpha but not who gets into the herd. But he's fighting all the unicorns. Does that mean they're on the herd too? 
>Unf. I'll file that for later and check the Herding laws later. I fukken love laws.
>Oh look Anon is back... with his Bi-pedal wand/golem/Death machine.

ANONYMOUS!

>Buck! even Princess Celestia and Luna is here.
>The force of her landing threw away the debris and the unconscious mares then put out the fire. 
>Luckily Princess Luna caught all the mares.

SKREEEEEOOONK!

>Celestia's pupils turned into pin pricks and then she unfurled her massive wings to intimidate Anon in his machine.
>Anon's death machine slammed it's foot in challenge 

SKREEEEEEOOONK!

>Celestia stood up with her hindl egs and started to... is she Honking?
>Yep. 
>"OHO! T'is been an age since someone challenged dear sister for the right to bed her!"
>"Better watch, young Sparkle! You're in for a treat."
>It was a retarded kind of day.

>"Pinkie C'mon let's go."
>"I'll stop looking."
>"What are you talking about?"
>"He betrayed me, Twi."
>"He betrayed me for Alicorn pussy."
>"Pinkie..."
>"From now on. Call me Pink Boss"







>celestia had a bit of a crush on anon for quite some time
>spent a lot of time fantasizing about how she would propose to him is he were her stallion
>finds out he actually likes luna
>respects his wishes to be with her since she fancies him as well, but cant help but project her own fantasies into lunas love life and make her do things "the right way"





Coco visiting Rarity at her boutique and Anon comes in to request a new suit. She sees him and immediately becomes infatuated and spaghetti dropping levels of flustered. 
Rarity sees this and requests Coco help her with measuring him, forcing her to get close to him





>Luna may be the Princess of dreams
>She may be able to chase away the nightmares of her subjects
>But she is next to powerless against her own fears that confront her while she sleeps
>But a mare has to be strong
>A Princess doubly so

>It is easy to parade around her consort Anonymous as her lover
>But she fears to let anyone know that he is the reason she can sleep soundly through the day.
>That his embrace when she is weakest, chases her own nightmares away




>it took some time, but after 6 months in Equestria you've become "one of the mares"
>your friends can trust you to handle their raunchy humor, cruder remarks, and potentially offensive topics while you're around
>there's just one problem
>every now and then they ask you for, ugh fuck...
>boy advice




>Anon is a marriage therapist.
>Mares keep thinking that he is likely some touchy feely crap of a doctor.
>Stallions see him as a progressive male.
>Anon is actually competent and has saved marriages with his methods since pony problems are easy.
>Candace is amazed that someone is able to help ponies without a love lazor.
>When she seeks this famous love doctor, she thinks Anon is the secretary/eye candy.
>Something something RGRE



> Cadance is unsurprised that a stallion would be so insightful about love matters
> She rather admires Anon's gumption in making a business that helps couples sustain their love
> She officially makes him her apprentice, only to find that he already knows most of what she would teach him
> Anon isn't complaining, because being an apprentice to the princess of love adds a great deal of authority to his dealings with clients
> Cadance tells him that there is one thing he must do to advance in his studies:
> Get married
> She learned a great deal about love by learning to live with and having a child with Shining
> Lessons one can only learn by doing
> He doesn't have to marry right away, but he should keep an eye out
> Meanwhile, Cadance has to return to her duties, but still sends the occasional mare his way if she thinks they might go well together




>Feeling pretty damn nostalgic right now for Earth.
>It seems that video game culture is pretty much the same here as back home.
>Only the insults/taunts are different.
>Some squeaky, voice-cracking filly on the other team just told you over voice that she fucked your dad.
>Another squeaky filly on your team tells her that she can't have fucked your dad because dykes don't fuck stallions.
>You learned after last time not to use your own mic, despite spending a bunch of bits on a really good one.
>All the requests for balls were funny, but they got tiring after a while.
>The unsolicitied vag pics were kinda nice, except for the ones that desperately needed to clean themselves





>when Twilight told you that your marefriend had been taken captive by diamond dogs you should have been terrified for her or at least angry those mongrels
>Instead you felt this kind of excitement fall over you
>Even as Twilight vowed to save your ladylove from the diamond dogs you were calculating how to retrieve her
>When Twilight teleported away you shut the door and headed straight to your basement
>Tucked in the corner was a chest that you rushed over to and opened
>Its contents seemed to gleam in the dim light of that single yellowed bulb
>Pulling out the topmost object you let your eyes dance over the sheathed blade
>It had taken an act of Celestia to get this gear made for you
>You had pleaded for weeks that you be allowed to have a sword and armor
>It was for self defense you had argued but in reality you knew that this world was full of magic and shit
>And you would be damned if you weren't gonna have the gear ready for an adventure when the time came
>Eventually she relented and allowed it
>Since then it has sat in this chest waiting for the day that you would need it
>Strapping the sword at your waist you start equipping the rest of the gear stored in the chest

>Be Roseluck
>Be locked in a cell deep in the warren that the diamond dogs call home
>You had been working at your second job when the diamond dogs attacked
>They had quickly grabbed most of the mares working and tossed them into sacks
>You were scared for yourself but most of all you were scared for your colt
>Nonny could be so sensitive at times
>He stilled cries when he watches those silly colty cartoons
>You can just imagine how scared he is right now
>Tears begin to slide down your face as you silently you curse your choice of jobs
>Sure the road crew made good bits but its dangerous work
>But it was only supposed to be until you had enough saved up to get Nonny that ring
>A sound in the darkness brings your ears up
>It almost sounds like a scuffle and a cry of pain!
>Did the diamond dogs capture more prisoners?
>You didn't have long to wait as the sounds grew closer
>Light starts to pierce the darkness around a bend in the nearby tunnel
>You stand on your hooves ready to fight your way out of this cage if you needed
>When the figure rounds the corner your legs drop out from under you sending your rump to the cold floor
>Before you stands Anon dressed in some sort of green outfit with chainmail, a sword in one hand, and a lantern in the other
>A splash of crimson across chest and right arm could be nothing other than blood
>As the mares around you cry out in fear and recognition you sit there silently mouth agape
>Is this really your stallion? The one who cries during coltflicks? The same one that fights to keep you in bed every morning because he gets cold without you?
>Anons eyes cross yours for the briefest second and he rushes to the cell door
>He shouts and drops his sword with his hand rushing to his belt to free a set of keys
>Within a moment he has unlocked the door and rushed through the mill of ponies trying to get out of the cell
>Before you can react he has grabbed you in his arms and pulled you close to his chest
>"Rosey! Oh God i was so worried about you."
>The heat of a tear dropping onto your face frees you from the shock
>Without hesitation you wrap your hooves around his neck and kiss him
>The dirt and blood on his face is streaked with lines from fresh tears
>As you pull away he gives you that dopey smile he gives you after every kiss
>Yeah this is your Anon
>And he is gonna get the best damn ring you can get him





>Humans do exist in Equestria and are also the most technologically advanced species around.
>However their mental instability is infamous combined with a sense of irresponsibility.
>This is why most species on Equss won't touch the humans.
>Anon comes along though.
>Isn't aware of the human stereotype that's in Equestria.
>And of course he's a male.
>The mares now try and keep him from the appliances since their afraid he'll turn the toaster into a ray-gun somehow.
>They'll also not leave him unsupervised since that's just a recipe for having a nuclear reactor built in the living room






>Anon is at one of Pinks "adult" parties
>Gets tired of mares at various levels of inebriation trying to get in his pants
>Decides to go outside and get some fresh air
>While sitting out there he notices a mare looking in one of the windows
>Anon strikes up a conversation with her
>She seems nervous but alright. A lot less pushy than those mares inside
>They hit it off and eventually Anon decides to take her home with him
>As they are leaving Pinks tries to stop them
>Anon tells her not to worry he is sober
>They get to his home and do the horizontal tango
>Next morning he sees her off before going to Sugarcube corner
>Pinkie comments that she didn't know he had a thing for the "Young ones"
>Anon finds out that he basically nailed some jailbait that had failed to sneak into Pinks party
>Worst part is he has a date with her in a couple of days and he isn't sure how to respond





> After a great deal of thaumic analysis, Twilight regretfully tells Anon has no innate magical potential
> He looks so disappointed, he doesn't seem to hear her offer to do any spell work he needs
> Nicemaresfinishlast.poster
> After a few days, he's back to his old self, happy and resolute

> Celestia is troubled by reports of grave robbing from the various Canterlot area cemetaries
> No valuables stolen, but each skeleton is missing the skull
> Luna is tasked with locating the possible necromancer

> Rarity compliments Anon on his new fingernail polish and his ivory necklace
> His nails are practically iridescent






>After much research and thievery he actually manages to into magic.
>Anon builds a chair that will give him magic powers.
>Golden from the shell built mostly out of celestia's stolen apparel, which was used because gold seemed like an easier metal to bend into shape than enchanted swords.
>The enchanted swords were still used, just not where the pokey bits would compromise the comfiness of the seat.
>When Anon sits in it and powers it up for the first time the whole world feels the magical disturbance.
>He is changed by the tremendous amount of magic that his contraption jams into him.
>No longer is her merely Anon, generic human.
>Now he has become Anon, human who can shoot mind-bullets.
>Which he uses to ruthlessly oppress the ponies who opposed his ascension to power.
>Welts spelling out "I told you so" now grace the backsides of many of equestria's inhabitants.
>Many complaints are made to authorities about Anon's abuse of his new abilities.
>Complaints which are rejected under Equestria's 'Last Laugh' laws.
>The magic chair remains in the shed it was constructed in but is now visited by scholars trying to figure out how it works.
>They are chased away with levitated brooms along with the others trying to study Anon's other things.
>He long ago tired of having his belongings 'appropriated' for inane reasons by assorted ponies.
>Like the yellow one who tried to take away his tomato plants.
>Every night for a month before he got a restraining order.
>Fucking Fluttershy.





>they invented the vacuum cleaner
>the badlands is what happens when your 200,000 mud pony neighbors are simultaneously startled by the dawning of a new era in clean 
>in the smaller horse communities, fathers still scare their children with breathlessly whispered tales of the dreaded Bagless Windtunnel
>they say that on quiet evenings you can still hear it out there, wandering alone in the wastes
>searching for ponies to gobble up with proper amount of sssssuction





>Be Anon. 
>Be laying in bed waiting for Twilight. 
>You love that mare to death but she really needs to relax. 
>Always working, always worried about friendship problems. 
>But you still love her, and she loves you. 
>You think… 
>She’s been… distant from you for awhile. 
>You are broken out of that thought by Twilight walking in. 
>She looks tired. 
>Her eyes are baggy and her mane frizzled. 
“Hey honey! How was your day?”
>You say as cheerfully as possible trying to cheer her up. 
>”Long.” She says her voice dull. 
>Oh.
“Well, what did you do today?”
>”Pinkie and Applejack had a compaction to see who was the stronger earth pony and they managed to get a pack of Timberwolves into ponyville.” She says laying in bed facing away from you. 
“Oh, that’s bad.”
>”Very. But we ended up getting them out.” She says voice still dull. 
>You get a idea and start rubbing her back. 
>Your friend Lyra said mares love it when their colt gives them a massage. 
>It helps them co-
>Your hands are swatted away by wings. 
>”I’m not in the mood Anon, I just want to go to sleep.”
“Oh… sorry Twilight.”
>You roll over to the other side the bed. 
>Your mare loves you. 
>She’s just tired after a long day. 
>Like always… 
>No! Remember when you got together? 
>She was so sweet, and beautiful~
>It was like she was glowing! 
>Wait… she was glowing…
>Mainly her cutiemark…
>Like when she gets a friendship problem… 
>W-Were you a friendship problem?
>Yeah you were lonely, and were kind of depressed but you weren’t a friendship problem. 
> Were you?





>Anon arrived in Equestria as a young lad.
>Lost, confused, and frightened he found comfort under the wing of this world's ruler.
>Celestia took pity on the lost alien colt and from that day forward she raised him as one of her own.
>With the guidance of his mother and various royal tutors Anon was moulded into a bright, cultured, and amiable gentlecolt.
>So why was it that no mare approached him as he grew and blossomed into a young stallion? 
>He at first thought it was because he was a strange monkey thing that looked nothing like a pony.
>It wasn't until he invited over a female friend to the castle.
>He had play dates with fillies when he was younger, but this felt different.
>His friend seemed nervous, afraid even.
>His mother too didn't sound as genuinely happy as she was pretending to be. The princess's smile didn't reach her eyes and as she addressed his friend there was something in them he had never seen before.
>It was as if the two were having a conversation without words, one that wouldn't reach him. Or so they had hoped.
>Later that evening it started to dawn on Anon.
>Most mares don't have the teats to defile the princess's little colt.
>Oh, but they were worried over nothing. His mother was the kindest, most patient, and loving mare in the world. 
>She wouldn't do anything to them, right?





>Anon starts spending time with the newly returned Luna
>They hit it off amazingly
>Celestia realizes that there are romantic feelings forming between her sister and adoptive son
>She is torn on the issue
>Luna is a (mostly) good mare that wont hurt Anon
>But on the other hand it disturbs her at the idea of her young son and her millennia old sister hooking up





> Anon goes a little crazy in his pursuit of magic
> He digs as many graves as he can without attracting notice
> A helm of unicorn horns
> Vambraces and greaves of pegasus wing bones
> Earth pony bones for the rest of his armor
> Throwing flasks of distilled poison joke
> At the end of a two part episode, Gravelord Incognito is banished to Tartarus for containment
> Twilight writes a friendship report about how a stallion's vanity and whimsy drive them to seek power they cannot control
> Also, it is very important not to be distracted by the wiles of  stallion, especially if they are powerful and dangerously handsome
> Meanwhile, Anon can't believe they let him keep his bone armor in magic underground prison
> And there are so many intriguing ingredients, that is, inmates ripe for the picking

>Anon isn't actually imprisoned in Tartarus. He just has too much fun hunting the various magical creatures Equestria throws in there and crafts magical artifacts out of them

>He wandered in there on his own seeking more materials
>Then they locked the door behind him and told Cerby not to let him out
>Ends up chatting with Tirek, and tries to figure out if he can eat magic like he does



>New villains captured in cells.
>Cries of despair and agony can be heard.
>Using once powerful beings, like beasts of burden and transport.
>Used them to transport the new "Materials and Donations"
>Being helped by various groups of succubi to categorize, harvest and create.
>Being in hell means not dying.
>This gives the opportunity to exploit everything to its maximum splendor.
>Anon becomes boss of Tartarus.
>Hell has a new administration, and under his reign, tartarus becomes truly hell



So Anon becomes literal pony satan.
>Tempting honest mares with his otherworldly beauty to leave their families and/or herds.
Some say that He has the stamina to last several minutes, His hands are able to scratch even the worst itch and those who feel His embrace never wish to be let go.
>Controlling the beasts that Harmony has no control over.
More like he just puts them in cages and chops off bits whenever he needs them but it does instill a very primal loyalty through fear and pain.
>Corrupting those with ambition with his (Perceived) promises of power.
An earth pony in a family of accomplished mages would certainly feel temptation to learn from him the secrets of magic without a horn.
>Ruling over and seeing to the eternal suffering of those sent to his domain.
Again he just accidentally becomes satan by making sure his reagents and ingredients don't run away.
Something Something RGRE





> Every ten years, one of the princesses has to go to Tartarus and do a review of all of its prisoners.
> In theory it's to determine if any of them are worthy of 'parole'.
> However it's just a formality as they are all too evil and degenerate to ever earn such a prviledge.
> Enter current year, and Luna gets chosen for the job since she hasn't been around for a long time, Twilight is too new to really handle it, and Cadence is a mom at the moment.
> Luna agrees and goes in, cataloging all the prisoners.

> Everything is going perfectly, all the offenders on the list are in Tartarus.
> All accounted for.
> That is until she comes across a strange creature known as Anon.
> He isn't on the list anywhere.
> Stranger, he claims he woke up in Tartarus a year ago, and pleads and begs the princess to let him out.

> Luna is at first suspicious; he could be a shapeshifter who she counted earlier trying to get out.
> But when she determines that's not the case, then she finds herself anxious; bringing someone out of Tartarus has never been done before.
> It would cause a stir in the kindom and bring her fellow princesses suspicions on her.
> Something she would be loathe to have after her Nightmare Moon phase.

> Despite her worries though, the humans is not evil.
> From the way he speaks to the way he dreams; he is strange, eccentric, and more than a bit marely.
> But not evil.
> So breaking with tradition, she takes him back with her to Canterlot.
> And thus begins a wild chain of events





>Anon somehow finds himself in Tartarus.
>The leading theory on how it happened is he accidentally got sucked down his toilet by flushing it while sitting on it while half asleep.
>Given what he has learned about magic, it's more plausible than the 'hit by a car' or 'that horrible tasting soda was actually bleach' hypotheses.
>Fucking portals man.
>Like five ponies he knows here arrived through weird portal fuckery.
>Now surrounded by a bunch of devils and stuff, Anon is starting to open up.
>Those incubi and succubi really know how to party.
>Anon goes too far with his deviancy, even for Tartarus.
>He holds a pony's hooves.
>He is kicked out of Tartarus into Equestria



>unbidden by heaven and unwelcome in hell, Anon is forced to wander the wastes as a hungry ghost
>hungry... for hoovesies 
>while none speak it aloud, all little colts and fillies know that to leave even a single hoof uncovered by blankets while sleeping is to invite a fate at least as bad as death, and certainly far lewder
>the braver children, or more foolish, even go so far as to dare each other to stand in front of a dark mirror in a dark room on a dark and moonless night and call to the Boogienon by name and by cantrip, the rhyme as alien as the terror it summons:

This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast beef,
And this little piggy had none.
And this little piggy said wee, wee, wee, wee all the way home.

>but no pone ever has said whose home that little piggy was going to, nor why
>and no pone has ever thought to ask:
>why was he screaming as he went?





>Anon the necromancer, now outside of the tartarus thanks to Luna.
>He did not died or became a lich, or some shit like that.
>He is just the regular good ol' Anon.
>He start to make take his life back in shape.
>Gets his house back.
>Book hoers and Moondancer start to plan a herd for him.
>Maybe mellow him more for him to become a good colt.
>Andmaybebuiltaherdwithhimfullofmareslikethembutanyways!.
>When he begins to narrate them about what he has done, he talks about his BEST FRIEND in hell.
>He tells of his times playing and being friends.
>With a smile, he tells them of his desire for her to do well, wherever she is.

>Meanwhile in hell.
>With the protection of the night and with the blessing of Cerberus.
>A figure comes out of the shadows and the abyss.
>With calm step, it is directed towards the nearest holy ground.
>Using his magic, invokes a thick fog, covering his work.
>A second spell is cast.
>With this, the earth beneath your feet begins to break.
>She has an official mission.
>Bring hell's king and administrator back.
>But inside of her there is only one mission.
>Reclaim your best friend.
>No...
>Retrieve your stallion.
>Maybesomedaywhenyouinvitehimtogouotwithyou,maybegrabsomecoffeeandhoofholdingifheisinthatkindofthings,nothatyouaregoingtoforcehimtodoitoranythingheisjustoopure.
>LEAVEMYHUSBANDALONE





>You will never have teach a class of rowdy Pegasi and Griffons.
>You will never be picked on by the class for having no wings.
>You will never beat the shit out of them and teach them valuable life lessons.
>You will never help them find a path to follow on their own.
>You will never fight tooth and nail to save one of the worst offenders from being kicked out from the school.
>You will never see them grow and mature.
>You will never be visited by one of them after they graduate for tips.
>You will never hear news and hearsay about your former students.
>You will never be interrupted during class by the captain of the wonderbolts.
>You will never remember that she used to be one of your students and those tips and tricks you taught her eventually helped her be captain.
>You will never be proposed to by her.
>You will never have the smallest and clumsiest filly.
>You will never be called by the school because your daughter got her cutie mark and was sent to the detention.
>You will never hear your cute clumsy daughter be called an ace.
>You will never explain to your Wife and Daughter the significance of the Blue Infinity shaped Ribbon cutie mark.
>You will never try and name your next child as Cipher or the Demon Lord of the Round

>ywn have a loving family with your qt pegasus waifu
>ywn be called "my little birdhouse" by your loving wife as she snuggles into you as she rests in your arms as you both drift off to sleep
>ywn be jarred out of your near sleep by a wail ringing through the house, the sound of a door slamming, the running of hooves, another slammed door, and then being tackled by your now shivering child after a bad nightmare where "you went home and said you didn't need us to come with you"








>Anon arrives in Tartarus
>Loves it -- it's Hell to ponies and Equestria, but by Earth standards it's one giant, endless rave-party.
>Like Mardigras/Spring Break.
>Anon is discovered by Celestia.
>Determines he's innocent and shouldn't be in Hell.
>Despite his vehement objections and attempts of eluding her, the "disturbed colt" is taken back to Canterlot for rehabilitation.
>The Princesses (needlessly) feel guilty and responsible for "damning an innocent".
>An uncooperative Anon keeps trying to escape his jailers and return.
>The Great Escape II: Horseland Escape.
>Also more shenanigans as Cadence grows interested in him personally.
>Syrup-maned hoers



>pony hell is an out of control party by earth standards
>Anon is able to keep pace with the rowdiest of demons there at the least
>despite being a party by earth standards pony hell is still hell
>because of this it has all the common features of the after life
>firstimmortalityandthenthehorsesuccubi.parchment
>it's a party that never ends with a host that never dies
>now Anon can give it a human's touch
>Russian roulette without the consequences of death
>beer bongs where wine and beer flow like water




>Celestia and Luna freak out hard when the wards on Tartarus register a powerful entity escaping
>It's the worst possible one, too
>The last time she escaped, Equestria nearly reverted into its "three tribes" state
>Worst of all, she's heading straight for Canterlot
>Celestia and Luna, trying to put on a brave face for the rest of the kingdom, are definitely not trembling in fear at the return of…
"Dessie! I missed you, hon!"
>Celestia yelps
>Desdemona, the queen of deception, is in the throne room
>She's crying and clutching at dear deluded Anonymous like there's no tomorrow
>"Anon, I was so scared I'd never see you again when those horrible princesses took you away!"
"It's okay, Dessie. It's gonna be alright. I'm here, now, and nobody's gonna take me away from you again. Come on, honey…"
>Mistakes may have been made

>"C-can I torment some of the noble peons, Anon? All their smugness is hurting my tummy."
"Dessie, you know you're not allowed to. If you do that every time you come up for a visit, they'll never get over what you did that last time."
>Desdemona pouts, crossing her forelimbs over her chest
>"It was just a little prank. Honestly, couldn't they handle a joke?"
"You almost returned their society to its darkest hours, hun."
>"A little civil war never hurt anypony. Not on Equestria, at least."
>Anonymous boops the most fearsome demon pony in Tartarus on the snout
>The resulting scrunch is so terrifying, a few citizens collapse outright
"Come on, no more of that. Let's go back to the house they gave me when they snatched me, I found something I'm sure you'll love."
>Desdemona is on her hooves in an instant, interest clearly visible on her face for an instant before she shoots a glare at the ponies around her
>"Fine, but I reserve the right to torment any of these mares who thinks she can snatch you away from me again. You're mine and I'm not letting them have you."
>Anon chuckles good-naturedly as Desdemona narrows her eyes, giving the quickly retreating crowd the universal sign for 'I'm watching you'
>Luna froze up fifteen minutes ago and Celestia passed out where she was standing
>Even way out in the Crystal Empire, Cadence can already feel the urge to yell at her aunties for being stupid
>Twilight is still trying to figure out who keeps shitposting so effectively in all her /mlh/ threads







Mlh green

> Oblivious Eponymous walks down the street, wonders why all the men have spilled vanilla yogurt on their pants
> Ends up living with Albert Einstein as he takes a break from developing an atomic bomb to study Eponymous' magic
> Eponymous cooperates as much as she can, unaware of how unprofessional Albert's "scientific" probing is becoming

Or

> Eponymous visits Mr. Rogers
> They take off their shoes together, and Eponymous gets to wear two spare sets of his loafers
> He puts on his cardigan right in front of her, aware of her rising excitement, but not showing any sign of it except for a paternal twinkle in his eye
> Eponymous stretches out on the couch, forelegs brazenly stretched across his lap as he tells her a story of the land of make-believe
> Mr. McFeely drops by with a package and some subtle hints that he wouldn't mind delivering a package for her
> The parcel for Mr. Rogers turns out to be a video of how cows are milked on a dairy farm
> Mr. Rogers then demonstrates for the viewers how to milk a horse, using Eponymous

Etc






>Anon is a Quarian
>Not literally, but when compared with ponies, Anon is a Quarian
>While he may be able to best ponies in feats of strength (pegasus and unicorn) and even speed or persistence of endurance (earth and unicorn), there is one thing that all ponies and even all creatures of Equestria trump him on:
>Immune system and genetic health
>The worst ailments the creatures on Equestria suffer are minor colds
>Meanwhile, a human breaking the skin deeply enough can cause life-threatening infections, not to mention all of the more serious maladies that can arise simply by being exposed to the elements
>Humans can even get cancer, an illness that fractions their life span, simply by spending too much time in the sun or having improper diets 
>Anon makes pone friends aware of this
>Not a great idea
>The mares in his life (who already feel protective of him because he's a 'him') feel even more responsible for his well-being now that they know of his vulnerabilities
>To make things worse, Anon himself has some reason to fear
>Knowing that ponies can still get sick and still lack genetic disorders, it stands to reason that their lack of serious disease doesn't stem from a lack of dangerous bacteria, viruses or other pathogens on equestria, but they they, specifically, are strong to them
>The lack of necessity also means that ponies are inexperienced or straight up unable to treat issues caused by serious illnesses, even if they might be common among humans
>Anon washes his hands ten+ times a day
>He quickly tends to even minor wounds with alcohol solutions that are uncommon to ponies, anything to make sure that non-earth bacteria and the like don't riddle his earth-adapted body too severely; he still gets sick with minor colds and the like fairly often
>When asked how he copes, Anon simply says that he does what he think he should and takes the best precautions in a way and to consistancy that doesn't utterly consume his life
>After that is just hoping
>Hoping that he never gets too seriously sick
>Hoping that, like many humans, he doesn't just wake up with cancer one day
>The mares who know him unapologetic ally and insistently treat him like he's made of glass
>Their touches are tender, they hand him things carefully, they never try to get him to do anything physical unless he brings it up first
>This treatment eventually becomes universal to Anon's chagrin, even if he understands the reason why
>Anonymous becomes the town's unofficial soft-spoken alien paragon, accepting his life as it is even with all the added trouble and constant perceived risk
>Protect his smile intensifies
>Pure,unsullied virgin husbando intensifies
Bonus edge/complexity round: 
>Miraculously, Anonymous is actually able to have children with the native creatures, and his children tend to inherit similar positive qualities
>Added tolerance for and benefit from protein-rich food sources like meats, increased endurance during physical exertion, etc
>Unfortunately, his offspring ALSO tend to be affected by the so-called 'Human Immune Deficiency', weakening them to the illness and sickness, even if not to the same degree and their father/ancestor






>Anon cant tell what ponies find attractive or not
>He sees them all as cute and cuter
>Eventually he ends up with a herd of ugly/unattractive mares and Fluttershy
>He thinks they are all adorable as fuck
>His herd is the tightest most loving herd in Ponyville and perhaps even equestria
>All because their stallion sees the beauty in them that no one else does and loves fluttershy for her personality and shyness




>try to make the most of the role reversal by acting slutty and being a cunt tease
>weren't raised as a colt by Equestrian standards so it's just a game to you
>get lectured for half an hour by boss, older mare, or sometimes even your friends about modesty (and not being a slut for those that don't beat around the bush)

>"Anon, a proper young colt like yourself doesn't need to be out there, showboating around."
>"Boy, you barely KNOW that girl and you're scratchin behind her ears like it's the thing to do."



>"Twilight, humans are very affectionate creatures. Rubbing, petting, scratching each other and cuddling are what we do around casual friends. I wont even get started on all of the steaming hot casual sex that men are desperate to hand out. I know this means I am in danger of being taken advantage of by naughty mares while in Equestria. So I counting on you and the girls to keep me safe. Alright?"

>"It's a good thing you're such trustworthy friends that I can really t- Oops, dropped a bit...why don't I just lean down to get that so you can see down my shirt."

>Anon flirts with ponies shamelessly but plays it innocent as fuck when it they jump for the bait
>Is a giant cunt tease for all of ponyville
>Half the mares are plotting to jump him
>The other half think they have a chance and are trying to protect him
>Anon just waiting for the mare ballsy enough to call his bluff so he can absolutely wreck her and deny it vehemently if anyone asked him about it


>He's out to lunch with some stallion co-workers
>"We heard you made Derpy see straight, Anon."
>'I beg you pardon, sirs, but a gentleman does NOT kiss and tell.'
>That one co-worker he's hella cool with asks later
>"..You smashed though, right?"
>'Oh like there was no tomorrow, dude.'





>Anon is a good cook
>[Insert character here] constantly gets leftovers/taste tests of his cooking, tells him any mare would kill to get his food regularly like they do
>Anon then decides to open a food stand, which isn't met with "colts shouldn't work" because it's cooking
>Makes pre-packed lunches for the 9-5 mares, and/or is open for lunch
>Lodsofemone
>Every so often a mare asks for 'a lunch and a date'

>Oblivious Anon would start ordering dates to add to lunches after having to tell numerous mares he doesn't have any in stock
>Catty Anon would already have dates and would tease them before giving them one



>Chef Anon in RGRE
>He's the stereotypical career chef, has a no nonsense and tough guy persona 
>Tries to show that comparing his skills to that of a domestic parent is an insult
>Ponies keep complimenting him by saying he'd be a great house husband





>humor Twilight with a date
>or two
>totally not because you were too beta to say no, haha
>she thinks you're her coltfriend now
>you know this because she loves to announce that you're an item whenever possible
>gets incredibly clingy and "protective" around anything with a vagina, even married mares and those brats hunting for ass stamps
>now you have to work up the courage to set this literal royal pain in the ass straight






>Anon is at a bar drinking
>Two unicorns come over to chat him up
>He starts to feel suddenly sleepy before he passes out
>The mares give each other the look and try to carry him out
>The problem is magic doesn't work on him
>Next they try to physically move him
>Turns out unicorns are not the most physically endowed race of ponies
>They even manage to convince a couple of other mares to help them "get him home"
>Still doesn't work
>The two mares give up and leave in disgust
>The bartender shakes her head and adds the tenth chalk mark to the board behind the bar






"What do you mean, the world is round? That makes no sense, Anon."
"If Equestria was round, how would Nightmare Moon have created eternal night? Everypony would just move to the side with the sunlight."
"Have you been listening to those Round Equestria Society weirdos again? What was her name, Lyro or something?"
"No, Anon! Don't listen to those weirdos. If you ever have a scientific question, ask a qualified mare like myself."




>"That's Anon over there"
>"Just buy him something to drink and he will let you do whatever you want to him"
>Really? Just like that?
>"Yeah, he once gave it to some unicorn mare despite his wariness around horns. All she gave him was a glass of wine and suddenly he was 'too drunk to contain himself"
>"also, my friend also told me he fucked her for a ride home from a concert"
>oh my gosh, what a slut... I only have 2 bits on me though
>"Hah, that's more than enough"




>start going outside without a shirt
>since everyone is nude anyway you figured it wouldn't hurt
>it helps that you won't be refused service without shirts or shoes
>and that it let's you stave off the inevitable laundry day too
>there's just one thing
>people...ponies stare
>more than they usually do
>as it turns out stallions don't have nipples
>so yours stick out like a sore thumb
>but at least most of them are pretending that it doesn't distract, or at least trying to
>unbeknownst to you, the mares of Ponyville heatedly debate behind closed doors:
>is wanting to do lewd things to your nipples gay?
>what if you just enjoy the sight of them but don't touch them?
>and similar questions




>Anon's mannerisms, attitudes, personality, and behaviour remind X Princess of somepony she used to know.
>Becomes convinced that Anon is the reincarnation of her old love

> Celestia has lived so long and known so many ponies (both biblically and not) that many times she is reminded of old friends
> She tries not to, but sometimes she uses the name of a long dead friend instead of the name of whoever she is talking to

"... And then the Polack says, "What do you think I've been doing? Shoving them up my ass?"
>"O-oh my! That's almost as funny as the story about my first husband!"
"Huh?"
>"Right after his funeral, I was still in mourning. I could hardly bare to raise the sun over a world without him. Then you snuck past the guards to my mourning chamber, and told me about the time the two of you were in college, and..."
"... Celestia? Are you okay?"
>"I-I-I'm fine, Starsw- Er, Anonymous. I simply must retire to my chambers, as I feel terribly exhausted all of a sudden."
"Uh... Sleep tight, Celestia."
>"Yes, yes, sleep tight...






> Chubby Anon in RGRE
> Mares are polite, but uninterested
> Stallions try to give him dieting and exercise tips, but he really can't cut out hay products, since he doesn't eat hay
> Some shallow stallions hang around him to look good by comparison
> An attractive mare starts flirting with him at the bar
> He can't believe it
> She insists that she didn't lose a bet or anything
> Wary but lonely, he follows her to her home
> After a few glasses of wine and the mare getting rather intimate with her hooves, he gives up and goes with the flow
> Before long, she has mounted herself on him, grinning at the wonder in his eyes
> "I like 'em big, Anon. I like them soft. And most of all, "
> She nips at his ear
> "I love making sad stallions happy."




"Goddamn it Twi you are so hot."
>You bite your lip as you eye that pudgy and glorious flank of hers
>"Anon stop. I know I am fat and ugly. You dont need to pretend I'm not."
>Your eyes stop their defilement of her body as your pupils shrink to pinpricks
>Kneeling down you grab her by the chin and slowly tilt her head back so she is forced to look into your eyes
"Twi I will tell you this as many times as I need to for it to sink past all your issues with your body."
>Her eyes are wide open and she is frozen in place
>Your glare holds her harder than Butternutters stare does
"You are absolutely gorgeous and I wouldn't change one last thing about you."
>Letting go of her jaw you run your hand up her cheek
"I love your beautiful face."
>Your hand runs through her mane
"Your brilliant mind."
>As your hand glides down her back it brushes her wings causing her to flinch as your digits cross the sensitive joints
"Your incredible talents that gave you these wings."
>As your feelers go further back you have to lean in bringing your face closer and closer to the now furiously blushing alicorn before you
>Inches away from her face your hands find her flank and your fingers dig in to the soft, yet firm, flesh
>This causes her to let out an unmarely squeak
>Yet her eyes never leave yours
"And your unbelievably attractive "assets"'
>With a quick tug your pull her into you
>Your lips meet and it seems to break the spell on her
>She gasps into your kiss which you take as an invitation to deepen the kiss
>Her tongue weakly struggles against you for a few moments before you break the kiss
>She is panting as you bring your mouth right up to her ear and whisper
"And if you want any proof of how attractive I think you are..."
>You nibble her ear and she lets out a moan
"I will show you right here and right now what your body does to me."
>She shudders in your arms
>"Anon I...you...wow."
>A throaty chuckle escapes you as she struggles to respond to what just happened
>A quiet cough rips through the moment causing both of you to jump
>Looking up you see the other girls are sitting around the picnic basket staring at you with wide eyes and blushes
>Rainbow is physically trying to push her wings down while fluttershy seems to have hidden in her mane with wings on full display
>AJ has her hat over her face but seems to be peeking out the side and pinkie is sitting perfectly still and silent
>Rarity seems to be intent on not meeting your gaze when she says
>"I am sorry to interrupt such a...intimate moment Anon but this is a public park and you were starting to attract attention."
>That's when you notice that just about every pony in the park were looking your way
>You gently set the flusterred Twilight down
"Ha ha ha! Sorry about that but I get a little over excited sometimes."
>"We can tell" Pinkie says with her eyes locked on the tight bulge in your pants
>You spare a glance over at Twilight
"Offer still stands though Twilight. Right here. Right now. As long as you promise to pay the public indecency fines that is."







>Anon is dating Gilda
>some stallions make fun of him behind his back for being in a relationship a griffin
>most prominently that slut Time Turner
>Anon didn't give a shit at first, until they started spreading rumors about him to ruin his reputation
>before long a lot of ponies in town think he's a xenophiliac slut
>Time Turner expected Anon to cry and move somewhere else like most stallions
>Anon just casually walks up to him and starts wailing on him nonstop
>mares think it's hot until they see the blood and bruises
>Time Turner ends up in the hospital with two black eyes, a broken nose, missing teeth, and a busted lip
>when asked what happened to him, he'll just start screaming he fell down the stairs over and over like a mantra
>Gilda's wings are at full mast





>Across the vast eastern sea, on the other side of the world, beyond the known boundaries of the maps, lies the human kingdom
>Humans are known of in Equestria's myths
>The stories give much focus to their peculiar gender roles
>And in the older, more serious, tales, their penchant for conflict.
>But no human has been seen in Equestria since the end of Discord's Reign of Chaos
>Sailing to their lands is a dangerous endeavor, for the seas are treacherous, the weather uncontrollable, and rumors abound of monsters beneath the waves






>If human males are all like Anon then human females must be powerful giants and the mareliest of mares
>How else would they keep their stallions in line?
>Twilight tries to pair him up with dragons and other large monsters as she thinks Anon's janefilly ways are merely predator instincts